Fluttershy finished one last sip of fruit punch before she began. She'd needed a second job, and she'd been feeling shier than usual. Work in a quiet, unassuming environment with as little attention as possible had been what she'd needed. So hosting a community radio show had been the perfect job for her. So in a relaxed frame of mind she began the day's broadcast.
"A friendly town where rainbows arc through the sky daily, sun dapples the hills and meadows, and where we feel more nervous when we don't feel hidden eyes upon us. Welcome to Pony Vale." Fluttershy waited while the opening music for the show played. She hit her cue precisely as the music began to fade out slowly.
"In local news, Pony Vale's highest profile cult, the Scarlet Soldier Scribes of Sombra Cult, made an announcement at the Pony Vale Area PTA meeting last evening. They were requesting volunteer foal sacrifices to complete their sixth and final summoning ceremony. Within hours, Equestria's princesses issued a statement that out of respect for their constitutional freedom of religion, the cult members would be allowed to continue their religious beliefs without any reeducation after undergoing procedures to remove all the parts necessary to complete the final ceremony. The cult responded by gathering at their secret meeting place, formerly known as the Pony Vale Bowling Alley, and reportedly settling in for a guard standoff. More on this situation and great sporting deals that will soon be available at the bowling alley as the situation develops." Fluttershy checked off her first news item and set it aside for a keepsake.
"In other news, Pony Vale has a new resident, right from Canterlot Castle itself. Why is she here? What does she want? Does she want? All that is currently known about her is that her name is Twilight Sparkle and that, from images available, she's both adorable and pretty... or maybe 'precious' would be the right word. And that's going by the hidden surveillance cameras which, as we all know, take hardly the most flattering pictures. More on this situation soon, hopefully. Time for a word from our sponsor." Fluttershy glanced at the photo of the new pony. She found it less than satisfying to look away from it.
"Saddle Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore. Also, a big black bug bit a big black bear and the big black bear bleed black blood. Finally, the sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick. This message has been brought to you by Sugarcube Corner." Specifically by that incorrigible prankster Pinkie Pie, no doubt, Fluttershy thought. One of the interns had just come in with a news update.
"This just in: The raid on the Scarlet Soldier Scribes of Sombra Cult at the bowling alley has been delayed. This is thought to be primarily due to a disagreement whether the raid falls under the jurisdiction of Princess Celestia's Guard Legion gathered outside the building or Princess Luna's Shadow Government Enforcers. The senior officer of the Shadow Government Enforcers was quoted as saying 'You never let us do anything fun!' On a related note, the SSSSC posted on their website that they are still accepting volunteer foal sacrifices and that they can be contacted at sombraissohot@email.com. More on this situation as it develops." Fluttershy tossed the latest news in the waste basket.
"And now, a traffic report. Slave trafficking has been experiencing a boon time, with the dimensional portal that opened up north of the Carousel Boutique having recently reopened and provided Ponyvale with more confused, frightened humans who occasionally seem to cling stubbornly to the hope their handheld firesticks would help them. So head down to the auction block now for some real bargains! The department of slave labor would like to remind enterprising shoppers that larger numbers of humans tend to draw unscrupulous dealers that might provide worse care for their slaves, and that they should be sure to double check the health and work capacity of all slaves acquired." Fluttershy paused to turn away from the microphone and sigh heavily. "If you'll allow me a personal note, as something of an animal lover, I implore all slave owners to treat their humans as well as possible. Don't just provide the with food, water, and bathrooms. They deeply appreciate places to play, privacy, and clothes to wear. With very few exceptions, you get from from slaves the care you give to them. I'd like to emphasize the clothing point. They're just crazy for those." Fluttershy reached over and pressed the large red button to turn on the studio's second microphone.
"Speaking of clothing, here's friend of the station Rarity with her segment 'Rarity's Fashion Sixth Sense.'"
"Thank you for having me back, darling." Rarity responded. She activated her horn then and began checking around town. "Let us see. Oh, Miss Cheerilee, that saddle looks adorable on you, excellent choice. Berry Punch, you'll want to adjust that left strap. Everypony can see it. Applejack, your hat is about to fly off in that wind. Do tilt it down, even if it keeps all from seeing those lovely freckles of yours. Roseluck, that neckerchief you're looking for is behind the couch. And that's all for today's 'Rarity's Fashion Sixth Sense.'" Fluttershy switched off Rarity's microphone, noticing that Rarity seemed to be settling in to watch her instead of leaving. Oh well. She was well enough behaved to stay.
