In Spike We Trust

In Spike We Trust

• Cornflak

________________________________________________

The last time I was at this castle, a princess was beaten until she couldn’t rule her kingdom anymore. Today, history is going to try and repeat itself. With Featherweight and Twilight on either side, I walk up the long flight of stairs one more time. They’re really bright from the sun reflecting off of them. I feel like I can get a tan just by standing on these steps a little longer, but I try to focus on the mission as we come up to the royal guards. Their faces are frozen and looking ahead like they’ve been that way for centuries. The giant double doors are just behind them, but we’ll never get to go in if these stallions don’t want us to.

One guard moves his eyes down to rest on me, and then his eyelids narrow.

“We’re not accepting visitors at this time.”

“It’s me...Spike.” I scratch the back of my head. Maybe he’ll let us in when he remembers who I am. I mean, I’m not sure if this is the same guard I spoke to last time, because they all look the same to me. It’s worth a shot, though.

“Are you a visitor?”

I shrug.

“Well...yeah, I guess.”

“Then we’re not allowing you to enter.”

“But we need to get in!”

“I’m not authorized to feel pity.”

“Are you authorized to lighten up a little?” I cross my arms and look away. I catch a glimpse of some of the other girls sneaking ahead to climb through the castle’s windows and stuff. The only reason the three of us are trying to go through the front door is so that the killer notices us. Twilight said that our number one goal is to just get them to come out of hiding.

Speaking of Twilight, she chooses this time to step up and cough into her hoof.

“Excuse me, sir. I know it must be a demanding job to guard the royal castle all day, so I’ll forgive you.”

The guard’s eyes open wide.

“You see, my name is Twilight Sparkle. You probably didn’t recognize me.”

“Twilight...?” he tilts his head and squints like he’s thinking hard, “...are you...a visitor?”

She giggles.

“You must have been asleep during your rookie days, huh?”

The guard smirks.

“Good one. Hey...I got a joke, too. But just for you, I’ll skip the set-up and get right to the punchline.”

The guard throws a punch at Twilight, but she’s quick to use her magic and warp just out of reach.

“Hey!! You can’t do that to Twilight!” Featherweight flies in and hovers around the guard’s head. I think he’s trying to distract him or something.

The outburst gets the attention of a few other guards.

“Hey, now!”

“Woah, woah, woah!”

“Dude, calm down!”

“That’s Twilight Sparkle!”

“You tryin’ to piss off Shining Armor?”

“Shining...Armor...?” the angry guard huffs and takes a minute to catch his breath.

“Yeah, man. That’s his little sis right there.”

“His...sister? OH!” the guard finally straightens up and offers a salute with his hoof, “My apologies, ma’am. You and your friends may pass.”

“Thank you. I won’t mention this to my big brother.” Twilight holds her head high and steps through the guards. Featherweight and I don’t waste any time and catch up with her.

When we get to the large doors, they start to open on their own. Twilight says something about how the guards have full control of the front entrance these days. She doesn’t sound like she’s a fan. After what I just saw, I can’t say I like the idea, either.

“Alright. The girls should be inside by now.” Twilight starts whispering when we step into the castle, “That stallion did us a favor and bought them some time.”

“You brought the crown, right?” I have to make sure. I don’t want this all to be for nothing.

“Of course. We’re lucky that they forgot to search us.” she’s been hiding the crown inside the messenger bag that’s resting on her back. After we collect ourselves from the scene with the guards, the three of us start heading deeper into the castle halls.

“Remember when we were here last time, Spike?” Featherweight’s little voice bounces off the high walls.

“Yeah. I don’t wanna think about that right now.”

“Why? I got to take a really cool picture!”

“Well, you’re lucky you weren’t in that really cool picture.”

“Aw, you didn’t look bad, Mr. Spike. I wish you were in all my pictures.”

“No, thanks. The only time that camera flashes is when somepony’s getting hurt.”

“Nuh uh! What about this one?”

While we’re walking, Featherweight whips out a picture and offers it to me. When I grab it and get a closer look, I can see that it’s Princess Celestia. She’s surrounded by everypony who came to her birthday party. This picture is probably the only thing we have left to remind us that she was happy.

“She looked right at the camera, too!” Featherweight tries not to let his voice get too loud, but he always seems passionate about his pictures, “I did what you told me, Spike! I flew really, really high and she looked right at me!”

“Yeah, I remember.” I smile a little bit and give the photo back to the little photographer. That party was the first time we met. We were both chasing after something that we wanted. Featherweight got his picture, but all I got was a fine mess.

