Chapters The sweltering summer heat left a faint shimmer in the air. Rivers of fresh sweat ran down my face, back and arms. The summer months were when most of the work had to be done, but unfortunately it was also the hardest time to work. The other workers on the farm had spoken their praises about working further north, I found myself wishing that some of that cold weather could come south.
I grunted and gripped the wooden handle of the shovel, as a particularly devious clump of dirt obstructs my way. My palms started to burn slightly, the prickly feeling of the old wood guaranteeing that I’d have at least a few splinters by the end of the day. I grunted as the earth moved aside, a menial task for a menial person.
The farm owner had been complaining about the quality of the soil for weeks by then. He sent me out into the fields with only a busted shovel and told me to fix it for him. It amazed me how this man had managed to run a farm for so long, with so little knowledge on how to run it. Maybe he was just naturally dense, a lot like the soil I was forced to dredge through.
It was a miracle that anything grew out in those fields. The only source of water was a dirty little stream down by the road. One that often had garbage and various shopping carts thrown into it by local rowdy teenagers. Everything else was run down or coated in a fine layer of dust, demonstrating the disuse of most of the equipment in the sheds.
I was one of the few workers at the farm. There were three others who I rarely spoke to. We didn’t have much opportunity anyway. In-between preforming basic tasks for the land owner and collapsing into bed from exhaustion, there wasn’t any time to discuss things between ourselves.
And much like every other day, I ruined my hands out in the fields until sunset; only stopping once to get something to eat. Afterwards I carelessly tossed the torturous device back into the rickety shed and dragged myself back to the small bunkhouse that we were provided. It was only marginally better than the shed, to be honest.
The shed didn’t have any beds in it though, and unlike the shed this building was inhabited by the only other souls for miles around. They were all seated around the table playing cards. I ignored them and moved to my area of the house, a small bed and drawer awaited me there. On top of it was a picture of me and my longtime girlfriend, Lucy.
We were both smiling, her shimmering black hair and green eyes looking fantastic next to my rugged appearance. We had been forced apart by circumstance, with her going to a prestigious university. While she was gone, I tried to find some work nearby but was unable to. I was forced to settle on a job further south.
A pang of pain hit my chest, and I quickly placed the photo back, face down.
I slid my phone from underneath my pillow and cycled through my messages. I liked to keep in contact with my family. I never had much to talk about with them, but they always kept my spirits high with mundane stories about their own working week.
I scrolled past the last message I had received from Lucy.
“Goodbye.”
Finality. That was it. The end of all that work and time. I couldn’t let go, she was the only thing I looked forward to during my breaks away from the farm.
I slid the phone back and curled up on the uncomfortable mattress. I could have drifted off into a happier place, but instead it sent me hurtling back to reality. The scene played over in my head over and over, the hurtful words, the distant behavior. It took a week for her to say it, but things were on life support well before then.
It made me feel pathetic, worthless. Keeping a photo around of somebody who wanted nothing to do with me; even when the relationship had already facilitated it.
I slipped my phone back under the pillow and curled up on the covers. I didn’t feel like eating.
I tossed and turned through the night. The bed was uncomfortable and so were the cheap blankets. Eventually I grunted with frustration and slipped off onto the wooden floor. I was still wearing my clothes from earlier having not changed. The only sound was of the other’s heavy breathing. I envied them.
With a sigh I tip-toed out of the empty door frame and out into the moonlit fields. It was a full moon that night, big and bright. The lights were still on in the farmhouse, I slipped around it and out across the dirt road. Just up ahead was a singular tree on a hill, weathered and aged. With what little time I had away from work I often sat under it and let the day roll by.
A cool breeze rolled by as I let myself down and leant against it. I felt unsettled for a reason I didn’t know. My hair stood on end and my stomach rose inside my body. The wind picked up slightly, ruffling my messy brown hair. I scanned the area; watching the sparsely laid crops swaying in the dry fields.
The lights in the night sky began to blur and smear the black void with an orchestra of color. A strong hand gripped the hair on my head as my heart began to pound in my ears. Without moving a muscle, I felt like I had run a marathon. At first I panicked, was I having some kind of heart attack? MY legs felt like jelly as I attempted to crawl away from the tree and to the house for help.
The dirt scraped my knees, but for all of the pain I felt I made no progress, leaving me wallowing and croaking out for the attention of those already fast asleep. My limbs fell back to the ground, numbed and useless. My organs rose inside my body, as if I had suddenly taken off into the air. Sick welled up in my throat as my body felt many sensations, none of them appropriate for my time or place.
Darkness encroached on my vision, my body burning into embers as I passed out.
I stumbled into nothing. My weakened body tumbled over once more, leaving me sprawled out on a hard floor. The acidic taste in my mouth and the moisture running down my chin indicated that I had expelled some of my stomach, but I wasn’t sure when. In fact I couldn’t remember much of anything.
My clouded vision cleared ever so slowly along with my other senses. I could feel the wind again, and the feeling of dirt under my clenched fingers. My breathing came rapidly and heavy as my brain caught up with my battered body. Still disorientated I tried to stand, but fell back onto my ass during the process.
Surrounding me was a blurred landscape, and a purple blob that seemed to be moving to and fro frantically. I struggled to understand the speech I could hear; two voices rung out, one naïve and childish, and the other of a young woman. I clenched my eyes shut as my retina burned; that couldn’t be right, it was night when I fell asleep.
Did I fall asleep? What was happening?
I rolled onto my back in an attempt to control my continuing nausea. It helped little, forcing me to gip as my throat convulsed. My hearing cleared slightly.
“Is he okay?” a young boy asked.
“I don’t know Spike, just give me a moment!” the woman responded, obviously distressed about the situation. A flare of panic filled my head, maybe I had been drugged and kidnapped by malicious forces! Malicious forces that recruited at a very young age.
“He doesn’t look so good.”
The woman sighed, “I know Spike, give me some space. I’m going to get him inside before somepony sees.”
Somepony?
I barely had time to ponder the strange phrasing as I was suddenly lifted off the ground. I flailed for a moment, but couldn’t feel the arms of anybody to carry me. By this point I was seriously freaking out (inside my head, of course) about the entire situation. My captors didn’t seem to notice my distress, and happily dragged me indoors. While I was glad to be out of the sun, I wasn’t so happy at the potential to be thrown into somebodies torture dungeon.
I was dragged onto something much more comfortable than the dirt, which relieved some of my very real and very rational fears.
“What are you going to do with him Twi?”
“Well, I suppose we should try to wake him up first, and we can go from there.”
“But Twi, he’ll totally freak out if he wakes up and sees us!”
“How so?”
“You said he was from somewhere far away right? So what if he’s never seen anything like me before!”
The woman chuckled, “Spike, I doubt he’ll be that scared of you. You only just reach his knees!”
“Just saying,” the child grumbled, “Don’t blame me when he starts breathing fire, and shooting lasers out of his eyes!”
“I don’t think he can do that.”
“How do you know? I’ll be in my room until the rampage is over!”
The woman tutted to herself. I could hear the scuttling of what sounded like claws and the door to the room slamming shut. I still couldn’t find the energy to peel open my eyes and hop out of bed, presumably before taking whichever kidnapper was still in the room in a headlock, followed by a heroic escape.
My mind was racing as I fell into slumber again.
Author's Note
Let's try this again.
Q. Why did this take so long?
A. I'm that unique combination of lazy and busy, so I haven't had much time to write recently. I like writing, and I like reading what you guys think of it, but conditions have to be right for me to sit down and hammer something out.
To be truthful this story is a bit of a sore spot for me, and I don't feel particularly passionate about it. However, I've been promising for ages now that I'll re-write this thing after I'd done with the King and I. I like to keep my promises.
Q. What will change between this version and the old one?
A. Not much, better pacing, but it still isn't going to be long as the King and I for example. Just saying.
Q. What will happen to the old chapters?
A. They're going to be de-published in a few days to give notice. If you want to save them now would be the time. (I don't know why you would, they're fucking awful.)
How can I support your work?
Visit me on patreon.
I felt a sour taste in my mouth from sleeping for too long.
The sheets were much more comfortable than I was used to back on the farm, seemingly knitted from actual wool. The pillows too, they didn't have straw in them, that was for sure, but actual feathers that didn't poke into the back of my skull. I felt a sinking feeling. It was obvious that I wasn't back in the bunkhouse, but somewhere else entirely. My first thought was that I'd been in some kind of accident and rushed to hospital, but the smell of wood and burning candles put that theory down before it could really begin.
So just where the hell was I? I had some kind of mask covering my eyes. Malicious kidnappers certainly wouldn't have put me into a comfortable bed. I could hear a door opening to my left, and the sound of hard shoes on the wooden floor. They intruder didn't seem to want to talk, rather than just wait and observe me.
I realized that they didn't know I was awake. I did have a mask covering my eyes after all. I elected to wait and see if they would give away anything about my situation, which they eventually did.
"Hm, this creature seems to be a heavy sleeper," the woman from before mumbled to herself, what followed was the sound of rustling paper as she scribbled something down.
Creature? That didn't sound right. Was she observing me? Had I finally lost my marbles, and been kidnapped by aliens? While in reality I was laying in a ditch somewhere? I decided to test the waters a little bit, reaching over and waving my arm at whoever was in the room with me. The woman gasped, "Are you awake? Can you understand me?"
Biting the bullet, I slowly arose from the comfortable bed and peeled open my crusty eyes. The room was odd, with strange, tiny furniture and wooden walls that almost looked as if they were ripped directly from a tree, grain and all. The windows were warped like I had walked into an M.C. Escher painting. Books covered many of the surfaces that remained free from other clutter.
I glanced to the left, catching a brief glimpse of a moving purple blob before I shut them tight again. The creature gasped slightly and stepped back, a loud clopping, not unlike a horse followed. In my mind, I was thinking of ways to escape the situation, but in reality I was closing my eyes and hoping that I'd wake up back in my shitty bunkhouse. I gripped the sheets until my knuckles turned white.
"Where am I?" I asked, not expecting any kind of response.
The creature seemed surprised for a reason I realized shortly there-after, we somehow were speaking the same language. "You can talk?" she (I presumed it was a she anyway,) asked with wonder.
"Of course I can talk! Where am I?" I repeated.
"You're in my home, the Ponyville Library, located to the south of Canterlot, which in turn is the capital of Equestria!"
That was certainly alien to me. Wherever I was, it wasn't anywhere near my home. It's hard to describe what I felt like at the time, a creeping sense of dread, the sinking feeling in my stomach, or the feeling of injustice I felt having been taken away from everything I knew. Why, of all people, did it have to happen to me?
"Do you feel okay?"
What a stupid question, "No, no I don't." I shook my head and like tearing off a bandage, gazed upon the visage of my captor for the first time. It was a horse, a small, purple horse with multi-coloured hair and a little horn poking out of it's head. I briefly wondered if I had suffered a case of major head trauma, and reached out to touch it. I griped the thing's cheeks between my hands, it's fur was soft and most definitely real.
"Do you mind?" it mumbled. I backed away, pushing the sheets from my now sweaty body. Thankfully my clothes had been left intact; the only thing worse than what was happening, was the same but me being naked. Let's be honest, all things considered I was handling the situation with a masterful grace that future me can only look back on with wonder. I was really far gone.
"What the hell are you?" I asked to the talking purple horse.
She raised a brow, her face surprisingly expressive. "I'm a pony, my name is Twilight Sparkle."
"What kind of name is that?"
"What do you mean?"
"My name is Gerry. Does everybody around here have a weird name?" The room was silent for a moment as she mulled over my question, a sour look crossing her equine features.
"There's nothing weird about it Mister!" she scolded, "That's very uncalled for!"
"Woah! Sorry, I mean, I don't know anything about this... place." I stuttered. A tense silence settled over the room for a moment, before she smiled and nodded.
"Okay, apology accepted."
Just like that? I didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth but... anyway. The mare smiled at me, showing off her pearly whites before pulling a scroll of parchment from under the bed using her horn. By this point I had given up trying to rationalize what I was seeing, but still, seeing this little horse break the laws of gravity and cause something to float towards her left me gawking, open mouthed. She didn't seem to understand at first, but blushed when she realized I was staring at her glowing horn.
"Holy shit! How are you doing that!" I had exclaimed, scrambling on my hands and knees to get a closer look.
"This?" she responded hesitantly, "it's just some levitation, magic!" she explained as if it were the simplest, most boring thing in the world.
"Magic?"
"Yep!"
"As in, lifting things with your mind magic?"
"Well, of course."
"And there are other horses than can do this?"
"It's ponies actually, and yes, there are lots of unicorns here in Ponyville."
A silence hung in the room, as Twilight shifted uncomfortably in place.
"Where the fuck am I?" I sighed, falling back onto the bed. "Is this hell? Did aliens kill me or something?"
"I can't say I've heard of this "fuck" word before. Oh! This is an amazing opportunity to learn about your culture!" the purple only said, hopping from leg to leg like an excited child. "What's it like back home?"
"Can we save the interrogation for later please, I seriously need to get my bearings here!" I shouted. Twilight jumped as my volume before meekly backing away from the bed. "I'm sorry, but... I need a minute."
"I understand," Twilight muttered almost solemnly, but it was evident from her expression that she didn't understand why I was so upset.
"No, you really don't," I pointed out. "You've never seen anything like me before have you?"
"Well, certain literature mentions a race of bipedal creatures matching your description, but they're thousands of years old! There's never been any evidence of them actually being real."
"I said seen, not read, you've never even seen a human before!" I ranted, becoming increasingly tearful along the way.
"No."
"So where do you think I came from? I didn't just pop into existence right now, I'm twenty-two years old! I had a life, a job, a family!" I sobbed slightly. "And now I'm stuck in some fucked up town full of talking magic ponies! I'm never going to see another human again am I? I'm going to fucking die alone in this shithole."
The wall that held me back had come crashing down in spectacular fashion. It was fairly humiliating to sob openly in front of her like that, but by that point I didn't care, I just needed to get angry at something, anything, to make me feel a little better about myself afterwards. There were no villains or evil wizards, just a force I couldn't understand or comprehend, one that had decided to bring me to another planet, hell, another universe.
"What the hell am I going to do! I don't know anybody, I have nowhere to go! I'm just some freaky, lanky fucker surrounded by magic quadrupeds. And no amount of well wishing, or apologising is going to fix that bullshit!"
What was I meant to do? I didn't know anybody except her. She clearly didn't know how to react and I was glad, her silence spared her from another one of my little rants. I jumped out of the bed and pace the room, gripping my skull tightly between clenched knuckles. I felt a deep, rumbling headache approaching in my future.
I ran out of gas eventually, gasping and collapsing onto the bed once again and staring at the ceiling. Like a tipped over jug, I'd let out my water all over her nice wooden floor.
"I'm sorry," the mare whispered. "I had no idea."
How could she?
"If you feel like talking just... shout okay?"
...
The door clicked shut, and despite the circumstances I immediately felt regret. I needed to talk to somebody, so badly, but I'd laid my cards on the table, and now I had to sit alone and pout like a grounded child. Despite everything my pride kept me from running to the door and begging her to come back.
I rolled over and looked at the window, I needed to take my mind off things. I walked over and looked through, finding a tranquil view of a small village, it still shocked me to see other ponies walking the streets each one more vibrant than the last. I gasped to myself as I saw a winged one take off from the ground, waving goodbye to another.
I dried my eyes on my shirt and continued to watch, fascinated. Would I ever be able to fit in here? Everything was so different and fantasy like, how could a tall downer make friends in a place like that?
Author's Note
wew lad
Brown and Orange
I sat in the silence for a few hours at least, stewing in my own feelings for as long as I could. Eventually I had calmed down enough to talk again, so I decided to try and get some information out of Twilight again.
"Twilight!" I yelled, opening the door a crack. Quick as a flash she was bolting up the stairs and into the room as I sat back on the bed. She seemed to be dragging so weird metal helmet with her, alongside a large machine on wheels. "Um, you're feeling fine right? I wouldn't want to intrude," she asked, suddenly conscious of what had occurred earlier.
"Just don't mention it. What's that thing?" I asked, changing the subject.
"Well, we need to consider the possibility that you might have some kind of adverse reaction to being present here, this is just a piece of equipment I use to see how magic interacts with your body! All you have to do is wear this, and I'll throw some formless magic at you, then we can look at the results."
"Not just because you want to take notes."
"It's for your health and safety, in which I can also take notes," she grinned and motioned to the machine like a shady car salesman. It whirred and beeped randomly.
"Fine, let's get it over with," I grabbed the helmet from her magic aura and strapped it onto my head. It was ill-fitting, evidently designed for somebody else entirely.
"Okay, just sit there for a second. These spells don't do anything! So try not to flinch when I fire them at you."
"What if something happens?"
"While you're an unknown entity at this point, I'm sure nothing much worse than what's happened so far will occur. Magic is everywhere in Equestria, and we all take it into our bodies, that includes you. I just want to see how you react, and how much you absorb if any at all."
"Well we don't have magic back home." Despite my outward coolness, I was secretly freaked the hell out by the suggestion of magic existing, but it wasn't much of a stretch given that I was interacting with a talking horse.
"Really? How strange," she muttered, scribbling notes onto a parchment, I peered over and noticed a large "further questioning needed" at the very top. She placed the paper down and leant over to the machine. flicking a few switches and causing what appeared to be a heart monitor to come to life. "Ready?" she asked.
I wasn't, but I nodded anyway. With that she released a stream of purple energy at me, with ineffectually flowed around my body. She stared intently at a piece of paper that the machine shat out, nodding and humming to herself. "It seems there's nothing unusual about you, you absorb magic just fine, in fact it's quite fast."
"And?"
"I believe that you've never absorbed magic before, so it's trying to compensate. This is the kind of thing that happens if I use too many spells at once, you get caster's fatigue, and you start absorbing magic at an increased rate."
"So I don't have anything to worry about?"
"Not from what I can gather here. You seem to be absorbing magic just fine, and if it did have an adverse effect on your health there really isn't much we could do. Magic is a universal constant here in Equestria, it's impossible to get away from."
How reassuring, I thought morbidly. If I hadn't dropped dead yet though.
"Great, so now what do you want to do."
"Well, I thought I'd come up here and have a chat about how we should introduce you to the town," she clapped her hooves together.
"Why? Can't I just walk outside and say hello?"
Twilight giggled to herself, "No, no. How do you think they'll react to see you walking through town? This is the same place that nearly had a riot over a Zebra coming through."
"A Zebra? Why did they have a riot over a Zebra?"
"You know what a Zebra is?" she inquired scribbling down notes, "That's an interesting parallel, I wonder what else is similar between our homes."
She didn't answer my question, but I presumed it was futile to chase down an answer. For now she seemed embroiled in the idea of me coming from another world. I shuddered slightly as I reminded myself. She looked back up from her parchment and paused on my face, biting her cheek.
"Um, did your hair always look like that?"
"What?" I asked as she levitated a mirror in front of me. Clear as day my normally dark brown hair had changed, becoming lighter at the tips as if I'd bleached it. It certainly didn't look like that the previous day. "What the hell is this? Do you have a bathroom?" She nodded and lead me across the outside space to a small bathroom. I could see down onto what appeared to be a library floor, with the stairs leading to this elevated section for living space.
The larger mirror didn't really help my cause, just as I'd seen before, my hair had changed colour. Now, coming just after having been told that the magic would have no affect on my body, I wasn't exactly sending much trust in Ms. Purple's direction who seemed to detect so with discomfort.
"Don't look at me, there's nothing to suggest that your hair changing has anything to do with magic."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. I'm the magic expert here."
"Well what do you think is causing this shit?"
"I don't know, doesn't this usually happen to whatever species you are?"
"I'm a human, I've already said this before. And no, not unless you're out in the sun for a long time I guess."
Twilight pouted and rubbed her chin with a hoof. Adorable, but not helping in any way, shape or form. "I could send a letter to the Princess and get her opinion on things."
"Wait, what Princess?"
"Oh, I forgot you don't know much about Equestria. Well, we're lead by two sisters, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. I'm Celestia's personal student."
"Does she know I'm here?"
"Of course," she scoffed, "as soon as you arrived I had a letter sent off to tell her. I had no idea what you were or what kind of trouble you could cause!"
"So what is she doing right now? If it's so important shouldn't she be down here making sure things are okay?"
"Well she is the leader of an entire nation, she can't just drop everything and rush down here when I ask her to. You're not causing any trouble either."
I pinched my nose and sighed, "Can we get back to the point before I die?"
"Well she's lived for a very long time, so it'd make sense that she'd know a thing or two about situations likes this." Somehow I doubted that. Without another objection from me she trotted off downstairs while I turned back to stare at myself in the mirror again. I had a very unsettled feeling about what was going on. She had to be joking, there was no way what was happening to me wasn't planned. I was beginning to feel less like an unlikely guest, and more like a prisoner.
I thought over everything that she had said. I wasn't allowed outside because I might "scare" people, and now my appearance was changing and she doesn't know why? Bullshit. That was too much of a coincidence for me to accept. Thoughts of rebellion and escape were quashed when I realized that I was in a town filled with the little shits, there was no way for me to escape without anybody noticing.
With a sigh turned back and strolled over to the bedroom, I could hear voices downstairs. Curious, I poked my head down and saw Twilight talking to a little purple lizard with green spines. Of course he could talk too, why not? I jumped when a spout of green flame shot from his mouth and engulfed a letter held in his claw. What the hell? Why would they burn their mail like that? The ashes of the letter flew out of the window as if controlled by a supernatural force.
Thoroughly weirded out I elected to sit in the bedroom and hope for the nightmare to end. Twilight poked her snout into the room and informed me that she had sent a letter to Celestia, and that she would come back once she got a response. I nodded and shooed her away, wanting a little bit of privacy after a stressful afternoon.
What the hell was I going to do? I couldn't run away without somebody seeing me, and probably running to Twilight to tell, I was being afflicted by a magic induced illness that changed the colour of my hair, and now the highest level of government in this crazy world knew about me too.
Well, at least I didn't have to work tomorrow...
Despite the absurdity of everything, an unmistakable feeling of alienation began to set in. I didn't know anybody here, my family and friends were gone, for all they knew I could be lying underneath that tree, dead. What if this was a delirious fever dream caused by a sudden stroke, and that every hour spent here was a millisecond spent dying in real life? Would things end eventually, or was I trapped here forever?
I rolled over on the bed and faced the ceiling, track the grooves in the wood with my eyes. It did little to distract me.
The next morning was not comfortable for me.
It took all of my power to pull myself from the bed, my back was stiff and my joints ached. My hair had also grown down into my eyes overnight, in the grand scheme of things that didn't really matter to me though. What did matter was when I marched into the bathroom, and noticed that my eyes had turned a bright amber colour, almost like honey. The tree shook and birds scattered as I called for Twilight.
I took a deep breath, my voice openly dripping with barely constrained rage. "Twilight, what the actual fuck is this shit?" I leant down to her level and pointed to my newly coloured eyes. She babbled for a moment before sighing.
"I honestly... don't know."
I laughed to myself and fell back onto the bed, "Oh that's just fantastic, the smartest damn person here doesn't even know what's going on any more."
"I didn't find anything suspicious when we did those tests the other day. Either it's something we can't detect or it's not related to anything magical," she stated matter-of-factly, "And don't start shouting at me about it either."
"Well what the hell should I do then? I can't go outside to see anybody else by your admission, and you can't seem to figure out what's up either!"
"Well, does it hurt in any way?"
"My back's a bit stiff."
"Hm. Well, it's good to know it isn't harmful as of yet. But if that changes you need to tell me, then I'll drag you to the hospital even if they do freak out."
"Ugh. That doesn't make me feel better. Just FYI." Twilight rolled her eyes and moved over to the window, pulling open the curtains with her magic. I shied away from the light as it flooded the room. Thankfully it seemed that the only thing that had changed was my hair and eyes, although it didn't bode well if further changes were in store for me. My stomach gurgled, and Twilight leapt on the opportunity to change the subject.
"Do you want anything to eat?"
"What do you have?" I asked.
"We have bread, hay, daffodils..."
I probably should have known from the start that they didn't have normal food either, because when could anything ever go my way? Eventually I settled on a sandwich sans any kind of plant life. I sat in silence and ate my breakfast as Twilight scurried off to do whatever she did when I wasn't there. The isolation was starting to get to me a little bit; I would have liked to meet some of her friends, even if they were like her.
I occupied myself by watching the day go by through the window. Twilight would occasionally poke her head into the room when she wasn't busy. I didn't have much to say. Sometimes I'd walk across the hall and go to the bathroom, taking a quick glance in the mirror to make sure that nothing else had happened without me noticing. The lighter highlights in my hair had become more prominent than I remembered, but I convinced myself I was just seeing things.
Time stood still in that stupid room. There was a clock on the night stand that I really wished wasn't there, because it only reminded me of how slowly things were progressing through the day. I eventually placed it face down so I didn't watch it compulsively any more. Twilight came back. I wasn't quite sure how much time had passed by then.
"Would you be okay with me asking some more questions about your home?"
"Sure, I need something to occupy myself with anyway."
Twilight hopped up onto the bed next to me, parchment held aloft in her magical aura. "So, considering that your world doesn't have magic like ours does, how do you manage things like the weather?"
"We don't, what you get is what you get."
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"In extreme cases, sometimes people died. But generally it was pretty rare."
"Hm. That sounds like a bad place to be."
"Certain places were more dangerous than others. I worked in a place where lots of tornadoes would come down in the summer. Most people would never see a bit of extreme weather in their lives." The questioning continues along similar lines for a while. I felt like I was giving her a very morbid impression of Earth, but she assured me that Equestria was certainly the exception in calm on whatever planet I was on.
"So do the other, uh, species control their weather too?"
"If they have wings! Some pegasi and griffons also go around and get paid to do it for those who can't."
The conversation continued along similar lines. For every piece of information I provided about my world, Twilight provided me with some about hers. I learned a lot, which I knew would be important if I was going to be stuck here for a long time. Some of the answers were very bizarre, and only rammed home the idea that I was somewhere so far removed from Earth that there were talking ponies.
"Looks like I'm out of room," Twilight sighed. "This was very... enlightening. Your home sounds like an interesting place."
"A place without magic is more interesting than here?"
"It's a matter of perspective. I couldn't imagine how a world without magic operates, just like how you can't believe that there's a place with magic," Twilight hopped down from the bed and stretched out, "You need to tell me about some of the advancements from Earth some time, this is a fantastic opportunity to bring some new ideas to Equestria."
"I'm not an expert on how everything works. You'd have to find somebody smarter than me."
"Nonsense! I'm sure you're plenty smart. And it's not like we need extreme detail either."
I sighed, I didn't want to be pulled into more questioning by little miss purple smart. "I don't know, I think I've had enough of questions for a little while."
Twilight nodded, "That's fine, you've already told me more than enough about Earth."
I felt homesick all over again.
Twilight, now knowing my diet, had decided to go out of her way to find me something edible that wasn't hay or flowers. I had seen her trotting off into town, and coming back with a bag full of food. She couldn't find any meat, Ponyville didn't have any carnivorous inhabitants to justify having a meat business. Twilight suggested going out of town to find Fluttershy but I shot the idea down, saying that what we had was fine. My meal was more than substantial, which was good because I was left a bit wanting by breakfast and lunch.
Nothing much of note happened in the evening until Twilight poked her snout into my room.
"Would you be okay with meeting one of my friends tomorrow? I feel kind of bad locking you up in here with nobody to talk to."
I wasn't sure if it was really a good idea considering what she said the other day, but I reluctantly agreed in the end. "Alright, who is it?"
"I'm not sure yet, I think a few of them will be busy for most of the day, I'll see who I can meet."
"Fine, just make sure they don't freak out or anything."
I let out a groan of agony.
I'd slept like a rock for the entire night, waking up bright and early for Twilight's proposed meeting. I wish I hadn't. I felt like somebody had taken a sledgehammer to my spine, and poured cement over my legs. I stiffly shuffled over to the side of the bed, with no help from my lower body. The concern I felt for potentially being paralysed paled in comparison to the ache coming from my back, which had also brought on a thunderous pounding in my head.
"Twi! Twi! Get up here please!" I yelled.
Twilight burst through the door and recoiled at the sight of me strung out on the ground. "What are you doing? C'mon," she gripped my body with her magic and lifted me back onto the bed. She hesitated for a moment on seeing my face, frowning. "Oh dear."
"What do you mean oh dear? It feels like my spine is trying to escape from my fucking body."
"So you are feeling pain now?"
"Yes!" I gasped.
"We'll have to get to the hospital. I'm no doctor."
"Will they even know how to treat me?" I asked.
"They treat all kinds of species at Ponyville General. You're not going to be any different."
I needed to get cleaned up, I asked Twilight to help me into the bathroom. One incredibly painful and awkward toilet break later, I shuffled over to the small mirror and looked at myself. Unsurprisingly I looked like death, with huge bags under my unnaturally coloured eyes. As I leant back I noticed something else too, the shape of my face had changed into something more feminine.
"Why do I look like a woman now?" I groaned.
I'd got some of the movement back into my legs, although my feet were still a lost cause. I had to hold onto the sink to maintain my balance. I looked down to my bare feet, I slid down the cabinet until I was sat on the floor. I gripped my leg between my hands and twisted it to see the underside of my foot. It was covered by disgusting dried skin, almost as if I'd caught frostbite overnight. Underneath the flaking skin was a solid layer of black material that felt like a big toenail.
"Holy shit," I muttered, "They're going to have to cut my feet off."
With what was coming, I wish that they had.
Twilight had fussed over how to get me to the hospital, which had gone completely unnoticed by me as I inspected the damage in the bathroom. I hobbled down the stairs of my behind to see that an orange pony wearing a cowboy hat was talking excitedly with Twilight. Twilight glanced over to me, which caught her attention as she turned around to see me halfway down the stairs.
"Woah nelly! What kind of critter is that?" she drolled in a southern accent. Which left me wondering, why exactly did this place have so many similarities with Earth? Was I actually in the pony equivalent of the deep south? Or was the orange one just an exception? Either way I didn't have much time to ponder these problems, as Twilight helped me down the stairs with her levitation.
"He's not a critter Applejack, he's perfectly intelligent. His name is Gerry."
"Hi Applejack."
Applejack's pupils widen in surprise, "Well how about that! Where'd you find him?"
"He kind of appeared while we were doing a test behind the tree."
"What? So you know how I got here?" I asked with sudden outrage at the suggestion. Twilight frowned and backed away slightly.
She hesitated for a moment before speaking, "My teacher, Celestia, had asked me to take a look at a magical artefact for her. While we were doing some magic reaction tests, you popped out of nowhere with a bang! I'd like to take another look at it soon, maybe we can find a away to get you home."
"Uh, Twilight, shouldn't we be worrying about the whole, hospital thing?" Applejack asked. I didn't want to drop the subject so quickly, but I knew she was right, there'd be time to grill Twilight later if I was still alive. For the time being I relented.
"Oh, of course. We can take a look at that later, we need to be Gerry to the hospital as soon as possible."
"He looks fine to me," Applejack said with squinted eyes, she circled me for a moment before stepping back. For a pony that had never seen a human before, it was odd that she acted as if she knew exactly what I should have looked like.
"I couldn't get out of bed this morning and it looks like my left foot is about to drop off," I contested, holding it up for her to see.
"It ain't meant to look like that?"
"No? It's meant to be kind of... skin coloured like the rest of me. The skin is peeling off now." I winced slightly as some more of the skin fell away, dried and white, revealing more of the black surface underneath. Damn, it looked nasty. Maybe it was some kind of infection? But why would it change the colour of my hair and eyes if that was the case?
Twilight clapped her hooves together. "Applejack was kind enough to let us borrow her cart so we can get there without a problem!"
"Thanks," I nodded to her.
"Ah'm happy to help," she responded with a tip of her hat.
Twilight helped me hobble out of the door and into the town for the first time, it was nice to be out of that damn room finally. There weren't many ponies around, so we avoided any questions about who I was or what we were doing. The cart wasn't too large, evidently scaled to be pulled by the ponies. It was a little bit uncomfortable, being made out of wood, but I wasn't about to complain considering the circumstances. "How are you going to pull me all the way to the hospital?" I asked as I tried to settle in.
"Applejack is an experienced farmer, plus her earth pony magic should make it a breeze."
"He is a mite big Twilight," Applejack noted, "But I ain't about to quit without tryin'," she boasted, hooking herself into a harness. A few ponies glanced over with curiosity, their multi-coloured eyes focused mainly on me. I must have looked like an idiot sat in that damn cart.
"What the hay is that thing?" one mare asked to another from across the road, just in earshot. "It looks like Twilight is handling it, it's a good thing I insured my house last week."
I rolled my eyes, "Can we hurry this up? I think we'll get swarmed if we stick around for too long."
"Alright sugar cube, let's get moving," she tugged the cart once, twice, before finally getting enough momentum to move on the third. From there she settled into a comfortable rhythm as we moved away from the town centre and towards the outskirts. The hospital was in a strange location, I had expected it to be closer to the town. Twilight didn't have much to say on the way there, but AJ bombarded me with questions about myself and where I came from. I answered most of them, somewhat reluctantly.
"You got any family?" she asked as I admired the scenery. It really was a beautiful place, untouched fields, trees and river for miles around; in the distance you could see the imposing profile of a mountain range, and what seemed to be a castle among the clouds on it's side. Straight out of a fantasy novel.
"Not really, both my parents passed away about the time I left university, I was an only child so I didn't have many people around me. I had a girlfriend..."
"Sore subject?" she asked.
"Yeah, she ditched me for being too involved in my job."
"What did you do for a living?"
"I worked on a farm."
This gave Applejack pause for a moment, "Well ain't that a crazy little coincidence! I'm from a farming family too." Because of course the southern talking, cowboy hat wearing pony was a farmer, why not?
"And I suppose it's an apple focused farm then."
"Darn right! The Apples are the worlds largest and most renowned apple making family."
It was nice to know somebody could take pride in their work. The conversation sizzled out, as I didn't particularly feel like talking about myself all that much. Instead I tried to quiz Applejack about herself in return. "So it's a family business then? Who do you work with?"
"Well it's mainly just me and my brother, Big Mac, my little sis Applebloom is still going to school after all. Granny Smith is too old to work these days." I immediately noted the absence of any parents from the description she gave me, maybe we had something in common after all. "I'll introduce you to them if you have the time."
"Sounds good," it didn't, but I humoured her anyway. "You have any family Twilight?"
Twilight snapped out of a daze and nodded, "Parents, and a big brother. My mother is a novelist, my dad an astrologist, and my brother is the captain of the guard in Canterlot."
"And you?"
"Me? I'm studying to be a mage, a great one like Starswirl the Bearded."
I had no idea who that was, "Who?"
Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes, as if scolding a child. "Starswirl the Bearded was one of the greatest unicorns to ever live! He innovated nearly every field of modern magic with his studies and work with the Princesses."
