Chapters What's Life Without a Few Drinks?
It was a stupid idea, especialy for a pony like Twilight. "What's life without a few drinks?" said Celestia, who bad been drinking for thousands of years and could hold her stuff without getting drunk. Twilight had thrown up all over the bathroom, tracking vomit where she walked. Trixie was there, however, cleaning it all up. They would have to share the room for a week until Trixie could get her own chambers.
"You think you're real hot shit, don't ya?" Began Twilight. "Well lemme tell ya what. I was coronated first, and I actually made new magic. Unlike YOU, bitch."
"Trixie did create magic, Twilight. Trixie made a spell that teleports forgotten memories into Luna's crown, while you simply finished one of Starswirl's spells."
"Don't you drag Starswirl inta this, Trixie! He was a good stallion. We talked just the other day about the origin of magic, you! It's-"
"You're drunk, aren't you Twilight," Trixie said, beginning to smile. "Go to bed."
"I only had SIX FUCKING SHOTS, you fucking idiot. So ya."
"I counted twelve. When I wasn't at the bathroom or with my boyfriend."
Twilight suddenly started giggling. "Ya know he only likes you for your wings. Once ya do it, he'll probably be done with ya."
Trixie smiled. "Only after marriage, Twilight. It's the alcohol talking. We've been together for a while, too. Haven't even kissed yet. That's because we're cool like that. We can make out with our arms. That's called hugging."
Twilight passed out soon after. She was definitley in a deep sleep because seconds later, Rainbow dash bursted through the window and shook her, speaking of giant monsters attacking Ponyville. Trixie had to sub as Element of Magic, which made Celestia mad, which made a solar storm brew, which messed with the unicorns, which caused a riot, which ended Northwestern Equestria as we knew it. Luckily Celestia knew a time reversal spell. It had a side effect of burping bubbles, though. Ah well.
Now that Celestia remembered not to cause a solar storm this time, everything would be fine. The monsters died down as the Elements wanted. But something was different this time. A random hawk passed by, and it dropped a golden feather.
~~~~~~<>~~~~~~
Now the thing about Twilight getting drunk is that she's an angry drunk. All of her niceness seems to float away like a feather in the wind after a few drinks. Trixie was a bit buzzed to, but she was more reasonable when drunk, despite randomly going on tangents and revealing embarrassing secrets for no reason.
"Now when Trixie was a little filly, she always wet herself whenever somepony started talking about clocks. Not sure why," said Trixie. "Also, something about niceness floating away like feathers. Shoot, better stop hanging with Pinkie. I know too much."
Twilight smiled. I mean SMILED. I should stop talking, I'm a drowsy narrator that needs to stop talking. Why did I think this was a good idea. A spell charged up in her horn as she tried to make Trixie relive those moments. But a wee bit of magic shot away, and hit a feather before it touched the ground. The spell still had the desired effect, as clocks seemed to spin around Trixie's head as she pissed herself. Trixie cleaned up after the spell finished, telling and not showing because eww. Then, the two ponies drifted ~~softly~~ fitfully to sleep.
"WE MUST FIND OUT THE ISSUE!" shouted Twilight Sparkle in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
"Detection spell," said Trixie. "I'm on it." At this point, the blue mare was too confuzzled to continue her third person stage persona. "Ancient curse," she droned.
Twilight nodded. "I'm going to look for clues. When I find something, I'll notify you via magical current. Then, please find a book on the subject." She noticed something gleaming in the grass and endeavored to give it a look. "And be fast." Trixie was somewhat offended by the lavender alicorn's terseness, but put her feeling away for the sake of efficiency.
As Trixie teleported away, Twilight looked at what was in the grass. Golden spoon. What can you find? ...
...
...Curse of the Golden Spoon. Any who unearths it will unleash a crippling plague. Can be identified by cuneiform on the handle.
Twilight shook her head, sending a message to Trixie that told her that it wasn't it. She continued looking, but had nothing. For hours, she sorted for junk, occasionally finding something before quickly discarding it. As the sun descended in the sky, Twilight remembered something that she had grasped with her magic the night before. Trixie, I think I found it. Go into Celestia's book of spells she put a failsafe on, the one with the fancy scribbles about how celestial bodies still need to move around when princesses are in compromising positions. Golden Feather. Golden Feather. When a time travel spell goes awry, nobody can ever die. Make them freeze into place, stay in a single space. Yadda yadda yadda, Everything twelfth feather Philomena drops turns into a hawk but occasionally a magically connected pony... Hawks drop Feathers of Gold. Yes. Twilight, we've got it. Also it spreads outside of the city of origin pretty darn fast, so watch out.
