Letters From Homeby ChatoyanceChapters1, Hi StePn!2. Three Layer Cake3. Hay While The Sun Shines4. Your Little Pony5. Always In My Heart1, Hi StePn!Lost In The Herd: Three Letters From Home By Chatoyance Chapter One: Hi StePn! Hi StePn! Sory fr th3 Writin. Im vsinG my MoutH its harD. I am in Fetlock. Small twn. All nice to me. I lik HAY!!! Go school. Writ more soon. Noah ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Hello Stephen! I can write much better now. Still a bit hard. It gets easier fast though. I write with my mouth. I ended up an Earth Pony. I go to pony school for the newfoals. There are many here. Fetlock is a nice town and they try to make us feel welcome. I hope you feel better soon. I am glad you were not more hurt. The HLF is scary. I will try to say more next letter. Noah ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Hello, Stephen! Wow, I did not know things were getting so bad out there. I worry about you. Please stay away from the megamall, OK? I sure wish the Human Liberation Front would stop doing things like that. I am glad to know the cast is coming off. I am glad your arm is going to be fine. Every day I go to pony school. We learn about Equestria, but most of our time we learn how to do basic tasks. At first it was hard, but it gets easy at an amazing rate. Look at how much better I can write already! With my mouth! I have gotten pretty good doing things with my front hooves, too. Here is something odd – I can balance things without trying. All ponies can. We all have perfect balance, or something close. I can spin my bowl on my hoof. I could never do that before – remember basketball? I can even balance my pencil on my nose. Really! Next letter I will tell you much more. Noah ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Heya, Stephen! Writing has finally become easy. I am amazed at how easy. I can even sketch now. It's really kind of incredible. As far as I can tell, Equestrians are naturally agile. These bodies come pre-loaded with hard-wired innate “dexterity” for lack of a better word. In only three weeks, I have gone from barely being able to walk and hold something in my mouth to writing, sketching, galloping all over the place - I can even do a proper canter now! - and yesterday, I baked cupcakes. Yes, cupcakes, dude. Baked goods are a big deal here. I did everything by myself, under the supervision of Glimmerdawn, our instructor. You were curious about how we can do anything, lacking hands. It's actually surprisingly simple. Cups and jugs and such all have handles, and my neck is really flexible. Don't laugh, but I can look at my own rear end. Seriously. Pony necks are like cranes. I can look almost directly behind me, or down close to my own flank. I can nibble my own flank if it itches. I couldn't move like that when I was human. Yes, I know what you are thinking. No, I can't bend my neck that direction. Not that I would, either, Stephen. OK yeah, I tried. For scientific reasons. I mean, come on. No, down and under isn't really possible. Ponies aren't like dogs. Enough said. I feel really, really strong. Strong as a horse -yes, I went there. Lifting a full pitcher of milk with my teeth is nothing. I just turn my head sideways, take the handle in my teeth, and it's like nothing. When I pour, I don't spill. It's that weird dexterity again, I think, because I wasn't that good with stuff like that back when. Also, my teeth are like iron. It's like I have a power-loader for a jaw. The tough bit was taking the cupcakes out of the oven. I was afraid of getting my lips burned. But they have these thick mouthpads that you use, and it works just like an oven mitt. Even so, it was kind of scary. I mean, face, oven. But I did it, and I didn't get burned. By the way, cupcakes are really good. I mean, you should just go get some right now. I never realized. Wow they rock. Or, maybe it's because my sense of taste is really different now. Sweet things rule my world now, which is weird, because I never liked sweets much, before. Apparently, next week we're working with wood. I'll tell you about that next letter. I am glad that you and Addy are back together. Congrats, my man. I wish you two only the best. Noah. ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Hi, Stephen - This week was woodshop, basically. We did all kinds of things with wood. As an Earth Pony, my future career choices do not include weather control or casting spells. What we get to do is all the stuff that actually makes the world work. It's a Man's Life in the Earth Pony Corps. Want to know how handless ponies make a door? First you get a log. Seriously, we started with a log. It was really huge. I don't know how they got it here, I suppose I'll find out that stuff another time. Anyway, huge log, bunch of ponies, so how? They have these saws, big long ones, with special rigs in the handles at each end of the blade. A pony gets harnessed up to each end, while two or three lift and hold the blade to the end of the log. The blade has a removable cover on the non-serrated side, built for gripping with the teeth. I was on gripping squad. The cover slides smoothly over the back of the blade. We all get in close and hold up the saw, setting the position, while the two harness ponies pull the blade back and forth. Once the blade is well in, we grippers pull the cover off the flat side, and that is that. Now you would be amazed at how smoothly this goes. It's like magic. Once the two saw-ponies were strapped in, I just found myself trotting in to the saw cover with the others. I didn't even think about it, We just all worked as one. I've never experienced anything like it, not even during my days back at the factory. And it felt good to work together. Nopony complains, or shirks, or causes trouble. Not when it counts. I mean, we have a few clowns in the class. There's this one colt that just whines all the time, I don't know what kind of parenting he had back when he was human, but it was not very good. But he was there, doing the job, as if he lived to serve. Afterwards, he was a pain in the flank again. I'm not entirely sure what it all means. It's as if there is some new command, or something in our brains. It overrides all the crap that normally causes fail to happen. When there is a job to do, that a lot of ponies are all doing, suddenly it's like there is nothing more wonderful than helping out. Afterward, everypony is just back to being themselves. It's a little creepy, when I think about it. Of course, it also means working doesn't suck. I actually had a lot of fun, and throughout the whole week, I had no reason to get mad at anypony. Nobody screwed up, at least not deliberately. There was never a time I felt somepony was being an ass or causing trouble when it counted. I never had a week like that in two-leg land. When it didn't count, though... I may have to kick one little colt's snotty tail one day. I'll write you from pony prison. If they even have prisons here. I don't know yet. Once we had cut planks from the log – everything is really low tech here, sometimes I feel like I am living in a perpetual Renaissance festival – We had to muscle them over to sawhorses to cut them down further. That takes six ponies all working together with tooth and hoof, but it isn't as hard as it sounds. We're built really strong, and so mostly it's a matter of everypony working together to push and prod things into just the right position. Once we get going it is like we all have some kind of collective hive mind – things just get done, no fussing. I saw some ponies with axes. Seriously. In their teeth, chopping wood. If this were earth, their brains would probably be mushed from the constant impact of blade on wood rattling their skulls. But this isn't earth. And these aren't ponies. Not really. See, before I even went for Conversion, I spent some time looking up horses and stuff. Equestrians only look kind of like ponies. But we're not earthly horses at all. There are a lot of differences. Yes, we can talk and reason. But, did you know that horses can't breath through their mouth? Only through their nostrils. Equestrians can use both nose and throat for breathing, just like humans. We have vocal cords. It's part of the reason we can talk at all. And food – yes, we eat a lot of hay and alfalfa and such, but we also eat tons of candy, pies, cakes, bread, flowers, vegetables, milk and even eggs. Eggs go into the baked goods. So, I guess Equestrian ponies are just a tiny bit carnivorous. We can't eat meat, it just won't digest, it won't even go down, but we can cope with small amounts of egg. And we eat so many calories, it would kill a normal horse. Probably a human too, come to think of it. Just kill them dead. We don't seem to have issues with insulin at all. Diabetes does not exist here. Oh, and we can throw up. Terrestrial horses can't, betcha didn't know that! Also, lots of other things we eat are poison to earth horses. Like peppers, onions and daffodils. I had a daisy and daffodil sandwich for lunch today. On earth, daffodils are poisonous to horses and humans alike. But I was assured that within the borders of Equestria, nothing is poisonous. Nothing. Outside the border, say, out in the Everfree forest, there is no end of danger. It's one big nightmare out there, apparently. But here, within the actual land of Equestria, if you see something growing, you can pretty much eat it. Maybe you'll throw up, but you cannot die from it. I don't know why. Magic, probably. I'll finish with a little statement about magic. Unicorns suck. I don't like their attitude. They don't know what real work is, and they prance around like that horn makes them more special than everypony. I don't have that feeling around the pegasai, they're cool. But I get annoyed at the unicorns. They're all loners, or so it seems, and because they can magic things, they don't seem to have that work-together spirit I described earlier. I wouldn't trust one in any sawmill I ran, that's all I'm saying. Noah ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Heya, Stephen! Re your statement about where 'all those calories' go, I can answer that. Straight into my rippling muscles, that's where. But I know what you really mean. I'll give you the scoop on Equestrian poop. Yeah, we make a lot of it. Can't help it the way we eat. The system for dealing with it all is pretty clever though. We have outhouses. But they aren't like the kind humans used to make, back in the ancient days. Let me see if I can describe it well enough for you. Imagine a kind of small barn, tiny, maybe room for one or two ponies. There is a stall, and in the back a big wide rectangular opening on the floor. That is where you do your business. You kind of back up into the stall – there is a board on the floor that lets you know how far, if you don't want to look. You just let rip. What you do goes down the hole in the floor and right into a cart underneath. A dung cart. Pony poop isn't like human poop. It's pretty dry, comparatively, and has a lot of fiber holding it together (hay is our primary staple, after all). The system back there seems to be pretty efficient and tidy – wiping isn't an issue. It just isn't. Well, as long as you hold your tail up. I learned that one my first day, and well, you don't want to make that mistake. Oh flank, you do Not. Want. To. Yeah, laugh it up ape-boy. I've never had the kind of digestive problems I had as a human. I feel like a 20 year old again. I can eat whatever I want, and I never get reflux, or cramps, or anything. Remember those vegans from university? I don't have that problem either. Much. I guess being built for vegetarianism makes all the difference. The dung carts fill up, and when one part is too full, there is a kind of wooden rail you can push against in the outhouse that ratchets the cart below forward a few inches. This allows the carts to fill evenly. It's considered good manners to occasionally check how close the level is to the floor. You get used to it. When the carts are full, they are pulled away and new, empty carts put in. The dung carts are taken to the compost center. Every town has one, some towns share a single, big one. I don't know what they do there, but the end result is fertilizer, and all I can say is that we grow some of the best stuff around. Apparently our poop isn't as toxic and hazardous as human waste. Maybe it's different bacteria, maybe it's what we eat or how we digest. I don't know such things. But, I do know that it isn't the same big deal human waste is. Wow, I bet you loved hearing all about that, huh? Well, you DID ask me to tell you how we do things here. That's how we do it. We just don't need flush toilets and treatment plants in Equestria. On a different topic, I wanted to ask you about Addy's touch of cancer. Everybody gets it of course, it isn't like you can avoid cesium, water is life. I hope the nanopurge isn't too uncomfortable this time. That's one thing I am glad to be done with, I have to say. Cancer isn't even known here. Along with almost any other kind of sickness. We get something like a cold, sometimes, but it isn't too bad. There are diseases beyond our borders, but that is something I intend to avoid. Oh, about your question – I don't know where Equestria is. The night sky is almost the same, which is very weird. I recognize certain constellations, I am sure of it – I don't know many, but I know Orion and the Big Dipper, and I am sure they are up there. There is some kind of a connection with earth, but it isn't clear what it is or how it could be. They really believe that the princesses raise their sun and moon, and as we've seen on the media, their day and night do not correspond with the world outside the barrier. So, I don't know. Maybe Equestria is a pocket universe, or subspace, or some alternate reflection of earth. This isn't something I can understand, so, sorry. I know you are all up in that stuff, but I'm just a simple working pony. Next time I'll tell you about how complicated stuff gets made here. And how I got one over on a certain annoying unicorn. Noah 2. Three Layer CakeLost In The Herd: Three Letters From Home By Chatoyance Chapter Two: Three Layer Cake Heya, Stephen! I've been learning a lot about Equestria this week. From outside, where you are, Equestria seems like heaven. It's green and lush, and filled with singing and food and fun. But there is a darker side to pony life. Well, not exactly dark, not like out there with the terrorists and the corporate wars and the cesium in the tapwater and all that, but still, it surprised me a little. First off, this is not an egalitarian, everyone is equal society. Equestrian life is highly stratified, and there is definitely some tensions going on. We feel it most clearly here in Earth Pony society. It isn't just the unicorns, the pegasai are even worse. Equestrian society is set up like a three-layer cake, with two cherries on top. The bottom layer, which does all the real work, growing food, building roads and buildings, basically hauling the dung (literally!), that's us, the Earth Ponies. We are the tax base for the whole society, and taxes are fairly high. The next layer up is the unicorns. Those horns let them do the fiddily bits, the detail work, and they are kind of the middle class. They make the clocks, sew the clothing, write all the important books, become doctors or students of magic or anything that requires brains and fine control. They live pretty well as a rule, and not out on the farm. The elite are the pegasai. Pegasai have one function in Equestria, they manufacture and distribute weather. Seriously. Equestria is some kind of controlled environment, every thing we would call the 'natural world' has to be done by us, by the ponies. We Earth-types don't just plant seeds, apparently our actions literally make things grow. They wouldn't without our tending. There would be no weather without the Pegasai. In their cloud cities - they can walk on clouds and sculpt clouds into permanent structures - they have factories, I am told, for making everything from snowflakes to rainclouds. Just think for a moment what power they represent. No pony can stand up to them, no insurrection would be possible against their rule. They can construct and deploy tornadoes at will. Lightning storms. Freeze the countryside forever, if they so wished. It is no surprise that more than fifty percent of the taxes collected in Equestria go to supporting their lavish, literally pie-in-the-sky lifestyles. They can't grow food on cloud, it seems. Everything has to be brought up to their floating cities from below. Think of them as the super-wealthy, the corporate gods of Equestria. The two cherries on the top of the cake are our princesses, Celestia and Luna. They have both wings and horns, the only ponies of their type. They aren't like anypony else. I'm not even sure they are actually made of flesh. I got a glimpse of Celestia, from a distance, when I first arrived, and her