2 Bits Short of a Full House

by Chaotic Ink

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Derpy Hooves, DJ P0N-3, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Berry Punch, Lyra, Original Character
Length: 16930

Companion piece to The Witching Hour, where characters from the story play poker and shoot the breeze.

A companion piece to The Witching Hour
---
At the end of a long day, what's better than hanging out with friends? Taking their money of course! In this off-shoot of the main story Midnight and friends come together to talk, eat, and attempt to rob each other of bits.
---
Card images created by domatophobia on DeviantART, then made playable by myself with his permission.

Published 2013-08-28 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-30 21:07:29 UTC

S1, Ch.8.5

“Are you sure about this?”

“Of course I am. I already told you: nopony needs to know Celestia was there. Just say you were sent and that’s that.”

Sapphire looked down at Berry’s house/business again. “You know them better than I do.”

The kirin and the pegasus were perched on a cloud over the town polishing up their cover story. What it boiled down to was that Sapphire Breeze had been sent down from Canterlot to Ponyville as a personal aid to Midnight by order of Princess Celestia. She had arrived with a scroll outlining as much.

“All you’re lying about is Celestia being in my kitchen and that I’m a captain of the guard now. Trust me, they’ll buy it. Now, let’s get down there already.” With that Midnight fell backwards off the cloud and dived towards the ground. Sapphire followed, but at a more subdued pace.

This time Berry got to the door almost right after the first knock. “Hey Midnight, I was just wondering when you’d get here.” Then she noticed Sapphire standing behind her. “I’m sorry, but we’re closed for the night.”

“She’s with me Berry. I hope another player’s alright.”

“The more the merrier, I just need to break out a second deck now; less shuffling.”

The back room and set up was the same as last time, although it seemed that Derpy hadn’t raided Carrot’s fridge again.

“I actually gave her a list this time around.” Berry told Midnight and Sapphire as they sat down after they introduced Sapphire. “Figured I’d give Carrot a break.”

“Speaking of breaks,” Midnight began as she turned towards Lyra, “we can assume Bon Bon is okay with you being here this time?”

“Of course I am! Last time was just… a misunderstanding.” Lyra said as she waved a hoof dismissively.

“What happened last time?” Sapphire whispered to Midnight.

“Lyra nearly lost all her bits the first time we played, something her mare-friend wasn’t very happy about. Bon Bon came in here and screamed her head off at her before dragging her home the last time we got together. Word is she’s still on the couch.”

“So, if you’re all friends, then why don’t you tell her not to gamble?”

“Because this is one of her few normal hobbies and we’d like her to keep it. Besides, we didn’t take all her bits, and we’re supposed to each have a separate savings just for this.”

Sapphire raised an eyebrow. “Normal hobbies?”

“Trust me; you’ll find out sooner or later.”

While Midnight explained things to Sapphire, Berry was staring down Lyra. “I don’t want Bon Bon in here screaming again Lyra.”

“She won’t! Look, I talked it out with her, and once she saw it was a separate savings thing like you suggested she said it was fine! I mean I’ve only got thirty bits this time, mainly because Bon Bon’s made me do the shopping, but I’ve still got money to play!”

Berry raised her hooves in a calming gesture. “Alright Lyra, we believe you. Let’s just deal the cards out.”

After four hooves everypony was still roughly tied except for Midnight. With only eleven bits left if she lost the next hand she was out.

“So… do any of you know what was with those bugs the other day?” Midnight asked as she dealt the next hoof out. Immediately there was an uproar with Berry, Derpy, and Lyra all yelling at once.

“They ruined my make-up date with Bon Bon!”

“They ate a delivery of wine, then they ate the wagon it was on!”

“The muffins were all gone!”

Midnight leaned back from the wailing an nashing of teeth. “Well, I guess it’s fortunate I live on the edge of town” she whispered to Sapphire.

“I have no idea what’s happening to this town!” Berry wailed. “Between those bugs, that dragon causing all that smoke, and the ursa attack...” she threw up her hooves in frustration.

“What ursa attack!?” Midnight and Sapphire yelled together.

Berry looked incredulously at them. “It happened before you got here Sapphire, but you,” she pointed an accusing hoof at Midnight, “how could you not know about it!? It was roaring and rampaging right up one of the main roads through town!”

“And when did all THIS happen!?” Midnight yelled back.

“The night after that traveling magician came to town! It woke everypony in town up!”

“What time at night?”

“Around midnight, I think?”

Midnight had a look of realization. “Oh… yeah I was dead asleep.”

“How could you sleep through that!?” Lyra cried.

“I only notice noises from inside my house when I sleep. That ursa could have been roaring right next to my side door and I wouldn’t have noticed.” Everypony was staring at her. “Oh, for Faust sake, it couldn’t have been that bad if I’m just hearing about it now.”

“You know, that’s another thing,” Lyra chimed in. “Why do you always say ‘Faust’ instead of ‘Celestia’?”

“Because Faust was the one who created the world, or at least she was according to Starswirl the Bearded.”

“Where did you read that?” Sapphire asked.

“When I was a filly back in Manehattan I ran across a copy of one of his books in a library. I read it because I thought it would explain why this,” she poked her horn, “wouldn’t work. The book said an ancient alicorn called Faust was the one who created the world. Celestia and Luna weren’t present during the story of Hearth’s Warming, which is proof they didn’t create it, and I think it’s rather bad everypony seems to praise her and ignore Luna.”

Derpy, Berry, and Sapphire all drooped their ears when they realized Midnight was right that they never used Luna’s name. Lyra, however, was focusing on something else. “Holy Celestia, that makes total sense! Celestia and Luna aren’t in the play! Another piece of evidence to add to the list! Celestia and Luna’s rule are all a lie! Alicorn tyranny!”

Berry’s face shifted from ashamed to pissed as she glared at the kirin. “Thanks Midnight. Thank you ever so much.” Midnight grinned sheepishly.

“I see what you mean” Sapphire told her.

Lyra’s rant didn’t last long. In an almost perfect repeat of their first game night, Lyra went all ten bits in several hooves later, although this time it was against Sapphire instead of Midnight. “Four bits,” she said as she looked down at what was left. “I had three queens, and the new mare HAD to get a straight in the same hoof!” To make matters worse she was also the only one to lose any bits. Derpy had broken even, Berry had earned one bit, Midnight seven, and Sapphire actually had won the most with a grand total of forty-eight bits.

“Sorry Lyra, but maybe next time?”

“Yeah, if there even IS a next time.” The unicorn grumbled. “Bon Bon’s going to kill me.”

“Try praying to Luna or Faust this time. Might actually work.” Midnight told her.

Author's Note

Sorry about the VERY long wait for this next chapter. I held it off because I was waiting to print out the new villains deck from the guy who made the cards shown in the story cover pic.

As I skipped over the Trixie episode (I don't really like her) I figured explaining why Midnight wasn't out battling an Ursa Minor with Twilight would be for this chapter. Then someone asked why Midnight mentions Faust when she swears instead of Celestia and I put that in as well.

S1, Ch.16.5

Midnight looked over as her hospital room door opened. A smile broke out on her face as all her poker buddies strolled in, plus an extra member. “I see you two still came.”

“My little muffin’s safe.” Derpy said. As far as the mailmare was concerned, Midnight putting her life on the line more than made up for what happened.

“Honestly, I don’t know who to blame,” Berry sighed. “Fluttershy should never have gone there without finding out if it was safe first, Pinchy should never have asked, Sapphire should never have offered, you should have been there to begin with, and I never should have agreed to let them all go.” She plopped down next to the bed.

“Well, you could blame all of us and dish out your anger equally. You’re satisfied and we all avoid getting ripped new ones.” Midnight joked.

Berry looked up at her. “Not funny.”

“Fine then; just beat us at cards like you always do and take all our money. If I can be almost killed and hospitalized for a week and still have a funny bone, you should, too.”

Berry finally gave the kirin her first small smile since the incident. “I never did thank you for rescuing them, didn’t I?”

Midnight waved her hoof. “We just need to keep them locked in their rooms. If they can’t get out, they can’t get foalnapped or nearly eaten.” Good-hearted laughter went up through the group. “Hey Redheart, you want to join us? Maybe earn a few extra bits?”

The nurse in the doorway shook her head. “I’ve got other patients to look in on and if I’m caught gambling at work it’s my plot.”

“Next time then?”

The nurse smiled slightly. “We’ll see.”

As she walked out, Midnight turned towards Lyra and their newest player. “Looks like we got some new blood anyway.”

“Yep! Everypony, this is Vinyl Scratch; one of the best disc jockeys in Canterlot!” Lyra said, waving her forelegs for emphasis.

“Aw shucks Lyra, you know I don’t like to brag!” Lyra stared at her friend for a moment. “Pft, I’m just joshing ya! I’m the best DJ in Equestria!”

“Then what are you doing in Ponyville? Seems a bit small-time for such a popular artist.” Sapphire said as she finished setting up the table which laid across Midnight’s bed. Midnight and Berry snickered.

“Apparently some ponies don’t know real talent when they hear it, so I’m a bit short on bits at the moment. I took a quick job here in Ponyville and when I saw the renting prices, I decided to let those snobs over in Canterlot see how much they’d miss me.”

“Speaking of that Midnight, you have got to hear what happened.” Berry told her.

“Let’s get a few hands in before you start; it feels like we haven’t done this in ages.”

The only reason they were having a game night at all was because Sapphire had told Midnight that the princesses were paying her hospital bills. According to them it was the least they could do for the mare that fought a hydra to protect others. They had also awarded her a very large ‘action bonus’ for the incident. Initially, Midnight had been against the princesses paying her bills, citing that she could just use the checks they gave her. After Sapphire pointed out that the bits would come from the same place either way, Midnight finally relented.

“So, what interesting thing happened on the outside?” Midnight asked as she looked at her cards.

“You’re not in prison. Raise one.” Sapphire said, placing another chip down.

“Feels like it.” The kirin grumbled.

“Rarity had a fashion show, which is why Vinyl is here. I’ll see your one, and raise you two!” Lyra set down three more chips, a huge grin on her face.

“Bon Bon was right; you really don’t have a poker face.” Vinyl said.

“Shut up!”

“I’ll see you. So, how did it go?” Midnight placed down her chips.

“You don’t want to know. I see.” Berry told her.

“It kinda looked like she grabbed things from around her house. I see, too.” Derpy said.

“I actually saw a kitchen sink back stage. See.” Vinyl noted.

Lyra discarded one card, picked up a new one, and instantly her face fell.

“That’s pretty bad.” Midnight exchanged the same amount of cards. “She’s usually so good at dresses.”

“She was making her friends dresses for the Grand Galloping Gala.” Sapphire said, discarding and picking up three. “Apparently they were all making their own inputs.”