"Well, don't expect me to be blown away, I've never been here before this week."
"I suppose that's true. I should keep that in mind in the future."
The hospital was one of the largest buildings I had seen yet. Two stories high, with a third floor in the attic. I briefly wondered about what kind of technology these ponies lived with, from the style of building it was like I'd been transported to Tudor England, but the lobby was ripped straight out of a modern hospital, with sterile white walls and lights embedded in the ceiling. Perhaps the presence of magic could explain some of these oddities.
The ponies sat in the lobby stared, with wide, colourful eyes as I was carted to the front desk. The mare sat there seemed afraid, but upon noticing Twilight calmed herself. Twilight must have done things like this fairly often. It certainly put the house insurance quote in context, she must have destroyed the town thrice over.
They checked me in, with the mare asking us to take a seat and wait to be seen. I pulled my sore ass out of the cart and onto one of the much too small plastic seats, my knees halfway to my face. The other ponies moved away, leaving gaps between us and them. I didn't blame them to be fair, I must have been a terrifying sight.
An awkward silence had settled upon my little entourage. The oil that burned during our previous conversation having burned out, now I was left with a sense of exclusion. I didn't belong here, in this crazy new world full of magic and mystery, I was just some pessimistic farmer who in the grand scheme of things, had done nothing to justify his own existence.
The call of my name broke the silence, we left the cart, Twilight helping me along with her magic instead. We were herded into a small office, one the left was a bed, and on the right was a desk manned by a brown pony with a pair of glasses. "Hm, I've never seen anybody like you before."
"Well it should be easy enough to see what's wrong with me."
"Thanks for seeing us on such short notice Doctor Stable, I believe this is a very urgent issue," Twilight said, filling him in on the details.
"Well, let's take a look at the problem."
I sat down on the bed and showed him the bottom of my foot. He nodded and hummed to himself, "That indeed looks like an urgent issue, I don't suppose it's meant to look like that?"
"No, it's meant to be the same colour as the rest of my skin, but it's falling off and revealing this stuff."
"You don't mind if I get a closer look do you?"
"Go ahead."
He pulled out of tray of tools from his desk and approached the bed. He adjusted his glasses and closed in, feeling it with his hoof. "Do you still feel any sensation when I touch the affected area?"
"A little bit."
He pulled out one of his tools and scraped away some of the dead skin, carefully placing it into a plastic bag. "I'm going to take a few samples of this area here, from both of your appendages and send them to our lab, maybe we can shed some light on what this is." He pulled out a scalpel like tool and did the same to the hardened area. "Hm, this is very tough. Like the bottom of a hoof."
"I'm also getting discolouration in my hair and eyes," I added as he packed them away.
"I can send you down to the optician folks and they can have a look for you. I can't make an assessment in good faith without knowing what this matter on your appendage is. Even then it might be something we haven't seen before, you're the first..."
"Human."
"...the first human I've ever seen. I'm taking your word that this is not normal."
I nodded, "I'm just thankful that I'm able to get some help."
"No worries. I'll get this send off to the lab, head back to the lobby and I'll get this back to you as soon as possible."
Author's Note
I've re-written the last half of this chapter like three times, sorry if it's a bit odd.
Tears dribbled down by cheeks as the bright light searched my retinas for signs of anything being wrong. We'd been shuffled into an even smaller room, and I had been told to do an eye test to make sure that the changes hadn't damaged them. Annoyingly the chair and equipment was far too short for me to use normally, so I was forced to kneel down and bend my spine to an awkward angle to fit. Twilight and Applejack had to wait outside.
"So what's the issue here?" the optician asked, "I'm not seeing anything too out of the ordinary."
"My sight is fine, the colour of my eyes changed a day ago, and I don't know why."
"Well," he sighed, "I've never seen anything like that before. The only explanation I could provide is that you're under the effect of a spell or curse; they're known to change the colour of the victim's eyes on some occasions."
"The only person I'd met before it happened was Twilight, so unless she was the one who did it that's very unlikely," I grumbled.
"Well it couldn't hurt to go through the full test anyway," the optician leaned back into their chair and ignited their horn, pulling a chart of letters onto the wall. I didn't recognize them, these ponies spoke English, but didn't write in it, how bizarre.
"Uh, sorry, I don't know what those are," I admitted. There was another thing I'd probably have to learn during my time here. The optician shook his head for a moment, before pulling open a drawer in his desk and pulling out a new sheet of paper. Instead of the strange lettering from before, now there were a series of small images, like an apple, a tree, and a cart.
"It's very rare that we get to use this," he commented, pulling down the previous chart and replacing it. As if I didn't feel like an idiot before.
"So he didn't find anything?" Twilight asked as we hobbled back to the lobby.
"He said there was nothing wrong from what he could tell, that my eyes were pretty much the same as yours, and that they were in good condition. He said something else though, that a change in eye colour can be brought on by a curse?"
Twilight nodded, "True, they're specific to what curse has been cast. I don't believe there's a curse that makes your eyes orange."
"Something to consider when we get out of here," I mumbled, placing my face into my palms. We sat there for what seemed like an hour, but in reality was about twenty minutes. I passed the time by studying the other ponies sat in the lobby with us. Some of them had bandages wrapped around them, one pony in particular was bloodied by a gash on his head.
Eventually one of the nurses approached us, "The Doctor will see you now."
The Doctor gave us a smile upon us re-entering the room. The kind of smile that you give to somebody before telling them that they have three days to live, or perhaps that a close family member has died. It did little to settle my nerves, or the rock that had settled in my gut. A feeling of tense anticipation that I did not like. My leg twitched involuntarily, a new ache spreading through it.
"Let's take a look here," he mumbled, hovering a beige folder in front of his face. "Most peculiar."
"Don't keep me in suspense, what's wrong with me?"
The Doctor grimaced and placed the folder back onto his desk, "What I can tell you is that the material on your foot is actually hardened nail. Not dead tissue as I originally suspected. I can't say whether that's a relief or a worry for you."
"Nail? Like a toe nail..."
"Like a hoof," Twilight butted in.
"Yes, like a hoof."
Twilight frowned and looked me in the eyes, "I think we need to run some more tests but I need my equipment, we should head back to the library."
"But what if it's something the guys here can help with?"
"I don't think they can Gerry, unless there's an illness that afflicts you that does this."
"No, there isn't," I admitted.
"So, my line of thinking is that this is a magical problem. And for magic problems you're not going to find anypony more knowledgable than me, unless we resurrect Starswirl or get the arch-mage down from Canterlot."
"She's right fella', whenever this town has a problem, Twilight is always there to help!" Applejack declared, wrapping a foreleg around my shoulder.
"It's up to you. We can discharge you if you really want to, or you can stay here under observation," the Doctor said, rummaging under his desk and pulling out a new paper form. He scribbled down some mysterious writing and handed it to Twilight.
"I think I'll go with Twilight on this," I answered; being proactive was probably better than wasting away in a hospital bed for god knows how long anyway. "Is AJ okay with pushing me all the way back?"
"I'll be fine!" the cow pony declared, "Ah wouldn't be a good farmer if I couldn't pull some heavy loads."
As I stood to move out, I was glad that AJ was so eager as I tumbled to the floor with a gasp; nearly catching my face against a nearby chair. "Holy shit my legs! I can't even get up!" Looking back, I noticed that they seemed to be out of alignment, throwing me completely off balance.
"I'll carry him with my magic Applejack, we better hurry up, these symptoms are getting worse!"
The ride back to the library was something of a fever dream. Flashes of rational thought blanked out by long spaces of deep internal panic. Was I going to die here? Billions of miles away from my home? Mangled and mutated by whatever strange force seemed to command the universe I lived in?
I only came to when Twilight pulled my limp body onto the bed in my room. Applejack looked mighty worried about my condition, something that didn't make me feel any better. Twilight once again carted in her absurd collection of do-dads and devices. She hooked them up to me with practised ease, but even I could tell that her pace was a little more frantic than usual.
"Do I look okay? What's happening?"
"You look fine sugarcube, we're gonna' fix you up right as rain, you hear?"
The machines beeped, spewing out roll after roll of paper with more unintelligible squiggles on them, "It looks like your magical absorption just tripled overnight! I've never seen anything like it. If we were to put it in pony terms, you have the magical ability of a new born foal," Twilight rambled.
"And how's that killing him again?" AJ asked, poking her snout into the rolls of paper. Twilight bit her lip and hesitated for a moment.
"I have a theory about what's happening."
"What is it?" I snapped, suddenly very awake.
"If we consider what we've seen so far, the eye colour, the hair, the hardening of your feet, and the... whatever happened to your legs, you're starting to... resemble one of us."
You could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed.
"You think I'm turning to a... pony?"
"Yes, that's the only thing I can think of."
"How hold on a darn minute Twilight, how in the world could that happen?" AJ objected, "You just show up and get turned into a pony? Something stinks right nasty about that to me." I couldn't help but agree.
"It's only a theory for now. But consider what the good Doctor told us, you are growing hoof like nails from the bottom of your feet. And your leg structure is starting to go a similar way too."
"So I'm fucked then? I'm just going to get turned into an entirely different species and essentially trapped here forever?"
"Perhaps there's a mechanic about this kind of travel that we don't understand, what if we travelled back to your world and turned into humans? Alternatively, your body may be having an adverse reaction to the ambient magic found here, and is changing to adapt somehow."
"Twilight, how do you stop it?" I yelled, cutting off her long winded explanation.
"We'd have to isolate you from any source of ambient magic, which would be impossible given that it's everywhere. And that's just to possibly prevent it, reversing this is another story. Only the most powerful magicians in history could come close to casting a permanent transformation spell like that."
I lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, pulling the sticky nodes from my chest and tossing them to the floor. I gripped the sheets between my fingers and screamed at the top of my lungs, "Fuck! As if my fucking useless life couldn't get any fucking shittier! God damn it!"
"Calm down Gerry! We're here to help," Applejack interjected with a wince.
"You just said you can't help me though! We may as well give up!"
Silence.
"See? You don't even know anything! How the hell could you possibly fix this bullshit if you don't even know what's wrong! All I wanted to do was fucking get out of my bunkhouse for a few minutes! And now I'm fucking stuck here, turning into some kind of mutant fucking horse! You know what? I'm never going to get home right? You don't have the faintest fucking idea how I even got here, and I don't see that changing any time soon.
"And even if you do manage to get me back, what the fuck will I do when I'm a crotch high fucking grass eating cunt like you! Neigh at them? Get fucked in the ass by the stallions in the stable? Maybe I'll go shit in a god damn field to make myself feel better, knowing on some level that at least it could be worse, maybe if I got turned into a fucking slug instead!"
The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I was shaking with anger, my blood boiling with barely restrained fury.
"Of all the indignities huh? Of all the people, of all the things, it had to fucking happen to me. Because whatever deity runs this fucked up reality can't go one day without taking a big shit on me, stupid mother fucking Gerry, the spineless bastard who spends all of his time ploughing fields and dreaming of his ex."
My breath was heavy, a thin sheen of sweat on my face and body. I suddenly felt a deep sense of embarrassment at my outburst, like somebody had poured battery acid into my chest and it was burning away at my organs. I looked away, trying to find anything to occupy myself with that wasn't Twilight and Applejack's stunned faces.
"Do you need some time alone?"
"Yes."
The room was a prison, not through any application of force, rather a conscious decision made by myself.
My brief foray into the outside world was enlightening. This place wasn't all terrible, even if I would have preferred to be back home with the things I was used to, like electricity, and furniture that was my size. The company of Twilight and Applejack was nice enough. Still, I would have preferred to be back home. It looked like this ambient magic, or whatever Twilight had called it, had other plans for me. So until she found a way to fix me I was stuck here.
After my angry rant about the current state of things, Twilight and Applejack had bowed out of the room, leaving me with my thoughts again. Maybe I shouldn't have shouted at them, but I wasn't exactly acting rationally when she had told me I was undergoing a horrible metamorphosis into something else, I silently hoped that they understood why I was so upset. I curled up under the sheets of the bed, not wanting to look at myself.
The next morning was uneventful by my standards. I woke up with nobody there to greet me, apart from a few beams of light piercing the curtains that covered the windows. My body felt sore, and I dared not to look upon it knowing what was happening. A hand probed my chest and stomach, finding nothing out of the ordinary. However, when I reached my incredibly fucked up legs, I noticed that they felt a lot hairier than they used to, almost as if I was growing... fur.
I sighed.
I struggled to pull myself to the edge of the bed. Being halfway between mutant and human, I was unable to walk on my own without the assistance of another. After my cuss storm the previous night, I elected to allow them to enter on their own terms, rather than calling out for them like a spoilt child. I brushed a hand against my shin, feeling the thin layer of fur that had begun to grow. I sat there on the edge waiting for something to happen.
It eventually did. A purple snout poked through the doorway, "Gerry, are you okay?" Twilight asked with no small amount of trepidation.
"Not really."
Twilight pushed open the door, a tray of food in her magical grip. Her eyes gravitated towards my legs, they looked incredibly strange, I didn't blame her. "Oh dear, is that..."
"Fur? I guess you were right," I bent down and brushed a hand against it, shivering slightly, it was connected to me. I was no stranger to body hair but it was much more consistent than anything I'd experienced before. It felt like I had grown a thousand fingers on my leg. She gave me an awkward grin, placing the tray down on the bed next to me. "What the fuck am I going to do?"
Twilight sighed, "It's a tricky question."
"I mean, I could try to go back home, but what if I stay like this? I'll end up in some kind of top secret lab, getting cut up and investigated. Obviously that assumes I can even get home in the first place."
"Gerry, I know it isn't much of a consolation considering the circumstances, but we're here for you. Even if you can't go back home, or turn into a pony, we'll be here to help." Twilight gave me an earnest smile, I mulled over her words in silence,
"I'm sorry about last night."
"Don't worry about that."
I did anyway. I pulled over the tray and placed it on my lap, she had gifted me with a couple of slices of buttered toast and a glass of orange juice. I ate in silence as Twilight ducked down to have a closer look at my legs, I could hear her suck in air as she investigated, was it really that bad? After eating the first I reached for the glass, but found it incredibly hard to properly grip. No matter what I did, my fingers would slip, I couldn't move them properly to grab it.
I gave up, looking at my palms with a sigh. I could see a little black splotch in-between my thumb and finger, and I had a creeping dread of what that meant. It was changing my hands too, just like my legs. "Twi, my hands..."
"Let me see," I displayed my palms to her.
"There's not much there yet, but I can't pick up the glass, and there's a black bit there, just like my legs."
"That would mean that you're undergoing a similar process there too. It looks like we may be right about you turning into a pony."
"I lose my hands too? How the hell do you pick anything up?"
"It's actually fairly complicated, a combination of a localized levitation field and the motion of the bottom of the hoof to create suction."
"I don't need a lecture Twi," I rolled my eyes, "It was semi-rhetorical."
"You're rhetorical or you're not," she huffed, "Not being able to pick up objects is the least of your concerns."
"Just trying to lighten things up a little," I sighed.
"Look at it this way, it could be worse."
"How could it be worse?" I scowled.
"You could die," she stated, "Or you could turn into something with no ability to communicate, or maybe your brain functions could be damaged transforming you into a mindless animal."
"This isn't making me feel any better Twilight."
I hadn't washed myself for a few days by that point. After I pointed this out, Twilight had ushered me into the bathroom and stole the only clothes I had, saying that I needed to clean up. Leaving somebody who is very unsteady on their mutant feet-hooves in a bathroom, full of sharp, hard surfaces seemed like a bad idea to me. I gripped the sink for dear life as I wobbled over to the bathtub.
The oil coating my skin created intricate patterns in the water as I washed away a good few days of stress. I sighed and leaned against the curved rear of the bath, closing my eyes. If I had the option I would have chosen to stay in there for hours, but I felt it would be rude to do so. So after a few minutes of relaxation I set about the task of cleaning myself with hands stiffer than a starched rock.
It was a big fucking ordeal.
I was too prideful to call for Twilight to help, and a little bit embarrassed being naked. I decided that I was perfectly capable of washing myself. I sat up and brushed my hand against the provided bottle of shampoo ineffectively, my fingers refusing to clench. I frowned and brought up my other arm, wedging it between both of my hands instead.
"Fucking hell," I grunted. I couldn't figure out how to get the cap open. Without the use of my fingers, even a simple task such as that was a struggle. After a few minutes of creative thinking I pushed it down against the edge of the bath to pry it open, then I held it above my head to pour some out. The bottle nearly slipped out of my hands, sending a tremor through my heart. Did you know it's really awkward to wash your hair without fingers? It's impossible to get into every nook and cranny, and on a few occasions I ended up scratching myself with no way to adjust the angle of my fingers.
I nearly drowned myself out of frustration. But I decided to persevere and scrub myself with a brush on the side of the bath. The soap was a real bastard, much, much worse than the shampoo bottle; being three times as slippery. I managed to get a little onto the bristles of the brush, which would have to do. Thankfully the brush had been designed with the clumsy, immobile digits of a equine in mind making it easy for me to slip my hand through the handle.
I slowly scrubbed myself down. The brush was fairly rough, I guessed it would be used on somebody with fur, rather than skin. I glanced back down at my legs, floating uselessly in the water. My feet had all but disappeared, a black stump being left in their place. Above them caramel coloured fur had grown up to just above my knees. I couldn't believe that they were part of me.
The brush travelled down to my legs. I shivered as I felt the sensation of the brush tugging at it, a thousand times more sensitive than my old leg hair, and much thicker. I absently mindedly brushed through it a few times, getting progressively harder with each stroke. In the back of my mind, I wondered if I could scrub it off and go back to normal. A stinging sensation brought me back to reality, I looked down to see a red cloud growing in the dirty water.
I pulled the brush away and winced. Somehow I'd managed to scrub right back down to my skin, some of the fur was stuck to the brush, forcefully pulled away by my subconscious. I needed to get out of the water fast before I got dirty again. It was a struggle to pull myself over the edge and out onto the floor, when I did I flopped onto it like a fish out of water.
My leg throbbed. I'd managed to get blood on Twilight's floor. She was going to kill me, if I didn't end up killing myself in a daze first. The childish part of my mind immediately began to think of ways to cover up my actions, the last thing I wanted was for Twilight to find out and question me about it. But what the hell could I do? I was a naked guy who couldn't walk or use his hands, who was now bleeding onto the floor of a near stranger.
I heard the trotting of hooves outside the door, and I was momentarily paralysed by fear. What was wrong with me?
"Are you okay Gerry? I heard a commotion."
"No, but don't come in... I need a second."
She was silent for a second, "Do you need help?"
I scoffed to myself, I was far beyond help. "Just give me a damn second okay? I'm not..." I banged my head against the tub as my leg throbbed. "I fucked my leg up Twilight. I don't know why."
"Is it okay for me to come in?"
"I'm naked."
"Making sure you're okay is far more important than what state of undress you're in! I'm here to help you!"
But why was she there to help me? She didn't even know me, what was in it for her? I closed my eyes again and tried to whisk myself back home, but no matter how hard I focused I remained. And then my mind wandered again, what if Twilight knew more than she was letting on?
"Do you know what's happening to me or not? How can you help?"
She was silent again, I could hear her pacing in the corridor. "I can't. I don't know, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try."
I closed my eyes again, "Fine, just come in."
The door opened and Twilight gasped, hurrying over to me and holding up my leg in her magic, "What happened?"
"I fell."
After the incident in the bathroom, Twilight had volunteered to watch over me like a hawk. I'd messed up my leg pretty badly which only made walking even harder than it was before.
I don't think she believed me.
So once again I was confined back into the room, away from the curious eyes of others and away from anything I could use to kill myself with. Twilight decided that it would be a good idea to bring Applejack back to talk with me for a while, the entire time she was away I was thinking of things I could say. I didn't like talking about myself because it reminded me of how boring I was; even as an alien curiosity in a new world.
And so I remained silent as two overbearing ponies burst into the room, almost as if to hold a surprise party for me. Applejack's beaming, fake smile faltered when she gazed at my fucked up legs, half pony, half human and freshly bandaged. I rolled my eyes and silently dreaded the awkward silence that would soon follow.
"Howdy Gerry," she greeted me.
"Hi," I humoured her.
"So... how's your... leg?" she asked, cringing slightly after it left her mouth.
"Oh yeah, it's great."
"Right."
Twilight's eyes darted back and forth between the two of us. I stared at her with a frown, until she gave up, her body slumping with a sigh.
"Twilight, why did you think that this was a good idea?"
"This is what I normally do in these kinds of situations!"
"Ah' don't think that friendship is going to solve this little problem Twi," Applejack commented.
"Can you at least keep him company for an hour? I need to get out and run a few chores."
Applejack looked at me, I shrugged in response.
"Fine."
"Can we at least move out of this room?" I asked, "I'm tired of lying in this bed."
Twilight had made sure to close the curtains in the library before leaving, leaving us in a darkened lobby. Applejack lit a couple of candles around the place, making it pretty cosy in the end. Despite this the conversation between us was not forthcoming, and we spent a good few minutes in silence.
"This sucks," I complained, kicking my leg out from the cushion I was sat on.
"How'd you end up with that bandage?"
"I fell in the bathroom," I said reflexively. Applejack looked at me strangely.
"You ain't telling the truth," she said, sounding as confused as I felt.
"What do you mean?"
"Ah' can tell, they don't call me the element of honesty for nothin'. Honesty is the best policy."
My arms itched slightly, I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. I twisted my arm around my back and scratched at the needles poking at the surface of my skin. "Don't tell her alright, she's worried enough about it already."
AJ nodded.
"I was washing myself, and got a little overzealous with the brush on my leg."
AJ frowned, "That don't sound too healthy partner."
"I know! I didn't mean to. I just zoned out for a bit, I guess I didn't realize how harsh that thing was."
"So Twilight didn't ask what happened? You don't fall over and get an injury like that."
"She took my word for it."
"There's more to this than you're letting on."
"Nope, that's it. I brushed my leg too hard."
"So why did you lie to Twi?"
"Because I'm getting tired of her doting on me all the time. Even with my stupid excuse she's forcing me to lie in that bed all day under constant supervision. I can barely get any time to myself any more."
"You're still missing something partner."
"Well I don't know what the fuck it is. Maybe I was just being stupid, like stupid enough to think I could scrub the hair of my leg and go back to normal, is that what you want to hear?"
"Ah' don't want to hear anything, I want you to be more honest with yourself. Lies only cause trouble."
I leant back against the pillow and looked elsewhere, distracting myself with the spines of the various books on the walls.
"My brother, Mac, used to do that all the time, and it only got him in bother with Granny. Like when he'd used to steal some of the cider from under the kitchen counter when nobody was home. Eventually Granny found an empty bottle in his room and gave him a speech he wouldn't forget."
Switch the topic.
"How many people live on your farm then?"
"Me, Mac, Granny Smith, my little sister Applebloom, and that's it."
"How do you run a farm with so few workers?"
Applejack chuckled, "What do ya' mean? We've done just fine as we are."
"I mean, why don't you have any farmhands? Or other workers?"
"Never really saw the use in bringing in more. Sometimes family will come to town during cider season and lend a hoof, but that's only for a couple of months a year. Our farm here in Ponyville has been standing for nearly one-hundred years, and it ain't going anywhere any time soon."
"It must be a lot of work."
"We go at whatever pace we like, it's our farm after all. We make enough bits to get by," Applejack scoffed. "You worked on a farm too right? What was it like?"
I frowned, where should I start?
"Well, it's... it was dried out shithole in the middle of nowhere. It was a miracle anything grew on the land the owner had. He was a real piece of work, put out advertisements for people with good qualifications and put them on menial, manual labour jobs. He got me by doing that, but I wasn't about to turn down work."
"You got one of those fancy... what would you call it now?"
"A degree. I got a degree in Agriculture from my nearest college, stupid, naive me thought that it'd get me a well paying job on a big farm. I ended up tilling dead soil for a fat slob who sat in his run-down house all day. We got to sleep in a crappy little shack next to it, I can't believe the thing even stood up."
"Don't sound too nice partner," Applejack shook her head.
"It wasn't, it was isolated, it ended up ruining my relationships with people I cared about. I got paid jack shit, not that there was anything to spend the money on out there."
"Why didn't you get yourself your own place?" AJ asked.
"Pft, no way I could afford that. It was either sit on that farm for peanuts, or go out and try my luck somewhere else; and they don't come with free accommodation. You know how hard it was to find a job over there? People would have killed to be where I was. I couldn't move somewhere else, I was trapped.
"And you know, that's exactly what he wanted. Paying shit money for long hours, giving us a shack that a homeless guy wouldn't sleep in. He knew he could push his luck, because what could we do about it? There were fifty guys waiting out back for the job we were in. He could just replace us with the next unlucky bastard."
Applejack frowned, "Ah' tell you what, if you ever need a job around here come see me. I'm sure we could find a use for somebody with skills like yours."
"I think I'm a bit averse the farms right now, I'll think about it."
"Well the offer's always there."
Twilight eventually returned and saved me from Applejack talking more about her extended, extended, extended family. She seemed very pleased with herself, presumably because we were talking like normal adults rather than screaming and throwing our own shit everywhere. Twilight levitated her grocery bags into the kitchen before returning a taking a seat.
"What have you two been talking about?" she asked.
"Well, I've been telling Gerry about Apple Fritter's third cousin, whose just had a foal recently."
Are these guys ponies or rabbits? I absent mindedly slipped a hand under my shirt and scratched at the trail of hair running up to my belly button. The fur was starting to spread to my upper body. I clumsily rubbed my eyes and flopped back onto the couch. "What's eating you?" AJ asked.
"I'm worried about... my body? I guess."
"Well it ain't killed ya' yet."
"Yet, being the prime word here."
"Don't be so pessimistic Gerry. These things have a way of working out."
"Good consolation, oh! You might not die a horrible death because things just work out ."
"Show a bit of optimism for once Gerry," Twilight scolded me. "You're worrying yourself. And getting all stressed about it isn't going to help."
"I have emotions though Twilight, sometimes it's hard to just put aside everything that's going on and just accept it."
"I... uh."
"I appreciate the concern, and it's more than most people would do. But not worrying isn't going to make this problem go away."
Twilight frowned and shook her head, "I'm just trying to say that a positive attitude can go a long way."
"If you got turned into another species would you still espouse a positive attitude?" I asked, waving a crippled hand in the air.
"She'd probably just panic. Actually, you panic about a lot of things Twi. Remember when..."
"Yes, yes, yes!" Twilight interrupted to save herself from what I assumed was an embarrassing story. She sighed and gazed at me for a moment, her eyes narrowing. "Was your face always that long?"
"Funny stuff Twilight, you should be a comedian."
"No partner, your face is actually looking a little... odd there."
My hands drifted up to my face and ran down my cheeks, to my lips. Where I found that they now jutted forwards significantly. "What the hell! When did this happen?" I asked. "Is this getting faster?"
"It might be. If what we theorized earlier is correct, this body changing process is making you more receptive to magic input. If magic is the cause of this, you're taking in more magic and accelerating the process at the same time. Maybe if I grabbed my analysis machine..."
"Twilight can you please ditch that fucking box for one minute and try and stop this?" I exclaimed through my forcefully pursed lips.
"But magic is everywhere, the only way to stop this would to be to isolate you completely from any source of it. Which would mean isolating you in a container so tight that you can't breathe, or sending you to the other end of the universe where you might not be as so lucky to find intelligent life!"
"What are you saying Twi?" AJ responded, placing a hoof on my arm in a poor attempt at reassurance.
"What I'm saying is that there's no practical way to isolate Gerry from magic, we live in a world saturated with it! I don't think we can stop this."
I slumped down, defeated. I really was going to lose everything. A small voice in the back of my mind told me that it was nothing worth keeping, but I silenced it. At least back home I was in my own body. "This is so fucked up. Why does this shit always have to happen to me?"
AJ leaned over to Twilight, "Don't ya' think his voice is sounding a little... higher?"
"For our sake, I hope not," Twilight grimaced, the dark implication settling into her mind like a foul smell that no amount of scented candles would combat.
AJ and Twilight stared at me, only enhancing the already uncomfortable atmosphere. They whispered something to each, something that caused Twilight to frown like she'd just eaten something sour. But to be honest with myself, I was far beyond the point of that worrying me any further.
I felt strange. I could feel parts of me changing as I sat there. The surface of my skin becoming more sensitive as I grew fur, the strange fish eye effect I suffered as my cone of vision widened until my brain could adjust, and the increasing sense that I wasn't going to like the end result (not that I would have normally.) Unfortunately it would turn out that I was more accurate than I first thought.
My concern ended right about the time I suddenly passed out. I could hear the panicked voices of Twilight and AJ as my vision slowly faded. I didn't have the energy, or the bone structure to struggle against it. My mind raced, was I dying? Or was this just another stage of my mutation?
How do you describe being unconscious to other people? You're there one moment, and you wake up later feeling as if no time has passed. Imagine that, except from that moment where you blink and fade off, you awaken a second later to the feeling of your limbs being in the wrong place, and pointed in the wrong direction, and the feeling of something missing downstairs.
I paused there, where the fuck was my dick?
I nearly jumped out of the bed I'd been placed into. I have to say, finding a hole in place of where your penis usually is far better than any coffee. I pushed back the bedsheets and spread my legs. Yeah, that was definitely a vagina.
"Twilight!" I yelled, in a much higher, more feminine voice.
I could hear the sound of running hooves as she dashed upstairs and into the room. She skidded to a halt next to the bed and stared a hole through my abdomen, wait, maybe she was looking at...
I pulled the sheets back up with a scowl.
"Twilight, where the fuck... is my dick?"
Twilight looked to the ceiling, "Gone?"
"What do you mean gone! Are you seriously telling me that it changed my fucking gender too? Changing into a pony is enough, but it has to go the extra mile too? This is absolute bullshit."
"Well... at least you aren't dead." she offered.
"I don't know if you realize this Twi, but I really liked having a dick, considering it was attached to me for a few decades and all."
"I mean I was worried you died when you passed out, but the changes seem to have accelerated very rapidly in the past few hours. I have to say it's quite amazing that we get to see a full body transformation like this outside of Changelings."
"Are you even listening to me Twi? I want my dick back."
Twilight sighed, "I don't know if we can do that."
"So this world of magic and mythical creatures can't give me a sex change. Because why the hell would it?" I was too angry to cry about it. At the point where we were, the sex change aspect really didn't make things much worse. "Get me out of this bed so I can fucking strangle you."
"There's no need for violence Gerry," she chided as if it were a joke. "I understand your frustration with these... changes..."
"No you don't, if you did you'd change yourself into a stallion and whisk yourself off into another dimension so I never have to talk to you again."
"...But as I've said, there really isn't much we can do right now. We should just be happy that there are no adverse effects."
Small comfort to me at the time. Did I mention I was a little horse now? Seems like an adverse effect to me. I took a deep breath. "How long was I out?"
"Hm. About eleven hours."
"And where's AJ?"
"She had to go back to the farm."
"And now what am I going to do?"
"You're going to wait here in bed until the Princess gets here."
"Oh, so now the ruling nobility are coming down to laugh at my lack of penis."
"I'll have you know Princess Celestia is very compassionate and understanding, she'd never laugh at the misfortune of others!" Twilight declared like a fan-girl.
"Well unless she can send me home, tell her to not bother."
She didn't listen to me, obviously. The sound of wheels outside the window sent her scrambling down the stairs in a mad hurry. I could hear a new voice downstairs, mature and regal. Two sets of hooves trotted to the room as I grew increasingly nervous, I really didn't want anybody to see me. The door swung open and Twilight shuffled through, followed by a white mare with hair that blew in an invisible wind.
"You're really tall..."
Did I just say that out loud? I blushed under my fur, that familiar feeling of regret and embarrassment coming back after a long hiatus. The white mare smiled gently and drifted to the bedside. I noticed that she had wings and a horn too, all in all, I got the impression that this was somebody I didn't want to piss off.
"I am Princess Celestia. One of the ruling monarchs here in Equestria."
Okay, be polite for once in your life Gerry.
"Uh, very nice to meet you your Highness. I'm Gerry."
"An odd name for a pony, sounds more fit for a Griffon, to be honest," she mused. What the hell is a griffon? Can they talk too? Now, to say that being naked in front of royalty is embarrassing is an understatement. Wrapping myself up in the sheets was a struggle considering the state of my hands. Furthermore it seemed that the transformation hadn't completed itself yet, leaving me laid out like a piece of celery. I had an oddly proportioned body with a long midsection and short chest.
Celestia frowned and looked to her student, "Is she okay? There's something strange about her body."
"Gee, thanks for the observation," I muttered. I was far beyond the point of caring about what this white horse thought.
"He's still undergoing some changes, he used to be... taller. He stood on two feet, actually I even took a sketch to record it," Twilight pulled out a piece of paper with a crude sketch of my human self on it. An artist Twilight is not.
"How curious," The Princess replied, squinting at the paper. She paused for a moment, "He?"
Twilight blushed, "He isn't happy about that."
Celestia frowned, "How terrible." I grunted. She sighed. "I suppose I should officially welcome you to Equestria. I am Princess Celestia," she smiled. I didn't feel like smiling. "I know that this isn't an ideal situation for anypony to be in, but we're going to do our best to assist you in any way you desire."
"How about sending me back?"
Celestia tutted, "Hm. Well I suppose we could look into that, I'm thinking about the more immediate future."
"You can teleport and levitate things but you can't send me home," I complained.
Twilight hopped into the conversation, "It sounds like we're joking, but we're not. Teleportation is very simple for a skilled unicorn as long as you know the location well. As you can imagine, teleporting somebody not just to a location you can't visualize, but even see or find is another thing entirely. You could end up on another world, and they're not guaranteed to be as friendly as us."
"The universe is a large place," Celestia nodded, "Even my sister, with her mastery of the skies, would struggle to pick out a single star among the quilt of billions of others. That is to say that we're even in the same space as one another. It's possible that you've crossed dimensions."
"What? That sounds even crazier! How can I cross a dimension?"
"Magic is complicated, but it allows us to manipulate space and even time. The barrier between the realms is thinner here than anywhere else I can think of, it's what allows us to access our magic. The spirits of the past can easily traverse that barrier for example. It's possible that something has gone horribly wrong, and you've been dragged through that barrier to here," Celestia explained.
"The odds of doing that are... miniscule. Even accidentally, and it would requite an immense amount of power," Twilight objected.
"Starswirl's rudimentary time manipulation was an accident, but he was capable of recreating it. Not that the spell has much use, time is a hard fabric to cut." Twilight cringed and looked away. That must have been a jab at her.
"Irregardless, the truth will be hard to uncover in this case. All we know is that you're from another place entirely different to ours," Celestia continued, "it will be, how do they say it? A needle in a haystack?"
