People, Princes And Ponies

Scene 5

The time of the Three Kings was considered a largely backwards time for pony-kind, especially in regards to sexual equality. The Three Kingdom were largely patriarchal, the Kingdom On The Earth so in totality, the Earth King being even more of a misogynist then his brothers. In Ivian's opinion, present Equestria had a strong matriarchal leaning.

'But not nearly as bad as the patriarchy of Sapistan Proper,' Ivian wrote in her notes. 'Reexamining my notes on current political structure in the Equestrian capital, Canterlot, I see that there are a nigh equal number of male and female nobles in positions of power. However, counting the-' She crossed out the last three words, 'The numbers do favor noticeably-' Crossed out the last two, '-noticeably favor females of er-' Two words crossed out, '-over males. This is the exact opposite-" Three words crossed, '-in stark contrast to Sapistan, where women in the cities are treated as dirt-' Cross, '-slaves-' Cross, '-second class citizens. Only on the fringes could I-' Two crossed, '-do women have a chance to gain respect-' Cross, '-status-' Cross, '-rights-' Cross, '-anything.' Underline twice.

'As I write this, my family and I live within one of the fringe communities of Equestria. I would like to visit one of the Equestrian cities, like Manehattan. (Aside: The name sounds similar to Sapistan's own Manhandling City. I wonder if the names have the same linquistic roots.) Here on the fringe, the matriarchal leaning of the ponies is even more apparent. Most of the important or high-end jobs are filled by mares, while many stallions, the few there are, are relegated to menial labor. It makes me wonder if there is just something about the female sex and countrysides.'

Ivian stared at that last sentence for a long moment. She didn't cross it out but she did add, 'No, that's just silly.'

Ivian looked over at Twilight, seeing the unicorn still excitedly scribbling her own notes. She'd take the time to admire the casual grace unicorns manipulated physical objects with magic. Not being an elf, Ivian couldn't full wrap her mind around it but she was familiar enough with them to know she had never seen such a feat before.

She leaned over to look over Twilight's shoulder and also came to a second personal admiration, the absolute beauty of Twilight's hand- hoof- hornwriting. Not having any other unicorns to compare to, Ivian settled with stacking it up against her own handwriting. The comparison was more startling in its contrast. While Twilight had gorgeous penmanship, Ivian was self-aware enough to know there were several unkind things to be said about hers.

I have a few too; she had the Antichrist of Penmanship. Like, Ivian's writing was dreadfully inconsistent chicken scratch. Lowercase 'n's and 'r's and 'h's were indistinguishable, 'a's and 'v's became 'u's if she wasn't paying attention, 'g's and 'y's and 'p' just bucked up everything the next line down. Or, she would, if the language she was writing in were the least bit like English and the Latin Alphabet. Atrocities equivalent in her alphabet were made with alarming frequency.

That's just me though. Ivian did not nearly ponder her aborted attempts at penmanship as long as she should have. Instead... well, there is what she going to do instead of penmanship self-evaluation and then what she ended up doing instead of doing instead of that. She was going to engage Twilight in further stimulating conversation on cross-cultural analysis. What she ended up doing  was more than walking, not quite running, definitely not jogging, outside with Twilight as they heard voices each of them recognized in a very heated discussion.

~

Scene.... 6? 5.5?

6

So Rarity laid into Vinten. She was particularly good at that, one of two of Harmony Bearers who actually had a talent in tearing people apart when she had the inclination. Rarity was Generous with her words, you see and not the least bit shy about it. The other necessary virtue was Honesty, because the truth hurts. Fortunately, Applejack was prone to excuse a lot of things.

Unfortunately for this skinny dwarf, Rarity was not. “Barbaric pervert! How dare you violate our loins with your peeping eyes? You, you avert your eyes right this second and you never, ever, go- go- go- argh!” She dramatically indicated she was at a lost for words with a huff and wide sweep of her leg, “I think I’ve said everything that needs to be said. Do YOU have anything to say for yourself before the guards cart you away?”

Saufier had the temerity to look embarrassed for the three of them, because Araji was being uncooperatively stoic and Vinten was demonstrating what a unrepentant jerk he was. But also a very observant jerk, a master of finding where exactly to stick his thumb in a being’s eye.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch all that. I was too busy wondering why you were wearing a grape fruit roll on your head.”

Rarity did flinch and blink, taken aback by that statement, “Wha-what?”

“Then I realized,” He grinned wide, his smile twisting his eyes into a vicious leer, “That’s your mane!”

