PAYDAY: Castle Heist

by RazorBlade

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6
Length: 1012

They can pull off a heist almost anywhere. I did say 'almost'.

Dallas, Chains, Hoxton and Wolf. The four most wanted criminals in Equestria. They've robbed the Equestrian Trustee bank, stolen countless amounts of gold bars, and even robbed a diplomat's mansion. But what happens when they're tasked to steal from the Royal Vault itself? A clusterfuck, that's what.
//--//
So this is my first story here on FIMFiction. I apologise for the bad writing. If you guys like it, I might make more chapters. I thought of this story after playing a lot of PAYDAY 2. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

Published 2013-08-21 12:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-21 12:10:03 UTC

The Heist

Dallas, Chains, Hoxton, and Wolf. Equestria's greatest heisters. They've robbed banks, stores, houses, mansions, you name it. The only thing they haven't done? Stolen from the Royal Vault. This, my friends, is where it all begins.

13th August, 1142. The Safehouse.
The Payday gang were getting ready for their biggest heist yet. They were going to rob the Royal Vault, placed right in the heart of the Royal Palace.
"I can't believe we're actually doing this. How are we supposed to get the damn thing open?" asked Hoxton, looking up from his bench, where he was loading a gun.
"That is where Alex comes in." said Bain. "You guys are going to destroy everything around the vault with C4, and Alex will lift it away in a chopper." Bain is the gang's inside help. Bain can get the gang out of custody when needed, and can help out if needed.
"Just like the god damn Panic Room heist." Dallas said, while cleaning a mask.
"Shut it Dallas. Bain, how much are we being paid for this?" Chains asked.
"Around about, hmm... say, two million bits?"

"TWO MILLION!?"

Outside The Royal Palace, 2:15 PM.
The gang were on the road to the palace in a closed off carridge. Everyone was loading their guns and prepping their masks, when they arrived at the palace.
"We're here. The guards outside are with us, they'll let you in. Good luck, men. You'll need it." The gang jumped out of the carridge and walked up to the guards guarding the entrance. They showed them their masks, and they let them in with a slight nod.
The crew walked in and looked around. Wolf was the first to speak up.
"Alright, how we gonna do this?" Wolf looked at the crew.
"Sneak in and smack the guards?" said Dallas.
"You go do that. Chains, you go distract the guards while Dallas knocks them out. Hoxton, you go scout out the fastest route to the vault. Everyone got it?"
The crew nodded. "It's payday."

Golden Oaks Library, 2:17 PM.
Twilight Sparkle was sitting, reading a book, when she could swear she heard gunshots in the direction of Canterlot. Shrugging it off, she continued reading her book. Little did she know, the Royal Palace was being robbed.

The Palace, 2:18 PM.
"EVERYONE GET ON THE GROUND!" The gang started tying up civilians to use as hostages.
"Guys, Alex will be coming soon to drop off the C4. You need to get to the roof." said Bain, checking on on the crew.
"The quickest route to the roof is through the kitchens." said Hoxton.
So the gang started running, gunning down cops as they went. Bodies were dropping faster than a dead fly. No civilians harmed, however. They finally managed to reach the kitchens, and got onto the roof, where Alex was waiting to drop off the C4.
"I've been waiting! Here you go guys. You need to plant it above the vault, which is right there," he pointed to a flat section of roof. "Then you need to plant it in front, where you guys were before, and below, on the second floor. Good luck, and I'll be back soon."
And so they started planting the explosives. The police were stepping up their game, bringing in Tazers and Shields. Of course, one had to run into a Tazer.
*kZZZT*"AUGHUGHUGH FUCKING TAZER AUGHUGHUGH" The lucky one was Hoxton, who was planting the explosives on the second floor. Luckily Chains intervened before he was taken into custody. They had planted all the explosives now, and it was time to blow it.
"You guys need to get to the roof so you don't blow to pieces! Alex will be back in a minute, so hurry up!" said Bain.
They ran all the way back onto the roof, and Chains had the detonator.
"Three! Two! One!" *Click*
*KA-BOOOSHH*
Ten feet away from where they were standing, a big hole was in the roof, and the vault was below it. Alex arrived, and started lowering the winch onto the vault.
"One of you need to go attach the magnet!"
Dallas ran downstairs and started attaching the magnet. The crew all jumped onto the floating vault, and the chopper flew away with the crew and the vault.

The Safehouse, 4:47 PM.
The guys had the vault airlifted to the safe house, where they had a drill on the side of the vault, trying to break in. The crew was playing a game of cards while it drilled, when suddenly there was a *ding!* noise. The drill had made a big hole in it, big enough for a pony to get in. The crew all climbed in, and what they saw was beautiful. Thousands of gems, bits and gold, all scattered about everywhere. A day later they had a guy come in and take the vault. They now had two million bits, and were set for life. But there was still work to do. More contracts and more money.

Golden Oaks Library, 4:57 PM.
The Mane 6 were all gathered in the library to talk about the latest heist.
"They've done it again girls! But this time, they stole the ENTIRE ROYAL VAULT!" Said Twilight, pacing around the room.
"I can't believe some pony would do such a horrible thing!" said Rarity, with her drama voice on.
"The Princess is gunna be mahtey mad!" said Applejack.
"If I ever see them, I'm gonna to buck them into next week!" said Rainbow Dash.
"Well the reports say they were armed, which is bad news. It also says they sold the vault for TWO MILLION bits!"
Little did they all know, Spike was doing something. Hidden away in a secret area of Twilight's lab, he had a computer. And they would never know, that Spike was Bain.

Author's Note

So here's my little terrible story. Criticism is welcome! If you would like to see more (doubt it), say so in the comments. Thanks for reading this little abdomination. See ya!