"A very large haystack," Twilight nodded, "Although you did mention a lack of magic Gerry, maybe that could help us."
"Perhaps, if we search by magical potential, a place with no magic would certainly stand out."
"Ugh, just give it to me straight."
"We can only theorize where you came from and how, and finding your home will be incredibly difficult even without considering how to send you there."
"And why am I turning into a pony?"
Twilight looked to Celestia for answers. She gave a nervous grin, "I'm... not quite certain on that." Twilight frowned, it seems that Celestia usually has the answers in this kind of situation. "Sometimes magic works in strange ways. I can only say that not every species in this world can access magic directly like Ponies can. Despite this, I've never seen a creature from a place with no magic at all."
"I've already run tests on him. He seems to be taking in magic at an alarming rate. I've already theorized that this would be the case."
"But why a pony specifically? Why not just let me keep my old body... and my old gender."
"I don't know," Twilight shrugged, "Maybe the hoo-man body doesn't have the capacity to take in magic like a native species does. Unfortunately it's a bit too late to test that theory now."
"But why a girl though?" I asked again, becoming increasingly impatient.
"Magic can do amazing things, but it cannot destroy."
"You mean like conservation of mass?" I added, feeling like a smart boy... girl... mutant.
"What? Anyway, magic cannot destroy something. It can vaporize it, burn it, but it cannot remove something from existence. The closest you could get is sending an object to another plane, but then it could be recovered by an equally skilled mage. In this process of your body changing, perhaps it must create a body that matches your old one."
"So conservation of mass," I stated again, Twilight tilted her head. "Ugh, it's a rule from my world that mass, uh, the thing that makes everything, can't be destroyed, only changed or transferred. So you burn a piece of wood and the resulting elements are the same."
I'm a fucking agriculture expert explaining basic scientific concepts to small coloured horses, shoot me.
"You really must tell me about these scientific theories you know about, that sounds very interesting," Twilight chided.
"I don't even know if that's true here! Everything I know could be completely useless."
"We're getting off topic, this process is trying to create a body that matches your old one. So in a sense it's matching you in the best way possible, so it's decided to allocate the... mass of your old body to create this new one. It seems that making you a female was the way it decided to go."
"So you're saying that if I was a bit fatter I'd still have a penis right now?"
"Potentially. But looking at you now... you're very large," Twilight gulped. Does she think I'd be annoyed at her mentioning my weight?
"Indeed, you are one of the largest ponies I've seen in many years," Celestia commented.
"So you're saying that it doesn't matter anyway and this malevolent magic force just wanted to turn me into a girl?"
Twilight sighed, "Maybe."
I threw my stubby hands in the air and collapsed onto the bed with a dramatic groan. Twilight and Celestia gave each other a sideways glance.
"Besides all of that, I'm willing to extend a full offer of Equestrian citizenship to you. It's the least I can do in return for what has happened here."
"And that does?"
"It gives you a lot of little benefits, you can run for mayor or court, hospitals don't charge you, you can become a guard..." Twilight rattled off a list that mostly went over my head. It seemed Celestia noticed my dead eyed look and intervened.
"...And I'm also willing to help you acclimatize to life here in Equestria. That or my student will be very happy to help you with any questions you have."
Yeah, because she answered so many of them before this.
"But the first order of business should be a name. I know this sounds harsh, but I don't think many will believe the name Gerry when they see you."
"As the Princess said, that's a griffon name. Do all humans have names like that?"
"Well it's short for Gerald. Humans can have all sorts of names, some mean things in certain cultures and languages, but where I'm from they don't mean anything. Gerald is just a name."
"Well Ponies name their children after significant parts of their lives. A colour, an occupation, an object or location," Twilight informed me, "My name for example, my dad works as an astronomer. His favourite time of the day is the twilight hours."
"And Applejack likes apples?"
"Yep, her entire family actually. Granny Smith, Apple Bloom, Big Mac..." Twilight rattled off a list at least a mile long, causing me to zone out again, "...and Apple Crumble! Their family has been a major part of our farming industry for centuries. They have farms all over the country, so it only makes sense that they'd name themselves accordingly."
How do they keep track of families in this place?
"Or you could base it off your appearance. My friend Rainbow Dash, as you can guess, has a rainbow coloured mane. It's quite incredible."
"You certainly won't struggle to pick her out of a crowd," Celestia smiled. "I feel that an appearance based name would be the best, don't you think?"
"Hey! Who said I was going to change my name! It's important to me."
"I understand that Gerry, but not everypony else will. It'll just be easier in the long run for you to take up a name."
I sighed. "Fine. You guys pick one for me, I'll just be indecisive."
"Well, judging from your appearance now you have a nice brown mane, orange eyes and light brown fur, nearly orange," Twilight hummed to herself, "And you're also very large."
"Perhaps a food item would be best. It averts some of the expectations that might be put upon you based on your name."
"Hm, you could say that it's your parent's favourite food. It's a common thing to do," Twilight clapped her hooves together. "I know! How about Chocolate Log!"
I laughed before bursting out into a coughing fit, not a good idea to do that while your chest and midsection are collapsing. Celestia seemed to understand my mirth and shook her head, "Perhaps that has a more... explicit connotation for our friend here."
Twilight blushed, "Ah. How about Toffee then?"
"Hm, it's suitably imposing of a word for a mare of her stature, and it does describe her colour well. What do you think of that?"
"Sure whatever," I waved it off after a short time thinking. At least it didn't make me sound like a turd. And it wasn't some overly feminine garbage either. Heck, I even liked a bit of toffee now and then back home. It sounded as good a name as any. "But that's only a first name."
"A first name? Do you perhaps mean that there's only one part to it? There are many ponies with such names, the position of each word does not have any significance," Celestia explained. "You can change your name later if you go to the mayor's office if you desire."
"No, that's fine. Just wondering."
"Well if we're settled here, I'd like to extend a formal invitation to Toffee, to join the Equestrian Kingdom with the full rights and responsibilities that entail. You will act with good character and kind heart, and contribute to the whole of the Kingdom through your labour and relationships with others."
I nodded along. Until she pulled out a letter containing the speech she just gave, a wax seal and a dotted line.
"Uh, Twilight?"
"Oh!" She scrambled away and brought back a quill, "He's not in any condition to write, would I be okay for me to do it?"
"Royal testimony is more than enough," Celestia nodded. Twilight used her magic to scribble out my new signature before handing it back to the Princess.
"I must leave for royal business, but it was nice to see you my student," the two hug each other before Celestia turned back to me. "If you ever have any problems, do not be afraid to ask Twilight for assistance, she has proved herself to be very capable these past few years.
"We will attempt to ascertain the location of your home, but be prepared for the potential for us to not find it. Might I suggest making a habit of exploring the town when you are ready. There is much to see and do here, and you may find something to enjoy."
"Thank you," I nodded. Well aware of what she was implying, start getting comfortable.
"Farewell Twilight, I hope to see you at this year's ball," the two hugged once again before leaving the room together. I stared at the ceiling as the sun peek through the curtains, I could hear them talking downstairs. I briefly wondered what it was about before discarding the thought. Did it really matter?
Author's Note
rrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
"Twilight, this isn't funny," I grouched from my position on the ground, my rear not-so-gracefully flagging in the air. Twilight struggled to contain her laughter, which was quite cruel considering that she was trying to teach me how to walk on four legs.
"I-I'm sorry. It's just... you look like a newborn foal."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence Twi, I'm glad I have your support." I slowly stand on wobbling legs and sigh to myself, you'd have thought that whichever fucked up god had decided to fuck with me would at least have given me the courtesy of knowing how to walk. But since when was anything ever easy in my life? I'd spent the last hour wobbling around like I'd just suffered a stroke.
"Don't worry too much about it, I'm sure you'll get it soon."
"Soon isn't soon enough." I stood on shaking legs, slowly and deliberately placing each bastard limb in the correct location in an attempt to cross the floor of the library. How the hell do these ponies even live like this? "Here's an idea Twi, how about I cut off two of your legs and force you to learn to walk upright?"
"That would be... very unpleasant," she frowned; that was kind of the point.
"So how about a little understanding? This is twice the limbs I'm used to you know."
It took many frustrating hours, but eventually I became proficient enough to easily walk around the floor of the building. God help me if there was a flight of fucking stairs though. Twilight clapped along as I finally completed a lap of the library like a condescending shit.
Now that I was stood at my full height I finally realized the size difference between me and Twilight. Applejack had mentioned it before, but seeing it for myself was a different story. If Twilight looked straight ahead she'd be in line with my upper chest. Not to mention that I was appropriately wide too, I still looked like I worked on the farm.
It was actually pretty cool being the tall one for once. "Jeeze, you're a stallion and a half," Twilight commented, "I guess we know where that body mass went."
"It's rude to call a lady fat you know," I quipped. Twilight began apologizing profusely, "That was a joke."
The blushing Twilight cleared her throat, "A-anyway, now that you're capable of walking on your own, how about we go outside and get some fresh air! I'm sure you'd like to get out of this library."
"Alright, but we aren't going to attract a lot of attention right?"
"I'm not sure, this town is pretty skittish at best. I'm sure they'll be okay with a new pony moving in! They're all really friendly once you get to know them!" Her (somewhat) forced enthusiasm didn't fill me with confidence. "Keep an eye out for Pinkie, she'll be jumping at you as soon as she spots you."
"Why?"
"She has to throw a party for everything and everyone who comes through town, it's what she does."
"I'll keep it in mind."
Twilight smiled and opened the door to the centre of town. A lot of other ponies, of all shapes, sizes and colours milled around the quaint looking buildings. Up above a few pegasi flew between the clouds. It was my first time seeing them fly with my own eyes, man, why couldn't I do that?
I followed Twilight along the dirt roads as she rattled off the names of major landmarks and places with practised precision. Ponies looked over curiously, but none dared to approach until... a white and purple thing approached us. Was that horse wearing eye shadow? I turned away and spied on the buildings around me, there were a few market stalls selling their wares which I watched with interest. Maybe this place wasn't that different from earth after all.
"Hello Twilight, I haven't seen you out and about in a while," the white one says with a posh, faux-British accent.
"Heh, sorry about that Rarity, I've been busy doing something for the Princess."
"And would that something be welcoming a stallion into town?" she teased. I twitched slightly and turned to face her properly. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the look of shock on her face. Despite my size, my face still made it obvious what gender I was.
"I'm not that masculine am I?" I asked with a very feminine voice. Rarity sputtered for a moment, evidently not used to setting off on the wrong foo- hoof? I'd have to ask about my idioms later. Despite her awkward demeanour Twilight caught onto what I was doing immediately.
"Hm, well you do have that manner of speaking."
"I-I'm so very sorry dear!" she pleaded. I got the impression that she wasn't used to such a blunder.
"Don't worry about it," I said off... hoofedly? Is that even a thing?
Rarity, still flush in the cheeks from her mistake, bowed her head slightly. "I-I have to say, I've never met a mare of your stature before."
"I know right?" Twilight agreed. "This is Toffee, she's new in town so I'm giving her the tour!"
"How wonderful! I'm always happy to see a new face in Ponyville. I'm Rarity, local fashionista. If you ever need any clothing made, feel free to visit me at my boutique. I'd cherish the opportunity to work with somebody with such a unique look."
Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I just nodded along. I'd rather die than wear a dress anyway. Rarity squinted her eyes, "Are you not a member of the Apple family? You're certainly tall enough."
"Nope."
"She looks like one doesn't she? Toffee is a farm worker herself actually."
"Hm, you'll get along well with Applejack."
"We've already met."
"Well I suppose you'll be staying in town for a while? I'm sure we'll be talking more in the future, especially if Pinkie finds you. Don't be a stranger." She said her goodbyes and went on her way.
"That went well," Twilight stated. "See, easy as pie!"
"Interacting with people isn't a challenge Twi."
"It was for me," she mumbled.
I saw a flash of pink in the corner of my vision. What the hell was that?
"I'm surprised you handled that so well," Twilight said pulling my attention away from the pink blur.
"Twilight, I was a stallion," I reminded her.
"Oh right."
"Anyway, it's quite fun. I wonder if I can do it to anybody else."
"Don't be mean," Twilight chided me.
The tour dragged on an hour too long for my taste, and contrary to the impression that Twilight and Rarity gave me the other ponies in the town were a lot more hesitant to approach us and say hello. Twilight had waved it off, before telling me an anecdote about another friend of hers who was a zebra and couldn't walk into town without everybody fleeing in fear.
That's pretty fucked up.
Anyway, eventually we reached the outskirts of the town, where rows and rows of trees stretched along the dirt roads. It was a beautiful place. In fact, everything in town was beautiful. These ponies put a lot of effort into their presentation. In the distance on one of the hills was a large red barn, covered in ornate designs and... apples. A bit on the nose.
"This is one of the biggest farms in Equestria."
"I think it's quite small actually."
"Well, most farms are still owned by families like the Apples, and they rarely hire outside help. Most ponies aren't skilled enough to work on a farm. They're all over the country, and they're very close to each other."
"I guess without some of the machines from home it's harder to work on such a big farm," I pondered, noticing the lack of tractors or other modern conveniences.
"Hm, machines on a farm? How strange," Twilight said, stopping outside one of the wooden shacks that surrounded the barn.
"And back home they always hired people to help out during peak season. I was one of them. If you're into complete isolation and bad living conditions it was pretty good money."
Twilight rounded me and gasped, "Oh, I almost forgot to mention this." She poked my butt to draw my attention, "This is your cutie mark, a toffee apple, appropriate right?"
"How did... it know?" I asked. Twilight had decided on the name... when did I get this? Was it even there earlier?
"That's a question the greatest scholars in Canterlot can't answer. Magic sure works in mysterious ways sometimes. A cutie mark is a representation of who we are, it can be something as simple as a tool that you use, or something more profound. They all have their own meaning but generally represent where we'll go in the future."
"When did I get this? Did you notice it earlier?"
"It was there from the start... I think. It must have slipped my mind since everypony has one," she dismissed my worry out of hand... hoof? I was seriously starting to freak out, I felt like I was forgetting something important. When the hell did I get it?
"Never mind that, we're here to see Applejack."
"Oh, what for?"
"To get you a place to stay, hopefully. I don't have any spare rooms, it's a library after all."
Hadn't I been sleeping in a room this entire time?
"So... we're going to ask AJ to put you up for a little while until you'll be able to get a place to call your own. She can help you get used to Ponyville too, she's been here her entire life."
"I'm going to end up working on this farm aren't I." Twilight's smirk faltered for a moment, I'd seen right through her scheme. "It's not like I mind, it's what I'm educated in. But I'm still not very good with my hooves am I?"
"You can only get better with them though, and what better way to train yourself than with some manual labour?"
"Did AJ put you up to this?"
Twilight sighed, "Stop being so suspicious Toffee. I'm trying to help you." The kind of statement that only draws suspicion from people like me. She approached the door and knocked and stepped back, it took a minute before anybody responded. The door swung open to reveal a very large red stallion, who was the first pony I'd met that was taller than me.
"Oh, Big Mac. Is Applejack here?"
"Yup."
"But not in the house?"
"Nope," he responded with a long drawl.
"Okay, is she out back?"
"Yep."
Is this guy slow? Twilight thanked him and dragged me out back. "He's not a very talkative one," I observed.
"Never has been," Twilight said.
"He's tall."
"He works on this farm all the time, I barely ever see him in town. I think Granny fed him well too."
"That's all genetics Twilight. I bet his parents are tall too."
"Genetics?"
"Never mind."
"Just so you know, AJ and Mac's parents aren't around any more. I don't even know what happened to them, so try not to bring it up around AJ or Mac, or Applebloom either."
"I'll try not to."
We approached a pigsty, filled with some very happy looking pigs. Applejack stood nearby, placing down a bucket that she'd probably just used to feed them. Why do they keep pigs anyway, aren't ponies herbivores?
"Howdy there Twilight," she let out a holler at the sight of me, "Darn she's a large un'. Who's this?"
"It's me, Gerry." Applejack's eyes widened.
"Well ah' don't believe it, you really turned into a pony?"
Twilight butted in, "She's going by Toffee in public, but yes, this is Gerry."
"Has Mac seen ya', what did he say?"
"Nothing much, does anything faze him?" Twilight said.
"Well you can't rightly tell unless you've lived with him a few years. Ah' can tell when he's surprised by something, you gotta' pay attention."
"We're here to talk about giving Toffee something to do now that she can leave the library. I'm hoping there's a spot for her helping on the farm."
Applejack rubbed her chin, "Hm, harvest season is coming up soon."
"And I'm hoping it's going to help her fit in better."
"I suppose I could give you a shot," Applejack hummed to herself. "How good are ya'?"
"I know how to do farm work, not so much about how to use these hooves."
"Well that's good enough for me, let's take this inside," Applejack insisted, pulling us back around the side of the barn.
Author's Note
i breath
me write chapter
filled with error
still not pony
where gilda
"Ah'm not sure if I can get Mac to agree to letting on somepony new so easily Twi. You know how he is."
"I know how you are Applejack. Remember last season?"
Applejack blushed, "I know better now Twi! Mac didn't get the same lesson. This is a family business, that's what he'll say. Never mind getting a room too."
"I can handle getting somewhere for Toffee to stay. I just thought it'd be more convenient if she was on the farm."
I sat in silence as the two mares hashed out some kind of agreement on letting me work on the farm. I wasn't in a position to complain, I'd happily accept any job that came my way as long as it wasn't as bad as my old one. Or perhaps the morbid thought that I might not be able to go home had settled deep into my head and wouldn't go away, like a fart in an elevator.
Despite my earlier anger, I'd come to trust Twilight enough to let her handle this. I'd probably be out on the streets begging for money if it weren't for her. The room we were in was really... sweet. Pictures of AJ and her family dotted the walls, with various other items that were clearly of significance to the family placed alongside them.
I could see through into their kitchen, which much like everything else in this weird universe, was sized specifically for four legs. Unlike the modern designs I'd grown used to on Earth, most of the furniture and fittings in Equestria were made of wood. Even so there were many modern conveniences here, like a fridge and oven, which made me wonder what kind of technology this weird place used. Did they run on magic instead of electricity?
The kitchen itself was packed shelf to shelf with everything you could think of. This was very obviously a family that liked to cook. The air smelt of pastry, like it had been permanently infused into the wood of the place from how often it was made.
"Hey," Twilight poked me in the side, I shook my head and wandered back into the living space with her. AJ had sat herself down on one of the seats. Twilight joined her, but I didn't feel comfortable laying my fat ass on any of them. AJ sighed, "You can sit down too you know! These things are special reinforced for Big Mac."
"I thought I was the biggest..."
"You're the biggest mare I've ever seen. Hard to judge without meeting him, but Mac really is the biggest pony you'll ever see. I'd say you'd reach to... just below his eye level."
I didn't believe her at first, so with unnecessary caution I lowered my rear end onto the seat, wincing slightly as it creaked and groaned under my weight. As I lifted my hooves from the floor, it settled down. I breathed a sigh of relief at having not broken her presumably expensive furniture. AJ rolled her eyes.
"Never thought I'd see another pony as big as you."
"Are you sure this is okay?" I asked, "That didn't sound too safe."
"Nah, it's fine," AJ waved me off. Twilight cleared her throat in an attempt to get the conversation back on track. "You need a glass of water Twi?" AJ asked, oblivious.
"No, I'm fine. So, would it be any trouble to let Toffee try working on the farm for a while?"
"Well, you did say she's qualified for it."
"Qualified and experienced are different things," I pointed out, "I'm qualified in agriculture, and experienced in hard labour."
AJ shook her head, "Those sound like the same things to me."
I sighed, "Unfortunately, they aren't. What a waste of time..." I mumbled to myself.
AJ looked to Twilight for assistance, but only received a shrug in response. She turned back to me, "Well partner, as long as you're strong enough to buck a tree and pull a plough, I'm sure that there'll be no problems working here on our farm."
"And you get a room to yourself!" Twilight jumped in, "I mean, the library isn't exactly built for multiple occupants, you know what I mean?"
I nodded. "Well, I can't reject a kind offer like that."
AJ hopped down from her seat and stretched out a hoof, "Put her here then!" I hesitantly reached out with my own hoof and bumped hers, which seemed to satisfy her well enough. "Sorry to push you around so quick, but how about I show you the ropes? I'll give you the grand tour!"
"If you insist."
Twilight hops down from her own perch and smiles to herself, another victory in the pursuit of friendship had been secured. "I need to get back to the library before somepony wonders why it's clos-"
"That ain't happening," AJ interjects. Yikes, tone it down with the snark AJ. "That library is closed more than it's open these days with all this crazy stuff happening around town."
Twilight frowned, "You're right. But that just means I need to make up for lost time! I'll see you later AJ! Good luck with your new job Toffee!" With that, Twilight dashed through the door like a mare possessed and I had to wonder, was she really eager to re-open the library, or did she just want to avoid getting dragged into the tour?
"Let's get started with the orchard!" AJ declared, hooking a hoof around my shoulder and dragging me out of the building. The sun was almost blinding now, the heat of summer meaning that the air in the distance danced and deformed. AJ yammered away at a mile a minute about various farm related trivia, from the founding of the farm, to the extended family of the Apples, to the strange yearly traditions they engaged in thanks to the magic in the air.
My mind wandered, only occasionally being pulled back by the mention of something that I actually needed to know, like where the tool shed was, or which parts of the orchard needed working on. I'd mastered the skill of selective hearing very early on during my time at college. Eventually AJ's monologue was interrupted by the sound of a sledgehammer hitting a block of wood. I nearly jumped out of my fur at the sound of it.
"Mac's still out here?" she asked herself out loud. We approached the red stallion as he battered the tree with his hooves, causing a multitude of apples to fall from the branches and into neatly arranged wooden bins. How strange.
"Hey Mac, it's nearly quitting time! What are you still out here for?" AJ asked as she approached the red stallion. Once again, I was slightly taken aback at the size of the guy, he easily towered over every other pony I'd seen. Mac turned to face her, before his eyes met mine, like a bullet he looked away to the left. AJ paused, and squinted her eyes. I was no expert in pony body language, but something was up between the two of them that I wasn't seeing.
"Y-Yup," he replied. Did he just stutter? I thought to myself.
"Do you need a hoof taking these back?" AJ asked, laying a hoof on one of the wooden tubs, inspecting the apples inside. I wondered how they collected the apples without bruising them, maybe apples in Equestria were just tougher than the ones on Earth?
"Nope." Mac still avoided looking at me.
"Dinner'll be out soon. Don't spend too long out here alright?"
He nodded, which Applejack took as an affirmative answer. As we walked back to the house I asked AJ what was wrong, but she wouldn't answer. "Just Mac being Mac," she said.
Author's Note
i haven't watched the show in like three years
I woke the next morning feeling distinctly unlike myself. A foreign object flew at my face and slammed into my new muzzle.
Oh, yeah. I'm a horse now. Thank you for the reminder.
AJ's tour was lengthy, especially considering the sheer size of the farm. It nearly circled a whole half of the town. This was the kind of farm that could feed thousands of people, but there were only a few hundred living in the town centre. I couldn't imagine them exporting them anywhere, but maybe I was being presumptuous about how good this operation was.
Mac had spent the entire dinner avoiding looking at me. A sobering realization had hit me when I'd laid in bed that evening, maybe he wanted to smash me. I was a mare now, and I wasn't so virginal as to not understand what the average guy is thinking about when an attractive woman is nearby. Not that I know what's attractive to small, coloured horses anyway. So an ominous air had started to linger over my head; like a stormfront approaching the west coast. Eventually I'd have to accept the idea that horny ponies would be thinking about fucking me.
What a world. Maybe little baby ponies were born through immaculate conception.
Thankfully I had work to look forward to, to take my mind of such horrible things. I trotted down the stairs and into the living room area. AJ was already up and about, even before the sunrise. She sat in front of the fire, casting a harsh shadow across the darkened room.
"Good morning Applejack," I greet her. The cowboy hat wearing pony turned to me with a smile.
"Good mornin', nice to see that you've got the hardest part out of the way already!"
"I'm used to early mornings, I did this for a living you know. Is Mac up?"
"He sped off, he was up before me, when was the last time that happened?" AJ pondered. She turned back and slided a metal plate towards me. On it was... hay? "Breakfast, can't get to farming on an empty stomach!" I pulled the plate towards me with no small amount of hesitation. Obviously I could eat it, otherwise AJ wouldn't offer but...
When in Rome...
I held the plate up to my face and slurped up the hay like stiff, unappealing spaghetti. The interior of my mouth was much tougher, so it wasn't so much of a problem to eat as I thought. The taste was another matter entirely, dry like cereal without milk. The texture was also pretty poor, it crumbled to pieces in my mouth with every bite. I felt like I was eating sawdust.
"Not sure I'm a fan of this," I said with a grimace.
"Aw, I'm sure you'll get used to it. Ya' don't eat hay to enjoy it, it'll keep you going until lunchtime."
"Well it's no worse than the food I got on the old farm I guess."
"That's the spirit!" she hollered, clapping me on the back. Applejack was a pretty big mare, much larger than Twilight, but being so close to her really drove home just how big I was. Was this a result of the transformation conversing my mass, compressing my big human body down into a small package? I had a million and one questions and no answers aside from the few that Twilight let slip.
"Alright Toffee, this here is your classic Sweet Apple Acres apple tree," Applejack said, posing towards said tree. It was quite large, with a bushy green top and several apples spread throughout it's branches. "Now, most ponies go about harvesting their crop by picking em', but these are tough old stallions, selectively bred through decades of apple farming! Which means..."
Applejack swings around. I could see the muscles underneath her coat tense as she reared up and unleashed an almighty kick against the trunk of the tree. Despite the impact, the bark doesn't even shatter, instead the whole tree shakes and wobbles, forcing nearly every apple to fall from the branch and into selectively placed baskets.
That was... something. Applejack noticed my slack-jawed stare. Suddenly she became bashful, blushing and crossing one leg in front of the other. "Hah, we're uh, kinda' famous for this actually."
"So you want me to learn how to do that?"
"Yup! It makes the work fly by! Now, I 'ain't taught nopony how to do this before, but you look like you can handle doing it."
"Have you seen the size of me, I might end up cracking the tree in half."
"Don't be silly girl! Come on over here and try it out!"
I approached the tree and turned myself around to face Applejack. I'd learnt how to control my body enough to kick something, hopefully. "Now, you don't wanna' hit the side of the tree, that's how you end up chipping off the bark instead of shaking it. Take your time, aim carefully at the middle there," she explained, pointing to the centre of the tree, slightly below the height of my rear. For Applejack, that was an upward kick, but for me it was actually lower. "Make sure you get both hooves on it at the same time so you get the maximum impact."
I sighed to myself and orientated my hooves to a wider stance, just kick it, that's easy enough right? I tensed my legs in preperation, for some reason Applejack looked increasingly worried. With my eyes on the target I let loose witha thunderous kick. There was the sound of my blunt hooves hitting the wood, but also a much higher crack. I daren't look back and witness the damage that I'd just caused. Applejack covered her eyes with a hoof and grumbled something under her breath.
"I messed up your tree, didn't I?"
"I shoulda' told you to hold back. Darn it."
I glanced back to witness the huge fissure that I'd somehow managed to create in the middle of the trunk. I could see through it to the next row. "Has this ever happened before?"
"Mac did it once. I shoulda' guessed with your size and all. We'll live with one less tree, but uh... maybe hold back next time."
The next time had gone much better, with me holding back a little bit. This time the apple wobbled themselves off of the branches and into the buckets just like she'd shown me. Applejack told me that learning how to put the baskets in the right place was the real challenge, but that I'd get used to it with experience. After that AJ had asked me to go around the orchard and kick any tree that was ready to be harvested while she went and put out more buckets.
So I did.
The orchard was truly massive, I couldn't believe that the entire thing was managed by just two or three ponies. There isn't much else to say, other then that I kicked many trees for several hours. I was only pulled away from the work when Applejack approached me and said it was break time. We treaded back to the house and into the kitchen, where Big Mac was already chowing down on some kind of salad, of course, it had apples in it.
I liked chicken a lot when I was back home. But the Apples took it to another level, they were named after them, had apple themed furniture, worked on a big apple farm and ate almost nothing that didn't have apples in it. Surely they must get sick of Apples once in a while? They were good, really good, the best apples I'd ever tasted. But that can only get you so far when there's a world of other things to try as well.
I'm getting off track again. Mac was so hyper-focused on eating that salad that he didn't even notice us until we took our own seats at the little horse table. He nodded to his sister, but seemed to shy away from doing the same for me. A deep feeling of second-hand... second-hoof embarassment settled into my chest like a lead weight. I silently hoped that AJ would never mention her brother's obvious crush in my god forsaken presence. I shot her a glance that could cut steel, and whatever words were building in her mouth faded away. She rolled her eyes instead and wordlessly began to eat her own meal.
An awkward silence had settled in the room again. I was really good at doing that it seemed. The three of us polished off our plates without sharing a single word. Applejack, as brave as ever, endevoured to break this silence. "Looks like you've got right to it Toffee! I saw a lot of apples on the way back."
It's an orchard, there's always apples...
"Ya' didn't break open any more trees, did you?"
"Nope."
"See, nothing to worry about, you're a natural!"
"Eeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyup ," Mac drawled, delivering perhaps the longest euyp ever spoken by anyone. "Be gentle with tha' trees," he continued.
"You should have seen the look on her face," Applejack sniggered, her freckle covered cheeks redening.
"Huh? You should have seen yours!" I responded angrily. "I thought I was gonna' get in serious trouble you know."
"Nah, we'll just ask Twilight to help fix em' up. I'm sure she has some crazy spell that can help." I wasn't so sure about that. Twilight was amazing, the magic was amazing, but part of me felt that she couldn't just solve every problem by using it. If it was that easy I'd be home already, and not sitting having lunch with two talking ponies.
Mac looked upon the conversation with his usual range of emotion, none. Perhaps he found something interesting about the way me and Applejack spoke to each other. "Where ya' from?" he eventually asked. My mind scrambled for a second as I thought back to the Twilight Sparkle approved backstory that she'd given me. "I heard that ya' got a fancy degree in farming. You from Manehattan?" A lightbulb turned on in my brain.
"Oh, yeah, I'm from Manehattan. My family... aren't farmers though. It's more of a personal passion. I worked on other ponies' farms mostly." Big Mac nodded along with my tall tale as I explained how I came into possession of a degree that didn't exist. I had the knowledge, but the piece of paper was still back on Earth.
"She's a good fit Mac. She's got a big noggin' so maybe she can help make the farm even better than it is already!" Mac nodded along to the sales pitch. Despite the lecture that AJ had given me about being honest back in the library she backed me up, I suppose explaining that I was an alien from another world who got turned into a (allegedly) attractive mare was a step too far even for her. Would Big Mac even believe her if she said that? If honesty was as big of a deal as she said, maybe he would.
I re-told some of my old stories (ponified for a new audience.) I needed to project something about myself, to make Toffee seem real.
Peer pressure sure is a bitch.
A few days ago I was distraut at the idea of losing my old body, but now I was bullshitting other people and telling them that I'd always been like this. Was I worried about the way other people would react if they knew the real me? The foul mouthed, lonely little farmer from bumfuck nowhere? Some things stay the same no matter how much I try to change them.
This pony, Toffee, the pony that Applejack introduced to her brother abruptly the other day to work on their farm. What was really different about her? Her looks? Her way of speaking? In the end I'm still me, I just look different. I could lie, but I know that I'd be found out eventually, a slip of the tongue, or AJ walking back on what we'd said and the whole thing could come crashing down around me. What'd even happen if that was the case?
Toffee is me, but a liar.
I didn't have the right to even step into the same house as Applejack, knowing what I know about her now. In retrospect, it was amazing that she even did what she did for me. I crossed a line that she never crosses, I made AJ lie for me. It's equal parts flattering and terrifying. What kind of pony is AJ to do that for a stranger? And after all she'd done for me at the point as well.
I rounded off my tale with these kinds of things swirling around my mind. I repeated it to myself to commit the story to memory, to make sure that I wouldn't contradict myself later. I lived in Manehattan, born to a normal family, at a young age I earned my cutie mark after cultivating plants on the balcony of our home. I went to school and college, one of the few in the country, and earned a degree in agriculture. I moved out and started doing odd jobs across the country, advising farming communities on how to be more efficient and protect the enviroment around them. Eventually I ended up in Ponyville without a job after my current one fell through. I embelished it with as many small details as I could, picking up on the things I'd seen and heard while staying at the library.
Mac squinted though.
He saw right through me from the very start. Their honesty was genetic, an instinct drilled into them by years of living among family.
But Mac is polite. So he didn't say a word; and maybe that was for the best.
Life goes on.
I spent the next week enduring the same schedule every day. Wake up early, hay, work, apples, go the sleep early and occasionally talk with AJ, Granny, Applebloom or Big Mac. Before I knew it I was trapped in the same cycle that I had been back home. Wasn't this meant to be a fresh start? One of the few posititives of becoming a pony and I was wasting it. I needed to get off the farm for a day. So I approached Applejack, and while we were walking back to the house I asked her.
"Is there anything fun to do in town? I'm starting to go a bit stir crazy from being on the farm for so long."
AJ thought for a moment, "We could go see the girls," she suggested. It was true that I hadn't seen Twilight for a while now. She must be busy studying.
"You have more friends than Twilight right, we met Rarity while we were walking through town."
"Of course ah' do! There's Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie."
"You just reminded me, Twilight told me that Pinkie would ambush me but it never happened."
"Oh darn it, that must mean she's planning a big old party," AJ sighed.
"Why does she like parties so much?"
"There are some questions better left unanswered," AJ grumbled walking through the door into the barn. "Everypony has something they're passionate about, and Pinkie is passionate about parties, she can't get enough of 'em."
"And?"
"Nothing against Pinkie, she's one of my closest friends. But once you've lived here a couple years you'll have been to hundreds of 'em."
We both sat at the kitchen table. I kicked back and looked to the ceiling. "A party huh... I better make a good first impression." I'm a functional person, as long as I don't piss myself in front of everybody I should be fine.
Applejack nodded with a smile. "Don't you worry, this is the friendliest town you'll ever see. I'm sure you'll make some new friends as well."
I didn't really want friends considering that this was hopefully temporary but... I couldn't say that to AJ. So I just smiled and nodded. We had dinner and went back to work.
Eventually the weekend rolled around, so it was time to bite the bullet and head into town and see what Pinkie had put together. Applejack had predicted that she'd say something along the lines of "hosting a super-duper big part for a super-duper big pony!" Which was specific enough to make me believe it. Sure enough the streets of Ponyville were fairly empty considering that it was a Saturday. If there were at this not-so-surprise party the entire damn town would be there.
