An Average Delivery

by TheBrianJ

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Derpy Hooves
Length: 6210

How does Derpy put up with one of the most boring jobs in Equestria? With the most active imagination in Equestria, of course.

How does Derpy put up with one of the most boring jobs in Equestria?

With the most active imagination in Equestria, of course.

Published 2013-08-25 18:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-25 18:20:02 UTC

Just Another Trip To Ponyville

Derpy Hooves glanced back and forth around the room. She had been in Mr. Ship's office plenty of times but she still always managed to see something new. This time, she noticed a plaque on the far wall, proudly celebrating the fact that the Cloudsdale Postal Service held the best record for lost packages in all of Equestria.

But wouldn't best record for lost packages mean we lost the most? They should really reword that. It's confusing, Derpy thought. She kept reading to see if the plaque clarified itself but her left eye drifted, as it tended to do. It caught something and Derpy shifted her head, now looking at a framed blown up photograph hanging on the other side of the room. In it, a well-dressed stallion handing a package over to Princess Celestia.

Wonder what was in that, Derpy thought, chuckling to herself. I bet it was something lame. Or maybe it was the wrong package! Maybe she opened it, and inside was some flour that was meant for a baker. Or...

"Hello, Derpy."

Derpy whipped her head forward to find her boss had entered the room from the other side, carrying a package on his back. He carefully set it down on the desk as Derpy held her hoof to her head.

"Hello, Mr. Ship. You wanted to see me?"

"Yes. I'll cut straight to the point: we have a very important package to deliver down to Ponyville and I'd like my best mailmare to do it."

Derpy couldn't contain her proud grin. "I'd be happy to! Where in Ponyville is it going?"

"It's going to Golden Oaks Library. However, it is a very important delivery to a very important pony. So I think to reduce the risk of accident I'm going to declare this a flightless delivery." Mr. Ship sighed, taking his glasses off. "I know it's not the most exciting walk from Cloudsdale to Ponyville, but I really want this delivery to go well, so would you still be willing to take it? I understand if you don't want to."

"Don't be silly," Derpy said, picking up the package and looking it over. "I'd be happy to! It's not that long of a walk."

She carefully slid the package into her saddlebag, then went to leave the room when her boss continued.

"How do you do it, Derpy?" Mr. Ship asked.

Derpy turned around. "How do I do it? Well I usually just fly the package there. I think that's what most pegasi do, actually. For other deliveries, I just walk..."

Mr. Ship shook his head. "I don't mean that, Derpy. I mean how do you always stay so chipper like that? Any time we have a delivery you do it with a smile on your face, no matter how dull it is.” Mr. Ship chuckled. "Not for nothing, but I'm just surprised that anypony can always be so excited about walking packages around."

Derpy just laughed. "It's not boring at all! I always find ways of keeping things interesting."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say. I'll ask Shifts to get the cloud elevator ready."

With a smile, Derpy left the room and trotted through the cubicles of the Cloudsdale Post Office. She arrived in hers and picked up her saddlebag, then looked out over the top of the cubicle and at the other ponies in the office that day. A few of them looked downright bored, bags under their eyes as they shuffled monotonously around. It always confused her: how could they be so down when they had such a fun job?

She left her cubicle, humming as she trotted past the cubicles and into the sorting area. Ponies there seemed a touch more lively, throwing letters every which way and stacking packages everywhere. She bobbed and weaved between the piles of packages, finally making her way to a side room. Inside was the cloud elevator, where the old stallion behind the controls looked up from a newspaper and smiled.

"Mornin', Derpy," he said. "Heard you got a no-fly delivery. Sorry about that."

"It's not so bad," Derpy replied, taking a delivery cap from off the wall.

"Not so bad? You gotta walk all the way to Ponyville!"

"It's okay, I'll find a way to keep myself entertained." Derpy adjusted the cap on her head, then climbed onto a large cloud platform in the center of the room, attached by long white ropes to a winch. Shifts unlocked a large lever to the side and nodded at Derpy.

"Alright, you know the safety rules: stay on the elevator, don't drop anything off of it, it'll take about fifteen minutes to get to the ground. Have fun!"