“Hey, whose room is that?” Featherweight stops and points to a golden door that’s cracked open. I think the reflective door interests him a lot more than the owner of the room.

“Oh, that’s Prince Blueblood.” Twilight sounds bored, “C’mon, we’re almost to the throne room.”

The other two keep going ahead, but I’m still standing here. Maybe it’s because I’m admiring the shiny reflection on the door. Maybe it’s because I remember how badly that prince wanted me to get the death penalty. Yeah, it’s definitely not the door. It’s definitely the revenge that I’d like to have right about now.

“Spike, get back here!” Twilight hisses at me. I didn’t even realize that I walked into his room, but here I am. It looks like Blueblood’s not here, though. There’s a fire burning in the fireplace and the lamps are still on, so he’s probably coming back soon. At this point, the other two have already stepped in with me.

“Woahhhh!!!” Featherweight leaps off the carpet and buzzes around the room, “Everything’s so fancyyyyy!”

“Featherweight, stop that right now!” Twilight trots after him and swings her hooves in the air to try and get him down. I guess I could try and help her, but I have my eye on something else in the room. In the corner, there’s a bunch of papers scattered all over Blueblood’s desk. I feel like I’m in a trance and my legs start carrying me to that side of the room. As I get closer, the pages start to look familiar.

“Uhh...guys?” I hear myself say when I can start to make out what some of the pages are. It’s what we’ve been looking for this whole time, but we just stumbled on it by accident. They’re messages. Some of them are directed to Prince Blueblood. Others are written out to me.

RETURN MY CROWN AT ONCE.

- PRINCESS CELESTIA

Yeah, that’s one of them. Of course, Princess Celestia didn’t write this. There’s a whole stack of them on this desk, ready to be sent out.

“You’re kidding...” Twilight’s already digging through some of the letters, “What does Blueblood have to gain from this?”

I can’t answer her right now, because I’m reading more pages to try and find out, myself.

Prince Blueblood,

We’re pleased to see that things have been chugging along just as we like it. That stubborn hag was buried nice and proper, indeed. Hell, I’d say that little lizard gave us a bonus just by being at the scene of the crime! Poor guy was just what we needed to get the heat off our flanks. Sad to say, though, our two hired guns have gone and dropped that delightfully golden crown from the skies. I do believe those cretins forgot about the dangers of living in a floating city. We will get back to you in a jiffy.

- Your Friends

Okay, that explains a lot that’s been going on. I just wish I knew who these so-called friends are. The answer has to be somewhere in this mess.

“Why doesn’t he clean up his room?” Featherweight’s remembering the rules that Twilight’s drilled into his skull while he’s been living with us. I kind of agree with him. I didn’t think Blueblood would be so dumb and leave all of this evidence out in the open.

“He’s just always been that way.” Twilight sighs and searches through some more papers, “Shining Armor never liked him that much, anyway. Take some pictures, Featherweight.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

I try to ignore the flashes from the camera and read some more words from the prince’s pals.

Prince Blueblood,

We have set our sights on the prize. Yes, indeed. Recall that little lizard who put on a show in court? Seems like he fashioned himself a plot to take the crown for his own! Our guys followed him to the local library. We’re thinking this is the perfect opportunity for you to put forth some effort. We love effort and we see potential in the likes of you. Get creative and scare the little lizard into bringing that crown straight to your doorstep. We agree that you should brush up on your roleplay.

- Your Friends

There’s a lot of talk about the crown. I don’t know why it’s so important to them. Reading about myself like this is really weird, too. I don’t appreciate being called a lizard, and I don’t appreciate being followed around.

“Spike, look!” Twilight gets my attention when I hear her scrambling for a black book on the desk, “It’s the spellbook; the one that belonged to Celestia!” she shoves the cover in my face and then stuffs her nose in its pages.

I guess that confirms her theory about the Celestia ghost hoax.

“How many pictures do you want, Twilight?”

“How many do you have?”

“A lot!”

“How many is a lot?”

“Like a million!!”

“I’m sure you have plenty” Twilight laughs a little.

“Is the bad pony going to jail?” Featherweight stops flashing his camera and sits down. He looks really concerned. Twilight frowns and narrows her eyes.

“Without a doubt in my mind.”

Prince Blueblood,

We admire your commitment to our agreement. That being said, you did not disappoint. That little lizard is heading to the castle as we write. Seems as though he’s formed himself a measly fellowship, too. Nothing to lose sleep about, I assure you. Now, all we require of you is to show them the way to the throne room. Our boys will fly in and knock that princess silly until she keels over. If luck shows its face today, the little lizard just might take the blame again. That’d be a hoot! We have gone ahead and reminded our goons of the crown as well. That treasure means profit and we have assured them that there will be consequences of the relentless sort, should they return empty hoofed. My boy, can you taste that throne?

