Framwinkle's Random Writings

by Framwinkle

Rating: everyone
Tags: Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Random, Princess Celestia, Spitfire, Main 6
Length: 5748

A collection of random pieces too small to be stories by themselves.

This is a collection of small stories, song parodies, and other random writing that I've done which are often too small to qualify as complete stories by themselves, so they've been grouped together here. I'll add new chapters to this whenever I come up with anything new.

Published 2013-08-27 00:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-11 09:46:11 UTC

How the Canterlot Wedding Should Have Gone

The doors parted, and there before them all stood Princess Luna. 'How had she gotten past the sentries', Queen Chrysalis wondered. No matter. They were all flunkies anyway. It was really no surprise that they hadn't been a match for her. But now the real fun began.

"What is going on here?" Princess Luna asked, eyeing the room. Queen Chrysalis stood at the top of the steps, while Princess Celestia hung upside-down inside an eerie-looking cocoon.

"Yay! Luna!" Celestia cheered, while clopping her hooves together. Luna just smirked.

"Well! If it isn't Princess Luna!" Chrysalis chimed. "How good of you to join us!"

"I thought I was to attend a wedding. What is the meaning of this? And who are you?" Luna demanded.

Chrysalis just laughed. "Who I am is not nearly as important as 'what' I am, which is the new ruler of Equestria!"

"Oh, really?" Luna asked, rolling her eyes. "And just what makes you think that?"

"Foal!" Chrysalis shouted at her while pointing at the cocoon. "Don't you see? I've already defeated Princess Celestia! What have I to fear from her 'younger' sister?"

Luna looked back at Celestia and commented, "Yes, it is an interesting look for you, sister." Celestia replied by sticking out her tongue. "Indeed, I am younger." Luna continued.

"Boo!" Celestia protested.

Aside from a slight grin, Luna ignored her. "But you misjudge me," she said, taking a more serious tone, and looking Chrysalis in the eye from across the room. "For you see, I am the princess of the night. I bring darkness to the land." As she spoke, Luna walked slowly forward, past Celestia and towards the changeling queen, her form slowly shifting into something much more fearsome. "As Nightmare Moon," she said, now in full form, her voice booming. "I attempted to bring about eternal night."

"Oh! This is going to be good!" Celestia raved. "Somepony turn me around so I can see!"

"Am I supposed to be impressed?" Chrysalis jeered. "If I recall, Princess Celestia defeated you, and now I have defeated her!"

"Yes, how unfortunate for you," Nightmare Moon chided. "For you see, your knowledge of history seems to be a bit lacking. I was indeed defeated by Celestia. However, she required the Elements of Harmony to do so. Do you know why?"

Chrysalis had no answer as Nightmare Moon began ascending the steps towards her, stretching out her wings ominously.

"Because I have always been the stronger sister!" she yelled.

Chrysalis swallowed hard, fear coming into her eyes for the first time.

"And," Nightmare Moon continued, now nose to nose with her. "While Celestia prefers not to cause suffering, and would have shown you mercy, making your defeat swift and painless..." She paused and grinned, bringing a wicked hoof up to the evil queen's throat, tracing a vein with its tip, then whispered, "I will greatly enjoy it."

"Somepony turn me around! Please!" Celestia bellowed.

One epic thrashing later...

"Well!" Luna beamed. "That was fun!"

"Waaa!" Celestia cried. "I can't believe I missed the whole thing! It's just not fair!"

Author's Note

This is just a "what if?" that I wanted to do in order to explore what might have happened if Princess Luna had not been absent at the wedding. It's just for fun, so don't get upset if it clashes with your personal head canon.

Keep Calm and Flutter On Alternate Ending

“I’m sorry, Discord,” Fluttershy said after a moment of pondering. “But I’m afraid I can’t make that promise.”

“What?” Discord said, very melodramatically. “But, Fluttershy? I thought we were friends?”

“We are,” she told him confidently. “But you know as well as I do that the Elements have to be used together, so by agreeing not to use mine, I’d be making the same promise for all of them,” she said, gesturing towards Twilight and the others, “and that’s not something I have the right to do. So, if you want protection from my Element, you’ll just have to become friends with all of them, as well.”

Discord was taken aback. Did that just come out of Fluttershy’s mouth? The shy, pushover Fluttershy?

“Ha!” Rainbow Dash laughed. “Fat chance of that.”

“Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy scolded, causing Dash to cower much like a puppy fearing that it was about to be hit with a rolled-up newspaper. “I’m disappointed! Are you saying you’re not even willing to give Discord a chance?”

“W-what?” Rainbow Dash stammered. “No. No! I mean… We set him free, didn't we? But come on, Fluttershy! You know he’s not serious! He’s just been playing you for a fool this whole time!”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Fluttershy shot back. “Of course things have been a little rough so far. But did you really expect him to change overnight? That’s why it’s important not to give up.”

Everypony fell silent for a moment. Discord was stunned. This little pony, the one everyone overlooked and neglected, the pegasus who could barely even fly, was actually the strongest of them all. “You’re really serious about this, aren't you Fluttershy?” he asked.

Fluttershy turned and looked up at him with a warm smile. “Yes, I am,” she said. “Everypony deserves another chance, even if it takes a while, because that’s what friends do.”

Looking into Fluttershy’s sincere eyes, Discord felt something inside of him snap. He wasn't sure what it was, but somehow it felt… good. After a long pause, he had to look away, ashamed. “Congratulations Fluttershy,” he said. “It would seem I've underestimated you yet again.” With a snap of his fingers, the flood and the dam disappeared, and Sweet Apple Acres, as well as the beavers, returned to normal as if nothing had even happened. “Very well, Fluttershy. For your sake, I’ll give this 'friendship' thing a try.”

“And that’s all I ask,” she said, lifting his muzzle with her hoof so that he was looking into her eyes again.

Those big, beautiful eyes. If this was what it was like to have a friend, maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

Author's Note

It bothered me the first time I watched this episode that Fluttershy would make a promise not to use her element against Discord, since they have to be used together, so in essence she was making the same promise for her friends as well, which she didn't have the right to do. So I thought about it, and tried to come up with a way in which she could still be Discord's friend, but without betraying her other friends, and this was the result.

Rainbow the Dashing Pony (Song parody)

You know Dasher, and Dancer, and Prancer, and Vixen.
Comet, and Cupid, and Donner, and Blitzen.
But reindeer are out of style,
So let's sing about ponies a while.

Rainbow the dashing pony,
Had a very colorful mane.
And if you ever saw it,
You could never say she's plain.

All of the other ponies,
Used to laugh and call her names.

"Rainbow Crash!"

They never let poor Rainbow,
Play in any pony games.

Dash: "Yeah, because I always win!"

Then one foggy Hearth's Warming's Eve,
Celestia came to say, "Ho, ho, ho!"
"Rainbow with your mane so bright,"
"Can't you clear this fog tonight?"

Dash: "Well, duh! In ten seconds flat!"

Then all the ponies loved her,

"Rainbow Dash, you rock!"

As they shouted out with glee,

"Whoo hoo!"

Rainbow the dashing pony,
You'll go down in history!

Author's Note

My first pony-related song parody, obviously to the tune or "Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer", and done some time in 2011, I think.

Terminology

It was an average afternoon inside Twilight's tree in Ponyville. Lyra had come to visit again. She liked to talk with Spike, mostly, of course, because he had something she wanted: fingers. He was more than happy to get the attention, since Twilight spent most of her time either ignoring him while reading, or ordering him around. But Lyra hung on his every word, and squeed with delight when he would do something for her using his dexterous claws.

"Wow!" Lyra gasped as he demonstrated how he could do something else with ease that would give a pony fits. "That's so handy!"

"I know, right?" Spike said in reply.

Twilight, who had been upstairs reading, had just come down to find something to drink, and overheard them. "Wait. Handy? What do you mean?" she asked, perplexed.

Lyra had to laugh inwardly. Twilight, for all her smarts, just wasn't up on the terminology. "Um," she thought, trying to find a way to explain it to her. "You know, like useful in a timely manner!"

"Oh!" Twilight laughed as a light dawned in her head. "You mean horny!"

Spike and Lyra both broke out into uncontrollable laughter.

"Bwahaha! Unicorns!" Spike guffawed.

"I know, right?" Lyra responded. "...Hey, wait!"

Author's Note

This is actually a comic idea I had, but since I'll probably never have time to make it into an actual comic, you get this instead.

Twilight Unleashed

As Princess Celestia lay on the floor, her horn scorched from the duel, Twilight's concern turned to anger. Nopony treated her mentor like that. Nopony! She turned to glare at Queen Chrysalis, looking her right in the eye. "How dare you?" she said, her anger clearly evident.