“Worst inputs I’ve ever seen. Don’t they know they need to let an artist do her thing?” Vinyl said, exchanging a single card.

“Raise one.” Lyra said disheartedly.

“Fold.” Midnight said, laying her cards down.

“See one, raise one.” Sapphire said.

“What made it worse was that Hoity Toity was there as well as most of the town!” Berry said. “See.”

“Fold.” Said Derpy.

“Fold.” Agreed Vinyl.

“Call.” Sapphire said. They all laid their hooves out. It was plain to see why Lyra was so happy at the start; she had four diamonds. A sun (spade) ruined that hope, but she did have a pair of eights for her troubles. Berry had a pair of tens, but Sapphire won with three nines.

“Turns out those weren’t even the first dresses she made. Apparently Twilight and the rest weren’t too keen on the first set.” Berry said, accepting a card as Sapphire dealt out the next hoof.

“Wait, so her friends, who know that she sold outfits to Sapphire Shores, didn’t like them the first time around?” Midnight asked as she also picked up her cards.

“That’s what I heard.”

Midnight shook her head.

“It turned out alright, though.” They all looked at Vinyl. “When I went back for my fee, she was there with the others in a whole bunch of much better dresses and making a deal with the guy.”

“Huh… must have come to their senses. Raise one.” Berry said.

The game went a few hooves without further gossip. With her nasty habit of smiling like a lunatic whenever she got a very good hoof, most of them folded out the first two. Things changed on the third hoof when Derpy beat her pair of aces with a straight. That meant that Sapphire, Derpy, and Lyra were all tied for top place so far.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Derpy exclaimed as another hoof was passed out. “I’m joining the “Young Flyers Competition” in Cloudsdale this weekend! First prize is a whole day with the Wonderbolts!”

“Awesome! Go Derpy!” Vinyl cheered as she slapped a chip down.

“That’s wonderful Derpy.” Berry told her.

“I hope you win.” Midnight said.

“I hope so, too. But, Rainbow Dash is entering.”

Grimaces surrounded the table. If the Wonderbolts were involved, Rainbow wouldn’t hold back an inch.

“Well, just try your best; that’s all anypony can ask for.” Sapphire told her with a smile. Everypony else voiced agreement.

“Thank you everypony; I’ll do my best, no matter what! Call!”

“That’s great Derpy, but we still need to exchange cards.” Berry told her.

“Oops, my bad!”

Game night finally ended when Nurse Redheart came in and told them Midnight needed rest, no matter how much Midnight complained she wasn’t tired. Sapphire left with the most bits while Vinyl left with barely ten.

“I’ll be back tomorrow with Squeaks.” Sapphire assured her.

Midnight snorted as she chugged her water.

Author's Note

:twilightsheepish:
I got around to here again.

S2, Ch.2.5

“Alright, so: is anypony feeling sick, at all?”

“Nope.”

“Anypony unleash a chaos god from his thousand plus years of imprisonment?”

“He called himself a ‘spirit’, in all honesty,” Midnight said.

The corner of Berry’s mouth curled up in a placating smile. “Fine. Any spirits of chaos on the loose?”

“Big, fat, negat-o, good buddy,” Vinyl confirmed.

“Anypony need to head out to another victory party?”

“That’s not fair, Berry,” Sapphire scolded. “It’s hardly our fault if Ponyville wanted to hold its own party for Discord’s defeat. I can’t blame them; it was a group of local mares and a baby dragon that defeated him after all. I don’t think any of us saw you complaining either.”

Berry rolled her eyes. “Fine, I won’t harp on that last one, but we’ve still had to reschedule this night three times now! First was when almost everypony got that cold right after the gala, then when Mr. Chaos Spirit decided he was tired of prison, and then the party! I just figured we’d get a dragon attack for good measure!”

“Oh, please, a dragon wouldn’t attack us, not within sight of Canterlot,” Lyra said with a dismissive wave of her hoof. “Now, werewolves on the other hand…”

“What about that one dragon last year?” Derpy pointed out.

“He was sleeping, not attacking,” Lyra said.

“Look,” Midnight said, a bit loudly to make sure everypony heard. “We’re all here, which means nothing is happening, which means we can all finally play some cards.” The kirin picked up the deck and began shuffling.

“So how was the gala?” Berry asked after a few hoofs, her mood markedly better.

“It was great!” Derpy said. “There were fancy muffins and I got to meet the Wonderbolts and fancy punch and-”

“Wait, you got to meet some guy named Fancy Punch?” Lyra asked.

“No, the punch was fancy, silly!”

“Right.”

“How about you two?” Berry asked Sapphire and Midnight, discarding two cards and picking up two from the deck.

“We had a nice time,” Sapphire said. “Spike stayed with us since everypony else ran off to do their own thing, we met a professor from Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, and we also met… an acquaintance there.”

“Ooo, an acquaintance,” Vinyl said suggestively.

“It was nothing like that,” Midnight said. “She was somepony we met last time we were up in Canterlot.”

“Then what was with that pause?” Vinyl pressed, picking up three cards. “Pretty good hint she’s more than just an acquaintance.”

“She’s one of the few nobles that actually has a soul. Since we’ve only met her twice it would kind of be presumptuous to call her a friend. Then again that’s just me. If Sapphire wants to call her a friend she has every right to.”

“It more like she sees us as friends,” Sapphire said. “I get the feeling she gets lonely easily, not wanting to be around the other nobles but also not able to mingle with the common pony.”

“Somepony tell her to move out here,” Vinyl said. “Ain’t nothing but joe-shmoes in this town. May not pay as well but at least I get to walk home without some jerk with a title making a comment behind my back.”

Berry’s eyes tabled. “I’m not sure whether to be insulted or not.”

“What about that professor guy?” Lyra asked. “What was he like?”

“Show your cards first ladies,” Midnight said.

They did. “Read’m and weep,” Vinyl said, showing the three aces she had. Groans went up, bits were taken, and cards dealt out.

“The professor?” Lyra asked again as she examined her new cards.

“Yeah, Professor Puzzle Mixer of the genetics department.”

“Vice-head of the science department and teaches genetics,” Sapphire corrected.

“Whatever. Real weirdo; kept asking if he could conduct experiments on me because I was half wyvern.”

“He was excited to meet a pony like you,” Sapphire defended. “It would be like if Berry had a chance to hold a bottle of the rarest liquor in the world.”

“Jurai Sake,” Berry whispered, as if uttering an ancient prayer. “Made from Jurai Rice, which only grows in one temple in a distant, foggy valley. Only one bottle a year is made and nopony knows how to make it except the priests who live there. They say you experience The Great Plains with just one sip.”

Silence.

“See? Like that. He’s not weird, just very devoted to his field.”

“A bottle of rare booze is one thing, but asking to poke and prod a living pony? Still weird.”

“I thought you weren’t an alcoholic,” Lyra said.

“I’m not. Alcoholics don’t know quality, just quantity," Berry informed her.

“So, I heard from my friend that the whole thing blew up in the end,” Vinyl said, discarding two cards. “What’s the 4-1-1 there?”

Midnight shrugged. “Just a string of bad luck. Twilight and the others didn’t get the night they wanted and all their attempts to fix it blew up in each other’s faces. Simultaneously.”

“From what I heard, ‘blew up’ was exactly what happened. My friend told me Pinkie stage-dived, sent some cake flying into some noble plot-head, then Rainbow knocked over some statue and columns, and finally Flutters let loose a bunch of animals. Dude, I would have loved to have been there.”

“You missed the part where Midnight set somepony’s dress on fire,” Sapphire said, her tone making it obvious she still disapproved of the action.

“Seriously!?” the rest of them exclaimed.

“In truth, I set a cheese ball on fire and shot it out into the then panicking crowd. Call me a freak, get a flaming cheese ball shot at you.”

Sapphire snorted disapprovingly while the rest of them howled with laughter.

“I wish I had been there to see that,” Berry said between breaths while at the same time trying not to mess up the pot, deck piles, or show her hoof to the others.

“At least that explains why you ran off,” Derpy said. “I wouldn’t want the guard arresting me, either.”

“Sorry about that again, Derpy,” Midnight said, looking guilty. “But, as it turns out, Princess Celestia found the whole thing about as funny as you all do. Said that the gala was so boring that she invited us in hopes we would wreck it. Well, liven it up, as she put it, but she sure wasn’t angry with us.”

“That’s it. Midnight, please beg the princess for more tickets next year!” Vinyl said with the biggest grin on her face. “I have to see how you destroy it next year!”

“If she sends us tickets again, and I really hope she doesn’t, then I’ll consider it. Anything interesting happen to you guys that night?”

“Nope.”

“Not even close.”

“Bon Bon got a new toy,” Lyra offered.

Silence.

“So, that Discord attack!” Midnight said loudly. “What weird things happened to you all!?”

“I got pepper dumped on me, then I sneezed which knocked over several houses,” Berry offered, taking a quick shine to the new topic.

“My furniture decided to play frisbee with my record collection,” Vinyl said, a haunted look overcoming her. “They got fixed when you guys did whatever you did, but it still... I'll never be able to get that one good jazz record again.”

“Derpy?” Midnight asked worriedly.

“All my muffins ran away!” she said with a sniffle.

“Lyra?”

“I got HANDS!” the unicorn crowed.

Everypony looked over at her.

“Really?” Sapphire asked.

“Yeah! They were so awesome! The knuckles, the palms, the finger nails! Oh, it was glorious. It was a good thing I got them, too, because Bon Bon’s new toy-”

“LYRA! TMI!” they all yelled.

“Oh… sorry. Call?”

They did. Midnight won this time.

“I still can’t believe that you, Windrunner, and Spike took on Discord’s whole army by yourselves,” Berry said as the cards got dealt out again.

“They weren’t exactly smart, just tenacious,” Midnight said, raising the pot. “And endless. If Discord really wanted to get nasty, he’d have made one single giant beast to just step on us. Luckily the idiot liked games way too much.” Mentally, Midnight shivered. Nasty was an understatement. If Discord had been just a little more serious, they most likely wouldn’t be having this game night. “Anyway,” she continued, “didn’t you say something about your little sister coming to town Derpy?”

The wall-eyed pegasus nodded. “Yep. She’s going to be moving in with me, Dinky, and Carrot Top. She and my mom… well… mom never got along well with either of us.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Berry said, patting her gently on her wither. She’d known Derpy the longest out of all of them and knew what she had to be feeling. “We can all come with you to the train station tomorrow and help greet her, or help set up the house for a welcoming party.”

The others all nodded.

“Really!? Thank you!” Derpy exclaimed, tears threatening at the corners of her eyes. “Oh, by the way, full house!”

Author's Note

Thanks to RedDog5207 for helping me get back to this story.

