The Princess of Adventure: Return of the Dreaded Love Bird.

by Darkonshadows

Rating: teen
Tags: Daring Do, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Other, Romance, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Crossover
Length: 82012

Kazooie has returned as a princess once more. Is that actually a good thing when she's trying to take over Equestria? With the help of her friends and assuming she can actually focus on her goal, she just might actually suceed.

Kazooie returns to Equestria and she is plotting to take over the world… wait… what!? To further the problem a menagerie of other beings and ponies are going to help her do it too, now if only she could stop goofing off.

Will the elements of harmony attempt stop her when they find out about it or will they join her in the seemingly insanely convoluted conquest plan? Does Kazooie even have a plan?

This is a sequel to ‘The Dreaded Love Bird’ and much more then the ‘The Arising Cartoon Pony’ at that, the chapters will be insanely long and I will once again not care about what I'm actually writing.

Banjo Kazooie/ My Little Pony FiM crossover. Minor 'No More Heroes' crossover.

Published 2013-08-19 06:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-30 11:41:04 UTC

Prologue: There's your earth shattering kaboom.

It was a month after the Crystal Empire came out of its cursed imprisonment; it was also a month after Sombra was defeated and only his horn survived his body of darkness being dissolved.

It was a bright day in the recently somewhat defrosted northern empire; Cadence and Shining were the only two beings around that could defend the Crystal Empire at the moment. It wasn’t to any stretch of the imagination why this exactly was, but it was mostly since a thousand years ago ‘somebody’ destroyed everyone that resisted in a mad grab for power.

So in essence the Crystal Empire had no defenders and only two rulers who were still trying to get things together and their acts in gear.

Shining was already trying to get some form of military started having been captain of Celestia’s guard previously, so far he wasn’t having any luck except one crystal pony stallion who had a special talent in archery. That crystal pony didn’t have much of a fighting bone in his crystalline body and was mostly a trick shooter, but Shining was taking what he could get at the moment.

Standing on a balcony overlooking her empire Cadance sighed; it was taking a lot of work to get them acclimatized to suddenly being in the future like Princess Luna. Staring out in the distance she saw a disturbance at the train station. Using a sight enhancing spell Cadence backed away from the balcony shaking her head sending her pale yellow pink and purple mane wafting through the air as a worried look appear in her magenta eyes.

“Oh no…” Cadance quickly decided to go with the caps lock voice that alicorns were fond of in times of duress to gather attention and be loud. “All crystal empire citizens are to come to the castle immediately, we are under attack!”

In the distance the train station was swarming with changelings, there weren’t a lot of them though. Just seeing Chrysalis launching an attack on her empire was problematic. Cadance knew they had no soldiers to defend it with other then her husband and she didn’t think another blast of love was getting rid of Chrysalis this time as she still hadn’t recovered very well even after three weeks from the last evil intruder debacle. Cadence quickly erected a barrier over the crystal castle as her crystal pony citizens made it to the center of the city.

At least there was one good thing about the crystal empire that Cadence thought was a boon to them. The changelings couldn’t use their transformational magic because of the crystal hearts protection. Sure the crystal heart could repel and destroy the raw darkness that was Sombra, but it couldn’t repel evil that actually had a body and life in it.

“Cadence what’s going on?” Shining was immediately at her side as she made her way down the stairs of the castle to stand with her citizens.

“We’re being attacked by changelings.” Cadence walked out of the doorway to the large open area underneath the castle where the crystal hearts resting place was for all the crystal ponies to see.

“Cadence the doctor said you had to take it easy after that mess with Sombra, using you’re magic at all caused you pain for the first two weeks after that and you were incredibly frail after holding off Sombra. You’re just now recovering from it!” Shining was exceedingly worried about his wife’s health after that event, sure it may have seemed like the Crystal Heart had restored her energy to full but she dropped the act as soon as Twilight and her friends left.

Cadence had been moving around on borrowed magic from the Crystal Heart and it had exacerbated her already bad condition even if it did supplement her for a while. She now had an empire to run making her being able to relax or recover a novelty at best.

“Well what am I supposed to do? I can’t take on all those changelings and they’ve cut off our avenue for getting a message out.” Truthfully knowing the messaging spell Celestia used would have been useful right about now, Cadence was definitely going to learn it if she gets out of this situation. Her magical powers were pretty much all centered on love, which was her own magical field of expertise, she wasn’t a warrior and her husband was better at defense then he was at offense. Trains didn’t run to the Crystal Empire very often except to bring supplies, said supplies were probably on the train that was now stopped at the station having been overrun by changelings.

“Well at least let me help you with the barrier.” Cadence gave a nod and Shining joined his magic to hers with a tender touch of his horn to hers. They were now sharing the burden at least. “We don’t have much food in the castle and all of its crystal berries. They can siege us, but we have time to come up with some sort of plan or maybe some options.”

The surrounding Crystal Ponies started to voice their worries at hearing this, Shining didn’t sugar coat it for them or Cadence.

“Well what can we do? None of the crystal ponies can fight and their not exactly trained for this, the best we’d have would be a militia that would quickly falter.” Cadences eyes turned to the incoming changelings being led by Chrysalis, she saw less changelings then there were at Canterlot. Had she actually killed that many when she and Shining... she shook her head, now was not the time to focus on that as she had ponies to protect. “The barrier I made last time was to hold off one dark empowered spiritual pony king. This is an army Shining and I don’t think they would go away if we ask nicely; they have the upper hoof on us after all. At least we don’t have to hold a city wide barrier this time we only need to hold the castle.”

“Well one option would be to come to some sort of agreement with them, but I don’t think it’s viable. Another would be for all the Crystal Ponies to swarm them, but throwing our people at them would make us look weak and then we might be attacked by something worse like griffons and I don’t need to explain why that would happen. Not to mention the changelings might actually kill ponies this time if Chrysalis is feeling less then generous.” Breathing in deeply Shining Armor sighed and looked his wife in the eyes with a frown. “Look we’re just not in a real good situation here.”

“You can say that again…” A dark voice said with a musical lilt that leads into a laugh, turning to the changeling queen outside the barrier both Cadence and Shining stood together strong even if they had changelings pounding the shields. “It’s only a matter of time, before you’re barrier fails and no one is coming to help you. So give up already, you’re not going to escape unscathed this time.”

It was queen Chrysalis with her black coat, blue green carapace and long blue mane and tail. She also sported two dragonfly style wings filled with holes that also looked slightly ripped, she also had a horn that looked gnarly and jagged.

“We’ll see about that, we’ll hold the barrier till our last.” Shining said still angry at the queen for previously messing with his mind. Cadence just stood beside her husband glaring at the changeling queen.

“Thus we shall wait till it falls and you’re shiny new empire along with it!” Chrysalis reared back her head cackled.

Cadence sat her flank down and Shining followed her lead as they stared at the queen as she paced a small circle outside the barrier licking her fangs.

Two hours later, something finally happened. It sparked an interest in Chrysalis as it was happening on the other side of the barrier, both Shining and Cadence turned to the crystal heart as it started to spin really fast and shine brightly and slowly its light started to shine on a specific spot on the ground.

“What’s going on?” Shining had asked even if Cadence was as much in the dark as he was, the crystal ponies were also perplexed by the crystal heart suddenly doing something. It was just an artifact that protected the crystal empire from darkness, the fact that it failed to stop Sombra previously meant it wasn’t infallible.

Slowly black lines started to etch themselves into thin air, following that color started to slowly appear and something was starting to form. When it was finished, there was an ornate door glowing in a rainbow of shifting colors just sitting there. The odd thing is, it didn’t seem to have a depth to it and it looked as flat as paper.

Cadence confirmed that it was a paper flat door created by the floating crystal heart, soon the door opened and she could only see darkness from the side she was looking from. Walking around and standing next to shining she saw something in the darkness and could hear the sound of clopping hooves. Only it didn’t sound like a normal pony walking.

Slowly a yellow tipped red hoof coalesced and it was followed by the other hoof taking a step forward and then the upper torso materialized. This was followed the head and a pair of green eyes along with the tail suddenly existing along with the ponies two front legs. The pony continued to walk forward on two legs and took one glance around her surroundings.

She was an earth pony, blatantly red all over and with yellow tips. One glance around with her green eyes they settled on Chrysalis and her awaiting army. She walked up to the barrier looking Chrysalis in the eyes.

“Excuse me, but you wouldn’t happen to know a guy named Bugsy would you?” Chrysalis seemed to become angry at the mention of that name.

“Yes, he took a large portion of my hive with him when he promised there was a better way to acquire the love we need. I’m very much disconnected with the lot of them and I don’t care whatever became of them. What of it?” Chrysalis asked in return for answering the strange earth pony that had just waltz through the magically created doorway, looking at her flank she saw three symbols, an egg, a gold jigsaw piece and finally a depiction of the blue backpack that the mare just happened to be wearing.

“Did Bugsy give you my warning?” Now at this Chrysalis slammed angrily into the barrier, putting her hooves up against the barrier in a fit of anger. Even now Cadence and Shining were holding it to the best of their ability and weren’t anywhere near strained yet.

“So it was you!” Chrysalis yelled angrily and with vehemence while pointing her hoof at the pony.

The interfering pony that walked out of the currently closed door that the crystal heart created just quirked an eye at Chrysalis, she looked rather bored that the bug queen was angry at her.

“I’m taking a guess that you’re the princess of bugging people and the reason that your army is so small is because of that list of things to do that I gave to Bugsy?” Looking the queen up and down with indifference the pony continued. “I’ll admit you don’t really seem to be too interested in the survival of your species, if you’re attacking a location I happen to have magically appeared in. After all, that threat I made is to be taken seriously. Okay would someone mind telling me what you call this place? It’s a pretty gaudy.”

“You’re currently in the Crystal Empire and… wait… I know you…” Shining narrowed his eyes at the pony she looked rather familiar to him.

“Did you just say empire? Where I’m from that usually means headaches or bad news, you really should rename the place a kingdom or at least call it a city. Being an empire is just asking for...” Looking over her shoulder at Chrysalis, the pony turned back to Shining. “Never mind, it’s kind of late to be saying you’re asking for trouble at this juncture. Still haven’t heard of an empire that’s just one city though.”

“Now I remember where I’ve seen you from, you were an alicorn, The Princess of Adventure! You’re also known as Kazooie, that nut job pegasus pony that pounded Canterlot Castle with all that pudding!” Shining was angry, but he wasn’t about to divert any magic from the barrier to attack the most annoying creature Celestia has ever met, even Discord paled in comparison when she was around. “What in the world are you doing here? Also why are you an Earth Pony?”

“Really… the pudding is what you remember me for and not being able to truly physically shape shift at will, pull an incredible assortment of strange things out of my backpack or doing the impossible on a general basis?” Kazooie considered this before coming up with something else to say, Chrysalis wasn’t hearing anything she was mumbling. “I knew I should have dropped the nine hundred pounds of smiley turnips from Subcon on that castle instead.”

“You didn’t answer my question what exactly are you doing here, where did that doorway come from and why don’t you currently have wings and a horn?” Shining was so tempted to pull his magic away from his barrier to just strangle this creature he knew wasn’t naturally a pony; it took him weeks to get the smell of vanilla pudding out of his armor and along with a few days to scour it.

“The Princess of Adventure… Shining who in the world is this pony?” Cadence had no clue as to who this pony was, but it sounds like Shining armored was a little more than steamed at her and she certainly didn’t look like a princess.

It didn’t even take a second for Kazooie to start examining Cadence up close and then she looked to Shining Armor and back to Cadence.

“I’m thinking until he dies of old age, you’ll outlive him you know… but you’ll be happy with him even if he is a bit of a klutz and an idiot at times.” Then after stating this Kazooie started studying Shining Armor. “Yep, he definitely only has eyes for you sweet flanks. I’ll throw in a good word for him to be reincarnated faster with the reapers the next time I die. Wait at least twenty years after he dies and search for someone with almost his personality exactly, you’ll find him again eventually.”

Cadence sputtered disbelievingly at Kazooie’s examination, she was the Princess of Love and this pony had accurately deduced the things she had been worrying about for a while now. This unknown pony had a match making talent that rivaled her own and then there was that talk of reincarnation and knowing reapers. Speaking of which the pony identified as Kazooie was looking into Chrysalis’s raging green eyes through the barrier.

“Hmm… you’d be hard to place with anyone, you’re easy to anger, you have no social or leadership skills and you’re really blind to trying new things even if it’s completely beneficial to do so.” After a moment Kazooie studied the angry queen whose bug like wings with holes fluttered agitatedly at her. “Quite frankly you have very few redeeming qualities and its no wonder the only beings left in your entire army are all worker drones who happen to be idiots that don’t know any better. I’m not sure on this, but I think some of them might have a talent for musical instruments.”

Queen Chrysalis looked back at the remnants of her army and after taking a moment to look them over she realized that the mare was right. The only changelings left with her were all complete idiots that still liked her even with how horrible she treats them and they were doggedly loyal to her to boot.

“Stop ignoring me, what are you doing here, why aren’t you an alicorn and how did you get the crystal heart to make a door for you to come out of?” Shining now shouted at Kazooie who actually paid him some full attention for once.

“Excuse me, but did you say something? I swear I can hear blood vessels popping somewhere around here.” Cadence quickly dove on top of her husband to stop him from getting at Kazooie; his hooves were scrabbling at the stone in his attempt to reach the red pony.

“Shining, calm down… we’re still in the middle of a little invasion problem.” Cadence said calmly trying to keep her husband from acting on his instinct to throttle Kazooie, even if she was somewhat asking for it given her nonchalant appearance in the face of a rather dire situation for the Crystal Empire. “Can we use that door to send for help?”

“No…” Kazooie answered Cadence bluntly.

“Well why not? We’re sort of in the middle of a siege here.” Around this time Shining had finally managed to calm down and Cadence slowly stopped straddling him even if she didn’t want to let go. She’d rather not be stuck in that compromising position in front of her subjects.

“You’re new to this whole ruling thing aren’t you? It’s kind of apparent when you have no army to defend yourself with and the current rulers are the only ones capable of defending everything here.” Kazooie closed her eyes and crossed her hooves over her chest. “I came here through that door with the express purpose of scouting out the surrounding area for when the others come through. Running from you’re problem won’t save you, you’d be stuck in another world and the crystal heart would be in the changelings hooves if you went with that action. Besides this was my only way back into Equestria so you don’t even need to guess why it’s not really an option for you at this juncture especially when I’m not willing to open the door for you in the first place.”

“Now I want to know how you used the crystal heart to get here. Also my name is Cadence and I’m the Princess of Love, that’s my husband Shining Armor and the large changeling outside the barrier is Chrysalis. Those over there are the crystal ponies; you seem to be well aware of what changelings are from what you have said so far.” Cadence watched as the figure Shining called Kazooie wandered on her two hooves towards the crystal heart.

“Well now, that would be telling. Ponies, changelings, prince and princesses I am the odd and intriguing Kazooie, Princess of Adventure.” The red earth pony started with flair of her right hoof sweeping in an arc leaving a trail of sparkles behind, she would have continued if she hadn’t been cut off by Chrysalis.

“I’m a queen you fool!” Kazooie just rounded on Chrysalis with a glare.

“That’s miss fool to you princess!” Kazooie stated with all seriousness. “And besides if you were crowned a queen why wasn’t I invited to the wedding.”

“I have never had a mate and though I have tried to marry him, that plan fell through!” Turning to the one pony Chrysalis pointed at Kazooie raised an eye at her.

“So… technically, you’re a princess? I guess you’re really in a lot of denial by this point.” A bunch of changelings and Chrysalis slammed against the barrier following their enraged, mostly a queen, princess.

“I am not in denial, I am the queen!” Looking to Cadence and Shining, Kazooie turned to Chrysalis who was trying to force her way through the barrier.

“If there is anyone that’s a queen around here it’s her, but she introduced herself as a princess so I guess it’s more of a preference for her.” Now Kazooie had two beings who didn’t like her, Shining Armor and Chrysalis after pointing out Cadence as being the queenliest out of all of them. “So… what happened? Jilted at the altar because of Cadence by Shining?”

“Actually it was part of a plot to take over Canterlot using mind control to try and marry the stallion I love. Then she was going to perform a sneak attack at night to capture everybody unaware, it kind of fell through when Twilight Sparkle, Shining’s little sister, saved me and then things just became awkward from there.” After a moment’s thought and a frown on her face, Cadence decided to add her own thoughts to it. “Yeah she kind of was jilted at the altar now that I think about it, I’m also glad that Shining was still a virgin after that.”

“I may be plotting you’re demise, but I’m not that evil.” Chrysalis said blandly. “Would have made some good revenge if that got me pregnant with his foal, but I don’t think I’m ready for motherhood quite yet.”

“So in essence you’re still a princess with a chip on your shoulder and just like proclaiming that you are a queen because it makes you feel better about yourself.” Chrysalis just glared at Kazooie for saying that. “Well what do I do now? I’m kind of bored and I’m feeling responsive to suggestions and possibly quests someone could ask of me.”

Chrysalis knew she had to bide her time, if she tired herself out on the barrier she’d be incapable of taking down Cadence again. She’s taken her down before and she can take down Shining armor too, she was just slightly unlucky that Cadence saw her invasion of the train station to warn her people in time.

“Well you could help us figure out how to get out of this mess.” Cadence motioned with her hoof to her subjects all gathered protectively around the Crystal Heart, she got the hint that Kazooie wanted her to ask for help. “My people don’t exactly have a trained guards as you very well pointed out and we really don’t have any supplies to survive a siege and it’ll be a while before anyone comes looking into our situation. I’d think of a way to repay you for helping us in our time of need.”

“I guess solar butt really doesn’t care that much about what you’re doing then as long as you don’t cause her any trouble. Funny I’d thought she’d lend you some of her soldiers considering her kingdom has a ton of them, then again they aren’t the best at spotting intruders.” Looking at Shining Armor, Kazooie gave a slight smirk. “I after all managed to bypass her guards all the time, launched several successful attacks against the castle and nailed Celestia with a plethora of banana cream pies. So it looks like it’s all pretty much up to me whether or not this ends well for you.”

“Oh please, and what are you going to do? You’re just an earth pony right now!” Shining yelled in her face sending some of her short mane blowing backwards.

“You know, you should really do something about you’re husbands rampant racism Cadence.” Turning to Cadence, Kazooie smiled as she rolled her eyes. “Also I could take all of them and Chrysalis as a so called earth pony… you really have no idea how powerful an earth pony is, do you?”

“Oh and I suppose you can show us? Growing food in here might actually help us out and you might take down a few changelings when the barrier comes down.” Shining said in a tone that pretty much meant he didn’t think Kazooie could actually do anything to help the situation.

“Not only is he a racist, but he’s a underestimating jerk too… why did you marry him again? If I were in your position I would have left him to the changelings.” Kazooie knew she could take the changeling army and she could do it without leaving the barrier too. “Then again he is kind of cute when he’s being dumb.”

Cadence walked over to the mare standing on her hind legs and put a hoof on her shoulder while looking her in the face.

“Can you truly help us?” Kazooie nodded to Cadence as a response. “How would you go about doing that?”

“I have several methods actually. I could do it the fast way, the slow way and then there’s the way where I just beat everyone up. Well except you and the Crystal Ponies, they don’t look happy with Shining since the earth ponies must be distant cousins.” Looking over to the Crystal Ponies they currently weren’t happy with Shining as Kazooie had stated. “As long as you pay me for it, I’m willing and able to beat the ever ‘loving’ tar out of everyone you point me at Cadence. Oh and knocking your husband out on the principle of the matter is now also non negotiable.”

“Um… are you sure you can take Chrysalis and all those changelings?” Kazooie gave Cadence a flat look and nodded once again. Cadence took a few steps away from Kazooie and stood with her crystal pony subjects. “Well if you must. I’ll think of a way to humbly give you recompense for your direly needed aid. That is if you can do everything you say you can, then I promise.”

“We have a deal then. I’m kind of surprised that the hearths warming tale doesn’t just have earth ponies owning both the pegasus and unicorn armies.” Kazooie rubbed the back of her head and stared at the pillar sticking above and below the floating crystallized heart. “I guess none of them quite knew their own strength. Thanks for doing business Princess of Love, this Princess of Adventure is about to show you why you never underestimate the underestimated. I could turn into an alicorn at any time I choose, but I’d rather just stick to the basics for right now.”

Turning to Shining, Kazooie brought up her hooves in a boxer pose and thrust them forward several times while bouncing around on her hind legs.

“Oh come on, you’re just one pony what difference could you make. Even if you are trained for combat I was captain of Celestia’s guard and I could just levitate…” Shining didn’t get any further or have time to focus a defense as Kazooie blurred forward and spun around once before throwing a sharp right hoof to Shining’s skull. She knocked him flat out with one hit.

He flew back and hit the barrier on the far side of the castle and Cadence quickly made her way over to him to make sure he was alright. The barrier surrounding the castle weakened to half its strength and Cadence had to quickly keep it stable. Cadence winced as she had agreed to the non negotiable part without actually questioning it, so she had no one to blame but herself for this.

“And that’s why you never call Little Mac a wimp. I was unlucky enough to do no permanent harm or brain damage. Also, I’ll have you know I make a huge difference everywhere I go.” The red pony stated walking over to stand over the unconscious body of the prince. She slowly turned around and walked towards the barrier where all the changelings were congregating and stopped at the very edge to stare down Chrysalis. “Know this, I’m giving you one clean shot against me and after that… you and every single changeling under you’re command will lose this battle. I did after all send you warning ahead of time this would happen if I somehow magically caught you pulling this kind of crap, I’m not going to kill any of you though. I’m going to thank the magic later.”

“Do you seriously think I’m afraid of you?” In answer to Chrysalis’s question Kazooie stepped through the barrier and stared the self labeled queen down.

Cadence didn’t stop Kazooie from going through the barrier; it wasn’t like she had any better hope at the moment anyway with her husband knocked out by the crazy pony.

“If you aren’t you better be soon… remember you have one shot and here I am completely out in the open not defending myself. Make it count or you’re in for a world of hurt.” Chrysalis leapt back to charge up her horn with a sickly green glowing energy and sent a beam slamming into Kazooie’s head.

Cadence put a hoof to her mouth knowing which spell Chrysalis was currently using on Kazooie, she hoped that Kazooie would be able to resist the mind control. Looking at Kazooie, she could see that the pony in question didn’t even seem to be batting an eye at the stream of energy wrapping around her head. Sure the spell didn’t last long, it needed to be used repeatedly and while in effect it can only be used on one target and that target alone until the effects wear off entirely.

After a moment of complete silence and hearing nothing but the continued hum of the beam in question, it finally stopped surging from Chrysalis’s horn. Chrysalis started to slowly back away with her tail between her legs and her ears laid flat.

Cadence in a sitting position cradled her husband to her chest as she watched on; she really hadn’t expected Kazooie to be faster or more powerful than an average earth pony. Even if he was helping her hold up the barrier Shining could have still put up a good fight if he wasn’t taken down so fast. Cadence stopped feeling as if the situation was as dire as it could have been; in fact it was starting to lean towards the comically depressing. If Kazooie was that fast as an earth pony, then how fast was she as an alicorn with the speed of a pegasus?

“You’re one shot was an attempt at mind control? You really wasted it you know.” Kazooie’s eyes stared sharply into the frightened changeling princess’s eyes along with that of her meager barely battle worthy soldiers, what the changeling couldn’t have known was that Kazooie had a Ribbon Relic equipped alongside a Celestriad Relic in her RPG equipment screen. “Excuse me for what I’m about to do to your subjects.”

“Swarm her now!” Chrysalis called out in a panic.

The changelings surged forward willing and able to please their leader whether she was a queen or a princess. From their point of view the pony standing on her hind legs simply lifted her left leg and stomped down on it. They didn’t know what they hit.

After a mild amount of confusion and suddenly recovering from sudden concussions, the changelings realized a circular wall of stone had materialized in front of them. Soon the wall slowly sunk back into the ground and nothing was behind it.

“I swear it’s like watching Pikmin at work, what with the bringing down walls with their heads and all.” Chrysalis jumped a good twenty feet into the air and started flapping her wings at the voice that was suddenly right next to her. Kazooie just looked up at Chrysalis. “You wouldn’t happen to need a whistle to control them would you?”

“How did you… I don’t even…” Cadence watched as Chrysalis try to form coherent words over the next few seconds.

Cadence from her position saw the wall rise up all around the pony within a split second and then saw Kazooie just sprout out of the ground from a molehill shaped mound of dirt before the ground returned to normal.

“I’m currently an earth pony, the how is not in question here as there is the word ‘earth’ in my current species as defined by everyone here. Is this not so?” Kazooie looked up to quirk an eye at the airborne Chrysalis with a smarmy smirk on her face. “As such you’re not safe as long as you’re touching the ground as with the changelings that have recently suffered head injuries.”

Lifting her right leg Kazooie rapidly stomped it down several times. A snarl of weak stone tentacles sprung up with each stomp to smack around the grounded changelings battering them before encasing them. The other changelings had taken to the air and stayed away from the ground and the stone cage their brethren where now stuck in alongside being completely unconscious and out of the fight.

“Stay away from the ground!” Chrysalis harshly barked after witnessing at least twenty of her changelings were dazed and pinned down.

“You know, you’re not even safe up there.” Kazooie lazily stated. “I would suggest you make this easier on all of us and surrender. If you do I will be a bit lighter when I dish out the pain to your forces.”

“Fool, I don’t even know the meaning of surrender!” Chrysalis stated proudly only to get smacked in the face with something, pulling it away with her hooves she realized it was a book and she looked at the words underlined in the bookmarked portion of it. She read the underlined part out loud. “To cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority?”

“There now you know the meaning and have no excuse not to!” Yep, the crazy transformed bird just threw a dictionary at her. “So what are you going to do now? Run away like a coward or attack me and lose the rest of your forces.”

“We could just attack you from up here with energy bolts. There has got to be a limit to your earth moving abilities.” Chrysalis had brightened up at the idea; she could stay entirely out of Kazooie’s range. Too bad she didn’t know Kazooie could return fire, she was right about the limit on Kazooie’s geomancy though.

Kazooie didn’t want to go alicorn or transform back into a bird yet, she couldn’t very well launch attacks beyond a certain strength using earth pony magic unless her opponents were touching the ground or she was performing a defensive maneuver. She could always fly up there riding a rock, but it would be limited to the size, shape and mass of a surfboard which would also limit her attacks she could do. She could always just use rapid fire golden egg mode, but that would have been boring.

“Well you’re right about the limit of my ability… but I just want you to know this will sting quite a bit. I’ve always wanted to use this spell in an overkill manner.” Soon Kazooie was chanting and holding her hooves in front of herself clapped together.

“Oh what are you doing now?” Chrysalis asked intrigued that Kazooie seemed to be gearing up for something. “Are you even listening to me?”

It seemed as if Kazooie was continuing to ignore Chrysalis and continued chanting, starting to glow slightly.

“Attack her!” Chrysalis fired a bolt of energy and was followed by her changelings and Kazooie persisted her chanting even under the constant barrage of energy slightly injuring her. “Keep at it; she must not be able to complete whatever it is she’s doing.”

All Kazooie had to do was get the spell off and this battle would be over, so she endured while keeping her concentration until she could cast it. It was a well known spell from the video game worlds, only seen in a specific series of RPG games. It was explosively powerful and it was Kazooie’s favorite spell, but the casting time and magic point consumption was murder on her survivability. Of all the black magic to use this one could level most of the surrounding area. She was banking on Earth Pony endurance to see her through.

Cadence watched as Kazooie withstood the power of at least sixty changelings and their queen, for the next two minutes she would be battered and injured and she just kept chanting. Around this point Shining came around.

“Did anybody get the number of that donkey cart?” Shining groaned and felt his wife hug him tightly, he sat up and saw Kazooie being pelted and standing outside the barrier. “What is she doing? Why is she just standing there taking all that?”

“She said something about using a spell.” Cadence answered swiftly.

“But Earth Ponies can’t actively use magic, they use passive magic.” Shining stated slowly watching as Kazooie continue her chant, despite her injuries adding up exponentially.

“Tell that to her, whatever she’s doing now it’s going to be big. Put up a barrier for her Shiny, I’ll hold the castles.” Shining grunted angrily and looked away but then his face was turned back to his wife by her magic and she gave him a cute puppy eyes look. “Please… do it for me?”

“Alright, but I still don’t like her. She did after all knock me out.” Lighting his horn Shining put up a protective field that started absorbing the changeling’s attacks. The next few minutes would strain him a bit. If one were to look up ‘whipped’ and ‘cream’ in the dictionary they’d see a picture of what Shining and Cadence thought was a really good time.

After the ten minute mark of constant chanting Kazooie opened her green eyes and they were glowing brightly. She smiled took two steps forward and raised her hooves to the sky. A bright red shine came off of her body. The end result of a ten minute casting time and losing hundreds of hit points for this one spell. Next time she would cast haste on herself.

“ULTIMA!” Kazooie called out the name of the attack and out of her maximum of two hundred magic point’s pool, she only lost thirty. This was even with the help of the Celestriad relic she had equipped.

Meanwhile far away and in Canterlot enjoying her tea, Celestia sat on the north facing balcony relaxing after having dealt with some of the most annoying ponies alive. At least they weren’t as bad as Kazooie had been. Why just the thought of her being back in Equetria would send her into quite a tizzy.

Taking a sip of her tea Celestia saw Luna fly up in front of the chair she was sitting in to say something and then she saw a huge blast of light from the north behind her sister. The shockwave could be felt and seen from this far away, that light was blaring off into space possibly attracting eyes from across the land. Celestia immediately spewed her tea in Luna’s face in the most unbecoming manner.

Luna instead of getting mad at Celestia just turned to the huge column of light reaching endlessly to the sky. Luna could pretty much predict what Celestia was thinking. Whatever that was, it was more powerful then the elements of harmony and it came from the Crystal Empire. They had to send an investigation immediately.

Celestia slowly stood up and went to write something in a scroll about the beam of raw magical force that erupted from the crystal empire. Before she could even put a quill to the paper she magically received a message from Twilight, she sighed slightly. It had been one month since the crystal empire was saved and now it seemed to have just exploded violently.

Elsewhere somewhat close to the Crystal Empire a mare with a raven mane wearing a pith helmet was just walking out of the temple of an ancient civilization had an artifact that was basically a bejeweled golden unicorn horn sculpture.

She saw the huge column of light in the distance towards where the snowy wastes the Crystal Empire was said to have reappeared at last month. She reached up with her right hoof and tipped her pith helmet over her eyes, she now had something interesting to look into. The bejeweled unicorn horn could wait and so could her next amazing novel based on the death traps she’s recently survived.

“Well Daring Do, whatever created that light has got to be something worth studying and it looks like I have my next adventure settled for me.” She spread her wings, licked her lips and launched towards the east. The crystal empire was an ancient city that still had living ponies and would be fun to explore, though there wouldn’t be treasure. That was unless that blast had ultimately destroyed everything, then she’d be there first to pick up the remnants of a recently destroyed reappeared empire.

In the Ponyville library, Twilight counted down the exact time of arrival for each of her friends, ticking off the seconds she quickly flicked her horn to a nearby window and it opened before Rainbow could crash into it. This was Twilights way to avoid once again having to pay for the repairs. Instead Twilight laments that she had to pick up a book shelf and all the books that spilled on the floor.

Turning to a potted plant Twilight was about to say something the spun around and pointed at Pinkie and quickly bopped her lightly on the nose.

“Hah, knew you’d know I would go for the plant so you could appear exactly behind me to try and surprise me!” Twilight cheered at her prediction of the unpredictable for once, by being exactly unpredictable herself as a bit of irony.

“Wow my Pinkie Sense was right; I did hear something surprising from a friend soon!” Pinkie said jovially bouncing in place.

After a counting down a few more seconds Twilight aimed her horn and focused at the front door, Applejack ran straight through it into another one of her bookcases after slipping on the loose carpeting. Twilight sighed yet again and face hoofed. Counting down from ten, when she finished Twilight turned to Rarity and Fluttershy just arriving through the open door.

“Rarity, please don’t say anything and I don’t want to hear your sparkling commentary when we have a possible emergency on hoof.” The mare in question already had her mouth halfway open before she shut it at Twilights request. Twilight closed the door after Fluttershy slowly ambled into the libraries main room.

“So what exactly is happening Twilight if you’re so well informed?” Rainbow received her answer in the form of a letter from Celestia.

Twilight open the piece of paper and looked through it quickly.

“Something happened to Cadence and my brother. Celestia wants us to go investigate whatever happened at the Crystal Empire or whatever’s left of it, if there is anything. She’s arranged us some transportation and to think they were just starting to integrate more train schedules to and from there.” Looking to all of her friends in turn, Twilight noted they were all staring at her with worry. “Why are all of you looking at me like that?”

“Uh, hello… giant explosion of energy at the crystal empire, shouldn’t you be worrying about your brother and Cadence even a little bit? You know, going all nuts right about now?” Rainbow hoped the jousting grounds had survived whatever that explosion was.

“I’m not going to worry about it until we get there.” Twilight was of course worried for her brother and Cadence’s safety; she mostly hoped that the Crystal Empire library wasn’t damaged. To think all that knowledge suddenly snuffed out because of some random cataclysm.

Fluttershy was silently hoping the jousting grounds hadn’t survived whatever had happed, even if it was slightly mean of her to be thinking those thoughts. She did want to see the tiny ewes again, they were so cute. She really hoped nothing bad happened to them.

Rarity had hoped the crystal ponies were alright, she was going to have so many new clients when the crystal ponies started exploring outside their empire.

Applejack was going to start a small trade agreement with Cadence; even then she still hoped the crystal ponies were okay.

Pinkie didn’t think anyone she liked was critically injured; she wanted to make a party to celebrate whatever it is that just happened there depending on the situation they come across.

“Well I guess we’re waiting for a ride to the crystal empire girls. I’ve already got some travel bags with you guys in mind already” Twilight was not about to say it, but she expected something like this was going to happen eventually. So she spent a bit of time preparing luggage in case of a traveling emergency, she had learned to prepare ahead for this eventuality from Pinkie Pie of all ponies. They had emergency situations more than once a month to warrant it, just like Ponyville’s monster shelters.

Twilight levitated a bag loaded with a medical kit, among other things to Fluttershy. This was followed by levitating a bag loaded with old wonderbolt magazines and salty snacks for Rainbow, a bag filled with fresh apples to Applejack plus a few accessories including a length of rope, Pinkie Pie’s bag was loaded with candy and sugary confections and Twilights own had a few books and some survival rations.

“Okay that’s all very nice, but what about me darling?” Rarity looked hurt that Twilight wouldn’t plan a quick travel bag for her.

“Rarity if I had to plan a ready travel bag for you, it’d require me to steal everything that you own in your boutique.” After a moment Rarity chose to respond to this by blushing in embarrassment, yeah Twilight wouldn’t have been able to exactly plan for her.

Rarity silently admitted she would have fussed over the bag Twilight made anyway and would suggest that she packed for herself. So in essence, she couldn’t blame Twilight or rightfully get angry with her as she already took her thoughts into consideration.

“Fine I’ll go pack; I hope I have enough time to choose out the right hats and matching scarves. It does get a might chilly up there when the crystal heart isn’t warming the surrounding area… kind of reminds me of the hearths warming tale.” After a moment Rarity shrugged off the thought and ran off to pack.

Rainbow shrugged and sat down to read an old magazine while she waited and Fluttershy snuggled up next to her to read over her shoulder. Slowly Rainbows left wing stretched out, it pulled Fluttershy close to her body and even then she didn’t take her eyes off the magazine.

Watching the two winged ponies cuddling Pinkie sighed, why couldn’t Applejack like her like that? Oh well, what mattered was that they were all friends. Still Pinkie wanted Applejack to get some rope and…

It was going to be a while before they reached the Crystal Empire.

Meanwhile at ground zero at the Crystal Empire, none of the buildings were destroyed and the entire area around was cleaner than normal.

The Crystal Ponies were immune to being blinded by bright lights and were just staring at the pile of changeling bodies faintly twitching on the ground.

One of the changelings was still barely able to stay propped up on one hoof and it was the self proclaimed queen Chrysalis. Her carapace was terribly cracked, she had three broken legs and her wings were completely sheared off by the raw magical force, oddly enough her blue mane and tail were completely fine and undamaged.

Chrysalis was slowly bleeding out where most of her body lay and with blurry eyes she looked up at Kazooie who was prodding her own horn with a hoof as she flared her feathered wings. So the red earth pony was a princess after all, was the current thought on Chrysalis’s mind as she labored to breath.

“Note to self, my absurdly powerful spells that have an equally absurdly long cast time causes immediate transformation straight into an alicorn. Ugh, this is going to be annoying when I want to use my more powerful spells as other pony types. Also the crystals in this empire caused such a horrible blinding glare.” After a moment Kazooie looked down at Chrysalis and it wasn’t with hatred. “I think you’ve learned you’re lesson. So on a scale of one to ten how much pain do you think you are in.”

“Does… a hundred… count?” Then Chrysalis’s last leg fell down with a sharp crack, along with the changeling queen struggling to even get out an agonized scream. “Kill… me…”

“Eh, you’ll live. I did nothing permanent, by my definition anyway, to any of your army. If I wanted to kill you or your changelings, I could have just let the spell take you too fast for you to even feel pain from it to begin with.” Kazooie turned to Cadence who was still blinking the spots out of her eyes as she carefully trotted over to them. It was chalked up to alicorn regenerative abilities by Kazooie that Cadence was still able to see pretty well after that.

Shining was stumbling around and was saying something about being blind. Cadence stopped, sighed and made her way over to her husband to drag him over to Kazooie who was standing over a magically maimed Chrysalis.

“What are you going to do to them Kazooie?” Cadence was almost afraid to ask this question, the devastating power that came off of Kazooie was incredible for the ten minute warm up time it took.

“I’ll heal them and then send them on their way, but first.” Clapping her hooves together she started chanting and within seconds she cast her first spell on all surrounding targets to make sure they weren’t permanently blinded. With a green glow encompassing a massive area, Kazooie called out her spell. “Esuna!”

“Hey, I can see again!” Shining said blinking his eyes and looking into Cadences, he heard his wife sigh with relief.

“Now to help the changelings return to some semblance of health before sending them on their way.” Another chant and Kazooie called the other spell to make sure the changeling’s injuries were less severe than they had been, this one had taken a bit longer then her previous spell did. “Curaga!”

Chrysalis felt a jolt shoot through her entire body as it was covered in a mass of green sparkles; she felt there wasn’t nearly as much pain now. That alicorn had so much power… Chrysalis felt something was wrong with her as she stared at the red creature that started to gather her subjects together behind her prone body. She couldn’t move even if her carapace had miraculously recovered and her wings were currently back where they belonged.

“Feeling better?” After receiving a strained nod from the floored Chrysalis, Kazooie smiled. “Good, don’t cause any more trouble then and I won’t have to hurt you like this again… Falcon PUNCH!”

Pulling back her right hoof Kazooie launched it into Chrysalis’s body in the form of a flaming falcon sending her and her changelings flying into the distance and out of the Crystal Empire.

While Chrysalis was in the air she didn’t feel as much pain as she was expecting from Kazooie’s last attack. In fact some really weird thoughts crossed through Chrysalis’s mind as she and her changelings were flying uncontrollably through the air. At least they had a soft landing as they slammed into some deep snow; even with how cold the snow was Chrysalis felt for the lack of a better word… warm.

“You healed them and then you launched them from the Crystal Empire? Well I’m glad that was resolved in a, ahem, somewhat slightly peaceful manner.” After closing her eyes, Cadence had to think on this for a bit before she opened her eyes staring down a bright pair of green eyes. “Well I guess it was no worse than when me and Shining last sent them flying, so what exactly happened to the rest of Chrysalis’s forces if they left her and what does it have to do with you?”

“You’re just now asking about that? You’d probably find them being pet sitters, caring for random animals and running an animal sanctuary or two in Hoofington… and maybe also hanging around the places new red light district.” The look on Cadences face was calm acceptance until Kazooie got to that last one.

“I really wish I hadn’t asked about that.” Cadence muttered to herself red in the face with her wings ruffling a bit at the thought of so many changelings doing stuff like that.

“Can we get this over with?” Shining said tersely.

Turning to Shining, Cadence noticed he had a scowl on his face. Looking to Kazooie now in the form of an alicorn she wondered if her husband was going to do anything drastic. Also there was the fact that she owed Kazooie a great debt for stopping the changeling’s invasion. Sighing Cadence stepped forward.

“Citizens of the Crystal Empire, the crisis is over you can now go about your business while I work out compensation for aid lent by the Princess of Adventure!” The crystal ponies gave Cadence a polite bow and finally started to carefully move away from the crystal heart and the ever present wonder of a two dimensional door it created.

Eventually the shiny ponies all started to trust that everything was okay and then started making an earnest effort to return to their lives.

“Now if you’ll follow me and Shining, we’ll need to discuss some things amongst ourselves.” Cadence noted that Kazooie continued to walk on her hind legs in a smooth manner without trouble. She really wanted to ask, but didn’t know how to bring it up knowing that the question was rather pointless as it seemed to be Kazooie’s preferred method of locomotion.

A few minutes later in the throne room they Cadence was seated with Shining at her side and Kazooie in front of her.

“Okay I’ll start it off since you don’t seem like you’re going to ask me any questions. First off I want safe passage for two to Ponyville. Second I wish for temporary asylum for me and some of my friends who are going to stay here for a few days in your kingdom before moving out to accomplish my goals. Last I would like the anonymity as being the one that saved your kingdom or how I came to be here to begin with.” After a moment Kazooie was now looking at Cadence expectantly.

“Who are the two ponies that need passage to Ponyville? I can give you the asylum and anonymity, even to the point you were never here if need be. I swear on my word as a princess, if asked I’ll say the crystal heart aided us in defending the empire from a changeling attack.” That wasn’t a lie at all; the crystal heart did bring Kazooie to her empire and as such was aided. “I’m curious… just what are your goals?”

“Well there are these two ponies that are waiting on the other side of the door that I came through who just want to go home. If I told you my goals, you probably wouldn’t let me stay here for the next two days I need to scout the surrounding area to build a mini map.” Something didn’t sit right with Cadence about Kazooie’s answer.

“If I can promise to personally not rescind my gift of asylum and anonymity will you tell me your goals then?” Cadence offered as she wanted to know what someone whose specialty was adventuring was going to lead to.

“Only if you can make your husband and the rest of the kingdom promise to do the same, otherwise my business is my own.” Despite the bland tone there was a hint of annoyance in there coming from Kazooie.

“What? Cadence please tell me you’re not going to agree to that.” Shining said immediately.

“Shining, tell me, who wears the dress in this relationship?” Cadence said while smiling sweetly at her husband.

Shining blushed and looked away with a strange look crossing his face and just uttered two words. “You do.”

“I can see why that would be a problem for you, you are quite cunning to bring it to my attention. I Pinkie Pie promise that my empire will allow you your asylum and anonymity, but why do you keep calling it a kingdom?” It was a curiosity, sure Cadence knew Kazooie said something about it earlier, but that didn’t explain why she didn’t want to call this place an empire.

“Well it’s practically a kingdom anyway and an empire denotes negative sounding connotations, also where I’m from everyone tries to avoid empires or any mention of them and you don’t call yourself an empress. The word empire means trouble so I’ll keep calling this a kingdom out of safety reasons thank you… also is Pinkie Pie anywhere around here?” Kazooie started looking shifty and slowly reached for her backpack with a hoof.

“No, but I know her. Now what exactly are your goals here in Equestria?” Kazooie took on a thinking pose and Cadence waited patiently for her to come up with an answer that was hopefully truthful.

“Well… I’m going to rob idiots blind, steal from people’s homes at random, lie about some things or tell half truths when it’s for convenience, cheat whenever I can, get into a lot of fights, take over other countries, annoy solar butt to no end, end up doing a bunch of questionable stuff while drunk, destroy buildings at random, cause tons of collateral damage I will never take responsibility for and eventually take over the world thus reaching my final goal of saving Equestria.” After laying out everything Kazooie couldn’t help but see the surprised looks on her current hosts faces. “Hello, what do you think happens on adventures? Especially when I’m involved? It’s pretty much hectic chaos from here on out so get used to hearing about me when I leave to start building my own kingdom and forces.”

Shining would have said she would never get away with her plans for world domination or at least warn someone of all the stuff she’s going to be doing, but Cadence Pinkie Pie promised… and nobody ever broke a Pinkie Pie promise, they could only bend it. Shining once broke a Pinkie Pie promise and he never wanted to go back there again. He really hadn’t meant the promise before hoof, but he still went through the motions and when he broke the promise Pinkie miraculously found him within two minutes of doing so.

Cadence narrowed her eyes before stopping and smiling.

“Okay then, but can you at least tell me what you’re saving Equestria from by taking it over? Please.” Cadence asked nicely tilting her head to act as cute as she possibly could.

“No, but we can have an alliance. I’m not truly doing all this because I’m evil you know.” Lazily Kazooie stretched out her back and flicked her ears a bit. “Well maybe the world conquest thing might be evil.”

“With the way Celestia tells it, you’d think she crawled out of the underworld to torment her personally.” Shining said quietly to Cadence who quickly shushed him.

“I’ll agree to this alliance, we’ll work up a nice contract later.” Shining just stared mutely at Cadence with a dropped jaw, he was probably thinking she just went insane.

Not that Cadence really condoned taking over the world mind you, but you didn’t just become a princess without earning a title and the circumstances attached to it. She was ready for some adventures right about now after all the paperwork she’s been doing throughout the last month mostly by hoof as her horn ached slightly from its recent usage.

