Arms & Hooves

by Gottosa

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, Slice of Life, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Bon-Bon, Other
Length: 16681

The team fortress team struggles to have a normal life in ponyville

When pushed to the limit, the nine mercenaries escape to Equestria leaving all their problems behind and starting anew.

With no way back, they must adapt to their new lives and try to fit in into pony society and they must protect them from the unfinished business they left behind.

Published 2013-08-25 02:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-16 22:39:08 UTC

The last wave

Mannworks quicklime factory

”YAAAAAAAAAAAAA” heavy cried out as he gunned down the incoming robots with his giant weapon. “Tiny robot men, you are no match for me!”

Heavy had never let go of Sasha’s trigger since the beginning of the wave, there were always targets to shoot at. The wave seemed endless and robots kept charging in from every direction. He finished off a horde of pyrobots as he retreated to find more ammo for his gun. around the corner he found a wooden crate imprinted with a black picture of three bullets. He picked up the ammo and rushed back to the battle with his Medic.

Suddenly, an deafening explosion and the loud roar of an engine erupted. It can only be ... a tank. Heavy turned around saw an enormous armored vehicle painted in white rolling out from the gate. Its whistle echoed through the map, acknowledging its arrival.

“My god...” Heavy muttered “Need help holding off giant white tank” he yelled to no one expecting assistance.

“A SECOND TANK?!” Soldier shouted from the other end of the battlefield. He was about to assist heavy with a volley of rockets. But at the corner of his eyes, he noticed a giant soldier with the bomb rushing to where Demoman was busy dealing with a blue tank that roamed in earlier. “MY HAND ARE ALREADY FULL. YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN, PRIVATE!” he yelled as he jumped to aid Demoman.

Heavy could barely hear what the soldier said over the loud noises of the firearms and metal clanging. He ignored the incoming hordes and focused on the tank instead.

"Charge me, Doktor!" he shouted to his comrade.

"Jawohl," the Medic nodded and with a flick of a switch the Kritzkrieg activates.

Sasha turned red and emitted red electric bolts through the air. Heavy squeezed the trigger harder, thinking it would do more damage. The barrage of critical-charged two hundred dollar custom-tooled cartridges hit the tank’s thick plates, only to leave regular bullet holes on it. Such strength would have ended a stalemate on Hightower, but this tank didn't even show the sign of damage heavy expected. It was a humiliation to Sasha's power. And it continued to roar loudly as if taunting their attempt.

A sudden shout from the announcer broke his attention.

"ALERT, the bomb is almost through the hatch."

"Big Soldier's got the bomb, boys," Engineer hurried to his sentry, so that he could move it closer to the hatch. But-

"Sentry down! Dag nabit." A horde of demobots reduced his hard work to scrap before he could make it. He pulled out his shotgun and fired in retaliation, doing negligible amounts of damage.

Scout jumped out of nowhere to assist his teammate. He circled around the horde while firing his scattergun, taking their attention away from engineer. He circled so fast that their simple AI couldn't keep up with him. They fired their pipe bombs at all directions in attempt to kill the fast runner, eventually they blew themselves up.

"hehe, guess that I blew yo’ faces in, huh? Morons."

"Scout, Get yer' ass near the hatch, and slow down tha’ big bot! I'll meet you there, once ah’ get more metal, Hurry!" Engineer ordered, but Scout frowned and said,

"Wait, you want me to slow that huge thing all by myself? is your helmet getting a little tight there, hard-head?" One angry stare from the engineer was enough to send him running back to the hatch with a grumpy face.

"Keep firing, demo. It’ll die any second now" said Soldier, while blasting rockets at the blue tank. “any second now...” He muttered.

"huh, wha?" Demo took another sip from his bottle and fired multiple pipe bombs at the massive metal vehicle. It finally exploded into a huge fireball, shrapnel darted to every direction.

"YES! This crawling metal maggot just got dominated" Soldier laughed, while kicking the scrap metal off his boot.

The Duo's celebration were cut short by a loud buzz from the hatch alarms. The giant Soldierbot had sneaked near the hatch while everyone else was occupied.

The entire team hastily retreated to the hatch. The giant Soldierbot was just a mere  few steps away from the hatch. Scout threw his mad milk at it to corrupt its circuits and slow it down. Then Demoman deployed a pile of critical sticky bombs under its feet, with the help from medic’s Kritz, and detonated it causing a lot of damage. The rest of the team combined their firepower to bring the giant bomb carrier to its knees. The robot finally exploded into pieces of metal after absorbing incredible amount of damage. It dropped the bomb right at the tip of the hatch.

"Oh, they're gonna 'ave to weld ye back together ... in yer’ robot hell!" Demoman taunted while taking another sip.

"phew, tha' was a close one" Eengineer said as he wiped his sweat away.

They immediately knew the fight was not over as ground shook with the roar of an engine. There was still the white tank to deal with.

"Engineer you protect ze hatch from any scoutbots, ze rest of us vill go after zat tank. Hurry up, ve don't have much time before it gets here." Medic explained. Everyone seems to agree with his quick thinking.

Engineer quickly deployed another sentry. He then grabbed some more metal from the ammobox nearby and upgraded it to level three. Behind the safety of his sentry, he started working on a dispenser. When out of metal again he rushed back to the ammobox then back to his nest. Meanwhile his sentry was killing off any random scoutbots that made it to near hatch. He was upgrading the dispenser when a clicking sound started to ring louder and louder in his ear. It took him more than usual to realize that this is the sound of a ...

"SENTRY BUSTER!!!" he screamed as loud as he can.

The Sentry buster was already too close for his teammates to come back and help. Engineer was panicking, this was a bad day to equip the Eureka. He had to deal with it himself, but his weapons are way too weak. He had to think of something...Fast.

blood rushed to his face.The sentry was the only thing standing between the unending hordes of scouts bots, and the bomb which sat on the tip of the hatch. If it gets destroyed, all is lost.

The Buster started its detonation sequence. Now, his panic grew worse. His heart was beating faster than scout could say ‘need a dispenser here’. He jumped behind a pile of barrels to take cover.

* tick tick tick … BOOM*

The sentry is gone.

"well, . . . darnit" Engineer peeked out to witness the end of Mann.co. He could see through the settling thick smoke, many Scoutbots’ silhouettes. One of them picked up the bomb and readied itself to dive into the hatch.

"ALERT, if they deploy the bomb all is Lost!"

Is this the end..?  He couldn't accept his fate. He didn’t want to die now, not like this. He knew after this there was no respawn, it was the first real threat to his life... His mind couldn't accept this, he even started to see unnatural things: A distortion in the air. wait a minute... was he hallucinating or could this be . . .?

"YES, you've driven the bomb carrier back"

The unmistakable sound of the flame thrower immediately confirmed his suspicion. Pyro, he had pushed the bomb carrier back with an airblast. The scoutbots got flung into the skies, the compressed blast turned into scorching flames before them. Their circuits got fried and their heads popped like popcorn as they dropped to the ground forming a slightly melted pile of scrap.

"Yee haw!, Nice work Pyro. Right ‘n the nick o' time."

"hmmph hmhm phmhmm" Pyro muttered as he finished off the horde.

"Hell, now THAT was close." Engineer started to rebuild his nest, but he knew that it wouldn't be necessary. He could see a mushroom cloud in a distance which can only mean: His team successfully destroyed the white tank. A loud cheer of victory echoed through the map and made engineer smile with glee.

"Wave completed, Prepare for the last wave."

"Scout, I told ya’ to slow down that big bot! You almost got us all killed."

"How's it my fault that Demoman was too frickin' drunk to notice that huge metal soldier walking right past him with the bomb! I ain't gonna risk my life doing other's jobs.”

As usual, at the end of every battle, the blaming and name calling turns the re-supply room into a madhouse.

"Ye wee scampering windbag! Me job was to kill any tank that got past Heavy! Soldier was supposed to protect *burp* the bomb."

"You try and blame again, you one-eyed skirt-twinkling son of a bitch, I will shove that bottle of scrumpy of your right down your throat! I was never responsible for the bomb, it was heavy’s task to prevent anyone from picking it up in the first place." Soldier said defensively.

"But you told Heavy to take care of tank instead, and I take care of tank as you say! I cannot take care of both."

"Hmmhmm phmhmm HMHMHMH, hmmmhmm! phmmmhhm hmmhmm HMHM hmmpp mmhhhhp"

The whole room burst into incomprehensible loud arguing. It was only a matter of time until Demoman breaks his bottle or someone calls Heavy 'fat', but that had to wait for another heated argument; the back door of the room opened with a creepy ‘creak’. It rendered everyone silent.

"Gentlemen... I am back."

It was the spy. He looked fatigued, and he had blood on his suit. Everyone looked at him with anticipation.

"Well, where is it?" Engineer walked up to spy eagerly.

"It is in the van along with that urine thrower.” he paused for a bit, before he continued “I have managed to sound off few alarms during this job. I fear it is only a matter of time until our dear supplier, Mr.Hales, gets a phone call informing him the briefcase has been stolen."

"Well then, ah guess we should get prepared real fast." Replied Engineer.

Sniper entered the room, holding a huge yellow briefcase in his hand "Look at this beauty mates, the world's largest Australium reserve. This is what Poopy Joe died for. It can buy us a whole bloody country Haha." He smiled.

"The robots are here, *Ring* protect Mann.co *Ring*"

"Agh, ve wasted so much time arguing." the medic muttered

"Wait, lads did ye catch that ? Twas a phone."

"Well, it won’t matter since we will be escaping soon. Sniper, what can you see from your scope?" Spy asked.  Sniper picked up his rifle and zoomed in from a nearby window.

"Crickey! You’re not gonna like this mates. I can see 4 tanks, about fifty giants... they are going bloody all in with this one."

"Fellas, this thing might send us to our deaths. Ah need to check a few things before we use it." Engineer remember his first teleportation experiment, it cost him a year's saving, and the life of an unfortunate enemy spy.

"Their largest army is coming engineer. And ze last attack almost killed us... twice. Ve barely held it, and ve vill most likely die next time. Let us use it now while ve have the chance."

"Ah need more time boys… t-to know where it will take us and ta make sure it's safe. Ah’m certain  tha’ we can hold off this wave if we work as a team. Please."

The screams of that spy as he turned into bread still haunt him to this day.

"Private, don't you lie to me! You said you only needed Australium to power it. You said everything is set in place. You do not need more time. You already had an entire week to build that portal!"

