BLOOD ANGEL: User Guide And Manual
BLOOD ANGEL: User Guide and Manual
CONGRATULATIONS! You've just purchased a BLOOD ANGEL unit of your very own! To ensure that you use your new unit to the very best of his abilities and that you avoid painful, unexpected brushes with death, we've provided you with this manual.
WARNING: This unit is more violent than most. Make sure to treat him EXTRA nice.
Name: He responds to Blood Angel
Age: Older than our BLOOD RUNNER Unit
Place of Manufacture: Equestria, Cloudsdale
Height: Default pony height
Weight: Not Sure, come to think of it.
Length: We Don't seem to know this either.
Your BLOOD ANGEL unit comes with the following accessories:
One (1) Flying suit
Three (3) Wing Buffers
And if you have the ELEMENTS OF DISCORD EXPANSION SET:
One (1) Element of Unfaithfulness Necklace
Programming
Your BLOOD ANGEL unit is capable of doing the following:
Guardian: Your BLOOD ANGEL Unit has been trained to kill, Making an excellent guard to just about anything!
Babysitter: BLOOD ANGEL is a very gentle pony: if put in the right conditions. You BLOOD ANGEL will be happy to watch your children! But be careful not to have him in Killer mode.
Removal of your BLOOD ANGEL unit from Packaging
Our BLOOD ANGEL unit one of the fiercest units out there. But, alas, we have come up with more than acceptable ways to wake up your unit.
Yell out: "THE SHADOWBOLTS ARE HOLDING AUDITIONS!!!" Your BLOOD ANGEL WILL jump out of his box, but then be angry to see that the Shadowbolts are nowhere in sight. Not recommended
Get your arch nemesis to come to the box with you. Scream for help and yell that your enemy is hurting you. Recommended to kill your enemy.
Hurt any unit. Good if you have a large death wish.
Instruct any MANE SIX units to open the box. The sight of a rival will bring BLOOD ANGEL out of the box. However, if said MANE SIX unit has anything bad to say, prepare to see blood.
BLOOD ANGEL LOVES Clopfics. Write one. VERY recommended.
Reprogramming
After unpacking your BLOOD ANGEL unit, you can reprogram him into any of the following modes:
Fierce(Default)
Kind (Default)
Protective
Killer
Sad
Assassin (Locked)
Clopper (Locked)
Your BLOOD ANGEL unit comes in Fierce and Kind mode. He will be loud and attempt to be the best friend you can ever have, protecting everything that is close to you. Anyone whom he likes will be treated as a great friend. However, he is also rather overprotective, though not as much as Protective mode. In Protective mode, which is activated by harming her friends, all traces of kindness is erased and he will immediately defend his friends with a gun. If you dare to hurt his friends in that mode, prepare to die. Again.
Assassin mode is the scariest mode BLOOD ANGEL has, seconded only by Clopper. He will be extremely morbid, hoarding and keeping all his friends in any enclosed dungeon/chamber/evil place of doom that they are incapable of escaping from. He will never allow any of his friends or 'children' to leave his side, lest they want to be skinned alive as an example to the rest. To reset his back to default mode, you must let him see the error of his ways by showing the suffering his friends are going through.
Sad mode is activated by insulting or bashing BLOOD ANGEL. If a Default RAINBOW DASH unit is nearby, he will build a sense of competion, giving him self confidence. He will go back to Default mode eventually.
During the mating season for horses, BLOOD ANGEL will automatically go into Clopper mode. In this mode, he forces all pony units, mare and stallion alike, to ride the living daylights out of him. Since he is incapable of getting a pony pregnant until further advances into the science of robotics, he doesn't care about trivial stuff like condoms and safety. No unit is safe in this mode. He will even demand even YOU to engage in sordid activities with her. If left alone with any young and attractive humans in this mode, they will be met with not-so-educational enlightenment about bestiality. It is recommended for you to reset his CLOCK programming every time the mating season draws close.
Relationships with Other Units
RAINBOW DASH: Having been to flight school together, BLOOD ANGEL is a rival to RAINBOW DASH. RAINBOW DASH also tends to take the role of challenging the RAINBOW DASH unit to a race. RAINBOW DASH also helped your unit get his Cutie Mark, so she is quite close to him. He may even have a slight crush on her.
MANE SIX PACK: While RAINBOW DASH gets a special mention for being quite close to BLOOD ANGEL, your unit treats the rest of the MANE SIX PACK equally. They are all his rivals, and she will challenge them to the end. The chance of romance between any of them is high if any of the units take the initiative.
Cleaning
Your BLOOD ANGEL unit will clean himself.
Rest
Your unit will sleep regularly at 9pm in your timezone and wake up at 6am. Nothing comes in his way when it comes to sleeping. NOTHING
Frequently Asked Questions
Q. Why are there moans coming from the other room?
A. Is your unit in Clopper mode? Check if it is RAINBOW DASH. If it is not, please call an ambulance.
Q. Why did my BLOOD ANGEL unit just kill someone?
A. Congratulations! You have unlocked his Assassin mode. Get out now.
Troubleshooting
Problem: Instead of a adult-sized BLOOD ANGEL unit, you received a small and shrunken down BLOOD ANGEL unit which does not have a Cutie Mark. He tries to fight, but will fall down.
Solution: Whoops! We sent you a FOAL BLOOD ANGEL unit. This unit is a horrible fighter, and not yet introduced to the wonders of flight. We can switch him for your ordered unit if you contact us.
Problem: Your unit has taken to writing clopfics as a hobby, and it's leaving all readers scarred for life.
Solution: You used Method 5 to get her out of him packaging, didn't you? There is no known way to reverse this except for a full system reboot. Contact us if you really can't stand stories of him and RAINBOW DASH caressing each other in inappropriate places all over the house.
End Notes
We wish you luck!
