Chapters In the Morning of Best Intentions
Labour to keep alive in your Breast that Little Spark of Celestial fire Called Conscience.
— George Washington.
TWILIGHT
Ponyville, midnight. A warm breath of approaching summer danced down the town’s empty streets and stirred the leaves of the Golden Oaks Library. Most of the Library’s windows were dark. But, half-hidden in the upper boughs, a solitary light glowed.
Princess Twilight Sparkle was immersed in study. She had, in her years as Princess Celestia’s protégé, struggled through many ancient books of arcane lore. The B’harn Fragments . The Piekotic Manuscripts . Unaussprechlichen Colten . The Equinomicon . Yet, Twilight had rarely been as challenged as she was this night.
Tonight, she was trying to make heads or tails of the Ponyville Municipal Code .
It had started out so simply: the Ponyville Charter . Two pages, declaring the foundation of the town. The second page was mostly the signatures of the happy townsfolk.
Then the “Little Book,” Laws and Such , a tiny volume written by Stinkin’ Rich, Granny Smith and Big Carrot. Forty pages of “notions” from Ponyville’s founders. Mostly they were homely rules such as: “Don’t take nuthin’ whut ain’t yers” and “Keep yer goats outta muh corn field, dagnabbit!”
The “Big Books” that came out later weren’t so bad. There were two volumes, each about 250 pages, one criminal, one civil. Mostly, they just dressed up the Little Book in formal legal terminology and added some bits about trade with other towns and relations with Canterlot.
The current set of the Ponyville Municipal Code ran to twelve volumes of 1200 pages each.
This multiplication of rules and regulations was inevitable, Twilight realized, for two reasons. One, they never delete anything . Every law or regulation that had ever been passed, even laws that were later amended or removed, were still there in the Municipal Code. The older, obsolete laws were simply annotated (“*See Amendment 34a: replace references to ‘apple’ with ‘pomaceous fruit.’” “*See Amendment 1424/J: don’t worry about this anymore. Sorry.”).
Even in the Little Book, this was true. A rule as simple as “don’t take nuthin’ whut ain’t yers” had a tiny footnote, “*unless ya really have ta’, in which case, put it back when yer done, darn ya.”
Studying law is not like studying science , Twilight thought. It’s more like archeology, digging through layers of history to discover relics of order or justice.
On one level, this pleased Twilight Sparkle. The scholar in her admired the careful attention to detail and the preservation of history. On another level, she looked at the stack of volumes that still awaited her perusal and winced.
The second reason the law kept expanding, she realized, is that the law is trying to model the entire world! The sheer audaciousness of this chore made Twilight startle. Here, look at this bit, that had been introduced only a couple of years ago: trains. The grand opening of the Ponyville train station had been a major civic celebration. Twilight still had a t-shirt from the event. But look at the legal consequences! Redefinitions of ordinary terms like “carriage,” “vehicle” and “right of way” that reached back into the earliest laws of Ponyville!
Twilight sat back, sipped her cold cocoa, and pondered.
If we struck out the obsolete laws and corrected the amended laws, we could make the Code smaller by a factor of… hang on, 32%. Further , she thought excitedly, isn’t there a lot of duplication in the Code? Isn’t the section on “pomaceous fruit” really just a copy-and-pasted version of the earlier section on “root vegetables” with “dirt” replaced by “tree”?
And there is a recursive aspect to the Code , Twilight realized. The idea made her tingle. Twilight loved recursion; it simplified so many complex situations. The different cases related to agricultural law and water rights obviously mapped to manufacture and trade. And to domestic law as well! Wow!
Suddenly inspired, Twilight Sparkle drew out pen, ink and a stack of 3x5 cards and went to work.
As the first light of dawn washed over Ponyville, Twilight stood back, triumphant!
Princess Twilight Sparkle had worked her magic. The entirety of the Ponyville Municipal Code had been reduced to a single 3x5 card. There was a diagram, a decision table, a dense block of algorithmic code, and a table of constants. And there was still space left on the back for comments.
Twilight viewed the sunrise with confidence and pride. Ready, Madam Mayor! she thought happily, as she welcomed the start of Shadow Day.
***
FLETCHER
In the gray hour before dawn, Fletcher Veterinary, secretary to Madam Mayor Mare, padded quietly about his tiny townhouse and fussed over his plants.
Fletcher enjoyed the early morning. It was silent. It was still. He lit the stove, started a kettle of water for tea and heated the skillet for his toast. As the copper kettle and iron skillet warmed, he considered the ferns that decorated his kitchen window.
He reached into their pots and found their soil still moist. No water for you, then , he thought. It was difficult to tell, in the early light, but didn’t this fern show a little yellow around its leaves? Overwatering , he thought. It’s so hard sometimes, to know if you are caring too much or too little.
Here, a little fresh air can’t hurt you. Fletcher opened his kitchen window.
“GOOOOOD MORNING!” A bright-pink pony head thrust though Fletcher’s kitchen window. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY THIS IS?!” the head cried.
Fletcher reared back, collapsing onto his haunches.
“IT’S SHADOW DAY!” shouted the bright-pink head in an ecstatic voice that made Fletcher cringe. “Ooooo—!” sang the head.
No, it’s early, please don’t , thought Fletcher. But the pink head was relentless:
“Oh, Shadow Day is the best day!
The best for you and me!
I will learn to do things right!
Governmentally!
“I will follow you all day long
And sing and sing my friendship song
So you will know that I belooo—ng
And never, ever do anything wrong!” the head sang.
Fletcher recovered his hooves, straightened his bathrobe and adjusted his dignity. “Miss Pie,” he said. “I appreciate your enthusiasm. However, I must ask you to consider the effect of your boisterous serenade on my sleeping neighbors.”
“Why, howdy there, Mr. Veterinary!” declared Fletcher’s left neighbor, Mr. Succotash, coming up to Fletcher’s window.
“Good morning to you, sir!” cried Mrs. Rhubarb, his right neighbor, as she joined him.
Oh, no , thought Fletcher. Please, no!
Miss Pie, Mr. Succotash and Mrs. Rhubarb embraced, danced and sang in chorus:
“We all love our community!
We work to the best of our ability!
And to show each other that we’re not slobs
On Shadow Day we exchange our jobs!
“I’ll learn your job, you’ll learn mine,
And everything will be just fine.
You may be big, you may be small,
But together we are ponies all!
“And once I know what you all do,
(Doo-wakka-do-do, do-do-do.)
I’ll be patient, I’ll be kind,
When standing in a checkout line!”
Please, dear, sweet Luna, take me now. It’s too early for show tunes , thought Fletcher in his despair as the trio built to their crescendo.
“Every pony, in every way,
Works hard to earn their pay!
At the end of the daaaay…
You could say
If you may
That there is no day
(What day?
What the hay?
Today?
Hooray!)
As great as Shadow Daaay!
Yay!”
Miss Pie, Mr. Succotash and Mrs. Rhubarb posed for a moment. Then Succotash and Rhubarb wandered away, leaving Fletcher to deal with Pie.
“I had not expected to encounter you so early, Miss Pie,” said Fletcher with deliberate calm.
