Black Dynamite

by Eagle

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Sex, Crossover, Human
Length: 1638

Black Dynamite and his crew fall into Equestria and begin to interfere in the lives and adventures of the ponies.

After being ambushed by the Fiendish Dr. Wu, this cool black cat and his crew wake up in you know where. Needless to say, his way of accomplishing things sends some shockwaves through the land and it's inhabitants. But when a new, unseen threat comes upon Equestria, he may be the only one who can help.

This is gonna be one helluva fight,
So grab onto your seats and hang on tight!
HE'S SUPER BAD!
HE'S OUTTA SIGHT!
HE'S-BLACK DYNAMITE!

NOTES:
Though prior knowledge of the film/series isn't required, but you're probably going to miss a good number of the references. Read at your own risk (and if you do, no, i'm not racist.)

Rated Teen for harsh language, some gore, and sex references.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic created by Lauren Faust and owned by Hasbro.

Black Dynamite film written by Michael Jai White and Byron Minns
Studio-ARS Nova,
Distribution-Apparition, Destination Films, Icon Entertainment International, Roadshow Entertainment
Black Dynamite T.V. series produced by Ars Nova Entertainment and Titmouse, Inc.

Published 2013-08-31 23:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-31 23:10:03 UTC

Chapter 1 aka Friendship is Fiendish

Chapter 1 aka Friendship is Fiendish

“Ahhh SUEY!”

A swift front kick sent another ninja across the room, the twentieth one today.

“Fiendish Dr. Wu, Black Dynamite’s endin’ this here and now!”

Black Dynamite, the baddest black cat to walk this or any other earth. Other than his masterful kung fu skills, he carried a pair of nunchaku and two Smith & Wesson Model 629 Classics (even though they weren’t made until 1990; but, if there’s anything that Black Dynamite doesn’t care about, its honkies and factual time periods that stop him from having his favorite gun). Despite being in a fight, he wore an expensive brown jacket with a white shirt and red pants. He also had a large afro with some stylish sideburns.

Another ninja attempted to attack him with a punch aimed at his head. Black Dynamite caught the fist, stopping the ninja in his tracks. This was followed by his fist throwing a powerful punch into the ninja’s face, cracking his skull.

“Alright gang, let’s finish these suckas off.”

“Got it, BD!”

Cream Corn wore pink button shirt with long sleeve and dark red pants and had long, dark, curly hair. He was just finishing with his own opponent, though it was only the third he had gotten. A swift kick with his extremely pointy shoes finished the ninja.

“Cream Corn, where’d you learn kung fu again?” Black Dynamite asked

“Only from the baddest Chinese cat to ever walk the earth with a black belt and some sandals,” Cream Corn responded.

“Wait, you mean-”

“Yep, David Carradine from Kung Fu!”

“Oh,right,” Dynamite sighed. “Bullhorn, how you holdin’ up?”

Bullhorn had taken his fair share of ninjas. He wore a blue, sleeveless shirt, long, blue pants, a red scarf tied in a knot around his neck, and a red beret. No matter where he was, he only spoke in the coolest form ever with his deep voice: rhymes.

“Don’t worry about me; I’m gettin’ help from Honey Bee.”

As if on call, a shuriken star flew into the face of a ninja that was sneaking up on him. Honey Bee, the final member of the crew, also knew martial arts well and usually had throwing stars with her. She wore a golden shirt with brown pants and two large, orange earrings while her hair was done into a massive afro.

“Don’t worry, Bullhorn; these fools don’t know who they’re messin’ with!”

The final group of six ninjas came after Black Dynamite. Pulling out one of his revolvers, he took careful aim and fired six bullets. All six found their targets and the group fell to the floor.

“Why didn’t you just shoot ‘em all when we came in?” Cream Corn asked.

“Because, Black Dynamite felt like he should give them a chance. Not that they had any to begin with, but still.”

The gang finally faced off with a figure in the shadows to the back of the warehouse. It had long, black robes and was rather skinny in appearance. It also seemed stiff and didn’t move too much.

“Alright, Fiendish Dr. Wu, Black Dynamite’s sendin’ your ass back to Vietnam in a coffin!”

“I’d like to see you try, Black Dynamite!” the figure snarled. “And I’m Chinese damn it!”

Black Dynamite charged forward and tackled him in a flash. Before he could deliver a punch, he noticed that there was no response from him. The person wasn’t a person, but a statue of Fiendish Dr. Wu with a radio inside.

“That damned Dr. Wu fooled you,” Bullhorn exclaimed. “That there’s just his statue!”

“Fiendish Dr. Wu, what kinda’ kung fu treachery are you tryin’ now?” Black Dynamite yelled.

“You’re about to find out, Black Dynamite!” the radio said, finishing with an evil laugh. “AHAHAHAH!”

Black Dynamite noticed small, red lights on the body, as well as the entire room. This was followed by several beeps that indicated a countdown. They had been tricked and this was the end.

“Fiendish Dr. Wu,” Black Dynamite yelled as explosions covered the building, “YOU JIVE MUTHAFUCKAAAA!”

“Look on the bright side, Twilight. The Princess arranged for you to stay in a library. Doesn’t that make you happy?” Spike asked.

