Royal Hijinks

by Trials

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 3047

After falling prey to a prankster, Luna gets revenge the only way she knows how. Murder.

After falling prey to a prankster, Luna gets revenge the only way she knows how.

Murder.

Published 2013-08-28 00:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-28 00:30:01 UTC

A Little Blue

Royal Hijinks

“Come, sister! Let us fly higher! Higher into the sky! Towards the sun, I say!” cried the soaring princess. Her wings tilted downwards, and her ascent increased. The feathers on each wing fluttered and shook under the pressure of the wind. Almost immediately, the princess felt warmer as she flew higher into the wisp of clouds. The orange sky greeted her with open arms, embracing the princess in its everlasting heat. She felt a smile form on her face. A tear of pure joy fell down her cheek.

“Sister, we cannot go any higher!” came the barely recognisable reply. “I fear the sun will take us. I beg you, sister, listen to my words. We must desist from this plight! There is nothing to gain from such recklessness!” Princess Luna turned to find her sister flying far below her. She sneered as she saw the expression of panic written all over Celestia's face.

“Poppycock! What challenge is there without recklessness? You have always been afraid of the unknown, dear sister. Perhaps now is the time to let the unknown be known!” cried Princess Luna. Her voice, though naturally audible, was losing its volume through the speed of her ascent. It mattered little. Celestia would simply have to follow her into the sunset. Luna broke through another line of grey clouds. She laughed heartily as she sun grew ever closer.

“Luna! Listen to your big sister for once! Don't fly too close to the sun. Otherwise—” Luna stopped listening. She no longer cared. The sky was theirs for the taking, and if Celestia didn't rise to the challenge, it would be all hers. No other creature had risen so high.

“I cannot hear you, Celestia!” Luna shouted jauntily. “If you flew a little closer, perhaps increase your altitude, I might be able to!” And with that, the princess flew even closer to the sun. It looked like a magnificent ball of pure light and energy. Some small, pathetic patches of cloud still blocked Luna's complete view, but it wouldn't be long till she could see it in its full glory. Her wings suddenly flapped faster. Luna closed her eyes as she burst through yet another cloud.

Finally, the full view of the sun came into sight. No bothersome clouds or pestering sisters—just Princess Luna and the sun. She tried to look directly at it, but her vision was impaired. Bright blobs of colour filled her eyesight. The princess had to look away, lest her eyes be burnt to ashes. Sweat collected on her brow, and even more flowed continuously down her cheeks. In an instant, it became hard to breathe. The air became heavy, as if she could no longer suck oxygen from it. Each breath ended in a futile gasp for air. “Sister! Help me!” she tried to call, but her words came out as a dusty cough.

A burning sensation erupted from Luna's body. Her face, her hooves, her legs and especially her wings. The smell of brimstone and burning coal attacked her nostrils. A high-pitched tone assaulted her ears, as if the brilliance of the sun had damaged the intricate pieces inside them. She needed to fly away. She needed to escape from the burning sun, otherwise she would be completely consumed. A cry of pain escaped her. In an instant, her wings caught fire. She panicked. Summoning her magic did nothing. Luna could only watch them as the tips of her precious feathers were set ablaze.

She plummeted in a downwards spiral. “Celestia, I need help! Please, big sister!” she cried, but she feared the wind had caught her voice. The rush of air provided the oxygen her yearning lungs desperately needed, but it wasn’t enough. Her lungs weren’t cooperating. She still had the awful sensation of burning in her body. Her mouth even felt hot. Everything hurt. Wind raked pain down her face as it rushed past. Even the clouds seemed to cause pain as she glided through them in her descent.

The princess felt her willpower decay. She could only watch as she span out of control, her wings fully set alight. Luna looked like a phoenix—aside from the fact that she was declining from the ashes, not rising from them. The ground came into sight, and her sister hadn't come to the rescue. Another tear fell down her cheek. A tear that had not been caused in quite the same way as the first.

A familiar face appeared in the burning sky, and said with a wise voice: “Oh, Luna, looks like you've got a nasty case of sunburn!”

“Huh... what?” Luna asked. She took off her sunglasses before rubbing her eyes. The blinding brightness of the day greeted her, much to her dismay. She grunted, putting the glasses back on. The princess stretched her legs, waiting for the bones to click rather loudly. The towering shape of her sister flinched at the noise. “What is it, Celestia? Can't you leave me alone to sunbathe? I was having such a lovely dream,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Well, I would've done so, but... as the good sibling I am, I thought I'd let you know that you have quite the sunburn on your... well, entire body,” Celestia said, smirking.

Luna held up her right leg and inspected it carefully. It hurt from just the movement. “Oh… no!” she exclaimed, gritting her teeth. She tried to rub the pain away, but it only hurt her other leg in the process. Her eyes went wide once she saw her reddened limbs. “Sister! Why did you not wake me before?” With a tender hoof, Luna picked up the clock next to her. She blew air through her clamped teeth as she saw the time. “Only fifteen minutes?” she exclaimed. “I received sunburn in that short amount of time?!”