It took an alicorn to know an alicorn and Kazooie was friendly, even if she comes off as a jerk she had a heart of gold that Cadence just couldn’t believe and she could see other ponies hearts in a literal fashion… it was also the loneliest heart she’s ever seen in her life next to Celestia and Luna’s when they weren’t next to each other. Cadence wouldn’t even know how to explain it to Shining how she knew Kazooie meant them no ill will and honestly thought what she was going to do was the right thing.

Finding love might be an adventure in and of itself, but Cadence was the master in that area of expertise in comparison to Kazooie’s incredible power and sense of freedom as a cunning master of adventuring. Cadence just knew they were going to be good friends no matter how annoying Kazooie tried to act around her, apparently she liked making people mad and Cadence could actually understand that bit of whimsy as being a part of who she was.

Cadence just hopes Kazooie’s heart doesn’t darken while she works at taking over the world and she actually believed the adventurous being could possibly do it without killing anypony.

“So where am I staying in this shiny mud hole of a kingdom?” Kazooie asked with a cheeky smirk on her face.

Cadence sighed as she leaned back against her throne; the next few days were going to be long ones as if this one wasn’t already considering they missed lunch because of the changeling swarm.

Crystal Clear

“I hope it’s too your liking.” Cadence said sheepishly, she hadn’t exactly worked out the kings in the castle as she had with the rest of the homes in her empire. She did take the recent hour to explain to Kazooie about how the Crystal Empire came to appear in the north, it’s only been a month since these ponies have been out of being sealed for a thousand years.

Oddly enough they spoke and wrote the same language as everyone else even as a thousand year old culture and when Kazooie pointed it out, Cadence said that they created the language all ponies tended to use nowadays… as well as griffons and some diamond dogs.

“Its fine, I only need about a closet space worth of room to sleep in anyway. You really should work on this should you get any visiting dignitaries, so start remodeling and soon. Your kingdom could use some work.” Kazooie noticed the pensive looking on Cadences face. “Also I think indoor plumbing should be a priority. Do I have to call Mario to see a toilet around here? I can’t make toilet jokes without them.”

“I’m still working on inventory of what my king… empire has and the stuff we can manufacture that’s unique to us for trade to other nations. We don’t exactly have the money for that quite yet.” Cadence sighed out, how come Kazooie wasn’t suddenly stuck with all this stuff as she seems to know what Cadence should be doing.

“Does the kingdom have a currency system yet? Also where have you been going to the bathroom at?” Not knowing where Kazooie was going with this Cadence nodded and held up a bit, but didn’t look forthcoming about where’s she’s been going to the bathroom as she just blushed. “Good, can I quickly get a license to sell goods here or do you just need to give me a decree to sell stuff?”

“You mean to sell stuff now? But It’s getting rather late in the evening. Also no, it’s an open market.” Cadence sat there blankly as Kazooie threw a hoof around and smiled at her.

“I have my reasons; do you think that flashy explosion didn’t attract attention from sunny delight herself? Because goodness knows I don’t predict she’ll send the elements of harmony immediately to this kingdom to investigate the cause of the spell I used and wouldn’t want to be around when they arrive.” Kazooie was now staring at the ceiling and she slowly drew her sight to Cadence whose ears wilted. Ah yes, the anonymity she had promised Kazooie. “I’ll be back later, maybe at dinner. Have to recover my health points somehow. Oh and uh, I’ll find you if they decide to stay the night.”

“What are you going to be selling if I may be so bold to ask?” Cadence received her answer in the form of blue ice cream. Taking the proffered ice cream into her magic and gave it a lick and hummed. It tasted sweet and salty; it was a perfect blend of ice cream for pony consumption. “What is this? It tastes great!”

“It’s sea salt ice cream. I’ll be selling random desserts and food to your people, just point me to where the market is… also that will be four bits.” Kazooie watched as Cadence simply levitated four bits to her from somewhere and she quickly deposited them into her ever present backpack. After a moment Kazooie was led to a balcony and Cadence with the ice cream still in her mouth, pointed out the market area to her. “Thank you, have fun explaining this to them when they arrive which will be any minute now given the chariot in the distance.”

Looking into the distance Cadence indeed saw a chariot coming towards the castle and went to prepare for it; she paused and looked around seeing that Kazooie has already disappeared. Hopefully she knew to stay out of the way if she didn’t want to draw attention to herself, well much more attention then she had already garnered with her powerful spell. How does a being even learn to cast a spell like that? One that was selectively damaging and could kill in an instant and yet Kazooie didn’t do that to the changelings despite the very big chance she had to wipe them out.

Kazooie landed on the ground with a loud thud startling some crystal ponies after a moment they managed to slow their heart rates down. Once they realized who it was, they just gave Kazooie a slight bow and polite nod for her earlier assistance.

Shrugging in indifference Kazooie made her way to the market place to set up her own stand, even if it was getting late she knew that these ponies didn’t seem to have much and a bit of flavor in their lives might help them. She was told by Cadence that they were given a bit of futuristic money to work with and that their treasury was kind of small at the moment mostly measured in jewels and gems. Considering it was the ‘Crystal’ kingdom it made sense to Kazooie that this would be their main source of currency, from what she learned the last time she was here dragons could literally eat this kingdom to the ground. Well the treasury was small, until Kazooie’s generous donation to it without telling anyone first. They’d find out eventually and isn’t that what ‘random’ allies were for? They really needed working bathrooms and quick.

Once she was in the market place Kazooie saw that she had plenty of time and after looking at the surrounding stalls of the small marketplace with only crystal ponies around, she was somewhat of a novelty of being the only non crystal pony here. She smiled as this was a good thing.

Nothing says curiosity like watching an alicorn set up her stand by just dropping it out of her backpack with a ‘for sale sign’ from the realm of Earthbound. The instant that sign was set up at her stall Kazooie noticed an increased interest at her stand by several crystal ponies. Kazooie was currently an alicorn princess and she just did something that made herself pretty noticeable.

“Um… excuse me, but what are you selling here if I may be so bold.” A crystal pony stallion said after working up the courage to approach Kazooie.

“Food, magically protected for freshness, here’s a list of things I have on me that I’m selling at the moment. Welcome to my little fast food shop.” Pulling out a restaurant menu Kazooie sat down and waited.

“Hmmm… I’ll have a… is this pronounced taco?” The crystal pony said.

“Yeah, price is on the menu. That will be seven bits. Reason why it’s so expensive is that it comes with a special blend of hot sauce.” After the seven bits were on the table Kazooie passed the tofu taco wrapped up and ready to go.

It didn’t take a minute before there were eighteen bits on the table.

“I’ll take two double deckers.” The same pony from before said and walked off smiling with his two quick rice paper wrapped tacos.

Double deckers were double the fun with extra bean paste, fixings and a soft shelled taco glued to the outside with previous mentioned paste. It didn’t take long for another pony to brave her shop, soon she was selling burrito’s, nacho’s and even some of her other stuff was going too. Apparently crystal ponies liked Mexican food.

“Hey are you princess Cadence?” Turning to the stranger among all the shiny coated ponies Kazooie saw a pegasus pony in a pith helmet and a slightly ripped up green shirt. “Also isn’t it a little late to run a shop in the market?”

“No and the names Kazooie, did you miss the memo or my previous appearance in Canterlot?” Oh this was going to start so much fun, was one of Kazooie’s thoughts as she examined the pony in front of her. “Who are you the tooth fairy?”

“Nope, I’ve never heard of you before. I’ve been kind of busy escaping temples that are dead set on me dying. I’m Daring Do, how can you not have heard of me? Then again I haven’t heard of you either so we’re on common ground I guess, it’s actually refreshing to go somewhere I’m not asked for autographs immediately or attacked by one of my numerous enemies.” Daring held out a hoof and Kazooie shook it. “So what’s your princess shtick and what are you selling, I just flew in so I’m actually kind of hungry.”

“Adventure in all its glory including business adventures apparently, also you’ll get no free food from me if you’re some kind of celebrity or something pith head. Got bits, will deal.” Kazooie stated as she just held a menu up to Daring.

The adventuring pony just took the menu and started to read through.

“You know, you seem like my kind of patron princess, so got your own kingdom somewhere that I could visit or do you even have any subjects of your own?” Daring always thought a princess of the world would be at least guarded by four guards at all times and wouldn’t be seen sitting alone, in the most unguarded empire she’s ever seen. There wasn’t even a royal guard here as far as she could see.

“No and not yet at least, just selling food for right now in an unsuspicious manner as possible given my grand visage as you can see here. I don’t need subjects to hide behind like the other princesses nor do I actually care to own a kingdom, but I might have to start one regardless eventually. I would like to be friends though.” Kazooie was being rather flat and sarcastic with Daring Do as possible.

“You wouldn’t happen to know what caused that huge explosion around here right? Or were you here for that?” Daring asked out of interest as she continued to peruse the menu and the ingredients that went into each item on the menu.

“That was me, one too many bean and cheese burritos will do that to you too. Though I wouldn’t suggest eating those around here as there are hardly any outhouses or plumbing to speak of, it’s kind of boonies around here if you ask me for such a seemingly sparkling utopia.” Kazooie stated in a rather bland matter, at least in the evening it wasn’t as bright or blindly sparkling as it could have been.

“So… can I be one of your subjects?” Daring Do asked shyly causing Kazooie to look at her strangely; she quickly backed up herself up with a bit of reasoning. “I mean you seem kind of alone out here being the only pony that doesn’t sparkle like a diamond and you seem a bit rough around the edges, but I think you’re my kind of princess to follow around for a bit as adventuring is partly my special talent. I also have an exceedingly good sense of direction.”

“Whatever you feel like, have you made a decision yet?” Kazooie noticed she looked down at the menu again going through the second half of it.

“Maybe, so how does one exactly go about praising the Princess of Adventure itself? Do I just bow and scrap to you like those snooty nobles in Canterlot?” Daring Do stated with a sudden silly confident look in her eyes towards Kazooie.

“I meant the food, not you trying to become one of my subjects. Besides you’re holding up the line.” Kazooie didn’t think her voice could get more mundane sounding, seeing a few crystal ponies waiting behind the cliché of a hardcore adventurer she very well knew she could get along with just fine.

“Oh right, right… um… I’ll have a taco salad.” Daring Do said sheepishly rubbing the back of her head, before turning to apologize to the crystal ponies waiting in line.

“Is that for here or to go? I have a feeling that I’m not going to lose your interest in me any time soon.” Kazooie sighed out; she avoided one problem only to start another with a pony that was looking at her like she was the answer to all of said ponies’ problems. Technically she was, considering she was a walking adventure magnet itself and Daring Do apparently was a traveler looking for interesting things to happen.

“If I said here and that I would like to chat with you while you work?” Daring said wanting to get to know this knew alicorn a bit more, like where she came from and what exactly her title meant for the world at hoof. She could smell a grand adventure in the waiting, especially from even the most of mundane looking things. Like a princess running a food kiosk which was very mundane as many would point out, nor was the explosion she had admitted to causing.

“Fine…” Kazooie said knowing Daring Do’s type and that aggravating her only made her want to be around you more. Which is why Kazooie wasn’t trying any of her usual stunts to make her mad, she was the sort that liked a challenge and she was much like Kazooie herself with a nose for adventure even if the alicorn hadn’t done anything remotely exciting yet. Taking her backpack off Kazooie shook it twice. “Shake shake.”

Out of the backpack fell a table, a chair, a large metal plate and a loaded taco salad, again, with tofu as a meat substitute. All of it right next to her kiosk and from the small bag, Daring Do looked amazed at the feat.

“That’ll be twelve bits.” Kazooie held out a hoof after putting her backpack on. Daring pulled out the requisite amount and sat down wondering how she was supposed eat her salad. “You use the edges of the shell to eat the insides, after a while you may want to use this if it gets too messy for you.”

Kazooie pulled out a large novelty spork she might have gotten from ‘princess tomato and the salad kingdom’ realm and a wad of napkins.

“Thank you.” Daring Do quickly dove into her strange delicacy as delivered by the princess with the three cutie mark symbols. If there was one thing Daring Do could never get enough of, it was foreign food that she could actually consume and this was definitely going into her next novel.

Daring’s interest in the adventure princess was purely one of wanting to know the new alicorn on the block was like. Just meeting her doing something rather mundane for one so powerful was quite the novelty. There was also that certain air about her that things would be more interesting than Kazooie was currently presenting that drew Daring to her like a moth to a lit torch.

Meanwhile at the Crystal Empires castle meeting the arriving ponies and dragon, Cadence was smiling a bit forcefully before she started smiling for real as she met up with Twilight Sparkle.

“Sunshine sunshine lady bugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake.” It didn’t seem like they were ever going to stop doing that, Cadence didn’t mind as she loved Twilight even now. In a little sister she never had kind of manner; if it started to go beyond that she wouldn’t know what to do with herself. She was in fact bisexual despite the fact that she married Shining; so far she hasn’t had a single inclination towards Twilight in loving her that way.

Cadence could admire other mares flanks, but she wasn’t going to touch given she’s already got someone to love. She wasn’t about to tell Shining that being the Princess of Love was a rather unique title that just couldn’t be given to a straight pony and had to be understood in all forms. Though said princess could do things as if she were straight without a problem, she has dated a mare or two growing up without Shining knowing about it. The worst thing about being a Princess of Love was that she understood incest, tough love and even false love which sickened her somewhat and just because she understood something didn’t mean she had to like it.

“Cadence, Shining you’re alright, what happened here?” Twilight nuzzled into Cadence lovingly almost like she always did with Celestia yet it felt different to her for some reason. She then moved over to her brother to give him a great big hug.

“Just a little problem with changelings Twily, it was nothing to really worry about.” Shining really didn’t want to talk about how he was upstaged by a different mare this time, it always seemed like either his sister or some other mare was saving the day and making the celestial guards look bad or incompetent. Well on a technicality they have been exceedingly incompetent as of late, including the Wonderbolts during that time Spike ran wild throughout Ponyville.

“Changelings, are you alright?” Twilight said a bit worriedly.

“We’re fine, they couldn’t transform in the Crystal Empire because of the Crystal Heart.” Shining had to admit what he was going to say was a bit of a lie, but his wife did wear the dress in their marriage after all. “It really wasn’t that much of a deal, we put up a shield around the castle and then… well you all saw that probably. Kind of like what happened to the changelings the first time. We freed up the ponies they caught at the train station after we were done repelling them.”

It took a moment, but someone finally realize that Cadence was halfway done with eating something.

“Hey, what’s that?” Pinkie asked suddenly excited at the prospect of seeing Cadence still working through her levitating ice cream.

“Oh this, it’s see salt ice cream.” Cadence wasn’t about to say where it came from.

“Sea salt, that doesn’t sound particularly delicious darling.” Rarity said studying the small bit of ice cream left.

“You’d be surprised, especially when trying something new.” Cadence stated as her tongue roamed the ice creams surface. “It’s not as salty as it looks.”

“I know what you mean Cady; I once made this thing called a chimi-cherry-changa. It was a wonderful experiment, but it could have used a bit less sugar. Kind of throws the flavor off, afterwards I got it right and it tasted awesome.” Pinkie was staring at the ice cream licking her lips, for some reason it seemed rather familiar to her. For the life of her, Pinkie couldn’t remember why this particular brand of ice cream would be familiar.

“Okay calm down, so how have your lives been?” Cadence asked redirecting the topic away from her ice cream or more importantly where she got it from. “And if I may ask, are you staying for the night?”

Now the story turns its attention to Chrysalis in the frozen wastes west of the empire, she was about to give her changelings some rather conflicting orders with their nature. Every changeling was accounted for and luckily none of them died and they were surprisingly pretty healthy, much healthier then they had been when they attacked. It had taken a while to get them all gathered here together like this.

“Okay, my changelings we’ve had a minor setback but at least the end results weren’t as bad as we could have hoped. It was just a horribly painful setback and I’ve had my wings burned off and grown back almost instantly, some of you are still walking off headaches and others are still dizzy.” Pausing Chrysalis took a moment to make sure she had all her loyal subjects’ attentions, she continued. “Even then, we’ll make a comeback by stalking the Princess of Adventure and getting revenge on her! However most of you will be seeking out those who’ve left us and join them to learn and be happy I’m only willing to take five of you with me.”

There were less than a hundred changelings left in her army from when she attacked the crystal empire and they all started clambering towards their queen raising their hooves in loyalty wanting to be picked to go with her. None of them wanted to be sent away, it warmed Chrysalis’s cold heart further but she was still going to do it. If the other changelings are living perfectly fine then she’d be doing them a favor by sending them away.

At least their species wouldn’t go extinct under her rule; she gave them the order to do whatever they felt like after they reached their brethren except hurting them or attacking anything blindly without reason.

Chrysalis paused starting to think that maybe that blow to her head had jarred something… this was before she had the most delightfully evil plan concerning her new revenge scheme. Looking at the changelings she chose, they were the five strongest changelings she had left. She wanted the weaker ones to have a chance to survive; despite what might be said about her, she wasn’t entirely heartless to her people.

The swarm had set off leaving behind five sad looking changelings waving goodbye to their brethren as they would continue on with their queen. They turned dutifully to their queen and waited for her command.

“We are going to first stalk the Princess of Adventure as soon as she leaves the empire, since she has to eventually, then we will find a time to strike!” Chrysalis slammed her hoof to the ground and her small team of changelings praising her despite the fact that she hadn’t done anything worthy of praise yet. Chrysalis sighed and patted them each on the head in turn and then marched off to watch the Crystal Empire for when Kazooie leaves.

Chrysalis would wait and bide her time.

“So you’re what’s it like being an alicorn?” Daring asked Kazooie as she started to just shove everything back into her backpack.

“It’s actually quite boring really. Not like I’m really the dress and tea kind of princess anyway, I’d rather beat the tar out something in a down and dirty bar brawl any day of the week. Heck the day you see me wearing a dress, which will be against my will if it ever happens, is the day I becomes someone’s worst nightmare.” Making sure she had everything put away, she start a slow walk towards the center of the empire. It was getting rather dark and Kazooie decided to actually get some sleep, she had two days to waste until the others come through the door. “I will be a princess only in so far as I’m willing to go with it, otherwise I’m just Kazooie a traveler who goes places and blows things up.”

“Yeah, I hear that… you wouldn’t happen to have any whiskey on you?” A bottle was proffered to her and Daring Do just stared at the backpack with a keen bit of interest as she took the offered drink and gave it a chug before hoofing it back. “Okay, how do you keep doing that?”

“It’s a magic backpack and only I or my brother can truly wield it, otherwise I can give and take away permission of its use no matter the distance and I always know where it is.” Kazooie leaned in to Daring’s face while taking a swig of whiskey before stashing it. ”So stealing it is out of the question because I will hunt you down if you try and you wouldn’t get very far, one is because I’m immortal even if I wasn’t currently an alicorn and two I’m immune to all poisons so trying to tranquilize or drug me will just make me angry.”

“Message received clearly.” Daring said seriously, she knew better then to get between an adventurer and their pack. It was a really cool if simple looking backpack that was probably loaded with all sorts of unimaginable things related to adventuring. “You have to admit that’s a uniquely useful thing to have on hoof at all times during an adventure.”

“It can carry an infinite amount of stuff, but it can only carry about one or two living things before it starts rejecting them entirely.” Kazooie was meandering back to the crystal castle and if she were correct a sleepover would be in progress, she may as well add Daring Do to her party as a guest character. “Also living things inside this backpack aren’t preserved like anything else in there is, but it does have slight regenerative properties if you sleep inside of it.”

“Okay, so how did you become a princess?” Daring really wanted to know the answer to this, it kind of bugged her ever since she heard of Princess Cadences ascendancy and the fact there was only one alicorn before that. Well technically two alicorns, but the other was on the moon and nobody knew the story was true at the time.

“Speaking of that subject, if anyone asks I was never here and don’t say or mention my name at all. There are some ponies nearby that might do something odd if alerted to my presence.” After making sure Daring understood her with a deep rooted stare, Kazooie decided to answer her question. “If you must know I’m not native to this world, I come from a different kind of place entirely and one of my abilities is physically becoming a different species or thing entirely on a basis of context of the world I’m currently in.”

“So you weren’t a pony before coming to Equestria? If that’s true then what are you really?” Daring just had to know more about the princess she figured deserved some form of patronage.

“I’m naturally a breeding seagull; my species have the special habit of knowing the perfect match between any two beings. It’s mostly abbreviated to breegull; my particular species is a red crested breegull. The red crested kind of our species loves violence, explosions, getting drunk, enjoying life to the fullest and most importantly traveling to really bizarre locals like this one.” Kazooie paused a short distance away from the castle and looked around slightly. “Excuse me, but I think it’s better that I change into something a little more inconspicuous then a winged unicorn that screams look at me to everyone within fifty miles of myself.”

Before Kazooie could utter the word to change back to her normal form, a shadow lunged at her body and disappeared into it knocking her to the ground where she just lay for a second. Daring didn’t know what had just entered Kazooie’s body; she just knew it couldn’t have been something pleasant.

After a moment Kazooie gasped opened her eyes and stood up, she snorted with her nose slightly and then sneezed up what looked like the biggest booger in the world made entirely out of darkness that took the form of a unicorn with a burning red horn.

“What happened?” Daring Do asked not sure whether or not she just believed what she just saw. Her princess just sneezed up a… wait, when did she start thinking of Kazooie as her princess? She knew she was considering it, but now she was just full blown accepting it? Shaking her head Daring looked to Kazooie as she was getting her bearings.

“Apparently this creature tried to take over my body in an attempt to take over the Crystal Kingdom. It tried to use my worst fear against me too… unfortunately for it my worst fear is killing it without any remorse. Good thing it was all in my head then because it would have died horribly otherwise. Those Psychonaut training courses may have been ridiculous, but they usually pay off eventually.” Daring had no clue what Kazooie was talking about and was even more confused when the alicorn reached into her backpack to pull out a red and white ball. “Well, can’t let this opportunity go to waste.”

Kazooie stood up on her two hind hooves and threw the ball so that it smacked into the out cold creatures horn. Then the shadow stallion turned into a red light and was drawn into the ball and it plopped to the ground to shake once, then a second time and after a third shake it made a dinging sound. Kazooie walked over to the ball and picked up raising it high in the air.

“Yes, I caught myself a Sombra! Hmm… I’ll name him Sombrero.” After a moment Kazooie shrugged and tucked the ball away in her backpack.

“Um… did that ball just capture a pony in it?” Daring Do asked nervously.

“Nope, those balls can only capture monsters. That thing wasn’t a pony at all; it apparently died a good thousand years ago by Luna and Celestia’s hooves. It’s interesting what you can learn by ripping some memories out of a monster. Now where were we? Oh right, akanammo!” A bright flash later and after Daring was finish shielding her eyes she beheld the true form of the princess, a red bird that looked like a big phoenix. “Now give me a minute to slip into something. Eekum Bokum Eekum Bokum, Oobodadoo, Oobodadoo…”

“So how’s the food, to your liking I hope? I’ve also got some Crystal Ponies setting up some rooms for all of you, are you going to be staying long tomorrow?” Cadence hoped she was being a good host to Twilight and her friends that Cadence had met at the wedding. Keeping a secret from her favorite foal sitting job was difficult, especially after she and her husband recently found a recent windfall in their treasury with noticeable note that said to get indoor plumbing.

If Cadence didn’t know any better she’d swear Sombra would come back from being destroyed and trying to ransack the Crystal King… Empire again after what happened not hours ago. Cadence wouldn’t put it past him after the changeling attack today.

Cadence was currently sitting at a table about to eat dinner with seven other ponies; she was of course next to Shining and beyond him was Rarity. Twilight was on her other side. Across the table from Cadence were Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash whom she noticed were apparently in love with one another. To their right was Pinkie and Applejack, both seemed to be pining after unrequited love.

Upon checking their connection Cadence was surprised to find that instead of a dinky little string binding them together it was a solid wall of red leading from Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy right to each other, it wasn’t even a rope as it was just that big a connection.

Cadence did notice some other connections in the room, her and Shining were as strong as ever. Twilight was still apparently oblivious to love, especially if her friends were obviously that bound together. Pinkie and Applejack had a small connection, but it was mostly friends that could evolve into something. Applejack was also apparently pining for Rarity; a pony that Cadence could tell was perfectly straight. Pinkie seemed to be pining for Applejack she couldn’t get a read on that strange mare. Then there was Spike and Rarity, Rarity’s connection was motherly affection. Spike on the other hand was a bit sadder; his was outright borderline blind love. It didn’t look like anything too bad was happening between any of them, but they were certainly tangled up with each other in one way or another.

“No I have to be getting back to Ponyville to continue my studies; I’m doing something with an apple soon but Celestia hasn’t exactly given me a clue as to what that is. We’ll be around in the morning though and probably catch the first train out.” Twilight stated before getting into the salad that was a special of the Crystal Empire for its vinaigrette that just couldn’t be found elsewhere. “Though I would like to come around here and poke through the Crystal Empire library, I just don’t have the time.”

“Okay then.” Cadence was glad that she wouldn’t have too much trouble keeping Kazooie a secret as that wasn’t too long at all.

A crystal pony entered the room and quickly got Cadence’s attention.

“Princess there is a guest that is asking if she can join you and your friends here, she says she’s not particularly hungry and is a friend of your friend.” It took all of her might for Cadence to not jump to a conclusion that it was Kazooie after hearing the crystal pony’s words.

“Okay, show her in.” Cadence said without pause.

A minute later the other ponies paused in their eating to stare at the arrival, Rainbow in particular had her face in the salad and just pulled it out and her wings perked up slightly in surprise alongside her ears at the sight. Pith helmet and tattered green shirt, raven mane and tail, a cutie mark of circle emphasizing the four cardinal directions. Rainbow’s jaw dropped.

“Hey there, I’m not very hungry so mind if I just grab some dessert when it comes to the table?” Daring said with a smile, she could just tell by the looks that some ponies didn’t know she was a real flesh and blood pony.

It happened from time to time, Daring was famous for her adventure novels and not as much for her actual adventures. It wasn’t hard to figure out why plenty of ponies tended to think her books were entirely fictional. Maybe there was an embellishment here or there, but her enemies were very real and as equally dangerous as their more comical book counterparts that she tones down. Daring was glad she hasn’t recently run afoul of them lately so she figured she was pretty safe here as was the bejeweled gold unicorn horn she still had on her person, as well as one of the most incredible things she’s ever seen under her pith helmet.

“Holy flap, you’re real!” Rainbow shouted while every other pony just stared on surprised by this turn of events.

“Rainbow, watch your language!” Fluttershy admonished causing the other pegasus to blush and look at Fluttershy like a kicked puppy.

“Sorry Fluttershy.” Rainbow whimpered out cutely. Sure she was a mega awesome cool pony, but Fluttershy had her whipped and she didn’t care that she was since she loved the snuggly mare.

“You wouldn’t believe how many times I get that reaction.” Daring said with a hint of humor in her voice. “My books are gold, but my job is worth more than that and what I do is priceless.”

“Um… excuse me, but what are you doing in the Crystal Empire miss Do?” Cadence was beginning to wonder who hadn’t seen that huge explosion of energy from miles off; at least it will make other beings thing twice about invading her empire. However if she were to guess the friend of a friend, well Cadence didn’t know anyone other than Kazooie who could have run into the explorer.

“I saw the bright flash and I’ve just finished crawling out a temple with this baby, I figured I could investigate considering I’m an archeologists and this is a thousand year old empire. If it was suddenly blasted to the ground I would have saved whatever was left and if it wasn’t I would have a look around and see the new local princess that runs this place.” All the ponies just stared at the golden bejeweled unicorn horn sculpture she pulled from her ripped shirt. “You have no idea what I had to go through to even get this, that temple was ridiculous about its rolling boulder traps like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve yet to lose my lucky pith helmet even after the last fifty near loses in that temple alone.”

“While I’m quite sure you have some amusing stories about your travels, would you like some dessert? Well technically it’s a snack, but it’s the best we have.” Cadence asked cheerfully as Daring pulled up a chair at the end of the table to her left.

The ponies were all introduce to the Crystal Empire’s most interesting snack item, crystal candy. Even Pinkie Pie was perplexed when she heard as much as saw the existence of the snack item in question; it was like a specially made sugar cube that was a bunch of crystals grown onto a stick. As far as Cadence explained it they only had three flavors so far, one of course was crystal berry.

“Ooh… neat, I have got to buy some of this and send them to my family back on the rock farm.” Pinkie’s tongue just roamed all over the solidified sugar crystals. “I’ll bet they’ll get a kick out this.”

“Speaking of buying, I was wondering if you would like a contract with the Apple Clan.” Applejack ever the pragmatist, she was really choosing a good time to do some business.

“You’re catering for my wedding was phenomenal so of course I would like to work out a contract with you!” Cadence jovially as she carefully kept an eye on Daring Do. It was surprising none of the ponies here asked who her friend of a friend was and Cadence was pretty sure it was Kazooie by this point.

The continuing discussions involved Rainbow and Twilight trying to get Daring’s autograph, Rarity mentioning that all the helmet hair Daring had must be dreadful and Pinkie going off on a singing tangent about crystal candy being quite oh so dandy.

Applejack was talking apples, which is her favorite things to do, Shining got to tell his sister about some of the stuff they were going to do to change the empire and Fluttershy was just happy to cuddle up to Rainbow Dash not needing to converse at all.

Soon they were all off to bed, with the exception of Daring who was taken aside by Cadence.

“Okay where is she?” Cadence said slowly and Daring simply answered by lifting her helmet off of her head to show a small bug like creature sitting atop her mane.

“Hey there, I’ll be back to normal tomorrow after they leave.” Cadence just stared at the little red and yellow bug with an equally small sized backpack adorning her back, even squeaky as the voice was she recognized it as being Kazooie’s.

“What did you turn into?” Cadence asked as Shining walked up and saw Kazooie’s termite form.

“A termite, what do I look like to you an ant?” The smaller then a pint sized termite said.

“How in the world did you do that to yourself?” Shining was actually showing concern for once.

“Hey, changelings don’t own monopoly board on shape shifting tendencies.” The termite said looking at Shining with a hint of spite. “Whereas they can disguise themselves as other pony like or close enough to pony like beings, I can physically become what I transform into.”

“So you’re a not very threatening termite to hide your presence? That’s pretty…” Before Shining could say it was smart the termite reared back and then let a huge blast of flame straight into his face leaving him slightly charred. “Okay, you’re a little more threatening than I thought and you’re really smart.”

“I say thank you to your shiny metal flank.” Kazooie insulted amiably causing Daring to snicker as she lowered the hat back over her head.

“Yeah, I’ll take the room you’re giving her. See you two tomorrow.” Daring waltzed off waving lazily back to them.

“I’m a little scared to learn if fire breathing termites naturally exist wherever Kazooie comes from now.” Shining said as Cadence wiped the black soot off his face with a towel and gave him a kiss on the cheek and then wiggled her rump at him as she made her way towards their room. Cadence even raised her tail slightly and Shining was at her side in a minute as she smiled at him coquettishly. “I really don’t like keeping things from my little sister, but I guess there’s a lot of stuff she doesn’t know about me because she’s too busy with her nose in a book. At least she has friends to drag her away from them.”

“Oh Shiny, do you have anything else to say?” Cadence asked while her wings fanned out completely and stiffened as she nuzzled him.

“Yes, it’s so nice to see her getting away from a library once in a while. I swear in the future she’s just going to visit the Crystal Empire to just get away from her friends so she can spend all her time in the library here.” A moment of looking melancholy Shining sighed slightly. “She wouldn’t be visiting for us in that case; it kind of makes me sad that she loves library’s more than me.”

“Oh come on Shiny, you know she room in her heart for books and you, you will always be her favorite brother forever… also you should be worrying about something else entirely.” The questioning look Cadence received from Shining Armor brought a smile to her face. She magically shoved Shining into the bed of their room and then pounced on him wings flaring out and horn glowing violently. Shining would be walking kind of funny the next morning.

The scene changes immediately to Kazooie and Daring, in the Crystal Empires guest room for the shape shifting bird and her newest, if slightly unwanted, companion.

“So you know the elements of harmony?” Daring asked as she set up a hammock.

“Yep and more specifically I know Pinkie Pie, I owe her a fight. It’s a good thing her Pinkie Sense doesn’t work specifically on me or she would have known I was there.” A sad look crossed the little insects face as she sat on the floor in front of Daring. “She really should drop her promise.”

“She’s the element of laughter right? What exactly did she promise you?” Daring was intrigued by this line of thought

“I really don’t feel like talking about it with you.” Skittering into the corner and slipping into her backpack like it was a sleeping bag Kazooie looked at Daring. “Now if you will excuse me, I’m getting some sleep as I can’t think of anything better to do to pass the time for the next two days. Disturb me if something interesting happens.”

Daring looked on at the small termite snuggled away in her magical backpack and smiled somewhat, do not disturb unless a call to action was in order was a thought that crossed her mind. Something was definitely off with Princess Kazooie concerning Pinkie Pie, she’d learn about it later though. No point in alienating her princess.

Sure it was strange to think of Kazooie as her princess, but Daring was happy with her choice of deity at least. Kazooie didn’t seem like one to sit on the throne and do paperwork for eternity and a half, attempting to keep nobles in line, dress up and go to ballroom parties or anything a regular princess would be forced into. She was a no nonsense princess and even if she didn’t want Daring around, she was stuck with her.

Daring leaned back on the bed stuffed into the cramped room, she gave a soft sigh and removed her hat laying it off to the side before rolling onto her belly and pulling the covers up to close her eyes. She dreamed of having a grand time with her new buddy.

Twilight sighed as she lay down; the guest rooms were cramped and apparently needed some remodeling. It was a good thing the Crystal Empire architects from a thousand years ago were still around, they’d know how to fix the problem eventually. She couldn’t help but feel that something was off about Cadence, but it was good to see her brother and sister in law again.

“Spike takes a message.” Twilight said as she sat upon the bed. “Dear Princess Celestia, having visited the Crystal Empire I have learned that everything is fine here. There were no destroyed buildings or any damage as far as I could see; apparently they had come under attack by changelings. I have learned that the power of the crystal heart is interesting as it stopped the changelings from hiding themselves, but it didn’t prevent them from entering the empire. The explosion was just Cadence and Shining releasing their power on the changelings… well at least that’s what I think happened, they didn’t exactly explain the details of what happened after they put up a shield around the crystal ponies gathered at the castle. The end results seems to be no pony over here being hurt and I will be returning to Ponyville tomorrow morning to continue my magic research. Love your faithful student, Twilight, did you get everything Spike?”

Spike nodded and rolled up the letter and wrapped it up and belched up the mysterious green flames he was known for sending the message to princess Celestia. He yawned and crawled into bed and curled up next to Twilight who pulled him in close and kissed his forehead and then hunkered down and levitated the blankets over both of them.

Twilight snuggled what amounted to her son or little brother with the exceedingly long life span ahead of him against herself and fell asleep peacefully dreaming of new discoveries yet to come.

Meanwhile in a different part of the castle Fluttershy and Rainbow hadn’t been able to go to sleep quite as easily as they were still discussing something.

“Rainbow you really shouldn’t use that kind of language… well technically flap isn’t a bad word, but the way you used it wasn’t very nice.” Fluttershy sat on the cloud bed that Rainbow had dragged to their room and gently nipped at the prism pony’s feathers as she straddled her.

“I don’t see why you are so high strung about that Fluttershy.” Rainbow was blushing up a storm at Fluttershy’s mouth on her exceedingly stiff wings, no other pegasus could ever claim to have wings tougher then some metals like she did right now. It was to put into question how she managed to break a wing before this; then again she wasn’t in love with Fluttershy at the time.

“Well it would be nice if you could work on it, I can only imagine what’ll happen if there were little hooves running around and you started setting a bad example for them.” Fluttershy had let go of the wing she had just finished and before she started to work on the other one her face became bright red at what she just said. She was already thinking that far ahead? Fluttershy shook her head and started to slowly nip lightly at the other wing, she figured Rainbow as enjoying this as her wings were so rigid.

“Yeah, I really should watch myself around Scootaloo when I talk.” Rainbow didn’t know that that wasn’t what Fluttershy had meant and the fluffy pony wasn’t about to correct her. “I’ll try to work on that, promise Fluttershy.”

“I know you didn’t mean anything bad by it Rainbow and… Rainbow?” Fluttershy titled her head slightly and heard the soft sounds of sleep neighing, she smiled to herself. Rainbow was like a big foal, she was so cute when neighed in her sleep. Fluttershy finished up her own wings and then snuggled down and wrapped a wing around Rainbow. One of Rainbows own wings automatically wrapped around Fluttershy causing her to squeak as she was squeezed into a comfortable but inescapable grip.

Gently a smile made its way to Rainbow’s lips and Fluttershy gave them a kiss before nuzzling her way into Rainbow’s hooves.

In another room of the castle, Rarity sat on the edge of her bed. Cadence and Shining were apparently a happy couple, Fluttershy and Rainbow were inseparable as far as she could tell conjoined at the wing as it were. She sat morosely wondering of the day she’d find love, just like a romance novel… well stuff like that didn’t happen very often but Rarity could dream.

Looking at her mane in a mirror she stifled a yawn, lots of reflective surfaces this empire had, but nary a bathroom to freshen up. Well they’d work on it eventually she guessed. She simple brought a sleeping mask out from her back and sighed wistfully, thinking about a pair of manly eyes she could stare into at the end of the day before drifting off to the realm of dreams with a warm body next hers.

Was it really so hard to find a good stallion, of good standing and with a very good personality that wasn’t snobbish in the slightest. If Rarity were to be honest she was quite the snob, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a good friend to have around. Maybe she might aim a bit lower, find at least someone respectable even if they weren’t of higher standard like her. They would just have to live with a high maintenance unicorn and if they couldn’t well they just weren’t worth her time if they didn’t want to be around her for who she was.

Rarity scrunched down and slid under the covers to just stare at the ceiling, she wondered who the perfect pony for Applejack was. That poor farm girl, always working so hard and never caring about any personal endeavors and was more worried about her family then anything. Applejack should at least make time for her own life outside of her close knit family; find a good stallion or a mare as she was already certainly settled down and it would have to be a pony that wouldn’t mind being stuck on or near a farm for the rest of their lives.

Rarity drifted off to sleep wondering if Applejack really needed any more than her family to be happy.

Outside in the city of the Crystal Empire in the dark a lone pink pony sat on top of a crystal spire staring at the moon.

“Why can’t Applejack stop liking Rarity so much… what does she have that I don’t, I’m cute, I’m cuddly and I can be the upper crust of a snack if I wanted to be!” Pinkie said to herself, there was no one around to listen to her. She sometimes felt like she missed a lot of moments in life by not being able to be in more than one place. She slowly moved a hoof up at the sky. “Princess Luna sure does make a beautiful night and I really like the dancing lights.”

Pinkie wasn’t going to explain how she got up to the top of a crystal spire or was lying there without sliding off the slippery slope into the darkness below. It was all part of a larger metaphor that was her need for non sugar related sugar. She could slide off this slop and fall into the unknown and never come back or she could stay here and enjoy the light of an already dark place coming from the moon.

Pinkie Pie figured it was better for her to sleep out under the stars; she really missed her sisters sometimes. They all had different paths and it was kind of sad, at least she got to see cousin Octavia often enough and she was always so flustered around her mare friend Vinyl. She was happy that her cousin was in such a musical relationship.

Pinkie sighed, she’s spent years searching for the perfect partner for Kazooie and she had to admit none of the thousands of ponies that eventually flowed through Ponyville was right for her. Even Daring Do wouldn’t be right for Kazooie; Kazooie needed someone who wasn’t exactly like her and could last forever. She made that promise in good faith that she could make it come true and Kazooie did eventually find her world again even if it had might have had something to do with the Random Number God.

Pinkie could only wonder where Kazooie was, her Pinkie Sense wouldn’t allow her to find the bird and she honestly never knew why. Then again she never actually controlled her Pinkie Sense to actively predict stuff, it comes when it was needed and that was it.

The only kind of pony that would be able to stay by Kazooie’s side would have to be an alicorn or something like it that can’t die by aging. Pinkie really didn’t know how she would complete her tall order from her first promise, but she really stopped thinking about it because she might not ever see Kazooie again. Now she was thinking about it even more, if a friend of hers was completely unhappy she was going to do her best to make that friend somewhat happy if she couldn’t already fill them to the brim.

Bat ponies? No, they didn’t exist forever and they weren’t like storybook vampires, even the sparkling kind. Crystal ponies? No, Pinkie knew they didn’t exist forever they just got sealed away for a long time, kind of odd that they could speak and write in the same language as any pony else could. She also knew Crystal ponies were a lot more fragile then they look given what Sombra did to them. Earth, pegasus and unicorn ponies were out. What other kind of ponies were there? Did changelings count as ponies? How many different species of ponies were there?

Pinkie paused and rewound to the word changeling, while a regular changeling might not survive forever maybe black snooty could. She was like a princess after all and she was the head of her species… but she didn’t have a king and was really cranky about receiving love. Maybe if she could lock herself in a room with Chrysalis for a little talk… or maybe she should find a dragon, they were ageless right?

Rolling onto her belly Pinkie looked over the edge of the slant she was laying upon, she stared at the long fall to the ground. Maybe it was time for her to go to bed; she had to wake up cheery and rearing to go in the morning.

She simply leapt off the edge, the only way to stop fearing the unknown was to make the unknown known. You had to test your limits of the surrounding world at some time, maybe take a tutorial to help you learn what you needed to know for the journey ahead and then you take everything that you knew and shove it out the window. Sometimes you needed to do something crazy to see the light in the darkness. Her long straight hair flew up as she fell down with her eyes closed.

When Pinkie opened her eyes she looked up at the top of the crystal spire she had been on and smiled, her hair curled up and she bounced down the street back to the castle happily humming a quick happy tune. She tried to remember what it was called… she thinks it was Green Greens from the world of Dreamland a place she could visit in her dreams easily enough.

Applejack sat there slack jawed watching in amazement at what she had seen as Pinkie just bounce off towards the castle. Looking at the spot Pinkie landed there wasn’t even a speck of dust out of place from her landing, she was wondering how Pinkie got on top of the spire in the first place and was worried about how the pink mare was going to get down from the giant crystal that made up the outer shells of the surrounding buildings.

Well Applejack received her answer, but honestly she didn’t know if she could believe her own eyes. Pinkie just leapt off the building in a swan dive, her hair was rather straight as if she were depressed and then before Pinkie hit the ground she just came to a stop a foot above the ground and stepped down the rest of the way.

There were so many strange things about Pinkie that Applejack couldn’t even begin to describe, here she thought the Pinkie Sense was the strangest thing Pinkie did other then randomly breaking out into impromptu songs that every pony around eventually wound up getting dragged into. No that had been the strangest thing an earth pony has ever been seen doing. Quite frankly it looked like a suicide dive and Applejack would have thrown herself under Pinkie if she didn’t know that it was Pinkie doing the jumping.

Pinkie was certainly an acrobatic mare, but that was ridiculous. Applejack was a simple pony, then again many would argue that an earth pony was a simple being. That was far from the truth, Applejack was educated… well in so far as the family business and her experiences in life were concerned. She herself didn’t just think any pony could be normal or simplistic, every pony had a unique talent and hidden depths that some ponies never get to see.

Pinkie Pie had a lot of hidden depths to be sure after a show like that. Applejack was honest to a fault from her own perspective and never lied to her friends. Like Pinkie’s birthday party for example, Applejack needed to pick apples for the party, she need to help with the construction of said party and she couldn’t very well lie to Pinkie even if it was a surprise party for her. Pinkie just didn’t ask her the right questions, like what she was constructing or what she was going to gather the apples for as she was the catering for Pinkie’s birthday party.

Applejack thought back again, there was that Pinkie Pie promise she had made. She got away with seemingly breaking it because she didn’t show up for breakfast and as such she didn’t have to tell them anything… she still did after all the stuff she did to try and evade her own friends. It took Rarity and Pinkie a while to get back from that little adventure. Pinkie was very understanding that day, despite the fact that she could have stopped Applejack earlier if she wanted to; she just let the chase continue to the inevitable conclusion where Applejacks honesty eventually won out when she knew she couldn’t keep away from her friends and family forever.

Applejack gave a small smile, maybe there were some things a simple pony like her wasn’t meant to understand. She honestly knew Pinkie hadn’t given up on her and it showed because Pinkie wouldn’t stop visiting for breakfast. At least Zecora knocked on the door before inviting herself in with that speaking in rhyme thing she always does, her brother was happier than ponies at cider time and Applejack was glad for him having a good friend to spend time with.

Chuckling Applejack slowly meandered down the road, thinking of what kind of apples would keep well around the Crystal Empire. Applejack looked around at the climate, it was still rather cold, but it was considerably warm around the Crystal Empire itself. That crystal heart was sure fancy in make the surrounding areas of the empire able to support plant life.

Meanwhile in Canterlot with big butt and hot flank, Celestia was reading the message she received from Twilight and sighed in relief. She swore that that kind of power could have possibly come from the most dangerous creature Equestria has ever seen, one that ripped the Cancer in half with a single punch and even Discord paled in comparison to her might. Celestia feared Kazooie had returned, she was just glad the crystal heart was able to aid Cadence and Shining in their time of need.

“Tonight’s a good night my dear sister.” Celestia said staring off into the sky; she hoped that her sister stayed happy this time. The night life around pony settlements was more celebrated then it used to be.

“That it is sister. Now I shall go do this, clubbing thing, as the ponies that enjoy the night do. It shall be a new experience for thou.” Then Luna flew off leaving an even more worried Celestia, she hoped Luna didn’t go too far when she got drunk and disorderly. Celestia didn’t want the headache when she woke up, maybe she should have told her sister that the giant war hammer wasn’t necessary for clubbing. Eh, Luna would figure it out eventually.

