Funny Water is funny

by Varyan

Rating: mature
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Romance, Sex, Derpy Hooves, Doctor Whooves, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 7114

Ponyville and all its inhabitants must face the horror of infected water ... or maybe the pleasure ?

More suggestions for pairings would be welcome.

After an unnoticed incident at the newly-created Ponyville pharmaceutical lab a strange substance is released into the canalisation of the town.
The next day all inhabitants wake up slowly discovering what surprises await them when they make contact with the element everyone needs for life, water ...

This fic will contain all sorts of shipping and I will try to create chapters according to your demands but I will still somehow follow the storyline I initially had in mind

Already I can tell you the following things will NOT be implemented:
1° Rape
2° S&M
3° Scat
4° Futa

Published 2012-02-24 00:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-29 20:36:15 UTC

And it's not alcohol :p

I'm looking forward to constructive criticism from you people. Note that this is my first fic so I may have some learning to do.
This first chapter will be short for I'll be away skiing in the mountains for a few days so this is a little treat to see if you like my style or not.

And it's not alcohol :p

Plick plock plick plock plick plock ... these sounds resonated like a drum in Twilight Sparkle's head and this made her wonder why such sounds kept occurring since neither Spike nor her possessed any musical instrument but out of pure self-preservation instinct she yelled : "Quit that racket Spike !!!", but immediatly regretted her outburst as it caused her head to ache as if a rusty nail was planted in it.

Still feeling the pain she barely managed to stand up and open her eyes. "Curious, I don't remember my bed being so .... wet ?"
She opened her eyes and just realised she was lying on the wet bathroom's floor. A quick glance to the sink told her why the ground was wet and why there was such an infernal noise causing her so much pain.

"Uuuh what happened to me ? Think Twilight think ! I remember going to Sugarcube Corner to taste this new cake Pinkie had learned about when she was in that fancy city where ponies wear strange hats, drink wine and always carry long breadsticks around with them. What was that cake's name again ??? Oooh ... something like Baba au Rhum. Well this probably explains why my head feels like a dragon is snoring inside of it. It was so tasty and I couldn't stop myself from eating it so I guess I just got drunk of cake .. wonderful" she thought while slowly but safely moving towards her sink but what she saw next she didn't like at all.

A big part of this Rum Baba was now floating in the overflowing sink and it didn't take Miss Sparkle's overwhelming intellect to understand how this baked good landed there.
"Buck me, I'm so disgusting but huh I guess I should just quickly clean this up and go back to bed before Spike wakes up and sees the mess I've caused."
She just realised her words and felt even guiltier."What if Spike didn't know I was here, oh no he might be worried as hell"
After quickly cleaning up the mess she had made she rushed back towards her room only to have a blow dealt to her ego.

Spike was there sleeping as if nothing happened and nothing on his cute little purple face seemed to indicate any worries.
"Seems like I wasn't missed that much." she said after seeing the enormous amount of candy wrappers lying around Spike's basket. "That little rascal took advantage of me being away ... again, and stole the sweets I wanted to keep out of his reach.
But right now I just want to go back to sleep"
Seeing her clock on the wall she realised it was only 2 a.m. but also there was an immense thirst tormenting her and she remembered that when hungover you should always consume big quantities of water.
Thinking about this, Twilight went to the now clean sink, opened the tab and drank from it for a whole minute. Not caring about her wet mane and water-dripping snout she just thought: "Sweet Celestia this water has a strange taste, but it's probably just all that Rum making my head dizzy"
Trotting back to her bed she was too tired to have realised the water was slightly pink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 hours earlier inside the pharmaceutical lab of Ponyville ( generously sponsored by Celestia and lead by honorary director Zecora )

"And this is my personally favourite part of the facility. The biochemical department, where the most wonderful and yet natural medications are created for everypony's well-being and I can assure you, you will find no traces of synthetized elements in these pills. All of them are either created using plants or any organic material we find in our natural environment and blah blah blah ..."