Pinkie Pie laughed. “It’s late for me! I’m an assistant baker! I’ve already helped Mr. and Mrs. Cake get today’s bread started! I’m always up and rarin’ to go before sunrise!”
“I see,” said Fletcher. “Miss Pie, I am about to indulge in some tea and toast. Would you care to join me?”
“You betcha!” said Pinkie Pie cheerfully, as she struggled to climb through Fletcher’s kitchen window.
“Miss Pie, perhaps the door?” suggested Fletcher.
Pinkie Pie grinned. “Oh, yeah! Doors! I love doors!” She bounced out of sight.
Fletcher closed the kitchen window. Shadow Day , he thought, rubbing his eyes, as he walked slowly to his front door. Oh dear.
***
Thick-cut bread from yesterday's loaf. Milk. Eggs. Vanilla. United momentarily in a bowl. Placed on the iron pan to brown. A sprinkle of powdered sugar and fresh raspberries. More trouble than he would go to for himself alone, but he had a guest. There, then , thought Fletcher. A breakfast to be proud of. He placed her plate before her.
Pinkie Pie devoured it all in a single gulp, even before he set out the warmed maple syrup. “Yummy!” she announced.
Fletcher paused. I prepared this. It is a good breakfast. I will take time to enjoy it , he thought. He sat and addressed his own meal. He used his unicorn magic to will a fork before him, carefully cut off a square of his toast, welcomed the drop of warm maple syrup and gently encouraged a raspberry. He speared the toast (tines down , in the proper Canterlot fashion), raised the fork to his lips and relished the result.
Exquisite , he thought. The golden outer surface of the toast, sweetened by maple, surrendered with a delightful crunch. Once inside, his tongue discovered the creamy goodness of the eggs, milk and vanilla. The tart sweetness of the raspberry was a delicious surprise.
Why don’t I do this for myself more often? he wondered, as his fork moved to carve off another square. Oh, yes, that’s right. My guest. Miss Pie.
Her bright, blue-eyed gaze was entirely focused on Fletcher. She watched the motion of his fork, unblinking, as it moved from his plate to his lips.
“Would you care for some more?” Fletcher asked.
“No, I’m okay,” Miss Pie said, as she carefully followed the motion of his fork. Fletcher waved the fork up-and-down, left-and-right. Miss Pie followed each movement. At last, Fletcher ate the square of toast, and was rewarded with Miss Pie’s smile.
The stress of her regard is most intimidating , thought Fletcher. “There’s more,” Fletcher insisted, motioning towards his stove.
Miss Pie laughed. “I know. I just like watching you eat. You enjoy every bite. You smile in little ways, when you look down at your plate. You like your food. You pause and think about every morsel on your fork. Then you bite and your happiness shines!
“I wish more ponies were like you, Mister Veterinary,” said Miss Pie. “Most of the ponies that stop by Sugar Cube Corner in the morning are in a hurry, for a quick muffin-and-cocoa or a bag of gimme-that-to-go.
“It’s nice to be with somepony that’s quiet and deliberate in the morning. If it’s okay, you kinda remind me of my Dad.”
Fletcher Veterinary felt something warm form in his chest. He harrumphed, then looked down at his plate. He busied himself with bits of toast, insistent raspberries and errant drops of maple.
“Miss Pie,” he asked, not looking at her. “Why are you here? Why did you volunteer? What do you hope to accomplish, today?”
“I just want everypony to be happy this one day, like me!” said Miss Pie.
Fletcher touched the corners of his mouth with his napkin.
I have, perhaps, been too hasty in my judgement of this pony , he thought. She is quick. She is smart. And she is social, like Madam Mayor. This is a good pony. I will support her, for today at least.
“Miss Pie, welcome to Shadow Day,” said Fletcher, as he struggled to smile.
Interlude 1: Stormy Weather
DERPY
Derpy Hooves loved the early morning hours in the Pony Express office. It was a quiet time to relax, enjoy breakfast and examine other ponies' mail.
Here was this one postcard, on one side a colorful landscape of the Badlands at sunset. On the other side, the message, Wish you were here. Derpy thought for a moment, then chuckled. Oh, I get it! she thought.
So many messages from Princess Luna! What’s up? she wondered, as she nibbled her morning muffin. She wrapped the IMPORTANT! EXPEDITE! ribbon about the Royal packets and set them into their own pouch.
Derpy was thinking deeply about the situation when Rainbow Dash came in, yawning. “S'up, Derpy?” asked Miss Dash.
“Good morning, Miss Dash!” exclaimed Derpy. “I am so happy that you volunteered to sub for me on Shadow Day!”
“Yeah, yeah. Ponies. Community. Y’gotta care, y’gotta whatever.” Miss Dash waved a hoof, yawning fiercely. “So, what do I need to do?”
“Well, I have this bag,” said Derpy, holding up the Royal Post. “They need to go out first. Is it okay if I ask you to deliver them?”
“Oh, sure. No prob’,” said Rainbow, hefting the bag. “Oh, hay! Since you’re leading the Weather Team today, you saw those anvilheads coming in, right? The sky’s likely to get noisy later. You’re on top of that?”
“Of course,” said Derpy. Cumulonimbus incus? Really?! Yay, thunderclouds are the best! “I will be completely on top of them,” Derpy announced, saluting.
“Right. Okay, then.” Rainbow Dash checked her delivery list, smirked (“Easy Peasy. 30 minutes flat!”), then ran out of the post office door and into the sky.
Finishing her muffin, Derpy stepped outside the post office and looked to the sky. Well, it’s pretty clear right now, except for those big, handsome cloud giants marching up from the south. A bit of rain will be good for the plants.
Oh, look! There’s Flitter! I like her so much! She’ll help me, if I get confused. Derpy Hooves shouldered her responsibility and leapt into the sky.
“Weather Team, follow me!” she called, as she turned her ponies into the midst of the cloud giants.
***
OPALESCENCE
How does it happen that all of my supposed friends are so edible? she mused.
Opalescence and the other pony pets were holding an impromptu meeting behind Sugar Cube Corner. She looked about the conference and salivated.
Angel Bunny now… doesn’t he look tasty? Smart-aleck little rat. And Owlowisicous: crunchy, delicious bird. She gazed towards Tank the tortoise and Gummy the alligator and her claws flexed instinctively.
But, of course, there was Winona. There was always Miss-Goody-Four-Paws Winona. Bossy, as always, barking orders. So Opalescence kept her claws to herself.
Everybunny, listen up! This is the line-up for Shadow Day! announced Angel Bunny, holding up a tiny clipboard. Opal calmly considered the base of her tail. The other pets stood up straight and attentive.
Tank and Gummy, you trade places, said Angel.
Tank launched a blink, but Gummy beat him to it.
Me and Owlowisicous, continued Angel.
“Who?” asked Owlowisious. Angel glared at the bird, but the tiny owl flapped. Just kidding. Sorry, everybirdy.
No! That cannot mean…! thought Opalescence.
Aaaand… Opal and Winona, concluded the little rat.
You put me on a farm! With cows! And sheep! And pigs! You monster! hissed Opalescence.
I’m sure it will be a valuable learning experience for us all, said Angel Bunny solemnly.
