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Chapter 17: The Analogy

Spike was in Twilight’s room, lying on her bed and staring at patterns in the wooden ceiling. His temper had faded away, but a bitterness wore on him like dead weight. He couldn’t believe it. His dearest, most beloved friend was going out with the only mare he’d ever loved, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Who am I kidding? I’m always playing second fiddle to Twilight’s friends. Why can’t something go right for me for a change?

His thoughts continued on like this until he heard a rapid rapping on the door. Groaning, he pushed himself out of bed and dragged himself down the stairs to answer the door. The knocking continued as he approached the door.

“I’m coming, I’m coming! Hold on,” he shouted before swinging the door open. He was met with Pinkie Pie’s beaming face, and she had been standing so close to the door that their noses almost bumped when Spike opened the door. Spike jumped backward and sighed when he realized who it was.

“Hi, Spike! How’s it going?” Pinkie asked.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Lousy, actually, but you probably don’t wanna hear about it.”

“Well, I did come to check on Twilight, but with you looking so sulky I think I should help you out first!” Pinkie Pie bounced into the library and took a seat on the nearest couch. Spike shut the door and sat in the chair facing her.

“Well, Twilight isn’t even here right now, so it’s not like you have a choice,” he said.

“But why would I choose not to help a friend in need?” Pinkie asked, frowning at Spike. Spike smiled in spite of himself, but the moment was brief.

“I don’t know,” Spike said. “I guess I’m just a little sore about being ignored, like my feelings don’t matter.”

“Spike, that’s not true,” Pinkie said, leaping off the couch and bounding over to him. “We all care about you, especially Twilight and Rarity. I mean, Twilight’s been with you all your life. Why would she ever take you for granted? And I know you help out Rarity a lot and she really appreciates it. She’s constantly saying good things about you.”

“Well, tell me this, then. If they care so much about my feelings, why are they dating now?”

“What?” Pinkie blurted out, taking a step back. “Since when? They weren’t dating last night when Twilight left the party, so it must’ve happened overnight. Weird, I’m usually the first one to know about these things.”

“I guess you’re the second,” Spike said, resting his elbow on the armrest and his head on his hand. Pinkie’s expression turned more serious.

“I think I see the problem now. You had all kinds of feelings for Rarity, and you love Twilight like a sister, and it just breaks your heart to see that they got together.”

“Yeah,” Spike snapped, “you basically summed it up.”

Pinkie ignored the lashing out and smiled again.

“Can I tell you a story?” she asked. “I think it’ll help, because I’ve seen this kinda thing before and it all worked out.”

“Well, I don’t have anything else to do right now, so go ahead.”

“Okay, well it was just before I left the rock farm, so I was eighteen years old. My twin sisters Limestone and Marble Pie were sixteen, and they both had a crush on a colt from a neighboring farm. I think his name was Igneous or something weird like that.

“Well, Igneous came over a lot to hang out with my sisters, and they were constantly arguing about whether or not he liked one of them. My mama told them to stop arguing about it, but they didn’t listen. They wouldn’t listen to me either, and I thought about telling Igneous to work it out with them, but I think he was kinda clueless about it.

“Well, it turns out Igneous had a crush on Marble. He took her aside one day and I guess they told each other about their feelings because they came back over to Limestone and said they were going out on a date. Well, I was there, and I saw a light go out in Limestone’s eyes that night. She ran into her room crying, and she refused to come out to eat dinner. Actually, the twins shared a room, so it was really their room, but Limestone shut herself in anyway, so it might as well have been her room at that point.”

“Okay, I get that part,” Spike interrupted before Pinkie started going off on a wild tangent.

“Sorry,” she said, and without a breath to recover she kept going. “So my parents tried to coax Limestone out of the room, but she wouldn’t come out. Then they asked me to try to talk to her, and I had no idea what to do because I never had a crush on anypony and so didn’t know what it was like. Well, nothing I said to Limestone through the door helped at all, and it was only a matter of time before Marble got back from her date and wanted to go to sleep.

“I told Marble that maybe it was a good idea not to go into the room, but Marble said it was both their room and Limestone couldn’t keep her out of it. Marble went in, and the last thing I heard before the door shut was Limestone swearing at her. I walked away at that point, because I didn’t want to hear them fighting.

“Limestone eventually left the room and slept on the couch, and she stayed there for like a week. My parents told her to stop being so petty, but they couldn’t stop her from sleeping on the couch. Finally, I decided to try to talk to her again, because I had thought and thought about the problem and come up with a nice little analogy.”

“What kind of analogy?” Spike asked. He was now sitting up and listening intently to Pinkie’s story, hoping to get something out of it that would help him feel better.

“So I said to Limestone that imagine you saw a cupcake at a bakery, and it looked like the most delicious cupcake ever! Red velvet, with cream cheese frosting and red sprinkles on top! Well, at least, that was my favorite kind of cupcake at the time. Anyway, I said that imagine if somepony else bought the cupcake and ate it. You’d be pretty bummed out, right? I mean, it looked like a really good cupcake, and you had to stand there and watch someone else enjoy it.

