Secret Agent Macintosh: The Statues of Canterlot

by islandsun

Rating: teen
Tags: Big Macintosh, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Doctor Whooves, Other, Romance, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex
Length: 34721

Discord is raining chaos down across Equestria...but he wasn't the only important Statue in Canterlot. Can Big Macintosh and Torchwood save the world from ancient evils? Or will Equestria fall prey to things far worse than cotton candy clouds?

Part two in the Secret Agent Macintosh series, here is part one.

Time travel: a power that could change history, destroy universes, equally capable of protecting all of Equestria or turning it into a living hell, has been thrust into the hooves of none other than the young Apple stallion we all know and love: Big Macintosh. With the only working Vortex Manipulator in Equestria at his disposal he was charged by Torchwood to go back in time and try to save Princess Luna from a powerful enemy. He came back...but not unscarred by the things he saw.

Now, with Discord free and raining chaos down across Equestria, Torchwood calls upon Mac to help maintain order until the Elements of Harmony can deal with the God of Chaos. But as Royal Guards begin to go missing Big Mac and Captain Jack Harkness are forced to deal with a new and deadlier danger.

Special thanks to my wonderful proofreader and pre-reader The Cake Devil, to my magnificent editors Andy Grey and Souri Chan, and also to the talented Skye Spark for this beautiful cover art!

Published 2013-10-29 21:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-15 17:33:30 UTC

Of Tentacle Monsters and Things from Long Ago

Chapter Two

Of Tentacle Monsters and Things from Long Ago

Chaos, Big Macintosh realized, was like a liquid, capable of permeating through just about anything so long as there were ponies to manipulate, or systems to exploit. Even when ponies did their best to wall out the chaos, it could always trickle through the cracks.

Such was the case with the Torchwood Hub. Being a hundred hoofs underground, shielded by innumerable spells and wards, and reinforced with carbon steel beams made it one of the safest and impenetrable places in Equestria. Which was necessary, considering the nature of threats it faced.

Yet, even in this sanctuary, the chaos came.

Sirens and alarms were blaring with flashing lights. Computers portrayed swirling black and white portals, four chickens square dancing, and Celestia’s silhouette rotating on a central axis. There were origami cranes fluttering about made from top secret files, and even an earth pony dragging a sleeping weevil with a daisy chain around its head into the hall.

Big Macintosh moved to the side to let him and his beastly cargo pass.

“Well, this is a fine mess,” said Jack, ruffling his feathers under his jacket. “I swear, I leave you ponies alone for one night,” he said, sending Lyra a backward glance.

She scoffed. “Oh, do we all need to play the ‘who did Jack Harkness sleep with this time’ game?” she asked with a sneer. “While you were busy getting busy, I actually got some work done, like finding a way to calm half a dozen weevils down enough to be put back into containment. It took me two hours, five crates of weevil spray, and every daisy left in the royal garden to get them back there. So don’t you give me any lip, Cap’n Harkness!”

“Your work is very much appreciated, Miss Heartstrings, but it is far from done. I feel today will be a long day for us all,” spoke Celestia while sending a narrowed gaze to the Captain at the mention of Lyra’s game.

“Yes of course, your highness,” replied Lyra, instantly putting on a smile for her Princess. “Though, not Miss Heartstrings anymore. It’s Missus Heartstrings.”

Big Mac looked around uneasily as he walked towards the center of the Hub. Princess Celestia, Lyra, Jack, and Sergeant Wildaberry trailed just behind him.

“I take it Discord did all of this,” he said, flinching as an origami crane plucked one of the hairs from his mane and then flew off with it.

“Who else?” asked Jack. He trotted over to the central pillar, and began typing into a computer station next to it.

He sighed. “It looks like all this chaos magic is giving the Rift a nasty stomach ache. We should start taking countermeasures against any temporal anomalies that might pop up.”

“First things first, Captain Harkness,” said Celestia, walking up to his side. “We must deal with the effects of this chaos. Missus Heartstrings, I believe you have created a list of issues that our efforts should be focused on.”

“Yes, Princess,” said Lyra, picking up a notepad from her desk with her magic. “There are, of course, the cotton candy clouds to deal with. So far the only luck the weather pegasi have been having with them is eating them. I thought we could try vaporizing them, or maybe transmatting them to a central location. Also, the stingless sea anemone on display in the Canterlot Royal Aquarium appears to have grown drastically, and now resembles some kind of ‘giant tentacle monster.’”

“Oooh,” said Jack, intrigued.

Big Mac rolled his eyes.

“Any idea how to deal with it?” he asked.

“I’ll see what we have in the weapons locker,” replied Lyra. “And apparently a number of statues have disappeared from the gardens. I’m guessing Discord hid them somewhere. I tried running a scan for them, but instead of finding them, I got that graphic of Princess Celestia spinning.”

“I call dibs on the Tentacle Monster,” said Sergeant Wildaberry, raising a hoof.

Big Macintosh raised his eyebrows. Lyra rubbed her temple, becoming even more aggravated.

“Please make an attempt to behave, Sergeant,” said Celestia.

Sergeant Wildaberry pouted at the passive reprimand.

Out of the corner of his eye, Big Mac saw somepony walking into the hub. Turning his head, he caught sight of a mare he had seen around Ponyville before.

She had crème colored fur, muted blue and pink curls in her mane, a saddle bag over her back, and a collection of candies for a cutie mark.

She strode in confidently, unwavered by all the chaos buzzing around her. She ducked down lightly as a Pegasus chasing after his flying paperwork passed over her head, and stepped over a vibrating jar holding a sample of cotton candy clouds. She walked up calmly, and with a small smile to the group of ponies gathered around the pillar.

“Bon Bon, what are you doing here?” asked Lyra, surprised, her earlier aggravation disappearing. “I thought you didn’t like being near the rift.”

“You forgot your lunch, sweetie,” she replied, reaching into her saddlebag and bringing out a brown paper bag. “Even you can’t tame all this chaos on an empty stomach.”

Lyra smiled graciously and then sighed. “I can always count on you.” She took the lunch with her magic and then leaned forward, nuzzling Bon Bon warmly.

Big Macintosh blinked as he watched the scene, realizing that this was the pony Lyra had wed. Suddenly, he felt a pang of jealousy in his chest. Lyra could share the truth of her profession with the one she loved…but he couldn’t?

He turned his gaze to Princess Celestia, expecting either an explanation for this pony’s presence or a request for her absence.

Instead, Bon Bon turned to the Princess and bowed her head lightly.

“A pleasure to see you, Ma’am,” said Celestia.

Big Mac nearly did a double take. Did the Princess just call her ‘Ma’am’?

“The Elements have been dispatched to subdue Discord,” continued Celestia.

“The Elements of Harmony?” asked Bon Bon.

“Yes.”

Bon Bon blinked, and tilted her head curiously to the side. “Then I’m sure this situation will be resolved soon.”

Sending one last comforting glance to Lyra, Bon Bon made to leave, but paused in front of Big Macintosh.

“Hello,” she said to him, as if she was greeting an old friend she hadn't seen in a long time.

“Uh…hello,” he said awkwardly.

She nodded politely, and then left.

Big Mac furrowed his brow, pensively. “Who was that?” he asked.

“That was Bon Bon, my wife. So don’t get any funny ideas, Big Red,” replied Lyra, putting her bag lunch down on her desk.

“Nope…” said Mac, shaking his head lightly. “Does she work at Torchwood?”

“Yes, she does,” answered Captain Jack. “But that’s all I can tell you. The rest is classified.”

“Oh,” said Big Mac, quietly.

“If you will excuse me, my little ponies. I should attend to the angry crowd outside the tower,” spoke Celestia, making her way towards the hall. But just before she left, she turned around. “I have faith that each and every one of you will do your utmost to protect our citizens. I wish you all good luck.”

With that, she left.

Jack breathed a sigh of relief, happy that he was no longer in vaporizing range of Celestia. He quickly typed something into the keyboard.

“Alright, here’s the plan,” he said, turning to face his compatriots. “Lyra, get every able bodied pony and try to install a null field around the hub. Tune it against this chaos magic. We can’t have all these things whizzing around if we want to get anything done. I’ll take the Big Fellow and the sergeant with me and we’ll see what we can do about the tentacle monster. Sergeant Wildaberry will… will you stop touching that!” exclaimed Jack at Sergeant Willdaberry, who was nudging a particularly touchy laser weapon on a desk.

Slowly, she put her hoof down.

“Wait,” she said. “Does this mean I get to take care of the Tentacle Monster after all?”

“Yeah.”

She grinned from ear to ear. “Now that’s more like it! Come on suckers, we’ve got a Giant Tentacle Monster waiting for us!” she shouted, sprinting for the elevator.

Big Mac rolled his eyes, but he and Jack followed her out.

“Have Joe bring some heavy weaponry to the Aquarium for us!” Jack called back to Lyra as he trotted into the hall.

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Applebloom was stuck. Her entire class, and another class from Trottingham, could not leave the palace atrium on Princess’s orders. Apparently the way back to Ponyville became just too dangerous after everything started getting wonky.

It was supposed to have just been a three hour tour. A three hour tour of the palace and the gardens. But then things started getting really weird. Now, Cheerilee and the other school teacher were talking with Princess Luna, trying to find out when they would be able to leave.

“Ugh,” said Applebloom, “How long are we supposed to stay here?”

“It’s so boring!” added Sweetie Belle, who was lying on the ground with Scootaloo, stuck examining carpet fibers.

“Outside is where all cool stuff is going on!” said Scootaloo, glancing enviously to the window being drizzled on by chocolate rain.

Applebloom shook her head in frustration.

Suddenly, a mare galloped into the atrium, running past Applebloom so fast that she was sent spinning from the wind in her wake.

Sergeant Wildaberry bounded forward with reckless disregard for the foals around her, dodging in between them.

Following behind her, at a more reasonably speed, was Captain Jack and Big Macintosh.

“Big Mac!” exclaimed Applebloom, catching sight of brother once she stopped spinning.

“Applebloom?” Big Macintosh turned to her, surprised. “Fancy seeing you here…”

“What are ya’ doing here, Big Mac? Are ya’ gonna take us home?” she asked hopefully. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo both sat up, hoping he would take them too.

“Errr, sorry kiddo. The royal guard asked fer volunteers, and I gotta go help them deal with all the craziness out there,” said Big Mac, “But I’ll take ya home once that’s done, promise.”

“Ahhhh, come on, big bro. What are we supposed ta do till then?” asked Applebloom, exasperated.

“You and yer friends need to stay here, safe and outa trouble. That understood?” he looked down at her, expectantly.

“Yeah,” she said, pouting. “But when’s all that craziness gonna end?”

“Applejack and her friends are taking care of it, I’m sure ya can count on them,” Applebloom looked up, curious at the mention of their sister’s name. Big Mac smiled, “Cuz, ya see, there’s this nasty creature out there, messing with everything and everypony. So she’s gonna go out there, blast him with a rainbow, and teach him a lesson.”

“Really?!” asked Applebloom.

“Really. Now, I’d better get going. Be back soon!” said Big Macintosh as he trotted after Captain Jack and Sergeant Wildaberry.

“Okay! Good luck, Big Mac!” Applebloom shouted after him.

She was turning back to her fellow cutie mark crusaders, when a colt from the Trottingham class walked up towards her, glancing curiously to Big Macintosh’s receding figure.

“Who was that?” he asked.

“That was mah Big Brother Macintosh! He’s gonna go help the Royal Guard,” said Applebloom, smiling.

“Huh, and who are you?” he asked.

“I’m Applebloom, and this is-“

“Scootaloo!”

“Sweetie Belle!”

“And together we’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”

“The Cutie Mark Crusaders? Ooh! I got my Cutie Mark yesterday!” he said, twisting to show them the side of his flank.

“No way!”

“Really?!” The three little fillies crowded around him.

“How did ya get it?” asked Applebloom.

“Oh, um,” he said uneasily, leaning away from them as they invaded his space. “My dad had me practice taking notes on ponies passing in the park, to help study their behavior, like he does with his patients. Nothing’s scientific unless it’s recorded, he says. And…when I did it, things just seemed to make a little more sense. Ponies, I mean, we made more sense. It also made me realize just how erratic everypony acts.”

“Cool…I guess,” said Scootaloo.

“I’ve been taking notes on you three this whole time,” he explained proudly, bringing up a notebook and quill with magic from behind him.

Applebloom glanced one more time at the intertwined quills on the colt’s flanks.

“What was yer name, again?” she asked.

“Telltail Twirler,” he told her. He snapped the notebook shut with a gentle glow of magic.

“That’s a funny name,” commented Swettie Belle.

Telltail smiled sheepishly. “My mom wanted me to join a marching band and be a baton twirler.”

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“Ohhh baby! Go easy on me!” exclaimed Jack, as he was waved around in the grasp of a thick white tentacle.

“Damn it Jack, you’re enjoying this too much!” shouted Big Mac from his place on the ground.

“Yeah, take this, you rowdy anemone!” exclaimed Wildaberry gleefully, heaving a shark over her shoulders towards the creature.

“Sergeant Wildaberry! Put that back!” said Big Macintosh.

He sighed. It was like he was dealing with foals.

“Ahhhh,” she protested.

“Now!”

She begrudgingly trudged to where the shark landed.

Suddenly, there was a flash and the POP of a unicorn teleporting.

Big Mac turned towards the sound.

Standing there was a beige colored unicorn with a light brown, slicked back mane. He wore a suave looking black tuxedo and a grey oval saddlebag. A long black plastic case had teleported with him.

“Oh, hi Donut Joe,” said Big Macitosh, glad to finally get some reinforcements.

Joe took a pair of sunglasses from his pocket and put them on. “That’s Special Agent Con Mane to you, Big Fellow.”

Big Mac muttered something that sounded suspiciously along the lines of, “I’m surrounded by foals.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Joe took a step forward on the wet aquarium floor. “So, this is what we’re dealing with?”

“Nope, that’s just the décor,” replied Big Mac sarcastically.

“Well, it really clutters up the space. Let’s see what we can do to fix it,” said Joe, opening up the case he brought with his wheat colored magic. It revealed a big, complicated ray gun with stray wires sticking out of it.

“What is that thing?” asked Big Mac.

“That, my big red friend, is a class four miniaturization ray, salvaged from the Teselecta after it was destroyed by Germanes about seventy years ago. Hopefully the compression field can bring this bad boy down to size.”

“Wooohooo!” shouted Jack, still firmly held captive by a tentacle. “Nice to see you, Joe! Looking slick!”

Donut Joe smiled and blushed. “Why thank you, Jack. Holding in there?”

“Just barely!” replied Jack.

Joe shook his head. Turning away from the Captain, he picked up the ray gun and offered it to Big Macintosh.

“Just pull back that lever to fire, but it’ll need about six seconds to warm up before each use,” he instructed. “Now, I’d better be off. Have to try and find a way to get my donuts to stop pretending to be flying saucers.”

“Thanks,” said Mac, accepting the weapon into his hooves. He studied it curiously.

With a brief nod, Donut Joe lit up his horn and then disappeared. He left the ray gun case behind.

Big Mac heaved the heavy shrink ray onto his shoulder, pointing it towards the offending sea creature. He closed his left eye, and then aimed, putting one hoof on the lever.

He grimaced when the tentacle monster waved Jack in and out of his line of fire.

“Jack! You need to get out of there!” he shouted.

Jack started squirming in the anemone’s grasp, but to no avail. “Sorry Big Mac. I think I’m stuck.”

“Gah! Sergeant Wildaberry! I could use some help here.”

“Oh sorry, but somepony wanted me to put this shark back where I found it!” she replied, while trying to stuff the shark over the glass wall and into its tank.

Big Macintosh groaned in irritation. He turned back to the monster. The cylindrical center of the anemone had grown thicker and bigger than the largest tree trunk. It had burst forth from its small coral and exotic fish-filled tank, shattering the glass. Now the long, thick tentacles were waving wildly and taking up half the hall.

He sighed. This one was going to be a doozy.

“Alright, I’m coming Jack!” said Big Mac. He looped the shrink ray’s strap over his head and foreleg before charging at the creature.

A tentacle slapped down in front of him. Unfazed, he jumped on it, and used his momentum to slide up along its length.

“Woah!” he exclaim, as he spiraled upside down on the tentacle, holding on by the strength of his hooves.

The tentacle was squishy and slimy, and it slicked up the fur underneath Big Mac’s stomach.

The anemone, sensing an attacker, flicked it’s tentacle up and down, trying to shake Big Macintosh off. But he held firm, at least until he was smacked against the floor…and then the ceiling.

“Ugh,” he groaned as he fell off from the thirty hoof height.

He was only just able to grab onto the tentacle holding Captain Jack before he hit the ground.

“Nice for you to drop in,” said Jack. “Now what?”

“Wow, wow, wow!” exclaimed Big Mac, as he began sliding back down. He grit his teeth and tried to grab hold tighter.

His mind was moving at a mile a minute, trying to find something that could free Jack.

“Sergeant Wildaberry!” he called out. “We could use a shark-shaped projectile right about now!”

“Oh, now you want it?!” she said, annoyed.

“Just do it!”

With a sigh and a heave, Sergeant Wildaberry sent the great white shark flying like a discus in the Equestria Games. Its teeth clamped down onto the tentacle precariously close to Big Macintosh’s flank.

Big Macintosh’s eyes grew wide from the close call, but still refused to let go.

The force of the shark chomping down, and tearing through the sea creature’s flesh was enough to force it to relinquish its hold on Jack.

The tentacle thrashed this way and that, smashing into glass tanks, tiled floors, and plaster ceiling.The shark relinquished its grip and was thrown into its  tank. As soon as Jack hit the ground with a thud, Big Macintosh jumped down, landing on his hoofs.

He did not hesitate or flinch as the monster sent its tentacles flying violently to his left and right. Instead, he grabbed hold of the miniaturization ray, aimed, and pulled the lever.

A tentacle nearly the size of himself landed only inches away from his fetlocks. He could hear the machine warm up with a hum.

He counted off the seconds before it would fire.

“One Apple Acres.”

“Two Apple Acres.”

“Three Apple Acres.”

He dashed to the side as a slimy feeler crashed where he had been standing only moments ago.

“Four Apple Acres.”

“Five Apple Acres.”

He steadied the gun, aiming for the dead center of the creature.

“Six Apple Acres!”

A bright white beam burst from the ray gun, hitting the anemone squarely on its base. Wildaberry, Jack and Big Mac all flinched and closed their eyes.

When they opened their eyes, a harmless, pudgy thing the size of a potted plant stood in place of the giant tentacle monster.

Instead of the sound of slimy tentacles smacking the walls, all that was left was the breathing of three little ponies.

Big Macintosh shrugged off the miniaturization ray and then sat down, heaving a heavy sigh.

“Good job, big fellow,” said Jack, pushing himself up as he healed his broken bones. He extended a hoof up to his partner.

“Yer welcome,” replied Big Mac, hitting his hoof against Jack’s.

“Well, what do we got next?” asked Sergeant Wildaberry, trotting over to them with a satisfied grin.

“Let’s just…get out of here,” said Captain Jack.

Suddenly, the urgent sound of galloping hooves echoed down the tile hall.

“Sergeant Wildaberry! Captain Harkness! The Princess has requested you both to report back to the tower, immediately!” he declared, before skidding to a halt to catch his breath.

“Oh, what does Celestia want now? And…and where the buck are all the Guards getting off to? We could have used some help down here!” said Wildaberry, pointing her hoof accusingly.

“I-I’m sorry Ma’am. I thought we sent some ponies…” he looked around, confused.

“Well, you thought wrong, Soldier. Now start cleaning up this mess! It looks like we have some place to be,” ordered Sergeant Wildaberry, reaching into a janitor’s closet the anemone had broken into and taking out a broom. She pushed it into his unprepared hooves before patting him on his back and trotting past him.

“Off we goooo, into the wild blue yonder,” she sang to herself as she trotted, “Off we goooo, into the sky!”

Big Macintosh and Captain Jack exchanged a dubious glance before following her.

“Climbing high into the sun;

“Here they come marching an’ zooming to meet our thunder,

“At 'em gals, give 'em the lance! Down we dive,

“Spouting our blood from under, off with one helluva roar!

“We live in fame or go down in flame. Hey!”  Sergeant Wildaberry kept singing the Royal Guard’s song, shaking her head in time with the melody.

The soldier left behind sighed, but began to sweep at the broken glass and salt water.

He didn’t hear the sound of wings fluttering, and he didn’t see the shadow creep towards him from within the dark janitor’s closet.

The sweeping stopped.

The broom fell to the floor with a clatter. There was nopony left to hold it up.

“Nothing'll stop the Equestrian Royal Guard!” shouted Sergeant Wildaberry, as she marched out of the aquarium.

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Captain Jack peered around the corner cautiously, an eyebrow raised as he searched for anything out of place.

“Something doesn’t feel right…” he said, slowly trotting around the base of the southwest tower of the palace, holding the shrink ray case under his wing. Big Mac and Wildaberry followed closely behind him.

“Where are all the Royal Guards? We’ve already passed at least two gates; they should have been guarded,” said Big Mac, glancing over to the empty paved street that lead to Guard’s barracks.

“Maybe they’re busy. I’m sure there’s plenty of chaos that needs their attention,” suggested Sergeant Wildaberry, rubbing her muzzle thoughtfully.

“I don’t know…we should have seen somepony by now,” replied Jack. He frowned. “Maybe Celestia ordered them somewhere else, and that’s what she wanted to talk to us about. She said she was going to address the crowd at the main entrance to the palace, so she should just be up here.”

As they went further on, several ponies began to walk past them, away from the main gate. Big Mac had to swerve to the side to allow two scowling Canterlot stallions to trot arrogantly past him. More mares and stallions followed, all grumbling about something distastefully.

When they came upon the main entrance they found a crowd dispersing.

“I am sorry, My Little Ponies, but it is not safe for you to stay here. Please go to your homes. I promise you all that Discord’s chaos will be undone soon,” said Princess Celestia to the few who remained.

With a collective groan, the last few ponies trotted away.

Celestia breathed a sigh of relief as Big Mac and the others made their way up to her.