Doctor Whooves is a strange stallion but when he talks about his works the passion in his eyes lights up and nearly everyone ( especially the mares, since he's quite the attractive gentlecolt ) forgives him when they see this fire burning inside of him and little did the fact matter he actually lives in a strange rectangular booth amongst other strange oddities in his daily life.

The group he was talking to was essentially composed of younger mares which always seemed to have interest in all these wonderful innovations the Doctor brings from Celestia know what crazy expeditions. But appart from his well-built body, his strong front and hind legs and his well-shaped flank, the Doctor was also an extremely nice Stallion who could get along with everyone he met. But sadly his overflwowing passion was also his greatest weakness and so he did not see the blond mare with slightly asymetric eyes slowly leave the group as she strode towards another work table where some vials with a beautiful pink liquid were lying.
"Ooooh, this looks like that delicious frosting Pinkie Pie always puts on her Super Pinkie Cupcakes"
The mare's eyes were shining in a way a diamond would look like a piece of garbage and looking around to see if no one was paying attention she unsealed the glass vial and poured some of the liquid on her hoof.
It was neither slimy nor entirely liquid at the same time ,so our little cross-eyed mare was even further convinced that what she was holding was nothing but a natural, probably enhanced cupcake frosting.
She gave it a quick lick but the strange taste surprised her and in a swift movement of her wings, which had strangely shot up in the blink of an eye, she toppled over the vial and it fell onto the ground right above the water drain, installed in case the emergency sprinklers have to be used.
The liquid quickly left the vial and as the last drops dripped into the canalisation, Derpy Hooves quickly made a run for the group for she was now more than eager to get the Doctor's attention and maybe more than just that from him.
If only she had taken care to read the vial's description she'd know why her wings were forcefully staying up no matter how much she tried to get them down.

The actually quite big label stated: "To be manipulated with care and mouth protection. Contains highly concentrated mixed male and female sexual steroids. Liquid must at any time be kept away from any water source. Molecule is self-sustaining and will duplicate in presence of sufficient amounts of water"

Releasing the heat ,or atleast attempting to do so part 1

Releasing the heat, or at least attempting to do so

The sun was slowly rising over the mountains behind the wonderful castle of Canterlot and the first ray of light shining through the window landed on Twilight’s sleepy face. She got up and inspected her surroundings searching for her everyday companion and assistant, but he was nowhere to be found.

“Spike where are you?” she asked without even bothering if she got an answer or not. To be honest she just wanted to find out if her little friend had actually worried about her. Not willing to get up and check where the little guy was she just plumped back into her pillow. A strange feeling started to overwhelm her as she realized she did not need any blankets at all, since she was starting to warm up more and more every second she spent thinking about Spike. She couldn’t help but try to find out why she was gradually getting hotter, so much hotter that her mane was coat was getting all wet from her sweat and she started feeling hotter and hotter in her nether regions.

Somehow this feeling was familiar to her but she couldn’t quite put her hoof on it. Was it the aftermath of her hangover or maybe she had just consumed too much sugar? She made a mental note to later ask Pinkie Pie if this growing feeling was an immediate result of too high sugar consumption. If someone was supposed to know the effect of an excessive dose of sugar, that special someone was the ever-giggling pink mare who knew all about parties, sweets and everything enjoyable in life.

“But wait, I remember feeling a similar body reaction when I was back in Canterlot. Oh yes it was when Princess Celestia invited me to her special pool-party. Strangely there were no people invited but me and some strange stallions who kept telling me they’d do whatever I wanted. Whenever I told them I didn’t know what they meant, Celestia would just giggle and tell me how innocent I actually am. At some moment she sneaked up behind me and rubbed my flank. For some reason it was quite enjoyable … even exciting, but when suddenly my body temperature rose extremely fast I just lost it and ran away.”
Remembering this evening did not help her with her problem since thinking about it just caused her to become even hotter and hotter. Deciding to fight fire with water as it’s meant to be she just went into the bathroom and entered her shower. After turning on the water she just let the cold stream massage her body in order to relax herself and finally get rid of this uncomfortable heat.

