Why You Fussin' Over Nothin'?
I swear, it has to be half past four in the mornin'. T'ain't no reason why I should be keepin' stock of it, really. No sane pony this time of night... erm... mornin' would have any business payin' attention to the time. It's not so much that I'm mindin' the clock that's lyin' by our bedside, glistenin' in the moonlight, but rather it's all this crazy tossin' and turnin' that's goin' on besides me.
Seriously, darlin'. Did you guzzle a barrel-load of coffee just an hour after sundown? This ain't no weekend before flight camp examinations, Rainbow. You've got no business bein' as antsy as a termite mound at a lumber mill in... in... somethin'-somethin' season.
Ungh. I can't even think right. I'm supposed to be asleep; there's bushels of appels to buck into the carts tomorrow. If we don't make the delivery by late afternoon, the market won't be sellin' none of our stock. I've told you all week about this. I know I have. Your memory's a lot better than it used to be, so what's gotten into you?
I can't count how many times I've considered heavin' my legs and givin' yer flank a good swift buck in the cutie mark, but I've held back every single darn time, even as the seconds tick off into this hot, muggy night seepin' all around us. There was a time when I could have shared my—how would a learned pony like Twilight put it—"disgruntled-like" feelings in such a roughhousin' manner, but I reckon you and I are well beyond that. I'm sure you remember as much as I do all the dag-blame'd times I bit onto your tail, hoistin' you like an anchor back onto the earth, as if it was the only way of talkin' sense into you. Of course, you've learned to think more with yer head and less with yer wings... heh. And me? Well, shucks, I reckon I just dun like hurtin' you none. Not that I ever did, of course. But... ya know what I mean.
Mmmmf. Why can't I just tell you all of this stuff instead of lettin' it toss'n'turn in my head much like yer rollin' around in the sheets beside me? Yer never much of a pony for words. Well, I guess what I mean is, yer never volunteerin' for a good ol' chat session. You'd rather just tackle the chores head-on and fetch the stuff for dinner and show off yer tricks before the whole family, like you discovered the meanin' of life in elementary school and never quite grew out of bein' yer own little ring announcer. Yer like a child in many ways, and yet, yer not.
Though you dun take kindly to talkin', you really don't mind when I give into gabbin', now do ya? Heh, I remember the weeks before you moved in here. We'd just find a place in the field to lie down together, with the stars spinnin' above us like some magical light show. I'd hold you close, and I'd just... open up. I'd open my mouth and let my heart do the talkin'. I told you things that I never told anypony, things that I cherished and hid all the same, things that I thought I'd be takin' to my grave, so that only my folks and I would share the truth together in everlastin' peace.
And you'd listen to them all, every single word, snugglin' up against me, restin' yer muzzle against my chest with this smile on your face that would never go away. Even right now, I can see yer soft blue face in the starlight, frozen with a smile. I wonder if you remember all of the things you let me ramble on about. Maybe you do listen, but with another part of you besides your ears. I reckon I don't rightly know what I'm goin' on about at this point, but somethin' tells me it doesn't matter. I may die without knowin' just what it is about me that's gotten you so addicted, that's gotten you to come down to this here earth where everything is all sweaty and simple-like. Heh, reckon you like one of them things more than the other, ya sassy thang you.
Darn it, now you've gotten me all wound up. Happy memories are all good and fine, but if neither of us get any shuteye, we'll be dead on our hooves tomorrow. It's time I opened my mouth and said somethin'. Never mind the fact that it's a fuzzy dark world that still hurts my eyes when I open them. Never mind the fact that a cold draft is blowin' against my shivering limbs as I sit up from under the covers. Never mind the fact that yer side of the bed is as empty as a library on New Year's—
Wait, what in tarnation?
I take a gander across the room, blinkin' thickly through the darkness.
You ain't here, sugarcube. I look into the corners, at the dresser, towards the crack window. Shoot, did you fly away? T'ain't like you. Sure, you may have pulled stunts like that when you first moved in, but not anymore.
No. No need to think up wild imaginin's. You just... yes... You just went to use the outhouse. You're still new to the farmhouse, after all. You don't know the age-old Apple Family secret for holdin' it in until the crack of dawn. All the better for you, I reckon; you ain't racin' nature as soon as the rooster crows.
But, confound it, what's takin' you so long, then? I swear, ten minutes have passed, and still you haven't returned. I'm startin' to miss yer silly blue face. Land's sakes, if you've come down with somethin', then I take back all my fuss about you spinnin' like a top through the night.