Rallying Reinforcements

Kazooie sighed softly watching the early morning train leave; after she got everything moving she would face Pinkie in a cartoony duel for the ages. Before then she needed to wait another day, for now she could relax in her unicorn form. Much to Cadence and Shining’s confusion that she took this form instead of her princess form.

Kazooie had asked if Cadence had a good night after ingesting the bananas’ Kazooie had spiked her food with during dinner the previous evening. Poor Cadence couldn’t stop blushing as she remembered what she did to Shining armor, it would take him the rest of the day to recuperate from it. She at least learned that Kazooie had a habit of making some rather mean spirited pranks; at least it was relatively harmless this time as Cadence loved her husband dearly and that was actually a fun night.

Over the course of the second day of Kazooie’s wait, Cadence got to know her a little bit.

A day later, things got strange in the Crystal Empire and after spending most of the previous day chatting up Kazooie; Daring wondered what the crazy bird going to do. She had learned Kazooie was going to take over the world, she accepted that fact. Kazooie told Daring she could follow her as long as she avoided incredibly dangerous fights they might run into, like a giant tentacle monster.

Daring was no stranger to danger and she would stick by Kazooie’s side provided she takes her exploring a temple or ruins she hasn’t been in yet. She was amused that Kazooie professed she would take over the world, her and what army? From what she learned yesterday Kazooie is pretty powerful, but not invulnerable and her most powerful abilities had a significant catch to using them. That shine spark thing required her to have enough running room to use it, the falcon punch had a small highly noticeable charge up time and her most powerful spell took ten minutes, five if she cast a spell that doubled her speed and possibly four or less if she were a unicorn.

In short Kazooie had a lot of tricks and the only thing Kazooie really had going for her was a cunning mind and the fact that she was immortal. There was also the white magic to consider that even if anyone opposing her were to kill one of her friends, as long as the body was mostly intact and provided she gets to them within a hour or so she can resurrect them. Out of everything she could do her backpack was her biggest advantage, since no one knew exactly what it held but her.

Daring actually had wanted to see if Kazooie could pull off world domination, because she certainly didn’t seem evil enough to be doing just that. Kazooie didn’t seem like she was dead set on the goal and has been mostly goofing around since yesterday. It was a different story today as all her friends were going to come to the crystal kingdom using the crystal heart, which Cadence or any other pony knew very little about how it worked or what it could do in its entirety.

Cadence and Shining armor were waiting behind Kazooie as she approached the crystal heart which created the doorway that disappeared before Twilight and her friends arrived.

“Okay, let her rip.” Kazooie stated blandly and the heart started twirling and the doorway once again etched itself into existence. Opening the door she clenched and a green sphere levitated out from her back side and she chucked it through the doorway.

After a moment of waiting several figures could be seen slowly coming into existence as they came out of the door, the first of which was a bear that wore yellows shorts and a shark tooth necklace who smiled at her.

Next a strange black and yellow pony with bee wings and fuzzy antenna instead of ears slowly came out of the door before tripping over her own hooves, falling onto her back showing her cutie mark to be an empty golden octagon. The bear was immediately at her side to pick her up and give her a hug, the pony responded by nuzzling him without a word.

This was followed by a solid yellow pegasus with a canary surrounded by a green haze for a cutie mark; her mane was crazy looking sticking out everywhere and her wings looked unusual. She was looking around the world at all the bright and shiny crystal towers. Along with her was a solid grey male pegasus with a stopwatch as his cutie mark, who was trotting in place for a moment before doing some odd looking jumping jacks.

They quietly gathered together to watch the rest come through the doorway.

The following two beings were less quiet, being entirely vocal as they came through the doorway. Cadence reared back in surprise at the sight of a pink pony body with a large comical pony shaped white skull with two blue eyes that didn’t look too well attached to it and three feather sticking out of the top of it. His tail, that was also pink like the rest of his body, was holding a staff with a smaller pony shaped skull on it and he had no mane considering his affliction. His cutie mark was of a glowing staff like the one his tail held.

Along with the male earth pony was a female earth pony with a beige colored coat, she had a raven mane that was partly braided off to the side and was wearing a headdress with a single red feather she looked back at her tail and gave it a swish or two as soon as she had stepped part of the way out of the door before continuing forward. Her cutie mark was of a pink pool of liquid.

“Mumbo still say bear and bird get more help from best shaman!” The skull headed pony known to Kazooie as Mumbo Jumbo said upon fully stepping out of the doorway.

“Hah, glad you agree Humba best shaman. Bear and bird get much help from my skill!” The mare that could have only been Humba Wumba said in retort before she butted heads with the skull pony.

“Mumbo teach bird how to be shaman, is greatly skilled at it. Mumbo also help bear learn powerful magic at jiggy temple. Mumbo is much better shaman then you by seniority of game appearances.” Off to the side everyone continued to watch as the two pony shamans started to push against each other trying to knock the other off balance.

“Humba say teaching bear and bird not hard. Tell them they can do something and they will, purely out of ignorance that they shouldn’t be able too.” Humba said right back as a retort.

“Mumbo think Humba been smoking pipe to long, become foolhardy and ignorant. So ignorant that Humba left toaster running around at home and can’t get VCR to stop blinking twelve.” Mumbo said right back; he proved his superiority with being able to magic a VCR to actually tell the time and he was proud that it was the most complicated thing he’s done to date.

“Humba think Mumbo got no jumbo brain; Humba doesn’t think one ever existed in head!” While they were angrily bumping each other, they were hardly anywhere near coming to blows.

“Are those two married?” Cadence asked hesitantly, because they looked like they were almost close to kissing each other.

“No, but give them another game and they will be.” Was Kazooie’s cryptic reply, they were the original Banjo Tooie shamans and were quite skilled at what they did which was crazy zany hard to understand how it exactly works magic. “Hey, bone head and hippy girl, out of the doorway! We have to get the rest of the crew through here.”

Both Mumbo and Humba glared at Kazooie before acquiescing, still grumbling that they were better than the other shaman. They stood with the rest of the gathering group.

The next two ponies that came through the doorway were a mint green unicorn pony with a lyre on her butt and a grey pegasus with a blond mane that had seven bubbles marking her flank. The pegasus joined the group and started eating muffin she pulled from behind her back.

“Is this it, are we finally home?” The mint pony asked looking hopeful towards Kazooie.

“You’re a train ride away from Ponyville, it’d be a long flight for Muffins otherwise and I doubt you’d want to walk through the tundra Spoony.” As soon as Kazooie finished saying that she was almost choked to death by a pair of green hooves wrapping around her neck.

“Thank you, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I owe you. So when does the next train leave?”The mint pony turned to Cadence and Shining as they were recognizable to her.

“Next hour and it’ll take a few hours before it will reach Ponyville. We only get three a day up here.” Cadence answered swiftly, the pony looked to be tearing up over something. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine and my name is Lyra Heartstrings and that over there is Derpy… you may not remember me, but I certainly remember you from the wedding with the changelings. You wouldn’t happen to know where I can get some jewelry around here would you.” Lyra was led off to the side by Cadence after she was done pointing out the grey coated blonde mare.

Cadence told Shining to wait for the rest of Kazooie’s rag tag bunch. She had business as the Princess of Love to attend to, given she could detect the love practically rolling off of the mare for a special some pony and distance made someone’s heart fonder. The Crystal Empire was pretty good for jewelry, given the empire was heavily specialized in arts and crafts, but she figure it was either a special necklace or a ring Lyra was looking for.

The next two ponies to come through the portal were practically named after their cutie marks and looked to be the others opposite. One was a strange smiling pink coated earth pony with a purple with white stripes mane and the oddest feature was her spiraling pupils; her cutie mark was of a screw and a ball. The other was dark looking unicorn pony that had shifty blue eyes that took in the area around her. She had a messy thick dirty blonde mane and was wearing a ridiculously frilly pink dress over her dark grey coat; her cutie mark was a flaming baseball bat with a nut as the bottom of the handle.

They were both holding baseball bats, the smiling one had her bat in her left hoof whereas the pony standing to her right had a bat in her right. They moved to join the group that was just starting into some small chatter.

The last two things to come through the door were a bit of a surprise. One was a short bipedal creature, it had two pointy ears and a nose and it looked around in a nervous manner and its body color was green. The other was a white coated earth pony mare with a well brushed out blonde mane with bright blue eyes and a cutie mark was just an orange colored five point start in a orange circle, she smiled cattily as she walked over to the group with grace. The mare with the orange star kind of reminded Shining of Celestia somehow.

“Okay guys and Screwball, we’re only going to be here for a today. So I want those of you who aren’t naturally ponies to acclimate to your new forms and the surrounding area in the kingdom before we all move out. We’ll be catching a train to Ponyville tomorrow as it’s close to where I want to set up shop. You’re all very well aware of what I’m planning, just not how I’m going to do it. Don’t worry about the details and just make judgment calls to the best of your ability unless I need your specific skill sets at any given time. ” Making sure she had her friends’ attentions Kazooie continued. “So Banjo do you have anything to add to this?”

“Well gee; do we really have to take over the world Kazooie? It seems kind of counterproductive to what we usually do.” Banjo said still holding a happy bee pony in his right arm while rubbing it behind the antenna with his left paw.

“Well what the ‘yay’ do these guys do for fun around here? The ‘yay’ is going on? Am I getting ‘yay’ censored?” The flaming bat marked ponies eye left eye started twitching.

“I’d be surprised if you weren’t censored, you’re an M-rated character in a cartoon world after all so you either use censored words or you use a native clean linguistically known equivalent in its place.” Honey buzzed out in a voice that sounded like her name sake from the comfort of Banjo’s arm.

“Well ‘yay’ me.” The pony said before quieting down and looking away.

“I’m surprised the rest of us can still actually hear you saying the word over the bleep outs in the sound of a voice clip that’s rather familiar to me.” Shaking her head Kazooie moved on to the strange bipedal triangular headed creature. “I expect you to not cower at the first sign of danger and teleport away immediately, because so help me I know where you live and will come after you. So do you guys want to introduce yourselves to our hosts?”

Cadence had come back with a very embarrassed Lyra, but their discussion had gone over pretty well. If only Cadence hadn’t gone the extra mile for Lyra by giving her a book called ‘Ka-mare Sutra’ for free. It was quickly stuffed into the mint pony’s saddle bag for safe keeping.

Cadence perked up her ears in interest and looked at the strange ponies, a bear and the odd creature standing amongst them.

“I want to introduce you to most of my probably insane family. This is my brother Banjo he’s pretty darn lazy and sometimes I become as lazy as he is by just being around him, that pony wasp thing he’s holding is his girlfriend Honey.” Kazooie motioned to her favorite bear since Smokey while receiving a glare from the pony bee in his paws, before moving on over to the all grey and yellow winged ponies. “The all yellow mare is Canary Mary who despite her ragged looking appearances is really good at flying, not to mention some other technical stuff. The all grey guy is Mr. Fit and he’s an exercise nut and with emphasis on the nuts.”

Canary Mary just shrugged and Mr. Fit just trotted in place looking ready to go off for a run.

“These two over here are Mumbo Jumbo AKA marrow face and Humba Wumba AKA the stellar stereotype.” No matter how much fun she poked at the two they were still her friends and even when they got exceedingly mad with her they didn’t get too much revenge for it. Maybe she should have told Mumbo she used his magic staff as a toilet brush when she was last in Spiral Mountain… maybe later. “Also Mumbo taught me how to do shape changing and shaman magic for fun and profit. Humba is why Pinkie was able to return to Equestria when she disappeared from her parents’ farm years ago. They are pretty much even in their shaman skills if different in their methods; don’t honestly know why they like fighting each other so much. I and Banjo have known Mumbo a lot longer than Humba. Seriously they should just give it a rest with trying to prove whose better by this point.”

“Mumbo think bird can remember certain incident with flamingo. No want me talk of yes?” Mumbo said clearly, making Cadence wonder how he talks without lips.

“If bird know what good for her, she be quiet and let the shamans fight their own battle of supremacy or else I talk about archery with rear end as target practice.” Humba lightly threatened Kazooie.

“Okay here’s my rebuttal… I start treating the both of you like I do the moles.” Despite the simplicity of the statement both Humba and Mumbo paled and started backed away from her slowly.

“Mumbo no remember anything now.” Mumbo quickly said starting to sweat comically.

“Humba wouldn’t know how to wield bow with hooves anyway.” Humba quickly added slightly panicked.

“Why would you treating them like moles cause that kind of reaction?” Cadence tilted her head to Kazooie who smiled at her.

“Oh don’t worry about it; it’s an in joke if anything.” Kazooie nodded to herself, who would want to be tortured that horribly? Breeding seagulls were relentless in their pursuit of making idiotic moles miserable, they weren’t particularly aggressive to relatively smart moles but those were in short supply. “Anyway these last three ponies here are my daughter Screwball, her friend slash bodyguard the gutter mouthed Nut Bat and this is Raki Suta a special tactician that happens to be a generally good commanding officer.”

Politely the blonde mane and white coated mare addressed as Raki Suta bowed to Cadence and gave her a simple grin.

“The ‘yay’, you know that’s not my name.” The pony with the flaming baseball bat for a cutie mark said.

“Yes, but who would believe you if you told them your name was literally Bad Girl?” After a moment’s pause the dirty blond mare in the frilly pink dress thought over Kazooie’s answer.

“Fine I’m Nut Bat. Just adopt me and call me Screwballs older sister while you’re at it. I’ve been alone for so long I need this job to keep me from being bored off my flank.” Now it was Kazooie’s turn to pause and consider Bad Girl’s words.

“Sure Nut Bat welcome to the family, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine. If you need anything to drink just ask me since I have some really good stuff that will definitely get you hammered. I can even mix a few irregularly powerful drinks if you want, learned it from Humba.” There was a dark toothy grin across Nut Bats face and she nodded to Kazooie.

“Here I thought I was kidding about the adoption… but I’m not ever calling you my mother.” Nut Bat said waving her right hoof holding the baseball bat lazily at Kazooie.

“Okay, but who is this little guy he’s adorable.” Looking over to Cadence, Kazooie noticed she was cuddling the Jinjo she got them to bring along for instant messaging purposes.

Even as an alicorn Kazooie really couldn’t learn the spells that this world had, even as a unicorn the best she could do aside from levitation was a slightly reduced casting time. Her alicorn form didn’t come with the natural reduced casting time effect, but it did come with a boost to all parameters and she did keep the unique abilities from both earth and pegasus pony forms. The boosted magic power from the alicorn form alone already made up for the unicorn ability loss, all abilities of three races rounded into one pony but not able to exceed the power of each pony separately in their unique area of focus. Kazooie thought it was a pretty good form that basically made her an advanced version of a red mage.

“That is probably the best decision I’ve made in coming back to Equestria, he is a Jinjo and you can just call him Green. Jinjo’s are a non violent species, they have incredible magical abilities, can survive in any environment, have the ability to fly without wings and most importantly they can teleport immense distances on minimal magic usage.”After a pause Kazooie trotted her way over to the Jinjo and rubbed his ears, he gave off a cute purring noise. “They also make excellent living teddy bears and are very big cowards.”

“Help, help Jinjo help help Jinjo Jinjo!” Green said as he glared at Kazooie.

“Well please excuse me if you guys don’t run away screaming the first sign of trouble and get stuck in one spot yelling help all day. Do you realize how many times we had to find and rescue every one of you guys? We should really start actively charging you for it if you’re going to be like that.” Green just backed down from Kazooie and stayed comfortably in Cadences hooves.

“Um, is ‘help’ and ‘Jinjo’ the only words he can say?” Cadence asked confusedly as she held the cute little critter in her hooves.

“Sometimes it’s the only words I wish Jinjo’s wouldn’t say, otherwise they do speak in gibberish fluently but nobody here would be able to understand them unless they are from my world or are capable of silent protagonist speech.” Kazooie said wryly, before turning to the pony known as Derpy and Lyra. “Well I guess this is goodbye, we might be seeing each other sometime as soon as tomorrow. I’ll miss you most off all Muffins you were a real joy to be around and are a good friend of mine. Spoony you need to propose immediately as you walk in the door, she’ll be so happy she’ll forget you’ve been missing for while.”

Derpy looked a bit confused before she remembered they had a train to catch, she quickly spat out a bubble that encased Lyra leaving her floating in a cramped space and exclaiming her distaste at being bubbled. The bubbly pony was last seen flying off pushing Lyra towards the train station.

“We may have taught those two some bizarre things from our world, hope you don’t mind if normal ponies can do some really weird extraneous stuff because of us.” Kazooie gave a sheepish smile to Cadence.

“Nothing too much to worry about I hope, so how long will your group be staying?” Cadence asked in a friendly manner, she really thought it was sweet that Kazooie’s family was willing to help her out on such a weird goal and they seemed like nice ponies even if they were a bit strange.

“Well most of us will be leaving tomorrow morning, Ponyville is near where we will be setting up, however I’m thinking about leaving Raki Suta behind to help you with your military problem. She knows how to run a military and get one started as well. You okay with that Raki?” Raki nodded to Kazooie who had been busy dismissing her friends and family to have a free tour around the kingdom, much to Shining’s chagrin that a bunch of strangers with possibly unknown abilities were now wandering around. Daring and Raki however stayed in place at Kazooie’s side.

“What do you get out of helping me start my military, what even makes you think you can? My Shining is having problems getting the Crystal Ponies motivated himself and they aren’t any ponies here that want to be fighters or are willing to defend themselves.” Cadence knew she a had a lot of work to do to get her empire running, so far she had it running on minimal strength without as much support as she thought she would have with the ponies she helped save. Raki cleared her throat and stepped forward.

“I believe I may be able to motivate them, but I think we would like some volunteer units to help us out when we need soldiers for any skirmishes Kazooie may face. Don’t worry, I’m a brilliant tactician and have yet to lose a heated battle, though in a fight wounded are a sad inevitability.” The mare closed her eyes and gave a simple smile, before opening them up and staring at Cadence with confidence. “Give us reinforcements when we need them and I’ll help your kingdom learn to defend itself.”

“If you can get them recruited that is. Know this however, if any of the crystal ponies don’t make it back alive from any battle you require their help with, their blood will be on your hooves.” After a moment’s pause with her staring deeply into the smiling pony’s eyes, Cadence decided to add something else. “By the way it’s an empire and I don’t wish to personally be embroiled by war nor do these innocent ponies.”

“Right kingdom, that’s what I said. Anyway I’ll need to talk with your current head of defense to start working on some plans. No need to get so dark or serious, we’re not going to cause some huge continent spanning war.” Raki was pointed to Cadence’s husband Shining who quizzically looked at Raki. Raki didn’t seem like much of a fighter or a great tactician, but looks were deceiving and Shining learned that after his eyebrows were torched by a termite. “Okay let’s get started do you even have any soldiers at all?”

“Yes, we have one and he’s a professional archer, but he’s only good at trick shooting.” Shining sighed in a discouraged manner as he rubbed his horn with a hoof.

“That’s perfect; tell me do you have any ponies that can build stuff? Hold on a minute before you answer that.” Turning away from Shining, they had wandered a bit away from the castle so Raki had to yell back at Kazooie. “Can you do a crystal pony transformation? I need to know what kind of abilities and stats they have.”

“I’ll get back to you later this afternoon with the information if I have any.” Kazooie yelled back before waving her off with Shining. “Well she’s just getting started, do you have any idea what crystal ponies are capable of? I really don’t want to go through another transformation sequence. Also before you say it, becoming a crystal unicorn wouldn’t give me the correct information as your crystal heart would just add the crystallized power to whatever form I’m in. I’m betting a Crystal Earth Pony is a bit redundant as well.”

“Well I’ve never seen you transform, I wouldn’t mind the show even if it would remind me of those rather detestable creatures the changelings.” Cadence said sourly before adding with a hint of humor. “I’m starting to become less and less surprised by the things you can do.”

“The changelings aren’t that bad; everyone gets hungry and will do incredibly stupid things when they are. They just go about getting food the wrong way and they tend to overpopulate themselves out of existence, it’s not their fault they need help to stop being idiots.” Try as she might Cadence couldn’t come up with a response to what Kazooie had just said.

“You know this is all rather awesome, but is it really okay for you to just let your family wander around like that?” Daring asked as she wondered about Kazooie’s daughter with that strange mouthy pony.

Cadence got a slight look into Nut Bat’s heart. It was in a rather dark place, but not completely black as it seemed to have been floating in a grey area of indifference for quite a while.

“Eh, probably not considering a few of them are walking disaster zone magnets. I’m not too worried though.” Kazooie missed the horrified looks on Cadence and Daring’s faces when something exploded into a mushroom shaped cloud in the distance. “Still not too worried, I’m sure they’re fine.”

A second explosion happened in another part of the Crystal Kingdom which Kazooie also ignored. Cadence didn’t know which one to investigate first so she looked to Daring for aid; the pony had a heroic heart. Despite Daring’s odd wish of wanting to follow Kazooie around, Cadence didn’t think it could hurt to ask the subject of another princess for aid as they were allied.

“I’m investigating that one, can you go look into the other one for me please?” Cadence asked sweetly and Daring nodded before flying off leaving Kazooie to meander back towards the Crystal Empires market place.

“Ah, everything here is as colorful and brilliantly explosive as it is at home around Spiral Mountain.” Kazooie actually was becoming rather fond of Equestria to the point that it might become her family’s second home. After a moment she decided to change into something shinier then she would ever want to be normally, but Nell needed her help on this so she could get a working alliance force running so she may as well go and do it. “Akanamoo…”

Cadance landed out in the ewe fields where the pygmy ewes lived, from what she could see of the situation it seemed to be already handled even if it looked very odd that the grass was being painted back onto the ground over the wide area scorch mark that was left behind by whatever happened.

Screwball noticed a thump sound and her ears perked up, she turned to Cadence and to give a sheepish grin and the spiral pupils in hers seemed to rotate slightly. Screwball turned back around and started slapping the paint everywhere and within seconds the ground didn’t look like it had been disturbed or destroyed at all.

“Tell me what… you look familiar…” Cadence didn’t think much of it before, but Screwball looked like a pony she knew back in Canterlot. “Never mind that, what exactly happened here?”

Screwball started expressing that she and the newly declared Nut Bat were out here practicing throwing and catching, one of her special talents was throwing things. She threw a fast ball that kind of exploded violently before Nut Bat could catch it or knock it back with her baseball bat.

“Okay that seriously ‘yay’ stung.” Nut Bat declared as she trotted back over to Screwball looking none the worse for wear except for coughing up a bit of black smoke as she came over to them from a tree that had an outline that looked exactly like her scorched into it. “Watch it with the power throws will you Screwy?”

Screwball apologized to Nut Bat for the over eager pitch she threw while rubbing the back of her head.

“You’re telling me a baseball caused that explosion?” It wasn’t that Cadence had spent all of yesterday getting to know Kazooie’s bad habit of randomly if harmlessly tossing explosives around. Apparently her daughter seemed to reflect that ability as well.

Cadence also had the chance to learn a bit about the legendary Daring Do, who is not as fictional as previously thought and is the author of her own fictional tales under a penname. Some of those stories had bits of truth like the existence of Ahuizotl. Apparently he wasn’t as dangerous as Daring makes him out to be in the books. Shaking her head to get back on track, Cadence focused on the two ponies before her, the gritty blonde one that was in her twenties and the younger one that was nearly an adult with a childlike whimsy in the air about her.

“It caught me by surprise too. I didn’t know Screwball had that kind of throwing arm on her, she packs a rather explosive punch to her pitch.” Nut Bat sat in the recently repainted grass and it didn’t look to be staining her coat with paint or anything.

Looking at the grass more closely Cadence noticed that it was actual grass and had she not seen Screwball painting over the scorched earth she would have sworn it was always like that. Neither of these ponies seemed overly concerned about the disturbance they had recently caused.

“Well as long as you two are willing to fix any of the damage you do, just don’t disturb the… never mind.” Looking down with a sigh at the ewes now currently surrounding them, Cadence perked up and smiled as one crawled on top of her head. They were a lot of them cuddling up to Screwball and one in particular looked rather odd and like a pony. After a moment to stare at it Cadence noticed that it probably was a pony, but not like any one she’s seen before as it was incredibly fluffy… and pink.

The pink pony that hid, poorly at that, among the ewes looked to Cadence and then its tongue slid out of its mouth and it gave off a raspberry in a seemingly rude gesture. Screwball blinked confusedly at it and it was around this time that Cadence noticed that Screwball didn’t even shift a vocal cord when she talked, her mouth didn’t even move except maybe to smile or frown.

Screwball was now talking to the strange fluffy pony like being; however the pony like being didn’t seem to be saying much back. Nut Bat was busy trying to get the ewes off of her while spouting expletive after expletive, as they kept trying to cling to her because she was upset and they didn’t know it was them that was making her upset.

Cadence giggled at the sight of the little ewes being the generally happy creatures they were, after a moment she decided to address the strange foreigner in her empire.

“Screwball, can you tell me who this is or even what she is? I’ve never seen a pony quite like her before and I’d like to know where she came from.” From what she could see Screwball could communicate with the stranger who seemed to be smiling brightly and after a moment of waiting for an answer Cadence finally received it.

Screwball said that it was the leader of the Puffle Ponies or that’s the approximation of what they called themselves; apparently things seemed to have immediately changed around them as it didn’t use to be so cold around here. They lived among or near the cuddling ewes, which Nut Bat was currently chasing off with her flaming baseball bat held in a magical glow. The ewes all gathered around Screwball because she was a safe zone from the wrath of the scary angry pony that sighed and snuffed out her flaming bat with but a thought. It took a moment for Nut Bat to finally notice that she was levitating the bat; she carefully put it away to wherever she pulled it from. “That is ’yay’ awesome, I’m psychic!”

Apparently after the two giant shiny ponies killed shadow red horn, things became weird around where the Puffle Ponies lived and then the shadow red horn was back in force not to long after that and then there were these six ponies with a purple lizard and everything was okay after that!

“Can I have a name so I know what to call her?” If they were going to be neighbors she wasn’t going to be a bad one by ignoring a species of pony that seemed to have existed alongside the Crystal Ponies before they too were sealed for a thousand years.

Screwball after a bit more discussion turned to Cadence with a name that was also an approximation of what this Puffle Pony called itself; it was ‘Shuffle Puff’. Shuffle Puff gave another raspberry in greeting to Cadence, before turning to Screwball who was bridging the gap in communications between the two. She had a question to ask of Screwball to the large shiny pony. Apparently all alicorns were shiny to them.

Screwball suddenly had a questioning look on her face and she turned to Cadence to ask her if she’s seen another Puffle that looked like Shuffle Puff, apparently Shuffle Puff’s identical sister got on one of the smoky beasts that ran along the trail made of tough stuff and hasn’t been seen since then. The approximation of her name as far as Screwball was able to tell was ‘Fluffy Puff’.

“No, but I’ll eventually get word to Ponyville to be on the lookout for her. What should I or anyone else do should they find her?” After a moment the translation came back through Screwball that it was to tell her that she should bring back some new type of food. Cadence blinked, food was the only thing Shuffle was going ask for from her wayward kin and not for her safe return home?

“Tell Shuffle that we’ll tell her if we see her.” Cadence was probably going to be swamped with work as she finally discovered where some of the crystal berries have been going, it wasn’t much of an issue.

The Puffle Pony skipped away merrily while being followed by the pack of ewes that had been cuddling up against Screwball for the last minute or so.

“Can we get the ‘yay’ back to what we were doing before you and all the fluffy abominations distracted us? Screwball here wants to eventually run her own baseball team and she needs to be at the top of her game if she’s to be the coach and captain of it, I’m a better batter then she is but she’s a goddess at pitching.” Nodding to Nut Bat, Cadence took off and flew in the direction the other explosion took place hoping that nothing bad had happened to anyone.

Along the way she dropped to the ground and approached the two beings that were rather close to each other.

“Excuse me for interrupting your moment, but are all of you as crazy as Kazooie? As I’ve recently learned that her daughter is capable of weird unexplainable things.” Cadence though it was a good to ask this of Kazooie’s brother who was a honey bear. Banjo was currently holding the bee pony in a comfortable position on top of a picnic blanket.

“Well of course we are, everyone has to be a little bit insane. Us especially given the world we came from is equally crazy. Honey here was a giant bee, now that she’s a pony she’s much cuddlier and her stinger is a bit smaller.” Cadence would have asked what he meant by stinger only for Honey to flick rear end and then a sharp stinger flung from out of her tail hair and into the ground in front of her.

“It seems that this world runs on the evermore principle as well.” Honey said almost immediately following the demonstration of her stinger launching capabilities.

“The evermore principle, what’s that?” Cadence asked a bit confused, she was curious about these beings from the other world and this was a time of learning even if she was a little put off by having a bee aim it’s stinger in her direction even if she was currently being docile while rubbing up against the bears chest.

“Well it’s the principle of things that can’t exist in a world, such as this one and if something that can’t exist comes here it will immediately take on a different form based of various factors. I was too close to something that couldn’t exist in this world so I snapped straight into a form to be closer to what can exist here naturally; as such I look more like a pony now.” The way Honey just explained it; she wasn’t always a pony shaped bee but she was a bee of a form that this world rejected for some reason.

“So almost everyone from you’re world excluding Green and Banjo would fall under this principle? So anyone from another world who comes here might immediately become a pony?” Cadence asked with a tilt of her head.

“Oh no, Kazooie isn’t affected by the principle she transformed before she came into this world. We transformed when we got here because we appeared too much like something your world rejects. Screwball was already a pony and came from this world and is Kazooie’s happily adopted daughter.” Honey rolled onto her back and stretched her legs out and looked at Banjo with cute eyes while motioning to her belly. Sighing Banjo started to pet her and she squealed in delight wiggling her legs to the sky. “Anything else you wanted to know?”

“Yes, now I noticed Kazooie has some rather… special powers and some really bothersome quirks. Is there anything that I would have to watch out for from the rest of you? Well aside from the fact that you can fire your stinger that is.” Looking at the ground where the stinger had planted itself, Cadence didn’t see it anymore and just saw a small hole punched into the ground.

“Green can’t directly kill anyone so don’t mind him much, Jinjo are harmless and it’s a good thing Minjo aren’t infesting you’re world as they look exactly like a Jinjo and are much more volatile. Never get between Mumbo and Humba when they’re fighting, unless you need one of them for a very specific reason otherwise you might accidentally get transformed into something against you’re will. Never let Mr. Fit talk you into following one of his training regiments or you’ll be stuck in one all day drinking horrible tasting nutrient drinks. Canary Mary is friendly and isn’t very dangerous, me and Kazooie rescued her from a cage in a mine filled with poisonous gas so don’t abuse her kindness as she needs more friends and happens to be a bit introverted because of what happened to her.” After a pause for Banjo to take a drink of what looked like pink lemonade he continued to rub Honey’s belly. “Honey here has apparently gained projectile stingers, but otherwise she can talk to bees of all kinds and is good at making giant honeycombs. I’m really good at wrestling and I currently have the power of the Jiggies which allows me to open things ‘so to speak’. Nut Bat is immune to fire and heat but not lava; she’s an expert in fighting with a baseball bat and is a high class assassin where she comes from. Screwball…”

“Wait, wait, wait… did you just say Nut Bat is an assassin?!” Cadence suddenly said with a hint of fear in her voice and her pupils shrinking in apparent fright.

“Yep she’s a professional, but she’s now Screwball’s personal bodyguard and I’ll bet she’ll be pretty good at it too… her world is kind of lonely and empty. She’s technically not evil and tends to see things in a grey area, but she’s ‘Nut Bat’ at all.” Banjo received a playful hoof to his cheek for that pun from Honey.

“She’s an assassin though?” Cadence was trying to wrap her head around that one idea that Kazooie would have an assassin working for her, someone with a heart of gold who was a jerk working with someone who was a killer in a grey area. The more she thought about all this, the more her headache grew.

“Well yeah, in our world assassinations aren’t really all that big a deal, she has been notified that death here has a bit more permanence.” After letting the information from Honey sink in, Cadence actually had to agree given that Kazooie had a spell that could return life to the recently deceased. Honey stretched out and popped a joint in her spine before she continued. “Death is really cheap in our world Cadence, so killing is not much of an issue as is the fact that we know what we kill won’t stay entirely dead forever. That is not to say there are parts of our world where death isn’t a bit more permanent, but it’s kind of hard for us to take dying seriously.”

“How can you say stuff like that?” Cadence didn’t put any tone in her voice; she just wanted to understand how having a cold blooded killer for a friend made sense.

“I have died at least two hundred times; Kazooie has died literally a million more times than that and Screwball has died three or four times before returning here. We’ve been crushed, skewered, fricasseed, frozen, exploded, died from falling great heights, eaten alive to be slowly digested and much more then I’m willing to tell you. Suffice it to say we’re kind of desensitized to our personal deaths and as a result we act in a foolhardy manner at times.” Banjo continued by hugging his bee pony girlfriend to himself. “That’s not to say we’re entirely emotionless or can’t feel pain, dying really hurts a lot you know. Besides it’s not like Nut Bat killed us or anyone we know and she promised not to kill without good reason as long as we’re here.”

“Then you won’t mind if I stay a little more than wary around her then?” Cadence said with a slight hint of wariness.

“Whatever ever floats you’re boat.” Honey said lazily before giving off a yawn. “We all consider her less dangerous than Kazooie is anyway.”

“Oh right what was I talking about again? Screwball has chaos powers and she’s still working on them a bit, she kind of inherited them from Discord.” Banjo paused seeing the look on Cadences face.

“Discord as in the master of chaos?” It wasn’t hard to figure out why Cadence was a little sketchy upon hearing that Screwball had inherited powers from Discord. Well that explained the returned grass then.

“From the way Kazooie tells it he’s not really a master as much as just a reality twister; he’s the one who somehow gave birth to Screwball and left her to fend for herself. Needless to say Screwball never really saw him as her father, only as the being that gave her life and enough information to barely get by. She’s really quite friendly, but you should never get on her bad side.” Banjo was only telling of what he heard from his sister and from what he had seen personally, Discord was only able to warp reality and alter the state of existence in a limited capacity. Discord however can’t control time and space nor did he control life and death, which is an oddity considering Screwball’s existence. There was no doubt that Discord sounded like a powerful trickster, but he wasn’t unbeatable by any stretch if Kazooie could take him down by herself.

“I see, I believe you were about to get to Raki Suta?” Inside her head Cadence bounced around the idea of getting to know Screwball better, it might explain her weird method of talking without creating a sound at all or how she managed to paint grass back into existence.

“Oh her… she’s almost as dangerous as Kazooie is and that’s just for her leadership abilities. When her special ability is active she and anyone who she is in direct command of become somewhat nigh unstoppable. I doubt anyone who’s under her command would get a scratch on them if you give her a battlefield to take command of.” Banjo was rubbing a paw under his chin; he could kind of guess why she was here and when she would be needed to fight. All it would take is a single day… Kazooie knew what she was doing and Banjo was probably the only one that had any inkling as to everything she has already considered in her world domination plot. He knew his sister well no matter how much traveling she’s done, a hero doing the world domination bit was unusual even if Banjo accepted that he was along for the ride.

“Could you maybe tell me more about Kazooie given you’re her brother? She certainly nothing like Shining’s little sister I can say that much.” She was a cantankerous, rude and destructive being, but Cadence knew she wasn’t evil just hard to be in the same room with.

“You spent the last two days with her, so you should know she likes making people mad and she can be a bit grating to be around at times but I love her all the same. Wouldn’t find a better partner in the heat of battle besides her or Honey. The one thing to know about Kazooie is she sometimes tends to see life as a running long winded joke. I’m with her on that kind of outlook.” Banjo nodded to Cadence before pointing at something waddling up to them angrily. “Seeing that kind of proves it.”

“Can either of you tell me how to get out of this? Saying Akanamoo doesn’t help me in the slightest.” The beige colored crocodile with a black tuft of hair on its head asked, it was wearing Daring’s pith helmet and green shirt that was recently fixed by Rarity.

“Got between Mumbo and Humba huh? Like I was telling Cadence here a minute ago never try to stop their fighting unless you have a valid reason.” Pausing to set Honey down Banjo crouched down to look Daring in her crocodile eyes for a moment. “Eh, you’ll be back to normal in a little while don’t worry about it. They tend to use temporary spells often enough, longest time anyone’s ever been stuck in a different form was a month as a frog, which is rather ironic if you were given the right context for it from our world. I give you about five minutes before you revert. The backwards word thing only works for those trained in shaman magic, meaning Mumbo, Humba, Kazooie and me since I’ve been exposed to so much magic that I can do it even without training and understand the shape shifting magic pretty well. The word is always different for everyone and mine is ‘ensiru’.”

“So that is what, ursine backwards? Well that doesn’t sound very unique at all.” Daring said in a bored tone through her toothy maw and within the next ten seconds her body started warping till with a pop and a lightning sound effect she returned to being the pegasus she was born as. “By the way princess, they were the cause of the second explosion. They didn’t seem to do any damage to their surroundings though.”

“Oh, don’t worry about them. Those two can fix any problem they cause on their own; in fact they can fix just about any problem with magic if given enough time and space from each other. The only problem is choosing which one of their solutions is the better one as they tend to turn anything into a competition which includes fixing things they both broke in the first place. ” Banjo said before laying back and putting his paws behind his head, Honey crawled onto his chest buzzing merrily as she snuggled against him.

“Well if you have nothing else to do, go find out what Kazooie is doing because if you leave her alone long enough she’s bound to find a way to cause trouble.” Honey curled up on Banjo’s chest to lay her head there.

“Yes, we’ll go do just that and hope that Kazooie isn’t up to too much of a mischief in my empire.” A minute later Cadence’s alliance with Kazooie had become rather strained.

Cadence liked Honey and Banjo because they really seemed to enjoy each other’s presences; it was like a breath of fresh air to be around. Screwball and Bat Nut weren’t in love, but they were really good friends even if one of them could kill you in cold blood and not think about it too hard. Now all she had to do was learn a bit more about Canary Mary and Mr. Fit which shouldn’t be too hard as she found them with Kazooie.

Two crystal ponies, one obviously Kazooie and the other one of Cadences newly minted month old subjects were arguing over something. Canary Mary was just squawking while floating next to Mr. Fit who did nothing but stand there staring blankly at what was going on before he started to hop in place.

“What’s going on?” Cadence asked of the yellow wild haired mare with the gaunt wings.

“Well Kazooie just started to draw attention to something after she had been a Crystal Pony for a while. I think what she said was that all the Crystal Ponies were practically the biggest idiots she has ever had the displeasure to save. That’s saying a lot considering she saved Bottles who’s a mole and he’s number one on her list of idiots.” After a moment’s pause to think over something Canary Mary turned to Cadence with a serious look on her face. “She’s right you know; you’re in charge of nothing but idiots.”

“What do you mean; they seem relatively smart and up to speed for having been gone for a thousand years to me.” As Cadence said this she was watching the continued debate between Kazooie and the Crystal Pony.

“Yeah, but that’s because you’re not seeing it from the angle Kazooie is, if she declares something stupid I’m already willing to agree with her. Not that I will ever agree with her that my exercise regiment is pointless given that I will never be more fit then I already am, I’m still entitled to my opinion after all.” Mr. Fit was currently doing pushups with his wings, and then started doing one hoof pushups, he didn’t sound tired despite looking like he was almost constantly exercising every moment Cadence was looking in his direction.

“What started this argument?” These two seemed rather… mostly sane… yeah those were the words for it; however they seemed believe Kazooie was in the right that the Crystal Empire was filled with idiots and was previously run by them too. Canary Mary was a broken heart that seemed to be readily taped back together in her strong friendship bond with Kazooie and several other connections. Mr. Fit’s heart was beating three times the rate his body was moving and looked like it was made of steel.

“Kazooie declared loudly that all the Crystal Ponies despite their architectural prowess, were truly pathetic in anything else to her eyes. One of them tried to stand up for themselves, that poor guy.” It was around this point that the Canary Mary and Mr. Fit started making a path for Cadence and motioned for her to move close to the two arguing ponies.

Cadence was drawn into the conversation after Kazooie made a seemingly bold declaration that the Crystal Ponies allowed Sombra to happen.

“What right do you have to say that we could have prevented the tragedy that launched us a thousand years into the future?” The Crystal Pony said, he wasn’t on good legs at the moment as Kazooie has already proven their culture to have plenty of failings.

“Well for one, what were the defenses Sombra set up for the Crystal Heart while he was in control of it compared to it sitting out in the open for anyone with half a brain and a horn could just learn to control it magically at a distance. I bet he didn’t even need to touch it to gain control of its powers, heck if you had any defenders back then they had to have been sleeping on the job.” Kazooie pointed to the very much exposed Crystal Heart, in fact if she were so inclined she could have just usurped Cadence and Shining within minutes after saving their kingdom from the changelings since she actually knew how the heart worked. Interesting that something like a dungeon heart would be here of all places, but Kazooie wasn’t going to bring up her adventures in dungeon keeping. “Not to mention that’s exactly what happened a thousand years ago, you do realize that the Crystal Heart didn’t stop Sombra from taking over the Crystal Kingdom because you were all probably too reliant on it defending itself and all of your lazy butts.”

The male crystal stallion ears splayed out, he had nothing to say to that.

“Furthermore, I’ve learned that the Crystal Heart allowed him to do some interesting tricks as long as he was in control of it, even when the sun and moon killed him and sealed away his spirit. He was still technically in control of it and it’s the only reason why he was able to curse you’re entire kingdom and seal it away for a thousand years and as soon as it came back so did he in the hopes that he wouldn’t have to deal with the sun and moon again before he could possibly better entrench himself against them if they were still around. Was it any wonder he was able to create those dark crystals that can block magical flow, which I suppose he used on your previous ruler and cut them down rather fast because they relied too much on magic and the power of the heart. It’s also how he was able to control all of you into not being able to have any happy memories. I’m guessing any knights or guardians you previously had were voided the minute he had the heart under his control.” All the surrounding Crystal Ponies ears were now splayed back and they were all frowning at Kazooie’s words, she was right after all that it had been a rather sudden hostile takeover by one solitary pony in a mad grab for power. “You know what kind of defense he set up for the Crystal Heart? He set it up for someone like himself… it was all mostly for a single solitary pony that can possibly circumnavigate all the defenses and get the Crystal Heart into their or someone else’s control, he wasn’t worried an army was going to get the Crystal Heart. His first line of defense was that invisible staircase in the floor, no pony unless those who were smart and could use even a miniscule amount of magic would have been able to find it. Then that pony would come across a door at the bottom of a downward staircase, alone this pony would not have made it past the door that made you face you’re worst fears or nightmares on loop.”

Kazooie started pacing in front of the crowd sending a glance at Cadence.

“This is where he set up his next line of defense, the long magically shielded staircase to the top of this kingdoms spire in the case that more than one pony working together managed to get through his door and this far, there was no other way to reach the heart as he had it protected from even a pegasus being able to just fly up and pluck it from the tower. It would take a while for even a group of ponies to run or fly all the way up all those stairs, this would have given him time to plan a counterattack and should a pony have survived getting this far.” Turning and pointing to the top of the spire with a shiny crystal hoof, Kazooie continue her spiel. “He would have been waiting with the Crystal Heart up there. Should you somehow manage to defeat him, because of his connection to the Crystal Heart he would have survived anything done to him and would have been up before too long. He set up an impossible to escape magical cage that could hold just about any kind magical being short of that Discord guy. You were lucky that the heart managed to get into Cadence’s grasp at all, because if he had come back inside the empire as soon as it had reappeared...”

All the Crystal Ponies shuddered at hearing Discords name; they had been around when Celestia and Luna effectively turned him into a garden statue. They were shuddering at the fact that it would have been too late had Sombra not had a problem breaking the seal holding him and he must have broken it fast given that he got out of the seal he was put in given less than half a day upon the Crystal Kingdoms return. He was still effectively connected to the heart at the time, but he couldn’t connect to it very well because of the barrier that Cadence had erected around the entire empire. He lost connection to it when Twilight interfered dropping the anti flight field around the top of the tower, though that really didn’t do much as there was nothing around that part of the tower that could fly.

One wonders why Luna or Celestia just defeated him and didn’t stick around to help fix the damage he did to the kingdom or even stop him from cursing the kingdom to a thousand years solitude. It was probably because Luna went mad with jealousy before they could look into it, thus he had sealed it away sometime after the Nightmare Moon event happened while Celestia was grieving, so it took him a while to curse the empire through the use of the Crystal Hear itself.

“But can you honestly say that we could have stopped him? How do you even know any of this stuff when you’ve only been here for a short time?” The indiscriminate male Crystal Pony said, Kazooie’s response confused all the Crystal Ponies as she stood up on her hind legs and pulled out a tiny red and white ball.

Pressing the button with her other hoof the sphere enlarged, she hit it again and lightly tossed it at the ground. Something started to come out in a coalescing red mass of energy in a familiar form to the Crystal Ponies as it started taking shape. Kazooie smirked at them, she loved causing a panic attack sometimes.

Pummeling Pies

“Well that went well…” Kazooie said from laid back position in the train cars seat.

“Hope Raki has a good time by herself.” Banjo said seated next to the red and yellow earth pony.

“Well that certainly went better than any of us were expecting, but did you really have to cause a scene?” Honey stated from the seat across from them.

“Yes she did, it’s who she is. I on the other have to ask, did you really need to sell them the rotten tomatoes? You’re even more unbelievable then our world at times Kazooie.” Canary Mary said with a hint of amusement following the smile on her face.

“Eh, it’s just good business.” Kazooie stated flatly before shrugging.

“Really Kazooie, they made a Crystal Fair in less than an hour honoring you as the fourth existing princess of Equestria and a hero. You could at least show some gratitude to all the effort they went through for you.” After Banjo said that, Kazooie scoffed at him.