So we wandered through the streets for half-an-hour before AJ sighed and gave in. "Alrighty then, let's go down to Sugarcube Corner." We turned around and went back the way we came. In the middle of town lay my doom, Sugarcube Corner. Appropriately decorated to look like a gingerbread house. The curtains were drawn and the doors closed. A deep sense of foreboding lay in my chest as we approached.
AJ spoke with a whisper, "Try to look a bit surprised, Pinkie'll get sad if you don't."
Okay?
She motioned me to go ahead. I walked through the door.
Before I could prepare myself a gaggle of ponies hopped up from behind the counter and various pieces of furniture and bellowed "Surprise!" Party poppers were detonated and hooves were waved. Even when I knew it was coming it still made me jump. Above the counter was a banner, it read "Welcome to Ponyville!" and had several doodles scattered on it. In almost all of them that involved ponies, I towered above them. Was that the first impression that everybody got of me?
Before I could think on it any more a pink blur dashed up to me. Her hair was curly and wild and her blue eyes darted around with room with boundless energy. This must be the infamous Pinkie Pie, I thought to myself. "Were you surprised? Huh? Huh?" she asked with a level of insistance that spoke to a deep personal disturbance. I answered "yes," before she added me to the pile of bodies that must have been buried under the floorboards.
She smiled and spoke with words like a machine gun, a rapid onslaught of questions followed. "Well, I heard that there was a new pony in town but I didn't see you for aaaaaaages! So I decided to wait until I saw you for myself, and then I saw you walking with Twilight and I thought, wow! That's a huge pony! So obviously for such a huge pony we needed to throw a huge welcome party!"
I looked around and she wasn't lying, the entire town had shown up. Some of them had moved outside to clear up some space inside the store. The others who'd stayed watched with amusement. I supposed that Pinkie Pie did this for every new person in town, which once again begged the question of just how many ponies lived there. Becuase there was no way she did this if there were a lot of people moving in all the time.
"...Anyway, what did your papa and mama feed you to make you so big? It's cool! I wish I was big so I could stomp around town like a giant monster!"
"Give her a sec' Pinkie!" AJ intervened. "You're gonna' burn the poor gal out before the party starts."
Pinkie nods, "You're right Applejack, silly me. Nice to meet you, I'm Pinkie Pie!"
"Uh. I'm Toffee."
The crowd disperses a bit and break off into their own groups. Applejack and Pinkie pulled me over to a table at the side of the room. Twilight was there alongside some other ponies that I hadn't seen before. There was a white one with heavy makeup and stylish hair, a yellow one, and a cyan one with a rainbow mane. My eyes watered slightly looking at her.
"Howdy girls," Applejack greeted them, sliding in next to the neon monstrosity. There was no way that her hair was natural. Applejack patted the seat next to her, I accept it with the grace of a child. It creaked slightly and I made the kind of face you make when you're about to break somebody else's furniture with your fat ass. Thankfully it evened out, although it made it hard to relax.
"Pinkie wasn't kidding, you're a big mare!" the Rainbow disaster commented. "I'm Rainbow Dash, nice to meet you!"
"Rarity," the well-kept mare continued.
"Fluttershy," the yellow one whispered. How on the nose.
"I have to say dear, it must be a nightmare finding clothes in your size," Rarity started. Even though nobody wore clothing for the most part, I just nodded along to keep up the facade.
"She's a famer Pinkie," Applejack responds to an unspoken question. "That's why she's so big."
"You aren't that big Applejack," Rainbow scoffed.
"Some ponies are just... bigger," I offered in return, "Not much else to say about it other then that."
"Bigger? You'd probably be eye to eye with Celestia!" Rainbow snorted.
"I've uh, never seen her myself, or been close to her, I mean." I replied with trepidation. How often do ponies even see their leaders in public? It didn't seem to matter as Rainbow accepted my answer anyway, perhaps because ponies from outside of the Canterlot area don't see them all that often.
"She's the tallest pony I've ever seen. Right Twilight?"
"She is on the... tall side, yes." It seemed like Twilight was trying to avoid being insulting. From what I knew of her, she was Celestia's student in Canterlot before moving to Ponyville so they have a close relationship to each other.
"They're alicorns, or course they're tall," Rarity added. "You must let me make you something nice to wear some time, I'd love to see what I could do for you."
Applejack shook her head. "I don't see many formals in her future Rarity."
"You should never judge a book by her cover! All kind of ponies enjoy engagements and parties like that."
"She's right Rarity, I'm not into high society personally," I state in an attempt to end the debate. "But if you really want to, I'd be happy to give you some of my time."
To be honest, I didn't really want a dress slapped on me. But AJ was right, what were the odds that I was ever going to wear a dress? Even most of the ponies at Pinkie's party weren't wearing anything. Trying to make friends around town couldn't go amiss though, so if it made Rarity happy I'd go along with it to an extent.
"I better start thinking of some ideas!" Rarity chirped. I groaned inwardly.
"So how are you liking the town?" Twilight asked.
"It's okay, I haven't gotten to see much of it yet."
"Sorry," AJ apologized, "I've been working you to the bone ain't I?"
"Don't worry about it, I'm living on the farm so I have to pitch in."
"It's pretty different from one of the big cities," Twilight continued, "everypony knows each other, so it's very easy to find something to get involved in. Rarity and Mac are in a band, for example."
"Mac? I can't imagine him singing."
"He's our bass dear," Rarity nodded.
"Huh, you learn something new every day."
Eventually the table had split up and went their own seperate ways to mingle. I, however, was struggling with it. I was afraid of tripping over myself and letting somebody in on that I wasn't a pony. I didn't trust myself enough to play off a blunder with a laugh and a correction. Not to mention that everybody seemed just a little bit afraid of approaching me.
Was I too big? Too large for the lay-pony to come up to and strike up a conversation? It was my high-school prom all over again for God's sake. Except back then I wasn't transgender horse. My mind wandered a bit as I thought about the implications of transgenderism in a world with magic.
I felt a hoof tap my shoulder. I turned around to meet the eyes of Mac, who was holding a cup of some kind of juice in his other hoof. What fantastic dexterity. Mac wasn't good conversation usually, so I wasn't expecting him to bail me out of the awkward air that had descended on the party like a miasma.
“It’s fine, they just need time to get used to me.” I shuddered under my fur, remembering all of the team building exercises I endured during my lengthy post-graduation job hunt. “Once I get to know a few pe-ponies. It’ll smooth out.”
I looked to Mac, who was nodding along with my explanation. “Why? Are you a secret party animal Mac? I bet they can’t shut you up huh?”
“Nope. I like my peace and quiet.”
“Huh, Rarity told me that you have a nice set of pipes though.”
Mac bashfully turned to face the ceiling, “Aw, don’t bring that up.” For the first time in weeks I laughed - it took me by surprise. It felt good to find humour in something again. “I just help ‘em out sometimes.”
“Don’t be so shy about it, you’ve got a talent for it then.”
“My talent is apples, and only apples.”
“And singing.”
“And singing… wait.”
“Got you.” I pointed a hoof at Mac with a grin. The crisis that happened earlier was the farthest thing from my mind. “Hey, you know anypony here? Well enough to introduce me, I mean.” Mac looked around the party in search of somebody to talk to. I could see the sweat beginning to build on his brow as he tried.
“You aren’t very social, are you Mac?”
He hung his head low to the ground in defeat, “Nope.”
“Let’s both make some friends then.” I picked the first pony that I saw, an earth mare with a dark grey coat and black hair. I pulled Mac with me as I approached, “Hello, nice to meet you!” I began – the classic strategy of not giving your opponent time to escape.
The mare was caught off guard, “Oh, hello! The mare of honour. And Big Mac too!” She spoke with a natural rhythm in her voice. The hard part was following up.
“I’m Toffee,” I reached out my hoof and silently slapped myself for trying to do something weird again. The huge hole that I’d just blown in my chest cavity was soon patched over as she reached out and bumped slash rubbed her own hoof against mine.
“Octavia.”
Standing next to Octavia only made the size difference more evident than it was before. I was like a skyscraper, and Octavia clearly wasn’t the type of pony to do a lot of heavy lifting. Her frame was much smaller and slimmer.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Owe it to Mac not having friends.”
“I do.” He objects.
“Friends that aren’t here right now,” you correct course. “So I took it upon myself to get to know some ponies from around town before I drag the whole party to a standstill.”
Octavia nodded, “Forgive me if I’m being rude, but how did you become so… large?”
“I slept a lot.”
“Oh, truly?”
“No, my parents were just big too.” Big by pony standards, a little white lie to keep things rolling. I mean, technically it wasn’t false right? “And a lot of farm work. What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a cellist and composer. So I spend quite a lot of time travelling.”
“Really? Have you been anywhere interesting lately…”?
Soon enough I was deep into a discussion with Octavia about her life and work and the lies that I was worried about earlier faded into the background. Mac even joined in with a few anecdotes of his own about leaving home when he was younger.
The irregularity that had defined the past few months of my life wasn’t completely gone, but I took solace in the fact that I was surrounded by intelligent people with lives of their own and things to say.
Could be worse, I thought, I could have been turned into a jellyfish.
Author's Note
"Pinkie wasn't kidding, you're a big mare!" the Rainbow disaster commented.
"For you."
Limping over the finish line with another chapter of Adjustment. To be honest I don't have much of an idea where to take this but I'm gonna finish it eventually.
Another sunny morning in Ponyville. I entered the Apple family kitchen with a yawn. “Good morning AJ.”
“Morning Toffee. How you feeling?”
I took a seat at the table and stretched out. “A bit sore.”
Applejack looked bashful, “I have been workin’ you hard these past few days.”
“I don’t mind. It keeps me healthy...” …And helps balance out the absurd amount of pastry that I was expected to eat every day. I still didn’t know how they found the time to produce such a prolific amount of food at a moment’s notice. Somebody was missing.
“Where’s Mac?”
Applejack put down her cup, “Oh, he’s got a day off.”
“Mac has days off?”
“Yup.”
“Oh, is this when he goes and does his singing thing.”
“Uh-huh.”
“What’s on the cards for me then?”
“We’re getting into the slow season, slow by our standards anyway.”
Applejack was visibly conflicted about something. The element of honesty? Struggling to say something that was on her mind? I had a bad feeling. “You look like you’re sucking a lemon, what is it?”
Applejack rubbed her pony shoulder, “Well, the thing is, Twilight asked me to talk to you about something thorny.” Twilight didn’t have much tact, so I understood why she’d delegate the task to somebody who knew me better. But even so, it would be nice if she didn’t pawn off her responsibilities to her friends all the time.
“How thorny?”
“Uhm, gender changin’ thorny?”
I slumped in my chair, “Just hit me with it AJ.”
“Well, Twilight asked me to talk to you about… sex and stuff.” Applejack blushed a bright red at the thought of discussing sex, of all things. How old was she again?
“I’m an adult AJ, I think Twilight’s being overzealous again.”
Applejack shook her head, “She just wanted to give you fair warning about the heat and all…”
“The heat? What heat?”
“Whaddya’ mean? Everypony goes into heat eventually.”
I should have seen it coming. Ponies were… ponies! Of course they’d have a heat season! My idiot little peanut brain had gotten into thinking that just because they could talk, they wouldn’t have to deal with stuff like that.
“Okay, maybe I’m not quite as educated as I said before. How bad is it?”
“It’s kinda’ like having an illness, you get really hot, even when it’s cold. Lightheaded. But Twilight told me that it’s all in the mind, whatever that means.”
“I think she means that it’s not an illness, it just feels like one.”
“The heat itself ain’t nothin’ too much to worry about. Just be careful ‘cause it’ll get the stallions into a right old mood.”
Images of stallions trying to hide boners popped into my mind. “Well that’s wonderful.” I was of course aware that ponies didn’t wear clothes, and I’d seen my fair share of asshole and ballsack. While at first it was kind of off putting, I soon realized that it was just a fact of life – nobody would be getting up in… hooves about it. Tails usually blocked most lines of sight anyway.
Applejack drank down the last of her cup, “It’s a good thing that you know. If you have any questions you wanna’ ask me, go right ahead.”
“No, I’m good for now. Thanks.”
A day off. That was rare. For the past few weeks I’d been run ragged helping Applejack and Mac clear out the farm before the end of the season. Kicking trees, clearing animal pens (I still didn’t know what they used the pigs for,) and patching up the house and barn. My motor skills had taken leaps and bounds, I was less Bambi and more like a functioning pony adult.
There was only one thing on my mind though, trying to get my hands on Twilight. To say that she had been elusive would be an understatement. There wasn’t a week gone by where she wasn’t on some kind of errand for the Princess. Who is more like a Queen, let’s be honest. I wanted to talk to her about the whole being a mare thing.
I rapped the front door to the library and waited. After a moment the door was pulled open by Spike. “Is Twilight here?” I asked.
Spike seemed reluctant to tell me so, “She’s buried under a pile of books right now.”
“Perfect.” I pushed through and walked inside. Books were scattered everywhere, on every surface and all over the floor. It looked like a tornado had blown through. “Twilight, are you alive?” I saw a flash of purple fur underneath one of the book piles. Like a shark’s fin underwater, Twilight’s horn navigated the edges of the books before she crawled out of the other side.
“Oh, Toffee.” She looked almost as messed up as her library.
“Have you been sleeping Twilight? Or doing anything that isn’t this.”
She shook off her drowsiness and took a seat at the central table. “No, not really.”
“I wanted to come see how your… progress was. But I’m guessing from the mess you haven’t made any.”
“Much to my frustration, no. I have not.”
I sighed and picked up one of the books from the ground. “Wendigos and you, the power of emotion.”
“Oh, that’s a good one.” Twilight smiled, “Very important for advanced magic users too.”
“How so?”
“The way that the caster feels can impact magic spells. Wendigos are another example of a magical creature that is affected by this. It was a pioneering piece of study when it was written. There are ponies who’ve dedicated their whole lives to the field.”
“This magic stuff’s a bit beyond me.”
Twilight scoffed, “No way, you’re really smart.”
“Smart about farming.”
Twilight wasn’t having it. “Smart about critical thinking, and you seem to understand most things I mention. I can’t say the same for everypony else.”
I took the seat next to her and hung my head, “Is there any chance of me getting home? Or at least getting my privates back?”
“There is a spell that can make you a stallion…”
“Wait, really? Why didn’t you say so before?” I asked, outraged that this had been kept from me.
“Because I would be required to follow you around for the rest of your life, continuously recasting the spell every few minutes to keep it working.”
“Alright, put that idea on ice for now. We can come back to it later.”
Twilight’s face told me that she disagreed, “As for finding your home. Astral navigation turned out to be much more complicated than I anticipated, and Princess Luna doesn’t have the time to teach me herself. But that’s not the biggest problem, I fear that Celestia may have placed a hoof into her own mouth.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Princess Luna did find the time to reply to one of my letters, and our previous idea of searching for non-magic planets may not be… doable.”
I knew this was coming. “Why?”
“According to the Princess, all magic radiates from a location close to Equestria. It flows outwards. Which means that the planets without magic are very far away.”
“If that’s true, how did you bring me here?”
“Hm, it’s like a river that only flows in one direction. It isn’t the magic that’s the problem, it’s finding your own planet amongst them. There are a much greater number than I expected!”
“I was jumping to conclusions, sorry.” I apologized. Even though it is all her fault.
“What I’m saying is that whether the planet is magic or not is irrelevant to you being pulled here. But it is relevant to finding it again.”
I sighed. Fantastic. “Just be up front with me, do you think you’ll ever find it?”
Twilight considered her answer. “As things stand, no. If we were to make a breakthrough on charting the universe, maybe.”
“That’s a no to me.”
Twilight took issue with my attitude. “Don’t be like that, there are a lot of things that we thought weren’t possible just a few years ago that are taken for granted now. Some unicorn somewhere in Canterlot could be on the verge of making it happen right now.” Twilight shuffled some of the books near her with her magic. It was the most confrontational I’d ever seen her, and she was visibly uncomfortable with it.
But a part of my mind said that she was right. I was being overly pessimistic about it. It was a shit hand I’d been dealt, but it could have been worse. The march of progress would surely deliver me back to my home.
“Do you think there’s a way to make the gender spell permanent?” I asked, moving back to what I’d learned beforehand. Twilight looked to the ceiling in thought.
“Not that I’ve seen. The principle of transformation spells is that they’re difficult to maintain. It’s a high-level spell that modifies the nature of a being from top to bottom! Maybe with an appropriately large pool of magic, you could maintain it for longer. But storing it would be a challenge.”
I fiddle with a few books of my own as I thought it over. “Have you ever heard of dysphoria Twilight?”
“I have, a state of unease.”
“That’s the dictionary definition, I mean as a condition.”
“No. What does it mean?”
I flipped through the pages of the book, watching the words go by without taking them in. “Where I’m from, it means that you don’t like your own body.”
“Like… self-esteem?”
“Worse. Imagine if you woke up tomorrow and you were… in your father’s body.”
Twilight frowned, “I wouldn’t like that.”
“Exactly,” I placed the book down and started into Twilight’s eyes, “Every word is like a little stab at your heart. When people won’t acknowledge the problem. Did you ever consider how I felt when you just started calling me a mare?”
“You are a mare…”
“I know. I know I’m a mare Twilight, but I don’t have to be happy with it. Or accept it. Every morning when I look in the mirror, I see a stranger looking back at me. If I could I’d shave myself bald.”
Twilight couldn’t make eye contact with me anymore. “I didn’t know.”
“Well, I could have said something earlier, but I didn’t because… I didn’t think you’d understand. But you do, if you feel bad about it then you do.”
“It’s not good to feel bad.”
“But it’s good to talk about feeling bad, isn’t it?” Twilight nodded below the rim of the table. “I don’t want you to kill yourself over this. When was the last time you slept?”
“A couple… days…”
“Get some damn sleep. I’m not having you feel like crap too.” Twilight rose back up but still remained locked onto the ground.
“You haven’t changed. You’re still foul mouthed, and honest…”
“…You like that about me? Or is that something I should work on.”
Twilight shook her head, “No, it’s good.”
I took a deep breath and realized something else, “You don’t even know when I’m swearing Twilight.”
“I can guess!” She objected. “With all your damns… and fucks…”
I nearly doubled over in laughter, hearing it come from the mouth of one of the super nice and friendly ponies was too much. “Please don’t do that! You’re gonna’ kill me.” Twilight had a little giggle of her own.
It was moments like this when I remembered that Twilight was a full person too. So why didn’t I feel like forgiving her? What was it that eluded me at the time? Was I just angry? It didn’t have to be rational. I was in an insane situation, put into an alien body because of a stupid accident. I couldn’t just let it go. Not until I knew that she’d tried everything.
It was my fault, wasn’t it. I couldn’t see them as people like me. They were an alien species that had some resemblance to my own. A parody, a joke, every time I learnt about a pun-named city like Manehattan, I wondered if this wasn’t just the machinations of somebody with a pen and pencil. Were intelligent species destined to do the same things?
“Seriously, go to bed Twilight. You look like a zombie.”
She yawned, “I will.”
“In fact, I’ll leave you to it.”
I got off the chair and headed for the front door. Maybe forgiveness would come tomorrow.
Author's Note
I'm a shameless man and started a patreon.
Here is the beginning of my dedication to keeping a regular schedule. I saw a lot of people worried about how dark things were going to get, and I can only say that it'll probably get worse. Soon Mac will start sniffing around and things will get weird. Toffee's talk with Twilight might have some unintended consequences...
Check out my other new story, Changeling With You. It's another transformation tale about changelings and stage acting. I'm trying to update it between Adjustment chapters, back and forth. I'm not planning on making Adjustment overlong because it's a simple story so it'll be finished before CWY. This one doesn't have any dysphoria talk if you find that offputting.
I didn’t want to get up.
There was something about me that day. I didn’t want to work – or to talk with other people. I wanted to lay back in bed all day and do absolutely nothing. The blanket lay heavy on me, and the prospect of going out into the cooler autumn air wasn’t an enticing one. It was a workday, but I couldn’t gather the motivation to do it.
Applejack poked her snout into the room, “It’s morning, is something wrong?”
“I don’t know, yes?”
“That ain’t much of an answer pal.”
I groaned and kicked my legs, I felt sick. I knew that getting up would make me feel better. But I didn’t want to. “I don’t know – have you ever felt like staying in bed even though it makes you feel bad?”
“Maybe.” Applejack entered my room and set on the end of my temporary bed. “Is this about the room? It ain’t exactly high class.”
I had my complaints, but no – the room was perfectly fine. In fact it was an improvement from my previous one. There were no leaks, and the dust had been cleaned away a few days in. I nearly forget that it was an old storage room until AJ brought it up. The bed was too small for my fat ass though.
“I’m not Rarity AJ. I’d sleep in a box if I had to.”
“Then it’s something else.”
I sighed and pulled myself out of the covers. “To be honest, I’m not really comfortable with… this.” I motioned to myself. “It still freaks me out when I go into the bathroom. I keep trying to use my fingers too, and sometimes I forget to walk on all fours…”
Applejack patted me on the horse shoulder. “That ain’t nothin’ to keep hidden. I couldn’t imagine turning into a griffon, or a dragon, or nothing like that.”
“The problem is that it’s not about adjusting or getting support!” I explained, “This is something that people spend their whole lives dealing with. And Twilight told me that there’s no way to fix it right now.”
“You sure about that sugarcube? She can do all sorts of things with that magic of hers.”
“She said that even changing my gender back was too much, so I’m not holding out hopes for a pony to human spell either.” I tapped my leg with... another leg, which wasn’t helping matters. I really wanted my hands back.
“You alright? You’re looking a bit pale.” I could feel myself starting to break into a nervous sweat.
“No.”
“And that’s why I’m here,” Applejack concluded. Twilight was noticeably concerned.
“That’s not good.” Twilight levitated over a tome from her numerous shelves and flipped through the pages. “Since Toffee asked last week, I’ve been looking for ways to help.” Applejack leaned over her shoulder and read through the page.
“Mind… meld?”
“Mindmeld, it’s one word. I had to ask Celestia very nicely to even take this book out of the archives.”
“And what does it do?”
“It’s a spell that allows you to… change a pony’s mind.”
“Like uh, brainwashing?”
“Brainwashing is much simpler. Not only does it overwrite the personality of the pony targeted – but the suggestion will wear off when the spell is broken. A mind meld is much more advanced, and in some ways more dangerous.”
Applejack was confused and concerned. “I thought he wanted to get his old body back?”
“I know, I was just covering all of our options. There are two paths we could take, finding a way to turn him back, or… to make him comfortable with the change. A mindmeld is self-replicating, any suggestion made is reinforced over time. It doesn’t wear off, and it doesn’t erase the target’s personality.”
Applejack frowned; she didn’t like the sound of this. “I think that’d be a right old breach of his trust!” Gerry had been very insistent that he wasn’t comfortable with being a mare, even though she herself thought it was just swell.
Twilight shook her head, “No, no. I’d never cast a spell like this on somepony without their express permission! He’d probably find the idea preposterous anyway. What’s more interesting is the way it self-replicates. If we could apply this principle to a transformation spell – maybe we could make a permanent version for him.”
“He mentioned something like that.” Applejack’s hackles lowered slightly. Twilight usually went a bit too deep into spells and magic, but if she was sure that she wouldn’t do it without his permission…
“I hate to bring bad news Applejack. But it wouldn’t be helpful to lie to him about the prospects of turning him back.”
Applejack could appreciate that at least, “You’re right.”
Twilight closed the book and put it back where it came from. “If you’d like you could tell him about what I’m doing, I’m sure he’d like to hear what progress I’m making.”
“And that’s what she said!”
I chewed on my lower lip. That was an ominous path that Twilight was heading down in my opinion. “So I can either brainwash myself or wait for her to make up a new spell?”
“Twilight wasn’t sayin’ that you would…”
“I know, she’s working on the new spell idea.”
Applejack was angling for something with this discussion. I wondered why she’d gone down to the library the other day, I could have just gone myself. Maybe she thought that hearing it from somebody else would make me feel better. Twilight’s idea about a self-replicating transformation spell wasn’t a bad one. But I wondered if she understood the principles of DNA and how the body constructed itself. If she knew, maybe she’d make more progress.
I filed the idea away; I’d have to remember to tell her the next time I saw her. “Whatever, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
Applejack chuckled, “Yup, there ain’t much use worrying much about Twilight. She’ll probably kick down our door tomorrow yelling about how she’s figured it already.”
“You sure? She made it seem like a lot of work when I talked to her.” My mind flashed back to the huge piles of books that buried the library. Twilight must be used to it, but it couldn’t be good for her health to drive herself mad over it.
“She’s the smartest darn pony I’ve ever met, put a little trust into her!”
The smartest pony who managed to drag somebody from another planet to her own on accident. Forgive me for not feeling optimistic about the chances of her reversing the damage. I just wanted to change the subject.
“Where’s Mac?” We’d been sat in the living room for nearly an hour and I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the big guy. He’d usually dip inside every so often to get something or grab a drink. Applejack looked around the room as if he was hiding behind the fireplace or something.
“Now that ya’ mention it. I ain’t seen him in a bit. Why? You got something you wanna’ say to him?”
“No, I was just curious.”
I stood up and walked to the door, looking out across the orchard. I couldn’t see his bright red coat anywhere amongst the trees. Mac really was dedicated to his work on the farm – I’d only seen him leave once or twice. So it was unusual to see him gone.
“So Toffee was asking me where Mac was.”
Rarity tittered and leant in over the table, “Oh! What a darling couple they’d make! Made for each other, if I may say.” Applejack visibly tensed up at the idea. She was imagining all of the ways that he would complain if put into a relationship outside of his normal body, and with a stallion. Did he like stallions already? Applejack filed the question away for later.
“I don’t know if Toffee’s looking for a special somepony right now… She’s just getting settled into town and all.”
“I don’t see her around that often, you should bring her down more!” Rarity took a sip of her tea, casting a sideways glance out of the window to the town outside. Some of the town’s folk were about their daily business. “Has she been a big help with the farm?”
“She’s a bright gal, and a strong one too. She can do a bit of everything.”
“Strong and tall. She’s a striking figure. I don’t think there’s enough fabric in this building to hope to craft a dress appropriate.” Rarity pouted. Applejack knew that she was thinking through how to coerce Toffee into letting her make a dress. Applejack also knew that Gerry would probably flip his lid if she tried.
“A formal event isn’t uh… something she’d be interested in.”
“Oh phooey Applejack, that’s what you said before we had our last grand galloping gala!”
“What now? The fun part was when we trashed the place and went to Donut Joe’s and talked about how much of a waste o’ time it was.”
“And we looked simply fabulous while doing it.”
“Do you know what Mac’s been up to? I ain’t seen much of him around the farm lately.”
“If anybody would know, it would be you Applejack. He has been to all of our rendezvous for the Pony Tones. Though he did seem distracted by something…” Rarity stared at the ceiling as if in deep thought.
Applejack fiddled with her cup, “Well, I’m not gonna’ pry too much into my brother’s business. He’s a grown stallion after all.” Applejack was a little bit concerned; it was natural for her to worry about her family after all! She had a lot of responsibility looking after Applebloom, and Granny Smith when she tried to do something that she couldn’t. Mac getting himself into trouble was a personal worry of hers.
“Oh don’t worry Applejack, I’ll try to ask him the next we meet.”
“Don’t make it out like I’m spyin’ on him, you hear?”
“You have my word. I shall approach him with my usual grace and tact.” Applejack had to do her darndest to not roll her eyes.
“…And that’s what we discussed!” Rarity finished. Mac blinked. Rarity’s composure was starting to break under his intense gaze. The community centre was busy in a break from tradition – usually most ponies didn’t make use of the building. The Pony Tones meeting was due in just a few moments, and Rarity had decided to broach the subject with the grace of a beached whale.
Rarity knew that Mac didn’t like to talk about himself that often. So the prospect of having to speak to him to learn about what he was doing in his own time was a daunting one – perhaps impossible. Rarity didn’t usually ask so merely expressing interest would surely arouse suspicion. She couldn’t just turn down a favour to a friend though.
“Nothing.”
…
“Nothing?”
“Yup.”
Rarity sighed. “I told her she was just worrying over nothing.”
Mac said nothing. It was like talking to a brick wall. Rarity was beginning to grow frustrated. She wanted there to be something, she lived for the personal lives of her friends and their relatives. A secret meeting with his lover? Taking part in the local pie eating competition? It could be anything! And Rarity didn’t like not knowing. Her verbal retreat didn’t coax anything more out of him.
“You would tell me if you needed some romance advice, wouldn’t you?”
Mac quirked a brow, “Uh…” He drawled for a long, long time. “Yup.”
“Because I’m a romantic at heart!”
“Uh-huh.”
“How about the new mare on the farm? She’s very fetching, isn’t she?”
Mac nodded slowly, “Yup.”
“So… you wouldn’t object to making her your special somepony?” Rarity batted her eyelashes to twist his leg even further. He blushed slightly. But Mac held his nerve. He wasn’t blind to Rarity’s usual game of trying to match up all her friends. She lived vicariously through other people’s romance.
“I ain’t even talked to her that much.”
Rarity tittered, “Now that won’t do! You’ve been working on the same farm for months now. You should talk to her once in a while.”
“The only thing I got to talk about is bucking apples.” It had always been an anxiety of Mac’s that he wasn’t interesting. Especially when it came to making friends or getting a marefriend. He was a farm colt, and nothing but. Most ponies weren’t interested in apple bucking, pig rearing or barn maintaining. Especially ponies from big cities.
“She’s a farmer too, isn’t she? I’m sure you’ll have a lot more in common than you think, and you’ll never know until you try!”
“Tryin’s what I’m worried about.”
“Rares…” Applejack shook her head. Rarity had dropped by the farm to say hello a few days after their talk.
“What?” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes. Rarity believed that naught was amiss.
“I told ya’ that Toffee wasn’t right interested, didn’t I?”
“Yes…” Rarity gasped dramatically, “Could it be?” She leaned in close, “Does she like mares?”
Applejack nearly said yes but stopped herself. While it was true that Gerry technically liked mares, assuming that he did anyway, that wasn’t the reason for his objection. Gerry clearly didn’t want to use his new body for that purpose for a reason. A reason that Applejack knew was entirely genuine. “She just ain’t interested. She’s been clear about that.”
“Maybe if you weren’t keeping her so busy, she’d have the time to find a nice stallion.” In the distance, Gerry bucked another tree. Applejack could hear him working. She didn’t feel comfortable talking about this behind his back.
Applejack had to keep Rarity’s snout out of it for a little longer, “At least don’t ask her. She’ll probably be seeing red if you do.”
“Of course darling, when have I ever been inconsiderate of a friend’s feelings?”
Applejack could name several instances.
Crack! Another tree shook.
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
Evo
For supporting me on patreon.
I was debating titling this chapter "Chinese Whispers," but I decided on the more commonly used term "Telephone."
Author's Note
Why did this take so long? I had two thousand words of this down months ago and I couldn't find the will to publish it for complicated reasons that primarily involve doubts about the direction of my own story - we've swerved hard into character analysis and interaction and not the whole... transformation bit. So next chapter will be a course change away from some of that.
Hey, we have a new patreon this chapter!
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
Bed
The days passed much the same as always.
Twilight had slowed down after her initial infatuation with creating a spell to reverse the changes. She’d still work on it and update me on its progress – but she was clearly struggling. The principles of magic were endlessly complex and required a big brain, which I didn’t have. I left Twilight to it, hoping that she’d figure something out and get me back to normal.
What wasn’t the same was the way Big Mac was behaving around me. He looked like a scolded school child whenever he saw me – averted eyes and a desire to avoid me at every opportunity. I knew that somebody said something.
“It was probably Rarity, that gal can’t help herself sometimes.” Applejack kicked the tree, shaking another shipment of apples into the carefully placed buckets.
“Did you tell her that I was… how do I put it, looking?”
“I ain’t that silly buster. I told her that you weren’t looking!”
“I guess it was opposite day or something.”
“It’s water under the bridge, if he asks just say no.”
“I’d rather him not ask at all. It’s already making thing awkward.”
Applejack wiped her… pony brow, “If it gets worse, tell me and I’ll smack some sense into him.”
I wanted to snipe at her with a comment about violence not being the answer, but to be honest I’d do the same. Applejack seemed to consider manners to be very important, especially to friends and co-workers.
“You know, this is why you should be careful with what you say. People get things messed up all the damn time.” I kicked the ground with a hoof and looked to the blue sky. There wasn’t a cloud in sight. “Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just know what everybody was thinking?”
Applejack recoiled, “Nah, I don’t want to see anything… gross. And I like my privacy!”
I bucked the next tree for her and chuckled, “I guess you’re right. Honesty is a hard thing to… do.”
“You don’t do honesty, it’s something that you have to value.” Applejack pushed one of the collection buckets into place beneath the next tree. “I wasn’t always such an honest mare, but being honest isn’t somethin’ to be scared of, it makes life easier.”
“Not everybody has the nerves to just put it out there though. There’s another part of that equation, the other person who’s listening to it.”
“Right.”
“I’ve heard more than my fair share of horror stories about people getting booted out of their home for… reasons.”
Applejack seemed to grow bashful at my point, “I know that feeling, hay, I even did that to a friend once! Being all mean about what they looked like… But this ain’t such a big thing, ain’t it? What’s stopping you from setting the record straight?”
“Applejack, stallion brain.”
She sighed. “You and your dosh darn pride. Why are you fellas all like this?”
“If I ignore the problem it’ll go away.” I smirked knowing that it’d annoy her.
“It won’t.” She took the bait hook line and sinker.
“We’re done for the day, let’s go clean up.”
We packed up and went back inside. I was the first to stumble towards the bathroom.
I hated the bathroom.
More than any other room in the barn, I hated the bathroom. I used to love the bathroom before… all of this. I loved to sit my hairy ass down and whittle away a few minutes that I’d have spent slaving for shit pay. Everything about the bathroom reminded me of how fucked up I was. How I couldn’t use my fingers to manipulate a toothbrush, or how I had to avoid dipping my tail into the toilet water.
I hated it.
Every time I dreaded taking a break. I’d avoid looking in the mirror because I hated what was looking back. A gormless looking mare with orange eyes and curly brown hair. That wasn’t me, that wasn’t Gerry. It was a fake – something that’d taken my place a few weeks ago.
Applejack knew.
She knew but she wouldn’t say anything to me about it. The way that my face soured, like I’d swallowed a lemon whenever it came time to go and handle myself. The monotony of kicking trees kept me from thinking about it during the day, but a reflective surface would bring it all running back. I had to resist the urge to throw the thing out of the window.
I dunked my head into the sink to try and cool down. Having fur was like having a beard on my entire face. It made drying yourself a huge pain. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My heart pounded wildly before I realized that it was me.
Tired.
I was tired of this shit. I couldn’t deal with anymore.
I didn’t get out of my bed the next morning.
“Gerry won’t get up?”