Ughh... the fuzziness is gettin' less dense, I reckon. But it's still there. I feel somethin' swimmin' through it. A memory. A recent one. I recall hearing a sighing voice, a squeaking sound... like the type you make when you've had a bad day and you let me hold you real tight. Sometimes the most precious things are only the things you half-say, as if yer holdin' it all bottled in, and I gotta coax it out of you through sighs and shivers.
It's startin' to become clear to me now. You just up and walked away. I heard thumpin' noises. I thought it was just a heartbeat, but obviously it was you trottin' downstairs... awful slow-like. Heavens-to-Betsy, girl, what's gotten you so mopey all of the sudden? Am I imaginin' this? Am I dreamin' of imaginin' this? Blessed Celestia, I'd better not have dreamed the last three months either.
It takes all the strength coiled up in these here tired limbs, but I finally kick the bedsheets off me. The duvet weighs like chainmail, and I have to wrestle with it before I'm able to limp off the mattress and onto the wooden bedroom floor. I thought I was just as restless as you; I was wrong. I realize it now as I try walkin' downstairs, only to bump into every wall imaginable, forcin' the family pictures and portraits to rattle somethin' fierce. I almost curse myself. This is my own home; I have no business bumpin' around like a minotaur lost amongst the hedges.
Hmmm... Yer not hangin' around the top floor. I trot down the steps, into the bottom of the house where the shadows are even darker. I stub my front right hoof on corner of the stairwell, and it stings somethin' fierce. I see the shape of furniture and heirlooms in the brief flash of pain, and then all is once again fuzzy and annoyin'.
Carn sarn it, girl! Where are you?
"Carn sarn it, girl! Wh-where are you?"
I only know how loud my voice is by how much your response isn't. "Shhhhh... It's okay, AJ," you whisper. "I'm right over here."
I tilt my head about and my whole body sways like a drunken fool. I feel across the wall with my left hoof, stumbling forward like a wooden rocking horse. It's almost like I've been here before, over fifteen years ago, on the first of many Hearth's Warming Eve, when I'm much tinier and waddlin' all bow-legged into the living room as my parents try to lay presents beneath the tree with as little fuss as possible.
Instead of two warm shapes, I see yer blue shadow lyin' all curled-up against the hoofrest of a couch. The sight brings a tingle to my heart nonetheless. It's a shame that yer face looks so sad like.
"Rainbow Dash, do you have any idea how late it is?" I hiss. I follow the throes of my own voice, and I feel like I've turned into a torpedo. My weight teeters forward, so that when I collapse on the couch besides you, it's like a frazzled orange tree fallin' over in the woods. "Unnngh..."
My whole world blacks out, and for the moment I forget where I am. All I know is that yer body is so tender... so warm. Somehow, you've dragged a bedsheet downstairs with you, and even through the fabric it's like yer positively on fire. Are ya sick, darlin'? Am I sick? What's the world comin' to these days? Everythang's dizzy. I'm dizzy.
"Mmmm..." I curl up against you, diggin' my nose into yer sweet mane. I reckon it's usually the other way around when we cuddle, ain't it? I close my eyes to the awkwardness. I could die here, but there's chores to be done tomorrow. "Come back to bed, sugarcube..."
And just like that, you chuckle, your voice as raspy and squeaky as ever. That's how I know that this isn't a dream; it's something better. My sleepin' mind could never produce somethin' as... as... darlin' as you. Shucks, I do use that word a lot, don't I?
"You limped all the way down here just to tell me that?"
"Hmmm? Tell you wh-what, Rainbow...?"
"To go back to—Ungh..." Yer whole body goes slack. I feel yer wings coiled tightly between us, and all the pointy parts are diggin' into my neck. "Never mind."
I'm more confused than uncomfortable. "Rainbow...?" I feel my heart beatin' harder and harder between each heartbeat. "What's the matter? Hmmm?" I curl up against you tighter, as if hopin' you would oblidge. Your wings feel even bonier. Now I know somethin' is wrong. "Why you rollin' around all night like a hog havin' the fever?"
"I really can't get over how often you resort to frickin' pig one-liners."
"Mmm... Well, I certainly don't hear you tryin' to expand my vocabulary."
"The hay is that supposed to mean?"
"Talk to me, Rainbow..." I try not to yawn. T'ain't dignified at a time like this. "Tell me what's on yer mind."