I imagine Derpy's mom is a lot like the one from that one story. You know, the one where she dumps Derpy and Rainbow off in the park so she can go to art class at the community college and leaves them there for, like, a ridiculous amount of time?
Rainbow Dash Presents: Bubbles
Pretty sure I'm right.

S2, Ch.6.5

"So," Vinyl asked as she shuffled the deck, "never got to ask; how was the vacation you two?"

"It was nice," Sapphire said, catching the card the DJ slid her way with a wing. "Saw some sights, met some new ponies, tried new foods; the usual tourist things."

Next to her, Midnight grumbled, catching her cards and looking at them with only a mild interest.

"Can't have been that nice with Miss Doom and Gloom over there," Vinyl noted.

Everypony else looked at the kirin.

"The vacation was fine," she finally grumbled out, "it's what's been going on since we came back that's bothering me."

"You mean that whole cider race and Mare-Do-Well thing?" Berry asked.

'And Rainbow's way of choosing a pet,' "Yeah, pretty much. It's like folks got hit with stupid sticks. Raise one."

"I don't think it was that bad... see." Derpy said, hocking a bit into the pot.

"The Apple needlessly bet their farm on a stupid race and Twilight, Rarity, AJ, and Pinkie screw up a lesson about humility and since then Rainbow's been threatening to go back to Cloudsdale! Thank Faust Fluttershy has been lending a sympathetic ear."

"Well, you did throw yourself into that race without asking anypony, and I don't see why the second is any skin off your muzzle. Discard 2, take three," Lyra said.

'Please, let something happen so I don't have to keep the guard secret for much longer,' "I threw into that cider-making contest because Sweet Apple Acres is the whole reason Ponyville exists, so I guess I was afraid if it was gone, Ponyville would go with it. And I'm pissed at that lot for Mare-Do-Well because it was poorly thought out and might have broken the Element Bearers apart!" Midnight snapped her mouth shut. 'Oh, crap, I think I just let something slip.'

But, while it looked like light bulbs were indeed going on over the other's heads, they'd come to a different conclusion than she expected.

"Yeah, actually, that's pretty important," Berry said. "I mean, it's because they're the Element Bearers that we aren't being ruled by Nightmare Moon or Discord right now."

"And don't they all need to be connected and friends for them to work?" Derpy asked. "If Rainbow stopped being their friend and moved back to Cloudsdale... that is bad!"

"But still, why're you making a big deal about it? Why not let the princess know the "bad guys be good" trinkets are having issues?" Lyra asked.

Midnight sighed. "Let's just say ever since the incident with Discord, I've sort of made keeping the Elements and their bearers safe my problem. The last thing we need is for some eldritch abomination tearing Equestria apart because a few ponies decided to get their tails in a twist over something that wasn't even their problem to begin with."

"Well, how'd they go wrong teaching Rainbow not ta brag so much?" Vinyl asked. "Haven't heard her singing her self-praises lately."

"Alright. So, we all know Rainbow can be full of herself most of the time, but let's tick off why she apparently got a bigger head than usual this time," Midnight said. "First, Scootaloo somehow got a lot of the other foals to make a Rainbow Dash fan club, then Rainbow saves a filly who fell down a well, and then saves an infant from falling off a cliff, a cliff that should really get a fence around it." She'd be sure to talk with Mayor Mare about it. "Other than the fan club, I don't think it was her making the bigger-than-usual noise, but folks around town. So she likes the attention; who wouldn't, honestly? Vinyl, if ponies were saying you were the best DJ around, are you really saying you wouldn't preen, even just a little? Or Berry, what if they said you were the best liquor sales mare this side of Canterlot? Or if Derpy was the best mailmare? If folks were praising any of us, we'd like it and want it to continue."

"Except you," Lyra pointed out. "You were in the paper with the bearers and didn't make any noise about it."

"Of course I did; I just built myself up for Squeaks and only Squeaks."

"It's true," Sapphire said. "It was her favorite bed-time story for a week, and it got more embellished each time."

"The point being that Rainbow was soaking up the limelight and her friends got jealous and decided to take her down a peg."

"Jealous?" Berry asked. "They didn't seem like that to me."

"One of your friends is being praised for something she did and you feel she needs to be taken down a peg? Yeah, that's not a sign of jealousy," Midnight snorted. "But, let's continue with the whole "she needs to learn to be humble" thing for now. The best thing they could have done was to do what they did as themselves and taken whatever praise they got gracefully. Instead, they dress up in costume, then congratulate each other afterwards out of costume and in front of Rainbow."

"Well, Rainbow was getting a bit full of herself," Derpy said.

"Never said she wasn't but that still doesn't excuse what they did," Midnight told her. "And, oh yes, a humble hero would never show up at their own ticker tape parade! Yeah, great example in humility there. Look, the bottom line with all this is that by putting the costumes on and not telling Dash about it sent the wrong message. Instead of "you need to learn to be more humble" it became "you're not that special because we can do the same things so get over yourself". Rainbow thought the whole time that somepony was just out to steal her thunder because she didn't know who was up-staging her. Had she known it was her friends, then the lesson might actually have sunk in. Do you know what happened after they showed it was them the whole time? She flew off saying they were terrible friends and that she didn't want to see them again! That is exactly what I told them would happen but they didn't want to listen."

"So, then why are they are speaking terms now, then?" Derpy asked.

"Fluttershy. Turns out those four tried to get her in on the act too, but she refused. It was only after the whole thing blew up that she told us why she dug her hooves in. Don't you guys find it strange that Dash doing the sonic rain-boom as a filly never made her famous? That nopony else even believed it was possible?"

The rest of them thought for a second, then shook their heads.

"Because after she did it, a few "notable" scholars came around to check it out. They, in their learned opinions, came to the conclusion that it had somehow been staged; a hoax. That somehow Rainbow Dash faked the whole thing. As soon as that came out, everypony turned their backs on her and shunned her, saying she'd done it all just for the attention and praise. The only friend that stayed by her side was Fluttershy. It haunted her all the way through flight school until she dropped out and moved to Ponyville to get away from all the heckling. Anypony else seeing a pattern?"

The rest of them nodded sadly.

"Guess they all felt pretty terrible when they heard that," Berry said.

Midnight nodded. "It took a lot of coaxing from both Fluttershy, Windrunner, and myself, but we finally got her to talk with them for a few minutes. Things aren't as they were before, but I don't think we'll have to worry about Rainbow leaving everyone. Who knows, maybe a few pranks on Nightmare Night will help her forgive and forget. Anyway, that's why I'm still a bit ticked off, because I don't know how badly they'll get hit with the stupid stick next time."

"Meh, just hit them with a real stick next time," Vinyl said. "It's like that one noble dude said once: party hard and carry a big stick."

"I... don't think that's how it's said, Vinyl," Sapphire said.

"Whatev's. Pair o' jacks!"

"Three tens," Midnight said.

"I got a full house!" Derpy said.

The cards were collected, bits served out, and the next hoof was dealt.

Author's Note

Writers who use the stupid stick should get whipped with a real stick.

Yeah, not a lot of comedy on this one, so sorry for that, but that episode is a bad episode and I am so thankful that several writers have written stories showing how this should have really ended. Next time should be funnier.

S2, Ch.11.5

“So… anything new with that letter from Canterlot yet?” Lyra asked, picking up two cards from the deck.

“Not really,” Midnight shrugged, placing down three in the discard pile and picking up the same amount. “Sapphire got some more details about the family, but nothing that stands out.”

“So, what’d she find?” Vinyl pressed. “Three fives, by the way.”

“Just the normal “unicorns are best tribe, everypony else kiss our hooves,” shlock practically all the other noble houses in Canterlot don’t say but actually mean, that load,” Midnight told them as Sapphire laid down another pair.

Derpy laid down three threes. “Well, that stinks, but then why do they want to see you?”

“Actually, just Lady Eden Rose wants to see her,” Sapphire clarified, ignoring Lyra’s now discarded hoof. “The previous Lord and Lady have… passed, as of almost a year ago now. Carriage accident,” she clarified before any of them could ask.

“That sucks,” Vinyl said, throwing her cards into the discard pile as Berry won with three aces. “They just had Hearth’s Warming together, then BAM! Can’t Celestia pass, like, some kinda law that says you can’t die during a holiday?”

“She controls the sun, not life and death,” Sapphire reminded her.

“Nor is she a god and can ask the grim reaper to take a holiday on holidays,” Midnight added. “She probably wants to hire me as a body guard; not that I’ll do it. Between all the insanity that breaks out in this town, I’ll guard the ponies here, thank you.”

“Then why don’t you join the new police force?” Derpy asked as she picked up her new hoof. “They could use more ponies.”

Midnight grunted. “Ponyville doesn’t have that much crime and the stuff we’ve faced goes beyond what the cops can handle. I’ll stick with free-lance day saving; at least I’ll be able to make my own hours and keep my day job.”

They all laughed.

“Speaking of saving ponies; raise two by the way,” Berry said, “what was the deal with Pinkie and her babysitting the Cakes’ new twins? She was going on about how Pumpkin was using her magic to go through things and Pound walking on the ceiling.”

All the pegasi and unicorns at the table rolled their eyes.

“Berry, the only way they could have done all that stuff is if there’s a giant conspiracy to cover up the truth that they’re actually alicorns.” Vinyl said, looking over her shades. “I’m not serious!” she shouted at Lyra, who’s eyes grew wide at the mention of a conspiracy.

“It makes sense though, if you think about it,” Lyra said, to the groans and face-hoofing of all. “Well, think about it! Twins born to earth pony parents and neither is an earth pony but one is a unicorn and the other a pegasus…”

“Which Carrot explained,” Midnight said.

“Genes can’t carry that far!” Lyra argued. “Besides, according to you, even he wasn’t all sure about it.”

“Lyra,” Sapphire tried, “Mr. and Mrs. Cake would also be talking about stuff like that happening if it were true.”

“Not if they were in on it!”

More groans.

“Okay, let’s say, by some miracles of miracles, you’re actually right,” Vinyl said. “Then we have to ask: WHY? What’s the point of it?”

“Maybe because Celestia and Luna are secretly dying of some rare, alicorn-only illness and they need replacements for when they kick the bucket!” Lyra said, her eyes going wide. “They’re trying to take their secrets to the grave!”

“Sweet makers, Lyra, can we go ONE poker night without hearing about the government’s secret agendas?” Berry asked.

“You started it,” Lyra shot back.

“JUST BET ALREADY!!!" They all shouted at her.

“I sometimes wonder,” Midnight whispered to Sapphire as Lyra called, “just how relaxing these game nights really are.”

“While we’re on the subject of nuts,” Vinyl said, earning a raspberry from Lyra, “what’s up with RD stealing stuff from the hospital?”

