"No."

"This isn't a request Captain it's-"

"Completely out of the question. N. O. Nuh-uh. Did not sign up to play fucking dress-up."

Rarity sighed pinching the bridge of her nose, summoning all of her strength. Rainbow had an impressive military resume for certain, all of which included some questionable methods. Assassination, kidnapping, sabotage and various other acts that, in most civilised cultures, would be considered terrorism. Infiltration and espionage were well within the Captain's repertoire of course. However social etiquette was apparently not within her job description.

"You were hired as security and additional support for the Hellsing organisation Captain," Rarity said as she opened her eyes again. She neglected to ignore the fact that Rainbow was naked save for a towel wrapped around her waist. "I should think that an evening of polite society won't kill you. Especially after all that you've been through Captain."

"Usually when I do the 'passive observer' shtick it's from over a hundred metres away with a sniper rifle," Dash grumbled. "Maybe a bottle of Jack."

"While I can appreciate the sentiment," Rarity muttered, "A closer hand is needed when dealing Iscariot. And discretion of course, something you will lack dressed in full military regalia and armed to the teeth."

"She'll have the vampire won't she?"

"Yes, yes she will," Rarity conceded. "But Alucard is... Alucard is a little wild."

"Wild?" Rainbow queried, walking over to a chest of drawers and allowing the towel to drop as she did.

"Yes. He's more one to allow a fight to break out simply for the chance to kill something if he's bored." Rarity said, averting her eyes from Rainbow's toned bottom.

"And what about the other two? AJ and Twilight?" Rainbow asked, pulling on a pair of navy blue spats before rooting around in the second drawer for the sports bra that went with it.

"Applejack has already agreed to the assignment," Rarity sighed. "Twilight on the other we value as an unnecessary risk to the mission."

"How come?"

"Iscariot is unaware we have a second vampire under our control," Rarity explained, finally turning her attention back to Rainbow as she worked the sports bra on and reached for the freshly ironed Hellsing training fatigues provided by Rarity; mustard yellow t-shirt and matching joggers. "The Iscariot organisation aren't on best terms with us to begin with for our toleration of Alucard, though I assume they think that we prevent Alucard from creating new vampires. I don't think they'd react kindly to a new vampire in our midst and Twilight doesn't have a firm enough grasp on her vampiric powers to make sure that she doesn't accidentally reveal herself to Iscariot. Besides, your experience in the field would be a valuable asset on this mission."

Rainbow paused at the and bit her lip before running her hands through her slightly damp hair as she began to braid it into her signature ponytail. Rarity waited patiently as Rainbow braided her hair and threw it back over her shoulder before she turned to Rarity, slipping her shirt over her head and her sunglasses up onto her nose.

"I have four conditions," she said.

"I'm listening."

"One. I'm gonna be drinking."

"I wouldn't recommend it but you're a... sensible adult and can make your own choices."

"Damn right I can. Two. I get discretion. That, I can pull off. But I'm not flying in unarmed ya hear? I want at least something to defend myself with."

"Of course Captain. Like we'd let you walk in there without some means of defending yourself and Sir Trixie."

"I'm glad you agree. Three. I don't do dresses."

"Do?" Rarity asked, slightly confused.

"You know, appreciate, tolerate, care for, have anywhere near my body in anyway shape or form," Dash elaborated.

"I see," Rarity said slowly. "I think we can come to some sort of arrangement."

"Good," Dash said smiling.

"The fourth condition?"

"Four. And listen close 'cause this is the most important one." Dash leaned into Rarity, allowing her sunglasses to slide down her nose so that the other woman could look into her eyes. "I. Do not. Dance."

"An interesting list of conditions," Trixie murmured as she rubbed sleep from her eyes. "But ones we can easily acquiesce to I assume."

"Absolutely Sir Trixie," Rarity said as she set the breakfast tray down on Trixie's bedside table. "A formal tuxedo should be easy to fashion for the captains particular measurements. And I can even experiment with my skills as a seamstress to accommodate the Captain's desire to remain armed. It has been too long since I put my hand to the art of the dress. Not that I'm complaining of course I love my workshop as much as my sewing table. Still I'm sure the latter's covered in dust and cobwebs by now."