After five minutes of immobility she picked up her shampoo and started rubbing it all over her body.
Starting with her head, she then moved on over to her torso and finally down to her more intimate parts. She always cleaned herself well around there since her mother (and Celestia who insisted on helping her out when they showered together) told her it’s always necessary to thoroughly scrub these areas. And so she lowered her hoof and started rubbing.

The reaction did not wait as she suddenly felt a feeling she had not felt since she had had her magical outburst the same day she got her Cutie Mark. Touching her very special place caused some nearly electrical pulsations to travel down her spine as she let out a very loud gasp followed by her tripping over her own legs and falling down inside the shower.
Approximately fifteen seconds later Spike burst into the bathroom panting as if he’d just run a marathon.
“Every…thing alright Twi…light ? he asked in-between heavy breathing

Quite embarrassed about this situation and not really willing to tell Spike about her current … problem she just answered: “Yes yes Spike you can leave now, I ehrm just slipped over the slippery ground and well I’m not injured soo would you mind letting me finish taking my shower ?”

“Uhm sure Twi. Anyhow be careful because I’m going to clean up the library and I might not hear you if you fall again. Somepony seems to have made a hell of a mess down there and it seems like our funny fellow also found it very funny to pee all over the carpet.”

“Hehe, well you know Spike there is always somepony disturbed enough to break into other people’s houses and mess up their home. Even in quiet little Ponyville you’re not safe from a madman but now please get out of here, I need some privacy if you don’t mind.”

Spike left the room grumbling a random curse against mares and strange ponies who like to pee on somepony’s carpet. After the little dragon had left the room, Twilight stood up and finished showering herself. After she had turned of the shower Twilight grabbed a towel and scrubbed herself dry. She left the room and made her way downstairs in order to get herself a good breakfast but no matter how hard she focused on her rumbling stomach, she just couldn’t get that strange feeling out of her head. Why did it feel so good to simply wash herself down there? She had done it more than a thousand times and never experienced such a strange reaction. What was different and why couldn’t she get her eyes of Spike’s rump while the little guy was forcefully scrubbing her pee out of the carpet, but of course he didn’t know it was her who had done this in her drunken state.

After she had eaten a nice daisy sandwich, Twilight trotted next to Spike and helped him clean up her own mess but she just couldn’t bring it over herself to ignore the question which was constantly coming up in her mind so she decided to just ask Spike:

“Say Spike there’s something which has been bothering me and uh well I … um … you know … wanted … “
“What’s the matter ? Did you bump your head so hard you can’t talk properly anymore ?” he responded with a grin but his grin quickly faded and turned into a worried face as he saw the way Twilight was now looking at him. She seemed a bit confused but the strangest thing were her eyes. They were half-closed and the pupils were nearly completely dilated.
“Are you alright Twilight? You haven’t had this look in your eyes since you came back from Princess Celestia’s pool-party back in the days where we were sill still living in Canterlot.”

But the reply came in an actually extremely calm voice:
“Well to be honest Spike, I’ve been wanting to ask you, have you ever had a sudden urge to … touch yourself because you thought it might make you feel good ?”

“Uhm well yes Twilight, I like massaging my feet after a long walk or when …”
“That’s not what I meant you silly boy!” But with every passing second she asked herself if she was not being silly herself. “I meant touching yourself on spots which are more … private.”

At first the little dragon was shocked and utterly unable to realize what he was actually hearing. The older and way smarter Twilight Sparkle was asking him about something as natural as pleasuring yourself.

“Uhm well duh, I usually do it every time I come back from Rarity’s place after I helped her out with her work.”
“And why do you do it?” she asked away now nearly trembling as she eagerly awaited the little dragon’s response.
“Well because it feels good and I imagine myself doing these naughty things with Rarity since I can’t really muster enough courage to actually ask her if she wants to have some fun with me.”

Spike did not like where this conversation was going and suddenly he was imagining himself actually giving Twilight “the talk”.

Releasing the heat, or atleast attempting to do so part 2

Releasing the heat, or atleast attempting to do so part 2

"Well Spike, up until now I've always been the one teaching you new stuff but right here right now it seems like you know more than I do and honestly I am eager for you to ... teach me."

