Just Another Guards-Pony.
Prologue: All ties cut.
"This is only gonna begin bad, get worse, then end horribly..."
His body was green.
Green, and green, and even more green. So much green. Mint green coat, bright green mane, and those deep, jungle green eyes that you could fall into, currently hidden behind his lids.
All for me. Only me.
Well, that makes me sound a little crazy, doesn't it...? But I'm not. I'm just a small, dusty beige pony, with a chalky grey mane and faded blue eyes. I'm a legally employed guards-pony with boring shifts, and an easily roused hatred for incompetence.
My name is After Action, and I was being a very intimate guards-pony, after the action.
My love, Wintergreen, a skilled healer and conservative surgeon, was laying across my back, his cheek resting against mine. His gentle breathing ruffling the hair along my muzzle. His minute shifting and steady heartbeat sent thrills along my insides and flank, at all the places he touched within and without. He was big, let me tell you. And I'm not just talking about how tall he was...
With a comfortable sigh I grinned, floating in my world of absolute contentment. We had made love for the first time. We'd had relations before, of course, but this was the first time it really meant something to both of us other than a way to relieve stress. We’d been friends for so long, and I was so happy that he'd let me in when I had realized my feelings for him. He had said once, 'Life in the wasteland is too short to hide the good feelings; express them.' He was such a smart pony, so well read. And who was I, the stuttering and often hesitant pony to argue with such deep wisdom? After all, I loved him more than anypony had ever loved somepony in the existence of everypony.
At least, that was my take on it.
The bed under us wasn't in the best repair after weathering a balefire holocaust, and the following 200 years of misuse. But I had spent many a bottle cap and salvaged items to effect its repair to a decently mild amount of comfort, with some degree of success no less. Not a single spring had surfaced its pointed little head during our exchange of affection. It had squeaked and groaned (in time with me, no less!), but it had been a gentle symphony that swelled and lowered with our enthusiasm, politely staying in the background where it belonged.
Reaching to the nightstand, I quietly set the alarm to wake me an hour before my morning shift. Turning off the desk lamp I was submerged in darkness, and the most heavenly sounds of Wintergreen sleeping. Everything about this night had gone perfect I reflected, closing my eyes to go to sleep. Even the near ever oppressing rain had let up for the time being.
To the gentle sound of Wintergreen’s breathing, I let sleep take me into a land full of green.
Most ponies didn’t like the side of the compound I was in, but I didn’t mind. It was generally a bit noisy during the day, especially when the shifts changed, but it felt like life to me. The quiet of the general barracks made my hair stand on end.
It wasn’t that I was afraid of the quiet, it was just that there is so much quiet in the wasteland that it winds up my imagination. And after too much time alone out there already, never returning would still be too soon. It hadn’t taken me more than one night of that to figure out I needed to sleep nearer the markets.
Waking up to a steady heartbeat and a background mumble of the other inhabitants of the building was definitely one of the more pleasant ways to go about starting off the day. Blearily glancing over at the alarm, I tried to do some simple math. One full hour before my day shift would be on. I’d need to be there a little early, since my supervisor had recently been partially eaten alive by some of the local flora.
I was actually very happy about that, as the mare had been thoroughly incompetent. Her idiocy had been borderline dangerous. She had been lax in her duties, hadn't taken a single bit of advice I was specifically hired to give, kept taking long walks alone in dark... There was just something about her that-
Something rapidly hardening wiggled its way between my back legs, nestling warmly.
“W-well, s-someone is excited this m-m-morning.” I said, my mood definitely taking a turn for the better.
“You were thinking about Crisscross again, weren’t you...?” Wintergreen asked.
“H-how do you always know the th-things I’m th-thinking...?” I asked, noticing my left eye was twitching a little. I gently rubbed a hoof into it to make it stop. Then his hooves began rubbing along my neck and the base of my mane, grinding into the tension that was building up there.
“Oh, honey...” he sighed, his breath sending pleasantly tingling shivers all through me. “I can read you like an open book when you get all tense.”
He nipped my ear, then blew on it gently. I flushed hotly, and in more places than just my muzzle. “We have 20 minutes, g-give or take,” I said quickly, rolling over and facing him. Feeling his hot flesh drag away from between my legs only excited me more. “P-plenty of time.”
He laughed gently and looked at the clock. “We know what happened last time we tried that. You didn’t finish, and then you spent the entire day frustrated and nearly snapping the heads off of your entire section.”
I attempted puppy dog eyes. It didn’t appear to work. Laying on the innocent smile for good measure, I let out a drawn out “Pleeeeeease...?”
Kissing me on the nose, he then rolled over and jumped out of bed. His stallionhood swung freely, and I may or may not have drooled a little. “Nope!” he said. Stretching out, he put his full body on display from the side, making sure to tilt his hind leg out of the way for proper ogling. After a few moments of doing just that I wiped my mouth and tried to reign in my lust.
Dismounting the wobbly bed was always shaky affair. Not because it was dangerous, or rocked all that much, but because I really just wanted to lay there for a while longer. Taking deep breaths through my mouth I was able to avoid smelling the heady musk in the air. Shaking any residual thoughts on using Wintergreen like a living pleasure toy, I splashed some relatively clean water over my face at the sink. After running a brush missing a little less than half of the tines through my mane, I worked the bedhead into some semblance of order.
Catching Wintergreen looking in the mirror, I blushed a bit and hid behind the large coiffure. I always tried to style it like this certain mare on the front of an old stylist magazine. Mares knew something about fashion back then. Looking at myself in the mirror again, I figured that that Rarity mare probably would have cringed a bit while saying I did the best with what I had.
Toying with the large curl a few more times, I sighed as Wintergreen hugged me reassuringly from behind. “You look beautiful,” he reassured me. “And maybe I will ravish you before you go...”
“Oh, n-no!” I stuttered out, giggling as his tongue tickled my neck. “Y-y-you had your ch-chance!” Bouncing away, I pranced to our equipment lockers.
Making sure to give him a nice view of what he could have had, I pulled up my mental schedule. I’d need to go to the ‘leadership’ meeting, either get promoted or introduced to a new supervizor, then get to the southern side deployment shack and harangue the underlings that didn’t show up on time, reward those that did, and then make my rounds along the southern section.
With a solid plan of the day in mind, I kicked open my two lockers.
