Shining Armor is Too Handsome

by TheOnly

Rating: teen
Tags: Shining Armor, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Princess Cadance, Comedy
Length: 5843

Shining Armor explains to his children how being too handsome led to the ruin of his life and eventual marriage of their mother.

Shining Armor explains to his foals how he met their mother by being much too handsome. Well, technically he met their mother when she foalsat Twilight, but, perhaps how he met their mother a second time. And their first date. And the entire story of their marriage.

Hope you kids have a lot of time on your hooves.

Published 2013-08-23 22:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-23 22:20:02 UTC

Chapter 1: Muy Guapo

"So there I was, hanging for dear life off a cliff in western Hayti followed closely by the convoy, half of my squad already had taken off down a nearby hill to find cover in the nearby shrubbery while the other half rested behind cover requesting backup. I heard hoofsteps nearing me on the cliff and I knew I had to think of something fast if I wanted to survive."

"Dad—"

"I look to my right and I see this nice jagged rock jutting out of the wall of the cliff that I can secure one hoof on and my other hoof dangled hopelessly in the air while I held onto the grass trying to get enough leverage with my hind hoof to push me back onto the cliff. I figure my only hope is to give a whirl at self-levitation, a spell I hadn't tried since I was in magic school. So here come these four ponies, led by this one big guy with a leather jacket on and these big sunglasses. He starts speaking Spanish to his buds."

"Dad—"

"I figure I only have a couple seconds before they either kick me off the cliff or take me prisoner, so I decide to go for it. Next thing I know I'm hanging in mid-air, upside down, one hoof held up in the air through magic, the rest of me being pulled down by gravity. So I—"

"You used the jutted rock to push off and used your levitating hoof as an axis, spun around, used the momentum and extra space your hooves had to pull yourself onto the cliff and gave the lead guy two hooves to the face before levitating your spear from nearby and fighting off the other three. Then you went back and commanded your squad and defeated the bad guys, we know."

"How did you know that?"

"You tell this story every time. It's the only story you ever tell, or the other one about the one time you solved the murder case in Marington and took down an armed murderer with just your bare hooves. Those are the only two stories you ever tell."

"They're good stories, though"

"But they're boring now."

"Well, to be fair you tell lots of different stories," chimed in Ace, "But you've never really told a story other than one about how you defeated some sort of criminal or bad guy."

"Well what do you want to hear? I've spent the majority of my life in the ranks, there's not many other kinds of stories to tell."

"Tell us a love story!" suggested Galaxy. "You've never told a romance."

"Yah! Tell us the one about how you met mom," said Ace, "You always say you're going to tell us the story but you never do because it's 'too long' or 'too inappropriate'."

Shining Armor laughed. "You two aren't old enough to hear that story."

"Dad, I'm almost a mare, I'm fifteen years old."

"What, really?" Shining Armor looked at a nearby calender. "Has it really been that long?"

Ace smiled. "We're definitely old enough to hear it. Just leave out parts you don't want to tell."

"It's much too long," said Shining, "We don't have the time."

"We have plenty of time. It's summer and tomorrow is Saturday. We could be up all night if we need to, I don't have practice tomorrow morning." Galaxy put on her most adorable face, the ultimate trump card.

"And I don't have lyre lessons, either. Lyra said I could have day off for being so well practiced, so I can sleep in."

"Plus," continued Galaxy, "Mom doesn't get home until Sunday so she can't tell you no!"

Shining sighed and rolled his eyes. He sat down in front of the two ponies, both grinning as they realized they were finally going to get to hear the story.

"Alright, I'll tell you the story, but you have to promise to try and not interrupt. It's a long story."

The ponies nodded, adjusting their places on the cushions so that they would be in a fresh position to listen to this new story, ears perked up and ready to listen.

"Also, I should mention I actually met your mother for the first time when she foalsat Aunt Twilight a long time ago. So maybe I should just tell you the story of the first date. Or how I met her the second time."

"Just tell us the story!" yelled Galaxy.