Shifts turned the crank and the large cloud elevator began its slow descent. Derpy plopped down in the center of the platform, waved one more time to Shifts as he disappeared from sight, and she was left suspended on the cloud elevator slowly lowering to the ground far below.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The darkened, musty elevator creaked menacingly, as if each floor it passed by was a significant achievement. A single pony stood inside, his face covered by a black mask and his coat bearing the signature patch of the evil organization VILE. A static sound pierced the air as the pony held up a walkie-talkie.

"I'm on my way down. I'm taking the next shift to guard the Princess's daughter. Yes sir, I'm sure we'll hear a response from Equestria soon. No doubt they are going to give in to our demands and—"

A quiet clanging sound startled the pony and he shot his head around. There was nothing out of the ordinary in the elevator—just a few cardboard boxes in the corner—and he shook his head.

"Just my imagination," he mumbled, then returned to the walkie-talkie. As he spoke to his commander, he failed to notice one of the cardboard boxes behind him slowly being pushed up and over. A mare in a tight black outfit silently crawled along the ground, sneaking up behind the stallion. She slowly reared up on her hind legs, then wrapped her hooves around the stallion's neck. The walkie-talkie clattered to the ground as the stallion struggled. He thrust himself backwards to drive the mare into the wall, but she planted her back hooves on the side of the elevator and walked up, driving him down into the floor. The stallion struggled back to his feet and threw the mare over his back, finally breaking the hold. She landed on her hooves and immediately backflipped right back over the stallion, hooking his head and neck again. She was whipped back and forth as the stallion tried to shake her, but the hold finally took its toll on him, and he slowly fell to the ground, reduced to a deep unconsciousness.

The mare finally released her grip on the passed out stallion and let his limp body fall to the ground. She took a few steps back and removed her mask, letting her blonde hair flow behind her. As she cracked her neck, her focus fell on the walkie-talkie laying on the ground.

"Come in! What was that noise, what’s wrong?" the voice on the other side of the walkie-talkie rang out. The mare picked it up in her hoof, pressing down on the button with a smile on her face.

"Sorry, but he's taking a little nap."

"What!?” the voice said, then started yelling. "It's Agent Derp! Get extra security on Skyla, now! Go to alert level twenty seven, shut down all—"

The voice cut to static. The mare smiled, tossing the walkie-talkie aside and she leaned up against the wall, watching as the levels of the underground facility went by. By the time she got down to the bottom level, there would no doubt be countless enemies and security measures. Of course, none of that mattered to her. She was Agent Derp, the finest espionage expert in all of Equestria. Few ponies knew of her existence. She had been successful on every mission she had ever been on, but this was a different matter altogether: infiltrating the VILE headquarters and rescuing the kidnapped Lady Skyla.

The elevator continued its slow descent as Agent Derp examined the floors going past. No doubt, each floor held a different evil activity that would one day require her attention, but for now, it was the very bottom floor that was her focus. She stretched out her hooves and checked her utility belt to make sure she had everything she needed, when the elevator shook a few times. It suddenly shuttered to a halt.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Derpy looked around; the elevator was stopped somewhere halfway between Cloudsdale and the ground. After a few seconds she heard a telltale whirling noise as a small metal ring with a note attached came speeding down the ropes. She caught it in her hoof and quickly opened it up.

"'Technical difficulties, please wait,'" she read, then giggled and rolled her eyes. "Every time."