“Nope. He won’t even talk to me,” Applejack sighed.
Twilight frowned, placing her book down onto the table in the middle of the library floor. “How long has he been doing this?”
“A couple days? I bring him a tray o’ food now and then, but sometimes he don’t even eat it.”
“I was worried about this.”
“Huh?”
“Gerry mentioned something about this when we spoke last time. So I looked into it and found a book in the Canterlot archives that detailed the ‘Psychological Effects of Transformation Magic.’ An exposure study done by Bright Spark ten years ago.”
“Exposure what now?”
“Exposure study. A study that uses magic on a living subject. Spark wanted to see what would happen when a pony was exposed to long form transformation magic.”
“But you said that…”
“I know, transformation magic like that is impossible. This was during the study of transformation magic at the Canterlot School. He used some sort of method to change a pony’s mane and fur. That pony didn’t report any differences.”
“Okay.”
“So they got more drastic. They used an external power source from the Canterlot collection and cast a longer lasting spell that also changed the structure of their face. This lasted for a week – and the subject reported feelings of discomfort and a fear of their own face. They abandoned the experiment after they asked to be turned back. Gerry called this dysphoria, and according to him it’s very serious!”
“So this dysphooria, whatever it is, that’s why he’s in bed?”
“He must be suffering from a depressive episode. This is the key danger from transformation magic as theorized by Bright Spark during his study. A fear of oneself, or a dissociation with his body.”
“What can we do about it? You get anywhere with that fancy spell?”
Twilight shook her head, “I’ve managed to isolate the self-replication mechanism. But the real challenge is finding an appropriate power source. The scale of energy needed is beyond me or any unicorn in town.”
“Couldn’t ya’ ask the Princess?”
“I don’t believe that Celestia or Luna could do it either. Despite their immense magical energy.”
“This sounds impossible.” Applejack was just about to give up on the whole thing.
“I have a theory that coming from a world without magic is the cause. It flooded into his body at an unprecedented rate and catalysed the transformation.”
“Cata-what now?”
“Basically, Gerry entering Equestria is something we can’t replicate. He’s been exposed to the ambient magic in the air for too long. I don’t want to think about what would happen if we sent him home without turning him back first.”
Applejack frowned. Gerry’s bad mood was getting her down too. Gerry was a friend, a close one – and she wanted to do what was best for him. “We should go talk to him.”
My ears perked up as two sets of hooves clattered over the wooden floorboards. “Gerry, you mind if we come in?” I didn’t say anything. Applejack would enter anyway without my permission. She waited for a minute before pushing open the door and looking upon my lumpy form – hidden under the covers of my cheap bed. Twilight had elected to make an appearance.
“Good afternoon Gerry,” she greeted me. I didn’t feel like talking or doing much of anything. “Applejack asked me to come and speak with you.”
“Mmmh.”
“Are you not feeling well?”
I stared out the window. Twilight leaned into Applejack’s ear, “I don’t know what to say.”
A deeply and profoundly awkward silence settled into the room like a bad smell. I couldn’t feel bad about not saying anything – but that didn’t make it comfortable for me to stump two people who cared about me at least a little bit.
“If I look in that mirror again, I’m going to fucking smash it.” I couldn’t stop my voice from breaking at the apex of my sentence.
They shuffled in place, hooves against wood. “Twilight’s trying, she really is!”
“You don’t need to lie for me AJ, wasn’t honesty the most important thing.”
“I ain’t lying! She’s trying to get you back to normal.”
“And how long am I going to be stuck like this? Huh? Answer me that!” I turned over to face them. Twilight was visibly concerned, and Applejack was starting to get heated.
“I thought that at least I’d have myself… but I don’t even have that anymore. I’m nothing.”
“Now wait just a darn minute Gerry! I don’t think that’s true at all. You might look different, but you’re still the same fella’ I talked to the first time we met.”
Twilight sought to damper my mood further, “I’m starting to realize the size of the task you’ve given me Gerry. And I fear that it might not be possible.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Twilight bit her lip, “When you arrived here – your body had never been exposed to magic before. But now that it’s been so long, I don’t know how to emulate such a large flow of magical energy again. You were the perfect conduit.”
“…But why did I turn into a pony?”
“That is a good question. The obvious answer is that somepony must have cast a spell on you; but of course that would be preposterous! I was the first pony to see you; and furthermore who would do such a thing for no good reason?”
“So?”
“My best guess is that it was a unique reaction caused by a non-magical body meeting magical energy.”
I was more willing to believe that somebody had done it to me. My internal conflict needed an external source to blame. Something or someone to get angry at so I wouldn’t stay mad at myself.
“I’ve drafted a concept for a new version of the mind alteration spell that we spoke about. But I’ve struggled to apply the principle to a physical body. It’s easier to self-replicate a thought than it is a part of your body.”
My mind strayed to a place I never expected.
“Is it possible for you to cast it?”
“Yes…” Twilight’s face was strained.
“If I asked you to cast it on me, would you?”
“I don’t-“
“Would you? As a friend, would you do it?”
Twilight sighed, “That isn’t what you want Gerry. I know that much.”
“Well there’s the contradiction. I don’t want it, but I’d be happier if you did.”
“But you don’t want it.”
“It’s not a matter of wanting it – god knows what I’m going to do if this keeps up for much longer.”
“It’s not right either way. If I cast the spell on you, what if we discovered a way to turn you back? Would you agree that your original intent was to become a human again? Or would you insist on staying the way you’d have become? There would be no way of knowing, and no correct answer.”
She was right as usual. I’d be giving up on myself if I had her brainwash me. But the feeling that I was experiencing was just that bad. I’d have rather been comfortable with being brainwashed than feeling this. I was well aware that this wasn’t something people usually worried about back home. Those people who had their own troubles didn’t have the benefit of just changing their minds about it at the drop of a hat.
How many people would have taken that chance though? If they could just wish away the problem, would they? Even if it compromised their identity and morals for the sake of their safety.
“Maybe we could do a stopgap with that gender swappin’ spell,” Applejack proposed.
I shook my head, “It’s not necessarily my gender change AJ, my entire species switched. And Twilight already said that maintaining a spell like that was difficult.”
“…Maybe we should just tell folks what’s happening. I’m sure some of them will understand.”
While it was true that hearing them call me a mare all the time was irritating, I doubted the sincerity of such a proposal. I could almost guarantee that people would be very much not understanding of the situation, or that they wouldn’t extend the effort to make me comfortable.
“This is my fault,” I sighed, “Throwing a tantrum…”
“Now don’t go blaming yourself about nothing mister! I can’t say I know what you’re feeling, but I can tell that it’s serious.”
“Applejack is right. If there’s anything I’ve learnt since I moved here to Ponyville, it is that feelings are important. If somebody isn’t feeling good, it’s important to be helpful instead of doubtful.”
“I know you’re doing a lot for me Twilight. Sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter. But if it makes you feel better, I accept your apology.”
I looked out of the window onto the farm. Lying in bed wasn’t doing me any good really, it was just making me focus inwards more. The entire reason I’d dedicated myself to the farm work was to distract myself. In a sense nothing had changed, nothing at all. I was the exact same kind of fuck up that I was back home. I buried myself in work to hide away from the things that hurt me.
And my ass hurt. That too was something to worry about. So before I earned myself some bedsores, I made a resolution to get up out of bed. So I did. Applejack and Twilight smiled. “I’m not going to give up Gerry. In fact, I’m contacting some other magic experts to get their opinion too.”
Applejack thought over her words for a moment. “I think we should tell the whole family Gerry. It’s not healthy for you to keep this between us.”
“About the gender thing?”
“No dummy, the human thing!”
“Don’t we need to keep it a secret?”
“I don’t think we ever said that…” Twilight murmured. “But I’m sure that they’ll respect your privacy if you do tell them.”
A family of ponies who dedicate themselves to the craft of honesty. Keeping a secret? Maybe hell would freeze over in the process. I couldn’t deny that it sounded nice to have more than two ponies who understood why I was acting so strange though.
“Fine, but I want to tell them. In my own time.”
Applejack tipped her hat, “Well alright, no big reveal party then.”
Twilight shuddered, “I hope Pinkie didn’t hear that.”
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
Twisting an Arm
God this was awkward.
Mac was not one for discussion. To crack him open was an impossible task. Everything had to be phrased as a yes or no question. It was extra hard considering that I also had to essentially reject him at the same time as revealing that I wasn’t a pony. It was better to rip off the band-aid quickly rather than drag it out though.
The first chance I got alone with Mac – which was rare since he tended to wander off and do his own thing – I decided to pull him aside. If I did it one at a time it’d be easier, right? That’s what I thought anyway. Instead it made it feel overly personal. And it was only when we were stood out in the orchard together that I realized what an impression I must have made when I asked him to talk in private.
“So… Mac.”
He stared at me. His face a mask.
“I wanted to talk to you about something. Uh, it’s about why AJ let me stay on the farm with you. I thought it was about time that I… told you about it.”
He nodded once.
“So, I told you that I moved to Ponyville recently.”
“Yup.”
“That’s true – I was new to town. And I do have a very expensive and time-consuming qualification in agriculture. But the other parts, I might have lied a little bit.”
Mac frowned. In the way that Mac frowns, which is to say not much at all.
“I am currently afflicted with an… unfortunate magical condition that turned me into a pony. I only became a pony in the past few months. AJ and Twilight gave me a hoof and let me stay on your farm. So a lot of things I’ve said about my past were untrue, I was too afraid to admit that.”
“…Yup.”
“Is that it? I thought you’d be shocked.”
Mac shook his head. “I knew you were lyin’ but it ain’t my place to say so.”
“Thanks. I guess. But you know, I don’t want to stay a pony. It’s not good for my health.”
I was really leaning into the whole not wanting to be a pony thing, in the hope that maybe Mac was… racist or something. Or at least didn’t like the idea of interspecies dating. Mac didn’t seem all that upset. But on the other hand Mac never seemed much of anything at all – he could be in a mad rage on the inside and I’d never know.
“You gotta’ do what’s best for yourself,” he said. “If it’s bad for you.”
Go on, say it Gerry.
“And I used to. I used to be…”
What can’t you say it? Idiot. The words died in my throat. Why couldn’t I just say it? Was I afraid of how he’d react?
“I’m sorry for lying Mac. I better get back to AJ.”
You fucking coward.
“Yup.”
Worthless human being.
“See you later.”
I trotted away and back to where Applejack was working. What the hell was I doing? The entire point of me telling the truth was to get them to call me by my real name! I’d well and truly fucked it up. An act of cowardice greater than any I’d ever been involved with before. It was solely for my benefit too. Applejack was in the middle of bucking another tree when I arrived.
“How’d it go?” she asked, kicking the trunk with her back hooves.
I couldn’t out the most important part.
“You know what Mac’s like, he seemed supportive.”
“He’s never been one to kick up a fuss. You don’t have to apologize to us though.”
“But I want to. I’ve been staying in your home and eating your food, so I owe you that at least.”
“I let you in knowing how things were Gerry. And you’ve worked your flank off for us every day since.”
“That’s the bare minimum an adult should do.”
“An adult would know about the heat…”
“A human adult doesn’t have to deal with stuff like that!”
There was an awkward silence. With no work to bury myself in there was nowhere to hide. Applejack looked at me, her eyes narrowed. “You didn’t tell him, did you?” Applejack knew that she wouldn’t lose out by asking. I could be honest about it or lie again.
“Okay, maybe telling Mac first was a bad idea.”
“Come on Gerry!”
“It’s hard! Imagine walking up to one of your friends and telling them you want them to treat you like you’re a stallion!”
Applejack pulled off her signature hat and scratched her own scalp. “I don’t know much about that. But you’re only hurtin’ yourself.”
She was right. Applejack was always right. Cutting to the heart of the problem like a talented surgeon, a tree surgeon. I was only screwing with myself by not making things clear. “Well, I can’t just go back and re-do it now.”
“Gerry…”
“Listen, I’ll tell him when I tell Applebloom. It’ll be easier that way.”
“Do you want me to be there too? If you’re havin’ trouble getting the words out, I can help.”
“I need to do it myself.”
“I ain’t taking no for an answer, I’ll be there.” Applejack bucked the tree as if to punctuate her decision. I couldn’t exactly stop her from coming and observing. I knew that it was meant to be tough love – but I wasn’t sure if I could get angry about it. I knew I needed to tell everybody the truth for my own health, not for their comfort.
So when the day had come to an end, and we were gathered in the living room after dinner – Me, AJ, Mac, and Bloom sat down together. Granny Smith didn’t seem to even notice I was there most of the time and had gone to her room to sleep. Applebloom made things difficult. I didn’t know if she’d take to the idea. The safest way to handle it was to try and keep things simple.
I started by going through the same speech that I gave to Mac earlier. Bloom followed along and seemed to even enjoy the story that I was weaving. I looked to Mac and nodded, “I didn’t tell you the full tale earlier. There’s something else I wanted to tell you that I was afraid to say.”
“What is it?” Bloom demanded on the edge of her seat, “Were you a super-secret royal agent? Do you know Princess Celestia?”
Applejack tapped her on the shoulder, “Bloom, we all know Princess Celestia.”
“…Yeah, ah’ suppose.”
I ripped the band-aid quickly. “I used to be a stallion.”
“Wah-“
Mac leaned back in his seat, and for what might be the first time in his life – he displayed the emotion of surprise. There was a moment of silence before his usual neutral expression returned, “I can see why’d that’d be important,” he mumbled.
“So, you used to be a colt?” Applebloom asked again.
“Yes. It has caused me a great deal of discomfort,” I swallowed, “In fact it is detrimental to my health. I’ve asked Twilight to find a way to change me back, but progress is slow.”
“Ya’ seem healthy to me,” Applebloom fidgeted in her seat.
Applejack stepped in to explain, “Being healthy ain’t just about your body Bloom. It’s about how you feel too.”
“Like when I lost my blanket?”
“Uh. Sure, but this ain’t something that can be fixed easy like.”
“Yes, she’s right. Until Twilight changes me back it’s something I’m going to have to live with. Which is why I’d like to ask you for… a favour.”
“And what’d that be?”
I looked between Mac and Bloom. Things had gone smoothly so far, but even asking for something as simple as this felt like swallowing a box of nails. “If you wouldn’t mind, could you use he and him, instead of she and her? With me, I mean. If you don’t mind.”
Another pregnant pause. Mac and Bloom tumbled the idea around in their minds. It was the single most suspenseful thing I’d ever experienced, and I was a big fan of horror movies. I was torn between expecting them to agree without an issue or kick my ass and boot me out of the house. Mercifully, they nodded.
“That sounds kinda’ hard, but I’ll try!”
“Yup.”
Applejack smiled, “See, now that wasn’t so bad was it?”
“You weren’t the one who had to say it.”
Applebloom scratched her chin, “So if Miss Twilight gonna’ help you get better?”
“Hopefully. Then I won’t need to ask anymore.” I stood from my seat, “You ever seen a mare my size? You should have known that something was wrong.”
“Come on, it’s not everyday that somebody gets their species changed…”
“Will that happen to me? Can I become a griffon!”
Applejack sighed, “I think you’re safe Bloom.”
I chuckled, “Thanks. This wasn’t so bad after all.”
“You’ve always got a helping hoof with us! Uh, one more thing, what about the name?”
I shook my head, “The name doesn’t bother me.” I could easily detach myself from the name. It wasn’t something that people assumed, nor could they determine it through my appearance. It was like signing up for a weird website with a fake email address. “You can call me Toffee all you want.”
“Wait, you have a secret agent name? Is it something cool, like Star Flash, or Blood Kill?”
Applejack scowled at her language. “Bloom, what have those other fillies been filling your head with?”
“No Applebloom, it’s not cool at all.”
“Aw.”
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
Pride
Bloom and Mac had a surprisingly easy time of adjusting to my request. And it did feel good to regain just a little bit of my old persona again. Granny Smith was a lost cause though, the mare dipped between being sharp as a tack and out of her mind seemingly at random. I could yell in her ears for hours and not get closer to her understanding. It was fine, I rarely spoke with her anyway.
As long as the people in my immediate vicinity kept it in mind, I could safely ignore it while I was on the farm unless I needed the toilet. But to be fair, pony toilets were unisex. It didn’t matter what you had downstairs - you needed to sit down to use it. Otherwise you’d end up pissing all over everything and that’s a mess that nobody needs to clean up.
Why am I talking about piss again?
Anyway, the point is that getting them to call me by male pronouns had a profoundly positive effect on the way I felt. The long sojourns to the bedroom so I could hide under the covers were gone, and I always had a supportive person around if I needed to talk about something. Still, it was crippling. I never imagined how tough it would be to have dysphoria. Magic is a bit of an asshole.
My calming hours kicking trees and conducting maintenance work on the farm was interrupted by the arrival of the prophet of doom. “Hello Rarity,” I grunted, putting the boot to another tree. “I don’t see you down here so often.”
“Good afternoon dear. I must know, how do you endure this heat while working?” she fawned, fanning her face with an arm.
“You get used to it. That or accept that the sweat is part of life.”
“I wouldn’t dare.”
“I’m sure even a lady like you sweats sometimes Rarity.”
“I pay very good attention to my glands.”
I frowned at her bizarre statement and took a moment to catch my breath. “Come on, spill the beans. You can be direct with me.”
“Well whatever do you mean?”
“You’re not loitering around me for friendly conversation. Are you?”
“Is there something wrong with me speaking with a friend?”
“We barely even talk with each other. And don’t think that Applejack didn’t tell me what you were up to the other week.”
Rarity gasped theatrically, “I was only trying to be a help.”
“Well I’m not in the market for a stallion right now, or ever, as a matter of fact.”
“Oooooh,” she smirked, “You’re into mares. ” She whispered the last part as if it was a huge deal.
“No. I’m not interested in anything romantic right this moment. And I don’t know when I will be. There’s a lot on my plate.”
“The Apple family do eat a lot…”
“Not that kind of plate, the metaphorical kind when there’s lots of stuff going on that I haven’t dealt with yet.”
Rarity seemed deep in thought which was rare. She was an incredibly impulsive person, always pushing things onto other people with little regard for how they felt. “I suppose it was silly of me to think…”
“What is it?”
“…I was hoping that I could take your measurements. I don’t mean to offend, but you’re the tallest mare I’ve seen who isn’t a Princess, and I don’t exactly get the opportunity to work on them!”
I shrugged, “That doesn’t seem like a problem to me.”
“But Applejack said that you wouldn’t like a dress.”
“I wouldn’t. I mean, I wouldn’t want to wear one in public. But if you really want to…”
Rarity squealed so loud that it nearly popped my ear drums, before pulling me into a hug, “Thank you so, so much darling! I won’t disappoint!” There was a stiff pause, before she slowly pulled away, her cheek and front leg matted with a fresh helping of my own sweat.
“Rarity.”
“I-I must go clean myself! I-I will be back to organize a time later!”
Rarity turned tail and ran as fast as her legs could carry her; I couldn’t help but laugh at her. What a silly woman. Maybe she’d think twice before getting so excited next time.
The next day I wandered down to her home and place of business. As casual as I’d been about doing her the favour, I was a little bit worried about ending up in a dress. I knocked on her door, and to my surprise she was actually inside. She seemed equally surprised to see me. “Oh! I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon.”
“I got work done early, so I thought I’d come over and organize that time you were talking about.”
Rarity looked a little less than perfect. Her makeup had faded, and her hair wasn’t quite as well style as it usually was. She was wearing a little pair of red reading glasses and had a tape measure around her neck. Still, if she was distress at the idea of me seeing her like this, she didn’t show it, a beaming grin threatened to split her cheeks in two.
“Of course darling! I can always make time. Come in, come in!”
She ushered me inside. It was the first time I’d seen Rarity’s home. It was a total mess, with fabric and mannequins tossed all over the place. Some were half dressed in unfinished ideas. From the state of the large table in the centre of the open plan living area – it seemed that she’d been busy. “None of these are for me, I take it?”
“Oh, no dear, I’m afraid that the grand galloping gala is coming up soon and my work is in high demand… I dare say that making an ensemble for you will be a welcome break!”
“Sounds like more work to me.”
Rarity tutted at me, “No, not at all. I know how fast I work. This deadline is a mere temporary stress, amongst other, more permanent ones.”
I stood behind one of the feminine dummies with a frown, I really did eclipse them in size. I don’t think the mass of my body would be a problem when changing me back. “Are you sure? I can just come back another time.”
“That won’t do at all, come along. While you’re here I may as well take your measurements, it will only take a moment.” She pushed me towards a podium. I stood atop it and silently worried about it shattering underneath my weight.
The tape measure was wrapped in a light blue glow, and before I even knew what she was doing it was wrapped around my chest like a snake. “Just relax. Let the air out of your lungs.” I followed her instructions and untensed myself. She zipped around my body at a blinding speed, scribbling down notes as she went.
“Do you have an idea on what you’re making?”
“I’m not sure yet, I wanted to get your opinion first.” Rarity being considerate? Hell had frozen over. “Applejack was rather upset at me for what happened.”
“You didn’t know.”
“That is no excuse dear, I wanted to apologize.”
It wasn’t that bad. Nothing had come of it in the end anyway.
“Well, apology accepted.”
“Now, you were very adamant about not having a dress. But I still want to make something that you might use in the future, clothes are meant to be worn after all! I can’t say I’ve ever made anything but a dress for a lady…”
“I’m not a lady. That’s the problem.”
“Ah yes, you’re right. I’m in two minds about it though. Should you be in the presence of polite company, they’ll surely expect you to wear a dress. Despite your size, you still have the muzzle of a mare.”
“They don’t sound very polite if they wouldn’t respect my choice of clothing.”
“I use ‘polite company’ in a disparaging way. The average Canterlot noble is boorish and rude. In fact, I’d be very pleased to make something offensive to their sensibilities. How does a suit sound?”
“A suit? I work on a farm.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t have nice clothes. I gave the same effort to Applejack last we went to the ball together.”
“Oh, Applejack in a dress? How did it go?”
“Dreadful! I never want to do it again.”
“Who are these dresses for then?”
“I made a few friends up there. And as much as I may find some of them wanting, I cannot refuse their business, I’m responsible for Sweetie Belle after all. This is the busiest time of the year for dressmakers.” Rarity looked over to a box full of different fabric with a pensive look, “Hm. I have a lot of wonderful ideas!”
“Just don’t run yourself ragged for my sake.”
Rarity wasn’t listening. She’d pulled a pen from somewhere and was frantically scratching some kind of design onto a piece of paper. “Hm yes, very good darling.”
I sighed, “I’ll see you later.”
I left the boutique and wandered through town. Now what could I do with myself? I very rarely got time to myself when the farm was in season. There were all kinds of ponies mulling around, but I wasn’t going to walk up to one of them and strike up a friendly conversation. I’d gotten a reputation as a grump, or just really shy, depending on who you asked. I found myself outside of the library again.
I really didn’t want to get another earful from Twilight about magic. But in the absence of better options and common sense, I found myself going inside anyway. The place had been cleaned up since my last visit, and Twilight looked almost pleased with herself. “Oh, Gerry! Just the stallion I wanted to see.”
“We tend to use the word ‘man.’”
“Never mind, you can tell me all about your world when we finish this spell! I’ve made a lot of progress since last time!”
My heart sped up, “Really? Really really?”
“Really really. I’ve forwarded my results to the Canterlot College of Magic. And I’m receiving some good signals back from them. There are still a few obstacles left though.”
“What happened while I was gone? I thought you’d gotten stuck the last time we spoke.”
“The Princess managed to find a book in the archives that was in much greater detail than any of the others that I could obtain. It seems that transformation magic is a controversial subject, and as such many of the books that detailed it were destroyed or locked away. The book had exactly the answers I was looking for, power sources, replication and how to make them permanent. It’s actually annoying that we didn’t find it earlier!”
Yeah, kinda’ weird.
“Okay, so? What do you need to do?”
“The answer to our power source problem isn’t a matter of finding a source strong enough anymore. It’s about the strength of the magic flow. We can create a magic vacuum in a certain area using spells, put you inside of it, and allow the flood of surrounding magic do the work for us.”
It stood in opposition to what Twilight had said about ambient magic to me before. But I wasn’t about to poke holes in her plan if she was so confident about it. Perhaps the magic wasn’t the cause of the problem at all.
“Just like how I arrived in Equestria?”
“Yes, exactly. We can replicate those circumstances in a controlled environment. Then by applying the principles of transformation magic we can cast a self-replicating form to transform your body back to it’s original state and keep it that way for good.”
“Won’t I turn back again when I hit magic air?”
Twilight’s face… I can’t really describe the expression that she pulled when I asked the obvious question. It was the expression of a woman hurtling towards a difficult social situation with none of the grace to escape from it unharmed. Twilight was not the most charismatic mare at the best of times. “Uh… Gerry, I have something to tell you. And I need you to promise me that it does not, under any circumstance, leave this room.”
“…Okay?”
“I’ve been tossing and turning in my sleep trying to figure out why you even transformed in the first place. Such a thing without external magical input would be impossible. This is a complicated spell after all, but I didn’t cast it. I’m not even certain if I was the one who brought you here in the first place.”
“So what does that mean?”
“…I think somepony cast the spell on you. And they knew that you were here.” I stared a hole through her, processing the accusation in my brain. “The only ponies that knew you were here before the process started – were me, and the Princess.”
“You dragged me through town, couldn’t it have been somebody else?”
“No, you were already transforming then, remember? We were taking you to the hospital.”
“So you think that the Princess of your entire nation just waltzed on down to the library while you were conducting an experiment for her, hid in a bush, and zapped me as soon as I came through the universe’s asshole?”
“I wouldn’t use colourful language like that…”
“Twilight, do you really think that?”
She seemed in pain as she said it.
“Yes.”
Things just kept getting better and better.
It was beyond my understanding. And hers. Which led me to wonder why she even suspected her teacher so strongly.
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It’s just she’s the only one who could have known. And she has access to the Canterlot archives. Who knows what knowledge she has books for that we don’t?”
“No Twilight, why would you be so willing to say that it’s her. I thought she was like a third parent to you.”
“She is… which is why I want to make sure that she’s not doing anything stupid. If she cast that spell on you, it only caused you harm. That isn’t what she’s like.”
“And what can we do about it? Why did she send you that book if…”
“…I’m sorry Gerry. I’ve been telling her about you in our letters to each other.”
I frowned, “Like, the dysphoria thing?”
She nodded, “I think that she’s realized how bad what she did was. But that still doesn’t excuse it. I need to speak with her, in pony. I think you should come with me.”
“How are we going to get time alone with her, she’s very busy isn’t she?”
Twilight chewed on her bottom lip, before magicking over a pair of golden papers. One floated in front of me, emblazoned with dark brown lettering. “Grand Galloping Gala? The thing that Rarity’s getting swamped by?”
“It’s one of the few times that Princess Celestia isn’t working. She could easily make an excuse to talk with us, long enough to get some answers. You can be my plus one!”
“How did you get these?” I asked, pulling it from the air and inspecting it close up.
“Celestia sends them. I don’t think the other girls are interested in going this time, so I have a lot of spares.”
“Applejack did mention going, actually.”
“Hm. She did generate a big endorsement from the Wonderbolts last time. I can see why she’d be interested.”
“I’ll ask her when I go back.”
“Okay, I’ll need to find myself something to wear. But Rarity will be really mad if I wear the same dress again…”
“Who’s going to tell her? Just keep it a secret. She’s really busy anyway.”
“Okay. Get your questions in order before we go. We don’t have much time with her. I hope she’ll be upfront with us.”
My mind was awash with concern. Of all the fucking things, Twilight wanted to walk up to her and ask it in the open. The stones on her, she was braver than me. We hashed out a few more details before I went home. I didn’t really know if what Twilight had claimed was true, I’d like to think better of the Princess than not-quite juvenile pranks that put somebodies health at risk.
I opened the door to the living room and came upon a curious sight. Big Macintosh wearing a tan jacket. The applied principles of clothes on ponies was still odd to me considering that everywhere else they just let their bits hang out like real horses. AJ and Bloom were taking their time admiring it.
“You look real professional Mac!” Bloom stumbled over the word without a care in the world, “You’re gonna’ show up all those fancy pants ponies.”
“What’s going on?” I asked.
Applejack turned to me with a frown, “Mac’s been wanting to go up to Canterlot for the gala using my ticket so he can try selling again.”
Mac used his daily allowance of words to explain, “Sales after the Thunderbolts ordered from us kept us in business for nearly two years. We can’t ignore that.”
“You’re going to the gala Mac?”
Applejack hopped onto a chair, “How’d you know what it is?”
“It’s complicated. Twilight wants to take me.”
“Huh? I swear that Twilight never wanted to go again. Great load of varmints living in that city.”
“We need to talk to the Princess and that’s the only excuse we can come up with.”
“Are ya’ sure about that? Celestia likes to come down to Ponyville all the time.”
“I don’t know. Twilight knows her better than we do.”
Applejack nodded along, “What’d you want to ask her?”
“About how I ended up in Ponyville. Twilight thinks that she knows something.”
“Didn’t you move from Manehattan?” Bloom asked, remembering my cover story to the letter. “What did the Princess have to do with that?”
“Uh, that’s what I want to know.”
AJ looked to Mac and sighed, “Can you keep an eye on Mac for me? If you’re going and all.”
I was pretty confident that the fully grown man could take care of himself, since when did I become the responsible one in this family? I’d never seen Mac display an emotion that couldn’t be described as extreme indifference. He was either dead inside, or a master of his emotions like a monk or something.
“Why? Do you think he’s going to start fighting every noble he sees?”
Mac shook his head. Applejack was being a worrywart again. “It don’t matter none. I just feel better knowing that he’ll be there with a friend.”
“I’ll make sure that Mac doesn’t commit treason. I could probably hold him back if I tried.”
Mac exhaled, “No you can’t.”
“Wanna’ bet Red? Bring it on.”
“Don’t go wrestling in the living room!” AJ scolded us. “Maybe I should go with you as well.”
“I was just joking around Jack, leave it to me. I’ll make sure he doesn’t get lost or married to a vein noble’s daughter.”
“Mac has all the charm of a… stallion who don’t talk much.”
“Some mares are into that.”
Mac didn’t seem offended by the statement, “I like to keep to myself.” That he does.
A few days of hard labour later and it was time to see what Rarity had made for me. To be honest I was a bit worried that she’d have gone overboard and made some kind of mutant mashup between a dress and a suit. There was a fine line between genius and madness, as they say. I didn’t know Rarity well enough to know if she could toe it. Ponies don’t have toes. The struggles of having all of my favourite sayings based and hands and feet.
“Do you know what a toe is?”
“…Darling, that is a strange thing to be asking this early in the morning.”
“Toes and fingers.”
“I know what a toe is.”
“Just checking.” Rarity gave me a queer look and ushered me inside of her abode. The mess had been cleaned up, and instead the floor was lined with a dozen or so mannequins wearing various dresses and suits. From the eccentric and peacock-ish to the more normal style that I was hoping for. Rarity caught me looking at a dress that looked like somebody had walked through an explosion at a confetti factory.
“Not my best work. But if the client demands it, then I will deliver.”
“Maybe you should flex your expertise and force them into something nicer.”
“The gala is Equestria’s biggest fashion show, outside of the actual fashion world anyway. Every noble wants to show that they are the biggest and brightest there.” At the back of the queue, behind the frills and prismatic colours, was a deep blue suit hung off a much too small dummy. “I couldn’t get a proper mannequin made for you in time, so I do hope that you’ll forgive the poor first impression.”
“You did this for free Rarity, you can do whatever you want with it.”
“Making something this large was a challenge, not since I made that outfit for Bic Mac…”
The outfit that he was wearing the other day. I stayed my tongue because I was certain that she’d be furious if she knew he was still using it.
“…I took a lot of care making sure that the colours compliment your eyes. The deep blue is the perfect companion to your brown coat!”
I didn’t have any complaints. Rarity had played my request perfectly straight. It was a deep blue jacket with subtle gold trim around the arms, a long floppy collar that cut down the chest to reveal a large amount of pony cleavage. Dashes of a lighter cyan were splattered throughout. It was vibrant but tasteful.
“I have to say Rarity, I’m not much for fashion but I think it looks great.”
Rarity smiled, “As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. I’d love to see you in it.” The jacket was lifted off the dummy using magic and I was pulled towards a pair of purple curtains, “Here’s the changing room. Give me a show!”
I closed the curtains and silently despaired at the task ahead of me. I’d never gotten much dexterity out of my hooves, not like Applejack had. Putting on clothes using them was almost out of the question. I clawed and bit and tussled over and over, until I somehow managed to slip it on over my head.
“I think you might need to straighten this out.”
“Show me how it looks!”
I walked back through the curtains with a grimace. Rarity pouted, her horn glowing as she fixed up the terrible job I’d done putting it on. A blue ribbon flew in from behind her and wrapped my hair into a ponytail. Humantail? It wasn’t long enough for much else.
“I must say dear, you look almost handsome.”
“Almost?”
“There are limits to how masculine I can make you. I’m afraid to say that your muzzle gives the game away.”
“Maybe if I don’t talk, I can get away with it.”
Rarity giggled, “I wouldn’t worry about it darling. A mare who towers over the average stallion would injure their pride.”
“I guess.”
“Hm. This style is very interesting. Perhaps I shall explore it further another time. For now, I must finish the rest of my work!” Rarity pulled the jacket and ribbon away and packed them into a fancy bag for me, which was then hung over my back.
“Thank you, Rarity, it seems that I’ll have use for this after all.”
“Oh really? What a coincidence.”
“I’ll pay you back for it.”
“There’s no need! I did a favour for a friend, or as an apology for sticking my muzzle into things. I am a bit of a busybody, and I love gossip. I should have been more considerate.”
“It was for the best anyway. I had a very frank discussion with the family about everything that’s happening with me. And now Twilight is getting close to solving the problem. Everything is looking up.”
An optimistic assessment. I knew that things would probably get harder before they got better. But maybe I was just trying to convince myself. I needed it. I needed to say that things were going to get better.
Author's Note
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The moment of truth had arrived. Or was going to arrive in a few hours. It was the evening of the Grand Galloping Gala, the premiere socialite party in Equestria. And a pair of apple farmers were going to show up and wreck the place. Our party consisted of me, Twilight, and Big Mac. Twilight was a bit surprised that Mac was coming along. I had to assure her that we weren’t on a date.
Why would she even think that? The man was pulling an entire cart with him so he could sell some apples.
“You look good, by the way.”
“Thank you Twilight. I was worried that Rarity would make a dress.”
“Did she make it as a gift? You were one step ahead of me the whole time!”
We were enjoying a bumpy ride on the train up to Canterlot. The train was fairly empty due to the late hour and the lack of reason for most ponies to go up there. We’d taken over corner of the carriage. I stole the window seat so I could look at the scenery pass by. It was stunning – the entire line ran along the side of a huge mountain. There was always something interesting to look at.
