My Existence, the Greatest Perversion.

“You realize this is a dumb idea, right?”

“Eeyup.”

“You know this is probably going to ruin you in Ponyville, right?”

“Eeyup.”

“And you’re going through with it anyway.”

“Eeyup.”

Rainbow Dash and Applejack were sitting in an Outback Haybale, sharing a bloomin’ onion as they waited for their order.  Rainbow Dash had a doubtful look on her face, while Applejack’s was far, far more determined.

“How do you even know they’re going to give you a job?” Rainbow asked, nibbling on a piece of breaded onion as she spoke.  “And is this really what they eat in the Kangaroo Queendom?”

“Stay focused, RD,” Applejack chided her pegasus friend, not really paying attention to the appetizer.  “And no, there’s no guarantee, but you saw how big that place was.  They gotta do a whole lot more than one or two shoots a day.”  Applejack simply shrugged.

“I guess there’s that…” Rainbow Dash admitted.  “Still, this is an awful big gamble you’re taking… There’s no guarantee Rarity would talk to you while working.”

Applejack let out a giggle, a grin suddenly forming on her lips.  “You remember when I tried to stay away from Ponyville after I lost the rodeo?”

Staring dumbly, Rainbow Dash nodded.  “Your point?” she asked.

Applejack took a piece of onion and put it in her mouth, quietly chewing for a moment and inwardly agreeing that, yeah, this is probably not authentic kangaroo food.  “You guys went halfway across Equestria lookin’ for me.  Even took to workin’ in the cherry orchard.”

Rainbow Dash smiled warmly at the memory.  “I just hope Pinkie doesn’t try to get a porn job too.”

At that, Applejack couldn’t help but chuckle, imagining all the funny words Pinkie would just find herself repeating over and over again.  “That’d be one way to make Rarity move again, if nothin’ else.”

The two ponies shared a laugh at that.  If there was anything Pinkie was good at, it was livening the mood.  It was almost enough to drown out Applejack’s doubts.

--

Twilight sighed as she sat in the carriage, looking over the parchment Celestia had given her with a keen eye.  In it was a complicated spell, one that would take a quartet of normal unicorns to do normally.  Indeed, it was only her exceptional magical power that allowed her to even contemplate doing this by herself, and even then she wasn’t entirely certain this would be the best idea.

“Well,” Twilight said to herself, ignoring the two pegasus guards pulling the carriage, “If this fails, Applejack can end up horribly disfigured, dead, or turned into a mindless sex zombie.  That’s if it fails.”  She sighed and blinked her tired eyes, looking over the spell yet again.  “If it succeeds, she’ll be damned to a fate not much unlike Rarity’s.”  In her own estimation, neither of the outcomes seemed particularly great.  It was certainly not what Twilight was hoping for when she’d come to Canterlot.

Still, it was an avenue that Applejack deserved to know about, even if it was the sort of black magic that sent chills down her spine.  Changing ponies on such a fundamental level just felt immoral, to say nothing of all the laws and ethics that had been hammered into her in school.  Even the royal decree tucked away in her saddlebags did nothing to assuage her worries.  However, Celestia had been right.  Unless Twilight wanted to risk killing Rarity, the alabaster unicorn’s condition was irreversible, and Twilight knew that Rarity had likely had enough of having her body manipulated by magic.  That left very few options for Rarity having any long-term relationship with Applejack.

She just wished there were some other way.

“We’ll be reaching Los Pegasus within the hour!” one of the guards called out, breaking Twilight out of her reverie.    She looked down at the sky and looked at all the buildings, looking almost like foals’ play sets at this altitude.  It amazed her, just how much faster than ground travel this was.  Perhaps, after all this was done, she would work on a way for unicorns and earth ponies to travel this way en masse.  Doing some good would help clear her conscious if nothing else.

--

“So let me get this straight,” Paper Pusher said, adjusting her glasses as she looked at the application. “You’re looking for work.  On camera.”

“Eeyup.”  The orange earth pony looked about as serious as ponies got, a confident smile on her face and a glimmer in her emerald green eyes.

“You’re sure this isn’t just another ploy to get close to Gem Cave, right?”  She still remembered this pony from yesterday, and damn it to hell if she was going to let some creepy ass stalker in here, even if it was a mare.

“Eenope.”  Something about the way those eyes shifted as she said that made Paper uncomfortable, but she wasn’t about to push the issue too much.  After all, this here earth pony looked particularly hardy.  Not a lot of fat on her, and more toned than massive.  Definitely Playground Productions material.

“Well, I’m not going to stop you,” Paper finally replied, taking a look at the application.  “Normally these things take a few days, but you look pretty good, so let me just call the boss and see if she’d be willing to take you on.”

With that, she took the application in her magical grasp and got off her chair before walking through the door behind her.  Thankfully, the applicant hadn’t followed behind her.  If she was just looking to bother Gem Cave, at least she was being courteous enough about it.

Walking down the halls and past several sets, she made it to the boss’s office.  She took a deep breath and looked over herself, making sure her coat pigtails and tail weren’t frazzled or anything, then gave the door three solid knocks.

“Come in!”

Hearing the boss calling, she opened the door.  There stood another orange earth pony mare.  Though while the one waiting in the lobby was blonde and had jade eyes, the boss was a redhead with shining, emerald blue eyes, looking more like a respectable business mare than the owner of a multi-billion bit porn empire.

“Paper?” she asked.  “Is someone here for me?”

Paper nodded curtly, then placed the application on the desk.  “Yes, ma’am,” she replied.  “I know you normally want to do some vetting prior, but this really hot piece of flank came by.  She’s waiting in the lobby now.”

The boss swept a curl of her hair out of her eyes and looked at the application.  “Applejack, hmm…?”  She squinted at the paper, as if trying to remember having heard that name before.  “Ponyville, eh?”  Paper simply nodded, and the boss resumed looking.  “We’ve always had trouble getting earth mares”  Finally nodding, the boss smiled at Paper warmly.  “Lead her in.  If she’s got the stuff, I’ll have her shooting by the end of the day.”

Nodding, Paper turned around and went to fetch the applicant.  All in all, not a bad day at the office.