mane doesn't look like hair - it looks like a curtain of light and energy. I think the princesses are energy beings, like from the old sci-fi shows, devoid of a true physical body. I don't think they are real creatures, in the way ponies and humans are. I think they only look more or less like ponies because it suits their purpose. Their rule is absolute, and, from the inside, I am sure the story they have told the world about why Equestria is expanding isn't the whole story. There is no overpopulation here. Why they are allowing us newfoals in is anypony's guess. I think the conversion bureaus really are a deliberate invasion. But here's the deal: I'm really OK with that. Go Equestria! Let's face it, we've made a royal crapsack of the earth, and maybe Mankind just doesn't make the cut. I think maybe the princesses are doing a salvage operation. I think they are salvaging a dying planet, before it entirely goes down. Of course, maybe now that I am a pony, I can't help but think this way. I wonder about that one, sometimes. I've tried to see if me, now, would agree on such things with the me that you once knew. I think I would agree with myself, but maybe you can tell me if that is true. I guess I don't dislike the unicorns as much as I thought, now. Let me tell you about one I met. It was after pony school, we had finally finished our door. We fixed these really nice, brass handles on it, it turned out pretty sweet. I'm proud of that door. From log to door, dang. I've never felt proud of a door before. Anyway, we were heading into town. Town is Greater Fetlock. I live in just plain Fetlock, which is basically a tiny farming community. Greater Fetlock is a few kilometers down the road, and it is a bustling mid-sized city. They don't just have a general store, they have shops and restaurants and a park. I was pretty excited to be seeing it, after all those weeks down on the farm. That punk colt I told you about, the newfoal kid who annoys me was with us, as was about half of the class. The punk calls himself 'Rocket Racer', and every time I hear that name I want to buck him in the flanks. I don't see anything wrong with taking an Equestrian-styled name, heck, I'm trying to figure out one for myself (any suggestions?) Human names just kind of stick out here, and get a funny look. I want to fit in, only reasonable, really. But if I do finally settle on a new name, it isn't going to be some crazy-ass thing like 'Rocket Racer'. I mean, they don't even HAVE rockets here. Get a clue, dumbcolt. So the kid is going on about some dung I don't know what, and suddenly gallops off, I guess he saw something 'cool' or whatever. Glimmershine, our instructor, told us to stick together on our first trip to the city, and by Luna, that is what I figured we should do. So, off we go to find the little snot. Greater Fetlock still looks like a Renaissance Faire, but it is a fancy one, unlike Just Fetlock. There are stalls of really great looking stuff, shops for just about anything a pony could need, or for that matter, just covet. But where we ended up was a telescope store. I never figured the kid for the science type, but apparently he likes him some serious telescope. Or maybe it was the vague 'steampunk' thing going on with all of the brass and polished wood. But there we all are, in and around this funny looking shop, filled with telescopes and at least one microscope. Now these things were really primitive. Lenses and tubes. But they were beautiful, just works of art. They looked like the kind of thing rich humans would have to show off how little price meant to them. I can't imagine any of them were very powerful, at least by earthly standards. But they were pretty, I'll give 'em that. So the kid, Rocket (ugh!), is craning his neck to look through this big telescope, it has to be the most expensive one there, of course, and he doesn't keep track of his hindquarters. He knocks over this sweet-looking brass job, and it bangs into another and so on, and we're looking at a full-on disaster here. I've already told you about how we ponies seem to get gifted with some kind of super-dexterity. Next thing I know I am diving across the floor, all four hooves out, somehow catching telescopes. It's not like I can grab anything, of course, but balancing things on my hooves has become trivial. Pretty soon I have a telescope on each hoof, and I'm lying on my back, still sliding on the floor, and of course I hit the kid's hind legs and he just sits on my face. Yeah, real funny. At this point I hear a mixture of upset and laughter coming from somewhere past Rocket Racer's big fat ass, and I don't dare move because I can just picture all the telescopes hitting the floor and smashing to bits. It was not one of my best moments. Turns out that the voice belonged to the owner of the shop, a cute little mare named Perspicacity. She's probably about as old as me, and a thousand times better to look at. She really appreciated my efforts to save her creations from destruction. After 'Retard Rock-head' was off of me, and made to apologize (I swear, someday, -buck-, right in the flank, both hooves) I had a chance to properly say hello. And that's when I finally noticed Perspicacity was a unicorn. She used that horn of hers to lift and float all the telescopes back to upright, and I have to say I had mixed feelings. I haven't felt kindly towards unicorns since I arrived in Equestria, feeling that they are loners, have it too easy, and don't know the meaning of work. But the back of her shop was filled with benches of the most complicated parts and pieces, and she had a set-up for dealing with casting metal. I wouldn't dare work with molten metal, not with teeth and hooves. Baking those cupcakes was hot enough for my muzzle, thank you. Now she didn't make a good impression on me with her first words about 'we country bumpkins' crashing through her store like 'wild-eyed manticores' (what the heck is a manticore? Could you look that up for me? No hypernet here), but like I said, she was a looker. I suppose you'll be all curious about how it is that a former human could find a pony attractive. Listen, I'm a pony now, so let's just leave it at that. The taste of food has changed for me, and I guess other tastes have changed as well. I think about human women I knew, and nothing. Less than nothing, they are like strange animals, beasts, to me. I guess whatever controls that stuff gets changed when we change. Just try to imagine Perspicacity as a really pretty woman, if it helps. I pointed out that this country bumpkin, meaning myself, had just saved a heck of a lot of telescopes, sacrificing my dignity in the process, so that maybe she was judging some ponies a little harshly. To her credit, she apologized with grace. Long story short, I've got a date lined up with her tomorrow. I guess unicorns aren't so bad after all. I'll tell you how it went, next letter. For now, I've got a certain little pony to have a talk with about running off. I don't know whether to finally kick him, or thank him. Noah. 3. Hay While The Sun ShinesLost In The Herd: Three Letters From Home By Chatoyance Chapter Three: Hay While The Sun Shines Heya, old pal Stephen! I can't believe you actually went to a Human Liberation Front meeting. That seems very scary to me, to tell you the truth. I guess I can understand, from what you wrote, how they could feel the way they do. I've already come to the conclusion that the emergence of Equestria was probably deliberate. But I no longer feel it is a true invasion. Like I said, I see it more as a salvage operation. Yes, I agree with you that the works of humanity are being erased by this thing. But really, is that such a big deal compared with what Equestria offers us all? Let me see if I can sway you with something I got to experience the other day. I was out trotting around - I figured that I would try to see a little more of the village I have been stationed in. Fetlock isn't very large, but I've seen very little of it, just the school for Newfoals, the impromptu barracks they set up for us in a couple of barns, and of course my excursion to Greater Fetlock. I wanted to see how the locals live, what the land was like. There are a lot of fields, as you can imagine, grains, mostly. A few rather comfy homes and quite a lot of barns. It's pretty much like something out of an old two-D from before the nanoage. Probably earth looked like this, once. I was looking at a swarm of butterflies - they still live out in the open here, and wow, I have to tell you that butterflies are pretty amazing. They are really beautiful. They are everywhere here. Sometimes it's like trotting through clouds of colors. I remember reading once about how, back in the 1700's, sailing ships would encounter masses of butterflies as they approached shore, vast clouds of the creatures that extended for tens of kilometers. I could never imagine that could actually be true, it certainly wasn't even by the early nineteenth century, and of course it would be impossible now, but since I have come to Equestria, I can believe those accounts. There once was beauty to the earth, Stephen. I am confident of that now. But, butterflies aren't the cloud I want to tell you about. Remember how I said that physics was different here? I got a close up look at just how different, thanks to a new friend, a pegasus pony, Skysinger. Sky likes to sing, hence his name, and while I was gawking at the butterflies, I heard him up above me. He has a pretty good voice, actually. Sky was placing clouds. Yeah, you heard that right. Weather has to be manufactured, here - Nature doesn't run itself in Equestria, like back on earth. We have to make it run. The Pegasai, as I mentioned in my last letter, are in charge of weather, and if our crops are to grow, we need rain. The cool thing is, the rain can be ordered as needed, like ordering something off of Hyperbay or Googlezon. So there I was, and Sky was up above me placing clouds. The first thing I noticed is that the heavens above seem a lot closer than on earth. I don't think Equestria is as much a planet as it is a place, whatever that means. You'd probably know more about that stuff than me. But the clouds were pretty close, and so was Skysinger, and well, I basically introduced myself. Long story short, I don't think I dislike pegasai anymore. Sky's a good pony. What was really cool, though was that he brought a cloud down for me. Now, on earth, clouds just look like a thing, a defined thing, because they are so far away, and so huge. You drive into one, or fly into one, and that illusion is dispelled really quickly - a cloud is no different than fog on the ground, and there is no edge or boundary to it. It just gradually gets thicker the closer you get, until you are in fog, right? Not so with Equestrian clouds. These are clouds like I imagined when I was just a child. They are really thick and opaque, and they have a very clear boundary. They look like objects, pony-scale objects. The cloud Sky brought me was just a baby, maybe the size of a motorcycle. It just hung there, in front of me, just above the path. I trotted all around it. I touched it with a hoof, and there was no resistance, my hoof just went in. It came back sopping wet, though. It's like the clouds in Equestria are super dense, but still made out of water vapor. I even stuck my head in. I came out dripping, but it was awesome. Sky thought I looked pretty silly after that, but I laughed too - my mane did get good and soaked. Now here's the wild part; all this time, Sky was standing on the cloud. Like it was a rock or something. The cloud was solid for Sky. It is the darndest thing to see. Pegasai can just clop all over clouds, like they were solid things, and they can push them and move them with their hooves, too. I don't know how this can be, except, you guessed it, magic. And that is something I think you should consider when you are weighing what the HLF has to say, Stephen. We are talking real, honest to Celestia magic here. This is a magical realm. Magic makes this place welcoming to life, not hostile to it. When I think about all the things humans have done, it's all been about surviving a hostile universe. Weather can kill you, plants can kill you, animals can kill you, hunger, heat, cold, disease, exposure to ultraviolet light from the sun - everything can hurt or kill you on earth. So humans had to make cleverer and cleverer ways to avoid the natural world altogether, so they could live longer, with less misery. Now humans live shut up in giant cities, in huge hives of steel and plascreet, and the price of that artificial environment has been the destruction of all the other life on the earth. The place is stripmined and poisoned and so messed up that if you haven't had cancer three times by the age of thirty, doctors get concerned. I'm not saying humans are evil, all they've ever done is just try to not suffer. The real fault is the universe itself - it's a hard place to live in. But Equestria's universe, if that is what it is, is a nice place to live. It's like it was created, deliberately, unlike the earth and the universe you live in. This isn't a land of random forces and evolution - Equestria is like the old fairy stories about gods making the world. This is a kind place, where life is meant to be here, not an accident of chemistry in an uncaring cosmos. Humans have been very clever, but only because they have had to be, just to deal with the horror. All human fantasies are about a world where things aren't so harsh. That place exists, Stephen, right behind that Barrier you see on the newsfeeds. The only price is a little change of species, from ape to pony. All I can say is, I don't regret my conversion one bit, not for a moment. I played with butterflies in sunlight that cannot burn my hide. I stuck my head in a magic cloud. Nothing in the works of Man can top that. I'd trade all the works of humankind for more of that in an instant. Just think about it. Yes, Shakespear is probably too dark for Ponykind. But what are a few stage plays to the wonder of real, actual magic, every day, with no sickness (of any concern, anyway) and no poverty? Well, almost no poverty. I saw my first homeless pony this week. Sort of homeless. Let me explain. See, you can't starve in Equestria - we eat grass, and the stuff grows everywhere. I mean everywhere, tasty flowers too. It's like living inside a perpetual banquet, all the time. So, you are probably asking, why do we bother to grow crops? Why grow hay, and alfalfa, and celery and carrots and suchlike? Hey, there's eating, and then there's dining. It's one thing to not go hungry, and another entirely to sup on the tenderest shoots and the most savory hothouse flowers. Not to mention pies, cakes, stews and soups. You can survive on grass, but it takes home cookin' (or a good restaurant) to make feed-time happy time. There was this pony - I didn't catch her name. She was blue in every sense of the word, skulking about at the edge of the trees, not far from our newfoal barracks. According to one of the locals, she had been haunting the area for a while. Nopony knew where she had come from, because she didn't seem to want to talk about it, but it was clear she was just wandering, homeless. She was dressed funny, too, like some shabby wizard or some stage magician. She had a big hat, and a cape, which were looking pretty ragged. I tried to say hello, but she just galloped off. She looked pretty sad. So, maybe there is poverty, or some kind of rejection or shunning that can happen here in Equestria - I don't know the story here - but unlike back on earth, I can be sure of one thing: whoever she was, I know she is not going to die starving and sick, lost down some alley, covered in soot, cesium, and nanodust. The locals plainly said that if she was willing to talk, they'd help her out. And they would. There is more than enough to go around, all the time. So, it isn't like earth, where, if you are poor, or out of work, you cease being a pony anymore. If she comes back, I intend to chase her down and see if I can get her to open up. Maybe all she needs is somepony willing to try a little harder. OK, I'll stop trying to proselytize you with the Glory Of Celestia, and tell you about my date. You remember the unicorn, Perspicacity, the telescope maker from my last letter, right? Well, I took her to the best restaurant I could afford. We Newfoals are provided a small allowance during our education, until we are able to find the work that best suits us. I haven't had much to spend mine on, so I've been saving it up. Money here is called 'bits', and it is all tiny coins made out of gold. I think it is gold, anyway. We keep our bits in little bags which can be hung off of our manes. Mane hair is pretty thick and sturdy, and the bags have a little comb-hook thing that snags in there real solidly. Getting bits in and out of the bag takes some practice, but that bonus dexterity stuff really helps with that. Most