"Let's see," started Shining, putting a hoof to his chin, "It all started seventeen years ago, back when I was still in school training to become part of the royal guard. I had been attending an all-stallion school for as long as I could remember, where we trained to become guards and got an education. After four years of attending the school I graduated with Starswirl's Honors, the highest academic achievement possible at the school, and as top of my class as far as cadet training went. I suppose this story starts on the day that I left the campus, now a certified guard, with a whole summer off before I would begin working under Princess Celestia herself in Canterlot, where I would have to live. It was a warm day, the sun was high, indicating that it was summertime and we were free to go and enjoy our last months of freedom away from the life of a guard. I had just finished saying goodbye to a few good friends and made my way to the nearest train station so I could head to Ponyville and pay a visit to Aunt Twilight and catch up. I was just arriving at the train station..."

[Cue wavy flashback transition]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, here we are," said Shining Armor, staring at the large building. The puffs of newly arrived trains came distantly and dissolved in the afternoon air, followed by the loud, baritone hollering of a conductor and his crew yelling "All aboard!" and ensuring that the flow of ponies in and out of the train was smooth and efficient. Caramel and Lightning dropped their suitcases to trot up next to Shining Armor and admire the quaint train station, their ticket back to home and family.

"Can you believe we survived four years in that place?" asked Caramel.

Lightning laughed. "It's a miracle I even made it out! And no mares to boot, can't believe I actually got myself through that."

Shining shrugged. "It wasn't that bad."

"Says you," Caramel sneered, "Mister Starswirl Honors, you were a genius and a brute, you were made for that place."

"Please, I'm no genius, I just studied a lot."

"Well when you're ready to teach me the secret on how to study for hours without getting bored," said Lightning, "Don't hesitate, I'd love to learn."

The three shared a laugh and picked up their suitcases again, Shining with magic, Caramel and Lightning by mouth, and adjusted their saddlebags before entering the station just like the hundreds of other ponies looking to go somewhere that day.

Inside the train station was busy as it always was around holidays. The summer solstice wasn't too far off and ponies from all over the area were making trips back home to see families or visit the city where the celebration was to be held. This year it was in Fillydelphia, and the train schedules reflected it, with more than half the trains having their first stop in the city. Although the celebration was days away ponies seemed to want to get there early in order to be settled in by the time it came around, staying in hotels or with family members until the celebration and then going to see the multiple attractions the city offered.

Shining planned to go to Ponyville, where Twilight apparently lived now, and pay her a quick visit before taking another train back to Fillydelphia to watch the celebration. After all, it was a couple days from now and they could catch a train a day before or the morning of. They would arrive in time.

His name brought him back to reality, a distant voice calling out to him in a sea of traveling ponies. He looked over the couple walking in front of him to see Lightning and Caramel, already in line to buy tickets for their trip. Shining trotted over to them and as the line slowly depleted in front of them the made jokes about the school and the teachers within. Time seemed to dissipate as they appeared at the front of the line, still telling jokes about Miss Eraser and her crazy teaching habits.

"How many tickets?"

"Three please," said Caramel, sliding six bits onto the table. The clerk scooped up all the bits and put the tickets onto the table in one fluid motion before shooing the three ponies off to let the next group of patrons up. The group made its way onto the loading deck, where the rest of the ponies looking to travel waited until their train arrived.

"What train do we have?" asked Lightning.

"Number six, carriage seven, compartment 24b," recited Caramel.

"How long is the trip to Ponyville?"

"Couple hours, if everything goes smoothly."

"I hate train rides, too bumpy. I could just fly over."

"You'd die trying, your wings would give out before you made it. Don't worry, they supposedly built a new type of train, supposed to be able to absorb the forces of traveling on the track and stabilize so the carriages don't feel like they're bumping or rumbling on the inside."

"Well," said Shining, "If you guys don't mind I'm going to go grab something to eat from that vending machine. Either of you want anything?"

"Grab me a hay bar."

"Make that two hay bars."