Then he winked at Opalescence.
I will eat you now! screeched Opalescence, springing at him.
Winona knocked her over and Tank sat on her chest. The rest of the pets ran, slithered, flew, whatever, away from her fury.
It’s just… one… you know, said Tank. He paused, contemplating.
C’mon, c’mon, complete the thought, you stupid walking rock, glared Opalescence, impotently scratching at him.
Day, finished Tank. Winona barked in agreement.
Fine, fine. All right then. Let’s get it over with, said Opalescence. She sheathed her claws.
Tank let her up and moseyed off. Winona looked at her sharply, then ran to Rarity’s side.
Opalescence licked herself and considered. Well, then. Let’s see what trouble a farm cat can get into.
MARIGOLD
Madam Mayor Marigold began her day in the usual way: she rose, stretched, bathed, ate a wholesome breakfast, dressed carefully and, as she stepped out her front door, prayed that she would up to the challenge of Ponyville.
Immediately after leaving her little cottage, she encountered Rainbow Dash, who shouted, “Incoming!”, tossed a few packets of red-banded mail in Marigold’s general direction, then zoomed away. Marigold collected the mail from the ground, tucked the packets under her clipboards and hurried on.
Marigold trotted through the Marketplace, surreptitiously drifting towards the Apple Family’s cart. She didn’t want to seem to favor one vendor over another, but the Apples always had the most delicious cider and those yummy warm fritters. And there was also Big Macintosh, who Marigold… admired.
But Marigold discovered that Big Macintosh was absent from the cart that day. Instead:
“An apple is my suggestion
If you are concerned about your digestion.
If you heed what I say
And eat one a day
Then you will be rewarded, in the end, no question.”
Marigold found herself looking into the sapphire eyes of Zecora the zebra. Who was wearing a straw hat, chewing on a sprig of wheat and smiling in that knowing way she had.
“Zecora!” Marigold said, dancing back, “I’m surprised and, of course, delighted to see you here, Ponyville’s dearest friend!”
Zecora grinned and tipped her straw hat.
“There was a zebra who wondered
And into a town she wandered
She worried then
Who would call her friend
And adores those ponies that responded,” said Zecora.
There was no judgement in Zecora’s eyes, only honesty.
Marigold looked down. “We failed you, Zecora,” said Marigold. “Ponyville failed you. And for that, we will always be profoundly sorry.”
Zecora laughed.
“What a joy, was Nightmare Night!
All the children took affright!
Oh, but then,
You called me ‘friend’
And my soul soared with delight.
“There was a zebra, all alone,
That wondered, could this place be my own?
She dug at the ground
And then she found
The water of love, and, at last, her home. ”
Marigold smiled timidly at Zecora and discovered her loving sister looking back.
Awkwardly, Marigold clutched her clipboards and asked for a bottle of cider and a fritter. They exchanged bits without conversation. They knew each other in their hearts.
As Marigold trotted way, she heard Zecora calling:
“From trees, delicious apples start.
Red, green, sweet and tart.
I join you, today,
On this Shadow Day
So that you understand my heart.”
And Marigold wondered if Zecora wasn’t the best pony in Ponyville.
***
As she crossed Ponyville Plaza towards the Town Hall, Marigold suddenly dropped her clipboards and sprinted towards the fountain, seeing a child struggling in the water. Child! Precious child! she thought.
It was little Pumpkin Cake, happily splashing in the fountain. “M’yr!” the foal cooed, when Marigold collected the tiny filly.
“Oh, look at you, all wet!” Marigold said, hugging the child close to her; Marigold’s tie and collar were ruined, but Marigold didn’t think of it as she warmed the precious child. Mister Cake galloped up then, very cross at Pumpkin, but obviously very relieved and thankful for her rescue.
“Bye, M’yr!” Pumpkin waved over her father’s shoulder. Marigold waved back, then walked around the Plaza collecting her clipboards and fretting about her tie.
And that’s how the Mayor of Ponyville began Shadow Day.
***
“Let us begin,” she said, with a frisson of terror.
Madam Mayor Marigold of Ponyville looked around the conference table. Fletcher Veterinary, her secretary, dear Fletcher, was at her side, as always. Next to him sat Pinkie Pie, who appeared to be constructing a tiny house out of 3x5 cards and sticky notes.
And directly across from Marigold was Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Ponyville, who looked back earnestly and eagerly.
An errant thought flittered across her mind: You are the pony I hoped I would be. Marigold tossed her head and dismissed it.
Go! Go! Marigold! she encouraged herself, beneath the Princess’s gaze, as she brought her clipboards to the table.
“First of all, I would like to acknowledge the civic spirit of our volunteers. Princess Twilight, Pinkie Pie, you set examples for the entire community.”
“Hear, hear,” said Fletcher. Princess Twilight blushed. Pinkie Pie frowned as she built a patio for her house.
“Second,” continued Marigold. “I have considered our agenda for Shadow Day. It would be best, if you agree, your Highness,” she nodded towards Princess Twilight, “that my secretary, Mister Veterinary, use the morning to educate Miss Pie about the procedures of government. In the afternoon, Miss Pie will teach Mister Veterinary about the art of baking. Do you agree?”
“An excellent plan, your Honor,” said Fletcher, at once.
“OK!” said Pinkie Pie, as she struggled to convert her patio into a sun deck.
Princess Twilight Sparkle smiled and nodded. She looked to Marigold earnestly.
I remember the first time I met you, thought Marigold. You looked so lost, here in Ponyville. You didn’t even know where the Library was. And you seemed impatient, so anxious to leave, as if Ponyville was no more than an interruption in your life.
But look at you, my darling, you are one of us now. A dedicated citizen of my Ponyville. You are one of my dear little ponies! And a Princess! I have never been so proud of my town as I am right now , thought Marigold.
“Third,” Marigold said, her eyes moist. “I suggest that Princess Twilight act as Mayor this morning, while I take her place in the Library.” Marigold smiled. “The Summer Sun Celebration is coming up and it would be helpful, I think, if I researched the history of Ponyville and its previous celebrations. Mister Veterinary and Miss Pie can assist Princess Twilight through her duties. Then, in the afternoon, the Princess can stand beside me as I consider the issues of our community.”
“I am honored, Madam Mayor,” said Princess Twilight. “I’ll do my best! You can count on me!”
I love you as a daughter, Princess, thought Marigold. Aloud she said, “Well, then! If there are no objections…?” She tapped her clipboards on the table.
As the conference broke up, Princess Twilight approached Madam Mayor. “Those are nice clipboards,” she said.
“You like them?” asked Marigold. “Mister Davenport makes them up for me, specially.”
“Mine are from Canterlot. Monogrammed. See?” Twilight held up her notes from the meeting. A big T graced her clipboard. “I know this little shop, near the Lunar Tower.”
“Whoa! Nice! Tell me more,” said Marigold.
And they both walked away, talking not as princess and subject, but as sisters, into Shadow Day.
DERPY
The monsters strode towards Ponyville while the Weather Team enjoyed their brunch.
“More Zap Apple Jam?” asked Derpy, the team leader.