- Your Friends

“Oh, my...”

All three of us stop.

Nopony says anything.

There’s another one in the room with us.

I slowly turn my head to the door and see the stallion of the hour.

Prince Blueblood’s face couldn’t get any redder.

“I see that...you appear to have lost your way.” he clears his throat and takes a step closer to us, “Perhaps we could discuss matters elsewhere. I understand that L-Luna requires your presence in-”

Twilight cuts him off with a blast of force from her horn. The prince flies back and slams into the stone wall. Featherweight laughs like we’re all just playing. Twilight fires a see-through beam just before Blueblood can drop to the floor. Her magic expands around the prince and pins him up on the wall. He’s curled up in a ball and not saying anything now. From down here, he looks like a baby on display. He could just start crying any second.

“Spike!!”

I shake my head when I realize that Twilight’s screaming at me. She tosses me the crown and then points to the open door.

“You and Featherweight...go find Luna!”

“Are you sure?” I have to ask, “You got everything under control?”

“Heh.” Twilight smirks, “Don’t worry. I’ve changed diapers for fillies that were tougher than this guy.”

I smile and give her a quick nod before rushing into the halls. I can hear Featherweight flying close behind me. I’m really nervous for him. I can see the blood-red doors ahead of us. They almost stretch to the ceiling. Every time I’ve gone through those doors, something bad happens. This time is no different. It’s just the same song stuck on repeat.

I come to a screeching halt so that I can turn back to Featherweight. I lay a claw on each of his shoulders and that seems to anchor him to the ground.

“Spike, what are we-?”

“Okay, listen...this is your last photo shoot.”

“What?! M-My last one?! But why?”

I shake my head and groan.

“No, no. Scratch that. This is...okay, this is your most important photo shoot.”

“Ohhhh.” his eyes light up, “What’s my motivator?”

“Alright, your motivation.” I pause because I know he’s not going to like this next part, “Stay here.”

“Huh?! Nooo!” he stamps his hoof on the red carpet, “I wanna go in and take pictures-”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that. Just shut up and keep your eyes on me.” I use two of my claws to point at my own eyes, “You watching?”

He huffs and nods. I can tell he’s angry.

“Good. Now, stop yelling like a brat. Somepony’s gonna hear you.”

“Yes, sir.” he says this with a weak voice, like he’s hurt. Maybe his feelings are what’s hurting. Either way, I don’t have time for this. I keep a hand on his shoulder, but then I turn a little and use another claw to point at the throne room behind me. Our eyes are still locked.

“You don’t go in there...until you hear a lot of noise. When you do, I want you to bust through those doors, take your camera, and take as many pictures as you can. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but it’s probably gonna go by before I can keep up. And that’s why you’re really important.”

“Ohh...”

This might be too much for him to absorb.

“Look, when this is over, we’re all gonna look at your pictures. So, give us your best work.”

“Okay, Mr. Spike!” he can’t help but lift off the ground and wrap me in a hug.

“Yep, yeah.” I wince, but I can feel myself smiling. I push him off me, but I can feel myself finally warming up to him; warming up to somepony that isn’t just listening to this story and making guesses about how I’m going to die someday. Somepony actually wants to know me and what makes me tick. I wouldn’t mind keeping this little guy around a little longer. Maybe when this all done, we can be kids again.

For now, I leave that fantasy behind and step into the throne room. On the opposite end of this huge room, Princess Luna looks down at me.

“You...?”

She isn’t using her mighty voice like I thought she would. It makes me a little uncomfortable, like I’m seeing a part of her that I shouldn’t. She straightens up and deeply inhales.

“Young Spike...pray tell, after the casualties that have long since transpired...what business remains to be discussed? What more is there that pertains to you and I?”

The princess sounds weak. She sits on the throne where her sister once sat before her end, and now it’s becoming a little more clear to me. I’m some kind of bad omen. At least, that’s how Luna sees me. She’s lost the only family she’s ever had and now I show up in her home again to deliver the bad news.

I look down at the crown in my claws and then I hold it up above my head.

Her jaw slacks.

She raises a hoof to her mouth.

I don’t know if she’s going to say anything soon.

I take a few steps forward.

“Oh, Celestia...”

I hear her whimpers echo off the pearly walls.

“My beloved sister...who hath swiftly departed...from thine kindred.”

I feel like I’m interrupting something important.

What do I do?

Can I just...lay the crown here on the floor?

Do I say something?