"Listen up, smarty. I don't know what happened to you that last wave. But me and spy here have risked our bloody lives to steal this briefcase. Once Saxton hale finds, he will be return from his vacation and we will be dead meat. You have to make it work, now."

"Pfft, This is the frickin’ worst plan ever. I am not gonna stake my life on the blueprints of hundred year old moron I never heard of. Do you guys really expect this 'inter dimensional' thing to work? You're all crazy. I am out of here, I think I might find a safe hideout in Mexico."

"Don't ya dare call mah grandpa a moron, boy. His blueprints were more useful than you will ever be!"

"Scout, is that your answer for everything ... 'Running away'? Wherever you hide, Mr. Hale will find you, even if it takes him to the moon. You simply cannot run away from him, that is why we are building this wretched portal in the first place."

"Tiny man, we do this together, as team! I promise, we find land with sandvich and dispensers everywhere. Engineer said anything is possible."

"Let's use the bloody thing already. All the lads here agree ... Stop being such a fooking pussies, scout, engineer."

Everyone else agreed with demoman.

Engineer grit his teeth and spoke: "Fine, just fine. If you boys want to end u bread, dont blame me for it. Gimme that stupid bag, ah'll charge it up, will take few minutes."

"So this is your plan? Run off to another dimension? Hahahaha, how pathetic. You have always been cowards, it doesn't surprise me. Mr. Hale is on his way on an ICBM to personally discipline you, expect him to be very angry."

"Well you have to hurry it up mate, that hag is getting crazier and those robots are closing in.”

"Doktor, follow me. We slow down tiny robot men so engineer can work."

"Heavy, you two can’t do it on yer own. I'll come with ya." demoman said.

"Vell, ve all should go. Pyro and spy stay here mit engineer."

"hmmmphhm!"

The team headed outside and prepared for the wave.

"Sniper, before you go can i borrow your Jarate?"  the engineer asked as sniper was about to leave.

"What for engie?" the sniper asked back.

"It's Just ... necessary precautions..."

“Not sure what you’re planning. But sure, here you go mate."

"Much obliged, pard’ner" sniper tipped his hat in return and rushed to his teammates in the battlefield.

Engineer placed the Australium briefcase into the portal and started the slow process of powering it up. The lights around the circular gate shined bright. Bolts of yellow electricity surged through the air. The portal resembled the battle teleporter engineer had always used, except that it had four much larger spinning arms instead of two and a circular metal frame above the spinning arms that will contain the dimensional rift.

The blueprints for the portal were his grandfather’s, he destroyed them after the construction was done so no one would follow. Engineer had complete trust in his grandfather's work, his blueprints helped him countless times on the battlefield. Only his grandfather knows where this portal leads.

Engineer proceeded to make a trap for Saxton Hale. He grabbed his Gunslinger from the supply cabinet, and attached the jar of urine to it. Spy watched in disgust from afar as engie welded the contraption above the Australium and wired it to a remote controlled button.

"Now, we jus’ wait." Engineer knew this plan was a bit of a gamble, but it was worth a try.

*****

A very tense five minutes passed, engineer, pyro and spy waited for the portal to power up. They never let their guard down, spy was holding his Dead Ringer at all time, pyro positioned his finger on the trigger.

*Flawless front flip into the room's window* Saxton Hale was suddenly standing on the other side of the room.

“don’t shoot” whispered engineer to his teammates.

"You coward hippies, give me back that briefcase right now or I’ll bash your head with it."

"Now hold it right there, Mr.Hale!" He held up the button and pointed at the yellow briefcase that’s containing the Australium.

"That there is a jar of concentrated urine” he said, still pointing at the small contraption. “And you know what happens when sodium chloride contacts with Australium?" Engineer hoped Saxton was stupid enough to believe that. “...A'll the energy is released at once.”

"You don't scare me! Pissing on Australium is a national sport in Australia!" Hale parried his threat flawlessly.

'Really?' The room felt hotter, engie started to sweat. This was a stupidest plan he ever though of, why did he even consider it. Saxton hale snapped his thick fingers and locked his eyes upon the engineer. In response the engie held the device even higher and put his finger on the button. Getting ready to press it.

"Have you ever wondered why it is a national sport? That's because its dangerous. It fits the Australian spirit.” Spy interrupted their silent war of intimidation. “For every gram of Australium there is a one percent chance of fission when sodium chloride is introduced. But with a reserve this large, and urine as disgusting as Sniper's ... The fission is imminent. And you know what that means Mr.Hale? You me, this facility and all of the surrounding badlands would be obliterated in less than a second. I know you realize how powerful Australium energy is, Mr.Hale." Spy said with a convincing tone.

Spy, the master of deception, kept a very calm face and looked right in the eyes of Mr.Hale without the slightest hint of fear. Even engineer was half convinced.

“So, what will it be Mr.Hale? Either all of us dies, or all of us lives.” Spy threatened, still calm. Engineer on the other hand could hear his own heartbeats.

Saxton Hale gave it a deep though. He never knew how Australium worked, and this spy seemed to be dead either way. The threat seemed very believable. He just had to give up, there was just too much at stake, his life his factory and his Australium. He gave a loud groan and said.

"What the hell do you want coward! Can we work out a deal!?"

"You can have your precious Australium back with no harm, Mr.Hale. But you will let us and the rest of our teammates use the portal."

"You coward! Do You really think you can do this to Saxton Hale and easily walk away?"

“Unless you can jump through dimensions… Yes we can.”

“Oh so that’s what this is all about. Very clever, but I will have my revenge somehow, don't you think you are safe.”

Scout rushed into the room and was immediately surprised by the new guest. "What the..."

"Scout, what do ya need? Quickly spill it out." whispered the engineer.

Scout shook his head, to refresh his memory. He had a message to deliver "Engie, the robots are too many, we are losing. Medic almost got blown up, and demo is in a very bad shape. We will retreat if we have no backup." He said.

“Shh, don’t worry son. Our friend Hale will help’em do the job.”

"Alert, the bomb is almost through the hatch!"

As engie heard that announcement, he wore an evil grin and said,

"Did ya hear that Mr.Hale? Yer’ factory needs ya. Our buddies couldn’t defend it bah’ themselves. That bomb might kill us instead of this button." Said the engineer, finger still on the device. “Unless, you go n’help them out.” He finished with a wide grin.

Saxton Hale had never been so enraged and humiliated. He is being ordered to fight by his own mercs. And he had no choice. Without a single word, he walked out of the room suppressing the urge to bash engineer’s head in.

"That... was ... AWESOME! What the hell did you guys do to him?"

"No time ta’ explain, Scout!" engineer said happily. To his back, the portal was shining blue, a sign that it's fully charged

“Bring our fellas back in right now. Tell’em the portal’s ready.” he commanded.

An explosion suddenly erupted. It shook the room violently. The wide metal door blew open as a swarm of robot flooded into the supply room along with the rest of the team.

"They're bloody EVERYWHERE! We couldn't hold em’ off for long, lads." Demo shot his remaining pipe bombs at the invading swarm.

"Fellas the portal is ready. Y’all must go, now!" the engineer yelled from the side of the portal while waving his arm.

The team slowly retreated into the portal one by one, while suppressing the horde at the entrance of the room. Scout went through first,  followed by spy, sniper, engie ... But Heavy stayed behind to prevents the robots from following the team through the portal.

With the mercs gone. Saxton Hale fought the robot army alone. He felt the thirst for revenge, no one could do this to him and walk away...

‘They stole my Australium and used it against me’ Saxton muttered while pulling out the head of a big Demobot. ‘They made me fight the war I PAID them to fight.’ He roundhouse kicked a horde of bot-heavies. “These traitors will face a death as slow and painful as a hippie’s death.” he shouted in rage as he punched a tank into oblivion.

*Boom*

‘what the?’ Hale turned around to see his factory get blown up, a sneaky bot managed to get the bomb to that hatch while Saxton was rampaging. He rushed to the supply room, or what was left of it, to get his Australium. He found it under the rubble, covered with debris and … piss

”THOSE GODDAMN HIPPIES!”

Scout felt his body getting ripped apart, it wasn't painful though. It felt like someone was disassembling his body parts to only leave pure consciousness. After a while, he could see a forest materialize in front of him, he was speeding to it very fast ... He was falling, his sense came back to him and suddenly.

*thud*

"Urrgg" Scout stood up a wiped the dirt off his face. He hit the ground hard, but he was at one piece again.

    A dim moonlight was all that scout needed to see his surroundings. He was in a forest, it looked more like a swamp or a mix of the two. The vegetation looked very unnatural to him even though he can only make out silhouettes. And what was most interesting is the sky, he can tell it is late at night from the position of the moon and yet the sky wasn't completely dark, it was purple blue with very bright stars piercing it.

*thud*

Without a warning, Spy fell on scout forcing him to the ground again. Scout quickly got up on his feet and swiftly stepped away from the landing area. He knew more of his teammate would pile up on that spot.

"Mon dieu...” said the spy while scratching his head, still on the ground. “pardon me scou- ... AUURRRG" Sniper slammed spy’s body hard into the ground. The spy groaned painfully as he was hitting the dirt with his fist.

Scout chuckled and said. “Ha... Sniper if i were you i'd move right away" he suggested while looking up in the sky where a falling engineer had just arrived.

Sniper was about to stand up only to have engineer’s soft ass stuffed to his face. They both fell on spy who didn't even have a chance to move away “MON DIEU, not again...”

Scout burst into laughter, anticipating more. Seing Spy in such pain and humiliation brought him joy.

The team continued dropping on spot. Pyro, soldier, medic, demoman. They all formed a pile of bodies, each trying to stand up only to be forced by another dropping body. Scout, still laughing, looked at the sky awaiting the grand finale … Heavy.

"INCOMINGGG, AGHHH" Screamed heavy, mid-air. Everyone, not wanting to be squashed by the fat russian, quickly dispersed from the landing zone, leaving the exhausted spy on the ground. Heavy came crashing down on his small fragile body. “AGGGGHHHUUUUUUUUUUUU.” Spy screamed in pain for the seventh time.

"hahahaha" Scout rolled on the ground, tears of laughter in his eyes. Never had he witnessed such a hilarious scene since that day he caught heavy kissing sasha.

“Haha, his bones got turned into cake powder.” laughed Soldier.

“Do-d-docteur, h-help me.” Spy said in pain. Medic obliged and started healing the spy.

"Looks like everyone’s here. Now, anyone know where th’ hell are we?!" the engineer asked loudly, to get everyone’s attention.