“I hope you bring good news, Captain Harkness. Convincing these ponies to save their complaints until the crisis has passed proved more difficult than I anticipated,” she said.

Jack smiled and nodded. “The Tentacle Monster threat has been neutralized, and judging from the sky scape, Lyra has been making quick work of the cotton candy clouds. If all goes according to plan, we should expand our anti-chaos operations into Ponyville and the surrounding areas in less than an hour,” he replied.

He glanced around the main entrance, and furrowed his brow after seeing there were no Royal Guards here either. He put the shrink ray case down. “What was it you called us here for, Princess?”

Celestia blinked. “I did not summon you.”

“We did,” spoke a voice from behind Celestia.

Celestia and her ponies turned to see Princess Luna standing in the Palace Entranceway. No longer was she the pony waking up after a night of exertion, sweaty and tired. Her dark glittering mane waved in the breeze and her eyes were wide awake.

“Luna,” said Celestia, surprised.

“Princess Luna,” said Sergeant Wildaberry as she bowed with respect.

“There is something very wrong,” she said, gazing towards Jack. She then turned to Celestia. “Sister, the green unicorn from Torchwood wished to speak to you in the Hub. If it is alright, I would like to have a word with these three alone.”

Celestia hesitated, uncertain about Luna’s intentions, but then nodded. “Very well.” With a flash of her horn, Princess Celestia disappeared. She took the miniaturization ray with her.

“Follow me,” Luna told them, motioning with her head.

The three smaller ponies followed her into the palace.

“Are you alright?” asked Jack, gently touching her shoulder with his wing.

“Yes, I am fine. But there is something amiss in the palace. The royal guard…for lack of a better word…has disappeared.”

Jack looked at her worried.

“What do you mean, disappeared? How could they have disappeared? Are you sure Celestia didn’t just order them to relocate?” he asked.

Luna shook her head. “No such order was given.” She turned around, as if to address Sergeant Wildaberry, when suddenly she stopped, her gaze landing on Big Macintosh.

Big Mac had been trailing farther behind the others; he froze under Luna’s stare.

“You…young stallion…do we know you?” she asked, blinking. It was as if her mind found some far old corner of memory, one that poked and prodded her, trying to remind her where she had seen this secret agent before.

Big Macintosh felt the blood drain away from his face and a pang of panic strike his chest.

“She barely talks to you anymore, doesshe?” asked Big Macintosh defiantly to the tall, blue alicorn standing over him. “When she thought that she lost you, what did she do? Nothing! We both remember what she did when she thought Telltail died. She doesn’t need you. She didn’t need you! You know what? I think I was wrong, maybe she doesn’t love you. Maybe you are going to die here with the rest of us! And you will die, UNLOVED and UNWANTED. And then….we will forget about you. Because, in the end, you were nothing….” Big Macintosh finished his speech quietly, and somehow, he knew that he had succeeded. And he never loathed himself more for being right.

“N-nope,” he said, trying to push the offending memory from his mind.

“Hmmm,” she said, still staring thoughtfully.

Jack shifted his eyes carefully between his partner and his lover.

Finally, Luna turned to Sergeant Wildaberry, dropping the subject.

“Soldier, what is your name?” she asked.

The royal guard straightened herself, and lifted her chin. “Sergeant Indomitable Wildaberry, Ma’am,” she replied.

“You are the last Royal Guard left in the palace. Do you know where your fellow brothers and sisters in arms have gone to?”

Sergeant Wildaberry shook her head. “No Ma’am. Sorry, Ma’am.”

“This is ominous indeed,” said Luna, looking down. “And what of the soldier who sent for you?”

“He is cleaning the mess up at the aquarium,” replied Sergeant Wildaberry.

Luna nodded.

They began to trot down the hall again. The sharpest sound being their hooves on artfully cut marble, cutting through the sound of fluttering wings in the background.

“Have you tried contacting Captain Shining Armor?” asked Jack.

“Yes. He is currently leading a battalion of guards to Ponyville and orchestrating operations around Canterlot to maintain control against the chaos. He says he hasn’t experienced similar disappearances among his ranks,” said Luna.

“Maybe we should search for clues that could explain what happened to them?” suggested Big Macintosh, having finally worked up the courage to speak in Luna’s presence.

“Sounds like a plan,” agreed Jack. He glanced hesitantly to Luna as they walked. With a tap of his wing he drew her to trot away from the others.  “Luna…” he began.

“Yes.” She looked over to him curiously.

“I know that Celestia didn’t take it well when she found out. What did she say?” he asked quietly.

Luna sighed. “Do not worry yourself Jack. I assure you that my sister has the upmost respect for you, and your work for Torchwood. She was merely concerned about your…track record for more promiscuous activities. The fact that she did not attempt to vaporize or fire you shows that she has a great deal of respect for you. Also, know that my sister does not decide my personal relationships, I do.” She paused, and nuzzled him lightly. “You are a very kind stallion, I would not let you go so easily, Jack Harkness.”

Jack looked down, hesitating before returning the affection. “Celestia can think what she wants. I was only worried about what you might think after she told you all those things.”

“Well, you certainly did know your way around things, Jack. Of that I have no illusion. In fact, I found your style…somewhat enticing,” said Luna with a small blush.

Jack grinned. “What can I say? There are benefits to being a fifty first century kind of pony.”

Luna chuckled. “Now, now, Jack. We should concentrate on the task at hand.”

“Of course, Princess.”

Big Macintosh did his best to ignore their private conversation.

Suddenly his ears twitched, picking up something that sounded like a bird fluttering its wings. He glanced suspiciously over to the side, towards the tall pillars and the shadows between them.

He saw nothing there. Nothing moving.

“Nopony sneaks up on Sergeant Wildaberry!” shouted an indignant voice directly into Big Mac’s ear.

Annoyed, Big Macintosh turned around, only to stop right in his tracks. His eyes widened.

Luna gasped behind him.

“B-but...that’s impossible!” said Jack, reeling back, “That’s just not possible!”  Big Mac detected something in his voice, something he had only heard in Jack’s voice once, a long time ago.

Fear. Pure, unadulterated fear.

And it made his blood run cold.

Standing there, it’s leg outstretched, stopping only inches away from Sergeant Wildaberry’s flank, was…some sort of creature.

At first glance, it had the form of a Pegasus, with a pair of wings springing from its back. It’s mane bound into a bun, and its tail curling at the end.

But it was not a Pegasus. Big Macintosh didn’t even think it was a pony, as he observed three basic traits of this…this creature.

Jutting from its mouth was a row of razor sharp fangs, the teeth of a predator. And it’s eyes. They were empty, just blank grey slots holding no pupils or life.

And most frightening of all was its skin. For instead of having a body of flesh and fur, there was just grey, smooth stone. Even the tunic, which covered its midsection, was made from stone.

It was a statue.

Sergeant Wildaberry jumped away from it, glaring angrily.

“Everypony! Back away from it, get away, but don’t take your eyes off of it!” shouted Jack, moving in between Luna and the statue. “Thankfully, there’s only one!”

“What?” asked Sergeant Wildaberry, glancing back.

Big Macintosh blinked.

When he opened his eyes the creature’s hoof was nearly touching his nose.

With a yelp he jumped back.

“AH!” screeched a voice from behind them.

“Don’t turn around!” shouted Jack, just as Big Mac was about to check and see what the Princess was screaming about. “It’s another one!”

Suddenly Big Macintosh heard the sound of fluttering again. “Sergeant Wildaberry, keep you eye on this one!” he said, sending a side glance to the left and then the right.

On each side of the hall, perched on the ledge between the windows and ceiling, were two more pegasus statues, the ends of their wings covered their empty eyes.

He and Sergeant Wildaberry backed up, until they felt Luna and Jack standing right behind them.

They were surrounded.

“Jack…what are they…”

He didn’t reply.

“Jack! What are they!?”

Jack swallowed.

“They’re…they’re weeping angels.”

"What we really need..."

Chapter Three

“What we really need…”

“What in the name of Celestia is a Weeping Angel?!” exclaimed Big Macintosh, his eyes shifting between staring and squinting to stay open.

They were surrounded on all sides, cornered flank to flank to flank to flank by the monstrous statues. The only thing keeping those venerable pony butts in the present were the eight eyes fearfully trained on the fanged stone creatures; eyes ranging from royally perceptive, eye-dropped daily, wild with early onset glaucoma, and frighteningly dry and itchy.

“I’ve never heard of an Angel before,” said Wildaberry, keeping her eye on the one to her left.

“It’s an archaic word for a class of sapient winged animals,” replied Jack quickly, trying to type coordinates into his Vortex Manipulator without looking at it.  “These animal’s, their bodies evolved to become Quantum Locked, meaning they can only move if they aren’t being observed, and when we do look at them, they turn to solid stone. The most perfect natural defense mechanism ever developed.”

“What are they trying to do?” asked Big Macintosh, keeping one eye open and blinking with the other one.

“They feed by zapping ponies and other organisms into the past. They consume potential energy, everything your life could have been. Every lover you would have ever kissed, every hoofstep you would have ever taken, and every hayfry you would have ever dipped in ketchup! They consume it all! While you live your life to death, far, far away in the past.” Jack took a deep breath after he finished tapping into the Manipulator. “I tried tracking down a group of them in Trottingham about a hundred and twenty years ago. I lost three agents in the process and never caught sight of a single one. Then, fifty years ago, the Trottingham group’s activity stopped. I never found out what happened to them until today. They must have been trapped in the Canterlot Gardens all this time. Right under my nose!”

“Trapped? How?” asked Big Macintosh.

“It’s fair to assume the Doctor had something to do with it. Now shut up and try to reach my right front hoof without taking your eyes off those things!”

Awkwardly, they all did as he said. Luna had to practically lay on top of him to reach. Big Macintosh tried to back-up and stretch his back leg out.

“Alrighty, everypony on?”

Suddenly, Big Mac’s ears twitched, sensing a soft sound in the air. It was a whimper.

“Wait!” he exclaimed, retracting his hoof.

But it was too late. In a flash of light his three comrades disappeared.

“Ahhhhh-”

He felt something touch his fetlocks, and then everything around him changed.

“-Buuuck!”

Big Macintosh neighed in frustration.

He was on a city street, but it wasn’t Canterlot; the streets were wider here. The dirt road was fairly well populated, and everpony about town was staring at the mysterious (and extremely rude) stranger who had just appeared.

Big Mac blushed underneath his red fur, and darted for the safety of the nearest building: a small little tavern with a frothy mug sign above its door. He burst in, and then froze.

“Welcome to ya’!” exclaimed a chubby, old looking mare with a grey mane and pale, yellow fur. She was sitting behind a counter, cleaning out a glass with a rag.

The large open room looked vaguely familiar, and was filled with dozens of old, beaten wooden tables.

“Errr…thanks,” said Big Mac. He shifted himself inside his coat and suit uneasily.

“Is there something I can get ya, sonny?” she asked, nodding towards the shelves of bottles behind her.

“No actually…I’m just waiting fer a friend,” he replied, glancing around.

 Slowly, he retreated  to a table in the corner and sat down. He stared at the near empty room.

“I’ve…been here before…” he whispered to himself.

Images of blue, cotton striped uniforms and the smell of alcoholic breath suddenly filled his mind.

He swallowed.

“Excuse me, Miss,” he called out. “Ya’ wouldn’t happen to know if there’s a rugby team around these parts?”

“Yer kidding! We might not be the richest bit of the city, but we’ve still got our dignity. The Cranberry Jammed Rugby Team of Rheostallion is goin’ all the way to the royal tournament this year, mark my words!” she said proudly. “The boys stop by here after every game.”

“Course they do…” said Big Mac quietly to himself. He closed his eyes and felt a wave of guilt crash through him; he could remember their limp bodies on the field surrounding the royal castle.

He sighed and then opened his eyes.

“So the Weeping Angels really did zap me into the past,” he thought to himself. “Now, I just gotta figure out a way back…”

“Ya’ idiot,” he muttered to himself, instantly realizing the solution. He swiftly tapped a set of coordinates into his vortex manipulator.

Before he knew it, he was back in the halls of Canterlot Palace, leaving an incredibly confused bar maid behind.

He stood in the middle of the hall, right in the open. To his left and right were rows of columns stretching to the end of the corridor, casting shadows against the walls.

As quick as a bounding jackalope, he jumped to the wall and hid behind a column. The last thing he needed was to be caught by another angel.

He couldn’t have been too far away from where they cornered him. Carefully, he peeked around the pillar, trying to see if he could hear the same whimpering as before.

It was soft, barely more audible than a whisper, but he could pick up the faint echo.

The sound was coming from across the hall. If he tried to run for it, the angels would probably see him…

He grimaced. If somepony was trapped down here…then they needed his help.

His haunches prepared themselves before he leaped and sprinted across. Somewhere in his mind, he registered the sound of flittering wings, but he was too focused on getting to the other side to think about it.

He slid against the stone wall and found himself face to face with a crying, shivering, and whimpering royal guard, curled up in the fetal position.

Big Macintosh furrowed his brow. “You’re that private I met by the main entrance…are you okay?”

The guard looked up, but didn’t speak or make an attempt to stop shivering.

“EEP!” Big Mac pressed himself against the wall, eyes wide open at the two weeping Angels trying to crawl in-between the pillars.

The private scrambled against the wall too; he covered his head with his hooves, quivering with fear.

“Get your hooves out of your eyes! They can’t move if you’re looking at them!” shouted Big Macintosh.

The stallion didn’t listen.

Big Mac sighed through clenched teeth.

“Private! To attention!”

He shook his head feverishly.

“I’ll have you Court Martialed, Private!” he said, trying to imitate Sergeant Wildaberry as best he could.

At that final threat, the guard finally responded. His eyes snapped open, but otherwise remained unresponsive.

“Alright, now don’t blink! If you blink you’re dead! I’m going to try to get us out of here,” he ordered as he looked down to his Vortex Manipulator. He groaned.

“Stupid teleporting system coordinates are different from the time ones,” he muttered to himself, trying to remember the Hub’s coordinates.

“Um…sir…I think that my tears are obstructing my vision,” said the guard timidly.

“Yeah, just a couple more seconds…promise,” said Big Mac, grimacing as he desperately tried to remember the teleport coordinates. “Oh wait, I don’t have to remember!” He reached into his coat pockets, fishing past an old pocket watch, a belly button-full of pocket lint, and a ball of twine before he grasped the wrinkled letter written on royal stationery.

51-93-59-0-45

He smiled once he found the numbers.

“Sir…” whimpered the private.

“It’s alright. We’re getting out of here!” declared Big Macintosh, wrapping his hooves around the soldier’s mid-section just as his eyes closed.

The Weeping Angels were left lunging forward, groping at the spot where their prey had vanished.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

The first thing Big Macintosh saw were lowered eyebrows and thin, blue, glaring eyes. “You could have gotten yourself killed!” exclaimed Jack.

The teleport had worked perfectly: they were back in the Torchwood Hub. And thankfully, things were much more orderly now. There were no more animated office products or spinning graphics running amuck, only the Torchwood ponies hustling about and checking computers.

Big Mac snorted, and dropped the private’s dead weight on the Hub’s metal floor. “As if that’s ever stopped you from doing anything.”

“Yeah, well I can afford it,” replied Jack. Slowly, his glare melted away, turning into a relieved smile.  “Who’s he?” he asked, glancing to the soldier trying to wipe his tears away.

“Private!” exclaimed Sergeant Wildaberry, rushing to his side. “I knew you were a robust stallion! Tell us how you escaped those meany grey pants,” she said, patting him on his head.

His eyes still wide with fear, the private grabbed hold of Wildaberry’s hoof and curled himself around it. “T-they took everypony…Sergeant…they’re all gone…there was nothing we could do stop them. Magic wouldn’t work…our weapons wouldn’t work…everypony…everypony. They’re dead aren’t they…” The young soldier started sobbing into his superior’s fur.

“No.” Jack shook his head firmly. “They’re still alive, and we can still save them.”

Luna sent him a curious glance. “Really?”

Jack turned around, making for Lyra who was at a computer station by the central pillar. “The Royal Guards were sent back in time, that kind of temporal manipulation would leave a negative imprint in the rift, which means we can find out where they were sent and get them back. Lyra, do we have anything?”

“We have…something, but it’ll take me a couple hours to calculate anything exact. The chaos magic certainly isn’t making things easier. Honestly, Bon Bon is better at this sort of thing than I am,” said Lyra, squinting at the computer screen. “But there is something else-”

“Just check for four repeating patterns, one for each angel. When and where they send somepony should depend on the particular angel,” said Captain Jack.

“In that case, I might be able to help,” Big Mac stepped forward.

“How?”

“Well, one of the angels zapped me back in time one thousand years, to Rheostallion. Couldn’t have been more than a couple years before I was there last,” he explained.

“But how did you get back?”

Big Macintosh raised an eyebrow and his vortex manipulator.

“Ohh,” said Captain Jack to himself.

“Jack…” began Luna, looking down thoughtfully. “These creatures have successfully defeated our most elite guards. Canterlot was already vulnerable, but now it is defenseless. How can we hope to defeat them? More importantly, what do these beings want from us?”

The captain swallowed, uncertain. “That’s a good question…they don’t usually attack like this. They’ve never done it before.”

“Presumably, they’ve never been to Canterlot before,” said Big Mac, trying to help brainstorm. “Maybe something’s changed here.”

“We can assume Discord released them,” added Lyra, pointing to a picture of the four angels displayed on the computer.

In the photograph, they were situated at the center of a small clearing in the gardens, surrounded by finely trimmed trees and hedges, presented as if they were pieces of art and not nearly unstoppable aliens creature. They faced each other, their wings extended so that the tips of their feathers touched. Their gazes perpetually keeping them in place.

“Discord may not have done it intentionally, but if he moved them in any way he would have probably freed them,” continued Lyra. “But I think we have a bigger problem...” she tapped her muzzle as she stared at the screen.

Jack wasn’t listening to Lyra’s analysis. Instead, he was staring at Luna, worry evident deep in his eyes.

“I think I know what they want…” he said, his voice nearly a whisper.

“What do they desire?” asked Luna.

“…you.”

Everypony fell silent and looked to Princess Luna.

“Think about it,” Jack went on, “The angels feed on potential energy; the life and actions that a pony would have is what they need. Who could have more potential energy in their life than an immortal?”

“Then why wouldn’t they want to go after you?” asked Big Macintosh.

“You’re immortal?” asked Wildaberry, confused and still being cried on.

“My immortality is different. It makes me a relatively fixed point in time. My timeline is already set; the angels probably don’t have the power to displace me,” Jack said. “Why else would they go after royal guards and nopony else? They were trying to take down our only defense: more pairs of eyes.”

“Does that mean they won’t go after anypony else? My sister’s up there!” exclaimed Big Mac.

“We should evacuate them,” suggested Wildaberry.

“Lyra, didn’t Celestia come to speak to you?” asked Jack, turning to her.

“Yeah, but then she left to get some pain killers. Something about the massive headache this day was giving her. But Jack there’s something-”

“Then we need to go find her! If the angels can’t get Luna then she’ll be their next target!” Big Macintosh looked to Jack urgently.

The captain nodded.

“Good idea! Luna, stay here. Right now, this is the safest place from the angels. If there are any breaches in the elevator shaft then initiate the time lock protocols. Big Mac and-“

The ground shook, sending massive vibrations through the ponies, as if they were standing on a guitar string.

The wires attached to the glowing red pillar exploded in a shower of sparks, electrical arcs danced up the metal spires, and a transformer exploded, spreading fire to a work station. Ponies jumped and flinched away from the disaster. Big Macintosh’s knees buckled, but he was just able to hold himself up.

“What is this cataclysm?!”  exclaimed Luna.

“Was that an earthquake?” asked Big Mac.

Jack dashed to the computer station, Lyra picked herself off the ground sent Jack a resentful look. “That was what I was trying to warn you about! The rift is beginning to rupture! The sudden amount of chaos magic is straining it too far! Would you happen to know why?!”

Jack’s eyes widened, “Discord’s link must be completely draining the rift energy!”

“And how does Discord even have a link to the rift’s energy?” asked Lyra grumpily, trying to put her mane back into place after being shaken up.

Luna swallowed, a bitterness briefly flashed within her eyes. “The link was made during the Battle of Canterlot Hill. It is shared between my sister, the Elements of Harmony, and myself. It is the reason for our immortality. If the power of this link is abused, there are going to be disastrous consequences. Consequences I doubt Discord is aware of.”

Sergeant Wildaberry pushed off her whimpering and confused looking subordinate and joined them around the pillar. “Pardon me for not being well versed in chemistry…or physicics or…whatever this is. But what will this rupturing do?”

Luna took a step forward, staring darkly at the red column. “It will bring forth the end of us all…”

Captain Jack glanced uneasily at the princess. “We can use the rift manipulator to hold it shut until Discord is stopped.”

“No we can’t,” said Lyra, shaking her head. “The logical extreme of the rift equations is to rip open the rift. If we open the manipulator to maximum we would just accelerate the rupture. In order to keep the rift shut we need to invert all of the equations…with Bon Bon’s help I should be able to do it in two hours…probably.”

“How long before the rupture goes critical?” asked Jack.

Lyra typed something into the computer, and then froze.

“How long?” Jack repeated.

“One…one hour and seventeen minutes…”

The ground shook again and more sparks flew as wires shorted out.

The other Torchwood ponies had gathered around Lyra and Jack; they had heard everything, but didn’t panic. They did not shout, nor whimper, nor curse. A few looked down. Some closed their eyes, but they knew better than to not expect catastrophe. They worked for Torchwood after all. And everypony who worked for Torchwood would almost certainly die young. With the exception of a single Captain.

Jack ran his hoof through his mane. “Well get on it!” he ordered.

Instantly the crowd of ponies around them dispersed. A white dry erase board was wheeled out, and furiously fast typing clamored on the keyboards. Lyra’s horn flared with a green light, as she attempted to send a communication to Bon Bon.

The Hub turned into a beehive of whizzing activity. Sergeant Wildaberry went back to comfort the Private, knowing the equations were beyond her. Princess Luna turned to Captain Jack Harkness and whispered something dark and mysterious into his ear.