Trixie mumbled something incoherent as she pushed herself up in bed and reached for the steaming mug of coffee. She brought it up to her nose and took a deep inhale, wrinkling in slight ill-will and glared at Rarity. Rarity remained the impassive butler as always and watched as Trixie drank half the mug of steaming black coffee. Rarity knew that Trixie hated coffee more than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick but she begrudgingly drank it whenever she was driven down into the dirt by stubbornness, workload or the rare occasions she descended into complete whiskey based inebriated paralysis.

Those were fun mornings and Rarity wanted to burn them from her memory.

Trixie set aside her mug and rubbed her temples slightly as Rarity refilled the mug with more coffee.

"Are you sure it's wise to allow her to consume alcohol on this assignment? Professionalism aside I'd rather not have to rely on the Captain to defend my life if she can barely see straight."

"I have already made enquiries as to the Captain's level of alcoholic tolerance," Rarity reassured as Sir Trixie began draining her refilled mug. "According to several sources the Captain once downed a gill of absinthe before even appearing buzzed. I tend to take such a tale with a grain of salt as everyone seems to have been drinking that night given how half of the Wild Geese referred to the night in question as: 'One hell of a bender.'"

Trixie finished her mug of coffee and set the mug down as violently as possible and reached for the plate of toast. She eyed the various spreads on the nearby saucer and raised an eyebrow.

"Where's the marmalade?" she asked simply, chomping into a corner of the toast.

Rarity bowed to Sir Trixie apologetically. "I'm so sorry Sir but we appear to have run out of marmalade this morning. I will make a note of it for our next delivery."

Sir Trixie merely shrugged and kept eating her toast sans marmalade. She was simply too tired to care at the moment about something as trivial as marmalade. She was however the head of the Hellsing Organisation and there were more pressing matters to deal with. The upcoming meeting with Iscariot however.

"Did the Captain make any requests regarding what kind of armaments she wants to take?" she asked, reaching for the morning paper.

"Not as of yet Sir Trixie. But I'm sure we'll be able to find something to meet her standards."

Sir Trixie nodded as she chomped on the toast a little more. Rarity watched for a few moments more before bowing slightly.

"If I may Sir I shall now attend to other matters around the manor."

Sir Trixie nodded absently reaching for a steaming bowl of porridge as she skimmed through the paper. Rarity smiled absently, bowed, and left the room.

Twilight panted heavily as she fell backwards onto the blue mat behind her, her face and chest red from over-exertion, the darker stains of black on her training t-shirt and the thin shiny sheen on her skin testament to the obvious. Even now she could hear the Wonderbolts murmuring amongst themselves; some in the slow process of reloading, others curious if they were supposed to.

A cold voice soon put a stop to that.

"Again humans," Alucard said simply, standing in the shadows of the firing range. Twilight gave a small groaned and pushed herself to her feet. Ever since she'd gotten back from the werewolf attacks Alucard had decided to take care of two birds with one stone. The Wonderbolts needed a live vampire to aim at. Twilight needed to get used to the strength now in her vampiric muscles. Though she was only a fledgling and not a proper vampire yet, Sir Trixie and Dash had agreed to Alucard's suggestion and organised a time in which the Wonderbolts could use Twilight for target practice.

Twilight's objections to this plan apparently fell on deaf ears.

She stumbled a little as she got to her feet and stretched her arms and legs. She wiped the sweat from her brow and crouched slightly, prepared to dash, duck, dip, dive and dodge around the hail of bullets. Just like she'd done repeatedly for the past three hours already. She could tell that even the Wonderbolts, for all their professionalism and military experience, were getting a little sick of running this same drill over and over and over again.

As she was about to start however the door to the firing range was kicked open and Rainbow Dash strolled in, Rarity following after, the other woman with a very anticipating grin on her face. The Wonderbolts all looked up as Rainbow walked up and stepped back as Dash approached the counter. Alucard looked on with mild interest and Rainbow gave him a toothy grin.