things only cost a bit or two. I don't know what gold is worth here, relative to the earth Credit, but it does seem that gold and precious jewels are pretty common. Those telescopes that Perspicacity makes? Many were covered in gemstones, and all had decorative elements made of what must be gold and silver. Economics here is kind of confusing. For example, I can buy a crate of apples for three to five bits. A whole crate, and they are some darn good apples. But a full night out on the town, like I had with Perspicacity, only ran me about fifteen bits. Maybe eight bits for dinner, another four for the show we saw, and the rest just kind of went. I think we had ice cream later. I don't remember all the details after the show, she was kind of taking up all my attention by then. You mentioned Shakespeare, and threevee shows and all the art humans make, well, ponies have artists too. The show I took Perspicacity to was pretty good. It was a musical, and I don't usually like musicals, but hey, I thought, fillies do, so, you know the idea. I actually found myself having a pretty good time. Imagine that! The story was about this stallion that was given a quest outside of the boundaries of Equestria, to bring back a rare plant that could save a little filly that had ventured into the Everfree Forest. She'd been attacked by some monsterous thing I've never heard the likes of before - apparently outside of Equestria it is monster city or something. Me, I'm staying out of monster forests, thank you. But in this knightly stallion goes, with a blade on his helmet and armor on his back. It was pretty cool looking, I have to say. So he fights all these strange monsters right out of the Lord Of The Rings or Narnia or whatever, and I have to say they did the effects pretty well. They used puppetry and lighting effects, and it wasn't bad. Long story short, he gets the plant, saves the filly, and hooks up with her mom. I'm not saying it was the best thing ever written, but it had really catchy music -I'm still humming the stallion's theme- and some great choreography. If there were any small towns left on earth, I think they would have been proud to have done a show half as good. Perspicacity seemed to appreciate it. Quite a lot, actually. So... I guess I'm dating a unicorn, is what I am saying. Who knew? First I didn't like unicorns, now I seriously like one of them. Then I didn't like pegasai, but now it seems I have a friend who is one. This place does stuff to a pony, stuff that seems to melt away being angry. Heck, even the colt, Rocket, isn't so annoying anymore. Seems he was such a mess because his parents abandoned him so they could live in an exclusive, elite-class condo. Didn't allow kids, so they just up and left. He came home to an empty apartment with only a note and a creditstick with enough to get by for a few weeks. How can humans do that to each other? Poor colt. I guess I've kind of ended up feeling sorry for him. It'll probably be a bad idea, he's already starting to get clingy. Oh well, I always was a sucker for a sad story. At least I don't want to hoof him across the barn anymore. Listen, I'm sorry about Addy. You can do better than her. Finding her with that guy, well, it would have made me mad too. I don't blame you one bit. She just wasn't the relationship type, I guess. That's all I'll say, other than you deserve better, my friend. I'm sorry I can't be there for you. Hey, you could always come here. I know a nice unicorn that has a sister. Just saying. Noah. 4. Your Little PonyLost In The Herd: Three Letters From Home By Chatoyance Chapter Four: Your Little Pony Dear Stephen: Listen, I am so, so sorry for the last letter. I didn't mean to lay it on so thick, and I didn't even know I was doing it. I worry about you, out there, and I just miss my old best friend, that's all. If you feel the Human Liberation Front has something important to say, then I fully support you going to their meetings. We've been friends for years, and I trust your wisdom and compassion. I won't try to sway you one way or the other any more. I'll stick to writing about my own life. I am really sorry I made you so angry. Months ago, before my Conversion, you and I were wondering about where the heck something like Equestria came from. I have some theories about that, based on what I have seen so far. During the past two weeks - I'm sorry I did not write sooner, but I was kind of unsure how to respond to you - I've spent some time really looking at the world I am in. I started thinking about the fact that they have dandelions here, pretty much just like earth does. Dandelions are one flower I know, because they somehow have survived the ecodisaster, even in the Hazardous Exclusion Zones, even in the nanodumps and the Sludgelands. 'The last flower', some call them, and for most of humans, dandelions are the only flower they ever see anymore. Certainly they were the only real, alive flower I ever saw, back when. Remember how I used to stop whenever I would find one, and make you wait? Sorry for that. I guess I just found them amazing. Now I find them delicious, but that is another story. The issue here is that they are the same in Equestria. A little bigger, a little brighter, for all I know a little tastier, but as far as I can tell, they are the same flower. I would have no way to tell with things like trees, or grass, or other things like that - who ever sees those anymore out there? But dandelions, those I know. We've already discussed how the constellations in the sky, as far as I know them, seem the same, more or less. Mostly. I've seen them change a few times now. Maybe they are some kind of projection, or maybe our sovereign Luna really does somehow control the night of this realm. I don't know such things. But mostly, except for when they change, they are the constellations I remember. I am starting to think the connection between Equestria and earth is somehow fundamental. There are too many things here that are too similar to things from earth's past. I think that at some point, long ago, Equestria and earth were in contact somehow, and that the emergence of Equestria is not a singular event. Or maybe the connection was more subtle. I've described my impression of Celestia - that she seemed like something both more, and other than a pony. Like she was some kind of sci-fi energy being just pretending to be a pony. I think I wasn't on exactly the right track. I think she and Luna are fairies. Now don't get all huffy. Think about it with me here - throughout history, there have been endless stories of Alfheim, Fairylands, Faery Queens, and roving fairy bands. 'Thomas the Rhymer' comes to mind. The Eurussian Zone had a long history of such stories. So did lost Japan, before it became uninhabitable. The Panasians, even the Northamerican Alliance has stories like that. What if there was some truth to them? What if there has always been a subworld to the earth, a related but thinly connected realm where beings of thought and will and - magic - existed. Maybe that is where all the stories of fairylands and fairy queens came from. Maybe such a realm, ruled by immortals, has taken many forms. Maybe a land of intelligent ponies is the latest experiment, or fashion. Or maybe this is just one such realm among many. Or, as I am beginning to think, this is the last fairy realm left. Maybe the others died out, or separated too far from Earth to ever make contact again. Maybe Celestia and Luna are the last of their kind, the last immortal fairies of history, and this is their private cosmos, their magical land. And maybe the reason they have returned to salvage the earth, as I see the point of the emergence of Equestria, is because they feel they owe humanity something. Or if not humanity, the world, Nature, the rest of the living things of earth. Now it's just a theory, and I don't have a lot to back it up, but something did make me think of it. I'll tell you about it, maybe you can tell me what you think. You were always better with the cosmic stuff than I was. I was helping Perspicacity sort out her basement. Before you give me the usual, it isn't like that. I'm not being a sucker for a pretty flank here. Things are getting serious for me with Perspicacity. I really care about her, and I think she may just feel the same about me. I hope, anyway. She lives in her telescope shop, upstairs. But downstairs, underground, she has quite the basement. The place is filled with stuff, things I never expected I would see in Equestria. An old-fashioned record player, the kind they had back in the - I don't know for sure, but, maybe the 1920's or so? It had a crank on it. I couldn't believe it. It looked for all the world like something from the human world. And maybe it was. We were trying to find a box filled with gemstones. Like I said, the economy is kind of unfathomable to me, at least right now, and apparently precious jewels are fairly common. Still, they aren't on every corner, and she needed more to finish a telescope she was building for somepony in Hoofington. She reckoned that she had a spare box of gems somewhere down there, so we spent the day going through her basement. In a corner, I found a set of shelves. They looked like they had been carved out of a single, huge slab of wood. They grow some incredibly big trees here, or so I have been told. On the shelves were boxes and knick-knacks and not a few books. One fell off the shelf when I was poking the boxes with a hoof, looking for gems. The book was in English. Maybe. Sort of. Old English, I think. Really, really old. The only time I have ever seen writing like that was in holos from museums back from my college days. The book looked hand-made and hand-bound, and I mean to use those words rather than hoof-made or hoof-bound. It looked like a human world book, and it wasn't written in the Equestrian Script I am desperately trying to learn. I asked Perspicacity about the book, and she hadn't a clue. It had just been in her family, she figured, for generations. Likely before Luna's banishment to the moon - don't ask, I'm not sure I understand any Equestrian history yet. I don't know what to take as real or fiction or what. For them, it's all real history, like the Great Economic Collapse, or the first Nanoplague. The basic thing I got from her is that the book was over seven hundred years old. Maybe more. It looked pretty good for being that ancient. Things don't seem to fall apart here the way they do on earth. I think entropy is different in Equestria, somehow. So the book was in pretty good shape. I tried to look at what it was about, but I just can't read that Old English script stuff, if that even is was it was at all. I mean, I'm no expert, and maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it was just some ancient Equestrian script from a by-gone age. But it looked familiar to me, it really did. I asked Perspicacity what she thought was the reason that Equestria was letting all of us Newfoals in. She told me that Celestia had announced, some time ago, that Earth had been detected again, and that the creatures there needed the help of the Equestrians to survive. I thought about that a lot. Not detected, but detected again. That kind of supports my theory, don't you think? What if there has always been hidden worlds affecting human culture and mythology - gods, demons, stories of monsters, and legends of strange and beautiful fairylands - and there is some ancient bond between us? Maybe this is all just so much foolishness. I don't know anything, I'm just a simple, working pony. But I thought I would tell you, because I thought you might find it curious. I mean, there are a lot of things here that look way too close to something derived from the human world. It makes me think. Maybe it is just that Form Follows Function. A book or a pitcher is the same anywhere in the universe - or other universes - because the job they do defines what they have to look like. A table is a table because table-ness is a matter of practical need. That could explain everything right there. A barn is a barn is a barn, because that is what works. Well, enough of all that heady, mane-shaking stuff. Let me tell you about my son, Rocket. Naw, he's not my son, not exactly, but I just about feel like I somehow ended up adopting him. He really needs a father-figure, he never really had one I guess, and he's latched onto me like a Vanderwaals clamp onto plastcrete. He's changed a lot over the last month, I have to say, and he is no longer the whiny little colt he used to be. Pretty much now, if I say jump, he's in the air before the word leaves my mouth. He really wants to matter to someone, and that someone seems to be me. It's not so bad. In fact, I guess I kind of like a little hero-worship, which is what this kind of feels like. I don't know what I did to deserve him thinking so much of me, all I did was have a talk with him after the telescope incident, and listen to him a bit. Maybe that was enough, I don't know. But he isn't a bad colt. Right now, in pony school, we are pretty much near the end of class. We still do drills on Equestrian script and basic words and phrases and such, and we aren't done entirely with the basics of tool use, and, like I said, I don't know what to make of Equestrian history. It's clear though that things are winding down, because we've been having visits from job counselors, trying to help us find our place in society. I want to find something I can do in Greater Fetlock. I want to be close to Perspicacity, that much I know for sure. She's been hinting that she could use a strong stallion around the shop, but I don't know how I feel about that. I'd rather have a job of my own. I don't exactly feel comfortable with that situation, considering my feelings about her. So, I've been a little concerned about what to do. That darned colt ended up causing a mess again, but the mess found me what looks like a job. Maybe Rocket is some kind of Luck Pony or something. I'm expecting a four-leaf clover to appear on his flank at any moment, the way things go with him. His disasters are better than most of my plans. Dang. Rocket and I were trotting around Fetlock - Greater Fetlock, not the small one - and once again he sees something 'cool' and gets all excited and dashes off without a thought. This time it was a fire truck, or rather cart, the first one I've seen here. It makes sense that Equestria would have fire departments, I mean the buildings are wood and thatch and all Renaissance fair like I've said, so fire is going to be an issue. The fire cart was red, which was really odd, since I am used to seeing emergency vehicles as only bright yellow fluorescent things. But red works, and the cart had some kind of mechanical pump and a big steel and brass tank. It looked like steel and brass, anyway. The cart was made so that ponies could pull it, and we soon met the fire chief, or the equivalent of a fire chief, for Greater Fetlock, and he seemed pretty proud of his station and his team. Of course, the reason we got to meet the chief was because Rocket managed to set off the hose, blasting most of the street and several passers-by, not to mention the inside of a bakery and... well let's just say that there was a mess. Long story short, some of his team were retiring, and before I could say neigh, Rocket had already volunteered us both to be Fireponies. So, if the tryouts go alright, it looks like me and the colt might just have ourselves a new career, and a pretty heroic one at that. I'm certainly going to do my best. Rocket and I have resolved to put in a little practice before the tryout. We figure that there will probably be a lot of pulling the cart really fast, pumping water, and holding hoses, not to mention knowing the streets. So we have set up a little practice area near the Newfoal barracks where we try pulling ropes around and hauling heavy things in a cart we borrowed. I bought us a map of Greater Fetlock, and we try to memorize new routes every time we go visit Perspicacity, which is a lot. Glimmershine - our pony school instructor, remember? - is pulling for us. Apparently we were the first in the class to show initiative to find our own way to fit in, and so she's sort of holding us up as an example of how ponies, working together, can do anything. What has this dang colt gotten me into? I suppose it's some sort of luck and all, but, well, no pressure, right? I don't know what I'll do if we fail the tryouts. I'm trying not to think about that. As best I can. On another topic, I've been thinking more about taking an Equestrian name. 