All the while Big Macintosh, the simple farmer, was caught smack-dab in the middle. He didn’t know what to do…

When Luna was done whispering her piece she kissed Jack on the lips and nuzzled him lightly.

Jack nuzzled her back, but then gently pushed her away. He sent her a smile and trotted over to Big Macintosh.

“We should still go find Celestia and evacuate the foals…and just in case something happens to either one of us there, there were a few things that I thought I should tell you, Big Fella,” he said, staring thoughtfully at Big Mac’s fetlocks.

Big Macintosh looked to his partner’s face intently, not saying a word to stop him.

“I want you to know that you…” He sighed. “…you are a good agent. That you are a good stallion. You might not think so…but I am grateful for every step you took with me, alright. And…just because I’m feeling a tad sappy don’t think for a second we aren’t going to both survive this! I think this may be the seventh end of the world jig I’ve dealt with this decade alone.”

“Jack…” began Big Macintosh.

“Yeah?”

“Do you trust me?”

Jack cocked his head curiously to the side. “Of course I do.”

Big Mac bit his lip with his big ol’ molars. “I have an idea.”

“What kind of idea?”

“Probably a stupid one,” replied Big Mac, “But I think it might just save our lives. What if I was to go into the future two hours, retrieve the new rift equations, and then come back? Would that work?”

Jack mulled it over for a moment.

“Maybe…if we aren’t all dead by then.”

“Then be sure to make a copy of the equations for yourself,” said Big Mac, already inputting his destination into the Vortex Manipulator: the desolation of Equestria.

He sent his friend a smile with false confidence.

“Be back in a jiffy!”

He pushed a button and he was gone.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Death.

The big D.

As Big Macintosh knew, death wasn’t only prevalent around the dead. He had seen cadavers…worse yet, he had made them. But it wasn’t until he saw their empty chairs, their old clothes, or held their Vortex Manipulator that he felt the crushing weight of liquid despair crash through him.

He remembered the day his parents died. Not in that he remembered what numeral day it was, or the month. He remembered what size the apples were, what part of the barn Granny Smith had told him should be fixed, and which tree Applejack had climbed to the top of. He remembered the apples were still half an ounce too small, the wooden beams on the left side, and the fifth tree two rows down on the east side orchard with a knoll that looked like Wiona’s paw.

Once death had come, it never left. He could taste it in the air and in the water. He feared like nothing else the times when he would see it with his own two eyes.

And, as he stood there, frozen in place, that same fear gripped his soul with an iron claw.

Twisted metal as thick as his body was scattered all around him, rocks and rubble were everywhere. And most surprising of all, was the open air above him. Looking up, he could see the stormy grey overcast clouds, with no sign of playful pink ones.

But…he should have arrived back in the hub, over a mile underground.

Slowly, he looked down to his Vortex Manipulator, hoping with all his being he had made a mistake.

He closed his eyes and shivered: there was no mistake. This was Canterlot: the Torchwood Hub.

The top of the mountain had been leveled. Completely destroyed!

What could possibly have that kind of power?

Carefully Big Macintosh took a step forward. Something crunched under his hoof. He looked down and moved to the side; it was a broken piece of orange stained glass. He quickly looked away from it.

“I have to find Jack…” he said softly to himself. “I have to make sure this’ll never happen.”

“Jack...JACK!” he shouted, hoping the captain could hear him.

He trotted forward, into the destruction. “JACK! CAPTAIN JACK BUCKING HARKNESS!” he

called out.

The wind whipped around wildly, tossing his mane.

He furrowed his brow when suddenly the wind slapped something soft and red against his eyes.

He stumbled backwards, momentarily blinded.

The ground gave way under him, and he fell down, tumbling head over hooves.

“Oof!” He landed back first, smearing stone dust and dirt over his suit. With a groan, he rolled over and threw the piece of fabric off his eyes.

Once he could see it properly, he jumped away as if it was the plague, his eyes wide with horror.

It was Applebloom’s bright red bow.

“No…no, no, no…” he whispered, shutting his eyes tightly.

“She’ll be alright…she’ll be alright…she probably is alright. If the Weeping Angels got to her first then she’ll have been far, far away from here,” he said, immediately accepting his theory.

He backed up a bit, when suddenly he felt something cold and pointy press against his flank. He turned around and swallowed.

It was the tip of a stone wing jutting from the rubble. Next to it, broken, was a grey head cracked in two, a disembodied hoof, and a smashed tail. It was all that was left of a Weeping Angel.

It had been blown to pieces.

The ground shook, but it wasn’t as violent as the tremors made by the rift. It was over in a moment.

But then it came again.

And again.

And again.

The rumbles sent shivers down Big Mac’s spine. They sounded like hoofsteps. The hoofsteps of a giant.

“Mmmm,” a moan came from under the rubble.

Big Mac’s eyes suddenly grew bright with hope. “Jack!” he called, digging into the mess.

He was answered by another moan.

Big Mac dug his hooves toward the source.

Eventually, a dirty, blue head popped out of the rubble.

Captain Jack Harkness, disheveled and pinned down beneath at least a Royal Ton of rock, gasped for breath.

“Jack! Thank goodness you’re alive!” exclaimed Big Mac, pulling him out.

“Trust me,” said Jack in a thin, wheezy, dust filled voice, “that wasn’t an accomplishment I’m proud of.”

“I came for the rift equations, to stop this from ever happening,” he said, helping Jack onto the ground.

“I know,” said Jack. He paused to catch his breath. He reached into his coat and brought out a small black box. “They’re stored on here, electronically. When you get back to your timestream have Lyra download it, and then destroy this copy. It’ll help prevent the paradox.”

“Thank you,” said Big Macintosh graciously, accepting the box.

“But…the equations won’t stop this.”

“What!?” He stopped, staring at Jack with disbelief. “Why not?”

“I’ve already lived the version of events where you successfully get this back to the hub. We stop the chaos magic from creating a rupture, but it’s not the chaos magic that opens the rift. It was the Angels! They broke into the Hub, somehow, and took Celestia. With the power from her potential energy they were able to rip open the rift. They thought they could consume the power from it. Instead, they unleashed hell in Equestria.”

The ground rattled again. It sounded like the heavy hoofsteps were getting closer.

“I tried to stop what came through…but the palace collapsed on top of me before I could,” Jack couldn’t continue, he was interrupted.

A voice rang out across the mountain. It was deep, but with the ferocity of a screech, ringing out sharply. Almost as if it was never meant to be heard by pony ears.

“From the cold! And the Void! I have returned! The creatures of old have been defeated. The princesses and their pets shall never again stand in judgment of me! The WAR shall begin anew!”

Captain Jack and Big Macintosh covered their ears from the unnatural sound.

“How do we stop it?” asked Big Mac through gritted teeth, still covering his ears.

“I don’t think we can,” replied Jack, looking down.

“Jack! How do we stop it!?”

“I don’t know…I just, don’t…”

“How can you not know? You’re Captain Jack Harkness. You always know,” said Big Macintosh desperately.

Jack looked up into Big Mac’s eyes. “No, you’re wrong. But maybe there is a pony that does know. H-he is what we need.”

“What we need?” repeated Jack, as if he had said something profound. “What we really

need…”

“Jack, who can stop this?”

He swallowed. “We need help. We need…The Doctor…”

In Harm's Way

Chapter Four

In Harm’s Way

“We don’t need the doctor’s help,” said Captain Jack firmly, his face set with distaste. He and Luna stood over a disheveled Big Mac in the Torchwood Hub.

Behind him, Lyra was applying the rift equations, much to the relief of the other Torchwood ponies. The Chaos Magic’s effects were swiftly subdued.

Big Mac was covered in stone dust and dirt, his grandfather’s suit all but ruined. He stared at Jack desperately. “Well, that’s what you said!”

“Jack,” Luna began carefully, shifting her concerned gaze between Big Mac and the Captain, “I have reservations about contacting the Time Lord as well. I have seen the destruction he can leave in his wake, but it was you that requested his presence.”

“You don’t understand! It doesn’t matter if we need him. He isn’t coming. I’ve been looking for that stallion for three hundred years. If there was a quick, easy way to find him, don’t you think I would have tried it by now?” replied Jack.

“I-i don’t know much about this Doctor fellow, but if the Angels are going to do what you say they’re going to do, don’t we need to find Celestia and evacuate the foals?” asked Sergeant Wildaberry, trotting slowly up behind Big Mac.

The other ponies paused.

“She’s right,” decided Jack, “It’s all we can do for the moment.” He turned to Luna. “You should stay here; if the Angels get ahold of you too there would be nothing we could do to stop them.”

Luna sighed. “Very well. But assure us you will be cautious with these creatures prowling our halls.”

“I’ll do my best,” said Jack as he and Wildaberry made for the exit.

Big Macintosh hesitated, his hooves refusing to move after them. “B-but ya’ll…” he whispered, closing his eyes. “Ya’ll didn’t see it…”

The picture in his mind did not go to the desolate landscape, the shattered stained glass, or even the broken Weeping Angel. It went to the image of Applebloom’s abandoned red bow.

He hadn’t wanted to leave Jack in that destroyed world. It made a dark void grow in his stomach when his partner urged him on, explaining that if he succeeded the desolate timeline would be destroyed. And if he failed... then it meant Applebloom and Applejack and everypony else would have died because he couldn’t find a way to stop the Angels. He would have failed to do his job.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. He found the strength in his limbs again, and went chasing after his comrades. “I will stop them. And if I have to, I will find the Doctor,” he declared, determination thick in his voice.

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Princess Celestia trotted with trepidation through the halls of her palace. She felt that something was amiss, but she wasn’t sure what.

It wasn’t just that she hadn’t seen any Guards at all. And it wasn’t just Discord running loose.

There was something in the air making her feel uneasy. The last time she had felt that…was when a certain rogue Captain tried to pour the sun through the rift. Her link with the strange anomaly was trying to tell her something.

She paused, realizing what she had to do.

As she began to trot down the hall with revived purpose, she failed to hear the ominous sound of fluttering wings behind her, creeping closer.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

“Keep your eyes peeled!” ordered Captain Jack as he glanced back watchfully.

The three ponies were racing down the corridor, headed for the atrium and the collection of foals in immediate danger.

Unlike the two stallions whose faces were dead serious, Sergeant Wildaberry grinned as she galloped.

“So, we’re really fighting to stop the end of the world?” she asked, keeping pace with Big Mac.

He nodded solemnly.

“Great. It’ll be nice to have one final adventure before this old mare gets put to rest.”

Big Macintosh raised his eyebrows. “Well, it won’t be your last adventure if we succeed. You’d still be a Royal Guard.”

“Normally you’d be right…” she began. Her happy demeanor disappeared, and tinges of sadness crept into her voice, “but I won’t be a Royal Guard for much longer. You see, the reason I had to transfer to Canterlot from the Everfree patrol was because...because…because I accidentally, just a tinsy winsy bit, assaulted Prince Blueblood when he was there for an inspection.”

“What? Why?!”

“It’s a long story. I thought he was a chimera, and then there was this futon, and a shipment of peanut brittle. But he was alright in the end, sort of. I mean, a couple cracked ribs never killed anypony right?” she hung her head in shame. “I’ve been able to keep things quiet from my superiors this long since he’s been in a coma, but now Blueblood is making a case of it in the Canterlot Courts. Once Captain Shining Armor or Princess Celestia find out I’ll be dishonorably discharged from the guard. And…I don’t know, thrown in prison or something.”

Big Macintosh blinked, staring speechlessly at the military mare.

“So thanks. Thank you for letting me have this. A mare couldn’t ask for a better adventure than saving the world,” said Wildaberry sincerely.

“Oh, um, you’re welcome,” was all Big Macintosh could manage before he found himself sliding to a stop in the atrium, surrounded by foals.

They were huddled off into small groups, talking idly, bored expressions on all their faces. The teacher stood off to the side, talking to each other in between sending glances to the respective flocks they shepherded. They all suspended their conversations when they saw the newcomers, surprised by their swift entrance.

“Hello everypony! My name is Captain Jack Harkness, and I regret to inform you all that a situation has arisen in the palace which requires your immediate evacuation. We will be teleporting you all in groups of four to a safe location,” shouted Jack over the attentive crowd. He was about to continue when a little filly with a pink coat raised her hoof: Diamond Tiara.

“But none of you three are unicorns,” she pointed out. Everypony looked to the Captain expectantly. Jack was just about to answer when he was interrupted for a second time.

“Wait!” exclaimed Big Mac, suddenly panicking. “Where’s Applebloom!?”

A murmur went through the group; none of the Cutie Mark Crusaders were in their midst. Both Big Mac and Miss Cheerilee began to pale and look around desperately. “Sweetie Belle! Scootaloo!” she called out.

“Applebloom!”

He pushed into the crowd of students, searching their faces. But Applebloom’s yellow fur and little red bow were nowhere to be found.

“Abblebloom!” he shouted desperately. He had already felt what it was like to lose her once today. He didn’t want to feel it again. “Applebloom!”

“Yeah?” spoke a confused voice behind him.

Big Macintosh whirled around. There she was, with her two friends, glasses of chocolate milk in their hooves with colorful little bendy straws.

“Applebloom!” he exclaimed, scooping her into his hooves and hugging her tightly. She tensed up in surprise, her chocolate milk spilling onto the ground.

“Ya’ alright, Big Mac?” asked Applebloom, still not sure what was going on.

She was quickly plopped back onto the ground, a lecturing hoof pointed at her. “Don’t you know better not to wander off like that, young missy.”

“We just went to get some chocolate milk,” she protested.

“Applebloom,” Big Mac said sternly.

“Yeah, I know…I won’t do it again,” she promised, looking down.

“Good,” he replied, before glancing back to the others. “Like Cap’n Jack was saying. We need to evacuate. There is a clear and present danger in the palace. We’ll teleport ya’ll out with these magic infused devices!” he held up the hoof with his Vortex Manipulator on it. He didn’t have enough time or will to explain its true nature, which was probably classified anyway.

“Wait…” said Sweetie Belle, looking concerned. “What kind of danger?”

“That doesn’t matter,” Jack interjected, trotting towards Big Macintosh. “What does matter is that the Princess and her ponies are dealing with the threat. At the moment we need you to get into groups of four. When you’re ready you’ll need to put your hooves on the device.”

“What about you, Big Mac? Will you be coming with us?” asked Applebloom, beginning to sound frightened.

Big Macintosh looked down into her worried eyes, and put on a thin smile for her. “They’ll need my help.”

“But-” began Applebloom.

“I’ll be alright,” he said. “I’m always alright, aren’t I?”

She hesitated. “I suppose…”

“Now you’ve got to go. Everypony gather around!”

The teleportation only took but two minutes, depositing all the fillies and colts at Donut Joe’s Coffee Shop.

After everypony had been evacuated, they began plucking some of the magical floating donuts out of the air, much to the behest of Donut Joe.

Jack, Big Mac, and Sergeant Wildaberry took advantage of the distraction and regrouped.

“So, I take it we need to find Celestia now?” asked Wildaberry. The others nodded in agreement.

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Telltail Twirler hummed to himself as he headed out of the bathroom stall, the toilet still flushing behind him. They had really nice toilets in the palace, ones made out of solid granite. It may have been a bit cold, but the experience of sitting on a proverbial throne of granite was worth it.

The smirk melted off his face as he slowly trotted back to the Atrium, where he had just left his Class. The room, which was just a few minutes ago filled with his classmates and strangers from Ponyville, was empty.

He swallowed. “H-hello…hello!” he called. “Anypony?!”

He looked back and forth worriedly, the feeling of being lost beginning to overwhelm him.

He started to wander down the hall. “Anypony?!” he called again, going farther into the palace. He did not know where his path would lead.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Celestia frowned, staring at the open doors to the reinforced vault in Canterlot Tower. She had spent a good eleven hours casting overly complicated spell after overly complicated spell on the walls only three months ago, in hope to make it impenetrable to any foe wishing to steal the Elements of Harmony.

Of course, she hadn’t counted on Discord. She had learned a long time ago there was very little she could do to prevent his antics, only steps she could take to stop things from getting out of hoof when they occurred.

Beyond comprehending his complete and utter insanity, she couldn’t understand him. And she should understand him better than anypony; she had known him since she was only a foal. It would take a better pony than her to understand that jumbled mess of a sapient being. And finding a better pony than her was a pretty difficult thing to do.

She sighed, and began to pace forward, into the vault. She inspected the walls, wondering how Discord had managed to grab the Elements right from under her nose.

She ignored the sound of fluttering wings behind her, and kept going forward towards the other side of the vault, where the discarded box for the Elements lay.

The Weeping Angel smiled as it reached forward with its stone grey hoof, almost brushing the hairs of a cosmic, rainbow colored tail.

“Princess!” shouted Jack’s voice behind her.

She turned around, and took a step back from the offending statue.

She clicked her tongue. “What mischievous things these creatures are,” she said, keeping her eyes on it as she made for the way out of the vault. “The Doctor is good for a few things, I suppose. Like dealing with these…angels. But it seems the first stage of your plan has worked, Captain Harkness.”

She slammed the door loudly behind her, sealing the angel inside. Those walls might not have been able to stop Discord, but maybe it would work on a creature of slightly lesser power.

Captain Jack, Big Macintosh, and Sergeant Wildaberry emerged from their hiding spot where they had been waiting to see if the Angels would take the bait of the immortal Princess.

Jack smiled proudly. “That’s one down, three to go.”

As if on cue, two more Weeping Angels moved into his peripherals from the shadows.

Big Macintosh and Jack leaped forward, going to Celestia’s side, each of their eyes trained on a different Angel. Sergeant Wildaberry went to retrieve something from their hiding place.

“Princess, I am going to have to advise you to retreat. We no longer have the element of surprise on our side. We can’t afford to let them send you into the past,” said Jack, standing defensively between her and an Angel.

Celestia frowned, her horn aglow with power. “I’d like to see if I can make a difference in this fight first, Captain Harkness.” A bright beam of light aimed at Jack’s angel burst from her horn. It was so bright that it forced Jack to flinch. When the beam abated the angel stood several hoofs closer.

“Normal magic won’t work on them, now go!” urged Jack.

“We’ll find a way to stop them,” said Big Macintosh, staring down his own angel. His words were less of a promise to the Princess, and more of a pep talk to himself.

A resounding BOOM came from behind them, and then another, the Weeping Angel inside was trying to break out.

Celestia hesitated. “I will send more Torchwood agents to your assistance. Can I trust you will survive until they come?”

“Always,” said Jack.

“Eeeyup,” replied Big Mac, smiling grimly.

Another boom came forth from the vault, this time accented with the sound of stone cracking.

“Good luck,” said Celestia before she teleported away.

Big Mac swallowed, pacing backwards towards Jack, never taking his eyes off the Angel.

Jack reached into his pocket and withdrew his revolver, even though he knew it wouldn’t do him much good.

“Sergeant Wildaberry, you still there?” he called out.

“Of course I am!” she replied, dragging a rocket launcher out from behind a column, several rockets in a belt were draped across her neck and shoulders. “Sergeant Indomitable Wildaberry, present and reporting for duty!” She grinned, loading a rocket down the barrel of her really big gun.

“Be careful which way you point that thing,” said Jack, “It’s capable of blowing hole through a steel, concrete, magically reinforced wall three hooves thick. Getting up after being hit with one of those is never a pleasant process.”

“Duly noted!” said Wildaberry cheerfully.

“Are you sure this will work?” asked Big Mac, uncertain.

“Nope,” replied Jack. “But it’s worth a try, isn’t it?”

“You bet your ass it is!” shouted Wildaberry, aiming the rocket launcher straight at one of the approaching Angels.

 At the same time that the Sergeant pulled back the trigger, the vault wall began crumble.

The resulting cacophony of gunfire, explosions, flying aliens, and chaos was enough to cause Big Macintosh to blink. When he regained his composure, his Angel had cut the distance in between them in half.

He gritted his teeth. He could still hear Jack and Wildaberry fighting behind him, but he dared not take his eyes off his statue. Behind the Angel he noticed a stained glass window. Suddenly, an idea came to him.

He trudged forward, resolving not to blink as rock and debris flew past him from another explosion.

Eventually, he was almost nose to nose with the Angel, staring it down. It’s mouth was agape, displaying its fearsome stone fangs to him, as if it wanted to take a bite right out of him.

And that was when he realized he had to blink.

“Dammit,” he muttered, maneuvering his way behind the Angel and taking a few steps back before succumbing to the urge.

When he opened his eyes he found himself once again nose to nose with the Angel, only a moment away from zapping him off.

He leaned back. Maybe they could still see when they were frozen.

He kept going backwards, until he could feel the cold glass window against his flank. Then, he took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

He counted off exactly one second before ducking down and sliding to the side. He heard the sound of glass breaking above him. He grinned and opened his eyes.

He caught the Angel just as it was trying to recover from crashing through the window. Without the ability to flap its wings, it plummeted to the ground four stories below them.

“Yes!” he exclaimed victoriously, peering out the window.

He blinked once to be sure that it wasn’t getting back up, and then turned around towards the fray.

A thick cloud of stone dust had formed in the center of the room, and things had fallen deathly silent.

Big Mac frowned, and trotted towards it.

“Jack? Sergeant Wildaberry?” he called.

The Captain stumbled out of the dust cloud, coughing and a line of blood dripping off his chin.

“Jack! Where’s Wildaberry?” asked Big Macintosh, galloping towards him.

“Right here, Big Red!” said the Sergeant, sitting up with a smile, and the now beaten up rocket launcher in her hooves. “Now that’s what I call fun! Nothing quite like using weapons banned by the United Nations. Can we do it again?”

“Did you kill them?” asked Big Mac anxiously.

Wildaberry shrugged. “Probably,” she said brightly.

Sergeant Wildaberry’s body jerked forward. Her bright demeanor suddenly disappeared.

“Ohh…no…they’re not dead…”

The dust behind her began to fall away, revealing an Angel with a wing clean blasted off. Its hoof was embedded in Wildaberry’s body.

Jack and Big Mac rushed over to her.

The stone hoof protruded bloodily from her chest. She looked down at her own gaping wound, frowning. “Huh. Looks like it just grazed my heart,” she observed, shock preventing the pain from registering quite yet.

“We need to get the hoof out of ya!” exclaimed Big Mac, beginning to panic.