Now Spike was actually downright creeped out. Twilight had always been like a big sister for him even though they were not directly related. The way she was talking was not very comforting and for a second he was actually imagining himself doing all he ever wanted to do with Twilight instead of his eternal love, Rarity.

"Uhm Twilight, I don't think this is such a good idea. First of all you're family and ehrm well I don't feel really comforttable with it.
Besides you're a girl and i'm a boy so I don't even really know how it's supposed to work out for you."

"Ooh little Spikey-Wikey, that's not a problem at all. After all we've done alot of experiments in the past. Consider this a new one where we both get to learn something very ... entertaining"

No matter how much he tried to control himself, Spike could not resist two factors. Firstly Twilight's extremely sensual voice, and secondly the way she was actually looking at him. His body did not hold itself back as his member now slid out from between his legs and started to grow bigger and bigger in a matter of a few seconds.

Intrigued by what was now appearing in front of her eyes, the lavender mare took a step closer and carefully inspected the now fully erect fleshy rod pointing towards her.

"Interesting, I've always thought that unlike stallions you did not have this ... wiener. Seems like I've just been proven wrong"

"Well how did you expect me to pee or reproduce myself ...."

Spike just realized what he had said and he just knew Twilight would not let his remark go unnoticed.

"Now we're finally getting somewhere. So according to you, your ehm thingie is necessary for repro...duction right. And what exactly is this reproduction you're talking about."

Facepalm, that's all that Spike could do at this very moment for he could honestly not believe how pathetic this situation was.
Twilight actually did not know where foals came from. Anyone not part of the Equestrian Universe would find this a rather funny than awkward situation but Spike just sighed in annoyance, sat down (desperatly trying to bring down his pulsing member ) and started talking in a quite monotone voice.

"Well you see Twilight, ah Celestia dammit, I don't even know how to start ... Okay, what have you ever known about where foals come from ?"

Now quite enthousiastic the innocent mare replied: "Well my parents once told me baby fillies and baby colts are brought to the nursery inside the hospital when their parents want one. They also said a stork sent out by Celestia herself would bring the little foal to the parents."

"Uh huh, so basically you're sceptic enough to question Pinkie Pie's special senses but yet you did not for one second think about questionning this idea your parents implanted in your head?"

Twilight just smiled and answered: "Well they're my parents. Why would they ever lie to me ?"

Another facepalm struck Spike's face as he whispered with a voice whose tone was now more and more moving towards annoyance: "Because, the whole act of creating a foal or any other kind of baby is ... special and now regarding how innocent you seem to be I think you wouldn't have reacted well if you'd been told the truth."

After Spike had finished his sentence the purple unicorn pounced on him with an insane yell coming out of her throat.

"If there is ANY piece of information I don't know about, it is my UTMOST DUTY as a student of the great Celestia to immediatly find out anything there is to know about this subject."

The little dragon could not help but see Twilight's twitching eye and her ears flapping up and down as she spoke, a serious warning about her current mental state. He gave Twilight a sign to sit down next to him after which he explained her all there was to know about reproduction. Of course the pony's reaction did not wait long to show itself as Spike got further and further into details.

After what seemed like hours but only lasted fifteen minutes, Twilight let her rump slowly slide off the couch as her brain analyzed everything what Spike had told her in the past few minutes, but something else struck her mind.

"Waitwaitwait, what's this repoduction thing all got to do with my initial question. It seems it all takes place at the same spot of your body but ..."

She could not finish her sentence as Spike was now holding her snout shut with his hands. He gave her a serious look and answered.

"Because the act of reproduction can also serve another purpose, namely to make both partners feel good. And well when you don't have a partner or you can't find one, you can cause this pleasure to yourself by touching yourself. I don't really know why you woke up so aroused, but I'm pretty sure when you were at Princess Celestia's pool-party, your body instinctively reacted to whatever was happening around you."

"Soo the only way to remove this pressure which is lasting uppon me is to do this act of reproduction, right ?" she asked with hungry eyes.