“Oh, no. Okay, well, perhaps a bit more,” said Flitter. “Thank you. Oh, so good.”
The team rode on the back of the biggest cumulonimbus incus , totally on top of it. The other thunderclouds marched beside them and the team admired their colors: alabaster and pearl, granite and jet. Cathedrals, canyons, mountains of clouds surrounded them.
The monsters had come up from the south, over the Macintosh Hills and through Appleloosa. High winds had been reported in Dodge City and Ghastly Gorge was on flash flood alert.
“If you don’t want your muffin, I’ll eat it,” offered Thunderlane.
“You boys and your stomachs,” said Cloudchaser, shaking her head. “I am totally into this paleo-pony diet. Just grass and seeds, like our ancestors in their wisdom.” She tossed her mane. “I feel so much cleaner now. More energetic, more spiritual. Muffins? Feh!”
“I agree with Miss Cloudchaser! No more muffins for me!” declared Rumble. “Feh to muffins!”
“Lil’ bro? Come here,” said Thunderlane, pulling Rumble aside. “Look,” he said quietly, “I appreciate your interest in her, but dude, she’ll never be into you.”
“I know she’s older than me,” said Rumble. “But maybe she likes younger dudes!”
Thunderlane looked back and noted how attentive Cloudchaser was to Flitter. Good friends or perhaps more? He smiled ruefully. Thunderlane rubbed Rumble’s mane affectionately. “Guy… just don’t get your hopes up, that’s all I'm saying.”
“Y’know,” said Flitter. “I always wondered what the Weather Team was about. They act so superior, right? ‘Oh! We keep the skies clear!’ they say. But the skies look pretty good to me right now, amirite?”
“Actually,” said Derpy, hesitantly, “we’re above most of the weather right now. I mean, the weather is right here.” She patted the fluffy thundercloud beneath her. Then she blinked, as the Sun caught her eye.
“The skies are natural and organic,” proclaimed Cloudchaser sagely. “The Weather Team is all about ‘controlling’ the weather. But, perhaps,” she said, nodding, “it is they themselves that they seek to control.”
“Whoa! You are so insightful, Miss Cloudchaser!” exclaimed Rumble.
“Bro! You are kind of embarrassing me now,” hissed Thunderlane.
Derpy blinked again. Why is the Sun moving? she wondered. She looked around and up and noticed that the tops of the anvilheads were turning. In fact, the puffy clouds on which she and her Weather Team were enjoying their brunch were rotating, east to west in an ever-quickening gyre.
Derpy stood now, scanning the horizon. She had served on the Weather Team before Shadow Day; that’s why she was in charge. She realized suddenly that none of her wingponies today knew anything about weather, real weather. None of them had braved the rains of the Cloudy Peaks or the fogs of Horseshoe Bay. None of them had fought through freezing rain to deliver precious parcels to Canterlot. They only knew the kindly weather of Ponyville, the weather that the Weather Team allowed through.
Derpy looked to the north and shivered. There was a cold front coming down out of the Crystals. Cold air that would sweep chilly, dry winds across the farms and fields of Ponyville until it encountered the warm, wet air of the monsters. Then there would be rain, heavy rain, if Derpy was any judge. Hail, possibly; thunder and lightning, of course. This was weather, in its most primal form.
But then, possibly, she worried, the cloud monsters will dance. No!
“Everypony! May I have your attention?” asked team leader Derpy.
The Weather Team roused themselves from their morning brunch and looked to their leader.
“I think we may have a situation here,” said Derpy. She looked down. Cold rain was descending upon the fields, faster than she had imagined. She looked up. The anvilheads were turning faster now. The slower fluffy clouds that had wrapped the storm cell were flung away into a spreading crown, as the rest of the compressed cloud wall began to spin.
Rear flank downdraft, she thought miserably. I failed Miss Dash. I failed Ponyville. I’m just a stupidhead like everypony says.
Derpy put her head down, squared her shoulders and decided, No! I won’t give up!
“Attention to orders!” she commanded. “Thunderlane! You are our strongest flyer!”
“Hay!” said Cloudchaser, miffed.
“Shut up!” said Derpy. “Thunderlane! Seek out Twilight Sparkle! Tell her that a monster is approaching Ponyville!”
“What?” said Thunderlane, dropping his muffin.
“Repeat my order!” shouted Derpy, as she imagined her family in Ponyville. “Repeat it!”
“Tell Twilight Sparkle about a monster in Ponyville,” said Thunderlane. “Got it.”
“Go now! Now! ” shouted Derpy as Thunderlane leapt into the air. “Flitter! Cloudchaser! Carry Rumble to Canterlot, away from danger.”
“I’m not a baby,” complained Rumble.
“Shut up!” shouted Derpy. “You three all need to be out of the damage path. You can’t help Ponyville now! Go!”
Flitter gathered Rumble and Cloudchaser to her side. “Let’s go,” she said, nodding to Cloudchaser and Thunderlane’s little brother. “But what about you, Derpy?” she asked.
“I will try to reason with the giants,” Derpy said. “Go now!”
The Weather Team fled, except for Derpy Hooves. Should have hugged my family another minute, this morning, she thought, then threw herself into the dangerous sky.
The storm cell came up over the horizon towards Ponyville. The monsters reached for each other, linked arms and began their strange, ponderous dance, counter-clockwise, over the town.
***
TANK
Tank rested at the entrance to Ponyville Town Hall. He was content.
THE PINK PONY had set him here, to greet everypony. "Let's see that big smile," THE PINK PONY had said. A minute or so later, the corners of Tank's mouth had stretched into a grin.
THE PINK PONY had hugged him then. "I am so lucky that you are my friend," she said. "Wish me luck!" she said, before Tank could offer another word.
All morning, ponies had walked by, stopped and lingered to pat Tank's shell. That felt good. On other days, he spent most of his time at THE BLUE PONY’s cloud mansion or wandering among his old friends at THE YELLOW PONY’s sanctuary. It was a good life, but Tank was thrilled by how many ponies there were in the world and how they all seemed to like him.
But the best thing of all was when THE BLUE PONY fluttered from the sky and sat beside him.
“Whew! What a morning I’ve had!” exclaimed THE BLUE PONY, as she rested against his shell. “I think that Derpy tricked me! ‘Oh, the Royal Post! So important!’ Do you know where I’ve been?
“Ponyville. Canterlot. Manehatten. Return post from Manehatten to Canterlot. Then return post to Ponyville. Then Appleloosa and a re-route to Dodge City! Back to Ponyville. Back to Canterlot. Is Las Pegasus even on a map? And I’ve still got this ridiculous post to the Everfree Forest in my bag!”
THE BLUE PONY slumped against his shell. Tank stood, to support her back.
“You know, pal, if this is what Derpy does every day, then I owe her an apology. I thought she just fluttered around Ponyville, traipsing through the blue… what the hay?!”
THE BLUE PONY suddenly lifted her weight from Tank’s carapace. She stood, staring at the sky.
“What is she thinking?” whispered THE BLUE PONY scanning the sky above her and the approaching army from the south. Then she looked north and froze in horror.
THE BLUE PONY looked up. The monsters were dancing. Spinning. Crowned by a horseshoe.