“Apparently she likes reading now,” Midnight said, calling and discarding two cards. “They released her before she could finish the first Daring Do book and she snuck back in to finish it. When they caught her, she ran.”

“She ran… because they caught her reading a book?” Berry asked, discarding three cards with a raised eyebrow.

“She didn’t want to be caught acting like an “egg-head”,” Midnight said with a smirk. The whole table face-hoofed again.

“Ponies are allowed to like multiple things,” Berry said. "But Celestia help us if we're caught doing anything other than what's stamped on our flanks."

“So, getting back to the original subject,” Lyra said, picking up three cards, “You’re just going to go there to say “no” to her face and leave? Why not just say so in a letter and save a trip?”

Midnight shrugged. “More impact, I guess. Besides, Sapphire and I can spend the rest of the day touring Canterlot; make a date of it even.” The kirin shot Sapphire a mischievous smile.

Sapphire grinned back. “Four fives.”

Author's Note

You know, I'm starting to like this side-chapter thing again. Getting short chapters out in a day or two is nice.

Yes, I believe the Cake Twins' powers were GREATLY exaggerated (look who the story was following) by a pony who's never actually taken care of babies before. A few spurts of tribe-specific magic by foals who have no idea how to control them around a mare who has neither ability and only knows others who are in full control, and of course things are going to seem extreme to her. Yes, I know she's Pinkie Pie and is responsible for similarly insane stuff, but these are babies we're talking about. Completely different brand of coo-coo.

And Windrunner got the stink eye when RD got hurt. Not much else to say about the episode. To chapter 12!

S2, Ch.14.5

"So how's the repairs coming?" Midnight asked as she picked up her next hoof.

Berry's sulk deepened. "Slowly. Very slowly and very expensively." The growl in her throat was almost a match for Midnight's when she was in a foul mood.

Nopony asked if Pinchy was still grounded. All the girls were still in trouble one way or the other after the love poison debacle.

"I can lend you some more money," Midnight offered. It had taken a bribe of fifty bits just to get her to come and play for the night and even then she was being ridiculously careful with her play money.

Berry shook her head. "Midnight, I appreciate the money but you really need to tell me your secret to investing; with all the bits you spend and give away, you'd think your secretly rich or something."

Sapphire shot a quick glance at the kirin.

"I hunt a lot of my food, which is free, Rarity lets me have any reject gems she has, and none of my hobbies cost all that much. Sapphire's and Windrunner's pay pays for the groceries, and Honeysuckle puts pretty much all of her extra money into the mutual house account. That and part of the bits I gave you are Squeaks' rescinded allowance." All of which was true, with the exclusion of her second pay check and gems bonus. "And if I can't give you money, I could come by and do some work around the house for free; I did learn a thing or two from my days at odd-jobbing."

"I'd appreciate that."

A plate of apple slices and peanut butter clacked onto the table.

"Thanks again for letting us use your house for poker night," Sapphire told Star Axe as he withdrew his wings.

"No problem at all ladies," the old thestral said. "Just glad I've still got some use." He turned to Derpy. "Dinky's finished her homework and wants to know if she can play a bit before washing up for bed."

Derpy thought for a minute. "A half hour only, then straight to her bath."

"Only a half hour?" Axe asked.

"She's in trouble, just like her friends. Even if she didn't help them make the poison, she could have stopped them. A half hour only."

Axe nodded. "I'll let her know."

"Geez, don't ya think that's a little harsh?" Vinyl asked as Axe left.

All the other mares, sans Sapphire and Lyra, glared at her.

"I mean, it could've been worse."

"How?" Berry bit out.

"Well, they could have screwed up that tornado your fliers made to send water up to Cloudsdale and sent it through town. I mean, besides mucking with Cheerilee's and Big Mac's heads, how much damage did they really... do?" If looks could kill, Vinyl's ghost would have been on its eleventh resurrection. "Hehe... question rescinded."

"That must have been hell on you guys," Lyra said as she discarded a few cards. "I heard a lot of pegasi were out sick for that."

"Yeah, it was a bitch," Midnight agreed, discarding a few cards herself. "It also shows just how little Fluttershy thinks of herself."

Sapphire looked over at her. "Midnight!"

"She does!"

"Care to explain?" Lyra asked.

"Okay, look at this," Midnight said. "We each had to get our wing power checked the day after Rainbow organized the event; it tells us how fast and powerful we're flying," she elaborated for the non-fliers.

"What was yours?" Berry asked, sounding anything but unhappy for the first time that night.

"I had a 6.5, Sapphire and Derpy had a 7.5, Scarlet had an 8, and Windrunner had a 15.7," Midnight said.

Lyra whistled. "Damn, she's fast."

"Rainbow's was over 16," Midnight said with a shrug. "Anyway, Fluttershy clocked in at 0.5."

"Ouch," Vinyl said. "Talk about feeling inferior."

"Yeah, but after a week of training, she came back and had a wing power of 2.5."

Berry and Lyra looked at each other. "So?"

"So!? That's a five hundred percent increase!" Midnight said, incredulous. "That would be like me coming back after a week and having a wing power of more than thirty! Rainbow only went up to just under seventeen! Tartarus, I trained my flank off and only got up to 8.6! And do you know what she did when she learned her new score? She ran off thinking she was a failure!" Midnight nearly threw her cards up in frustration. "She LITERALLY out-trained RAINBOW and she STILL thought that! Thank the makers she came to her senses on the day of the tornado, but sweet Celestia on a stick!"

Vinyl snorted. "I just got an image."

"Well, she's sensitive," Sapphire said. "I'm just glad Honey helped her realize how much everyone needed her or we'd never have pulled it off."

"On a brighter note that's also about training," Midnight said, inhaling deeply. It was over and Cloudsdale had their water. "AJ's training for the big rodeo in Canterlot that's in a week."

"Is that why Scarlet isn't here?" Derpy asked.

"Yep; helping her train."

"I bet you'd do good in a rodeo," Vinyl said. "You're big enough that riding a bull shouldn't be that hard." Then she snickered.

Midnight and Sapphire threw apple slices at her. "Really, I want to know; how the BUCK does Octavia live with you?"

"She knows she's lucky enough to share a pad with the best DJ in Equestria."

They all rolled their eyes.

"Besides, I've actually seen how hard it is to stay on one," Midnight told them. "The only way I'd be able to stay on is with my teeth and wing claws."

"That... would be bad," Lyra said.

"Yeah; poor guy would have every right to deck me afterwards."

"No, I mean with you biting him, you might get a taste for bull meat!"

They all looked at each other. "Here we go again," Berry muttered.

"Then when you came back, you'd want more, so you'd eat the cows around here, but then when they're gone you'd start attacking ponies for your fix, but then we'd catch you and be forced to lock you up in town hall's basement and we'd have to feed you out-of-towners to keep you from breaking out and eating somepony else, except some ponies would find out and accidently let you lose, leading to an epic fight that will end with the town not knowing if you're still alive or not and we'd have to leave farm animals outside the Everfree forest to hopefully appease you!"

"Bon Bon said she'd been reading a few horror stories lately," Berry told them.

"All of this implying I'm some sort of psychotic time bomb waiting to go off," Midnight said, giving Sapphire a meaningful look.

"I don't know... are you?" Lyra asked, leaning forward for a better look.

"Just fold already," Midnight grunted.

"... alright," Lyra finally said. "I fold." There was a pause. "Hey!"

"To late!" Vinyl laughed. "Pair o' Princesses!"

"Two tens," Sapphire said.

"Nothing," said Derpy.

"Three aces," Midnight smirked.

"Full house," Berry said, laying her cards down and pulling the pile of bits towards herself.

"Jerks."

"Then don't imply I'm a secret cannibal," Midnight told her as she dealt out a new hoof. "Besides, I bet bull meat's disgusting anyway."

Author's Note

Okay, so Berry is still pissed about what happened during Hearts and Hooves Day and I think it's justified.

And I actually did the math for Hurricane Fluttershy. She SERIOUSLY out-trained everybody and she still thinks she sucks? And folks wonder why she's my least favorite of the mane six.

That bit from Lyra about Midnight going cannibal was from an idea I had about a one-shot horror story. I don't think I'm going to actually do anything with it because knowing me one-shots don't stay one-shots. There's been a second chapter in the works for that crack story I wrote for April Fools Day for months now.

Finally, a little set up for the next chapter, which I'm rather confident in saying will be up next month. See ya then!

S2, Ch.20.5

"I think we can all agree that Cheerilee was on top of things," Midnight said with a grunt as she examined her cards. "Exchange three."

"But the fact that she let Diamond Tiara be in charge of the school news paper at all..." Berry said, "exchange one."

"Well at least she caught her before she could publish those pictures that colt took," Vinyl said, shivering. "The one day Octy convinces me to try one of her fancy strings... exchange two."

"Letting everypony see my theory map!" Lyra cried. "He could have blown everything! One!"

“The big mess I made in Axe’s store front,” Derpy added.

"Making me and Spine look like we eat ponies," Midnight huffed in annoyance. If that colt had actually gotten into her shed... well, maybe the shock would have made him break the camera.

"Well, you were supposed to clean it out last week," Sapphire chided. "Two."

"I just got back, then had to go with the others on that dessert competition!" Midnight said.

Sapphire nuzzled her. "I know, and I'm glad."

Next to them, Long Spine and Forest shared a happy glance.

"Uh, two, I think," Spine said, putting two cards in the discard pile. His face furrowed as he examined his two new cards. "Is any of this good?" he asked Midnight, leaning over.

She took a quick look. "Fold," she told him. "A pair of twos isn't going to do squat. Save your bits for a better hoof, er, claw."

"Hey, no helping!" Lyra said, pointing a hoof at the two of them.

"He's never played before," Midnight reminded her calmly. "If anything, you should be thanking me; for all you know he had a royal flush and I just told him to give up."

"Uh," Spine said, looking back at his cards.

"You don't," Midnight said, rolling her eyes. "I'm not a teenager, nor am I a dragon; I wouldn't screw you over like that."

"I think that's both ageist and speciesist," Vinyl said with a smirk.

Midnight grunted. "Just fold already."

"I'm not Lyra."

"Hey!"

"So, how's our newest resident?" Berry asked. "Must be a lot to take in, living with ponies and with a daughter to boot."

"It's a lot," Spine agreed, "but it's a lot better here than it ever was with the dragons and Ember is the sweetest thing in the world; I'm glad I'm here."

“We all are,” Forest said, exchanging three cards. “I’m so happy we can finally be a family; I haven’t seen Ember this happy since she first met Midnight.”

“I should have gotten a fried dog for the two of them to share,” Midnight said absently.

“What?” Forest asked.