Heavy suddenly remembered something. He picked his mini-gun up from the ground and pointed up in the sky from where he fell. “Robot men are coming too, heavy could not hold them off for long. Prepare to fight tiny metal men.”

"Not again..." Sniper rolled his eyes.

Everyone picked up and pointed their weapons at the sky. As soon as the robots appeared they all shot simultaneously. The barrage of destruction turned the wave into worthless scrap before they even reached the ground. The robot rain soon died down, leaving a pile of motionless metal.

"Heh, that was easy" the engineer grinned.

"Zis must mean ze portal is closed. Good, so, what do ve do know?" asked the medic. The soldier climbed on the pile of scrap and gave a loud command speech,

"We should set up a camp for this night, we need rest before we venture into this unknown world. Scout, you go do what you do best, scouting." he joked. “Look for any signs of intelligent maggots out here and report back here.”

"A’right, on it." Scout saluted and climbed a nearby tree to have a clear view of the landscape.

"Sniper, you hunt us a meal. I am starving after all this fighting. I would eat a bowl of maggots if i have to. Report back here as well."

"Okay, mate" Sniper grabbed his Huntsman and ventured into the forest looking for a prey.

"And the rest of us will set up a camp right here. We will have dinner once sniper returns then we rest. Tomorrow morning, we will conquer any intelligent civilization scout could find in this world. If no civilization exists in this world, we will create our own civilization and take over that instead...Understood?"

"Sounds like a *burp* perfect plan, Lad!" Cheered demo as he raised his bottle with a smile. while the rest of the team sighed.

“dummkopf, lets just go vith your plan except the conquering part.”

The rest agreed and Work on the camp began. Heavy chopped up some logs for seating while Pyro handpicked the most combustible tree brushes he could find. Engineer and medic worked on setting up tents and spy and soldier were on guard duty. Demoman on the other hand was way too drunk to help, he was laying on the ground being useless as usual, providing unneeded moral support.

Pyro ventured a bit far from the campsite, looking for good brushes. He noticed a pair behind a thick tree. He tried to pick it up, but it moved away ... on its own. "Hmmm?"

He noticed more tree brushes moving to the same direction. Even the one he already collected flied out of his arms. What was going on?

"hmmhm, hmmhm?" He couldn't make out what was happening.

more timber joined the pile and formed a four legged creature with green glowing eyes. It let out an intimidating howl.

Pyro clapped at the amazing display. He just made first contact with a cute creature of this world. He gave it rainbows from his bubble gun make it happier. The creature became so happy that it turned into a pile of colored ashes ashes. Suddenly more of these cute puppies appeared, each time denying pyro from collecting brushes. It really annoyed pyro, he tries to give them happiness and rainbows while they always steal his brushes away. He had to tell his team about this, so he ran back to the camp.

"Hmhmhm, hmmhHMMhmm! Hmmmhmm phhm hmpphmm hm-"

"Pyro, I have no idea vat you are talking abo-”

"hmmphm, phmmhmph hmmph, HMMH hmpphmmh hmm!" Pyro tried harder to communicate with his teammate.

“HHMMMH MHMHMH PHMPPHMHP!” Medic clearly wasnt understanding him. So pyro started using hand gestures to explain the events, but that only made him look crazier.

"Vat? unless you take off your mask i cannot understand vat you are trying to say. Now please let me vork."

Pyro grabbed few stamps and started reenacting the scene while still yelling incomprehensible words. Medic facepalmed and said,

“Ugh, perhaps ze portal had some unexpected side effekts on your brain. Let me help you vith some medication.”

Medic injected pyro with a sleep dart, somebody had to shut up this crazed mumbler. He then dragged his sleeping body off the ground and put him down next to the dim campfire, so he wouldn’t be a nuisance to anyone.

*****

The camp was finally set up. The team rested around the fire, waiting for their teammates to return. Everyone was quiet. A long silence engulfed the camp, only the soothing sound of the crackling fire can be heard. It was a silence of mutual understanding and sorrow. A much needed silence to think of what they had left behind...

Demoman, thought of his mother. She is a blind old lady, very old, unable to take care of herself. She needs someone around the house who can see for her, even with one eye. She outlived her friends, and most of her family is gone, only her son Tavish.... But not anymore. His bottle of scrumpy couldn’t wash away the guilt he pain for her.

Spy, for the first time in his life, felt guilty. He usually betrays people, his employers, his friends, his country ... he betrayed everything and none had him feel more remorse than betraying his bride to be. He promised her to quit the job and build a normal family, a life he longed for after all these years of constant madness. He promised to look out for her son, scout, keep him safe. But now, the last men she cared for are gone aswell, trapped in another dimension. The least he could have done to her was prevent scout from signing the MVM contract.

Heavy feels no remourse, he is a merciless killing machine. He was built to be a monster. And monsters had no feelings, or so he thought. Life was tough for heavy since his birth, he had to become what he is to live. Heavy does enjoy killing, but he never asked for it. He took the job to protect his family, all the money he earns is sent back home to bribe his family out of the Gulags. ‘it is sad day’ A single tear ran through heavy’s cheek as he imagined their fate.

Soldier seemed to be the only one enjoying this trip, it was a new chance for him to prove himself. A whole new world full of opportunity. He had no family, no friends, no lovers to grief for. Everyone back there thought he was a lunatic or a psychopath. He was rejected from the army, rejected from society and now completely rejected from planet earth. It was ok though, he hated them all anyways, especially his short tempered roommate Merasmus.

"Oy Mates, I am back. found this juicy fat thing ‘round the woods… Huh? why are you’all looking cranky?" Sniper grabbed everyone’s attention. He approached the camp and laid the dead animal near the fire.

"Oh thank god, heavy is hungry" said the heavy.

"Hmmm, sehr interesting. I have never seen a creature like zis before. Looks fat and juicy.""

"Be sure to leave something for scout, he’s not here yet." said spy in a very monotone voice.

Medic eagerly skinned and sliced the meat into smaller pieces, he was experienced with this sort of work. Sniper then expertly roasted the meat over the campfire, and served his teammates.

*****

A couple of minutes later, scout jumped down from the trees without any warning “Got good news fellas, I've found a source of lights behind the hill north of here. Am pretty sure it’s a village" the scout announced.

"Good work scout. Things are finally looking up.” cheered the soldier, as he munched on the burnt meat.

“Anyway, what took you so long?" he asked

"Can I have some of that stuff? I am frickin' hungry." The scout explained and reach for his share of food.

"Here you go, mate."

Scout had took a bite from his food and tasted it. "Hmm this tasted pretty good. And it is strangely sweet… What is it?"

"We had a boiling debate about that earlier. I don't know what it is. But the medic says its a pony because it has equine anatomy or some bloody thing like that."

"It iz a pony. I am sure of it."

"No it isnt, ponies aren't purple and they sure as hell don't have bloody grape tattoos on their bums." answered the sniper, mouth full of meat.

“Woa Woa Woa. If we dont know what we’re eating. It could be poisonous or something... Right doc?”

“If it tastez good, your body vants it. Do not vorry scout.”

Although scout was suspicious he took another bite. He couldn't help himself, this meat was good and he was very hungry.

*****

Only bones and skin remained of the unfortunate pony. Even the brain was not spared. it was eaten raw by soldier, he thinks it gives him immense strength.

The good meal restored a bit of optimism. They were here to start a new life after all.

"Let’s hit the hay, men. Tomorrow’s morning we will head up North to that village. And we will befriend the crap out of that village until it surrenders. Goodnight." the soldier declared.

The mercs took their much needed sleep. Tomorrow, their new life begins.

Second contact

The next day

"WAKE UP, WAKE UP!" Sniper kicked his snoring teammates.

"THERE IS A BLOODY FIRE! WAKE UP, YOU WANKERS!"

"w-w-wha?? Fire? Where?" Scout woke up wiping the sleep off his eyes only to be faced by a huge wall of flames "Ohh crap."

"JARATE!" Sniper yelled, the rest team simultaneously woke up in a hurry. They all ran into different directions hoping to flee from the splash of urine. When no sound of glass smashing accompanied with the warning, they realized that Sniper didn't actually throw his Jarate.

"This is no matter to joke about Sniper." Spy warned.

"Now that you're all awake, you can see that we have a BLOODY SERIOUS PROBLEM OVER HERE!" Sniper raised his voice pointing at the burning trees few meters away.

"Oh zis is not good." Said medic as he stared at the fire with the rest of his teammates.

"Don't just stand there. Everyone grab as much as you can and ruuuunn." Soldier ordered.

Everyone swiftly grabbed their weapons and hats. Pyro on the other hand stood still amidst the chaos awed by the huge flames. Seeing fire always brought joy to him somehow.

"Ye mute devil, i bet yer the one behind this." Said the Demoman as he pulled his teammate away from the fire.

With everything important in hand, they all ran towards the village.

The intense flames were eating out the forest at an unbelievable rate, the trees behind them collapsed as they got completely consumed by the fire. The concerned Medic had his medigun ready as he was running, in case some of them got hurt.

"Quickly guys, follow me." Scout hoped that the flames won't spread to the bare hill.

After minutes of tirelessly running, they finally made it to the top. Everyone was panting, especially Heavy. He laid flat on the grassy ground breathing loudly. He never ran this fast in his life before. If he dies now, there will be no respawn. It was like the old days, before he got hired by the administrator.

The hill provided them with quite the view of what Pyro had done. The flames outshone the raising sun. But something else was going on, something ... unnatural.

All of the clouds above the forest slowly gathered above the fire, they spread out to cover as much of the burning areas a possible. Where there wasn't flames, there where no clouds. Then it started raining.

Engineer, mouth agape, could only stare in amazement "Did you fellas see that?" Nobody seemed to hear him, they were all angrily glaring at Pyro.

"Pyro ye bloody devil, ye made me lose me last bottle o'scrumpy." Demoman was furious, he was about to strangle Pyro only to be stopped by Spy. "It might have been for ze best." Spy said calmly.

"Pyro, ve are no longer at war. hand over your veapons at once before you cause any more 'incidents' ." Medic forcefully took all of Pyro's fire toys: the degreaser, the flare gun, the detonator, twelve matchstick boxes, eight lighters, six boxes of fireworks, two incendiary grenades and a propane tank. he threw most of them off the hill.

Engineer continued to stare. What he is witnessing was not the work of nature. This forest had a scary aura, it is cursed he can feel it. But his teammates seem to ignore this.