It took my mind off of things for a little while. Confronting somebody with something that they clearly didn’t want spoken off or aired came with a discomfort that pricked my skin with pins and needles. Wouldn’t she be angry with us? Sending Twilight the book must have been a way of separating herself from the issue.
We passed through a tunnel and my centre of gravity shifted forwards as the train began to slow to a stop. The platform was lavish and well maintained, everything in the city was. The three of us passed through the streets, scaring a few of the locals in the process. The crowds grew denser and denser as we approached the towering spires of the palace, and my nerves were only put further on edge by the number of ponies watching.
“Are you sure she’s going to be happy to see us?” I asked.
Twilight tensed up, “Uh, I’m not sure about happy .”
I don’t know why I expected any better. It was clear that Celestia was trying to avoid the subject. What was really worrying me was that Celestia might just pretend that she had nothing to do with it. What could we say to her then? We had no evidence that directly linked her beyond the provision of the artefact that brought me here.
In an ideal world her honesty would win through, but the leader of a country has a lot more interests than being honest. Lying by omission is practically their job. Twilight wouldn’t dare say a bad word about her unless she was certain of it. A land of harmony and peace where nobody ever fought or killed or stole – too good to be true. But nobody had a bad word to say about the Princess. If this was Earth, she’d have been put into a guillotine by now.
We pushed through the throngs of ponies on the way to the steps. Me and Mac were by far the largest people there – we towered over everyone else like a pair of giraffes. There were red banners and carpets laid out that led upwards towards a grand door that was left open. We showed the golden tickets to a pair of guards and ascended the steps.
The interior of the ball was exactly what I expected it to be, gaggles of ponies in elaborate outfits preening and chattering away without a care in the world. At the head of the sea with a halo of her own followers was the Princess. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and my lowered stature put into perspective just how tall she really was.
“Strange, Celestia usually greets every pony who attends.”
A stallion next to Twilight scoffed, “Not this year I’m afraid – it seems the Princess tires of such a tradition.” I shot the stallion a glance, which caused him to flinch in genuine fear.
“Should we go to her now? She looks busy.”
Twilight studied the crowd, “Hm. We can wait. The gala lasts for several hours.”
“I’m goin’ off now. See you later,” Mac mumbled, turning back and heading to the outside area. He pulled the cart with ease, but I wasn’t sure if any of the nobles would buy an apple off a ‘hick’ like him. It was a mean thought, but I was in the mind that they would probably be much worse than I could imagine.
Me and Twilight stood around for a while, but the crowd around Celestia didn’t seem to thin much at all. The boredom was interrupted by the sound of a voice from behind Twilight, “Twily? You didn’t tell me you were coming to the gala!”
Twilight seemed surprised to see him. “Shining! I thought you’d be busy,” the two shared a hug. The unicorn stallion was tall and stocky and had white fur and blue hair. I could tell that they were related to each other.
“And who is this? A friend from Ponyville?” He looked to me, but his face scrunched up as he tried to process what he was looking at. The tallest damn mare he’d probably ever seen wearing a suit at Equestria’s high society ball.
“I’ll do introductions! This is Toffee, she’s… a friend – The Princess asked me to help them with something.”
“Oh, it’s nice to meet you! I’m Twilight’s brother and captain of the guard, Shining Armor.”
Twilight scooted closer, “Sorry I didn’t write, but I wasn’t sure we’d be attending until a few days ago.”
“That’s okay – you’re a fully grown mare now! With your own house… and job…”
“You’re making me feel old.”
“Are any of your other friends here with you?”
“No, it’s just us this time.”
“They stayed away huh. Don’t tell the others, but I find this a little boring too,” He whispered.
“You find this boring? Don’t you spend most of your time stood outside doorways?”
“No – I have a lot of paperwork to do instead.” He winced as the once unspoken words left his mouth, “You’re huge.”
I chortled. That one was too much for me. “Shining,” Twilight admonished him, “No wonder you have so much trouble with mares.”
“I’m used to it by now,” I sighed.
“I thought you were a stallion, because of the suit! Not because of anything else!”
“Don’t worry about it,” I smiled, “There’s a reason why I’m wearing this.”
“Sorry. I don’t really have time to stick around right now, we have a rollcall in a few minutes. Come find me later Twily!”
“Of course, see you later.”
Shining walked back into the crowd. “Your brother’s a dork.”
“I know.”
“Does that run in the family or…”
She shushed me and pointed to where Celestia was stood, she’d noticed us. Her pink eyes burned a hole through us both, and it was clear to me that she expected us to be here. “Let’s get this over with.”
Me and Twilight approached and Celestia made her desire known, “Excuse me, I’m going to have a moment with my student.” The surrounding gentlemen dispersed into smaller groups, and Celestia did not say another word before leading us through the ballroom, past a pair of armed guards and out onto a balcony overlooking the lower garden. Somewhere private for us to have this discussion.
“Twilight.”
“Princess.”
“I take it that you are here to question me.”
I held my hoof out in front of Twilight and shook my head, I was the one who needed to say it. “Were you the one who turned me into this?” Celestia’s sullen face told the entire story.
“Yes. I did.”
“Why? I’ve been through hell and high water because of you.”
“To many ponies my actions are opaque, they are not capable of understanding. But I’m sure that you do. Humans know the pain of living better than anypony else.”
“You knew humans who weren’t me?”
“Occasionally. A crossing of the stars, or an unfortunate accident involving the arcane. Many of the species that live here in this world are the same. I have met a number of humans throughout my many years of rule. And within them I found a profound sadness. The process of which a species occupies this world is one of chance. Humans have seldom arrived in pairs.”
“Is that why? Because I’d be lonely?”
Celestia looked to the sky, “Yes. One of those humans was a close friend of mine, and in the end, he could not bare the weight of his life. I sat idly by and did nothing to save him. I swore from them that I would not allow such a thing to occur again under my watch. I did something foolish; I pilfered the deepest areas of our archive and when I learnt of your arrival, I used you as a test.”
Twilight was a rainbow of emotion. Disappointment, sadness, fear? This was the mare she looked up to as a second mother, the spotless and flawless immortal leader, admitting to a mistake.
“I have made my own share of terrible mistakes. Some graver than others. Twilight’s letters alarmed me. And I realized that I could not protect my pride over your safety. That is why I sent the book to you.”
“You don’t know how it feels. You’re just going to stand there and spout a load of fucking shit at me.”
“Words are the only thing I have. When you ask me why, I give you my reasoning.”
“You took away my body Princess. My identity. Loneliness is one thing, but dysphoria is another. If anything it’s deadlier. You only put me at risk by doing this, I don’t even want to talk about what I was thinking this whole time.”
“I can only apologise.”
Things had gotten tense. Twilight obviously wanted to interfere. So I stepped back and allowed her to say her piece. “Princess… I don’t know what to say. While I understand that you are capable of making mistakes, I do not understand the need for all of this secrecy. I dedicated a lot of my time to trying to help Gerry.” Celestia remained tight lipped.
“…Whatever. Can I get turned back or am I fucked?”
“Any spell that can be cast, can be reversed with enough will. Although we will need more than just that. The reason I acted so quickly and in haste, was because your body gave me only a short opportunity to cast the spell. Any later and the concentration of magic flowing into your body would render it moot. Even the power of an alicorn cannot endure the burden of casting the spell for long. Your assumption was correct Twilight, the self-replication of this kind of magic is forbidden knowledge.”
I scoffed, “So you knew how much trouble it causes, but you used it on me anyway?”
“Yes. I did. I saw it in my judgement to use it for what I thought was a good deed.”
“I’m disappointed in you.”
Celestia seemed shocked by Twilight’s words, but it wasn’t the kind of shock that was entirely negative. In fact, she seemed pleased that Twilight was arguing with her like this. It was something that I couldn’t understand at the time, I didn’t know enough about their relationship. She bowed her head to the both of us.
“Forgive me. No matter my intention, I should have never forced this on you without your permission.”
Twilight seemed placated by the admittance of error, but I wasn’t going to be convinced by a few kind words. I needed to know that I could change back first. I didn’t need to say a word, Twilight was already on top of it.
“I believe that Gerry would like to save the apologies for when he’s fixed.”
“Of course. If you need any assistance, it is yours.”
Was there anything else left to say? The anger that had filled my mind and body when I first arrived had been snuffed out like a candle. What else was to be done? Celestia had apologised and offered to help fix it. But I couldn’t be sure that she really understood. For as virtuous as Celestia presented herself as, she was capable of irrationality just like me.
She was a woman who’d lived for thousands of years – seeing the movement of mountains and the deaths of generations. Did she see us as toys to play with? Or was her head full of hubris, that she understood us like programmes in a machine. A spiral of repeating behaviours and mistakes and wants and fears. She prided herself on making people happy. If she wasn’t making me happy, did it tear her up on the inside? A pre-emptive strike against depression and the grievances of the common man.
So she could keep her words to herself. Forgiveness was not on the menu. The quality of her character was something that I’d discover in due time – now that Twilight had opened pandora’s box and let her know what was happening.
No, she’s not a dictator, or a god. She’s a damn coward.
"Enjoy the rest of the ball."
She's all smiles though.
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
The confrontation isn't as explosive as Gerry expected - and as you can probably guess things are going to take a turn for the strange soon.
“I don’t like her.”
“Oh come on Toffee, she isn’t that bad!”
I gave Twilight the stink eye.
“Okay, maybe she went too far this time. I don’t know what she was thinking!”
“She wasn’t. She took one incident from the past and decided that it was permission to mess with anybody else who ever came through a god damn hole in the sky.” My brain was elsewhere. I wondered if the book that Celestia had sent us would actually help. If it did, then it still wouldn’t be no harm no foul – I hurt myself because of this. Whether I intended to or not.
Me and Twilight passed through the crowds and eventually exited out onto a long balcony that was covered with greenery, in the distance I could see Mac stood there behind his small cart. Contrary to my expectations it was looking busy. A blue stallion with green eyes was being dragged away, a veritable buffet of food in between his arms.
“What happened over there?”
“Oh, that’s Soarin! From the Wonderbolts. He’s a big fan of the Apple family, as you can see.”
“Is he the big name that Applejack was talking about?”
“Yes. Outside of royalty you don’t get much bigger than them.” As the queue of high-class ponies cleared, Mac waved me over.
“How’s the business Mac?”
“Good.”
“Hm, last time Applejack had a terrible time selling here,” Twilight mused.
“These kinds of ponies always have to follow the new trend, right?”
“Yup. I’m plumb out.”
“Careful Mac, Granny Smith might hit you for saying that.”
“Ain’t that kinda’ plum, stupid.”
“It sounds the same though.”
Twilight looked between us with a suspicious look, “When did you two become such good friends?”
“What do you mean? We live together. It’d be weird if we weren’t friends.”
“Yup.”
“This is the most I’ve ever heard Mac talk. It’s giving me the chills.”
My ears twitched, an unsettling sensation I still hadn’t gotten used to, as I heard a whiny voice griping about us, “Who invited the hicks? This is the most prestigious party on the annual calendar, and riff raff like this can get invited?”
“Psh, hicks?” I murmured. “I’m probably smarter than that guy.”
“Hm, probably. The average Canterlot socialite doesn’t have much room left for facts in between names, faces, and which butler they asked to shine their windows.”
“Who made you the princess of sass?”
Twilight blushed, “Oh! I’m sorry, that was very rude!”
“Aren’t you technically high society too? This is your home, and your brother is the captain of the guard.”
“I got ahead of myself. But it is true that many of the ponies in Canterlot don’t really work. Some of them live off of the money made by their families, years in the past. My father and mother still work. We’re a very studious family. Shining had to read five times his weight in books just to apply to be the captain, and he was only doing the bare minimum.”
“You have to apply to be the captain?”
“Yes. The tradition from many years was that the Princess selected them, but they formalized the system a few decades ago. Now you must prove yourself to the fellow guardsmen and complete a test that displays your knowledge and skill!” We’d gotten wildly off-topic. Twilight loved her little tangents about facets of her life and her family. I swore that I knew them personally at that point even though meeting Shining was the most exposure I’d ever gotten.
Mac took down the stand and packed it back into the cart. What a convenient little thing it was. Mac had managed to sell every single thing that he brought with us. “You think that they’ll start talking about our stuff?”
“Yup.”
“Get the money flowing. Those other ponies aren’t complaining about us hicks, huh?”
Mac nodded. Twilight saw fit to butt in again, “Didn’t you go into higher education?”
“Yes, I mean, by my standards anyway.” I was about to ask Twilight how the schools worked, but stopped myself when I remembered that I was next to Bic Mac, who didn’t know the whole hairless ape thing yet. I was curious though. Did Equestria have universities and colleges? Or was every school for a specific vocation? Twilight had mentioned the magic academy she attended once before.
“Ya’ll know where the colt’s room is?” Mac asked, “I ain’t had a break.”
“It’s back the way we came, isn’t it?”
“I’ll show you Mac, I know this castle very well after all.”
“I’ll try not to get into a fight while you’re gone.”
Twilight led Mac towards the bathrooms and left me alone for the first time that night. I felt exposed – under the eyes of all of the nobles at the ball who had nothing nice to say to me. “I say, where did you find that fetching outfit?” Or maybe I’d be approached by an affable looking stallion wearing a pair of sunglasses.
“Uh, a friend made it for me. Rarity from Ponyville.”
“Ah! You’re a friend of Lady Rarity’s, I should have guessed. She’s the only designer I know brave enough, in a good way that is, to push the boundaries of an… an…”
“Androgyny.”
The stallion seemed surprised at my knowledge, “Well read! Well read! I tried to get my manager to let me host a show about it – but she was an awful drag. Said it wouldn’t sell.”
“It’s not much of a fashion statement to me.”
He shook his head, “Isn’t that a simple matter of perspective? One pony’s life is another’s fashion statement.”
I didn’t really want to get into this debate with a stranger. The matter of how masculine I wanted to present myself was something that you don’t generally bring up at a party. I knew that this guy worked in fashion at least since he knew Rarity.
“Anyway. That is a quality piece of craft! Rarity has outdone herself again.”
“She should have some other dresses around here somewhere. I saw a few of them when I went to pick this up.” I scanned the crowd and spotted something I recognized, “Like that.” I pointed in the mare’s direction. The stallion took the bait hook line and sinker.
“Oh! I say, that is exquisite. Thank you! I shall speak with them as well.” The stallion left to accost another attendee and I breathed a sigh of relief. Some of the ponies are the ball were very pushy. At least he didn’t decide to insult me randomly. I was halfway to shoving a hoof up the fellow who called me a hick earlier.
At some point I started to wonder where Mac and Twilight had gone. The walk to the restrooms was a short one, and they should have been back by that point. I decided to become a big boy and look for them myself instead of waiting any longer. Back the way we came, through the lavish gold arch of the balcony doorway and into the main ballroom. My heart skipped a beat as I witnessed Twilight and Mac enduring a conversation with one Princess Celestia. I approached quickly, not wanting to miss anything between them.
There was a pause as I made my presence known, a question left hanging in the air as Celestia gave me a polite bow of her long, long neck. “Am I interrupting something?”
Twilight laughed it off, “It’s nothing. Celestia just wanted to talk with Mac.”
The Princess, for her part, said nothing more on the matter, “The Apple family have been around almost as long as I have, but unfortunately it’s a rare event indeed for them to visit during the gala.” I could tell that something had been mentioned that they didn’t want to tell me. Twilight was terrible at hiding a secret, especially when it was something she found embarrassing. But I’d had enough arguing for one day and let it slide. I’d have to press Twilight later.
“I must be away, enjoy the rest of the gala!”
The Princess excused herself once again and floated to another group of ponies nearby, who seemed very excited to be in her presence. Mac and Twilight didn’t seem interested in staying much longer. “You think we can catch the train back?”
Twilight looked up to the clock, “Maybe. The hotels in Canterlot are terribly expensive.”
“Yup.”
“Let’s get gone.”
Damage report.
My dignity, my willingness to attend another boring party hosted by the Princess, and a whole lot of trust in the leadership of this country. Twilight was insistent that we get to the business of trying to turn me back as soon as possible. I followed her and Spike out to a quarry on the edge of town, which Twilight said was the nearest appropriate location to attempt the method she’d come up with.
“Are you sure about this Twilight?”
“No, not really. I don’t know if this will work. But I hope it does.”
“How are we going to do it?”
Twilight pulled out the old tome that Celestia gave us and held it up with her magic. “Magic travels at a certain speed in the air, like any other gas. That means that normally we don’t have much control over its travel. There are no materials that we can obtain that can block it.”
“But since I was sucking it in so fast, Celestia could cast the spell on me.”
“Correct. Celestia used this research and a self-replicating principle to push you over the edge and transform you permanently. Your body was a vacuum, pulling it in at an accelerate rate. When there’s an empty space magic will flow in to fill it. In order for us to cast the spell again we have to empty the area of ambient magic – get you inside of that empty space and cast the spell again.”
Twilight marked out several locations with chalk, moving rocks and debris so that we had a clean space to work with. I stood where she told me and then stood completely still. “The spells will be powerful, but you need to stay right here no matter how much you want to move.”
“Are you sure you can do this alone?” Spike asked, Twilight’s discarded bag clutched between his small claws.
“Normally it wouldn’t be possible. But various spells that Celestia directed me to pull a large amount of magic from the air instead of your own reserve. On top of the replication spell that we learnt – I could set a magical fire that lasts for hours.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” I mused.
“A fire won’t be enough, think more… explosive.”
“I’m going to die.”
“Don’t you worry! I know exactly what I’m doing,” Twilight leant down to whisper something to Spike, who gave a look that told me that she really didn’t. I stood on my designated spot while Twilight weaved several small spells that started purple fires from nothing. Magic fires didn’t need fuel, only magical energy. Fire after fire was lit around me, raising the temperature from bearable to sweaty in an instant. I felt like I was about to be eliminated from a cheap reality TV show.
Boom!
I nearly jumped high into the air as Twilight’s first explosion detonated. I could feel it sucking in the air around it. Boom! Boom! More of them. I could feel myself getting short of breath, a dash of light-headedness that I couldn’t specify.
“Okay, the magic levels are thinning! Here it comes Gerry!”
Thick tendrils of violet energy reached out towards me. The pebbles and dirt on the ground defying gravity as an electric sensation passed through my body. How Celestia managed to cast this on me without me noticing was a mystery that would remain unanswered. They touched me.
I don’t really remember what happened after that…
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
Writing this chapter was incredibly difficult. I've been in a terrible, non-conductive to writing mood for two weeks. Still, here it is, warts and all. I'm sure there are 50 mistakes that you fine people will direct me to in the comments; but for now I just want this out of my wip folder.
The effects of the spell were clear to Twilight Sparkle. The scorched ground and the unconscious body of her friend lay in front of her. To her dismay, that body was not one of a human, but still the same pony that she’d become familiar with over the past few months. The spell had not worked, that much was evident. The most pressing concern was if Gerry was okay.
She dashed over and immediately checked to see if any magical effects had hit him. Much to her shock, nothing was different. All that effort and magical energy for nothing? Inconceivable. Such a massive release of energy couldn’t just disappear into the air, even a badly calibrated spell would have some kind of side effect…
Spike poked Gerry’s unconscious body with his claw, “Uh, Twilight…”
“I know Spike! I’m sure he’s just fine!” Twilight was trying to convince herself, not him. If she were somehow responsible for Gerry getting hurt, she’d never live it down. He’d placed a lot of trust in her to do this. She inspected his body with a trained eye but didn’t see anything different. “No signs of magical impact. And he’s still breathing!”
She didn’t know whether to be annoyed or thankful. The side effects from an uncontrolled spell with that amount of magic could be disastrous! Twilight’s mind scrambled for answers – the spell had been executed with her usual eye for detail, and she’d practiced and refined the technique over and over again. Twilight hauled his unconscious body onto the cart and realized that she couldn’t possibly pull him all the way back to town under her own strength.
“Darn it.”
“Woah! You’ve been spending too much time around AJ Twilight.”
“I don’t want Gerry to wake up in the middle of this mess we made.”
“I think you might be a bit late on that one Twilight, he’s coming to.”
The large body shifted, rippling brown fur illuminated by the high noon sun. Gerry came to in an unfamiliar place. “What happened? Twilight?”
“We’re still here. It seems that the spell just knocked you out cold, a complete and total failure…”
“I still have all of my legs, right?”
“Yes.”
“Thank god. Small miracles.”
Gerry climbed off the cart under his own power, but he was still unsteady on his hooves. Twilight assisted him with a little bit of her magic. There was a silence that lasted for nearly a minute. Gerry finally spoke again, “It didn’t work.”
“No. I’m afraid not.”
“Are you sure Celestia didn’t just scam you?”
“No. The book is entirely in-line with what I’d expect. It follows all of the appropriate magical principles. The only reason I can think of is that our execution is lacking.”
“But you spent so much time getting this ready. What more can you do?”
“…I don’t know.”
Twilight had a bad feeling. Deep inside her chest somewhere. A lead weight, a tightening of her stomach. Something wasn’t right but she couldn’t place her hoof on it. She’d expected Gerry to be much angrier about the failure of their first attempt. Was it not out of consideration? He understood perfectly well how much work it was, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t get upset. “Let’s just head back, I don’t have enough power to do that again today. I’ll have to dissect what went wrong.”
Gerry sighed, “Alright. I should head back to the farm, should I come back tomorrow?”
“That would depend on how long it takes me – I’ll find you! Hopefully I’ll have some answers ready.”
Gerry nodded and waved goodbye. Twilight mounted the cart and began the long walk back to the library. She wanted nothing more than to crash down on her bed and fall asleep on the spot. But she still had work to do and answers to find. The smell of paper and cover was comforting, and it temporarily eased Twilight’s intense feelings of anxiety.
She parked the cart outside the door and unlocked it. She didn’t like having to close the library so often, since there were a number of regular customers who would visit on days like this. But for Gerry’s sake she didn’t mind inconveniencing people for the occasional experiment. It was for his safety and health after all.
In Twilight’s opinion, Gerry had been nothing but patient. She put herself in his horseshoes and imagined waking up in a body like her brother’s or being turned into a dragon who stands upright. What a frustrating, no, terrifying feeling that must be. Spike went back to his usual chores while Twilight lugged out the huge tome that Celestia had gifted to her.
The book had barely been touched. Many of its writings were esoteric – written in the old ways with strange vocabulary and pluralization. What was not different were the spell diagrams, the standard had remained the same since the inception of the art as an art. Twilight understood it perfectly well – and there was no sign of chicanery on the part of the authors or Celestia herself.
It should have worked, but it didn’t.
For Twilight it was perplexing but there was a rational explanation. Something that she hadn’t considered, or maybe overlooked. Magic, outside of rare circumstances, doesn’t just not work. Even a badly mangled spell would have some kind of effect, even a simple transfer of energy from caster to target. Twilight thought back to how she was admitted to her alma mater.
…
Twilight hadn’t said anything to Gerry at the ball, but now the knowledge was burning a hole in her mental pocket. Celestia had wormed her way into talking with Big Macintosh. The conversation had started innocently enough – Celestia inquiring about the health of the Apple family, an amusing anecdote about one of Mac’s ancestors who she knew personally. There was no reason to think that anything was truly amiss.
Until she brought up Gerry, or Toffee. To Mac, who knew nothing about Gerry’s past, where he came from, or why he held such a resistance to many of the feminine norms that had been pushed upon him. Twilight would have rather had Celestia pull out some of her teeth than listen to the discussion that followed.
Gerry and Twilight both knew that Mac had something of a crush on her, but for Twilight the extent of his admiration came as a surprise. That wasn’t the bad part though, Celestia didn’t know how Mac felt until then. She isn’t a mind reader. But her justification for casting the original spell had made Twilight think. Celestia was a deeply compassionate leader, to a literal fault. The individual opinions of her subjects don’t matter when she feels she’s in the right. To an outside observer it would come off as sociopathic, like moving chess pieces around a board of her own making.
But she was a second mother to Twilight. She knew.
Celestia would weep when a funeral procession would pass through the middle of the city. She’d become visibly upset when she came upon an injured animal. And for all of her knowledge and wisdom, she would struggle to understand why ponies would intentionally take a path of most resistance. To her, it was unfathomable that anyone would avoid taking the easy way out, to spare themselves pain both physical and emotional.
She would meddle, gods in the sky would she meddle.
She’d meddle with Twilight; she’d meddle with her brother. She’d meddle with Gerry – a confused man dropping through a hole in the sky. Because to her, why wait? Life for others was short, and that time should need not be spent in agony. Twilight had never given that behaviour a second thought. Pairing up her staff like a matchmaker was cute. Stopping Twilight from being a picky eater was helpful. Taking away Gerry’s choice because she assumed that he’d be the same as another human was malicious.
Twilight didn’t like it. It was a side of her teacher that she thought she’d never see. Celestia had made a mistake, a real one. Not being pictured consuming too much cake again. An honest, harmful mistake that couldn’t be so easily rectified. Twilight could not fit the puzzle together. It was against everything she knew about Celestia. The only explanation that she could think of – Celestia and the human she mentioned were close, very close.
She slammed the book shut, the force of the air pressure blowing her mane up into the air. What was there to do except wait and see? Twilight did not want to cast such a powerful spell again until she was certain that there were no side effects. Twilight did what she usually did. Tended to the library while it was still open. Prepared dinner for her and spike and turned into bed early. Celestia was right about one thing, there was only so much time in the day for mortals like her.
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
I turned down a full-time job yesterday when I realized that I didn't want to do it.
Call it naive, but I want to pursue the things that I really care about. Writing is one of them. I'm a few hundred dollars short of being able to do this as a job, but dreams are dreams - I'm going to keep plugging away until it happens. I just want to thank you all again for reading my work, you're the people who make the effort worth it.
I've been a temperamental arsehole recently. Turning it down was the hardest choice I've made in years. I'd staked a lot of my self-esteem on getting a job and earning something for myself, but was it worth abandoning all of the things I'm passionate about to do it? I've found a new sense of resolve I suppose. I want to make something of the hobbies and talents that I have, instead of giving in.
So again, thank you for sticking with me while I left these stories to rot for so long. I considered cancelling Adjustment a few times because I couldn't get it straight in my mind. This story has gone to a dark place, darker than I intended in the original. Maybe I can't make light of such a serious thing as easily anymore.
But I'll finish it soon! We're near the ending. And it might not make people happy. I always considered this as something of a disaster story, a breakdown of the relationships and identity... even in the original version that I didn't consider so much. Don't kill me when we get there!
It was subtle at first. The lack of an incoming acid reflux when I looked at myself in the mirror every morning. My skin thickening so that I didn’t nearly kick someone’s teeth out if they called me a mare. A sense of comfort where there was usually revulsion. I wasn’t stupid. I knew that something was up. Those aren’t the kinds of feelings that go away when you experience them enough. Twilight was worried about side effects, but I was almost certain that things had gone exactly as Celestia had wanted.
She’d cast another spell on me.
Twilight was in a forgive and forget mood, and I understood her position. Celestia was family to her – a mentor who’d taught her everything she knew about magic. I was surprised that she even went so far as to confront her and tell me what she thought in the first place. If a family member of mine did something bad, I’d like to pretend that it didn’t happen either.
But again, I wasn’t born yesterday. Old habits die hard. And for as picturesque and peaceful as Equestria could seem, the people living in it could be every bit as petty and mean as Earth. Celestia was being stubborn. She’d either lied to the both of us or had never intended to help us in the first place. An important distinction for me, because lying about the probability of changing back was a different matter to sabotaging Twilight.
If Celestia knew that I couldn’t change back after all and kept it quiet out of some kind of shame, it’d show that there was some kind of intelligence in the black coal lump of what she calls a heart. The god has bled. Celestia clearly loved Twilight, so would she intentionally put her into a tough position like this? Would she sabotage her efforts to help a friend?
To put it bluntly, I was completely and utterly fucked.
Whatever idiotic scheme she’d cooked up had gone off without a hitch. Twilight had read from the book, followed it’s methods, and found no success aside from blasting me with a huge amount of magical energy. Twilight was obviously not lying herself when she vouched for the legitimacy of the spell outlined. So that energy had to go somewhere. Perhaps a similar spell to the one that Celestia cast originally. I wanted to know if it would have worked otherwise.
But time was not a luxury I was being afforded. For all of my troubles, I was still working on somebody else’s farm. I had quotas to meet. I couldn’t make a habit of taking day trips to Canterlot to argue with the Princess. Kicking trees and trying to eat all of the food Granny Smith prepared was my usual schedule. With the worries about my body seemingly fading into the background, I soon found that an entire week had passed since our attempt at reverting me.
I wanted to be worried, but a part of my brain relished in the idea of having some “time off” from all the stress. I accepted it. It made life easier. Kicking trees and eating apples. Kicking trees and eating apples. Mac cleared his throat behind me. I turned away from the tree, “Mac?”
“Morning.”
“You’ve been talkative recently, what’s the occasion?”
“…Applejack said I should try talkin’ more.”
“There’s nothing wrong with keeping to yourself.”
Mac nodded, “Yup. But I wanted to talk more. AJ said that the only good way is to try it.”
“She’s right about that. I’m not the best partner though, the only thing I’ve done for the last week is this. Aren’t you friends with Rarity?”
“Ah’ can never get a darn word in with that mare.”
I laughed, “True. She runs her mouth a lot.”
“How much longer do you think you’ll stay with us?”
I paused. I hadn’t given it much consideration. “To be honest, I haven’t been looking. How much does a house round here cost?”
“About forty-thousand. Ya’ll get run out of town or something? Never heard of a pony moving in without a place to stay.”
“No, I’m not in legal trouble anywhere, I hope. I had to move suddenly. It wasn’t really something that I planned.”
Mac chewed on his characteristic stalk with a frown, “That true or not?”
“It’s true. I never wanted to move here in the first place. Heck, I didn’t even know it existed. I know honesty from me is in short supply, it’s just hard to talk about.” I did feel bad about making up a tall tale about myself – “Toffee” was a character. Something I’d made up to cover my ass when I wanted to avoid talking about difficult subjects. I decided to clear things up on the spot.
“Alright Mac, I’ll tell you. But only as far as you’ll believe me.”
“Yup.”
“I’m not from Equestria. And I ended up here on accident, which is why I don’t have a house or family around.”
“Uh-huh,” he nodded.
“I do have an education in agriculture, although I think I’ve made that evident over the past few months,” I eyed the new irrigation ditch that I’d helped plan and construct. “Okay, so that’s the boring stuff. Now, stick with me here, you might have noticed that I act like an insane pony sometimes.”
Mac gave me a look that communicated his feelings on the matter – yes, he did; and also I shouldn’t talk about myself in such a way. “Let's start from what I said last time, I used to be a stallion.” Mac’s brow furrowed. I didn’t know what he’d do with that information, I was afraid that he might even have a negative reaction without AJ and Bloom around.
But the real question that I asked myself, was why did I have such an easy time coming out with it now? For months on end I’d agonized over straddling the line between male and female. I was being crushed from both sides by the way I wanted to be, and the way other people perceived me. But at that moment, stood sweating my entire body’s weight in water, I felt a compulsion to eject from my mouth like vomit.
The turmoil gave way to something else, a sensation I hadn’t experienced since I asked them to address me using masculine pronouns, relief. I was relieved that somebody else finally knew about the problem that wasn’t me.
“And how did that happen?” Mac asked.
Now that was a tough question. How much did I want to let on? “Well, it happened as soon as I arrived. Twilight figured it out, mostly. But we’ve had no luck switching me back. Because it’s even more complicated than what I just said.”
“What do you mean?”
“…I wasn’t even a pony.”
“Wha-“
“I know. Isn’t that stupid?” Mac didn’t have much else to say on the matter. I’d argue that he’d been stunned into silence. “Celestia. Sticking her snout into things.”
“The Princess?”
“Yeah. It turns out that she might be the reason it happened in the first place. I don’t know why.”
“I can’t picture the Princess doing somethin’ like that.”
“I couldn’t either. But Twilight was convinced, and she admitted to it when we saw her at the gala.”
Mac thought about it, “She did come over to me when you were gone.”
“I pressed Twilight about it, and she said nothing.”
“She asked me a lot of questions about you. How you were doing…”
“And?”
“…She asked me if ah’ liked you.”
The stars had aligned. It seemed that I’d wringed an extra little bit of truth out of Mac that I didn’t know was there. I was aware of his feelings, but I couldn’t comfortably return them. Not a chance.
“What did you say?”
Mac’s lips were sealed.
“Mac, I already know.”
“Yup.”
“Was that all she said?”
“Yup.”
“I don’t like it. Shouldn’t need to be told that.”
Mac shook his head again. “I don’t rightly know too much about it.”
“That’s probably for the best, you’re not the kinda’ guy who’s into drama.”
“Seems like a mite more than drama…”
“Did she really just ask you that? Nothing else?”
“Yup. You waltzed over right after.”
I sighed. She wasn’t going to learn, was she? She needed to keep interfering in everything. I needed to have another frank conversation with Twilight about this. “I’m surprised you took all that so well.”
“Ah’ ain’t so sure ‘bout that.”
“Anything less than you spitting at me is good enough.”
“I ain’t gonna’ be rude.”
“Good. Thanks, I mean it.”
“Ain’t a problem. I’m happy that you told me.”
“Anyway, do you really want me out of here that badly?”
“Wuh – hey!”
I laughed at Mac’s face. He’d walked right into that one. I felt a bit mean afterwards though. I’d just shot him down in an incredibly roundabout way. “Don’t go sayin’ that kinda’ thing. Jack and Bloom are right taken with you. And Granny, she likes having another set of hooves around the house.”
“I’m not going to say that I don’t deserve it, but thanks for having me for so long. I know it’s a hard ask to have somebody else working with you when you usually go it alone.”
“It’s no problem. Granny always cooked too much anyways.”
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
A talk heavy chapter this time.
At this point, I wasn’t sure of myself.
It could be said that I’d been beaten down by being disappointed over and over again. Let down by magic, let down by the Princess, let down by myself. The days of me scrubbing the fur and skin from my body with a sponge were long gone at this point. Any other person would be thankful for it, but it frustrated me deeply. I didn’t want to let this happen. I didn’t want to sit back and let go of being human.
Intrusive thoughts about the value of being human versus being a pony would fill my mind during the day, and restless dreams about my isolation on my old farm during the night. There was no refuge from it now. Twilight looked at me with eyes I didn’t like to see, the eyes of someone who was stuck.
Don’t pity me, please.
People change. That’s something that I always believed in. I changed, my ex-girlfriend changed, my boss on the farm changed depending on how drunk he was at the time. I never believed in the ship of Theseus. People aren’t made of wood. We shed skin cells like we shed memories and attitudes. What matters is the journey there; that’s what life is.