Chrysalis just smiled, enjoying the show. But then something happened that Chrysalis wasn't expecting.

Twilight grinned. "I suggest you reconsider," she said, pleasantly. "Call off your attack, or else."

Chrysalis wasn't going to have any of that. "Foal!" she shouted. "I've just defeated Princess Celestia! What chance do you think a foal like you has against me, the most powerful being in Equestria?"

Twilight simply continued smiling. "Oh, I don't have to be more powerful. Just sneaky," she said. Her horn glowed briefly, and a small flash occurred in front of her, depositing a small, pink, lumpy object which she caught in one hoof.

Chrysalis twinged as she felt something, but she wasn't sure what it was.

"For instance," Twilight continued. "I just removed your appendix."

If it had been possible, Chrysalis would have gone white as she realized the implications.

"Oh, don't worry. You don't need it," Twilight assured her, carelessly tossing it aside. "But what do you say I move up the chain a bit?" she said, now much more serious. "Perhaps next I could take a kidney, or a lung, or something even more... vital," she said with a wicked grin, and a gleam in her eye that made even her friends start backing away.

Perhaps a small vacation was indeed in order, Chrysalis decided.

Author's Note

You know how the heroes always go through a lot of trials, and learn a lot of stuff, and then hardly ever use it later when they really need to? Yeah, I hate that. So, I decided to see how the royal wedding might have gone if Twilight were "set free" to use her abilities to their fullest. Oops, there goes the TV-Y rating. ;)

Pink and Yellow (Song parody)

Yea! Um, if that's alright
Pink and yellow [x4]
Yea! Um, if that's alright
Pink and yellow [x4]

[Chorus]
Yea! Um, if that's alright
Everything I do, I do it quiet
Yea! Um, my cheering's lame
But it's ok, because I'm game
Walking through my town, when you see me you don't know a thing
Pink and yellow [x4]
My mane is long 'cause it helps me hide away in
Pink and yellow [x4]

[Verse 1:]
Pink mane, yellow coat, other ponies laugh but my friends won't
Should I have to, I just look them in the face
Give them the stare, and make their bones shake
I'm soft inside, but if you hear me roaring
That's when you'll know, that your in for it
One time I even killed a bear
Well, not really, but I could have. Just ask Twilight, she was there
I hear the haters talk, but of course it's all baloney
I'm winning all the polls, you know who's the best pony
You say neigh, but we both know the truth
I'm your, waifu

[Chorus]
Yea! Um, if that's alright
Everything I do, I do it quiet
Yea! Um, my cheering's lame
But it's ok, because I'm game
Walking through my town, when you see me you don't know a thing
Pink and yellow [x4]
My mane is long 'cause it helps me hide away in
Pink and yellow [x4]

[Verse 2:]
Got a note from the Princess, this just in
She needs my help with Discord, to make us best friends
I'm not a therapist, but I've got it made
Even Discord said that what I did was well played
I'm sipping green tea, out with my critter friends
So many critters at my home, but they know where the line is
Got my picture in the magazines
Gave it up because I didn't like modeling

[Chorus]
Yea! Um, if that's alright
Everything I do, I do it quiet
Yea! Um, my cheering's lame
But it's ok, because I'm game
Walking through my town, when you see me you don't know a thing
Pink and yellow [x4]
My mane is long 'cause it helps me hide away in
Pink and yellow [x4]

[Verse 3:]
I don't fly high, like I'm supposed to
But if you need a hurricane, then I'm the mare for you
That manticore looks unapproachable
Big claws, and a big roar
But I can calm that big cat, make it tame, purr, roll over, and maybe even take naps
Don't mess with new Fluttershy, or I'll make you feel bad
Iron Will did and he didn't get his money... back

[Chorus]
Yea! Um, if that's alright
Yea! Um, if that's alright
Walkin' through my town, when you see me you don't know a thing
Pink and yellow [x4]
My mane is long 'cause it helps me hide away in
Pink and yellow [x4]
Yea! Um, if that's alright
Everything I do, I do it quiet
Yea! Um, my cheering's lame
But it's ok, because I'm game
Walking through my town, when you see me you don't know a thing
Pink and yellow [x4]
My mane is long 'cause it helps me hide away in
Pink and yellow [x4]

Author's Note

A song parody of "Black and Yellow". You may have to go find the original song for this to make sense, since the rhythm is hard to follow otherwise. Just beware, the original has some naughty words, so try to find a clean version.