“Nah, I doubt that’d do much good. With a hole that big, I’ll probably bleed out before you could get me…get me…”

She coughed, spewing blood out of her mouth. She groaned.

“Jack! We need to do something,” said Big Macintosh desperately.

He turned to his partner, who was staring past the Sergeant. The second Weeping Angel emerged from the settling dust, the left half of its face broken off. It looked even more hideous now. But it was still alive.

Past that, the third Angel was trying to climb back through the window, unharmed from its fall.

He swallowed.

“You two should head back to the elevator…try to mount a defensive,” said Wildaberry weakly. “I should say…it’s been a hell of an adventure for this old mare.” She grinned, trying to suppress another cough.

“No! Don’t talk like that, we can get you out of here!” he said, trying to type something into his Vortex Manipulator, but his hoof kept shaking, and hitting the wrong button.

Her face grew pained as her hoof inched towards the trigger of the rocket launcher, its barrel aimed at her chest. “Thank you, Captain…thank you, Big Mac…”

“No…” whispered Big Macintosh, shaking his head.

“Come on,” said Jack softly, taking Big Mac’s hoof and guiding it over to his vortex manipulator.

“It’s been an honor, Sergeant,” said Jack, saluting with his free hoof.

Wildaberry kept smiling.

Big Macintosh only looked on in abject disbelief when Jack brought his hoof down, and they both disappeared.

Sergeant Indomitable Wildaberry heaved one last painful sigh. “Funny thing, Captain. I figured I made for a pretty poor Royal Guard…always fighting for the wrong reason…it was never for Princess and Country…just for the chaos of the battle. Glad I didn’t end up as a statue…I hate statues…”

She pulled the trigger.

The Fall of Torchwood

Chapter Five

The Fall of Torchwood

Telltail Twirler edged forward, slowly and uneasily. The small colt glanced this way and that, desperately hoping to catch sight of somepony that could help him.

It felt like a nightmare. The kind where he was lost in an unfamiliar place with feelings of hopelessness and insecurity consuming him…

Pretty much that nightmare exactly.

Every now and then he got a chilling feeling on the back of his neck, a tingle that made him shiver. As if he was being followed.

But every time he looked back there was nothing there.

Maybe he was going insane.

He came to a halt in front of a tall, oak door left ajar.

“Help. Anypony…please…” he whimpered timidly.

He could have sworn he heard the sound of wings flapping. He jerked his head to the right, but the sound already vanished.

Warily, he began to turn back to his original path, but stopped when he noticed something shining underneath the big oak door.

It was a light. A muted, lime green light that was the same color as his magic.

To Telltail, it was the answer to his prayers; some kind of sign. There had to be ponies down there.

With a mighty heave that utilized every ounce of his foalish weight, he opened the door. It revealed a dimly lit staircase, leading down into darkness so thick it hid the bottom.

The only thing he could see was the tiny, pulsing, green light. He moved towards it, like a moth drawn to a flame.

“H-hello?” he called, making his way down the stairs.

The light moved.

“Hello. I-I’m lost!” he called again. “What is this place-”

He ran into something cold and hard. After his head realed back from the impact, he took a step back to see what it was.

He squinted, looking up and down, and his eyes grew wide as it dawned on him. It was a cage with steel bars.

These were the dungeons!

He started to backpedal urgently.

“Telltail…Twirler…” spoke a raspy, tired voice.

He froze.

“How do you know my name?” asked the colt, ducking down in fear.

“Come here,” said the voice, calling from the light. “I know you’re afraid…I know you’re frightened. But there’s something I must tell you…”

“What?” asked Telltail, trying to make himself look small as he inched towards the light.

As he got closer he found himself looking at a ragged stallion. The green light emanated from his horn, growing and ebbing like it was gentle heartbeat. But even with the magic’s light, his face was kept in the shadow of his messy, dirt-coated mane.

The stallion looked up slightly, but not enough for Telltail to see his face.

“You came to me…you were curious about what I had to say?”

Telltail nodded. The stallion’s lips twitched into a smile. It was hard to tell, but he looked proud.

“That’s good…even though you were afraid, you went forward to find answers. Tell me…what are you afraid of, Telltail?”

“What I’m afraid of?” Telltail asked nervously.

The stallion nodded gently.

Telltail looked down and thought for a moment. “The dark…I’m afraid of the dark.”

The stallion in the cage gave a wheezy chuckle. “Nothing to be ashamed of. I am too. What else?”

“Spiders. Their legs are too spindly to be natural. A-and asteroids. They told us in school what happens if one crashed into Equestria.”

“But that’s not all, is it?”

Telltail scraped his hoof on the dirty ground. “No…”

“Telltail, please tell me. It’s okay.”

“I’m…I’m afraid of ponies.”

“Like me?”

“No…you’re dark and mysterious. I’m not supposed to understand you. But, somehow, I’m supposed to understand other ponies, and talk to them as if I do…my dad says I shouldn’t be afraid of them, and I won’t be a colt for much longer. I-i started taking notes, on the ponies around me, so I could try to understand. And I told him I’d try to make some new friends…but, I don’t know…”

“That’s alright. You can still be afraid, Telltail, every single pony has things they’re afraid of. Even Princess Celestia. But if you do want to understand, then you have to be greater than those fears, just like how you were greater than the dark when you came here.”

The stallion sighed sorrowfully.

“I want you to know, Telltail Twirler, that you will be very brave. Sometimes, you’d surprise even me with how brave you were. You will learn so much and do great things. You will fight monsters and feel the love of a princess who you will come to know as the wisest, most beautiful, and wonderful pony in all the world. Sometimes, you might even understand her. Just know that. Please…remember that…”

Telltail looked confused. “Why are you telling me all this?”

“Because I can’t keep my eyes open for much longer.”

The Weeping Angel behind Telltail made its move.

In the blink of an eye, the colt was gone.

And yet he was found, over one thousand years ago.

The destitute and homeless colt would have to survive on his wit and magic alone in the ancient city of Rheostallion. That is until, one day, his youthful skill would be noticed by one Princess Celestia when he teleported to escape a particularly angry fruit vendor.

A single tear trickled down the stallion’s smiling face. “You didn’t do half bad…Telltail Twirler.”

He glanced back at his flank to his partially covered cutie mark: two intertwined quills. The same as Telltail Twirler’s.

He had woken up in the dungeons three days ago. At first he thought that he’d died. That he had been killed by The Great Intelligence, over a thousand years ago. But then he remembered the stallion in the cage, and he realized his destiny.

Shakily, he got to his hooves. He had not eaten or drunk in three days, and no one had noticed him. It was only through sheer willpower he was able to stand.

The Weeping Angel had its sights set on him now, oblivious to the paradox. It wanted to eat him once again. But Telltail Twirler had other plans.

The cage was built to suppress magic, to hold it in and ensure that no unicorn, no matter how powerful could escape. Every flare of his magic poured more and more power into the air around him, and the cage did it’s job, the raw energy became more compressed every minute. The air crackled, as if it was alive with electricity. All it needed was a single spark…

“I didn’t do half bad…”

He closed his eyes.

He could hear the Weeping Angel as it took the steel bars and tore them off the door.

He grimaced, pushing one last surge of magic through his horn.

The dungeons were suddenly filled with sparkling light, and the Weeping Angel was consumed, atom by atom. The light was like fire burning away at tree.

The magic took nearly all of the Unicorn’s life force, but the sudden burst purged the Quantum Lock, and then stripped the stone, layer by layer, until there was nothing left but dust.

Telltail knew destiny was a funny thing, but it was excellent at managing long term goals.

As soon as his magic was done, he fell back to the floor, exhausted and immobile. But, unexpectedly, still alive.

Perhaps his destiny wasn’t over yet…

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Big Macintosh was left staring at the metal floor.

He could hear the urgent clatter of hooves everywhere around him. All the Princess’s ponies were preparing to fight. Torchwood was going to face the enemy at its gate.

And Big Macintosh stood still in the center of it all.

“Nnope,” he whispered.

He didn’t understand how the Sergeant could be dead. Her manic smile and fearless eyes were gone for good.

He slowly lifted his face up to see Lyra. She paused in the middle of loading an energy pack into a blue laser rifle.

“Give me a gun,” he said.

“You’re not authorized to access firearms, alien or otherwise,” she said. She didn’t look away from him, expecting some kind of rebuff.

“Give him a gun, Lyra,” said Captain Jack, behind her. She turned around to face him.

“Give him the biggest gun we have.”

She glanced back to Mac thoughtfully. “Yes sir,” she said after a moment. She went off to carry out the order and bring up the biggest piece of firepower they had in the armory.

Big Mac trotted towards Jack carefully, wondering what was going on behind his partner’s empty expression.

“Jack. Are we going to survive this?”

He gave a small smile at that. “Well, it’s unlikely. But anything can happen.”

“Captain!” said a stallion standing at attention. His eyes were bloodshot from crying. The Private. “I would like permission to use Torchwood weaponry as well…I…I want to kill those alien sons of bitches.”

Jack didn’t hesitate or bat an eye. “Permission granted.”

The Private nodded, and then bounded after Lyra.

Big Macintosh sighed. “I think the Sergeant was the only thing holding that colt together…”

“She still is,” replied Jack.

Luna made her way through the mass of hurrying ponies, up to the two stallions, a grave seriousness about her. “It is time,” she said simply.

They nodded.

When it was all set, there were fifty ponies, all armed to the teeth with anything from machine guns to grenade launchers to magic slingshots. Big Macintosh himself had a small canon strapped to his shoulder, and the Private had taken up a shotgun. They stood at attention in the hall, by the elevator. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna stood before them.

“Well then, my brave little ponies…it appears that our worst nightmares have been realized. An enemy of incredible power and infinite evil has come. Torchwood was never supposed to be an army, and you all were never supposed to be soldiers. I know that before me I see a few who do think themselves soldiers, but that was never my intention. When I founded this institute, so long ago, I had hope that you would lead us into a bright, golden future. Instead, we have been cornered and transformed into the final line of defense. But defend we must. For though today, we may all be only soldiers, we are soldiers because we are also friends, fathers, mothers, wives, husbands, brothers…and sisters.” She paused, and looked to Luna.  “And we find it in our hearts that our responsibilities and our love held within those titles are as infinite as the evil we face, and the power that comes from them may also be incredible.”

She looked over the Torchwood ponies.

Captain Jack Harkness. Lyra Heartstrings. Big Macintosh. Donut Joe. The Private. And all the others. They all stood resolute, despite their fear.

She swallowed. “Captain Harkness, are we prepared?”

“Yes, Princess,” said Jack, his coat discarded, and a machine gun tucked under his wing.

“Then we shall fight. We shall defend.” With her magic, she pressed the elevator button.

The doors opened slowly behind her, standing between it and her small army, prepared to lead them into battle.

“For princess and country!” shouted the Private.

“For princess and country!” exclaimed the other ponies, in agreement.

Celestia allowed a tiny smile to slip into her lips.

But it didn’t last long. She disappeared, revealing the Weeping Angel in the elevator that had taken her.

“Sister!” shouted Luna in shock.

In an instant Lyra’s horn pulsed with magic, and she tried to close the doors, but the Angel’s hoof was in the way.

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

A cacophony of explosions and gunfire burst against the single exposed hoof, blowing it to smithereens.

“Stop!” ordered Lyra. “I activated the time lock. There isn’t a molecule that can move in that elevator shaft. It’s trapped.”

As soon as she had spoken, something crashed into the elevator doors, denting it outward. She gulped.

“The Angel’s too powerful now! And for all we know it could be feeding off the time radiators that we used to make the lock,” said Jack, standing onto two hooves and taking up the machine gun.

“WE DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEIR POWER! THEY SHALL BE DESTROYED!” bellowed Luna in her Royal Canterlot voice, her horn glowed furiously.

“Wait!” shouted Jack. But it was too late. A beam of her magic blew through the reinforced elevator doors. For a moment everything was obscured, but when her light abated, all three angels were clawing their way out of doorway.

Without order, every single armed pony opened fire. The air was filled with fire, lasers and bullets.

When the smoke lifted, twelve ponies had disappeared. Six had their necks broken. The Angel that took Celestia struck to kill, as was evident by the snapped neck of a scientist between its hooves.

“Everypony get out of here, retreat to the Donut Shop!” ordered Jack, dropping his gun. Big Macintosh shrugged the canon off his shoulder, his spent canon ball lodged in one of the angels’ chest. Jack turned to Luna, whose eyes were ablaze with dark Alicorn magic. “Luna, you have to get out!”

His words fell on deaf ears.

The private too, refused to move, and had resorted to beating the angel over the head with his gun. He had a manic glint to his eyes and didn’t notice the Angel’s hoof pointing towards the overhead lights…

With a single flicker of the electric bulbs, the Private and Luna were gone.

Lyra, Jack, and Mac were the last ones left in the hall. They backed towards the Hub slowly.

The Angels grew closer and closer with every flicker of the lights, and regenerated with the energy, taken from the lives of the two immortals.

“We should try to reason with them,” suggested Lyra.

“What?!” exclaimed Big Mac.

“How?” asked Jack.

“They’re obviously sapient, and I doubt they know what will happen if they open the rift. Maybe if we tell them they won’t do it.”

Big Macintosh wiped the sweat off his forehead. He really didn’t like that plan.

“Do it,” said Jack.

Lyra took a deep breath. “Listen, you lot. I know you think that ripping open the rift will give you great power and all, but if you do, you unleash something that will destroy us all, you three included. Can’t you feel it? That insidious force in the darkness, just behind the current of power you want to feast on. It will kill us, and it will kill you.”

The angels seemed to pause, standing still for a flicker of darkness. But on the very next flicker they leaped forward, a single touch causing Lyra to disappear.

Big Macintosh and Captain Jack now stood in the Hub, the only thing between the rift and the Angels.

“Jack… you said we needed the Doctor. That’s what you said.”

“He’s not coming,” replied Jack simply, still backing up, cocking his revolver.

“But-”

“You’re right, he’s the only one who can save us now. But he’s not coming.”

BANG!

BANG!

He got off two shots before the lights flickered once again, and the angels snapped his neck.

Tick

Tick

Tick

Big Macintosh flicked his ears back and forth, picking up the sound of…a watch ticking. And the sound kept getting louder.

Tick

Tick

Tick

His tail was now pressed against the red column. If the Angels got past him, it would be all over. He strained to keep his eyes open. But his vision began to grow dark around the edges, and it wasn’t because of the lights.

His body suddenly felt so tired, as if he hadn’t slept for days. His eyelids were so heavy and begging for reprieve.

“I have to keep looking at them. I have to!” he said to himself through clenched teeth. His body felt sleepier by the second.

The lights flickered. Their hooves were only inches away.

Tick

Tick

Tick

He clamped his jaw down tighter. “What’s that…damn…noise…” he said, just before he collapsed, his eyes barely able to stay open.

Over the unbearable noise of the ticking watch, a voice spoke in a Trottingham accent. A voice that Big Mac had never heard before, but that sounded oddly familiar.

“Sorry I’m late... But what do you say we changes things up a bit?”

Big Macintosh’s ears drooped, his mind uncertain about what was happening. The strange voice, and the sound of fluttering Angel wings were the last things he heard before he lapsed into unconsciousness.

Tick

Tick

Tick…

The Children of Canterlot

Chapter Six

The Children of Canterlot

Big Macintosh gently lifted up his head, and yawned. As he slowly returned to consciousness, he opened his eyes. There was an odd sight waiting for him.

He was in a city plaza. There were market stalls all around, tall ornate buildings, and a grand marble fountain in the center with an alicorn and draconequues looking up victoriously together.

The plaza was full with a complete assortment of creatures. A griffon and a diamond dog sat together by the fountain’s edge, unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies were in the middle of selling their wares. He even noticed a short alicorn buying several heads of lettuce.

He blinked, confused. Not just because he didn’t know where he was, but because everything was frozen and in black and white.

The air was mute and still. The water in the fountain was paused in midair as if it were a part of the fountain’s statue.

“What…what am I doin here?” he said quietly to himself. He glanced back and forth to the strange world.

Words and images returned to his mind.

Torchwood. Captain Jack Harkness. The Great Intelligence. Aliens. Time travel. Sergeant Wildaberry. The Weeping Angels…

The Weeping Angels!

He jumped up in a panic. “They’ve got Torchwood! They’re going to open the rift! I’ve got to go back! I’ve got to stop them! I…”

He glanced down to his ankle; the Vortex Manipulator was gone.

His eyes grew wide with even more abject distress. “Nnnnope! This can’t be happening!” He started pacing back and forth.

A thousand questions bombarded his mind. Was this were the angels zapped him? Had he already failed? Was he dead? What about Applejack and Applebloom?

His mental breakdown was put on pause as an otherworldly sound pierced the silence.

Slowly, Big Macintosh turned around, and saw his first thing in color there.

It was a tall, wide, blue wooden box, with an electric light-bulb glowing on top. It was as if it was pressing itself into reality, one ebb of materliaziation at a time.

Big Mac watched it wearily, as the noise came to a halt and the box became solid. For a moment, it just sat there, as if it was waiting.

He took a cautious step towards it, when suddenly, the doors burst open. Out trotted a brown furred pony with a spiky mane, green tie, and a giddy grin.

As soon as he stepped out, the world became flushed with color and all the ponies started to move again.

“Ah Canterlot! The first great center of civilization on Equus! Almost ten thousand years into your past, Big Macintosh,” he said, turning his gaze to the confused red pony. “A wonderful time for a wonderful place, wouldn’t you agree?”

“W-who are ya?”

“I thought the giant blue police box would have given it away. I’m the Doctor.”

Big Mac’s eyes widened. “You’re the Doctor? The Doctor? The oncoming storm? The fellow Jack keeps going on about?”

The stallion nodded. “The very same.”

He looked far less impressive than Jack’s descriptions painted him.

“Ok, I’ll believe it. But how do you know who I am?”

“Oh…I get around.”

Big Mac shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “Look, I have to get you back to the Torchwood Hub! The weeping angels were about to tear open the rift. From what I understand you’re the only pony who can stop them!”

“Hogwash!” declared the Doctor. “You don’t need a daft old fool like me, Big Mac. I’m sure you’re quite capable of handling them on your own. You’ll have to be, since I’m somewhat…indisposed.”

“Indisposed?! But you’re right here, with yer time traveling doohickey! Can’t you just pop on over to the present and fix everything?”

“I’m afraid I’m not really ‘right here.’ And neither are you. Aren’t you finding it odd that our rather loud conversation hasn’t attracted the attention of anypony yet?”

Big Macintosh looked around, only to find the Doctor was right. Nopony seemed to even notice them; they were still just going about their everyday lives.

The Doctor trotted up to him, watching as he blinked in ever growing confusion.

“You are currently passed out on the floor of the Torchwood Hub. What you are seeing is a very special memory of mine. I assure you that once you’ve lived through it, you’ll wake up with only a second gone by. Hopefully you’ll be able to stop the world from ending when you do,” he explained, straightening his tie.

“But how are you showing this to me?”

The time lord waved his hoof dismissively. “Wibbly wobbly, timey whimey stuff. It’s not all that important.”

Big Mac swallowed. “And how am I supposed to stop the Weeping Angels on my own? What’s here that can help me?”

“Oh, nopony can stop the Weeping Angels, it’s far too late for that. We’re here to find a way stop Abaddon. The beast our foolhardy stone friends are about to unleash.”

“Sorry for being just a stupid farm pony, but I don’t understanding. If you’re here and this is your memory, why don’t you just tell me how to stop Abaddon?”

“Well, I haven’t quite figured it out yet. There’s probably some clues about that around here. Why don’t you help me look?”

“Eeeee-what?” Big Macintosh raised his eyebrows incredulously. “This is the plan the fate of the world is hinging on?”

“Just roll with it,” he replied. “Things are about to get started.”

The Doctor turned away from him, and took a deep breath. “This was supposed to be a much needed vacation for me, after dealing with some rather bothersome Racnoss in Trottingham. And…other things.”

Suddenly, loud shouts and yelps echoed from down the road, quickly followed by a big, brown bouncing ball and a wagon barging down at high speeds. Ponies, Griffons and Diamond Dogs jumped out of the way.

They came barreling down on Mac and the Doctor.

The stallions dodged out of the way as the ball bounced into the fountain and the wagon crashed into the stone edge.

Two tiny fillies popped up from inside the wagon, giggling wildly. One was blue, and one was white with a light pink mane.

The little blue pony leaped forward and tapped the ball. “You’re it!” she exclaimed.

Suddenly, the ball transformed with a pop, turning into a pint sized draconequus who started laughing along with them.

“That’s...Luna, Celestia and Discord!” Mac exclaimed in disbelief, suddenly noticing the Sun and Moon cutie marks are the young fillies. They didn’t look any older than thirteen years old. “But they’re just kids! And…friends?”

The Doctor smiled. “Everpony’s gotta be a child once. Even them.”

The others in the square sent them dirty looks. “You darn whipper snappers!” shouted an old Pegasus. “Think you can just do whatever you please with your parents on the council!”

The foals dashed up, and tried to make a getaway, but collided straight into the Doctor instead. They all fell into a pile at his hooves.

“You all should be carefully where you run,” he said, amused.

Luna and Celestia jumped back to their hooves. Discord floated back up. “Sorry mister,” they apologized.

They were just about to run off when the Doctor put his hoof up. “Say, where are your parents?”

“They’re meeting at the city hall,” replied Celestia.

“Do they know you’re here?”

Reluctantly, they all shook their heads.

The Doctor cocked his head in thought. “Your parents wouldn’t happen to be on the council of royalty now would they?”

“Of course they are, lowly Pheasant!” declared Discord, snapping his claws, transforming all four participants of the conversation into oversized, oddly colored birds. “That is why I am Discord, the Duke of Disorder!”

“And I’m Princess Luna!”

“And I’m Princess Celestia!” The two alicorns chimed in. As soon as they were all introduced, the transformation was reversed.

The Doctor bowed lightly with an amused smile, completely unfazed. “An honor.”

The little Princess Celestia bounded forward. “What’s your name?” she asked.

“I’m the Doctor. Sorry if I’m a bit new to town.”