“If they could do all that in eleven minutes then they can get off their lazy butts and defend themselves to the best of their abilities. Heck if they can do stuff that fast I don’t see why they couldn’t have stopped my new pet evil dictator before he caused a problem.” Kazooie didn’t have much time to continue a tirade as Daring entered the compartment of the passenger train they were on.

“We’re five minutes out from Ponyville, so assuming you don’t want to meet the elements of harmony what do you have planned to avoid them?” Daring knew the elements were the biggest factor that Kazooie was trying to avoid for some reason, even if it was hard to do when you’re a flashy show off and a nutcase at that.

“Actually I want to run into them, other than Screwball and Nut Bat the rest of you will be avoiding them by going entirely around Ponyville the best that you can. Banjo is leading you to the coordinates I set up for him on his plot device. I’m glad it’s one of the few technologically powerful things that will work in a fantasy realm like this one, darn dimensional schizoid technological rules. I wanted to crash my Vic Viper into Canterlot Castle this time and scare the crap out of solar butt.” Kazooie had to find Screwball’s pet ice cream cloud Mr. Cold Spot after all, side quests ahoy! She was still bummed out that she wouldn’t be able to pull of that prank; she really hadn’t tested the technological limitations the last time she was here.

“We could do a Castle Crashers parody later if that would make you happy.” Banjo stated clearly wanting to make his sister happy and Kazooie brightened up considerably. Banjo gave a soft smile to his sister, she was so childish and easy to please at times and all it took was the promise of raiding a fortified building with her.

In Ponyville things weren’t looking to grand, as a zebra could tell you there was trouble that had a hoof in this land.

Pinkie sat at the table moping a bit, how could things have gone so horribly so quickly, it all started with Twilight trying to turn and apple into an orange. She interrupted Twilight and she created a O’ Jay by accident because of the blue jay she hit. Twilight really should fix that bird back to normal; of course if it bothered the bird to much it’d probably seek out Fluttershy first.

Pinkie rewound her thoughts because she was getting off track as to why she was moping, looking around she noticed she was in the park and her hoof was sketching a bunch of sad faces in the dirt idly.

Why did she have to go and use the mirror pool? She liked hanging out with Rainbow Dash and didn’t get much chance to do that anymore because she’s usually spending a lot of her time with Fluttershy, however due to scheduling Fluttershy was holding a tea party with her animal friends, Rainbow was relaxing at the lake and then there was Applejacks barn raising she wanted to go to.

Pinkie was surprised Applejack asked her to come watch a barn raising and it made her heart flutter… unfortunately she couldn’t very well be in three places at once and she was missing so much fun to be had. This all led to why she was in the park drawing frowns on the faces she was etching into the ground with a hoof. She had created a bunch of magical clones, sure they had some of her abilities but they weren’t actually her or did anything like her. Not only that the mirror pool clones were wreaking havoc all over Ponyville and messed up raising the barn at Applejacks.

She wasn’t horribly depressed, her hair would have straightened out if she was and quite frankly she was pretty upset her friends couldn’t tell the difference between her and a bunch of wild uncontrollable clones. Did that mean that they didn’t really think highly of her? That they thought she was like the clones and a complete nuisance? She didn’t hop around to put a frown on ponies’ faces like those mean old clones were doing, but what was she to do? Even she couldn’t prove she was the real Pinkie with those annoying jerks of herself running around.

“Wow, this is the quietest I’ve ever seen you little pink kitty.” A voice said from out of the blue.

“Yeah, I’m having a rotten day and I think the pony I’m interested in might hate me now…” Pinkie said idly in response to the voice.

“Care to tell me what’s going on?” The voice continued softly and it was very much familiar to Pinkie, but she was moping too much to really look at the speaker at the moment.

“Well it all started this morning when I came up Twilight doing a magical experiment to turn apples into oranges. I thought it was super neat, then Rarity comes up talking about making one of her fancy dresses and then it kind of snowballed from there because I was missing so much fun stuff to do during the day. Then Twilight said something that made me remember this magical place called the mirror pool, it can make copies of a pony if you know the words to use it. My Granny Pie used it as a practical joke against Celestia once, they both laughed about it in the end.” After a moment Pinkie realized she might have gone off track again and decided to continue back on the right point. “Anyway, I made a bunch of clones they kind of got out of control and started copying themselves and they’re kind of messing up the town.”

“I didn’t see any clones or ponies coming into town, but you do realize that I told you cloning never led to anything other than the blues right.” The voice said in a matter of fact tone.

“I know, my friend Wings once…” It was at this point that Pinkie just paused and looked at the red and yellow pony sitting just right behind her. The pony sighed as she held out her two front hooves in a ‘come get a hug’ motion. Pinkie was immediately cuddling into those hooves and hugging the pony with all her might.

“It’s a good thing I don’t necessarily need to breath or I’d be dying about now.” Kazooie said definitively hanging the lampshade to the obvious as to what was currently happening.

“Kazooie oh my goodness you’re here! Wait why are you here? Ah, I bet it’s something boring like world domination or just your usual shenanigans anyway. You still owe me a fight and a cartoony one at that!” Well Pinkie seemed to be perked right up positively post haste.

“Well I was looking for my daughters pet, his name is Mr. Cold Spot. Have you seen him? He’s a cloud that craps ice cream and doesn’t look natural with the general environment at all. Kind of like the stuff you’d see in Cloud Cuckoo Land.” Kazooie put a hoof under her chin to think on it with amusement.

“Yeah, Gummy really enjoys him as a playmate; I think it’s all the meat flavored ice cream which I think is pretty gross but whatever makes my little gum gums happy.” Pinkie’s spirit was a bit higher then it was previously was, but then a memory from a day or so ago sparked. “That sea salt ice cream came from you didn’t it? Why didn’t you tell me you’re back in Equestria, I would have made a party for you.”

“Eh, we’ll party later when I have more time Pinkie, so want to hold that duel now? I’ll give you ten…” Kazooie was halted when Pinkie grabbed her by the face.

“Yes! It’ll really help me keep the mind off this mess I’ve made.” Pinkie exclaimed exuberantly throwing her right hoof in the air.

“Well choose the battlefield and we’ll find someone to start the countdown and from there we’re going all out with the baked goods a flying. I’m sure my daughter will find her pet easily enough if it’s around. Also before you ask Pinkie yes you can throw a party for my daughter, but make it later because I’m not the only one who came to Equestria.”After Kazooie finished talking a unicorn chose this moment to walk up to the two of them.

“Excuse me but…” The unicorn started to say only for Pinkie to interrupt.

“Oh hey Chrysalis, I’m sorry but you can’t lead Kazooie into an ambush right now as we already have plans to do battle with each other. Say can you do a countdown for us?” Within seconds the unicorn was trying to sputter denials at Pinkie’s request until Kazooie cut in.

“Look you can ambush me later; you can use this as an opportunity to learn all you can about me and be better informed about how to ambush me at a better time Princess Caterpillar. Now are you going to do a countdown for us or just in general go away now since your plan fell through already?” The unicorn just stood there staring blankly at the two before she revealed her true form as Chrysalis in a glow of green flames.

“How did you two know?” Chrysalis thought her disguise was flawless.

“I’m a trained shaman, I can see through magically created disguises. Also I’m a shape shifter too if you haven’t noticed, there are several failures in your disguise other then the fact that you can’t possible hide your souls appearance. These include the smell of a pony, compared to someone who hasn’t bathed in days and has been in a frozen wasteland for a while and beyond that you’re a lot taller than most normal ponies and as I’ve noticed you’re species can only minimally shift mass. As such the only unicorn pony I know that would have been as big as you would have been Fleur De Lis of Canterlot who I once danced with after going to a club and making some friends. One last thing of note, you didn’t have a cutie mark and you had the air of someone important about you as such your disguise fails horribly as anyone important in Equestria would have a cutie mark.” After all that was pointed out by Kazooie, Chrysalis raised an eye at Pinkie in interest into how she knew, because she was the first one to address the fact that she was a changeling.

“Oh, did you want to know how I knew who you were Princess Chrissie?” Pinkie said jovially realizing that Chrysalis was now glaring at her and Kazooie was looking in her direction with a small smirk. Pinkie was starting to bounce in place as her perkiness levels went up. “Aside from the soul sight thing which is exclusive to Kazooie, she has some pretty good points as to why you couldn’t have possibly been a pony. There’s also the fact that my Pinkie sense went off the minute you opened your mouth and you didn’t really disguise your eyes all too well, you might want to work on that by the way. So are you going to do the countdown for us? Are you, are you banana fantasia safari you?”

After a moment of silence and at her failure to even get her ambush off the ground and that Kazooie could see through her disguise magic as a mental note which she quickly forgets a minute later, Chrysalis came to a decision that would change the very world around her.

“Eh, fine…” Not really caring or acknowledging why she was doing them this favor, she was just going to do it and move on with her career as a princ… QUEEN, she was a queen and not a stupid princess. She changed back into her unicorn disguise with a bit of added detail and a cutie mark of a green orb with sticky substances coming off of it. If asked Chrysalis will deny it was a changeling love siphoning cocoon.

Elsewhere dealing with an entirely different problem, that Pinkie recently stopped thinking about so hard and should probably get back to taking responsibility for.

“Darn it why won’t they hold still.” Applejack lunged and missed another fake Pinkie clone yelling ‘fun’ a lot at the top of its lungs. A few of the clones started to cuddle up to the downed Applejack and jumped away when she tried to buck them while getting up.

“They’re copies of Pinkie; did you actually expect them to hold still?” Rainbow yelled as she shot overhead and tried to herd the Pinkie clones into a pack. Of course the word herd flew through her mind when in relation to Fluttershy and her face became bright red at the thought.

“Girls we have to focus, we need to get all these clones to the town hall if my plan is to succeed.” As she was saying this Twilight was trying her hardest to immobilize the clones who she knew weren’t Pinkie and in her own mind she had to admit she had a mean plan cooked up for the real Pinkie, but that mare had to learn to organize her time better sometime soon rather than later. Also Pinkie had caused a real mess with all her clones; it was the whole parasprite thing on repeat only with Pinkie’s this time.

Just as she got a grip on another Pinkie clone a flaming apple struck her horn causing her to yelp in pain as it exploded in a gory amount of apple chunks and juice. The four other ponies stopped trying to gather the Pinkie clones and turned to the aggressor who just struck Twilight with a flaming apple. A dark grey coated unicorn with a vicious toothy smile on her face sauntered forward swinging her hips slowly causing the pink dress she was wearing to sway rhythmically. With a flaming bat levitated above her right side of her head and another apple at the other which she promptly took a bite out of earning Applejacks ire, she magically swung her bat while striking a small pose and then pointed it at them.

Nut Bat knew they were already badly distracted well enough, but why not make the distraction even better by assaulting them? She was ‘yay’ bored out of her ‘yay’ mind. She just needed some action, levitating the apple in front of her she focused on it and it started spinning.

“Hello I will be attacking you for no good reason today, HOMERUN!” As she yelled homerun, she swung the bat hard as it coalesced with a building yellow energy. It struck the spinning apple setting it on fire and sending it on a curved path towards Twilight who put up a magical barrier. It was proven to be a pointless use of magic when the apple veered sharply to strike Rarity in the chest knocking the wind out of her as well as scorching her slightly.

Rarity was on her back and breathing roughly and furthermore her pristine white coat was just sullied by that uncouth if rather vivacious unicorn that upped and suddenly attacked them from out of nowhere. They were having enough problems keeping multiple Pinkies’ under control; they didn’t need a random stranger attacking them as well.

“Hold on Rarity.” Applejack was immediately galloping over to Rarity to check on her to see if she was okay. Fluttershy was right there with her exclaiming ‘oh no’ constantly.

At this time Rainbow immediately turned on the violent intruder who just struck Rarity down and dove for her, nobody hurts her friends and gets away with it.

As Rainbow closed in Nut Bat did a sideways flip and as Rainbows eyes followed her acrobatic leap, she was quickly blindsided across the right side of her face by the baseball bat she should have been paying attention to. Rainbow spun with the blow and slammed to the ground on her back and slid a bit creating a small line in the dirt.

Nut Bat didn’t even bat an eye at Rainbow as she started to strut towards Twilight who had lowered the barrier upon seeing Rarity get struck by the flaming apple launched like a baseball by the mad batter pony.

Fluttershy was immediately angry that this pony hurt her heart’s desire and when she went to stare the pony down she had to duck back avoiding getting a chunk of her mane burned off as the pony casually swung the bat at her and continued on her slow strutting path for Twilight without even a passing glance at the buttery mare. Instead of giving her the stare Fluttershy went to make sure Rainbow was alright as she’d rather avoid the scary mare with the really hot baseball bat that didn’t look to be burning out anytime soon. It made her wonder how she could stand that immense heat, considering it only took her a second and being within a foot of the bat to want to stay far away from the crazy smiling unicorn.

Twilight started to back away slowly from the dark grey unicorn.

“What do you want with us? Who are you?” Try as she might Twilight couldn’t keep the stutter out of her voice, what was another day in the life of friendship lessons in Ponyville turned downright horrifying in under a minute because of one mare who was looking at her strangely.

“Play ball...” Was all Nut Bat said, oh she wasn’t going to kill them but she was going to rough them up quite a bit. Twilight barely managed to dodge the apple that was launched at the back of her head and she took a glancing blow across her face during its return at twice the speed after Nut Bat struck it with her baseball bat.

In Ponyville’s market square Pinkie and Kazooie were standing on their hind hooves eye to eye with Chrysalis between them and off to the side a bit. Behind Chrysalis were her five changelings wearing cheerleading outfits with one exclaiming that he thought he looked pretty.

“Okay what am I doing and do my loyal subjects really have to wear those ridiculous outfits?” Oh goodness knows Chrysalis couldn’t have just attacked Kazooie anyway at anytime from this point. She was under the constant impression that something was wrong with her because she didn’t do just that immediately.

“You count down from three and say go of course! Then I and Kazooie start fighting each other as we previously agreed to do. Also they needed the cheerleading outfits because it’s cool to have your own personal cheer squad in the background two for me, two for her and one especially for you.” Pinkie said hopping from leg to leg eager to get started to see how her skills have grown. The changeling cheerleader for Chrysalis raised her pompoms and shook them vigorously while stating her eternal servitude to the queen.

Chrysalis looked simply not so amused at the prospect… why was she doing this again… one flick of her horn and she could just attack the insufferable heathen that destroyed her last plan.

“Three two one go.” Chrysalis said flatly only for the two mares in front of her to drop to all fours and stare at her blankly. “What is it now?”

“No, I’m just not feeling it now.” With her eyes closed Kazooie crossed her hooves in front of herself and waited. “Some cloak and dagger princess you are… I’m not going to fight Pinkie until you give it some oomph.”

Chrysalis just gave her a flat look before turning to Pinkie. Pinkie really didn’t fight too hard during their Canterlot invasion in fact she seemed to care little that the city was invaded and didn’t seem to worry that the changelings managed to surround and trap them. In fact she spent most of the invasion getting her changelings to do silly things and they for some reason went along with it, not to mention the medical injuries involving rubber chickens, confetti and streamers that were reported to her after all things were said and done. Pinkie may not have fought her hardest, but she had managed to injure some of her most elite changelings with cheap ridiculous materials she had at hoof without so much as a black eye to show for it.

“I’m not fighting either until you can do it correctly. First you say three, two, one in a loud slow manner then you raise your right hoof like this and tap yourself on the nose don’t forget it. So you bring it around town like so, then you bring it a little bit here and move to ‘to’ and bring it to ‘fro’, shake what your mother gave you in the trunk while putting your hooves here, here, here and then you shout GO! Plus you have to throw your right hoof forward like this and you have to mean it when you do it, then you just jump back and enjoy the show.” All the changelings were just staring wide eyed at Pinkie as she had somehow managed to fully contort herself into the shape of a pretzel. Leaving her right hoof was the only free part of her body apparently.

“Also I’ll be providing the battle music for this fight, starting with ‘Shin Onigashima’ and then sliding it into ‘We Like To Party’. Is that okay with you Pinkie? Glancing blows don’t count and clean clear hits only.” Kazooie wasn’t surprised that her opponent managed to give herself the bends, she was a cartoon character after all and a very tough nut to crack since she was very stubborn about her promises. Pinkie was a tough opponent and will be a worthy fight for Kazooie.

“Yes, but Chrissie still has to do the entire start thing right or it doesn’t count. It’s very important that we start this off perfectly.” The changelings had only looked away from Pinkie for a moment to hear what Kazooie had to offer and when they looked back at Pinkie she was completely fine and not a pretzel shaped pony anymore.

In fact Pinkie looked to be brimming with energy as she brushed her left hoof along her nose before moving it up to her mane and then stared down Kazooie with a smile as she held her right hoof forward tilting it towards herself several times before she lowered it slightly to point at the ground.

Kazooie stood on her hind legs and stayed relatively still while giving off a yawn, before she put both of her hooves forward and gestured at herself with both of them before she took a stance. Her right hoof at her back where her backpack was and her left hoof was seemingly limp; her legs were spread apart in a horse stance.

It was on… they both turned to Chrysalis and nodded; it took her a moment to realize that they wanted her to do her part now before the coolness factor wears off and they’d look like a pair of idiots. They were practically a pair of idiots anyway given how they were going to fight each other in broad daylight where a few ponies started to take note of a confrontation taking place, especially in the street where fighting looked like it was about to take place they were going to watch in curiosity. Chrysalis sighed, why in the world was she doing this again?

Pinkie was now wearing a green head band and she had yet to move out of her pose, it seemed to have materialized out of nowhere.

“Three, two, one… GO!” Chrysalis managed to strike a better pose despite doing all the stuff Pinkie did and did not end up as a pretzel as an end result as she thrust her right hoof forward and leapt backwards. Soon Chrysalis could hear a guitar riff as Pinkie and Kazooie’s eyes narrowed on each other and then she blinked.

That’s when the music started picking up as Kazooie and Pinkie blurred at each and appeared for a moment to thrust both their respective hooves forward and a clash of pie crust and filling flew through the air where they met in the center. Where the two pies met Kazooie quickly spun back and to left while pulling off her backpack and slinging it around to release a stream of steaming hot pies with a wide sweeping arc.

Pinkie leapt high over the wide area release of pies and the performed back flip before raising both hooves above her head and swinging them downward releasing a pie three times the size of her first one at Kazooie.

Side stepping the humongous pie with little ease as it splattered everywhere almost hitting her with the splash, Kazooie flicked her hoof only once and three pies flew out at Pinkie.

Pinkie tilted her body backwards in mid-air, she rolled nearly taking a hit to her side and finally she opened her mouth wide to swallow the third pie tin and all. As soon as she landed she sneezed out the pie tin onto the ground and two more pies flew from her nostril side by side at Kazooie who was almost caught flat footed by the return salvo as she bent backwards under them and then stood straight up.

Kazooie popped three pies out of her backpack and started to juggle them and she threw two at the two pies that Pinkie was starting to throw before charging forward to try and get this into a close range combat.

Chrysalis just stared on in total awe at the idiocy of the situation, were these two taking this fight seriously at all? They were putting on an impressive show so far even if they weren’t. Also where in the hell did they get all these pies from in the first place? Cherry, blueberry, apple, raspberry, strawberry, one rhubarb so far and lot’s of them were banana or chocolate cream.

Pinkie moved her left hoof upwards to redirect the pie in Kazooie’s right hoof causing her to drop it and then threw her own right hoof in a hooking motion almost nailing her in the side of her face with a pie.

Kazooie leaned back and kicked the pie still dropping towards the ground flipping it so it was right side up and then she kicked again in a split second. Pinkie crouched low as the pie sailed over her head and tried to slam the pie still held in her right hoof home into Kazooie’s stomach. Kazooie dove to the side and chucked a pie at Pinkie’s legs forcing her to hop over it.

Their surroundings were getting quite creamed and they had nailed quite a few bystanders. This included a smiling Lyra at a table at an outdoor cafe, who had once again had her pie slice eaten by a rather annoying remnant of the parasprites; she got an entire warm and delicious pie so she was just plain happy. Next to her was her lover Bonbon was still staring in disbelief at the fight taking place, in fact she still couldn’t believe Lyra had photographic evidence of humans from wherever she went to.

There wasn’t a speck of pie on the either of the combatants as they charged forward at each other. When they met they looked to be fighting each other normally, Kazooie seemingly blocked three rapid strikes from Pinkie and kicked backed at her twice and spun around once causing Pinkie to duck under the two swinging hooves and threw an uppercut that missed. Kazooie back flipped and Pinkie leaned back the barest of a millimeter.

When they slowed to a halt as Pinkie looked at the tip of her mane covered in whip cream, she held up her hooves in a T shape and then wiped the whip cream off and stuffed it in her mouth humming happily to herself before nodded to Kazooie. “Almost got me that time Wings.”

“Yeah well, it looks like you’ve been practicing your pie fu.” Even as she said this Kazooie ducked under a straight and sent two jabs before following with a hard left straight.

Pinkie lunged forward and with a jerk of her hip she launched a blazingly fast roundhouse kick which Kazooie caught with a hoof before grappling Pinkie to the ground only to release her when Pinkie spat a small tart out of her mouth nearly nailing the surprised red pony in the face.

Chrysalis was still wondering how Pinkie managed to put a pie on the side of her hoof for that roundhouse, much less every other pie that flew out of the blindingly fast exchange they had.

Pinkie rolled backwards onto her hooves and then the music changed to a jumpy tune, smiling Pinkie Pie started to shake her rump to it. Kazooie tossed the pie she had in her hoof to the side nailing one of Chrysalis’s changelings in the face; it was made with love so the changeling was perfectly happy even if it got slightly burned by the hot filling.

“I like to party, I like… I like to party!” Pinkie cheered as she started to shake her rump back and forth swinging her puffy tail about.

The mood of the battle changed from epic pie fight to something more absurd when Kazooie took on a different stance.

That’s when the magic started as the two combatants started tapping their hooves on the ground and then they started to change the rhythm of their entire fight.

Kazooie started with a thrusting her right hoof in the air as she skipped to the side and then reversed her direction doing the same thing barely dodging several pies and then the next few were halted as she started doing ‘the monkey’ which turned into a seven pie juggle while she doing ‘the twist’ before she started performing an indescribably complex dance move. Her legs bended up and down while move outwards and inward and she was twirling the tips of both of her hooves she was them swinging inwards and outwards to the side sending a pie at Pinkie with a strike from each repetition of the dance move.

Pinkie flicked the first pie that came at her with tip of her right leg and caught the second pie with the first then tossed them on top of her head.

While balancing the two smashed together pies on her head Pinkie caught the next two pies with her hooves by flipping them like bits into them and barely caught the edge of the fifth one in her teeth with a quick jerk of her neck before blocking the last two pies with the ones in her hooves.

Tossing those four smashed together pies and the pie in her teeth on her head, Pinkie then stood on her left leg while propping up her right leg on it. She brought her hooves together and gave a simple smile before leaning back slightly the pies slightly tilted with her lean.

She leaned forward quickly and the pies went flying back at Kazooie, they even spun apart separating mid flight into a row of seven pies each in a different flavor and color.

Kazooie gave a cheese filled smirked as she started walking backwards while it looked like she should be moving forwards; she spun around raise her right hoof in the air while grabbing the lower portion of her belly with her left hoof. She even gave a soft coo as the pies splattered the wall of a building behind her exploded in a rainbow of colorful pie filling. “Who’s bad, I’m bad.”

Pinkie charged forward and performed a cartwheel to pop out of it hind legs first which Kazooie quickly blocked with her hooves only to get a solid kick to the chin when Pinkie back flipped off of her block.

Chrysalis had seen it; there was a pie at the tip of Pinkies hoof a moment before she kicked it upwards and Kazooie took the blow from the hoof instead of being hit by the pie itself. Kazooie actually took a hit to avoid taking a direct hit from a pie. Chrysalis’s bottom left eye started to twitch, she wasn’t learning anything from this fight except for the fact that they were both currently earth ponies and their reflexes were obscenely ridiculous.

Pinkie landed on all fours before charging into a standing stance and then thrusting her right hoof three times and then she swapped hooves to swing her left at Kazooie.

Their legs weren’t resting during this exchange as Kazooie threw a left hook followed by a high right kick, left straight, left low kick and a hard upper right that nearly knocked Pinkie off balance.

Instead Pinkie fell onto her back and spun around while kicking out until she was standing her front hooves and twisting her hind legs into upside down kicks at Kazooie whom was knocked onto her back by a particularly strong buck. Kazooie had to admit Pinkie’s break dance pie fighting was pretty darn good.

Kazooie dodge rolled and leapt out of the way of the pink pony’s next attack. Pinkie leapt up righted herself after a back flip and brought her right hoof down hard creating a crater filled with another giant pie that exploded the entire area around the impact zone the splattered the five changelings who protected their queen with their own bodies, good thing it was a cold custard pie or else that might have stung a bit if they were hit by flaming blackberries which were pretty hard to get out of their holes.

Elsewhere in Ponyville at Sugar Cube Corner, a pie covered unicorn pony staggered in and fell down on her face.

“My goodness what happened to you Sea Swirl? Are you okay dear?” Mrs. Cake said worriedly, before she was shaken off by the unicorn.

“Sorry about you’re floor. I just had to get out of there, they are insane… so many pies, couldn’t even see them until after I was hit by at least eight they are throwing more then what you see. It’s all going down in the market place square.” Sea Swirl whined.

“Um… what are you here for then?” Mrs. Cake asked not really wanting to know what insane thing was going on besides the fact that Pinkie magically cloned herself. She didn’t think she would want to hear the word ‘fun’ for a while even at her husband’s suggestion.

“Can I get an order of two éclairs and an apple Danish?” This was said plainly from Sea Swirls mouth after a moment of consideration. “Also would it be too much to ask for a towel as well?”

Mrs. Cake didn’t know to respond to this, with laughter or with seriousness. Poor Sea Swirl looks like she’s already had enough of pie for a while anyway, both Pinkie and the baked good variety.

Walking out the door and passing by Sea Swirl was a smiling Screwball followed by a pink cloud that flowed around her head excitedly in small circles hugging close to the her coat. Apparently there was a pie fight going on and there was a lot of free pie there, Screwball was going to go get herself some but first she had to swing on by to see how Nut Bat was doing. She was last seen heading towards the apple and one pear tree farm. Yeah, Screwball didn’t think she could fix the pear tree thing considering she didn’t have Discords powers anymore and they were probably sealed away with him in stone again.

Back with Pinkie and Kazooie their four hooves hooves were slightly covered in pie crust and filling, but the rest of their bodies were completely and utterly clean. Thus far they hadn’t gotten clean hit on the other and were practically clean despite the entire area of them having been flooded with pie after pie zipping through the air with every close to long range exchange they held against each other.

The exchange they were currently having was unique in how they performed their graceful dance moves while attacking each other. It was surprising that Pinkie Pie had yet to tire of fighting Kazooie to a standstill despite the fact that Kazooie was a video game character and didn’t have a stamina bar to deplete.

“You know Wings we kind of ran out of music.” Pinkie said idle lifting her right leg sky high and tried to drop it down on Kazooie who grappled and released her quickly.

“Yeah, well unless you want to pause so I can set something else up we’re still putting on quite a show Kitten. That kick dance thing you did was impressive when you led it into a belly dancing style dodges, didn’t know you knew how to slam dance so well.” Kazooie continued to sway left and right out of the way of the pies, they’ve been trading blows but none of their pies could ever seem to hit the target they so desperately wanted to win against.

“We’re crazy aren’t we?” As Pinkie said this they were both grappling each other.

Kazooie had her left hoof under Pinkie’s right armpit and had her in an arm lock; Pinkie on the other hoof had their in a legs locked up. They both only had one free hoof and at this range they just might accidentally pie themselves so they were holding their pies threateningly at each other.

“Eh, it’s part of laughter to be a little zany you know. I’m as much an element of laughter as you are. Really now, who else other than you would start an epic two way pie fight and then take it this far?” In all Kazooie was rather impressed with Pinkie’s stamina given they’ve been at this for at least ten minutes without a solid hit of a pie smacking either of them. She wasn’t taking it easy on Pinkie and if she had to suspect Pinkie was actually taking her seriously which was a scary thought when you put the words ‘Pinkie’ and ‘serious’ together.

“Fun? FUN! Fun there fun fun funny fun fun!” A voice stated inquisitively staring at the two warriors in the distance holding their weapons near each other’s throat. Soon a bunch of Pinkie Pie’s hopped onto the ridge gathering together to see what kind of fun the original Pinkie was having. They were single minded in their pursuit as magical constructs, too bad they weren’t smart enough to stay away from something that looked fun.

They broke away and after doing more back flips that resulted in humongous pies Kazooie decided to call a time out and Pinkie froze in mid-air. Letting go of the big pie she was about to hurl at Kazooie she dropped to the ground leaving the pie floating in the air, very much defying the laws of all known physics.

“What is it Wings?” Pinkie said seriously trotting up to her on all fours.

“I’ve been wondering about the back flipping giant pie thing… secret family technique?” Hey the bird brained pony was curious as to how Pinkie kept pulling the giant pies out.

“Not really, that’s just my giant pie pull technique. I’ve yet to use my family’s secret technique because I’m not sure if I could even hit you with it and I wouldn’t want use it unless it is put to great effect. You don’t just waste that technique on any situation.” The pink pony answered simply.

“Very impressive mass for a cartoon character like yourself to hammer, I have to say Pinkie you’ve really come a long way from that precocious little filly you were. In fact I don’t think you’ve lost any of your charisma even if you’re almost all grown up. I hope to never see that happy little spark of mirth in you die.” Pinkie blushed and rubbed the back of her head at Kazooie words.

“Thank you, you’re really proving you’re not so bad at being a cartoon character. So, is there anything else you wanted to….” The rather puffy mare said before she was cut off by Chrysalis.

“Get back to fighting! Wait why am I even eating this popcorn? Where did it come from, this is of no sustenance to me. Stop holding up the fight and get back into it.” Chrysalis angrily griped, tossing the popcorn to the side for Derpy, a little filly and her lookalike friend Ditzy to greedily dig into.

Derpy didn’t honestly know why the changeling queen took it from her in the first place and starting eating from it if she didn’t like popcorn. Not to mention that if it wasn’t filling for the changeling queen it was a bunch of empty calories that were going to go straight to her hips. Shaking her head she made sure her little muffin the unicorn filly sitting next to her didn’t take to much popcorn in her mouth at one time.

“Well you heard the lady; our audience must not be disappointed!” Pinkie then quickly went back to where her floating pie was and slowly swam through the air back up to it with breast strokes and affixed her body in the same position she was in before the fight was paused.

“Right back to it then, any music requests?” The red pony watched as the pink one took on a thoughtful sitting pose in mid air once again letting go of the pie leaving it to hover there. The ponies watching the spectacle didn’t know why Kazooie didn’t look surprised that her opponent was managing to defy all logic at the moment.

“If Twilight were here I think she’d have a huge conniption.” Bonbon said slowly, only to get a nod in agreement as Lyra polished off another still somewhat good smashed pie. Why did Bonbon agree to marry her? Oh yeah, she loved her and the mint colored pony kept her relatively sane by being insane.

“Hmmm… what about Cartoon Heroes, you know, the speedy version of it?” Well Pinkie Pie wanted to explore her options and she wasn’t sure if Kazooie would want to play that one.

“It’ll take a while for the music to boot up, but fine let’s go!” That music did remind Kazooie of Pinkie an awful lot and it was peppy and cheerful. Whoever made that song had to be on some kind of caffeine high.

They charged in and the pies were flying again until a pie flew in from the side at both of them and the most remarkable thing was that it was on fire. The backed away from each other, Pinkie somersaulted in reverse and Kazooie jumped twice in retreat. They turned to the pony that would dare interrupt their pie fighting.

“Who are you?” Pinkie said, after a moment she recognized the pony. “You’re the mare who!”

Screwball smiled and standing behind her was a bedraggled Nut Bat who had no clue how she ended up where she was at currently. She really dislike it when Screwball teleported them around without warning, she was getting better at that chaos control thing and directing it correctly, she wasn’t even sure the ponies she was roughing up saw how she left and would probably assume she just teleported away given how fast Screwball had grabbed her and quickly exclaimed there was pie flying everywhere.

“Pinkie now is not a time to be quoting Ninja Combat. Screwball could you not interfere please? Pinkie and I have issues to work out.” For a moment Kazooie thought her daughter would agree to step out only to dodge a blazingly fast pie flying by her face.

“Oh come on, where are you ponies getting all your pies from! Do every single one of you ponies have the ability to just pull out and throw pies?” Indeed Chrysalis was confused that not only did Kazooie and Pinkie seem to have a bottomless number of pies, but apparently so did the interloper to their battle.

Just seeing her simply pull a pie and chuck it with incredible force, put Chrysalis under a level of unease at the thought of the ponies at any other invasion she might have planned in the future… if she could get her changelings to lend her aid anymore. The pie that was just thrown had enough force that when Kazooie dodged it, it put a hole in the wall of the building it hit and then splattered everywhere inside proving that the ponies that were indoors weren’t even safe from the pie fight. She started to hyperventilate, until she felt some running through her long blue mane.

Derpy walked over to Chrysalis and patted the changeling princess on the head soothingly before stroking her mane before pulling a heart shaped muffin out of nowhere and hoofing it too her as she nuzzled the flustered pony bug thing. “There there it’ll be alright.”

“Mom, you are so awesome.” The little unicorn filly stated with glee as she followed her mother over to the changelings, most of which had their cheerleading outfits ruined by pie crusts.

One changeling in particular had two large blobs of filling at under his cheerleading outfit stuck at his chest level; he thought he still looked pretty even covered in pie.

“You know I never even threw a party for her either… I guess I’m going to need a mega party or even an ultimate level party for you guys.” After a moment’s pause Pinkie stopped bouncing in place and glared at Screwball. “Why are you interfering in our fight?”

Screwballs answer was simple… she wanted Pinkie to win and for her mother to be happy, also she wanted pie and was kind of hungry. Mr. Cold Spot floated above her and formed a pie shape before spitting out a baked apple dumpling with ice cream on top as his own show of communication of the situation.

“Well that’s new…” Kazooie said taking in the clouds knew ability to make different desserts only the requisite was that it had to come with ice cream.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t believe how long it took me to teach him to do that. As long as it comes with ice cream he can do it, otherwise he’s not great for much else other then ice cream as even the baked apple dumpling tastes like apple flavored sherbet with pecan streusel syrup.” After a moment Pinkie looked to Kazooie and wiggled her hips. “Do you think my flank looks fat, I think have been tapping that cloud a little too much at times.”

“Its fine, can the two of use get back to fighting?” Pulling out a pie the ketchup and mustard pony was about to start in on Pinkie and she was about to start in on her. This was until Screwball slid between them and tried to pie her.

“Hey, stop helping me!” Pinkie slapped outwards with her right hoof with a lukewarm peach pie, Screwball extended her left hoof flicked the pie at its edge sending it flipping into the air and she caught it while diving out of the way of the pie Kazooie tried to slam home into her to get her out of their fight.

Kazooie leaned back dodging the pie Screwball threw up at her from her sideways dive then ducked down as Pinkie chucked a pie at both her and Screwball.

From her position on her side Screwball lifted the entire lower half of her body rolling so that she was balancing on her right should before performing a back flip when she pushed at the ground with her right hoof as the pie Pinkie slammed at the spot she just occupied.

“Don’t care anymore, if you want a threesome then let’s have a threesome!” Pinkie screamed as the pie fight became a three way pie destroying festival of mess causing to the extreme. The innuendo was not lost on the other ponies watching; they blushed and were horrified at the thought of what was taking place in the pie covered market place. It was around this point that the Cartoon Heroes speedy music kicked in and they blurred attacking each other at high speeds.

Pinkie was actually pretty direct in her pie fighting style as everyone not caught in the brawl noticed, but she was also performing flawless break dancing moves and stretching in odd ways to avoid taking a clean hit.

Screwball did poorly in a close up confrontation, however she was good at redirecting and throwing pies at excessive speeds and they exploded violently when they finally decided to stop and many a pony considered it lucky that they were just cream pies.

Kazooie was a tricky one to watch in combat as her complex pie throws were insane and hard to follow to the point that it broke a few ponies minds as to just how flexible Kazooie was, but she did tend to twirl and spin a lot.

They all were performing acrobatics that seemed completely impossible, running across the roof tops, jumping more than once and dashing in any direction once they jumped.

The next few minutes until the sugar rush of a song ended were a blur, well technically the fighters were indistinct blurs. Watching the fight sipping a can of beer Nut Bat stayed off to the side with Chrysalis and the gathering crowd of ponies, they didn’t like changelings but they currently were too busy focusing on the battle of a thousand flying pies to care.

Suddenly a pie flew out of nowhere and struck a standing Screwball in the chest just as she finished her throwing motion to lob a pie at Kazooie. The spiral pupils dilated and she just stood there slowly turning her head to her chest.

Kazooie performed a back dash out of the range of the sloppily thrown pie and leaned out of the way of the pie that flew by her head as she stared at Screwball just looking down at the pie on her chest.

Screwball looked up tearfully at Kazooie before she fell down to her butt, she bit her bottom lip and held her right hoof out at Kazooie before she completely fell to the ground.

Kazooie immediately ignore Pinkie who looked confused at the sudden reaction and turned to see a falling Screwball. She dropped her pie and followed Kazooie over to Screwball.

“Screwball… are you okay honey? Screwball…” Kazooie quickly rolled Screwball over and put her head into her lap as she took a seated position. Screwball coughed up a blackberry and a bit of cherry syrup seeped out the corner of her mouth, as she tried to nuzzle her mother’s belly before her eyes closed. Slowly snowflakes fell over Kazooie who shook Screwballs body. “No!”

“Um… I’ve been meaning to ask you… who is this pony to you?” Pinkie really didn’t know who Screwball was, but at least she had a name.

“She’s my daughter Pinkie; my wonderful little girl… has been pied.” Kazooie let a tear fall onto her pie covered daughter; she sniffled as she held her daughter in her hooves and stroked her purple and white streaked mane. She leaned her head over her daughter and closed her eyes to plant a kiss on her forehead and then the red and yellow pony stood up. “Okay, who threw that pie? They are so sugar coated when I get them. Who did this…? WHO DID THIS?!”

“Fun fun!” It was at this moment that a bunch of pinkie clones started hopping into the market square and quite a few of them were nibbling at the pie covering the ground. Others were playing around with pies of their own hitting each other and laughing about it.

“Pinkie… are these the clones you were talking about?” Kazooie said turning her head slightly to present an angry eye to the sorrowful pink pony.

“Yeah…” Pinkie had gotten an innocent pied, that innocent pony wanted her to win and she even fought her on it as she wanted to face Kazooie fair and square. Why did everything have to get so complicated? Why did the laughs stop?

“Pact me…” It wasn’t a request Kazooie held out her right hoof to Pinkie.

Pinkie looked at the proffered hoof and then looked at Kazooie; she nodded and took it in her left hoof while bringing the pony before her into an arm hug. A green glow erupted around both of the ponies, before it stopped.

Kazooie picked up the fallen body of her daughter and carried it over to a disinterested Nut Bat.

“You know you’re being a bit overly dramatic about all this right?” Nut Bat didn’t receive an answer as Screwball was laid at her hooves. A lot of the ponies didn’t know who Nut Bat was, but they agreed with her that this was getting rather ridiculous.

“We must avenge my fallen daughter! Her death will not be in vain.” The red and yellow pony stated throwing her left hoof into the air.

“She was just hit with a pie you idiot!” Having no idea what came over her Chrysalis after stating this started to chuckle dryly as she was the pot calling the kettle black, she was supposed to be hunting Kazooie down ruthlessly and here she was just sitting on her well rounded taut flank. Even her five changelings could sense her feelings and started to chuckle with her, their queen was joyful so they were joyful.

Chrysalis knew the extra Pinkie’s weren’t changelings, but it was still jarring to see so many replica’s of her. She kind of understood the fear factor of her own people a little bit now, that many ponies hitting her changelings with volleys of unending pies. The thought caused a shudder to pass through the bug pony.

Both Pinkie and Kazooie ignored the peanut gallery and they both suddenly struck a pose as the surrounding roof tops, stalls and the battle field itself were filled with Pinkie Pie clones that all started to focus on them. Each clone brought out a pie and narrowed their eyes at the pair standing in the center of the completely ruined market place.

“Pinkie… how many of these magical constructs did you create?” Kazooie asked slowly with her eyes closed.

“Around a hundred and fifty and if I gave it some thought I probably would have made one Pinkie for every pony in Ponyville if I felt like it.” In her heart Pinkie was glad she didn’t as she stood back to back with Kazooie, her eyes were also closed.

“Ready to pie!” Kazooie’s eyes flew wide open; her body was encompassed in a spherical green glow and green sparkles were trailing to Pinkie.

“Then pie!” Pinkie responded as her eyes flew open too, she was also covered in a spherical green glow and had green sparkles tethering her to Kazooie.

In sync with each other the disappeared in a flash and started zipping around area in flashes you could barely see the kick and punches of their afterimages; they almost felt like they were flying around through the air. Within five seconds… all the Pinkie clones had pie tins covering their faces and then they exploded into balls of energy that flew away sending pie flying everywhere.

Pinkie and Kazooie were standing apart from each other and staring the other down. They charged each other and a huge explosion of pie crusts, filling and tin pans flew away from the impact zone in a tidal wave.

When the wave of pie filling stopped flowing through the streets and ponies could see Pinkie’s back was to Kazooie and she fell slightly.

“Woo… this was fun Wings…” Pinkie said slowly before she stood up holding a pie that Kazooie had charged at her with and Kazooie fell to the ground.

“You got me… but it’s still best two out of three. We’re tied now.” Kazooie mumbled and then kicked herself into a standing position and pulled off the pie plastered over her cutie mark on her left flank.

“I know… thanks for cheering me up Kazooie. You’re a good friend, but you’re so stubborn. I will make good on my Pinkie Promise just you wait and see. If I can help a cranky old donkey, I can help you.” Pinkie slowly trotted over to Kazooie fatigued out of her mind from pulling so many stunts and they creamed all her clones in one amazing attack.

“Did you just compare me to an ass?” Looking hurt at the assumption that she had anything to do with being one Kazooie gave her best impression of being insulted while putting her left hoof to her chest.

“Maybe I did and maybe I didn’t.” Giggled out a slightly happier Pinkie Pie, she had actually won that battle and it was a hard won fight too. She was probably making her ancient ancestors gush with pride at her Pie family pie pitching prowess and successfully pulling off the secret technique, perfectly planting a pie over another ponies cutie mark.

“Ahem… excuse me, but who is going to clean up this mess?” Mayor Mare stated agitatedly with a glare.

Screwball and Nut Bat sauntered up to Kazooie and Pinkie, a certain look of understanding passed between all of them. Pinkie and Kazooie alone had caused more damage in destroying all the pinkie clones with that wave of pie crust and filling then even the clones did. That wave had covered a fourth of Ponyville in a rather sticky mess.

“Cheese it!” Kazooie shouted as she roughly grabbed Mr. Cold pot, Pinkie and Nut while dragging them all into a hug with Screwball. They disappeared in a bright flash of Screwball’s chaos control.

The mayor turned on the changelings that had been sitting there a moment ago and all that was left was four floating cheerleading outfits that slowly drifted to the ground as the changeling shaped dust clouds finally dissipated.

Chrysalis with her retreating changelings halted for a moment to stare at the one male cheerleading changeling still wearing his outfit with the two bubbles of pie filling on his chest. “You’re still wearing that?”

What? Did his queen think there was a problem with skirts? The changeling didn’t understand why his queen even had to ask as he really liked it, he just needed to wash out the pie crust and filling.

Mayor Mare Yorse Tooly just stood there; this wasn’t the first time Ponyville was in shambles… unfortunately this time the mess would be a lot harder to clean up.

Stumbling down the road five slightly battered ponies just looked on in horror at all the pie crust and filling taking up the entire area. Fluttershy walked away with only a hoof mark on her face, Rainbow had a black eye, Rarity’s body hair was all frizzy and slightly burnt, Applejack twisted one of her ankles which weren’t the fault of the pony that attacked them and Twilight was a twitching bundle of nerves with several bruises marking her body.

To come upon the pie mess and seeing no sign of the Pinkie clones, they all just sighed, separated and decided to head home.

When Fluttershy got to her home and opened the door she was disheartened to hear a certain voice again, not to mention seeing the pony that had attacked them again so soon.

“Hey Peebs mind if we stay the night?” Why wouldn’t Fluttershy immediately faint and flop in a boneless manner to the floor? “Oh good, we’ll just make ourselves at home.”

Author's Note

I write pointlessly because I can...

Banjo & Breakfast

Fluttershy awoke with a start when she heard a muffled explosion and there was a loud squeak, but it wasn’t her who squeaked. The blankets flew off the slowly awakening butter colored pony and her mane fell in front of her eyes. With a light jerk of her head her mane moved out of her sight and she was allowed to witness something adorable.

The cute high pitched squeak had come from Rainbow Dash whose wings were flared out and had knocked the blanket off of them. Despite the flared wings and the tighter snuggling against Fluttershy’s chest, Rainbow hadn’t woken up and Fluttershy was currently gripping Rainbows butt with her right hoof.

“Fluttershy, squeeze me harder… I like it when you hold me roughly…” Fluttershy’s face lit up like a Christmas tree at Rainbow’s sleeping declaration and continued mumbles for stronger cuddles as she nuzzled her nose deeply into Fluttershy’s chest fluff. Fluttershy couldn’t help herself; she nuzzled the top of Rainbow’s head and then kissed her lightly on the nose.

Not once had either of them done anything indecent or against the others will, they didn’t do anything in bed but sleep and hold each other. It was to note that Fluttershy took to sleeping in a cloud bed and her old bed became a guest bed or a bed for her little animal friends. Well her animal friends could use it as long as they promised to keep it clean and didn’t leave any of their droppings on it.