So the rest of the pony’s watching, while apparently quite shocked by the accusations against Vinten, were not quite confrontational enough to do what Rarity was doing. They would have much rather tucked their tails, avoided his gaze and general avoided him. Rarity had the power of saying what they were all thinking, yes, but they were also a little bit embarrassed themselves. Rarity would recognize this as making a scene, but she was allowed to make a scene. She was a diva, divas make scenes.

Then Vinten just went ahead and insulted her mane. The equine audience gasped and now they knew: It was on. Saufier covered her face in shame and Araji stared at something a hundred yards away. Rarity’s face twisted into a look of sudden rage which immediately became one of contempt.

“Well, I should have known a pervert barbarian like you wouldn’t know good fashion when he wears his mane like his head is trying to take off like a bird from his body.”

Vinten face widened up into a bigger leer, a wider snakier smile, “Well that’s big from the filly with the twister tail, helicopter butt!”

“Helicopter Butt!? Pecker Face!”

“Marshmallow!”

“You-! You... you’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Rarity asked, narrowing her eyes as that realization dawned on her. The skinny dwarf kept grinning like a cheshire cat, and his yellow eyes only completed the image.

“Why, yes I am! It’s actually quite fun to get you, and you in particular, to act immature, because,” He slid down to his knees to look her in the eyes. His gaze softened, “Otherwise, you seem like a really classy lady. Classier than I ever could be, so I guess wanted to bring you down to my level.”

The absolute bloody turn-around of this situation apparently did to Rarity what one Freydolf experienced earlier, completely killed the wind behind her sails, in the proverbial metaphor. “I- well, absolutely.” With a side order of scrambling her composure.

“And I’m sorry,” Vinten said, slipping his hand forward and grabbing one of her front hooves. He pulled it forward and up, bending forward to kiss her hoof. “Forgiven?” He’d ask, looking up at her with pleading eyes.

Embarrassed and confused, Rarity white fur showed through with pink. She nodded her head, “Y-yes. Of course, darling.”

Saufier had been travelling with Vinten a long time. This wasn’t the first time she’d seen the dwarf make a total ass of himself and then turn it right the hell around when he turned up the charm. Everytime she did see it, it still shocked. All she could was stare with a dumbfounded grin, “What, the, Tart’.”

Araji keep staring off at something only he seemed to notice. Of course, everyone else noticed it too as a high-pitched voice trying to sound deep yelled out as his little body marched its way through the crowd of ponies. One very pale and yellow human followed by three chaos causing fillies, burst into the middle with a, “How DARE you!?”

Vinten looked up with a gleeful smile, “Well hey there, Freydolf!” He stood up to, waving at his nephew, “How are you doin’?”

The young harpy responded by marching up to the dwarf and kicking him in the shin, “How dare you embarrass me- us in front of the locals AGAIN!?”

“Ow! Ow ow ow!!” Vinten grabbed his kicked shin, and jumped on one leg.

“Yes, feel my anger and my embarrassment and my anger!”

“You said ‘anger’ twice, little dude,” Saufier told him.

“That because I’m very angry!”

“Ow ow ow ow!!”

“Shouldn’t we-” Rarity raised her hoof, having a hard time regaining her composure.

“Nope,” Araji was the answer that cut her off.

“Hmph, very well.” She stamped her hoof in final resolution to the world, declaring her composure against the absurdity and lack of good taste in the universe, “Good sir,” She addressed Vinten, heedless of his pain, “Despite first impressions, you have proven yourself to be a good sort. Once you have sorted out your issues with you...” She looked to Araji, “Family?”

“Family.”

“Yes. Once sorted, I expect to see you at my boutique so we can continue to sort this out like adults.”

“Ow ow ow!!”

“Very well,” She nodded her head and turned back to make her way... just away from here.

She exited stage right just in time for Twilight and Ivian to enter stage left, coming upon the situation that everyone was still staring at it.

“D-did we miss something?” Twilight asked.

~

Scene 7

There were some explanation, some apologies, some Freydolf getting even more of a faceful of humble pie, some meeting Spike. Spike liked to be included in things, so he got saddled with a pair of duties most people and ponies didn’t want to, dealing with “Freydork Hot Air” (“Tee hee!” - Vinten giggled, with all the maturity of a little boy) and Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Vinten recovered from the pain in his shin rather quickly, and went off toward his rendezvous. Around the same time, the quietly looming Araji disappeared too. To tell truth, he was actually doing his voyeuristic stalker ninja thing and following his friend through shadows that shouldn’t exist in the late afternoon sun over Ponyville. Somehow, he managed.