This parody came about because there was an over-abundance of Fluttershy pictures posted in a group I'm in, (as if you can have too much Fluttershy,) and someone asked, "What's with all the pink and yellow?" That got my mind going, and this was the unfortunate result.

The Mare From Nantucket

There once was a mare from Nantucket
Who liked to drink cider in buckets
So when she ran out
She searched all about
And an apple tree found, she did buck it

Author's Note

Just a short, silly poem.

Second Chances

"But Princess!" Twilight protested. "No disrespect, but... he's the embodiment of the very spirit of chaos and disharmony! How could he ever change? It would be like asking the sky itself to stop being blue!"

Princess Celestia cocked an eye. "Really?" she asked. Looking towards the sky, her horn began to glow as the sun unexpectedly moved towards the horizon, bathing the world in a premature sunset. "And what color is the sky now?"

Twilight's heart sank as she let out a sigh and lowered her head in defeat. She still didn't like it, but there was no arguing with that. "Alright," she conceded. "I'll give him another chance."

Author's Note

Just a thought for a possible scene in "Keep Calm and Flutter On" when Celestia asks Twilight to help reform Discord. This came about before the actual episode had aired, so of course it's not accurate.

The Ponyville Hillbillies (Song parody)

Let me tell you a story 'bout a mare named Pie,
Workin' at the Cube, tryin' to make the ponies smile.
"Till one day, thanks to genealogy,
She discovered she was part of the Apple family.

Horse Apples, that is. Pink Lady. Apple Pie.

Well the next thing ya know they're a goin' on a trip,
Floatin' down the river like it was the Missisip'
Through caves, over falls, tryin' to solve the mystery,
Looking fer da pony who might know their family tree.

Goldie, that is. Pack rat. Cat lady

Well now it's time to say goodbye to Applejack and all her kin,
Seems like Pinkie Pie ain't got no trouble fittin' in.
You're all invited back if'n ya think ya can survive,
Another heapin' helpin' of that good ol' Apple/Pie.

Family, that is. Set a spell. Put your hooves up.

Y'all stay Brony now, y'hear?

Author's Note

A little song parody based on the Beverly Hillbillies, inspired by the MLP episode, "Pinkie Apple Pie".

Twilight Sparkle! (Spongebob theme parody)

Are you ready, ponies?
Aye aye, Princess!
I can't hear you!
AYE AYE, PRINCESS!
Oohh...
Who lives in a castle that grew from a tree?
Twilight Sparkle!
Adorkable, genius, and magic is she!
Twilight Sparkle!
If friendship and magic are things that you like,
Twilight Sparkle!
Then write up a letter and give it to Spike!
Twilight Sparkle!
Ready?
Twilight Sparkle!
Twilight Sparkle!
Twilight Sparkle!
Twilight Sparkle!

Author's Note

Just a silly thought that I had to finish.

Total Chaos

Author's Note

This chapter is going to be for things that are so short they don't even warrant their own chapter, such as tiny snippets of a story idea, minor song parodies, or silly quotes. I will add to it as I think of things.

Total Chaos

"Oh, how shall I put this," Rarity dithered, putting a hoof to her chin in thought. "It's not that Applejack isn't fashion conscious. It's that she's fashion unconscious."

Raise this barn, raise this barn!
1, 2, 3, 4!
Together we can raise this barn!
1, 2, 3, 4!
Up, up, up, go the beams,
Hammer those joints, work in teams.
If it don't fit just make it go,
Equestria's got no building codes!

When you're a younger pony
And your flank is very bare
That's probably illegal
And CPS will soon be there!

Flurryheart got her name from the snowstorm and the crystal heart. So where did you ponies get your names?

Twilight Sparkle: "Well, I was kind of named after my mother, because I was born just after sundown, and Dad said Mom and I both had the same cute sparkle in our eyes."

Rarity: "My parents had tried for quite some time to have a foal before I was born, so they said I was a rarity. Honestly, they're not very creative."

Fluttershy: "Um, well... mom said she could feel me flutter my wings a lot before I was born... and then I didn't want to come out."

Pinkie Pie: "I'm pink in a family of mostly gray ponies! Duh!"

Rainbow Dash: "I got my name for my awesome mane and tail, obviously, and mom was in labor for just 10 minutes flat, so they had to 'dash' to the hospital."

