Fluttershy is a Haki Master

by Quark

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Comedy
Length: 1943

Ninjas attack Equestria! The only one who can stop them also happens to be Fluttershy. Who knew?

Logic is something optional, right? That is the theme of this story. Utilizing a loose connection with 'Dragonshy' and 'The Stare Master,' it is blatantly obvious that Fluttershy is a master of the art of Haki. Also, ninjas.
This is a short story I've been working on because I needed a break from my other story.
Thanks to Raikoh-illust for the image.
This counts as a crossover, right? You know, because Haki is derived from One Piece and all that. That's as loose a connection as the logic of this story…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-28 15:00:02 UTC

I Was Compelled to Write this for Some Reason

Fluttershy is a Haki Master... For Some Reason

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there was an invasion of ninjas. Not for any real reason in particular, it was just a bunch of ninjas who decided that they wanted some of that awesome antagonist action and thus reasoned that there would be no better decision to make than to invade Equestria, the land whose rulers are vital to the entire cycle of day and night and are blatantly a major part of the world and vital to the ecology.

"Well screw that!" A ninja said in a dark, deep voice whilst clad in a stereotypical black cloak to hide any semblance of his form in order to preserve ambiguity until his 1000 word long battle with the protagonist which is an event which will obviously happen because of reasons. "We don't need stuff like sunlight or moonlight! We're all ninjas! We can eat whatever we want, especially since we're vegetarians and thus rely on the existence of Celestia and Luna; two incredibly valuable individuals who would dare to provide light and guidance in the dark!"

"Aye! The deaths of mill'yns in c'llat'ral damage cannae mean much to us, laddie! We're ninjas! And I'm Sco'ish in case ya didn't know!" Another spoke from the circle of cloaked brethren. Around them stood a vast forest with many tall trees standing guard over their night meeting. These trees would invariably die if their plan succeeded, whether from cancerous mutations by the fault of UV radiation, or by lack of light in order to successfully manage photosynthesis.

"I do believe, mmhmmhmm, that we've secured our place as.... Ninjas.... by saying it... enough, mmhmmhmm..." A tall one added.

"Then it is settled! We invade Equestria!" The obvious leader said, marked by his soft voice. He coughed. "Okay guys, let's hit the sack! I mean, I don't wanna be the bad guy here, but it's way past regulated university curfew, and you know that as the RA, I'm not supposed to let this whole 'ninja cult' thing get in the way of university policy, so until the next meeting, which is on Tuesday at 9:00, good night!" He spoke evilly. "And make sure you're there on time! I don't wanna be the bad guy, but it really slows down our agenda if you're not here on time! We'll have some nice team building exercises then, got it!"

"Got it!" About two hundred voices resounded.

Two Weeks Later

A throne room. Generic columns marked the sides of the large room while a red carpet adorned the middle of the floor. Two armored and inexplicably but fan-accepted to be magically altered to be identical four legged, furry pony guards stared blankly at the individual sitting on the throne next to the door.

She (female empowerment) was a white (of course) winged horse with human-like facial qualities and muscles who was taller (seriously?) and of a different species (dear Lord, what is up with this?) than her guards.

"Oh Faust this is droll... Either I sit here and do nothing but receive the same picture from my student over and over again, I receive a philosophical report from my student, a political event comes up which I am portrayed to not be fond of, or some random guard comes running in to tell me that something vague has come up. Dear Lord what have I done with my life?" She asked, gazing up to the stars.

Bang.

The giant doors slammed open as a panicked, individually suppressed guard rushed in with a panicked expression.

"Oh no, what has happened." The ruler stated in a monotone which conveyed her emotions to nobody because we all know that guards aren't people.

"They have struck!" The pseudo-pony said.

"Oh dear. They. You know, They's parents must have been insanely un-creative. Could you, I don't know... Elaborate?"

"Yes, my Princess." Because female rulers must be princesses. "Ninjas!"

"Better, now, what did they do?"

"They destroyed Fillydelphia and are waiting there challenging your name."

"Good!"

The guard stared blankly at his superior. "I'm... Confu-"

"I meant about elaboration. Not the deaths of hundreds of thousands of ponies as has been implied in your statement."

"So what will you do?"

"I dunno, we've never had a successful military operation, so... I guess, tell my student, Twilight Sparkle and her friends that we've exhausted all our resources and get them to go deal with the ninjas while I sit here and eat my fan forced cake."

"Very good, your highness."

Ponyville, or More Specifically, the Middle of a Tree-Library

Burp! Went an obvious male stereotype.

"Was that a letter? Has Princess Celestia sent me a letter?" A purple unicorn with a fancy star on her butt screamed.

"I'm an infant. Don't they have child labor laws in Equestria?" A small purple lizard thing walked in a bipedal stature whilst holding a scroll.

"I'm glad you asked, Spike, in fact, you're technically stolen from your mother and are not an official citizen of Equestria due to hatching not classifying as a legal birth! You have no rights!" The unicorn replied happily that she could keep her slave.

"Well, aside from that, the author's tired and wants to finish this as fast as he can, so basically, ninjas, Fillydelphia, go fight. I'm going to sleep and maybe play some NES later on. One day, one day I shall defeat Ninja Gaiden. That will be the best day of my li-"

"Yeah, cool. I'm gonna get my real friends and try and stop these ninjas. Probably fail at it too."