“Three of a kind,” Midnight said quickly, laying her cards on the table.

“Speaking of food,” Vinyl asked, not even phased by the mention of meat, “how was that baking competition? I heard it got really crazy on the ride there.”

Midnight let out a long-suffering sigh. Her excuse was that the cake was so big that they’d need muscle to move it to the contest area when they arrived and she had “volunteered” to help. Her argument held a good bit of weight since they needed Big Mac to get the cake onto the train in the first place. The others made various excuses to go when all of the bearers went along with Pinkie. All of the guard stayed out of the “Who took the cake?” mystery except Scarlet, who got into the spirit of Pinkie’s little clue game. It really wasn’t much of a secret, since Night and Cleaver had seen the whole thing (thestrals could see really well at night. Who knew?) but they’d let Pinkie run her game to the end. Otherwise it was an uneventful ride, which Midnight was grateful for.

“Pinkie got up to her usual antics but otherwise it was a relaxing ride. I’m more eager to get back to normal life right now.”

“What about that letter you said you sent to Princess Celestia about requesting Cadance to ask the foreign leaders about Storm Clan?” Spine asked.

Midnight snorted as she shuffled and hoofed out new cards. “Cadance and Captain Shining are already on their way back. Everything went fine, at least, but Celestia says it’s a good idea and is going to put another diplomatic mission together. Apparently there are a few other places she wants to contact next that she couldn’t put on Cadance’s list for one reason or another. Like I said, I’m more glad to be home and can wait.”

Vinyl got an evil glint in her eye as she looked at the kirin over her cards. “I don’t know about you, but I know Sapphire is sure glad you’re back,” she said with a suggestive air.

Said pegasus’ face bloomed in a deep blush at how Vinyl said that. “Vinyl!” she snapped at the DJ. “That’s not all our relationship is!”

Midnight growled. "None of your business anyway," she said, squirming awkwardly.

“Really Vinyl,” Berry said, “is the first impression you want to give Spine is that you’re some wild, lecherous, party animal?”

Vinyl chugged her soda and belched. “Hey just being myself, and fine, I’ll lay off ‘em; Midnight was only been gone a week.” The evil eye turned on Spine and Forest. “Spine, however, has been gone for years! How long until Ember has a baby brother or sister?”

Midnight and Berry threw snacks and admonishments at the white unicorn as both Forest and Spine blushed deeply and refused to meet each other’s eyes.

Derpy just shrugged and took a bite of one of the muffins she always brought. “It feels like it’s been ages since we’ve played together!” she mused happily.

Author's Note

Right, last one for Season 2, Covering Ponyville Confidential and MMMMystery on the Friendship Express.

I know some of you were kinda looking forward to seeing how Midnight would take/handle the gossip situation and/or how the Pillow Knights would get wrapped up in it. Short answers:
1. Midnight would get mad and throw a fit (nothing new here)
2. The girls wouldn't. The moment it's revealed that DT is heading the newspaper, they'd all leave. Probably pull the Crusaders away. I'd also like to think there'd be more oversight by Cheerilee in terms of what goes into the final draft of the paper. Even if there wasn't, I'd like to think she'd put a stop to a gossip column like that in the school newspaper.

And MMMMystery is also a story that really wouldn't gain anything with Midnight and the guard in it. All that I would really add is that Midnight would also take a bite out of the cake after Night would tell her what happened.

That being said, Season 2 was a good run and I look forward to wrapping it up. See you here in Season 3!

S3, Ch.4.5

“So…” the mint-colored unicorn said as the ebony kirin dealt out the playing cards.

“So…” the kirin repeated, making it obvious the unicorn was going to be the one to broach… any of the many subjects that were most likely going to be discussed that night. It had been over a month since they’d all even really talked last. Between the royal wedding, the flurry of activity that had been the official recognition of the bearer guard (Midnight never wanted to see another piece of official paperwork again), the incident at the Crystal Empire, as well as a few incidents right here in Ponyville soon after they got back, the group of friends barely had any chance to get together at all before now, let alone a poker night at Midnight’s.

Lyra rubbed the back of her head. “I guess… sorry that I tried to stop you from saving the wedding?” she tried.

Midnight just shrugged as she picked up her hoof. “I don’t think the few seconds it took to make you jump the others would have changed much.”

“What was the deal with that, anyway?” Berry asked as she looked over her cards. “You were so excited to be a bridesmaid and then all of a sudden Twilight’s friends were the bridesmaids.”

“Technically we are Twilight’s friends, from school,” Lyra explained. “We all went to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and were in the same classes together. We always tried to include Twilight, especially when Moon Dancer was with us, but…” she shrugged, “she’d prefer to have a book in her face. We actually foalnapped her once to go out...”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Vinyl interrupted, putting her cards down and looking over her shades at Lyra. “YOU went to Celestia’s hoity-toity school for unicorns?”

“Yes,” Lyra defended, “I went there, as did most unicorns in Canterlot,” she added a bit lamely. “Gifted apparently has a broad definition.”

“I’ll say,” Vinyl teased.

“Shut up!”

“So you and a bunch of old schoolmates got picked by Cadance to be her bridesmaids,” Midnight said loudly, attempting to keep the conversation on track. “But, and don’t take this the wrong way, why? I mean, wouldn’t Cadance want to have her own friends as her bridesmaids?”

“Technically, Colgate, Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, Moon Dancer, and I are her friends. She’d visit Twilight all the time and we got to know her pretty well. She’d also mention how nice it was to just go out with ponies for fun instead of everyone having ulterior, political motives. Even after me and then Twilight moved here, she kept in touch, and when she said she was getting married, she asked us to be her bridesmaids. Lemon Hearts was out of town at the time and Moon Dancer never responded, she never gets back to any of us anymore, actually, but Colgate, Twinkleshine, and I were able to!”

“And then Queen Chrysalis mind controlled you, set you up in that castle entryway in case someone got out, and exchanged you three with the other five in order to keep them busy so they wouldn’t notice anything off,” Midnight finished.

“I guess. All I remember was Twilight’s brother coming into the same room as us one day, saying that Cadance shouldn’t have so few bridesmaids, and then a green light and then…” she trailed off, looking embarrassed.

“And then you’re waking up to strangling your friends and screaming about a hidden mirror to the hoo-man world,” Vinyl finished with a laugh.

“How about I strangle you next?” Lyra growled.

“You make a mess, you clean the mess,” Midnight said. “Bet three, by the way.”

“So, what exactly happened at the real wedding after all that changeling hullabaloo?” Derpy ask. “I heard there were a few other things done besides Princess Celestia marrying Princess Cadance and Captain Armor.”

Midnight shrugged. “Twilight and the others were awarded for helping to save Equestria, again, the bearer guard was formally announced and most were promoted.”

“Who wasn’t promoted?” Berry asked. “Raise one.”

“I wasn’t, for one; can’t go higher than captain. Windrunner also can’t be promoted to captain unless I step down or they actually come up with something higher than captain,” Midnight explained.

“What about general?” Derpy asked. “I remember reading something in school about Equestria once having an army, not just royal guards. See.”

Midnight snorted. “I have enough on my plate with my own guard without having to worry about the other two branches. It wouldn’t feel right either, being Holly and Skimmer’s boss when both of them have been in the guard longer. I’m pleased enough with the raise I got instead.”

“At least that explains why money never seems like that big of a deal to you,” Berry said, “you’ve had a second job this whole time that pays better than any of us make.”

“Yeah, you should have seen the bag of bits I was given for the wedding reception; I could replace my whole set up with what they paid me,” Vinyl agreed. “See.”

“It’s not like I flaunt it,” Midnight mumbled.

“Speaking of gold, how does Honey and her changelings like their new home? See.” Derpy asked.

The home she was referring to, built next door to Forest and Spine’s home, was… Midnight wasn’t quite sure what to call it. The building itself was as wide as two houses, maybe a little bit more, and had three stories. It was made mostly of brick and had two wings on either side that made a small courtyard in the middle, complete with a small fountain. Built on royal funds (like practically every other house in their growing neighborhood) it even had a gate at the entrance of the courtyard and a plaque on the side of the entrance that read “Changeling Embassy”, though the whole thing seemed more like a scaled-down apartment complex than an embassy.

Though, to be fair, Midnight had never seen an embassy before.

Further helping the apartment complex vibe was that every one of Honey’s changeling had taken up residence there, with the exception of the most important intended tenant. Honey had practically begged Midnight to let her stay in the house, in the room she already had. Midnight didn’t have a problem with letting her stay but it just seemed weird to have someone who was a royal living in what was essentially a glorified guest bedroom with a communal bathroom. That and the “penthouse” apartment of the building that had been made specifically for her would go to waste. Her changelings understood, oddly enough, that Midnight’s home had become her home as well and she wasn’t happy about leaving it but she was also their queen and they couldn’t all pile into Midnight’s home nor snub the gift that the princesses had given them.

In the end, Honey had decreed (rather awkwardly) that the apartment would act as her office where she could meet with her subjects and any visitors in an official capacity. This was accepted by all and the matter was resolved.

“They like it fine from what I hear and Honey spends a good part of the day in her office as well and even stays late if they need her to, so they have no problem with her living here. Squeaks like the compromise just fine.”

Sapphire made a soft snort. “The Pillow Knights and the CMC are making it into their new club house,” sounding equally exasperated and amused. “I hear that one of the cleaning closets is full of their little projects and props already. See.”

“Any complaints?” Midnight asked. She hadn’t heard anything, though she doubted Honey would have told her of any, preferring to keep Squeaks and her friends from getting into trouble (unless it was of the serious kind).

“No but it is the changelings’ home, not their personal playground. I don’t think we should wait until there is a complaint to say something to them.”

“I’ll speak with them and Honey tomorrow morning,” Midnight assured her. Funny enough, that’s where the foals were right then, with Honey babysitting them in her office. Needless to say, their current location within the changeling apartments, as Midnight was calling it, was now subject to debate.

“I’m just glad you all made it through what happened up there in one piece,” Berry said. “From what I heard it got pretty bad.”

“It could have been worse if it was an actual army that attacked us and not starving civilians,” Midnight said.

“It was still pretty scary,” Derpy said. “Some of them went after Sparkler and my little muffin!”

“And from what I hear you kicked their flanks for it,” Vinyl said. “Guess an invasion doesn’t generate the kind of love they need.” Her smile turned evil. “Around here, though…”Immediately, she was assaulted by a hail of snacks. “What!? I’m just saying that with Midnight and Sapphire and Spine and Forest-!”

“We KNOW what you meant,” Midnight growled, “and that’s not how that works.”

“Geez, what a bunch of prudes,” Vinyl complained, looking back up from her cards, believing the snack attack was over, only to be hit in the muzzle by a cracker.