Lightning and Caramel gave Shining a bit each and he was off, three bits trailing him in a small orb of magic. As he approached the dirty glass of the vending machine, he saw the wonders that lay within. Six hours with nothing to eat, at the sight of food he felt his stomach rumble. Quickly putting in two of the bits, he watched as two hay bars fell from the middle shelf into the little hole at the bottom. He then scanned each row, looking for something of maximum deliciousness.

Maybe a pack of D&Ds, or perhaps some apple fritters or an oat bar. There were too many choices. The easiest way out was to just get a hay bar, like the other two, but that would make three hay bars. Too uniform, he had to go with something different but still equally as delicious. Oat bar it was.

Shining slid the bit into the vending machine slot and watched as his oat bar fell off its shelf and down to where the hay bars rested. Finally satisfied, he lifted all three treats and turned to go back to where the other two waited on the platform. Always well-mannered, he apologized to the mare behind him for taking so long.

"It's quite alright," she said, staring at him with an oddly happy smile, "I don't mind a bit."

Shining laughed, "Well, sorry anyway." As he turned to leave he heard something hit the ground, and craning his neck he saw the mare, on the ground, seemingly injured.

"Owww," she moaned as Shining knelt next to her to figure out what the problem was.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"I just fell down and hurt my side, do you think you could help me up?" She flashed him a smile but quickly reverted to moaning in pain. Shining let out a sigh and lifted her with magic, no big deal.

"Thank you so much!" she exclaimed, as if her life had just been saved. Before he could react the mare was already wrapped around his neck in a tight hug. Shining let out a nervous laugh and hugged back, quickly assessing which mental disorder the pony likely had. Her face drew close to his ear, and over the noise of the populated waiting deck he could barely hear her soft whisper.

"Have my foals."

Followed by rapid licking inside his ear.

Shining quickly pulled away and managed a scared smile before galloping off to his friends, not looking back to see the mare waving at him and pretending to feed a foal with a bottle.

"Took you long enough!" said Caramel, snatching his hay bar from Shining. Lightning did the same, and in seconds the two were chowing down on the delectable hay.

"The weirdest thing just happened," said Shining, "This mare fell over, so I helped her up, and when she was up she hugged me and whispered that she wanted me to 'have her foals' before licking the inside of my ear."

Lightning laughed. "Dude, getting ladies already? Can't it wait, we just got out of school and I don't need you making out with some mare in our compartment."

"No, seriously guys, that was weird and unnatural."

"Only you Shining," started Caramel, "Only you will complain about attention from the ladies."

Shining let his glance drift toward where the mare had been standing, but she was no longer their. He silently sighed, not wanting to be ridiculed further.

"Trains here!" called Lightning, pointing to a pink and white train pulling up to the station, the brakes squeaking as they struggled to bring it to a stop. The train let out a loud whistle and puff of smoke as it halted, the conductor and his crew already standing outside the doorways, directing ponies out of the train. Shining and his friends, along with the rest of the ponies waiting, grabbed their luggage and readjusted their saddlebags once more, to ensure they stayed nice and snug on their backs. One of the crew members waved toward ponies standing in Shining's general area, signaling that they should use the door he was standing next to for entrance.

Ponies filed in one by one, coordinated carefully by the pony standing next to the door. The three ponies patiently waited their turn.

"Wait," said Lightning as they approached the front of the line, "What carriage are we on again?"

"Seven," said Caramel, pulling out the tickets to check.

"This is carriage four." Lightning pointed at the large number four painted in the corner of the carriage.

"It's fine," said Shining, "We'll just find our compartment when we get inside. We just have to go down three carriages, right?"

Lightning sighed as they handed their tickets to the staff pony, who quickly punched a hold in each one and waved them into the train. As they trotted in, Shining thought he heard a pony arguing about their seating with the conductor.

"Ponies these days," said Caramel, obviously having heard the same argument.

"I know, ponies will argue about anything that inconveniences them," continued Lightning.

Shining laughed, but as he did, he turned to see... the mare.