"Why are y'all acting like you didn't see what just happened, the cursed forest is trying to put itself out."

"Hahaha." laughed the Soldier "We have fought robots, magicians, ghosts, zombies and a shirtless man, i don't know what surprises me anymore. Now enough chitchat, let's march to that village."

"But, but there is no scientific explanati-"

"Shut up maggot."

'i hate early morning disasters.' Rainbow Dash though as she flew towards Town Hall. All weather pegasi in ponyville held an emergency meeting concerning a recent fire in the Everfree forest. She Could see its brightness in the horizon, along with the raising sun.

Rainbow Dash entered the building expecting to see alot of worried ponies. To her disappointment there were only five pegasi.

"What? Were is the rest? I thought this was a 'serious' disaster."

"Glad to see you came Rainbow Dash. It seems that nopony takes a fire in everfree forest seriously, they'd rather keep sleeping." Sunny Rays said.

"I wouldn't too, because the forest usually takes care of itself. But this time something is different, according to our observations the forest doesn't have enough water in its clouds. And if we don't do something the fire will spread and eventually consume ponyville." Thunderlane added with a shudder.

"Don't we usually make it rain to extinguish fires?" Derpy asked

"We can't control the clouds above the forest so it will be impossible to put it out the way we usually do." Cloudchaser replied.

"Maybe we can throw buckets of water over the fire." Derpy suggested.

"Don't be silly that's too slow and ineffective. Besides the fire is too big." Flitter said.

"Derpy, what are you even doing here? you are a mailpony." Sunny Rays facehoofed.

"We have to think of something serious. Any ideas ?" Thunderlane said.

Everypony fell in deep thought. They were all silent for a minute until Rainbow Dash decided to speak. "The forest needs fire to put itself out. So we have to feed it more water and it will handle the rest. There problem solved." She said smugly.

"Great idea RD." Thunderlane replied enthusiastically.

"So how are you going to feed the forest more water?" Derpy asked, breaking the short silence.

"Well i haven't though of that yet." Rainbow Dash quickly replied.

"We use a Tornado." Everypony gasped and turned around. It was Mayor Mare, descending from the stairs. All eyes were locked on her as she put one hoof over another with extreme confidence.

"Yes you heard me right, and not just any Tornado. A water Tornado." She continued.

"B-But, lifting water with a Tornado requires more eight hundred horse power, we need a great amount of coordination and training before we even attempt that." Thunderlane said with a stutter.

"And we can't be too sure if that would even work. That's just a crazy suggestion Mayor. No offense." Flitter added.

"This isn't the first time that this happened, after all i've lived here for a long time. Once there was a fire in the everfree forest that got out of control. All of the pegasi in town got together to create a water Tornado and flung it towards the fire. The forest drank it all up and took care of the rest after that. I don't know how it exactly works since i was just a filly, but i can assure you it works."

"Thats great and all, but i am not sure we can achieve this in such short notice. There must be another way, maybe we should ask Twi or tell the princesses about this." Rainbow Dash said.

"There is no need to bother the princess, i have already contacted Cloudsdale and they are sending twelve experts to help you with the coordination and wing power. All you have to do is group as much pegasi as possible so we can get started."

"You really are prepared for everything Mayor Mare." Sunny Rays replied softly.

"It is my job to be. You best go now. The sooner we start the more chance we have to put it out."

Everypony nodded and immediately flew away.

"Agh finally, Heavy is tire. Is good to see we are close."

An hour had passed, they finally made it out of the forest. Suddenly, everything became surprisingly brighter. The grass, the sky, the sun ... There were flowers and butterflies everywhere.

"Alright boys, the village is Right over there. Now, We need to be very careful with our first conta-"

"HMMM, HMMMM!!" Pyro suddenly yelled in terror. He was pointing at a nearby cottage, where another Horse-like creature was pacing back and forth nervously. This one was yellow.

"Look, its another one of those sweet delicious candy horses." Soldier wet his lips with his tongue, "Ohhh i'd love to have its brains for breakfast."

"PHMMPHH, HMMHPHM!"  Pyro screamed again still pointing at the horse.

"Mates Look! that thing has bloody wings. See, i told you they were not ponies."

"Heavy does not care about wings. Heavy want to make sandvitch out of tiny horse." Even though fat and juicy, the prey of last night wasn't enough to satisfy eight hungry mercenaries.

"hmmhphm, HMPHMMPH, HMMPHMM!"

"What the hell is wrong with you, Pyro. Stop screaming like a freakin' girl-... ohh."

"Alright mates, if you want to eat that beauty for breakfast." Sniper said, while Pyro was still screaming in the background like a lunatic. "We'll need to approach it from the forest where it can't see us. And Pyro, you better shut your blabbering mutant mouth or you'll scare it away."

Pyro nodded. He stayed alert and mumbled barely audible noises as if he was trying to calm himself down.

Everyone retreated to the forest, and slowly made their way near the cottage. The early morning sun provided them with long shadows, a good cover. Sniper got into position and aimed his rifle at the yellow creature's head. He focused on his shot, he could see more details of it.

It had a very stylized pink mane. Unlike the coat it had feathers on the wings. It also had what looked like a tattoo of butterflies on her rear. The eyes however were the most interesting part; they were sky-blue and they seemed to shine. He could feel that there is something more behind them, something deep and mesmerizing. These weren't normal eyes, just by looking at them Sniper could feel his heart melt away.

Is he going to murder this innocent creature to get breakfast? That would make him such a meany. He felt a crushing guilt that he never experience before in his life, not even before pulling the trigger on a human's head, not even before skinning those cubs to make a new hat, not even that one time when he put piss in Scout's drink. Just by looking at this creature's eyes, he felt not just guilty ... He felt ashamed. What did this cute creature ever do to him to deserve such fate. What would his mother think of him if she saw him mercilessly execute a harmless creat-.

"Just shoot it already." Medic was getting impatient.

"I-i can't. It's bloody doing something to my mind."

"Vhat?  You are ze 'professional'. How can a little pony beat you."

'it's not a bloody pony' he mumbled.

"Comon Sniper, we're starvin' over here. Hurry it up."

Sniper Could feel the stares his teammates gave from behind, he sighed and readied his shot again; Crosshair on the head, preferably between the eyes, finger on the trigger... 'professionals don't have feelings.' Sniper told himself before the muscles of his finger slowly contracted and then ... BAM.

A fast blue blur swept across his scope, it took him by surprise. "What the?" he canceled his shot and lowered the scope to see what happened.

Pyro let out a panicked scream then quickly managed to silence himself.

It was another Another winged creature, a light blue one just appeared right in front of the yellow one. "It came out from bloody nowhere."

"Whoaw, a Rainbow Flying horse. Cool." Scout cheered.

"Alright Doctor, what did ye put in me drink this time? Why am i seeing rainbow horses all of the sudden?"

"This place just keeps getting weirder n' weirder" Mumbled the Engineer, mostly to himself.

"HAHA this is great. Forget the yellow one, we'll leave it for lunch, this new one is much better. I wonder if it has a rainbow brain as well."

"For ze last time Soldier. Eating raw brains only gives you bad infections."

"Private! What are you waiting. Shoot it!"

"Nah mate, i am not shooting it."

"Why the hell not?" asked Scout.

Sniper motioned Scout to come look at them from the scope.

"See what they are doing? Don't call me crazy, i am sure that these two are arguing about something. These things can talk, they are not just animals."

"buhahahahha. Sniper thinks tiny pony food talks. Is funny."

"Why don't you hop in and see for yourself, mate?"

The two creatures were arguing, the gestures and the expressions they used are very human like. Scout guessed that these creatures might be sentient.

"He's right, Heavy. Their lips move as if they are talkin' and they use the same body language we do. That would explain why it's near a cottage, maybe it lives there." Scout's eyes were widened from amazement.

"Spy maybe ye could sneak up on 'em. See if there is anything ye could understand." Demoman finally suggested something useful.

"Of course. Sounds like a great plan." Spy was already invisible when he replied.

He slowly walked out of the forest and towards to cottage. He hid under a small bridge that was right in front of the tiny building. His teammates could only observe from a distance.

Few minutes later the blue pegasus just flashed out of the scene, it flew off with incredible speed, maybe even faster than Scout after he drinks his boink. The yellow pegasus went inside the cottage.

"Gentlemen." Spy decloacked right behind his teammates without any warning.

"Quickly, Spy tell us what you got." Scout asked eagerly.

"I am afraid this place is more ridiculous than we first though." Spy sighed and continued. "The village we're after is named 'Ponyville', and this entire world is populated by these talking ponies, and they all luckily speak English."

As soon as Spy mentioned 'Ponyville' everyone around him chuckled, trying to hold their laughter so that Spy could continue.

"ah, ahahha. I told you sniper, I told you zese are ponies." Said the medic.

"the blue pony is called 'Rainbow-Dash'. And the yellow pony is called 'Fluttershy'."

What followed was a chain reaction of laughter that even Spy couldn't withstand. Scout held his sides while Soldier was wiping tears of his eyes and Heavy was continuously slapping his knees.

Pyro however did not share their laughter. He was just laying on the dirt, grabbing his legs to form a ball and he was rambling more than usual.

" *snort* *snort* But wait there's even more." Spy could barely hold a serious face while continuing "They are going to put out the forest fires with a... with a TORNADO, because they 'cannot control the clouds above the Everfree forest' ahahahahahaahaha *snort*."

The team's laughter was soon interrupted by a loud high pitched scream. Everyone turned around to see that it was 'Fluttershy'. They must have made too much noise.

The pony was clearly terrified at the sight of the humans that it froze in screaming. And Pyro was more terrified at the sight of the pony so close and screaming at them that he lost what little sanity he had and gave another ear-piercing scream. The shock of the encounter froze both of them in a yelling battle which rendered the rest of the team half deaf.

"Someone please make it stop!" Spy begged covering his ears.

"Pyro, I've had enough of your Scheiße." Medic, furious,  pulled out a large syringe and thrust it into Pyro's neck putting him to sleep once again. Meanwhile 'Fluttershy' immediately flew off, very terrified.

"No wait, don't go. We come in peace, i promise i wont eat your brain. Please come back. Pleaaaaase." Soldier yelled from a distance, which made the pony fly even faster.

"Damn it, now i will never eat its brain."

Medic got even more furious, he turned to soldier "I swear,i f you try to eat another pony, or even talk about eating ponies. I vill saw off your tongue."

"Ehhh, hehe ... sorry doc." He replied while scratching the back of his neck.