With his dick coming out again Spike hastily answered:" You're correct, but you risk becoming pregnant and that's a risk you better not take, especially if you're not ready to raise a foal yet. I mean look how exhausted Pinkie was after babysitting the Cake's twins for only one evening."

"Oh Spike, you do know I'm not stupid and quite a fast learner. You told me only creatures from the same race can have babies together so there is an option to ... get rid of my problem without creating a new one at the same time"

As she finished talking she started looking at Spike's dragoonhood and slowly sat on the couch again and slid closer to him, as the baby dragon now did all he could to slide away from the horny filly. But as you all probably know, a couch is not infinetly long and so he arrived at the edge and fell off it. Twilight followed up and positionned herself above him, her pussy getting wetter and wetter. But she did not want to start right away. Someone as strict and organized as her would never allow herself to burn any of the steps towards lovemaking. She slowly lowered her head, her mane now obscuring both her and Spike's vision as their mouths came closer and closer.

Spike was still small and so unable to shove the taller and heavier mare away. Knowing this he pleaded:
"Listen Twi ... I'm not gonna struggle but you have to make a promise because it really matters to me."

"Shoot away Romeo" she purred, lust almost written over her face

"You must never, ever tell Rarity about this. I don't want her to know I succumbed to anypony else but her."

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye" she swore, though without putting her hoof in her eye this time.

Satisfied with this answer, Spike slightly lifted his head and kissed Twilight slowly. He was surprised about the softness of her lips and could not help but ask himself if Rarity's lips are as soft or even softer. He quickly forgot this and intensified his kissing.

Twilight was surprised by Spike's bold action and at first she did not really realize those new feelings rushing through her head and the rest of her body. Her cheeks became hot while at the same time her mind clouded itself with thoughts about more than just the experimental part of their soon-to-be intercourse. She now really wanted to have fun and feel the pleasure. Realizing this she finally gave in and started kissing Spike back ever so furiously.
This already lasted for a few minutes but the lavender mare just couldn't get enough of it.

"Wow, if she can't get enough of a simple kiss, how's she gonna react when we do it? Is she gonna rut me until I pass out or what? Well if I have to loose consciousness, better make it happen as fast as possible." he thought iwth still locked lips

He separated his mouth from Twilight's and asked with a smile:"You know it's supposed to be even better if we open our mouths and play around with our tongues, soo how about you just let me lead the way ?"

She nodded with an enormous blush, waiting for her long-time companion to continue what they had started.
Theit lips met again, but this time they parted them and let their respective tongues out. What seemed like a small and slimy wrestling game started out between their tongues and the only noises coming from Twilight were her moans, which were getting louder and louder as they kept french-kissing.

At some point Spike started massaging Twilight's ears. The response did not wait as she moaned even louder and her pussy became even wetter. He slowly moved his hands all over her body, trying to find the most erogene zone besides her slit.
After having thouroughly touched everything there was to touch, the little dragon moved his hand down to the unicorn's nether regions and touched them.

Twilight Sparkle's body jerked up in surprise as she felt an enormous wave of pleasure surge through her body. She separated herself from Spike and gasped but coughed as she was a bit out of breath from kissing Spike.

The little guy instantly removed his hand and gave her a worried look while asking: "Is everything alright Twilight ? I didn't hurt you, did I ?"

But she put her hoof above his hand and pushed it back down to her privates and just begged with a voice you could just hear from Scootaloo begging Rainbow Dash to spend some time with her.

"Please don't stop Spike. Please, please, please, You have to keep doing it. It felt so good ..."

With a wide grin on his face Spike answered: " There is something better I could do. Just lie down on your back and let Spike show you what kind of magic he can perform with his mouth besides sending and recieving Celestia's letters."

Twilight obeyed and laid back. Not knowing what to expect but still seriously aroused she was torn between her need for satisfaction and anxiety. But as Spike gave her pussy a big lick, she totally lost it.
This feeling was better than anything she had ever felt. No matter how good Spike would've been with his fingers it wouldn't have been a match for his tongue.