First and foremost, I'd need my barding. Sliding into the light moulded armor plating was a breeze. I'd done it so many times in my off duty drills it was second nature. The plating rubbed reassuringly against my chest and sides. It was a dark brown combat coverings, with several large rounded armor plates painted in almost artistic displays of desert camouflage. Overall, it blended in pretty well with the surrounding wasteland, but maybe not so much the actual wood and concrete buildings. I’d been setting out feelers for a more urban camouflage, but nothing had come up so far that was remotely in my price range.
Next, I'd need my saddle-bags, medical supplies, and, in case of emergencies, some basic repair tools. I wasn’t particularly efficient with the tools, but if a casing got jammed in the chamber, I would at least be able to remove it.
Levitating the empty containers to my back took but moments, the clasps making a gentle plastic snap. Pulling the fasteners tight, I looped the extra belting back around itself, preventing it from catching on anything in the (admittedly low) chance of combat. I dropped my too few healing potions into the slots and loops sewn along the barding and saddle-bags. Opening the small medical box on the wall, I slipped my even more meager stash of combat drugs -a Buck, a Dash, and two Stampedes- into the front pockets of my barding. Lifting a small flap along the right leg exposed three small elastic loops. While the elastic bands had solidified long ago, they still held firm the two needles of Med-X I pushed into them.
And now my weapons and ammunition. Using my pale grey magic, I yanked out the two old and beaten light machine guns from their resting places. Lifting the hefty guns to my barding, I connected the bases to the built in yoke. Wintergreen had already been rummaging around in our ammunition trunk in preparation for me. Pulling out 200 round belts of bullets for the machine guns, I began looping them around my neck and loading them into and onto my saddlebags. The little green capped ball rounds, interlaced with the orange tracer rounds, drew my eyes back to Wintergreen, a tentative smile on my face. I tried to say something encouraging, but all I could do was stutter stupidly.
Wordlessly he slung a nearly complete belt of armor piercing rounds over my neck, then pulled me close with it.
My eyes flicked back and forth between his, trying to find something to say in those deep green depths. Letting go the ammo belt he leaned down and kissed me hard, summing up all the things I wanted to say for me. I kissed back, leaning heavily into him. Breaking away slowly, I opened my eyes, not having realized I closed them in the first place. Backing up to the door, I levitated my shades from the night stand with my tin of Mint-als. Neatly placing the shades on, I popped a tablet into my mouth and crunched down.
Almost instantly the world snapped into better focus.
A little pony in my head wondered if taking the drug was such a good idea, but I swept it aside, knowing I wasn't addicted. I was just using it when I needed it, after all. A side benefit was it helped me talk normally, too!
Looking over my sunglasses, I winked at Wintergreen in the soft morning light. "Stay warm, love. You're in good hooves." Making big smooches at him, I blew a kiss his way, then gently pushed his cheek with my magic. I closed the door as he put his hoof to his cheek, a blush and a sappy smile on his face, leaving him to lounge about for the rest of his day off.
Trotting along the hallway, I could hear snores, moans, talking, yelling, and randomly enough, in one room, screeches of an animalistic nature. Noting the room number down for later inquiry, I continued on and out of the building. The sky, overcast with a high chance of rain, rumbled ominously above. It would be hell on my mane, but just about everything else on me was fairly resistant, if not outright waterproof.
Two blocks toward the center of the entire complex and I was hit by the first of the day’s poor weather. Fortunately, it was light enough that I didn’t have to sprint for cover, but heavy enough for me to pick up the pace.
I reached the guard command center about the time the real rain started coming down, howling wind slanting it quite nicely. North side was going to have a bad day. I grinned mentally, happy that my section would have it easier. North side’s guard leader, Blood Bait, was a stooge at best, and actually worse than my ex-supervisor, Crisscross. At least Crisscross knew that ‘sampling the product’ was off limits when on duty.
Pushing the door open, I entered the building. Shutting the door with a hindhoof, I took a moment in the waiting room. I shook off and stomped my legs a few time, making my gear rattle reassuringly, if a bit wetly. Snapping my tail a few time, I tried lathing the water from my mane with magic. I wasn’t very good at it, but my mane bobbed back into place pretty well. I couldn’t tell for sure without a mirror, but I was pretty positive it actually looked better than before.
A pony chained to the wall nearby pulled a folded towel off of a neat stack, and made to dry out my tail. Gently tugging the towel from her mouth, I took care of myself. “Just get what’s on the floor, please.” I said gently.
Nodding her head, she pulled down another towel. As she mopped up the water I had shed, I checked the clock on the wall. Still some time left.
“Who is here so far?” I asked.
“Master Singularity, Master Tomb, and Mistress Pellet are currently in the premise. All of the Seconds are here as well.” Her voice was quiet, and her eyes didn’t look up from her work.
Grunting in acknowledgement, I waited patiently. Soon, the mare had cleaned everything up, and put the towel in a hamper. Wringing the last of what I could from my tail, I tossed the fairly damp towel into the basket as well.
It only took a few minutes before I could hear swearing and sputtering from outside, even inside the thick walled building. Moments later, Blood Bait stumbled into the small room, completely drenched.
“Fucking cunt, get over here!” he nearly yelled. “Can’t you see I’m fucking soaked here?!”
As the pony moved forwards with a new towel, I watched from the side, closing the door surreptitiously with my magic. With trembling hooves, she began to work at his filthy coat. It didn’t take long for the towel to become worse than some mechanic rags that I’d seen.
“Hurry the fuck up!” he growled, lifting a hoof as if about to strike her. “I don’t have all Celestia damned day, and I wanna get a good fuck in first before I have to listen to some cunt jaw my ear off for a half hour!”
As she scurried over to get another towel, he caught sight of me staring holes into him from behind my sunglasses.
“And look who we have here...” he said coyly, his face splitting into a grin. For all the missing teeth he had, it was almost charming. If it hadn’t been for the horribly soulless eyes above it, or the absolutely disgusting range of filth on him, one might have been able to even call it roguishly charming. “The fucking cunt that let southside’s ‘fearless leader’ get half eaten by fucking plants, then bleed out not a hoof length from the wall. I’m surprised they let you stay after that.”
I let out a single mirthless chuckle. “No, the real mystery is how someone like yourself keeps his position.” With that, he puffed up ready to retort. Quickly, I cut in again. “Tell me, exactly how much dick do you have to suck every day?”
“I’m gonna fucking kill you!” He exploded, lunging at me from the far side of the room. “You’re dead! I’m gonna eat your fucking head you fucking cunt! You fucking-!” Just as he was bringing up a switchblade I had honestly not seen coming, I leveled both machine guns at his face.