"That was quite the first impression there mates." Sniper said sarcastically. "Now please tell me what the bloody hell is wrong with Pyro."

"I have no idea!" Medic replied "I am going to keep him sleeping, until i find a suitable place to perform my examination."

"Or we could just kill him. I never liked the mute freak in the first place." Scout suggested bluntly.

"No, Pyro is good friend. He save heavy from sneaky spy many times." Heavy waved his hand defensively, "Pyro is part of team. We protect Pyro, not kill him."

"Lads, we need to focus on our next step. Let's go to that village now, tell 'em we come in peace. Before that pony makes things worse." Demoman seemed to make more sense since he lost that bottle of scrumpy.

"See, i told you it was for ze best, Demoman." Spy added.

"Ah agree. But before we go we'all need someone to speak for our behalf. Spy did a hell of a job with Mr.Hale back on Mann.co, he is the best diplomatist we got." Engineer talked proudly of Spy, he was still grateful for his handiwork.

"да, Spy is sneaky good liar."

"It would be my pleasure. And I'll take that as a compliment Heavy." Spy smiled, but then he wore a warning glare and locked his eyes on Soldier. "Just make sure nobody mentions anything about eating ponies, or starting a fire."

Soldier nodded with a smile.

First Impressions

Fluttershy needed to warn her friends. These hideous ... monsters must be responsible for all the unusual things that has been happening: the late night noises, the forest fire, the disappearance Berry Punch...

She flapped her wings faster than ever and soon found herself in front of Twilight's library. She rushed in without knocking or politely asking, which was very unusual for her.

"Twilight! I-I need your help. We must tell th-the princess now .. th... this is urgent."

"Huh? tell her about what?"

"Th-There were th- these creatures, fro-from the forest." She nervously tried to catch her breath, "There-they... Big ... A group of them, he screamed at me. An-and then ... and then he, he eat my brai-" The terrified pegasus was out of breath.

"Fluttershy, please calm down." Twilight said worriedly "Have a seat, relax then tell me exactly what happened." She invited her friend to sit on the couch. "I can get you some tea if you want."

"No, No they are already here. W-We don't have time for tea."

"I can always spare some time for tea." A third voice replied.

"Huh Rainbow Dash? its nice to see you here, Fluttershy was about to tell me something important. Although I'd appreciate it if you girls knock on the door next time. Now about your tea, SPIIIIIKE!"

"Isn't this supposed to be a public library?" Rainbow Dash innocently said, but Twilight seemed to ignore that remark.

The baby dragon quickly descended from the stairs.

"Yes Twilight?" he replied.

"Make us some tea."

"Right away." Spike immediately put on his cooking apron. He was about to go into the kitchen but he noticed the funny look Rainbow Dash was giving him. He knew she was laughing at him about something, but she couldn't conceal that laugh quite well. "If you keep looking at me like that i will put salt in your tea." He threatened and then retreated to the kitchen.

"Sorry, won't happen again." She quickly turned her gaze back to Fluttershy and laid next to her on the couch, still holding a laugh with her hoof.

"Alright Fluttershy, tell me what's wrong?"

Fluttershy took a deep breath and replied. "Ok. So, earlier when i was in front of my cottage i heard strange laughter coming from the forest. First i thought they were colts who might have started the fire, I went there to nicely ask them about it. Bu-but what i found were no colts at all, not even ponies! They were hideous terrifying hairless creatures. I never seen anything like them, and i know most of the terrifying creatures that live in the Everfree forest."

"New creatures? interesting. They could be nice for all we know. You can't judge them by their looks Fluttershy."

Spike returned with the dragon breath warmed tea. He put it on the desk while checking if Rainbow Dash was still mocking him silently.

"Thanks spike. Now Fluttershy, can you accurately describe them."

"Yes" Fluttershy took a sip from her tea-cup to help her recall what she saw, "I think there were nine of them. They kind of looked like monkeys, they stood on their back hooves, and their front hooves were ... deformed. And they had no fur. They looked disgusting." Fluttershy shuddered.

"Maybe you only think that way because it's the first time you've met them. First impressions are not always right ya know."

Rainbow Dash's remarks only seemed to make Fluttershy more nervous.

"Rainbow Dash, you aren't helping. Aren't you supposed to schedule a Tornado or something." Twilight whispered angrily.

"Don't worry Twi, i've got it handled. I was just trying to lessen Fluttershy's worries."

"Well you are achieving the opposite, its better if you let me handle this. Fluttershy please continue."

Fluttershy took another sip an continued. "I think they wore Red clothes, they also wore fancy hats. I remember a big one, he was so huge, maybe as big as a bear. A-and one of them wore a pot on his head, he said h-he wanted to eat my brain." She paused "A-and, one of them had a black face that didn't move, he had no expressions. He s-s-screamed at me very loud. H-His voice was muffled and scary." Fluttershy felt the terror rushing back to her as she remembered the faceless creature, she was shaking as she spoke. Twilight sat next to Fluttershy and wrapped her hoof around her. "Poor Fluttershy, this must be horrible. Maybe i can find something about them in my books if you can tell me more about the others."

"Heh, at least they show some signs civility. You know monkeys don't walk around wearing fancy hats, and they can't talk."

"Rainbow Dash do you not have any sympathy at all." Twilight grit her teeth.

"I am just stating the obvious, after all we need an objective perspective on the matter."

Fluttershy ignored her friend's remarks this time. If Rainbow Dash saw what she saw, she would understand, "Well, i didn't have time to focus on the others. Twilight please, you must tell the princesses about this. They are so close to my cottage and they can harm my pets at anytime. I am sure that they are also behind all of the strange stuff that's been happening in the everfree forest. The lights, the noises, the fire..."

"Yes, maybe they are responsible for that. If These creatures can talk and wear clothes, they must be a new intelligent creature in Equestria. That means we must be extra careful when we deal with them." Twilight kept an understanding face for her friend's sake. But deep down she was bursting from excitement from the though of studying a new intelligent creature.

"That doesn't make any sense Fluttershy, there is no direct evidence linking them to the fire and lights or whatever. Don't let your paranoia think for you." The blue Pegasus said.

"Rainbow Dash cut it, Fluttershy is having a hard time as it is and you are only making it worse. That's not what friends do." Twilight might have to ask Rainbow Dash to leave if she gave another blunt remark. "Spike, help me find 'Sentient creatures encountered by ponykind'.

I need to know what they are before reporting to the princess."

"Right on it!"

"It would save some time if you see them for yourself Twilight. I don't want them near my pets any longer."

"Sorry Fluttershy, i have to know what we are dealing with here before i see them for myself. You made it clear that they can be dangerous."

'Sentient creatures encountered by ponykind' didn't have a description that fits Fluttershy's .Spike and Twilight flipped the library upside down searching for other sources. Few minutes passed and they had no lead about what these creatures might be. Twilight was becoming desperate, it usually takes less time to find out about any content she needs due to her excessive organizing. Maybe she would have to search in the Canterlot library, but that would take time in which these creatures might cause more damage, or just disappear. Perhaps the wisest move is to contact the Princ-

Twilight's thinking was interrupted by her front door suddenly opening with a slam, again without knocking....

"Fluttershy quickly, i've been looking for you everywhere. We're going ... to ... start ... the Tornado ... in a few ... minutes... ?" It was Rainbow Dash hovering right in front of the open door. Her pace of speaking slowed down as she noticed ... herself laying on the couch next to Fluttershy.

Everyone shared awkward looks, unable to comprehend the situation.

The first Rainbow Dash, sitting on the couch forced a fake laugh "uhhh, hehe."

"Uh Rainbow Dash? Why is there two of you?" Spike nervously asked.

"Who are you? I mean you are Rainbow Dash, but she is Rainbow Dash too. How can there be two Rainbow Dashes, it's not scientifically possible. One of you is not scientifically possible." Twilight waved her hoof at both Dashes with an almost crazed look.

"There is only one explanation Twilight. she is an IMPOSTER. Who do you think you are to try and mimic my awesomeness." The hovering Rainbow Dash said.

"No, you are the IMPOSTER. Twilight help me." Replied the first. This struck a nerve on the other Rainbow Dash. In a blink of an eye she charged towards the couch and started punching the first dash with no mercy.

"Girls Girls, stop. We need to resolve this without violence!" Twilight quickly intervened as she pulled both dashes away from each other with her magic.

Twilight suddenly noticed that the first Dash wasn't acting like herself earlier, so the new Dash must be the real Dash. But she had to be more certain...

"I am sure the real Rainbow Dash would win in a race." Fluttershy suggested.

"Great idea Fluttershy. who ever makes it from here to Town Hall  is the real Rainbow Dash. Understood?"

"Hell yeah. This pathetic liar will not stand a chance against the fastest flier in all of Equestria." The second Dash replied enthusiastically.

"Alright then, we have a solution."

"Flier? No sorry i can't participate ... You win Rainbow Dash. I am the imposter, i can't even fly." Said the first dash in defeat.

"Hahaha, you are pathetic. You can't even fly and you disguise as the best flier in Equestria, pffft ... Now tell me who are you and why are you disguised as me. And don't you think about running away." Rainbow Dash punched her hooves together to intimidate her double.

The imposter erupted into smoke and revealed it's true self. All the three ponies Gasped in awe.

"Its it- its one of THEM!" Fluttershy screamed and quickly hid herself behind the couch with her hooves above her head.

Twilight gasped, there were hints of fear and amazement all over her face. Meanwhile Rainbow Dash immediately fell into combat state.

And Spike screamed and turned tail upstairs.

"Ewww, what is that thing." Rainbow said

"Ladies, i am thee Spy. Pleasure to meet you. I do not intend to cause any harm, Ms. Fluttershy, please don't be afraid. And Ms. Rainbow Dash, i am sorry that i took your form. You are free to ask me any question and i will answer with utmost honesty, you deserved it after all the problems we unintentionally caused."

"Don't call me Miss, or the last thing you'll see is my hoof meeting your face." Rainbow was unsure of what to do at this moment. She never seen such creature before and had no idea of its capabilities. All she could afford was keep this thing intimidated until she could figure out its weaknesses.

Twilight just stared at him in shock trying to process what she was seeing. It looked like a two legged creature, almost as tall as princess Celestia. His front hooves were ... Divided. His face was similar to ponies, except that its nuzzle was very tiny. It was completely dressed in red and wore some kind of  hat. It also appeared to be smoking. Twilight have read tons of books about all kinds of creatures. She knew every category of every species that ever existed. But never in her life had she read about such creature, even in mythological books. This filled her with mixed feelings of fear and excitement.

