It is rumoured that there is a land, a land where should one wish it, they could bring back the souls of the dead. But to trespass upon it is strictly forbidden.
So it was only natural for Pinkie to waltz right past the “No Trespassing” sign.
A couple of saddlebags adorned her back, with Twilight atop them, and Gummy atop her. The alligator was looking at Twilight's closed eyes with a blank expression. Pinkie turned her head to look back at him.
“Aw, don't be sad, Gummy, we'll get Twilight fixed up in no time!” she exclaimed, putting on a wide grin. Of course, this smile was forced: she was beginning to have reservations about this adventure. There was no guarantee that these rumours of revival were true; she could be following a mere red herring. But then again, she was partial to red herrings.
Another thing that worried Pinkie was if these rumours were true. Due to her cursed fate, Twilight's horn had snapped; one half still rested in it's usual place upon her head whereas the other half lay in one on Pinkie's saddlebags. So even if she had her wish granted, there was no guarantee they could fix the horn.
Her other friends refused to tag along, not only fearing the danger but also because they all felt it wasn't right or natural to bring back somepony from the dead. Even the usually courageous Rainbow Dash flat out refused to go, afraid of what Celestia would do if she found out about her trespassing on forbidden lands. Rainbow really didn't want to spend a thousand years on the moon.
She stopped at a crevice. She took off one of her saddlebags and withdrew a rolled up map. She laid it out before her on the floor.
“Ok, let's see...I've gone through Stalliongrad, went through the Valley of Grounded Clouds – that was a fun place, makes me wish I was a pegasus – maybe I could ask Twilight to-” Pinkie stopped at this point. She looked back at Twilight's sleeping form, whom Gummy was still observing nearby. The unicorn had never seemed so peaceful before. Pinkie gave out a long exasperated sigh, something quite unusual for the pink mare, and continued to study the map.
“Hmm...I passed Random Reference Point Rock not that long ago and I went north from there, meaning I must be...HERE!” Pinkie emphatically shouted while placing her hoof on her current destination on the map. Gummy looked at Pinkie, blinked, then looked back at Twilight.
“Come on, Gummy! Not too far, now!”
For Gummy, 'not too far' would be a thirty minute walk at most. The energetic party pony clearly disagreed, having bounced on for several hours without rest with Twilight's limp body bouncing along too, somehow having not fallen off. At the very least, Gummy was grateful that he himself didn't actually have to walk.
Eventually, the trio reached a long bridge. Like, a really long bridge. It's hard to accurately describe how long it really was.
On the other side of bridge, what resembled a shrine could be seen. Pinkie bounced on, Gummy holding on via biting her mane.
Upon reaching it, the wooden double doors were forced open by a sudden gust of wind, granting entry to the party. As soon as they had gone past the threshold, the doors suddenly swung back shut.
A stone path was to their left, which spiralled out to the bottom of the room. The ceiling was dome shaped, and at the apex of it was a hole which allowed a few rays of sunlight to shine down upon a shallow pool of water, which lay in the middle of the room at the very bottom.
Pinkie popped her head over the edge.
“If only there was a diving board...”
Upon reaching the bottom, her eyes met a grand hall. The architecture of the hall itself wasn't of much interest: the walls seemed to have been worn down, a testament to the shrine's ancient age. Similar to the room before, there was a hole in the middle of the ceiling, but this time with strong sunlight bursting through.
What was interesting however were the stone idols that flanked the room. As Pinkie walked past, she counted sixteen in total. The idols seemed to represent some kind of animal, but they were fairly ambiguous: some of them looked like snakes, others birds, and one of them resembled a...cow? No, that couldn't be it.
At the other end of the room was a simple stone slab: what was presumably an altar of sacrifice back in the times when the god of this land was worshipped. It came with a heavy sense of irony, then, that Pinkie chose to lay Twilight there. A soft wind caressed Twilight's mane, the latter flowing softly in tune to some kind of invisible lullaby.
Pinkie gazed softly at her friend, reminiscing on the all good times they had had. Her reverie, however, was broken by an unseen voice – or rather, voices. They reverberated around the room, creating a strange cacophony of evil, an evil strong enough to turn the bravest of hearts into fleeing cowards, an evil which all of ponydom repulsed and would vanquish immediately if said evil existed in physical form.
Pinkie decided to stay and listen.
“Hi there,” the voices (which were both male and female) casually greeted.
Pinkie looked up at the hole in the roof: what she initially thought to be the source of the sound. Despite not being able to see anypony, she still waved a hoof emphatically.
“Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! Nice to meet you!”
“Thy feeling is...mutual. We are Dormin.”
“Dormin? That's a funny name. I mean, if it was Doorman that would make way more sense if you opened doors! But then again, I don't see you opening the doors. Oh! Unless it was you who just opened up that door for me! But then you also closed it, you big meanie! How am I supposed to get back?”