Fluttershy's Cottage

A yellow pegasus trot to her pet bear with some fish she clearly slaughtered.

"Hi Mr. Bear whose canon name has never been mentioned despite the prospect of merchandising. I brought you some dead animals to consume despite it being confirmed that pony society looks down on such behavior!"

Her voice was soft and sweet; the type that only a mother could hate. (The author would like to interject and state that his family experiences are abnormal, and his opinions of his relatives are not commonly shared. Thank you.)

"Fluttershy!" The purple unicorn whose name, in case you were wondering, which you weren't because you're on this site and are in all likelihood aware of the fact, was Twilight Sparkle. She also had four companions who you're probably aware of, so the author would like to skip beating around the bush and just say that screw it, this is a one shot on a MLP fanfiction site so...

"Fluttershy! The author is trying to sleep and doesn't care, so he made me gather everyone else who are rather unimportant to the plot, off camera."

"Why did you say off camera? It's a fanfiction which has words so you should have said off page or something?" Pinkie Pie (you know who that is!) said because she is out of character due to comic relief through sensible thought processes in an overly sarcastic fic.

"Yes yes, but the main character is Fluttershy, so since we've established that, nothing else matters."

And thus they walked to Fillydelphia within the constraints of eleven words.

Fillydelphia

Despite the number stated less than five hundred words ago, there were only fifteen ninjas who were sitting in a convenient circle around the correct street the main characters were entering from.

There were broken buildings and small foals being held at knifepoint because you have to make your villains seem evil somehow.

"Stop! We are the Elements of Harmony, and we are here to stop you!" Twilight screamed.

"Ah, Celestia! We have been waiting for yo-..... Hold on, six mares? Please tell me that Celestia is stamding behind you menacingly. Seriously, if you look around dramatically with a few slow panning cameras, you'd see that we've entirely demolished this city! I mean, I don't wanna be the bad guy here, although that is my role, but what purpose do you serve?" The evil ninja master said evilly.

"We stopped Nightmare Moon, Discord, the Changeling invasion partially, and almost defeated by King Sombra, but were saved by a walking fax machine! We have merits beyond yours!" Twilight screamed again.

"And my buddy Bill over here totally kicked down this skyscraper. And since none of those invasions had any element of lethality to them, your point is rendered moot. We're ninjas who don't care about making you terrified, we'll just be assassinating you when you're questioning morality!"

"We'll defeat you with our friendship!"

And in ten seconds, the main characters were captured and tied up because villains can only kill background characters.

Also, they slit Applejack's throat and she died.

"Y'know, that was sorta diss'pointin' if ya know what I mean, laddie." A ninja spoke, his defining characteristics hidden because he was wearing a black suit. Duh.

"Mmmhmmmhmmm..." Said another one. Because they were the only ones introduced due to time constraints, none of the other ninjas spoke. "We.... Are mocking you now.... Haha.... You all suck....... mmhmmhmmm..." The ninja approached the bundle of tied up ponies, ninjato in hoof. "Time to ddddddiiiiiiiiiii-" He said in slow motion, because there has to be dialogue within the constraints of half a second.

"Oh no! We're going to die!" Twilight screamed.

"Oh no! We're going to die! I'm loyal!" Screamed Rainbow Dash.

"Oh no! I'm going to die! You guys too, but I'm going to die!" Screamed Rarity, the element of Generosity.

"Oh no! Wait. He's swinging the sword downwards... He'll only hit one pony, so really, it's more or less 'somepony is going to die' when you think about it..." Pinkie Pie said.

Fluttershy sat there for a quarter of a second, which, due to cinematic time, felt like two minutes, before suddenly opening her eyes intensely.

"I!" She screamed as her forelegs turned black and moved outwards, snapping the ropes.

"-iiiiiiiiiiiiieeee huh?" The ninja finished as his blade was intercepted  by a shining, black foreleg.

"Am the main character!" Fluttershy screamed as she punched the ninja in the face, sending him flying backwards.

Fluttershy vanished in a series of cheaply animated lines to express speed before reappearing in the face of another ninja and swiping with her hoof; her hind legs rippling as she moved on them.

"And I!"

Paff!

"Am a Haki master!" The ninja who was never elaborated on flew into a building and probably like.... Died or something.

"Look out lads, th' lass has H'ki! We'd better throw some ninj' stars or somethin'!"

And they did. But Flutters was far to advanced for that!

"Kenbunshoku Haki! Observation!" And she thus moved from side to side and dodged every star like a badass.

"Dear God she's a fas' lass!"

She then smirked and scrunched up her face, her eyes widening and her mouth curling downwards. And thus, every single ninja fell down unconscious except for the leader. How very convenient.

"HA! You think that by showing all forms of Haki you can beat me? Please! I'm a ninj-" The leader ninja's statement was cut short by the sound of a hoof making contact with his face.

"THE AUTHOR IS TIRED AND IS SICK OF WRITING! THUS THIS MUST BE CUT SHORT!" She screamed in a final war cry before falling unconscious because tropes.

Later, in a Bed

"Fluttershy! Wake up!" Twilight's voice pierced the black void of sleep.

"What?" She managed to say.

"The battle is over! We won! Or to be more accurate, you won! And we only lost Applejack, so we're no worse for wear!"

"Yay."

And They all Died Horribly. The End!