As the dragon kept licking and licking between her folds he came to realize a little pink knob had appeared. This time really unaware what it was he just went for it and licked it. The following moan was so deep, Spike imagined the pony was already climaxing but as he kept licking it, he realized this was an even more sensitive spot and he just had to use this for to make her come even faster.
And so as he kept kissing and licking, Twilight moaned louder and louder, unable to bear this building feeling inside her any longer she knew something was about to happen and so she just shouted:
"More! Faster! Please don't stop! Ahhhhnn !!!

For the first time in her life, Twilight came, and Celestia be her witness, if she had known this felt so good, she would've started doing this ages ago.
Spike was quite surprised as the purple pony's fluid squirted into his face. Curious as everyone might be, he licked his face as best as he could with his tongue and tasted those sticky juices. To his surprise it didn't taste bad or even strange. It just reminded him prunes, yes prunes and he really asked himself how a pony's juices could taste like that.

Quite happy about his performance Spike also wanted his share of fun and he really hoped Twilight wasn't too exhausted to keep on going. As if she'd heard his thoughts she lifted her head and asked him.
"How about you ? Don't you want to move on to the main event so we can both have fun ? Do ...
Her next sentence was interrupted as Spike burped and in a swirl of magical flames, a scroll bearing Celestia's seal appeared out of nowhere.
They both looked at the scroll then back into eachothers eyes.

"Screw this" they both shouted as Spike jumped onto Twilight in order to move on to what they've both been expecting.

If only they had bothered to read the scroll which had been sent instead of just throwing it into a corner.
The message was short but the information was clear:

To my most faithful Student Twilight Sparkle

It's been a long time we haven't seen eachother and I would really like to see you again.
Luna left the castle for some duties in Cloudsdale and i'm feeling a bit lonely.
Is it okay if I pay you a visit in your library, one hour from now ?
In case you are busy simply send me a reply and if you're okay with it don't bother wasting a scroll and ink for this.
Hopefully we'll see eachother in an hour

Your friend Celestia of Equestria

Please buck me until I can’t see straight anymore, woopsie it's already like that XD Part 1

Skip these few lines and pictures if you’re not interested in my personal life.

To those wondering why I didn’t write anything in such a long time, well it’s because I was thrown out of my school and had to find a new one.
I actually found a new one but they told me I’d have to pass 11 exams (chemistry, physics, math, etc…) to prove my worth.

So this was me before the exams.

Me after having written all of them.

Me when I got the results back.

So here is the real story, enjoy

The evening before

“With this our visit has come to an end. I hope you all enjoyed it and as a representative of the Royal Apothecary I thank you for your attention. Feel free to visit your local pharmacist and purchase any of our products. Special offer vouchers will be distributed when you leave the building. Tell your friends about this place and be sure to talk about all of our products.”

As usual Doctor Whooves wouldn’t stop talking until he ran out of breath or one of his assistants kicked one of his hind legs in a quite unsubtle way. This time it was the latter. The brown stallion gave all his visitors a wide smile and waved them goodbye. After 20 seconds of waving he dropped his front leg and sighed in relief. He knew he wasn’t skilled in pony relationships but working in this factory was still easier than constantly travelling through time and meeting strange ponies who constantly wanted to kill him or fuck him (sometimes both things at the same time). He was so absorbed in his thoughts he didn’t quite see the grey mare hiding behind a potted plant and all of his coworkers were too busy getting ready to go home, so nobody saw her.

As time passed, more and more assistants, scientists and general workers left the building and soon Doctor Whooves was alone, at least he thought so. He quietly packed his stuff together and swung his saddlebags over his back. Still preoccupied about his meal plans for tonight and what he should work on tomorrow, he didn’t see Derpy grab some blue pills with a big “V” marked on them and leave the building. The good doctor got out, closed the doors and locked them, humming with no worries preoccupying him.

As he reached the middle of town square he became a bit preoccupied. From all his travels he had always learned that an empty street during nighttime just screamed “ unexpected event” and so he naturally tensed up, ready to run for his life or if need be, to fight for it.