The smirking sister soon became overwhelmed with laughter. Luna narrowed her eyes at her sister. “Dear sister, what have you done?” she asked, her voice lacking emotion. The only response was slightly louder laughter. “Dear sister,” she began, “do I have to threaten to reign over Equestria in total darkness once more? Because that's exactly what I shall do. You will give me no other choice.” Celestia gave nothing other than a chuckle. “What have you done?!” she snarled, punctuating every syllable.

“Don't you think it's rather warm today, Luna? A bit on the hot side?” her sister asked. Finally, Celestia broke down into fits of laughter, stomping the tiles beneath her. Though she tried to retain her royal image, it was obviously very hard to do so when apparently something so exceedingly funny had happened. With a shaky hoof, she pointed up into the sky, directly at the sun.

“Yes, that's the sun,” Luna stated. The princess sat up from her deck chair. She raised a hoof to shield her eyes. “What exactly did you do with it? It looks exactly the same.” Luna narrowed her eyes to get a better look. That was when the realisation hit her. “You didn't,” she said simply, her sunglasses falling from her eyes.

“I did,” Celestia said between giggles.

“Sister, this is the second time this week. Your subjects will become frustrated, not to mention myself! This sunburn pains me!” she cried, pointing at her red legs. “I know how much you like the day, and I know the heat makes for wonderful weather, but this is getting out of hoof!”

Her sister giggled once more. “It wasn't for that,” she said quietly.

“Then what for, pray tell?”

“I saw you sunbathing... and I thought you needed the heat,” Celestia admitted, trying her hardest not to laugh. Her cheeks were going blue, but Luna could see right through her, anyway.

“You did this to give me sunburn,” said Luna, emotion gone from her words once more. “May I ask why?”

“You looked a little blue,” Celestia admitted, grinning.

Luna rolled her eyes. “Very original. How amusing. I don't think I've ever had the benefit of hearing that joke before, especially not from last week. Nor the week before that. The week before that I believe you had a vacation, but you still managed to play your prank without the punchline.” Luna looked down at her sun-soaked body. “I mean, look at this! Is it too much to ask for a little tan without sunburn?”

Celestia stuck her tongue out. “Little sister, it sounds as if you don't like my pranks?”

“How… how close did you move the sun this time?”

“Close enough.”

Luna frowned. She hated it when her sister was vague, especially on such an important matter. “Big sister! How many times need I tell you? You cannot abuse your powers like that! One day, you'll have it taken away from you. We've already received countless complaints about how hot it is—” A white hoof covered Luna’s mouth. She flailed her limbs at the hoof, but was too comfortable in her deck chair to make a proper effort.

“Shush, sister of mine. I'll bring it back right now, and no one will be the wiser,” Celestia said with a wink. “You think about things too much.” With a grunt, her sister powered her horn, and sent a beam of yellow towards the sun. She removed her hoof from Luna's mouth.

Luna raised an eyebrow. “You know I cannot see, sister. I trust you sent it away, not brought it closer?” When the princess didn't respond, she ground her teeth together. “Sister?” With a chuckle, Celestia sent another beam into the blue sky. Luna rolled her eyes. “Celestia, if I just gave you the idea, ignore what I said. It was not a good idea. In fact, it was quite the opposite.”

“Well, I can blame you for putting the idea in my head,” said Celestia, chuckling.

“Celestia—”

“I sent it back,” admitted her glaring sister.

“May I ask: which time? The first or the second?” Luna said, raising an eyebrow.

“I don't need to answer that!” said Celestia before storming off. Luna watched as her sister walked to the other side of the pool and found a deck chair of her own. With a dainty sigh, she settled into it, resting her hooves by her side. She materialised a pair of sunglasses. Luna harrumphed—Celestia still hadn't bothered to teach her that spell. She had to buy her own pairs, which would always crack under the warmth of the day, but such was the life of the sister of a royal prankster.

Luna's sunburn skin stung under the intense glare of the sun. “Well, there goes that wonderful idea,” she said, sitting up from her chair. The heat would only redden her skin further. The princess got up and began aiming back inside when an idea struck her. Luna stopped in her tracks. It was perfect. With a suppressed giggle, she returned to her seat. She tilted it in her sister's direction, making it easier for her to watch her. The sun threatened to boil her skin, but Luna didn't care. Now was not the time for sunbathing. It was time for revenge.

The Princess of the Night still had a few tricks up her metaphorical sleeve.

Princess Celestia woke with a yawn. She wiped the sleep from her eyes to find herself in her bedchamber. Strange. One of the guards must have carried her in. Or Luna, of course, but she couldn't have been too pleased with her. With a yawn, she reached for the air and fell to the floor with a slap. Not very elegant, but no one was watching. She lay on the royal carpets for a second, adjusting her sight to the brightness of the morning.

With another uncouth yawn, she reached for her morning coffee. Celestia took it in her shaking hoof. She took a deep sniff, sighing as the pleasant aroma entered her nostrils. The princess took a small sip, but quickly coughed and spluttered. Her tongue was burning. Never mind. There was plenty more coffee where that came from. She placed the cup back on the table, finally getting to her hooves. Celestia followed the red carpet outside her room.