He quickly cut off his laugh and pushed the other two faster and through the door at the end of the carriage, leading them into the next one. As they quickly cut down the bustling lane of the carriage, where ponies struggled to find and enter their compartments, they found that it was the mares, not the stallions, who did the most shoving. Having recently finished the most rigorous physical courses Equestria had to offer, they easily muscled their way through the crowd and entered the next carriage, which caught them in the same situation. Once again, they shoved their way through, holding their suitcases high in the air to not only make more room but ensure that they wouldn't be knocked to the ground.

As they made it into carriage number seven, they found a more calm setting, with most of the ponies already seated. A quick walk through the carriage revealed their compartment not too far from the exit door. Not wanting to be in the sea of ponies any longer than they had to, they slid into their compartment and closed the door, resting in the chairs for a moment.

"Who knew this would be exercise," said Caramel. The other two silently agreed with a knowing look and the three got to work stowing their suitcases and saddlebags. Before long, the conductor was walking through the hall, checking the compartments to ensure everypony was satisfied and prepared for the trip. A few minutes later, and the toot of the whistle signaled that the train was leaving. Soon the waiters would be out serving snacks and other delights. The three stallions sat and relaxed in the chairs, thoughts of what they would do in Ponyville passing through their minds.

"Tea!" came a pleasant shout, jerking the stallions to their senses. A pony entered the room with a cart in tow, the top covered with a tablecloth and the components of teatime resting on top. Shining leaned forward and straightened up, not wanting to appear a slouch. The others seemed to subconsciously do the same.

"What would you like?" asked the mare.

"Hot tea for me!" said Caramel.

"Can I get some green tea?" asked Lightning.

"I'll just have some iced tea." Shining pointed at the pitcher of iced tea, ice cubes floating around on the top.

The mare nodded and poured three cups of tea. Her horn lit up as she lifted them into the air.

"Hot tea for you, " she said, levitating the cup towards Caramel, "And green tea for you."

Caramel and Lightning took their cups in their hooves.

"And iced tea for you," she said, a service worker's smile glued to her face. Shining reached to grab the cup out of the air.

"Hey!"

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry."

"How is that even possible you were levitating the—"

"Everything will be okay," said the mare, trotting over to Shining, who desperately looked around for some sort of rag to clean the iced tea that had spilled onto his lap.

"Let me clean it," said the mare.

"No that's oka—"

"With my face."

The mare trotted over and leaned down as if to lick the iced tea off.

Shining jumped back onto the seat. "Whoa whoa whoa what are you doing?!"

"Cleaning the iced tea that I spilled," she said, a wry smile replacing her practiced forced smile.

"With your face?!"

"It's standard procedure, now come here so I can clean you off." The mare advanced further. Caramel and Lightning sat snickering on the other side of the carriage.

"You know what I'll just go to the bathroom," said Shining, already on his way out the door. The mare watched him leave and then nodded to the other two stallions.

"Have a nice day you two!" she said, giving them the standard smile that every train employee was forced to give customers.

"Thank you," the two ponies said in unison, taking sips of their tea as the mare left. As soon as the door closed, they started rolling on the ground, clutching their chests as they chortled.

"Can you believe him?" asked Caramel in between laughs.

"Watch, he's going to come back and complain," said Lightning, wiping a tear away from his eye.

A minute later, and Shining burst through the door. "Can you believe that mare? Doing that in a public train!"

The other two stallions giggled.

"Only you, Shining," said Caramel. Shining glared at the two stallions and took the remaining seat in the four seat compartment, the other seat ruined by the iced tea.

"This is ridiculous, she purposefully poured my iced tea onto me. I can't wait to get back to Ponyville, the ponies here are crazy."

"More like mares," retorted Caramel.

"Crazy for you, maybe," added Lightning. The two shared a laugh.

"Har har," said Shining, "It's so hilarious that I'm being sexually harassed by a couple of mares. What if the genders were swapped? They'd call guards on us."

"Shining, we ARE guards," said Caramel, continuing to sip on his tea.