“Get any closer,” I said, narrowing my eyes, “and Crisscross isn’t going to be the only incompetent pony getting a replacement today.” I waited until he backed up a bit before continuing. “Want to know why they didn’t get rid of me? Because unlike most of the guards here, and especially you, I know what I’m doing. I give insightful information and comments, and provide helpful suggestions. That is my job. I was hired for this, as it is my profession. You provide the much vaunted job of the mud sucking meat wall. The only reason I don’t kill you right now is because they haven’t asked me yet, even though I keep telling them I’d do it free of charge.” Waving a hoof towards the back rooms, I jerked my head once. “Now go on, before I change my mind and do it anyways.”
With a significantly scathing glare at me, he turned away and went towards the meeting room. “You’re dead, bitch. I’m gonna fuck you with barbed wire on. Then we’ll see who’s laughing.” His muttering continued on until I couldn’t hear him any more.
Letting out a snort of impatience, I looked at the mare. She was cowering as far from the doorway Blood Bait had gone through, her eyes remaining on the ground. She was new, and hadn’t had to deal with our meetings yet, but she’d survived. Levitating yet another towel over, I motioned for her to clean herself off. Walking away, wary of him hiding around the corners, I eventually made my way to the back.
Coming into the room, I saw Singularity Event, Thick Tombstone, and Pellet Popper, with their respective Seconds. Blood Bait was in the corner by himself, sulking about not getting any. His Second was at the table, ready for the meeting. The others looked thankfully at me, obviously happy they hadn’t had to deal with him.
“First and foremost,” Singularity started, “I’ve gotten word from the Ups that while they are aware you are only contracted to manage a small section of the South wall, and act as Crisscross’ Second, they are willing to put you on a probationary period as the South Supervisor, at double pay.” Waving a hoof to include all but Blood Bait, he continued onwards. “And we all have agreed that you are quite obviously the most qualified of those available.”
“I appreciate it.” I said, ignoring Blood Bait’s snort.
Pulling out a map of the compound, Singularity unrolled it onto the room’s main table. Stepping up to it, I pulled out a small notepad I habitually kept in an inside upper pocket of my barding. Flipping it open, I found the first blank page I could and then got ready to take notes.
“As you were Second on the South Side, we don’t really need to baby step you into this. Get your number two, and see if you can’t keep the wall from falling apart on itself. You’ve been doing well enough despite Crisscross as it was, so I’m fairly confident that, if anything, you’ll do even better now that you don’t have anypony breathing directly down your back.” Moving his hoof to hover over the command street, and merchant stalls, he looked up at us. “We’re a little short on reserve ponies, ever since the night raid the Ups organized on Canter. Not much made it back, and we all know that the raiding party slots are pretty grabbed after. I’m essentially running three squads as mobile local enforcement. We’ve got enough guards for the walls to be covered, but we pretty much don’t have anything on back up.”
Tapping his hoof on a large square in the map, his Second levitated over a green marker. “Alpha is going to be based near the pens for now. The Ups are worried that the slaves will get wind of it if there isn’t the usual significant traffic.”
Pointing over to a smaller square, his Second put a blue marker on it. “Bravo will be hanging around the armory. We’ve had some thefts recently, and I want to get that under wraps before the Ups find out. So far, it hasn’t been too much of significance. Mostly some spent energy cells, some loaded 9mm pistol clips, and a few random parts for different firearms. We don’t have any solid leads yet, but I’m pretty certain its just the usual skimming for personal use, or selling on the side. However, I can’t discount that there are elements of disharmony in the compound. We are slavers, after all.”
Raising an eyebrow, I stared at Singularity.
“With the obvious exceptions, of course.” He said, waving his hoof.
“Of course.” I echoed.
Making a circular motion with his hoof, Singularity drew a winding path along the streets. A red marker floated out, and followed the path in a slow but steady pace, eventually leading back to its starting point and then repeating the route. “Charlie’s on overwatch. You need anything, you know how to call. I’m keeping them mostly on 5th and 10th for West/East, and Oak and Glitterhorn for North/South.” Looking up, he made sure to make eye contact with us all. “Questions? Suggestions?”
Putting up her hoof, Pellet got in before me. “Only three squads is really low. Are we taking on newbies anytime soon?”
“The Ups have assured me new meat is coming. They have also assured me that a veteran recon team that they thought went missing some years back has finally reported in. They’ll be here in a few days at most.”
“Can we trust them?” Tombstone asked.
“No.” Singularity bluntly said. We all nodded our heads. If it had been years since they were last seen, who could say it wasn’t an infiltration team from some other faction instead?
Pointing to the buildings with the highest roofs, Tombstone’s Second had a good question. “How is Overwatch? Will there still be teams up on the sniper spots?”
“Not at this time. If a raid comes, I’ve set up contingencies for any teams that are off duty, and you will have overwatch in top spots, but it’ll take time for them to get there. I’m hoping nothing comes in a bit, but until we get those reinforcements, you must keep in mind that Overwatch is straining at the limit.”
There was general consent and more than a few frowns.
Shrugging, I raised my hoof. “I’d recommend swapping out the squad on the pens detail every day or so. Anypony paying enough attention might notice that the same ones are there all the time, where as when we have plenty on reserve, the faces are always shifting.”
“Good point.” Singularity said. The others nodded in approval. “We might even try swapping with some of the wall guards if it takes too long for the reinforcements to come. Anything else?” Nopony came forth with anything else, so he rolled the map back up and stored it away. “Alright then. Get your rotations in line, and keep an eye out for groups of ponies with a blue banner and golden trim. Ups would be a bit mad if we shot the ponies coming to reinforce us, after all.”
I wrote down a few more notes to myself, then put the pad back into its pouch. Taking some juice and a 200 year fresh cookie from the refreshment table nearby, I quietly observed the others. Most of them made small talk, but I kept silent and decided to keep a partial eye on Blood Bait. And he watched me. Eventually, he slunk out of the building, and I followed to make sure he didn’t get any stupid ideas with the greeter.
A hoof patted me on the shoulder as I stood near the front door. “Action,” Singularity said. “Need to talk with you a sec.”
Pulling into a side room, he hoofed over a small note. On it was a name, and a number:
Blood Bait
5,000
“Ups?” I asked, wondering who wanted the pony dead.
Singularity nodded once. “Killed another mare again. This one was expecting, and there was a lot of caps riding on it. They warned him the first time. He screwed up his second chance. Keep it quiet, minimal damage. You know the deal.”
Nodding in return, I slid the paper into a nearby trashcan. Singularity dropped a match in, and the note went up in smoke and flame.
