You mean, I'm not a Princess?
My name is Twilight Sparkle. Not to toot my own horn, but I've done a lot of pretty amazing things. It was sort of an 'all in a day's work' type deal. Something went wrong? It was up to my friends and I to fix it.
And by 'my friends and I,' this somehow always meant me. And I was fine with that. The spotlight wasn't bad, it was nice. My friends were by my side and, even though it was me in the end, I was happy to share the glory with them.
Now, I'm not especially pretty or talented. But I always thought that the six of us, together, meant something really special. I thought we were destined to follow our dreams. Rarity was going to be famous someday, Rainbow was going to join the Wonderbolts, Applejack was going to make her family proud, Fluttershy was going to conquer her fears, and pinkie was going to spread joy wherever she went.
As for me, I had a secret dream to follow in Celestia's hoofsteps. I wanted to be a princess.
It seemed like that was going to happen, too. All signs pointed to yes.
And what did my 'destiny' wind up being?
Well...
~~~~~
Honestly, the day could have gone better. All in all, though, not bad.
Started with a song. A nice song out of nowhere with a random back-up dance crew. That was good.
Then, the whole musical, mystery spell, destiny-changing thing. That was stressful and unnecessarily difficult, but still interesting.
Lastly, the worst bit. I saved my friends, fixed their cutie marks, finished writing this spell, and... nothing happened. Just... nothing. I had re-written history, practically, and Princess Celestia didn't even bother to show up.
It was disappointing, to say the least. Celestia was my hero; a role model and a friend. I wanted her approval so badly. But she had completely ignored me.
At least, that's what I thought.
A week or two passed, and I'd fallen back into my usual groove. In fact, nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all in that time. I spent the whole two weeks in the library, reading and studying.
Don't worry, the story starts soon. And, like most stories, it begins when something changes.
I was deep into a book on theoretical space travel when there was a gentle knock at the door. I, being an expert at blocking out fellow ponies, ignored this and several more after. Eventually, the pony let herself in, resting a hoof on my shoulder.
I jumped, almost throwing the book through the ceiling, and turned to look behind me.
There stood Celestia, the pony I had been waiting for a word from for fourteen days. "Hello, Twilight."
"Well, it's about time!" I set the book down. "Did you come to talk to me about the spell?"
Celestia chuckled lightly. "In a way. That spell was your final exam. I didn't tell you on purpose. I know how you worry. You passed with flying colors!"
You have to understand that, for all my life, I'd been trying to become a great unicorn. I wanted to have all kinds of skills and tricks, and I wanted to go down in history alongside Star Swirl the Bearded. And now, my teacher had come to me to tell me I had achieved my lifetime goal. My heart felt so light I thought it would fly away.
Of course, at a time like this, only the greatest of words would do. "R-really?" What can i say? I'm not much of a public speaker.
"Yes, really. Now it's time for the next step?"
Next step? What could that mean, other than--
"I'm taking you to the job office!"
"Wha? You mean... I'm not a princess?" I probably sounded like a tiny filly, but I wasn't exactly thinking straight.
Celestia looked severely confused. "Where did you ever get an idea like that? You're going to do what all other ponies do: they find a skill, and follow it through their lives, honing it carefully, then get a career in that area and live out the rest of your life happily."
"B-but..."
"And your skill is magic! Now that you've finished your schooling, you're going to get a job!"
"A job... in what?" I asked.
"The magic of friendship, of course!"
The Job Office is a Cruel Place
I made my slow way through the streets of Ponyville, searching for the address Celestia had given me. It wound up being not too far from my house, actually, though I never would have noticed it.
The building was little more than a white box. It had a skinny steel door, but no windows. The address number was spray painted on the side, making the whole thing appear very industrial and uninviting. I doubled checked the number a few times, making sure I had found the right building.
Unfortunately, there was no mistake.I took a deep breath and gave the door a gentle push. It stuck firm. I rattled the knob with my magic, still getting nowhere. I then took several steps back, getting a running start and slamming my shoulder into the door. It popped open easily, and I rolled across the greasy carpet inside, coming to sudden stop against a marble desk.
The inside was no more interesting than the outside. The walls were covered with cork boards, and the cork boards were plastered with all sorts of memos and notices. Bright orange, yellow, and pink papers screamed 'Lost!' or 'For Sale! CHEAP!' at all on-lookers. The only other piece of decor was a long desk with an attached file cabinet. A grimy service bell sat on the corner, it's once golden exterior was now a dull orange with rust..
I cleared my throat politely. "Um... excuse me?" I peaked over the desk, taking note that the floor was a good few feet lower than the rest of the room. I also spotted a swivel chair with a large sweat stain on the back, and another grey metal door behind it.