Before any of that can cross my brain in time, my vision goes blurry.

I think there was a crash.

Glass was flying in all directions.

I blink.

I’m stumbling over to the crown.

I must’ve dropped it.

I squint.

Now I’m lying on my side.

I feel a rush of cold air.

I’m looking at the tall windows.

They’re broken.

Now I’m rolling onto my back.

I’m staring at the ceiling.

I can see the Wonderbolts.

Two of them.

Soarin.

Spitfire.

When I try to get up...

...I hear Luna shrieking.

I look in the direction of the scream.

Soarin and Spitfire are both flying straight for the princess.

I blink.

I see blood trickling onto the floor.

The red droplets stick out when they’re staining this marble floor.

I see Rainbow Dash flying over me.

She tackles Soarin.

There’s Pinkie Pie.

And Applejack.

They’re barking at each other and pointing.

But the whole thing sounds like I’m underwater.

Every time I move my eyes...

And every time I blink my eyes...

It’s a different view.

Oh, wait.

“Spike!!”

I hear something, finally.

My name.

“Spike, is this good?!”

Featherweight?

I blink.

He’s taking pictures of everything.

I finally feel my legs, so I hop up and try not to let my head spin too fast. When I can see straight, I make out that Soarin’s standing in front of me. Between us, the crown sits on the floor. He slowly approaches is, but then he looks back up to me first.

“Do you...mind if I take this?”

He smiles like he’s shy and then he takes another step for the crown. I trust my instincts and just dive for it. I didn’t really think about what would happen, so I’m a little surprised when I land right on top of the crown and feel a prickling pain in my belly. It feels like when I get in a nervous fit and end up scratching myself until I bleed.

I raise my head to see what Soarin’s making of this, but that’s when he gets trampled by Pinkie Pie.

“PULL HIS HAIR!!”

I look over to the throne and I can see Luna zapping at Spitfire like she’s just a fly. She misses a couple of times and zaps at the windows and the chandelier.

“Soarin, get that camera!”

I think that’s Spitfire. Good thing we have Pinkie, though. Soarin can’t even move.

“You idiot!”

That’s Spitfire again. She flies in one last time, whirls around Luna’s blasts of magic, and connects her hoof with the princess’s jaw. That sends Luna toppling from the throne and onto the red carpet trail. She’s still breathing, though. I think she was just caught off guard. When I look up, I see Rainbow Dash forcing Spitfire down to the floor.

“Fluttershy! Come help me! Hold her down!”

That must be weird, fighting somepony that you used to look up to. I don’t know why the Wonderbolts want Celestia’s crown. I don’t know why they killed Celestia. I don’t know why they’re trying to kill Luna. But whatever that reason is, it can wait. For now, I’m protecting this crown with my whole body.

“Oh, dear...” Fluttershy can be heard above me.

“C’mon, you got this!” Rainbow Dash keeps coaxing her into helping with shutting Spitfire down.

“Okay...okay...” Fluttershy tightens up, “Here I go.” and she propels herself towards the other two pegasus ponies. She must have a lot of pent-up anger, because as soon as she collides with Spitfire, she anchors Rainbow Dash and the Wonderbolt all the way down to the ground. After that, Spitfire doesn’t move. When I survey the other ponies, I can see Pinkie Pie and Applejack holding Soarin down. But he doesn’t seem to be resisting at all.

“Oh, you must be joking.” I hear Rarity behind me. I think the crown’s safe for now, so I stand up and turn to see what she’s doing. It looks like she’s just walked into the room, “You’ve all finished without me!”

I let out a sigh of relief. Behind her, Twilight’s big brother rushes in.

“What is all this?” Shining Armor walks farther in and glances around the area, “Somepony answer me at once!”

I look past him and study Luna for a second. She seems okay. She’s struggling to rise on all fours. Featherweight buzzes up to Shining Armor and shoves the camera in his face.

“Look at my pictures!” his little voice bounces off the walls and fills the throne room.

Shining Armor raises his brow and opens his mouth a little. He’s probably about to ask why he should be looking at photos at a time like this.

“They’re my best work!!”

The royal guard just looks around at everypony else and waits for a voice of reason.

________________________________________________

A few hours pass by. I’m in the dungeon right now; not in a cell. I’m with Twilight and her big brother. We’re questioning the three ponies that we’ve caught today: Blueblood, Spitfire, and Soarin. They’re the ones in a cell today, and I don’t think there’s any chance of them being set free. Shining Armor looked at all the photos. To put it lightly, he’s not very happy.