She sat back in the corner of the platform for a few seconds until the elevator suddenly lurched back to life and continued its descent.

~~~~~~~~~~~

A hatch on the ceiling of the elevator swung open with enough force to shake the whole elevator.

Agent Derp sighed in frustration. "They never make this easy, do they?"

She crouched back, planting her back hooves against the wall and waited. After a moment, a stallion in the same attire as his unconscious cohort dropped down, but before he was even halfway to the floor, Agent Derp pounced. She tackled the pony, his head bounced against the wall, and he immediately slumped over. She stood on her hind legs, but was grabbed from behind by another assailant, who hooked her around the head. She dropped down and threw the pony over her and as the assailant rolled to his hooves, she leapt into the air, driving her back hoof into his face with a spin kick. He collapsed to the ground and Agent Derp shook her head.

"Come on, just flunkies? Where's the challenge?"

Just as she finished talking, she heard a clang behind her. She turned around to find a pony at least twice her size standing before her, with forelegs made of hardened steel and glowing red eyes. He snorted through a mechanical snout, shooting steam into Agent Derp’s face. She could only smile.

"There we go, that's better!"

Agent Derp crouched down, prepared to pounce at the monster, when the elevator suddenly shook.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Derpy blinked and looked around at her surroundings. The blue sky and clouditecture of Cloudsdale had been replaced with lush green hills and in the distance she could make out the tree line of the edge of Whitetail Wood. She flipped open her saddlebag to make sure the package was still there, then stepped off of the platform as it began to rise back into the sky.

She adjusted her cap and began trekking towards the wood, and Ponyville. It was almost a second home to Derpy with how often she visited from Cloudsdale and she tried to take time to visit Whitetail Wood every time she was in the area. She would always linger a little in the forest just so she could admire the trees that lined the paths. Once she got closer, however, her excited trot slowed down as she noticed all the trees barren of their leaves.

"Oh no," she said to herself, frowning as she searched for any tree that still bore the red and orange colors of autumn but to no avail. She sat down outside the forest, pouting. The sound of hoofsteps came from another area as a blue unicorn trotted along another path, then noticed Derpy and walked over to her.

"Hiya, Derpy!" the unicorn said. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Hi, Minuette," Derpy said. "Did I miss the Running of the Leaves?"

Minuette frowned sympathetically. "It was yesterday. You didn't know? You gotta keep track of this stuff better."

"Awwww, it's my favorite event of the year and I missed it!" Derpy pouted, looking at the empty trees. "I need to start writing this stuff down."

"Sorry," Minuette said. "It's still a nice walk, though."

"I guess... I gotta walk through the forest anyway, since I'm on a no-fly delivery." Derpy said, pushing her hat up and stretching her legs.

"No-fly? Lame," Minuette said with a giggle. "I dunno how you put up with a job like that, it's gotta be so boring." There was a pause as Minuette suddenly realized what she said, then shuffled her hooves. "Er, I didn't mean it like that. I meant, like, I bet you do good at the job—"

"No, it's alright," Derpy interjected with a smile. "It's not that boring. More just uneventful, really. I find ways to keep it interesting."

"Well that's good," Minuette replied, then pulled an hourglass on a chain out of her saddlebag. "Oh geez, I'm late. I gotta get going, I'm meeting some friends for a picnic. Have fun, Derpy!"

Minuette trotted off and Derpy turned around to finally enter the woods. She tried to keep her big smile and confident trot up, but after a minute of just looking at the same empty trees, she sighed.

"Man, this is so boring. Minuette was right," she mumbled to herself, trotting along the dirt path lined with piles upon piles of leaves. She was just looking up at the sunny sky when she stumbled over something on the ground, falling forward a few steps and just barely managing to keep her balance. After checking to make sure the package was still safe, she glanced back at what she had tripped over: a long thick stick that had fallen off a tree leaning over the path. A smile curled over her face and she trotted back and picked the stick up. One end seemed to be far heavier than the other so she grasped it in her hoof, playfully swinging it around a few times.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Aaaaaaaaagh!"

Ryo Colgabusa slammed into the tree and crumpled down, her sword clanging to the ground next to her. She struggled to push herself up and reached for her blade, only for a massive figure to kick the sword out of the way, sending it spiking into a tree. Colgabusa reached limply for her weapon as if expecting it to fly to her, but her hoof was swatted down by the dark figure that stood before her.