"No, not here! Never here!" THE BLUE PONY prayed quietly. "Storm giant!"
THE BLUE PONY suddenly spun Tank around. “Tank! Look at me! Look. At. Me! Go to ground! Bury yourself! Do… whatever the heck you tortoises do to keep yourself safe! Don’t fly! The sky is a bad place for you today!”
Then THE BLUE PONY kissed Tank’s head, whispered, “I love you, pal,” looked at him again and streaked off into the darkening sky.
Tank stood looking after THE BLUE PONY as she flew into the distance. He thought for a bit, then finally decided: no.
He looked apologetically towards the Town Hall and THE PINK PONY. Wasn’t much help to you, was I? Then he pulled himself into his shell. He rummaged around a bit and tossed out his lifter harness. When he poked his head back out, his flight goggles were firmly in place.
Putting the lifter harness on, all by himself, was a little tricky. The propeller bit tended to flop around, but he finally got it balanced on his head long enough to step through the loop of the harness. Getting the harness into the correct position was a matter of rubbing up against the door and carefully shifting the strap over his shell. It took time, but Tank was patient. A tortoise is nothing if not patient and deliberate.
When the harness was in the correct position, the strap cinched tightly over his shell. Magic, he supposed. Tank didn’t know what magic was, exactly. But he knew that his life had been full of magic since he met THE BLUE PONY.
I am a tortoise that lives in a castle in the clouds, he thought. The Queen of Sky and Storm calls me friend. We bump noses, when she thinks no one is looking. On lazy days, she leans back against my shell while she reads aloud to me. On busy days, she comes to me for a few moments’ rest. Sometimes, she sings to me.
I live my days in joy and wonder.
Tank raised his head, following the invisible path in the sky carved by THE BLUE PONY.
When I became your pet, I never expected to be safe.
Tank checked his environment for hazards, spun up his lifter and rose slowly from the ground.
Tank looked to windward. He tilted himself towards the sky, then followed his heart and THE BLUE PONY.
Shadow Day in the Library with Spike
MARIGOLD
“I think I’ll make some hot chocolate. Would you like a cup, Madam Mayor?” asked Spike the dragon, as cold rain began to patter against the windows of the Ponyville Library.
Angel Bunny thumped the floor.
Spike sighed. “Yeah, yeah. And a cup of hot carrot tea for you. Happy?”
Angel Bunny grinned, then burrowed back into the stacks.
“Hmmm? Yes, of course, dear, that would be lovely,” said Marigold, distracted. The history of Ponyville’s Summer Sun Celebration was fascinating .
Did you know that for the first few years, there was no Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville? Because they were afraid of attracting Princess Celestia’s attention to their new little town below Canterlot?
But then, in the town’s fifth year, on Midsummer’s Day, Princess Celestia simply appeared, walking sedately through Big Carrot’s fields, smiling at the fieldponies and, it was said, helping them to weed the rows.
The first Ponyville Summer Sun Celebration was nothing more nor less than Big Carrot gathering the fieldponies together and offering Her Highness a cup of cool water drawn from the town’s first well.
“Celestia seemed to like it ok,” wrote Big Carrot, in his farmbook. Big Carrot wrote of the Princess matter-of-factly, as he would write of the Sun or a storm. From then on, Big Carrot and the other faithful ponies around his farm would meet on Midsummer’s Day and share cold well water to celebrate the Princess’s visit.
Then, some years after that, the Ponyville Farm News and World Report , a broadsheet written and published by Horse Greeley, documented Princess Celestia’s second appearance in Ponyville:
STOP PRESS!
BIG C HITS P’VILLE!
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!
by Horse Greeley
Your intrepid reporter, H. Greeley, was there on the spot at the Midsummer dedication of the new Windmill when Our Fair Town was graced by Her Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria.
Happy crowds thronged the opening of the Windmill. Dozens in attendance, counting the children. It was a proud moment for Our Fair Town.
S. Rich, a leader of Our Fair Town, examined the Windmill and told this reporter, ‘Looks good.’
G. Smith, also a fixture of Our Fair Town, had this to say: ‘Git away from me, varmint!’ This reporter is left to wonder, what awful secrets are hidden beneath the soil of S. A. Acres?
B. Carrot was there with wife & family. Approached by this reporter, he had this to say: ‘No comment.’
Then, as your intrepid reporter was closing his notebook, he felt the warm glow of a Presence at his shoulder.
‘It is a fine windmill,’ pronounced Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria. ‘I am so proud of you all.’
‘May I quote you on that, Your Highness?’ asked this reporter.
Then she smiled at me. At me! ‘Of course you may,’ Princess Celestia said graciously.
In the opinion of your intrepid reporter, Our Fair Town is fortunate to lie beneath the shadow of Canterlot and its Lady, who cares for us all.
-- 30 --
“Madam Mayor? Here’s your hot chocolate,” said Spike, bringing Marigold back to the present.
Spike presented Marigold with a steaming cup of chocolate (Ouch! Hot!) and a plate of those little vanilla wafers that she loved so much.
“Thank you, Spike,” said Marigold. “You are a good po— dragon. I’m sorry, dear.”
Spike laughed. “Yeah, I know. A good po-dragon. I’m used to it. Whatcha got there?” he asked, looking at Marigold’s research.
“Angel Bunny,” said Marigold, nodding in the rabbit’s direction, “pulled these old yearbooks out of the archives in the basement. Oh, gosh, they’re so funny!
“Look! Here’s a picture of me, Cheerilee, Licorice Whip and Carrot Cake. We were the student council in our senior year. Omigosh! Look at my mane! Was I ever that young? Mercy me!
“The theme for our prom was I Want To Be With You, Every Mare! Woo! Racy, I know. But those were more innocent times.” Marigold turned the pages. “There’s Cup, of course. Oh, she was everywhere in those days! Here at the Fall Festival, there at the Spring Promenade! She organized every event, every party. She was almost like…”
Marigold paused.
“Like Pinkie Pie?” offered Spike, sipping his boiling chocolate.
Marigold nibbled a vanilla wafer. “Yes. You know, just between you and me, Spike,” she began.
Angel Bunny thumped the floor.
“And dear Angel, of course,” Marigold continued, thoughtfully. “I think Pinkie Pie has the qualities of a good mayor.”
“Pinkie Pie?!” Spike almost dropped his chocolate. Angel Bunny went tharn .
“I’m completely serious,” said Marigold, looking at the pair over her glasses. “Pinkie Pie loves Ponyville almost as much as I do. She is energetic, smart, selfless and, in her way, highly organized.
“Let me tell you a secret, Spike,” said Marigold, drawing close to the dragon in the gathering shadows of the Library. “Leadership is mostly about theatrics. Goodness knows, I’m not smarter than anypony. But I can stand up and give a speech that will nudge everypony in the right direction. I listen to my secretary, Fletcher, and to the really smart ponies like Princess Twilight, Cheerilee, Doctor Hooves and Fluttershy, and do my best to put their ideas into practice. I lead by following everypony. I make them chase me where they need to go.
”In my experience, most ponies want to do what’s right. But, since we are a herd, we look to somepony to give us permission. That’s basically all I do.”