"Come on, i haven't got all day."

"What are you?" Twilight asked.

"I am a human, I come here in peace from a different dimension."

"A different dimension? The princesses themselves don't have enough power to jump through dimensions. And you don't even have a horn, so how did you do it?" This 'human' seemed to contradict everything Twilight believes in.

"Why were you in Twilight's library disguised as me? And why are you in Equestria in the first place?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Me and my colleagues have escaped to your world seeking peace. Our first contact with your species, as Ms. Fluttershy might recall, was rather unpleasant. We did not mean to scare your dear friend, it was just mutual misunderstanding. I followed Ms. Fluttershy here disguised as Rainbow Dash to make sure she doesn't spread panic about our existence, and at the same time to study your society a little bit before we present ourselves. But it seems that my cover has been blown too soon. And Twilight, if you wish to know how we got here you should meet my friend Engineer. He is waiting for my return with the rest of my colleagues in the forest."

"I don't trust any word you say. If you truly are peaceful, you would have said so earlier in your true ugly form."

"I do not know how you ponies would react to alien creatures. If i presented myself in my true form i would only cause panic. Or perhaps i would be locked away by the authorities. Twilight, i would like you to see my colleagues for yourself and talk to them. You seem to be the most rational amongst your friends." Spy can see Twilight's thirst for knowledge, he's going to exploit that for his favor.

Rainbow Dash looked at Twilight who appeared to be deeply in though. "Twilight, are you seriously considering this? It's obviously a trap!"

"It does sound fishy, but i am willing to take a risk. Sorry Rainbow Dash." Twilight desperately needed some answers, even if it means getting herself into danger.

"Seriously? I though you were smarter than this Twi. You can't throw yourself in danger like that."

"Yes i can, and you, Rainbow Dash, are coming with me. You will hover above me so if anything happens you will fly and get some help. And there is nothing you could say to change my mind."

"But-. Aguh, fine" Rainbow Dash unwillingly agreed only because she wasn't scared of these 'human' anyways. Even if it was a trap, she was sure that she can handle it.

"Alright, SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE" Twilight yelled.

Spike peeked into the room from upstairs, he was still visibly shaking.

"There is nothing to be afraid of, he is friendly... For now."

"I-If you say so Twilight. what can i help you with?"

"prepare a letter to the princesses. Write about every detail you heard, describe the human well and don't forget to mention what i am about to do. So if anything bad happens to me, Spy and his 'colleagues' might get a free ticket to the moon."

Twilight knew that what she said wasn't completely true, but it served to guarantee her safety.

Spike nodded then he pulled out an empty letter and a plume out of nowhere and started writing.

"Alright then ladies. I don't want to cause problems just by walking on the street." Spy said as he erupted into smoke once again. After the smoke faded there was another Fluttershy in the room.

Spy said to the real Fluttershy with her own voice: "Fluttershy, please be a dear and stay inside. We don't want to cause any confusion."

To which She replied with a scared yelp.

After that Twilight and 'Fluttershy' walked out of the library while Rainbow Dash hovered above them. They took few steps outside when

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." Yelled scout as he came crushing down. His body slid on the ground few meters, slowly burying his face into the ground. He finally came to a halt right at the tip of Twilight's hooves.

"Ehhhhh... What?" Rainbow Dash looked at the small human in confusion.

"Another human? You said they were at the Everfree forest Spy." Twilight glared at him, or her.

Spy stuttered a bit before replying "I-I did, but it seems something unexpected happened. Scout, what's the meaning of this?" It seems that there was nothing left of his original plan.

Scout stood up and spat out the dirt out of his mouth then shook his head. He then stared at Twilight for a few seconds.

"Woah woah woah, did i hit my head too hard or am i actually seeing a purple unicorn in front of me."

"Look around you Scout, there are unicorns of all spectrum." Scout did look around, there were alot unicorns but also flying ponies and just normal ponies. They all came with different sizes and colors, and they all stared back at him with surprise or confusion.

"Now enough of that, tell me what happened and where is the rest of the team?" Spy asked.

"Well, me 'n the guys were sitting in the forest, minding our own business, when out o' freaking nowhere came a Freakin' Tornado and sent us all flying all over the place. Guess these ponies weren't joking around."

"Oh crap. I forgot about the water Tornado." Rainbow Dash facehoofed, "I am glad that ponyville was able to pull it off without me."

"Well then, i guess we won't be making a proper introduction." Said Spy as he noticed the growing crowd of ponies around them.

"I got more bad news, Pyro woke up and i have no idea were he is now. We do not want that crazed lunatic running around screaming at random ponies. Also we should find to Soldier before he does something that will drastically damage our reputation."

"Then we need to quickly regroup all of the team. Sorry but i must ask your help for this my new pony friends. Rainbow Dash, i need you to fly around and look for my colleagues, there are seven of them. Once you find them guide the to a secluded place. We will do the same."

"Ok, but keep in mind i am only doing this so nopony gets hurt. I still don't trust your kind." She replied.

"AppleJack's barn sounds like a perfect place." Twilight said. Rainbow nodded an took off quickly

"hehe, 'nopony'." Scout chuckled.

"This is no time to joke Scout."

"You said you came in peace, how come one of your friends yelled Fluttershy and the other said he wanted to eat her brain." Twilight asked.

The crowd around them grew by the tens. All of them were asking Twilight about what was going on and what was that tall thing standing next to her. Meanwhile, Scout, the center of attention seemed to enjoy the moment. He flexed his muscles and did back flips, and part of the crowd seemed to enjoy it. The other part was outright creeped.

"Please Twilight, I will explain later. Help us find them first, let us not waste any time."

"Fine, but you will answer my questions." She replied.

"Yes of course."

Spy found no excuse to keep disguising as Fluttershy seeing that Scout has already made their existence public. He hid behind a cloud of smoke again and reappeared in his true form. Everypony around them gasped at the sight of the second human.

"Woww, Do that trick again." Said a random filly.

"Twilight, Can you please handle them?"

Twilight finally raised her voice to address the crowd: "Everypony listen to me these are just from a different world, they come in peace. Right now they desperately need help finding their other friends before any misunderstanding happens. It would help us alot i you go on about your daily lives, and if you happen to find any of their friends please tell me immediately. Once everything is in order you will get to know them and their intentions."

The crowd trusted Twilight enough to comply, after all she is the personal student of the princess herself.

What was left was just a group of curious fillies and colts.

"Thank you dear Twilight, that was much needed."

"Alright Mr.Spy and Mr...?"

"Hi, i am Scout. How ya doin' sweetheart?"

"Okeyy? i'm.. fine." replied Twilight in an awkward manner. "Let's look for your friends."

"We Just have to be careful of the 'faceless' one, and the one who is wearing a Stainless Pot on his head. they are a bit ... mentally unstable to say the least."

"Well, almost all of them are mentally unstable." Scout added.

Improper Introductions

Since she spotted the raging smoke above Everfree forest, Applejack and Big Macintosh were busy bucking all the trees they can.

Applebloom was also with them, helping her siblings transport the apples to storage. They were working tirelessly since dawn and have already bucked all the trees close to the Everfree forest.

"Alright Big Mac, few more n' we'll start cutting ... Wait where are the axes at?" Asked Applejack panting.

"Uhh, umm. Ah think Ah forgot ‘em AJ."

Applejack facehoofed and said: "Well somepony go 'n get ‘em."

"Apple Bloom, bring the axes." Ordered Big Mac.

"Aww com’on, you had me running around all morning carrying apples ... Ain't that enough? Now I have to go way back to the barn? Big Mac, Ah reckon you know the fire won't ever reach here." The filly stomped the dirt assertively.

"Yep, that's true Apple Bloom, but you know how stubborn AJ can be sometimes ... Ah ain't gonna let her do this by herself though, so be a good filly and help her." Big Mac asked again, with a gentler tone.

Apple Bloom sighed and ran towards the barn.

"Ah ain't stubborn Big Mac. We needed to do this sooner or later; can't have trees close to the Everfree forest." Replied Applejack.

Within few minutes the little filly came back with two axes in her mouth. She spat them out and said:"There, can Ah go now?"

"Yes, go have fun with your Crusader friends. We'll handle the rest." Said Applejack.

"Ah, finally! Thanks sis." Apple Bloom replied with a sudden change of mood. She immediately ran to her clubhouse.

Meanwhile Applejack sighed and looked at the task at hand; To isolate the forest from the orchard she had to cut all the trees between them, of course after harvesting their apples. This is going to take serious muscle, and her legs are already aching from the constant bucking.

Applejack took a deep breath of determination and said: "Alright Big Mac, let's do it."

"Eeyup."

They both started chopping.

Lyra couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Do you mean humans?" Her pupils dilated.

"Yes, those, whatever their name is ... Twilight said there were nine of them ... I am really scared." Comet Tail replied.

"Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes YES YES!" Lyra ran skipping to her home. Finally she has proof, and now she can rub it all over Bon Bon's face.

"Bon Bon! I knew it, I KNEW IT! I am right and you are wrong, they are finally here!" Lyra took a second look and noticed her friend hiding under the table, she was visibly shaking.

"Shhh, don't say a word." She whispered. "It's here."

Lyra could hear some noise coming from the kitchen, her face flared with anticipation, "Ohh, this is the best morning ever!"

"No don't go there you stupid unicorn, you might get yourself hurt!"

The words washed over her, she didn't even slow down. "Lyra stop."

"I said Stop!" Bon Bon tried her best to sound loud and quiet at the same time.

But Lyra was already in the kitchen, and she saw it, a human... It was tall, coatless and wore fancy red clothes and a casserole on it's head. It had fingers, just like a monkey's, but his looked longer and more flexible, it looked like it was using them to find something.

"There's only candy here" The human groaned.

"Hello there, Human." Lyra blushed. "My name is Ly-"

"LYRAAAAAAAA!" Bon Bon screamed.

The unicorn quickly shut the door behind her. "Please ignore her, she is just paranoid."

"Ahaahahah. There are unicorns now." He laughed.

"Yes, I am a unicorn, my name is Lyra Heartstrings ... Pleasure to meet you." Lyra smiled.

"Stop looking at my hat Unicorn! By the way do you have any food around here? I am starving."

Lyra completely ignored the impoliteness of the human and the casserole on It’s head, maybe it's a human custom to skip introduction.  She replied: "Yes of course. We have rose candy, candy canes, candy bread, some slices of candy rainbow cake and candy ... A lot of candy."