"Pathetic," the figure muttered as he stared down at the hurt pony on the ground. "I expected more of a fight out of you, Ryo. One of the greatest swordsmares of Neighpon, put down so easily?" he said, then stomped a hoof into his adversary.

"Somepony will stop you," Colgabusa said, coughing and clutching at her chest. "Your evil plan will never—"

She didn't get a chance to finish as the Dark Stallion stomped his hoof down on her stomach again, causing Colgabusa to sputter in pain. Dark Stallion just laughed.

"Enough. Neighpon will be mine, and there is nothing you or anypony else can do about it." He cracked his neck, then held one hoof out. His sword floated up to his hoof, and he raised it high above his head. "And now, to finish you once and for all."

Colgabusa gasped as Dark Stallion drove the sword downwards towards her chest...

But there was a flash in the distance.

A silver sword flew through the air and clashed against Dark Stallion’s, throwing his off course and embedding it in the ground. He gasped as the silver sword spiraled back through the air, then twisted and shot in another direction. Dark Stallion followed the blade as it flew towards a tree, where it was caught by a lone figure.

Her blonde mane was tied back, a red headband wrapped around her forehead. The light breeze caused her long cape to fow in the wind and the moonlight shone in the blade of her sword. She dropped off the tree and landed on all four hooves, her tattered but strong armor clanging as she landed.

The Dark Stallion stared. "It can't be. You're just a myth!"

Even through her pain, Colgabusa smiled as she saw the shimmer coming off the swordsmare's sword. With a deep breath, she spoke words that sent chills down the spine of the Dark Stallion.

"Derpori Hoovzo..."

In a flash, Dark Stallion leapt towards the mare, brandishing his sword again. He swung, but Derpori moved like a flash of lightning and blocked his attack with her own.

"Your reign ends tonight," she quietly said, locking eyes with the evil entity.

"Hah. What can one puny swordsmare do against a master of magical fighting arts?"

His horn gave off an unearthly red glow that swirled in the air for a few seconds before forming into a long thin shape. With a flash, the magic transformed into a second sword while Dark Stallion let out a laugh. He pushed Derpori back with the sword in his hoof, then hovered the new sword directly over her head.

"Say your prayers, Derpori!" Dark Stallion yelled, then swung both swords towards the legendary swordsmare's head.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Derpy paused. She glanced at the stick in her front hoof, mulling something over in her mind. Her head jerked up and she quickly scanned the area until she saw a single low-hanging branch on a tree not far away. She galloped over to it and broke the branch off, then happily hummed to herself as she removed all the excess small branches sticking out.

When she had finished, she couldn't help but smile at the finished product. She reached back and carefully wrapped the end of her tail around the branch, then swung it back and forth a few times to make sure it wasn't going to come loose.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Colgabusa closed her eyes in fear, not wanting to see the inevitable. Instead, she heard something else: the unmistakable sound of steel on steel.

Dark Stallion stared in shock. Colgabusa opened her eyes and gasped when she saw the scene. Derpori stood her ground, the sword in her hoof blocking the one that hung magically over her head. But the sword in Dark Stallion's hoof was also blocked by another sword, one that Derpori was holding in her tail.

"No!" Dark Stallion said. "A sword held in her tail?"

Behind him, Colgabusa sputtered out a laugh. "Hayten Dinky-Ryu… I thought that style had been lost to time…"

Dark Stallion swung both swords again, but with the speed and grace of the fastest pegasi, Derpori blocked both shots again. She spun her body, swinging her back hooves into the chest of the Dark Stallion. The force sent him flying back into the tree, but he landed with all four hooves on the trunk and pushed himself off. Derpori watched as he sailed into the trees, then landed on a thin branch. She leapt into the air and landed on a tree next to his. Dark Stallion's horn suddenly sent out a great red shot into the sky. The magic separated into several more swords, all of which spun around Dark Stallion's head.

"This ends tonight. This ends now!" Dark Stallion said. "I am the overlord of magical fighting arts. How do you expect to stop me?"

The crisp night air blew between them, sending leaves scattering off the branches and into the wind. Derpori slowly turned to her side, carefully balancing on three hooves on the branch as she brandished one sword in her free hoof with the other clenched in her tail.

"You fight with weapons, not honor," she said, crouching down. "You will fall!"

The two remained motionless, each waiting for the other to make their move. Up above the clouds parted, revealing the full moon. The light of the moon glimmered off each of the swords and they both finally made their move. They ran across the branches and leapt into the air towards each other, Dark Stallion laughing as his swords shot through the air while Derpori swung her sword overhead…

