Luna Discovers Burritos
Princess Celestia was sitting at the royal dinning table and waiting for her sister as breakfast was being served. Celestia found it odd that Luna was not yet there. Due to her being up throughout the evening, performing her duties as the Princess of the Night, she was usually there before Celestia. As Celestia was wondering where her younger sister could be she saw Charming Comet, Luna's aide-de-champ enter the room. "Ah, good morning Comet. Have you seen my sister today?"
"Good morning to you Your Majesty," Comet replied with a bow. "I'm afraid I haven't seen Princess Luna today, I had actually come to see if she was here."
"Oh my," said Celestia a little worried. "So you don't know where she might be?"
"I'm afraid not." Comet replied. "Though last night she said she had to make an unscheduled trip away from the palace, but she told me that she would be back before morning. Do you think something might have happened?"
"I can't say. She lowered the moon to make way for the sun as usual so I don't think so. I wish she would stop with the "unscheduled" trip routine. She always does that whenever she want's to sneak off to have fun."
"Oh, is that so," said Comet who Celestia could see was slightly embarrassed.
"Don't worry about it," Celestia reassured. "You're still new here and not familiar with her quirks. Besides if she's determined to do something there isn't much you would be able to do to stop her."
"If you say so Your Majesty."
Since it seemed Luna would not be showing up for breakfast Celestia decided to dig in herself. Suddenly Princess Luna herself crashed though a window and landed on the table with a hard thud, sending food and shattered glass flying throughout the room.
"Luna!" Celestia screamed and she rushed to her side. "Luna are you alright!?"
"Princess, Princess can you hear me?" called Comet as her likewise rushed to her.
Luna gingerly raised her head and looked around with blurry, bloodshot eyes. When she saw her aide standing before her she gasped and said. "Comet! thank the stars that I've found you. You must tell me something!"
"Yes of course, what is it," Comet asked as her looked her over for any cuts.
"What in the name of my sister's tits is this thing," she asked holding before him a burrito with a large bite taken out of it."
The confused Comet hesitated for a moment before saying "T-That's a burrito Your Majesty".
"Booooreeetooo" said Luna in childlike wonderment.
"Luna where have you been? And don't talk about my tits like that!"
"Why not, you talk about mine all the time".
"That's because yours are adorable, but never mind that, what happened to you?" Luna started giggling and Celestia suddenly smelled the alcohol on her breath. "Luna are you drunk?"
Luna busted out laughing and said "Oh you have no idea. Okay last night, I drank all the palace!"
"What," asked Celestia utterly confused.
Luna laughed again and said "I mean I drank all the beer in the palace".
Celestia's thought's went to the the vast wine cellar underneath the palace which was well stocked with beer, wine, and various other spirits. "Oh Luna, you didn't."
Luna began laughing hysterically again, but then suddenly gasped in horror. "Comet listen to me," she said turning back to the unicorn stallion next to her.
"Yes."
"Listen to me."
"I'm listening."
"Are you listening?"
"Yes."
"You can't tell Celestia I drank all the beer, " she pleaded.
Comet glanced over at Celestia who looked equally puzzled as he was. "Um, Princess I..."
"Please Comet, she'll be so mad at me if she finds out."
Celestia tried to step in "Luna I'm not..."
"Come on Comet," said Luna cutting her sister off. "Just do this for me, I will do anything. Dude! I will buy you a house....made.....out of wood!" She said this last part with wide eyes and a string emphatic voice.
Comet was not sure how to respond to this. "I...I'm sorry."
"Wood house!" shouted Luna. "Seriously, there would be so much shit everywhere, and you could just take it cause it's there. You know you'll wake up in the morning and be all "what am I going to do for breakfast", but then it's like shabam! cause your bed is an orange tree."
Celestia, Comet stood for a moment in awkward silence. At last Celestia cleared her voice and said "Luna please just tell me what happened last night."
Luna turned her full attention back to her sister. "Hey don't go, you haven't heard the best part yet."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Please, I don't want you to leave me," Luna said in a panic.
"No pony is leaving you Luna."
"And I will never leave you, you complete me." Luna said before bursting yet again into a fit of laughter.
Celestia sighed then said "Luna please focus and tell me what you did last night".
