S.S. in Equestria

Dieter was the first to climb out of the hole. It was easier for him because he had hands. He could dig his finger into the earth and lift himself up. To the ponies waiting for him to emerge, he looked like an angry demon, covered head to toe in his enemies’ vitae. He was terrifying to all who saw him.

Rarity and the guardsponies took much longer to reach the surface. It took them long because they had hooves, not hands, and were inept at climbing. They looked bedraggled and beaten. In the case of the guardsponies, “beaten” was probably literal. Dieter ignored them completely, opting instead to walk to a nearby stream to wash. He may have been used to being bathed in blood, but he didn’t like the stickiness.

Dieter was interrupted by one of the guardsponies. “My name is Captain Surefire” she said. “I would like to thank you for rescuing us.”

Dieter grunted in response. They were soldiers, these guardsponies, but they certainly didn’t act as such. Once again, he thought of how pathetic the ponies really seemed to be. They lived in a world without war. Dieter had nightmares about stuff like that. What would a career soldier do without war? It seemed to him that the Equestrian Royal Guard had more in common Allgemeine-SS than with the Waffen. They certainly looked good with their weapons and armor, but they rarely used them. Looking up, Dieter noticed that Captain Surefire had gone. Good riddance.

Dieter finished washing up. As he put on his uniform, he noticed that there were no holes. The dogs hadn’t even managed to touch him. Dieter smiled coldly. They were hardly worth the time. It made a change from Soviets. He continued replacing his equipment.

There was a loud commotion coming from the town square. Dieter was going to ignore at first. Then he noticed a chariot being pulled by more of the royal guard. On the chariot sat a white unicorn with wings. At least, that was what it looked like. Dieter, overwhelmed by curiosity made his way to the square. He noticed the ponies bowing to the winged unicorn. Dieter stood tall, the only creature not bowing other than the creature. He noted that the mane was multi-hued, but seemed ethereal. The mane was moving in a breeze that wasn’t there. It was quite odd. The creature also had pinkish eyes, that seemed to radiate a sort of warm calm. Dieter realized this must be the ponies’ ruler.

The creature turned to face him. “I am Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria. I welcome you to our fair land, Oberführer Dieter Heinrich of the Waffen- Shutzstaffel.”

Dieter stared at her incredulously. The highest ranking ruler was not a Queen, or and Empress, but a Princess? These ponies didn’t even have the initiative to seize a title of supreme executive power! Dieter was chagrined. He knew he should have expected a pathetic title, considering all he had seen from the ponies thus far.

Celestia, having no answer continued. “I would like to thank you for rescuing some of my Royal Guardsponies. It must have taken great kindness to risk one’s life to rescue strangers.

Dieter smiled. It was not a pleasant smile of warmth, but a smile of cold amusement. He spoke. “I needed something to do. In truth, Princess,” Dieter fairly hissed the word, “I couldn’t care less for their survival. This was not done out of kindness. Bear that in mind.”

Celestia’s eyes widened, and the guardsponies that flanked her tensed at Dieter’s statement. The gathered ponies gasped at his coarse response. Nopony had ever spoken to the Princess in such a way before. Of course, Dieter was not a pony, so that statement remained true. A guardspony wearing blue armor leaped down to face Dieter, seething.

“You dare?” The pony shouted, “You dare to insult our Princess? I’ll have you know that hostility to the crown is punishable by death!”

Dieter remained cold, not giving the pony the satisfaction of seeing fear. “Do you think that I am afraid of a death threat? I have been shot, stabbed, blown up, bayoneted, lacerated, and burned enough times that I no longer care! If I were hostile to the ‘crown’ by any stretch, I would have already killed everything that moves within this square right now! I would have done it with ease. Do not think to threaten me.” Dieters voice became dangerously low at the last sentence.

The ponies in the square gasped, and some began edging away from him in fear. Dieter took a step towards the guardspony, his face set in stone. The guardspony didn’t budge. It was the first pony that Dieter saw that had any guts whatsoever. Dieter noticed that the pony had a cobalt blue crest, to match his tale, and that he had an armor plate on his front, marked with a six-point star.

Celestia spoke, “Commander Shining Armor, stand down.”

The pony deflated, and made his way back to the princess. She turned once again to face Dieter. She stared at him. He stared back. The Princess in her thousand year reign, had never seen such a cold, seething glare. This man knew violence. He knew it very well.

“You shall disarm yourself and return with me to Canterlot.” Celestia stated.

Dieter responded by leveling his MP-40 at Celestia’s head, aiming for her eye. One twitch of the finger, and her life would be ended in the most violent fashion conceivable. Dieter buried his emotion, preparing for a fight, in case the guards made their move.

“I will go with you,” Dieter said this firmly, ice in his voice. “But I will not disarm myself. Do I make myself clear?”

Celestia was taken aback. This was the first time anyone had defied her. Of course, there was a first time for everything, and Celestia didn’t want to risk the Human’s wrath. She nodded.
“Very well.”