~~~~~~~~~~~

Derpy leapt into the air and swung the stick in her hooves forward, not noticing the low hanging branch above. The stick collided with the branch and got caught, causing Derpy to lose her grip on it. Not expecting the sudden shift in momentum, Derpy flew forward and slammed into the ground chest-first with enough force to send the package she was delivering flying out of her saddlebag. Her left eye gazed up and saw the tightly wrapped package sailing overhead, straight towards a small creek.

"Gah!"

She scrambled forward, her hooves becoming a tangled mess as she stumbled over herself. With one leap she reached out as far as she could, just barely managing to grab the far corners of the package with the edge of her hooves. As she fell forward towards the water she furiously flapped her wings, managing to stop herself and hover only inches above the creek. For a few tense seconds she slowly rotated her body until she was out of the way of the creek, then lowered herself down until she was laying on the ground. She breathed a long sigh of relief, rolled onto her back, and stared into the canopy of empty trees.

"That could have been really bad," she chuckled to herself before she rolled back to her hooves and placed the package in her saddlebag, making doubly sure it was secured this time, then removing the stick that was still in her tail. "Maybe I should just get to Ponyville."

Tucking her wings back against her body, Derpy got a sense of where in the forest she was and took off towards her destination once again. Minute after minute ticked by as Derpy's delivery remained largely uneventful. Every time she found her mind wandering, she thought back to nearly losing the package and chased the thought out of her head, instead just admiring the blue sky and grass around her. After what felt like an eternity, she finally passed by the large sign welcoming all newcomers to Ponyville.

Derpy closed her eyes and took in a deep breath through her nose; Ponyville had a certain smell about it that always made her happy. She had longed to move there permanently, but until an opening came up at the Ponyville Post Office, she was happy with living in Cloudsdale and taking every opportunity she could to visit. She reached back and made doubly sure that the package was still in her saddlebag, ready to complete the rest of her journey.

But of course, first things first. She immediately trotted to the familiar front door of the sweetest building in all of Ponyville. The pony behind the counter looked up and smiled.

"Oh, hello Derpy!" Mrs. Cake chirped. "Who's getting the delivery today?"

"Well it's going to Golden Oaks Library, so probably Twilight," Derpy replied, trotting up to the counter. Her left eye immediately dropped down towards the glass case in front of her and she found herself tantalized by the array of confections contained in it.

Mrs. Cake giggled. "See something you like?"

"Everything," Derpy whispered, her eyes surveying both ends of the case simultaneously. She reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a few bits. "Could I get a strawberry-chocolate muffin please?"

"Of course, dearie," Mrs. Cake said, reaching into the case. Derpy watched with glee as Mrs. Cake selected the biggest muffin she could and wrapped it in a napkin, handing it over to the mailmare. Derpy's eyes shimmered and she licked her lips as she stared at the confection in her hand, but shook her head.

"No, I have a job to do. I'll save this for later," she said, pouting a bit as she slipped the muffin into her saddlebag. "Thank you!"

"Of course. Be careful out there, Derpy. There's a lot going on."

Derpy glanced up at Mrs. Cake. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, the town is preparing for the annual Autumn Days festival," Mrs. Cake said, looking out the window. "Ponies are just starting to set everything up, it's a bit of a madhouse out there."

Derpy cocked her head to one side, then turned and opened the front door of Sugarcube Corner. She hadn't noticed it when she had entered Ponyville, but the streets were a bit chaotic. Ponies were rushing every which way with supplies, there were half-finished booths being built everywhere, and decorations hung limply from the street lights.

"Goodness, it really is a mess out there," Mrs. Cake said. "Careful getting to the library, Derpy, it's practically an obstacle course out there."