"Ugh, AJ..."
"I know you ain't much for chattin', but you dun seem to mind when I fill yer ears up with words."
"Yeah, well..." I feel a shudder through your body, that same tiny little twitch that flies through you when I hold you close and tender under the stars. Oh, how I wish I could hold every part of you, even the parts that make me angry beyond belief. "That's... uh... that's different, Applejack. You always got interesting things to say."
"Mmmm... What? And you don't, sugarcube? I love ya, darlin'..."
You sigh and squeak at the same time. I don't know any other creature who does that, and I never intend to. "I know you do, Applejack..."
"Then humor me, sugarcube. Tell me what's got you all riled up."
You stir. You stir some more. At last, you sigh, then give me a stony look. "Earlier this afternoon, I got called in to do some emergency weather flying on my day off."
"Hmmm... Yes. Reckon you did." My eyes flutter open. Yer bangs are like frozen fireworks in the moonlight wafting in through the dark, dark living room. Funny how you only notice things when yer not expectin' to notice them. "You were none to happy about it either."
"Nope. I wanted to spend the afternoon with you."
"Then is that it? Yer fussin' over how mad you are?"
"No..."
"So you ain't mad over losin' time you could have been spendin' with me?"
"What—No!" You flinch away from me, grimacing. "Yeesh, AJ! What brought that out?"
I chuckle. "I'm sorry, darlin'..."
"You want me to 'talk' about what's on my mind or not?"
"Yer right, sugarcube." I pat yer shoulder, nuzzlin' you close in the shadows. "Please, have at it."
You exhale heavily through yer nostrils, gazin' down at yer hooves as they hang off the edge of the couch. Mine always touch the ground when I sit like that, but yers don't. It's just one of the little things I've noticed since you've moved in here, and yet another reason to love you all the more. Life's so sweet and silly sometimes.
"Well, I showed up, and there was this huge cumulonim—er..." You gaze aside at me. "An anvil cloud. A really bad thunderstorm was brewing."
"I hear ya..."
"And we split up into two teams. Well, two and a half teams. Cloudkicker and two interns went to take on some of the stray rain bands. Another group went for the edges of the storm. And me?"
"You always seem to fly straight into the heart of them things," I say with a slight frown crossing my tired lips. "Scares me somethin' awful."
"Yeah! And that's just it! I know how much you hate it!" your voice cracks.
"So..." I sigh long and hard. Even if I was plum awake right now, I couldn't hide the exasperation in my voice. "How close did you come to flirting with death this time, Rainbow."
You bite yer lip. You squirm and you fidget and then you finally say, "I... didn't flirt with it much at all, really."
I blink. The fuzziness doubles. I spin and spin, then cling onto you as I fall back in line with the sound of that last utterance. "I beg yer pardon?"
"Nnngh... I... uh..." You run a hoof through yer bangs. Are you sweatin' all of the sudden? "I chickened out, AJ."
"What do you mean by that?"
"What do you think it means?" You growl suddenly, like Winona after havin' spotted a ground hog. "I totally—like—doubled back, rounded up Cloud Kicker, and joined her team. Then, when we were all done with the rainbands, we... uh... went and tackled the heart of the thunderstorm and cleared it.... y'know..." You gulp and add the final bit like a pellet of poison. "Together."
I blink. I gaze up at you. "And that's what all the fuss is about?"
"Er... yeah..."
"All because y'all did the smart thang and worked together as a team?!"
"I know... I know!" You sigh, rubbing a hoof over your blue, blue face. "It's so lame..."
"And just what's so lame about it? Huh?" I realize how angry my tone must sound, so I reach a hoof out to stroke yer forelimb. "You did the right thang, not just for yerself, but for the whole weather team and for Ponyville!"
"No, you don't get it!" You swivel about in the couch, facing me with a grimacing expression. "I did the boring thing! The dull and ordinary and uncool thing!"
I can't help but frown slightly at that. "So, yer sayin' that riskin' yer neck for no good reason is the only thang worth braggin' about?"
"It's not that, Applejack..."
"Then what is it, darlin'?"
"I could totally have taken that cloud out on my own!" Your voice raises in pitch as you swing your hooves before you like some frenzied boxer. The blanket falls off yer spreadin' wings, and it looks for a moment like yer some hero rising up out of a tomb or somethin', ready and willin' to save the world. "Wham! Smack! In seconds, every dark puff of lightning-brimming cloud would be gone! Heck, back in flight camp, the only reason I missed so many classes is because I'd fly into lightning storms for kicks!"
