Don't Remind Me of the Talk
A Final Dialogue with Princess Celestia
"Well, hello there, Twilight. It's nice to see a familiar face."
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"I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Doctors are known to exaggerate.
"How are you, my most faithful student?"
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"I'm so happy to hear that. No need to blush. I was just remembering when you were a bright eyed filly grasping hold of magic and friendship.
"Please, sit down, Twilight.
"How are the things of Equestria?"
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"No, I know little these days. Luna keeps my nose out of things. She says, "it's not good for me, all these matters of ruling." She's right, I suppose."
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"That's good to hear. I'm glad that the rebellions are over. The thought of my little ponies shedding blood is so tragic.
"Twilight, how did you end them?"
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"Oh...
"That's so sad.
"Who came to this decision?"
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"You did? I see..."
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"I'm sure you did try as hard as you could, Twilight."
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"I'm not accusing you of anything."
The silence that grasps hearts and wrings them, saying all, and nothing.
"Twilight. Tell me, how did it feel when you made that order?"
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"Just answer, Twilight. For the sake of your mentor, please answer."
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"Relief; is that all?"
The silence that creates a chasm between hearts, until they look at each other and cannot cross, for all there is is darkness between.
"Many years ago, Twilight, I thought as you did, acted as you did, spoke as you did. I ruled like you did, Twilight, and this I passed on to you. Yet I was a fool. I was so lost and so hopelessly confused. I thought you might save me, Twilight. I thought that your unbounded innocence and naivety and especially that wonder you held, I thought those things would save a cynical, jaded heart.
"You know, for a little bit, it did. You were fresh air to me. But to you, Twilight, I was surely everything, and that meant that all my good and all my bad was wrapped up in you and stored away, waiting for the day when you would be ready to rule."
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"No, these are not the words of an emotional old mare, Twilight. These are the thoughts of a pony who has had more time to think that any one pony should have to bare. The thoughts of a pony who has spent long days reflecting on nothing but her mistakes because she has nothing else to think upon.
"Listen, Twilight, for these words are the only things of real value that I'll ever pass on to you."
Silence.
"When I was nearing the time to take the throne, my mentor gave me a speech. She told me all the secrets and lore of ruling. The world's knowledge and wisdom were opened up to me and it was all cold and brutal and ugly, yet effective. I was told that sometimes things had to be done for the greater good.
"At the time I was taken aback, shocked at the nature of what I was hearing. The passage of time continued, though, and I came to understand these things and that, in many ways, there was truth in them. I even passed on the same speech to Cadence as was passed on to me because, although I didn't believe in all of it, I believed in some of it, and thought that Cadence might find use in it also. I was such a fool back then."
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"No, Twilight, I never did give you the Speech.
"There came a night when alone under the stars, I wrestled with it. The words that I had lived by and had become my creed fought against the grief stricken wails of my conscience. In the highest and lowest depths of my heart there was a conflict.
"I flew out to the highest peak above the world, basking in the endless sea of the stars, and there I lay writhing, wishing the thoughts in my head would abait and give me rest.
"In the morning I rose. I was without knowledge or wisdom, it had all been driven from me, it faded with the last of my tears. My heart had won. I knew nothing about the way I would now rule, but I knew that the Speech could never leave my lips again.
"This was before your rising, Twilight. You would not be an alicorn for at least a year."
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"No, Cadence never really did follow the advice of the Speech, she was wiser than I."
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"No, you never did hear any part of the Speech. But you saw how I ruled. What did you think the Speech might have said, Twilight?"
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"That resembles some part...
"Primarily, the Speech spoke of love for one's nation, though it was a warped notion of love. The Speech spoke persistently of sacrifices that needed to be made and discipline that needed to be an enacted. There was no talk of the good you had to do, or the ways in which you should bring happiness to your subjects. There was never any talk of your responsibilities to your nation or the sacrifices you would have to make. There was only talk of your rights, of what you could do, the lengths you could go before you've gone too far."
"Tell me, Twilight. How much blood is an acceptable amount to be shed?"
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"No, Twilight! There is no formula. If you have to shed blood then, my little pony, you have failed. It is an impossible precedent but it is the precedent that you must strive for. There may be times you have to shed blood for the good, but if you've reached that point, Twilight, you've already failed.
"There was peace in my time, Twilight, but the cost of the blood that payed the price was more than I could ever atone for. To defeat Discord there was blood, to unify Equestria there was blood, and to defeat Luna's rebellion, her rebellion against my cruelty, there was more blood of ponies shed forth upon the earth than ever before and ever again. The only thing that stopped the bloodshed were the Elements of Harmony, and they are a miracle, divine intervention even.
"For every pony you kill, the price of the next only diminishes in your eyes, Twilight. Before you know it you'll paint Equestria crimson."
Silence.
"I'm sorry, Twilight. I suppose I've struck your heart with a certain dread that I wish upon nopony."
"I will assure you this, Twilight; I see good in your heart. My little pony, I know you and I love you dearly and I am certain that a monster is something you shall never be. I only warn you, do not copy everything you have seen me do, Twilight; my machinations and schemes, and my rule without question. In matters of such great importance, the old ways are rarely the best, my little pony, my little princess..."
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"No, no, Twilight. I'll be fine. I'm just feeling a little tired now, that's all. Passion is tiring. Goodnight, Twilight. I hope I taught you something today. Class dismissed..."
~~/ //~~
Mountain chill bit into her mane. She shivered. Rocky ground beneath her hooves was rugged and unforgiving. Her wings were stretched wide and her wingtips quivered, ready for action. Yet, still she didn't move.
"Twilight."
"Yes." Still, she could not move.
"How are you?"
From the shadows emerged a silhouette with a mane billowing and drenched with stars. Luna's voice was soft. It croaked somewhat. Against the pitch night she was almost bright.
"Cold."
"Understandable." Luna paused by Twilight's side. She continued, "Are you about to leave?"
"I'm trying to."
"And you are failing?"
Luna sat down, the gilded ornaments she usually wore were not there tonight. She wore only a thin band around one hoof.
"Apparently."
"You have no duties?"
"Yes, that is why I must leave." Twilight's face remained trained forwards. She blinked regularly and quickly. Her eyes were glassy.
"And you fail to fly?" Luna cocked an eyebrow.
"I fail at many things."
Luna cocked the other eyebrow.
"Twilight, are you okay?"
"No."
Luna lay down and rested her muzzle on her front hooves.
"That is indeed a start."