Marigold laughed. “But Pinkie Pie? My heavens! This filly trots down the street and everypony follows her singing! Dearest child! She has the best heart and everypony knows it. When I retire, I hope that she will follow in my hoofprints.”
Marigold sipped her hot chocolate, as Spike and Angel looked aghast. Inwardly, Marigold smiled. Pinkie Pie will surprise you. Oh, she most certainly will!
***
DISCORD
“May I be blunt, Your Highness? Do you know the basic difference between you and I? I trust to luck. I have faith , if you will. Whereas you only trust yourself. Buttered scone?” he offered.
“No, thank you, Discord. I have faith in my little ponies,” said Princess Celestia, sipping her tea.
“No, you do not!” insisted Discord. “Even on this one day, Shadow Day, you refuse to relinquish control! You set your sister to reign over the Day in your stead, knowing that she will only do as you would do! She is still in awe of you, Celestia! You know this to be true!”
Celestia set down her teacup. She looked directly into Discord’s eyes. “I cannot rule with a weaker sister. I fear to become a tyrant, left unopposed. I need someone strong who can challenge me. Once, I had hoped that you would fill this role. But you are too arbitrary, Discord. You will hurt my children for a laugh.”
“Well, yes, of course. Laughter is life, after all,” said Discord.
“No! Not all,” said Celestia. “There is more: love, compassion, beauty, truth, spirit.
“There is a light beyond the world we know, a secret fire that illuminates all the Realm Undying. I have faith in this. You have come a little way into this world and I celebrate your enlightenment. Every day, I pray that you will come to see this light, my oldest friend.”
The draconequus shook his head. “Ah, well then. I suppose we must agree to disagree,” sighed Discord. He set down his cup, put his cap back on and lifted his dustpan. “Shall we?”
Celestia smiled. She put her cup down, donned her cap and hefted her broom. “Let’s.”
Celestia swept the litter of Canterlot towards Discord. Discord shoveled it up and dumped it into the waste bin that he pulled behind him. Together, they worked their way down one street, turned, then worked their way up the next one.
“You know,” said Discord, “this is a metaphor for what we do most of the time.”
“Oh, hush,” said Celestia, with a kindly glance towards her worst enemy and best friend. “You missed a spot.”
“So did you,” said Discord, pointing back at the street behind them.
And all that day, Canterlot rang with the laughter of the street sweepers.
LUNA
Luna had expected her sister to equivocate. You can do this , Luna, but stay away from that . Tia had control issues, Luna knew. But not today. Today, Tia had simply tossed the reins of rulership to Luna, trotted away and not looked back.
Tia! Luna had wanted to call after her sister. But then Luna had thought proudly, Neigh! We are the Queen of a Thousand Years! We are wise! We shall command!
Princess Luna rose, at last, the rightful ruler of the Realm Undying. She spread her wings across the throne room of Canterlot and gloated.
Now at last it comes! Thee gives Us Equestria freely! And in place of the Bright Solar Princess thee would set up a Dark Lunar Queen. But We shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Day and the Night! Fair as the Moon and Stars and the Sun upon the Mountains! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! As treacherous as the Sea! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love Us and despair!
“Um, Your Highness?” asked Flash Sentry, standing at the foot of her throne.
Princess Luna, startled, looked down. “Yes?”
The pegasus guard fluttered his wings nervously. “Hi,” he said, embarrassed.
“WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU FEAR? ” cried Princess Luna, in the Traditional Canterlot Voice.
The pegasus guard shied back. “I am Captain Flash Sentry, Your Highness. I am substituting for Captain Bucephalus today. And I fear… I fear I will screw things up for you… for thee today. Today, when you… thee most need support.”
Princess Luna sniffed. “Does’t thou imagine that We require thy encouragement? We sniff at thee! Sniff, We say!”
Flash Sentry fumbled with a scroll. “Well, Captain Bucephalus left me this list…”
Princess Luna snatched at the scroll and studied it furiously. Luna recognized Captain Bucephalus’s meticulous writing at once.
First, know this, said the scroll. Her heart is great. She hides this, to protect Herself. She encourages even the weakest of Her stars to shine and sings to them all. She is the shepherdess of the sky.
Second, She is private. I think Her love for Her ponies is so strong, that it hurts Her and She becomes overwhelmed in crowds. Be mindful of Her at all times! Give Her peace! Distract Her if She appears nervous. Games and puzzles please Her. She has a cunning mind.
Third, carry bottles of water for Her. And a few oat cakes as well. She is so careless of Her health. Again, be mindful of Her.
Fourth, understand this: I want nothing but to always be at Her side. I give Her to your keeping for this one day. This. One. Day. Hurt Her, and you will never again know a moment’s peace. This is not a threat, but a simple statement of truth.
Fifth and last: be kind to Her, I beg you. She will reward your kindness ten thousand-fold.
Signed — CPT Bucephalus, Commander of the Lunar Guard, Royal Army, Equestria.
Princess Luna studied the scroll for a moment. Then she silently gathered the scroll and set it beside her throne.
“Captain… excuse me, Commander Sentry, how may We assist thee, today?” said Princess Luna quietly.
“Your Highness, the courier from Ponyville delivered these packets this morning. They are still waiting for your reply. If it’s okay,” added Flash Sentry, cautiously.
“Hmmm,” said Princess Luna. “We will consider these. We have a fondness for Ponyville and care for its citizens.”
Luna examined the first packet. “What madness is this?! The Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville and We are not invited! Such arrogance! We sniff at Ponyville! Sniff, we… wait—!”
Luna’s eyes softened. “Instead, a Moon-viewing ceremony in Autumn, before the Running of the Leaves , when Our Moon is full and the colors of the Equestrian woods are in grand display, is proposed. Games of skill by day, races and contests, for Our favor. And then, by night, beneath the trees, quiet conversation and camaraderie, in elegant dress and courtly manner, as in the Old Times. Oh, this pleases Us. This pleases Us greatly! Our heart aches to see it!”
Luna examined the packet’s signature. FV, on behalf of the Honorable Mayor of Ponyville.
“Marigold,” Luna sighed. She looked sharply at Commander Sentry. “The courier from Ponyville, does she still await Our reply?”
“I think so, Your Highness,” said Flash Sentry. “But she looked a little antsy.”
“Then We charge her with Our response: ‘Yes, Sister. With bells on.’ Then let her be on her way, to deliver this missive without fail.”
“‘With bells on,’ Your Highness?” asked Flash Sentry, puzzled.
“ARE THEE DEAF? WE SHALL WEAR BEL—!” Princess Luna interrupted herself. “We shall attend, of a certainty, and We believe that We shall wear bells, Commander. Please convey Our message on.”
“Yes, Your Highness.” Flash Sentry galloped away, then leapt into flight.
Luna considered the packet from Ponyville. I am the Queen of a Thousand Years, yet I feel new born! O, my Sisters!
***
THUNDERLANE
If Rumble doesn’t do as he’s told, I’ll kick his ass! thought Thunderlane, as he fought down out of the clouds towards the land. Winds, rain and hail barred his path, but he muscled through them. Don’t be stupid, bro. Follow the girls.