Applejack: "Well, ya see... ma and pa got into the hard stuff one night, and I think you know the rest."

"I need something real fast, like a bullet, to keep up with me!"
"Sure! How 'bout a bunny? They're cutesy and wootsy, and quick as can be."
"Cutesy? Wootsy? Have you even met me?"
"No, seriously Rainbow. Take a bunny. Please! I HAVE HUNDREDS!"

"Buck to the Future"

"I remember it vividly! I was standing on the edge of my toilet, hanging a clock. The porcelain was wet, I slipped, hit my head on the edge of the sink, and when I came to I had a picture on my flank. A picture of this! This is what makes time travel possible. The flux capacitor!"

"Wait. Doc, are you saying you got your cutie mark when you fell off your toilet at hit your head on the sink?"

"Yes, Marty! Exactly!"

"...Worst cutie mark story EVER!"

Rare, the mare with fashion sense,
Twi, the purple alicorn,
Jack, the horse with apple scents,
Dash, the one who won't be shorn,
Shy, the quiet pegasus,
Pie, the pink party pony,
Spike, who sends their messages,
They're why we watch MLP!

(To the tune of "The Brady Bunch")

Here's the story, of a mare named Celey
Who raised the sun, along with her three girls
All of them had mental issues, like their mother
The pinkest one in curls

Here's the story, of a mare named Luna
Who was busy raising three mares on the moon
They were four mares with a common problem
They were stuck on the moon.

'Till the one day when the stars brought them together
And they knew that they were all stuck in a crunch
So this group thought they could all work out their issues
That's the way that they became Harmony Bunch

Harmony Bunch, Harmony Bunch
There's also Spike, and they became Harmony Bunch.

"Fluttershy, do me a favor. If I ever say I'm interested in your brother, just shove me in a thunder cloud and give it a good kick. Okay?"

"I promise, Rainbow."

(The struggle of hooves is real.)

Hello doorknob my old friend
You've come to taunt me once again
If not for you I could go outside
And let the sun just warm my hide
But I can't even open my bedroom door
What a chore
Because of you, my doorknob

"Oh! Hey, Rainbow Dash!"

"Hey, Pinkie Pie! What's up?"

"Are you excited for the big games coming up in the Crystal Empire? I know I am! Hey! Which sport is your favorite? The javelin? Or the high jump? Oh! Oh! I know! I bet it's the 100 yard 'dash', right? Personally, I think I'm partial to the equestrian."

"Uh, Pinkie? They're all equestrian."

Pinkie, you've got to stand up tall, learn to mace your fears. You'll see that they can't hurt you if they're too busy crying tears.

Parasprite Plagiarism

Celestia gazed at the carnage that was now Fillydelphia, and it hit her.

'Wait a minute!' she thought. 'I just saw these in Ponyville, but they were acting completely differently! Gasp! The pink one!'

"Quickly, everypony! Gather all the musical instruments you can, and meet me in the square!"

Later:

"It worked! Hurrah!" the crowds cheered. "Oh, Princess Celestia, you're so wise!"

"Yes. Yes I am."

Far away in Ponyville, Pinkie's "Pinkie Sense" went into high gear.

"Gah! I'm blind! It's like I just looked directly at... the sun! Celestia! It is on!"

And thus the war began. None survived.

Author's Note

Inspired by the ending of "Swarm of the Century."

My Favorite Things - Ponified (Song parody)

Rainbow explosions and Lyra with mittens
Sweet gentle Fluttershy playing with kittens
Brown paper packages flown on gray wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Pink party ponies and cider so tasty
Cupcakes and muffins and oatmeal so crazy
Fluttershy's lullabies Sweetie Belle sings
These are a few of my favorite things

Fine gala dresses from Rarity's fashions
Snowflakes hoof-made by pegasi with passion
Wrapping up winter and starting the spring
These are a few of my favorite things

When Trixie brags
Scootaloo sings
Or Twilight's gone mad
I simply remember the joy ponies bring
And then I don't feel so bad.

Daring adventuring and Rainbow reading
Swank garden parties with Applejack weeding
How Princess Luna can enter your dreams
These are a few of my favorite things.