“Alright. As it currently stands, the three of you deserve to rot in this dungeon. The level of treason that I’ve witnessed today is...I just...I can’t fathom all of this. I demand an explanation! Anything less than the truth will not be acceptable.”

“Cut it out, big guy.” Spitfire scoffs, “You sound like you just hopped right out of a bad ‘cops and robbers’ flick.”

“This isn’t some sort of fairy tale. You have cut down a princess in her prime, and you’ve nearly done the same to her sister.”

“Really? I had no idea.”

“What is your goal?”

“Like we’re gonna just start flapping our mouths.” she laughs, “This your first time interrogating?”

“You will provide answers or you shall not see the sun again.”

“Okay, okay, okay!!”

Soarin flies up to the bars and pokes his head through.

“I didn’t even wanna do this! I really didn’t! But I mean...they offered a lot of money!”

“Soarin, what the hay!?” the other Wonderbolt flies up and tries to pry him from the bars.

“No, I’m not like you! I was just scared! They said they would hurt us!”

“Shut up, Soarin! Just shut it!”

“Look, we were hired to kill Celestia!” now he’s talking to Shining Armor again, “We didn’t even know the dragon was gonna be there!”

“If you don’t stop being such a little foal!” Spitfire’s still trying to pacify him.

“Then they wanted Luna out of the picture, and...they wanted you gone, too. Cadence was next, and then Twilight.”

Shining Armor looks furious.

“You have the nerve to even contemplate the murder of my family...?”

“They paid us up front and told us that we could split the profit of-”

“Soarin, I’m going to kill you!”

That’s Spitfire again.

“We could sell any jewelry we stole and then we’d share the money with them!”

“With who?”  Shining Armor is trying to keep his cool. I’m sure he’s just waiting to find out who’s really responsible. That’s when he’ll finally know who to unleash his wrath on. Spitfire finally yanks Soarin from the bars and the two of them toss and tumble backwards.

“They simply told me that I could acquire the throne if I signed an agreement with them.” Prince Blueblood takes his turn to approach the bars, “You see, I never intended for all of this primitive violence.”

“Acquire the throne?” Shining Armor repeats the words like he’s disgusted by what he’s hearing.

“Precisely. They approached me with a problem that only Celestia could solve. Apparently, she wasn’t being very helpful to them. I agreed that I would assist them with their problem if I was somehow in Celestia’s position. They told me that they could make it so. I simply...did not predict their violent nature.”

“Blueblood...” Shining Armor starts, “...if you ever plan to spoil yourself with another meal in this castle, you will reveal the names of these traitors.”

The imprisoned prince just shrugs.

“This royal family is becoming increasingly corrupt, anyhow.” and he looks away.

“After what I’ve just witnessed, you can officially consider yourself the sole corrupt member of this family.”

“Two sides of the same coin, I suppose.” Blueblood turns and disappears into the darkness of his cell. Shining Armor shakes his head and sighs before he looks to us.

“I don’t suspect they’ll talk just yet, but don’t worry. We’ve prepared for this type of situation.”

Twilight shows off a helpful smile, but her eyes tell a different story.

“Twily...” her big brother hesitates, “I’m sorry you’ve been thrown into this mess. I can’t imagine how this must be affecting you.”

“Oh...” she laughs nervously, “It’s alright. I’m just glad everypony’s okay.”

“Yeah...but, why didn’t you come to me sooner? You know that’s why I’m here.”

“Well, I...we didn’t know who the culprit was. I couldn’t just trust anypony.”

“Not even me?”

Twilight looks down. I feel a little out of place, so I tip-toe out of the dungeon, up the stairs, and make my way through the castle halls. When I pass by the throne room, I notice a lot of ponies mopping, sweeping and repairing the damages. I keep walking through the halls after that. I move through the front doors of the castle, down the long flight of stairs, and into the hustle and bustle of Canterlot. It’s not really the place I want to be, now that I think about it. I’m trying not to admit it, but I’m looking for a place nearby where I can be alone. I want my friend to pop in so we can talk about everything that’s happened so far.

“Spike! Good job today!” I turn to see where he’s coming from, but it’s just some old stallion that I’ve never seen before, “You sure cleaned house!”

“Uh...thanks.” I wave and keep walking along the streets.

“It’s Twilight’s little helper!” a group of fillies flock over to me, “Hey, did you beat the Wonderbolts up? Were they tough?”

I don’t say anything this time. I just move through them. I can’t believe the news has gotten out so quickly.

“Spike? Why, is that you?” I hear a frail voice behind me. It’s Granny Smith, “Ohh, we done heard about how you went and helped out the princess.”

“Yeah? Heh, thanks.” I fold my arms and feel awkward.