Heh! Like he needed to be told that!
Be safe , Thunderlane thought seriously, as he dove into the storm.
Thunderlane reckoned he was south and west of Ponville. He threw himself furiously against the winds. The storm cell kept trying to herd him towards Ghastly Gorge, but he had no interest there. The winds snatched at his mane, but he put his head down and charged. Don’t even try to stop me now, he thought, exhilarated. He threw his head back and cried, defiantly, “THUNDERLAAAAAAANE! BOOM YA! ”
And then, there was the turtle.
Tortoise , Thunderlane corrected. Okay, weird , he thought, as the reptile tumbled past him. Instinctively, Thunderlane reached out to grab the little guy. “Okay, little bro’?” shouted Thunderlane, above the roar of the storm.
The tortoise eventually nodded and put on his game face. Forward , he gestured, with a claw.
Thunderlane grinned. “It’s you and me, bro! Let’s do this!” Thunderlane hugged the tortoise to him as he dove towards Ponyville.
Pinkie Pie Builds Her Dream House
PINKIE
I have a desk! My own desk! And it has drawers! And office supplies! Woohoo! Pinkie Pie bounced around Ponyville Town Hall in celebration. “Hay! You know what this calls for?” she asked Mister Veterinary and Twilight.
“Sobriety,” said Mister Veterinary.
Pinkie realized that Mister Veterinary and Twilight were looking at her. Just like her Dad and her Mom and her sisters used to look at her. Can’t you be quiet, for just a moment, dear, and listen?
Pinkie set her model house down in a corner of her desk and did her best to look serious and attentive.
Mister Veterinary steepled his hooves. “Let me pose you both this question: why do we have government at all?” he asked Pinkie and Twilight.
“Oh, I know! Me! Me!” said Twilight, waving a hoof.
Mister Veterinary called on her.
“We have government to tell us what to do,” Twilight said proudly.
“No!” said Mister Veterinary. Twilight looked deflated. “Miss Pie? Your response?”
Pinkie was distracted by her model house. It needed more rooms. And floors. An atrium, open to the sky, for pegasi. A garden for earth ponies. And a greenhouse! She searched through her office supplies for a green marker. Success! Let’s say we put the garden out front, but put the greenhouse on the roof! Neat!
“Miss Pie,” asked Mister Veterinary, again. “Your response?”
Pinkie thought. She held up a binder clip and pretended to make it speak. “We hold things together,” she squeaked.
“Excellent!” said Mister Veterinary. “That is exactly the entire and only purpose of government in these enlightened times. We hold things together. We are a herd. None of us is alone, abandoned or forgotten. None of us are above the other. We are ponies, one and all.
“Perhaps you have heard the Song of the Law? If not, I will remind you:
“This is the Law of the Prairie, as old and true as the sky;
And she that shall keep it may prosper, but she that shall break it must die.
As the wind that calls in the grasslands, the Law shall speak the true Word:
The strength of the Herd is the Pony, and the strength of the Pony, the Herd.”
Hmmm, what about a library? wondered Pinkie, as she studied her house. She laughed. A library and a theatre and a gym and maybe a quiet place where ponies can just sit and think. Let’s do this!
Oh, I love this house!
“But that’s so confusing,” said Princess Twilight. “What if they disagree? Sometimes the Pony is right and sometimes the Herd is right. What should I do?”
“Lead, ” said Mister Veterinary. “In ancient times, our tribes shared grass and water together, and fought as one against predators. This history is embedded in our marrow. We have survived as a species only because we care for each other.
“Consider the dragons. A quarrelsome bunch. Some are wise and noble; your Mister Spike, for example, who I hold in high regard. Most, I’m afraid, are selfish and inconsiderate. Look upon them! The most ancient of creatures, yet even after millennia, they only flock as birds do, because they do not have true community.”
Hobby rooms! thought Pinkie, as she considered her plans. How about a place where artists can get messy with paint and clay? Okay, add that. And a workshop, too! Big tables with saws and drills and bangy hammers! And a music room, for kids learning to play! Let’s expand the theatre for an orchestra!
And what about the kitchens? she laughed. Silly me, I forgot! A place for cooks, bakers, chefs and candy makers. And not only to prepare food, but to present it! Wow! Servers, waiters, maitre d’s and sommeliers. Everything about food is fun!
A fancy restaurant! And a smart cafe! And a cafeteria! The kids gotta eat somewhere, why not here?!
You know, thinking about it, I’m gonna need a school. And a hospital, too, I guess. Whoa! I’m gonna need some more 3x5 cards!
“Government,” said Fletcher, “is our admission that we are no longer beasts of the field. I have heard it said that civilization is defined by the degree to which we take our society for granted. We get up in the morning and expect our water to flow. The methane gas, so abundant in our pony society, is there to greet us as we light our ovens. Waste is collected. Food arrives, mail is delivered, coaches and trains meet their schedules.
“For the most part, this is invisible. We do not see the ponies that live to serve each other every day, as they don’t perceive each other. As with a well-tuned clock, we only apprehend the gears when they fail us.
“There must be give and take and this need to accommodate one another rankles everypony. None of us gets their way all of the time. But this is the price of civilization, of community, of being one of the great Herd of ponykind.
“Community is the gift we give to each other every day, through our work, our quiet effort and our secret smiles.”
Oh, and a living room! With a piano, no wait! Two pianos, big drums and a band of flugelhorns! And a huge fireplace, where we can all meet on Hearth’s Warming Eve, sing together and celebrate our lives. That would be really good!
“We hold things together, as Miss Pie has so succinctly stated. No one likes government, Princess Twilight. Do not be confused on that point. We would all prefer to do whatever we will. But the wise understand that we all graze in a common pasture: a society in which we share a commitment to each other. When we forget that, we become no more than lonely, frightened beasts.”
“So government’s like rock farming,” said Pinkie, absently. She had changed her mind: she put the greenhouse out back with the compost boxes, which only made sense, and for the roof she went with the comfortable, barn-like familiarity of a traditional gambrel.
“How so, Miss Pie?” asked Mister Veterinary.
Pinkie thought. “My Dad and me, we used to go out early in the morning, checking the cairns and the megaliths before dawn. The rocks need to line up just so, you see, otherwise the harvest will spoil. But sometimes, the rocks don’t lay right, and we have to shift them.
“And when that happened, Dad, he’d smile at me and ask, ‘Ready, big girl? Let’s put things right.’ Then I’d laugh and we’d both put on our harnesses, pull really hard and drag the rocks into place, so that the land would be happy again.
“Then we’d walk back to the house together. ‘We can do more when we pull together, Pinkamena, than we can alone,’ Dad would say. ‘Don’t forget.’
“I love my Dad,” said Pinkie, as she studied her model. “I want him to be proud of me. And, every day, I want to put things right.”
Mister Veterinary and Princess Twilight said nothing, but they both looked at Pinkie Pie with fondness and respect.
Okay, a swimming pool, picnic tables and a gazebo! Pinkie paused to examine her dream house. She studied her model and her hastily scribbled plans.
I adore this house! Pinkie Pie thought, quivering with joy.
She looked upon her creation with satisfaction. And I will name my dream house Ponyville.