Exiting the building into a light drizzle was a nice welcome. Turning towards the south section of the compound, I started trotting at a decent pace. I needed to elevate a pony to Second, and I needed to set new rotations. The old ones set by Crisscross were still in place because I hadn’t had the seniority to change them quite yet, but now that I was, things were going to change for the more competent.
Walking down the road to the south guard deployment shack, I couldn’t help but take a quick detour through the ‘economic square’, as I liked to call it. It was a two block by two block section where most of the non-combat trading happened. Food, meds, and more exotic items were the name of the game here. Sometimes, but not very often, you could find strange animals and pets.
I needed something special for Blood Bait. I wanted it quiet, and I wanted it distant. I actually wanted to make it a personal thing, up close and all, but I wasn’t nearly stupid enough to think that was remotely smart, let alone safe.
Slipping into a corner store, I made my way to the back.
There was a zebra I needed to see.
When I reached the back room, she was sitting silently, her back turned to me. She took in a slow, deep breath, her nose making a gentle whistle. “Ah, After Action. Didn’t get any this morning, hm...?”
“Farasi, I need two one-shots. With suppressors.” I said, before she could get on a roll. Last time she’d gone on for hours. “And I need them yesterday.”
“Always straight to business, nowadays... Fine. 3,386 caps.”
“Two and a half, and you’ll thank me so much for what I’m about to use them for you may try and pay it back.”
“Hm... intriguing.” Her head cocked to the side, still facing away.
“It is so sad that most ponies here wouldn’t know what that word means...” I said wistfully.
“Three.”
I shrugged. “Like I said, two and a half and thanks later, or nothing.”
Finally turning her head to me, she sniffed a few times. “Hm... You believe your words. Fine then, you’ll have them. Tonight.”
“Good.” I said. I turned to walk out before I could see the damage to her face.
“Pony of action, when will you warm my bed?” she called teasingly as I drew away.
“Not anytime soon. Maybe when I’m dead.” I replied. It took me a few seconds to realise I’d made a rhyme with her. I picked up the pace, escaping her lilting laugh.
Outside, the rain had picked up again. Sighing lightly to myself, I sprinted the last bit. As I entered the largish shack, I had to bring my attention back to the present. I had gotten a little lost in the steady rhythm of my gear gently banging together, and the wet clops of my hooves on the broken asphalt.
Bouncing a few times to get the worst of the rain off myself, I lathed my mane and tail out with my magic again. I did a worse job of it this time. I wasn’t working on all wheels again. Taking out my tin of Mint-als, I flipped it open. Taking a nice whiff of the mint smell, I popped one onto my tongue. Letting it slowly dissolve, I slipped the tin back into my barding.
Rolling the remains of the minty drug along the roof of my mouth, I waited for a few seconds. As the world took on brighter shades, coming into more focus, I turned towards the rack holding the shift schedules. A quick check of the clock showed I had a good 37 minutes before the next shift started. I’d work on a more appropriate schedule and decide my Second while I waited.
That only took a few minutes, as it turned out.
Toffy Tot was well respected, and ran her squad properly. The shifts only took a little editing, as I had made them originally and Crisscross only changed them more to her liking. So then I started on making a plan for Blood Bait’s most timely demise. That actually took less time than I thought it would.
Okay... Next I could...
Looking around the small structure, I decided some inventory listing was in order. I hadn’t done it in a bit, so I figured it couldn’t hurt much. In fact... Now that I was in charge of the South, I had a lot more breathing room on how to run things. As ideas swirled through my head, I couldn’t help squee a bit in excitement at the sudden potential.
29 minutes later, the first two ponies of the morning shift walked into the room. Stopping for a moment, they had to double take at the order I had brought to the chaos. The inventory was in proper placements for once, and I was proud to say that we were only missing a box of 12 gauge shells. The reports were in dated order format and properly filed. The new schedules starting tomorrow were up on the board, and I was just getting done sucking down a mug of congratulatory hot chocolate.
“Did we just step into the wrong place...?” Malt Ball asked, looking around suspiciously. He and his friend poked their heads out the door to read the sign above it.
“Good morning gentlecolts.” I started amicably once they’d come back in. “Go have a seat.” I pointed a hoof over at the semi ring of chairs I had put together.
As the two sat down, more ponies started coming in from the rain. I directed them all to the seats as well. After another ten minutes or so, the rest of the shift had crowded in, and were either sitting on the floor, chairs, or just standing. The room was pretty packed, but that was okay. It kept the heat in.
Putting out some snacks and warm drinks on the center table of the room, I waved for them to take what they wanted. Many looked a bit on guard, but after a few had taken some and not been obviously poisoned by it, they all joined in. As things settled down again, I began the meeting.
“I know that this isn’t how things normally are done here, but as you may or may not know, Crisscross is dead and I have been tasked with her job.” There was some rumbling as the ponies around me confirmed or denied their knowledge of this. I headed it off before it could get out of hoof. “I know you all have been set into the way things have been done so far, but just about everything you’re used to about guarding the South Wall is going to change. There will be three meetings a day, just like this. Once in the early morning, once at midday, and once at late night. Times will not vary, and will be at the beginning of each shift. Toffy Tot will be my Second, and she’ll be heading the night meetings.”
Motioning her over, I had her stand by me.
“Now, I know this is sudden, but the effectiveness of Southside has been embarrassingly close to that of North.”
There were grumbles and a few loud disagreements, but I waved it down. “We all know this is true, though it hurts to admit, and it’s fine. Because that’s in the past now. We’re getting ourselves in gear. We’re going to guard smart. We’re going to guard well.”
Showing them a closed envelope, I set it on the table. “This is a request to the Ups that we can get unified gear. I would like us to have combat armor.” There was some hopeful noises from the crowd. “But I don’t think we’re all gonna get it.” Then the small curses. “However, I have outlined a nice plan for getting us better equipment as a whole. Toffy and I would have combat armor. Squad leaders would have ballistic vests. And then everyone would at minimum have reinforced synthetic barding.” Some confusion was expected, and received. “Synthetic will hold up better than leather if a bullet hits it, and they’re practically waterproof.”
Amid the sudden surge of excitement, there were a few skeptics. “What’s the catch?” asked Spent Shell.
“The catch,” I said, laying my hoof down on the slip of paper, “Is that we’ll have to be the best of the best around here. No goofing off on shift. No expecting free quickies from the pens anymore. No hassling merchants for better deals. Haggling is fine, but no strong legging.” I looked pointedly over my sunshades at a few suspects. “You know who you are.”