Speaking of which Fluttershy hated to do this to Rainbow, but she had to find out what was going on in her back yard. She tried to work her way out of the grip of the other pony Fluttershy really did, she ended up with Rainbow clutching to her back as she made her way downstairs. Carrying the added weight of another pony wasn’t easy and she went past her cozy little couch in the living room ignoring the pony sleeping on it and into her kitchen passing by the two beings sitting at the table. Fluttershy flung open her back door and saw what was making all that noise and her heart jumped into her throat as she back away in fear.

In her backyard Fluttershy was witness to the pony that had attacked them yesterday fighting another pony, well it looked like she was trying to fight the other pony. The other pony in question was giving the dark grey mare hugs and kisses while cuddling up to her, all the while avoiding a flaming bat and attacking hooves. The dark grey mare multitasked in using her flaming baseball bat to attack separately from herself in concert; it was a really amazing thing to watch as much to see as the other pony had no problem with dodging each deadly swing and strike. Everything was fine until the light pink coated pony with the purple and white streak mane was knocked down with a blow to the chest.

Screwball had the air knocked out of her by her sister; she really liked Bad Girl as a sister for she was mean, nasty and cantankerous as all get out. In truth Screwball knew Bad Girl truly liked her in a protective manner, of course now she had the nickname ‘Nuts’ to her ‘Screwy’ all because Kazooie actually accepted the lonely boss fight from ‘No More Heroes’ as one of her own family.

Nut Bat or in this case Bad Girl got along with Kazooie perfectly, the boss fight character had a lot in common with the breegull such as their sadistic tendencies, drinking habits and violently explosive natures. Well technically Bad Girl was more vicious whereas Kazooie was just playful. Speaking of viciousness and playfulness, Nuts had Screwball under her left leg putting pressure on the younger pony’s belly and she was gripping Screwballs right hind hoof to pull hard to cause her some pain for all the teasing.

Fluttershy looked on horrified that the grey coated unicorn was going to break the strange eyed earth pony’s legs and she would have rushed forward if Rainbow wasn’t weighing her down. She was perplexed in the next moment as she was the grey unicorn pulled hard and instead of the sick snapping sound of a leg breaking, it just stretched.

“You do know that’s kind of unfair Screwy?” Nuts continued to pull the stretching leg and there was now eight feet of leg between them and her back was nearly to a tree. “How the ‘YAY’ am I supposed to cause my little sister pain if she’s just going to be ‘YAY’ funny about it? I swear you like being a pain too much you little ‘YAY’.”

Her distaste of cursing and rudeness aside Fluttershy just stood there gaping at the stretched leg and the giggling earth pony before a snapping sound was heard. The earth pony’s eyes widened as her entire body flew straight for the grey unicorns and soon they were slammed against the tree. There was a perplexed look in Fluttershy’s eyes as she couldn’t believe what she was now seeing.

Screwball felt funny, well her front two legs did as they had wrapped around the tree, her own body and that of her sisters several times getting tangled so that they were both stuck to the tree. The end result was her legs tying off in the shape of a bow. Screwball was still getting used to her squash and stretch talents not having used them much. She gave her sister a sheepish smile as the unicorn struggled to break free from the ridiculously strong hug she was being given.

“You are so lucky I don’t need to breathe. Hey blade beak, can we get a little help out here you old golden axe!” Nuts yelled towards the house. “I don’t want to be stuck tied to my little sister for the rest of the day!”

Fluttershy took a moment to remember seeing several figures in her house that she had passed by in a daze and she turned to the table. Sitting at the table was Kazooie in her normal form and across from her was a honey bear wearing yellow shorts and wearing a shark tooth necklace. They were holding coffee mugs, one labeled bear and the other bird in large black letters, one red and yellow and the other brown and yellow with a black dotted line in the yellow portion. These coffee mugs are definitely important to the overall plot so it was best that they not be forgotten by anyone.

“Hey Peebs, you don’t mind if I invited my brother into the house and showed him around right?” Kazooie said as she sat down her coffee mug on a coaster and talon trotted past the confused pegasus throwing out a parting jab before she went outside to help out her supposed daughters. “You two should get a room at a nice hotel and do an impersonation of your friend Angel, excuse me but I have to go sort out my trouble shooters and makers. So tell me when you plan to have your wedding when one of you gets around to finally proposing as at this moment I don’t think commitment is the issue.”

Fluttershy’s entire body flushed bright red as she realized the nuzzling pressure in her neck from a sleeping Rainbow Dash still straddling her body. She was being rather calm given the pony that had attacked most of her friends yesterday had been in a pitched fight with what was apparently her sister, Kazooie was strangely their mother probably by adoption and her subconscious was trying to figure out how to cope with the bird coming back into her life so abruptly without warning.

Carefully Fluttershy managed to get Rainbow off her back and slid her carefully onto the floor where the pony curled up like a dog, this caused her to smile as she made her way to the chair pulled it out and sat down. Soon the bear sitting at the table sipping his coffee stopped to pull out a yellow mug with a pink rim and her name on it in big black letters; he poured some coffee into it and then slowly slid it over to Fluttershy.

“Thank you.” Fluttershy said pleasantly if quietly before lifting the mug to her lips and slowly imbibing the brown liquid that had a sweet hazelnut flavor.

“Don’t mention it, Kazooie drives everyone crazy at least once and she’s done it to me more times than I can count since I’m her brother. Wouldn’t have her any other way though, she really knows how to make life interesting for me.” Banjo offered up calmly, even after his sister had invaded her home and was already causing problems and it wasn’t even past seven yet. “I love her to pieces, but she really loves to be annoying where possible and never underestimate the lengths at which her cunning can go to.”

“If it’s not too much trouble to ask, who are you?” Fluttershy decided to ignore the fact that Kazooie was once again being a self imposed houseguest with added imposing.

“I’m Banjo, a simple laid back honey bear. My sister Kazooie let me in this morning so I hope you don’t mind. I came here wondering where she had gotten too after our friends started setting things up for living accommodations.” The bear said with a lazy drawl. “Be prepared for unexplainable shenanigans, I don’t think all of them will be my sisters fault though, just most of them.”

“Thank you for the warning; she’s a bit um… weird, to be around that is.” Fluttershy tried to think of a word for Kazooie without being mean about it.

“That’s the nice way of putting that she’s a total menace to everything, almost without a hint of remorse. Really though, her heart is in the right place most of the time.” Banjo shook his head; he was the one with the backpack at the moment. The bear took a moment to look out a window or the doorway to see Kazooie slowly coiling up the limp noodle arms that Screwball had and she was being assisted by Nut Bat.

There was a movement of four hooves and the sound of flushing heard upstairs, soon four hooves made their way towards the kitchen attracted to the smell of the coffee that had been made. Banjo gasped as he hadn’t seen their little pink kitten in a long time and now here she was mostly grown up, her hair seemed to be a bit flatter then he remembered it though.

Banjo wasn’t the only one gasping as Pinkie gasped upon seeing Banjo and slowly her eyes started to enlarge and a growing magical smile could be seen on her face, her hair fully fluffed itself out magically within a moments breathe. Pinkie Pie started to feel the need for a hug.

Banjo remembered all the times he comforted the lost little pony that had ended up in Spiral Mountain, he also remember how strong she was when she was little. Slowly he reached his left paw into the blue backpack and kept his gaze locked with Pinkie’s, he set the mug in his right paw down on a coaster not wanting to be a rude or bad guest like his sister was. He carefully kept eye contact with Pinkie refusing to even blink as he kept his movements slow and deliberate.

Soon Pinkie lunged straight for Banjo, Banjo flicked his left paw and something flew out of it and it was incidentally flying in Rainbow’s direction. Pinkie’s lunge changed direction mid-air and she slammed into a sleeping Rainbow Dash and within seconds she was tangled up in yarn with her.

“Why do I always fall for this?” Pinkie whined sadly as she was tangled up with a startled Rainbow Dash, to say she hadn’t been woken up pleasantly was an understatement given her sudden yelp of pain.

“Where who when why, what time is it because I have a buc… why am I tied up with Pinkie?” Rainbow had to stop her curse to finish her continued questioning once she took in her current situation, she saw Fluttershy give her a disapproving look when she was about to even say a curse word. Instead Rainbow thought it prudent to instead ask how she ended up tied into a knot with Pinkie in a large amount of yellow yarn and on the floor.

“Oh, Rainbow…” Fluttershy sighed sadly; she wished Rainbow would lend her some comfort. A large headache was forming upon the butterfly mares head and her three unwanted intruders were finally filing their way into the kitchen, Banjo she liked and his presence was actually wanted in comparison. At least Banjo resonated with her as he was chock full of kindness and was at least being courteous to ask if it was okay with him being here.

Kazooie probably just broke into her house yesterday, either that or Angel had let her and the other two ponies in.

Hearing the hint of agitation in Fluttershy’s soft voice Rainbow was immediately up and snapping the yarn wrapped around her with her wings and breaking free of the yarn tangle in the process. She left Pinkie to her tangled mess without a second thought. It wasn’t like the yarn was life threatening, otherwise Rainbow could leave her friend in the lurch like she left Rarity behind in the desert with Pinkie Pie.

“Fluttershy what’s wrong?” Rainbow’s protective and attentive streak shot up within moments of hearing Fluttershy’s voice, she was immediately nuzzling up to the beautiful pony.

“Oh, just my life falling into madness… that is if it’s okay with you knowing that.” Fluttershy finally answered as Rainbow turned to the sound of the door closing.

Rainbow’s eyes bugged out once she realized who the pony and bird creature that entered Fluttershy’s kitchen were, though it took her a moment of staring at the two. She was immediately flaring her wings and placing herself in front of her friend and naptime snuggle pony, with an angry look in her eye directed at the dark grey coated pony. The third pony with the ridiculously stretched out legs that were coiled up like ropes really didn’t cross her mind yet.

“What the hay are you doing here?” It was the only sentiment that would cross Rainbow’s lips for the moment.

“Carrying my daughter in for breakfast after a particularly humorous injury?” Looking upon the birds back there where two lengths of what Rainbow had thought were coiled ropes, a second look proved them to be the front legs of the mare being carried by the dark grey pony that assaulted them yesterday. “Hey Pinkie, can you give my squirt a little help with her legs being all stretched out?”

“Just give me a few minutes Wings; you do realize that it’s still hard for me to escape yarn. I can easily perform every rope related escape trick as a party magician and then some, but yarn is kind of frustrating and I still don’t understand why I can’t escape it so well.” Pinkie was becoming more and more entangled in the yarn as she tried to get out of it, it was beginning to agitate her and an angry Pinkie was certainly a sight to see. “Banjo… can’t you help you’re old kitten out?”

“I knew this was coming the moment I decided to throw that yarn ball. I wonder if Busby even needs that third of his collection back.” Sighing Banjo rubbed his head with a paw, he slowly got out of his seat and started using his claws to carefully rip Pinkie free of her stringy blanketing prison.

Rainbow carefully stuck close to Fluttershy and watched as Pinkie went to inspect the two limp noodle arms on the table after Screwball was helped with taking a seat. Pinkie scrutinized Screwball for a moment before she started tickling the almost adult mare, Screwball burst out in a fit of giggles as Pinkie went for her armpits and she tried to fight off the pink mare with her flailing limp noodles. After a moment of tickle torture and flailing Screwball looked at her hooves and the fact that they were now no longer stretched, she turned to Pinkie and gave her a strong hug.

“Don’t mention it.” Pinkie said amiably.

“Don’t mention what?” Rainbow asked not seeing Screwball even move her lips.

“Didn’t you hear her? She thanked me for helping her.” Pointing her right hoof at Screwball, Pinkie narrowed her eyes at the pony. “You have a birthday coming up don’t you… can I plan it? Please, please and possibly with a smile of cheese? Maybe wear some shorts in a cool breeze? Do I have to beg on me knees?”

“Make it a baseball theme and with a home plate shaped cake… you do know how to make ice cream cakes right? I’m paying for it if you’re willing to cater and knowing you, this party won’t count towards the one you really want to throw me.” Opening bid by Kazooie as Nuts finally took a seat next to the restored Screwball. Kazooie held out a wing to Banjo who reached in the backpack and pulled out a white disk, she took it in her wing and punched it with the other one causing the disk to explode into a now revealed chef’s hat which she promptly adorned. “Aside from that and further negotiations later on, what do you girls want for breakfast? I know you need your health restored Nuts so don’t complain.”

“Five beers and wait… I can’t exactly eat meat here can I, especially while I’m like this?” The question horrified both Fluttershy and Rainbow, but Nuts didn’t see a problem with it. She did after all used to be a human psycho assassin who was now a pony psycho assassin, same difference as everyone had their hang-ups like she tried telling Travis once upon a time before she was impaled violently. Fluttershy was more concerned that Kazooie was already placing beer bottles on the table for Nuts.

“I don’t recommend eating meat while you’re a pony; the taste is just entirely skewed. I’ll just make you two special spiced omelets.” There was a searching look in Nuts eyes as she stared at Kazooie upon mentioning omelets. “What?”

“They’re not coming from… you know.” Nuts actually had a squeamish look on her face, for the second rank hired killer she was being a bit silly.

“No, I don’t cook those eggs and if I did it would be a horrible prank Nuts.” Kazooie said flatly knowing what Nuts was implying.

“You did it to me once…” Banjo idly stated before sitting down and flicking open a newspaper to read what ponies had for news in this world.

“Well you’re the one that requested it of me and it wasn’t just that one time; I’m actually beginning to think you like the taste of scrambled fire eggs.” Instead of answering Kazooie’s questioning gaze Banjo just ducked his head behind the newspaper to hide his blush. “Also he’s the only exception as he actually asked for my eggs specifically, creepy though it may be I am a good source of protein.”

“I’ll have a fruit salad with those omelets then.” Back to her gruffer nature she slammed back a beer bottle and within seconds the entire bottle was empty and she was gasping happily. Her eyes turned to narrow on Rainbow who flared her wings in defiance and anger making sure to stay next to Fluttershy in case she did anything.

“That’ll be one agricultural shocker and two well spiced ‘burn ass’ margaritas. What did you want Screwball? Unlike your elder sister daughter o’ mine you need to order at least one nutritional thing. Well unless you’re chaos powers make up for the lack of nutritional food, then you can just eat cardboard for all I care.” Holding a notepad in her left wing and jotting it down in pen with her right she was getting Screwball’s order jotted down. “Let’s see that’s two sticky wickets, a steam rolled wicker basket and a house of cards special then. Banjo you low on health or need any magic points? No? Okay then. Now what do you want Pinkie?”

“I’ll have a bloody Juan José, some sun spittle and a big baked Smurf.” Pinkie said plainly without even a hint of humor in her voice.

“Okay and what will you two be having this morning and do you want me to slip you two some mice then toss you back to bed to finally get somewhere?” Rainbow and Fluttershy were now staring blankly at Kazooie as she tapped a talon waiting for them to make an order. “Well… come on then.”

“Why should we trust you to make us food?” Rainbow asked as her eyes darted to the dark grey pony slowly savoring her second bottle of beer.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because Pinkie trusts me enough to be professional when it comes to cooking.” Kazooie was not offended; she was rather untrustworthy at times.

“I’ll have pancakes… um if you don’t mind.” Fluttershy’s left hoof pawed at the table slowly and she refused to look Kazooie in the eyes as she brought the mug up to her mouth and started sipping from it. Kazooie was still her friend even if Rainbow was going to a bit difficult about it and she knew Rainbow wanted to be friends with the bird too.

“I’ll give you the brown cheese special then, would you like that with strawberries, powdered sugar and syrup Peebs?” After waiting a moment and watching the pony gnaw at her bottom lip slightly Fluttershy finally nodded, Kazooie nodded back at her. “I recommend you drink some mango juice with that, just don’t let any green ducks near it or we’re liable to have a lawsuit. What about you miss eyesore, what would you like for breakfast?”

“Like you could even guess what I would want for breakfast.” Rainbow muttered to herself, she didn’t even know why she wasn’t throttling the grey pony yet it. She chalked it up to Kazooie being in the same room as her and the dark grey pony not actively taking any action to harm them, so far it seemed the dark grey unicorn was just happy to be doing some early morning drinking.

“That’ll be one egg sunny side up, hash brown carrots and a grilled cheese sandwich light on the butter, as for your drink it will be sweet apple acres cider.” Now she would just wait a little for Rainbows reaction which didn’t take long, Kazooie easily smirked upon seeing it.

Rainbow stared at Kazooie for a moment before her jaw slammed into the table with a thud. Seeing that she was done here Kazooie set off to make breakfast, she only stopped to make sure no one did anything stupid as soon as she left the room. “Nuts, Screwy, I want you two to please be nice or else I’ll throttle the both of you. We’re guests in Angel bunnies home after all and we wouldn’t want to cause a ruckus by upsetting his pet ponies, divert any problems you may have in the near future to your uncle Banjo since I’m going to be busy for the next ten minutes.”

“You rabbit has pet ponies!?” Rainbow said immediately turning to Fluttershy in disbelief.

“Actually… I think she was talking about us…” Fluttershy meekly stated.

“What!” Rainbow shouted in indignation, as she knew she wasn’t a pet to a dumb rabbit.

The back door opened and in came said rabbit that closed it and stopped at the doorway seeing that everyone was staring at him. Angel just shrugged jumped on top of Fluttershy patted her on the head and then did the same to Rainbow Dash after jumping to her back, afterwards Angel hopped off for the couch to take a nap. Kazooie had recently bribed Angel into doing all of Fluttershy’s work for her so she can bribe Rainbow Dash with Fluttershy who had nothing to do for the rest of the day.

Forgetting for a moment that she was feeling insulted by the insinuation that a rabbit owned her backside, Rainbow finally turned her anger to the dark grey coated unicorn with the dirty blonde mane and the strangely alluring pink dress.

“Okay who are you and why did you attack us yesterday?” Rainbow stated testily, she wasn’t in the greatest of moods having to deal with Kazooie again considering how insane she was last time she was in Equestria.

“I guess my names Nut Bat; just call me Nuts because I am to follow that bloody bird around… huh… no bleep outs for the word bloody? Anyway, I was bored and I was told to keep the five of you busy yesterday, by the way don’t look up.” Of course the second Nuts said not to look up Rainbow inevitably did.

Rainbow’s reward was two scoops of slightly melted ice cream hitting her in the face along with a slice of pumpkin pie smacking into her chest. Reaching up with a hoof Rainbow slowly wiped the ice cream out of her eyes and the chunks of pie off her chest, she glared at the little ice cream cloud known as Mr. Cold Spot and then turned to Nuts to have a word with her.

“Yeah, that’s her pet so don’t get angry with me about that.” Nuts just pointed at Screwball.

The spiraling pupil eyed pony waved to the cloud and it flew to her chest and gently started to rub up against it. Screwball smiled and started to run a hoof along the pink surface of the cloud softly and then she lightly admonished it for being mean to ponies that hadn’t done anything to it or by extension her considering its protective streak. Mr. Cold Spot was a friendly and nice pet, but if you upset him a blizzard and sharp pointy icicles made with tutti-frutti may be the last thing you ever see.

“Um… can you please clean up after your pet… cloud… if that’s not too much trouble?” The soft voice of Fluttershy raised a decibel willing everyone to at least try and get along.

Screwball gave a grin and nodded she reached behind her back flicked out a purple and white towel that enwrapped Rainbow Dash alongside the mess. With a sharp tug of her right hoof Screwball sent the colorful pony spinning around like a top before dizzily falling to the floor completely clean.

“I see Kazooie’s been teaching you cleaning tricks.” Banjo said idly while continuing to leaf through the newspaper he had. “It’s really interesting how fast news travels around here, the huge pie fight sounded fun. I bet the mess will be something to clean up.”

Soon breakfast was had and it was eaten with light conversation, with Rainbow Dash wary of the three strangers and the red insane asylum escapee with a sharp beak. The introductions were short and simple, the crazy grinning Nut Bat, the weird grinning Screwball was like looking at another Pinkie pie and Banjo was, while not a normal average honey bear, quite pleasant to talk to. They were all of course aware of whom Kazooie was, if you’ve met her once then you’ll recognize her for life.

Fluttershy was happy and a little perplexed with the cheesecake pancakes she received, decadent didn’t even begin to describe the taste and the mango juice was a nice touch to wash it down with. What confused her was how it was possible to cross cheesecake with pancakes, then make the resulting thing taste so wonderful to the point she was willing to forgive Kazooie just about any sin just short of killing a pony.

Rainbow received exactly what Kazooie said she would; she wondered where the bird would have even got Sweet Apple Acres cider and then she remembered that Kazooie had put Big Mac in the hospital. She wasn’t about to bring it up quite yet, but she’s also heard that Kazooie was the reason the apple family were owners of the most particularly odd pear tree that appeared in their apple orchard. The pears were pretty good but she wasn’t about to tell Applejack that, as she tended to be a bit snappish about having to grow a minimal amount of apple brand pears as a specialty item.

Pinkie happily chewed the breakfast version of chimi-cherry-chonga's, orange juice and the blueberry muffin... she kept an eye on the muffin making sure it wasn't stolen by the blonde haired muffin pirate. You'd blink and the muffin would be gone and down that ponies stomach within seconds.

Screwball's order was diced card shaped skillet fried potatos with some random small bits of vegetables thrown in, two buttered breakfast biscuits with grape jelly and two oven warm creme filled dougnuts with a light honey glaze. Screwball never went hungry with Kazooie around and she was really good at making breakfast.

Nut Bat was surprisingly smiling a less creepy smile as she had her fruit salad on the side of her special spicy folded eggs breakfast. Nut Bat wasn't about to mention that she could taste the alcoholic substances used in her particular dish as Fluttershy seemed to be a lightweight about stuff like this even being near her house. Kazooie now had her interest with the alcohol laced food, she was almost willing to call her mom now.

“Thanks for having us over for the night Peebs, but it’s about time me and the girls shoved on. As for you Banjo… you really need to spend some time away from Honey once in a while, so why don’t you spend a day helping Pinkie out with her problems?” After Banjo nodded to Kazooie that’ll he’ll take her advice into consideration as he hadn’t seen Pinkie in a long time, the bird turned to Rainbow Dash. “Just so you know I’m bribing you to keep quiet about my presence here, if anyone asks you specifically about me you can tell them the truth otherwise you can keep quiet and not offer up any information.”

“And just why would I do that?” Even though Rainbow was currently enjoying one of the best made grilled cheese sandwich’s she would ever taste, it did not mean she had to like Kazooie even if they were somewhat friends.

“Because thanks to me bribing Angel, Fluttershy now has an entire day off and Mr. Cold Spot just got back from talking to his cumulonimbus friends. You’re free to spend the entire day with Fluttershy and go on one day long date as your job has already been done for you.” Seeing the frowns she was receiving from the two mares Kazooie decided to continue on with a showy wave of her left wing as her right wrapped around the back of Rainbows neck. “Also if you don’t want to hang out with the love of your life for the rest of the day, then you’re free to find out what Banjo is going to get up to. If not you could just follow us into the Ever Free Forest, I’m not feeling up to protecting you or Fluttershy. So if you drag her in there you might incidentally get her hurt or worse. You follow us by yourself leaving her behind you could be hurting Fluttershy emotionally by getting hurt or injured yourself.”

Mulling over everything Kazooie said, Rainbow wasn’t the smartest pony in the world. Even then the colorful pony understood the implied threat to just ignore the bird and whatever it was she was going to be doing or else something bad will happen. That much to Rainbow was pretty clear, if she got seriously hurt she’d be hurting Fluttershy and remembering the fact that around the time she got hooked on the Daring Do books Fluttershy would come in quite often with a worried look on her face always wondering if she were feeling okay during visiting hours at the hospital. It made a lot of sense to Rainbow now that they were together; it actually brought a smile to her face.

Apparently Banjo was going to be helping Pinkie with stuff today. To Rainbow, Banjo seemed incredibly trustworthy in comparison to the insane bird; Pinkie was her friend and seemed completely calm around him. This brought back wistful memories that they used to pull pranks all the time before Rainbow discovered dating… well she only ever dated one pony and she didn’t want to date any pony else. Rainbow could say she’d immediately turn down Spitfire even if she were to walk through the door to Fluttershy’s kitchen and declare that she loved Rainbow Dash to the ends of the world.

Fluttershy was her mare friend and the only mare friend she could ever want. She really didn’t see the attraction in other mares or stallions. Now that she thought about it, since Fluttershy was no long her best friend from childhood, so who was her best friend now? Applejack or Pinkie Pie… it didn’t really matter as they were both awesome friends. In consideration Rainbow would even say Fluttershy was her soul mate and that any other pony would pale in comparison to huddle up against.

The final thing Rainbow could do is what Kazooie said to do, just enjoy her day as it didn’t sound like she was endangering anyone Rainbow knew personally and she didn’t put it past the beaky bird to drag ponies into a fine mess of dangerous situations on a whim. The two ponies with her were obviously good at getting out of a sticky situation given one can literally set themselves on fire without repercussion, not to mention control how much heat she gave off while in the middle of semi permanent self inflicted immolation.

Fighting a giant crab monster, kidnapping Fluttershy, capturing a cult, beating Discord while drunk and earning a title as a boxing champion were some of the things Kazooie was noted for the last time she was here. Rainbow doubted whatever was going to happen in the Ever Free Forest would be all too noteworthy anyway given the epicenter of weirdness was Ponyville itself.

Rainbow thought some of the things she herself did was impressive, but Kazooie really took that an extra mile by being insane while doing all the things she did. Rainbow wasn’t one to judge as all her friends and she herself were involved in crazy things on a weekly basis… she was pretty sure she heard Applejack muttering about having to go to the train station after getting the barn raised to pick up an apple family cousin. Rainbow had to bet something adventurous was to be had from the apple cousin visiting. She heard the Cutie Mark Crusaders were being watched by Applejack today as well so at least her little tail, known as Scootaloo, would be busy for the foreseeable future and not doing dangerous stunts to find her cutie mark. Rainbow sometimes worried about Scootaloo idolizing her too much.

“So what do you want to do today Fluttershy?” Rainbow said almost immediately after having given it some thought. It was at this moment she noticed that three of Fluttershy’s house guests had left and only Pinkie and Banjo were still here. Fluttershy got up from her chair and shyly moved over to Rainbow.

“Um… maybe…” Fluttershy leaned in close and whispered an idea into Rainbow’s ear.

“Yeah, we can do that.” Throwing her right wing across Fluttershy’s back, Rainbow pecked her on the cheek and they left through the front door.

“So what are we doing Jo?” Pinkie asked excitedly bouncing in place.

“We should probably wash the dishes first then we need to get over to Sweet Apple Acres. Kazooie told me you could use some help with a pony named Applejack… from the way she tells it you really have a thing for her.” Pinkie paused in midair and flopped to the floor in a sad sounding thud that only she could have made as Banjo calmly started on the dirty dishes everyone had left behind. He wasn’t too worried about Pinkie’s emotional state because he was going to help get her back onto those hooves with that big silly grin in no time at all.

An hour later approximately five minutes or so after eight in the morning, Banjo and Pinkie had arrived at Sweet Apple Acres where the unfinished barn from the Pinkie clone attack was still on the ground. Banjo was idly bobbing his head to the background music that reminded him of Spiral Mountain.

“Guess Applejack is going to be too busy to apologize to today, she’s probably already working the orchards so I guess we can… eep!?” Pinkie tried to turn tail and scamper away only to be gripped gently by a strong paw that tugged her into the air by the scruff of her neck. She was gently pointed back to the barn

“Now come on Pinkie, no putting this off. You use your cartoon powers to reach the places to nail the stuff together and I’ll get the ropes to haul the parts of the barn up.” Pinkie watching as Banjo single handedly brought up two sections of the barn up with a grunt and held the sections up with ropes wrapping up both his paws and arms. He looked to Pinkie and gave a tilt of his head to the parts of the barn he managed to get up on his own.

“Oh right, hold on a second.” Pinkie quickly darted off camera for a second and reappeared with a white construction helmet, an orange vest, a bunch of nails sticking out of the side of her mouth and a golden hammer held up in her right hoof that made a tinny noise when she raised it into the air. “I caused this mess and now… I can fix it!”

“You know I really missed you’re costume changes, now that you’re older they seem a bit less silly… I remember that fire fighter costume when you were that little filly and the hat covered half your body.” Sighing wistfully Banjo watched as Pinkie started to perform video game based acrobatics, bouncing of the upraised wall held up by Banjo and starting from the top of the two walls. Soon Pinkie started hammering more and more… then before his eyes Pinkie multiplied and started appearing all over the place before her movements became covered in an expanding dust cloud that covered the two sections of wall he held up.

“Done, now we get the next two up, right Mr. Jo?” Pinkie said merrily hopping in place, the cartoon ability of quick building exciting her lowered spirit slightly. The next two sections of the wall went up just as easily as Pinkie’s speed building immediately had all four walls neatly secured.

“How many times did this Applejack pony have this barn replaced?” The bear put a paw to his chin as he studied the almost complete structure; it was missing its roof and doors. Banjo was thinking of a way to help this barn last a lot longer than the other’s.

“At least one or four times every three months, why?” The pony watched as the bear reached into the magic backpack, after a moment he pulled out several objects that looked to be paint cans. Pinkie took a moment to scrutinize what was written on the cans and she smiled brightly. “Oh, I think Applejack is going to like this. Video Game stuff always works as advertised doesn’t it?”

“Yep, figured a coat of that stuff might go a long way, I’m not one to judge what my sister was going to do with this much of it though. I can still feel a few hundred thousand more cans of it in there.” Smiling Banjo rustled Pinkie’s mane as he walked past her towards the side of the barn to get a better look at what they had to deal with. “Now let’s get that stuff out after we’re done figuring out how we’re getting that roof on the barn. So do you have any ideas?”

“Yep, I’m going to do a scene transition!” Yelled Pinkie with a hop and a twirl, the scene faded to black as Pinkie landed.

My little pony, my little pony… I used to wonder what friendship meant to me and then I met a bunch of my past friends that were like my family! Big adventures and tons of fun, bear and bird are crazy but they certainly get along. Spiral Mountain was full of kooks and they came to this world with happiness that can scare away that which spooks! Yeah, my little pony, don’t you know that this transition will now end?

The scene faded back in and the barn had its roof in the right place and Banjo was just finishing up the installation of the doors on the barn, he was holding it in place so that the hinges can be hammered in by Pinkie.

“Well that felt strange, but whatever we did to get the barn’s roof where it needs to be obviously worked.” Shaking his head while chuckling, Banjo looked to Pinkie shucking her vest and hat to reveal a different set of clothing underneath.

As Pinkie removed her vest a painter’s smock unfolded out from under it and she had an orange beret on her head upon removing the white protective helmet. She pulled a paintbrush out of her mane and then grabbed one of the cans.

“Yep and now it’s time for painter Pinkie to make the barn last longer than normal… you sure that using this stuff won’t backfire spectacularly in any given way?” Pinkie suddenly asked as she had a gut feeling about this, she didn’t know it was a bad or good feeling. Her Pinkie Sense tended to go askew or it didn’t work to well when in relation to Video Game characters, it still worked perfectly fine in reference to everything cartoon related and especially the world which she was born it.

“I’m not Kazooie Pinkie; I’m not going to do something stupid or dangerous unless I really have to. Besides I apparently read the entire label during the transition, it’s perfectly safe to use on the barn we just finished setting up on our own.” Thankfully Banjo didn’t have muscles to strain or worry about; even then there was only so much he could do with his physical strength. The bear was happy to have aided Pinkie in her apology present and that they had managed it record time. Ten minutes to set it all up.

“You better be ready to head to the train station to pick up Cousin Babs by the time we’re done… setting… up…” Applejack stopped shouting back to her little sister as she and several other ponies that were walking towards the barn stopped and their mouths opened in awe. Applejack ears had even tilted back in confusion and she flicked her tail slightly in agitation.

After a moment of taking in the barn she finally noticed the bear with its arms crossed standing off to the side with a blue backpack that seemed familiar watching something. Turning her gaze to see what the intelligent bear that probably knew Fluttershy was watching, she saw that Pinkie Pie was at the door and doing the finishing touches on the paint job.

“Pinkie, what in the hay? How did you manage to get the barn up?” Even her several cousins and Big Mac were a bit perplexed and wanted to ask that question themselves. “You didn’t do this all by yourself, did you?”

“No, of course not silly, I had a little help from Banjo here. I’m so sorry about the mess I caused yesterday Applejack. I’ve learned my lesson about taking things one at a time and I came here to make it up to you.” Pinkie approached Applejack shucking her paint splattered smock and beret, all of which had disappeared and no pony saw where it went to. It caused a bit of confusion among the other ponies that saw it and Applejack just shrugged the oddity off as Pinkie being who she was. “So what do you think?”

“Are you sure that barn is sturdy?” Applejack asked suddenly, she nodded to the stallions to test the structure. “Is that bear one of Fluttershy’s friends? Why is he wearing yellow shorts? Also can someone tell me who’s playing that banjo music? It’s actually pretty catchy like the stuff cousin Fiddlesticks can play.”

The stallions conversed among themselves and then they had Big Mac buck it, the barn didn’t even shudder or wobble at all. Big Mac however shuddered as he slowly lowered his slightly paralyzed legs.

“Eeyup that’s solid alright.” Big Mac finally said after a moment before sitting on his butt rubbing his poot hind legs with a pained look in his eyes. He and the other apple clan ponies soon entered the barn; they still need to inspect some parts of the inner structure. The barn was pretty much done otherwise.

“In order, Banjo just met Fluttershy this morning, because he likes them and I think that music is coming from Banjo. I wouldn’t bother him about it as he likes it and I really don’t think he’s willing to put a mute on it.” Pinkie was hopping in place right next to Applejack. “So do you forgive me, huh? Please say you forgive me and that maybe you’ll still give me slices of apple pie at our picnics when all our friends get together? Please just say you forgive me.”

“Well you certainly cut our work load in half for the day, also there’s nothing to forgive.” Applejack brought Pinkie into a soft hug before she quickly let go. “You’re a good friend Pinkie, now I have to go tell Applebloom that we can go to wait on her cousin right now. I really dread having to deal with the crusaders though, they can cause more damage then you did yesterday with half the effort.”

Watching the blonde pony trotting off, Pinkie sighed wistfully staring at the well muscled flank. Pinkie also looked at the bound golden blonde mane and the even little bands that held it and her tail back. Pinkie even thought the hat was the main feature of the entire ensemble that was the farm pony.

“You always did like yellow or golden colors… so that’s your special… what was it Kazooie called it again… somepony?” Not trusting her voice Pinkie nodded to Banjo, he smiled goofily at the pink pony and once again ruffled her mane. “I’m happy you have someone special… what’s wrong? Oh no you don’t, now tell old Banjo what’s gotten into you kitten.”

Pinkie tried to scamper off when Banjo asked her what was wrong, only she got picked up and hauled into Banjo’s lap where he held her in a tight if friendly embrace. Pinkie couldn’t frown when being held by Banjo, though her smile could have been bigger. Pinkie wasn’t escaping the bears gentle yet ridiculously powerful hug unless he let her go.

“Well… You remember what I told you about coming from a rock farm the first time I appeared in Spiral Mountain?” Banjo nodded, he remembered that day quite well when he and Kazooie took Pinkie in. They even promised her a way back home and fulfilled it.

“Yeah I remember Pinkie; it did take Humba a while to create that portal… so what happened with your family?” Banjo always wondered if Pinkie got home alright.

“They were really worried about me, they may be a bit boring and have dull jobs but they went to a lot of extremes to find out where I went missing.” Pinkie snuggled into Banjo’s tight grasp getting comfortable. “That’s not what I wanted to talk about at all you know it, you’re trying to distract me to make me happier. Sad thing is it almost worked, but I can’t get distracted about something like this! It feels like I have heart burn and I can’t drop enough ice on it to cool it down.”

“Can’t blame a bear for trying can you? Kazooie really missed you when you left; you added some extra color to our world. In hindsight we really shouldn’t have let you have those crayons after giving you all that sugar.” Laughing the bear slowly let go of Pinkie and she sat down next to the sitting bear. In the shadows watching the two a pair of bright intelligent eyes watched the bear interact with the pink pony that once sung of enchantress’s. “So what was the point that you were trying to get to about your home at the rock farm?”

“Oh right, anyway rock farming is a boring and thankless job, but Applejack… she makes farming for apples fun! It’s one of the reasons I really like her, aside from being blonde, honest, well muscled and sweeter than half a dozen cupcakes. I bet she could make even rock farming seem fun, she certainly made cherry farming an adventure.” If one was to look at her and Banjo was at the moment, you could see little ethereal hearts floating off of Pinkie’s head and a quick black bug like pony creature flew by scooping them up greedily with a smile. Banjo didn’t have the heart to say anything about the strange creature that flew off excitedly holding onto the ethereal hearts. “I’m having problems getting her to like me the way I like her. Mostly because she’s down to earth and normal, while I’m spastic and out there, I don’t think she’s interested just because I’m me.”

“Pinkie, nothing good ever came of not being yourself unless you want to make a lie a reality. She doesn’t hate or dislike you does she?” Taking a moment to wait for Pinkie to shake her head no, Banjo decided to continue. “Now what’s the problem? Why haven’t you gotten a fishing lure and a net to catch her with yet?”

“She’s got a big crush on another one of our best friends Banjo; it’s really kind of hard to compete with Rarity in a beauty contest unless you’re Fluttershy.” Looking to the ground Pinkie started to swirl her left hoof in the dirt. “Its hard being me all the time, every pony I meet expects me to be happy and hyper. Hyper is not a problem for me, but happy? I can get excitable and nothing makes me as happy as making others happy, but this situation is a time I’ve wanted something so bad when most of the time I’ve wanted for naught but others happiness.”

“Watch out Pinkie, I think you may start waxing poetic.” Banjo muttered in an amused tone.

“Why do people always talk about waxing poetry? Goodness knows Twilight would get mad at me if I started using wax on her books.” After a moment of consideration Pinkie shook her head rapidly, she was being led astray and off topic again. “Stop causing my mind wander all over the place Banjo, I’m trying to stay focused on what’s important!”

“Sorry, I’m used to verbal jabbing thanks to going so many rounds with my sister.” Though his sister would never admit it, Banjo was the smart one of their duo and could talk Kazooie down if he really needed to. You’ve never had a brother till you’ve had a bear as one, in this case Banjo decided to give a bit of wisdom to his favorite pink pony. “Pinkie you need to pull back and enjoy what you have already, you only need to be yourself around her and just gently prod her about spending some quality time together. Maybe talk to her about the idea of maybe one date; I’m not as good as Kazooie is at setting this stuff up. Anyway who’s this Rarity and why does Applejack like her so much?”

“Oh, well Rarity is a dress making pony. She’s really good at it and she’s always doing stuff with her appearance and Applejack really likes her… only problem is, Rarity’s straight and I mean Kazooie confirmation kind of straight.” Pinkie waited to see the shocked look on Banjo’s face because the information certainly shocked her, instead he just yawned.

“Well then what do you have to worry about? A Kazooie confirmation is kind of worth its weight in gold, I should know as I have to live with her gloating about being right. She’s eventually going to let Applejack down gently when she finds out about it.” Pinkie just stared at Banjo making him feel uncomfortable. “What did I say?”

“How did you know Rarity doesn’t know about Applejacks feelings?” Pinkie tilted her head in confusion.

“That’s easy, I doubt Applejack has ever approached her because she knows that she won’t get her affection returned to her in the same way like you. Applejack knows you like her given how she hugged you briefly, she didn’t return your affection for her but she didn’t say no. I’m guessing she’s unwilling to talk to Rarity about her feelings, because she’s afraid of finding out the honest truth.” After a moment of rubbing his left paw under his chin Banjo looked Pinkie in the eyes. “We need to get them to talk about this with each other or Applejack might pine after the Rarity until she finds Mr. Right which will break her heart later rather than sooner. Kind of like how Kazooie pines away for the lackluster love life she has and is still leading which she covers up by adventuring and doing insane stuff to keep her mind off it. Her adopted daughter Screwball is just another thing to keep her mind off that cloying call to find love herself. I have yet to see any being that could be a match for Kazooie and I know the feeling of seeing someone being torn apart by feelings they want to share with someone so don’t think your exclusive in this as I think Applejack is going through the same thing you are. You’re not alone Pinkie, your friends will always be there for you right here.”

Pinkie looked sadly to the ground; her Pinkie Promise to Kazooie was still hovering in the back of her mind. Banjo had a goofy sounding voice, but no matter how silly his voice or his mannerisms he was definitely wise. Reaching up with a hoof she moved the pointed claw Banjo had hovering over her heart and moved it up to her head.

“I want to be okay here too Banjo.” She wanted to be alright with just being friends with Applejack if things never panned out, her friendships were very important to her aside from her feelings for the apple farmer.

“I believe I can help you be sound of mind, if you’ll tell me some things in kind.” Both Banjo and Pinkie jerked at the sudden voice speaking up behind them, looking to the zebra that snuck up on them. “Kazooie is definitively the name of a friend I’ve heard before, now what can you tell me of what’s going on I do implore. Why is it that you carry her magic sack? She would hardly ever remove it from her back.”

“Oh, um… hello there my names Banjo and Kazooie is my sister. She left me to hold onto the backpack for a while and your right she would hardly ever trust anyone with it other than those close to her heart.” Rubbing the back of his head with his right paw he held out his left in a friendly gesture, the zebra calmly shook his paw with a hoof. “I hope my sister didn’t do something too awful to you upon meeting you, we kind of had a problem in the past with a being that rhymed horribly. She was a witch and we crushed her under a boulder… I think his name was Tom. Didn’t kill her and she attacked us with a time traveling robot or a metal golem if you’re confused about terminology, it was infused with her spirit. After beating that she broke free of the boulder as a skeleton and tried to drain all the life out of our world, so you can imagine why Kazooie might have been a bit skittish around you at first.”

“Worry not for she didn’t treat me as a detestable evil spawn, however I could have done without her interference on the date I went on. My name is Zecora it is nice to meet you bear, you have an aura about you that is friendly and fair.” The zebra gave the bear a friendly smile, before she continued on. “You’re sister is good at seeing what’s in the heart, unfortunately she doesn’t seem to know when to stop or start. You may need help with Applejack in coming clean, she is honest and almost never mean. Pinkie my friend I will help where I can, even though Applejack wants Rarity while Rarity wants a man.”

“Well gee; thanks for the offer Zecora, what did you have in mind exactly? Other than that me and Kazooie have taken up residence with a few of our friends in the Ever Free Forest, she said we were next door neighbors to the token zebra in the area. You’re the only zebra I’ve seen so far so...” Leaving that hanging in the air Banjo waited for a response.

“I now have some new next door neighbors? I hope Kazooie doesn’t expect me to do her any free favors. Yes I’m the only zebra that sadly is near; now let’s lend some aid to Pinkie here.” Smiling Zecora was only happy to help Pinkie out with her task, she was dating Applejack’s big brother after all it wasn’t that much to ask. Here Applejack had a pony that was smitten, maybe she took a nibble once and then became twice bitten.

“Well if you’d think it will help.” Pinkie had a hopeful smile on her face.

Elsewhere, riding a train for Ponyville Cadence stared out the window.

“Why am I doing this again?” Sighing wistfully, the princess of love and tenderness hoped the Crystal Empire could survive without her for a few days. Cadence heard of the pie related ruckus Kazooie had caused with Pinkie, she also heard that Twilight needed some comforting as apparently she and her friends had been attacked.

Celestia sent for her since she herself was incredibly busy, Luna was currently halfway around the world and as for her she really wasn’t doing much except signing documents and waiting while the plumbing was installed in every building in the Crystal Empire. The novelty of bathing in anything other than hot springs and just relying on the crystal heart to keep them disease free in the relatively unsanitary conditions was a thing of the past quite literally.

It was a good thing the crystal ponies liked the idea of toilets and the new modern conveniences that sprung up over the last thousand years, what they weren’t happy with was Celestia and Luna not stopping the curse from happening otherwise Cadence had their approval rating at a hundred percent and they’ll follow her even if she didn’t know how to run an empire exactly. If anything Shining was actually running it for her until she could successfully be the dress of the relationship.

Judging by the very description of the pony that had left Twilight alongside her friends bruised and slightly battered, Kazooie’s involvement was a forgone conclusion. Since they have an alliance, she would need to talk to Kazooie about being a bit less aggravating if they are to continue being allies.

Cadence wondered why she even bothered being a princess, she really didn’t care all that much for royal titles and being among nobles. She was a mare of the people, she liked helping the orphans and caring for fillies. If she were to follow the ways of the nobles that were attempting to run Canterlot, she’d swear that inbreeding would become an Equestrian state sport, foals would be living in much poorer conditions and… wait… foals… didn’t she once see Screwball on the streets in Canterlot?

Cadence remembered Kazooie saying she adopted Screwball… but right off the streets? No paperwork to speak of, well she’d have to ask miss adventure herself about it when she found out where the bird went. Maybe she should have paid more attention to Celestia’s rant about the world’s worst headache that would hopefully never return to Equestria.

The train had to take a junction from Manehatten to Ponyville, so it would be around noon before she could start comforting Twilight and get on the trail of Kazooie. She wanted to know why Twilight and her friends deserved the bumps, bruises and pain they were dealt by Kazooie’s assassin friend Nut Bat.

Getting off the train Cadence saw Applejack alongside the Cutie Mark Crusaders greeting a pony; she just shook her head and decided to go comfort Twilight. Seeing those little fillies reminded her of the time she spent taking care of a smaller Twilight who was so adorable, she loved babysitting and missed taking care of children even more now. She wasn’t ready for her own yet and was at least glad that she made sure to use protection after Kazooie spiked her food with bananas, even with a mentally hazy mind she wasn’t stupid and was still responsible for an entire empire first and foremost. She could wait to have one... or seven... at least eighteen little foals pattering around.