"Came down for some target practice," Rainbow elaborated, looking at Twilight. "You don't mind being my dance partner right Twi?"

Twilight frowned but said nothing. Rainbow shrugged as Soarin stepped up beside her.

"Not like you to join us for target practice Cap," he said. Twilight cleared her throat and Soarin gave a sheepish look in apology. Rainbow smiled however as Rarity stepped forward and placed a box in front of Rainbow.

"Well the Captain decided she needed to break in the new stallion," Rarity proclaimed, opening the box with a theatrical flourish. She caressed the gun inside with a motherly touch and smiled. "Ah Smith and Wesson... they do half of my work for me."

Within the box was a what appeared at first glance to be a Smith and Wesson SW1911 semi-automatic pistol. Rarity had meant what she had said by Smith and Wesson doing half her work for her. It appeared to be barely modified from its original form. The barrel was longer certainly but only by about an inch and a half at most. The assemble of the weapon was slightly chunkier however and the handle was shaped to fit ergonomically in Rainbow's hand. Inscribed on the upper assembly were the familiar words: 'Hellsing ARMS 4681.'

"This is the latest addition to the Hellsing armoury ladies and gentlemen," Rarity said proudly. "The OSK92 Penance. For concealed use at private functions, or for blowing a vampire scumbag 6ft. under. The Penance is one of the few Hellsing armaments I've made to be useable with anti-vampire and standard munitions."

Soarin scratched his chin as Rainbow picked up the gun and gave a skeptical once over. "No offense ma'am but this looks just like the SW1911. What sort of modifications did you do exactly?"

Rarity cleared her throat and removed the gun from Soarin's grasp and, with practiced ease, snapped the magazine into place and turned smartly to face Twilight.

"Does the SW1911 fire 50 caliber ammunition sir?" she asked simply before taking casual aim at Twilight and opened fire.

Twilight leaped aside from the silver bullet and barely a moment after her toes touched the floor she heard another shot rang out. She slid to her left and felt the bullet whisk past her ear. A third shot and a fourth. A fifth a sixth a seventh an eighth! Twilight barely managed to dodge out of Rarity's sight for more than a second and even when she did, Rarity found her again without giving her pause to breathe. It also didn't help that her aim was getting more accurate after every miss. The ninth shot clipped Twilight's ear and she hissed in pain. The bullet hadn't done more than brush off the top layer of skin, but the injury burned with an unnatural ferocity. Her balance thrown off, her hand went up to cover her clipped ear.

The tenth shot rang out, whizzing to aim squarely in her shoulder. Twilight's vision turned red just like it had during the fight with the werewolves. Her senses then clouded. A haze spread over her vision and she felt herself rushing forwards suddenly. When her vision cleared she was standing by the door of the firing range, the bullet that would have smacked her in the arm clutched tight in her fist.

Twilight felt dizzy and slumped against the wall, pressing a hand against her head. She didn't realise that the Wonderbolts were staring at her. All except for Rainbow who was holding the Penance and sliding a new magazine into place, looking like a child who had their Christmas present early.

The sound of slow applause brought Twilight's attention back to Alucard. He was clapping, slowly, but definitely sincerely. There was a beaming smile on his face and a fascinated gleam in his red eyes. He gave a satisfied chuckle before walking to leave the firing range. He gripped Twilight's shoulder tenderly for a moment.

"Well done police girl," Alucard congratulated her. Then he spoke to the Wonderbolts as Rarity made her way over to Twilight. "The police girl will need rest. I'm sure the mentally stimulating task of shooting paper targets won't bore you."

And with that he left the room. Rarity helped Twilight back to her feet as the Wonderbolts began setting up the normal targets. "Come on darling. I'll fix you up something red and juicy to get your strength back."

Twilight mumbled and allowed Rarity to lead her away. "What happened?" she mumbled.

"Later darling," Rarity consoled. "Later."

Author's Note

Wabalabadubdub!

Um.... so... I'm not dead?