I groaned in disgust, stepping back. "Hello? Isn't there anypony here?" I sighed, using a tentative hoof to ring the bell.
"I COMIN'! Quit yellin'!" came a muted mare's cry from above me. I heard skittering hoofsteps cross the ceiling, then the clanging of metal as the mare threw herself against the door in an attempt to open it. After a few tries, it opened with a grinding sound, and a rather portly little unicorn mare squeezed through the small space. She didn't even try to close the door again.
The pony used her front hooves to haul herself up onto the swivel chair, her stomach squeaking as it slid across the vinyl surface.
She was an obnoxious shade of yellow, matching the papers on the wall. Her red glasses were pushed down on her snout , but made her eyes appear small and beady. She had a spray of white and grey hair that seemed to drip down her cheeks. It was actually shiny, and I wondered how long it had been since she had washed it. She was chewing gum, but not just chewing it. She snapped it almost angrily as she glared at me.
"Yeah?" she droned with a Manehatten accent.
"Um... I'd like to... have some help in finding a job." I smiled, already feeling the stress sweat start.
The mare rolled her eyes. "Yes. That's why most ponies come here." She pointed out.
"Oh... r-right..."
The mare sighed dramatically, then opened the filing cabinet with a burst of orange magic. She pulled out a light blue paper and passed it to me. "Fill out this form, please."
"Sure..." I whispered, taking a quill from a small inkwell.
I worked my way through the top half of the form, which asked mostly mundane trivia questions about myself and my personal life. It even asked if i had ever committed a felony. The bottom half was tougher, though.
Position applied for:________________________________________________________________
This one puzzled me. I thought for a moment, then wrote:
Position applied for: Anything (?)
There was a very long section on employment history, which I filled in entirely with 'N/A.'
I flipped the page over. two questions were on the back, then a large spot for my hoofprint and signature.
The first question read:
Where did you receive your education?
That one was easy.
Princess Celestia's School for gifted Unicorns, Canterlot.
The second, not so much.
Major(s):____________________________________________________________________________
yes, I know what my major is. it was what Celestia told me I had to get a job in. I was actually starting to wonder if this was some prank she dreamed up, but quickly dismissed the idea.
How exactly are you supposed to tell someone that you major in the Magic of Friendship?
Well, i had to do it. So I'd do it in a way I could be proud of.
Major(s): Friendship, magic of
I signed off with a flourish.
I placed the paper on the desk, and the mare shoved an ink pad at me. I stamped my hoof in it with a wet squelch, then pounded it on the paper.
The mare grabbed it, glancing quickly over the information. I couldn't see her face, but I doubted she was showing any kind of emotion. It was pretty easy to tell when she reached that last question.
She held down the paper just enough for me to see the top of her red glasses frames.
All I could do was smile sheepishly.
"Are you serious, hon?" she asked.
"Well..."
"Look, lady. I don't think I can help ya. I've got tons of stuff for science and history majors, I've got openings for law and medicine, and I've even got an entire drawer for confectioners, but there just ain't no way I can help ya. The magic of friendship?" she chuckled. "This ain't a children's show. This is real life. Come back when you find a practical talent."
"Please! I really need this job!" I begged, leaning over the desk until I bumped snouts with the mare.
She threw her hooves up in the air. "Whaddya want me to do? Create some new job?"
I grinned.
"No! I can't do that!" She screamed.
"What about... a counselor?" I suggested.
"You mean like a psychiatrist?"
"Yeah, but I'd work... in the field, I suppose."
"You mean... a consulting psychiatrist?"
"No... more like a... mediator! That's IT! I'll become Twilight Sparkle, Consulting Friendship mediator!" I said triumphantly.
"So... you want ponies to pay you to fix their problems?"
"Yeah! Doesn't that sound great?"
The mare shook her head slowly. "Sure. whatever you want. I just want you outta here." The mare became a flurry of paper, filling out more forms and passing me quills to sign things.
"There." she said, shoving one more sheet of paper at me. "It's official. Now go... 'mediatate' or whatever. Just don't do around me." She turned, heading back upstairs.
I punched the air with my hoof. "Yes!" I looked down at the papers, giving them a quick once-over. "Twilight Sparkle... Mediatator?!" I read out loud.
I wandered behind the desk, knowing that I had already lost my dignity. "Uh... Ma'am? Could you... come here?"
there was a vicious growl above me.
"Does that mean 'no?"" i called up to her.
No answer.
That is how I became Twilight Sparkle, Consulting Friendship Mediatator.