“Oh oh!” exclaimed Luna, jumping up and down. “If you’re new, then let us show you around! We know all about Canterlot!”

Discord sighed in annoyance. “Do we have to?”

“Come on Dissy, it’ll be fun,” replied Celestia, “Besides, when will we ever get a chance to fulfill our official duties as goodwill Directors of Canterlot’s Department of Solicited Tourism?”

Discord glanced to Celestia, then to the Doctor, then back to Celestia. He rolled his eyes. “Fine!”

For some reason, Big Macintosh felt something familiar about the way Discord had looked at her. But he just couldn’t put his hoof on what it was…

“Great!” exclaimed Luna and Celestia in unison. They started leading the Doctor around the fountain. Big Mac followed at a small distance.

“So Mr. Doctor, are you here to fix anybody up?” asked Luna curiously.

“Oh no,” he shook his head, “I’m just here for something of a vacation.”

“All the more reason you get to see all the sights,” said Celestia. She pointed her hoof at the statue at the center of the fountain. “To your left you will find the Statue of Harmonious Unity, commissioned in 314 by the Council of Royalty to commemorate the founding of the city.”

Luna pointed to the right. “And over there is the fruit stand mommy buys her breakfast from!”

“I’m sure he doesn’t want to hear about that,” said Discord with a raised eyebrow.

The Doctor leaned closer to Luna. “Do they have any apples?”

She gasped. “Of course not. Don’t you know about the embargos?”

“Being a daft old traveler from far far away, ignorant in local affairs. May I ask what these embargos are about?”

“I can’t believe you haven’t heard of them,” said Celestia, “they exist to punish the kingdoms and hives in the north for misbehaving and causing trouble. No nopony comes from there.”

Big Macintosh raised his ears curiously as he realized something amiss. “Why would that matter? Apples don’t grow north of here.”

The Doctor nodded and smiled back to him. “Good catch. I didn’t even notice that the first time. It’s amazing what changes after a cataclysmic. You rarely think it affects the small things until after its happened.”

“Cataclysm?”

Before the Doctor could reply, he was interrupted by a tall, and regal approaching alicorn with a white coat, crimson mane, and ink and quill cutie mark. “Children! What mischief is this? Did you break another one of the guardponies’ carts?” said the disapproving mare.

Instantly the youths shrunk back, and hung their heads.

Swiftly, the alicorn was followed by two old Draconequii, one male, one female.

Big Macintosh realized with shock that he was looking at the parents of the three young creatures beside him, the same creatures that wielded near god-like powers in his world. And they looked…so…tired?

“Big Macintosh, meet Queen Eris, King Dissonance, and Supreme Madam Faust. The three eldest of the old races, and leaders of the Canterlot council of Royalty,” explained the Doctor, a certain pride in his voice that seemed to come from introducing such high quality of ponies.

“H-how come I haven’t heard of them?” he asked.

“I suppose you would have to ask Celestia or Luna that,” replied the brown stallion thoughtfully, “but if I had to guess, it’s because the memories of them proved to be too painful.”

“Too painful?! When are ya going to tell me what happened here? You’re making it sound like this is when the world ended!”

The doctor shrugged. “It almost did.” He turned back to the ‘Supreme Madam,’ with a deep bow. “If you will excuse me, your majesty. But these three were just giving me a wonderfully descriptive tour of this splendid town, which if I’m not mistaken is their stately duty.”

“A visitor, have we?” asked Eris, floating down to his level, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What brings you to this city, stallion?”

“Only came to see the sights and take a rest from my usual work,” he replied brightly.

“And precisely what is your usual work?” asked Dissonance, stroking his thick white beard.

“He’s a doctor,” Luna chimed in, “he saves lives!”

Madame Faust exchanged a glance with her two peers. “Well, then, I do apologize good Doctor. Why don’t you join us, I would love to inquire a few questions when we have concluded our meeting.”

The Doctor nodded pleasantly. “Of course, your majesty.”

“As for you two,” she continued, looking crossly at her daughters, “you will come with us as well, and not do anything foolish until you apologize to the guards for your indiscretions.”

“The same goes for you, Discord,” said Eris, crossing her arms.

Begrudgingly, the three young ones followed their parents as they went to leave. Almost as an afterthought, Dissonance snapped his claws and transformed the broken cart into a fine stone dust the same color as the fountain it had crashed into, which was subsequently carried off on the wind.

“When are we gonna get to the part where things start making sense?” asked Big Mac, as he trotted to the Doctor’s side.

“I believe that the three elders might be able to give you some insight,” he replied, motioning to them as they entered a large marble building that had a bell tower at its top. The three kids stayed outside, quietly sulking, and so did the Doctor and Big Mac.

The Doctor waited patiently until the young ones were talking among themselves, and looking the other way before he slipped to the other side of the building. He smiled nostalgically. “Never could resist a little eavesdropping every now and then,” he said to Big Mac sheepishly, stopping behind a stained glass window.

He reached with his hoof into his collar and withdrew his sonic screwdriver from the empty space. Big Macintosh had become too resigned to the impossible to question how he did it.

With a little whirr of the device, the window’s rusty latch snapped and he was able to open it a crack.

The voices of the three anxious leaders came out from within. Big Mac furrowed his brow in curiosity, and pressed his ear against the crack.

“…and you’re absolutely sure, all the barriers have failed?” asked Madame Faust.

“I checked five times!” snapped Eris, “The condensed clouds were dissolved, the stones and diamonds were crushed, all twenty eight spells dispersed and the wall of fire was just ignored.”

“Oh, but you’re forgetting the taffy making spell. That one was still working,” Dissonance chimed in.

Eris let out a sigh. “It’s no use. We can’t hide this any longer. Tomorrow we have to make the announcements. The city will need to be evacuated, and the entire military must be mobilized.”

“We’ll have to be careful about it,” said Madame Faust bitterly. “If we are not they’ll be mass panic.”

“Implying it’s not inevitable,” replied Dissonance. “What you two are failing to think of is the larger machinations involved. They won’t stop at Canterlot. They have no reason to.”

“Well, it’s not like we’ve got a better strategy. We all saw what happened when the changelings tried to fight them. The only thing that’s worked so far was Sombra’s tactics. Moving everything he can out of their way and letting the rest burn,” said Eris hotly.

“The changlings didn’t have the forces we do. If we pool our magic together into a single attack, perhaps they can be felled,” Madame Faust contemplated.

“We should have hope that they can be,” said Dissonance, “Otherwise we are all most certainly doomed.”

Big Macintosh removed his ear from the window pane, staring at the Doctor with wide eyes. “What. Exactly. Is coming this way.”

“The same thing that is coming to Canterlot in your future, well, the same thing twice as big but half as bad.”

“In plain equestrian, if ya please,” he pressed through gritted teeth.

The Doctor sighed. “It’s Abaddon. The child of the beast. And his brother. Two immortal enemies who have been fighting each other across the cosmos since, well, almost since the start of the universe. Their war destroys everything in their path. And now, in this time, they have come to Equestria. And there are only three beings in the universe who can stop them.”

“Who? Those Kings and Queens?”

The Doctor laughed. “Hardly.” He turned and pointed to the three foals now playing in front of the building, the two fillies were trying to catch Discord’s tail. “This is the time when those three save the world. This is the time their parents die, Canterlot burns, and the Elements of Harmony are born. They  are about to rise higher than any mortal creature on Equiis before them, this is where their journeys being, when they become immortals, where, you could say, two old gods were destroyed to make three new ones. This…is the battle for Canterlot hill.”

Big Macintosh blinked. “So you’re saying the elements of harmony stopped ‘em?”

“Well, somewhat. I helped a little. But unfortunately, I can’t quite provide the same assistance this time around. I do have a back-up plan of sorts.  Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that one though.” He looked into Mac’s eyes and put a hoof on his shoulder.

“I just need you to bear with me for a little while, alright. This isn’t going to be easy to watch. But I need your view on this, because Rassilon knows I’ve tried to find another way to do this. I’ve wracked my brain over and over again and come up empty. Only you can figure it out, Macintosh. There’s no one else left.”

The farm pony gulped. “I-I don’t know how much I’ll be able to help.”

“If you don’t succeed, you’ll die.”

“I thought you said you had a backup plan?”

The Doctor stayed silent at that.

Big Mac looked away, and suppressed a shiver.

“I promise to find a way to stop Abaddon,” he said quietly.

“That’s the spirit.”

He closed his eyes tight with grim determination. “I owe that to Applebloom and Applejack. Canterlot won’t burn a second time. Not with them in it.”

Herald of Harmony and Harbinger of Destruction

Chapter Seven

Herald of Harmony and Harbinger of Destruction

“Around these parts, we don’t take kindly to eavesdroppers,” spoke a voice uncomfortably close to Big Macintosh’s ears.

“Eee-what?!” he exclaimed as he jumped back. He had formerly thought that he and the Doctor were the only ones on this side of City Hall. And he was right. The voice had come from the hall itself, or rather the mouth and yellow glowing eyes that had manifested on the window right beside them.

It took a moment for him to recognize Eris, Discord’s mother, and to realize that she was not in fact talking to him, but rather the Doctor. Big Mac had almost forgotten that he was still impossible to see by everyone else here.

The Doctor was unfazed. “Terribly sorry, your Majesty! But I couldn’t help but overhear that you’re having something of a problem with giant unstoppable monsters heading towards your city,” he said with a smile.

Before Eris could reply, the window was slammed upwards, smooshing her face against the wall.

“You heard nothing of the sort and even if you did, everything is completely under control!” said Dissonance, who had thrown the window up. Faust stood next to him.

Eris materialized next to him with a peeved look. “I hope you don’t intend on doing anything brash with that information, Doctor.”

“Oh no, not at all!” he replied. “As a matter of fact, I’d like to offer my services to assist!”

He reached into his collar and produced his psychic paper. “Doctor Thaumaticus, expert in magical containment at your service!”

Faust raised an eyebrow as she looked to his hornless forehead. “Really?”

“Well, theory mostly,” he conceded. “But I can still help. I’ve dealt with some pretty nasty things before and I’m sure these fellows won’t be too much trouble.”

“I still don’t trust him,” said Eris to her husband.

“Ah, it could hardly hurt the situation to get another opinion,” replied Dissonance.

Faust rubbed her chin with her hoof thoughtfully. “How, exactly, would you propose going about defeating these beasts?”

“I’d need to be fully filled in for me to tell you that. So, what can you tell me about these vexatious creatures?”

“Much less than we’d like,” said Eris. “We don’t know their names, where they’re from, or precisely what they are. They appear with a flash of red light at the break of dawn, and then disappear the same way when the sun sets. They do nothing but fight the entire time they’re here, destroying everything in the immediate vicinity in the process.”

“They bring with them some unusual pony-sized followers whom who are covered in black rags,” continued Faust, carrying on the description. “Their followers also take part in the fight, although on a smaller scale. All attempts to communicate with either the creatures or their followers have failed, as have all attempts to stop them. Attempts to capture one of the smaller followers have also failed as everytime we come close they simply teleport away. Everyday their battle inches closer to the city. Soon they will be upon us.”

Big Macintosh leaned in closer to the three leaders, and carefully waved his hoof in front of their eyes, checking to make sure they couldn’t see him. “I can’t rightly believe they’re actually telling you everything.”

“What can I say? I have the kind of face that ponies tell all their plans to. And you haven't seen anything yet,” said the Doctor before once again addressing the royalty. “I’m afraid the best way for me to judge the situation is to see it for my very own eyes.”

“Are you serious?” asked both Big Mac and Eris in unison.

The Doctor smiled. “Always.”

“Oh come now, Eris dear, we should at least try to be good hosts to our guests,” said Dissonance as he floated through the window and put his arm around the brown earth pony. “I’ll show you the place, my good Doctor, I’m sure my colleagues can hold down the castle for an hour or two.”

“Yes, you go ahead and deal with this foolishness and allow us ladies to get the real work done,” said Eris flatly.

“Fantastic!” exclaimed the Doctor. “Lead the way!”

“But of course,” replied Dissonance, as he raised a claw. With a snap, they teleported away.

When they rematerialized, they were atop a cloud overlooking a vast plane. The sun was getting low in the sky, but they could still see the outline of two monolithic creatures in the distance.

They were both taller than the tallest building Big Mac had ever seen, and looked like giant wrinkly goblins with ram horns. Just one look, and they inspired a feeling of overwhelming dread. The only differences he could spot between the two was that one had downturned horns with brown skin and the other had upturned horns with grey skin.

“Damn horseapples, those are some big little buggers,” he said as he watched them tussle. He was so entranced that he didn’t even notice the pegasus guards approaching them.

“King Dissonance,” said one of the soldiers as he bowed.

“Ah, commander, how goes the day?” he asked.

The Pegasus stood straight. “They’ve advanced another thirty miles. They are due to vanish in approximately two and a half minutes.”

“Well, that’s four miles less than yesterday,” said the King optimistically. He turned to the Doctor, and coincidentally, Big Macintosh. “They showed up about six months ago, in the farthest reaches of the north.  They’ve already barreled their way through the Crystal Empire and a powerful changeling hive. As you may have guessed, we’ve hidden the truth so far to prevent mass panic, although, if you ask me, we were being a bit naive. Tomorrow we’ll have to begin evacuations.”

The Doctor tapped his chin thoughtfully. “So you say they disappear every night. Have you been able to trace where they are teleporting to?”

“No,” he replied. “However they are doing it, it’s a magic far beyond our comprehension. It is even stranger when you consider that their followers use the more garden variety of magic to fight with. If the big ones had used that kind of magic, we’d be able to track where they went by now.”

“In that case, I’m going to have to get closer,” said the Doctor.

Big Macintosh raised his eyebrows. “You got some kind of death wish?”

“While I appreciate your enthusiasm, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until they leave,” said Dissonance. “The greyish one has a shadow which kills everything it touches. And the brownish one has a gaze which can burn and explode anything it looks upon. We lost two dozen guards when we first confronted them.”

“Yes, of course! Safety first!” exclaimed the Doctor as he reached into his collar and produced a small telescope. He tapped his hoof on the cloud impatiently.

Big Mac also stared at the beasts as they clawed at each others’ necks. “Why do I have this horrible feeling that you’re somehow going to make this situation worse.”

“What makes you say that?” asked the Doctor.

“Well, if everyone from the city were able to evacuate, there wouldn’t be much of a disaster, would there. Of everything going on here, you’re the biggest wild card. You’re the only thing here those leaders couldn’t have possibly planned for.”

The time lord paused. “You’re a pretty smart pony, you know that Mac?”

They both met each other’s eyes for a moment.

“No I ain’t,” replied Big Macintosh quietly.

Their attention was torn from each other when a resounding explosion and burst of light came from the scene of the fight. When it abated, they were gone.

The Doctor smiled. “Time to get started.”

With a snap of the King’s fingers, they were all transported to the middle of a field of scorched earth. It was obvious that this had been a prairie at some point. But all the grass and flowers were dead, and enormous patches had been reduced to ash.

Macintosh looked around carefully. Nearby were the giant indentations left by the two beasts’ feet.

He took a few steps forward and glanced down. There seemed to be the only plant still alive in the vicinity. A tiny four leaf clover, tinged with soot.

He sighed as he looked down on it.

“Hey Doc,” he called out, as the Doctor was busy waving his Sonic Screwdriver around. The other stallion stopped and turned to him.

“Yes?”

“Why would anypony fight for those monsters?”

“Well,” began the Doctor, “why does anypony fight for anyone? Doesn’t matter if it’s monsters, Queens, Kings or Dictators. Either they believe in them, they are indebted to them, they’ll get something out of it, or they are afraid of them.”

“I suppose…”

“But then of course, these fellows might not be ponies at all. Or they could be under mind control. You never know until you know with these things.”

“...Eeyup.”

The Doctor went back to his screwdriver waving. “Anyways, you’ll find out soon enough...Sorta.” He looked over to the King and the two Pegasus guards beside him. “I think we have a straggler!”

He pointed his screwdriver at a small outcrop of rocks as it emitted a shrill pulsing noise.

“Is that so?” asked Dissonance. With a swift swirl of chaos magic, an iron cage slammed over the rocks. “Show yourself!”

Two tiny glowing eyes peered out shyly from behind the outcrop.

Big Mac squinted. “I-is that-”

“Discord!” exclaimed the older Draconequus crossly. “Come out from there.”

Reluctantly, Discord stepped forward, looking down with his hands nervously behind his back.

“Young Draconequus, what do you think you’re doing here?” asked his father.

“I...I was just wondering where you had taken the doctor pony…”

“But how did you get here?” he pressed.

“I just followed you.”

“Considering that I teleported to get here, that’s one mean feat.”

Discord shuffled nervously in place. “I was hiding two dimensionally on the ground.”

His father went silent.

“I-I’m sorry,” said Discord after a moment.

“Sorry?!” exclaimed Dissonance with a grin. “That’s fantastic!”

At once, the cage disappeared and he wrapped an arm around his son.

“One day, when I’m long gone, the mantle of chaos will be yours, Discord. And when it is, I want you to always pull the unexpected when you can. Just like today. Fate is something meant to be spurned, and chaos is the only way to do it. Promise me you won’t forget that.”

Discord nodded. “I promise.”

“Oh, and don’t tell your mother you came out here. Otherwise there will be Tartarus to pay for both of us.”

He smiled weakly. “I won’t, but, uh, what happened here, dad?”

“Oh, this? Just a little wildfire. Nothing you need to be worried about,” he turned to the Doctor. “I have to take him back to the city. You’re welcomed to keep investigating with Commander Cloud Swallow, and he’ll escort you back when you’re ready.”

“Thank you, your highness,” replied the Doctor chipperly. “I’ll do my best.”

“I hope you will,” he replied as he snapped his claw, causing both him and his son to vanish.

When they were gone, the Doctor simply went back to waving his screwdriver around as it made that whirring noise.

Big Macintosh eyed him darkly. “I’m really beginning to hate that you brought me here.”

“Is that so?” he asked.

“Eeyup. You’re making me pity him.”

The Doctor chuckled. “In that case, I can’t wait to see what you think of this.”

“Of wha-” before he could even finish, there was the sound of a loud pop, and Discord reappeared in front of them, wearing a cheshire grin.

“Hiya Doc!” he exclaimed.

“Discord!” shouted Commander Cloud Sallow. “You’re father explicitly instructed you to go home and stay there.”

“Oh quit it, stiff. He told me to be chaotic too, remember! I just came to help anyway.”

“I assure you I can handle this myself,” replied the Doctor.

“You sure about that? Seems to me that an expert in magical containment could sure use someone who can, you know, use magic,” said Discord as he pulled a string of daisies from his left ear. “Not to mention I don’t want to leave my home just because some stupid monster is headed my way. It’s where I live!”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “So you heard everything did you?”

Discord scoffed. “Of course I did. What kind of trickster and master of chaos do you take me for?”

The Doctor pursed his muzzle together in thought. “Well, I suppose I could use a temporary assistant…”

“Absolutely not!” interjected the Commander. “He has to return to Canterlot immediately!”

“You know, actually that’s a good place to start!” said the Doctor brightly. “Can you teleport me back to the city square I? I need access to my TARDIS.”

Discord smiled and floated onto the Doctor’s back. “Whatever you say boss.”

And so with another snap, they were back where they began in the city plaza with the fountain. As they dashed for the big blue box, the Doctor began to spout off a stream of technobabble.

“So, it turns out those creatures didn’t use magic at all to disappear every night. It was a spacial and temporal shift. And a pretty simple one at that. With any luck I can track them using the technology on the TARDIS!” he explained. “Transporting something that big would definitely leave traces of Huon particles, usually undetectable, unless of course you happen to be me.”

Big Macintosh rolled his eyes. He wondered if everyone from space talked like that.

The Doctor stopped in front of the TARDIS doors and retrieved his key from the dimensional pocket in his pocket.

“What exactly is a TARDIS?” asked Discord curiously.

“Yeah...the way Jack made it out, was like it was some sort of spaceship.”

The Doctor scoffed. “A spaceship?! Hah! A spaceship doesn't have anything on her!”

He threw open the doors, and revealed the otherworldly machinations that took up far more space than the small box should have allotted them. The do-dads, and thinga-majigs that only the doctor knew the names of looked like they were spare office and industrial supplies superglued to a console. The whole place glowed with an alien orange light.

Discord and Macintosh slowly entered into the time machine with a small childlike wonder in their eyes.

“Wow…” said Discord, as he walked around the console, looking around. “It’s so much cooler on the inside…”

Big Macintosh chuckled at that.

“It reminds me a little of the torchwood hub,” he mentioned.

“Really?” asked the Doctor as he closed the door and then went to the controls.

“A little bit. Something tells me Jack did that on purpose. I figure he’s got some kind of crush on you.”

The Doctor ran a hoof through his mane and winked, “Well, can you blame him?”

Big Macintosh deadpanned in return. “Don’t ya have something ‘er other to triangulate?”

“Indeed I do!” he galloped over to a small screen with spinning circular lettering and typed into the keyboard below it. It only to a few seconds before he was grinning victoriously. “Got it!”

Discord teleported so that he was now hovering over his shoulder, squinting at the screen.

“Where did they go?”

“Well,” began the Doctor, “it appears they went to three different locations. Two of the Hueon particle trails are much bigger than the other, and end a couple thousand lightyears away. The other, well, it’s just a mile underground from here. Just judging by the size of it, I’d say it’s a couple dozen of those fellows’ followers. I wonder what they’re doing down there, all by their lonesome…”

He spared a smiling glance to Discord and then to Big Macintosh. “You’re gonna love this,” he told his red furred companion, just before flipping a large mechanical switch.

With a little jerk, the TARDIS spurred into action. The device in the central pillar began to move up and down, and the engines hummed.

Then, just as suddenly as it started up, it stopped.

Big Macintosh scratched his muzzle thoughtfully. “A vortex manipulator would have gotten us there quicker.”

“Rude,” scoffed the Doctor. “A vortex manipulator can’t hold a candle to you, baby,” he said as he gently rubbed the Tardis’ console.

“So, we’re a mile underground?” asked Discord, looking over at the doors uneasily.