"Thank you, Rarity. In continuing coverage of newcomer pony Twilight Sparkle, the Pony Vale Library, her apparent new place of residence and employment, has posted a bulletin stating that her purpose here in Pony Vale is to perform magical experiments to increase our understanding of the quote 'unique' nature of our little town. To quote the bulletin "And since I departed Canterlot on Friday and arrived here in Pony Vale the previous Wednesday, looks like I've got my work cut out for me." Fluttershy laughed a little more than she normally would at the comment while gazing again at a surveillance photo of the new resident. "If you'll allow me a brief editorial, please, any and all information that can be provided for the station about Miss Sparkle would be greatly appreciated. And don't worry: The bulletin in the library explicitly stated that she does not listen to community radio." Fluttershy glanced across the studio table where Rarity was still sitting, her head propped on her hooves as the unicorn gazed at her.
"And now, the weather." Fluttershy hit the button to bring in Rainbow Dash's call.
"We were supposed to have clear weather, but I'd been told to bring in a bunch of fog so that the cult won't see the raid coming. So expect like no visibility for more than a couple dozen hooves around there until that's over. Then I'll make it sunny again in a clop of the hooves. And that's the weather." Fluttershy ended the call as the intern brought her another piece of paper.
"Thank you, Rainbow Dash. We have an update on the situation at the bowling alley. It seems that the raid has been judged by the Legion of Guards as a success. The magic used by Sombra's Scarlet Scribe Soldier Cult apparently removes those it strikes from both space and time in the past as well as the present, so technically, no casualties were incurred in the raid. When the last members were cornered in a closet, a column of ebony light appeared from the ground beneath the closet which reached up into the heavens. The remaining cult members were enveloped in the light, and levitated into the air, passing through the roof as if they no longer had bodies to hamper impede them. When they had levitated several hundred hooves above the fog line, they began to glow with purple and greenish light and the sound of charging energy was heard. Rather than disappearing or releasing a ghastly spell upon the surrounding ponies, the cult members burst into green and purple flame. The screams are being described as seeming to come from beyond our world, guttural, and yet husky, as it is assumed the burning lungs are also being dried out. At present, the cult members are still hovering over the bowling alley, burning much significantly longer than ponies normally would when aflame and with no audible change in the volume of their screams. Speculation is that this state is due to the treachery of Sombra, and surely not the wrath of our princesses. Surely such a thing is beyond beings so powerful that the lives of us ponies must seem trivial as those of microbes to them even when they've been threatened by a deceased magical usurper. Surely. Also, the Pony Vale bowling alley is offering twenty percent off bowling ball rentals for foals and nags as part of their Summer Fun-travaganza." Rarity hummed in interest at the announcement. Sweetie Belle had indicated awhile ago that she liked bowling.
"That concludes today's broadcast of Welcome to Pony Vale. Coming up next is DJ-Pon3's Dubtrot Hour. This is Fluttershy wishing a pleasant day for those of you in Pony Vale experiencing time going forward and a pleasant morning for those of you experiencing time in reverse."
"All those friends and family members who say they're just doing what's best for you are lying. It's just they don't know it yet. Welcome to Pony Vale." As the introductory music started, Fluttershy glanced at Rarity before skimming tonight's copy. It seemed Rarity showed up earlier and earlier for each broadcast, which Fluttershy felt was odd as she was always so busy at the boutique. And very oddly, Rarity usually just stared at Fluttershy as the Pegasus read her copy.
"Our top story, Pony Vale's town council is still reeling from Mayor Mare's decision to come out of the cocoon as a changeling. Mayor Mare has stated that this should not be expected to have an impact on her policies and decisions, except that she intends to stop campaigning so hard to deny changelings their basic rights. Pony Vale's concerned citizens have expressed outrage both to the Free Foal Press's editor and to Pony Vale's Public Radio. To quote a letter to the Pony Vale editor, 'So now the Mayor that wouldn't shut up about how the changelings will ruin Ponyville admitted she is one? Just great: That's all every comedian in Ponyville is going to be talking about for the next three months! Especially all the amateurs!' More on this situation as it develops." Fluttershy moved on to the next item, one she was much more excited to talk about.
"Pony Vale newcomer Twilight Sparkle called a conference of Pony Vale's town council and the magical community to announce her compelling new findings. Early magic tests have detected a tremendous amount of unicorn power hundreds of hooves below the surface all of a type from a single unicorn. This combined with certain seismic activity indicates there is a gigantic, unfathomably powerful unicorn beneath our hooves digging its way to the surface. When questioned, attendees admitted it was hard to discuss anything in Twilight Sparkle's announcement because everypony was still abuzz about Mayor Mare confession that she's a changeling and making jokes about how ironic it is that Mayor Mare used to be anti-changeling. More updates as they occur." A gleam entered Fluttershy's eyes then as she moved on to the important part.