Author's Note

Babs Seed is in Ponyville.

Cadence's 'love freak' senses are tingling.

Banjo is going to spend some time befriending more ponies.

With several plots revolving around her, will Applejack be too distracted to tell the Cutie Mark Crusaders why Babs came to Ponyville in the first place?

Dream Delving.

At the end of the day the little filly named Babs Seed arrived, things went a bit downhill.

Cadence was able to comfort Twilight slightly, but it broke her heart that Celestia didn’t send her a comforting message back and instead she just sent Cadence without saying anything. She and her friends had been physically assaulted by a crazy pony with a baseball that set her own body on fire. She was surprised Celestia didn’t send any guard or even respond to the message, in fact it seemed like she wasn’t going to respond at all. What was keeping Celestia so busy that she couldn’t even address some recent mental scarring like she just acquired?

Why would a pony be so cruel as to attack her violently out of nowhere? Celestia did do something, but she didn’t come to comfort her herself, send protection or even asked anything about the pony that assaulted her.

Twilight looked out the window at the moon filling the sky and sighed as she slowly drifted off in her once upon a time babysitter’s warm loving embrace. Well at least Celestia sent someone to comfort her at least.

Pinkie was having her own issues with loving someone and having to bottle the emotions up inside of herself, she really needed to vent her passion and happiness as parties seemed to have dulled after she tried to throw just one that evening. She threw it like a horse throws a shoe, it was noticed by many a pony that she didn’t look too good. Every single pony at the party wished her well; Pinkie wasn’t surprised in the slightest and was genuinely happy to have so many friends in Ponyville.

Banjo had to carry Pinkie home to Sugar Cube Corner, she really seemed to be losing her edge and her bounce stopped being as rubbery as it should be. She didn’t want to force Applejack to love her, but she didn’t have much of an outlet otherwise as partying wasn’t helping her as much. Being a loyal friend and good hearted bear Banjo decided to contact Kazooie about the problem to see her take on it, but for some reasons she had been busy for a time from that moment with something and couldn’t reach the bird that was probably running afoul of some problem or another.

The bear stayed by the pink pony’s side trying to keep her comfortable, he even asked if there was anything she was looking forward to if she wasn’t going to be partying for a while. He was happy to learn that Pinkie was actually looking forward to a float parade at the end of next week and that she could use some help building her own float while Zecora helps Applejack and Rarity talk things out. If Applejack and Rarity could work something out Pinkie could even be okay if they both fell in love, she cared about all her friends and not just one particular pony that made unbelievably tasty pies. She wanted to be happy for both of them if it did happen. Pinkie was not one to rule out possibilities since they were all endless, she still was happy to still just be friends right this moment and maybe one day she can cuddle her without impunity.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake staid with her and red her and the twins a bed time story, Pinkie may have been a bit childish but she still enjoyed the classics and wonder why older ponies don’t get nostalgic about the things they grew up with… assuming they had a good childhood that is. Banjo wondered if they had a spare couch he could borrow, sure the only talking bear they’ve ever seen was a bit weird but the Cakes welcomed him into their home all the same since he was spending time with Pinkie trying to keep her happiness boat afloat.

Zecora was having problems with getting into a conversation with Applejack as she almost doubled her workload to give Apple Bloom time to spend with her cousin Babs, which was actually hurting her little sister without her knowledge and she forgot to relay an important bit of info to her and decided it could wait till tomorrow. The zebra really didn’t want the words to be from her mouth that Applejack was infatuated with Rarity, she wanted Applejack to be honest on her own and unlike Apple Bloom she wasn’t willing to push Applejack into a corner as Zecora hadn’t personally been wronged by her.

The striped pony decided to sleep over at Sweet Apple Acres; she worried for her friends as Applejack seemed to be staying out of her way because Big Macintosh was around her. She didn’t need time to spend with Mac as she could do that at any time, maybe she should have Big Mac corner Applejack and talk to her about Rarity? Zecora figured it didn’t seem like a good thing to do, as she did not want to come between the two that treasured being a family even though she was very much determined to help a friend out.

Babs Seed was feeling mixed emotions and her heart was all over the place, she hated being bullied yet she was having a hard time getting her head on straight. She felt like bullying her cousin Apple Bloom and her friends to be the only course of action. She didn’t like being called a blank flank and her inner conscious was trying to save her from destroying what was a perfectly nice pony from the inside out as she was slowly becoming that which she hated.

The worst of the problems wasn’t of the heroes, but of what many would call a villain.

Chrysalis was listless; she’d had seen the power Kazooie had wielding in conjunction with Pinkie and learned a very important lesson from not heeding it. She couldn’t win; it was hopeless to hold onto her anger any longer and if Kazooie took her seriously about being a revenge obsessed nutcase she would have been long dead by now. One of her five changelings flew up to her and tried to force feed her love and she had rejected it harshly even in the sorry state she was, she just laid on her side just outside the Ever Free Forest staring at it blankly her mind searching for a way to defeat an insurmountable foe.

She was bleeding lightly on the grass staining it with her regret; she even forced the changelings that cared about her not to help her. At this point, Chrysalis believed she deserved death as she had crossed a line… the fact that her changelings were still there was a miracle even after witnessing what she did.

The changeling princess saw no manner or method to defeat Kazooie, the five changeling that were with her including the cross dressing male one stayed loyally by her side even as she laid there. She had ambushed Kazooie; she had done it perfectly this time too… the outcome was horrible for her and her changelings.

She might as well not even be a princess anymore; she had managed to kill Screwball. Well at least she thought she had until Kazooie calmly put her wings together and just said the word ‘life’ after some indecipherable chanting. Then the shape shifting bird stared flatly at her as her daughter was gently resurrected and soon laid sleeping against the tree by her elder sister figure, the next few minutes after that stare were a brutal blur as Chrysalis was tag teamed harshly but wasn’t allowed to die.

Chrysalis’s changelings had tried to protect her; they were quickly immobilized and proved wholly incapable of helping her. The flaming baseball bat cracking her carapace while burning her in unceasing agony, the constant explosions that ripped parts of her body off only to be grown anew in seconds after hearing the word ‘regen’, that sharp unbreakable bladed beak of Kazooie’s true form flaying her alive and she was beaten to a bloody pulp she didn’t know how many times.

In all the pain and suffering, Chrysalis had to wonder… why hadn’t Kazooie killed her and why hadn’t her changelings done the same for breaking a changeling taboo? Killing without benefit to the hive and out spite was very much frowned upon yet those five changelings were still desperately trying to feed her and wanted her to heal. What was worse was that she killed a child that was about to become an adult; sure she had quickly come back to life, even then it was still inexcusable.

She was one of the last changelings of an upper hierarchy with a dubious history, but her actions weren’t easy to overlook in the slightest. Even then her race didn’t need a hive queen or even a princess to survive; in fact a new princess could arise from any changeling and ascend to queen. There was ever only one queen or princess at a time and their queen had died a good twelve years ago leaving her in charge.

The changeling race no longer had need of queens or the antiquated methods of feeding anymore; Bugsy’s exodus was thriving as reported by the changelings she sent away through a hive mind link that a changeling could optionally pull out of whenever they wanted. She had pulled the link to all those changelings including the five that were with her from that point on and that had been a long while ago.

Chrysalis started to tear up; despite the fact that she was of no use to them the changelings that followed her without a single reason just huddled up to her trying to feed her their love through force of will. Failing that, they just draped themselves over her body trying to keep her warm as the cold night air bit harshly at her wounds. One of them even licked at her wounds while whining sadly.

Why didn’t they see what she did? She had no purpose now… she was just going to die on her terms now. What reason did she have to continue living? Where was her purpose now? She wasn’t much of a leader anyway, they didn’t need her.

Her eyes slowly closed and she hoped she didn’t wake up even if it would make those five changelings cry over her body. That is if they survived the night, it was growing colder and snow started falling only in that area… Mr. Cold Spot was angry.

Elsewhere, in a different place entirely.

“Luna I beseech thee, come night mother for there is an adventure that is needed to be done.” It wasn’t hard for Kazooie to learn the ins and outs of all things alicorn; they practically throw you a free reference guide if you know to ask of it from the heavens nicely. She was surprised those of the heavens found her ways amusing, so they proclaimed her the wild card that may or may not ruin Celestia’s prophecy mongering. They asked nothing of her and they wanted nothing of her but to do whatever she felt was right, she was running the adventure that was her life as her title dictates thought they could ask favor of her if they were willing to pay her for it.

“Who calls upon the princess of the…” The princess paused her blue star filled mane stopped flowing immediately and her eyes stared with wide incredulousness at being summoned by Celestia’s thought to be sealed away living headache. “I have yet to quite see the profit of your boon. How did you even get back to Equestria?”

“Trust me, it’ll land and pay off eventually. Just remember reincarnation is possible if you just ask the heavens of it, they just require twenty or so years to do the paperwork and for what would be your destined lover to be an adult again. They can even do a gender changes per life if you’re bisexual, but you’d have to talk with your lover first about resurrecting in a different gender, but that’s not the point. Also Celestia can’t stop any back doors she doesn’t know about from being opened.” Kazooie smiled cheerily as the alicorn across from her sat down and they were finally ready for discussion. “You know you guys really should ask for a manual from them some time, you don’t even know the half about being an alicorn and all of you are kind of half assed about it. I swear Celestia is doing most of it right by sheer accident. This is not the reason I called you for, but it is an interesting topic to speak of eh Loony? Look, just check into it later as I called you up here for an important reason.”

“Excuse me, but what did you just call me?” Luna knew what the word meant and she didn’t like the inflection Kazooie gave it. This did actually interest Luna somewhat as she didn’t know of any manual to being alicorn before this moment.

“Oh, I give affectionate nicknames to everyone I like Loony, you just have to get used to it. Can we move on now?” Waving her right hoof in front of her in a gesture that said drop it so we can get on with our immortal lives was well received and acknowledge.

“Yes, why have you summoned me and to what ends, Miss Adventure.” Luna deferred to Kazooie by her title as an affectionate nickname for her, for she was quite certain misadventures would happen around the strange shape shifter.

“Well what I currently want to do is involved in both our titles; I unfortunately can’t do it unless I ask for your aid in it. It involves adventure and the night.” The red alicorn started slowly.

“Which is what exactly?” There was a sad look on the red alicorns face as she grimaced; Luna wondered what the problem was.

“Pinkie Promise not to tell your sister I even got back into Equestria or what I’m about to ask of you? You can tell Twilight sparkle to tell you sister about it if you wish should you find my request to be against your sensibilities.” The cringe Kazooie did when she mentioned the words ‘Pinkie Promise’ caused a disturbed look to cross Luna’s face.

Luna could feel a heavy weight behind those two words as if Kazooie dreaded saying them minute they left her mouth. Looking to the invisible floor in thought… she looked up and into Kazooie’s green eyes, two minutes of staring into those eyes that were both dangerous and friendly Luna decided to make a decision even though she thought it would get her sister verily riled up about it later.

“I Pinkie Pie promise as the Princess of the Night and Moon do hereby make a solemn vow on my name which is…” Luna started and the scene backed away leaving two specks sitting in the distant void.

Kazooie was flabbergasted, eyes wide as she backed away by what Luna declares and had nothing to say about except two words.

“Thank you.” Kazooie said closing her eyes, she decided it was time to ask her favor of the night princess. “I need to get a friend of mine into the mind of another ‘pony’ to help them recover from an altercation where I may have caused a slight grievous mental injury, if we don’t hurry I don’t think even my healing magic could save the ‘pony’ I speak of. I can heal the body and maybe the soul, but I can’t heal a broken mind or heart with my magic. The heart is Cadences territory anyway and I doubt the three of us together would make this any easier.”

“Then we must hurry then if time is of the essence… who is it that needs our help so direly?” Luna simply said as she opened her wings and motioned for Kazooie with a hoof to lead her on to the being they needed to help tonight.

The being they went to that had recently murdered Kazooie’s daughter Screwball in cold blood in front of her, even if it was an ineffectual murder that didn’t stick for too long. It still angered Kazooie greatly and for once her hatred of moles had disappeared entirely having been force fed down a certain changelings throat like a mental faculty destroying toxin. Anger and hatred were anathema to a changeling.

Luna didn’t question how Kazooie knew of Cadence, but she had an idea since she remembered the huge column of energy days ago and knew that Kazooie was somehow involved with that or at the very least the cause.

They had arrived at the scene with Honey B. in tow, the strange bee like pony stared down at the five beings huddled around the still living yet beaten looking large female bug pony. The five bug ponies looked up at her sharply and buzzed ineffectually at her upon approaching them and they stopped to stare in horror at seeing who was with the bee like pony. They didn’t want to watch Chrysalis die before them so they shielded her body with theirs the best they could give due to their weakened statures.

“Kazooie, what have you done…” Honey exclaimed in a slightly low yet even tone.

Luna didn’t know what to think of the strange pony as she hadn’t ever seen a pony quite like her before; Honey didn’t seem as upset about what was laying before her as Luna was upon seeing it. In fact it seemed like she’s seen sights like this before.

“She had to learn some way and hard lessons are better suited the fact that her mind broke lends the credence that she didn’t want to learn from her mistakes. So do you want to be a hero Honey? Here’s your chance to do a solo quest instead of waiting for me and Banjo to save the day like usual, so you better step up now. The reason you’re here is simple, Mothra there needed someone like you who can relate to her on her level and that’s why you’re here as you need to befriend this idiot. It’s not my fault she thought it was a good idea to start murdering others wantonly because she was having a huge hissy fit.” Turning to Luna, Kazooie nodded to the changelings clutching to their princess. “Sedate them Loony, I will heal them and then we can get Honey inside to see if we can fix her mind.”

With a twitch of her horn a small mist flowed forth from Luna’s horn, soon the changelings drifted off to sleep but didn’t relax their grips on Chrysalis still rather defiant to the bitter end. Kazooie cast a ‘cura’ spell and Luna stared strangely at the spells effects on the changelings. It looked like they reacted to the magic as if they were just fed a mass of love considering they gained some strength in their unconscious limbs to clamp down harder onto Chrysalis.

“Not if, it’s when I fix her mind… the question is will she be better or worse for it after what you’ve done to her. Showing her the pain of our world was a bit much don’t you think Kazooie?” Despite the glare Honey didn’t hate Kazooie, she was just angry with her methods while at times cunning she can also be downright barbaric. “Send me in.”

“Are you absolutely sure?” It had to be of her own will that Honey does this, so Luna was just being cautious. “This could be dangerous.”

“If Kazooie thinks I can do it, then I know I can. I want to help this poor whatever she is; besides I have a lot of reasons to come back from this and one of them is to live through this just to spite Kazooie.” Honey buzzed her bee wings agitatedly and extended her stinger slightly from her tail hair.

“Love you to Wasp; now let’s do this thing Loony.” Kazooie’s horn glowed and Luna soon started up too, two streams of magic joined and formed upon Chrysalis’s bruised skull.

Honey felt her body getting sucked into Chrysalis’s head beneath the out cold changelings, one of those changelings was wearing a dress that she though made him look cute. Her mind blanked for a moment as she felt the suction pulled her entirely in.

“Hello… is my horn on? Get up yellow jacket you’re in, now open your eyes and give me an idea of what you’re seeing in there. I and Luna are right behind you… well at least mentally… not so much physically though.” The annoying voice of Kazooie said from somewhere.

Slowly Honey opened her eyes and slowly stood up; she gained the impression that she was standing in an arid desert looking at a large oval shaped structure before her.

“I too wish to know what you are seeing.” Luna spoke up a little less calm than Kazooie was.

“So is it like Psychonaut’s, Nights or any number of veritable dreaming sequences from any game in particular?” Luna of course had no idea what Kazooie was asking or talking about.

“Feels like… Alundra to me.” Slowly stated Honey, she looked around the hazy world of the badlands that surrounded her for miles around.

“Yeah, not going to lie, you’re in the deep end of the pool here if it’s feeling like an Alundra scenario.” There was bit of an uncertain edge to her Kazooie’s voice that Honey had never heard before.

“I can handle it; any idea’s what I have to do first? Do I need to do memory repair, sanity fixing or anything related like that? How do I even get started on doing that? You’re the one that took a Psychonauts training seminar.” Honey warily looked around her; she perked up her stinger from underneath her tail hair. There was something about the tone of voice that the bird of Spiral Mountain that had set off her instincts. She stayed on Standby on the red sand and clay like substance and looking to the large hive like structure in front of her. The world smelled a bit odd here… it smelled like despair and a bit of brimstone.

“First of all we need to find out where she went wrong. I’m pretty sure I’m not at fault here, because she was getting pretty bad in her desperation to cause something grievous harm long before I antagonized her. She was previously after Cadence then changed to me for interfering with her petty revenge on the ‘love freak’.” The voice paused for a moment before adding. “So we start with digging into princess caterpillar’s memory.”

“Alright I’m going to go to the only thing I see here… looks like my hives back home except these guys aren’t like my bees and this thing isn’t exactly my hive.” Honey went towards the opening of the light grey and beige walls of the hive like structure and it seemed to grow in size the closer she got to it. “Also I feel the need to express how desolate it seems to be here and you calling someone a ‘love freak’ Kazooie, really?”

“Great tragedies often manifest in very visual ways.” Admitted the other voice in the back of Honey’s head, Luna was a dream walker and was surprised this isn’t the first time the two she was working alongside had heard of or done something like this. It intrigued her somewhat; Kazooie gave some good reasoning as to why they were sending in this Honey Buzzoms… Luna couldn’t help but add a buzzing inflection to her last name.

“Yes well I’ve also found something quite strange.” Looking at the ground near the entrance to the hive she found a body, one that was wearing a familiar dress. She lightly shook it and it grumbled and rolled over, she shook it again and it lashed out with a hoof lamely before sitting up blearily blinking his eyes and looking around.

The changeling saw Honey and became alarmed hopping up onto his hooves growling only to stop and take in his surroundings once more. Slowly the changeling turned around and saw the hive and tilted its head in confusion.

“Quick question, is it possible that the both of you might have sent multiple beings into Chrysalis’s mind without meaning to?” There was a moment of silence from the other end on her mental connection to the two who sent her in here. There were things to be said about silence that could spell problems for what they were attempting here.

“Um… oops… thou may have made a slight error.” Luna offered shyly. It wasn’t like she has ever tried to get into a changelings mind before. She may not have understood why they were saving Queen Chrysalis, but she wasn’t about to let someone that reminded her of herself die because of prejudices.

“Loony here dropped the ball and sent the changelings in with you, just deal with it or better yet make a deal with them. Just let them know you’re trying to help raise their princess out of her poor mental state. Her body is fine, but we can’t move it while all of you are in there and if Mr. Cold Spot were to have his way he’d have launched his full scale blizzard on this area already.” A sipping sound was heard, apparently Kazooie was drinking something. “Be thankful he’s wary of hurting me, because otherwise we really don’t have much time either way as I can’t hold this forever either. Thank goodness I restocked a huge amount of magic potions before coming to this world… those Mets really know how to find some good stock.”

“Sure no pressure…” Honey sardonically replied. “Why does this stuff always happen to people who try to do nice things? I’m not exactly a hero so that means that this unexpected occurrences stuff shouldn’t be happening to me.”

“You’re a hero because you’re doing this out of the goodness of your heart for someone you don’t really know alongside the fact that I asked for your aid despite our disagreements, therefore you have to live with all the same nuances me and Banjo go through. Especially all the stupidly contrived coincidences and mishaps that happen along that road, just pray that you don’t have to do the same kind of collecting bit we do and have as much stuff to collect. Example would be going through DK sixty four multiple times with needing one hundred percent on collectibles every single time to the point you can remember where ever single last banana is.” Honey shivered at the thought of having to collect mounds of stuff and special items through ridiculous means like that, Banjo’s story of having to deal with acid, electricity, lava and freezing cold temperatures really came to mind.

“You mentioned earlier that she started murdering others.” Thinking it was a good time to bring it up now what with the talk of heroes from her short term cooperative alliance, Luna decided to get a word in edgewise. “Why are you trying to help Queen Chrysalis if this is the case?”

“Eh, don’t worry about that. She’s only ever killed one pony as far as I know and that happened to be my daughter. I don’t really have anything personally against her except for the trauma she caused my poor daughter to go through.” To say Luna was flabbergasted at Kazooie’s words wouldn’t even begin to describe it, who would help someone who willingly murdered their child? “My daughter is going to have nightmares again because of being killed I’m sure, glad Nuts is going to be there for her. Dying hurts a lot and I don’t like subjecting others to that kind of pain… but nothing says I can’t beat the ever loving tar out of someone or maim them within an inch of their life. In any case my daughter didn’t stay dead long if you’re wondering; my healing magic can resurrect someone within two hours of their death provided either their head or heart is mostly intact. If there was a problem using that magic, I have several other methods of resurrection on hoof.”

“You still used white magic to keep her alive to teach her a cruel lesson. Not many people really consider the darker applications of white magic until you need someone to be horribly tortured. Grey area and all that I suppose.” Sighing Honey shook her head and turned to the changeling who was curiously staring at her. “Sorry for getting a little distracted, but I’m here to find your princesses memories. We are currently inside her mind do you know what that means and can you understand me?”

The changeling perked up at this information and did a little dance of happiness; he was within his queen. No… wait… how was that even possible didn’t she cut all the changelings from her hive mind? His legs continued moving as he did his little interpretive jig. His thoughts traveled to wondering how this was the inside of the queen… it looked rather expansive.

“Wait…you can speak in dance?” Deciding to try something Honey shifted her antenna and after a moment she mentally asked if the changeling understood that they were inside of the head of the changeling queen.

The changeling blinked confusedly… before poking itself in the head wonder how they could have fit into Chrysalis’s head since it definitely was a lot smaller then his body. Many a pony however did say she had a big head… maybe this was what they meant?

“Do you even know what a mind is?” Honey tried slowly, this changeling wasn’t particularly bright even if he had a good taste in dresses.

It knew what a hive mind was, it was a connection changelings could share and open themselves to other changelings. They could connect or disconnect to others, the queen however could do it much better then two normal changelings could. Was he inside the hive mind, inside of Chrysalis?

“You could look at it like that yes. Seems rather empty doesn’t it?” The changeling let out a pitiful whine, Honey slowly mover over and gave him pity hug. The changeling didn’t fight it and accepted the sad affection like a light snack.

The five changelings Chrysalis had with her weren’t exactly the brightest nor were they the most experienced in combat; they were however blindly loyal to Chrysalis even though she performed a taboo. They forgave her the taboo when it was quickly proven that even after she had killed the almost adult mare, she was quickly resuscitated by the same mysterious magic that made them feel really warm when they were launched from the Crystal Empire. It was the same pony princess that did it; he suddenly decided to call her the ‘blood princess’ because of her color and he wasn’t far off from Kazooie’s most famous moniker of ‘that bloody breegull’.

So it made sense to the five hive mind connected changelings that the blood princess pony had incredible healing powers that made killing impossible around her. It was rather painful to be around her otherwise because she could really cause lots and lots of pain without killing someone, the blood princess had to be either pure evil in that respect or just incredibly cruel. Well technically some of what she did to their queen was somewhat warranted, but the male changeling didn’t want to admit that so he didn’t.

The changeling whimpered to the strange bug pony that his queen wouldn’t let him feed her love and that she had cut her hive mind off from every changeling which worried them a lot before, now they were even more worried because something was wrong with her even if her injuries were considered less then fatal. The changelings Chrysalis had following her weren’t exactly the best judges of medical expertise, but they actually had a pretty good assessment given one of them worked in a hatchery in the aid of tired changeling parents. Was her hive mind broken? Well that might explain the constant negative emotions leaking out all of her pours ever since she disguised herself as the pink love princess pony, that pony was like a walking smorgasbord they just couldn’t touch or take any love from at all.

“Uh… Luna, Kazooie, can I get a little info here about changelings?” Honey was quickly supplied the information that changelings tended to feed on positive emotions, could disguise themselves, alter their genders though that tended to use up a bit more of their energy instead of being in their birth genders, their shape shifting abilities were limited to pony shaped beings and they were relatively intelligent like any normal societal race. Well the changelings that were currently within Chrysalis were relatively dim and might have consisted of a lower end worker caste in comparison to how Honey had soldier and worker bee drones. Kazooie was the one that supplied all this. “Well that was rather informative; I’m setting out to look for her memories now. I think I can get the changeling that’s with me to follow me; I can apparently connect to their hive mind system even if it’s slightly different from my own… I don’t feel any negative side effects except a bunch of alien emotions and a lot of neediness for their ruler coming from him.”

“Please continue onwards maiden Honey, I find this information is most fascinating. We’ll lend aid where we can if you need any help; meanwhile I have… questions… for Miss Adventure. If you can find the other four changelings, they may be able to aid you in helping their queen recover.” There was a certain unexplained hitch in Luna’s tone. “You will need them anyway as you all need to be brought out at the same time.”

“Get a move on bumble butt; we don’t exactly have all night to rescue the princess and like hell if you think I am going to another castle.” Urged onwards by Kazooie’s annoying chatter in the form of an oblique metaphor Honey gave a grunt of acknowledgement to the two in the back of her skull.

“Come along then, we need to find the past in your queens …hive mind… do you understand?” Honey exclaimed boldly as she started into the entrance of the hive, she couldn’t believe she was stuck with the most annoying spotter to ever exist in the back of her currently pony shaped skull.

The changeling looked confused… how would one find the past in a hive mind? Weren’t hive minds always in the present? The changeling wanted to help his queen and so did this outsider, it was not changeling… but he was okay with her hive minding with him. Her mind was the stronger thus he will follow… his changeling heart would not belong to her though, as only a mate or the queen would ever get that. He made his position clear to her and she just smiled at him and returned that she understood all too well.

The changeling stood still for ten seconds as the strange bug pony with the neat fuzzy elongated not pony ears continued trotting onwards down the corridor from the entrance. Shaking his head the changeling ran to catch up with the strange buzzing pony bug outsider friend.

The corridors of this hive place seemed entirely organic compared to the mineral appearance of the outer layer of; Honey was quite interested in how Chryaslis’s mind was structured. It was kind of silly that she had a literal hive mind; only it seemed so empty as there wasn’t too many noises other then the sound of eight hooves walking and sometimes a flutter of two differing pairs of wings.

Twitching an antenna Honey decided to ask if the male changeling with her thoughts if the layout looked familiar. The response was a resounding yes and he could feel a female changeling in the hatchery. Immediately he shot into the air and started to fly down the hallway followed by the unmistakable buzzing sound of Honey’s wings flapping on his tail.

Taking so many twists and turns down the winding barren tunnels that started becoming covered in a green slime like substance, he came to a stop at where the hatchery would be in the not hive mind place that was not in Chrysalis’s head but outside of it. There they found a forlorn looking female changeling looking at the empty expanse, no eggs to tend to and no parent’s children to play with and take care of. This was the very definition of what Chrysalis saw that was left of the way they normally did things and the female changeling thought she was alone and in hell until she felt her mind being connected to two others.

The female changeling perked up and spun around happy to see another changeling and… a stinging buzz creature of nectar crossed with a pony? Well the changeling wasn’t about to complain and mentally tagged them back about not being able to find a single egg in the hive.

The male changeling tried to explain what Honey tried to explain to him… that they were currently in the hive mind of Chrysalis. The female changeling garnered a bit of curiosity at the bee pony, before turning to the male changeling. “Que pasa? No es bueno colmena!”

“Well now I think I’ve heard everything.” Honey stated blithely… just where would a changeling learn to speak Spanish? “Look we’re in chrysalis’s head, in this hive mind thing. Even if you don’t understand that at the moment, we need to find the other changelings do you think you could at least help us with that? Then we’ll try to fix the hive mind.”

“Si bueno ayudo!” The female changeling state happily. “Ayuda a la reina debemos!”

The male changeling relayed that they had to find their friends first.

“Si, si, encontrar amigos primero.” The Spanish changeling said a little put off, it immediately understood the male changeling but it found Honey’s dialect hard to follow even if she was using the hive mind.

“Ugh… can you just translate for me?” This was beginning to get a tad bit bizarre for honey. “Where would we find one of the other three changelings in the hive if we were looking for them?”

The male changeling translated to the female changeling who nodded, she motioned with her hoof and took to the air and was followed by the changeling and beeling. Soon they came across the changeling feeding grounds which were empty of food with a single changeling sitting in the middle of the room staring at the floor forlornly.

“Qu'est-il arrivé à notre belle ruche?” The somewhat decidedly indeterminate gendered changeling muttered sadly.

“Oh come on, are all of you changelings going to be like this?” The male changeling in the nice blue dress shrugged at Honey’s angry rant giving her an apologetic smile while splaying his ears backwards.

The male changeling asked if the other changeling that spoke French if it has seen the other two changelings. It had seen one near the living quarters they soon found this changeling, though it was a bit weird.

“何が私たちの故郷で起こっている?” Said the male changeling and Honey just stared at it for a few moments.

“あなたは、皇后の精神を固定で私たちを助けるだろうか” Honey asked politely.

The changeling nodded, bowed and stood up; he wanted to help his queen.

Well suffice it to say at least video game characters should know two languages, right? They were soon on their way to finding their last needed changeling, before they could go after the changeling queen that needed some mental help.

The fifth changeling was sitting outside the royal sleeping room looking dejected.

“Excuse me, but you don’t speak some strange language do you?” The changeling jerked in surprise at seeing her kin alongside a strange cross between a bee and a pony.

“You have no idea how often I get that question.” The changeling spoke plainly scrunching up her nose cutely and her vibrant pink eyes looked to the ceiling with a hint of annoyance in them.

“Sorry, it’s just that… er…” Tilting her head to the four changelings behind her, honey really didn’t want to say anything about it.

“No, no, it’s alright I get it. We’re an incredibly strange species with a very ridiculous set of diverse cross linguistic skills which may be a bit off putting.” The changeling waved her left hoof in a placating manner, her voice a bit on the nasally side.

“Um… yeah well I do have two questions about the five of you. What exactly is the mute male changeling that likes to wear dresses language and what gender is the French one?” Honey was not going to think the word ‘bugging’ and how much it did for her to be among these five changelings.

“The Prance one is a hermaphrodite and will respond to any gender equally. The mute one speaks primarily through the hive mind because his main language is his body language itself. He’s an entertainer and his dancing is really good.” The changeling answered amiably. “When a changeling is young they’re rather susceptible to specific language inputs… and when we sometimes have play time outside the hive we tend to pick up languages that aren’t ours and learn them with ridiculous speeds, the downside is they are the only language we are willing to learn aside from changeling and using the hive mind as a communication option.”

“And you’re telling me all this without a fight why?” It was an honest question, why would a changeling so loyal to the queen be willing to give up information so easily.

“Well from the way they tell it in the hive mind link, which I can feel your presence is currently in by the way, you’re here to help us fix Chrysalis from inside her hive mind in her head where we are located. The one she has separated all of us from a while ago... so lonely…” Closing her eyes the changeling sighed and slowly stood up stretching and popping her spine. “Come on, I think I know where she might be. Though she refuses to let us help her… and seems pretty dead set on staying down for good this time. Just do whatever you can to help her… please.”

“Trust me, I intend to.” Motioning to the other four changelings they all set off for the where their queen might be. They arrived at a hole that was supposed to lead to the queen’s main chamber, but something was off putting about as the changelings looked between themselves and stayed at least a foot or two away from the hole while Honey stood right next to it.

“Guys I could use a little help now. The changelings have been somewhat helpful… I just wish they weren’t so confusing to communicate with.” Dead silence met Honey and she could faintly hear arguing in the back of her head. “Guys, hello… bee mare to the annoying flapping beak and the casino night zone owner come in do you read my head?”

“It’s probably the anger I force fed her, it does have bad implications given how changelings work. We didn’t injure her all too much, just beat the leaving daylights out of her and we didn’t even bring her anywhere near close to death. I even cast a gradual healing spell on her to take care of some of the heavier bruises.” Kazooie’s voice faintly chimed in.

“We’ll speak of this later, it seems as though our charge the maiden Honey seeks our assistance.” Intoned Luna as she heard the voice seemingly turned itself to her. “Report, what is it that you currently need help with.”

“Something is spooking the changelings in here and we’re standing next to a black hole that is supposed to be where the queen is supposed to run the hive from. I think we’re currently next to the center of Chrysalis’s mind.” Honey continued looking at the pitched black hole.

“So no doors yet then? Jump into the hole and make sure to drag the changelings with you. Afterwards be prepared to defend yourself because if I’m right Chrysalis mind is about to get complicated, as soon as you come across a doorway, you need to open it. It’ll be a changeling equivalent of a door, stick together because you might even incidentally have to fight a representation of me in there.”

“You know the more you tell me stuff, the more I feel like I should slap you as hard as I can when I get out of here.” Honey buzzed in return.

“It is an accurate summation of what you need to do to get to her memories. Just be careful if what Kazooie says is true… most of Chrysalis mind may be currently locking itself entirely inside of a nightmare world.” As soon as Luna said it Honey’s eyes narrowed.

“I hope this isn’t going to be like Silent Hill… should I call it silent hive if it does?” Honey muttered before she turned back to the changelings. “You guys better follow me if you truly want to help your queen.”

Honey closed her eyes and leapt into the wide open hole passing by the brown crust like edges and falling into a deep void… the changelings sat there communicating to each other and then they all grasped each other’s hooves and jumped.

Soon the disorientation fled and the changelings landed in a very scary looking tunnel lined with a scarlet red color, ahead of them they saw Honey trying to pry her way into what looked like a bright green sphincter. They immediately gathered around and start to help her by prying at the center of the door. After a hard pull in six directions they managed to get the door open and flew in following the bee pony.

Inside was a room that had a fifty foot height clearance and a cylindrical wall forty feet in diameter lined with red or green colored bubbles the size of full body mirrors. There were less green bubbles then there were of red. Walking up to the red one just left of the entrance Honey touched it and then she was witness to a sad scene.

They were staring at the scene that played out on the red bubble; apparently it was an older changeling that was seen throwing itself into the maw of a giant spider like monster which promptly exploded noisily in the memory. The noise sent the changelings scattering across the room with fright. The only one that spoke Equestrian or what was better known as English stopped cowering and braved going over to Honey.

“Wait… I knew that changeling…” Honey just tapped the bubble and it played the same memory over again, showing the same scene. “Yes, yes, that’s our queens mother! So she’s a past thing in this hive mind? She died destroying a Changeling Eater a number of years ago, our queen arose to power afterwards.”

“Yes, that is quite interesting really and kind of sad… apparently these red bubbles are every bad thing that has ever happened to your queen. The green ones must be her good memories.” Walking over to the bubble that was to the right of the now shut entrance, Honey gave it a tap wondering what the green bubble would show.

The changelings gathered around at the hive mind that was of the past and not present, so they really couldn’t do anything to change whatever the scene played nor could it hurt them.

This time the scene played out something different and a tad surprising; it showed Chrysalis getting the tar beat out of her by Kazooie and Bad Girl from her point of view yet this is what a green bubble was? From what Honey could see neither Kazooie nor Nuts had done anything to horrible except bring on the pain, well Nuts used her baseball bat but it remained unlit. Deciding to test another little more counter clockwise to the door, Honey saw Chrysalis was lying in the snow surrounded by a bunch of dazed a stumbling changelings.

Moving clockwise to the first green bubble she could fine to the right of the door which was higher up and the view was lower to the ground, it showed the same changeling that blew up currently leaning forward and kissing the forehead of the viewer and then smiling.

The changelings were buzzing right behind her and following her and looking over her shoulder, Honey decided to pay them little attention as she moved more to the right and tapped another green bubble as she was still unsure if the green bubbles were good memories. Given one was lying in the snow and another was her having the tar beaten out of her by her friend and acquaintence, she wasn’t sure after seeing one with her purported mother kissing her forehead.

The bubble lit up and the changeling’s eyes grew wide at the scene, Chrysalis was in the hatchery and was watching a tiny changeling squeaking as it tried to pry itself from its egg based prison. Soon the changeling was standing on the egg blinking blearily and its tiny wings slowly flicked out and it flapped them. It was too young to fly and was just adorable to watch as it yawned and fell over onto its side going straight to sleep.

“It kind of reminds me of home.” Honey said idly, yep the green bubbles were definitely happy memories… odd as that might sound. “Any idea why being beaten up would be a good thing?”

“The queen did something taboo in our culture, she might have been happy to be punished. Not too sure about that considering the taboo was annulled about as fast as it was enacted.” The changeling didn’t like the idea of her queen being happy about the pain and suffering that was recently received, the queen probably was still going through it at this moment.

After a moment’s consideration and watching the changelings poke through the memories of Chrysalis, she sighed and relayed all the information she had so far about what was going on.

“Okay I think I know what her problem is now and why she refused to get up or let her changelings help her. I had Canary keep an eye on her, especially after our little altercation with her killing Screwball.” Kazooie’s voice honestly sounded apologetic to Honey.

“Then tell us why is she refusing to move or seek aid that is willingly being held out to her? Why is she willing to lay there to die and why would she like being beaten black and blue?” Luna was still trying to wrap her head around the concept of changelings being emotionally equal to a pony, well with the problem that they absorbed love directed or not from the air.

“The answer is, she wanted a purpose to pursue. I admit some of this is my fault given how I nullified a lot of her importance with her people and kind of kicked her ass in Crystal Kingdom. All of this happened probably following an exceedingly long chain of failures as a leader before ever meeting me in the first place.” Trailing off Kazooie looked to the sky not feeling particularly sorry about all of this happening, she shrugged. “Guess we need to give her a purpose by figuring out what she could be doing then or else she’ll do something stupid and I’ll just have to revive her like I did Screwy. Screwy doesn’t hold a grudge about it though, Chrysalis made her death relatively quick and about as painless as dying can get.”

“Only you can mess up someone’s already horribly messed up life even worse Kazooie.” Honey muttered as the changelings continued to watch the memories in the background, both the good and the bad ones in interest. She was guessing that they were not really good at individual or independent thought a lot of the time.

“Why thank you, I pride myself on destroying the lives of others for the betterment of all.” The way Kazooie said it made her sound rather full of herself about it.

“I don’t doubt that for a minute.”Blithely stated Honey as her stinger extended from her tail hair and her wings buzzing grew a bit louder a changeling that had been hovering near her slowly floated away from her. “Can I get out of here now? I feel the urge to sting you rising.”

“I don’t know. Can you get Chrysalis to wake up? If not you or the changelings are going to drag her carcass back to our base of operations.” You could almost feel Kazooie’s eyes rolling. “I assume Banjo got everyone working together before he joined us for breakfast?”

“Yes, Humba and Mumbo aren’t killing each other if that’s what you’re worried about.” After a moment Honey decided to ask a question that had been on her mind. “Speaking of which where is Banjo and why did you leave the backpack with him?”

“He’s spending time with the pink cat we had years ago, you remember the one we had Humba create a send home spell pool? It’ll only send what entered to their specified home and we used it to get back to our little house at Spiral Mountain after the kitten was gone?” The only response Kazooie got was a snort of amusement at the memory of Kazooie and Banjo diving into the pool and teleporting back to their home to make sure the spell worked. “So… Loony, after we’re done here I don’t want you to begin thinking we’re friends.”

“Why, are we not friends already?” This kind of confused Luna a bit, Kazooie wasn’t that bad a creature even if she seemed a tad demented. She had yet to truly do anything in front of Luna that would make her think that the other alicorn as pure evil like Celestia would state, Celestia even made a disaster level code named after her.

“You only promised to assist me for this night; the next time we meet may not be as pleasant an experience… I hope we can be relatively good acquaintances but otherwise don’t count on me always being so amiable all the time.” After that was said they both went quiet, wondering what Honey was doing.

Honey after having heard Kazooie’s request to get Chrysalis up and moving, immediately moved to the door to set out looking for Chrysalis herself. Getting the changelings to stop poking memory bubbles took a minute or two and then they had to pry the door open again.

The red hallway was rather creepy, they went past a few more doorways yet the changelings didn’t confirm Chrysalis as being behind them. The changelings wanted to find Chrysalis now, most likely to give her a big hug considering they had seen a lot of Chrysalis’s negative memories.

After a while all the changelings went stock still, after having walked down a seemingly endless corridor for the last several minutes with an endless stream of green sphincter doors on the ceilings, walls and floor. Who knows where they all led to, the changelings certainly didn’t as this was apparently alien to them and they were a bit frightened by the blood colored walls.

Seeing the changelings perk up like this made Honey look to them as all five of them suddenly started to fly down the corridor. Twitching her left antenna Honey buzzed into the air and played catch up to find the five changelings prying at a door to the right.

“Queen is here, queen is here.” That one English changeling stated.

After a moment it took Honey to help the changelings pry the door open, which would have been hard to do without six or more changelings, they entered the room.

They saw Chrysalis just sitting there staring out at the desert landscape on the balcony high up on the hive. The five changelings just stared at the blue mane and the blue green carapace down her back and the black coat of the most important mare to them. They were about to rush forward when Honey held a hoof out stopping them. Shaking her head no at the changelings, she carefully walked forward until she was at Chrysalis’s side.

Carefully she looked into Chrysalis’s eyes; they seemed a bit blank and lifeless.

“Hello, can you hear me?” As she said this, Honey motioned for the changelings to come closer to them with a hoof. They surrounded Chrysalis, but were sad to see her not responding to their prodding with their hooves and continued to rub up against her mewling. “You’re name is Chrysalis right?”

Chrysalis just sat there staring at the desolate lands surrounding the hive.

“My name is Honey B… and… are you even listening to me?” After a moment Honey started to get angry and she turned and whispered to the changelings. “Right, I’m going to get a reaction out of her, do you mind if I hurt her a little?”

“If you think it will help our queen, sure go for it.” The changeling spokeswoman said sadly as her ears wavered slightly in the dusty wind.

It was usually hard to tell where her eyes were looking but currently they were pointed towards the ground. Honey noted the difference between the changelings and the queen’s eyes and would ask about it later.

Moving one changeling out of the way of Chrysalis’s backside, Honey took her position behind the seated changeling queen and her stinger poked out of her tail hair. The changelings backed away and watched as Honey reared the stinger up in the air.

Luna and Kazooie were just standing there thinking about inconsequential things when Chrysalis gave off a shriek and grabbed her butt with her hooves. Chrysalis was still strong enough to send all five changelings flying off her body. The changelings would dizzily stagger to their hooves trying to get over the disorientation of suddenly being back in reality.

Honey gasped from her position on the ground, taking in a breathe she slowly stood up and looked to Chrysalis who was rubbing her rear end trying to get over the phantom pain of what had occurred in her mind. Honey smiled, it was a good enough reaction and it was a start. Now if they could just stop Chrysalis from sliding back into her mind like that.

“Thanks Honey, I’ll take it from here. Chrysalis… I have something I want to ask you.” Chrysalis suddenly looked at Kazooie and stared wide eyed for a moment. “I would like you to…”

“I surrender!” Chrysalis yelled, causing everyone to just stare at her, even Luna was perplexed by this outburst as they weren’t currently at war.

“Um… what…” For once Kazooie was at a loss.

“To surrender is to submit to another’s authority right? Well I submit to your authority, do what you will with me.” Chrysalis just stood there waiting for Kazooie to say something.

Kazooie was flat out stunned, she wasn’t the only one there that was stunned even the changelings were too stunned to ask their queen not to submit to Kazooie of all beings.

“Okay… I was just going to ask you to follow me and Honey back to our current place of residence so we could talk or just lead you there if you weren’t in your right mind.” Closing her eyes Kazooie huffed out a sigh. “I still say you’re a few buckets shy of a full bathtub of water, but whatever let’s go with it. Okay our alliance is done Luna.”

Luna nodded and turned into mist and disappeared into the sky glittering like the stars themselves. Honey stood there with a twitching eye, how did it go from her stinging the changeling queen in her mind to her being Kazooie’s servant within the last five minutes? She would never understand changelings and was quite frankly tired of dealing with them and their childlike curiosity combined with an incessant penchant for whimsy.

Elsewhere in Ponyville at that very moment, Pinkie and Banjo were building a float.

“So what kind of float are we making Pinkie?” As Banjo asked this he watched Pinkie gather the materials, she stopped and looked at Banjo.

“Well I do need more leafy greens in my diet so I’m creating an edible float based on that idea!” Pinkie said joyously, spending time with an old friend really helped her mood by a good bit.

“We should probably add the edible part the day of the parade; otherwise bugs might eat it before we can get it there.” Banjo didn’t even question the fact that the float would be edible or if it was feasibly a good idea to use edible material; he just went along with it because he’s seen weirder.

“You’re right, but this is going to be so fun!” The bounce was in Pinkie’s step until she realized something. “Hey Banjo if you’re here, is there anyone else from Spiral Mountain that’s here with you?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?” That slowly growing grin on the face of that pony had kind of worried Banjo.

“Is Mumbo here?” Pinkie asked innocently, Banjo looked away and Pinkie’s grin went a tiny bit wider.”Can you get him to help me with something involving the float?”

Regular Rarity

Rarity was a mare of high class and style; she made dresses for any mare and suits for any stallion… though suits were in small supply considering the female to male ratio of ponies in Ponyville. Dresses weren’t her special talent but they were certainly her passion and she had a big one for fashion.

Recently she has been hitting a slump in the gossip market, mostly because Fluttershy was otherwise in a loving relationship with Rainbow Dash. At first Rarity thought it was a bad idea for them to be together, but the more she thought of it the more she found the two to be cute with each other.

Friends since a young, growing up together and one loved the other secretly until some bird let it out of the bag by kidnapping Fluttershy. Rarity really hadn’t given Kazooie much of a passing thought given she hardly had any time to chew the fat with her as Applejack would say. The only thing she got out of the bird was advice to aim her sights lower then royalty or nobility and they she would find love some day.