“Thou knoweth thy door has handles, right?”
“Oh. So you didn't open that door?”
“Negative, it was just the wi – what was that? - hold on, traveller.”
The various voices collectively known as Dormin started talking amongst themselves in hushed voices. Then they spoke aloud again.
“Apparently one of us was actually called Doorman.”
“Only now you know one of your/their/his/her's name!?” Pinkie gasped. “What are the names of the others?”
Again, the voices started to speak in hushed tones, eventually a few of them introducing themselves.
“I was Quill-Driver,” one voice said.
“I was Cap'n Silverwing!” a second voice proudly boasted.
“Was the Cap'n part really necessary?” the first voice asked.
“No, it is actually part of my name. My mother was a seapony.”
“Really? My, such creatures died out years ago.”
“Er, guys? Names?” Pinkie reminded.
“I'm Posh Clop!” a female voice exclaimed.
“No more names! No more names!” Pinkie begged. She looked down at Gummy, who was looking at her.
“No, Gummy, there is no way I am asking her what her special talent is. And I'm afraid you'll have to wait 'til you're older before I tell you what clopping is.”
The voices of Dormin started to speak up again.
“Wait a minute. We've had a female with the name Posh Clop in our ranks for all this time and we never knew!? Thou knoweth what this calls for?”
“A party?” Pinkie asked.
“Oh, it'll be a party all right.”
“I second thou's motion to have a party with Posh Clop!”
“I second thou's seconding of the motion to have a party with Posh Clop!”
“Right!” a commanding voice boomed, although other synchronized voices could be heard, just in less intense volume. “Just for those remarks, you perverse trio are all returning to the light! The majority of us will not tolerate such base and vulgar ideas within our ranks!”
At that moment, three shadows appeared before Pinkie. Pinkie instinctively backed away as the shadows threateningly pushed on forward.
“What do they want!?” she cried.
“I think they still want thy party.”
Pinkie bumped into the altar that Twilight lay upon, wondering what in Equestria she was going to do next. Then she remembered a piece of advice she had given to her friends a while ago.
The shadows ceased their advancement as soon as they heard Pinkie's hysterical laughter. What seemed to be their heads turned to look at each other as if emulating the feeling of bewilderment. A few seconds later however, and they had resumed their journey.
Pinkie now feared for her life: laughing at the shadows had failed her, and if she tried to run off she'd refuse to leave Twilight, but picking her up would be effort. However, the valiant Gummy stepped in front of the shadows.
“Oh my, she possesses a guardian! Now they're going to be ripped to shreds!”
Gummy opened his mouth to reveal his toothless form.
“Oh. Nope, she's screwed. Literally.”
The shadows didn't stop this time, instead they just walked past the small pet, bar the middle one who walked right through him.
Pinkie removed her saddlebags and rummaged through them, desperate for finding some item to dispel the libido-driven creatures. In her rush, she dropped one of her saddlebags to the floor, and the other half of Twilight's horn rolled out.
A reddish light aura of light surrounded the horn, and a bright light emerged from its tip. Pinkie covered her eyes with a hoof, the shadows attempted a hasty retreat and Gummy just blinked.
When Pinkie removed her hoof for a second time (the first time the horn's magic was still active, almost blinding the poor pony), she saw flaky remnants of the shadows dissolving into the air, as if they had never been.
“Ah. Thou possess a most powerful horn...”
“Half a horn,” Pinkie corrected.
“Half?” Dormin inquired, adopting a tone of confusion.
“Ah, the unicorn”,” they commented, as if they had only recently spotted the dormant Twilight. “What happened to her?”
“She...she...” Pinkie fixated her sad gaze upon the floor, parts of her starting to visibly deflate and slowly become long, thin strands of hair. The mixture of poofy and straight hair would have certainly been comical to many, if it were not for the melancholy expression that Pinkie adorned.
“She was sacrificed for she had a cursed fate.”
“And presumably thou hath travelled here in pursuit of the rumours of revival? Fortunately for you, I possess said power of revival.”
“Please, I need you to bring her back. I'll do anything...”
There were murmurs once again.
“Be quiet, Posh Clop! So, you want us to return the soul of this young mare?”
“Yes,” Pinkie pleaded. “More than anything.”
A few of the voices let out a slow, drawn laugh.
“Once a soul is lost it cannot be reclaimed. Is that not the law of mortals?”
Pinkie's face had never worn such a depressed countenance.
“However...with such a powerful horn-”
“Half horn.”
“With such a powerful half horn, all may not be lost. We shall bring back your special somepony -”
“Oh, she's not my special somepony.”
“She...she's not? What? You're doing an awful lot for someone who's in the friend zone, aren't you?”
Another voice started whispering.
“No, Posh Clop, I have no idea if she's single and I have no intention of finding out.”
“I'm single,” Pinkie said.