“For your information, Honey’s changelings only collect ambient love from around town and bring it back home where they can either use it to eat, share it with others, or store it,” Midnight shrugged. “They can make a sort of honey out of what they store, which is actually what Honey and Cadance agreed upon for a trade deal between the Crystal Empire and the changelings. Some of them go up to the empire for a week, collect the excess love they find from the citizens as well as the heart, and then provide a percent to the crown when they leave.”

“I wonder what they’re planning to do with it, the empire, I mean,” Berry said, putting down two cards and picking up their replacements.

“Research, from what Cadance told us,” Midnight said, discarding and drawing one card. “They don’t know how concentrated love will affect someone, so right now the stock is going towards figuring that out. She’s already sent over some results and things look promising.”

“What kind of results?” Derpy asked, picking up three new cards of her own.

“And why’s she send them to you? I’d think that she’d want the results to be a secret, if she’s monopolizing the trade,” Forest asked and she and Spine exchanged their cards with the deck.

“Actually she sent the results to Honey, who told me,” Midnight said, “and she only wants first dibs on any of the honey produced in the Crystal Empire. It’s more of a form of taxation for allowing the changelings to use the empire as a harvesting ground.”

“That sounds a lot like the Hearth’s Warming story, with the unicorns and pegasi demanding food from the earth ponies,” Lyra said. “One.”

“Except where the two other tribes took two-thirds of the food and took more and more each year from a steadily decreasing supply, Cadance takes less than half of what they collect and they collect a lot each trip, more than enough to keep themselves happy and healthy. Not to mention what they’re able to collect from just around town. Honey’s waiting on the results from Cadance to see about start selling jars of it around here or even to other places like Celestia’s school for additional research purposes,” Midnight explained. “See.”

“Why didn’t the changelings do that before? Why attack us?” Vinyl asked. “Two.”

“Differences in beliefs,” Midnight said simply.

“Honey learned how to collect love from her mother, who felt harming us wasn’t the best way to get it,” Sapphire elaborated. “Her aunts believed otherwise. See.”

“Hey, just to go off topic a bit and speaking of collecting, what’s going to happen with your firewood business now that the guard isn’t working behind the scenes now?” Berry asked. “See.”

Midnight shrugged. “As much as I want to, I can’t justify cutting down trees as patrolling, so that’s more something that I’ll do as a side business now. Clearing trees from the Everfree does help keep certain unpleasant things in the woods at bay, but only for a little bit. I’ve seen plenty of timber wolves crossing that first deep cut I made. We’re planning on making a dedicated path between here and the old castle out there, so any trees we cut down I’ll handle.”

“That kinda stinks that we won’t be getting our firewood from you anymore,” Derpy said. “See.”

“I’ll still cut down a tree now and again. I also ran into an old friend of the Apple family, Burnt Oak, during the Summer Harvest Parade,” Midnight said, then snorted. “This place sure has a lot of celebrations. Anyway, he said he’s moving back to town and bringing his business with him, and if the Apples treat him like family, I think he’s an honest salespony. Better than that other stallion I ran out.”

They all nodded. The stallion that had sold firewood before Midnight arrived had always overpriced his wood, which more often than not was found to be rotting. Needless to say, he hadn’t stayed in business long after the kirin had opened shop.

“As long as I don’t have to smell rotten wood and break the bank to stay warm, I’m happy,” Berry said. “Everybody good to go?”

They all nodded and showed their cards.

“So close,” Midnight mused, eyeing the four of clubs that had ruined her chance at a full house.

“So, was that mango float you and Squeaks were riding in her idea or yours?” Berry asked as Vinyl collected her winnings.

“Squeaks wanted it to be one of those food horns you see a lot in the fall, only with all tropical fruit since its summer. I convinced her to keep it simple and just do a mango,” Midnight told them. “She still had a fun time riding in it, so much in fact that I’m having a hard time convincing her to let me break it down.”

“She likes driving her friends to the playground and back with it,” Sapphire said as she drew a new hoof, “can’t she keep it around for that?”

“It wasn’t meant to last, for one thing,” Midnight said, “for another, doesn’t it seem kind of ridiculous to ride down to the playground?”

“Ridiculous to have some fun on the way to have some fun?” Sapphire asked with a playful smile.

“Well, when you put it that way,” Midnight as she looked down at her new cards.

“Please don’t say “fun” more than once per sentence,” Forest asked, rubbing her head as if she had a headache, “I’m still trying to forget the… what did you all call it?” she asked Spine.

“The Pinkocalypse,” Spine said absently. While he could understand why everyone else had had a conniption fit at the idea of more than one Pinkie Pie, he’d found the whole situation amusing.

“Thank the Makers I insure my stock,” Berry said with a shake of her head.

“How exactly did we get a tsunami of Pinkies anyhow?” Vinyl asked, looking at Midnight, “you guys said you solved the problem of Pinkie cloning herself, but how?”

Midnight grunted and slid two bits into the pot. “Two. State secret.”

Lyra leaned forward across the table at that. “What kind of state secret?”

“The kind where I’m legally allowed to turn you into tomorrow’s dinner if I tell you,” Midnight answered.

“Knowing you, you’d clone yourself as much as you could before invading Canterlot castle,” Berry said. “See.”

“Well, yeah. I mean, they couldn’t keep us all out, right?” Lyra said.

Midnight coughed with what sounded like “princesses” mixed in.

“That was some smart thinking in town hall there at the end,” Derpy continued, “I don’t think anyone else noticed how the clones weren’t saying names right. See.”

“Can’t take credit for that one,” Midnight said with a wave of her wing. “Scarlet was the one to notice that little detail. Thank the Makers, too, otherwise we’d have to go with Twilight’s original plan of watching paint dry.”

Vinyl shivered. “Yeah, I’d fail that. Can’t imagine Pinkie would be able to pass that.”

“The funny thing is we kind of figured out which Pinkie was the real one almost from the start,” Sapphire told them as she slid her own bits forward. “Pinkie may like fun and games, but she knows when things get out of hoof. Most of the time,” she amended at everyone’s half-lidded stares. “And the fact that she wasn’t acting as mindless as the others.”

“I DO think she’s crazy enough to call you by your new nickname, captain,” Spine said with a smirk.

“Tell me, tell me, tell me!” Vinyl said quickly.

“Private Spine, don’t you dare!” Midnight shouted.

To everyone’s surprise, Sapphire choked back a giggle.

“Midfight Stumped,” she said before bursting out in a laughing fit that was quickly joined by everyone else at the table but her marefriend.

“Really?” Midnight asked, a betrayed look on her face. Sapphire could only lean on her as she laughed.

“That is SO much better than what Spike came up with when you all got Poison Joked!” Berry said.

“Yeah, yeah, Midfluff Puffstorm, get it out of your systems,” the kirin grouched.

It took a good five minutes for everyone to stop laughing.

“But seriously,” Berry finally said, “having all of them try and remember the names of everypony in town? That’s something only the real Pinkie would know, which makes it brilliant!”

“I’m going to go with a flash of inspiration, because brilliance would have noticed what was going on with the Apple Family after that cousin arrived,” Midnight said, discarding some cards.

“Oh yeah, there was that accident during the parade,” Derpy said, tapping her chin as she remembered.

“Before any of you ask, I’m not airing out their private laundry,” she ignored a snicker from Vinyl, “but from the sounds of it there was bullying involved, a revenge scheme that wound up in the mud, and a heart-felt reconciliation.”

“Actually, Pinchy and Dinky kinda filled us in on what happened, from their perspective,” Berry said, “we got the gist of it.”

“I don’t know the gist of it!” Lyra said.

“So,” Berry continued as if she hadn’t heard the unicorn, “What’s next for our busy captain of the guard?”

“A working vacation,” Midnight said. “AJ, Rarity, and Rainbow are all taking their sisters out for a little camping trip in Whitetail Woods. Seeing as half of the guard will be going along, I figured I’d run the away team as well as get in the spirit and bring Autumn along on this sisterly campout.”

“That sounds nice,” Derpy said.

“Wait, Rainbow doesn’t-” Berry began.

“Honorary sisters are included,” Midnight said.

“Ah.”

“Well, at least you get to spend time with your only sister,” Derpy said.

In a cave far to the north, someone sneezed.

Author's Note

Hey, look what's back finally!

Sorry to people looking forward to escapades in Too Many Pinkie Pies and Bad Seed, but there really wasn't much for Midnight or any other OCs to do to make those episodes different and interesting. I always felt that Twilight's solution was kinda dumb and that the Chekhov Gun that was the clones getting everyone's name wrong never got used in solving the problem. Basically the only difference there was that they had the Pinkies enter a room one by one and try and properly name different ponies from around town. Of course the real Pinkie would breeze through that, but I felt it would be boring to show. I also had Scarlet be the one to point it out since it feels like I haven't really used her in a while.

As for Bad Seed, yeah this could have been a Pillow Knights chapter but they wouldn't have changed much or been that entertaining. Next proper chapter, however, I plan to bring the cute back front and center.

Until then!

S3, Ch.5.5

“You’re really banned from telling scary stories?” Vinyl asked, chuckling.

“Laughing it up, radio-head,” Midnight shot back as she looked at the cards in her claw, “I’m only banned from telling children; scaring the pee out of you is still allowed.” Sapphire smacked her with a wing. “Anyway, raise one.”

“Raise one,” Lyra repeated.

“I’d take nightmares over a tornado any day,” Berry said, “See. Is it really true you ran into one on the way up to the Wonderbolt Academy? I overheard some of your guards talking about it.”

Midnight grumbled and a fang poked out. “Yes, and you can probably guess how unhappy it made me. Putting four of the six bearers in mortal danger just for visiting a stunt group is not something I wanted to check off my bucket list.”

“I thought they were an extension of the guard?” Scarlet asked. “See.”

This time Midnight snorted. “Captain Spitfire certainly thinks they are. Oh, she’s got the outfit and the attitude but actual guard training? There wasn’t one dummy or weapon anywhere, just flagged courses and spinning machines and makers know what else that has nothing to do with guard training. I would have put her in her place when shot back how my guard is just some new pet project of the princesses while hers has nearly a millennia of history, but…” She looked over at Sapphire, who shot back a miffed look of her own.

“You can’t just beat up someone for bad-mouthing the guard! Yes, it was Lightning Dust’s fault there was a tornado and Captain Spitfire should have been supervising more instead of signing autographs in her office, but the entire academy is pegasi and most of the guard is still made up of flyers, so there were plenty of people there in case something like that happened.”

“Sounds like Cloudsdale puffing, if you ask me,” Vinyl said. “See.”

“One!” Lyra quickly added, discarding a single card, pulling one from the deck, then allowing her face to break into a wide grin. Internally, everyone groaned.