“How long until we get the new stuff?”
Putting the request paper in my barding, I sighed a little. “This is going to sound bad, but I can’t guarantee anything.” Loud groans and a few ‘oh, come on’s floated around the room. “I know, I know... We all want it right away. Well, we’re gonna have to earn it, and it’s going to take some time. I can tell you right now with honest sincerity, I believe we could be getting it in as little as a week. If we start being respectable and upright guards and stick to it, starting right now. I can guarantee to you that if everypony in this room were to agree with this, I could get the rest of the ponies on the other shifts to agree as well.”
I took my shades off and hooked them on the front of my barding. “I know it sounds like a long shot, but here’s the thing. If a small group starts doing it and shows unity, others will follow. They will see the appeal of being liked. Individuals like conformity. They will want to be us because they will see how much better we have it than they do.” I pointed at them all, one by one, making sure to make eye contact. It took a while, as there were a lot of us in here. “Believe me. We’ll get it. And if there are problems, I’ll have a talk with the instigators, and if it persists, then they’ll just be removed from their work detail. And then they’ll have to find work elsewhere.”
Silence reigned for a moment, before somepony in the back muttered loud enough to be heard by everyone. “Well, fuck that, I’m gettin’ me some free armor. It ain’t like the pens have had the best selection for a free shag anyways.” Mutters of approval joined in, and other ideas floated to the foreground. Soon, the entire building was filled with excited whoops and hollers.
“Alright!” I called, slowly getting their attention. “Here’s the deal. The squads and shifts are going to be the same for today, but tomorrow it all changes. The lists are near the front. If you have a problem with it, wait until you’ve done your first new shift before coming to your squad leader about it.”
As the ponies started to turn that way, I called out one more time. “Last two things. First, I want everypony to start saluting their superiors. I know it may feel odd, but we’ll be the only ones doing it, and it’ll show. Don’t be discouraged if others bother you about it. They’ll just be jealous that you are more motivated to be better than them. Second, I just got a raise. Since I’m living fairly comfortably with what I’m already making, I figured I could give 25% of the extra income to renovating the station. At the very least, there will be snacks and hot drinks available when coming on shift, on breaks, and getting off shift. If you want to help out with that, I’m getting a drop box so we can more easily afford repairs and the like. If we get enough, I’ll see about getting raincoats for those on shift.”
As the now excited ponies dispersed, I pulled Toffy Tot to the side. “I have a good feeling about you, but I need to hear it from you. Are you going to be okay with being my Second?” I asked.
“Sure thing, boss.” She said with a smile. “Better pay, right? Maybe I’ll end up getting that combat armor before they send the free one. Heheh!”
I nodded my head and smiled. “Alright then. Any concerns you want to share with me? Don’t worry about me biting your head off like Crisscross. I need to know if there is anything that could compromise us as a fighting unit.”
“Well...” Toffy started, looking over her shoulder at her gun. “My rifle is a bit beat up... And plenty of the others have the same problem. They’re in working condition, but... Well, if we don’t need to worry too much about the armor, then I suppose we should get some repairs on our weapons first thing.”
I looked around. Certainly enough, plenty of the guns on display weren’t what one would call the best of shape. “Alright, after raincoats, that may be the first thing any extra caps goes to. Parts, guns, repairing supplies, that kind of thing.”
“Alright, sounds good.” Toffy said. “One more thing boss... about the Mint-als...”
As she hesitated, I raised an eyebrow. “Yes...?”
Rubbing the back of her neck with a forehoof, she looked away for a moment. “Ah, nothing... nevermind...”
“Alright then.” I said, letting it drop. “I’m going to be running the meetings for today. Do you think you’ll be able to handle getting the night shifts from tomorrow and on?”
“Yeah, that’ll be fine. Seems easy enough.”
“Alright then.” I said, lifting my hoof up and saluting. “Carry on, Second.”
“You got it, boss!” she replied, enthusiastically saluting me back.
The midday meeting with the next shift went essentially the same, with even less resistance after learning about the first watch’s enthusiasm. After wrapping things up and sending the crew out to their places, I consulted my mental checklist. Items of interest being manufactured. Check. Ponies out and guarding. Check. Enough time for a tumble with Wintergreen before next shift? Check.
I smiled to myself, starting towards the main markets where we lived nearby. A large pack of buyers and sellers were thronging the ‘Gun Hall’ -as somepony had dubiously named it with white paint and hanging sign- despite the rain. The crowd consisted mostly of ponies, with a few gryphons and zebra thrown in the mix. And it was loud, even with the light downpour partially muting the noise in a gentle patter.
The vibrant life it contained relaxed my mind as I made my way through it. I nodded to various merchants that I got along with, and glared at any troublemakers if they were looking particularly petulant. Even though I tried to keep the peace here, the Gun Hall was actually fairly well self contained. Especially since everypony frequenting it was packing some type of heat or other.
Poking my head into one of the tents, I levitated five caps and a bit over in exchange for a juicy looking neon blue and black mutfruit. I actually preferred the dull pinkish red ones, because they had a nice crunch to them, but Wintergreen had recently become really fixated with the blues.
Tucking the fruit into the top of my saddlebags, I continued to meander my way back home.
As I unlocked the door to our room, I stopped for a moment. Something was making me a bit jumpy. Looking around the hallway, I found I was completely alone. Shrugging, I quickly turned back and opened the door before slipping inside. Locking it behind my, I levitated the mutfruit out of my pack and onto the nightstand.
I took my time slowly stripping off my gear and letting it slump haphazardly against the ammo trunk. As I did so I watched Wintergreen’s sleeping form. The slow rise and fall of his chest sent little butterflies fluttering in my stomach. My mouth salivated. I could feel an ache that needed relieving.
I wanted him so badly right then and there, but I had found that letting it wait made the act even sweeter. Instead, I slipped the mutfruit next to his muzzle as softly as I could with my magic. After a few snuffles, Wintergreen groaned in a very enticing manner. Running a hoof along the pillow, he pulled the fruit to his mouth.
“Yuzzzmlll... muffrue...” He mumbled in his sleep, before gently engulfing nearly half of the fruit with his lips. As he gently sucked on it, I could see his tongue working along it, running along the soft skin and crevices.
I ground my hind legs together in anticipation.
“Mmmm... teth... luh muffrue...” He growled out into the violated fruit product before sucking harder, slobbering all over it. With a wet squish, he jammed his tongue into it hard enough to press the natural fissure wider.