If the main voice could have facehoofed, he would have. Posh Clop now spoke up.
“Well, in that case, I'll leave you my number in that pool you passed. I think it would be a great idea to meet up. Don't you?”
“Um...I'll think about it,” Pinkie responded somewhat bashfully, not wanting to be rude and considering the strange position she was in: a voice wanted to date her.
The main voice regained control.
“We shall bring back your very very close friend but apparently not special somepony, if you manage to accomplish the task we set you.”
“Whatever it is, I'm ready.”
“But, heed this: the price you will pay may be very heavy indeed.”
“Oh, so it's going to cost me for your services?”
Despite her temptations, Posh Clop did not speak at this point.
“No, not that kind of price. More...something bad will happen...”
“Well, my friend's already dead, so at least that's the bad part over!”
“No...you misunderstand me. A terrible fate may befall you too should you undergo the mission we give you.”
“Oh, ok! Why didn't you just say that in the first place?”
“We d – oh, forget it.”
“So,” Pinkie began, “what have I gotta do?”
“Behold the sixteen idols that lay on either side of the room. They must be demolished.”
“Why?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head in question.
“Because they're extremely tacky,” was Dormin's reply.
“Well, okie dokie lokie! I'll go grab a crane!”
This remark earned another laugh off Dormin.
“It doesn't matter what contraption you use to destroy those statues, whether it be a crane or that half-horn you possess. For you see, the idols cannot be destroyed by the hooves of a mere mortal.”
“Well that sucks! Now how am I going to progress!? I'm not even going to reach the first save point at this rate!”
“Hold your horses!” Dormin ferociously commanded. They took a few breaths, then resumed: “They are the representations of beasts known as Colossi that roam these lands.”
“I was right! They were animals! By the way, is one of them a cow?”
“Yes. Team Ico were really scraping the barrel at that point. Anyway, if you destroy these Colossi, then the idols will fall. Once the last has fallen, your friend's soul will be returned.”
Pinkie put a contemplative hoof to her chin and mulled this information over in her head.
“So I have to kill sixteen humongous beasts in order to save my friend? But that's going to take like...FOREVER!” Pinkie groaned.
“Oh, don't worry, there aren't many loading screens.”
“But still! Sixteen!? That's like one more than fifteen and thirty-two less than forty-eight!”
“Thou should be grateful that we are giving you such a rare opportunity. It's not everyday somepony waltzes in to a pagan shrine and says to a random god 'Hey, can you revive my best friend for me?' and the god's all like 'm'kay'.”
Pinkie rubbed her hoof on her other foreleg and put on an apologetic face.
“Sorry, guess I should be grateful.”
“Yes, you should. Now, before thou heroine sets off into the glimmering sun, do you bear any questions?”
“Well, I was just thinking, it's great and all that you're gonna bring by super-smart friend Twilight back to life, but why can't you just you know, come down from that hole and revive Twilight here and now?”
“Well...we are confined to the space we currently exist in. We can see and hear all of the land we once called ours, but yet we can only view it from the sky.”
“Oh! So you're all pegasi?”
“Not quite,” Dormin admitted. “Some of us, but...well, it's confusing, ok? To put it simply, we are stuck here.”
Pinkie put a hoof to her chin thoughtfully.
“I thought you had the powers of revival? Surely that means you're a super-powerful pony like Princess Celestia?”
“We are powerful, that is indeed true. But we cannot break out of the chains that bind us.”
“So, you can see and hear all of this place?” Pinkie vaguely waved her hoof around to indicate 'this place'.
“Yes.”
“And you can communicate with creatures outside of your sky-prison-thingy?”
“That is correct.”
“And you can bring ponies back from the dead?”
“Affirmative.”
“But you can't move?”
“Technically, no.”
“You're a pretty sucky god.”
Dormin heaved out several long sighs.
“Yes, being a god is really not what its cooked up to be. To this day, some of us still regret signing up for godhood. Let this be a lesson to you, mortal: always read the fine print. Now, enough talk, traveller! You are wasting time; if you truly wish to save your friend, it would be best done in haste. Some ponies may have already noticed that these lands have been trespassed upon.”
“Okie dokie! Don't worry, I'll kill those Colossi things in no time!”
Pinkie picked up the horn with her mouth whilst Gummy latched himself onto Pinkie's mane. She looked out across the barren, forsaken lands.
“Raise thy horn to the light, and the location of the Colossus shall be revealed...” advised Dormin.
Pinkie did as Dormin told her, and the sunlight bounced off the horn, creating a secondary stream of sunlight that pointed directly north. Pinkie muffled a thank you to the god, and then set off in the direction of the sun-stream, horn still held high in her mouth.
“Farewell, bizarrely strange pony...I'm not going to be forgetting you any time soon...”
“Hey!” Posh Clop suddenly spoke up. “She didn't even take my number!”