'Noah' just doesn't fit in here, and it makes me sound like a foreigner, and I don't exactly like that. It's not that anyone treats me badly for being a Newfoal, it's just that there is this distance that comes from being a stranger... from a strange world. I don't feel like anypony distrusts me exactly, for having once been human, but... I think I would just feel more comfortable letting my past species kind of settle into being a complete non-issue. I am thinking that if I make the tryouts, and become a proper Firepony, I will go with the name 'Wildfire'. According to a lot of old movies, that is a great name for a pony, the best. It would really seem to fit the job, too, plus it is kind of classy. Now, if I don't make the tryouts, then I'm not so sure. It's kind of a toss-up between 'Old Glue' and 'Horsemeat' at this point. no pressure, no pressure. That colt. What am I going to do with him? Oh! I have managed to find out the answer to your request. I think it is really incredibly open-minded of you, after all of my annoying preaching about how you should join me in Equestria (as at the beginning of this letter, sorry, again), that you would want to hear the other side of the issue. I can't think of a better pony to hear about the non-HLF viewpoint than our own ambassador Twilight Sparkle either. I can see why you want to hear it directly from her. And I am more than happy to help. It wasn't easy, but I managed to find out her schedule, so you can see her in person. My new pegasus friend Skysinger knows a pegasus that knows one of the Royal Guard. I vouched for you, and explained things, and in the end he helped me out. Apparently she is taking a tour of most of the Northamerican Conversion Bureaus, with one other of the original six ambassadors. According to my source, they are going to start with Los Pegasus - what used to be called Los Angeles - and then go on to Albuquerque, Memphis, Bloomington, Hamtramck, Lancing, and finally, New New York. Since you live in Michigan already, maybe Hamtramck or Lancing might be the best places to catch up with her. I really feel that if you hear it directly from the horse's mouth, (I'm still me, as you can see), you will find that the Human Liberation Front may not necessarily have the best view of what is happening to the earth, or what is best for it, or for the human race. I am very excited to hear what comes of this. Also, I wanted to congratulate you on finding a new ladyfriend. Hannah sounds like a wonderful woman, really nice and very smart. Wow, my old flyboy pal Stephen dating an actress! That is pretty awesome, my man. You should take her up for a tour of the city in your copter, if you can get clearance. That is pretty awesome, my man. I just hope Hannah turns out to be the one, you know what I mean. Maybe you could take her to see Twilight too. While nowadays seeing talking ponies is nothing special, how often do you get to meet a famous pony? I envy you that. Nobody famous goes through Fetlock. Not even Greater Fetlock. I look forward to your next letter. I really appreciate you keeping up correspondence with me, Stephen, especially since we have to do this on actual paper and all. Well, you have a printer, but still. It's isn't as easy as just using the hypernet. I just wanted to let you know how much I do appreciate it. Until next time, your little (fire)pony (I hope!) Noah / Wildfire 5. Always In My HeartLost In The Herd: Three Letters From Home By Chatoyance Chapter Five: Always In My Heart Stephen: There is probably little reason to write this letter, or so they tell me, but I just can't seem to accept things. Perspicacity suggested that I try writing to you, that it might help me work things out. She's a lot smarter than I am pretty much about everything, so here I am, wondering what I am supposed to say to you. None of this seems real to me. There has to be a mistake somehow. It's all so hard to accept. I guess I'm writing this, and sending it to your sister in Grand Rapids, in the hope that you may somehow see it. I want to believe that you could somehow see this. That you can still see it. I don't know what else to do. I am told that you... are dead. I am told that you died flying an attack copter into the Great Barrier at full speed. That you conspired with your ladyfriend Hannah to - I can't wrap my mind around it - assassinate two of our Equestrian ambassadors. And the worst part is that it is my fault, my fault that it was possible at all. You know you were my best friend, back in the human world. We knew each other from grade school. We went to the same high school, and then college. We shared an apartment for I don't know how many years. I was there when you married, and divorced, Ashley. Remember the divorce party we all had? That was such a strange year. I thought I knew you, I thought I understood you down into my bones. I thought of you as the brother I never had. I just can't accept that... any of this could be true. Maybe it isn't, I keep hoping. Maybe, someday, you will show up, here in Greater Fetlock, clopping down the cobblestones, some fine stallion I'd be proud to show off to my wife. You and Rocket and Perspicacity. I could enter the Running Of The Leaves together, and my son would finally get to meet my very best friend. You could be his uncle. Oh, Celestia. Celestia. In case it isn't all true, I'll tell you about the past six months. Maybe it will help me make sense of it all, to put it down on paper. I passed my tryout for being a Firepony. Both me and Rocket got in. We had set up a little practice area near the Newfoal barracks. We borrowed a hay cart and practiced pulling it, we pretended ropes were fire hoses and memorized the city. Rocket and I really bonded trying to get those jobs. I guess that's part of the reason Perspicacity and I adopted him. We're a family now, all living together above the telescope shop. Beloved Celestia and Luna, but I love that filly. She has stood by me through all of this, and there is no way I deserve it, but she did. Rocket really is a 'luck pony', I guess, at least for me. He didn't get a clover-leaf like I thought, but he did get his mark. So have I. We both have matching flames and waterdrops. His mark has the drops on the left, and mine has them on the right. I guess being Fireponies was our true destiny in life. It definitely feels like it to me. Those matching Butt Marks really make us look like father and son, too. I hadn't heard from you for four, almost five, months, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time. I was so busy learning how to be the best Firepony I could, and helping Rocket to be one too. Being a Firepony can be demanding, and dangerous work. But it is so very rewarding. I feel like a hero, sometimes, when I know I've rescued somepony, or at least saved their home or business. Most of the time, though, we all just wait around the hall. That part is really hard. You would think being able to sit around and play games or talk would be an easy life, but it really isn't. Always we wait for the bell, always we are half on edge waiting for the call. Half of me dreads the call, because of what it means, and what we'll all have to face, and half of me is frustrated that the call hasn't come yet because waiting is so hard. Being a Firepony is a strange occupation. But I am so fortunate - I have a career I am grateful for, I can help support my family, and I have a son I feel genuinely grateful to have. Rocket has turned out to be a young colt I am really proud of. It's hard to imagine I ever thought he was a punk. All he needed was a little love and someone to show him how to be a stallion in the world. He was cited for bravery, I'd like to brag. He managed to save a little foal that was inside a burning barn, just before it collapsed. I almost had a fit at the time, I can't help but worry for him, but it was what needed to be done, and he did it, without once thinking of himself. About a month after Rocket and I got hired, I proposed to Perspicacity. I had a solid job, a good future, and dammit, I knew I loved her even then. I guess I probably knew pretty much from that first time I met her, catching all those telescopes. I was afraid, of course, when I proposed, because we hadn't known each other for all that long. But sometimes, when magic happens, you just have to go for it, and I did. Luna only knows what she sees in me, but whatever it is, I am grateful for it. Anyway, as I mentioned, it had been five months without any response from you, and I had just started to wonder if you were ever going to write back when there was quite a commotion in the street. Remember how I wrote that nobody famous ever visits Fetlock? Well, that's no longer true, and I can't say I ended up very happy as a result. When I peeked out of the firehouse, the first thing I saw were these four amazing, armored pegasai. White as snow and covered in plate, with really fierce looking helmets. This was something to see, but there was more. They were pulling an amazing carriage, the Royal Carriage of Equestria, and you can guess who was riding in it. I felt a strange feeling of fear and devotion. Celestia. Princess of all Equestria, Goddess of the Sun. Here in Greater Fetlock. When she started heading towards the Firehouse, my legs just buckled. I was down on the ground, bowing without even thinking of it. You don't need that training they give you at the pony school. You just can't help it. She has this presence, this majesty, that you can feel. It just fills the air. It fills the mind, it gets into the bones. It isn't like meeting some earth president or CEO. She is the real thing. Power incarnate. I can say that she is definitely not of the world. Close up - her mane is not hair. I don't know what it is, energy, a curtain of light, pure magic flowing out - whatever it is, it is a badge of otherworldly something. It flows in currents beyond any wind, and to look into it is like looking into the colors of infinity. Celestia is absolutely a supernatural being. I no longer doubt that she truly causes the sun to rise in the sky. As glorious as this was, it did not go well. I was arrested - well, not exactly arrested, not like on earth, but taken into custody by a pair of those armorplated pegasai. I was never beaten, microwaved, plasma-whipped, pain-sticked, tortured or crippled. It wasn't like dealing with police on your side of the barrier. Everything was remarkably civil and polite. But I felt like I was in trouble, and honestly, I just plain wanted to cry. I wanted to cry like a foal. My next few hours were some of the hardest in my life. I spent a long time just waiting in the city hall. They had appropriated the mayor's office, and that is where I sat. I don't know if they posted a guard, I was too afraid to move. I had no idea why I was there. I figured that maybe it was just because I was a Newfoal, a former human, and maybe I had somehow broken some law by marrying Perspicacity. I was so afraid for her. What had I gotten her into, thinking I was good enough for somepony like her? I felt so ashamed and sad. Finally Celestia, herself, entered the room. Tea was brought for her. She sipped her tea and regarded me. That was probably the longest few minutes of my existence. I couldn't bear to look her in the eye. I just kept staring at my hooves. I wanted to beg her on behalf of Perspicacity and Rocket, whatever was wrong with me, they were innocent. In the end, it turned out to be about that schedule I sent you, the one Skysinger had gotten for me, the one that told which Bureaus Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie were visiting. I was informed that an attempt on their lives had been made, that Hannah had opened fire in the Lancing Bureau, that innocent humans and ponies had been hurt, even killed. I couldn't take it in. It was like a horror story just to hear such things. But the worst was hearing that supposedly you had been working with Hannah all along, that I had been used to gather information, that you had betrayed our friendship, my... trust. Celestia asked me questions, explained things, I can't remember everything that was said, or how I answered - the whole experience has blurred in my memory. I know I broke down and wept at least once. She was never unkind, I remember that, but I think she was somehow looking right down into my very soul during that talk. She was very gentle with me, but I was under no doubt, even for a second, that if I had been truly to blame, if I had actually plotted against her, I would not have survived that day. I don't know what she could or would do to an enemy, but I have no doubt it would be final. Celestia is both lovely and terrifying. She is sublime, fear and wonder and awe. That said, I would never want to do anything to even upset her. Not because she is powerful, but because I genuinely don't wish to. If anything, I want to serve her to the best of my ability. I'm not sure that I can explain to you why, but the best I can offer is that she is worth devotion. You can feel it, right down to the marrow. I've never felt anything like that, even as a human child, not for any flag, or corporation, or earth leader. It's like not wanting to disappoint your own mother, only more so. The one lasting memory I have of meeting Princess Celestia was a look of pity on her face. It didn't shame me, but it did make me feel very sad. She didn't pity my naivety, or that I had trusted without caution, or that I had failed to even imagine that the information I got for you could ever be used wrongly. I think, to this day, that she felt sorry for me, because she knew my heart had been broken. I am so angry at you. How could you do such a thing? Maybe this all isn't true. I want to believe it isn't true. But Celestia is a goddess. A living goddess. How can she be in error? She can raise the very sun into the sky. I want to believe that even a goddess can be wrong. I want to believe that one day, I will see you, all ponified and fine, trotting up to meet me. My old friend, still my best friend. I don't know if I can ever completely accept this. Probably to the end of my days, some part of me will be waiting for you to show up on our doorstep, even after Zero Point, even after there are no more humans. A part of me imagines you are already here, in Equestria, starting out in one of the many other Newfoal schools. My life went back to more-or-less normal after The Royal Visit. Someponies kind of treated me a little funny for a while - I mean it isn't everyday that Celestia Herself comes to a town like Fetlock just to talk with some pony. Especially about something like... what happened. Apparently a copter managed to smash through the Barrier and there was all kinds of fuss. I hadn't heard anything about it until that meeting with Celestia. Greater Fetlock isn't exactly an important hub of civilization. I hear that Skysinger was called on the carpet too. I haven't seen Skysinger since then. That hurts me a lot. My first pegasus friend, and I don't know if he will ever want to talk to me again. He has no reason to trust me anymore, and every reason not to, I understand that. I just wish I could talk to him, explain that I didn't know not to trust. But I am just an earth pony. I can't fly. I wouldn't know how to find him, even if I could be sure it was the right thing to do at all. Perspicacity has been wonderful through all of this. She has put up with my grief over all of this, and she never doubted me once. I wonder if, as a unicorn, she can see into ponies souls too, or if it is just that she just loves and trusts me that much. Rocket and I work hard at being Fireponies, and on weekends we run together all the way to Just Fetlock and back, and sometimes Perspicacity joins us, and we are our own herd, running, running like the wind. I always keep an eye on the sky, in case somehow I might glimpse Skysinger again. I guess I just can't help being the hopeful sort. And I keep you, my old friend, always in my heart, and every corner I pass, as we run, I look to see if maybe, just maybe, it could be you galloping up to meet us. I guess I know it is unlikely, maybe even impossible. Equestria is a magical land. Maybe there is enough magic even for the occasional miracle, If I just hope enough. Rest easy, my old, dear friend. I forgive you. Wildfire The Lost In The Herd Series: One: The Big Respawn, Two: Euphrosyne Unchained, Three: Letters From Home, Four: Teacup, Down On The Farm The Conversion Bureau Novels: 27 Ounces: A story of eight and one half ponies The Taste Of Grass The Conversion Bureau: Code Majeste The Conversion Bureau: The 800 Year Promise The Conversion Bureau: Going Pony The Reasonably Adamant Down With Celestia Newfoal Society! Recombinant 63: A Conversion Bureau Story HUMAN in Equestria: A Conversion Bureau Story The PER: Michelson and Morely Little Blue Cat Cross The Amazon Adrift Off Fiddler's Green: A Conversion Bureau Story The Short Stories: Her Last Possession The Conversion Bureau: PER Equitum The Conversion Bureau: Brand New Universe Tales Of Los Pegasus The Poly Little Pony The very first and original Conversion Bureau Group archives only the best Three Rules Compatible stories! Optimalverse Works: Friendship Is Optimal: Caelum Est Conterrens Leftovers: A Friendship Is Optimal Story IMPLACABLE Injectorverse Works: I.D. - That Indestructible Something The Non-Conversion Bureau Fanfics: The Ice Cream Pony Summer Around The Bend