Mrs. Cake walked through the kitchen door and Derpy stood at the entrance of Sugarcube Corner, still staring at the cluttered streets. A smile curled across her face and she determinedly adjusted her cap, then stretched out her legs. Sure, Ponyville was cluttered…

~~~~~~~~~~~

…But that was nothing new for Daring Derp, the greatest adventurer in all of Equestria.

Daring Derp stared down the long, black cavern. Surely the inside would be loaded with all sorts of traps and obstacles that some ancient tribe set up in order to protect the treasure within. Traps designed not to just stop whomever invaded the temple, but end their adventures permanently.

She was used to it by now.

She spit her gum out, then stretched out her legs. A pang of pain shot through her back and she reached back to massage her hurt wings. As an archaeologist, she had come to work without using her wings. After all, no need for flying when one was underground. But now that her wings were out of commission, she realized just how handicapped she felt.

With one last leg stretch, she carefully made her way into the cave. Darkness quickly enveloped her, so she pulled a torch out of her saddlebag and lit it to get a sense of where she was. She took slow steps forward until something besides the walls of the cave came into view: long, messy vines that hung down from the ceiling

She reached out to brush it aside, but her hoof froze just inches away from it. She carefully followed the vine up and along the ceiling where the vines eventually all met together in an extremely tight net-like pattern. Upon holding the torch up to the net, she could just make out movement behind it, and a muffled screech confirmed her suspicions.

"Miniature Wyverns," she said. "Of course."

She lowered the torch down and carefully stepped between the vines. It seemed that there was only just enough room for her to squeeze through them, but finally she reached the end of the path. As she stepped forward to continue through the cave, her hoof froze in mid-air as a speck of dirt fell in front of her face. With a burst of energy she leapt to the right as a series of vines dropped right down in front of her, just barely missing her face.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sorry, Depry," Flitter said. "Lost my grip on those streamers."

"It's fine!" Derpy replied.

"Could you hand me that decoration you're standing on?"

Derpy looked down at her right hoof, placed right in the middle of a leaf-shaped piece of paper. She picked it up and handed it over to Flitter, who flew it up high and hung it from the top of the booth she was setting up.

"Thanks!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

Daring Derp looked down at her right hoof, placed right in the middle of a leaf-shaped stone in the ground. It slowly sunk down into the floor, and a loud rumbling sound filled the cave. She just barely had a chance to look behind her when one of the walls of the cave collapsed, sending a mudslide heading right for her.

"Forget being careful!" she yelled to nopony in particular, then grabbed the torch in her teeth and took off down the cave as the mudslide followed closely behind her. She sprinted through the darkened cavern, foregoing her knowledge of not setting off traps in favor of just avoiding whatever she ran into. Her hoof sunk into the ground again and she instinctively leapt forward, ducking her head as a razor-sharp axe swung out of the wall and sliced a centimeter off of her mane.

She slid around the corner and bolted forward, still hearing the landslide right behind her. A loud clang came from in front of her as spikes shot out of the walls, all of which she just barely dodged. She turned another corner and rushed ahead, but suddenly a wall slammed down from the ceiling. She scanned the area for an escape, but there was none to be had. Behind her, the mudslide was closing in fast. In front of her, the wall was completely impenetrable. There was no way out.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Derpy waited patiently as cart after cart of apples rolled in front of her.

"Sorry 'bout the holdup, Derpy," Applejack said as she pulled one cart packed to the brim with apple pies. "We got a big haul here."

"That's fine! When does your booth open up?"

"Noon today," Applejack yelled over her shoulder. "Get here early or there's gonna be a heck of a line!"

Derpy nodded as Big Macintosh pulled the final three carts out of her way, leaving a clear path straight to Golden Oaks Library.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Having brilliantly gotten past the wall and stopped the mudslide, Daring Derp took stock of her surroundings. Though her torch had gone out, she could still see the walls of the cave. Her curiosity piqued even further, she followed the cave as it got lighter and lighter, eventually coming across a bright opening. She stepped through and was instantly mesmerized by what she saw.

The room she found herself in was paved with gold, floor to ceiling. Ancient carvings lined the walls, all of which seemed to point to the center of the room. There, a grand pedestal stood, lined with diamonds and rubies, while on top of the pedestal sat a small statue of an alicorn princess, shimmering seemingly on its own. However, that wasn't what Daring Derp noticed first.

"Ahuizotl!"

Ahuizotl laughed. "We meet again, Daring Derp. But this time, it is I who have the advantage, and there is nothing you can do about it!"

"You can't!" Daring Derp said, stepping forward. "The idol has to be removed in a precise way, or else—"

"Oh I am well aware," Ahuizotl responded, calmly examining the idol. "It is all part of my plan, Daring Derp. You see, this was not merely about getting the idol. This was about removing you from the picture once and for all. You have been a thorn in my side for far too long, it is time to extract that thorn."