“Yuppers,” replied the Doctor. “It’s some kind of tunnel complex. Oooh, I wonder if it was pony made,” he mused to himself. “Only one way to find out!”

He dashed to the doors and threw them open once again. Discord teleported just to his side and peered out carefully.

It was a dimly lit, but rather large tunnel. The only light was coming from green glowing slime plastered onto the walls.

The Doctor was the first one to walk out, followed by Mac and then Discord. The Doctor scooped some of the slime off the wall.

“I feel as though I’ve seen this somewhere before…” he said to himself. He stuck his tongue out, and it looked as though he was about to lick it before they heard a handful of small pops.

Instantly, they were surrounded by the rag wearing followers of the beasts. They pointed their horns aggressively at the intruders.

The Doctor paused awkwardly. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

Discord slunk down behind him, his ears flattened with fright.

“Are they gonna feed us to the monsters, Doctor?” he asked.

“Now why in Equestria would we do that?” asked a feminine voice

Their eyes flew to the new creature who strutted towards them from the end of the tunnel. She had a shiny black exterior, bright green eyes, striking yellow hair, and empty holes in her legs.

“It’s a...changeling…” said Big Mac, astonished.

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. “Well done. How did you know that?”

“When the Vortex manipulator was malfunctioning I visited a world with Captain John Hart that was under changeling control. They didn’t get along, I just made myself scarce for  most of that day.”

“Hmm, I wouldn’t mind checking that out,” said the Doctor, intrigued.

As soon as the changeling with the yellow hair entered the room, the rag-covered creatures were encompassed with green fire, and relinquished their disguises. They were all changelings.

It was right about then that Big Macintosh was able to put two and two together in his head.

“They’re...they’re the changelings from the hive the monsters destroyed, aren’t they?”

The one with yellow hair, who appeared to be their leader came closer. “I am Princess Apis, and these are my loyal drones. It is my understanding that we are working to defeat the same enemy, Doctor.”

“And how would you know that?”

She smiled. “You don’t honestly believe the followers of those feral beasts are the only ones we’ve infiltrated.”

Her horn lit up, and she transformed into a familiar figure: the Pegasus Commander Cloud Swallow. After a moment of showing off, she transformed back to her regular form.

“You’re the Changlings from the hive the beasts destroyed,” said the Doctor.

Big Macintosh blinked. “Didn’t I already-”

“Yes, but that’s what I actually said right then. In the past. And anyways, they can’t hear you.”

The smile faded from Princess Apis’ muzzle. “Yes, it was our hive that was destroyed. We didn’t have the power to stop them. But neither did they have the power to detect us when we infiltrated their followers. We killed the dim-witted things off, one by one, until we had replaced every single one of Abaddon's followers. We don’t have the numbers to replace all of the other beasts, yet.”

“But, thankfully for us, Abaddon gives the leader of his followers a certain special gift. After staging the death of his old second in command, he was foolish enough to give it me.”

Without even using her horn, she disappeared, and then reappeared instantaneously in front of the Doctor.

“The power to walk through time itself, that is. And I’ve been using it, ever since, to make a device capable of destroying those monsters.”

“And would you be so inclined to show us this device?” asked the Doctor, leaning ever so slightly away from her.

Princess Apis’ smile returned, her fangs showing. “Why of course. Right this way.”

She turned around, and motioned for them to follow. The Doctor was quick to do so, and after a moment of hesitation, Discord did as well. Big Macintosh went at his own pace while the drones kept on their rear, not letting up their vigilant guard.

Princess Apis led them deeper into the tunnels, and the deeper they went, the wider the tunnel became, that is, until, it grew into a full-sized cavern. In the very center of the cave, illuminated by the green glow, were six more changelings, their horns alite and pouring energy into six large geometrically shaped boulders.

The Doctor’s eyes lit up in excitement. He pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver and gallopped around them like a school colt in a candy shop.

“Now this! This is something...extraordinary! These gems, each of the atoms that make them up are fundamentally different from each other on a quantum level! It’s like every particle is a gear in a massive subatomic machine!”

“Correct, Doctor,” replied Princess Apis. “And they’re almost done.”

“So these quantum machines, they’re some sort of weapon you said? They must be fiercely powerful,” he paused for a moment and then looked her in the eyes. “How do you intend on using them?”

“I don’t,” she said simply.

“Come again?”

“Imbued in their machinations is a simple artificial intelligence, a virtue lock, if you will. In order to use them, you have to have certain qualities. Honesty. Generosity. Loyalty. Kindness. Laughter. And of course, posses some mastery of magic. I doubt I’d be able to find that all in one creature, so they can also be used by a group as well. No matter, I will never be able to use them, myself.”

The Doctor blinked in confusion. “So you’ve built some sort of ultimate, insanely intricate weapon, and you don’t want to use it?”

The Princess glanced to Discord for a moment, then back to the Doctor.

“Do you know what hatred tastes like, Doctor?”

He didn’t respond.

She smiled bitterly, and ran her hoof gently across the surface of one of the gems.

“It has a disgusting flavor. Rancid, like decaying meat. Salty like desert sand. And putrid like static swamp water. Changelings, we can’t feed off of it. We do our best to avoid those who stink too much of it.” She stared at the device, as if it illustrated her point. “I was undercover at the time they attacked the hive, far away in a town with a handful of other infiltrators with the job of gathering food from long term assets.”

The Doctor narrowed his eyes. “You mean tricking ponies into loving personas you invented for the purpose of, I assume, capturing and sticking them in a pod of goop for later use.”

Apis covered her mouth as she stifled a laugh. “Only the young, desperate and brutal equestrian changelings resort to such uncivil measures. My hive was the last of the great old ones, founded directly by those who came from the stars.”

“So they actually originated in space,” commented Big Macintosh.

“Well, of course,” said the Doctor, “It’s not like they could have evolved here.”

“Regardless of what you may think,” continued Apis, “I was quite fond of my personal asset. He was a good, kind, hard working pony. And when the news of the hive’s destruction reached the town...well, I had to hide my despair, or at least, I tried… But then...he said he was glad they were dead, and ‘good riddance to those buggers.” And I lost control. I beat him to within an inch of his life. It was within that instance that my infinite sorrow was transformed into infinite rage.”

She swallowed. “The stench of hatred hasn’t left me since that day. And I’d dread to see what someone with as much hatred as me would do with something that powerful.”

“And you won’t allow yourself to use these weapons out of hatred…” The Doctor had a strange, distant look in his eyes. “...I suppose that makes you a better pony than me.”

She averted the Doctor’s gaze. “They will be complete soon. We’ll be looking for optimal candidates to use them. Perhaps you can assist us with that.”

“What exactly do they do, though?” asked the Doctor.

Big Mac began to pace slowly around the six gems, counting them in his head several times.

“On beings with some shred of decency, it will purify them. On creatures with only evil in their hearts, it will destroy them,” she answered. “It’s the greatest weapon I could think of. A weapon that is capable of bringing harmony throughout the land.”

“Harmony,” repeated Big Macintosh.

He walked up to one of the boulder-like gems and gently pressed his hoof up against it. He wasn’t sure how, but he knew which one it was.

“The Elements of Harmony...this is where they came from.”

“Yes, it is,” replied the Doctor, smiling. “Hard to believe we’re watching the artifacts that will dominate Equestrian history for millenniums to come be made right before our eyes.”

“No,” said Big Mac. “It’s just...these things can really tell what a pony’s like? They know who they are in there heart of hearts?”

“Well, I suppose it has some telepathic element that can monitor their brains for certain characteristics--”

“But it can really tell. It knew Applejack was an honest soul. I think, the most honest one in Equestria. I wonder if it can tell that I’m not?”

The Doctor furrowed his brow. “Are you alright?”

“Eeeyup. It’s just, and I know it might be mighty selfish of me, I wish she were here, with me. I hope she’s alright, last time I heard, she and her friends were still fighting Discord,” he said, glancing over to Discord. “Now that I mention it, I wonder...if we could take a peek in that little feller’s head, what would we see?”

The Doctor shrugged. “I have no idea. Although, I would hazard to guess that the events about to follow will help make him into the Draconequus he is in your time. Honestly, I do feel sorry for him.”

He then turned to the Changeling Princess. “Judging from the power these things would give off, our friend Abbadon would probably notice the instant you tried to activate them, correct?”

“That’s correct, Doctor, which is why we intend to have everything prepared for when the time comes. There is much to do to ensure our beastly foes meet their fate.”

As they spoke, Big Macintosh noticed some movement out of the corner of his eye. Discord, who had been silent up until that point, was edging towards one of the elements, his eyes transfixed on it.

“What’s he doing?” he asked the Doctor.

The Doctor smiled grimly. “I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do.”

Macintosh was forced to watch in disbelief as Discord placed his claw on its surface, and suddenly the whole thing lit up in response.

In an instant, everyone’s eyes were on him.

“Y-you’ve activated it!” exclaimed Princess Apis, in disbelief.

The ground began to shake like there was an earthquake.

“Oh, dear,” said the Doctor, glancing up at the ceiling.

 A new changeling came sprinting down the hall, screeching to a halt in front of the princess.

“Your highness...he has come…” they said, practically out of breath.

The quaking didn’t stop. In fact, it only seemed to grow stronger. Cracks began to form in the cave walls, followed by massive chunks of the ceiling falling to the floor.

Princess Apis looked frantic, glancing all around at her crumbling secret hideout.

“Everypony! Teleport out!” she ordered at last. And with that, all the changelings disappeared, taking the elements with them.

The Doctor, for his part, rushed to Discord who was too stunned to move. He scooped him up and deposited him on his back as he continued to gallop back in the direction of the Tardis, dodging falling boulders as he did.

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t know that would happen,” stuttered Discord.

“No use fussing about it now! Can you teleport us to the Tardis?!” he asked.

Discord broke out of his daze just long enough to snap his claw. The Doctor was still charging straight ahead when they teleported, and crashed right into the Tardis door.

They tumbled in, Big Macintosh right behind them.

Still in a heap on the floor, the Doctor pointed his sonic screwdriver towards the console and activated it. Like magic, a switch flipped and the living machine spurred into action.

The Doctor heaved a heavy sigh of relief as he got to his hooves. Discord, on the other hand, stared with wide empty eyes at the wall.

“W-what did I just do?” he asked, frightened by all the possible answers.

“Yeah, what did he just do?” asked Big Macintosh curiously.

“I’m not entirely sure,” replied the Doctor. “But there is a way for us to find out.”

He pressed a few buttons, and flipped another switch and they touched down. The Doctor opened the police box doors, and stood there in the threshold. Big Macintosh and Discord peered over his shoulder to see the scene unfolding in the dead prairie not far from the city of Canterlot.

The changelings stood bravely in front of the monstrous, behemoth demon Abbadon, who leered down on them. The boulder-like gems that were the elements of harmony laid there, glowing gently.

Waves of dread emanated over anything still living to bear witness to him.

A voice, both booming, but seemingly lacking the reverberation and weight of actual speech, rang out.

“You…you creatures impersonated my servants...you have created...this destructive energy...why?”

It’s mouth did not move.

Princess Apis stepped forward, glaring up at him in defiance. “You killed our family. Monster. For that you will die.”

Abbadon was silent for a moment. A breeze passed through the barren prairie for a moment, but then faded.

Then, he raised his head up and let out an earsplitting screech.

Discord and Mac flinched, and covered their ears.

When it abated, Abbadon returned his gaze to the changelings.

“That which has no beginning...and has no end...cannot die,” was his reply.

Princess Apis narrowed her eyes. “We shall see about that.” Her horn began to glow green.

But before she could launch an attack, Abbadon swiped his arm forward, bringing with it his deadly shadow.

Some of the Changelings were quick enough to teleport away. Some of them, most of them, were not so lucky.

The elements remained there, unperturbed. Not for long though, as Abbadon raised his foot, and then stomped it down.

Several wisps of color escaped from under his toes, but when he lifted his foot back up, only broken shards remained.

Big Macintosh gulped.

One of the pink wisps separated from the others drifting into the atmosphere. It flew as if under some unseens direction, right towards the TARDIS.

It zipped in and collided with Discord, blowing him back onto his back.

“Ah!” he exclaimed.

Dizzily he tried to get to his feet, but he only managed to sit up before the zipping pink wisp began to swirl in a circle in front of him. It went faster, and faster, and faster, until it coalesced into something smaller.

A pink, palm sized gem.

There was something about it, Big Mac wasn’t sure what, in its beauty, or its power...just something about it made him feel less afraid. Almost happy even...

That was, until he looked back out the door and saw the fearsome eyes of the otherworldly Abbadon staring straight at them.

He took a step in their direction, the earth shaking as he did. And then another. And then another.

Big Macintosh was transfixed. It was one thing to see this horrible creature fighting another horrible creature, it was completely something else to have its wrath moving his direction. What with sickly grey skin, its raw strength of muscle, and its arcane power to steal life all headed right for him.

To think, this was what his Equestria was going to face!

The Doctor slammed the doors shut before it could get any closer.

He stood there for a moment, just staring at the lock. Then he whirled around and faced Discord.

“D-doc...what is this thing? What just happened? What are we supposed to do?”

The Doctor smiled thinly. “You want to know what that thing means?” he nodded to the gem. “It means you’re going to help me save the world--”

He turned to Big Macintosh.

“-twice.”

Just Another Day on the Job

Chapter One

Just Another Day on the Job

There are some things in this world which are not meant to be forgotten.

The statues of Canterlot Gardens, ever set in stone, were displayed to the world as empty shadows of precious things which were once important. They are not meant to be forgotten...and yet they are.

Among the statues of Canterlot is something ancient, something sinister, something powerful, and something unloved.

Perhaps there are some things in this world of ponies and whimsy, which are meant to be forgotten. Perhaps...unrequited love is always forgotten.

As unrequited love, as with all secrets, dies with its holder. Unrequited love is silent when its lover is silent.  Ignorant, when its lover is ignorant. And yet this love is powerful. It is a primal thing, born with society itself. It can take any sapient creature with a passion and dominate every single space of their mind, burning like a winter’s hearth, and suffocating like an overbearing quilt.

Many ponies know this love, but perhaps none would know it better than Big Macintosh.

“Ye’ just need some work to get yer mind off a’ things,” said Big Mac quietly to himself.

He watched as Applejack trotted to the corn field, away from him the sinking feeling of shame splattered in his stomach.

It was three days after he came home after his last mission. Three days since his sister confronted him.

He remembered snapping at Applejack, and he remembered the look of hurt on her face.

He had tried to apologize the next day, but all she did was brush it off.

“That’s alright sugarcube…I think I should go out and finally get that plow fixed…” she said, giving herself an excuse to leave.

Mac shook his head and turned around, making towards the other edge of the corn field. Sometimes he felt as though he was a horrible brother…at other times, he knew it for sure.

His head hung low as he trotted slowly.

He loved Applejack, he truly did. Self hate broiled and burned like sticky molten metal within his stomach, ever churning with the knowledge that he had hurt her. Every single bone in his body wanted him to go to her hooves and beg for his forgiveness...even though he knew she would still want truth.

The events of the last mission still weighed heavy on his mind. He could barely take a step without being reminded of how he had not only hurt the pony he loved more than anything in this world, but had also brought about Nightmare Moon and failed to save over half a million ponies from their deaths. He still had trouble looking at the moon.

He only hoped that there wouldn’t be another national emergency soon. He couldn’t handle Torchwood right now.

There seemed to be just one comfort for the farm pony at the moment: the idea that he would be spending his day hard at work. Doing something productive always seemed to take his mind off of things.

He loved being a farm pony, and he looked forward to having just another day on the job. A day where nothing would try to kill him, a day where he wouldn’t be shown some sinister secret of the universe.

“Darn it. Yer thinking about it again!” he said irately.

He sighed resignedly and grabbed the saddlebag he left on the fence with his teeth. He put it on and started picking the corn closest to him.

“I suppose I might be acting a bit dreary,” he said to the corn stalks. “I mean, the universe ain’t all bad, an full a’ evil…just seems like that lately. Nightmare Moon, the Great Intelligence, all that stuff Celestia went through…an’ that pony Nightaura. Everypony trying to kill each other…there is a lot more to the world that just that…right?”

The cornstalks sat pensively.

“I mean, I’ve seen the good stuff. I even remember looking forward to that darn letter from Jack.” He picked another corn ear distractedly. “Why, I saw some beautiful things. I remember this moon: it sat at the edge of a Mercury rift in the center of the Great Gadson Nebula. That’s what Cap’n John called it. The ponies there were made from the nebula; just wisps of gas in the air. They celebrated the eclipse of the planet passing in front of their emerald sun, and I got to watch ‘em dance. Now that was a sight! Flashes of colors flyin’ and twirlin’ through the air like tissues caught in the breeze...a’course Cap’n John tried ta throw me into the Mercury Rift that day…but that’s not what’s important.”

“I like it better on the farm anyway,” he said. “Hopefully I can make what I did up to Applejack, ‘n then everything will be back to normal…at least till Jack calls me back.”

He sighed. “Ya’ll probably don’t have a clue ‘bout what I’m talking about.”

The stalks of corn held a blank expression.

“Ya’ know, I wish I could have just stayed right here, with Applejack, and Applebloom and Granny Smith. Normal, boring life. That’d be nice for once…instead, I keep gettin’ pulled away from here. Maybe the universe just hates me,” he said, fixing his gaze on the ground.

Suddenly, there was a clap of thunder and a downpour of rain from right above Big Mac.

His hair was instantly soaked and drooped over his eyes, making him feel even more miserable.

He could plainly see that there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, except for the one straight above him.

“I ain’t in the mood, Rainbow,” he said, thinking he had befallen one of Rainbow Dash’s many pranks.

But after a while he realized that it couldn’t have been her. There was no victorious laughter, and the rain kept pelting his fur, despite his protest.

Maybe the universe really did hate him.

Mac groaned in defeat, and plopped himself onto the ground, allowing his coat to get even more soaked and muddy.

“I think I’ll…just lay here for a while,” Big Mac told the concerned corn stalks. He closed his eyes with despair.

A bit of the rain splattered against his muzzle. He tried to lick it away, but then he stopped.

Something tasted a little off about the rain. He took another tongue full.

His eyes snapped open.

He looked up at his misery bringing rain cloud.

“It’s PINK!” he exclaimed. He stuck his tongue out. “An’…an’ it rains chocolate milk?” he said, confused.

POP!!

His ears twitched.

“That sounded like…” his eyes grew wide, hoping he was wrong.

POP!!

POP!!

“P-p-popcorn!” he stuttered.

POP!!

POP!!

POP!!!

“I hate popcorn!” he shouted.

But it was too late. In an explosion of popping kernels Big Macintosh was buried in a pile of the Celestia damned snack that always got stuck between his teeth.

“Well ain’t this a proper mess!” said Big Mac, his head barely poking out of the pile.

It was an awkward endeavor as he worked his way out of popcorn. With flailing legs and an indignant yelp he managed to land back on solid ground. His fur was plastered to his skin, and he was covered with mud and bits of popcorn all over.

“Wonderful…” he muttered to himself. He tried to shake some of the filth off, but it was just too sticky.

He was about to sigh again and wallow in his misery a bit more, when he was distracted by the scene playing out before him.

The entire landscape was filled with nonsensical and whimsical befuddlements, more pink clouds spewing chocolate milk. The entire field of corn popped. In the distance he thought he could see a field of wildflowers…dancing?!

“Well, this is unexpected,” was all he could manage.

Suddenly he cocked his head and turned his ears to attention. He could hear something in the distance.

“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!”

Big Mac ducked just as a grey streak collided with his misery cloud.

He looked up cautiously, trying to figure out what nearly hit him.

A head popped out of the pink could. A head with grey fur, a blond mane, and eyes spinning like tops.

“Can I go again?” she asked, still disoriented.

“Derpy!” shouted Big Mac. “What are ya doin’ up there?”

Derpy shook her head, and pulled herself back into the present. “I’m here to deliver your mail, silly! I…wow, wow, WOW!”

Derpy slipped down from the cloud and into the pile of popcorn.

Mac tapped his hoof impatiently, wanting to know what this was about.

The mailmare burst up from the popcorn, chewing a mouthful, her hoof extended with a letter.

Big Macintosh sent her a skeptical look, but took the letter anyway.

“Why were you going so fast anyway?” he asked as he opened it.

Derpy finished chewing quickly and swallowed. “I was using the emergency communications air cannon! Princess Celestia sent me on a special mission! See, I was just up in Canterlot, delivering the Princess her special double chocolate chip chocolaty chocolate, chocolate lovers’ cake from Sugarcube Corner that she hides in the secret drawer of her night stand, when things started getting really weird! One of the rugs tried to eat my mail bag! Boy did I teach it a lesson! Never mess with a mailmare whose next stop is a professional aquarium shop!” explained Derpy proudly.

Mac put on a fake smile and nodded before turning his grim attention to the letter. He could already guess what it said. But, he smiled when he opened it, finding nothing but an empty piece of parchment.

"Eeeeyup!" he said brightly, about to throw away the letter when suddenly it glowed bright blue.

Words appeared on the page, halting his relief.

Dear Big Macintosh,

I took the liberty of enchanting this communication to only be visible to you, so to hide the confidential material.

I regret to have to ask so much of you so often, my little pony, however I fear your help is needed here in Canterlot.

It has come to my attention that an old enemy of Equestria has just returned, an ancient creature who calls himself Discord. He has already spread disorder and chaos all across Equestria.

This letter is not the first one I have sent, as this threat can only be contained by a single force: the Elements of Harmony. I understand you may have concern for your sister’s safety and the safety of the others, but I assure you, there are no other ponies better suited to deal with this threat.

As the Elements of Harmony deal with Discord I find myself in the position of attempting to maintain order in this world of chaos. The Royal Guard is over taxed as it is, and I have called in the support of every armed organization under my power, which includes Torchwood.

Torchwood and myself have been unable to locate Captain Jack Harkness, which makes your presence all the more necessary. Torchwood’s technology may prove invaluable in maintaining order, including your Vortex Manipulator.

Please make extreme haste.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Big Macintosh stared at the letter, his expression blank.

With a whimpering groan Big Mac threw himself back onto the chocolate milk saturated ground.

“Are you alright?” asked Derpy, concerned. She half flew half hopped over to his side, peering down at his limp body.