“Yes, yes it does. You know why? Because I'm right! I'll check on the preparations as fast as I can, then get to the library to find some proof of Nightmare Moon's return,” Twilight replied.

Needless to say, Twilight Sparkle was becoming rather obsessed with the old myth.

“Then…When will you make friends, like the princess said?”

“She said to check on preparations. I am her student, and I'll do my royal duty, but the fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends,” Twilight explained as the chariot came to a halt. “Thank you, sirs.”

“Maybe the ponies in Ponyville have interesting things to talk about,” Spike suggested. “C’mon, Twilight, just try.”

Twilight went up to a pink earth pony first.

“Um…hello?”

The pink pony gasped loudly and vanished in a flash.

“Well, that was interesting alright.”

“Mmmm, uh. S-suey! Suey?”

Black Dynamite sat up quick to find himself in a rather dark forest. Off to the side, the rest of his crew was also waking up. He was a bit confused, but more tired and angry at Dr. Wu for what he had done.

“Damn, if this is heaven, I just hope they got a Roscoe’s,” he said. “Hey, ya’ll alright? Got any clue as to what went down?”

“I’m good, Black Dynamite,” Honey Bee said, shakily standing up. “How in the hell did we end up here?”

“Not sure, all I know is we gotta figure out where Fiendish Dr. Wu went. Cream Corn, Bullhorn, you two good?”

“Hey, up here! I’m ok, Black Dynamite!” Cream Corn said from a tree branch, which then broke and sent him face first into the ground. “I’m still alright!”

“Man, I thought that explosion was the end for us,” Bullhorn rhymed out, “but here we are, standin’ in a forest.”

“Alright, so we’ve got no clue as where we are, no clue as to what happened, and no clue where Fiendish Dr. Wu is, right?”

The three nodded in response.

“Damn, I was hopin’ ya'll did know. A’ight, first things first, we are gettin’ the hell up outta this forest; place is too dark and murky.”

“I did see a little town nearby when I was up in the tree,” Cream Corn suggested. “Maybe they can help us.”

“Sounds like a plan, let’s roll.”

Twilight was trying to go to sleep, but the noise form the party was making it difficult. Despite her teacher’s insistence that she make new friends, she was in no mood for it. She was more content with trying to muffle out the noise by putting the pillow over her head. It was starting to work until Spike came in.

“Hey, Twilight! Pinkie Pie’s starting ‘pin the tail on the pony’! Wanna play?”

“No! All the ponies in this town are crazy! Do you know what time it is?”

“It's the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration. Everypony has to stay up, or they'll miss the Princess raise the sun! You really should lighten up, Twilight. It's a party!”

It was dark by the time Black Dynamite and his crew got to town. Most of the residents seemed to be asleep, but one large house seemed to be active. From the looks of it, it seemed to be made inside of a tree.

Black Dynamite didn’t want to take any chances. The whole town could be a trap; they were supposed to be dead, after all. He decided to take a stealth approach, moving silently through the dark areas. He moved quickly through the alleys and shadows, followed by his three allies.

Finally, he made it to the front door. From the sound of it, they were having a party, probably just to coax him into a false sense of security. Prepping his revolvers, he readied himself for whatever lay behind the door and kicked it in violently.

“Freeze turkeys!”

The party immediately stopped and the ponies stared at the new visitor. Each had a different look; horror, fear, shock, curiosity. The music also stopped on its own during his entry as a loud ‘Dy-no-mite! Dy-no-mite!’ could be heard from nowhere.

“Hm, colorful talkin’ miniature horses,” Dynamite said blankly. “Ain’t that some shit.”

This caused some of the ponies to scream, which in turn brought Twilight downstairs.

“What happened?” she asked sleepily. “What’s going-uh…”

“HELLO. I-AM-BLACK-DYNAMITE. I-AM-TRYING-TO-FIND-OUT-WHERE-WE-ARE. CAN-YOU-HELP-US?”

“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie!” she yelled, appearing in front of him. “I’ve never seen any-”

“Ahhh, suey!”

Black Dynamite instinctively kicked Pinkie back into bookcase. Seeing this, Rainbow flew up and tried to charge him. Black Dynamite, timing it perfectly, performed a lotus kick that sent her flying into Applejack. He was about to go after Fluttershy when Twilight finally spoke up.

“STOOOOOP!”

“Huh?”

Sure enough, Dynamite halted for just a minute.

“I think there may have been a misunderstanding,” Twilight said. “She wasn’t trying to attack you. At least, I don’t think she was, right?”

“Yea, sorry about that,” Pinkie said, getting back up. “Ow, I guess I shouldn’t jump in pony’s faces so much.”

“Sorry ‘bout that, little horse alien,” Black Dynamite said. “Black Dynamite just has certain…reactions when you surprise him.”

“I’m sorry, what was your name again?” Twilight asked. “I was in a bit of shock and wasn’t paying attention.”

“Dynamite,” he responded. “Black Dynamite.”

Author's Note

My first attempt at any kind of comedy, so go ahead and tear it apart.

I also don't do rhymes too much, so sorry if Bullhorn's aren't as cool. Like I said, let me know.

Thanks for the read and let me know what you think. SUEY!