"Cut it out with the stallion's rights activism, we're just teasing. Besides, it's not those mares actually did anything, they just showed a little bit of interest," said Lightning, putting his cup of tea aside and preparing himself for imitation.

"Oh look at me, I'm Shining Armor and attention from mares makes me angry."

Caramel and Lightning burst into laughter once again under the stern stare of Shining Armor.

"You two are so immature." Shining went back to staring out their window and thinking about plans for the day when they finally arrived in Ponyville. Meet up with Twilight, catch up on things, maybe visit some of the attractions in Ponyville and meet some of her new friends, if she had any. Supposedly she lived in a large tree now? What a weird world it was...

"Hey, Shining, we're going to head to the bar at the end of carriage eight to grab some drinks, you sure you'll be good here all by yourself if you get attacked by another mare that wants to lick your crotch?" Caramel said as he and Lightning exited the door.

Between giggles Lightning barely managed to make out a sentence. "If you don't want us to come back into the room, just lock the door and we'll wait until you're finished up to come in, wouldn't want to interrupt anything."

The two stallions walked out of the room in a fit of laughter, closing the door behind them, leaving Shining alone in the compartment. He sighed, letting his annoyance flow out. They were just poking fun, after all. He slumped in his seat, letting the mare from the vending machine and the tea mare slip from his mind, escape from his memories. All he wanted to think about was Twilight and Ponyville and finally getting see each other after so long.

There was a knock at the door. Shining wanted nothing more than to leave the knocker at the door and stay seated, but the door was open, and he didn't want anypony inviting themselves in. He reluctantly slid out of the seat and trotted to the door, sliding it ajar. His eyes shot open as he realized who stood in front of him and he tried to close the door, but a hoof stuck and stopped him. Not wanting to crush it, he let go of the door.

"Can I come in?" asked the mare.

"No," said Shining, "It's... much too dirty in here, you know us stallions, always making messes." He gave a forced smile through the small crack in the door, held open by the mare and held in place by Shining Armor.

"Well, in that case, can you come out?"

"That isn't possible either, I'm... supposed to keep watch over the compartment while my two friends are out getting drinks. Sorry."

Shining moved to close the door, but the mare's hoof stayed in place. She was stronger than she looked.

"Do you think you could come back later? When there are witnesses?"

The mare craned her neck to see past Shining Armor.

"This room isn't a mess at all!" she exclaimed. Shining, startled, quickly moved to knock some things over and create a mess. Mistake.

The mare took the opportunity to open the door fully and step in.

"This room is completely clean! You lied to me!"

"Well, no, I mean yes, but, technically it's dirty because of this iced tea—"

"How can I trust a liar to take care of Rose?" The mare was almost tearful.

"Rose?"

"Our first foal, a filly." The mare nuzzled up to Shining, who quickly took a step back.

"Thisss is getting a little too weird, I'm just going to go now." Shining Armor pushed past the mare and out of the room, making sure the mare stayed put and did not follow him. As he turned from the room, assured that the mare would not move , he sighed and resolved to find his friends at the bar.

"Hello!"

"AH!"

"Would you like some tea?"

"No, no thanks." Shining Armor backed away, the way to the bar in carriage eight blocked by the tea pony.

"If you'd like a suggestion for what kind of tea you should get, you should get my favorite kind, it's a white tea that's served steaming with a lot of sugar, making it nice and thick."

The mare approached Shining slowly, behind her the other mare made her way, yelling about something like creating a bad environment for the children to live in, and how it hadn't even been four hours and he was already walking out.

Trying to maintain composure, he let himself keep a smile on. "It's quite alright, I don't want any more tea."

"Oh no, but I insist, here, have some!" The mare turned and levitated a cup of tea towards Shining, but he was already gone, galloping toward the door on the other side of the carriage where the doors led to the next carriage.

"Come back!" yelled the tea pony, galloping after him.

"Child services is going to hear about this!" shouted the other mare.