"In a related story, Twilight Sparkle has a new manecut! Her fluffy, curly locks that some speculated were the result of a perm have been replaced with a simple and straight yet luscious style with clearly-defined bands of color running from the top of her bright, flawless forehead to her shapely shoulders. Analysts from Pony Vale University have thus updated her appearance status from 'cute and pretty" to "Dreamy and Captivating, Sigh.' Hopefully more on this situation soon." In her enthusiasm to continue discussing the town's newcomer, Fluttershy looked over at Rarity and turned on her guest's microphone. "Don't you think so too, Rarity?" Rarity had been sulking a little in jealousy at the unicorn newcomer. She made a thoughtful looking kind of face as she perked at the thought of bashing a rival's appearance.
"Well, the new hair's an improvement, surely, but I'd give her a 7.5 out of ten. And, if I may, she'd hardly the most fascinating pony in Ponyville." Fluttershy stared at Rarity for a moment in response to that.
"It has just come to my attention that Rarity's 'Fashion Sixth Sense' segment will have to be cancelled for today. And that Rarity needs to lose a few pounds. Moving on, a public service announcement." Fluttershy's unicorn intern brought over the public service announcement.
"It's too late." She read. "It was always too late. There's no running, no hiding, no delaying There is only attempting to accept, for it will be far beyond your feeble mind to comprehend. And by the way, did you hear the mayor turned out to be a changeling? And after she campaigned against changeling rights for so long! Some ponies... This message brought to you by Sweet Apple Acres."
"For our traffic report, the Canterlot Human Research Department has been denied permission to experiment with fusing horns and wings to human test subjects to increase efficiency. On top of violating Equestria's anti-cruelty-to- animals laws, our beloved Princess decreed that giving humans horns and wings would make them much too likely to attempt a slave rebellion. To quote a statement released by Princess Celestia, 'I mean, really.' Representatives of the CHRD have stated that they don't intend to abandon the project, and instead will ask Princess Luna's shadow government for aid. They also brought up that thing about how the Mayor has revealed she's a changeling, even though she campaigned so hard against Changeling rights, and began joking about the irony. That concludes our traffic report. We now go live to the weather report with Rainbow Dash. Rainbow?" Fluttershy switched over to Rainbow Dash's feed.
"I can tell you this," Dash said, "If those nags over at the post office don't get their act together, I'm gonna leave rain clouds over them until winter! Three lost packages is too darn many! And hey, did you hear that the mayor turned out to be a changeling? Isn't that weird? After she kept going on about how the Changelings shouldn't have rights! Ha! Back to you, Fluttershy." Fluttershy pushed the feed back to her microphone.
"During our weather report, Rarity... made a good case that it would be cruel and unfair to cancel her segment." Fluttershy said, her heart warming from the sight of Rarity's brightening eyes after minutes of looking at her unicorn friend looking so very sad. "So here's Rarity's Fashion Sixth Sense."
"Thank you EVER so much, Fluttershy Darling! You know it's the highlight of my week to be able to speak to the good ponies of Pony Vale with you alone in this radio station! I- Oh, yes." Rarity cleared her throat to begin her coverage, her horn aglow. "Roseluck, that ribbon is so last fall: let's get with the times, shall we? Mrs. Cake, those earrings... a little tacky, I dare say. Something subtler is called for. Maybe silver: you are a Summer pony after all. Let's see, who else... SWEETIE BELLE! STOP PLAYING DRESSUP WITH THAT BUTTON MASH RIGHT NOW! HE HAS NO SENSE OF STYLE! WHY THAT RIDICULOUS BEANIE IS FAR OUT OF SEASON! Also, did you hear that Mayor Mare has admitted she's actually a changeling! And after she spent all that time campaigning against changeling rights! Ha ha ha. how droll. And that concludes this week's report. Back to you Fluttershy." While Rarity gave her report, a special bulletin had been brought in for Fluttershy by one of the interns.
"Uhm, thank you. Our final news item of the night: Everypony will be present at City Hall by 7:30 pm for an emergency memory erasure. It seems that our princesses have become annoyed with Pony Vale's involuntary inability to talk about anything except the mayor's scandal and has decided the only way to get anyone to pay attention to the possible giant subterranean unicorn is to erase all memory of the scandal. As always, the Pony Vale Police have ended the statement with a message 'don't make us come looking for you." Fluttershy stopped reading the copy and sighed wistfully.
"So I'd urge everypony now to cherish the memories you have while you still can. Every moment has some beauty in it if you only look at it from the right way. The ugliest, darkest parts of our lives have a beauty to them because they shape who we are and give our lives balance and contrast. They shape who you are, and no matter what you think of yourself, there's goodness and beauty in you if you make the effort to embrace and act upon it. Also, please don't go do bad things just because" Rarity sighed at the sound of Fluttershy's waxing philosophical, resting her left cheeks on her forehooves while she stared at the host.
"That's all for Welcome to Pony Vale this evening. Stay tuned for Derpy Hooves's Applied Quantum Mechanics Hour. Good night, listeners, see you at 7:30."