"Okay," said Luna acting serious again. "So I drank all the beer, and I was just going run by Germaneigh to get some more so you won't find out. The thing is I was already kind of blitzed so I crashed into a restaurant where it was happy hour, so I just started drinking their beer."
"Oh dear," said Celestia.
"No there weren't any deer, they were all ponies. Anyway they were all like "aw shit Princess Luna's in our restaurant", and they started giving me all this free shit."
Celestia groaned at the thought of what was inevitably being printed in the morning papers.
"Princess Luna Gets Drunk as Balls at Local Restaurant"
"Luna, at least tell me you didn't break anything."
"I broke everything" Luna whispered. "Hey stop interrupting me you fat ass whorse!"
"Luna!" gasped an exacerbated Celestia.
"I want to talk about burritos!"
"Silence! You know very well that not even you are exempt from from the high crime of insulting the royal plot!"
Comet decided to step in to try to calm the two alicorns. "I think maybe we all need to calm down."
"No!" said Celestia in her own, rarely used, version of the Royal Canterlot Voice. "She has made a rude remark about my butt, now she must say two nice things about it as the law demands."
"Never!" cried Luna. "I refuse give such reverence to her plot whilst mine remains unappreciated by the masses."
"You have a goat ass!"
"You're just jealous of my youthful charm."
"Ha, what charm baby tits?"
"I knew it, you resent me because you have old lady tits."
"Princesses please," Comet interrupted. "Both of your asses and titties are equally lovely and desirable." The two Princesses stared at him each rendered speechless. Comet's face flushed red as he said "I'm so sorry, that sounded better in my head."
"I didn't hear anything you said, what happened?"
"It doesn't matter Luna let's just forget about it," said Celestia. "I'm sorry too Comet and Luna, I get kind of bitchy when I don't get any coffee in the morning."
"Was he talking some more about burritos, cause that's all I really care about right now. I haven't been paying attention to anything we've been talking about."
Celestia sighed and seemed to have become very tiered of dealing with her drunk sister. Comet regained his composure and said "well burritos are just tortillas wrapped around some kind of filling, usually beans."
"It's so strange isn't it," stated Luna suddenly. "That something so simple in theory could be so meaningful."
"Pardon," said Comet.
Luna ignored him and staring intently at the burrito. "I never thought that, in all the years of my life, I could ever have meet another who could affect me so deeply. It makes no sense. You're food and I'm a princess. Everything I've ever know, have been lead to believe tells me there could never be such a connection between people as different as you and I. And yet...I love you."
"And I you" said Burrito as embraced Luna in his strong arms.
"Please, do not tempt me," cried Luna as she tried to pull away from him. "This world would never accept our love. I couldn't bare it if you were to have your life ruined because of me."
"Luna," said Burrito placing a hand on her cheek and turning her face back towards him. "A life that has no room for you in it is not a life worth having. Now that I have meet you I cannot possible go back to the way I was before. Having tasted the blessed fruit of life that is your love nothing lesser can possibly sustain me now. To love you and to be loved by you is all that matters, all that can matter." He kissed her on the forehead. "You have bewitched me body and soul." He kissed her on the nose. "From this day forward I never wish for us to be apart."
Luna held tightly to him. "I...I feel the same. I can no longer imagine living a life without you with me." They gazed deeply into each other's eyes. "I want to be with you always," she said before kissing him. Burrito ran his fingers though her ethereal mane and clasped the back of her head and kissed her with even more force, sending sensations of pleasure throughout her body. The pair collapsed onto the ground. Luna laid on her back looking up at her beloved, who was hovering over her. She wrapped her forelegs around his strong neck and stammered. "I...I want you to be mine forever."
Burrito moved her hair from her face with his gentle fingers. "I have always been yours, and I shall be yours forever more my dear.
"Then please make me yours completely." Burrito kissed her once more, and Luna felt the full weight of his muscular body rest on top of her.
Both Comet and Celestia stood awkwardly as Luna rolled around on top of the table, smearing re-fried beans on over her face as she frenched the burrito.
"She's definitely had something other than alcohol." commented Celestia.
Comet then cleared his throat and said "Well if you'll excuse me I'm going to go see that whichever establishment she visited is compensated for the damages. And see if I can find out who was slipping what into her drinks."
"Thank you Comet. I'll take care of this," said Celestia. "Come on Luna, you need to go to bed now, you're making out with that burrito pretty hard."