Shining Armor didn't look back, he simply galloped straight to the door, opening it with magic well before he reached it and slamming it shut as he passed through. He forced himself not to look down at the ground moving 50 miles an hour past him, just inches away. He balanced himself and walked across the platform that connected the two carriages, opening the door and rushing into carriage six. He didn't stop until he reached carriage three, where the compartments disappeared and became rows of seats, where ponies sat in the open. He let out a sigh of relief. Witnesses.

Trotting at a normal pace now to seem inconspicuous, he eyed the door behind him to see if it would burst open, the two mares in hot pursuit. He looked around at all of the ponies sitting, occupied in whatever pastime they had. Quiet conversations passed through the carriage, ponies read newspapers and books.

"Well hello, handsome."

Shining Armor recoiled from the words and looked at the mare in front of him. She didn't look familiar.

"My names Berry Punch, but you can call me Berry," said the mare, with a wink and a somewhat off center smile.

"Berry, sit down," said a stallion nearby, still seated, not even bothering to look up from his newspaper. "Sorry, she's had a couple of drinks tonight."

Shining nodded and let out a nervous laugh. "It's okay, wouldn't want your daughter walking around this train while drunk."

The stallion put his newspaper down.

"She's my marefriend."

"Oh. OH."

Shining managed the best apologetic smile he could and backed away, the stern conversation about flirting with other stallions slowly falling into the background noise. He continued down the cart, not wanting to attract any more attention, Ponyville not too far off.

A couple of mares giggled as he walked by.

"Hey."

Shining turned around, only to find three mares staring at him.

"Our friend thinks you're cute."

"And by cute she means hot enough to cook eggs on."

"And by friend we mean us."

The three mares giggled some more before hopping out of their seats and approaching Shining.

"Why is everypony being so forward today?" he whispered as he stepped away from the three mares. His ears slicked down and positioned to run if need be, he spoke.

"I'm... married."

"So are we."

"Shit."

The door had flung open, followed by a pony screaming, "Where is he?"

At this point the other mares in the carriage had looked up from their books and newspapers and towards the mare in the back, still yelling.

"Where is who?" one pony asked.

"Him!" The mare pointed at Shining Armor. His eyes widened as he realized all the other mares in the cart were staring directly at him. All at once, the amount of estrogen in the carriage skyrocketed.

"I have to go now," said Shining, stepping towards the door to the next carriage.

"Oh no you don't, you're staying here, with us."

One of the mares grabbed his leg. Determined to get out of the carriage before something happened, Shining shook her off and exited, slamming the door behind him. He slipped into the next carriage, careful to make as little noise as possible and to attract no attention, especially from the mares. What was going on? Were mares always this straightforward?

"Excuse me, sir?"

Shining looked down at the seat next to him. It was a mare.

"You're causing me to sweat."

"I know where this is going." Shining wanted no part of another mare's obsession, he turned and trotted, not looking back.

"Gah, Help!"

Reluctantly, Shining looked back. The mare he had just talked to was on the ground, suffocating.

"I need... CPR..." she said in between gasps.

"No, no way," said Shining, "Not happening."

"Oh my, this mare is choking!" A nearby stallion hopped out of his seat and came beside the mare who laid on the ground, gasping for breath.

"Is anybody on the train CPR certified?" called out another pony.

"She's faking! Are you guys blind?" Shining pointed to the mare on the ground, now turning slightly blue.

"You went to the Royal Guard Academy, right? You're wearing the crest."

"Yes, but—"

"Well, everypony at RGA is CPR certified, correct?"

"Yes, but—"

"Then get to it!" cried the stallion who knelt by the mare. Shining sighed. He trotted over to the mare and pumped her chest, hoping she'd stop before he had to give the breaths. Once he hit his number, he realized he had no choice. All the ponies in the carriage were staring now, watching him work.

Closing his eyes, he leaned in and blew two puffs of air into the mares mouth. A couple more thrusts to the chest and a few more breaths of air later, a piece of apple popped out of the mare's mouth, landing on the floor nearby covered in saliva. The mare gasped for breath, holding her throat with her hooves.