Her sister was running around with Apple Bloom, Babs her cousin and Scootaloo… despite never stating it to Sweetie Bell, Rarity always thought of her as a kind of a chaotic mass of inspiration. She loved her little sister dearly even when she was being a total nuisance, sometimes she was too much and sometimes she wasn’t nearly enough.

Right now Rarity was just sitting in her clothing shop just doing practically nothing, it was open and the sign clearly said it was. If she wasn’t working on dresses, ponies would usually come in to get her to repair clothing and work on non dress related casual wear. She was also the most reliable pony for warm clothing when winter rolled around. She had finished all her other orders in record time by this point.

At this moment she was bored, things had better pick up soon or she was going to see how Pinkie was doing. She heard her perky party pal was perilously putting herself up with a bear that wore yellow shorts. She was intrigued about the bear and its fashion statement.

It was nearly lunchtime anyway and she was getting a bit hungry, cleaning up her work area and making her way out the door locking it showing there was an out to lunch sign. She wouldn’t be back until it was way past dinner.

It started as a normal day walking down the streets of Ponyville the sun was shining, the grass was green and the ponies were… dear goddess what was wrong with that ponies mane and tail?

Sitting on a nearby roof hind legs kicking out idly was a yellow pony with wild mane and tail, her cutie mark struck a strange feeling of dread in Rarity for it was of a canary surrounding by what appeared to be a green mist. The mare was quite strange and a horror to Rarity’s sensibilities she just had to interrupt this mare’s day to find out if she could do the poor dears mane and tail, hopefully using everything she had at her disposal to fix that rat’s nest.

Taking in the pony as a whole she saw the green eyes wandering the streets idly and then one in a while she’d look off into the sky as if she were in deep thought.

“I say, excuse me dear, yes you up there on the roof!” Shouting to the stranger, Rarity gained the pony’s attention swiftly as she had taken a sudden interest in such a horrid fashion statement that had attracted her attention and ire. She was quickly earning the attention of a few other ponies towards her and the odd mare that wasn’t hurting anyone or doing much except watching out for trouble. That all color yellow scheme was just plain weird and seemed kind of strange on a pony, when so many around had vibrant and differing colors.

The mare in question looked to Rarity and looked around before pointing to herself, Rarity nodded and she flew down. The pegasus did not land however; she just hovered out of Rarity’s reach and a few feet away further than that.

“Yes did you want something?” Her accent was strange to Rarity, it almost sounded like she was squawking the words or was actually a bird.

“Yes, well my name is Rarity and I was wondering who you were, such an auspicious new mare such as yourself in Ponyville usually has a party lined up for new comers by our resident party animal. Oh sorry, I forgot to ask you your name.” Rarity hoped she could get into a conversation and learn something about the odd one color mare, whose cutie mark was the only exception.

“I’m Canary Mary, if you’re talking about Pinkie we’ve already met.” What she wasn’t about to say was years ago when Pinkie was a little filly, all the Spiral Mountain residents were introduced to Pinkie… well the nicer ones anyway. Canary Mary was happy to be included on the list of friendly Spiral goers of the Isle O’ Hags. “If you have nothing else to say I’ll just be on my way.”

“Hold on now, I have a few questions for you and it would be kind of rude to not sate my curiosity a little don’t you think. I promise to not be too invasive about it, but I couldn’t help but notice you have a really strange cutie mark and I’m for the life of me stumped on its very meaning.” Rarity thought the mark was of a canary, but the green coloring around it didn’t look quite right and she wondered what it could possibly represent.

“Ever been caged in a mine?” Canary Mary said earning a sharp look from Rarity.

“Yes, I was kidnapped by Diamond Dogs once. Those brutes were trying to use me to dig for gems, but I showed them not to mess with me or make me get my coat and hooves all dirty.” After a moment of gritting her teeth in anger at the memory Rarity quickly calmed down. “I can tell you it wasn’t a very pleasant, so what happened to you dear?”

“Well if I’m right, my cutie mark represents my incredible resilience to poison as a special talent as well as my ability to fly really well even while heavily poisoned and possibly intoxicated despite my haggard looking state.” Seeing the uncomprehending look on Rarity’s face Canary decided to add. “I was put in a cage in a room suspected to be slowly filling with toxic gas, if I keeled over and stopped breathing the ones that put me there would have known for sure it was dangerous. I was rescued by two brave people who broke the door to my cage and I flew away like a bird out of the green poisonous miasma that I was lucky to have survived for as long as I did.”

“My word that sounds positively horrid, far more so then what happened to me…” Rarity was looking at the ground with clear sorrow before she looked back up to Canary scrutinizing her wings that looked to have seen better days and yet she continued to fly still. “Well I have to ask, what have you been doing since you got free of your rather dire predicament and what became of your heroes?”

“Oh they’re still around; doubt a dangerous mineshaft would do them in. I may not look it but I really am a swift flyer, I love professional racing as a part time thing and as for having a job I’m working for an old friend of mine. Right now I’m just taking in the sights and watching out for trouble.” Canary Mary didn’t want to say she was sent by Kazooie to watch out for the Cutie Mark Crusaders in case they died of unforeseen accidents. From what she had heard from the red bird, Canary thought they were rather suicidal in their single minded quest to find their special talents “I’m not much for being near others; as I’ve had plenty of trying experiences in my life.”

Canary Mary actually liked Kazooie when she wasn’t stealing her food; at least Canary was reimbursed one worm sandwich before she was brought to a world of cute little vegetarian horses. The sandwich was made especially to her tastes too; it was one of the reasons she agreed to join Kazooie on an adventure to a different world. The all vegetarian diet wasn’t so bad either, the food was relatively palatable even thought she technically didn’t need to eat any of it.

Rarity knew right then that she had to find a way to fix Canary Mary’s poor battered form, it spoke out in her mind as someone who needed her generous hoof. So she’d make an offer to help Canary’s image, probably brought on by being stuck in a toxic mess for so long.

“Well now, I was wondering if you would be up to a spa trip my treat or maybe getting a makeover.” It was Rarity’s bleeding heart that spoke out to the poor mare before her.

“No thanks.” The mare shrugged her canary yellow shoulders and then pointed at something. “Oh, now that looks like trouble.”

Rarity’s curiosity at what Canary thought looked like trouble caused her to look, as Rarity turned her head away Canary Mary flew to a different rooftop and hid there. She watched as the three questing ponies were being bullied by three other ponies.

Rarity watched as Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon and what could only be Apple Blooms cousins stealing their sweet treats. She saw red, but she wasn’t going to barge in there. She was going to watch and make sure the situation didn’t get out of hoof, but still they stole from her little sister and that rankled Rarity greatly.

Forgetting Canary Mary and her need to aid what she saw as a living disaster zone to all things fashionable for the moment, Rarity started to follow the Cutie Mark Crusaders while in turn being followed by a watchful wary canary pony.

It didn’t take long for Rarity to catch on to what was happening to her sister and her friends. Those three fillies were bullying her sweet little sister, why weren’t the three crusaders going to any pony for help on this issue or telling an adult? After a moment a sad realization set itself in Rarity’s mind, after the Gabby Gums fiasco why would they tell any adults if something was bothering them or even try to seek help.

At least the Cutie Mark Crusaders were not getting violent with their tormenters and were taking the high road, which was something Rarity truly respected even when they were followed around by three bullies who wouldn’t leave them alone. The fashion pony was proud of her little sister and not just because she was the biggest voice of reason in three filly group. It was kind of sad to see no pony putting a stop to this and Rarity needed to talk to Applejack about this.

It seemed the Cutie Mark Crusaders were going her way as they too were heading towards the farm, upon arrival she saw that they had been building a float. She also saw that the float had been wrecked. The poor girls looked devastated; they also looked like they were about angry enough to seek out vengeance. Rarity just couldn’t stand idly by any longer watching such continued cruelty enacted upon the three fillies.

Turning to the house Rarity started to march for it and out of the door came Zecora who stopped and they met eye to eye for a moment. They just stared at each other and then Zecora decided to clear her throat.

“Rarity my fancy cloth stitching friend, some help I wish you could lend.” The zebra stated with some desperation, Zecora looked to be at wits end about something important and Rarity being who she was wanted to help her immediately. She did have pressing concerns however and she wouldn’t tarry longer then she needed to.

“What is it Zecora? I kind of have pressing matters to discuss with the Cutie Mark Crusaders being bullied.” This was apparently to the zebra’s surprise from what Rarity could see, given that Zecora was around Big Mac a lot lately you’d think she’d notice if her favorite little friend Apple Bloom was being hurt.

“Bullied you say? Then there’s much more to discuss coming your way. Ask Applejack about a secret she keeps, that with which the truth her heart weeps.” It wasn’t Zecora’s secret to say, she moved on to watch the crusaders in their dismay.

The truth that made Applejack’s heart weep? Well that was strange. At least this is what Rarity was thinking, why would Applejack keep a secret from her and why would she weep if Rarity ever found out about it? Oh, maybe it was because of the fact that she kept trying to play matchmaker with the farmer and she already had a crush on someone. That would very well explain it, except Rarity never saw a single hint as to the mare or stallion Applejack was interested in. Fluttershy still hadn’t missed a spa date yet, but she was busy with Rainbow a lot of the time nowadays and there really hadn’t been much gossip from the shy mare.

Walking into the house Rarity came across a happy Macintosh, who was happy to spend a lot of time with his Zebra friend. Rarity thought it was actually kind of cute thinking about Zecora and Big Mac snuggling together with the black and white mare while blushing red all over. Rarity once thought Big Mac and Fluttershy would work… that thought kind of crashed when she learned her best friend didn’t exactly swing any stallions way, it’s certainly understandable why she suffered as a model and given her childhood bullies were all male and even to the point she was a teenager she was still being picked on.

“Oh, hello there Big Mac how have you been doing today? I was wondering if your sister was in, there is something I have to discuss with her.” Rarity came to a stop just within the kitchen and saw Big Mac was watching a pie cook in the oven.

“Eeyup go that way, turn left at the pear tree and go straight. You can’t miss her.” He slowly drawled out slowly, well this was the most Rarity was expecting to get from him as he eagerly awaited his pie. It didn’t smell like an apple pie either, but it was none of Rarity’s concern as she swiftly left flicking the door closed behind her.

Walking outside, Rarity stopped and looked at the ground. Her hooves were getting a bit dirty, but some injustices could wait till she had her talk with Applejack. For there was no way she was going to continue letting her Sweetie get bullied, her sister was a sweet filly and there was no reason for such brutish behavior toward her or her friends. Well this was unless they made something explode or Sweetie made another food monster, then there was the getting constantly covered in tree sap thing. Rarity had to deal with the tree sap every other week wondering if the Cutie Mark Crusaders knew just exactly how hard it was to get tree sap out of fur and hair without damaging it. The three of them were positively lucky Rarity was so forgiving or else they’d probably need a crowbar to pry off whatever gets stuck to them should they get stuck in sap again.

Walking out straight and looking around with a pear tree with her eyes, she stopped and looked back to the barn as Zecora peeked in on the bullied fillies. Turning her head forward she continued on her way, even if it meant getting her hooves dirty she could always polish the dirt off herself later so she can shine like the jewel she is.

Moving forward over the hill trying to avoid dry cracking mud or even the more slushier wet version of it she found the pear tree, the single solitary odd tree in all of Apple Acres. It was said that some hired hands had somehow turned a apple tree into a pear bearing tree based on a apples growth style. They didn’t seem to care how it happened, it was never really questioned it even if they didn’t like it at first.

The fashion designer was about to turn left when she heard something coming off from the right, biting her lower lip Rarity tried to fight her curiosity… but it was for not. She turned right to see what was going and what was creating that racket nearby.

Upon arriving to a strange scene, Rarity saw it involved Pinkie, a bear and a pony whose head looked to have been replaced with a large ghastly looking skull. The one with the skull was bouncing from his left hooves to his right hooves while chanting.

“Eekum Bokum Eeyoah, Eekum Bokum…” The skull headed pony chanting and continued to do so and it was entirely accompanied by strange noises.

Walking up to Pinkie, Rarity opened her mouth to ask a question only to get a pink hoof shoved in it for her trouble and she could tasted a cupcake in there now. Pinkie really shouldn’t force cupcakes down another pony’s throats but it was a good way to stop a pony from talking. Rarity wasn’t trying to eat as many sweets lately and would later have a word with Pinkie about quieting her with a cupcake like this.

“Omanaka!” The skull headed pony shouted and then a magical force started wobbling in front of him and a large round green sphere started growing to obscene sizes. Rarity swallowed as she stared at the now magically resized lettuce.

“Thanks Mumbo!” Pinkie jubilantly stated as she hugged the skull headed pony and then started to push at the giant lettuce ball. “Banjo, could you please lend a little help here? I want to move this over by Carousel Boutique, hope you don’t mind if I work on my float there Rarity.”

“Of course not dear, but you better not destroy my home! I get enough of that from the food monsters Sweetie makes.” Sighing Rarity watched as the bear and pink pony rolled off the giant lettuce ball, with a moment of the pony stopped to give her a cheery wave before continuing to push alongside the bear. Rarity turned to the skull headed pony Pinkie called Mumbo. “Isn’t it a little early for Nightmare Night costumes?”

“No costume, head is skull that happened of bad magic incident. Mumbo been like this for while, is used to it really.” Mumbo gave a bony smile in the direction of the large rolling head of lettuce. “Mumbo asked for help in pink ones project, Mumbo glad to finally aid her.”

“My word, does it hurt to have your head like that?” The fact that his head was a skull was quite frightening and at the same time the goofy countenance of it kind of made it less of an impact after the fact of learning that’s what his face naturally looked like.

“Not really, Mumbo fine with it. Do you need Mumbo’s assistance? If no, Mumbo have magic to get back to, left pot running circles around home trying to catch kettle.” Standing there with a twitching eye Rarity watched as Mumbo just walked off in an easy gait. There certainly were a few new weirdoes around Ponyville.

Shaking her head Rarity decided to stop getting sidetracked and ran back towards the pear tree and past it, she was so going to need a spa trip after all this she was beginning to sweat a little. It was a tad warm today.

After passing the tree it was a small distance later that Rarity found herself running into Applejack just smacking another wave of apples out of a nearby tree.

“Applejack, are you busy darling?” Rarity let out loudly as she trotted up to Applejack who took notice of the fashion minded pony approaching her.

“Aw shoot no Rarity, I’m always willing to make time for a friend, what are you doing all the way out here anyhow?” Applejack asked a little concerned to see Rarity actually a bit sweaty.

Rarity opened her mouth to answer Applejack, but she couldn’t say anything because of the giant Timber Wolf that slammed into the ground nearby to roar into a male grey ponies face that it had pinned. Applejack and Rarity just turned to the scene to hear the crack of a whip and the maw that was about to bite down on the grounded stallion was suddenly forced closed and bound by a whip.

“Get a move on Fit, I think got him for the moment.” Daring Do said through her teeth full of whip handle as she was currently positioned on the back of the wooden wolf that started bucking trying to get her off. The pony identified as Fit leapt up and started a four hundred meter dash. The giant wooden wolf gave chase as Daring waved her pith helmet in the air making sure to keep her grip tight on the whip as she rode it off into the distance chasing that speedy grey speck.

“Was that… I think Rainbow is going to like that next book.” Applejack said a little stunned to see Daring doing something incredible.

“No doubt, anyway Applejack before we’re interrupted again I would like to continue. We need to talk.” The frown that crossed the farmers face made Rarity take notice.

“Talk about what Rarity?” Applejack asked a little apprehensive, she didn’t want to talk about her crush on Rarity if it was brought up and she knew very well she wouldn’t lie to the beautiful pony before her. She could hardly lie to any pony period.

“Well first of all can you tell me about Babs? I don’t think Pinkie’s given her a party yet which is kind of strange for her, then again I think I saw her recently getting her float together so she’s been a bit busy as of late.” Rarity shook her head; the earth pony named Mumbo probably has some sad story behind his head being a skull. She had no clue what she was witness too, but it certainly had been random.

“Oh that, well shoot I can do that. Cousin Babs has been bullied a lot in Manehatten and her folks sent her on over here to get away from that for a while. We’re happy to take her in.” Applejack wondered why Rarity was suddenly giving her a leveled look for.

“Be that as it may I don’t think it’s working out quite how your cousins in Manehatten pictured it should be.” Deciding to let that sink in, Rarity waited for Applejack to ask the obvious question.

“Why, what’s wrong?” Applejack thoughts were suddenly broken away from her work which she was still doing without really thinking about it. She was still bucking trees and gathering apples without a second thought and Rarity was just following her around slowly, she finally stopped wondering what was going on when she was told about it.

“Haven’t you been paying attention to her or what she’s possibly been doing the past few days? Quite frankly I’ve seen her recently bullying my sister, your sister and Scootaloo.” Despite several other things being on her mind, Rarity wasn’t going to let this issue drop.

Applejack stayed silent for a moment, she looked to the ground before she brought her eyes back up to the sapphire lights before her with an uneasy frown. Rarity wasn’t lying to her, Babs was bullying their sisters and Scootaloo.

“Sorry Rarity, I’ve been a might bit busy lately. I wanted to give the Cutie Mark Crusaders some space to have a good time with Babs; they seemed fine when I left them to it…” Sighing to herself Applejack removed her hat swiped at the sweat upon her brow before replacing it where it belonged. “I guess it was too hopeful of me that things were going just swell between the four of them. I even forgot to tell Apple Bloom why her cousin was visiting, didn’t seem so important up until now. What exactly has Babs been doing?”

Rarity gave a quick rundown of what she saw; it seems the adults in Ponyville were rather inattentive if such brutish behavior could be carried out. Babs, Silver and Diamond were all the culprits.

“I think I can kind of see what’s happening. Babs came to Ponyville in the first place to get away from bullying about having no mark on her rear. What I can’t understand is why she would turn into a bully herself.” It just wasn’t right for an Apple to go bad; Applejack would have to look into this.

“I can tell you why, she’s probably trying to avoid being bullied so she joined the bullies in their bullying. That young lady really needs a stern talking to.” Rarity was looking for some agreement from the orange pony next to her and after a moment Applejack agreed.

“I want to talk to my little sister first to see if everything is alright with her, then I’ll talk to Babs about what she’s been doing. Now can I get back to work Rarity? I promise to try my best to take care of it.” Applejack was a little worried at first that Rarity wanted to talk to her for another reason, but now that she knew it was just a problem with Babs she could take care of it as soon as she was done with her bucking. Setting an Apple straight wouldn’t be too hard; they never fell far from the tree after all.

Rarity stood still her mind wandered, back to Zecora’s words. Did she want to continue this conversation? She was still trying to grasp what Applejack feared to hear that would make her sad and what kind of truth would it be.

“Not yet, there’s something else I wanted to ask you.” Rarity watched Applejack buck three more loads of apples, now she had to think of the right kind of question to ask.

“Well go on, I need to finish up so I can give some ponies a stern talking to.” A thud followed Applejacks words as a rain of apples fell from the tree she planted her hind legs firmly into.

“Applejack, are you sweet on me?” It took Rarity this long to figure it out, after that little thing Applejack said about her at the Crystal Empire. The only thing that would possibly make Applejack sad was facing some cold hard truth.

The second Rarity asked was the second she winced as Applejack’s hind legs went wide missing the tree she threw them at and she let out an agonized gasp as her mare parts struck the tree solidly in a painful manner which was announced by the sound of splintering wood. After a moment Applejack left eye twitch and she slowly fell forward onto the ground groaning in pain, a few minutes later she managed to stand up and give Rarity a pained look while giving off a false smile.

“Applejack is everything alright, that kind of looked rather painful dear.” Rarity tried to ask as the poor mares hind legs buckled slightly.

The truth that would make the farmer weep was that Rarity would never love Applejack the way she wanted to be loved. Rarity didn’t mind sharing platonic feelings with her friends but she confirmed a suspicion that came up since Zecora asked that she specifically talk to the orange pony and suggests that they needed a heart to heart in an oblique manner.

“I’m… ouch that’s going to smart later… Rarity I have no idea what you…” The lie died on Applejacks tongue as Rarity gave her a hurt look; she didn’t want to disappoint Rarity with a falsity. “Yeah I like you… always have and I always will.”

“I’ll tell you what I told any mare when I thought they might have liked me in that way, I’m flattered but I’m strictly into stallions.” Moving close to the farmer Rarity hugged her and let Applejack snuggle up against her.

“I never had a chance with you huh?” The farmer leaned into the hug and felt her hat being place on her head by Rarity’s magic it had fallen off when she missed her buck. Applejack didn’t so much as sniffle or even tear up about it; she just looked at the ground.

“Afraid not darling, but don’t get me wrong Applejack I don’t find the idea of your liking me as offensive. It’s just that I don’t like the idea of leading you on even for one moment. You can always dream of me if you want, you just can’t have the real thing. I’m aware I’m quite the attractive mare, but no means no and I hope our friendship isn’t affected by this.” After a moment Rarity releases the hug and looked deeply into Applejacks sad green eyes. “Come now, I think you’re done for the day. You’re either going to the hospital, back to your house for a bag of ice or I’m going to find Fluttershy to help you with your injury.”

“It ain’t that… agh…” Applejack grimaced at the pain she was currently in, as several spots of blood fell to the ground clearly visible to Rarity from her position.

“Oh my goodness Applejack you’re bleeding! Come along now we have to get that looked at.” The poor farmer blushed and Rarity realized where Applejack was probably injured given how hard she slammed that part of her body into the tree. “Oh my, this is rather embarrassing for you isn’t it… I’m so sorry Applejack.”

“It’s okay Rarity… not your fault.” Hardly passing through her lips Applejack soon felt her being lifted into the nearby cart by Rarity’s magic and the mare hooked herself in and started to pull Applejack back to the farmstead.

“It most certainly is my fault and I won’t hear another word of it.” Pulling as hard as she could, Rarity got her passenger quickly back to the home and called out for help. “Big Mac I’m sorry but there’s been an accident, can you please get Fluttershy, Nurse Red Heart or at least tell me Zecora is still around!”

Big Mac immediately rushed out and saw the blood splotches in the back of the cart and his injured sister, he quickly ran towards Ponyville. He last saw Zecora following the Cutie Mark Crusaders into town; they said something about getting some float supplies.

Five minutes later, Fluttershy was looking over a nasty wound and lacerations between Applejacks thighs. The poor shy mare winced at her friends somewhat embarrassing bloody injury that had splinters in it. They were in the process of removing the splinters in the Apple family kitchen.

“Can you tell me how this happened?” Fluttershy asked quietly as she held Applejack down with Big Mac while Zecora directed Rarity to pull the splinters out with tweezers. Applejack was a fighter and it was hard get the splinters out of her wounds without her flinching, but Fluttershy was surprisingly strong with the way she helped keep the blonde pony pinned.

“I feel the blame falls squarely on me Fluttershy, I caused this to happen.” Rarity deftly tugged a large bloody chunk of wood out of Applejack and she struggled a bit against the ponies and zebra holding her down.

“This is quite one of the most painful things to ever enter my sight, but at least you Rarity are trying to make things right.” Zecora pointed out the next splinter that needed to be removed; they would have to clean the wounds after they were sure they got all the bits of wood out of Applejack. “You are not alone in the blame, as I can take some of the same.”

“You were nowhere near the place at the time, why would I blame you for any of this?” Applejack held back a scream as another splinter was swiftly relieved from her flesh.

“I am the one who gave her a clue, about the feelings she is receiving from you.” Zecora had a rubbing salve that would make sure Applejack didn’t get an infection, as well as some potion to numb the pain for the poor mare. “Thanks to my salve you’ll be right as rain; this topical medicine takes me down memory lane.”

“No, I needed to tell Rarity that as she needed to know and I needed to get over it eventually. I was spinning my wheels going nowhere with all my pining over something I can’t have. At least I still have my wonderful friends.” Soon the last splinter was removed with a small yelp, Applejack gave a sad smile to Rarity who smiled back equally as sullen. Fluttershy moved forward and start to apply the salve was rubbing it into her injuries, Applejack started hissing in pain as the salve made short work of any possible infection she might have garnered from her injury. Fluttershy, Zecora and Rarity finished up by bandaging the inside of Applejacks thighs and where she hurt herself. “Guess I need to be more careful for a while.”

“You’ll be okay Applejack…” Fluttershy said softly petting Applejack, it must not have been easy to handle all that pain without so much as a whimper. Especially from an outright rejection from Rarity’s mouth the moment it was known Applejack had a crush on her. Fluttershy was a nice calm presence to help Applejack with that, she wouldn’t know to handle a rejection from Rainbow Dash quite as well.

“With friends like all of you, of course I will.” Applejack was glad Rarity didn’t seem like she was going to be avoiding her anytime soon.

“Zecora where are the Cutie Mark Crusaders right now?” Rarity finally asked having thought back to why she originally came to Sweet Apple Acres in the first place. Well at least she knew who Applejack was interested in now, unfortunately she wouldn’t want to play matchmaker with herself and Applejack.

“The answer to that is easy as it is mote; the Cutie Mark Crusaders are working on a new float.” Yawning Zecora looked around the kitchen. “I would like to know if we could soon start making some dinner, I hope whatever we’re having that it is certainly a winner.”

Big Mac nodded and set to work getting his ‘kiss the cook’ apron on and started to wash his hooves, his lady friend was asking for a meal and he was really willing to provide. Besides that Mac knew his elder sister needed some apples in her after the blood loss.

“Are you two staying for dinner Fluttershy, Rarity?” Applejack asked standing up, wincing slightly at the movement causing her some pain.

“Um if you don’t mind that is… Rainbow was going over to Twilights the last I saw of her. We really need some time apart from each other and I think a good book will do just that.” Fluttershy noted that Rainbow had been getting rather clingy lately and she was supposed to be the clingy one in their relationship. Blushing to herself, Fluttershy didn’t mind Rainbows rather grabby hooves or the constant snuggling, the way her wings wrapped around her body. Fluttershy’s mind had wandered into dreamland as the other ponies watched her face continue to light up in brighter shades of red.

“Not at all sugar cube. What about you Rarity?” Despite her hopeful look, Rarity didn’t look as willing to spend the meal with them.

“Okay, as long as we can talk about this liking me thing in detail.” Rarity watched as Applejack gulped and bowed her head. “It won’t be that bad Applejack, it’ll be just like ripping off a large bandage.”

After dinner Rarity left feeling like she successfully aired out the problem of Applejack liking her, she had a pretty good idea that she was attractive enough to draw in mares as well as stallions. It actually made her feel good about her own image; of course she didn’t believe Applejack for a minute about looking pretty without her makeup on.

On her way back home, Rarity stomped her hoof, she knew she had forgotten something. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were building a new float and with all the bullying they’ve been through they needed to be talked to. Maybe she’ll talk to them tomorrow at the parade; hopefully she wouldn’t forget to tell them about Babs being bullied herself.

Walking into the boutique Rarity noticed something was missing, she sighed to herself as she realized that Sweetie Belle must have been by the boutique while she was out. Shaking her head she trotted up stairs to her bathroom and started meticulously preparing for bed.

The next day…

“Veggie salad, veggie salad!” As thus Pinkie’s float exploded into a pile of lettuce. Meanwhile in the nearby tree several of Pinkie’s old friends held up cards.

Canary held up an eight, Banjo held up a seven while he munched on an apple and Mr. Fit gave her a nine for healthy eating. Banjo had seen more impressive mishaps from Kazooie.

“Did I miss anything?” Kazooie said as she landed in the tree next to Banjo, currently in the form of a pegasus. Think of the devil and she appears.

“Not much, how’d things go with the timber wolves?” Banjo asked politely.

“Eh, could be better. I at least rubbed their noses it in like you would a dog when you want them to understand territory rights. Toss me an apple my health bar has a few notches in it from being chewed on.” Banjo plucked an apple and chucked it over at Kazooie who caught it in her left wing, twirled it like a basketball and then slammed it home into her mouth with a satisfying crunch.

“Ooh, me three me three, I want an apple!” Pinkie said excitedly from her position right next to Kazooie on the branch, Banjo sighed and tossed her one too.

“That’s not the only apple you want is it Pinkie.” Kazooie chuckled and Pinkie’s angry pout as she stuffed a leaf of giant lettuce in her mouth because she didn’t want to say nice things to red pony that was teasing her. She followed the lettuce leaf with a bite of the apple and exclaiming it was juicy.

Applejack, Rarity and several other ponies ran by towards where the golden apple float went off the cliff into a little known mud hole where some pigs were playing.

An hour later Applejack shouted out for Rarity and Rarity stopped wondering what she wanted.

“I was just wondering Rare… how do you know we wouldn’t work out?” To be honest Applejack wanted to know if they have a spark. “I mean you hardly gave me much of a chance.”

“Ahem… this is how.” Rarity moved up to Applejack and then kissed her on the lips shoved her tongue Applejacks throat and the farmer was immediately swooning. Pulling away from the kiss Rarity sighed to herself. “You see that’s why we wouldn’t work out.”

“That certainly felt good to me.” Applejack said from her position on the ground.

“I didn’t feel a single spark for you dear; sorry again about breaking your heart like this but I’m straight. You just like mares and I have to admit I’m sorry that I have that affect on them. I’m cursed with my effervescent beauty that attracts the opposite gender of what I truly want.” Rarity put a hoof to her forehead and dramatically summoned her couch to fall on. “Oh why can’t I find a great stallion that is a gentleman and is not a stuck up lowbrow inbred blueblood? Oh how I would like to find just the one that actually cares about style.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it Rarity no ulterior feelings for me whatsoever… though it was nice of you to prove it to me in that way.” Rarity wasn’t lying she’s straight; even Applejack could tell she wasn’t lying. “I have a quick question Rarity, why did you prove it to me by kissing me like that? Wouldn’t I normally get the wrong idea from something like that?”

“I will kiss a mare, but I’ll never love them like they want me too. Every pony get’s one Applejack and that’s the limit unless you’re a stallion.” Rarity patted a position next to her on the couch and Applejack sat down. “Also before you ever consider it, I do not condone the use of magic related stallion transformations to play with my heart.”

“Why, has a mare turned themselves into a stallion to get at you?” Applejack asked in a concerned tone. “What were there names and where do they live.”

“You wouldn’t believe the half of it, there’s no hiding personality even if you can magically flip your gender in some way.” Rarity scrutinized Applejack for a moment. “No you aren’t going to buck any of them into next Tuesday, this is not my first rodeo Applejack and this is not the first time this has happened with a close friend of mine.”

“A close friend as in one of the five of us, who was it aside from me? I know it wasn’t Rainbow; she needed my help with learning the finer points of kissing. Fluttershy is a little more than friendly to any mare, but she’s only been forward when it comes to Rainbow Dash and I hear tell Rainbow was her first. I also doubt she’d actually want to kiss someone unless they were something special to her. It’s not Twilight since she’s kind of oblivious to this stuff… Pinkie Pie!” Staring incredulously at Rarity, the fashion pony ducked her head slightly and blushed at Applejacks accusing stare giving off a weak smile.

“Well yes, it took a long while for her to stop being affectionate towards me. That one kiss turned into a mile long battle to stop her affectionate ways of trying to ruin my figure… she still does it but she’s less forward about it which is rather generous of her. Not that she’ll ever stop handing out free cupcakes to her closest friends; I honestly don’t know why Pinkie isn’t the element of Generosity as she gives her entire being to every pony every single day. That said I am way too generous with my admirers.” Looking up to the sky Rarity just stared at the cloudy blue yonder that Rainbow zipped by for a moment performing twirls and dives. “Pinkie is still a good friend don’t get me wrong, but she can be a little much at times. She promised, me in a normal not over the top way, that we’d always be friends at least and that she’d remember the free kiss. Well technically she did Pinkie Promise to remember the kiss.”

“Well at least I know why Pinkie gets along with you so well despite you two not having anything in common. I wouldn’t mind that kind of friendship with you as long as you sweeten the deal with hugs.” Applejack gave Rarity a pleading look and the unicorn gently wrapped a hug around her.

“Oh, your sweet darling, just because your barn door swings backwards doesn’t mean I could ever hate you. I’d have to hate Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash too if that were that case and I love them all too much to push them away like that.”Applejack opened her mouth to say something before Rarity cut her off. “Platonic love so don’t read too far into it, let’s try to keep our friendships away from the tail ends and mentions of benefits please.”

“So… how was Pinkie?” Applejack asked only for a mop of pink curls to pop up right next to her spooking her off the couch Rarity magically dragged to the field they were in.

“I tasted like cotton candy of course… Rarity doesn’t want me to talk about it too much so I won’t.” Pinkie smiled pleasantly at Applejack as she flipped over the back end of the couch to lie on her back next to Rarity.

“Pinkie, how marvelous of you to drop in as could use some company. I think it’s about time for Applejack to escort Babs to the train station anyway.” Applejack ears perked up at the words and she quickly ran off not wanted cousin Babs to be late for her train back to Manehatten.

“Hey Rarity, how are things going.” Pinkie started off a little less jovially.

“I’m fine darling, though I gave Applejack her one like I did to you. I really do need to have a talk with Sweetie Belle about all that bullying she went through this week.” Pinkie’s eyes widened and she leaned in close and waited to hear the news. “Yes, I’m still straight Pinkie after fifty or so mares you’d think they’d get the idea.”

“I still don’t know what Applejack see’s in you since your straight and all. No bends, but the curves are definitely nice.” Rarity accepted Pinkie’s words about her charming appearance for what it was with a nod.

“So… you have a large crush on Applejack?” Rarity asked out of the blue. “That explains so much about why I couldn’t figure out a mare or stallion for you considering you’re all over the place. So you’ve got a taste for apples lately?”

“Rarity, as your friend I would respectfully ask for you to drop it. I am nobodies rebound pony. That and I wouldn’t know where to find enough rubber to do that. Then there’s the issue with all the glue and you know how we ponies don’t like discussing stuff like that.” Rarity sometimes found it hard to follow Pinkie’s logic, at this moment Pinkie herself thought her logic was sound. “I like mares and stallions both, but mares seem that much sweeter to me. Applejack is more than stallion enough for me; however I’m not up to using a harebrained scheme to win her over. I just don’t do that with friends, so I would like to respectfully ask you not to try anything.”

Okay, that kind of hurt Rarity a bit, she knew Pinkie knew she’d try to get them on a date together against their wills. Not to mention that she’d be paying for it personally, generosity was hard to pull off when your friends asked you to not be generous.

“Don’t worry about it Rarity, even if Applejack is not right for me I can always try someone else. I’m not moving on from her until she gives me a chance though.” Pinkie smiled to Rarity who smiled back.”She’s stubborn isn’t she?”

“Yes she is and that’s nice to know. Now if you could get off the couch dear, I need to transport it back home where it belongs.” Rarity stretched out her hooves and hopped off the couch, followed by Pinkie. With a flick of her horn she sent the couch flying back to whence it came.

“So have you finished Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash’s wedding stuff yet?” Pinkie gave a bright goofy smile.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Pinkie.” Rarity looked away from the party pony.

“Oh come on Rarity, after all the time Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash has been spending together lately? It’s hard to get some play time in with Dashie when Flutzie is always cuddling her. I bet you already started making their dresses even if they haven’t even tried to think of marriage yet… I’ve already called dibs on the after party.” Rarity groaned at Pinkie’s enthusiasm. Even though she was technically right, Rarity had finished Fluttershy’s wedding dress a few nights ago.

Shaking her head Rarity looked at Pinkie with a serious expression on her face. “I know they have a good chemistry Pinkie, but it’s a little early to be planning for our friends eternal happiness… which they seem to already have. I just wish you didn’t just make my mind immediately go to lingerie for their next set of birthday presents.”

“Well it would be more exciting than the normal dresses you give Rainbow Dash for her birthday, considering what she does with them. Fluttershy at least makes an effort to wear some of the dresses you give her when she’s not too embarrassed about all the attention it’ll get her in public.” Pinkie knew that Rainbow never liked dresses, the only dress Rainbow would ever be willing to use again is her gala dress and or the one off occasion dresses that she’d never be seen in again despite Rarity forcing her into them.

“I swear there’s nothing feminine about Rainbow Dash or Applejack… but they are still some of my most dearest of friends.” Shaking her head Rarity set off to find Sweetie Belle, her sister hasn’t annoyed her once all week. Odd that she’d have a craving for her little sisters annoying habits.

“See you later Rarity!” Pinkie yelled after her as she topped the nearby hill and started back for the boutique. Rarity gave a short wave back to Pinkie and continued.

It didn’t take Rarity long to find Sweetie Belle, they were both back in the boutique before long.

“Sweetie how much of that stuff did you use to make that float?” Rarity said in a sweet and slow tone, Sweetie gulped in an audibly at the look currently on Rarity’s face. “Before we get to that, why didn’t you ever come to me about your troubles? I’ll have you know I don’t like seeing you be bullied and you do know you can count on me to set some pony straight right?”

“Well why didn’t you set Babs straight then?” Sweetie Belle asked innocently.

“Because I went to Applejack about it, I didn’t know you three would stoop to revenge and I don’t like that it happened with you almost getting hurt. Revenge makes you as bad as the ones bullying you, I’m so glad you three managed to set things straight and work it out. Applejack didn’t know you were being bullied; even then that doesn’t excuse any of the ignorance in Ponyville to this kind of thing. Why even I only caught wind of it recently and I must admit to my own failure to prevent it from furthering. For that I apologize to you.” Rarity swept Sweetie Belle up into a hug before she could say anything. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again; I don’t like imagining you seriously hurt and you recently flew a float of a cliff.”

“Rarity… you’re choking…me…” Sweetie Belle was starting to turn blue in Rarity’s strong hug and she released the pressure on her sister with a apologetic smile.

“Sorry dear, I may not seem like it at times, but you know I care…” Sweetie snuggled into Rarity’s coat and she coddled the filly that meant a lot to her.

“I’m sorry we didn’t go to Applejack or you, whoever Scootaloo’s parents are…” Sweetie said after a moment.

“It’s okay, I understand completely after what happened with Gabby Gums.” Sweetie stiffened the moment Rarity mentioned that and then just relaxed after Rarity started giving her an unladylike noogie.

“Yeah, I can see why we didn’t go for help sooner.” Sweetie stated because she can honestly understand the Cutie Mark Crusaders aversion to asking for help with their problems after having all of Ponyville turn on them. “Well, look on the bright side, at least our float floated right?”

“Again while we’re on the subject, how much luster dust did you use and how much is it going to cost me?” Rarity asked after a moment.

“Oh yeah, about that… can I get away with a sorry?” Sweetie Belle gave a sweet little smile as Rarity glared at her sister, that stuff wasn’t exactly cheap. A certain little filly was going to be eating an edible boot soon.

“It’s not bad enough that your cooking keeps trying to take over Ponyville, at least I’m not billed for the damages that those incidents cause.” Closing her eyes Rarity didn’t let go of her sister. “Still be mindful of things you do Sweetie Belle, you never know when someone might just be acting out because they have it worse then you.”

“Okay, Rarity…” Answered Sweetie somberly, she actually didn’t know how Babs had it in Manehatten. It must have been pretty bad for her to join the likes of Diamond and Silver.

“Come now, I might even let you help with dinner if you get washed up well enough. In fact I made a wash myself after hugging you.” Rarity gagged at the smell coming from Sweetie Belle, she wasn’t afraid to get her hooves dirty for her sister but that didn’t mean she didn’t like the following clean up afterwards. It was just better to stay clean in the first place to Rarity.

At least the dinner they had that night was somewhat edible, once again Rarity made mention that cooking and or monster making was not Sweetie Belle’s talent. She even made mention that singing might be her little sisters talent considering how well she got along with the lake krakens. Sweetie Belle ignored that and passed it off as Rarity being herself.

Rarity slowly crawled into bed, it was kind of mean of her to kiss Applejack and tell her that was it. She did it to the other mares too and they understood. She kept breaking hearts everywhere she went and she didn’t have much of an unbroken heart herself.

She stared at the ceiling for a bit thinking about things only she worried about and then slid the sleep mask over her face, Rarity needed her beauty sleep after all. After a moment she slipped the mask off and sat up to look at Sweetie Belle snuggling into her side. Sighing Rarity nuzzled her sister before slipping the mask back on and she pulled the blanket over the smaller body next to her. Her sister did get lonely at times and tended to crawl into her bed, Rarity never minded that at all. Why would she start now?

In Canterlot Luna sat upon the throne wondering where Celestia had gone, she hadn’t been around for a while. What was her sister doing that was so important? She hadn’t been in Canterlot for several days now even after Kazooie had called her out for a little support in getting Chrysalis out of her own head. That had been a rather successful venture and nobody was hurt except for the mental representation of Chrysalis who got stung in the butt which jolted her out of her funk.

It was strange that she’d surrender to Kazooie of all ponies; Luna still hadn’t heard what became of that. In a flash the room was filled with light and Celestia walked in looking rather drowsy and sat her large white rump down next to the dark alicorn.

“Sister art thou alright? You have been away for a time.” Yes, because going missing a day after Twilight sent a message that she had been assaulted wasn’t suspect at all.

“I just had things to check on.” What Celestia wasn’t saying was her suspicions of someone sending a pony to attack Twilight specifically along with her friends to send a message to her. So far anything Celestia had discovered was inconclusive to what she previously thought.

What Celestia had discovered after hearing Twilight was assaulted was the usual stuff she’s always hearing. Assassination plots of different rulers, nobles trying to kill her again through outside contracts with other species, griffon expansionism, Minotaur’s butting heads, Zebra’s just lazing about in their plains not really hurting any pony, the Ever Free Forests magic is acting normal and Saddle Arabia finally just about ready to start more negotiations since the old contract went out a short while ago.

Why could Celestia just deal with dragons? They were exceedingly lazy if you give them enough gems and gold; they were rather hedonistic and hardly had a coherent kingdom to begin with. At least they mostly live in places that a pony is smart enough to stay away from. Unlike Twilight of course who’d followed Spike into a volcano even if it wasn’t active it could have become so as soon as she stepped hoof inside. Other than being territorial dragons really didn’t bother Celestia or her ponies all that much.

Blinking Celestia realized she had a hoof waving in front of her face; she looked to Luna’s worried eyes. “Sister, are you sure that you’re well?”

“I’m fine Luna, I’m just a bit tired, I just need to write a message to Twilight and then I’ll go to bed.” With grace Celestia stood up and shook the sand out of her mane and started to trot out of the room thinking about the things she’d write to her student. Maybe it’d help her to get her mind off being physically assaulted if she were to put on a show for the delegates? She still wondered who was behind the attack; there was nothing stolen and nothing gained from the attack except to possibly distract her from seeing the true reason of the attack in the first place.

Celestia was going to give Twilight a hug the next time she saw her, she deserved that much. She wondered if Cadence made it to Ponyville alright and if her Empire was doing well? She was still a young ruler after all and she needed Twilights help defeating Sombra. Things weren’t at their possible worst, though Celestia suspected someone was toying with the prophecy she had running and they were doing it from the shadows outside of her sight.

Standing in front of a mirror after removing the regalia, which even Celestia admitted at times might have detracted from her full on natural beauty, she started to brush her long mane and tail out. Her thoughts kept creeping right back to Twilight, her faithful beautiful smart student. It’d never work out, she thought to herself shaking her head violently, even if her favorite color was purple.

Crawling onto her extravagant bed, ah the perks being a princess, she laid down and started to slowly drift off to sleep and then her eyes snapped wide open as she felt something snuggling into her back.

“Luna…” Celestia said slowly.

“Yeah, what is it Celery?” Luna snuggled closer to her sister, she missed the warmth of when they used to share cuddles as just sisters.

“You’re already asleep aren’t you?” Sighed the solar princess as she was being spooned by her sister of the night. She did miss their closeness for a thousand or so years and it wasn’t like Luna couldn’t sleep in a bed of her own it’s just that even Celestia missed this kind of closeness that only siblings could share just short of being lovers with another pony.

“Add cheddar to the soup, you’d taste weird otherwise.” Luna mumbled into her mane, nuzzling the silky texture as her own mane drifted off the side of the bed.

“Oh Luna, what am I going to do with you.” Celestia tittered as she looked over her shoulder past the hooves that wrapped around her waist to the smiling face as Luna started dream walking. This wasn’t the first time Luna got a bit clingy, Celestia loved her sister dearly and at times was willing to make concessions for Luna’s loneliness.

As such Celestia let Luna cuddle her as she drifted off to sleep, her sister really needed to find someone to love or else Celestia would be stuck as her sister’s plush toy for the next millennia. Luna had a hard time finding ponies that would even be her friend after her bout with madness that Celestia mostly erased a thousand years ago after their fight caused the Ever Free Forest to regain its lost ground.

Nowadays Celestia could rest easy knowing her little sister was alright, but she definitely needed more friends than just anyone related to Twilights group and Little Pip.

Everything would be just fine and hopefully the somewhat bright future Celestia was trying to make would come to fruition, not just for Luna, Twilight or a small amount of ponies, but all beings in the world. Hopefully things wouldn’t become too bright as evil was the counterbalance to good and would strike if things became too good to be true.

Celestia rolled over in her sleep and wrapped her sister up in a hug.

Author's Note

Stigma of sleeping with a sibling not withstanding.

Trixie's Turnaround

Kazooie was saddened by the very fact that she couldn’t get drunk while she had her ribbon relic equipped and she wasn’t nearly dumb enough to take it off while in Equestria. There were all kinds of magical maladies that were around every corner, she already had enough problems with being killed a few times here and the stuff like what poison joke did was sometimes less of a joke and more on the horrific side of things. Auto-life is probably the saving grace considering she had it going on at all times and since she couldn’t die of natural causes she was technically immortal as long as she didn’t need to tap into her extra lives or run out of MP to cast the Life 3 spell again.