“I’m fine. It’s just this letter…somethin’ I didn’t want to have to deal with yet.”

“Oh…I’m sorry” she said quietly. “I really am sorry.”

Big Mac shook his head. “It’s alright.” He forced himself to sit up, and look to the other side of the field.

There they were. Applejack’s friends: the Elements of Harmony. Celestia’s letter must have just reached them, because they were charging off towards the center of town, an air of determination surrounding them.

He watched as his sister left with them.

“Ya’ can go now, Derpy. There’s this, er, important job I gotta deal with.”

“Okay!” the mare said brightly. She quickly took flight, heading back to Ponyville.

Big Mac glanced grimly at the letter. “Yup, just another day on the job…”

Gathering what conviction he had left, he started to gallop towards the house.

“What are ya’ doing you whipper-snapper! Don’t ya’ have corn to pick!” shouted Granny Smith from her place on the porch as Big Mac made a beeline for the front door.

“Granny, the corn all got turned ta popcorn,” he said flatly.

“Ah, so it’s that time of year again. Well, go get the harvest sacks then, can’t let it go to waste. Get Applebloom to help ya,” she said.

“Applebloom is on her fieldtrip, and er…I need to go pick her up!” he said, coming up with a plausible excuse for leaving.

“Suppose I’ll have to do it myself,” mumbled Granny Smith.

“Right, I’m gonna need muh coat, and muh doohickey…” Big Mac said, going through his mental checklist to prepare for his second job. He stopped midway through and looked down at his mud covered hooves. “And I’m gonna need a shower to make sure I don’t look like I came out of a donkey’s bowels.”

He darted towards the bathroom.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

“Sergeant! The troops at the west gate are requesting reinforcements!” shouted a young Guard. His armor was adorned with deep dents and scorch marks. His breathing was labored and his legs were shaking uncontrollably.

There was a long pause.

“…Sergeant?” asked the soldier uneasily after his superior did not respond.

Slowly, the older, sturdier, dusty-black coated mare turned to look at the soldier, a frightening Cheshire grin on her face.

“Do you know what the end of the world looks like, Private?” she asked, an undertone of delight in her voice.

“Ummmm, not really, ma’am,” replied the Private nervously.

The Sergeant laughed heartily.

“This! This is what the end of the world looks like! Clouds of cotton candy sprinkling down a nefarious malcontent of chocolate milk, the citizens in uproar, the classy ponies of Canterlot, with their newly stained dry-clean only shirts! Ordinary ponies forced to fight back the potted plant and tea cup revolution! PURE CHAOS PRIVATE!” exclaimed the Sergeant, a manic and excited glint in her eyes.

“It calls to me! Begging me to gallop into the fray, fighting for Equestria in a real adventure!” she went on. “I grew up in this town. Dear Celestia was it boring! Adventure, that’s what I wanted. From my very first nursery rhyme I knew it! I wanted to go out, fight monsters, save ponies, the whole epic! That’s why I joined the royal guards, to finally get some action. I wish I could have stayed in the Everfree patrols forever, but now…oh hoho, I could just sing a song about it!”

“I don’t think that’s necessary Sergeant…”

“Hey! WHAT THE BUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!” shouted the military mare, her ire directed at a pony standing behind the line of Guard Ponies holding back the crowd.

The stallion in question was wearing a fashionable blue coat and a stylish white mane. He cleared his throat, “As a citizen of Equestria I am here to give a petition to the government for an explanation of this insanity!” he declared.

The Sergeant was upon him in an instance. Her eyes widened to comically furious proportions, their noses almost touching as she stared him down. “Get off my stairs,” she said quietly.

“Not until I….”

“I said, ‘GET THE BUCK OFF MY STAIRS!’” She grabbed hold of him with her front hooves, picking him up, and throwing him back into the crowd.

The crowd amassed at the edge of Canterlot Palace parted to allow the flying stallion to land on the cold hard ground.

“Now, what was it you were saying about those reinforcements, Private?” she asked as she trotted back to him, completely calm.

The young soldier looked around nervously and shook unsteadily. “Um… w-we needed some troops to help subdue a congregation of giant fire breathing caterpillars that are eating all of the windows…”

“Giant fire breathing caterpillars?”

He nodded timidly.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about! Hey! Hey, Corporal! where’s Warbler? The west gate needs some ponies to help save their asses!”

The confused Guard pony in question shook his head, “I don’t know…he was just here…”

“Gah…” said the Sergeant mildly frustrated, but turned around with a smile on her face nonetheless. “Guess I’ll just have to do it myself!”

“B-but, Sergeant, who’ll be in charge of keeping the angry citizens out of the palace?” asked the Private.

“You look like a stalwart stallion; I think you can handle it.”

She grinned at the look of absolute terror on the Private’s face.

“Ohhh, Sergeant Wildaberry’s just messing with you. Just do whatever the corporal says and…” she looked back to where the Corporal had been standing, only to find he had disappeared. “Hmmm, guess you’re in charge after all. Oh well.”

The Sergeant was just about to run full gallop to aid the other Guard Ponies when a flash of color darted by her, heading for the entrance of the palace.

Moving on instinct she took hold of the offending pony’s tail and tugged him back. “What the buck do you think you’re doing!” she shouted.

The miscreant was a flustered earth pony with red fur, wearing a brown coat and a wet mane.

“I gotta get in there,” he said loudly, his word’s imbued with a thick country accent.

“Do you got a reason to go in there, partner?” asked the Sergeant, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

“I’m, well…I’m with Torchwood. I work fer Cap’n Jack Harkness.”

The mare raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Look, I even got a letter from Princess Celestia!” he pulled out a muddy, wrinkled and chocolate stained piece of parchment.

She didn’t even attempt to read the illegible and muddled words.

“What’s your Torchwood access code then?”

“I…I dunno, that thing’s nearly sixteen digits long!”

The Royal Guard rolled her eyes.

“See here son, I don’t know who you are, or what your country ass is doing out here. But no pony steps a hoof unto Sergeant Wildaberry’s stairs unless she says so! What’s your name anyway?”

The red furred stallion lowered his ears, suddenly embarrassed that he couldn’t prove he should be there. “Big Macintosh,” he said.

“You know what? If my name made me a walking innuendo I’d be pretty embarrassed too, but that doesn’t mean I’m cutting you any slack.”

“Pardon…” said Big Mac flatly.

“Normally I would take you into military custody myself, but right now I have some giant caterpillar ass to buck. Private! arrest this stallion!” ordered Sergeant Wildaberry as she took off to the battlefield.

The young Royal Guard stood shivering in place, staring off into space.

Big Macintosh glanced left and right, wondering if anypony was watching. Slowly he trotted up to the private and tapped him on the snout.

The petrified private went as stiff as a cardboard cutout, and fell over as if he was blown over by the breeze from a butterfly’s wings.

Big Mac hesitated for a moment, but decided that the stallion would probably be fine. He took his opportunity and sprinted into the Canterlot palace.

He dashed through the atrium and the halls, artful stained glass rushing past  him  unadmired. Unfortunately, by the time he made it to the grand ornate doors to Canterlot Tower he had gained too much momentum and crashed into them face first.

As he lay squished at an angle between the door and the ground, catching his breath, the door opened, pulled by a magical glow..

“Twilight Sparkle?” spoke a hopeful and royal voice.

Big Macintosh jumped up and around as fast as he could, trying to regain some semblance of composure. “Sorry yer’ maj…” he paused, and took another breath. “I’m sorry your majesty. I would have gotten here sooner, but your letter caught me at, er... a bad time. And I accidentally punched in the wrong coordinates. Ended up about two miles that way, and when I got here…”

“What matters is that you are here now, Big Macintosh,” said Princess Celestia, breaking him off. “I assume you read my letter?”

Big Mac nodded. “The thing that’s causing all this, Discord. What is he, exactly?”

“He is an ancient creature of great power, a Draconequus who ruled Equestria a very, very long time ago. During his reign there was much chaos and unrest in the land, much like there is now. Myself and Luna were forced to use the Elements of Harmony against him, and imprisoned him in stone. Our only hope to stop him from spawning this disorder is to use the Elements once again and return him to his stone prison.”

“That seems mighty frightening, Princess. But what did you need me for?” he asked. “I’m not a soldier, and I’ve really only gone on one real mission for Torchwood.”

“You underestimate yourself, Big Macintosh. Your services are more invaluable than you may think. Any extra pairs of hooves I can get to help today are greatly appreciated,” replied Princess Celestia, walking up to the smaller farm pony. “But with good hope this state of disharmony will not last much longer. I believe the girls should be here soon.”

“Well, if that’s the case, Princess, then maybe you…ya’ see I was wondering…” Big Macintosh began. He looked down at the floor and tapped his hoof timidly.

“What is it?”

“Maybe I could help them…”

Celestia blinked, confused. “I don’t understand. Help them with what?”

“Stop Discord. Save Equestria. You know, a good days work.”

“Discord is not an enemy to be taken lightly. He is capable of manipulating reality on a scale that even the magic of myself and my sister cannot best without the help of the Elements. Defeating him is a job best left to them. I understand that you are concerned for your sister, but she and her friends have faced difficult adversaries in the past and succeeded.”

“But I can help! Me and Jack fought things like the Great Intelligence and still won! We can help.”

“And you will help, controlling the chaos out there right now may prevent countless ponies from being hurt. Frankly, I don’t understand what you want. At first you ask why you are here, and then ask to change your reason for being here.”

“Please Princess, just listen to me. This thing on my ankle, if I can use it to help protect Applejack, then why shouldn’t I?” he asked, nearly begging her.

Celestia sighed and looked down sympathetically.

“Revealing to Applejack, or Twilight Sparkle, or any of the others the existence of such a device would lead to revealing the existence of Torchwood itself, and that is not something I am willing to do. You above all ponies should understand my reasons.”

Big Mac shook his head, refusing to see her point. “I hurt her! I hurt Applejack because I couldn’t tell her where I had been for two whole days! You didn’t see the look on her face, Princess! If I tell her, then maybe she would understand…” Mac closed his mouth as soon as he was finished, realizing he had raised his voice to the Princess. But he refused to apologize for it this time.

Celestia stared at the young earth pony, her expression changing from calm into something a shade darker.

“The day I decided to create the Torchwood Institute was the day that I lost twenty three good, valiant, brave and loyal little ponies. All of them violently murdered in the most heinous and painful of ways. The culprit was creature from beyond this world. Torchwood exists to protect the citizens of Equestria, and the world, from the horrors the universe can bring to us, to prevent things such as those murders from happening again.” Big Macintosh lowered his head submissively as he felt the intensity of her words.

“You yourself have told me the things you saw, and how they hurt you. Unfortunately it falls upon the ponies of Torchwood, ponies such as me, Captain Harkness, and you to protect those whom we love from ever having to feel that pain. We have a responsibility to Applejack, Luna, Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and to each other. Could you really forgive yourself if your sister was hurt by something that you were supposed to protect her from?”

“I…I suppose not, Princess,” said Big Macintosh, his voice barely a whisper.

“Allow her to fight her own battles, and let yourself fight yours,” said Celstia.

Suddenly Mac’s ears perked up, detecting the sound of many hooves trotting up the hall.

“I am sorry to leave you like you like this, Big Macintosh. But it seems there are other ponies I must attend to. Please wait in my study until I am done, at which time we may search for Captain Harkness, who is still absent.”

Before Big Mac could reply he heard a loud popping noise and his vision was encompassed with a bright, blinding light.

After blinking a few times he realized Celestia had teleported him away to her study, far away from Applejack and her friends.

The room itself looked dimly lit, but Mac realized that was just because it was suddenly night time again. He had to cover his eyes when it turned to day in a flash.

There were many bookshelves filled with tomes, both ancient and new, and scrolls littered everywhere in a maddened method.  A blue and golden desk sat before him, elegantly styled and immaculately kept. It would have looked absolutely serene if it wasn’t for the quills and pens fighting a miniature war over the rolls of parchment.

To his right there were double doors leading to a balcony with a telescope on it. He imagined that Celestia could see half of Equestria from her high perch.

Big Macintosh was standing on the soft white pillows meant for the princess to lie on as she performed her royal duty. He sighed and flopped down on them.

He had half a mind to teleport back to the tower and confront Applejack anyway.

But he knew that wouldn’t end well.

He shook his head in frustration and bit into one of the pillows, letting out an angry but muffled scream. All the bitterness from his good and normal day going to waste was finally coming to the surface along with some other, more arcane emotions.

With a loud ripping sound the pillow flew from Mac’s clenched teeth and hit the desk. Reverberations from the impact were enough to make a stack of parchment and paper to slip off the desk, falling onto his snout.

Big Macintosh snorted, annoyed, and didn’t even attempting to push the papers off. But as he glanced to those very papers something caught his eye. A manila folder with a black T composed of honeycomb structure on the front. He squinted at its tiny label.

Torchwood Employee Files: Special Agent Big Macintosh

Within seconds his bitterness was overwhelmed by a tidal wave of curiosity. Looking right and left to make sure nopony was watching, he nudged the folder open with his chin.

Name: Big Macintosh

Gender: Stallion

Tribe: Earth Pony

Description: Red [scarlet] fur, blonde mane, short tail, large build, green apple cutie mark, green eyes, freckles.

“He has a great flank. Big, round, muscular and velvety. I could just bounce a quarter off of that thing.”

–Captain Jack Harkness

Occupation: Apple Farmer. Sanctioned by Princess Celestia as a part-time employee of Torchwood

Location: Ponyville, Equestria

Relations: Applejack (Sister), Applebloom (sister), Leafy [Granny] Smith(Grandmother), Apple Family, The Elements of Harmony, Captain Jack Harkness (partner).

Security Clearance: Black Canter Level (classified from all non-Torchwood files)

1187 A.N.-

Born in Ponyville to Mr. Smith  and Mrs. Fuji, who were involved in the disappearance of Torchwood Four as the first Royal Guards on the scene in southern Hoofington. Their bodies were never found, and it is suspected they shared the fate of the five Torchwood ponies. Big Macintosh was eight years old at the time and was informed of the incident by Princess Celestia as a courtesy for the families of all Royal Guards ponies who are killed in peace time. See T.4. files for details.

After the enrollment of his parents in the Royal Guard, Big Macintosh became the De Facto proprietor of Sweet Apple Acres until 1206 A.N. at which time his sister, Applejack, turned 17 years of age and he began to share the position with her.

Sweet Apple Acres:

Largest supplier of apples and apple related products to the greater Ponyville Commonwealth area. Products include apples, apple cider, apple flavored breath mints, zap apples, apple pies, apple tarts, apple hair tonic. 59 Metric Tons of apples produced annually.

Big Macintosh was heavily involved in the Apple Cider Tidewater Incident of 1204 A.N., as the chief instigator. See A.C.T. files. One million! Bits of property damage. He later issued a formal apology to Mayor Mare and the town after photographic coverage of the event was released.

It is unknown if Big Macintosh is aware of the 1134 A.N. flying lights incident over Sweet Apple Acres. spoiler fur real. Possible Code Blue. Have you ever heard of a fellow named the Doctor? possibly ? How about a good old stallion named Johnny Smith? You know, I think he came to Ponyville around 1134. Not sure what a code blue could be…hmm…maybe something important…

From 1114 A.N. to 1149 A.N. Sweet Apple Acres had illegal ties to the Zebra Confederacy. The distribution of apple hair tonic from Sweet Apple Acres was placed under scrutiny by the Drug Task Force of the Royal Guards. This created tension between the locals of Ponyville and culminated in the great baster incident of Sugarcube Corner, and inspiring the boycott of Canterlot prostitution. These ties to the Zebra Confederacy were severed after the death of Johnny Smith and the confederate sovereign. For more details see operation Swine Flies files.

1209 A.N. Tax Evasion Case: Applejack, proprietor of Sweet Apple Acres was charged with Tax Evasion, despite vocal protest from her, her family, and residents from Ponyville. All charges were dropped at the request of Princess Celestia after a clerical error within the Equestrian Revenue Service was discovered.

Torchwood:

Big Macintosh’s relations with Torchwood began in the summer of 1213 A.N. with a minor Weevil incursion on his property. At this time he was acquainted with both Captain Jack Harkness and the recently reformed Captain John Hart. The weevil was secured and the use of Retcon was deemed unnecessary.

Three months later both Captains came back to Sweet Apple Acres while investigating the Rift Wave Sunspot phenomena. See R.W.S.P. for details. Big Macintosh was interrogated but revealed no helpful information on the subject.

Later that night, Captain John Hart illegally accessed Torchwood weaponry and attacked Torchwood Hub employees, killing Mybutts Johnson. After clearing the Hub of all ponies Captain Hart used his Vortex Manipulator in an unknown fashion, in conjuncture with the Rift Manipulator to destroy both the sun, and all of Equestria.

Captain Jack Harkness, who had teleported using his own partially operable Vortex Manipulator to escape his counterpart, ended up at the site of his last teleport use: Sweet Apple Acres. At which time he was discovered by Big Macintosh. There was a brief discussion, followed by an accidental teleportation of both Captain Harkness and Big Macintosh into the Torchwood Hub. Although confused, Big Macintosh confronted the malicious Captain Hart after Captain Harkness was subdued by a temporary death.

After a physical altercation both Big Macintosh and Captain Hart fell into the Time Vortex. Damage to Captain Hart’s Vortex Manipulator resulted in a permanent biolocked fusion to both the Captain and the Earth Pony along with a near permanent fusion to random coordinates. According to an account by Big Macintosh the coordinates reset randomly every twenty four hours, bringing him and the rogue Captain to a new time period and new location in the universe. Each day Captain Hart would attempt to kill him or attempt to repair the Vortex Manipulator.

It is unclear for how long this cycle of running and fighting was, best estimates are little over three months. Big Macintosh was able to return to his present time after Captain Hart repaired the device, however, the Captain wished to resume his plan of destruction. In the end, Big Macintosh was forced to kill Captain Hart to prevent the destruction of Equestria.

Big Macintosh’s return had him back within the Torchwood hub, where he was quickly treated for physical injuries he received in his fight with Captain Hart. After he debriefed Captain Jack Harkness he was kept at the Torchwood Hub for several days under observation.

It was agreed between Big Macintosh and Captain Harkness that Captain Hart was to be buried at Sweet Apple Acres. After the burial Big Macintosh was offered a position at Torchwood for the bravery and strength he exhibited during his long journey through the universe.

After agreeing to join Torchwood, he attended a brief audience with Princess Celestia. What a wonderful, loving and beautiful monarch they have. It would be a shame if something were to happen to her….Just kidding…just kidding…..

Missions for Torchwood:

Since his acceptance, Big Macintosh has participated in only one major mission for Torchwood: The Investigation of the Nightmare Moon Incident. For more information see T.I.N.M. mission report.

Psychological Analysis:

Since his return from his first incident with Captain Hart Big Macintosh has displayed several symptoms of trauma, including: sadness. poor Big Mac… maybe you’ll get to snuggle with somepony later and possibly unrelated symptoms of depression.

While in the confidence of Princess Celestia he revealed that he is deeply saddened by everything he is forced to hide from his family and was deeply traumatized by the events he lived out while fighting Captain Hart. He also said that he has romantic feelings for his sister, Applejack. It is unclear if this is the result of a disorder. A full psychological analysis by a physician has been requested, however, due to the backlog for psychologist appointments this has been delayed.

Captain Jack Harkness described his partner as physically fit, mentally tired, and having the heart of a good pony. Princess Celestia has said he is simply a “melancholy little pony.”

By order of Princess Celestia he has been declared a non-threat to the State of Equestria and a sanctioned agent of Torchwood.

Big Macintosh’s expression changed slowly as he read down the pages. He began with an amused light in his eyes, broken with a collection of cringes and ended with the sadness of a frown. With a sigh he closed the folder.

“Well, at least she don’t think you’re a dangerous nut…” he said to himself. “An’ I suppose you were a bit melancholy last time you were here…”

“I just wished she would’ve left that bit about Applejack out…that’s private,” he muttered softly to himself, though he felt it was his own fault for telling anypony at all.

“Discord!”

Big Mac’s ears twitched, hearing somepony shout in the distance. He wasn’t entirely sure what was happening, but he didn’t want to be caught reading his own file. He closed the manila folder with his chin and threw it back onto the desk, leveling a whole army of quills in the process.

Celestia would probably be up to see him soon.

“Maybe ya’ should try to act a bit happier…” Big Mac thought aloud to himself. “An’ maybe that’d make you feel bit happier…”

Mac sat up on the pile of pillows, straightened his posture, lifted his chin, and with a frantic dog like shake of the head, he whipped out the last bits of moisture in his mane and brought his mind to a new heightened awareness.

Lastly, and most profoundly, the edges of his lips lifted up and he smiled.

There was nopony there to see it, not a single thing to give him amusement or happiness, but there it was: that little smile.

It only lasted for a moment, because as soon as he did it Big Mac felt something was wrong, and he quickly let the smile fall. It just…didn’t feel natural.

Maybe there would be a good reason to smile later.

With a sudden popping sound and flash of light Princess Celestia teleported into her study, an irritated scowl on her face. She closed her eyes, and paused for a quick breathing exercise of ten deep breaths to calm herself down.

“Are you alright Princess?” asked Big Macintosh when she was done. In his experience there was very little that could fluster Celestia like this.

“Alright?” she asked, as if she hadn’t heard him right. “Yes, I am quite alright. Thank you for asking Big Macintosh, and I apologize for keeping you waiting.”

“Oh…okay,” replied Big Mac simply.

“Tut tut tut, is that anyway to address your most high and mighty Princess Hottypants Celestia, dawn raiser and down bringer of nefarious malcontents!?”

Mac looked around wildly, trying to find the source of this new voice.

Suddenly he felt something tap against his hoof.

Looking down, he saw that the pillows had all changed colors into an assortment of greens, browns and reds…together they looked like some kind of creature.

“Well, I suppose you’re not a very bright pony anyway,” said the lump of pillows.

With an indignant yelp, Macintosh jumped up and off the talking cushions.

“DISCORD!” shouted Celestia, already aggravated. “Leave my study at once!”  Her horn began to glow with a pink light, threatening to shoot a beam of magical energy at the intruder.