He watched him be what he always was, an incorrigible flirt. Not that the man flirted with any of the mares on the way down, no. He prepared for flirting, using his rather limited allowance to buy up flowers from various sellers. Araji noted with curiosity that there in fact seemed to be quite a few flower vendors. By the time Vinten visited them all, he had a very big bouquet in hand.

Araji had to adjust his approach to stealth. Although he was also trying to go unnoticed by Vinten, he didn’t want the ponies blowing his cover either. Therein lie the problem, they were ponies. He was a human, altogether something strange and foreign to them. That problem was easily solved by staying out of sight but doing that with more predatory humans, with a different host of instincts and sensory input, was drastically changed with the more prey-like ponies.

Araji enjoyed the practice and Vinten was meandering, not at all in any hurry. Eventually, Araji got it down, even with the flyers; pegasi here. That’s how he ended up in a tree overlooking a strange round building with a tent-like roof. It’s whole circumference was ringed by a porch covered in a continuous line of unending pony mannequins. Ponnequins?

That’s when it occurred to Arashi what the building reminded him of, a carousel.

Except instead of such mighty beasts as drakes, timber wolves and dire bunnies, it was a circle of horses. Bizarre. What was even more bizarre was, once he translated the Equestrian script, it apparently read ‘Carousel Boutique’. Did ponies think a carousel full of ponies was a proper carousel? That’d be like if human children piggy-backed on human statues atop a carousel.

Well, actually, Araji thought that sounded like a lot of fun.

Also of note was the cat. There was this white cat in the tree with him. Araji looked at the cat, the cat looked at him. They came to a silent accord of mutual tolerance. From there, then Araji watched Vinten ‘get to work’. It was absolutely bizarre, more bizarre than pony on pony carousel action.

Rarity opened her door and the fashionista seemed absolutely delighted to see the being she got into a public insult match not much more than half an hour earlier. And they were flirting! Araji knew this was going to happen but now that he was witnessing it, it was even more bizarre.

“Bizarre” was a word he liked. It was a useful label Araji could apply to anything he didn’t understand.

Apparently, human women were not enough, or more likely there were not enough human women in the land of ponies. Vinten hadn’t been here for a day and already was try to nab himself a pony mare. Rarity, why did she seem receptive? Shouldn’t Vinten be some kind of hideous hairless monkey to her? Or was Vinten’s observation true, and this town was so lacking in pony stallions that Rarity would take anything?

Or maybe that had nothing to do with it. Perhaps all living thinking things, when thinking with their loins rather than their sapient minds, would all be more than willing to go at it with one another. Araji admitted to himself, when it came to matters of sexuality, he lacked as much insight or interest as a child.

He snapped out of his musing over his own inabilities to watch Rarity invite Vinten inside. Araji thought he heard something about tea but he secretly suspected they’d begin to rut as soon as they were out of sight. Compared to himself, in truth, most people were. He needed to continue watching them, no matter what came of it. He slid from his tree branch perch, with cordial nod to his feline neighbor, and moved himself to the Boutique’s rooftop. Eventually sliding into an upside down view of inside, Araji looked and listened through an open window while remaining unseen.

~

Scene 8

Araji thought it was a bit weird when Rarity tore a petal off a flower and ate it, but Vinten had been expecting that exactly. This human had apparently brushed upon some pony etiquette. In Araji’s opinion, it was all of the etiquette that would grant him access to their genitals, rather than the etiquette that restricted it.

Rarity made that particular sound between a humm and a giggle, “Oh, I absolutely love roses!”

“Oh yeah? You actually seem the type,” Vinten noted, adopting an expression of calm bemusement. Rarity cast the same look at him even as she turned tail to him, walking over to her kitchen to fetch a vase. These were half-lidded expression with faintly curved smiles almost pulled into pouts.

“Do make yourself comfortable, dear,” Rarity offered to him as she disappeared through the archway. Vinten didn’t notice this but Araji did as he spied on them, pony domiciles had a minimum amount of doors, mostly archways. Of course, he had only Rarity’s home and shame to make this assumption, but he suspected this observation would hold.

Vinten noticed that pony furniture was a mite small. He tried to make himself comfortable on a particular fancy couch, or at least he thought it was a couch, and was failing. While Rarity wasn’t here to see him, he didn’t hide his awkward discomfort. Eventually though, he shook it off and decided to just roll with it.