Sweetie Belle scooting and Scootaloo chickens
Gabby Gums' stories as Celestia's plot thickens
Twilight and Applejack tied to a tree
These are a few of my favorite things

Tara Strong trolling with Twilight in stockings
Bon Bon's new voices and Derpy quite shocking
Posting of ponies and laughing at memes
These are a few of my favorite things

When haters hate
Media zings
Or there're no blind bags
I simply watch ponies on my DVDs
And then I don't feel so bad.

Author's Note

This is a parody of the song "My Favorite Things" from "The Sound of Music." I was working in a retail store during Christmas time, and that song played a lot, so naturally my mind tried to add ponies to it, and this was the ultimate result.

Possible Magic Duel

"Ha!" Twilight laughed. "Forget it, Trixie. I'm not going to fight you. I have nothing to prove."

"Perhaps not, Twilight Sparkle," Trixie sneered. "But Trixie does." She pointed her horn at Spike and fired a blast of magic, hitting him squarely and turning him into a small lizard.

"Spike!" Twilight shouted. "Change him back!" she demanded.

"Make me." Trixie said, taunting her.

Twilight just glared.

"Trixie will simply continue tormenting your friends until you agree to fight her." She pointed her horn at another pony as it began to glow.

"Stop!" Twilight yelled, causing Trixie to turn back to her. Twilight looked at the ground angrily and sighed, then stared Trixie in the eye. "So that's what it's going to take, huh?" she said, the anger dripping from her voice. "Very well, Trixie. You leave me no choice. Just remember, you brought this on yourself, because I'm about to kick your sorry flank."

"Bring it on, Twilight Sparkle," Trixie said with a grin.

The two unicorns' horns both began to glow brightly as ponies nearby started backing away and looked for cover. Twilight appeared to be building up to a massive release, but Trixie fired first. Before the blast could hit, though, Twilight disappeared in a flash of purple light. An instant later, and before Trixie could react, Twilight reappeared just behind her and literally kicked her in the flank as hard as she could, sending her, and the amulet she was wearing, flying. Both Trixie and the amulet skittered across the ground, and when they come to a stop, Twilight quickly picked up the amulet using her magic, and in a flash it disappeared.

"No!" Trixie shouted. "My amulet! What have you done with it?"

"That's for me to know, and you to find out," Twilight said, smugly. "I told you I'd kick your flank."

"Give it back! I need it!" Trixie demanded, desperately.

"I thought you might, Twilight said, "Which is why I took it away." Twilight calmly walked over to Trixie, who was still on the ground in shock and pain, and roughly pushed her onto her back, then pinned her with her hooves. This time, only the tip of Twilight's horn began to glow, but it burned with a white hot light, emitting small sparks. She leaned down and stared Trixie square in the eye, her horn uncomfortably close to Trixie's face, causing her to flinch. "So tell me," Twilight said, confidently. "What is it, and where did you get it?"

"Trixie doesn't have to tell you anything!" Trixie said, defiantly.

"As you wish," Twilight said, bringing the tip of her horn closer to Trixie's neck until it began to singe her fur.

"Alright!" Trixie yelled. "You win! I'll tell you everything!"

"That's better."

Author's Note

This was written after I'd seen at least one of The Hub's promos for this episode, but before I'd seen the episode itself. The promo got me thinking about what might possibly happen, and I had to write it down. I knew the real episode would never go this way, but it was still fun to think about.

The Pony Facts of Life

It was a pleasant summer day in Ponyville. Twilight and Pinkie Pie were spending some time together in the park. Or rather, Twilight was reading another book, while Pinkie was hovering around her, acting in her usual random fashion, and making it difficult for Twilight to study. In the distance, some foals were playing, and it made Pinkie think of Pound and Pumpkin, the Cake twins.

"Twilight?" Pinkie asked. "Where do baby ponies come from?"

At first Twilight wasn't sure she'd heard the question. Then she wasn't sure she'd heard the question right. "Where do baby ponies come from?" she repeated, a bit stunned. She'd been trying hard to ignore Pinkie so she could study, but now that was impossible. "Pinkie, do you mean no pony's ever told you?" Twilight couldn't believe that could be true. Pinkie was an adult pony. Surely she must know. But then, this was Pinkie Pie, so maybe she really didn't? If that was the case, then Twilight didn't really want to be the one that had to explain it. "Didn't your parents talk to you about that?" she asked, hopefully.

"Well," Pinkie began. "My dad said he found me under a rock, but now I'm not so sure I believe that. I mean, I've looked under a lot of rocks myself, and I never found a baby pony before. So what are the chances that the Cakes would find two baby ponies if they're not even rock farmers? They spend all their time baking!"