It was kind of annoying to Kazooie to die so often, but Equestria did have some tough monsters. At least she made herself well known as an alpha among the Ever Free Forest monsters, with the exception to the sentient dragons she didn’t go near. She had the respect of all the creatures, even the slow moving Hydra’s knew better than to even approach a Spiral Mountain dweller now. Well they better damn well respect her and her friends, she’s not about to go casting Meteor again because it still strained her MP supply. She had Mumbo and Humba working on more potions to keep her in the black and white magic capabilities.

The Celestriad relic was working like it was supposed to, however it was probably the fact that she wasn’t primarily an RPG character that the effects weren’t as great as they should be. She was still quaffing magic restoring potions like crazy if she didn’t bother using the Osmose spell on the Timber Wolves. That had been an interesting sight to see, the Timber Wolves were now wary of bothering her anymore as long as she didn’t aggravate them or show aggression towards them.

Sighing to herself Kazooie made her way back to where they had set up near the dilapidated castle of the pony sisters, while stowing a bottle of booze into her backpack. Mumbo and Humba had their homes transported and located here in Equestria as well, their homes sat in many places at the same time. Both Humba and Mumbo liked Equestria so they had another spot they could exit their homes from.

Magically speaking Kazooie could feasibly enter Mumbo’s hut here and come back out at the hut at Mumbo’s Mountain if she so chose. The truth was only Mumbo or Humba could exit their homes anywhere they chose, if they truly needed assistance for emergencies in case somehow someone took out the Green the Jinjo which would be rather hard to do or if she for some reason couldn’t reach the Crystal Heart in the Crystal Kingdom this was a good back up plan.

She stopped at the large tent of fortitude between Mumbo’s Hut and Humba’s Tepee, otherwise known as camp Sabre Wulf and frankly having an animal immune tent was useful in the Ever Free Forest. She really should thank Sabreman for this tent eventually; this tent was something she didn’t steal for once and it was a good gift. Sabreman had fifty or so more animal immune tents and Kazooie hated sleeping in Final Fantasy tents that tended to explode after one night even if they did restore you to full, the explosions were a tad annoyingly loud if harmless wakeup call in the morning.

“Okay people let’s see what the ponies are cooking up today. Up and at them Banjo we need to hit the trail!” Kazooie said with glee, the groan from the tent sounded like music to her and out he came, an exceedingly large brown earth pony wearing yellow shorts. “I see Mumbo helped you fit in a bit, doubt it affected your physical strength at all big guy.”

“Kazooie… can I please go back to sleep? Honey and I were so comfortable…” Banjo whined.

“Too late for that my Bear, this nutcase just won’t let sleeping friends lie about. She’s an adventurer you know and if she’s this peppy, something’s about to go south and fast and I would love some forewarning of which direction to fly.” Honey said as she trotted up next to Banjo and stretched out her spine.

“Has anybody seen Daring recently?” Canary asked from her perch on a nearby tree, she was a tad paranoid about using the extra large Sabreman tent even if it was proven to be effective at keeping the monsters in the forest at bay.

“She’s probably still dungeon diving around the ruins of the ancient castle.” Kazooie answered, she was technically a princess even if she didn’t like the title and she did promise Daring that they would explore through some ruins she hasn’t seen before. The ancient castle of the sisters gave her a castle-vania vibe and Daring was like a kid in a candy store exploring through the place. Once upon a time Celestia said that she wouldn’t let any pony explore the castle unless they were given permission of an alicorn, as such Kazooie was able to grant Daring Do access to the castle without repercussion if she were discovered looting the place. “She’s a good adventurer and well traveled to boot.”

“Where’s Green or Mr. Fit?” If there was one person who liked to keep track of where everyone was and what they were doing it was Canary Mary, she has to be the little bird that always knows her stuff.

“I sent Green to scout out Appleoosa and get a mini map back to me of the surrounding areas… he kept pestering me for something to do. Mr. Fit on the other hand is wandering through every nook and cranny of Cloudsdale, from what I know of the place it’s kind of like Cloud Cuckoo Land only less bizarre stuff.

“Well at least he’ll feel at home there then.” Canary shook her head and then lifted into the air before hovering slowly to the ground near Kazooie. “So what’s the agenda? You said you were trying to take over the world, so when are we going to get around to it?”

“We’ll get around to it… eventually, so have a little patience. Now who’s coming with me to Ponyville?” Hearing something off to the side Kazooie saw Screwball climbing out of a Treetop Town tree house. Kazooie remembered how long it took her to uproot that tree… that took freaking forever given it was rooted to the level, nobody was missing a tree from Donkey Kong Country anyway.

Screwball smiled and held her hooves wide open towards Kazooie after she got to the ground; Kazooie acquiesced by giving her daughter a big feathery hug. Soon someone fell to ground behind them and Screwball released Kazooie to giggle at her big sister.

“You are so glad I don’t take fall damage or else I would be hurting you right about now for laughing at my suffering.” Still though, Nut Bat had comically fallen face first into the ground and the rest of her body was sticking up in the air awkwardly.

“Are any of you coming? I’m taking Screwball into town to see what they are getting up to today; I swear that flying spaghetti monster we fought yesterday was the best fight I’ve ever had.” Everyone, even Screwball, groaned at Kazooie for dragging them into that fight with the wild free roaming monster made of spaghetti and hay balls that fired slightly corrosive if still edible tomato paste.

“Pass.” Everyone except Screwball stated, Screwball wanted to see what was going on Ponyville and wanted to see if Owlowiscious and Philomena were around. She also wanted to spend time with her mom and maybe talk to Pinkie about finding her mom a special some pony… well technically it didn’t have to be a pony, it just had to be someone her mom can enjoy her time with. Mr. Cold Spot had yet to let her out of his sight as she looked up to her pet hanging in the air a good thirty feet in the air above her.

“Well it looks like it’s just the three of us Screwy, come on I have a good feeling about today.” Screwball shuddered, Kazooie smiled that she was freaking out her daughter and there was that strange sense thing she was doing where she had odd body quirks.

Somehow Screwball felt that things were about to get rather interesting and that they wouldn’t be seeing the rest of their friends for a while.

An hour later and on the cusp of defeat by the hooves of a mare name Trixie, Twilight was trying to focus and change Snips and Snails back to normal but she couldn’t. Twilight didn’t mind Trixie’s smug attitude, what she did mind was that Trixie was hurting her friends physically or mentally. To think earlier that morning she was just levitating animals around and being gently threatened by Fluttershy.

Trixie was a blue coated pony with silvery light blue mane and tail; her purple eyes were usually filled with pride currently they were a bit different than normal.

Twilight wondered how did this all go so wrong and when did Trixie get as powerful as she boasted herself as being. Had Twilight bothered to notice the glowing red eyes or the glowing in broad daylight artifact currently clasped around Trixie’s neck, not mention the incredibly impressive displays of magic that would drain a normal unicorn quite fast, she would have been a bit better off with the knowledge that she wasn’t losing to a normal Trixie.

Twilight was in fact losing to the alicorn amulet that Trixie was wearing, the odd artifact gave the user a lot of power and the trade off was a slow but continuous loss of intelligence and heightened aggression. At least the amulet didn’t permanently damage the user’s intelligence or boost their power indefinitely.

“Hah, see I am the Great and Powerful…” Trixie started off before a voice cut in.

“Blowhard.” That voice sounded familiar to Twilight, someone she wasn’t even a well known acquaintance with but her friends had met and had spent some time with.

“Yes, yes, I am the great and powerful blowhard… huh? Who said that, Trixie demands they show themselves this instant.” The angry glowing eyes looked into the crowd of frightened ponies.

“Are you blind as well as stupid?” Trixie turned around and saw a spiral eyed Earth Pony and a red unicorn standing on her hind legs wearing a blue backpack.

“Who are you that dare insults the power of Trixie?” The unicorn smiles cheerily at Trixie, who returns a look with contempt.

“To answer your question… I do.” The unicorn stated before motioning for Screwball to head off to the side and prepare to use the white magic she learned from Kazooie to fix the problems Trixie has been causing.

“Everyone knows I am The Magical Kazooie, and the tricks that I can do are ever so… Screwy!” To emphasize her point she tossed a wooden mallet into the air and Screwball suddenly appeared catching the hammer to smash her on the head pushing her into the ground with a clonking noise. Screwball immediately darted off as soon as she assisted her mom.

Trixie jumped at having Kazooie suddenly appear right next to her by popping out of the ground.

Kazooie leaned on Trixie back and she turned her head and fired a bolt at the annoying unicorn likely for putting weight on her back. Only for the unicorn to jump six feet in the air and started sparkling as she looked like a yoyo moving up and down in mid air twisting rapidly for two jumps. She twisted her body so she was facing towards Trixie.

Trixie ducked as Kazooie landed on the ground and blew a blast of flame at her singeing the tip of her hat. Shivering at the fact that the fire that flew from the other pony’s mouth without even her horn glowing.

“Magical is my nature both a black and white nomenclature I say, black will burn and white will heal the skin off you might peel if I am to have my way.” Leaning out of the way of a blast from Trixie’s horn Kazooie smiled. “This is not your lucky day; I’m the magical creature that any land of which before will lay.”

Trixie was starting to get really aggravated at the rhyming and she fired a bolt of lightning at Kazooie who bent backwards out of the way without her spine so much as making a sound from the way she did it.

Trixie fire several fireballs, bolts of lighting and even once just exploded an arcane beam out of her horn trying to strike down her target that wowed the crowd with her strange movements. Trixie noticed that every time Kazooie dodged in mid air she’d turn slightly grey and as soon as she touched the ground she was all colorful again, she back flipped, side flipped and was even doing cartwheels around Trixie without a care in the world.

“Why won’t you hold still?” Trixie shouted, only to balk when Kazooie got in her face.

“Oh, please get real. How does dodging you make me feel, I’m bored out of my mind what do you expect me to do bend over and keel?” Kazooie asked an inch from Trixie’s face causing her to reflexively teleport away.

“Stop it!” Trixie yelled firing out a barrage of magic missiles from her position a few feet away, none of the struck their intended target which rolled out of the way of two and rolled through the third seemingly ghosting through it entirely.

“Soon you will see what a nightmare I can be, because I know you’ll never ever even touch me!” Kazooie childishly dished out while waggling her tail end at Trixie. She skipped to the side several times avoiding a trail of deadly energy barely missing. She then avoided some more doing some simple twirls out of the path of several blasts that might have an impact on her health bar if she let it actually hit her.

Trixie screamed and started to fire more and more magic blasts, while Twilight and the rest of Ponyville stood on the sidelines in total awe. Twilight had seen the battle when Kazooie escaped Ponyville previously, incidentally setting Sugar Cube Corner on fire, seeing this just reminded her how intimidating the shape shifter was.

“If there is one thing I thought you should know, I Kazooie will only truly use one spell to win this farce of a show.” Immediately Trixie stopped firing in interest to see what spell Kazooie would use, so far Trixie has used up a lot of magic that wasn’t entirely her own and Kazooie hadn’t been hit once nor had she used any of her own magic.

Soon Kazooie slapped her hooves together and chanted under her breath and muttered the spells name with her horn glowing. With a simple series of green flashes appeared in everyone’s vision she just stood in front of Trixie with a serious look in her green eyes. “I would like to offer you this chance to give up since I’ve just used my spell, or if you wish to take the shot to you I may as say… oh well. I did warn you, nothing you can say afterwards will be anything but true.”

Kazooie stood there with her hooves wide out and she waited. Trixie just stared blankly, is this Kazooie pony really just going to stand still and let her take a shot at her?

“By the way I’m done rhyming, you’re aim sucks and you couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn at point blank range. I mean if your horn was in direct contact with the barn itself and provided you were inside of it, you would still miss it by a mile just because your magic really enjoys the scenic route anyway. Of course I wish you would give up and learn a little humility and maybe walk away from this without embarrassing yourself. You hackneyed useless tramp.” Trixie wasn’t about to take that insult from Kazooie lying down. “But I guess I’m not that lucky by the dumb look on your face, in fact I doubt you could knock me from this spot with even your most powerful blast.”

“Trixie will show you, I am truly great and powerful!” Soon Trixie started building up a huge charge on her horn; Twilight looked in shocked that it looked powerful enough to kill a pony. Red glowing eyes and amulet were brimming with power and yet Kazooie didn’t look like she would move an inch.

Twilight would have stepped in had she not been pulled away by the spiral eyed earth pony with the propeller beanie hat. Screwball shook her head no, as her mom had everything under control. She helped fix Pinkie’s mouth and asked if they could meet up to talk later, that and she repaired the age of those two colts. ‘Esuna’ was a really handy spell and so were the spells ‘Dispel’ and ‘Cura’.

When Trixie released her energy at Kazooie she wasn’t even going to bother to dodge the deadly blast, as everyone knows white or support magic had deadly applications and Kazooie had used one particular spell for this occasion. The spell she used came with a few interesting effects and while it may not seem very visible at first, the instant offensive magic was used on her the effects would be very obvious… such as now for instance.

It all happened too fast for any pony to follow after Trixie launched the bolt of lightning, but in a flash the boastful magician was sailing through the air with her body covered in arcing electrical currents. When the lightning bolt struck the ‘Reflect’ spell Kazooie had on her the lightning bolt bounced back at twice the speed. The force was basically the same amount that Trixie used and it certainly looked painful.

The end result was Trixie ending up on the ground and her amulet had several cracks in it from taking the brunt of the damage for the unicorn, her right hind hoof was twitching aimlessly at the air. Slowly Trixie rolled and stood on her shaking hooves as the electrical energy started to finally exit her body into the ground. Every pony in the crowd was silent including Twilight; she didn’t see Kazooie light up her horn at all to defend herself.

“If that was your best shot, you’re really asking for the pain. So I suggest you give up and take the amulet off before it drops your intelligence score another thirty points.” Kazooie said haughtily waving her rear end at Trixie before smacking it twice.

Twilight wondered what Kazooie was talking about, but only now does she notice the thing she overlooked while being entirely oblivious to it in her fight with Trixie. How in the world did Twilight, who is considered to be a very smart pony, miss the glowing red eyes and the amulet right there out in the open for everyone to see? Said amulet was obviously amplifying Trixie’s magical power and there is no possible way Twilight could have been this blind, but then again she had missed it. So Twilight did the natural thing to do in this situation and blushed in embarrassment.

“Trixie is not done yet.” Trixie ground out standing on shaky legs, the self imposed lightning bolt to the face really shook her up and if she hadn’t been wearing the amulet that would have killed her. Since Kazooie was around her death would have been temporary at best anyway and was ready to revive Trixie in case she did kill herself. Kazooie was going to use a phoenix down if it came to it. They were cheaper than the magic points needed to revive the mare and cash flow wasn’t a problem in Final Fantasy worlds.

“No you’re done; you just don’t realize it yet.” Kazooie waited to see what Trixie does, if she is able to attack again she better not attack anyone with the ‘reflect’ spell on them. “Unless you’re used to repeating mistakes it would be a bad idea to attack me with magic again.”

Trixie charged up her horn seemingly ready to ignore Kazooie’s words, Trixie’s eyes and head turned slightly and she looked at Twilight off to the side. She was the reason why Trixie came here in the first place and this charlatan somehow was powerful enough to defeat her. Well she wouldn’t be stopped from her original reason to come here, to defeat Twilight Sparkle!

Trixie immediately spun on Twilight and released the charged magic force from her horn on the purple unicorn. Trixie went sailing through the air again in a flash. She watched as the overly abused amulet detach from her neck and shattered in front of her eyes in slow motion, her eyes widened minutely before she hit the ground grunting in pain shutting them from the pain she just dealt to herself.

“How…” Trixie asked, every pony there was wondering that as well.

“I cast that one spell on everyone in the general area… well except for you. It specifically makes physically aggressive spells return to sender at double the speed and with about the same amount of force used. Oh and the returning spell will bypass barriers.” Seeing that she was done here, she turned to Screwball and her daughter was immediately at her side. “So hope you feel better soon, because that amulet was making you really stupid and despite the power it gave you, it really didn’t help you all too much anyway.”

“Well it helped me best Twilight Sparkle.” Trixie stated a bit moodily as her madness was almost gone, it was slowly bleeding off of her, there was quite a headache going through her head. Her body still tingled from the pain of her magic turned against her. She tried to sit up, but her legs failed to hold the weight she was trying to put on them.

“So you couldn’t beat her without it? I didn’t think someone truly great and powerful needed a crutch much less a handicap to win a fight. That is unless you wanted to take the easy way out. You seem like someone who has some understanding of hard work.” Kazooie watched as Trixie wilted before her; apparently what she said was getting through the blue pony’s recovering brain. “Well my work here is done.”

A newspaper slapped Kazooie in the face as she turned and started to walk away on her hind legs. Pulling the newspaper away from her face she read the article in it.

“Well if the fates above declare it… Screwball we’re hitting Manehatten because of the not so coincidental newspaper to the face! Head towards the train station, I have to go pony nap Princess Cadence real quick since a little bird told me she’s around here somewhere.” Kazooie immediately darted off before Twilight could work up any idea to question her. Hearing that Kazooie was going to kidnap a pony that was her friend since she was a filly, Twilight became well enough annoyed that her mane was already starting to smolder a bit. At least she knew Kazooie didn’t kill ponies… well at least she didn’t think Kazooie did anyway.

Twilight turning to look at the other pony she only saw a cloud of dust and a spinning sign that fell flat to the ground. Reading the sign Screwball left behind Twilight rolled her eyes at what it said. She’d worry about Cadence later; she was an alicorn and could take care of herself provided she wasn’t swarmed by changelings immediately.

Turning to Trixie, Twilight made her way over to the unicorn before her friends started being mean to her for the small amount of trouble she caused this time. She was just a down on her luck magician especially after meeting the ever enigmatic Kazooie who totaled her with one magic spell; Twilight couldn’t even feel it on her and yet she knew it was there somehow.

Looking at two of her friends, Twilight could tell they were still a bit stunned by the show of force and or the self proclaimed princess of adventure had returned to Equestria somehow. Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash didn’t seem so surprised however; Twilight would have to ask them about it later as they didn’t seem to lift a hoof to stop Kazooie from running away again. All the ponies were still a little too shocked to do much of anything; they slowly started to drift back into their everyday lives talking about what they witnessed.

“Trixie…” Twilight started carefully, watching Trixie’s ears perk up mildly but otherwise she stayed on the ground where she lay after losing the amulet that was obviously making her very powerful. Said amulet was now a pile of disenchanted remains. The amulet wasn’t the only thing disillusioned; the blue mare looked broken and was crying over the shattered remains of the amulet. “I’ve wanted to talk to you since you were last here.”

“She was right, that thing really messed with Trixie’s mind and Trixie would respectfully like to ask you to go away now.” Trixie’s words caused Twilight to frown, but then a stern expression crossed her face.

“No, you need a friendly hoof right now Trixie. I’m sorry that you are being bullied horribly and I’ve learned a thing or two about that lately, but that’s no reason to lash out at ponies. Now come on, there’s something important I have to discuss with you, possibly over some tea.” Twilight didn’t think Kazooie would do anything too bad to Cadence even if she did capture her, it was Celestia she was worried about and Twilight had to warn her about the return of the otherworldly traveler that might have something against the princess. Certainly seems like her and Celestia didn’t like each other, given last time Kazooie was around Celestia murdered her in cold anger and immediately regretted enjoying it so much.

Twilight currently didn’t care what Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow thought; she was going to share some tea and food with Trixie as she wanted to be Trixie’s friend. Twilight levitated Trixie against her will and started walking towards her library, Trixie looked tired and just hung limply in the field of levitation magic after trying and failing to struggle. Twilight knew she needed to send a message to the princess. Which princess was the question? Since she had some business with Luna she had to attend to, she might as well send that prewritten message to her.

Meanwhile trotting through the empty streets of Ponyville Cadence had no clue as to what was going on. Where were all the ponies, was the most common question on her mind. She heard a strange sound coming at her and it was getting louder and louder, looking front of herself she saw a blur flashing yellow run up to her and she found herself being engulfed in a blue backpack as Kazooie passed by her and continued running towards the train station at full speed booster velocity.

Screwball stood there at the train station lazily staring at the sky when she felt a pair of hyper charged hooves wrapped around her, she smiled as she was suddenly flying through the air on the power of a shining spark.

Screwball turned her head to her mom and asked why they didn’t just warp to Manehatten?

“I wanted to work on my long jump of course.” Kazooie received a pair of rolled eyes and Cadence poked her head out of the backpack and noticed the landscape passing by at an accelerated rate, she decided to duck her head back in and wait until it was safer to get out of the backpack.

Twilight had just finished writing a message off and asked Spike to send it to Luna; Spike wondered why they were sending letters to Luna but didn’t question it too much. Twilight obviously had her reasons for dragging Trixie into their home after her attack on Ponyville with the alicorn amulet. Twilight found out what kind of amulet it was after Kazooie destroyed it and she was glad Kazooie did destroy it, this was concerning the fact that she was right in what it did.

The alicorn amulet trades power for mentally destroying the wearer’s ability to think straight at all, the longer it was worn and used the more ridiculous the wearer would get. The amulet was designed so it was impossible to be removed by anyone but the user and given the user is less likely to take it off given the users waning intelligence from using it, Trixie may have permanently caused herself or some pony harm.

“Trixie where in the world did you get the amulet from? It’s not every day ancient artifacts like that are lying around.” Twilight was worried about Trixie and her state of mind, the other pony just kept staring at the floor and her hat that just fell there and she didn’t even move to catch it. “Trixie are you alright?”

Twilight touched Trixie’s shoulder and she barely reacted to it, Twilight threw a hug around Trixie and held her. Trixie still wasn’t reacting much to it, but Twilight felt better about it.

“Come on, drink something, eat a cookie, do anything? Please will you just stop moping?” Twilight had to have at least reached a part of the magician, as Trixie lightly shoved her away and turned to the tea filled cup and finally just lit her horn and took a mouth full from her cup.

“One spell… she only used one spell… all that power and I was defeated with one spell… all in my hubris…” Trixie muttered to herself. Before Kazooie had arrived she had been dominating Twilight with relative ease and then Kazooie just dodged everything Trixie could throw at her without breaking a sweat.

“Well power isn’t everything…” Twilight tried to answer only for Trixie to ignore her. “Even I didn’t defeat the Ursa Minor with raw power alone, though it helps a lot, the only real costly thing I did was levitate it. Used up a lot of magic doing that though.”

Trixie looked Twilight in the eyes for a moment and sighed as she remembered what Twilight had done. It was several different spells within a short amount of time; Trixie even had to do research on it. Levitation was the major one and Twilight had powerful magic ability to lift something so large.

Twilight levitated the Ursa Minor, rocked it back and forth and had controlled at least ten different levitation fields to milk a bunch of cows and created a makeshift bottle of milk for a young gigantic bear. Trixie also noted she used a light wind spell to play music that soothed a not as savage as previously thought beast, she was just calming down a cranky child. That was one really big cranky child to begin with; even Trixie had to admit it looked fierce at first until Twilight did all that.

“Yeah, well you don’t have an entire town hate you for something you didn’t do.” Trixie continued to mope until a cupcake was shoved into her nose where a bit of frosting stuck to the tip of it.

Twilight yelped at the sudden appearance of Pinkie and fell out of her chair awkwardly flailing her limbs. Trixie chuckled under her breath, because she didn’t react as poorly and she had to admit the cupcake tasted pretty good.

“Not every pony in town hates you. So you took away my mouth for a minute and messed with Snips and Snails ages. We’ve had worse things happen here in Ponyville you know and if we hated every single pony with a take over the world scheme or just in general battering the funnel cake to much before deep frying it, well we wouldn’t have too many friends as we do.” Pinkie hadn’t gotten to know Trixie the last time she was in Ponyville, she was back to partying and her spirits were high as they could have ever been ever since she stop moping over unrequited love of a different sort. “If anything you’re not the first pony to drop a monster on Ponyville, we’ve had Hydra’s and Parasprites, plus tons of other things go wrong here. If anything our friends and the ponies of the town should be apologizing to you, I mean it’s like you being another Nightmare Moon today and you need to apologize to some ponies don’t get me wrong. You were just really cranky and I doubt even Fluttershy could say anything about the things you did today, because she can get cranky at times too. So…”

As Pinkies continued to blather on inanely like the blathering blatherskite she was, she just wouldn’t stop going on and on about how Trixie and Ponyville should reconcile with exploding gingerbread cookies and then devolved into making a cake with a hoof file in it so she could inevitably break Trixie out of jail. The jailbreak thing led into a long description about how they both end up on an island paradise and somehow married with three kids, one of them secretly being Applejacks that Pinkie never told her about after that one night stand that hasn’t happened at all.

“Good goddess does your friend ever stop?” Trixie finally asked as Pinkie was into her tirade about how bunny hoods would be used in a convoluted manner to misdirect Celestia into loving pies instead of cakes. Then Celestia would have to arrest herself for being a hippo or something about wide flanks, skateboards and the ubiquitous use of the words, “Oh and the donkey was there”, about every other minute.

“When she gets going… well, just don’t ask her about the oatmeal. That’s all I’m going to say about it.” Twilight really didn’t need to hear that story again; Pinkie could keep going for hours once you set her off, otherwise she’s been a bit tame as of late. “Haven’t really seen much of her lately and to be honest it’s kind of a relief to hear her going on and on like this. It just means everything’s right with the world.”

“Then I’ll somehow conscript Kazooie to play the bagpipes, it’s sure to be a foolproof plan… but first we have to figure out why Trixie would be arrested in the first place. I mean ponies in Ponyville get away with a lot of stuff and yet we wouldn’t let Trixie get away with a few pokes at some pony’s pride? Hydra’s destroyed more buildings in a year then an Ursa Minor, it’s why all the building material around his is so cheap and more cost effective then buying better materials. Twilight and Fluttershy leveled most of Ponyville alone and got off without even a slap on the hoof for all combined trouble the both of them caused.” Upon hearing the word Kazooie both mares were now staring at Pinkie Pie. “I mean come on; Rainbow Dash destroyed all the glass in Ponyville with her Sonic Rainbooms and she gets off Scotland free because of it? Yet all Trixie does is hurt their pride and she’s suddenly the most hated pony around? We’re all hypocrites!”

“Excuse Trixie for asking this, but did you just mention that you knew Kazooie personally?” Trixie perked up in interest propping her hooves up under her chin and leaning in to hear what Pinkie had to say. “Can you tell me about her?”

“Well she’s an old friend of mine, from a long time ago and she’s an excellent traveler that can hop between dimensions through various methods. I can only imagine all the types of baked goods she has seen and it makes me somewhat jealous. Naturally she’s not a really a pony and is a shape shifter now apparently, didn’t use to be able to do that herself when I was around, though her shifting seems to be a tad context sensitive to the world she’s in.” Pinkie explained, Trixie looked a little lost as Pinkie tucked into a cupcake before continuing. “She’s been to everywhere and many places you can and can’t possibly imagine unless you’ve seen it for yourself. One thing is, she will never really quit adventuring. She was never the one that liked sitting in one place too long and she’s always looking to do something interesting.”

“Would you say she has… a weakness?” Trixie asked hopefully.

“Her weakness would probably be that she finds it hard to say no to a challenge. Climb the tallest mountain, dive into the deepest part of the sea and fighting the most vicious monsters she can possibly find… well she’s died a few times doing that and she always complaining about how dying hurts. So I guess dying is kind of a weakness of hers.” Twilight didn’t look surprise as she’s heard this all from Pinkie before; Kazoo was a strange creature the purple pony wanted to study. A being from another world that didn’t bleed and whose injuries weren’t visible but still very much there, think of all the material she could get now that the crazy thing had returned despite Celestia’s best efforts to keep her out of Equestria.

The concept of being incapable of dying anything but a natural death as long as you had extra lives was intriguing, if rather exceedingly painful from all the ways Pinkie says Kazooie has died. The most particular memory was Pinkie explaining one of the methods Kazooie has died by was like being shoved into a fruit smoothie blender and it being set immediately to frappe. There wasn’t pleasant imagery to it, but Celestia did kill Kazooie and she certainly didn’t stay dead.

“Dying? Isn’t that everything’s weakness?” Trixie scoffed at the pink pony.

“Well it’s not like Kazooie is going to die of natural causes, she really is immortal. At least she’s chaotic good alignment or then we’d all be in trouble. Even if she’s used to pain, emotional trauma can still hurt her pretty badly. Like how Celestia was hurt by having to seal her sister Luna away for a thousand years.” Pinkie said with a smile to Trixie. “You can beat Kazooie and or seal her away, but she just won’t stay down or idle. You know you can trust me on that one, she always finds a way to get out of a sticky situation and if she is stuck her friends and family will get her out of it real fast.”

“Her friends and family, you mean like that pony with the swirling pupils… I’m still trying to figure out how that’s even possible.” Twilight was talking about Screwball, who somehow had fixed Pinkie’s mouth and restored Snips and Snails to their original ages. In fact there was a lot about that pony she didn’t know about, the one primary thing she did know was that she was primarily an earth pony and could do some bizarre form of magic.

“Well I know her brother is around, Mumbo was in the area and I think Kazooie has quite a few people of Spiral Mountain in our world. You remember her home I told you about? Well now they’re somewhere around here and who knows what they’re getting into. Too bad I can’t throw them a welcome to Ponyville party; it’s kind of hard to plan for them to be all in one place. Though I hope I can work some more details for Screwball’s birthday party the next time I see Kazooie.” Pinkie was going to have fun trying to make a good baseball themed birthday party; Screwball looked to be happily adopted by Kazooie and was a good conversationalist even without moving her lips. Pinkie also had Screwball in her corner pocket that Kazooie needed a special something or other in her life to make her happy. So far neither Pinkie nor Screwball had any ideas for Kazooie’s special friend.

“Oh great, and what can they do?” Trixie stated finally slipping back into some form of normalcy despite not having a bit to her name and she was completely homeless. She spent the last amount of bits in her name for the Alicorn Amulet and now she had nothing or an idea of what she wanted to do.

“Oh, we can do a lot of things.” After saying this Banjo took a calm sip of tea as both Trixie and Twilight were startled out of their seats by the two other ponies sitting with them.

“What… when did you two… what is she… how did you even? Who are you?” Twilight was at a loss for words as she saw a large brown stallion sitting at the table with a feminine black and yellow striped insect like pony sitting to his right munching on a cookie.

“What I think she’s trying to say is, when did you two get here?!” Trixie yelled while pointing at the two calm ponies sitting at the table.

“We’ve been here for the past seven minutes or so since Pinkie mentioned us, you three were so busy with your conversation we decided to take seats for ourselves and just have some tea you were offering. I’m Honey and this is Kazooie’s brother Banjo.” Her voice had a humorous lilt in it as she lightly buzzed her wings in amusement.

“Oh wow, you and Banjo became ponies too? What are you doing here?” Pinkie said cheerily, bouncing on her chair. “It’s so nice to see you again oh master of honey and the treats made from it!”

“Have you seen Kazooie at all Pinkie? I’m worried something bad is about to happen.” Banjo looked a bit pensive. “She seemed a little too perky for our tastes this morning and we didn’t follow her because…”

“Something weird and or strange is going to happen and Kazooie might cause some form of calamity? Well the last time I saw her she was shine sparking away after having foal knapped princess Cadence with her backpack and because she read this article.” Pinkie held up the exact section of newspaper Kazooie had read from the newspaper that had slapped her in the face earlier.

“Honey, let’s just let this one go, she’ll be back on her own time.” Banjo stated after seeing the article.

“Why what does it…” Honey stopped and read the article as it was held in front of her face by Banjo’s hoof. “Yeah that would do it; if you’re smart you’ll stay away from this Manehatten place for a while.”

“Why what’s going on in Manehatten?” Twilight was curious and levitates the article over to herself. “A boxing tournament, what does this have to do with anything?”

“Trixie suggests the supposedly smart pony reads the next few lines.” Twilight glared at Trixie as she read over her shoulder, turning back to the article and reading down the page she paled a little. “They can’t be serious…”

“As you heard from Pinkie, Kazooie doesn’t take a challenge lying down or lightly. Also I would heed Honey’s advice, stay away from Manehatten for a while.” Banjo stretched out. “It’s been nice meeting you, but we have to go see our next door neighbor about something. Just hope whatever Kazooie does doesn’t become too problematic for you.”

“They’re serious alright and Kazooie’s going to do it too.” Honey said before she and Banjo disappeared heading for the front door without so much as a word from Twilight.

Twilight had a bunch of questions whizzing around her skull, Trixie was trying to figure out what to do with her life and Pinkie was all smiles and thinking of what kind of frosting she was going to have next.

“Twilight hello, are you in there.” Twilight came too when she felt the rapping of familiar knuckles on her skull, not to mention the voice of her young assistant and child dragon that was basically her son. “What’s going on and I’d like to know why she is still here?”

“Well Spike, she’s going to be staying with us for a while… oh right… I need you to send backlog scroll eighty three right now while I’m still thinking of it.” Spike gave her a strange look, but he sauntered out muttering under his breath about not liking Trixie. Twilight knew Spike had been curious what scroll eighty three was about, she made sure he couldn’t read it by way of enchantment. It was also going to Luna; this was about the favor Luna asked of her a long while ago and it finally occurred to her to send it off.

“When did Trixie say she was going to be your guest?” Well Trixie just had to know what Twilight’s angle was.

“Well, do you have anywhere else to go or be?” After a moment’s pause, Twilight saw Trixie wasn’t going to answer her and looked to be thinking. Twilight also remembered another message that needed to be sent and called out to the other room. “Spike, make sure to also send Celestia a message that Kazooie is back in Equestria. Also that she’s up to something and may have recently captured Cadence for some unknown possibly nefarious reason, though I’m unsure it’s really all that bad.”

“Why are you letting Trixie stay in your home?” Trixie finally decided to ask.

“Again, you sorely need the helping hoof of a friend and I want to be that friend. I’m probably one of the few ponies in Ponyville aside from Pinkie that notices that your home was destroyed, as was your way of living and I doubt you were happy on that rock farm. If anything the fact that Ponyville or ponies in general would even continue to torture or just harass a homeless mare is kind of an unsettling thought to me, I thought this place was friendly and tolerant. Sure your attitude is kind of grating, no pony deserves to be kicked repeatedly while they’re already down.” Twilight noted that Trixie would not meet her gaze and just took a sip of tea and started to munch on a peanut butter cookie. She took notice of Trixie’s melancholy demeanor and sighed quietly to herself before speaking. “There’s also special pony that really wanted to meet you too, don’t know why she does but she wanted me to send word as soon as I could get into contact with you.”

“Someone wants to meet Trixie? Why, Trixie doesn’t have much left to offer any pony.” Trixie watched as Twilight scooted her chair close to her own and then she was receiving a tender hug from Twilight.

“Trixie you’re being silly. Friendship is not about offering things to get others to accept you.” Twilight spoke carefully squeezing the mare tightly.

“If Trixie is silly, then you’re naïve. For a pony to get by in this world they have to know how to perform and as a performer my special talent is all washed up. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have a special talent that you can’t use to do what you love?” Trixie felt a second pony enter the hug; it was the annoying motor mouth pink pony this time.

“Aw, don’t be like that Trixie. My special talent is getting smiles out of ponies. That and devouring all kinds of sugary treats and throwing parties, but it’s just a bonus. I’m also really good at quantum physics. So what if you’re special talent is telling stories, you could have other talents too.” Pinkie wondered why she was suddenly receiving a very odd if disturbed stare from Twilight, but the grape flavored unicorn decided not to question it. How did Pinkie know Twilight was grape flavored? Well she called it a hunch, it was either that or blueberry, Pinkie liked blueberry.

“You know, I might actually have need of your help Trixie.” Twilight said sitting back before continuing to drink from her cup.

“What would you have Trixie do?” Trixie didn’t seem too hopeful about being asked a favor.

Behind Trixie, Spike came back into the room while looking at Twilight questioningly after having sent off the third message in the last thirty minute time frame.

“Well I have a show this evening and I’m going to be doing it for some Saddle Arabians, I figured you could help me out with it. Also after the show the one who wants to talk with you will hopefully show up, she’s been asking me about you a lot. I’ve only told her what I know and that I haven’t seen you for a long time until today that is.” Twilight let her mind wander, she didn’t really think too much of the future and she took one day at a time.

Pondering some things about Trixie, Twilight hoped the mare would become a better from the humbling experience she recently faced. Hopefully she could chew out the Ponyville ponies for their awful behavior if Trixie were to offer up a sincere apology for attacking Ponyville over something that was her fault only by association. The purple pony’s thoughts soon turned to the otherworldly beings visiting Equestria; they don’t seem to be stirring up too much trouble. Kazooie being in Equestria at all was the troubling part given all the weird stuff she got up to the last time she was here. Celestia did say she set up a ward to prevent Kazooie from getting into their world the same way she did last time, Twilight could only wonder how powerful the shape shifter was to circumvent that and why it was that she still didn’t seem to come off as a real big threat.

Maybe the biggest threat is the one that can hide what it’s truly thinking and seems harmless at a glance even when you knew it wasn’t? Twilight couldn’t possibly know even if she has thought of this before, but she at least knew that Kazooie had friends and family so she couldn’t have possibly been all too bad a thing. Not that Twilight thought she was a bad judge of character or anything, she thought Pinkie Pie was pretty strange too considering that pony could pop up out of small spaces and appear magically inside mirrors. Pinkie obviously followed the beat of a different drum and she wasn’t any less her friend for it. Still this is the second time she’s thought of the comprehensive reality bending bird that did strange things like defeat both Celestia and Luna without injuring them in Manehatten after the humongous crab monster known as Cancer attacked and she was involved in that fight.

“Trixie will assist you, though hammering out the details as to what you need of Trixie will be required if we’re to put on a good show.” Stated the blue mare haughtily after a minute of introspection on Twilights part, all the while Spike and Pinkie were chatting about the finer points of hot sauce and the how to use it in unusual ways.

An hour later and a flash of golden light appeared in the library, charging her horn and ready for battle. However she quickly calmed down as the situation was docile and not a snack cake destroyer to be seen… but Cadenza was definitely missing.

“So then I said, that’s not my penguin that’s my…” Trixie froze as Princess Celestia herself teleported into the room looking ready for a fight and then quickly dropped that look on her face after taking a look around.

“That’s your what Trixie, please finish the story!” Spike had been enthralled by the anecdotal tale, so were Pinkie and Twilight as they nodded in agreement. Sure Spike disliked Trixie, but she could really spin a good yarn.

“Why did you…” Turning her head to see what Trixie was staring at Twilight brightened up considerably. “Princess Celestia! Wait, I thought you were supposed to be arriving with the Saddle Arabia delegates.”

“Yes, well… where is Kazooie and how did she get back into Equestria and did she truly kidnap Cadence?” Celestia’s mind was going a mile a minute; the most important thing on it was that Twilight was safe. She was exceptionally paranoid hearing the shape shifting bird was back in Equestria, she just knew that the fowl creature was up to something.

“Yeah, but I really can’t feel worried about it, the only thing Kazooie actually attempted to kill the last time she was hear was Cancer. Otherwise I’ve made a proper analysis from all the things my friends have said about her, she’s much like Discord in her playful nature and that despite all my trying to see her as a viable threat… well I just can’t see it but I know she’s dangerous up here.” Twilight tapped her forehead to emphasize she could understand that Kazooie was dangerous but she just couldn’t feel endangered no matter how strange the creature was around her. “Don’t honestly know how she got back princess, but she’s here and Trixie here can vouch for that as well as my friends. She did kidnap Cadence but I haven’t a clue what she’s going to do. She’s about as random as Pinkie Pie acting like a normal pony on a really weird day.”

“So what was she doing before she kidnapped Cadence.” Celestia kind of agreed with Twilight she could see Kazooie as a threat in her head, but in her heart Kazooie was just plain annoying and not really evil.

“Let Trixie tell you a tell of woe princess.” Trixie started out somberly, she really didn’t like Celestia’s current attention being on her as it was making her feel rather small at the moment.

“Oh come on! You have to finish the story you were telling us before Celestia arrived… it’s a really good story Celly, so do something like make her finish it by royal decree or something.” Pinkie was waving a hoof in front of Celestia grabbing her attention off the blue unicorn pony. “I Pinkie Promise I’ll give you cake if you do!”

“!” Celestia suddenly had a serious look on her face and a slightly blank look in her eyes. “I decree what she said to do, but before you may only continue after she gets me what she promised.”

“Wooohooo, I’ll go get the cake now. I bet I know your favorite flavors!” Pinkie jovially said as she bounced out of the library home, to go pull a cake out of the oven.

“We shall see.” Celestia would do almost anything for a friend if cake was involved.

Minutes later Pinkie had dropped her favorite type of cake before her… she was mildly surprised and it tasted so moist and sweet. She was so glad that alicorns didn’t actually get cavities, but they still needed to polish their teeth. As she was eating her cake she listened to an overview of what Trixie has told so far from Pinkie, Spike and Twilight leading up to the line about the penguin that was never finished.

After the three, what Trixie might be willing to call friends, were finished she decided to give the final part of the story. Even Celestia tittered at the punch line; it wasn’t long before her lighthearted sounding laughter couldn’t be held in anymore. Trixie had a talent for telling interesting tales it seemed; still it was interesting that she became a magician instead of a bard.

Celestia almost forgot Kazooie was back in Equestria, almost being a key word. She learned of Trixie’s tale of the falsehoods she spouted off leading to the Ursa Minor attack and then afterwards coming back with the alicorn amulet after being pushed too far. She was perfectly happy that Twilight was safe and sound and that she learned that Kazooie had a magic reflecting spell that was oddly specific about reflecting aggressively damaging magic spells. If that were the case she could have defended herself from the solar beam Celestia unleashed on her the last time she was here, but Kazooie made quite a statement by allowing herself to be blasted in Celestia’s fury.

Kazooie was quite powerful; there were some things to consider as it seemed there were limitless possibilities for an adventurer such as one that is the princess of it. The fact that she literally had the title of an alicorn and earned it was troubling; she also has yet to have any real coronation. So thus far she was the basis of a renegade princess, Celestia wasn’t about to offer her that form of protection from the world at large. She could protect herself well enough and Celestia need not involved herself with the nutcase as long as she stayed relatively far away from Twilight and didn’t harm her beloved… student… her beloved student.

“The delegates will be arriving soon, have you prepared?” Twilight nodded with an enthusiastic smile pointed in her direction, Celestia could almost feel her heart being set ablaze by the power of the sun.

“Yeah, Trixie even agreed to help me with the show!” Twilight stated enthusiastically.

One show later…

“So where is this pony that wanted to meet Trixie?” Behind the stage Trixie was looking expectantly at Twilight, she had stayed relatively low key during the entire show making sure to stay out of the sight of the crowd. She was avoiding Twilights friends except for Fluttershy, whom was so friendly even Trixie couldn’t get angry or annoyed with her. She avoided Pinkie on the principle that she was insane.

“I don’t know Trixie I don’t see her around, you really know how to put on a great show even if you don’t need to tell a story… have you ever considered acting?” Twilight started off softly.

“Trixie has thought about it once, but I prefer not following a script and don’t ask me about writing.” Twilight looked perplexed considering the stories Trixie could tell, she could write a good book or two. Trixie decided to explain her reasoning. “My talent works mostly by word of mouth; I’d need someone to transcript everything I say and even I’m not that full of it. It wouldn’t be a good tale, I just like to be the hero of my own stories and eventually I just might actually live up to doing great things and being powerful.”

“Well Trixie you did something really great tonight, maybe I could help you along the way if you’d just ask. Maybe being powerful naturally could be a reality for you.” Twilight thought that Trixie wasn’t a truly bad pony, sure she liked to brag but that was part of her special talent and what better story then the one where you can do anything you put your mind to it?

“Excuse me, but are you Ms. Lulamoon per chance?” Hearing the soft voice ask as the thud of large hooves walked up behind them.

“Who in all of Equestria can possibly know Trixie’s…” Trixie turned around to pause as she gazed into a gentle if strangely beatifically gleeful expression.

“Hello… I’ve heard quite a bit about you… I believe we have some things in common, possibly a lot actually. I’m Princess Luna and I may haps heard of a good show being put on tonight.” The dark princess of the night herself, Luna, was standing there before Trixie. “I would like to get to know thou over some… Joe is it? I know that he makes the greatest doughnut treats in Canterlot and is a paragon of late night snack making.”

Trixie just blinked blankly; did Luna really ask her if they could have a talk over some coffee and doughnuts? Why was she was staring at Trixie like that… oh right she wants Trixie to respond. Luna was about to say something when she was cut off by the slightly intimidated Trixie. How were you supposed to respond to suddenly meeting an alicorn? If anything an alicorn would probably appreciate it if you treated them like a normal pony instead of royalty all the time, the words ‘free food’ helped ease her mind. It already helped that she’s seen Celestia today, she wasn’t about to get lucky and just suddenly meet Cadence since she was recently purportedly foal nabbed by the same being who had a large hoof in stopping her magical rampage.

“Trixie would like that, provided she can be back at Twilights before dawn. I haven’t slept in a few days. Why does a princess want to talk with me specifically, I’m no pony special.” Trixie had felt so powerful with the alicorn amulet on and she hasn’t slept much since that night after buying it, she ran directly to Ponyville after testing its alluring power

“Yes, power like that can be quite corrupting. I know its taste quite well.” Luna looked sadly to the side at the dirt and a patch of grass, but then she looked straight into Trixie’s eyes with determination. “If you believe yourself to be normal, I consider thyself to be the dirt itself that you should trod on. It’s an interesting matter of perspective I wish to share with thee. Come, we’ll talk more once we have the sugar fried heart stoppers in mouth!”

With that Trixie was teleported away with the night time princess.

Author's Note

Managed one last one before New Years... I've been pretty darn lazy.