Ponies, Bears and Smiling Pancakes, Oh My!
“Those two have been at it forever.”
“Been at what, Rarity? Looks like they're just sitting there enjoying some cheese and crackers.”
Rarity looked over at Pinkie Pie in search of the “out to lunch” sign that surely hid behind the earth pony's eyelids. Finding none, the gossip turned her attention to the table on the other side of the cafe, where Fluttershy and a very large bear were staring at one another in amorous rapture and making some sort of small talk that Rarity couldn't hear over the din of the breakfast crowd.
“It's been like this the whole week,” Rarity groused as she held up her menu, trying so hard to look like she wasn't snooping on her friend that it made her snooping obvious. “They'd find a spot, chatter like school fillies for hours, and then go back to her cottage, only for her to look out of her mind with bliss the next day! What could possibly be going on?!”
“Well, duh, they're having se-” Pinkie was cut off by a perfectly hooficured... hoof being shoved in her mouth, followed by a venomous glare from the unicorn who owned said hoof.
“Yes, I'm aware of that!” Rarity hissed under her breath. “I mean, what's with them?! I'd never seen him before, then suddenly the two of them are going gaga over each other.”
Spitting out the hoof, Pinkie turned her attention to the foals' menu, where a stack of pancakes with a smiley face made out of whipped cream and strawberries caught her eyes. “Oh, I don't see the big deal,” she quipped. “Just because she likes the other gender doesn't make her that strange.”
Again, Rarity could only gaze in amazement at her friend. While yes, the overwhelming number of homosexual relationships versus heterosexual ones in Ponyville did strike most out-of-town Equestrians as odd, that wasn't what was getting Rarity so worked up.
“What, the fact that she's sleeping with a bear doesn't strike you as odd?” Rarity whispered, then immediately blushed and hid her face behind the menu as she realized just how terrible that sounded. “N-not that it's wrong or anything...”
Another pony took a seat at their table. Rarity broke her gaze from the two lovebirds to see that it was Applejack. “Oh, hello darling! Glad you could join us for breakfast!” She then turned her attention back to Fluttershy and her bear.
There was something about bears that made the sight of them Fancy kissing a pony seem much more illicit than it should rationally be. Actually, it wasn't that mysterious; as bear mouths were larger by far, it only made the mental image of the two lovers being engaged in a face sucking contest all the more pronounced. The way Fluttershy blushed as she wrapped her fore-hooves around his neck rather gave Rarity the impression that the bear was winning.
“Really?” Applejack deadpanned at her marefriend, thankful that Fluttershy and her lover hadn't noticed the lovely white unicorn gawking at them. “That's what you're here for?”
“Just look at them!” Rarity insisted as the lovers moved on from kissing to nuzzling their muzzles together in a display so saccharine that it would have sent Rainbow Dash into dry heaving spells. “They look like they've been at it for ages!”
“And?” Again, Applejack seemed dreadfully unimpressed, which wasn't exactly helping Rarity's blood pressure any. “You mean you don't know?”
Both Rarity and Pinkie turned to face Applejack, the former staring in shock at her marefriend while the latter pointed out the smiley-face pancakes to her by way of suggestion.
“You know about them!?” Rarity gasped. “You simply must share!”
Applejack lowered her hat over her face, convinced that her blush would shine right through her orange coat as Rarity leaned in with sparkling, expectant eyes. Why she had to be in love with the town gossip, she'd never know. “She started seeing him last week,” she informed her friends. “Way Fluttershy tells it, his name's Ditka Lombardi. Plays hoofball for his home team in Windville. Loves cheese, walks on the beach, and caring for animals. Apparently, he can drive her wild with just a casual preening.”
Pinkie Pie shrugged and hopped off her chair. “Hold on, gotta do something real quick.” she said. Rarity casually waved her bubbly friend off before said bubbly friend bounced over to the front desk, presumably to inquire about the lack of service.
Just as well, Rarity thought, as there was one less distraction between her and the lovey-dovey couple. Now they were back to staring at eachother. Not talking or kissing or anything, just staring in that hilariously love-struck way that Rainbow Dash and Princess Luna did when neither thought any pony else was looking. “And why hasn't she told any pony else!?” Rarity groused.
“Well, I don' blame her,” Applejack admitted. “You remember that bull she was dating last month? The bald-headed one who liked to gamble?”
Rarity nodded at that. “The basketball player, yes,” she acknowledged with a shiver. “Charming fellow, but by Celestia was he a boor. I love a decisive mate as much as the next mare, but he took everything far too seriously and was far too short-tempered. I never understood what Fluttershy saw in that one to start with.” Rarity blinked as a realization hit her. “Wait, wasn't he also from Windville?”
“Yep. Guess she didn't wanna make a scene out of this one, case it turned out poorly too.” Applejack shrugged and took a look at the menu Pinkie had left behind – the adult one, anyway – before continuing. “Don't know why, though. Everything I can tell says to me he's the real deal, and he looks like he could make short work of that bull if he starts getting all jealous on her.”
It was at that point that a gorgeous earth mare with her mint green hair in a bun approached Fluttershy's table, a tray on her back with two stacks of pancakes. As the two took the food off the waitress' tray, Rarity noticed what sat atop each stack of pancakes: A smiley face made out of whipped cream and strawberries.
“You don't think...” Applejack began, her voice suddenly sounding as faint as the blood drained from her face.
Rarity shook her head nervously. “She didn't!”
Fluttershy said something they couldn't make out to the waitress, who pointed over to the table Rarity and Applejack shared. Seemingly out of nowhere, Pinkie slipped back into her chair and was waving happily at the two lovers, causing both Rarity and Applejack to facehoof.
“By Celestia, they know...” Rarity sighed, trying to ignore Applejack's giggling or Pinkie sappy, romantic singing as she started bouncing over to Fluttershy and Ditka. She sighed and looked down at herself as she dreaded the accusations of snooping that were sure to come at her spa appointment with Fluttershy tomorrow. “Some pony kill me now...”
“Eenope.” As usual, Applejack was far too busy grinning at her marefriend's self-imposed misery to offer much in the way of comforting words. This was simply too perfect for the orchard pony not to chuckle.
Author's Note
Originally written for TMP prompt #446 -
The prompt: Ship one of the mane six with someone who isn’t a pony.
Special rule: No Rarity/Spike, Rainbow/Gilda, or Twilight/Flash.
Special rule: The non-pony partner must be a sapient adult.
Special Rule: A changeling only counts if their partner knows they’re a changeling.
