Fluttershy murmured softly from behind her door. She was barely audible. "Um. Who is it?"

Twilight's voice was almost as soft. "Twilight Sparkle."

Fluttershy knew something was wrong. She leaned against the door jamb and slowly opened the door. "Oh! Twilight. You came to visit me."

Fluttershy was surprised that Twilight hadn't yet bowled her over, chattering a thousand words about some new worrisome conundrum that she had worked herself up about. Twilight was actually strangely quiet today.

Twilight gave Fluttershy a grin that the yellow pegasus knew was forced. "Hi Fluttershy. I hope you don't mind me just dropping by unannounced." Twilight's nervous sing-song delivery made her timid friend think that perhaps there was some worrisome conundrum brewing there after all. She just wasn't panicking yet. In fact, Fluttershy thought, she looked sad.

Fluttershy bristled with worry, and stepped aside to usher her friend inside emphatically. "Don't say that, Twilight! You can come by any time you want!"

Fluttershy put on a kettle, and made her way over to her coffee table, and started setting up her tea set. Before long, she looked up to discover that Twilight hadn't followed her. She stood at the door, looking forlorn.

"Are you going to sit down? Um. I mean, if you don't mind? It's okay if you want to stand. I like to stand too. We can both stand if you want." Fluttershy grasped at straws for some way to ease the discomfort in the air.

Twilight did approach the chair, and sit down, but she said, "Fluttershy, I want to talk about something."

Fluttershy could not possibly be more absorbed with attention. "Of course! We can talk about anything." Sad thoughts started entering into her own mind as well. She looked away and played nervously with the edge of one of her tea saucers. "Is it about Big Mac?"

Twilight grabbed onto that. "No-- Yes-- No. It's about me. I think I might be sick."

Fluttershy's heart dropped, and she picked up the saucer the was playing with, clutching it to her breast and furrowing her brow. "Are you dying?" she asked.

"No no no no, I'm not dying!" she would be almost amused by the misunderstanding if she wasn't already so gloomy. "It's not even that kind of illness."

Twilight didn't seem to be elaborating, and Fluttershy wasn't Rarity. She wasn't going to demand that Twilight deliver all the scandalous details before the first sip of tea, so she let the silence linger.

She headed over to the stove, and filled her tea pot with hot water and fresh chamomile tea, before turning to deliver it back to the table. She gently poured two cups and took a seat.

This was bad. Twilight still wasn't saying anything. Fluttershy was perceptive and kind enough to know what she had to say next. "Twilight, you know whatever it is you can talk to me. I'm your friend and I love you."

Not a moment after the words escaped Fluttershy's lips, Twilight's face curled in anguish. She covered her eyes with shame so Fluttershy wouldn't see the tears, and choked up.

Fluttershy left her tea behind and drew her chair close to Twilight, drawing her into a soft hug, wrapping a foreleg around her head and just holding her.

Twilight choked down her tears, and started to explain calmly, at first. "When you told me and applejack what Big Mac did. I... Fluttershy, there's something wrong with me."

Fluttershy frowned deeply, and stroked Twilight's mane as she cried. "Shhh" she whispered. She might as well have been the soothing breeze itself. She carried a scent of wildflowers and her whispers came with no judgement or anger. "Everyone gets angry. Everyone says things they don't mean."

Twilight's sobbing suddenly increased, and she trembled in Fluttershy's arms before slipping away from her. "I can't! I can't look at you," she said as she pulled away, and stared at her tea, watching the surface of the liquid ripple as her tears fell into it.

Fluttershy frowned, but she gave her friend some space. She folded her hooves between her hind legs and stared at the floor, silent. She knew she said something wrong, and she wasn't going to risk it again. She let Twilight speak whenever she was ready.

Twilight tried to work up the courage to confess. "When you told me what Big Mac did, I wasn't angry. I realize that now. I thought I was angry, but inside, I was feeling something else."

"What was it?" Fluttershy asked, trying to reach out to gently touch Twilight's stifle, so that she would know she wasn't far away.

Twilight said it. "I was jealous."

It was a minor miracle that Fluttershy didn't suddenly wrench her hoof away. She took in a shocked and slow gasp. "You..."

Fluttershy couldn't believe it. It couldn't be true. Does Twilight like mares? Does Twilight like her?

"You're in love with me?"

Twilight laughed bitterly. "No. That's not it."

Fluttershy didn't know whether to feel relieved or not. She was glad this wasn't some kind of 'confession'.

Twilight finally admitted the terrible truth. "I wished it was me. I wished I was the one doing those things to you. I wanted to-- I imagined holding you down until you couldn't resist the pleasure anymore. I wanted you to beg me to stop. It turned me on, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy was starting to wish her misunderstanding was true. Somehow, Fluttershy's strength shined through, and she kept her hoof on Twilight's stifle; reassuring her friend. She couldn't lie to herself, though. She was scared that a friend she thought she knew so well had thoughts like these. She was scared that she was alone with her.

Twilight's tears started to flow more freely now, and her words struggled to make it out. "Not long after I got my cutie mark, when I first started noticing stallions," her voice lowered reluctantly, "and-- and mares, and I was discovering myself, I started to have fantasies."

Fluttershy drew in to give Twilight a tender hug. Twilight's eyes widened and her tears stopped, replaced with a hiccuping feeling in her chest like her tears were struggling to break free. Twilight could feel Fluttershy's love and warmth. "How could I think about it, Fluttershy? How could I think about those things? You would never hurt me. You would never hurt me."

Fluttershy shushed her beloved friend softly. "Twilight, you're a good pony."

Twilight's mouth curled in anguish again. How did she know exactly the right thing to say?

"Twilight, you're filled with love, not hate, and it doesn't matter what things you think about inside your fantasies."

Twilight could feel peace slipping into her body.

"I know you'd never act on it."

Twilight felt like she had just been stabbed by a red hot knife. She sobbed so hard she couldn't breathe.

Between wheezes she cried out, "You-- don't-- know-- what-- I-- did!"

Fluttershy started to tremble now. A tear of sympathy ran down her cheek. She didn't let go of Twilight.

"I confronted Big Mac! I threatened to tell Celestia what he did. I held him down with my magic and I forced him to make me cum!" She was screaming loudly enough now to scare the animals. "I wanted him to suffer, Fluttershy! I almost hurt him! I wanted him to hurt for what he did to you!"

Twilight noticed that she was getting Fluttershy's coat wet now. She looked at the puddle of tears and saliva as though it was a symbol of all the terrible things she was doing to Fluttershy. Despite the words, and despite the wetness, Fluttershy would never let her go. "And I liked it so much. It felt so good. I don't want to feel these things! I don't want to like it, Fluttershy. Why do I like it? Why do I like it? You're not going to be my friend, now! Nobody will be my friend. I'm evil."

Fluttershy shushed her friend even more. She was reluctant to speak, but it had to be said. "If you were evil, you wouldn't be crying. Twilight, you're not defined by your sexual fantasies. You're defined by this." She squeezed Twilight tighter to drive her point home. "You're defined by the love in your heart, and the pain that it brings you whenever you hurt somepony else. You're also defined by the joy that you feel whenever you help somepony else.

"Twilight. This doesn't mean you're evil. You did an awful thing, but it reminded you of who you really are. That's all this means.

"Shh. That's all it means."

Fluttershy thought about her own words.

Author's Note

Sadface.