“You see, this is what I mean. In my day there was a little thing called hospitality. Went away for over a millennium, come back and this is how she treats me. Oh dear Celestia, I may as well be a tragically orphaned puppy roaming the streets of Manehatten because of how unwanted you make me feel,” spoke Discord, crossing his arms with a little, “Harrumph.”

“Y-you’re Discord,” said Big Mac, looking at the creature with confusion and distrust.

With a snap of his claw Discord manifested himself just above the young Stallion, a warm smile on his face. Macintosh ran his eyes over the strange being, instantly identifying half a dozen mashed up animal parts in him.

“Yes, that’s me. Entropy Specialist Extraordinaire, Official Zeplin Driver for the 27th Cross-tribal games, and licensed acupuncturist in eight countries. Here’s my card!” He dropped a paw in front of Big Mac’s eyes. “I’m kind of a big deal.”

Mac raised an eyebrow. “That’s a library card.”

With a flick of his wrist Discord sent the card flying; it landed on the desk with a fiery mushroom cloud, annihilating the rest of the animated quills.

“Although, a better question than, ‘who am I’ is ‘who are you’. I swore I brushed up on my history, but you didn’t turn up anywhere, tall, red and handsome. You are obviously somepony important or else you wouldn’t be the only pony in Celestia’s study. But not famous enough to get into the papers…” Discord tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I remember the face of everypony that ever passed me in those dreary gardens,but you’ve never been to the gardens…have you?”

“No…I...er, skipped that fieldtrip as a colt…” said Big Mac nervously.

“That is enough!” declared Celestia, as she sent a beam of magic towards the Draconequus.

Discord didn’t even look back; the little fur at the end of his tail snapped, and with an audible pop a pink-framed mirror appeared in midair, redirecting the magic upwards and away from him. Big Mac glanced up and saw a dinner plate sized hole in the ceiling.

“You see! This is what I was talking about. Now tell me Celestia, when have I ever raised a hoof, claw, paw, or hand against you?” asked Discord with mock anger.

Celestia narrowed her eyes.

“For the sake of brevity I will not describe the first battle to end you reign! Just know that an attack against our little ponies is an attack against myself.”

“And that is why you will never have a special somepony. Nopony likes a hard-ass.” It looked like Discord was about to continue his rant, and Celestia was about to have to repeat her breathing exercise when suddenly Discord had an epiphany. “Ohhhhhhh, I get it. Has Celestia here taken a luvah?”

Big Macintosh’s eyes grew as wide as saucers as Discord nudged him with his elbow.

Celestia face-hoofed.

“No…no, this stallion works for me, Discord. And he is the brother of one of the Elements you met earlier.”

“Then you must be Applejack’s brother! I can see it now,” swiftly, Discord put his arm around the red pony and dragged him over to the balcony, stopping in front of the telescope. “In my estimations the elements should be headed towards the garden maze already. Lovely place, that maze, even better since I had time to make a few improvements. I think it makes the whole place a lot more homely.”

Big Mac glanced at Discord unsurely, but put his eye up to the telescope eyepiece, nonetheless. Through the lens he could see the entranceway into the maze. And there stood Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, and Applejack all marching up in a row. Standing tall and straight, so sure that their friendship and strengths could carry them through whatever trials they faced, no matter how strong their enemy.

His gaze then went to Applejack, who wore her Stetson over her blond hair as she always did. And as he watched, the meaning within that gaze changed into something different from a mere observation. It meant so much more, something primal, something whimsical, something affectionate, and something afraid.

Suddenly an object blocked his vision, and Big Mac jumped back as he realized he was looking at another eye.

“Skittish one, isn’t he,” commented Discord as he pulled himself out of the telescope.

“I did tell you to leave this place, did I not?” asked Celestia, growing increasingly more frustrated.

“Now, now, I was just leaving. I have to have some fun with your little girls while I’m here. I just thought I might finally have a chance to catch up, one ruler of Equestria to another,” he replied, floating back into the study. He took up a position by the desk and grabbed a scroll at random. With a snap of his claws a pair of reading glasses, were brought forth from thin air, and settled on his nose.

Celestia sighed.

“Wait… are you… going to hurt them?” asked Big Macintosh softly, staring at Discord.

Celestia turned to him. “No. No he will not. There is nothing that can stop the elements when they work together. And if he does harm them…then there will be no force in all this planet that I will not use to ensure that he becomes a collection of scattered ashes on the ground.”

Big Macintosh nodded, taking some solace in the Princess’s words.

But then he glanced back to Discord, and noticed something unusual. The mysterious creature was staring at Celestia instead of reading the scroll. The look in his eyes, it was something…something…so familiar. It was not fear, and nor was it malice. Discord swallowed, and closed his eyes, something arcane hidden within him.

As soon as Celestia turned back to him the expression disappeared, and immediately he pretended to have been reading the entire time.

“From your most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle…” muttered Discord as he read the last line. He cringed. “Seriously, you have your number one write you weekly reports on the study of friendship? And I thought that my scientific inquiry into the spread of jelly on bread was being arbitrary, and I had twenty-four ponies working on that! I hate to see what you have your number two do.”

He snapped his claw and a rubber stamp poofed into existence, stamping the scroll with large red words, “RETURN TO SENDER”. It instantly turned to flames and disappeared.

“Well…” began Discord, rubbing his paw and claw together. “I should be off, have an appointment to keep!” And with that said, the lord of chaos disappeared.

Princess Celestia breathed a sigh of relief. “Some creatures simply never change.”

“Wait… there’s something I don’t understand Princess. What were the girls doing down by the gardens if they were going to use the elements to deal with Discord?”

“Oh…there were, perhaps, a few complications to that plan…” said Celestia, suddenly sounding nervous.

Big Mac blinked. “Complications?”

“Discord, you see, managed to steal the Elements of Harmony, gave us a riddle to where they are, and expects them to play his games to get them back.”

Mac blinked one more time, trying to comprehend what he just heard.

“Wha… didn’t you have those things locked up somewhere?”

“Yes, I did. It was in the vault, in this very tower, where I had it shielded with the strongest protective spell I could think of,” said the Princess quickly.

“So… this creature…Discord, he was able to find a way past the strongest protective spell you had, in the middle of Canterlot Castle, steal the Elements, and has also warped reality all across Equestria into a cesspool of chaos presumably by doing nothing but snapping his claw.”

Celestia nodded slowly.

“The Elements are the only way to stop him! You said that! He can literally do anything he wants, and there is nothing to stop him, not you, not them, not even the laws of physics! What hope do they even have against him!” Big Macintosh exclaimed. He shook his head, mouth agape, unable to comprehend Celestia’s confidence.

“Big Macintosh, you saw him. I am sure you can take a guess to what he is like. While he may be annoying, a horrible ruler, and a generally immoral being, he is rarely deliberately malicious. He will allow the girls to succeed at his game if he feels they have earned it.”

Mac kept shaking his head.

“That ain’t good enough, Princess! I have a responsibility.”

He sprinted over to the balcony, and then lifted his hoof to his Vortex Manipulator, beginning to tap furiously.

“Big Macintosh!” called Celestia, but it was too late. In a flash of light, he disappeared.

Celestia sighed. “Damn it…”

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Discord chuckled to himself, watching as the six mares began their quest into the elaborate and ever changing hedge maze.

“Finally some fun to be had…and everything going according to plan too.”

He smiled thinly to himself, but then frowned, sending a fleeting glance to Canterlot tower. “Yeah…plan,” he said distastefully.

But he forced his frown away as he closed his eyes. “Just remember why…” he whispered. “And remember to have some fun.” He finished brightly. With a snap of his claw the sun started glowing with all the colors of the rainbow, along with two or three colors that may not have existed a few seconds ago.

“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Discord squinted and looked around curiously, trying to see where the distant screaming was coming from.

Like a bright red streak, Big Macintosh plummeted towards the ground, legs flailing, wind and screaming swirling in his wake.

Discord raised an eyebrow, but snapped his claws anyway.

With a loud PLOP! Big Mac fell back first onto the stack of ten feather mattresses suspended in midair.

“Well, I would normally be impressed by your own little knack for channeling chaos, but I’m going to guess that stunt was made by Celestia kicking you out,” said Discord, now lounging on his own set of floating mattresses, spreading on some tanning lotion for the rainbow colored sun rays.

Big Mac shook his dazed head back into awareness. “No, she didn’t, And do ya’ know why?!” he shouted angrily.

“Why?” asked Discord, “Is it because ‘she just couldn’t hurt a fly’,” he said with a mocking tone.

“It’s because she’s a good pony! An’ she doesn’t try to mess with other ponies, or the whole dang world like you are! So leave my sister an’ her friends alone!”

“Or else what?” asked Discord flatly.

Big Mac glared with silent fury.

“What makes you so special that you think you can stop me from doing anything?! This ‘whole dang world’ is my sandbox. Not the Princesses, not the Elements, and not all the Royal Guards in Equestria can even touch me!” declared Discord proudly, tapping his chest with his paw. “I’ve beaten monsters that could level those mountains over there. One of Celestia’s precious little stallion servants is hardly going to frighten me. Mr…… what was it again?”

The red Stallion narrowed his eyes. “I’m Big! Big Macintosh! And I ain’t Celestia’s little servant!” he shouted.

“Alrighty then, who are you?” asked Discord, still unimpressed.

“I’m Torchwood!”

Big Macintosh closed his eyes, and then forcefully tapped a certain button on the Vortex Manipulator.

“What are you-ooof!” Discord felt something heavy and hard hit him on the head, throwing him down onto the mattress.

“How did you…” began Discord, genuinely curious when suddenly the pony in front of him disappeared in a flash of light.

“Shut up!” said Macintosh, his hoof pressing down on Discord’s head.

Something proud flickered in his big red chest for thinking of going back in time five seconds to get the drop on this annoying eldritch abomination.

Discord blew an irritated snort of smoke from his nostrils.

SNAP!

Big Mac’s eyes widened as he felt something soft and a sticky grab his back hooves and pull him off Discord’s head.

“You’ve got spunk kid, but you’re going to have to do better than that,” said Discord, dusting himself off. Big Mac fought futilely against the moving chains of pink cotton candy.

“I won’t let you hurt her!” shouted Big Macintosh, struggling as his binds grew tighter and tighter.

“Shhhhhhhhhh.” Discord hushed the rowdy earth pony. He pointed down with a single claw.

Mac raised an eyebrow, but glanced down anyway.

There was Applejack, trotting uneasily down her path in the maze. Her ears twitched, picking up the faintest of whispers on the wind left by all the ruckus above her.

“You really shouldn’t distract her,” said Discord examining the edge of his claw. “She’s going to have to concentrate on the blueberry hedge rats in a moment.”

Expecting some kind of retort, or struggle, he prepared himself for another bout of chaotic magic. But he heard nothing.

Pursing his lips, Discord looked back to the brotherly stallion.

Macintosh was looking down, staring at his sister. He could not allow her to be hurt again. He just couldn’t.

Discord studied the look in the pony’s eyes, and within the depths of green he recognized something…something he was all too familiar with.

Slowly, the Draconequus lowered his claw, and floated over to his captive.

“Please, don’t hurt her. Please…” he begged.

Discord opened his mouth as if about to send him a witty retort, maybe a sarcastic metaphor, or perhaps just an ironic catch phrase, but instead something incredible happened.

“Alright… I’ll make you a deal,” proposed Discord, “If you promise to stay out of my beard and away from my business, I promise that no physical harm will befall your sister.”

Big Mac’s eyes widened, suddenly seeing a solid hope.

“Y-yes! I promise!” he said quickly.

“Excellent. Now if you’ll excuse me,” said Discord.

Without any more provocation Discord’s claw grew to enormous proportions, and with a single flick Big Macintosh was sent flying.

This time there was no screaming, just shocked eyes wide open as Big Mac flew towards the hard stone wall of Canterlot Tower.

Just moments before his head was smashed in, the piece of wall in his trajectory transformed into a giant pair of lips, opening wide for the flying pony. Big Mac closed his eyes just before he was engulfed.

When he opened them he found himself inside Celestia’s study, sliding on his back into a pile of pillows.

He glanced to the lips on the wall, which blew a raspberry before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Princess Celestia, who had been sitting on the balcony looking out, wore an odd expression on her face. She blinked several times before getting over the fact that her agent of Torchwood had just been spat into her study by a pair of giant red lips.

“Well…” she began. “Perhaps we can try to find Captain Harkness now?” she asked.

Big Mac shakily stood to his hooves. “Yes…of course, Princess.”

With that done and said, the two ponies moved on, trotting down the stairs of the tower.

“Have you checked his home?” asked Big Macintosh, hoping to move past his disobedience.

“The Torchwood Hub is his home. It is where he eats, works, and retires to every night,” replied Celestia. “I spoke with some of the other employees of Torchwood: Lyra Heartstrings was the last pony to see him. Apparently he left late last night to see somepony important.”

“Is there a way for you to find out where he is?”

“Captain Harkness enjoys certain freedoms as the leader of Torchwood, such as several spells and other protections to ensure he cannot be detected by malicious entities and enemies of Equestria. He will not be found if he does not want to be found, which seems more and more likely since he has not revealed himself during this entire ordeal. I was hoping that my sister would be able to help. I was going to have to rouse her anyway,” said Celestia.

“Wait, you mean Princess Luna…” said Big Mac, suddenly stopping in his tracks.

“Is there a problem?”

Big Macintosh swallowed. “N-no Problem, Princess,” he said, trotting forward, slower this time.

“Good,” said the Princess. “If you recall, her bedroom is just ahead.”

Big Mac nodded as he and the Princess of Equestria trotted in front of Luna’s bedroom doors.

“Odd…” said Celestia. “Her guards are gone…”

She sent a side glance to Mac before she pushed the door open with her magic.

The sight that greeted them was indeed something…astonishing. The reason for the astonishment was not how every single piece of furniture had been turned on its head and was either sitting on the ceiling or floating in the air. Oh no, it was not how the night stand spun weightlessly beside an upturned armoire.

It was the two sweaty, sleeping ponies lying together on the bed on the ceiling.

There was Captain Jack, curled on Luna’s chest, his right wing outstretched and drooled on by the sleeping goddess. Luna’s limbs were spread about on the ruffled and messy bed sheets. Both looked extremely comfortable with their situation.

It took more than a minute of eyes wide in disbelief before Celestia could speak.

“L-luna!” she exclaimed indignantly.

But instead of her fellow sister awakening, Captain Jack was the first one to raise his head, almost as if he hadn’t been sleeping at all, just closing his eyes.

“Oh…er…good morning, Princess,” he said glancing over to his lover. “Something I can do for you?”

Celestia raised her eyebrows and frowned…deeply.

“Yes, Harkness…would you please step out for a moment,” said Celestia tensely. “I would like to speak my sister.”

“Oh, um… of course, Princess Celestia,” Jack quickly nudged Luna with his right wing.

“Na-na no…we do not eat your bananas…get those capers away from us…” muttered Luna, turning over in her sleep.

Jack cleared his throat; he lightly kicked Luna’s thigh with his hind hooves. Finally, she blinkingly opened her eyes.

“Hmmmm…” she groaned.

Luna glanced around, her eyes resting on her sister standing in the doorway.  “Oh, good morning sister.”

She looked over to the pegasus on top of her. “Good morning, Jack,” she said dreamily.

Suddenly she looked back to Celestia then to Jack, her eyes widening in alarm and cheeks blushing intensely.

Jack gave her a reassuring smile before he pushed off of the bed, letting himself float down in a spiral to the floor.

Celestia did not look back once Jack was out of the room. The doors closed swiftly behind her: keeping her two agents out.

“Sooooooo…” began Jack. “What did I miss?”

Big Mac ignored the question, instead sending him an exasperated look.

“You slept with Princess Luna?

“Well, that seems like a rather personal question, Big Fella.”

“Haven’t you only known her for about three days?”

“You know time, all wibbly wobbly. I think I got to know her pretty well on our mission.”

There was the sound of something ceramic breaking in the room.

The captain glanced to the door, curious as to what was being discussed behind it.

“Jack…you can’t just go around having sex with princesses willy nilly,” said Big Mac, rubbing his temples with his hoof.

“First of all,” began Jack in a lecture like voice, “I had sex with a single Princess. One whom I am currently in a relationship with. It’s not like this is the great Saddle Arabia debacle of forty-eight. Which brings me to my second point: never bring hyper whisky you bought from a lake bound minotaur to a party.”

“Celestia isn’t going to like this,” Mac said flatly.

“What is she going to do? Kill me?” said Jack, sarcastically skeptical.

Big Mac shook his head.

“I can’t believe this.”

“Why? Has jealousy blinded you from the truth?”

Big Mac’s eyes widened and froze in place.

“No need to be coy. But you should have acted sooner. Suppose that’s just a lesson about love.”

“Jack…” said Macintosh, still staring into open space.

“Sorry Beefcake. I’m in a committed relationship now,” said Jack. He smiled cheekily.

The heroic blue screen of death remained unbroken on Big Mac’s face.

After another minute of that Jack began to get worried.

“You alright there, pal?” he waved a hoof in front of his eyes. “Hmmm. You really shouldn’t be that surprised. Luna’s a great mare: kind, gentle, affectionate… she really opens up to you if you give her the right attention. Granted, she can get a bit loud… matter of fact I think I lost three ear drums before she cast that muffling spell.”

“I get the idea Jack,” said Big Mac finally, sending his partner an irritated look.

“It wasn’t like you caught her screaming my name with a Canterlot accent.”

“That would have been worse, yes.”

“Come on, we’re both grown stallions here, and it’s just sex.”

Big Macintosh blinked and looked down, his hoof nudging a speck of dust on the floor idly.

“You’ve dealt with sex before, right Big Fella?” asked Captain Jack, watching his partner’s uneasy face closely.

Big Mac glanced to Jack, and then looked back to the ground nervously. If he was to be honest, then he would have to say that seeing Jack and Luna, sleeping together after their indiscretions, was the most sensual thing he had ever seen between two ponies.

He had never bought a scandalous magazine, nor had he ever felt a gentle mare’s hoof brush up against his coat. Nopony had ever touched him in the way Jack and Luna had touched… all he ever had was his imagination, and his hopes.

“Oh…” said Jack to himself, realizing the situation.

Fortunately, the door to the bedroom slammed opened before Big Macintosh could suffer any more embarrassment.

Princess Celestia walked out even tenser than before, a few stray hairs poked out of her once perfect mane.

“Princess…” began Jack, but Celestia cut him off.

“I will discuss this with you later, Jack Harkness. Unfortunately we have more important issues than your love life to deal with,” said Princess Celestia harshly.

“I was just wondering if I could clean myself up,” replied Jack innocently.

Celestia narrowed her eyes, and picked up the Captain with a pink levitation spell.  After a sudden flash of light she put him down; there was new shiny sheen about him.

Jack sniffed his leg tentatively. “What was that?” he asked.

“An instant shower spell,” Celestia told him. With one final, quick act of magic she picked up the Captain’s jacket and threw it at him with unnecessarily high speed, hitting him squarely on the muzzle. A shiny, oddly wet looking, stop-watch fell from its folds. Both Big Macintosh and Princess Celestia instantly decided not to ask.

With that out of the way, Celestia swiftly shut the doors to Luna’s bedroom behind her, and began to trot down the hall, expecting the two stallions to follow. She described the ongoing situation to Captain Jack with clinical precision; having reached her wits end she had no desire to put up with anything less than executed efficiency.

Big Macintosh listened along silently, having already heard these lines.

“What are our resources?” asked Jack, finally serious, having been brought up to speed.

“As usual, Captain, Torchwood and its employees are at your complete disposal, and for the time being I am permitting accesses to the black vaults. All alien technology bellow threat level Bravo may be used if deemed necessary. Captain Shining Armor and his stallions are currently fighting to maintain order around Canterlot, the Royal Guards are spread thin. However, I have instructed them to cooperate with any activity from Torchwood they may encounter,” said Princess Celestia as she, and her two loyal agents, entered the elevator destined to the Torchwood Hub.

“For that purpose I have assigned a liaison officer from the Royal Guard to assist you in any way she can.”

“Who?” asked Big Mac, feeling the elevator descend down the shaft.

“You will be meeting her momentarily. But before you do , and you both proceed with your mission, I want something to be understood. This chaos which Discord spreads, he takes it lightly and with levity, but be aware that it can kill nonetheless.  He would not do it intentionally, but certain ponies may react violently to unfamiliar situations. Know that I will not tolerate a single one of my little ponies being harmed by Discord’s carelessness. His influence may spread to every corner and cranny of this kingdom but so does ours. Leave no anomaly uninvestigated, no matter how innocent it may appear. I expect nopony under my command to rest until this danger has passed,” Celestia spoke earnestly and intensely.

“That being said, I will not allow either of you, or any entity of Torchwood to engage Discord in person. I require faith in the Elements, and in the girls,” finished Celestia. “Is that understood?”

“Yeah,” said Jack softly.

“Yes, Princess,” replied Big Mac.

“Good.”

Big Macintosh cocked his head to the side and lifted his ears up: he could hear somepony shouting below him.

“Princess…who exactly is this liaison…” he asked nervously.

“Oh, I assure you she is a very capable mare. Just transferred here from the northern Everfree patrol unit, her name is…” spoke Celestia, but she was interrupted as the elevator doors slid open.

“Get off me you minty misdemeanor! I have some chitin plated ass to bust and I won’t be held hostage by errands for your secret society of butts! Or else my name isn't Sergeant Indomitable Wildaberry!”

The outrageous cries were shouted by a greyish black coated mare in a beaten and singed Royal Guard’s uniform. She fought to escape the hooves and magic of Torchwood’s Lyra Heartstrings, who worked to keep her still.

“Sergeant Indomitable Wildaberry!!” shouted Celestia, instantly grabbing the soldier’s attention.

“Ohhhhhhhh…hello Princess Celestia…” She stopped struggling and smiled sheepishly.

“Sergeant Wildaberry apologizes profusely...and is at your service," she said as she bowed before the ruler of Equestria.

Big Macintosh stared at the crazy mare, utterly astounded with his misfortune.

“Oh buck,” he muttered under his breath.