Celestia is like a natural disaster, or an oncoming train. She blows through like a fucking hurricane. Twilight had told me something like that – Celestia got involved like the sun rose in the morning. Which she was also allegedly responsible for. Celestia was a fixture on the wall. There would be no justice here, no epic battle between me and her. She was above things like that.
Celestia, the natural disaster, the oncoming train – had taken away my choice in the matter. If I’d lost a leg in a tragic car accident. If my wife miscarried through no fault of her own. If a close friend died from a complication during surgery. Are any of those thing truly fair? No. They aren’t. Life is unfair, fundamentally, so like the sun rises in the morning Celestia does things that suck shit.
There was no place for a human in a nation like Equestria. Too gangly and bristly, a bear in a dollhouse. I didn’t know what drove the last human who came through to do such a thing. But it was bad, bad enough for Celestia to deal with me as soon as I arrived. Twilight had put her neck on the line for me. As much as she trusted Celestia before, the kind of person who does something like that doesn’t usually take well to being challenged.
Celestia, for all her pomp and circumstance, viewed everyone else like children to be herded. She was not a mad tyrant locked into her bedchambers while the wheels fell off. She was compassionate in all of the worst ways. People prefer to choose their own misery versus being forced into happiness. That was something that she didn’t get.
Was this a happy accident then? Was all that pain to get here worth it? I could still be angry about it. I was angry about it. I realized what Celestia had done the moment I walked into town the day after my talk with Mac.
I was visiting the market to purchase some personal items, like I did every other week. Bless Granny Smith for her hard work, but I needed something non-apple related every now and then. Out of all the ponies in the market, the stallion who ran the lettuce stall was my least favourite. He was a long-limbed fellow with a sharp, rat-like face. He had a voice like a bag of gravel, and despite his smaller size he was not at all intimidated by me.
God, I wish he were.
“Oh, it’s my number one customer!” He spoke with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning.
“Morning.”
“Will you be purchasing the usual?”
“Yes please.”
He gave me a sideways glance as he bagged two bushels for me. “You seem to like lettuce a lot.” He said, trying desperately to make small talk.
“The family doesn’t make much in the way of variety, so I like to make something for myself every now and then.”
“A cook huh? That’d be great for your own family.”
While his prodding and poking about all of the stereotypical mare things he’d like me to do with myself usually raised my blood pressure to dangerous levels, this time it flowed like water off a duck’s back. I simply nodded and paid the man without another word. I left earshot and nearly bucked a hole in the nearest wall – but I resisted. What the hell was that?
I’d become angry about not being angry.
Had my brain finally surrendered, given into the pressure? No, that isn’t how the mind works, it’s not how identity works. There was something else happening here. I found the nearest bench and sat down to try and cool myself off. I tried to think back on what Twilight said. Celestia had snuck the spell onto me at some point during my arrival.
…Twilight had sent Celestia reports on her progress. She knew everything that Twilight was doing from the moment I arrived. Including the spell that Twilight had adamantly insisted that she would never use, the mind alteration precursor to the body changing magic. If Celestia had seen that and knew how to do it herself she could have casted it on me during the Gala without anyone being the wiser.
Then all she’d have to do was send the book containing the original spell to Twilight. According to her spells are divided when cast at the same time as each other. If an intense spell had already been cast on me like the mind-altering spell, combined with the body changing spell, it’d mean that neither would work, wouldn’t it? They’d starve each other like plants in the same soil.
That’s assuming that the mind spell even needed to be complete. There was a world of difference between altering my brain’s electrical signals versus completely changing my entire body. It didn’t need to work perfectly. All she had to do was implant a single idea in my mind and let it duplicate itself until I didn’t even think of it anymore. At the time, it was all conjuncture. And I say all that with the benefit of hindsight. I was grasping at straws.
I’d wandered to Twilight’s library before I even realized it, opening the door and walking inside in a daze. The titular mare was busy organizing her shelves. Unusually she had some company in the form of one Rainbow Dash, a mare who was often too busy with her day job to run into me. She liked to hang around with Applejack sometimes, but I tended to stay clear of them when they were doing something together.
She lazily floated over to me, “Hey. Twilight’s kinda’ busy.”
“When is she not?”
Twilight looked back at me, “Good morning Toffee.”
Rainbow spun in the air before landing next to me, “I didn’t take you for a big reader.”
“Anything I do is big.”
“Ha!” she exhaled, “You’re right!” She elbowed me a few times, in a friendly way, she wasn’t trying to break my ribs. “I haven’t seen much of you around, which is weird since I’m pretty sure I could see you from space!”
“I keep to myself. What’s Twilight doing?”
“Re-organizing. Again.”
“I already told you Dash; a lot of ponies don’t put their returns in the proper places, and they get dirty. It’s important to clean the shelves now and then.”
“I wanted to talk to you about something but if you’re busy…”
“I can make time. If it’s important, which I assume it is.”
I nodded. Rainbow rolled her eyes, “If this snore fest is going to keep going, I’m outta’ here. Hey Toffee, me and AJ are going out later. You should come with.”
“You sure? I don’t want to intrude.”
“No way! The more ponies the better.”
“If I have time. I’ll tag along.”
Rainbow left, leaving me alone with Twilight. I didn’t want to confront her about her lack of progress on things, that would be mean. I understood perfectly that it shook her confidence to fail the first time. Twilight slumped over, and I could sense that she really didn’t want to have this discussion again, but it needed to be done.
“Twilight.”
She shook her head, “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”
“She cast something on me again Twilight.”
“I thought as much.”
There was a sustained silence in the library. The sounds of the market outside leaked in through the windows and doors. What else was there to say? Twilight knew. She’d figured out what was wrong days ago. You don’t become the personal student of the nation’s Princess without talent.
“I don’t want you to do anything.”
Twilight’s eyes snapped upwards and met mine. There was a sense of panic in them. “What do you mean?”
“Well. What can you do now?” Twilight chewed on my words as I spoke them. “It’s not like we can take her to court or replace her.”
“But what if the spell would have worked Gerry!”
“Could it?” I’d cut to the very heart of the problem. And she knew that. She looked ashamed, genuinely. She probably wanted to curl up into a ball on her bed and cry it away. “I’m starting to think that it only worked once. Celestia knew. That’s why the other human died. She couldn’t do anything for them. That isn’t what you should be getting angry about.”
“And what is?”
“She lied to you. Celestia thought she knew better so she kept you in the dark the whole time.”
“That’s nothing compared to what happened to you Gerry.”
“Is it? She means a lot to you, doesn’t she? Why wouldn’t you be upset about it?”
“I can’t be angry with her. I just can’t.”
“I’ll be angry enough for the both of us.”
Twilight was stumped, and not just because she lived in a tree. “Remember when I asked you about the mind alteration magic, you told me that you didn’t want to use it.”
“Yes. I know.”
“But she did it Twilight. I swear to god and all that’s holy she cast that fucking spell on me.” Twilight’s eyes sharpened. She was in what I could only describe as a state of shock. “That motherfucker at the lettuce stand did his usual routine and I didn’t even flinch. This game is over already. She was always a step ahead of us.”
“This isn’t a game! She’s trying to help!”
“I don’t want her fucking help! I never asked for it! She’s fixing a problem that she caused in the first place! The only ponies who’ve helped me are you and AJ.” My voice cracked. I was losing it again. But I tried to hold in my tears for another time. I was sure that I’d need them later. “She didn’t just hurt me, but she hurt you too.”
Twilight didn’t want to admit it. “No she didn’t.”
“Twilight! She lied to you!”
Silence returned to the library once again. The argument had reached its natural conclusion. The only words left to say were Twilight’s. She looked away, breaking eye contact with me as she tried to work out her own feelings. “I am upset. I didn’t know she…”
“…You did though.”
“Maybe I did. But what should I say?”
“You need to talk to her again Twilight. You need to tell her that this wasn’t okay. Because I can’t go up there and get into a fight with her.”
Harsh words, but they needed to be said. The pieces needed to be cleaned away. The house that we built together had been knocked down in mere moments. Celestia’s actions had caused genuine harm. At the end of all this I at least wanted her to know that. I wanted it to burn at the back of her mind for the rest of her existence on this planet. My anger couldn’t be used to fight – I needed to use it to speak.
But I knew that for Twilight it would be even harder. Confronting family for the mistakes they make is the hardest thing in the world. I wouldn’t want to do it. Hell, the thought of confronting Celestia again made my chest tighten in anxiety. I’d find a way to make sure that this would never again, I swore it on my life.
Twilight was in visible turmoil, but I would not offer her an easy way out, I would not offer her any further platitudes. She needed to confront it directly. Her teacher, her second mother, had done something that she found distasteful and remaining silent would only hurt her in the long run. Twilight needed to learn this. Favour with others is not an excuse. We all compromise with each other in many ways but Celestia had crossed one of Twilight’s lines without knowing it. Because she never considered how Twilight felt about the sleepless nights, and hours upon hours of research and preparation she did for my sake.
I wouldn’t let Twilight do it. Not when my own chances seemed to be slipping away by the second.
“Write a letter. Let her know. That’s your right.”
Twilight wiped her eyes and sighed, “I hoped I’d never have to do this.”
“But you can make it so that it never happens again. If she’s as reasonable as you say she is, she’ll learn one way or another.”
Learning by picking through the ashes of my life.
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
If you wanted a description from me about this story, it's that a lot of it is a war of words. Words that are sharpened and poke at the things we care about the most. Our identity, our family, our choices. This is not an action story, that much is obvious. But with a power imbalance like what faces Gerry, what is there to be done by one person?
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
Sorry for the long break between these chapters. Been a bit busy with another project in real life.
I noticed a continuity error, Mac already knew that Gerry was originally male when he asked about pronouns. "Honesty" has been adjusted slightly to reflect that. It's nothing major, you shouldn't need to go back and read it again.
Hangover
I did end up going out with Rainbow and AJ just to take my mind off things. Being stuck on the farm all the time was liable to make me stir crazy. It was a quiet tavern in the middle of town. There weren’t many other ponies there. We shot the shit for a few hours. Rainbow is an interesting pony. She has an abrasive personality that might rub a lot of people the wrong way, but she’s friendly enough to get away with it.
I might have drunk a little too much. I knew that I had to do some work the day after. A half-day at best. So I thought, what’s the harm? Like many of my decisions, fate and malice had collided in a particular way. Not only was I suffering from a throbbing headache and overly sensitive eyes, but my crotch area felt like I just sprinkled… something spicy into it.
What fresh hell had I entered? The answer was simple, I’d gone into heat.
Despite Applejack’s numerous warnings, I was simply not prepared for the fever that overcame my body. The dread I felt was not one of dysphoria, as it seemed that Celestia had taken care of that for me, but rather one of anxiety. I didn’t know how Equestria as a civilized society of animals would deal with it. Would it be like a human’s period? A fact of life that everybody ignores for politeness sake. Or would it compel the stallions around me into a sex fuelled rage, the likes of which would only be seen on the most dangerous parts of the web?
The burning itch in my crotch area was like a rash. I immediately called upon my most trusted advisor, Lady Applejack, for assistance. “AJ! I’m dying!”
Applejack wore her own face of imminent disaster as she strolled through my door at a leisurely gait, “Hold yer’ darn hay! I warned you about this!”
“I didn’t know it was going to happen today!”
“Yer’ like a little filly.”
I twisted under the covers as I tried in vain to find relief, “I may as well be! How am I supposed to deal with this?”
She shrugged. “…You get used to it.”
“What? Not even a bag of cold peas or anything?”
“Granny Smith don’t much like those Peas…” For God’s sake. There was something wrong with this family, “…Or oranges, or grapes, or pears.”
“For a mare with such a connection with fruit, she sure hates most of them.”
Applejack pulled me out of bed and smoothed out my mane. “Go take a cold shower, otherwise you’ll just have to make do. You’re a tough enough fella...”
I tried not to show it, but it was impossible. I reacted negatively to her using a masculine pronoun on me. It made me feel like a tremendous dick for a variety of complicated reasons. The effort it took for me to make such a statement in the first place, only to have to go back on it just a few days later. Most importantly though it reminded me that Celestia had fucked me over again.
“…Or mare.”
“Ugh. Everything’s fucked up. I can’t believe she did that. Especially to Twilight.”
“Twilight only lost trust, you lost a lot more.”
I stretched myself out and grabbed a clean towel to dry myself with, “I don’t think a cold shower is going to help.”
“I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you buddy. Get yourself clean.”
I followed the doctor’s orders and blasted myself with a stream of cold water. It certainly took my mind of the itch I was feeling. But as soon as the water had run out and I’d dried my body, it came back with the same feeling as before. Applejack had advocated for what I could only call a placebo. I held my complaints close to my chest and went downstairs.
“Mac’s already out in the fields,” Applejack mumbled, a wood spoon held between her teeth.
“Is there anything I need to know?”
“Nah. Just don’t go bumping uglies with whichever stallion walks in your direction first and you’ll be right and fine. If a teenager can do it, so can you.”
“I never want to hear you say the term ‘bumping uglies’ again.” Applejack smiled and put out a plate of food for me. I sat down at the table and chowed down. Granny Smith was having a late morning, which was unusual. She was always up at the crack of dawn.
“Is Granny Smith okay? She’s usually awake and about by now.”
“I think she’s feelin’ a bit under the weather. She wants some bedrest.”
I cleaned off my plate and sat back in the chair. I really didn’t want to work in this condition, but would I come off as ungrateful if I asked AJ for a day off? I decided to do the worst of both instead. “Gee, I sure wish that was me right now.”
“I warned you not to drink so darn much. You got some serious hay for brains sometimes. This is nature’s way of saying that I was right.”
“Nature isn’t on your side AJ. What do I have left to do today? If I hurry up it’ll be over sooner.”
Applejack rattled off a list of menial tasks for me to handle. With a great amount of effort I staggered through the orchard and saw to them one by one. By the time I was done my head was splitting and my eyes were watering. It took around an hour, but it felt much longer than that. I caught a glimpse of Mac a few times while I was working, but I didn’t feel much like talking at the time.
Not that I had a choice in the matter, the man approached me himself. Mac was the type of pony who you talk at, not talk with. I’d extracted some longer discussions out of him before – but I’d never had him tell me anything not work related without my prompting.
“Ya’ll holding up?”
“No. I feel like death.” Mac frowned. Much to my joy – there wasn’t really a way for other ponies to tell when you were in season without asking. I still felt the need to say something tough. “I have a terrible hangover, and I’m currently experiencing how the other side feels, if you catch my drift.”
Mac’s eyes widened as he cottoned on to what I meant, “That’s… interesting.”
“I know. I mean… I didn’t really know much about heat before this whole ordeal anyway.”
“Every mare goes into heat eventually… You had any luck changing back?”
“No, the exact opposite actually.”
“How’d you mean?”
“I don’t know. Princess Celestia got involved and she just made things worse. Now I don’t even know if I’d want to change back – you know? If she offered on the spot right now, which she can’t. I don’t think anyone can change me back. So she decided to make my mind fit the body so to speak.”
“...Huh.”
“So I’m like, a full mare now.”
Mac looked concerned, rightfully so. “That don’t sound too right.”
“It’s not. Twilight was furious, and they haven’t even seen each other since. She didn’t tell her a single thing about it, she just manipulated her because she thought it was for the best.” Mac shook his head. “I got thinking that, if there was no way to go back, maybe Celestia was right though.”
“Ain’t you just saying that because she wants you to?”
“True. Maybe it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. What I don’t want is to near vomit every time I see myself in the mirror. She took something from me, she took my choice. But a lot of people don’t get choices for things much worse than this.”
“I’d be mad.”
“I was too. But that boat’s sailed now. I’ve got to deal with it. I guess I’m too much of a coward for anything else.”
Mac seemed upset, “Just you wait a sec. You’ve been nothing but brave since you showed up here. Putting honesty first, helping out on the farm, you wanted to go to Canterlot to get answers, didn’t you?”
“Thanks Mac. Seriously,” I patted him on the back, he was kind of sweaty though. “I’ve given up.”
It was harsh but true. What was there left for me to try? Celestia and Twilight’s relationship was on ice. Twilight seemed confident that it was simply impossible to do now since Celestia’s advice was bogus. I was content, but not happy, to sit back and relax for a while with my newly rewired brain. Maybe enjoy my work on the farm for once.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. Confronting Celestia again didn’t sound palatable to me, and it depended on whether Twilight wanted to see her again so soon anyway. I highly doubted that I could arrange an audience on my own.
“Don’t wanna’ hold you down with all this complicated stuff.”
Mac huffed out a blast of warm air, “You’ve been down on this farm long enough to talk with me and AJ. You’re part of the family.”
I laughed, “What? Just like that?”
“We’ve got hundreds of relatives, what’s a few more?” He chewed on his straw; his jaw set stiffly. “You ever got a problem, we’re here for ya’.”
I was never one for sappy stuff, I elbowed him in the side and laughed it off. “You just want me for my fantastic irrigation management.”
Mac wobbled slightly under the pressure, “AJ think’s it’s a mighty fine bonus.” I glanced down at one of the ditches I’d helped construct. The farm was already pretty sophisticated when I arrived – but the eye of a trained professional means there’s room for improvement. I was proud of that work. It had made life so much easier for them knowing that they didn’t have to worry about things like that anymore.
“It’s not a bonus, that’s what pays my room and board. Have to say though, real lucky I ended up in a town with so many farmers.”
“Did ya’ travel for work a lot?”
“I’d only just started. I took the first job I got offered, and I probably should have been pickier about them. The place was a total dump. Leaky roof, bad food, worse boss. In the middle of damn nowhere too, the only thing to do was work or get drunk off whatever the other guys snuck in. This town though, much nicer.”
Mac nodded along to my tale. I talked a bit more about my time on the old farm. The heat had been expelled from my mind somewhat. Mac was easy to talk to. He was frank if a bit quiet. He wasn’t judgemental about anything I had to say. He even took the heat thing in stride. Although he did live with an adult sister. He’d heard it a hundred times before.
“Back then I was sharing a rickety shithouse with ten other men. No privacy. Isn’t that crazy? I thought places like that were relegated to period novels and western movies.”
“This was back when you were still a stallion?”
“Yeah, all this body swapping stuff only started when I came here.”
“Okay.”
“There was one sink and one toilet, and a couple showers. It was always either too hot or too cold. And I didn’t exactly have fur to moderate things.”
“…You didn’t have fur?”
“Yeah, I was… well you wouldn’t know what I was. But I didn’t have fur!”
“Like a dragon?”
“I didn’t have scales. It was just skin, you know, like what you have under the fur?”
“Ah’ can’t imagine that.”
“You’d probably freak out if you saw it.”
“Nope.”
“You definitely would.”
“Nope.”
“I swear Mac.”
Stale air filled the halls of Canterlot castle. The seat of power in Equestria, home of it’s twin Princesses. Twilight had not delayed like I expected her to. Perhaps in her own mind she needed answers now before the anger she felt dissipated. I say that because she was not in a forgiving mood. Twilight had been mumbling her plan of verbal attack to herself for hours.
I was surprised when she showed up bright and early at the farm, but the letter she held in her magic told the tale. Twilight had been writing to Celestia like I’d asked. But there was a lot that simply couldn’t be put across through words on paper. Twilight had decided that we needed to go speak with Celestia again.
I agreed but the prospects of me turning back were well and truly spent. I knew that there would be no easy outs at this point. In a sense I only went for Twilight’s sake. She needed to confront Celestia herself, because she’d violated her trust in a way that she’d never expected. Me on the other hand, my one and only experience with her seemed to be her fucking with me.
“So this is the final showdown.”
Twilight frowned, “What do you mean?”
“You know, we’ll confront her in the throne room, she throws some magic spells at us, and we’ll work together to find a way to beat her…”
“…I’ve never once seen Celestia fight with anypony.”
I crossed my arms, “Well that’s good because I was joking.”
“It’s just that she did such a horrible thing to you. I would have thought that you’d try to get revenge.”
“Revenge? What kind of revenge’d that be? Beat her up? The immortal goddess and ruler of an entire country? Report her to the police? Do you people even have police?”
“Uh, in the bigger cities…”
“Well, I doubt they’re going to fucking show up and slap some hoofcuffs on her. I hope that’s what they’re called. Or maybe I’ll tattle to her fucking sister.” Twilight tried to distract herself by looking out of the window, but she understood my point. I wasn’t Arnold Schwarzenegger. I was a large pony who dug through shit and kicked trees for a living.
“It’s not fair.”
“After this, I never want to talk about it again.”
“But! What? We need to change you back!”
“It’s too late. This game’s over.” Twilight said nothing as we pulled into the station at Canterlot.
We hopped off the train and walked to the castle gates, there were a pair of guards waiting to escort us to the room where Celestia was waiting. It was a comfortable room adorned with pillows and purple fabric, an odd place if any for the climax of this conflict. I didn’t say a word, I was waiting for Twilight to say her piece.
“Princess…”
Celestia gave a pleasant smile tinged with a sense of unease. There was a hesitation to it that suggested that she thought such pleasantries were in fact inappropriate given the situation. “Twilight. Have a seat.”
We sat our little pony flanks down on a pair of pillows. Celestia towered over us. She laid out a letter on the table. I hadn’t read what Twilight had sent. But I was about to get an earful of it. Twilight took a breath to steady herself.
“I’m so angry at you. All the things you taught me, about being open, caring about others. You threw that all away. I thought that after what happened with Princess Luna, you’d know better. But I was being naïve, some habits are too hard to change. The way you reacted to Gerry is out of line. I want to know what you were thinking when you manipulated me like this.”
Celestia remained stoic as she explained herself. “In my haste to prevent the death of another – I did not consider the consequences of my actions. Knowing that there was no way back, not even using my own magic, I concealed the truth from you to spare your feelings.”
Twilight nearly leapt over the table, “You didn’t spare anyone’s feelings! You used me!”
“And for that I apologize Twilight.”
“You didn’t trust me enough to know. But you didn’t even know the danger that you put Gerry into. Not from loneliness, but from himself. You split him in two.”
I nodded. Celestia’s mouth was a thin line, she wasn’t used to being put under this kind of pressure.
“I already told you why that spell should have been left buried, yet you ignored my advice, and Gerry’s wishes, and used it anyway! What would you have done if things went wrong Princess? I can’t believe that you of all ponies would do this!”
Celestia had never expected to be confronted by her own student in such a way. The meek, shy mare who had avoided making friends and enemies in equal measure, standing up for someone against her! She didn’t know how to feel, and I can only speculate. Was it pride? After all, this was the place where Celestia wanted her to be the entire time. To find something to care about.
“A while ago Twilight brought it up to me. And I told her that I didn’t want it to happen, because I valued myself and the things that I was. The thought of turning myself fully into a pony, a female one. No. It wasn’t a thought, it was a feeling. Something as obvious as breathing. I didn’t want it. But it happened anyway. The thing is, now I feel the same way about turning back.
“Do you realize how that works Princess?” I continued, “Two wrongs did make a right, but I don’t have to be happy about it. I don’t have to accept it. And that doesn’t mean that it was the just thing to do.”
Celestia and Twilight shared a glance that spoke more than words ever could.
“You’ve wronged me in so many ways. You made me endure horrible things and then took my choice away when I wanted so desperately for it to be fixed. I’ve become what I didn’t want to. I also don’t want to go back. I’m back to normal, a normal that I didn’t choose, but a normal nonetheless.”
“Didn’t you want to stay… you?” Twilight asked.
“I am still me. I’m all the piss and thunder that I was a few months ago. I still remember.” Celestia made a motion to speak, but I held up my hoof and stopped her. “I don’t want your apologies. I want you to say it. And I want you to promise to never do anything like this again, not ever. Even when it tears you up so badly inside – because you won’t feel one tenth of what I felt.”
Celestia did not look away, “I was wrong.” It wasn’t spoken with hesitation. Celestia had made up her mind about the issue the moment I’d finished my piece. “As old as I am, there are things that even I do not know. I hurt you to placate only myself.”
“…Good.”
“If your desire is to stay as you are, even still. I do not know what more I can do to compensate you.”
“I don’t want compensation or pity. I’m going to keep going in spite of you, not thanks to you. And stop badgering Mac about me – it’s embarrassing.”
“I merely wished to see how you were adjusting…”
“I merely wished for you to keep your damn snout of my fucking business. I’m not a toy. Anything else Twilight?”
I knew that there’d be no easy answers. There was no way back now, the damage was irreparable. But at the least Celestia seemed to understand on some level what I was talking about. She was a complete fuckup. I shouldn’t have been surprised that she didn’t even think through her own meddling to the end. She’d fallen from the competency tree and hit every branch on the way down. She didn’t even understand the mental implications of changing someone against their will until I told her…
“Wait, I have one more thing. Don’t think that you can go doing this to other people just because you have an easy way out now. You basically brainwashed me.” Celestia closed her eyes and didn’t open them until I was done. I’d gathered momentum on my scolding and didn’t want to stop now. “Because I don’t know if in a few years I’m enduring a new kind of self-horror imposed by you. When the contradictions about myself get too evident. Because I still remember every little thing about myself – can those two people live in the same body? Will I go back to square one?”
Her purple eyes opened again, “Yes. I understand.”
“There’s no recourse for me outside of what you grant. I want you to think about that the next time you do something like this. The only consequence you face is the one you choose. Because you live in a privileged position, all the power and wealth in the world is yours. You won’t be tried in a court of law, and you’ll never be abandoned by the people around you. And how am I supposed to know that you’re even taking in what I’m saying? I don’t. How do I know that you feel bad about this? Do you?”
“Yes. It is as you say. That is the reality of my being. I will not wilt from age; I am the highest authority in the land. I know that imbalance all too well. The only reckoning I face is my own.”
Twilight stared down at the table. Her bravado had left her minutes ago between my own verbal assault. “I’ll keep sending you my reports. But… I don’t know if I can tell you everything anymore. You breached my trust, something I thought I’d earned. I thought you’d always be open with me at least.”
This was the stake that drove at Celestia’s heart. I knew that my own words wouldn’t have the same impact that hers would. She wavered, “Twilight…”
“Gerry is my friend too. And I need to stand up for him! Even if it’s you. In fact, because it’s you. I need to say something for him. Would he even be here if I didn’t ask? What would his recourse be? Where would his justice come from? Would it end at the gates of this castle?”
“…Perhaps.”
“Then… you need to think. About the ponies you look after. I know you care more than anything else. Someone who wouldn’t, wouldn’t do all this. But even if you care that doesn’t mean you can see the harm you might be causing. You hurt Gerry and you didn’t even know. And you wouldn’t have known if he wasn’t my friend.”
Celestia had a bitter pill to swallow. “I’m still angry,” I concluded. “But now there’s nothing left to do or say. I’ve had my moment.” I rose from my place and left the room. Twilight said a hurried goodbye and followed me. The doors slammed shut and we were alone again.
“…That went well!” I chirped. Twilight wasn’t having my fake enthusiasm. Her eyes grew red with bloodshot mania.
“What a complete disaster! She probably hates me now!”
“I think hate is a strong word Twilight.”
“She’s never going to talk to me again!”
Sounded good to me. The sooner I got out of Canterlot the better. My discomfort has only been enhanced by my heat. I was afraid that Celestia would bite my head off. Although that wouldn’t make much sense, considering the extreme lengths she’d taken to pre-emptively preserve my life. I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of person the other human, or humans, were. Did they all die in such a way? Isolated from their own society?
Or was it something more personal to Celestia. She took everything personally that happened under her watch, but even so – maybe she had a closer connection to the human than I originally thought. She wasn’t above getting emotionally involved in matters that was for sure.
“Twilight, she’s probably happy that you stood up to her for once. Didn’t she send you down to Ponyville so you could, you know, grow up a little? Make some friends?”
“Yes. That’s right. But, are you sure?”
“Twilight, what did I say when we get off the train?”
Twilight opened her mouth to speak again but stopped herself before any sound escaped. I was just trying to comfort myself. The road was closed. There was no way to go further than she had already – that was what I’d like to think. That fantasy was better than the reality of facing the same choice again. I didn’t want it, I genuinely didn’t want it, but Celestia sabotage had throw me onto the other side of the fence.
Now I was a woman, who didn’t want to be a man. Not just because there wasn’t an easy transformation back on the other wise of it. After all the complaining, and self-harm, and resistance to subscribing to any feminine norm. It had all been undone with a single spell, a spell that Twilight had only mentioned in passing to someone she thought she could trust. It had angered me. I couldn’t pretend that it hadn’t. Celestia had violated my right to choose my own path, without even the slightest hint of knowing what the consequences were.
Natural disaster.
Did Celestia have feelings under her practiced façade? Or were they dead and gone long before I’d arrived in Equestria? I wasn’t malicious enough to think that. Not honestly anyway. It was the kind of thought that would stray through my mind during outbursts of anger. I preferred to think that any person, no matter how long lived, could still feel something for the world after it all. Her dignity was for the sake of others, I was sure that hysteria lay somewhere underneath. We boarded the train and made a quick escape from the capital city before she beheaded us for our insolence.
Perhaps having the last word was good enough.
The rocking of the train carriage did nothing to distract my mind, “I’m a fucking idiot.” My chest heaved as a well of emotion swelled up inside me, I couldn’t help it. I started bawling on the train like a toddler.
“Gerry?” Twilight was beside me, but her attempts to calm me were fruitless. This was something that I needed to do for myself. I’d been holding it in for too long.
“I miss them. I miss my old life. It sucked but it was mine! And now it’s gone.” Twilight reserved any further comfort until my tears dried, luckily there was no one else in the carriage to see it. My cheeks burned with embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. Everypony… cries sometimes.”
I exhaled, long and hard. “I don’t know what to do now. Like, if I’m giving up on going home, what am I supposed to do with myself?”
“…What anypony else does. You’ve got things to do, so you should try to enjoy them. This isn’t any different from what was happening before Gerry. You’re in control. So… do what you want.”
“What I want?”
“Yeah! Sometimes I go and do what I want, even if it seems a bit mean.”
I leaned against the window and looked at the rolling mountains below us. I was on the edge of the world; it was up to me if I wanted to jump.
“Twilight… thank you for everything.”
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
Remember a while ago when I said that this was a disaster story? I didn't go into writing Adjustment with the idea that any one person could be responsible, but over time I worked in a plot about Celestia being involved and here we are now in these author's notes justifying my decisions in a damage control measure.
I myself feel a bit responsible for the way that people have reacted to the "conflict" between Celestia and Gerry. This was a battle that was only ever going to end one way, and I hope that I put across how that felt to Gerry and Twilight in this chapter. Twilight's relationship with Celestia has been irreparably changed for better or worse, and Gerry is now at a new crossroads in life which we'll explore in the next few chapters.
I suppose I have a thing for complicated relationships with authority that involve transformation. Cough, The King and I cough. Although that one has a lot more direct action in it and also a bit of porn.
I know this chapter will upset some people - but I hope it's in a good way. Your empathy for Gerry as a character etc. I hope that you understand my perspective on this. I could have easily given Gerry some way of striking back at Celestia. Getting her in trouble, attacking her, but I didn't. I'm going to stick to my guns by publishing this chapter. This is the conclusion to this conflict that I wanted to make - not with a bang, but with a word.
Of course the story isn't quite over yet, and perhaps Gerry's actions will have consequences that outlive him. I hope you'll stick with me because we're nearly there.
I was underground. The only vista I’d been permitted was dirt and mud. The squirming worms of the undergrowth. Twisted roots that reached out like the fingers of witches. I’d left. In many senses I’d left. Left the Apples, left Twilight, left the prison that Twilight had built for me. I’d looked over the cliff that led down the mountainside and thought about all the things that I wanted to do but never could.
Was it fair? No, life is unfair. Life is like war. There’s no such thing as a fair battle. There’s always someone who has the upper hoof on you. There’s always something that’s going to go wrong. The concentration of force means that the powerful will remain powerful. The first casualty of war was your preparation. At least, that’s how I remember the saying going. I’d lost something.
I’d broken my fucking shovel.
“Toffee! You nearly done down there partner?”
The midday sun beat down on my back. They weren’t kidding when they said the weather was unforgiving over here. Not even my handiwork provided enough shade to protect me. A voice called in the distance, I pulled myself away from the task at hoof and clambered over the steep dirt banks that surrounded me on all sides. Awaiting me at the top was a lean stallion wearing a ten-gallon hat. “Braeburn, it’ll be done when it’s done partner .”
“Ah’ swear, I’ve seen skunks with a longer temper than you.”
I laughed because it was true, “It’s nearly done. Then you’ll be welcomed to the modern age with, uh, just about every other farm in this town.”
He huffed, “Ain’t much of a competitive edge if everypony has it.”
“Ain’t much of a job if I only do it for family and friends.”
“I get you.” Braeburn kicked up some dust with his hoof and looked down into the ditch, he whistled and nodded. “Mighty impressive work for just one mare! You’re like a team of three.”
I glanced over to my once intact custom-made shovel, “This body’s good for something at least. Anyway, all this work keeps me in nice rooms and full meals. So I’m not complaining.”
“…I thought you’d avoid me.”
“Heh. Why?”
“Since you left the farm and all.”
“I wasn’t running away from the Apple family. I just wanted to do something myself for once. See Equestria with my own eyes.”
And see it I had. I’d been just about everywhere that the trains went to, and some placed they didn’t. Nearly every major town and city on the continent. It had been an interesting experience, it reminded me of backpacking during my gap year. And it had taken nearly a year, several months had passed since I started.
“I know plenty of ponies who’d rather avoid our family reunions, we get really enthusiastic about that kinda’ thing.”
“If they decide to invite me, I’ll come on over.”
“Ya’ll know that AJ and them think you’re part of the family. I’d be right shocked if they didn’t invite you.”
I packed away my tools and followed Braeburn to the house. One perk of the job was that many farmers had spare rooms in spades, meaning that I could cheap out on paying rent and still get paid for digging these ditches. “I guess we’re pretty close to Ponyville now. I’ve been nearly everywhere.”
“You planning on heading back?”
“Sure. Once I wrap up around here – I’ll go pay my friends a visit. I’m sure they’re worried about me.”
“I saw Mac a few weeks ago when I went over, he asked about you.”
I was used to being doted on by the Apple family. I’d ended up meeting most of them during my journey. Equestria was the friendliest damn place in the universe. Crime was almost unheard of, never mind getting attack in the streets or wilderness.
“I think I can scare off most ponies without much of a problem.”
“AJ’d probably disagree. But just so you know, I think so too. You’re bigger than most stallions.” Braeburn stopped in place and held a hoof across his mouth, “No offence!”
“None taken. In fact, I take pride in my size in a weird way. It makes me different.” The farmhouse at Braeburns was much barer than the one I was used to. It had only been built recently, alongside most of the town that it resided in. Prime real estate for an irrigation expert to swoop in and have a few free meals. It hadn’t been lived in yet, the paint was barely dry. I’d put a solid bet on generations of the family finding their own meaning in it with time.