Still walking and so intensely focused on every shadow and corner he did not notice the being hovering a few meters behind him. As he was focused on Sugarcube Corner and what might lie behind it a hoof slightly touched his flank.

“Waaaaaah” he screamed and ran away as fast as his legs could carry him.

“Oh no. Poor Docty, don’t run away! I need someone to lick my muffin pleaaaase !!!”
Derpy Hooves yelled in vain. The Doctor was far away already and now she had to fly after him an find him. Atleast she could check the two sides of the road at the same time, she thought.

After what seemed like ages, she finally found the poor stallion. He was nervously trotting towards that blue rectangular booth she'd seen so often but she could never really figure out what it's purpose was. Decided not to let that fellow get away again she gave herself some momentum and dove towards the unsuspecting brown pony.
Voluntarily or unvoluntarily, she collided with his flank and squeezed it way tighter than she could use a charge as her excuse for doing so. At first Derpy thought she had her pray but as said earlier, if necessary the doctor was ready to fight for his life and so he shoved her away, turned around and prepared himself to kick some major flank.

As he saw who was actually in front of him, he dropped his legs and changed from a hostile expression to one of astonishment. "Eh, hi there Miss Derpy, what are you doing around here so late ? And why are you staring at me like that ?"

"I want you to lick my muffin. I really really want you to do so and I'll do anything you want from me to make it happen, a-ny-thing."

Not knowing how to react and unsure what this muffin thing meant he just answered:
"Uh well I've heard you're quite the muffin fan, but why involve me ? Did you create your own muffins and want me to taste them or what ? If that's the case I'd be glad to do so tomorrow after work. you could either bring them to the factory while you bring us our mail or I could come over to your house later in the afternoon."
He sincerely hoped he wouldn't have to taste this mare's probably terrible cooking and just wanted to get his well-deserved sleep anyway.

"Noo, you have to come over now, I can't wait any longer. You've got to taste my muffin, eat it and afterwards spread your frosting over it." she begged with a whiny voice which would already have convinced all of you pervs out there.

More confused than ever, the doctor couldn't help but wonder why she talked about "his" frosting, since he had none in his saddlebags and sure as hay wasn't gonna buy some for her.
"Well I don't have any frosting with me but I guess I can delay my sleep for another half-hour if this is really so important for you. Lead the way and I'll follow."

Derpy Hooves nodded and trotted ahead of him. If he hadn't been so tired he'd actually been able to see the gray mare's glistening folds, but usually nobody knows they're "fucked" before it actually happens.

So they trotted along the road for like 15 minutes until they reached the ditzy mare's house. She opened the door as fast as possible and went inside. Still unsure wether he should just run for his dear life or enter the beast's lair he stayed just in front of the door, lost in his thoughts. As the grey pony shouted: "Come on in pleeease, I can't wait any longer. Deciding to trust her, he entered the room as she added: "Don't worry ,I won't bite ... Unless you want me to." she purred in an extremely erotic voice.

That's when it finally struck the poor doctor. "Oh my. What she said were only euphemisms for ... that." He facehoofed and realizing his dangerous position, he slowly backed away towards the door.
But Derpy was faster and she locked the door before he could even go further than three steps.

"Come on, be a reasonable girl. You don't want to do anything you might regret do you?"

Hearing this, Derpy sighed and made a sad face:

"Don't tell me you're one of those candy-cane suckers ? All the nice guys are always candy-cane suckers. why can't I get a nice guy for once ... The handsome ones just laugh about my eyes and the other ones just find some excuse so they don't need to hang out with me. Becoming a muffin-eater myself isn't interesting and I can't always play with myself, it gets so boooring."

Quick to react, the doctor answered: "Nonono, I'm not gay don't worry. And you most certainly are a beautiful mare, but it just wouldn't feel right to start anything with you as I don't know if I'll still be here in a week. My "work" requires me to travel often and very far away. You'd grow to hate me and I don't want you to become sad or angry because of me."