“Good morning,” she said simply as she left her doorway. When no reply came, Celestia peered around. No one was on duty. Perhaps the guard had gone to fetch her breakfast for her. No matter. Celestia continued walking down the Royal Corridor. She sniffed, and then sniffed again. Something smelt fishy. Literally, fishy. It was almost like walking in the harbour. As she opened a door, the sea breeze met her nostrils. “What is going on?” she called. No reply.

One final door separated her and the outside. Perhaps there she could get to the bottom of this. A stronger smell of sea brine made its way into her nose when she turned the knob. She had to raise her hoof from the glare of the sun. Eventually, once her eyes adjusted, she saw the sight that lay before her eyes. Her mouth opened wide. Celestia ran to the balcony to get a better look. She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to, but there it was. Her legs began shaking uncontrollably.

Her kingdom was under water.

A lone tear rolled down her cheek, and landed in the water below with a splash. Quite literally like a drop in the ocean. Everything she had seen yesterday was now submerged. Canterlot, Ponyville, the train track and the lush, rolling hills of her kingdom had all became the bottom of the sea. All of those ponies down there—her subjects and her friends—had been completely submerged. Celestia gasped, the realisation hitting her. There was only one pony capable of doing this. “Guards!” she cried, “guards, to me!”

“Why, hello, dear sister,” said a voice from behind. Celestia didn't bother looking; she knew who it was. “Wonderful day, isn't it? All those guards are rather... preoccupied, as it seems.”

“What... what have you done?” she asked, her voice on the verge of cracking.

“What have I done? Dear sister, I believe you are the one who did it,” said Luna, appearing at Celestia's side. “You, with your insufferable jokes and incessant giggling. You, with your reckless abandon for your subjects,” she said with a hiss. “I once believed it was simply the curse of having a prankster for a sister, but then I truly thought about it.”

“You thought about murdering hundreds of thousands?!” she shouted, tears falling down her face. “All of them, innocent ponies, for an innocent prank? You've committed genocide, Luna. There is no forgiveness for this!” Celestia felt like fighting her sister. She wanted to banish her to the moon once more, perhaps never see her again, but it would make no difference. Luna had already committed her crime—there was no reversing the evil deed.

Luna ground her teeth. “I committed genocide?” she asked, indicating herself. “I committed genocide, did I? Dear sister, I always thought you were a joker, but that's not even remotely amusing. You have done this, sister. I merely delivered the results. Do not shoot the messenger.” Her little sister moved closer to Celestia, whispering into her ear. “It was all you.”

Celestia fell to the railing as she gazed into the sea. Gulls flew and cried overhead, almost as if they were delighted by their new home. If only they knew how exactly they had acquired it. “Do you want to know why, Celestia? Why you did this?” Luna began, joining her on the ground. Celestia refused to respond, allowing her tears to punctuate her feelings. Luna chuckled at her misery. “I was having such a lovely dream, such a vivid, happy dream, and then you came along and spoilt it.

“We were flying high into the sky, as free as can be,” Luna began. “It was a beautiful day. A glorious day. The clouds tickled our feathers as we flew through them. The sun was shining down on our faces, warming us to our very cores, and we had our fun as we flew together through the sky. You changed that,” Luna said, cocking her head. “Why did you change it, sister? Why could I not simply have that dream to myself? It was such a lovely dream. One I doubt I’ll ever have again, and you destroyed it.

“You gave me sunburn. You had purposely caused me harm, as well as the subjects below you. Do you know the worst of it? It wasn’t the first time you’d done it. At that moment, I realised: I will not put up with it. You were the straw that broke the camel’s back, dear sister!” she said, pointing to the sea. “Think of all those lives you ended, Celestia! All because of your… what did you call them? Harmless pranks.” She paused, letting out a maniacal laugh. “Want to know how much closer I moved the moon?” Luna asked, whispering into her sister's ear once more. "Close enough."

“Sister, you will pay for your crimes,” said Celestia, finally lifting herself from the railing. With a swish of her horn, she sent her sister flying backwards into the wall, her will unwavering. Luna landed with a crunch, falling to her hooves. “You have devastated my land, broken my trust and, even worse, you have... punished my subjects for my sins.” She wiped a tear away. “There is no redemption for this, and I feel no joy in punishing you. Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Luna stuck out her tongue. She trotted over to Celestia, a smug smile etched across her face.

“Ooh, Celestia, looks like you've had a horrible dream.”

Celestia woke, gasping for breath. She rushed over to the railing of the pool, looking down into the heart of her kingdom, Canterlot. To her surprise, all was well. Ponies went about their usual business, not a single seagull in sight and not a drop of water. She breathed a sigh of relief. A silhouette stood behind her. It giggled before trotting away to the safety of shade. “How is that for a prank, dear sister?” Luna said, raising a reddened eyebrow.

Princess Celestia lowered her sunglasses, glaring at her sister. “It is on!”