He immediately switched over to acting cool when she came back, a tray of tea floating over her head, wrapped snuggly in a lavender field. “Well then!” She hopped into a nearby perpendicular seat, it and the couch situated around a short standing coffee table on which she put the tray. “Now that we’re situated, let’s talk, Mr. Vinten.”

The motions were covered, tea poured, cup received, tiny sugar cookies acknowledged. Vinten gestured lightly with the cup, “What did you want want to talk about, Miss Rarity?” He thought he knew what was coming, but Rarity was generous with disappointment.

“What do you do for a living, Mr. Vinten?”

Vinten didn’t flinch in surprise though. He didn’t flinch in surprise when Rarity suddenly started eating the flowers he brought. As much as Araji assumed it was preparedness, it was unflappability instead, a trait of the dwarf that bowed only to his conscious. Instead, he rolled with it.

“Well, I work with my friends Araji and Saufier. The three of us-”

~

Saufier grinned at Twilight, reclining in her tiny seat with much more acuity then Vinten, “We’re murder hobos.”

Ivian rested her face in her hands, massaging her eyes and her temples as a headache of exasperation began to come on. She regretted letting the elf field this question.

Twilight quivered and paled, lower lids lifting up her eyes, “W-what?”

~

Freydolf regarded Spike for a moment, with pursed lips and a thoughtful expression. The curious dragon was his sister’s brother, and just as filled with the need to find out more about these newcomers. Freydolf easily explained what his mom and dad did, giving the later quite a bit of flourish, but paused when it came to his aunts and uncles.

“They’re…” He said after a moment, “Professional Vagabonds.”

~

“-adventurers.” Vinten’s grin widened as he simply showed off and he wasn’t disappointed. Rarity’s subtle intake of breath, slightly widening eyes, told him that even here that title was lost on her.

“Rrrreally? Dashing heroes, damsels in distress, daring do’s, dastardly villains, the whole dynamic?”

“That’s a lot of D’s.”

“Ooooh, I’ve read books about your kind, Mr. Vinten, but I’ve never met one in person. Is it all like I’ve read?”

Vinten knew how adventuring was normally presented in literature and he could make a very fair guess what kind of books Rarity read. Particularly the kind that use ‘ravage’ in a positive context. Now Vinten couldn’t completely lie to her but he also couldn’t NOT play the part, so he compromised.

Putting on a show of coyly faux humility, he preened visibly, “Well, I’m afraid the adventuring life isn’t always as glamorous as they say.” He guessed that Rarity’s books in particular would skip the part of being knee deep in sewer refuse while being harassed by cackling kobolds. He couldn’t imagine that pony adventurers had it any easier. Less murder prone, maybe, but no less unpleasant.

“Not always, but sometimes?”

“It has its moments.”

Rarity leaned forward, “You simply must tell me more, darling.”

Vinten leaned forward right back, “Of course, my dear.”

Rarity then turned around, leaning back and drawing a serious expression on her face. In this, Vinten seamlessly mirrored her, flowing with the mood. “But first, we have something else to address, and that’s my behavior earlier.”

“Again, I’d like to apoli your behavior?” Their is a lack of ‘-’ terminating ‘apologize’ there because that implies a pause. Vinten cut the word off and kept going without missing a beat.

“You are not entirely blameless, but I had time to think back on it. I was insensitive toward your cultural… ignorance,” She said carefully while watching him. He recognized her lack of any more appropriate words and nodded his assent. “Then I went off on you and you responded in kind.”

“I escalated it,” He reminded her, “And honestly, I should have applied common sense in the first place and not gone… peeking.”

Rarity nodded assent right back, “Then may we be in accord, Mr. Vinten. Let’s act like adults and put our mistakes behind us, okay?”

Vinten gave her the first really genuine smile she’d so far seen from him, “How refreshingly sensible. Yes, Miss Rarity, I’d like that very much.”

Rarity used Maturity

It was Super Effective!

~

Scene 9

“Oh, you’re adventurers!” Twilight said with relief, “We don’t have many of those in Equestria, so I- I didn’t know. ‘Murder Hobos’. What an… odd euphemism.”

Saufier hid her smile behind her hands as she looked at Twilight. She couldn’t for very long and grinned openly at Ivian, “Ivi, she’s adorable!”

Twilight flashed through frowning to nervously smiling, her ears joining the roll of expressions, perking when she frowned and then lowering when she smiled. “Erm… thank you?” Ivian, for her part, rubbed the bridge of her nose.