"You saved me." She looked at Shining Armor, who stood up now, wishing to get a move on before every other mare in the carriage started "choking".

He turned to look at the rest of the carriage. Everypony seemed to go back to what they were doing. Standing at the doorway was the other carriage of mares, finally having overcome their fighting over who got to have Shining Armor and entered the door, watching the scene unfold.

"What's your name?" asked the mare who still struggled to speak after having choked.

"Shining Armor," he responded, not wanting to leave a bad impression on the stallions and mares that continued to comfort her.

"Did you enjoy that kiss?" she asked, seeming to giggle slightly, which only caused her to cough. She had a pleading smile on, as if she was waiting and hoping to hear yes but assured that it would be no.

Shining sighed. "Sure, yes," he said, not wanting to upset the pony who had just choked. The other mares watched from the doorway, and the rest of the carriage continued to watch the scene, something better than what their books offered them. As he said those words a hushed whisper seemed to pass through the carriage, as if all the other mares were offended that he had told the choking mare he enjoyed their "kiss" when really it was just mouth to mouth resuscitation. And what was the harm in telling a mare he enjoyed their "kiss"? It would keep the other mares off his back, which was a good thing.

"Do you do that often?" she asked, still coughing slightly.

"CPR?" Shining asked.

"No, kissing like that."

Shining answered quickly, simply wanting to get away from the whole situation. "Yah."

It was simply by instinct, his reply. He had been taught in school to comfort a patient as much as possible, no matter what. Besides, there was no harm in telling the mare that kind of information and it seemed to please the pony. The other mares continued to watch, which was a good sign. If he showed interest in this mare, the others would go off and sulk about it and leave him alone. And she was actually a little good-looking. It was a win-win.

The pony finally gained the strength to sit up and speak. "Names Braeburn."

"Wait. Wha—"

Something clicked inside Shining Armor's head.

"Ohhhh. OHHHHH!" Shining looked around at all the staring ponies. "This is... not what I thought it was."

"He's gay!?" yelled one of the mares. A collective groan went up among the mares, both standing at the door and inside the carriage. Shining kept blinking his eyes and staring at the stallion in front of him.

"What do you mean he's gay?" came another shout.

"He just said he enjoyed his kiss with another stallion!"

"I can't believe he's gay! Of course he's gay! All the perfect stallions are."

"Wait, no, hold on, I can explain-" Shining spun around, all the ponies were staring at him now.

"That was a good kiss," said Braeburn.

"I thought... It was a mistake I didn't mean to say I enjoyed the, I thought he was, I mean he kinda looked like..."

"Nothing to see here ladies, he's gay." The message was relayed down the line of mares. Through the mumbles of disappointed mares, the carriage cleared out as the mares went back to their carriages. The mares in the carriage continued to sit and read their books. Braeburn was helped back up into a seat.

"I thought..." Shining continued to stammer as the crowd cleared out, oblivious to his protests.

"Well if you enjoyed that one," said Braeburn, "There's plenty more where it came from." He gave a wink and growled at Shining. Defeated, Shining trotted out of the carriage, whispers carried on around him about the ridiculously handsome stallion who turned out to be homosexual.

Under his breath he murmured protests to himself. "How did that stallion look so much like a mare?"

As he walked through the carriage, he still felt the eyes of the mares staring at him, but not for the same reason. He heard traces of the conversation, something about what a shame it was that the hot stallions are always the gay ones.

With his head hung, he returned to his carriage and compartment, closing the door quickly behind him, just wanting to sit down.

"Sup Shining," said Caramel.

"Heard you were gay."

"It's already spread that far?!" Shining slumped down in a seat, wondering how he had confused a mare and a stallion, the other two bursting into laughter. "I was confused, he looked like a mare!"

"You know, Shining," said Lightning, in between his laughs, "There's an easy way to tell stallions and mares apart."

"Shut up."

Author's Note

To be continued or not to be continued, that is the question.