“Yeeup, yer a natural born hero!”

“Eeyup.” Big Mac strolls in beside her. He’s carrying a basket of apples. If I had to guess, they’re probably in town to try and sell their goods. They’d probably have better luck in Ponyville, though.

“Welp, we best be off. Don’t let the fame go and get to yer head, now!”

I finally relax when they leave. I’d might as well give up. I can’t even have a minute to be by myself, so I plop down on the edge of the sidewalk and watch all of the ponies passing by on the road.

“My, my. For a second there, the world took him for a natural born killer.”

I hear a familiar voice behind me.

“Mhm, mhm. Right you are. You really hafta admire such a fearless character.”

“Yes, yes, indeed. When everypony was against him, he climbed to the top and persevered.”

“Quite the success story, you must admit.”

I turn around and see the Flim Flam brothers. They’re standing on either side of their ice cream stand.

“Oh, it’s you guys.” I stand up and join them. I remember their commercial from when I was in jail. But after all the times Discord messed around with it, I’ve sort of forgotten what they use to make the stuff.

“Say, would ya like a cone?”

“On the house!”

“You deserve it!”

“Sure, thanks a lot.” I snatch the cone from them and try a little taste for myself. I mean...it looks like any other vanilla ice cream, but...it’s really really good.

“You ever treated yourself to some premium quality nourishment, son?”

One of them nudges me.

“Only the best in Equestria for the best in Equestria.”

“Yes, indeed.”

“Suppose they have cones like this where he’s from?”

“Brother, he hails from this fine city of Canterlot!”

“Ahh, so he does! You’ve done your research.”

“As should you.”

“What’s behind that tone of yours, brother?”

“Why, I’m only making note of the fact that you never were too bright.”

“And I suppose we should just glaze over that time when you dropped out of grade school.”

“Now, now. We both know that I quit. That would be the term that you’re looking for.”

“Such a dreadful establishment.”

“Indeed.”

Should I be listening to this? I feel like I’m just eavesdropping on everypony today. I’m almost finished with my cone when I start to become sick to my stomach. I drop the ice cream and it splatters across the pavement.

“Oh, what a waste.”

“Fine living ain’t for everypony, I suppose.”

They both share a chuckle, but I can’t even fake a laugh right now. I’m gripping my sides and bending over. I’m just waiting for my belly to burst open and spill my guts all over the sidewalk. What did they put in that ice cream?

“Ooooh, he looks a bit green around the edges.”

“Brother, those little lizards look green from top to bottom!”

“Oh, you’re right again.”

“Mother always said so.”

“Mother could never tell the difference between us.”

“I do believe I hear the sad song of a sore loser.”

My throat starts to burn. There’s fire welling up inside of me. I don’t have a choice. I let myself go and I unleash a huge belch and a fireball. The fire dissolves almost instantly and then all that’s left is a floating letter, wrapped with a gold ribbon. It gently falls into my claws and I don’t waste a second to unwrap it.

Spike,

It’s Twilight. You need to return to the castle as soon as possible. Soarin suffered from an emotional breakdown and informed us that Flim and Flam are completely responsible for everything. I would recommend that you-

I can’t finish the letter because one of the brothers swipes it from behind.

“Say, whatcha got there, boy?”

“Hey! Give it back!” I try and jump for it, but they’re a lot taller than me.

“Hmm, seems like they’ve sorted out this conundrum, brother.”

They’re both reading the letter and grinning.

“My, the illustrious Flim and Flam?”

“Who’d have thought?”

“Well, this is no good.”

“No, sir. Not at all.”

“Who could possibly bear arms against such a crafty duo?”

“And a handsome duo at that!”

“Hey now, Flim, I do believe that little lizard is thinkin’ about ruining our fun!”

“Say, Flam, we’ve got just the thing for that!”

I’ve stuck around longer than I need to. I use this time to whirl around and bolt out of here. But I’m not fast enough. Before I can even make any distance, everything blacks out. I think they threw a sack over me. I can’t breathe. I try to scream, but it feels muffled. I try to breathe some fire, but I just burn myself. It doesn’t even tear the sack. Can anypony hear me? Isn’t somepony seeing this?

That’s the last thing I remember before something blunt hits me on the head.

__________________________________________________

“Mmmm, can you smell that?”

“I do, indeed, brother. I’d say it smells a lot like defeat!”

“I’d say you’d be right!”

When I finally wake up, that’s what I hear; the Flim Flam brothers. Their voices float around me and I never know when I’m going to suddenly hear one of them over my shoulder. When I can see, I find myself in a huge foyer of a mansion. There are two flights of stairs on either side of the hall. The floor is cold on my butt. I try to stand up, but I realize that I have an itchy rope tied around me. I can’t use my fiery breath for some reason. My throat feels hoarse.