Luna quickly sat up and said "well your mom is making out with the lamppost, yeah! Hey! you leave her out of this. Mama was a saint, and she loved me." Luna began to cry "Mama does love me. Mama please say you love me!" she called out as she sobbed.
"Luna stop it, Mama did love you." Celestia sighed once again. "Goodness, Luna why did you drink so much? I know we're immortal but that that much alcohol is still terrible for your body."
"What are you talking about, I've never felt better." Luna suddenly vomited all over Celestia's hooves. "Okay now I've never felt better." Luna then rested her head against her sister and immediately fell asleep."
Celestia summoned some of the staff. Several ponies entered the room, all of them oddly unfazed by the sight before them. They were after all quite use to all kinds of shenanigans from the royal pair. "Take her away, and put her to bed," grumbled Celestia as she struggled to hold back her temper.
"Yes Your Majesty." replied a unicorn stallion. He levitated the slumbering night princess and proceeded to take her to her chambers.
"And make sure she doesn't drowned in her own vomit or something."
"An immortal could drown?" asked one of the remaining staffers.
"We wouldn't die from it, but even so drowning is a very unpleasant experience. But enough of that, the rest of start cleaning up this mess."
"Of course, Your Majesty," they all said as they began cleaning.
Celestia groaned in disgust from the feel and smell of vomit all over her hooves. "Daily Planner!" she called out in a loud voice.
Seconds latter and particularly miserable looking mare walked into the room. "Daily Planner," she mumbled. "Why is my name Daily Planner? That's not a name, it's a job description." She approached the Princess and bowed. "You called Majesty."
"Do I have any exceedingly important business scheduled for today?"
Daily Planner glanced over a clipboard which she carried with her before saying "nothing that your administrators shouldn't be able to handle."
"In that case I'm taking the day off. I already feel exhausted and I need another bath."
Daily Planner continued to stare miserably at the clipboard. "I put my parents 200,000 bits in debt for that constitutional law degree, how is this my life?"
Celestia ignored her and flew off towards the royal baths.
Later that evening Celestia was laying comfortably on her soft mat next to the fireplace within the inner palace, where only the princesses and invited guests were allowed. Next to her Luna lay buried underneath a large comforter. In front of Celestia was a small tray with a pot of tea and an LT sandwich. In front of Luna was a big pitcher of water and a platter stacked high with different varieties of burritos.
Luna groaned as a burrito magically slid off the platter and underneath the comforter. "Feeling any better Luna," asked Celestia after taking a sip of tea.
"No," moaned the hungover princess.
"It serves you right, drinking that much alcohol and destroying that restaurant."
"I don't care how much pain it put me through. If this horrible hangover is the price I must pay for learning about burritos then I'm glad to pay it," Luna said as she slide another burrito underneath the comforter.
Celestia shrugged and said "I must admit, that place does make damn good burritos."
"You went there without me!?"
"I had to apologies to the owner for what you did to his place. And as soon as you've recovered from your hangover you're going to go apologies too."
"And buy more burritos," added Luna.
"If you must," Celestia sighed. She levitated her sandwich up to her mouth and was about to take a bite when suddenly there was an earth shattering roar which caused the whole room to vibrate so that the painting and items setting on shelves and tables came crashing to the ground. Celestia heart skipped a beat. "Oh no," she cried. "Kagniu, High-King of all Dragons, has awoken from his enchanted slumber to bathe the world in his eternal flame. We must assemble our armies." She conjured a quill and a piece of paper in front of her. "I must write to Twilight and her friends, they must come with the Element of Harmony."
"Sister," moaned Luna.
"I'm afraid their their power alone might not be enough. We'll also need Discord's help. I'll write to Queen Chrysalis as well. She may be an enemy of Equestria, but she'll certainly understand if this world is to be saved from destruction we will have to put that aside for the time being. With our forces combined with her army of changelings we might stand a chance."
"Tia" Luna moaned again as her head protruded from underneath the comforter.
Celestia looked with dismay at her little sister, who still looked very pale, knowing that in her condition that she would not be able to take an active part in this battle for the fate of the world. "What is it Luna?"
"Kagniu hasn't returned," she said squinting in the light and nursing her sore head. "I just farted."
Author's Note
I just felt like writing something silly so I did this. As always any constructive criticism is appreciated.