1, Hi StePn!Lost In The Herd: Three Letters From Home By Chatoyance Chapter One: Hi StePn! Hi StePn! Sory fr th3 Writin. Im vsinG my MoutH its harD. I am in Fetlock. Small twn. All nice to me. I lik HAY!!! Go school. Writ more soon. Noah ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Hello Stephen! I can write much better now. Still a bit hard. It gets easier fast though. I write with my mouth. I ended up an Earth Pony. I go to pony school for the newfoals. There are many here. Fetlock is a nice town and they try to make us feel welcome. I hope you feel better soon. I am glad you were not more hurt. The HLF is scary. I will try to say more next letter. Noah ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Hello, Stephen! Wow, I did not know things were getting so bad out there. I worry about you. Please stay away from the megamall, OK? I sure wish the Human Liberation Front would stop doing things like that. I am glad to know the cast is coming off. I am glad your arm is going to be fine. Every day I go to pony school. We learn about Equestria, but most of our time we learn how to do basic tasks. At first it was hard, but it gets easy at an amazing rate. Look at how much better I can write already! With my mouth! I have gotten pretty good doing things with my front hooves, too. Here is something odd – I can balance things without trying. All ponies can. We all have perfect balance, or something close. I can spin my bowl on my hoof. I could never do that before – remember basketball? I can even balance my pencil on my nose. Really! Next letter I will tell you much more. Noah ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Heya, Stephen! Writing has finally become easy. I am amazed at how easy. I can even sketch now. It's really kind of incredible. As far as I can tell, Equestrians are naturally agile. These bodies come pre-loaded with hard-wired innate “dexterity” for lack of a better word. In only three weeks, I have gone from barely being able to walk and hold something in my mouth to writing, sketching, galloping all over the place - I can even do a proper canter now! - and yesterday, I baked cupcakes. Yes, cupcakes, dude. Baked goods are a big deal here. I did everything by myself, under the supervision of Glimmerdawn, our instructor. You were curious about how we can do anything, lacking hands. It's actually surprisingly simple. Cups and jugs and such all have handles, and my neck is really flexible. Don't laugh, but I can look at my own rear end. Seriously. Pony necks are like cranes. I can look almost directly behind me, or down close to my own flank. I can nibble my own flank if it itches. I couldn't move like that when I was human. Yes, I know what you are thinking. No, I can't bend my neck that direction. Not that I would, either, Stephen. OK yeah, I tried. For scientific reasons. I mean, come on. No, down and under isn't really possible. Ponies aren't like dogs. Enough said. I feel really, really strong. Strong as a horse -yes, I went there. Lifting a full pitcher of milk with my teeth is nothing. I just turn my head sideways, take the handle in my teeth, and it's like nothing. When I pour, I don't spill. It's that weird dexterity again, I think, because I wasn't that good with stuff like that back when. Also, my teeth are like iron. It's like I have a power-loader for a jaw. The tough bit was taking the cupcakes out of the oven. I was afraid of getting my lips burned. But they have these thick mouthpads that you use, and it works just like an oven mitt. Even so, it was kind of scary. I mean, face, oven. But I did it, and I didn't get burned. By the way, cupcakes are really good. I mean, you should just go get some right now. I never realized. Wow they rock. Or, maybe it's because my sense of taste is really different now. Sweet things rule my world now, which is weird, because I never liked sweets much, before. Apparently, next week we're working with wood. I'll tell you about that next letter. I am glad that you and Addy are back together. Congrats, my man. I wish you two only the best. Noah. ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Hi, Stephen - This week was woodshop, basically. We did all kinds of things with wood. As an Earth Pony, my future career choices do not include weather control or casting spells. What we get to do is all the stuff that actually makes the world work. It's a Man's Life in the Earth Pony Corps. Want to know how handless ponies make a door? First you get a log. Seriously, we started with a log. It was really huge. I don't know how they got it here, I suppose I'll find out that stuff another time. Anyway, huge log, bunch of ponies, so how? They have these saws, big long ones, with special rigs in the handles at each end of the blade. A pony gets harnessed up to each end, while two or three lift and hold the blade to the end of the log. The blade has a removable cover on the non-serrated side, built for gripping with the teeth. I was on gripping squad. The cover slides smoothly over the back of the blade. We all get in close and hold up the saw, setting the position, while the two harness ponies pull the blade back and forth. Once the blade is well in, we grippers pull the cover off the flat side, and that is that. Now you would be amazed at how smoothly this goes. It's like magic. Once the two saw-ponies were strapped in, I just found myself trotting in to the saw cover with the others. I didn't even think about it, We just all worked as one. I've never experienced anything like it, not even during my days back at the factory. And it felt good to work together. Nopony complains, or shirks, or causes trouble. Not when it counts. I mean, we have a few clowns in the class. There's this one colt that just whines all the time, I don't know what kind of parenting he had back when he was human, but it was not very good. But he was there, doing the job, as if he lived to serve. Afterwards, he was a pain in the flank again. I'm not entirely sure what it all means. It's as if there is some new command, or something in our brains. It overrides all the crap that normally causes fail to happen. When there is a job to do, that a lot of ponies are all doing, suddenly it's like there is nothing more wonderful than helping out. Afterward, everypony is just back to being themselves. It's a little creepy, when I think about it. Of course, it also means working doesn't suck. I actually had a lot of fun, and throughout the whole week, I had no reason to get mad at anypony. Nobody screwed up, at least not deliberately. There was never a time I felt somepony was being an ass or causing trouble when it counted. I never had a week like that in two-leg land. When it didn't count, though... I may have to kick one little colt's snotty tail one day. I'll write you from pony prison. If they even have prisons here. I don't know yet. Once we had cut planks from the log – everything is really low tech here, sometimes I feel like I am living in a perpetual Renaissance festival – We had to muscle them over to sawhorses to cut them down further. That takes six ponies all working together with tooth and hoof, but it isn't as hard as it sounds. We're built really strong, and so mostly it's a matter of everypony working together to push and prod things into just the right position. Once we get going it is like we all have some kind of collective hive mind – things just get done, no fussing. I saw some ponies with axes. Seriously. In their teeth, chopping wood. If this were earth, their brains would probably be mushed from the constant impact of blade on wood rattling their skulls. But this isn't earth. And these aren't ponies. Not really. See, before I even went for Conversion, I spent some time looking up horses and stuff. Equestrians only look kind of like ponies. But we're not earthly horses at all. There are a lot of differences. Yes, we can talk and reason. But, did you know that horses can't breath through their mouth? Only through their nostrils. Equestrians can use both nose and throat for breathing, just like humans. We have vocal cords. It's part of the reason we can talk at all. And food – yes, we eat a lot of hay and alfalfa and such, but we also eat tons of candy, pies, cakes, bread, flowers, vegetables, milk and even eggs. Eggs go into the baked goods. So, I guess Equestrian ponies are just a tiny bit carnivorous. We can't eat meat, it just won't digest, it won't even go down, but we can cope with small amounts of egg. And we eat so many calories, it would kill a normal horse. Probably a human too, come to think of it. Just kill them dead. We don't seem to have issues with insulin at all. Diabetes does not exist here. Oh, and we can throw up. Terrestrial horses can't, betcha didn't know that! Also, lots of other things we eat are poison to earth horses. Like peppers, onions and daffodils. I had a daisy and daffodil sandwich for lunch today. On earth, daffodils are poisonous to horses and humans alike. But I was assured that within the borders of Equestria, nothing is poisonous. Nothing. Outside the border, say, out in the Everfree forest, there is no end of danger. It's one big nightmare out there, apparently. But here, within the actual land of Equestria, if you see something growing, you can pretty much eat it. Maybe you'll throw up, but you cannot die from it. I don't know why. Magic, probably. I'll finish with a little statement about magic. Unicorns suck. I don't like their attitude. They don't know what real work is, and they prance around like that horn makes them more special than everypony. I don't have that feeling around the pegasai, they're cool. But I get annoyed at the unicorns. They're all loners, or so it seems, and because they can magic things, they don't seem to have that work-together spirit I described earlier. I wouldn't trust one in any sawmill I ran, that's all I'm saying. Noah ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Heya, Stephen! Re your statement about where 'all those calories' go, I can answer that. Straight into my rippling muscles, that's where. But I know what you really mean. I'll give you the scoop on Equestrian poop. Yeah, we make a lot of it. Can't help it the way we eat. The system for dealing with it all is pretty clever though. We have outhouses. But they aren't like the kind humans used to make, back in the ancient days. Let me see if I can describe it well enough for you. Imagine a kind of small barn, tiny, maybe room for one or two ponies. There is a stall, and in the back a big wide rectangular opening on the floor. That is where you do your business. You kind of back up into the stall – there is a board on the floor that lets you know how far, if you don't want to look. You just let rip. What you do goes down the hole in the floor and right into a cart underneath. A dung cart. Pony poop isn't like human poop. It's pretty dry, comparatively, and has a lot of fiber holding it together (hay is our primary staple, after all). The system back there seems to be pretty efficient and tidy – wiping isn't an issue. It just isn't. Well, as long as you hold your tail up. I learned that one my first day, and well, you don't want to make that mistake. Oh flank, you do Not. Want. To. Yeah, laugh it up ape-boy. I've never had the kind of digestive problems I had as a human. I feel like a 20 year old again. I can eat whatever I want, and I never get reflux, or cramps, or anything. Remember those vegans from university? I don't have that problem either. Much. I guess being built for vegetarianism makes all the difference. The dung carts fill up, and when one part is too full, there is a kind of wooden rail you can push against in the outhouse that ratchets the cart below forward a few inches. This allows the carts to fill evenly. It's considered good manners to occasionally check how close the level is to the floor. You get used to it. When the carts are full, they are pulled away and new, empty carts put in. The dung carts are taken to the compost center. Every town has one, some towns share a single, big one. I don't know what they do there, but the end result is fertilizer, and all I can say is that we grow some of the best stuff around. Apparently our poop isn't as toxic and hazardous as human waste. Maybe it's different bacteria, maybe it's what we eat or how we digest. I don't know such things. But, I do know that it isn't the same big deal human waste is. Wow, I bet you loved hearing all about that, huh? Well, you DID ask me to tell you how we do things here. That's how we do it. We just don't need flush toilets and treatment plants in Equestria. On a different topic, I wanted to ask you about Addy's touch of cancer. Everybody gets it of course, it isn't like you can avoid cesium, water is life. I hope the nanopurge isn't too uncomfortable this time. That's one thing I am glad to be done with, I have to say. Cancer isn't even known here. Along with almost any other kind of sickness. We get something like a cold, sometimes, but it isn't too bad. There are diseases beyond our borders, but that is something I intend to avoid. Oh, about your question – I don't know where Equestria is. The night sky is almost the same, which is very weird. I recognize certain constellations, I am sure of it – I don't know many, but I know Orion and the Big Dipper, and I am sure they are up there. There is some kind of a connection with earth, but it isn't clear what it is or how it could be. They really believe that the princesses raise their sun and moon, and as we've seen on the media, their day and night do not correspond with the world outside the barrier. So, I don't know. Maybe Equestria is a pocket universe, or subspace, or some alternate reflection of earth. This isn't something I can understand, so, sorry. I know you are all up in that stuff, but I'm just a simple working pony. Next time I'll tell you about how complicated stuff gets made here. And how I got one over on a certain annoying unicorn. Noah
2. Three Layer CakeLost In The Herd: Three Letters From Home By Chatoyance Chapter Two: Three Layer Cake Heya, Stephen! I've been learning a lot about Equestria this week. From outside, where you are, Equestria seems like heaven. It's green and lush, and filled with singing and food and fun. But there is a darker side to pony life. Well, not exactly dark, not like out there with the terrorists and the corporate wars and the cesium in the tapwater and all that, but still, it surprised me a little. First off, this is not an egalitarian, everyone is equal society. Equestrian life is highly stratified, and there is definitely some tensions going on. We feel it most clearly here in Earth Pony society. It isn't just the unicorns, the pegasai are even worse. Equestrian society is set up like a three-layer cake, with two cherries on top. The bottom layer, which does all the real work, growing food, building roads and buildings, basically hauling the dung (literally!), that's us, the Earth Ponies. We are the tax base for the whole society, and taxes are fairly high. The next layer up is the unicorns. Those horns let them do the fiddily bits, the detail work, and they are kind of the middle class. They make the clocks, sew the clothing, write all the important books, become doctors or students of magic or anything that requires brains and fine control. They live pretty well as a rule, and not out on the farm. The elite are the pegasai. Pegasai have one function in Equestria, they manufacture and distribute weather. Seriously. Equestria is some kind of controlled environment, every thing we would call the 'natural world' has to be done by us, by the ponies. We Earth-types don't just plant seeds, apparently our actions literally make things grow. They wouldn't without our tending. There would be no weather without the Pegasai. In their cloud cities - they can walk on clouds and sculpt clouds into permanent structures - they have factories, I am told, for making everything from snowflakes to rainclouds. Just think for a moment what power they represent. No pony can stand up to them, no insurrection would be possible against their rule. They can construct and deploy tornadoes at will. Lightning storms. Freeze the countryside forever, if they so wished. It is no surprise that more than fifty percent of the taxes collected in Equestria go to supporting their lavish, literally pie-in-the-sky lifestyles. They can't grow food on cloud, it seems. Everything has to be brought up to their floating cities from below. Think of them as the super-wealthy, the corporate gods of Equestria. The two cherries on the top of the cake are our princesses, Celestia and Luna. They have both wings and horns, the only ponies of their type. They aren't like anypony else. I'm not even sure they are actually made of flesh. I got a glimpse of Celestia, from a distance, when I first arrived, and her mane doesn't look like hair - it looks like a curtain of light and