Majesty

by Knight of the Raven

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Comedy
Length: 1516

A day in the life of Celestia.

A day in the life of Celestia.

Rated Teen for violence.

Published 2013-08-20 21:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-20 21:00:02 UTC

Majesty

Celestia gave a slight grunt and rolled over when her alarm clock rang, half an hour before the scheduled sunrise. She stuck a forehoof out of her bedcovers and felt her way about until she knocked the clock over, silencing it.

She then dragged herself out of her blanket, bringing her forehoof back to her face to rub the sleep out of her eyes before letting out a long yawn. She blinked a few times and smiled as she stretched her neck and shoulders, then the rest of her body.

She walked to her bathroom and stepped into the shower, magically switching the water on. She sat on her haunches as her bottles of soap and shampoo rose from the sink and came to dance above her body and head.

Celestia absentmindedly summoned her waterproof timetable of the day to her as she massaged her mane and skull with both forehooves. A morning trip to one orphanage, a lunch with a griffon dignitary and a painter was supposed to make a picture of her in the afternoon.

She smiled again as she finished cleaning and grooming herself. She stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in towels, then walked to the sink to brush her teeth. Once done, she removed the towels and magically dried any water remaining on her body.

She levitated her jewelry to her. She slipped into her gilded shoes, then pulled on her necklace and finished with her crown. She walked to her mirror to make sure nothing was out of place and smiled once more as she proved to be perfect.

Celestia allowed herself to clap her forehooves giddily in the privacy of her bedroom, along with uttering a small giggle. She had a good feeling about today. Then again, she had such a feeling almost every day. Equestria was a wonderful place to live in, after all.

She drank a tall glass of crippled ponies' tears to start the day.

***

All the ponies outside the orphanage bowed when Celestia stepped down her chariot. She resisted the urge to stick out her tongue childishly to taste the fear hanging in the air as she trotted to the main door.

The directress bowed further when Celestia stopped in front of her. Sweat beading on her forehead, she smiled before standing up and waved towards the door with one hoof, forcing herself not to shake.

"We've gathered the children, your highness."

Celestia nodded as she walked in. "You've always done a better job than your predecessor," she said with a smile.

The pony laughed nervously as a chill went down her spine. She led Celestia to the courtyard, where all the staff and orphans were waiting for her. The former stood upright, not daring to even glance at their sovereign, while the latter seemed rather clueless.

Just like I like it, Celestia mused with a grin.

The orphans were lined up and she trotted around them, eying them expertly. She stopped a few times, to rub her chin with a hoof or crane her neck to get a better look. Most foals looked ecstatic; she was pretty sure she saw a few of them faint, too.

Finally, she made her choice.

"The fat one with the dumb smile."

Said foal stopped picking his nose upon hearing this and looked at Celestia with a mixture of wonder and confusion. Two staff ponies walked to him and led him behind Celestia as she left the building, giving one last nod to a relieved directress.

***

"This is the palace," Celestia said to the colt jumping around her.

He gasped in awe at the towers scraping the sky. "They're so tall! The view must be ama... amo..." He struggled to find the right word.

"'Amazing,' my poor uneducated orphan," Celestia replied with a giggle. "Follow me, I'll show where to get the best view."

A few minutes later, the colt was looking curiously down a cliff near the castle. Celestia just smiled and crept closer. She then turned around and craned her neck around so she could see him properly behind her before lifting a hindleg once she was in the perfect position.

And promptly kicked the colt off the cliff.

A high-pitched scream tore through the silence as Celestia turned again and pricked one ear with a forehoof towards the chasm. She blinked twice playfully and remained still until the scream faded. She tilted her head up with a smile when a small crash echoed.

Who said she knew nothing of fun?

***

"I'm sorry, your majesty, but what you propose goes against griffon law," the dignitary said, visibly and audibly irritated. "Insisting will change neither it nor my mind." He punctuated his words with little smacks of his talon upon the table before them.

Celestia just smiled slightly at the diplomat before clapping her hooves.

Two unicorns came in from a side corridor, a large covered plate floating above them in a bicolored aura. They placed it in front of the griffon just as a third servant laid cutlery and a sauce container before him.

He looked mightily insulted and was about to voice his disgruntled opinion when Celestia clapped again. The cover was raised magically and his rebuttal died in his throat as his jaw dropped and his eyes widened.

A pony lay on his back on the plate with his legs tied up above his belly and an apple in his mouth. His eyes darted about before they focused on Celestia. Undecipherable moaning left his lips, doubling when a servant started pouring hot sauce on his side.

The griffon stared at the pony with hungry eyes, saliva dripping from one corner of his beak. He then tore his gaze away from him and looked at Celestia almost pleadingly, pointing at himself with a claw.

She smiled and nodded.

The pony gulped.

Half an hour later, the gourmet put down his cutlery and leaned back into his chair, patting his belly appreciatively. He let out a little burp and had the decency to look embarrassed before he brought a talon to his beak to clean it with a napkin.

"Succulent," he breathed, "simply succulent."

Celestia beamed at him as servants cleared the table. "Have you thought about my proposal?" she asked innocently while unfurling said scroll beside the griffon with her magic."

He nodded absently. "Given your arguments, I most certainly agree." He burped again, slightly more loudly, before blushing faintly as Celestia levitated a quill and an inkpot to him. "So will the law. You should soon see an increase in your profits," he concluded as he signed the scroll.

Celestia grinned. "Perfect."

***

Celestia was scribbling down an assassination order on the now useless griffon dignitary when a guard came to her.

"The painter's here.”

She shelved the order before rising from her desk. "Good! I've been waiting to see her for age."

Celestia passed her sister on the way to the painting room. She wore a prench maid outfit and was scrubbing the floor with her toothbrush, cursing under her breath as some stains proved particularly resilient.

Luna frowned and bit back an insult when Celestia patted her affectionately on the head. "Good sister."

***

Several hours later, Celestia watched the painting she had posed for with a critical eye. The painter herself gazed at her, sweat matting down her mane as she stood beside the picture.

Finally, Celestia grinned. "Excellent work, my little pony."

The painter released the breath she'd been holding for what felt like an eternity. "Thank you, your majesty," she said with a bow.

She bowed further, upper body flattened against the floor as she started leaving the room. A concealed trapdoor swung open beneath her hooves, and her fading scream was soon replaced with the sounds of several tortoise beaks opening and closing.

That's what you get for making me look angelic instead of godly, thought Celestia.

***

Celestia let out a long yawn as she opened the door to her bedroom. It had been a long day, however great and enriching. She was ready for bed, but refused to go to sleep without seeing her evening entertainment.

She focused her magic and Luna popped into sight in a cloud of smoke, her outfit replaced by a motley as she balanced herself awkwardly on an uncooperative unicycle. Light flashed above her and she found herself juggling bottles all the while trying not to tumble down or crash into a wall.

She succeeding in keeping her balance for a few minutes before Celestia grew bored and summoned a banana peel near the wheel. Luna inevitably slipped, sending the unicycle through the window and causing the bottles to fall and break on her.

Celestia then summoned a spark that lit the alcohol now dousing her sister and laughed heartily when Luna shrieked and scurried about, hitting walls and bumping into furniture. She ultimately tripped over the window edge and fell down the castle.

Celestia let out a last giggle before snuggling in her bedcovers, ready for sleep.

It was good to be princess.