With a thunderous boom, the ceiling of the cavern split. High above the hole that had been created hovered Ahuizotl's blimp, which quickly dropped a long metal ladder down.

"And now I must bid you adieu, Daring Derp."

"No!"

Before she could act, Ahuizotl grabbed onto the ladder with one hand and the idol with the other. As he was raised into the air, the entire cave rumbled as the statues on every side broke apart, spilling molten lava into the room. Daring Derp tried to turn around, but the entrance she had come through suddenly slammed shut. She turned back and made one great leap at Ahuizotl, but he was just out of reach and she landed on the podium.

"I'd like to see you get out of this one, Daring Derp!" Ahuizotl yelled. "There's nowhere to go!"

Sweat poured down Daring Derp's face as the lava inched closer and closer to her. She was perched as high up on the podium as she could, her hooves bunched together as the lava began to lick the edge of the podium. From above, Ahuizotl laughed. Daring Derp looked up at him, and their eyes locked. With a smirk, Ahuizotl opened his mouth once more.

"Morning, Derpy!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Morning, Derpy!"

The front door of Golden Oaks library had swung open and Twilight Sparkle stood in the doorway, smiling. Derpy looked past her to see the interior of the library; no matter when she had come, the library was always in perfect order, save for a stack of books at the table in the center of the room. She looked back at Twilight, momentarily taking in the sight of her new majestic wings. Derpy had never actually known an alicorn before, certainly not well enough to consider them an acquaintance.

"Morning, Twilight. I have a package for you!" Derpy reached into her saddlebag and carefully extracted the package. Twilight's eyes lit up and she practically snatched the package from Derpy.

"Yes!" she said, almost tearing into the package. "I ordered a ton of books after I got back to Ponyville, finally they're starting to arrive! I wonder which one this is… 'A Brief History of Alicorns?' 'Princesses and You?' 'Theories on Quantum Race Ascension?'"

She finally got the package open and excitedly pulled out the item; a large but thin book with a brightly colored cover. Twilight stared at it for a few seconds, her face quickly turning a bright shade of red. Recognizing the book, Derpy scrunched her face trying to stifle a laugh.

"'My First Preening Guide?'" she said, accidentally letting a giggle slip.

Twilight's blush deepened as she glanced back at her wings. "Yeah… this is still sorta new to me."

"I can imagine," Derpy said with a wink.

"Well, thank you for the delivery. Sorry I have to go so quickly, but I'm helping to organize Autumn Days and I want to make sure everything is going well." Twilight put the book on a table next to the front door, then locked it as she trotted back out. "Thanks so much, Derpy!"

"You're welcome. All in a day’s work!"

Before she took another step, Twilight stopped. She turned around, one eyebrow raised.

"Hey, Derpy? Uh, why are you standing on the sign?"

Derpy blinked a few times, then looked down. She was perched on top of the Golden Oaks Library sign, her hooves bunched together as if she was afraid of the ground. She glanced around in every direction, then looked back over at Twilight with a goofy grin.

"Heh heh… uh, better vantage point of your door?"

Twilight giggled and rolled her eyes. "Uh... huh. Alrighty then. See you later, Derpy!" she said, trotting off.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Daring Derp repositioned her hoof as a speck of lava burned it. It was only inches away from reaching her. Up above, Ahuizotl let out a cackle.

"It's over, Daring Derp. There's nothing you can do. I am the winner!"

He waited to hear her panicked cries, but instead a different sound filled the room: laughter. He looked down, where Daring Derp had a confident smile and was digging through her bag.

"Sorry, Ahuizotl. Not this time!"

She finally found what she was looking for and pulled it out. It gave off a glow that made the room even brighter. Ahuizotl shielded his eyes with his tail, unable to comprehend how bright the room had gotten. When his eyes had finally adjusted, he saw what hovered in Daring Derp's hooves.

"No!" he gasped. "A muffin of healing? But how?!"

"Just lucky, I guess!" Daring Derp replied, tossing the glowing muffin into the air and eating it with one big gulp. Almost immediately, she felt power surge through her body and she looked back to see her wings, both bandaged up, now giving off a glow that matched that of the muffin. With a mighty flex her wings tore the bandages off and she leapt straight up into the air. Before Ahuizotl even knew what was happening, Daring Derp shot past him, reaching out and snatching the idol right from his hands.

"What? No!"

Daring Derp landed on top of the cavern, flapping her wings a few times as she tossed the idol in her hoof. "Sorry, Ahuizotl. When are you gonna learn that you can't beat Daring Derp? Anyway, I gotta get going. See you around!" With that, she turned around and took off into the sky.

"Curse you!" Ahuizotl yelled, shaking the fist on his tail as he was carried into his blimp. "I'll get you next time, Daring Derp! Next time!!"

With that, another mission was successful. The sun beat down on Daring Derp's face as she flapped her healed wings, finally able to fly again after what felt like an eternity. There would be more missions, of course—in fact, she was sure that as soon as she got back home there would be another mission waiting—but for now, at least, that didn't matter. It just felt so great to fly again. She momentarily paused in the air to look down at the world around her, then with a hearty tip of her hat she turned and flew off into the distance, off to find more adventures in life, wherever they may be.

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Special Thanks to RazgrizS57 and Pilate