***
TWILIGHT
Okay, I’m in charge. I’ve got this covered, she thought. Whew!
Twilight settled behind her desk, took a deep breath, patted her special 3x5 card and smiled, as Mister Filthy Rich entered her office.
“Madam Mayor,” he began. Then he stopped, chagrined. “I’m sorry. I appear to have come to the wrong office. Please forgive me.” Mister Rich started to back out.
“No, no!” said Twilight. “Please come in. I’m acting as Mayor today. It’s Shadow Day.” Twilight smiled and urged him towards a seat.
Mister Rich smiled, settled himself and chuckled. “You know, it was my father that first suggested Shadow Day. As wealthy as he became, he never forgot the land. When I was a colt, I remember on Shadow Day sweating beside him in the fields, harvesting the oats and barley alongside the fieldponies. I complained about this, of course, as children do. But at the end of the day, there was nothing better than sitting in the cool shade with the other fieldponies, sharing cold water and apples, hearing their stories, and laughing.
“No, forgive me, I’m wrong. There was one thing better: my Dad and I walking home together those late afternoons, along a dusty trail, both of us tired, sore and a little sorry for ourselves. And appreciative of our comfortable lives.
“I am proud of my Dad. And I believe he was proud of me.”
Princess Twilight smiled. “Mister Rich, thank you. You have touched my heart. How may I help you today?”
Mister Rich looked a bit sheepish. “I’m really here on behalf of my daughter, Diamond. Diamond Tiara. Do you know her?”
“I’ve seen her around Ponyville,” said Twilight. “I’m not acquainted with her personally, but she seems very… elegant, for someone so young.”
“Di takes after her mother,” said Mister Rich. “My dear wife, Bougainvillea, is from a plantation family. Old Canterlot money. Dad arranged our meeting and Boo and I hit it off right away. But as much as I love her, I admit Boo pampers Di a bit too much.
“So, Princess, excuse me, Madam Mayor,” Mister Rich said, glancing left and right, “may I ask you to join me in a conspiracy?”
“What sort of conspiracy?” asked Twilight, a little nervous. Is this what a Mayor does every day? she wondered.
“What’s the worst job in Ponyville?” Mister Rich asked, grinning.
***
DIAMOND
“You have got to be kidding me!” Diamond Tiara shouted, planting her pitchfork in the dark-green effluent of Ponyville. “Mom!”
Bougainvillea Rich, in her gardening tweeds and fancy straw hat, hissed at her daughter, “Hush, dear. Let the pony speak!”
“Than'kew, Miz Rich!” said Hayseed Turnip Truck, as he stood upon his mound of manure. “An’ may Ah say, first off, that you’ve got a fine way with a trowel.”
It outraged Diamond Tiara that her mother, her own mother! nodded and accepted this “compliment.”
Hayseed Turnip Truck gestured to the broad landscape that lay at the edge of Ponyville. “Whatcha got here is, well, th’ logical con-se-quences of a town full a’ ponies. Manure: warm, rich and sweet! Smell it!”
“No!” cried Diamond. She sniffed at it a little. Actually, it wasn’t as terrible as she thought. She had smelled it on others, now and then, she admitted to herself. But not on me! Never on me!
“Ah contend,” continued Hayseed Turnip Truck, “thet th’ basis of th’ Ponyville e-con-o-my is methane. Oh, yer compostin’ an’ yer fancy Hoofer Dam-thingus do okay. No question!
“But when you heat yer toast, whut’s there fer you? Methane! Yer hot bathwater? Methane! Thet warm wind in th’ darkest of winter? That ain’t yer husband! That’s methane! It's effluent thet makes us affluent, hehe!
“An’ it is here,” declared Hayseed Turnip Truck, sticking his pitchfork in the soil, “thet this mighty harvest is collected.
“Th’ river carries it all downstream. Ah suppose that’s why the river is so green, ha ha!”
Diamond glared at him.
“But, seriously,” said Hayseed. “Downstream from Ponyville is th’ rich, fertile valley that wanders from Ponyville to Appleloosa. Lookit th’ settlin’ ponds, there, there, there an’ there!”
The ponds were broad, green and, even from a distance, redolent. It disgusts me to part of this community, thought Diamond Tiara.
“They are magnificent!” declared Bougainvillea Rich, looking upon them.
“Mom!” cried Diamond Tiara.
“Hush, child, be still, and learn something,” said Mrs. Rich. She looked to Hayseed Turnip Truck. “Mister Truck,” she began.
“Aw, Ah’m just Hay t’ yew, Boo. Yew know thet,” said Hayseed Turnip Truck.
Mrs. Bougainvillea Rich and Mr. Hayseed Turnip Truck exchanged looks.
What? What? thought Diamond Tiara.
“Hay,” amended Bougainvillea Rich, “perhaps you should tell my daughter about the worms.”
Worms? thought Diamond Tiara, There are worms?! She danced over the ground, trying not to touch it.
“Well, young’un, lemme tell ya’, worms is about th’ best thing ever,” said Hayseed Turnip Truck. He picked up a trowel and dug up a clod of dirt. Embedded in the rich, brown earth were a dozen fat, wriggling earthworms.
I am totally going to be sick now, thought Diamond Tiara.
“Lookit th’ little guys,” said Hayseed Turnip Truck, fondly. “They work day an’ night t’ help th’ land. With their castings, they turn manure into th’ rich soil thet gives us food an’ flowers.”
“The flowers, yes!” said Bougainvillea Rich, enraptured.
“They dig these little tunnels in th’ ground,” said Hayseed Turnip Truck. “Water collects there, t’ help th’ plants. Earth, water an' worms. Thet’s how Equestria was made, Ah reckon. Such good little guys.”
Hayseed Turnip Truck replanted the clod of dirt, patting it affectionately.
He looked up. For an instant, a fire burned in his eye. “We’re all Earth Ponies. Sometimes, we ferget thet.”
“I will never forget, Hay,” said Bougainvillea Rich. “Every day, in my gardens, I am reminded of my connection to the land. Fil, my husband, thinks I worry about my flowerbeds too much. But I wonder, sometimes, if he thinks too little about them, and the land.”
Diamond Tiara stalked away, disgusted. All this talk about worms and manure just made her sick.
She plopped down and looked out across the “settling ponds.” Effluent flowed in; clarified water flowed out. Busy gangs of ponies collected material from the ponds for conversion to methane and rich fertilizer. Busy as bees.
Bees. Diamond Tiara startled. Diamond Tiara liked bees. They were so orderly and polite. She had spent many warm afternoons just watching the hives that Mom kept, far from the house, of course, watching the busy bees as they flew among Mom’s flowers and Dad’s fields, touching the flowers so tenderly. And they always bowed to each other and danced as they entered and exited the hives, as if their precious lives were an endless, joyful cute-ceañera.
And the bees made honey, Diamond Tiara’s favorite treat. Honey and butter. Honey and warm tea. Diamond Tiara and Mom, on a rainy morning, cuddling on the couch, sharing toasted muffins and honey.
All right then. For Mom. And for the bees. Diamond Tiara hefted her pitchfork and grimly set to work.