“I am not defending the Wonderbolts just because I grew up in Cloudsdale!” Sapphire shot back.

“Two,” Spine said loudly, “and you’re both right. Captain Spitfire is a boaster with a head full of hot air but that doesn’t mean giving her a bloody nose will relieve the pressure. Can we get to the part where we all fold since Lyra has a great hoof and get on with the next round?”

“Heeeeey!” Lyra said, pulling her cards close, “no cheating!”

“You kind of always give it away yourself,” Derpy said, pointing at her own face. “One.”

Lyra rolled her eyes and threw in a bit. “Raise one,” she said with a huff.

“Fold,” was Berry’s immediate answer.

“Fold,” Midnight said with a look of disgust at her cards, then gave an apologetic look to Sapphire.

“Fold,” the light blue pegasus echoed, then did the same.

The rest followed suit with their own cards and Lyra grumbled as she took the pot. “Had a Royal Flush, too,” she bemoaned, flopping her own cards down for everyone to see.

“Lyra, you had a straight. There’s three different suits here. Still couldn’t beat it but still,” Berry said.

“Close enough! It’s no fun when you all give up!”

“Then don’t smile like a maniac when you’ve got a good hoof!” Scarlet admonished as she shuffled the cards and served them out.

“Raise one,” Spine said.

“You’re one to talk about maniacs!” Lyra shot back.

“Raise one,” Vinyl said.

“See. What in Equestria happened at the Apple farm last week!?”

“Oh, that,” Scarlet said, a grin spreading across her face. “Just Applejack digging herself another hole. No bunyips this time, thankfully. See.”

“I certainly hope not,” Midnight said, mulling over her cards. She already heard the story (the entire guard knew the next day) and thanked the makers she didn’t have any crazy relatives.

Snow Bank woke herself and the others with a large sneeze, sniffled, apologized, took a candy cane out from her pack, popped it onto her mouth like a long, thin cigar, and went back to sleep.

“Details, details!” Vinyl begged. “Three!”

“It was just AJ not seeing the forest for the trees,” Scarlet said as she picked up two new cards. “She was so focused on making everything work right she didn’t make sure everyone was enjoying themselves. Turned making apple fritters into an assembly line, had all the mares Granny’s age work on some quilt with machines like a sweat shop, and the foals all had to run some insane marathon.” Her grin turned a bit strained as Derpy picked up two new cards for herself. “It all came crashing down when the barn literally did. Some fruit bats dive-bombed the wagon they were all in and it rammed the barn. No-one was hurt but it was a heck of a mess.”

“Raise one,” Vinyl said, adding a bit to the pot, then turned to Scarlet, “barn,” she finished.

“Funny enough, that’s exactly what they did,” Scarlet said as Lyra saw and Berry folded. “Got the whole family to do one last thing and it was rebuild the barn, in just one afternoon, too. Had a whole song going and everything. Tight said it was like some jokes he heard about rural farmers and how fast they can build come to life. Amazingly everyone left happy afterwards.”

“Maybe we can get them to work on the castle out in the Everfree,” Midnight said with a chuckle, “we’d have it done with some additional wings and walls within a week. Fold.”

Sapphire stayed in while Scarlet, Spine, and Derpy folded.

“So Applejack causes a barn demolition and nearly gets eaten by a timberwolf all in one week? She needs to see Zecora to help get rid of whatever bad juju she’s got,” Berry said.

“Yeah, mare’s got some bad luck lately,” Vinyl said, “speaking of which, show’m!”

Vinyl had three kings and both Sapphire and Lyra had an almost identical hoof of two jacks, an ace, and a queen. Sapphire’s fifth card was a three while Lyra’s was a ten.

“Ah, sweet victory!” the white unicorn crowed as she swept the pile to her side.

“Wait, when did Applejack get attacked by a timberwolf?” Derpy asked.

“We know,” Midnight, Scarlet, and Spine said together.

“Spike got stuck in a hot air balloon, don’t know how, and he and the balloon landed in the Everfree,” Midnight started. “Raise one.”

“See,” Scarlet continued, “It actually landed near the farm so AJ saw it and went to investigate. Three timberwolves were nearby and chased Spike but AJ managed to beat them and give me and the others who followed near heart attacks.”

“You mean when she actually antagonized the wolves or when she dove through that hole with one right on her flank?” Spine asked.

“Yes,” Scarlet said while Derpy saw and Vinyl raised by one.

“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad, all things considered,” Derpy said.

“It gets worse,” Midnight supplied, tossing another bit in, “Spike now has some “dragon code” or whatever he calls it which includes life-debts.”

“Which is not something any dragon has, by the way,” Spine added, throwing in a bit as well.

“And proceeded to drive the Apples crazy,” Scarlet continued. “I really don’t know what got into the little guy because normally he’s so helpful but when he tried to help around the farm he became a walking disaster. It got so bad we all came up with a plan to fake him saving AJ’s life just so he’d stop.”

“Oh, come on,” Berry said as she picked up three cards, “it couldn’t have been that bad.”

“The kitchen was covered, covered, in raw pie batter,” Scarlet said, eyes tabled.

“Anyway, so we come up with a plan to fake a timberwolf attack, and it almost works,” Midnight said, also picking up three cards, “until Spike sees through it. Of course, things in Ponyville can’t go smoothly, so those three timberwolves came back. Fun fact, did you know multiple timberwolves can reform into a single, big one? Now we do.”

“For real?” Vinyl asked, raising by one and looking at them over her shades.

“Yep, and while Midnight is yelling “come on!” Spike throws a rock at it. Somehow he nails it right in the back of the throat and starts making it choke,” Scarlet supplied.

“That still does not make sense,” Midnight muttered.

“Then it just collapsed. Didn’t reform afterwards either. Turns out AJ’s leg got caught in all the hub-bub so Spike did actually save her life, freeing him from the debt.”

“Afterwards the two of us had a talk about why life-debts aren’t exactly a good thing,” Spine said.

“And speaking of dragons,” Scarlet said as they all either saw or folded, “why are you sending Shoal to Baltimare?”

“It’s for that delegation Celestia told us she was going to bring to town later this week. Something about how they can tell a nation’s true health or wealth or something like that from how the common pony lives. Also, they don’t get a lot of seafood where they’re from, so it would leave a good impression,” Midnight explained. “The princesses want there to be a big spread and with Shoal’s size she can cover the distance quickly with the whole load in one trip.”

“They’re from Saddle Arabia; fish don’t tend to stay fresh for long out there,” Sapphire said, “and I’m curious to know what you added to the order.”

“Who says I did?” Midnight asked innocently. The knowing look Sapphire gave her, however, cracked the façade. “Some lobster, shrimp, and scallops, nothing too much. I’d like a little something different besides wild game now and again.”

“Please tell me you’re going to wrap those scallops in bacon!” Scarlet asked, her mouth visibly watering.

“That’s the plan, also why I ordered two bags and not one. Oh, stop, I’m not going to get fat on a few bites of scallops and bacon!” Midnight defended when Sapphire gave her another look, “and I’m not eating it all myself anyway!”

“Well, let’s see if your girlfriend can cover the cost! Cards out!” Vinyl said.

Both Vinyl and Berry had two pairs, but Vinyl’s were jacks and tens while Berry’s were nines and eights.

“Mama’s getting a new turntable!” she cackled.

“So, while we’re still in the betting mood, who wants to bet on how south this diplomatic visit goes?” Midnight asked.

Sapphire gently patted Midnight’s whither. “Optimism, please.”

“Fine, I say five bits only ten houses get demolished.”

Sapphire rolled her eyes.

Author's Note

Fun Fact:
Did you know that a single card deck can barely work with eight players playing poker? I didn't until I tried to actually play with this chapter. God help you if someone wants to trade in three cards! So, yeah, from now on I think someone from the group is either going to be on duty or absent for some reason or another so that I'm not shuffling the discard pile when four characters want three new cards each.

I think this is going to be the last 2 Bits chapter for the season as the only thing not covered in the main chapters will be Games Ponies Play and Just for Sidekicks as they both happen at the same time and someone can just give it a mention in the main story without feeling out of place. After that half the crew will be out of town for the rest of the season, so not much point.

S1, Ch.5.5

It was dusk when Midnight made it to Berry Punch’s store and home on the other side of Ponyville. The only thing in her saddle bags (a much better looking set than the ones she’d use the next day) was a bag of bits that she’d gotten from a large order of wood from the local Filly Scouts troop to use during their camp outs. She had tried to bring some refreshments like the others, but they told her between the three of them there was probably going too much already.

It took a few knocks on the front door, but Berry eventually answered. “Midnight; glad you could make it!” Midnight followed her inside and through the store front to the back room. When they entered, Midnight could see that a table, cushions, a deck of cards, and chips were already set out. On a table set to the side was a four-case of wine coolers, several bags of different flavored hay chips, two six-packs of soda, a large basket of muffins, and… what looked like the contents of a fridge.

“That’s… that’s a lot of stuff.”

“Derpy raided Carrot’s fridge again.” Lyra said nonchalantly.

“Any time we get together for something she does this.”

“I just don’t know what to bring!” Derpy told them. Berry shook her head.

“Derpy, one of these days Carrot is going to get fed up with this and do Celestia-knows what.”

“Nah, she’s okay with it.” Berry turned to Midnight.
“Last time she said that, Carrot ended up burying her fridge out back. None of us knows how she keeps getting back in; I heard Carrot has all types of locks on the fridge. It takes a half hour to make Dinky’s lunch on school mornings.” With that they all took their seats, and Lyra shuffled the deck.

“Okay, tonight it’ll be the standard five card hoof, ante is a bit, max is ten bits.” Midnight raised an eyebrow.

“Why the cap on bits?”

“Well, let’s say you bring one hundred bits and the rest of us bring fifty each. Won’t be much fun when all you need to do is constantly raise to knock us out.” Lyra told her as she finished shuffling.

“Point taken. How much did everypony bring anyway? I brought fifty bits.”

“Same here.”

“I did too.”

“Me three!”

“Alright, let’s get started ladies!” Lyra passed out the cards. When she had all five cards Midnight picked them up with her claws and looked at what she had. Already she had a pair of fours and a jack. This was definitely going to be a fun night.

Four hoofs later and none of them seemed to have the upper hoof as they had each won once. The third hoof had been the highest stakes so far, with both Midnight and Derpy putting up ten chips each, only for Derpy’s pairs of aces and queens to beat Midnight’s kings and sixes. They’d also had enough time to study each other for tells. Both Midnight and Berry had good poker faces, except for a slight happy or disappointed look when the cards were dealt. Lyra practically had no poker face; always grinning or groaning at her hoof.

And Derpy? Nothing. Not. One. Thing. The wall-eyed mare had the same look of happy content on her face since the beginning of the game. Only how many chips she put down said anything about her hoof.