I bit my lip from the mix of erotic need and comedic entertainment. I wasn’t sure whether I was about to laugh or cry out in ecstasy, but I wanted to watch a little longer.
As it turned out, my inaction would pay off.
Slipping his front hooves under the pillow, he jammed his face down, crushing the fruit roughly to his mouth. Out of tandem, his rear hooves shuffled for traction, making his belly slide along the bed sheet. Taking pity on him, I slipped my magic out and assisted his needs.
The mattress springs squeaked ever so slightly as he began working up a rhythm. Almost too soon he started huffing heavily, the remains of the fruit falling off to the side.
“Aftuh... Ahhaaaugh~!” He managed to groan out, before climaxing hard.
Catching the spillage with my magic proved easy enough, as I’d done this for him before. Although, doing it while he was unconscious made it even more fulfilling, for some sexy reason. Dropping the fluid down the sink, I carefully stepped onto the bed.
Taking the remains of the fruit, I slowly ate while Wintergreen huffed strongly. As he finally came to, I leaned down and kissed him hard, hungry in more than just the literal sense. Rolling over onto his side, he pulled me down onto him.
“You’re g-going to do that again,” I said, lust making my voice husky, despite the stutter. “And you’re going to d-d-do it until I can’t w-walk straight.”
Smiling weakly, he nodded in agreement, before I trapped his mouth with mine.
Underneath my stomach, his other head nodded a lot more enthusiastically.
I left later that evening, after having gotten all my gear back on, feeling warm and gooey in all the right places.
My concentration on such feelings, however, didn’t last very long at all. After taking another Mint-als, I started to hear shooting. When instead of stopping, more guns picked up with it, worry started to wiggle its way down my spine. Poking my head back into our room, I saw Wintergreen rapidly donning his work apron.
“I don’t know what’s going on.” I said as we made eye contact. “We aren’t doing shooting drills today. Be careful.”
I pulled back out of the room as soon as I got his affirmation. It was like I had stepped into a completely different building.
Ponies were rapidly galloping to and fro, some carrying ammunition, and others bringing wounded inside. There was a lot of cursing. Glancing at one of the more torn up mares on a stretcher, I noted with Mint-al clarity that she was cut badly by what seemed to have been smallish claws.
Gryphon, most likely. Turning away, I pushed through the throng of milling ponies. “Get to your sections if you are a guard! Report to your emergency station if you aren’t!” I yelled over the ruckus. “Don’t panic, you know what you need to do!”
Coming out of the housing block, I was assaulted by the strobing lights and deafening sounds of heavy combat. The guards-ponies stationed on the walls -as well as a few on fortified roofs of the taller buildings- were wildly shooting into the darkening sky. A wild cacophony of screams, screeches, explosions, and countless small arms fire were overlapping each other.
I saw faint silhouettes circling and swooping around above, raining red and green magical death upon the ponies below. Most of the attackers were dodging the mixed weapons fire being thrown up at them, but as I galloped along, I saw a few take a hit and plummet to their deaths.
Some were obviously dead before they even hit the ground.
Storming up the walkway to the southern wall, I levitated my combat helmet from the wall rack. The big AA -painted on the front in white- and the protective visor reflected the flashes of strobing weapons. Angling my horn through the slot on the front of it, I pulled the helmet down over my head. Almost instantly, the loud combat was muffled, the deafening bangs becoming merely very loud thumps.
Pulling the ballistic visor down, I looked up to the sky, acquiring my first target. The gryphon was dancing around above, wheeling and firing rapidly into the guards on the southwestern section of the wall. Chambering the first rounds with my magic, I eased the machine guns up. The pale glow of my magic soothed the edges of my peripheral vision as I pulled the safety levers on the weapons down with my teeth. Planting my hooves more firmly, I aimed down range at the whirling mercenary, and slowly squeezed the triggers with my magic.
Then the dual voices of my machine guns roared, drowning out all the noise around me, making my ears instantly ache.
The first ten rounds or so missed well behind the gryphon, but I started tracking around, sweeping my aims closer with each bullet fired. The merc noticed almost immediately that it was under heavier fire, and began to dip and weave wildly, out maneuvering my tracking. But I was steady, and methodical, the Mint-als helping me plan my paths ahead. I slowly corralled the merc towards the ground, closer to the other wall guards. Realising it too late, the gryphon tried to wing up and away from the wall line, but a hasty burst of fire from the hunkered down ponies there sent it careening to the ground.
Before it even hit the wet concrete I was tracking my next target.
The sky was thick with the winged mercenaries. It was obvious that this was going to be The Big One the higher ups had been quietly talking to one another about for some time. It seemed like it was an entire aviary. Two, actually, I thought idly, having gotten a look at a nearby swooping figure with different markings on her armor as she passed close by, before I dutifully filled her lightly armored stomach with hot lead. Red Claws. Wonder what the other is?
Filing the thought away for the moment, I turned towards a loud shrieking of metal and rumbling of masonry. One of the buildings, weathered of 200 years and more of near constant downpour and disrepair, had finally succumbed to the onslaught of a heavy weapons team. The squealing of metal grated on my ears, even through the ringing. Replanting my hooves, I let loose on the slow moving flyers, taking full advantage of their more ponderous paced movements. After breaking up the group, and taking two down, my right machine gun fell silent. Still letting off bursts of fire with the left to keep the heavy team occupied, I began the tedious action of reloading the right.
Flip ejector switch. Lift feeder. Eject belt catch. Lay new belt. Close feeder. Unlock ejector switch. Chamber new round. Begin firing.
Mid burst, the left emptied out the last rounds, missing the target, but luckily clipping another merc farther down range. Again, I started the slow process of reloading, having a looksee to get a feel for how the fight was going.
Being so tightly focused on the tasks at hoof severely impeded my situational awareness, causing me to not notice that I was the last on nearly the entire southern wall. I took cover as my part of the wall was lanced with too much strafing fire, but poked my head out quickly after to see how badly overwhelmed we were.
I pulled my head back instantly as chunks of rock and scrapped, glowing hot metal bounced off of my helmet as the magical weapons did their best to vaporise my cover. Looking around and down at the bodies, ash piles, and goo puddles near me, I noticed that the sound of bullets being fired was much less in number than the energy weapon reports. Taking a second quick peek out, I could only see small pockets of resistance remaining, and these were quickly being overrun by concentrated hails of killing light.
The town was lost. My contract was void.
I needed to get to Wintergreen, and get him safely out of here.