Twilight disliked the way Trixie skipped over information, but took what she had anyway. Now to find the cure.
There wasn't a word about the cure in any books. Just two ponies who had created magic and had extreme power. And yet, they felt trapped. If the spell spread, they would soon be the only two ponies still moving about.
If the sky was any indication, the situation would be fixed soon. A few happy clouds danced across the sky, making Twilight think of Rainbow Dash. It was the she thought- what if the Elements of Harmony could fix this mess? It was then she teleported to Trixie.
"Trixie, the Elements of Harmony could help! Ponyville hasn't been frozen, so maybe we can get the other ele-"
"Yes, blah blah blah, Twilight and friends save the day. Haven't we been through this already?"
"Trixie, I'm hurt. You've saved the day before. Why are you being so jealous now?"
"I'm not jealous," said Trixie defensively. "You just always take the spotlight with the elements of harmony. Don't you think it's time we thought of other ways to fix things? We're princesses, we should try branching out at least a little."
"Ugh good point I guess," said Twilight. "Fine whatever what do you propose?"
"Well," Trixie paused to consider her options, then looked up brightly. "Trixie deems securing our timeline the most important thing, as the spell is only keeping everything still as long is danger remains."
"And why couldn't the elements of harmony do that?"
"Well, what if you make a mistake, and we are in a timeline where the elements don't work or don't exist?"
"Shit tru," Twilight replied, beginning to sniffle. "Man I'm no good at being princess."
"Hey, now, it's ok," said Trixie, as Twilight began to imprint on her like a baby duck in ways that would take years to admit to herself. "You're a good princess. Trixie just wants the mission to be successful."
After blowing her nose into Trixie's wing, she got up and smiled a bit. "You're right Mo- Trixie. Now let's go kick some ass!"
After years or minutes of searching, the ponies couldn't really tell due to how tedious the reading was in the Canterlot library, Twilight made a singular sound. "AHA!"
Trixie jumped. "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A WAFFLE WHAT IS IT," she yelled monotonedly. If Luna were awake back in her throne room, Trixie would be getting a Royal Canterlot Shush.
Fuck I meant bedroom, not throne room. But poor princess doesn't even get her own throne, I doubt she has a bedroom to speak of. ANYWAYS.
Twilight had found something very important. A single page with three words written on it. Trixie craned her neck to see what it could be.
"Made... you... look... Twilight what the fuck? I mean seriously we had a nice peaceful silence going on here and you just-" Trixie stopped. The page was suddenly filling itself with swirls and self-repeating patterns that stirred something deep in the two alicorns. "Of course," said Trixie. "Fractals."
"Yes," said Twilight. "Fractals."
The had a plan.
Author's Note
fractals is magic that's what fim stands for look it up
Twilight remembered everything. Rubbing her temples, she walked over to Trixie. "I'm not going to pretend I like you," she began.
"Trixie appreciates honesty."
"But I don't really hate you. I'm sorry about last night and I SWEAR that was the last time I drink alcohol. At least for a few thousand years." Trixie smiled at the sentiment.
The two began the morning rounds at the castle, grabbing a quick breakfast at the kitchen before morning book time. Both ponies noticed that the kitchen staff were unusually unresponsive, but last night's festivities were big. They were probably just a bit drained. The ponies had gone to their respective places and read their respective books. Twilight had picked an old favorite on magical theory, wishing to review before working on her next spell. Trixie had picked a tale of a princess trapped in a tower, with the only way of getting down being her long mane. It was depressing as hell. Soon, both ponies finished and went to meet with the other princesses.
Celestia, Luna and Cadance all seemed pretty snoozalicious, but the junior princesses dismissed it as festivities. They went to see the guards while waiting for the princesses to wake up. Trixie, as usual, went to the most steadfast guard, Rock Solid, and tried to get him to talk. As usual, she failed.
Twilight then went to Stone Bones to chat. He always took a second to warm up, but Twilight just needed to say hi and then drop by later, and then it would be cool. The ponies shrugged to each other and decided to go into the gardens. They saw Tulip staring at the tulips again, simply ignoring her. She was almost always there, anyway, staring into the tulips for hours on end. It wasn't long before the two ponies got bored and decided to leave for the streets of Canterlot. No one was in the streets, but that was to be expected. The festivities went on late, and it was only eleven-something anyway. It was Twilight who noticed the playing foals, and pointed it out to Trixie.
Author's Note
I totally based the comedy bit off of Shaun of the Dead.