"Do you have any bacon?"

"I’m sorry I don't know what that means."

"Beef?"

She answered with the same confused look.

"Any kind of Meat??." The human was getting frustrated.

"Meat?" Lyra was taken aback "Uh...um s-sorry, we don't eat meat in Equestria."

"Vegetarian hippies." He spat "Give me something to eat that isn't candy or I will eat you unicorn!"

"Uh... Am so sorry, I can cook something up for you real kick. Just wait." Lyra replied nervously.

She was worried more about giving a bad impression than getting eaten by this human. The magnitude of this encounter made her blind to the danger she is in, just as much to the new hole on the kitchen ceiling which soldier originally fell from.

Lyra wasn't a great cook, Bon Bon is usually the one who cooks for them both. But she had to try, she knew only one recipe that didn't involve candy; a simple and fast soup her grandmother used to make for her. She gathered the available ingredients and started preparing it as she asked:

"So what's your name?"

"I am Jane Doe, my comrades call me Soldier."

"Soldier?? Are you here to invade us?"

"Yes but my hippie comrades don't want to, something about having a peaceful stay ... Now I am stuck in this world with no objective."

"Ah that's good to hear."

Soldier groaned.

"Well if you have no objective, why have you come here?"

"To escape from an army of maggot robot replicas of myself and my comrades that run on money."

Lyra forced a laugh: "I guess you don't want to tell me... It's fine I won't press you."

"Are you calling me A LIAR?" Soldier suddenly raised his voice.

"No, n-no, a-absolutely not." The unicorn trembled.

"Hah, you ponies are like freshly hatched batch of maggots, easy to scare…” He lowered his voice into a whisper “And extremely delicious.”

"That's not funny, and you are lucky, Soldier. If you had this conversation with any other pony, you'd be locked in Canterlot's royal dungeon and getting poked by crazy academy wizards."

"Are you threatening me you horned maggot nest?" Soldier raised his voice again.

"No, no ... I want to prevent that from happening. I can teach you how to interact with ponies."

"Huh teach me... Why the hell are you helping me anyways. I just tried to steal food from your house, last time I tried that the owners called in the troops and i could hear planes passing by and feet landing on the roof, so I quickly hid the fridge then hid inside the fridge and had to listen to human shaped maggots ramble in their nagging brainwashing freedom-hating Nazi language for the next two weeks, until a drunk Russian opened the fridge and stole my ammo."

"What?" Lyra got confused.

"I said why the hell are you helping me?"

"Well, I happen to have an interest in your species, I've spent half of my life searching for any tiny crumb of information about humans. And now to meet one myself, this is a dream come true." Lyra smiled.

"Oh really? What do you know?"

"Well I know that you have five fingers on each limb, your bottoms are huge compared to other species  and males have two tiny udders even though they are male. And I know that you are very intelligent and are capable of huge technological achievements because you can't use magic." She answered with pride. "By the way can I have that casserole back?"

"What? This?" Soldier pointed to the casserole on his head.

"Yes."

"It's a hat not a casserole. How dare you belittle my hat!"

"Sorry, but I need it to cook you the meal."

"Oh so this is why you've been helping me all this time ... To scam me out of my precious hat. I’ve already seen you eying it the moment we met. You will never have it you sneaky Unimaggot." Soldier defensively grabbed his hat.

Lyra was surprised by the logic employed by this being, never in her obsessive thinking did she imagine humans as irrational creatures:"B-but, you asked me to cook, yet you wear the Casserole that I need to cook with. Just give it to me and stop joking around."

"I swear to freedom, you will not have this hat not over my maggot infested dead body."

"I was so wrong about human intelligence... For Pete's sake that is a casserole. If you keep it you'll have no food."

"You went too far Unicorn, I really hope your rainbow two celled brain did not just call me stupid because… YOU ARE THE STUPID ONE FOR HELPING OUT A PREDATOR , YOU WILL NOT HAVE MY HAT AND I DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID UNNURTURING LILYPAD SOUP TO GO WITH YOUR DELICIOUS HORSE MEAT THAT I WAS GOING TO COOK MYSELF OVER STOVE ANYWAYS. AND YOU WILL NOT BE THE FIRST PONY I EAT. NOW DON’T YOU EVER LOOK AT MY HAT AND DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT LOOKING AT IT.”

The sudden outburst of Soldier found Lyra crying and shaking in fear. "W-why? Why are you like this? I-I really expected more of you ... I-I can't do this anymore ... I'll have to drag you to Celestia myself. I am sorry." She tried her best to sound intimidating.

Soldier was confused, he didn't expect this reaction, usually when he threatens his teammates they just throw back more empty threats, usually followed by a bottle of scrumpy, or a jar of piss. And when he threatened citizens or the cockroaches that sometimes invade his sleeping box during the night ,they usually run away to the nearest police station .. But he never expected a mixed reaction of tears and confrontation.

He could see her horn glow and next thing he knew his hat was covering his face.

"Now wait a second I didn't mean t-." He removed the hat only to see a pair of back hooves storming towards him.

"AGHHHH." Soldier fell to the ground.

Lyra backed away and bashed his head with the casserole using her telekinesis.

"Ow.. Ow... Ow .. Please ... stop don't make me ... fight you."

"I tried to help you, I tried to be nice." Lyra said between sobs, still attacking.

"Please stop ... I never wanted to OW-eat you. I swear."

“You only have yourself to blame you ungrateful HUMAGGOT.” The casserole mercilessly hammered Soldier’s head yet it did not render him unconscious, so she hit even harder.

“MAKE IT STOOOP.”

Lyra gasped: The door to the kitchen suddenly burst open with a telekinetic push.

"Lyra stop this, don't hurt him." Twilight Intervened.

With her were two humans along with Bon Bon. A masked human quickly made his way towards her, meanwhile Twilight rushed towards Soldier.

"Are you alright Mademoiselle? Did he do anything to hurt you?"

"He-he was going to cook me alive." Lyra answered, crying.

The masked human gave a painfully scolding look to soldier.

“It was only words you fragile frenchie.”

"Soldier, you incompetent fool. That'z the only one thing I told you not to do and you do it anyways."

“Your head is bleeding.” Twilight said as she magically bandaged the wounds. “Tell me what happened.”

"I didn't want to eat her, you know us humans don't eat ponies right? She’s trying to steal my hat ... I had to scare her out of it. See; I didn't resist when she attacked me."

"Ohh poor thing, I am really sorry for this misunderstanding, I promise I will not allow this to happen again.”

"Oh man." Scout chuckled from the background. "Classic soldier."

"I told you you shouldn't go there Lyra, you are reckless. He is lucky I brought Twi."

"Oh so I am to blame now, his 'hat' is that casserole over there, your casserole Bon Bon. He put it on his head and proclaimed it as his hat! And he was also trying to steal our food." Lyra explained.

“I am really hungry I swear.”

"What?" Twilight said. "Why would you use a casserole as a hat."

Scout leaned and whispered to Twilight: "This is the mentally deranged one Spy talked about."

"Ohhhh." She replied.

"My dear Lyra, that is just Soldier's way of speaking, I beg of you to find it in your heart to forgive him and to forget all the mean words he said. Please stop crying now."

Spy was on his knees, petting Lyra's mane gently and looking gently into her eyes.

'I am not crying because I am scared’ She though. 'But now that you are here, there is no reason for me to cry anymore.'

Lyra smiled back at Spy and nodded, the tears had stopped rolling down her cheeks.

Spy turned his attention to Soldier and ordered. "Give the casserole back, soldier... Now."

"I will never give away my hat."

"Stop lying soldier, your hat got blown away by the Tornado and you just stole this poor pony's casserole to replace it."

"Dammit! Alright Alright. But you owe me a hat for this." Soldier remorsefully removed his hat and handed it to Lyra.

"That can be arranged ... Now apologize!"

"You are taking this too far Spy." Said the Soldier.

All eyes were locked suddenly locked on him, waiting for those few words, with a grunt he gave up:"Ugh fine... I am sorry Lyra, I never meant to eat you."

"I forgive you Soldier. I now understand you might not be the best shining example of your species, and I was wrong to misjudge too."

“OH MY GOD, MY KITCHEN, IT’S A MESS. MY ROOF! MY TABLE! MY PLATES!” Bon Bon’s cries cut right through the apologetic air.

"Of all times you could have freaked out, why was it this particular touchy moment." Lyra sighed.

“Don’t worry ma’am, Soldier will fix it for you some other day.” Scout reassured, suppressing his laugh.

“Why you Scou-.”

“Won’t you Soldier?”  Spy pressed.

With a grunt he replied. “Y-yes of course.”

"Good, now that that has been settled, let's continue our search." Twilight said.

Earlier:

"AHHH NO, AM FALLING AHHHHHHHH."

Sniper could see a massive orchard approach from below, he twisted his body in the air and deliberately fell on a tree; Something Soldier calls air strafing.He grunted in pain as some of the branches cut through his flesh.

Nonetheless he was lucky his bones didn’t turn into powdered gravy and  hoped his teammates would be as lucky as he was.

Sniper peaked his head to check the perimeter, a hunter must always study his environment before making a move; there were two ponies, a huge red one, and a smaller orange one.

'Bloody hell that’s one big horse. Agh, and it’s heading my way.' He noticed that the ponies were actually chopping trees. 'Crikey!'

Sniper hid inside the tree awaiting a chance to get off without being seen, but the two ponies didn’t seem intend to change their course, and soon it was his tree’s turn to fall.

A few chops and it was down before he knew it.

"AHHHHH." With a thud, Sniper crashed hard on his his head, rendered unconscious.

Few minutes later he opened his eyes to see the two ponies inspecting him.

"Just look at it Big Mac. It's tall 'n ugly. And look at that big knife. It surely is up to no good."

"Eeyup."

"W-W- Wha? bloody hell, my head."

"Ahh, it's awake." The orange pony fell to a defensive state and raised her axe.

Sniper crawled backwards and said in an akward manner, "Hello there mates, quite the sunny morning eh? No need to raise your axe like on such a wicked morning.”

"It can talk?" The pony was surprised.

"Yes Yes. I am a human, my name is Mr. Mundy, but you can call me Sniper, mate. I mean no harm, please lower your axe."

The pony replied by raising her axe even higher, "If you mean no harm, what in tarnation are you doing on mah property carrying that huge bloodied knife." She spoke with a more intimidating tone.