“Um,” Twilight still flashed nervously between the two humans. “Well, I’m afraid I don’t have much information on pony adventurers, nothing factual at least, but I suppose I could read up on it to help make comparisons.”

Ivian raised her hand, particularly the one previously rubbing her face, “I can help with that. I know plenty about adventurers, and we can study the subject together.”

“Ooooh, excellent!” Twilight clopped her front hooves together once before cheerfully turning toward Saufier, “But perhaps you can tell me about some technical details about adventurer organization. For example, is it true you normally organize yourself according to the four roles?”

Saufier nodded and held up her hand, ticking off her fingers with her other hand, “The Warrior, The Rogue, The Black Mage and The White Mage.”

Twilight nodded her head, “Yes, those! May I ask, which are you in your party? I mean, is ‘party’ the right word?”

“Party’s the right word,” Saufier assured her, “But I’m not any of those things because in an adventuring party there ain’t four roles, there’s eight.” She held up both her hands and started ticking these off, “The Rock, The Striker, The Sneak, The Trapster, The Blaster, The Expert, The Medic aaaand The Face.” She rolled her eyes a couple times to remember, wiggling her fingers, “I think I listed these in the same order, as like, those usual roles most everyone talks about, like which goes with which. Like, the Warrior is the Rock and the Striker,” She spun her hand about, “Theee Black Mage is the Blaster and the Expert, and so on.”

Twilight listened with rapt attention, filled with that same demented sensation as Cheerilee, except as she took it from the receiving end, learning. She took her vampiric lust for knowledge and was determined to suck Saufier dry. Suck. Her. Dry. She had a quill out and was writing and everything. “So, what were your Roles?” She asked, hiding the pure menace in her intentions, the wanton uncontrolled greed to just know things.

Twilight also got to witness something else, elf magic. She had expected, when she would see it, that their ears would glow, since that was the only pointy indicator separating them from the rest of humankind. Instead, Saufier lifted her hand up to demonstrate, and her whole eyes glowed the same color as her blue irises and her hand sparked with blue electricity, “I was the Blaster and the Healer.”

Feeling like she inserted a suitable amount of dramatic flare, Saufier leaned back against her chair and turned to the harpy, “Ivi, do you have that family photo on you?” Ivi gave her a brief glance before pointing to her bag, situated against the wall from couch they all sat next to each other on.

Saufier reached out with both hands, eyes aglow, and lifted the bag over and into her hands. Holding it then in her hands, she fished another smaller bag and produced a picture. Setting that on the table and replacing the bag, Saufier showed Twilight a picture of Freydolf, his parents and his his aunt and uncles. Saufier pointed to the uncles, “Araji is our Striker and our Sneak. He’s not much of a sword guy, but he can swing the meanest hook and bust down doors with the best of them and he doesn’t sneak so often he just kinda looms. Vinten is our Rock and our Face.” She gave Twilight an incredulous look, “I know he acts like a jerk and looks like a twig, but rolling with the punches is basically his thing.”

Twilight prodded the one unknown number in the picture, the one Ivi had her arm wrapped around. A male, an elf, with pale skin and voluminous black hair that radiated from his head and then trailed down his back and half-lidded purple eyes. In contrast to the other smiling adults in the picture, he had a stern serious expression which Freydolf was apparently doing his best to imitate. “Is that Freydolf’s dad?”

“Mugen,” Ivian sighed wistfully, “Yes.”

“He was our Trapster and our Expert,” Saufier explained, “Always liked puzzles.”

“I haven’t seen him at all,” Twilight observed, “Where is-” Her eyes widen and she covers her mouth with her hooves, “‘Was’!? Oh no! Did he-?”

“Die? Nooo, ha!” Saufier laughed, “He quit!”

“Settled down before Freydolf was born,” Ivian explained.

“Took me by surprise,” Saufier admitted, “He’s a really mousy guy, ya know? Wouldn't expect him to come out of the blue with a girlfriend and says he’s gonna marry her, and then that girlfriend is my sister!”

“I didn't expect he was a full-time adventurer either when I first met him, either,” Ivian regaled Twilight.

“But yeah, you’ve never seen him at all cause he isn't a people person. Or a pony person,” Saufier told her, “He does all kind of arcane study now in his lab in the basement, all by himself. He prefers it that way.”

“Oh, really?” Twilight perked, “Well, I wouldn’t mind speaking with him then, when he has any free time, of course. I wouldn’t want to bother him. Not like Pinkie Pie, might.”

Ivian perked her brow and smiled encouragingly, “Who is Pinkie Pie?”