“Oh, you’ll find that too much ice cream can really dampen the flames.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m speaking to the boy.”

“Ah, of course.”

There’s a Flim going down one staircase and a Flam going down the other. I look over at the wooden front doors. All of the windows have red curtains drawn shut so that nopony can see inside. The sun’s still out, so it almost makes the curtains seem like they’re glowing.

“Flam, slap that on a product! Use it as a slogan!”

“Use what, now?”

“What I just said! The whole bit about the ice cream and the flames!”

“Hey, Flim, I’d be happy to do a heap of things with what you just said, except it doesn’t make a lick of sense!”

“Don’t be thick, brother!”

“Don’t act a fool, brother!”

“Guys?” I speak up.

“We haven’t forgotten about you.”

“Yes, yes, we were just deciding what to do with you.”

“And we came to a conclusion!”

“We did?”

“Oh, come now.”

“Only kidding, brother! Learn to cut a rug from time to time!”

“Are you asking for a dance, now? Is that what you’re doing?”

“A dance? Why, not at all!”

“Brother, are you aware of what it means to cut a rug?”

“Well, I suppose not.”

“Hm. That’d explain a great deal-”

“Guys, seriously?” I speak up again. Listening to these dumbos is torture. Maybe that’s what they’re going for.

“Right, right, right.”

“Yes, we’ve decided to hold you-”

“Ah! Ah! Let me say it!”

“If you can formulate a valid reason as to why I should let you, then be my guest!”

“I’m the one who devised the plan!”

“You’re so right.”

“Glad you think so.”

“Well, take the stage!”

“Spike, my boy, we’re holding you for ransom!”

“The royal guards will be here any moment!”

I don’t think they thought very hard about this. They’ve probably never done anything like this before. Like, I’m sure they’ll get their money from the royal family, but what about after they set me free? What’s stopping the guards from rushing in the house and arresting them? Thinking about the flaws keeps me comfortable. I decide to keep this to myself. I wanna see them fail.

“We’ve gotten ourselves tangled with quite the snake here...”

“So we’re planning on disposing of you when they deliver the goods!”

“After all, we’d be sitting ducks if we took your leash off.”

“And the instrument for ending the poor boy’s life?”

“I could only dish out the croquet mallet.”

“That’ll do, brother, that’ll do!”

“I agree! Why, a well-executed strike with this dandy should treat him nicely!”

“You’ll wanna shoot for the temples, brother!”

“Now, is that so?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“I was wagering on taking a shot between his eyes, myself.”

“Oh, no, no, no. Dear brother, you’ll find that the thinnest region of the skull lies adjacent to the ears.”

“Really, now?”

“Try it for yourself!”

I flinch when he says that.

“Not just yet, brother. We don’t have our money yet!”

I have to get some answers.

“Look, you guys are fun to listen to and all, but why are you guys going to all this trouble?”

“Well, son, we don’t want our asses to end up sitting on somepony’s mantlepiece!”

“What we have here is a situation that requires delicate planning!”

I shake my head.

“No, I mean all the murder! Why do you guys wanna smear the royal family?”

“Oh, not the royal family!”

“Just the bad eggs.”

“Indeed. Blueblood proved to be the only competent mind in this wretched monarchy.”

“The only one to accept our monopoly, that’s for sure!”

I blink a few times.

“It’s just for money?”

“Well, well, welly, welly, well.”

“Money can buy happiness, my boy!”

“It’s a proven fact!”

“Celestia never saw eye to eye with our grand plan.”

“Didn’t like the idea of countless carnivals, banks, shopping malls, restaurants...”

“Bowling alleys, cinemas, hospitals, oil derricks, libraries...”

“Oh, but no schools!”

“Right, of course!”

“Terrible places.”

“Never did nothing for nopony!”

This is insane. It’s almost stupid. Ponies shouldn’t be dying just to have a bunch of buildings in Equestria.

“Flim...Flam! This is Shining Armor. You will release Spike if you want your ransom.”

“Oh, good show!”

“It’s finally starting!”

“What should we do first? I’ve got a clear shot of the boy’s cranium!”

“That guard’s got a megaphone! Have we got a megaphone around here?”

“Say, just crack the door open! Use those hefty lungs, brother! Tell the good ponies what they need to do!”

One of the brothers trots to the front doors and opens them just enough to stick his head through. He starts calling out to Shining Armor, but I can’t make out what he’s saying. I look at the other stallion with the mustache and I can see that he’s not paying attention to me. He’s watching to see what happens at the door.