"Whoa there shiela, I didn’t mean to trespass. A bloody tornado threw me here, I swear. And the knife is just for self defense.”

The orange pony didn’t seem convinced: “A tornado huh? The one thing Ah don’t appreciate more than monkey shaped aliens are monkey shaped alien liars. And from the look on your face, Ah bet you are responsible for that fire too! Big Mac, let's tie it up and show it to Twi. Maybe she knows what it is."

“Eeyup.”

"I already told you am bloody human. And you are not tying me up. I think we can talk this through." Nothing seemed to work with these creatures, Sniper was crawling backwards very slowly, in order to create an opening. But The Red pony quickly caught on.

“Aj!”

“You ain’t going nowhere mister." She attempted a quick and light hoof to the face. Sniper quickly dodged but got his nose bashed.

“Aww… Now that just bloody does it.” Sniper quickly recovered and though of a more intimidating approach:

“Aghh, well I tried to be nice but I only got blood and mud over my nose. Do you even bloody know who you’re dealing with here, sheila? I’ve wrestled CROCODILES twice your size, I’ve slayed bears and bloody jaguars BLIND-FUCKING-FOLDED. I hunted down the most dangerous animals and used their skin and teeth to make BLOODY HATS. And what the bloodyhell are you two even? You’re only a couple of impudent dirty mules who happen to have two extra brain cells that make you talk just like those bloody prancing show ponies out of a little girl’s show. You don’t have bloody shit on me, mate. I am king of fucking Australia. I have conquered fucking NATURE. And now it’s time I conquer YOU."

For two seconds, the two ponies stood there dumbfounded. Until the orange one broke the silence

“Did you just say the F-word?” she wore a very angry frown, a frown of a bull preparing to charge. “You sir, have a very important, harsh and painful lesson about manners to learn.”

"Time to run."

Within less than a second Sniper picked up his knife and was already running the other direction.

"Get back here you Coward! You have a lot of talk to live up to." The mare yelled.

He could hear galloping from behind.

"I'll have to deny sheila." Sniper was a bushman, he did conquered nature, bent it to his will, he did kill animals three times his size using only his knife, but that was all thanks to a few dozes of Australium, something he didn't have at the moment.

"Get back here at once."

"No, go fuck yerself."

He turned for a bit and saw the two ponies carrying axes following him 'Bloody hell what am I thinking? I can't outran two horses... Wait, what if I...'

"Jarate!"

*Splash*

Both horses got covered in sticky cold piss. 'This should help to slow em down, ahaha.'

"You vermin! How dare ya’!?" The mare yelled from behind. Sniper kept running as fast as he could.

Within few minutes he outran his chasers and the trees gave way to a red barn that was connected to a road. He followed the dirt path hoping he would find an exit to this crazy place. He could see a gate with a sign that read 'Sweet Apple Acres'.

As he approached the gate he was met with a purple Unicorn and three of his teammates.

"Hey look, it's Sniper! He doesn't look very well." Soldier said.

Sniper was injured and visibly shaking.

"Phew, am I glad to see ya mates. Y-you still have your guns right?" Sniper said, panting.

"Only my pistol. But we won't be needing it." Scout replied.

"Oh my, what happened? Please relax fellow human friend, I am here to resolve any misunderstan-"

"THERE HE IS GET HIM." Applejack yelled galloping alongside her brother. She bit the handle of the axe from her back and readied herself to attack sniper.

"Good luck resolving that Sheila. I’m outta here."

"Don't worry Sniper, this unicorn lady has it all handled. Just watch." Comforted the French gentleman.

Twilight took a deep breath to yell at her best effort "Applejack please stop, there has been a huge misunderstan-"

"I DON’T CARE TWI. AH’M GOIN’ TO TEACH THAT THING SOME MANNERS." Applejack yelled as she charged the group, somehow this pony had a skill of yelling galloping and holding objects in her mouth all at the same time.

"Just stop now Applejack! Don’t make me force you to." She yelled again.

Big Mac was smart enough to stop while his sister got engulfed in a purple bubble of magic. She was hovering above ground unable to advance, but still galloping nonetheless.

"Bloody hell."

"Whoah. That's awesome."

"Calm down Applejack, we can talk this through? Please drop the axe ."

"No, he has to pay for what he did."

"I can hold you like this all day Applejack, unless you agree to calm down."

One more moment of stubbornness and Applejack finally dropped the axe.

"Thank you." Twilight said as she let go of her telekinetic grip. "Now can we know what happened exactly?"

"All I tried was be polite and introduce myself, but that orange one broke my nose." Complained Sniper.

"Calling me a Mule, then telling me to go Buck mah’self, then throwing piss on me and mah brother. How’d you call that polite?" Said Applejack.

"I only said that after you broke my nose ye dodgy nag. And I threw piss so you wouldn't chop my head off."

"Maybe Ah'd do that if Ah was a barbaric hairless monkey like you. But I'd never cut off any head." She raised her tone.

"Stop, both of you. You’re only making it worse! If each of you get to tell their story, we will surely find a common ground."  Explained Twilight.

"Well then, I agree with miss magical unicorn here.You start, and you better not lie."

"How dare you call me a lia-"

"Enough, please. Applejack, just tell us what happened."

"No, Ah'm going to need answers first. Just what in the hey are these things and why did you bring three more of 'em?" She asked while waving her hoof at Spy, Scout and Soldier.

Twilight took a deep breath: “Alright, fair enough … Here goes: …”

The early morning work sapped Apple Bloom out of her strength, but the excitement of spending this entire weekend at the Cutie Mark Crusader's club house fueled her to run faster.

"Hey Apple Bloom, what took you so long?" Scootaloo asked smiling.

"Had to do some chores ‘cause of the fire." She replied.

"Oh, okay. Anyways you are not gonna believe this. We found a new pet. It's like a whole new species I've never seen before. And it can make us CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS PET TRAINERS."

"Really? Where is it?" Apple Bloom's eyes widened with excitement.

"It's inside the clubhouse. Come on let's get in."

The two fillies climbed the ladder and entered the tree house.

Sweetie Belle was inside singing a soothing song. And In the corner of the room was a big creature. It was curled up and visibly shaking. Its feet, hands and head were black and the rest of it's body was mostly red. It also wore a hat.

"Ewww."

"There you are Apple Bloom, like our new pet?" Asked Sweetie Belle.

"It's ... ugly, where did you even find it?"

"Ye it is. But I’ve never seen anything like it, it could be a super rare important creature that escaped from the Canterlot academy’s super secret biomagical development lab." Scootaloo replied with excitement.

“Wow, Ah didn’t know Canterlot had a biomagical development lab.”

“That’s because you shouldn’t.” Replied Scootaloo with a spooky tone.

"I found it inside the clubhouse. Right in the same corner it is in right now."

"Ah see..."

"It's so scared and cold. We must help it somehow. Singing didn't work, any other ideas?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Hmmm, maybe it's just hungry." Suggested Apple Bloom.

"Yeah, let's feed it!" Scootaloo took a bag of oatmeal from the chest nearby and put it on a plate then presented it to the creature... It didn't respond.

"Girls, it doesn't have any holes to eat from." Apple Bloom just noticed. “Or any holes for that matter.”

"Don’t be ridiculous Apple Bloom. We’ll just have to look for them." Scootaloo replied quickly.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ZOOTONOMISTS.” The three fillies yelled as they flipped the giant around and up looking for any sort of hole. The inspection seemed to make the creature even more freaked out.

"Hmm, nothing ... Only those tiny holes where it's mouth supposed to be." Sweetie Belle said.

"Oh I know, It must be a marine creature ... With a mouth like that I bet it feeds on tiny crumbs in the water. Maybe it’s scared because it's out of the water."

"Good point Scootaloo!”

The fillies soon found themselves dragging the creature to a nearby pond. Then wrapped one of it’s legs with a rope.

“Alright girls, on three we throw it into the pond. If we see bubbles, we pull it back immediately. Okay?”

They nodded.

“One, two, three!”

“Be free friend of nature. Swim in the pond of your ancestors!” Proclaimed Scootaloo as she let go of it.

As soon as it touched the water,  the creature went full berserk. It screamed and splashed all around as if it was drowning in a pool of acid.

“Or not.”

“Pull it back, pull it back!” Yelled Sweetie Belle.

They made a great effort to pull it back up only to be thanked by more screaming and a goose chase.

“Oh no, we upset it so much. It’s running away.” Said Sweetie Belle doing her best to catch on.

“Ah think it’s going back to the Clubhouse.” Replied Apple Bloom, also running.

Minutes later the three fillies found themselves back to square one; their new pet curled up and shaking in the same corner, and the three of them thinking about a solution.

“So, it doesn’t have a mouth, it isn’t a marine creature. At least we know this.” Pointed out the young unicorn.

“Then what the heck is it?” Asked Apple Bloom.

The last question resonated with Scootaloo, it gave her a moment of revelation. Her eyes widened as she said “I got! It all makes sense now, I know what this thing is.”

“Come on, spill it out.”

“It hates water, doesn’t eat food and is covered entirely in synthetic stuff. It has soulless eyes like the lenzes of a camera, and tiny dots instead of a mouth and no other facial features. This girls, is surely a robot”

The other fillies gasped.

“And not just any kind robot girls, this is a robot straight out of Canterlot’s Royal cybermagical research programme.”

“That does make sense.”  replied Applebloom, mouth wide open. “But how’d ya know about that last part Scootaloo?”

“I read about it in a comic book.”

“Girls, do you know what this means?” Asked Sweetie Belle.

“Absolutely; CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ROBOT TECHNICIANS.” They all yelled in unison.

“So what do we need to do now?” Asked Apple Bloom.

“Isn’t it obvious? Robots need power. We have to power it somehow.” Sweetie Belle replied.

“Ah‘m sure we have something that might help back in the barn. Ah’ll go check real quick.”

" ... The end." explained Sniper.

Twilight smiled and said "I don't need to say anything more, you both proved to yourselves that that none of you mean harm to the other. I told you this was a big misunderstanding."

"Yeah, ah guess you're right Twi."

Spy leaned to Sniper and whispered: "Throwing piss at strangers is only custom to you sniper, not all humans ...You have embarrassed our entire species."

Sniper simply replied with a gentle laugh.

"The orchard is big, there is a good chance some of them ended up here too. You look for them here and I'll check the rest of the town." Said Twilight.

"Alright. Ah need to clean myself first. You humans go in the barn."

"Good luck Applejack, I'll bring the others here once i find them." Twilight trotted out of Sweet Apple Acres.