“But then I said that there were plenty of cupcakes in the world, and that she would find one that tasted just as good as that cupcake or better, and she’d be the one to buy it and enjoy it.”

“Oh great,” Spike said, “is this one of those ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea’ analogies? Because that doesn’t help at all. It’s just so cliche!”

“Yeah, I know. That’s exactly what Limestone said at first. But then about a week later, this other family moved in to a nearby rock farm, and they had a colt about her age called Sedimentary, or Sed for short. And Limestone couldn’t believe it, he was way cuter than Igneous, and funnier, too. Well, there was no way Marble could beat her this time, ’cause she was still dating Igneous, and the two of them really started bonding. Limestone finally confessed her feelings for him, and he gave her a big ol’ kiss on the lips!”

“How do you know that?” Spike asked, his jaw agape.

“Because Limestone told me,” Pinkie chirped with a giggle. “What, do you think I was spying on them?”

“I, well I...I didn’t know what to think.”

“Because that was when they were having sex, not when they were kissing.”

“What?!?”

“I’m kidding!” Pinkie said with a smile. Spike started laughing, and at first he tried to hold it in, but then he let go and clutched his sides. Pinkie laughed and snorted with him, and by the time they stopped, their bellies were aching.

“Don’t say things like that,” Spike chided her jovially. “I can never tell when you’re being serious or goofy.”

“I’m always goofy!” Pinkie responded, but then her ears drooped. “Except when I’m not. Hmm...well, I wasn’t being goofy when I told you that story. I think pretty soon, you’re gonna find a better cupcake than Rarity, and Twilight won’t be around to take it from you.”

“What happened between Limestone and Marble after that?” Spike asked.

“It was like it never even happened,” Pinkie explained. “In fact, they got along so well, they had a double date with them and their coltfriends and had an orgy in their room!”

“Pinkie!”

“Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t resist.”

Spike was chuckling again, though it didn’t compare to the first joke Pinkie made, which had been unexpected.

“Well,” Spike said, “I guess it’s not so cliche when it actually happens. I think I’m starting to feel a little bit better.”

“Well, that’s good to hear!” Pinkie exclaimed. “So don’t worry about it. Besides, you’re a real cutie. I’m sure you’ll find somepony who you like and who likes you back in no time!”

“You really think so?” Spike asked, starting to blush.

“You never know who might be waiting in the wings…” Pinkie said, giving him a roguish wink. At that moment, a magical aura opened the door, and Twilight and Rarity walked in. They were surprised to see Pinkie, but even more surprised to see how much calmer Spike seemed to be.

“Heya, Twilight, Rarity! I was trying to check in on you, Twilight, but I guess Rarity had that covered and then some! So I guess I should get going.”

“Are you sure, Pinkie?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah. I wasn’t planning on staying this long, and I have to get to work at Sugarcube Corner. We’ll catch up later. See ya!” And with that, Pinkie bounded out the door, and with her seemed to go most of the energy in the room. There was an awkward silence left in her wake, but Spike smiled and waved at them.

“How are you feeling, Spike?” Rarity asked delicately.

“Well, Pinkie and I had a pretty good talk, so I’m starting to feel a bit better.”

“What did she say?” Twilight asked.

“Basically that somepony else is sure to come along soon enough, and then I’ll be able to eat a really good cupcake!”

“Uh...come again?” Rarity asked.

“Oh wait, I think I’m screwing up the analogy…” Spike stroked his chin. “Oh well, the point is, I’m not quite as mad as I was. I’m sorry I lashed out at you.”

“We’re sorry about the way things happened,” Twilight said. “We didn’t consider your feelings, and we should have found a better way to tell you what happened.”

“Whatever,” Spike said with a grin, “that’s in the past now. Why don’t we have some lunch? I’m starting to get hungry.”

“Oh, yes, about that,” Rarity said, reaching into her saddlepack and pulling out a dazzling topaz. “We thought you deserved a treat after the turmoil we put you through. We hope you enjoy it.”

“Really? Thanks, Rarity,” Spike replied, taking the topaz in his claws and licking his lips.

“Think nothing of it,” she said. “We were planning on trying to talk with you, but apparently, Pinkie already covered that.”

“Yeah, she was great,” Spike said, losing himself in thought. “Twilight, do you think…?”

“Think what?”

“Never mind, it’s not important,” Spike said, shaking his head. “Let’s just go eat. I’m starving.”

“I’ll prepare the lunch,” Rarity said, leading the way into the kitchen. “It’s the least I can do after that lovely breakfast you made for us.”

Spike smiled sheepishly and followed Rarity into the kitchen, with Twilight behind him. It looked like the three of them were going to get along a lot better than they did this morning. And for all three of them, that was a welcome change for which they had Pinkie to think.

“Remind me to buy some dessert at Sugarcube Corner after lunch,” Spike said. “It’s the least I can do to thank her.”

“That’s a lovely idea,” Rarity said, smiling at Spike and Twilight. “What do you think, Twilight?”

“Sounds good to me.”

And as the three of them tucked in and began to eat, Spike couldn’t help but daydream about seeing Pinkie again...just to thank her in person. It wasn’t going to be any more than that.

Really.