"I know, Rainbow..." I try not to shudder coldly at that. I fail. "You've told me dozens of times."
"And I wish you could have seen me those times. I wish so many ponies could have seen me. But now... n-now that I finally am moving on up with the weather team and all... well..."
You slump back down into the couch besides me. Your wings droop as you sigh.
I blink at you, struggling to stay awake in the lingering silence following your outburst.
At last, you turn to me. Your face is all soft-like, as if it's made of blue soil. I'm almost afraid of what's about to grow from it, but then your voice squeaks with the most tender of sounds. "AJ, do you think... d-do you think I've gotten soft?"
I lean my head to the side. I stroke your forelimb again. My answer comes out without much thought. "What makes you think there's anythang wrong with bein' soft, darlin'—?"
"Unngh!" You flinch your hoof out from my grasp, startlin' me. "That's totally not what I asked you, AJ!" Your frown is a brief thing. It dissolves like a puddle on a summer afternoon, and suddenly yer graspin' my hooves in yers. "What... what do you think, Applejack? Am I somehow... I dunno... less cool than I used to be? Less awesome? A year ago, I would have flown stupidly into that storm no problem. I would have gotten the afternoon's job done in seconds instead of minutes. But... this afternoon... I... I chickened out..."
I look up at you, trying not to teeter or sway as I drawl, "You... d-didn't want to hurt yerself. Nothin' wrong with that."
You bite yer lips for a few second, then say, "AJ, I don't... I-I don't want to hurt you..."
Maybe I'm smilin'. Maybe I'm gigglin'. It's hard to tell. When I'm around you, I feel like doin' both all the time, even if I keep a lot of it inside. "Rainbow, you can be awfully sweet when yer tryin' to be somethin' else entirely. Ya know that?"
"Well, believe it or not, I'm totally trying to be serious here."
"And, in all seriousness, I adore it, Sugarcube," I say. "And I adore you."
"Ungh..." You suddenly bury your muzzle in yer hooves. "Just say it, why don'tcha?! Say the truth, Element of Honesty."
"Uhm..." I shake my head dizzily. "Just what truth is it that I'm supposed to be sayin'?"
"That I've lost it. That I've... nnngh... settled in. That I can't do crazy or awesome or cool things anymore."
"Rainbow Dash, I find it awfully sweet that you would think so much about how I feel about ya..." I nuzzle you again as I allow the words to drip out. "...that y-you would change one of yer habits just to make sure you got home to me in one piece."
"But, like, c-can I do both?!" You wave yer forelimbs in frustration before the moonlight. "Can't I be awesome as well as..." You sigh and shrug. "Y'know..."
"...I know what?"
You wince as you eventually, forcibly squeak forth: "...as well as sweet?"
My smile is a heavy thing. It weighs me down, so I allow myself to fall into your shoulder, nuzzling you once again. "Why, of course you are sweet, darlin'. Why do you think I call you 'sugarcube' all the dang time?"
Somepony's laughing. From the echo, I reckon it's both of us. What matters is that yer voice is in there, and it makes my heart sing.
"You're a silly pony. But, for realz, Applejack. I'm... I'm almost afraid what the girls are gonna think of me at this point. I mean, th-they have to know! They're not stupid! Soon, they'll figure out that I've become a softie, and then they'll wonder why I'm always flying towards the countryside at the end of everyday, and then at least Twilight will put two and two together and they'll know that I live here now. What then?! Out through the window goes our whole plan of... y'know... tellin' them about everything! Tellin' them about... uhm... us."
"Mmmm..." The world gets darker and bluer, bluer and darker as I surrender to your feathers. "Mmmmfff... but I-I thought... th-thought you were all for tellin' them..."
"I am! But... in our own time, y'know! I want them to know that even though we're together, I'm still the same ol' me, and I'm strong enough to cover their backs whenever they're in a pinch!"
"So that's what's gotten you all fussin' over nothin'..."
"It... it isn't nothing, AJ! I love you, but... I love my friends too, y'know? Isn't there a way around this or something? Ugh... I'm so flustered. Somepony hit me over the head with something, I swear..."
"Really. I think..." I think. "I think yer frettin' over a whole lot of hooey, darlin'." Darling. "The girls: they... they're gonna respect you'n'me no matter what." Such a soft coat, like the blue sky havin' melted against my cheek. "You think yer the only one loyal?" The only one in love with you? "Dun sell our friends short, sugarcube." The only one who's head over heels for you? "They... they all love you... we all... l-love..." Like bands of mornin' light, peaking through the shadows.