Turning to go the down ramp, I nearly collided muzzle to beak with one of the mercs. She was grinning, both her clawed hands holding up an energy pistol each. Jumping away from her, I rolled back behind cover just in time to avoid being reduced to ash. With a laughing screech, she vaulted over the inner wall I was hiding behind, and landed on my hunched over back.
Panicking, I rolled over as fast as I could, pinning the gryphon’s body with my combat yoke. My weight wasn’t enough I soon learned, and the merc pushed me off of her and up against the ramshackle inner wall. She then took the opportunity to shoot me in the back, the magical beam stabbing into my armor, and flash frying a nice chunk of my hide and coat. Crying out, I reeled from the stomach lurching pain.
Twisting around like a skewered bug, I got a nice faceful of angry bird beak. Nearly soiling myself, I reflexively pulled the triggers to both my machine guns, and the thunderous roar in the confined space nearly deafened me. Bullets flew in spasmodic arcs in front of me, slamming caved in lines along the floor and outer wall.
With a shocking suddenness, the merc flew back like a sprinting pony in power armor had body checked full tilt into her. Warm gryphon blood splattered onto my face and visor, and feathers flew in all directions. With a sickeningly wet crack, her corpse slammed into the outer wall, then rag-dolled up and over the lip and out of sight.
Taking a moment for a breather, I just sat there, retching slightly from the horrid scent of blood and viscera. After my heart had leveled out at a more suitable level of ‘rapid’ I lurched upwards onto my hooves.
I was a little angry with myself, to be honest. The whole point of having guns was to not have to engage in hoof to hoof combat. Snorting impatiently to clear my nose of the stench surrounding me, I checked to see if the way was clear. It wasn’t, of course, but nothing was currently paying me any attention, so I took that as a sign to move on.
Galloping down the ramp, I made my way to the medical building. Dodging the many spurts of fire coming my way, I ducked and weaved from cover to cover, slowly making my way in a nonlinear ‘forwards’ direction. Too slowly. Pulling the Dash from my barding's pocket, I inhaled sharply on it, hoping I'd-
**I WAS FLYING WOOOOH~!* I could outrun everything! Look at how slooooow everypony else was going! I was at least 20% faster! I was racing against the magical light beams and winning! I was awesome! I was the solid state form of awesome~! There wasn't anything that could stop me from getting to Wintergreen! In fact, I was so fast, I could run backwards and-! Rnnph! Okay, maybe not, but I could still run forwards at light speeeeeeed!!!*
Running through the (re)war-torn town was awesome. Jumping through and around enemy fields of fire was a super fun game. At one point, I jumped over a small wall that had once been a large wall, while about a bazillion shots of magical energy weapons chased me. On the other side, I landed in the lap of a startled Talon Company merc. He was just about to squawk in surprise, but I stuck my tongue in his beak before he knew what was happening. Giggling as I pulled away from him, I pushed him over with my hoof , sending him sprawling out into the open.
"Such a tease~!" I squealed in delight, now chewing his gum.
Almost instantaneously, around ten to twenty energy beams and blobs hit him, probably fired while thinking it was me coming from cover. He didn't disintegrate so much as flash out of existence. For about 0.39 seconds, I oooohed over the light display (SO AWESOME~!). Then I was storming down the road and through blown out buildings again, merc fire raining indiscriminate injustice upon the already blasted land.
And then I saw it~! The clinic! Home Base! I was so close already, I just had to dash across the now leveled town center, and go up the steps to the two story building.
Pulling the door to the clinic open with my magic, I saw a bad glow to my right. I wasn't really sure what it was, but the little pony in my head that I was going to call my Mint-als companion began gibbering insanely, trying to fight against the rushing mass of euphoria that was the Dash pumping through me. Oh! It's a missile, coming towards the side of the building from down the street. In *slow motion, of course!* Watching it curiously, I couldn't figure out why I should be worried about this. It is a missile... I'm sooo much faster. Therefore, it can't hurt me. What, Mint-als? It can hurt Wintergreen? Well, I'd better *do something about that then!*
As I took a lightning fast step forwards, the Dash suddenly ran out, making the world speed back up. To at least 20% faster than normal.
The missile hit the building. The building exploded outwards. I saw the bright flash and angry fire washing towards me through the hallway. The metal door I had opened and belatedly tried to close flipped end over end, shearing my right machine gun completely off of my barding. With what Mint-als absently noted as freight train force, I was picked up off the ground and launched several tens of hooves away. Landing on my side, I felt a potion bottle break under me, the glass lodging into bullet belts and reinforced cloth. The life restoring fluid seeped through my barding, cooler than the hot blood it intermingled with.
Weakly flopping around, I tried to lift up from the ground. Not being able to, I tried to at least shake my head to clear the steady sound of heavy ringing. But I couldn't even do that. Blinking lazily, I felt wetness running from all of my everythings. Yeah, that's bad... Mint-als stated redundantly, wearing off as well.
Gurgling, I tried to drag myself towards the remains of the clinic. Wintergreen needed me. I needed Wintergreen. I needed him so badly. We'd make it still if I could just get to him. Everything would be fine if I could just get to him. He'd look down at me, and I'd smile up at him, and he'd ask, 'What am I going to do with you, my silly little pony...?' And then he'd laugh, and we'd kiss and then he'd fix me back up, all better! Everything would be fi-
I didn't so much as wake up as just start screaming from the pain.
And by scream, I mean wetly gurgle. Consciousness followed accordingly. Breathing in harsh, short gasps, I tried to move as little as possible. It was a losing battle. Every thump of my heart made everything jitter just enough to hurt. Trying to stop the jitter just tensed muscles, making it hurt worse.
Med-X. I needed to dose up. And badly. My world shrunk to just my right foreleg. I needed to levitate the needles out and... my mind couldn't focus on using my magic through the pain. Earth Pony way, then. Just lift hoof to mouth. Okay, now grab cloth tab and pull open. Good, good. Ignore the pain, we can do this... Pull needle out. Hm... get cap off...somehow... urgh... With a pop of magic, the lid flew off. Whew... that was too much... Now lift hoof again. Put needle in, *Oh goddesses, the pain*... and push plunger with tongue... oooogh, that's nice...
Dulling relief flooded my limb, spreading out towards my chest, and from there, my whole body. But I still hurt. A lot. Repeating the motions a bit more fluidly, I jabbed the second in. This was more like it. ‘Med-X for the save...’ A dull voice murmured in my mind. ‘Time for a nap, maybe...?’
Wishing the dull throb of my pounding headache would go away, I decided that this probably wasn’t the time or place for sleeping.