energy. I think the princesses are energy beings, like from the old sci-fi shows, devoid of a true physical body. I don't think they are real creatures, in the way ponies and humans are. I think they only look more or less like ponies because it suits their purpose. Their rule is absolute, and, from the inside, I am sure the story they have told the world about why Equestria is expanding isn't the whole story. There is no overpopulation here. Why they are allowing us newfoals in is anypony's guess. I think the conversion bureaus really are a deliberate invasion. But here's the deal: I'm really OK with that. Go Equestria! Let's face it, we've made a royal crapsack of the earth, and maybe Mankind just doesn't make the cut. I think maybe the princesses are doing a salvage operation. I think they are salvaging a dying planet, before it entirely goes down. Of course, maybe now that I am a pony, I can't help but think this way. I wonder about that one, sometimes. I've tried to see if me, now, would agree on such things with the me that you once knew. I think I would agree with myself, but maybe you can tell me if that is true. I guess I don't dislike the unicorns as much as I thought, now. Let me tell you about one I met. It was after pony school, we had finally finished our door. We fixed these really nice, brass handles on it, it turned out pretty sweet. I'm proud of that door. From log to door, dang. I've never felt proud of a door before. Anyway, we were heading into town. Town is Greater Fetlock. I live in just plain Fetlock, which is basically a tiny farming community. Greater Fetlock is a few kilometers down the road, and it is a bustling mid-sized city. They don't just have a general store, they have shops and restaurants and a park. I was pretty excited to be seeing it, after all those weeks down on the farm. That punk colt I told you about, the newfoal kid who annoys me was with us, as was about half of the class. The punk calls himself 'Rocket Racer', and every time I hear that name I want to buck him in the flanks. I don't see anything wrong with taking an Equestrian-styled name, heck, I'm trying to figure out one for myself (any suggestions?) Human names just kind of stick out here, and get a funny look. I want to fit in, only reasonable, really. But if I do finally settle on a new name, it isn't going to be some crazy-ass thing like 'Rocket Racer'. I mean, they don't even HAVE rockets here. Get a clue, dumbcolt. So the kid is going on about some dung I don't know what, and suddenly gallops off, I guess he saw something 'cool' or whatever. Glimmershine, our instructor, told us to stick together on our first trip to the city, and by Luna, that is what I figured we should do. So, off we go to find the little snot. Greater Fetlock still looks like a Renaissance Faire, but it is a fancy one, unlike Just Fetlock. There are stalls of really great looking stuff, shops for just about anything a pony could need, or for that matter, just covet. But where we ended up was a telescope store. I never figured the kid for the science type, but apparently he likes him some serious telescope. Or maybe it was the vague 'steampunk' thing going on with all of the brass and polished wood. But there we all are, in and around this funny looking shop, filled with telescopes and at least one microscope. Now these things were really primitive. Lenses and tubes. But they were beautiful, just works of art. They looked like the kind of thing rich humans would have to show off how little price meant to them. I can't imagine any of them were very powerful, at least by earthly standards. But they were pretty, I'll give 'em that. So the kid, Rocket (ugh!), is craning his neck to look through this big telescope, it has to be the most expensive one there, of course, and he doesn't keep track of his hindquarters. He knocks over this sweet-looking brass job, and it bangs into another and so on, and we're looking at a full-on disaster here. I've already told you about how we ponies seem to get gifted with some kind of super-dexterity. Next thing I know I am diving across the floor, all four hooves out, somehow catching telescopes. It's not like I can grab anything, of course, but balancing things on my hooves has become trivial. Pretty soon I have a telescope on each hoof, and I'm lying on my back, still sliding on the floor, and of course I hit the kid's hind legs and he just sits on my face. Yeah, real funny. At this point I hear a mixture of upset and laughter coming from somewhere past Rocket Racer's big fat ass, and I don't dare move because I can just picture all the telescopes hitting the floor and smashing to bits. It was not one of my best moments. Turns out that the voice belonged to the owner of the shop, a cute little mare named Perspicacity. She's probably about as old as me, and a thousand times better to look at. She really appreciated my efforts to save her creations from destruction. After 'Retard Rock-head' was off of me, and made to apologize (I swear, someday, -buck-, right in the flank, both hooves) I had a chance to properly say hello. And that's when I finally noticed Perspicacity was a unicorn. She used that horn of hers to lift and float all the telescopes back to upright, and I have to say I had mixed feelings. I haven't felt kindly towards unicorns since I arrived in Equestria, feeling that they are loners, have it too easy, and don't know the meaning of work. But the back of her shop was filled with benches of the most complicated parts and pieces, and she had a set-up for dealing with casting metal. I wouldn't dare work with molten metal, not with teeth and hooves. Baking those cupcakes was hot enough for my muzzle, thank you. Now she didn't make a good impression on me with her first words about 'we country bumpkins' crashing through her store like 'wild-eyed manticores' (what the heck is a manticore? Could you look that up for me? No hypernet here), but like I said, she was a looker. I suppose you'll be all curious about how it is that a former human could find a pony attractive. Listen, I'm a pony now, so let's just leave it at that. The taste of food has changed for me, and I guess other tastes have changed as well. I think about human women I knew, and nothing. Less than nothing, they are like strange animals, beasts, to me. I guess whatever controls that stuff gets changed when we change. Just try to imagine Perspicacity as a really pretty woman, if it helps. I pointed out that this country bumpkin, meaning myself, had just saved a heck of a lot of telescopes, sacrificing my dignity in the process, so that maybe she was judging some ponies a little harshly. To her credit, she apologized with grace. Long story short, I've got a date lined up with her tomorrow. I guess unicorns aren't so bad after all. I'll tell you how it went, next letter. For now, I've got a certain little pony to have a talk with about running off. I don't know whether to finally kick him, or thank him. Noah.
3. Hay While The Sun ShinesLost In The Herd: Three Letters From Home By Chatoyance Chapter Three: Hay While The Sun Shines Heya, old pal Stephen! I can't believe you actually went to a Human Liberation Front meeting. That seems very scary to me, to tell you the truth. I guess I can understand, from what you wrote, how they could feel the way they do. I've already come to the conclusion that the emergence of Equestria was probably deliberate. But I no longer feel it is a true invasion. Like I said, I see it more as a salvage operation. Yes, I agree with you that the works of humanity are being erased by this thing. But really, is that such a big deal compared with what Equestria offers us all? Let me see if I can sway you with something I got to experience the other day. I was out trotting around - I figured that I would try to see a little more of the village I have been stationed in. Fetlock isn't very large, but I've seen very little of it, just the school for Newfoals, the impromptu barracks they set up for us in a couple of barns, and of course my excursion to Greater Fetlock. I wanted to see how the locals live, what the land was like. There are a lot of fields, as you can imagine, grains, mostly. A few rather comfy homes and quite a lot of barns. It's pretty much like something out of an old two-D from before the nanoage. Probably earth looked like this, once. I was looking at a swarm of butterflies - they still live out in the open here, and wow, I have to tell you that butterflies are pretty amazing. They are really beautiful. They are everywhere here. Sometimes it's like trotting through clouds of colors. I remember reading once about how, back in the 1700's, sailing ships would encounter masses of butterflies as they approached shore, vast clouds of the creatures that extended for tens of kilometers. I could never imagine that could actually be true, it certainly wasn't even by the early nineteenth century, and of course it would be impossible now, but since I have come to Equestria, I can believe those accounts. There once was beauty to the earth, Stephen. I am confident of that now. But, butterflies aren't the cloud I want to tell you about. Remember how I said that physics was different here? I got a close up look at just how different, thanks to a new friend, a pegasus pony, Skysinger. Sky likes to sing, hence his name, and while I was gawking at the butterflies, I heard him up above me. He has a pretty good voice, actually. Sky was placing clouds. Yeah, you heard that right. Weather has to be manufactured, here - Nature doesn't run itself in Equestria, like back on earth. We have to make it run. The Pegasai, as I mentioned in my last letter, are in charge of weather, and if our crops are to grow, we need rain. The cool thing is, the rain can be ordered as needed, like ordering something off of Hyperbay or Googlezon. So there I was, and Sky was up above me placing clouds. The first thing I noticed is that the heavens above seem a lot closer than on earth. I don't think Equestria is as much a planet as it is a place, whatever that means. You'd probably know more about that stuff than me. But the clouds were pretty close, and so was Skysinger, and well, I basically introduced myself. Long story short, I don't think I dislike pegasai anymore. Sky's a good pony. What was really cool, though was that he brought a cloud down for me. Now, on earth, clouds just look like a thing, a defined thing, because they are so far away, and so huge. You drive into one, or fly into one, and that illusion is dispelled really quickly - a cloud is no different than fog on the ground, and there is no edge or boundary to it. It just gradually gets thicker the closer you get, until you are in fog, right? Not so with Equestrian clouds. These are clouds like I imagined when I was just a child. They are really thick and opaque, and they have a very clear boundary. They look like objects, pony-scale objects. The cloud Sky brought me was just a baby, maybe the size of a motorcycle. It just hung there, in front of me, just above the path. I trotted all around it. I touched it with a hoof, and there was no resistance, my hoof just went in. It came back sopping wet, though. It's like the clouds in Equestria are super dense, but still made out of water vapor. I even stuck my head in. I came out dripping, but it was awesome. Sky thought I looked pretty silly after that, but I laughed too - my mane did get good and soaked. Now here's the wild part; all this time, Sky was standing on the cloud. Like it was a rock or something. The cloud was solid for Sky. It is the darndest thing to see. Pegasai can just clop all over clouds, like they were solid things, and they can push them and move them with their hooves, too. I don't know how this can be, except, you guessed it, magic. And that is something I think you should consider when you are weighing what the HLF has to say, Stephen. We are talking real, honest to Celestia magic here. This is a magical realm. Magic makes this place welcoming to life, not hostile to it. When I think about all the things humans have done, it's all been about surviving a hostile universe. Weather can kill you, plants can kill you, animals can kill you, hunger, heat, cold, disease, exposure to ultraviolet light from the sun - everything can hurt or kill you on earth. So humans had to make cleverer and cleverer ways to avoid the natural world altogether, so they could live longer, with less misery. Now humans live shut up in giant cities, in huge hives of steel and plascreet, and the price of that artificial environment has been the destruction of all the other life on the earth. The place is stripmined and poisoned and so messed up that if you haven't had cancer three times by the age of thirty, doctors get concerned. I'm not saying humans are evil, all they've ever done is just try to not suffer. The real fault is the universe itself - it's a hard place to live in. But Equestria's universe, if that is what it is, is a nice place to live. It's like it was created, deliberately, unlike the earth and the universe you live in. This isn't a land of random forces and evolution - Equestria is like the old fairy stories about gods making the world. This is a kind place, where life is meant to be here, not an accident of chemistry in an uncaring cosmos. Humans have been very clever, but only because they have had to be, just to deal with the horror. All human fantasies are about a world where things aren't so harsh. That place exists, Stephen, right behind that Barrier you see on the newsfeeds. The only price is a little change of species, from ape to pony. All I can say is, I don't regret my conversion one bit, not for a moment. I played with butterflies in sunlight that cannot burn my hide. I stuck my head in a magic cloud. Nothing in the works of Man can top that. I'd trade all the works of humankind for more of that in an instant. Just think about it. Yes, Shakespear is probably too dark for Ponykind. But what are a few stage plays to the wonder of real, actual magic, every day, with no sickness (of any concern, anyway) and no poverty? Well, almost no poverty. I saw my first homeless pony this week. Sort of homeless. Let me explain. See, you can't starve in Equestria - we eat grass, and the stuff grows everywhere. I mean everywhere, tasty flowers too. It's like living inside a perpetual banquet, all the time. So, you are probably asking, why do we bother to grow crops? Why grow hay, and alfalfa, and celery and carrots and suchlike? Hey, there's eating, and then there's dining. It's one thing to not go hungry, and another entirely to sup on the tenderest shoots and the most savory hothouse flowers. Not to mention pies, cakes, stews and soups. You can survive on grass, but it takes home cookin' (or a good restaurant) to make feed-time happy time. There was this pony - I didn't catch her name. She was blue in every sense of the word, skulking about at the edge of the trees, not far from our newfoal barracks. According to one of the locals, she had been haunting the area for a while. Nopony knew where she had come from, because she didn't seem to want to talk about it, but it was clear she was just wandering, homeless. She was dressed funny, too, like some shabby wizard or some stage magician. She had a big hat, and a cape, which were looking pretty ragged. I tried to say hello, but she just galloped off. She looked pretty sad. So, maybe there is poverty, or some kind of rejection or shunning that can happen here in Equestria - I don't know the story here - but unlike back on earth, I can be sure of one thing: whoever she was, I know she is not going to die starving and sick, lost down some alley, covered in soot, cesium, and nanodust. The locals plainly said that if she was willing to talk, they'd help her out. And they would. There is more than enough to go around, all the time. So, it isn't like earth, where, if you are poor, or out of work, you cease being a pony anymore. If she comes back, I intend to chase her down and see if I can get her to open up. Maybe all she needs is somepony willing to try a little harder. OK, I'll stop trying to proselytize you with the Glory Of Celestia, and tell you about my date. You remember the unicorn, Perspicacity, the telescope maker from my last letter, right? Well, I took her to the best restaurant I could afford. We Newfoals are provided a small allowance during our education, until we are able to find the work that best suits us. I haven't had much to spend mine on, so I've been saving it up. Money here is called 'bits', and it is all tiny coins made out of gold. I think it is gold, anyway. We keep our bits in little bags which can be hung off of our manes. Mane hair is pretty thick and sturdy, and the bags have a little comb-hook thing that snags in there real solidly. Getting bits in and out of the bag takes some practice, but that bonus dexterity stuff really helps with that. Most things only cost a bit or two. I don't know what gold is worth