Pinkie's logic threatened to give Twilight a headache, but she tried her best to be nice. "Maybe they found them in their oven?" she said, grinning nervously and still trying to avoid the topic.

"Hmm..." Pinkie thought. "Maybe. Mrs. Cake did say she had a couple in the oven a while back, but I figured she just meant 'cake' cakes, not 'baby' Cakes. You know what I mean?"

Twilight was even more astonished. How could Pinkie not have noticed the way Mrs. Cake had been bulging around the middle? Did she actually think Mrs. Cake was just getting fat? She had to admit, with Pinkie it was possible. Twilight simply continued grinning nervously, not really knowing where to go next, and hoping the whole thing would just go away if she waited long enough.

After a long, uncomfortable silence, Pinkie's eyes narrowed. She could see Twilight was stalling, but she still wanted an answer. "So...," she repeated sternly. "Where do baby ponies come from?"

Twilight gulped. This was it. The moment of truth. She'd simply have to tell her. "Hasbro." she said.

Author's Note

Another comic idea that will likely never be made.

Distopia

"Twilight! Twilight! Oh! I've got good news!" Discord announced as he appeared in a flash inside Twilight's tree, interrupting her studies.

"What now, Discord?" Twilight said, annoyed, but trying not to show it too much.

"Well," Discord continued. "Because we're friends now, and in honor of your new princesshood, I've made something for you! You're very own kingdom!"

"My what?" Twilight asked.

"Your own kingdom!" Discord repeated.

"I don't need my own kingdom, Discord," Twilight said.

"Oh, nonsense!" said Discord. "Every princess should have one, after all. Celestia has Equestria, Cadance has the Crystal Empire, and Luna has..." He paused, putting a claw to his lips as he pondered for a moment. "I think she calls it Minecraft. What an odd name."

"But I'm not ready for that," Twilight protested.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous!" Discord assured her with a casual wave of his paw. "What better way to learn how to rule a kingdom than to simply do it? Besides, I thought you might object, so since you're a new princess, I kept it on the small-ish side, so it should be easy. You can grow it later. After all, I'm not going to do all the work for you, you know?"

In a flash, they both found themselves on a clifftop looking down at a small valley below them. At least, Twilight assumed it used to be a valley, since it resembled a disaster area more than a valley now. Grass was checkered and polka-dotted, patches of ground hung in mid-air, and Discord's trademark chocolate milk-filled cotton candy clouds were everywhere. For a chaos god, he sure wasn't very original. At least there didn't seem to be any houses, or ponies, caught up in the mess, so he must have found someplace uninhabited. Or that's what she hoped.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Discord beamed like a proud father.

"Yeah, great." Twilight sighed.

"I call it, 'Distopia!'" Discord announced. "I hope you don't mind, but I named it after myself."

"How fitting." Twilight said.

Author's Note

And this is how you go too far in attempting to make a "Distopia" joke that's been rolling around in your head for months. Yes, I know that's not how you spell "dystopia," but Discord named it after himself, so there you go.

Celestia the Snow Pony (Song parody)

Celestia the snow pony was a jolly happy foal
With a horn of white and a mane the flowed
And two wings that could unfold

Celestia the snow pony was an old mare's tale they say
She was made of snow but the Bronies know
How she came to life one day

There must have been some magic in that old tiara they found
For when they placed it on her head she began to prance around

Oh, Celestia the snow pony was alive as she could be
And the Bronies say she could troll and play
Just the same as you and me

Cloppity, clop, clop
Cloppity, clop, clop
This could go so wrong.
Cloppity, clop, clop
Cloppity, clop, clop
Let's just move along

Celestia the snowpony knew that Luna was away
So she said, "Let's go play her game console
And we'll play some GTA."

Through San Andreas, boomstick at her command
She ran here and there making bronies swear
Saying catch me if you can.

She led them down the streets of town and killed a traffic cop
But she knew that she'd had her fun
When Luna hollered "Stop!"

Oh, Celestia the snow pony had so much fun that day
That she didn't mind spending all that time
On the moon so far away

Flappity flap flap
Flappity flap flap
Yeah, she's got wings, too.
Flappity flap flap
Flappity flap flap
Over the lunar dunes.

Author's Note

A simple pony song parody of "Frosty the Snowman."