“Hey...psst.” I try to whisper to him. He looks down at me and cocks his head to the side.

“Yes, yes, what do you want?”

“I just wanted to ask if you’ve ever really looked at your hooves.”

“I can’t say I understand where you’re comin’ from.”

“Well, I mean...you can’t really do a lot of things with hooves, can you?”

“Ah. Hm. I suppose we do have trouble with everyday tasks.”

“Yeah. When you think about it, hooves are pretty lousy. But claws...they’re pretty cool.”

“Eh...claws?”

“Yup! I’ve got ten of em’! I can tie knots and carry things...just stuff like that.”

“Well...we can do those things with the aid of our mouths!”

“Yeah, but it takes longer, doesn’t it?”

He looks away and huffs.

“That’s what I thought. You know, another good thing about claws is that they’re really sharp. They’re like knives!”

“Really, now?”

“Mhm. We can cut through a lot.”

“Such as?”

I shrug.

“Well, rope’s pretty easy to cut through.”

He nods his head and then he focuses on his brother at the door again. I don’t think he gets the idea, which means that this is my time to lash out. I slice through the last bit of rope that I’ve been working on and then I dive for him. He doesn’t see me coming. We both hit the ground and bump heads. I try not to slow down, though. I’m sitting on his chest now, so I have an advantage for a few seconds. I reach for the rope and wrap it around his neck. After this, I fumble around and try to tie the tightest knot I can muster. This causes him to panic. Judging from how constricting that knot is, I’m sure it’s almost impossible to breathe.

He thrashes here and there and tries to untie the knot, but his hooves clumsily rub against the ends of the rope. If I give him a chance to recover, he could end up killing me. I try not to think about it too hard, because I’ll chicken out if I do. As fast as I can, I swing my claws and let them glide across his face. One after another, my claws peel away at his skin. Lines of blood are crawling down his cheeks. I can’t stop here. I grip each end of his dumb mustache and rip them clean off his lips.

The adrenaline is helping out a lot in all of this. I almost can’t believe this is happening. I go for the eyes. I look at the ceiling and thrust my claws down. I don’t ease up. He’s trying his best to scream. Some of it can be heard, but it’s not enough to get anypony’s attention. I squeeze as hard as I can until I feel something burst. It takes me by surprise, so I finally recoil and hop off of him. I crawl backwards and try to get some space between us. He’s not moving.

“F-F-Flammm!?!”  the other one finally notices, “W-What in Equestria have you done!?”

At that moment, the doors behind him fly open and a squad of royal guards dogpile on the stallion.

“No, no, no!! This is all wrong, now! We had an understanding! Money first, lizard later!”

Nopony answers his cries. Shining Armor looks in my direction, but he doesn’t say anything to me. He looks afraid. I decide not to stick around. I jump to my feet and scramble up the flight of stairs that are closest to me. I keep climbing the steps until I reach the top. I round a corner here and another corner there. I keep running through this mansion that I’m not familiar with, but it doesn’t matter. If I see stairs, I climb them. I make a few wrong turns, but it’s okay because, eventually, I find the path I need to take. I reach the roof and it’s all worth it.

The sun’s setting. There’s a cold breeze. I can see the whole city from up here. I step up to the railing and look down. There’s a huge crowd of ponies forming around the front of the mansion. I lift myself up until I’m balancing myself on the stone rails. I hold my breath and decide that I’ll count to ten.

One.

There’s a gust of wind and I almost fall forward.

Two.

I think of Twilight and how she always kept a roof over my head.

Three.

Four.

I think of my friend; the one that I pushed away.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

I think of how much Featherweight admired me, and what he’d say if he saw me now.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

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................

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Eleven.

“Oh, get down from your high horse.”

I gasp and let all of the tears escape. I fall backwards when I try to turn around too quickly, but he catches me. I’m taken away from the railing and then we just hover in the air for a while.

“Spikey Wikey, just what are you trying to do? We all trusted that you would push through.”

“I-I killed s-somepony, Discord...”

He wipes a tear from my eye and cradles me.

“And it’s a shame that you didn’t pick off the other buffoon. Nonetheless, this is a crowning achievement.”

“Huh?” I sniff.

“You’ve made an enemy. You have living proof that you’ve stood for something that wasn’t shiny and edible.”

He chuckles.

“Why are you always here?”

“Now, now. Why do you insist on questioning what you have?”

I don’t say anything else.

I look at the sun and wait for it to disappear behind the mountains.

It could happen any second now.

“Let’s just enjoy it while there’s still time.”