here, relative to the earth Credit, but it does seem that gold and precious jewels are pretty common. Those telescopes that Perspicacity makes? Many were covered in gemstones, and all had decorative elements made of what must be gold and silver. Economics here is kind of confusing. For example, I can buy a crate of apples for three to five bits. A whole crate, and they are some darn good apples. But a full night out on the town, like I had with Perspicacity, only ran me about fifteen bits. Maybe eight bits for dinner, another four for the show we saw, and the rest just kind of went. I think we had ice cream later. I don't remember all the details after the show, she was kind of taking up all my attention by then. You mentioned Shakespeare, and threevee shows and all the art humans make, well, ponies have artists too. The show I took Perspicacity to was pretty good. It was a musical, and I don't usually like musicals, but hey, I thought, fillies do, so, you know the idea. I actually found myself having a pretty good time. Imagine that! The story was about this stallion that was given a quest outside of the boundaries of Equestria, to bring back a rare plant that could save a little filly that had ventured into the Everfree Forest. She'd been attacked by some monsterous thing I've never heard the likes of before - apparently outside of Equestria it is monster city or something. Me, I'm staying out of monster forests, thank you. But in this knightly stallion goes, with a blade on his helmet and armor on his back. It was pretty cool looking, I have to say. So he fights all these strange monsters right out of the Lord Of The Rings or Narnia or whatever, and I have to say they did the effects pretty well. They used puppetry and lighting effects, and it wasn't bad. Long story short, he gets the plant, saves the filly, and hooks up with her mom. I'm not saying it was the best thing ever written, but it had really catchy music -I'm still humming the stallion's theme- and some great choreography. If there were any small towns left on earth, I think they would have been proud to have done a show half as good. Perspicacity seemed to appreciate it. Quite a lot, actually. So... I guess I'm dating a unicorn, is what I am saying. Who knew? First I didn't like unicorns, now I seriously like one of them. Then I didn't like pegasai, but now it seems I have a friend who is one. This place does stuff to a pony, stuff that seems to melt away being angry. Heck, even the colt, Rocket, isn't so annoying anymore. Seems he was such a mess because his parents abandoned him so they could live in an exclusive, elite-class condo. Didn't allow kids, so they just up and left. He came home to an empty apartment with only a note and a creditstick with enough to get by for a few weeks. How can humans do that to each other? Poor colt. I guess I've kind of ended up feeling sorry for him. It'll probably be a bad idea, he's already starting to get clingy. Oh well, I always was a sucker for a sad story. At least I don't want to hoof him across the barn anymore. Listen, I'm sorry about Addy. You can do better than her. Finding her with that guy, well, it would have made me mad too. I don't blame you one bit. She just wasn't the relationship type, I guess. That's all I'll say, other than you deserve better, my friend. I'm sorry I can't be there for you. Hey, you could always come here. I know a nice unicorn that has a sister. Just saying. Noah.
4. Your Little PonyLost In The Herd: Three Letters From Home By Chatoyance Chapter Four: Your Little Pony Dear Stephen: Listen, I am so, so sorry for the last letter. I didn't mean to lay it on so thick, and I didn't even know I was doing it. I worry about you, out there, and I just miss my old best friend, that's all. If you feel the Human Liberation Front has something important to say, then I fully support you going to their meetings. We've been friends for years, and I trust your wisdom and compassion. I won't try to sway you one way or the other any more. I'll stick to writing about my own life. I am really sorry I made you so angry. Months ago, before my Conversion, you and I were wondering about where the heck something like Equestria came from. I have some theories about that, based on what I have seen so far. During the past two weeks - I'm sorry I did not write sooner, but I was kind of unsure how to respond to you - I've spent some time really looking at the world I am in. I started thinking about the fact that they have dandelions here, pretty much just like earth does. Dandelions are one flower I know, because they somehow have survived the ecodisaster, even in the Hazardous Exclusion Zones, even in the nanodumps and the Sludgelands. 'The last flower', some call them, and for most of humans, dandelions are the only flower they ever see anymore. Certainly they were the only real, alive flower I ever saw, back when. Remember how I used to stop whenever I would find one, and make you wait? Sorry for that. I guess I just found them amazing. Now I find them delicious, but that is another story. The issue here is that they are the same in Equestria. A little bigger, a little brighter, for all I know a little tastier, but as far as I can tell, they are the same flower. I would have no way to tell with things like trees, or grass, or other things like that - who ever sees those anymore out there? But dandelions, those I know. We've already discussed how the constellations in the sky, as far as I know them, seem the same, more or less. Mostly. I've seen them change a few times now. Maybe they are some kind of projection, or maybe our sovereign Luna really does somehow control the night of this realm. I don't know such things. But mostly, except for when they change, they are the constellations I remember. I am starting to think the connection between Equestria and earth is somehow fundamental. There are too many things here that are too similar to things from earth's past. I think that at some point, long ago, Equestria and earth were in contact somehow, and that the emergence of Equestria is not a singular event. Or maybe the connection was more subtle. I've described my impression of Celestia - that she seemed like something both more, and other than a pony. Like she was some kind of sci-fi energy being just pretending to be a pony. I think I wasn't on exactly the right track. I think she and Luna are fairies. Now don't get all huffy. Think about it with me here - throughout history, there have been endless stories of Alfheim, Fairylands, Faery Queens, and roving fairy bands. 'Thomas the Rhymer' comes to mind. The Eurussian Zone had a long history of such stories. So did lost Japan, before it became uninhabitable. The Panasians, even the Northamerican Alliance has stories like that. What if there was some truth to them? What if there has always been a subworld to the earth, a related but thinly connected realm where beings of thought and will and - magic - existed. Maybe that is where all the stories of fairylands and fairy queens came from. Maybe such a realm, ruled by immortals, has taken many forms. Maybe a land of intelligent ponies is the latest experiment, or fashion. Or maybe this is just one such realm among many. Or, as I am beginning to think, this is the last fairy realm left. Maybe the others died out, or separated too far from Earth to ever make contact again. Maybe Celestia and Luna are the last of their kind, the last immortal fairies of history, and this is their private cosmos, their magical land. And maybe the reason they have returned to salvage the earth, as I see the point of the emergence of Equestria, is because they feel they owe humanity something. Or if not humanity, the world, Nature, the rest of the living things of earth. Now it's just a theory, and I don't have a lot to back it up, but something did make me think of it. I'll tell you about it, maybe you can tell me what you think. You were always better with the cosmic stuff than I was. I was helping Perspicacity sort out her basement. Before you give me the usual, it isn't like that. I'm not being a sucker for a pretty flank here. Things are getting serious for me with Perspicacity. I really care about her, and I think she may just feel the same about me. I hope, anyway. She lives in her telescope shop, upstairs. But downstairs, underground, she has quite the basement. The place is filled with stuff, things I never expected I would see in Equestria. An old-fashioned record player, the kind they had back in the - I don't know for sure, but, maybe the 1920's or so? It had a crank on it. I couldn't believe it. It looked for all the world like something from the human world. And maybe it was. We were trying to find a box filled with gemstones. Like I said, the economy is kind of unfathomable to me, at least right now, and apparently precious jewels are fairly common. Still, they aren't on every corner, and she needed more to finish a telescope she was building for somepony in Hoofington. She reckoned that she had a spare box of gems somewhere down there, so we spent the day going through her basement. In a corner, I found a set of shelves. They looked like they had been carved out of a single, huge slab of wood. They grow some incredibly big trees here, or so I have been told. On the shelves were boxes and knick-knacks and not a few books. One fell off the shelf when I was poking the boxes with a hoof, looking for gems. The book was in English. Maybe. Sort of. Old English, I think. Really, really old. The only time I have ever seen writing like that was in holos from museums back from my college days. The book looked hand-made and hand-bound, and I mean to use those words rather than hoof-made or hoof-bound. It looked like a human world book, and it wasn't written in the Equestrian Script I am desperately trying to learn. I asked Perspicacity about the book, and she hadn't a clue. It had just been in her family, she figured, for generations. Likely before Luna's banishment to the moon - don't ask, I'm not sure I understand any Equestrian history yet. I don't know what to take as real or fiction or what. For them, it's all real history, like the Great Economic Collapse, or the first Nanoplague. The basic thing I got from her is that the book was over seven hundred years old. Maybe more. It looked pretty good for being that ancient. Things don't seem to fall apart here the way they do on earth. I think entropy is different in Equestria, somehow. So the book was in pretty good shape. I tried to look at what it was about, but I just can't read that Old English script stuff, if that even is was it was at all. I mean, I'm no expert, and maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it was just some ancient Equestrian script from a by-gone age. But it looked familiar to me, it really did. I asked Perspicacity what she thought was the reason that Equestria was letting all of us Newfoals in. She told me that Celestia had announced, some time ago, that Earth had been detected again, and that the creatures there needed the help of the Equestrians to survive. I thought about that a lot. Not detected, but detected again. That kind of supports my theory, don't you think? What if there has always been hidden worlds affecting human culture and mythology - gods, demons, stories of monsters, and legends of strange and beautiful fairylands - and there is some ancient bond between us? Maybe this is all just so much foolishness. I don't know anything, I'm just a simple, working pony. But I thought I would tell you, because I thought you might find it curious. I mean, there are a lot of things here that look way too close to something derived from the human world. It makes me think. Maybe it is just that Form Follows Function. A book or a pitcher is the same anywhere in the universe - or other universes - because the job they do defines what they have to look like. A table is a table because table-ness is a matter of practical need. That could explain everything right there. A barn is a barn is a barn, because that is what works. Well, enough of all that heady, mane-shaking stuff. Let me tell you about my son, Rocket. Naw, he's not my son, not exactly, but I just about feel like I somehow ended up adopting him. He really needs a father-figure, he never really had one I guess, and he's latched onto me like a Vanderwaals clamp onto plastcrete. He's changed a lot over the last month, I have to say, and he is no longer the whiny little colt he used to be. Pretty much now, if I say jump, he's in the air before the word leaves my mouth. He really wants to matter to someone, and that someone seems to be me. It's not so bad. In fact, I guess I kind of like a little hero-worship, which is what this kind of feels like. I don't know what I did to deserve him thinking so much of me, all I did was have a talk with him after the telescope incident, and listen to him a bit. Maybe that was enough, I don't know. But he isn't a bad colt. Right now, in pony school, we are pretty much near the end of class. We still do drills on Equestrian script and basic words and phrases and such, and we aren't done entirely with the basics of tool use, and, like I said, I don't know what to make of Equestrian history. It's clear though that things are winding down, because we've been having visits from job counselors, trying to help us find our place in society. I want to find something I can do in Greater Fetlock. I want to be close to Perspicacity, that much I know for sure. She's been hinting that she could use a strong stallion around the shop, but I don't know how I feel about that. I'd rather have a job of my own. I don't exactly feel comfortable with that situation, considering my feelings about her. So, I've been a little concerned about what to do. That darned colt ended up causing a mess again, but the mess found me what looks like a job. Maybe Rocket is some kind of Luck Pony or something. I'm expecting a four-leaf clover to appear on his flank at any moment, the way things go with him. His disasters are better than most of my plans. Dang. Rocket and I were trotting around Fetlock - Greater Fetlock, not the small one - and once again he sees something 'cool' and gets all excited and dashes off without a thought. This time it was a fire truck, or rather cart, the first one I've seen here. It makes sense that Equestria would have fire departments, I mean the buildings are wood and thatch and all Renaissance fair like I've said, so fire is going to be an issue. The fire cart was red, which was really odd, since I am used to seeing emergency vehicles as only bright yellow fluorescent things. But red works, and the cart had some kind of mechanical pump and a big steel and brass tank. It looked like steel and brass, anyway. The cart was made so that ponies could pull it, and we soon met the fire chief, or the equivalent of a fire chief, for Greater Fetlock, and he seemed pretty proud of his station and his team. Of course, the reason we got to meet the chief was because Rocket managed to set off the hose, blasting most of the street and several passers-by, not to mention the inside of a bakery and... well let's just say that there was a mess. Long story short, some of his team were retiring, and before I could say neigh, Rocket had already volunteered us both to be Fireponies. So, if the tryouts go alright, it looks like me and the colt might just have ourselves a new career, and a pretty heroic one at that. I'm certainly going to do my best. Rocket and I have resolved to put in a little practice before the tryout. We figure that there will probably be a lot of pulling the cart really fast, pumping water, and holding hoses, not to mention knowing the streets. So we have set up a little practice area near the Newfoal barracks where we try pulling ropes around and hauling heavy things in a cart we borrowed. I bought us a map of Greater Fetlock, and we try to memorize new routes every time we go visit Perspicacity, which is a lot. Glimmershine - our pony school instructor, remember? - is pulling for us. Apparently we were the first in the class to show initiative to find our own way to fit in, and so she's sort of holding us up as an example of how ponies, working together, can do anything. What has this dang colt gotten me into? I suppose it's some sort of luck and all, but, well, no pressure, right? I don't know what I'll do if we fail the tryouts. I'm trying not to think about that. As best I can. On another topic, I've been thinking more about taking an Equestrian name. 