Braeburn had hired on some young stallions to give him a hoof while he was getting started. They were waiting on the porch as we approached. One of the stallions, Hard Graft, spoke first, “Hey boss, we done for the day?”
“Yup. Mighty fine work out there pal. Ya’ll heading down to the hootenanny in town?” I never thought that I’d hear somebody say hootenanny in earnest, but Equestria had a way of surprising me.
“Sure are. Are you two coming over too?”
“As long as there’s cider,” I grinned.
“Hey, Graft, look out for this mare, she’ll drink you under the table.”
“Are you sure she’s a mare?”
“Do you stare at the sun and ask if it’s the sun?” I sniped. “It’d explain your inability to recognize things at close range.”
“Woah, woah! Let’s keep it friendly okay?” Braeburn stepped in. “We’ll all go down together and have a few drinks.” We all agreed and went our separate ways, I needed a shower.
The town, which was usually a desolate and isolating place, had come to life when I wasn’t looking. Coloured lanterns hung from every available surface, stalls selling food and presenting various rigged games lined the streets, and just about every soul in a fifty-mile radius had turned out to see it for themselves. Even some of the buffalo had come down – who seemed to be Equestria’s equivalent of native Americans, which implied that the ponies were some variety of settlers. Questions for another day I suppose.
Braeburn dragged me by the darn neck to the nearest cider seller and shoved a tankard into my hooves without a word. “Drink up cuz!”
“I’ve been promoted to a cousin now?” I gasped in mock indignation, before downing as much of the drink as I could. He’d need to buy me a few more if he wanted to knock my huge body silly. The alcohol content of this stuff was too damn low.
I was having fun. Ponyville had an air to it, it felt like a prison to me. I didn’t have the freedom to do what I wanted. So I left. I needed to go see if there was something better out there for me. I’d go back one day; it was just a question of when I’d gotten my fill of freedom. So much freedom that I’d get sick and tired of it. I’d vomit at the thought of experiencing any more. Wandering was interesting, but I felt that plateau approaching me. I’d met a lot of fantastic people in a lot of amazing places, but I wanted to be familiar with someplace. And Ponyville was where my true friends were.
Hard Graft tapped me on the shoulder, “Hey, you wanna’ walk with me?”
“If you buy me another cider.”
The stallion ponied up a few bits and got me another. “Thank you kindly.” He led me through the bustling crowds to a dance floor. A band was enthusiastically playing some variety of country music. I knew what he was trying to do, I’d lived this at least fifty times in the past months. I let him come out with it though. I’d come off like a real asshole if I got in his face about it.
“You got a stallion?”
I let the question hang for a moment, sipping from the wooden cup, “No.” He breathed out in relief.
“You know, I kinda’ have a thing for you.”
I squinted as the ponies danced and swirled in front of me. “Is that so.” The cider had lubed up the wheels of awkward flirting and I was the primary target. “Even though I’m bigger than you?”
“Uh, sure.” The hesitation told me everything I needed to know. “You don’t actually like me that much, do you?”
He frowned, “What?”
“Alright, let me put it like this – I’ve been to a few fancy parties recently, and you know what happens at every single one?”
“No.”
“Some well meaning fella’ walks up and talks about how beautiful and non-conventional I look. He’s giving me the business you know? The hard sell on how he wants to have a dance with me, and how he can make me happy or whatever.” He nodded along with my story. “But when you start poking at them, when you start explaining yourself, that’s when the trouble starts.
“I know what I’m like. I’m not a normal mare, not really. I’m huge, I don’t like dresses or gossip, and that’s pretty much the only thing ponies do in high society! They try buttering me up because they think I’m a challenge. I can turn that manly mare into a real woman!”
Hard Graft interrupted, “Okay. But uh, I’ve seen that side of you.”
“We’ve only known each other for two weeks Graft. Everypony expects a blushing filly with a soap clean mouth and a burning desire to stay at home and raise the foals. I’m not any of those things. That stallion at the dance nearly slapped the tongue out of my muzzle after what I said to him.”
“Really?”
“Buck him. I’ll do whatever I damn well please.”
“…Okay.” The guy looked so bummed out that I had to clarify to make him feel a bit better.
“I’m just messing with you Graft. I’m not staying in Appleloosa much longer. I have friends and family somewhere else. And it’s been a long time since I last saw ‘em.”
“I bet you do have a fella’ waiting for you!” he objected, “You just don’t want to say it.”
“Psh. No way. Romance is the last thing on my mind, buried underneath all of that knowledge about digging irrigation…”
“Buck you, at least invite me to the wedding.”
I laughed and patted him on the back, “Give me your address and I’ll mail it to you.”
“You’re heading back soon?”
“When this job is done. I’ve spread my magic to every farm in town. It’s been fun, but I can’t live like a vagrant forever. Only so many farms in the world.”
“Things are always changing; you could keep going.”
“No. I got out of Ponyville because I didn’t like it. But now I feel nostalgic, guess all the drama made me miss how much I liked it there.”
“True. Appleloosa is a darn sight better than it was just a few years ago. There used to be nothing here but sand and dirt. But I stuck with it. Now I wouldn’t trade it for nothing.”
“Except big mares, apparently.”
He looked over his shoulder, “I ain’t got no big mare thing going on. Zip that muzzle before Braeburn hears you, he’ll never let me hear the end of it.” I polished off the last of my drink and left it on top of a random barrel, they’d find it later.
“It makes me nervous though. I wonder what they’ll think of me when I go back. My mane got a lot longer.” And I was a lot more confident in my own identity – but that wasn’t something you could see from the outside. I’d been raising hell for a good reason. To prove to myself that I was still me. To get away from Celestia and everyone else and just let it all out into the open.
It had worked. The magic that Celestia had laced into my mind had erased any trace of dysphoria, for better or worse. But the real dread came from the thought of not having any choice anymore. I was afraid of being influenced by the people around me. So I separated myself from them. I was ready to go back. I’d had my fun. I’d done all of the things that I used to enjoy doing and enjoyed them still.
“It’s wild,” Graft sniffed, “Do you even brush that thing?”
“It’s impossible. It’s too curly.”
“Get yourself a heavy-duty comb cuz,” Braeburn ambushed us from behind, an arm around each shoulder, “You two lovebirds done talking each other’s ear off?”
I watched as a stallion struggled to keep his drink down on the edge of the floor as a nervous mare overlooked him, “Very romantic. Takes me back to my school days.” Oops. He couldn’t hold it in. Somebody get a mop and the sawdust. “Let’s have a good night though. It’ll be the last you have with me. I’m catching the next train back.”
“That’s why you were packing?”
I smiled, “Don’t be sad that it’s over, be glad that it happened.”
“…Ain’t you just a ray of sunshine,” Braeburn grumbled, “I ain’t gonna’ be mourning you any time soon. You got a head full of hot air.”
The ill stallion was dragged away by his friends. That was going to be me soon. “Drinks are on me. This time.”
Graft smirked, “That’s more like it.”
“Let’s have a drink off Brae.”
“What the hay? I’m too young to die!”
“Come on, live a little.” He wailed in protest as me and Graft dragged him back to the bar.
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
Nearly there.
Ponyville’s train station rarely saw such an assembly of bodies. It was a quiet town and the number of ponies coming and going fluctuated from week to week. Twilight, Applejack, Big Mac, Rainbow Dash and Rarity had come to welcome home a friend. For good measure Fluttershy and Pinkie came along too. That’s what I pictured in my mind anyway. I didn’t know what they were thinking. Were they anxious about seeing me again? Or happy that I completed my journey unscathed?
The train rattled to a stop. I didn’t look out of the window on arrival. I could avoid any unnecessary disappointment if nobody was there that way. I unlatched the door, grabbed my suitcase, and stepped down onto the wooden floor. Of course they were all there – this was the kind of thing that you could convince half the town to show up for, even if they didn’t know you.
“I’m back.”
Twilight pulled me into a quick hug as the rest of the group gathered around me, “Did you have a nice trip?” she asked.
“It was good. Really eye opening.”
Applejack was trying hard not to cry in front of me. She pulled off her hat and covered her eyes, “Happy to have you back partner.” Rainbow swooped in and tried to snatch it from her, “Hey! Hooves off girl!”
“How about we go get something to eat and I can tell you all about it?” The group led me through the town. Nothing had changed, not that I expected it to. I’d only been gone for a few months, but back home that was an entire lifetime. Equestria moved at a much slower pace than that. Pinkie had taken the chance to plug her own workplace and reserved us a table.
“I should ask if anything happened around here while I was gone.”
Rainbow snickered, “There’s always something happening in Ponyville. Isn’t that right Twilight?”
Twilight blushed and gave off a nervous laugh, “Sure is.” Twilight had a bit of a reputation for being involved in most of the mayhem that happened thanks to her magical studies, not the kind of mayhem that killed anyone at least. Sat at the table with several pairs of expectant eyes on me, the words left me. I didn’t know how to start.
“Uh. How do you cram seven months in an hour?”
“I don’t know, you tell us,” Applejack sighed.
“You’ve been to these places too right? I was just working with Braeburn the other day.”
“Down in Appleloosa.”
“Exactly. I went to all the big towns, and some of the small ones. Met a lot of ponies and did a lot of hard work.”
Mac was conspicuous by his silence. I’d gotten to know him as a much more talkative person over the average pony. I didn’t know if he suffered from anxiety around others, but he remained silent even as Rainbow and Twilight picked my brain for every little detail on my journey. I worked my way through every interesting story that I’d collected over the following hour until the girls were satisfied.
“I think that’s just about everything.”
“I think it’s rather impressive,” Twilight mused, “Some of the worldly scholars that I know haven’t gone so far as to travel to every town.”
“I mean, they weren’t all that interesting. I skipped a few.”
The conversation had wound down again, so Fluttershy took her moment to say her goodbyes. “I-I have to go and feed the animals, it was nice seeing you again,” Fluttershy mumbled.
“Don’t be a stranger,” I said as she floated away. Fluttershy was the one friend in the group that I hadn’t spent much time with. I knew the basic things about her, like her love of animals, or her shy demeanour, but not much beyond that.
Applejack eyed my bag, “How many bits did you make in the end?”
“A full year’s work, minus travel expenses. I’m probably halfway to my own house. I haven’t counted properly in a while. I got lazy on keeping track.” I hefted the case onto the table and opened the clasps, revealing several small foldable tools and brown sacks which contained my riches. One convenience of being a horse was that you didn’t need to bring clothes with you.
“Is that so.”
“But I already got a place to stay, don’t I?”
Applejack rolled her eyes, “You knew what I was getting’ at the whole time.”
“Sharp as a tack. Unless you don’t want my freeloading flank at the farm this time?”
“Freeloading?” Mac said, “You did plenty.”
“And Granny Smith isn’t getting any younger. A pair of extra hooves can’t hurt.” Applejack held out a hoof. I met her halfway.
“I’m re-hired then.”
With matters of practicality out of the way, it was only a matter of time before Twilight would ask the question on the remaining reveller’s minds. “Did you find what you were looking for?” I took a deep breath.
“I think so. I had a lot of time to think when I was going places. I’m ready to be normal. As normal as I want to be.”
“…I haven’t talked with the Princess much.”
“Much?”
“A few letters when something important happened. We used to talk about a lot more though. I don’t… I don’t trust her. Not right now.”
“That’s perfectly understandable.”
“But it’s frustrating because I feel like you’ve taken it better than I have.”
I shook my head, “Twilight I went on a seven-month sabbatical because of this. I wanted to get out of Ponyville and at the start I thought that I might never come back.”
“I’m right glad you did come back,” Applejack interrupted.
“I have friends here. So I guess it was inevitable. I was just upset. I felt like I had to make a decision for myself, because ever since I showed up here, I was getting kicked from pillar to post.”
“You feel better about it now?”
“I didn’t find anything I liked better. Call it Stockholm syndrome if you want.”
Pinkie rubbed her head, “Stock-what what what?”
“Uh, it’s nothing, just a term I picked up.”
The party wound down, with Pinkie and Rarity making their own exit from the bakery. It was nice seeing everyone again, but they had their own chores to do. The rest of the gang escorted me through the middle of town. A few familiar faces welcomed me back. It was nice to live in a town with friendly people. You’d never get this kind of community back home.
I was back to where I started. Living in the same house and working the same job. I had a new perspective on it though. All of those things weren’t things I hated. I liked AJ and Mac a lot, and it was nice living with other people again. I’d associated them with the bad times. There were a lot of them, but that didn’t mean I had to ignore the good things too.
Good things. Good things. If I repeated it enough it’d become true. I needed to be positive. I’d put a part of myself into a box and locked it away. There was no good to be found in crying about it now. I was confident in my belief that there was no way back. Twilight had driven herself mad, and Celestia hadn’t even tried.
We came to the front gate of the orchard. “Go on without me, I just want a word with Twilight.”
Applejack nodded, “Alright. Don’t take too long, Bloom’s bouncing off the walls waiting for you.” Mac and AJ left me alone.
“You don’t have to do anything for my sake Twilight. If you want to start talking to Celestia again…”
“No. It’s something that needs to be done,” Twilight spoke with resolution, “She won’t learn if I just let her back into my life so easily. She abused my trust and hurt a friend. I don’t want to reward her for it.”
“…Do you think I gave up too easily?”
“I can’t say Gerry. It’s your choice. I don’t know how it felt, if you think it’s the right thing to do, then that’s all that matters.”
“I was looking for a contrary opinion to be honest. It’d make me feel better.”
Twilight looked away, “I’m not going to tell you what to do Gerry. Haven’t you had enough of that?”
“Good point. I mean, I was just looking for a friend to insult me.”
“I don’t get it.”
“I don’t either.”
Twilight looked like she desperately wanted to say something to me. But she couldn’t. At the time I didn’t know what it was. In the end she held her tongue and turned to leave, “It’s good to have you back Gerry.”
“Just call me Toffee, everybody else does.” I didn’t see her face. But I’m sure that it wasn’t a pretty sight. I didn’t have any regrets though, not anymore. I’d see this stupid life through to it’s end, no matter what may.
Months passed, in a way that they hadn’t when I was travelling. On the road you didn’t think so much about how much time you whittled away, keeping yourself occupied with where you’re going to sleep for the night, or where the best place to eat will be. Stability brings boredom. I was busy, but it wasn’t exactly high adventure. I knew what I was getting into when I returned. This was the normal pace of life. You couldn’t live out on the rails forever. Eventually reality would arrive and show it’s ugly head. Then you’d need a roof to sleep under and a job to keep you occupied.
And keeping occupied was something that I was good at. I settled into a routine. Wake up early, go out to work in the orchard, or if I were lucky, I could visit one of the other nearby farms and give them a helping hoof with whatever needed doing. In a sense everything had gone back to normal. Even before I left, I’d been living this life for months. But while I liked to imagine that I could just pause everything for when I was ready, I couldn’t control the feelings of other people so easily.
Which is why Mac was waiting for me by the trees.
“Mac, what are you doing up here?”
“…I wanted to talk with you.”
“Is it important?”
“Yup.”
“It’s about what you said to me isn’t it? I know.”
“I don’t right care much for how you used to be, that ain’t the Toffee that I know. I don’t care if you used to be a stallion. I like you how you are.” From anybody else I’d dismiss it, but Mac had known me long enough for his words to have their own weight. I didn’t know if I was ready for romance, I didn’t even know if I liked stallions. I’d certainly never thought about being with one. Celestia came to mind and I shook my head.
“I can’t do it Mac. Not right now.”
“…Why not?”
“…I don’t want… I don’t want her to win.”
Mac frowned; he didn’t understand what I meant. I didn’t really understand what I meant. It was a stupid thought to have, an irrational fear of something that I’d made up. But I couldn’t discard it now that I’d thought of it. Celestia probably thought it was economical. She was laughing it up in her throne room that instant. I was sure. Killing two birds with one stone.
“Come back to me with it.”
“Huh?”
“Let’s have this exact same talk next week. I’ll give you a proper answer then.”
Mac nodded, his shaggy orange hair blowing in the breeze. “I’ll leave you to it.”
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
At some point, I began to wonder why Twilight was so willing to put up with my bullshit. I’d come down to the library to complain about everything all the damn time, the only respite being when I wasn’t in town. I knocked on the door and let myself inside, it was still opening hours. Twilight was sat in her usual spot, buried in a pile of tomes that were each nearly as thick as my leg. She’d gotten interested in something again.
“Twilight, can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure, you can talk to me anytime Ger… Toffee.”
I sat next to her and stared at the wall of books across from me. What could I say to her? I wanted affirmation about something – but how could I phrase it in a way she’d understand? Coming out with the crux of the issue seemed like the easiest way, like jumping into a cold pool without dipping your toe inside first. Not that I had toes to dip anymore.
“Did Celestia brainwash me?”
Twilight slammed the book down, “What?”
“I was just wondering, you know.”
“Ponies tend to wonder about what they’re going to eat for lunch, not… that!”
“She did though.”
Twilight sighed, “She did. Didn’t you want to avoid talking about this again?”
“It’s hard not to. I was talking with Mac again.”
Twilight’s cheeks flushed slightly, “Oh. I see.”
Suddenly I felt very defensive, “Hey, wait, what the hell are you thinking about Twi?”
“I see how it is! You came to talk to me because he was hitting on you again. The subtleties of courtship may allude me on my best days, but I have read enough romance novels to know.”
“Oh for god’s sake.”
“Say it.”
I swallowed my pride, “Alright fine. I think Mac’s a great guy.”
Twilight clapped, “Well done.”
“There’s no need to be so smug about it.”
“Sorry. What was it that you wanted to talk about?”
I stood up and paced around the table to try and get my thoughts in order, “Well, let’s go back to my original question. Did Celestia brainwash me?”
“Yes. I think on an objective level she did.”
“So do you think she brainwashed me to like Big Mac?” It was the only thing I could think about when he spoke to me again. The way that Celestia had homed in on him during the Gala and asked about me. Her controlling personality, I couldn’t put it past her. Why not slip it another little spell with the other one to change more?
Twilight paused and genuinely gave the idea her time. Of course she then shot me down in the way that Twilight does, “I don’t think so.”
“How can we know?”
“We can’t really. You’re just going to drive yourself mad worrying about it though.”
“Helpful as usual.”
“As far as the Princess was concerned, the most pressing concern was to address your dysphoria. Despite what… happened. The Princess only takes action she considers appropriate.”
“And if she considered hooking me and Mac up as appropriate?”
Twilight bit her lip, “I like to think better of her, even now.”
I threw up my hooves and yelled, “Do you think Mac cares one damn bit about old me? He only likes me now. It was really messed up, though I suppose it was partly my fault for insisting that we drop it.”
“I think he’s being supportive. Toffee, to be honest, we all only really know the current you. It’s not like we can split you into two and talk with both versions as the same time. If Mac says he likes you, even knowing that you used to be a stallion or whatever, you should just take it as honesty.”
“He wants Toffee.”
“You are Toffee. You were the one who wanted to drop Gerry and everything else. The only things we know about you are the things you tell us. You’re worrying yourself; you had the last word. This deal is over. Do what you want.”
“Just like that?”
“Weren’t you the one who said it didn’t matter? Unless you changed your mind. Celestia hasn’t had the poor sense to mention it since, not to me. What kind of victory is one where she lives in your head for the rest of your life, worrying if your choices are really your own and stopping yourself from doing things you want because of it? She’s just controlling you indirectly!”
I could see the logic in her words. But I’d separated this particular choice from everything else. At one point or another I’d wondered if I was really attracted to Mac, even before Celestia cast the spell on me. I’d never been in a position to express interest in a man before. If Celestia had control over my sexuality, she’d defaulted me. That was a can of worms that I didn’t want to open.
“Fucking shit, fuck this.”
“That part of you hasn’t changed…”
Tree, Mac. Back at it again a week later. I’d stewed in my own misery for long enough. He flicked his tail impatiently as I took a moment to gather my thoughts. I settled on an eloquent and to the point opening attack.
“Fucking hell, why do you like me of all ponies?”
Mac blinked, “Uh. I just do. Do I need a reason?”
“Even though I was a man, and not even a pony.”
“I don’t see why that matters.”
“It matters to me.”
“Well I ain’t forcing you to do nothin’ you don’t want to Toffee. Just say no.”
Twilight and Mac were right. I could only present myself in the way that I chose. Mac liked me because he knew me as I was. The cranky, foul-mouthed tomboy who worked on his farm. Aside from being a mare, I was the same as I was back home. Things change. I changed. In a million small ways that I couldn’t see at the time.
“…I want you to be completely honest with me, did Celestia ask you anything else when you saw her at the gala?”
“Nope.”
“I was worried that she’d put you up to this.”
“She didn’t say nothing else. She just asked me how you were doing.” It was up to me to decide whether that question was malicious or innocent, “Is that what you’re worried about?”
“Partly.”
“…What’s the trouble? I know you and her ain’t on the best terms. That’s what I got from Twilight and AJ anyway.”
“Because it turns out the reason I turned into a mare in the first place was her fault. And not content to screw me over once, she did it again by using Twilight.”
“That’d do it…”
“So I started to worry about what else she’s done with my life. I wanted to know if she influenced you somehow.”
Mac was a straightforward man, so I expected a straightforward answer, “I don’t know. Maybe I don’t want to know.” I didn’t get one. “I liked you for a long while though – if you’re sayin’ that all this started at the gala, I’d disagree.”
I supposed that his word was as good as I was going to get. If Mac insisted that he liked me before Celestia even knew then I wasn’t going to needlessly argue with him about it. It was one worry laid to rest at least.
“And you say you’re fine with it? Knowing all that. What if I randomly turn back one day?”
“…Well, that’d be strange.”
“It would, and it’s looking unlikely. But at the end, you have to accept me as I am. I understand that at least. You didn’t know me back then.”
“How long have we been living together? I know plenty,” he huffed, “Don’t go acting like we’re strangers, especially not to AJ or Bloom.”
“Sorry, I know. I ran off for a year because I wanted to get out of town for a while.”
“I’m not saying you have to be an Apple Toffee. You can be whatever you please.”
“It’s a bit late to be saying things like that, I didn’t go to college for all those years to wipe my ass with the paper. Listen, I don’t mind doing the things that I’ve been doing. I like working on a farm, I like all of you guys. It’s just that this Celestia business has been on my mind and I’m not sure if I can ever get closure on it.”
“There’s a lot of things you can never get answers for. That’s life. Sometimes things don’t end the way you want.”
“That’s what I’m trying to say,” I sighed, “I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with what happened here. But there’s nothing I can do about it now. I may as well get on with my life.”
“…And?”
I closed my eyes, “Fine. I’ll give you a date so I can scare you off. I don’t know if I’ll like it, but the only way is to try.”
Mac didn’t pump his hoof or jump for joy. I think that made me feel a bit better about it. He understood that I was hesitant to be involved with somebody else. I’m sure he celebrated when I couldn’t see him, but he was mindful enough to leave things as they were. One chance. He’d have one chance to wow me, to show me that I could enjoy dating a stallion.
It still didn’t feel right. There was a natural contradiction between my memories and my tolerance for certain things. Earlier I’d rolled my eyes at the thought of dating anyone, never mind a stallion. But now, post Celestia, it didn’t seem so unreasonable anymore.
“I promise that you won’t like me.”
“Yup.”
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
This is the second to last chapter. Next time Adjustment will be over.
I just want to say that I've been averting my eyes from the comment section for the past few chapters. Although I did read them after finishing this chapter and before writing this note. The reason why is because I don't agree with some of the sentiment being shared in them. It can be easy to get wrapped up in how things can be made "right." After finishing the King and I my attitude towards darker writing changed significantly. Although even there the protagonist came out on top. I like complicated stories, ones with relationships that cannot be easily defined down a dividing line.
There will be no last-minute diversions. The moral weight of what has been said and done is down to your interpretation, though I know that many people will come down on Gerry's side. Celestia has her own motivations for doing what she does, like Twilight says, she cares too much. She cares so much that her attempts to help can be harmful and disturbing. Celestia took his body and then took some of his free will - those are acts that anybody could easily define as wrong.
I am cheapening this a lot by putting this here, but I do like explaining my thought process behind decisions like this. Adjustment as a narrative is not about revenge, it's a story about isolation, identity, free-will and change. I hope that if you don't understand what I mean, you think about it sometime and come to your own conclusion.
I will not write a long-winded goodbye for the next chapter. So I'm going to put it here. Thank you. No matter how you feel about the story, I'd like to thank you all for being so patient with me. I've been writing this for seven years despite it's short length. A lot has happened in that time. When I started I was in a bad place, I'm much better now. Although the tone of the story has done a complete flip to being much more serious. This isn't a goodbye. I'll still be around to finish off some other stories I've started and neglected recently. So go check those out if you haven't already.
“…If you’d like to know more, I recently published a paper detailing this further. Although we only have limited time today. Thank you all for coming.”
A polite applause filled my ears and the auditorium quickly rose from their seats and filed out of the hall. I could only hope that they’d taken on some of what I’d said. I was in that position once. Impatient, thinking I knew better than the tutor.
One mare didn’t go through the back door and decided to approach me, “Professor?”
“I’m no professor, unfortunately.”
“Oh! I’m sorry. I was just wondering about this part, on page five?”
I pulled out my own copy and guided her through the material, answering her questions to the best of my ability, “If everypony took as much an interest in this stuff as you did, my life would be much easier.”
“We have had a lot of long lectures recently.”
“I keep telling them that they turn the brain off. But they don’t listen.”
“Well I think you’re very interesting! Thank you so much for the help.”
“Don’t worry about it – it’s a good thing to be curious. Hopefully, I’ll get invited back soon and wrap this up.”
I packed up my things and locked the door behind me, although there was something of a commotion going on in the corridor outside. I turned to my left and saw the reason why, towering above the ponies that had gathered around her.
“Twilight.”
“Toffee! I was waiting for you.” We shared a friendly hug, which seemed to shock the students. Getting casual with a princess was a social taboo after all, but when did I ever care about those? “Do you have somewhere private we can talk?”
I led Twilight away from the crowds and into a quiet room reserved for the tutors between sessions. It was a light shift so nobody else was around. “Remember when I used to be taller than you?”
“What? Twenty years ago?”
“And cheekier too,” I rubbed my head. Twilight had gained a sharp sense of humour from spending too much time around me. “It’s been a while, and I know you don’t drop by for a courtesy visit anymore.”
“Yes, well, I’m quite busy.”
“I can imagine.”
“How is the family?”
“Good. The house is never dull, that’s for sure.” I took a seat; I was really starting to feel the years impacting my mobility, “Hazel is moving out soon, so maybe it’ll be a little bit quieter.”
“I suppose I should get to the point though, since you like brevity so much!”
“I do like brevity.”
“I’d like to offer you a job. I know you’re very dedicated to the farm and speaking here, but I was hoping that I could convince you to come be my minister for agriculture. I can’t think of anypony better for the position, and Green Fields is retiring.”
“Cushy government job? Who says having friends doesn’t pay.”
“I wish it were cushy at the moment. But you know all the drama firsthoof.”
“I do. And you want me to come in and use my charm and charisma to smooth it all over?”
“That’s the plan.”
“First problem, I’ll probably just make it even worse. You know how little patience I have for that kind of thing.”
“Perfect. I need someone to shake things up. The famers aren’t happy with being represented by nobles all the time, and I’m inclined to agree. Green Fields was amazing at his job, but he’d never worked a day on a farm in his life.”
I laughed, “…You really have changed, two decades ago and you’d be paralyzed at the thought of having to consider anybody’s feelings.”
“I had to, if I was going to lead an entire country.”
“Well, I’m not needed to look after the house anymore, that’s why I’ve been down here so often. It boggles my mind that Ponyville didn’t have a college twenty years ago. This place has exploded.”
“It has. It’s almost unrecognizable now.”
Was I really going to do this? I looked out of the window, onto the rolling fields and distant mountains, “Where do you think she is? Do you keep in touch?”
“She sends me a letter, but not so much that I know where she is all the time. I think she’s enjoying her retirement.”
“Job well fucking done huh. You think she ever spares a thought for us?”
“I don’t know. She’s lived longer than anybody else, I couldn’t guess what she’s thinking. All I know is that she wanted to move on.”
“Moving on isn’t a benefit that I get to enjoy.”
“You seem to change places every time I see you. Last time you were back digging ditches for ponies, now you’re lecturing at colleges.”
“True.”
“Can you do it? I’d owe you.”
“I don’t want any favours. You did enough for me back then. Unless you want to come down to the next family reunion, AJ would love it.”
“I’ll see if I can get a day off.”
“That’s only enough for us to introduce everyone, make it a week.”
“The Royal Highnesses’ Minister of Agriculture, Toffee Apple.”
Jeers and cheers barraged me from the balconies as I rose from my seat at the head of the room and took the podium. It had been a period of massive change for Twilight’s Equestria. In order to earn the approval of the once loyal noble families she needed to give them a seat at government decision making – giving birth to what could only be described as a pale imitation of a democracy. Luckily, Twilight had made sure that she had the final say on most important matters - because otherwise we’d be at war with the griffons every other week.
“Order, order!”
I cleared my throat and glowered at the noble who had spoken before me, Twilight had not lined up an easy debut act for me. “Mister Pants, need I remind you that these concerns come directly from the farmers themselves. It’s all well and good to be playing with their livelihoods from up here in Canterlot, but in matters of fairness, protectionist trade policy should be used as a retaliatory measure. Unless you think that everyone else should bare the cost of rising food prices.”
A chorus of nobles shouted out, “Aye!”
“You shouldn’t be in the business of discounting their opinions – in fact, their word should be the most important. I highly doubt you’ve ever set foot on a farm yourself.”
“I fail to see why that’s relevant!” he yelled back out of turn, only to be sniped down by the speaker with a pointed glare.
“While many things have changed in the last decade, what has not is the importance of our farming communities. They feed us, and without them there would be no Equestria. If this measure passes, I can only imagine the amount of pressure that will be put onto Canterlot for passing over them. It could be that they ask for a seat at the table in future.”
“You don’t have the nerve!”
“I have more nerve in my flank than your entire body!” The house rumbled as nobles began shouting at each other again.
“Order! Order!”
“I’m an expert at herding pigs. I’ll shepherd you all to the correct decision eventually.”
That did it.
“When I said I wanted you to shake up the house, I didn’t mean get into a fight with Fancypants on the first reading…”
I held the newspaper in my hooves and read the headline aloud, “BIG MARE IN THE HOUSE: ‘New Farms Minister Clatters Fancypants.’ It’s kind of artful in a way.”
“The front page is you sitting on him while he begs for mercy…”
“Yeah, the farmers will love it! He should pick on someone his own size.”
Twilight sighed as we sat in her room in the castle. The session had to be called to an end immediately afterwards so people could calm down again. Too much action would stop their poor frail hearts. They sure got the news out fast.
“You know what? You haven’t changed a bit.”
“Thank you.”
The door swung open and a tan mare with ginger hair charged in, “Mom!”
“Hello Hazel, did you enjoy your tour of the castle?”
“I leave you alone for two hours and you get yourself onto the front page of the National Equestrian?!”
“I’m the new minister, I have to make an impression.”
“I don’t think that ‘impression’ is meant to be an imprint of your flank on Fancypants’ stomach,” she turned to look at the Princess. She quickly leapt down at bowed at her hooves, “I’m sorry Princess! I didn’t see you there.”
“There’s no need for such formality. I’m a friend.”
She hopped back to her hooves and glanced at me, “So you weren’t lying when you said you knew Princess Twilight.”
I slid the newspaper back across the table, “Why do you think so little of me? I don’t know where you got this bad attitude from.”
“You,” quick as a whip.
“I do believe that is the case,” Twilight nodded.
“I can’t rely on my own daughter for praise, I guess I have to look elsewhere. In fact, a nice stallion said I was a MILB on the way here - whatever that means.”
…
“Mom!”
“Why are you so red? Do you know?” I smirked. Twilight couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction too. We calmed down and went back to more menial things. “I’m glad that it’s easier to get up here now. Doing this three times a week twenty years ago would be crazy.”
“If Canterlot wants to be the capital of this country, you need to be able to get here quickly.”
Hazel looked between us, “How long have you known each other?”
“About twenty-two years now? Just as Twilight opened the library down in Ponyville.”
“Library?”
“It looks a bit different now, you know, giant crystal tree.”
“Not in the same spot,” Twilight corrects you. “It got turned into a crater…”
“Was that you or someone else?” I jabbed.
“I’d never so much as spill water on a book. Destroying an entire library may just kill me.”
“I’ll keep that in mind for later.” I looked up at the clock, it was time to head home before the trains stopped running. “Looks like it’s time to go.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other,” Twilight used her magic to clean away the mess left by our meeting. Hazel excused herself to allow me one more word with her.
“Out of sight, out of mind is what I’d like to say. But Celestia never goes away does she? She casts a long shadow.”
“I know. I have a tough act to follow by being the leader now.”
“…As long as you remember that you’re leading ponies, not pawns. You know the real reason I decided to do this?”
“No.”
“I want as many front pages as I can get. If I can’t forget, I’m sure as hell going to make sure that she remembers as well. I want a statue in the royal fucking garden, so that every time she walks past it she remembers just how badly she fucked me over. Then I can die happy.”
“I don’t know the feeling.”
“I hope you don’t. It sucks.” Twilight looked at me sadly, she knew that my years were numbered unlike hers. I only had so much time to make peace with myself.
I walked into the corridor, Hazel leant against the doorway next to me, “Are you done? Dad’s going to burn down the house if we don’t get back on time.”
“Your brother will have to restrain him.”
“Those two fighting would cause more damage than the fire.”
“Maybe.”
The sun set over Canterlot as we walked through the marble streets.
Author's Note
A huge thank you to:
For supporting me on patreon.
"Are you happy with yourself?"
"Happy?"
"Do you have a feeling of fufillment? Or is your sense of priority so fucked up that you think this is okay?"
"I don't have much of a choice."
"Not really, no. But even still..."
"Are you just here to judge me?"
"Is that what you want? I can do that if you need it, if it'd make you feel better. Another person to call you an idiot."
"I'm aware."
"Is this easier for you?"
"Yes."
"Well, I suppose if somebody can handle all the difficult parts of life for you... I can't blame you for sitting back."
"People are a lot more complicated than you think. They make their own choices too. They can choose to help me or leave me."
"I think you're a coward."
"And can you blame me? Everything you ever wanted, offered for nothing more than your face and name."
"That's everything that you are."
"I'm still me. A person is a collection of memories, and nothing more or less. If I changed my name tomorrow I'd still be me. If I lost my face tomorrow, I'd still be me. If I decide to do those things to myself I'm still me."
"Did you get scared? Or did you feel like you didn't need this anymore?"
I didn't need this anymore. I didn't need this anymore. Did I?