Yer a gift, really. Like somethin' colorful and bright and happy that I opened for my birthday. I think deep down inside you know just how precious you are. I'm lucky, though, because for some cosmic reason I'm the only mare in the world you've allowed to get this close to you... to get this intimate... to sleep in the scents and the breaths and the dreams that make you, that make us, that make this whole world spinnin' each day to wake me up by yer side, havin' the Celestia-given task of wakin' you, of seein' them ruby peepers open up like a newborn's, knowin' that I'm the first and last thing you get to smile at, to frown at, to laugh and sob and breathe at. Land's sakes, I could paint all my wishes with you, only because I know that they've come true, that they unfold before me, that they brush up against my shoulder and flank as they tug me up these here bumpy steps and steps and...
What in tarnation?
"What in tarnation?" I open my eyes with a snap. Suddenly, we're meters away from the couch, and yer leering above me, tuggin' on my mane with yer teeth. "Rainbow...?!" More confused than irritated, I shove your mouth so that yer chompers are no longer droolin' over my hair. "What in Celestia's name has gotten—Dah!" I grunt as I fall back onto the bumpy steps. I'm lyin' at an angle halfway towards the second story of the house. "Uhm... darlin'?" I gawk at you. "Why are we on the stairs?"
Breathless, you speak through a wincin' expression. "You... fell asleep on the couch... like... in the middle of talking to me."
"Yes but..."
"You were going on and on about 'newborns' and 'melting blue coats' and 'fluttering feathers' and crap like that."
"Really?" Really? "I said all that?" Oh shucks, I did, didn't I?
"Yeah, well..." You shrug. "I figured it was time you got back to bed."
"Well, that still don't explain what we're doin' here on the stairs."
"You just woke up."
"Didn't you bother to fly me up there or somethin'?"
"Yeah... uhm... eheh... well..."
"Well, what?"
"Thing is, I can't think of a time when I ever—uhh—tried..."
"I've carried you places plenty of times, Rainbow."
"Well, no duh. But this is different!"
I frown. "How... is it different?"
"You're not exactly... uh.."
"Yeah...?"
You gulp. "Dainty. You're not exactly dainty. Y'know... like Rarity?"
I blink at you. "Dainty."
"Yeah. That's it. Dainty."
The silence is downright stupid.
I'm not certain who collapses before who. All I know is that at some point I can make out the squeal of yer laughing voice, and I instantly want to hug you. So I do, and yer sprawled all over me, tryin' to contain yer tears as yer giggles find their way to my ears.
"Shoot! Wh-why don't I just call you 'big-boned' while I'm at it!" you wheeze.
"Yeah!" I guffaw. "One too many trips around the apple trees! That's ol' Applejack!"
"Oh gosh! Hahaha... I'd never..."
"Ohhhh I know you wouldn't sugarcube." I sigh. Happily. "I know you wouldn't."
"Totally wouldn't."
"Right..."
Our laughs turn to sighs and our sighs turn to yawns. And before we know it, we're draped over each other like limp bedsheets. It's a might bit fitting, actually.
"Mmmff... y'know... the bed is upstairs," you grumble into the fuzz of my chest.
"Mmmm..." I nod slowly, limply, clutching you tighter. "Reckon it is..."
"If... if we're down here in the morning..." Your voice cracks between one heavy yawn after another. "Nnngh... Granny and Big Mac are gonna have to make up one heck of a story to explain to Apple Bloom."
"Yeah..." I nod into the dizzying shadows. Everything's so heavy, so sublime. "Who knows. Maybe she'll earn her cutie mark halfway to the outhouse."
"Snkkkkt... heeheeheehee..." You bury your face into my shoulder as your breaths grow further apart. "What does that even mean?"
"Don't know... reckon I'm not aimin' to find out..."
"Mmmm..." You curl against me, just like you always do. The final waking word blends into the whispers of the settlin' house. "Well, y-you found me..."
I embrace yer silence as I embrace you, with a smile. I dun mind the painful steps we've collapsed on, or the silly reason that brought us here. I lean in to kiss yer forehead through the bangs, and I'm not disappointed.
So soft.
No, darlin', I don't mind it one bit.
I fall asleep, tryin' not to think about how painful my back's gonna feel during apple buckin' tomorrow.