'Noah' just doesn't fit in here, and it makes me sound like a foreigner, and I don't exactly like that. It's not that anyone treats me badly for being a Newfoal, it's just that there is this distance that comes from being a stranger... from a strange world. I don't feel like anypony distrusts me exactly, for having once been human, but... I think I would just feel more comfortable letting my past species kind of settle into being a complete non-issue. I am thinking that if I make the tryouts, and become a proper Firepony, I will go with the name 'Wildfire'. According to a lot of old movies, that is a great name for a pony, the best. It would really seem to fit the job, too, plus it is kind of classy. Now, if I don't make the tryouts, then I'm not so sure. It's kind of a toss-up between 'Old Glue' and 'Horsemeat' at this point. no pressure, no pressure. That colt. What am I going to do with him? Oh! I have managed to find out the answer to your request. I think it is really incredibly open-minded of you, after all of my annoying preaching about how you should join me in Equestria (as at the beginning of this letter, sorry, again), that you would want to hear the other side of the issue. I can't think of a better pony to hear about the non-HLF viewpoint than our own ambassador Twilight Sparkle either. I can see why you want to hear it directly from her. And I am more than happy to help. It wasn't easy, but I managed to find out her schedule, so you can see her in person. My new pegasus friend Skysinger knows a pegasus that knows one of the Royal Guard. I vouched for you, and explained things, and in the end he helped me out. Apparently she is taking a tour of most of the Northamerican Conversion Bureaus, with one other of the original six ambassadors. According to my source, they are going to start with Los Pegasus - what used to be called Los Angeles - and then go on to Albuquerque, Memphis, Bloomington, Hamtramck, Lancing, and finally, New New York. Since you live in Michigan already, maybe Hamtramck or Lancing might be the best places to catch up with her. I really feel that if you hear it directly from the horse's mouth, (I'm still me, as you can see), you will find that the Human Liberation Front may not necessarily have the best view of what is happening to the earth, or what is best for it, or for the human race. I am very excited to hear what comes of this. Also, I wanted to congratulate you on finding a new ladyfriend. Hannah sounds like a wonderful woman, really nice and very smart. Wow, my old flyboy pal Stephen dating an actress! That is pretty awesome, my man. You should take her up for a tour of the city in your copter, if you can get clearance. That is pretty awesome, my man. I just hope Hannah turns out to be the one, you know what I mean. Maybe you could take her to see Twilight too. While nowadays seeing talking ponies is nothing special, how often do you get to meet a famous pony? I envy you that. Nobody famous goes through Fetlock. Not even Greater Fetlock. I look forward to your next letter. I really appreciate you keeping up correspondence with me, Stephen, especially since we have to do this on actual paper and all. Well, you have a printer, but still. It's isn't as easy as just using the hypernet. I just wanted to let you know how much I do appreciate it. Until next time, your little (fire)pony (I hope!) Noah / Wildfire
5. Always In My HeartLost In The Herd: Three Letters From Home By Chatoyance Chapter Five: Always In My Heart Stephen: There is probably little reason to write this letter, or so they tell me, but I just can't seem to accept things. Perspicacity suggested that I try writing to you, that it might help me work things out. She's a lot smarter than I am pretty much about everything, so here I am, wondering what I am supposed to say to you. None of this seems real to me. There has to be a mistake somehow. It's all so hard to accept. I guess I'm writing this, and sending it to your sister in Grand Rapids, in the hope that you may somehow see it. I want to believe that you could somehow see this. That you can still see it. I don't know what else to do. I am told that you... are dead. I am told that you died flying an attack copter into the Great Barrier at full speed. That you conspired with your ladyfriend Hannah to - I can't wrap my mind around it - assassinate two of our Equestrian ambassadors. And the worst part is that it is my fault, my fault that it was possible at all. You know you were my best friend, back in the human world. We knew each other from grade school. We went to the same high school, and then college. We shared an apartment for I don't know how many years. I was there when you married, and divorced, Ashley. Remember the divorce party we all had? That was such a strange year. I thought I knew you, I thought I understood you down into my bones. I thought of you as the brother I never had. I just can't accept that... any of this could be true. Maybe it isn't, I keep hoping. Maybe, someday, you will show up, here in Greater Fetlock, clopping down the cobblestones, some fine stallion I'd be proud to show off to my wife. You and Rocket and Perspicacity. I could enter the Running Of The Leaves together, and my son would finally get to meet my very best friend. You could be his uncle. Oh, Celestia. Celestia. In case it isn't all true, I'll tell you about the past six months. Maybe it will help me make sense of it all, to put it down on paper. I passed my tryout for being a Firepony. Both me and Rocket got in. We had set up a little practice area near the Newfoal barracks. We borrowed a hay cart and practiced pulling it, we pretended ropes were fire hoses and memorized the city. Rocket and I really bonded trying to get those jobs. I guess that's part of the reason Perspicacity and I adopted him. We're a family now, all living together above the telescope shop. Beloved Celestia and Luna, but I love that filly. She has stood by me through all of this, and there is no way I deserve it, but she did. Rocket really is a 'luck pony', I guess, at least for me. He didn't get a clover-leaf like I thought, but he did get his mark. So have I. We both have matching flames and waterdrops. His mark has the drops on the left, and mine has them on the right. I guess being Fireponies was our true destiny in life. It definitely feels like it to me. Those matching Butt Marks really make us look like father and son, too. I hadn't heard from you for four, almost five, months, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time. I was so busy learning how to be the best Firepony I could, and helping Rocket to be one too. Being a Firepony can be demanding, and dangerous work. But it is so very rewarding. I feel like a hero, sometimes, when I know I've rescued somepony, or at least saved their home or business. Most of the time, though, we all just wait around the hall. That part is really hard. You would think being able to sit around and play games or talk would be an easy life, but it really isn't. Always we wait for the bell, always we are half on edge waiting for the call. Half of me dreads the call, because of what it means, and what we'll all have to face, and half of me is frustrated that the call hasn't come yet because waiting is so hard. Being a Firepony is a strange occupation. But I am so fortunate - I have a career I am grateful for, I can help support my family, and I have a son I feel genuinely grateful to have. Rocket has turned out to be a young colt I am really proud of. It's hard to imagine I ever thought he was a punk. All he needed was a little love and someone to show him how to be a stallion in the world. He was cited for bravery, I'd like to brag. He managed to save a little foal that was inside a burning barn, just before it collapsed. I almost had a fit at the time, I can't help but worry for him, but it was what needed to be done, and he did it, without once thinking of himself. About a month after Rocket and I got hired, I proposed to Perspicacity. I had a solid job, a good future, and dammit, I knew I loved her even then. I guess I probably knew pretty much from that first time I met her, catching all those telescopes. I was afraid, of course, when I proposed, because we hadn't known each other for all that long. But sometimes, when magic happens, you just have to go for it, and I did. Luna only knows what she sees in me, but whatever it is, I am grateful for it. Anyway, as I mentioned, it had been five months without any response from you, and I had just started to wonder if you were ever going to write back when there was quite a commotion in the street. Remember how I wrote that nobody famous ever visits Fetlock? Well, that's no longer true, and I can't say I ended up very happy as a result. When I peeked out of the firehouse, the first thing I saw were these four amazing, armored pegasai. White as snow and covered in plate, with really fierce looking helmets. This was something to see, but there was more. They were pulling an amazing carriage, the Royal Carriage of Equestria, and you can guess who was riding in it. I felt a strange feeling of fear and devotion. Celestia. Princess of all Equestria, Goddess of the Sun. Here in Greater Fetlock. When she started heading towards the Firehouse, my legs just buckled. I was down on the ground, bowing without even thinking of it. You don't need that training they give you at the pony school. You just can't help it. She has this presence, this majesty, that you can feel. It just fills the air. It fills the mind, it gets into the bones. It isn't like meeting some earth president or CEO. She is the real thing. Power incarnate. I can say that she is definitely not of the world. Close up - her mane is not hair. I don't know what it is, energy, a curtain of light, pure magic flowing out - whatever it is, it is a badge of otherworldly something. It flows in currents beyond any wind, and to look into it is like looking into the colors of infinity. Celestia is absolutely a supernatural being. I no longer doubt that she truly causes the sun to rise in the sky. As glorious as this was, it did not go well. I was arrested - well, not exactly arrested, not like on earth, but taken into custody by a pair of those armorplated pegasai. I was never beaten, microwaved, plasma-whipped, pain-sticked, tortured or crippled. It wasn't like dealing with police on your side of the barrier. Everything was remarkably civil and polite. But I felt like I was in trouble, and honestly, I just plain wanted to cry. I wanted to cry like a foal. My next few hours were some of the hardest in my life. I spent a long time just waiting in the city hall. They had appropriated the mayor's office, and that is where I sat. I don't know if they posted a guard, I was too afraid to move. I had no idea why I was there. I figured that maybe it was just because I was a Newfoal, a former human, and maybe I had somehow broken some law by marrying Perspicacity. I was so afraid for her. What had I gotten her into, thinking I was good enough for somepony like her? I felt so ashamed and sad. Finally Celestia, herself, entered the room. Tea was brought for her. She sipped her tea and regarded me. That was probably the longest few minutes of my existence. I couldn't bear to look her in the eye. I just kept staring at my hooves. I wanted to beg her on behalf of Perspicacity and Rocket, whatever was wrong with me, they were innocent. In the end, it turned out to be about that schedule I sent you, the one Skysinger had gotten for me, the one that told which Bureaus Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie were visiting. I was informed that an attempt on their lives had been made, that Hannah had opened fire in the Lancing Bureau, that innocent humans and ponies had been hurt, even killed. I couldn't take it in. It was like a horror story just to hear such things. But the worst was hearing that supposedly you had been working with Hannah all along, that I had been used to gather information, that you had betrayed our friendship, my... trust. Celestia asked me questions, explained things, I can't remember everything that was said, or how I answered - the whole experience has blurred in my memory. I know I broke down and wept at least once. She was never unkind, I remember that, but I think she was somehow looking right down into my very soul during that talk. She was very gentle with me, but I was under no doubt, even for a second, that if I had been truly to blame, if I had actually plotted against her, I would not have survived that day. I don't know what she could or would do to an enemy, but I have no doubt it would be final. Celestia is both lovely and terrifying. She is sublime, fear and wonder and awe. That said, I would never want to do anything to even upset her. Not because she is powerful, but because I genuinely don't wish to. If anything, I want to serve her to the best of my ability. I'm not sure that I can explain to you why, but the best I can offer is that she is worth devotion. You can feel it, right down to the marrow. I've never felt anything like that, even as a human child, not for any flag, or corporation, or earth leader. It's like not wanting to disappoint your own mother, only more so. The one lasting memory I have of meeting Princess Celestia was a look of pity on her face. It didn't shame me, but it did make me feel very sad. She didn't pity my naivety, or that I had trusted without caution, or that I had failed to even imagine that the information I got for you could ever be used wrongly. I think, to this day, that she felt sorry for me, because she knew my heart had been broken. I am so angry at you. How could you do such a thing? Maybe this all isn't true. I want to believe it isn't true. But Celestia is a goddess. A living goddess. How can she be in error? She can raise the very sun into the sky. I want to believe that even a goddess can be wrong. I want to believe that one day, I will see you, all ponified and fine, trotting up to meet me. My old friend, still my best friend. I don't know if I can ever completely accept this. Probably to the end of my days, some part of me will be waiting for you to show up on our doorstep, even after Zero Point, even after there are no more humans. A part of me imagines you are already here, in Equestria, starting out in one of the many other Newfoal schools. My life went back to more-or-less normal after The Royal Visit. Someponies kind of treated me a little funny for a while - I mean it isn't everyday that Celestia Herself comes to a town like Fetlock just to talk with some pony. Especially about something like... what happened. Apparently a copter managed to smash through the Barrier and there was all kinds of fuss. I hadn't heard anything about it until that meeting with Celestia. Greater Fetlock isn't exactly an important hub of civilization. I hear that Skysinger was called on the carpet too. I haven't seen Skysinger since then. That hurts me a lot. My first pegasus friend, and I don't know if he will ever want to talk to me again. He has no reason to trust me anymore, and every reason not to, I understand that. I just wish I could talk to him, explain that I didn't know not to trust. But I am just an earth pony. I can't fly. I wouldn't know how to find him, even if I could be sure it was the right thing to do at all. Perspicacity has been wonderful through all of this. She has put up with my grief over all of this, and she never doubted me once. I wonder if, as a unicorn, she can see into ponies souls too, or if it is just that she just loves and trusts me that much. Rocket and I work hard at being Fireponies, and on weekends we run together all the way to Just Fetlock and back, and sometimes Perspicacity joins us, and we are our own herd, running, running like the wind. I always keep an eye on the sky, in case somehow I might glimpse Skysinger again. I guess I just can't help being the hopeful sort. And I keep you, my old friend, always in my heart, and every corner I pass, as we run, I look to see if maybe, just maybe, it could be you galloping up to meet us. I guess I know it is unlikely, maybe even impossible. Equestria is a magical land. Maybe there is enough magic even for the occasional miracle, If I just hope enough. Rest easy, my old, dear friend. I forgive you. Wildfire The Lost In The Herd Series: One: The Big Respawn, Two: Euphrosyne Unchained, Three: Letters From Home, Four: Teacup, Down On The Farm The Conversion Bureau Novels: 27 Ounces: A story of eight and one half ponies The Taste Of Grass The Conversion Bureau: Code Majeste The Conversion Bureau: The 800 Year Promise The Conversion Bureau: Going Pony The Reasonably Adamant Down With Celestia Newfoal Society! Recombinant 63: A Conversion Bureau Story HUMAN in Equestria: A Conversion Bureau Story The PER: Michelson and Morely Little Blue Cat Cross The Amazon Adrift Off Fiddler's Green: A Conversion Bureau Story The Short Stories: Her Last Possession The Conversion Bureau: PER Equitum The Conversion Bureau: Brand New Universe Tales Of Los Pegasus The Poly Little Pony The very first and original Conversion Bureau Group archives only the best Three Rules Compatible stories! Optimalverse Works: Friendship Is Optimal: Caelum Est Conterrens Leftovers: A Friendship Is Optimal Story IMPLACABLE Injectorverse Works: I.D. - That Indestructible Something The Non-Conversion Bureau Fanfics: The Ice Cream Pony Summer Around The Bend