Getting wobbly and lopsidedly to my hooves, I heard raucous laughter and yelling from all around me. I hadn't noticed the pack of gryphons surrounding me until they made noise. Looking blearily around, I absently confirmed that there was in fact not just 2 merc talons here, but 3. And a mismatched group of at least 20 of them were sitting, standing, or flying around, all exchanging forms of currency, all looking at me at one point or another. Most with avarice, but a few with grins.
"W-w-what is g-g-going on...?" I stuttered out, my face aching through the Med-X. Somewhere to my right, angry voices heated up, something about verbal contracts and the validity of obeying the spirit or the letter, but they quickly settled down before I could catch anything else.
After the first bout of rambunctiousness, they quickly ignored me for the most part, many just leaving me behind. Two stayed, however. Both from Red Claw. They were both smiling wickedly, having both received large sums of bottle caps as well as old world bits.
"W-what..." I began again, my stuttering beginning to slur with the coppery tasting saliva in my mouth.
"Betting." The bigger one said. Her feathers were a dark tan. The other, a male, was a dirtied white. "Most thought you wouldn't make it. But I knew. And just as I predicted, you get on up, all by yourself." Eyeing me, she looked to the other merc. "How much you bet the pony can get to the med tent unaided?"
The male looked down at me, cocking his head almost until it was at a 90 degree angle. He blinked a few times. "50 caps," he finally replied, still looking at me in such an odd manner.
"You're on." The female smirked.
Turning away, they flew over to a grouping of tents that was bustling with activity. They’d been pitched next to the slave compound maybe a block up, and many of the slaves and mercs were tending to the wounded.
Dully, I turned to the leveled medical building. It was still smouldering, the wet air keeping the refuse from lighting properly. The roof had collapsed down, remaining surprisingly intact. The slumped walls, however, were broken and fractured outwards, the side that had been hit obviously non existent. Taking a few steps towards the ruins, I tripped on a metal box. Faceplanting into it, I saw stars and butterflies for a moment. Waiting for the world to stop spinning quite as aggressively, I tried to focus on the box through my pain.
The butterflies hadn't been my imagination, as it turned out. They were painted onto the side of it.
It was a thoroughly dented and beaten up medical box. With scrawling on it, and a few scribbled pictures. It was Wintergreen's. I would know it anywhere. The bits of charred green hair, though mostly matted in flash dried blood, only confirmed it. Lifting my head off of it, I nudged the top open. It creaked reluctantly, but gave way in the end. Inside was a shattered potion, a punctured bag of Radaway, and a cracked tin of Mint-als. Lurking in the spilled contents, there was a miraculously pristine miniature of a yellow pegasus with pink mane and tail. 'Be Kind' the stupid doll’s base said, obviously mocking me.
Tears blurring my sight, I took the Mint-als tin out reverently and put it next to mine in my barding pouch.
Slamming my hoof down angrily upon the stupid doll only made my hoof throb harder. It didn't even damage the sheen on it. Even more angry, I blubbered quietly, moaning as I rocked back and forth, cradling the near weightlessness of the Mint-als tin to me. In comparison, I felt as if the weight of the world was pressing down on my soul.
In a sudden fit of rage, I kicked the figurine with my other hoof, sending it clattering through ash and filth.
"W-w-well, fuck t-that!" I shouted after it, my face spiking in pain. Oh yes, I'd be kind, alright! I'd kill them all to end my suffering. Every last one of them! I'd finish the job, even if it was null now that the town was gone! I'd show them! They were Goddess-damned monsters for leveling a medical building with helpless ponies inside!
Stumbling woozily towards the merc tents, I managed to keep my balance long enough to get to a sturdy pole to lean against. Body aching, I took a few steadying breaths that did nothing to actually steady me, then looked at the ones who had made the bets. They were watching me silently, the female with a smirk.
"Tol’ja he'd make it," she said to her companion, tapping a claw to her beak. "I know my ponies."
Her friend(?) shrugged in return and handed over the caps. Looking from me to the female and back again, he raised an eye ridge. “That’s not a mare?” He asked, obviously doubting her words.
Blinking, I looked up at the cloudy sky as the beginnings of rain hit my muzzle, that damn bird’s laughter grating at my brain. Letting my gaze drop back to the mercs, I felt like I should say something. "D-d-d... d-die..." I finally managed to get out.
Gripping the trigger on my remaining machine gun as hard as my magic would allow, I pulled it back.
A dull grinding came from the inside of the gun, followed by a hollow click. With an explosion of activity, just about every gryphon in the area spun at me, guns drawn, blades unsheathed, and eyes zeroed in, ready for the kill. And all the while, that damn merc just kept on laughing.
Looking up at the abused weapon, I was suddenly grateful it hadn’t fired. The barrel was bent
nearly 45 degrees, and the casing was crushed inwards. Through one of the many cracks, I could actually see the firing pin jammed into the side of a misaligned round. "W-well, that s-s-sucks..." I managed before pitching forwards and eating dirt.
As oblivion embraced me, I could hear still the female merc cackling. Damn those monsters. I'd do them one better in the end. I'd show them... ‘But first, naptime...’
Welcome to Level 1!
Being an FOE Side Story pony has severely limited your SPECIAL stats! Minus ten points, and only two Tags!! On the plus side, you get more perks from quests and encounters. I’d be really careful with what I picked though. With luck like yours, a lot of them get negative side effects...
Str 6
Per 5
End 3
Cha 4
Int 6
Agi 4
Luck 2
Tag! Skills:
Guns
Survival
Trait Gained: Confirmed Stud. - You mustang, you! I bet you had everyone fooled~! In combat, you do +10% damage against male opponents. Outside of combat, you'll sometimes have access to unique dialogue options when dealing with the same sex.
Trait Gained: Double the Fun! - Only an incompetent unicorn would use less than at least two guns (at the same time), right? Endless hours of training, and multiple real trial by fire experiences has left you with a deep and enviable understanding of magical multitasking, weapon recoil, and of course, dual weapon aiming. With this perk, you can shoot accurately in two different directions at once, with no penalty. (Targets must be in line of sight.) Conversely, you cannot move while dual weapon handling.
Quest Perk Gained: So Many Ponies! - Somewhere down the line, you started taking drugs to be better at whatever you were doing. But before you, so did your parents. And their parents. And their parents. And the list goes on... Any time you take drugs, you not only have a higher chance of addiction, but you also hear voices in your head! When suffering the first few moments of addiction withdrawal, those nasty side effects are doubled in strength. On the bright side, positive effects are doubled while under the influence. Hope it doesn't get too crowded in there!