“So Midnight, heard you declined Pinkie’s invitation to the party today.” Lyra said as she dealt out the next hoof.

“Yeah, well when you spend a good portion of you day picking up after Pinkie and Rainbow’s pranks, you tend to fall behind on your work.”

“What did they do to you? I heard of some of their pranks around town on my route.” Derpy asked, stuffing another muffin in her mouth.

“Nothing too terrible. Somehow they planted around ten rubber, inflatable trees where I normally work, and every time I hit one it blew up. Gotta tell ya, the first few times were scary as Tartarus. Just imagine hitting a tree and it blowing up. I’ll admit, it was kinda funny the first four times, and then the novelty ran out pretty quick.” Lyra was snickering as the last of the cards were handed out.

“Well, Carrot Top, Bon Bon, and I were all at the party, but I’ll tell you about it after this hoof.” With a nod, Midnight looked down at her cards; it wasn’t a promising start. 7, 4, Q, 5, and a 9.

“Raise one.” The rest followed suit, then they began exchanging cards with the deck. Midnight gave up her Q and 9, and got back another 9 and a 3. Quick looks at the others, with the exception of Derpy, told her that nopony had a good hoof. ‘Time to see if I can bluff.’ “Raise two.”

“I’ll see you.” Berry added two chips nervously.

“Fold.” Derpy said with a smile.

“I’ll see.” Lyra said, her tone saying she’d regret it.

“Alright, show’em.” The hooves went down. The aces in the others hooves made it clear that Midnight had lost, but she had been right about one thing: nopony had good hooves.

“I’ve got an ace.” Berry told them.

“So do I.” Lyra said smugly.

“Next highest is king.”

“Buck!” Lyra yelled, her next highest a jack.

“If Pinchy hears anything I’m kicking you out.” Berry warned her as she collected her winnings. “Now, as I was saying, the three of us were at that party, and as it turns out it was for that griffon. Apparently she was an old friend of Rainbow Dash.” Midnight raised an eyebrow.

“Was?”

“I’ll get to that. Anyway, almost as soon as she got through the door all these pranks started happening.”

“Of course.” Midnight deadpanned.

“Let’s see, there was Pinkie with a hoof-buzzer, hot sauce and lemon drops, a dribble glass, relighting candles, and snakes in a can.” Midnight and Lyra whistled.

“Wow, those two went all out!” Lyra said, impressed. Berry nodded.

“Yes, but Gilda, that was her name, seemed to take it all in stride. That is, until we started playing pin-the-tail-on-the-pony. She’d been kind of rude when it came to the cake, and she grabbed the tail almost right out of Rarity’s mouth and said she’d go first.”

“That’s really rude!” Derpy said, another muffin in her hooves. Berry nodded.

“I know, but then she thought Pinkie was trying to prank her, so instead of following her directions she went the other way and slipped on some cake. The next thing we know she’s flipping out on us, especially Pinkie.”

“Geez, you’d think that being Rainbow’s friend she’d tell Pinkie to tone it down a little.” Midnight said, worried how far the two mares would go for a laugh.

“Well, turns out it was Rainbow Dash who set up all those pranks, and it was bad luck that Gilda got hit with them.”

“So, did Gilda calm down then?” Berry shook her head.

“Hardly. In fact, she seemed to get even more pissed off, started shouting at Rainbow, then stormed out.”

“Well, can’t say the party wasn’t exciting.” Midnight and Berry rolled their eyes.

The rest of the evening was spent talking about other things that happened around town and their other friends. At the end of the night Lyra and Midnight put all in, only for Midnight to lose one pair to two. All tolled, Midnight lost twenty-three bits, Lyra eighteen bits, Derpy five bits, and Berry, who had dominated most of the remainder of the night, had gained forty-seven bits.

“Well, I gambled on that last hand, so I can only blame myself,” Midnight chuckled has she scooped the remaining bits into her pouch. The rest agreed and they each began to head home, Lyra and Derpy stalling to get the remains of the food they brought. “Maybe next time Berry can let the wins spread out a bit!” Midnight called back, laughter chasing her out the door.

Author's Note

And the companion piece is up. Gotta say that I don't think it came out as funny as I'd hoped, but if it gave you a good chuckle then I'll consider it a success.

This piece will not be subject to my proof reader, and as such if you spot any mistakes I've missed, PLEASE don't hesitate to say so!

S1, Ch.19.5

“Fold.” Vinyl said with finality.

“UGH!” Lyra yelled, throwing her cards into the air. “Five hooves! FIVE! And all you five ever do is fold! I’ve had great cards and never even got to use them!”

The other five mares looked around at each other, then turned back to Lyra and said as one “Because you have the worst poker face in Equestria.”

“We’ve told you that every game.” Berry said as she shuffled the deck.

“But… I’ve gotten better, right?” Lyra asked hopefully. The tabled looks said otherwise.

“Look, just… anytime you get a good or bad hand, just make a different face or something,” Midnight said.

Lyra nodded and took the cards Berry was passing out. Immediately the sea-foam colored unicorn twisted her face into what only could be described as being constipated. Hilarity ensued, which only increased when Vinyl fell over laughing.

“What?” Lyra asked.

“N-N-Nothing!” Sapphire panted out. “J-Just… just make it a little more subtle.”

Lyra pulled her tongue back in. “Like this?”

“B-Better.”

Slowly the rest of the group collected themselves and allowed the game to continue.

“So, before… that happened,” chuckles still went up around the table, “you said your parents visited over the weekend Sapphire?” Berry asked. “Raise one.”

“Yes, they did. See.”

“They seemed nice,” Derpy said, placing a chip down. “See.”

“They are, but I’m sorry if I seemed a bit frazzled when we ran into you; my mom has a way of pushing my buttons.”

“Ooo, what kind of buttons?” Vinyl asked as she raised them one.

“Just silly things like how I should have a special somepony by now. Nothing really juicy.”

Vinyl’s jaw dropped slightly. “That is like… the JUICIEST thing ANYPONY could talk about! Alright, spill; you like somepony and you didn’t want to tell her!”

It was Sapphire’s turn to drop her jaw. “I DO NOT!”

“Ssssuuurre,” Vinyl said, a cheshire grin adorning her face.

“I don’t believe I’m having this conversation again.” Sapphire planted her face in her hooves.

“Vinyl stop it. We’re here to play poker,” Midnight said tersely.

“Aw, lighten up, I was only pulling her leg. It’s fine if she doesn’t like anypony that way.”

Berry discarded three cards. “How was it otherwise?”

“It was alright I guess. We went out for dinner and I got to spend some alone time with my dad.”

“How did the rest of you take it?” Lyra asked, picking up two cards.

“I was… fine. Ruby gave Squeaks a good scare when they first arrived, and so Squeaks avoided her as much as she could for the rest of their visit.” Midnight picked up two cards.

"Poor thing," Berry said. "Raise two. You know, speaking of visits, I still can't believe Princess Celestia came down to visit again. I think she's been down to Ponyville more than any other place in the past year."

Midnight shrugged. "Well, we've got her apprentice here, as well as the other Element bearers, so maybe she just has a better reason to visit so often."

"You know, speaking of Twilight as Celestia's student, if she's spent so much time with the princess, why was she so freaked out while she was here?" Lyra asked. "See."

"You're telling us you wouldn't be, at least, nervous?" Berry asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, I would be, just not ready to go all mental about it. Makes one wonder what Twilight really saw while studying with her." Groans went up all around. "What now!?"

"Lyra, enough with the conspiracies!" Midnight groaned.

"Yeah, Celestia's cool, even if she is the Mare, mare." Vinyl said. "See."

"I bet Sapphire might know a thing or two!" Lyra pointed her hoof across the table at the blue pegasus. "She works for her after all!"

"Lyra, Sapphire is not a spy for Celestia," Berry said.

"I bet that's what she wants us to think!"

A sudden, loud growl made them all jump and they turned to see Midnight with her wings partially unfurled and her teeth showing. No extended fangs, bit the look was still intimidating. "Enough, Lyra," the kirin growled.

"Derpy?" Lyra asked, her voice trembling slightly.

The wall-eyed pegasus just smiled back at them, took a bite of her muffin and said "call." Cards dropped and the gray pegasus was pulling the pot to her side of the table, her four princesses grinning up at them just as much as their owner was.

"Okay, one more hoof and if I don't WIN-win, I'm done," Lyra huffed.

"WIN-win?" Sapphire asked. "Lyra, you actually have more bits then the rest of us from every time we folded.

"Yeah, but that's not a WIN-win! You guys all just gave up!"

"And back to square one," Midnight grumbled. "Can we change the subject again?"

"How about whatever was going on between you, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie?" Derpy offered. At Midnight's confused stare the pegasus elaborated. "You and Rainbow were dragging Pinkie through the street out to Sweet Apple Acers."

"Oh, that," Midnight picked up her cards and raised one. "It was Pinkie's birthday and we were all trying to keep it a surprise."

"Trying to keep a surprise from Pinkie Pie?" Berry asked, then whistled. "Raise one."

"I know, and she nearly got us when she was chasing Rainbow. Somehow AJ threw her off and we got it all set up in the barn. Me and Rainbow went out to get her but when we got to Sugarcube Corner..." Midnight hesitated.

"What, was she playing darts with pictures of you guys as targets or something?" Vinyl asked as she discarded two cards and picked up two more.

"She was having a party with Gummy, a bag of flour, rocks, lint, and a bucket of radishes."

"Maybe she was practicing?" Berry asked hopefully.

"She was making them talk. Like puppets," Midnight deadpanned. "And she was acting just... creepy. Thankfully Rainbow had enough within the first minute and we proceeded to carry/drag her all the way to the farm."

"And she calmed down when she saw the party you guys set up for her right?" Derpy asked. "Raise three."

Midnight nodded. "Turns out that she forgot about her own birthday because she was so excited to celebrate Gummy's twice."

Looks of disbelief went up around the table.

"That's... concerning." Berry said.

"Heh, loves to party so much she doesn't even remember her own? That's what I call dedication," Vinyl applauded. "Alright everypony, are we ending this now or playing some more?"

They all showed their cards.

"I guess that's it then," Midnight said, pulling the bits towards her.

"Good night," Lyra told them as she got up and walked out the door.

"Practice that poker face with Bon Bon," Berry called after her. "You could be a lot better next time!"

"I guess I'll see you at Rarity's tomorrow for the final fitting?" Derpy asked Midnight and Sapphire as they, too, got up.

"You know it. See you later," Midnight told her.

The gray pegasus's wings flapped happily. "We're going to the Grand Galloping Gala!"

Author's Note

This is incredibly late and I have no excuse.

At least it isn't dead or forgotten!