"Don't be silly. Nobody said I wanted you to be my boyfriend. I just want to have your candy-cane in my muffin. We'll both have fun and that's it." She giggled and started moving towards the brown stallion again, staring at his slowly growing member she added: "Seems like your candy-cane is ready to be licked, yummy."

Knowing he couldn't hold out much longer he just said what had to be said at this very moment: "Hell yeah!"

They slowly approached eachother, taking their time to smell eachother's scent. The earth pony could smell her always-present smell of muffins but something else was becoming more and more present and he soon realized it was the scent of her arousal.
Their lips met. Sucking on eachother's lips they stayed like this for what seemed like hours but it were no more than just two minutes.
The pegasus was growing impatient. She wanted more and fast, so she shoved her tongue into the brown stallion's mouth and started playing around with his. At first the gentlecolt was surprised. After all he had lived through, he strangely still wasn't really used to anything related to sex.

Feeling the doctor's lack of response she started touching his flanks. This made him relax and so he finally gave in and pushed his own tongue out in order to show her what he was made of. Starting to play around with her tongue, his shaft was now stiffening again and due to their close embrace, this could be felt by Derpy. She attempted a weak smile but couldn't since her lips were still locked with the doctor's. Instead she reached down her hooves and started carefully massaging his stallionhood. The reaction did not take long. As soon as he felt her touching his most private parts, he separated himself from her lips, a small strand of saliva hanging between their mouths.

"Now wait a minute. First of all I'm a gentleman so I surely won't let you get me off like this before you've had your share of fun. Besides it seems like I already agreed to eat your "muffin" so I've got to keep my word."
He just gave her another quick peck on her lips before slowly pushing her down to the carpet. As soon as they were lying, he started nibbling on her ear. She gasped at this, which made Doctor Whooves back away.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't hurt you didn't I ?" he asked with serious worry in his voice.

The gray mare looked at him and barely managed to whisper: "More."

"What? I didn't quite get what you said"

"More!" she said but this time much louder.

Finally undertsanding that she actually enjoyed what he's been doing, he dove back in and started licking her ear. He alternated between licking and softly biting all over her body. When he reached her navel and kept poking it with his tongue, she put one of her hooves on his head and started slowly pushing his head further down. Getting the hint he moved his head in front of her marehood.
It was beautiful, probably the prettiest thing he'd ever seen and he had seen alot of things. Unable to think any further he gave it a quick kiss.
This alone made the mare moan extremly loud and in nearly an instant she became even wetter, with her own juices now litterally dripping from her pussy.

And so he gave a long and satisfying lick from the bottom to the top, taking his time to let his tongue travel all over it and make her squirm in pleasure. He now understood why she'd called it "her muffin" since it actually tasted like one, he'd have to ask her about that later. At first he only licked and kissed the outside, but as Derpy moaned louder and louder, the doctor wanted to find another way to satisfy her down there, so he applied more pressure to his tongue and it slid in between her wet folds. Moving in and out of her pussy with his tongue, he found a little nub at the top of her vagina and wondered what it could be. Since everything he did to her nether regions made her feel good he just slid his tongue out and gave the pink little button a playful lick.

This was too much for the excited mare. Even though he provided her alot of pleasure with his actions, she'd been able to somewhat keep her composure, but now she felt a wave of pleasure surge through her whole body as her g-spot was touched.

Feeling that her breaking point wasn't far away, she wasn't even able to make use of her usual euphemisms and just shouted:
"Make me cum, please make me cum and then I'll make you cum !!!"
Although somewhat surprised by this sudden outburst, the brown earth pony knew what he had to do and so he started sucking on her clitoris as if it was a candied cherry.
Her moans became so loud he wondered if none of the neighbors heard this but immediatly afterwards he reminded himself of the task at hoof. Make that mare finally climax.
After a last lick on her little button, she screamed out in bliss and came in a long and satisfying orgasm. As she came, her fluids splashed into the doctor's face.

He backed away, starting to lick around with his own tongue but after a short time Derpy got up and prevented him from doing so. Instead she licked all of it from his face and whispered into his ear: "Now it's time to move on to the main event.
Please buck me until I can't see straight anymore, woopsie it's already the like that."