Short Clop: Twilight Sparkle Fornicates with a Checklist

by Sonic Derpboom

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 2765

Twilight Sparkle pleasures herself with a mare-sized checklist. I'm fairly certain that that concept speaks for itself.

(This story is extremely old and is gutter tier trash. Please read anything else on this site over this malodorous tripe.)
(This story feels as if it is something that has been done before. However, I don't know how to begin looking around Fimfiction for a similar story. If another story that features Twilight straddling a checklist between her haunches for several thousand words exists, link me to it. I shall remove this story without argument. Also, the cover image belongs to Somepony of DeviantART. Thank you to Cast-Iron Caryatid for pointing me in the direction of it's source.)

Twilight writes a gigantic checklist. She then proceeds to have sex with it. That is this story.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-01 04:40:07 UTC

David Bowie is the BEST IN THE SERVER!

Twilight Sparkle Fornicates with a Checklist

A short clop by Sonic "Officer Dinglepuss" Derpboom

"Let's see... What else do we need?" Twilight Sparkle pondered to herself.

Twilight sat upright, a quill pen being gently cradled in her magical grip. In addition to the slim feather, Twilight's magic held an open scroll of once-blank writing paper. The scroll, now being coated in neatly organized, midnight blue print, drastically differed in nature from practically all of Twilight's past written works. The scroll was to be used as a checklist, created with the intention of neatly sorting out a schedule of Twilight's plans for the day. This was fairly common course for Twilight. The abnormalities of the situation could be found more in the checklist itself.

You see, at this time, Twilight's trusty assistant and friend, Spike, was absent. A day prior to the events that are being highlighted, Spike had taken a temporary leave from the comfort of Twilight's library. This was so that he could accompany his personal friend and love interest, Rarity, on a fashion tour to Las Pegasus. He had claimed that this was due to his personal desire of giving Rarity an extra set of hands on her tour. Twilight, however, knew what his true intention was. She wasn't going to fault him, though. Being surrounded by older females on a 24/7 basis was bound to lead to a bit of hidden tension. Spike's absence, however, led to unforeseen consequences: Without her assistant around, Twilight had absolutely nobody to keep her obsessive nature in check.

It was because of this, that Twilight had completely lost track of rationality while sorting out her plans for the day. From her five-thirty AM awakening, to the currently-being-highlighted hour of eleven AM, Twilight had been steadily working on a checklist for the day's activities. Due to her obsessive-compulsive nature, the list had quickly grown out of hand. Consisting of several average-sized sheets of paper (all taped together), the scroll was certainly something to behold. Measuring at five hooves and two inches long, with a diameter of one inch and nine hooves, the list was a sight to be seen.

"...Nothing, I guess." Twilight said, concluding her previous statement.

Finally being satisfied with the list's massive span of content, Twilight gave a shrug. She then began vertically rolling the large, makeshift sheet of paper, being careful not to tear any of it. Upon the scroll being perfectly rolled and sealed, Twilight took a moment to admire her work. She pulled the scroll into her magical grasp. She then proceeded to intently gaze at it.

Twilight was incredibly proud of herself. Completely independently, she had successfully written, rolled, and packed a checklist that measured over five feet in length. The mere thought was intoxicating. Twilight had completed this feat entirely on her own. Spike wasn't present at all. Twilight could feel saliva forming in her mouth. She began steadily licking her lips as she gazed, awestruck, at her work. Releasing the scroll from her magical grip, Twilight used her forelegs to cradle it closely against her form.

"T-This is actually the biggest checklist that I've ever made..." Twilight let out, her eyes half-lidded. "A-And it's huge..." She once again gave consideration to the scroll's measured size. "I-It's..."

Unable to finish her statement, Twilight simply let out an elongated moan of lust as she nestled the scroll against her chest, stomach, and everything below. Twilight's tongue once again slid across her lips as her forelegs' grip on the scroll tightened. After several moments of this action passed, Twilight could feel a warmth growing in her nether regions. As her jaw grew slack, another lustful moan released. Twilight's eyes gently closed themselves as she lightly placed her tongue upon the scroll. It wasn't until several moments later, that Twilight had realized what it was that she was doing.

"W-Wait!" Twilight shouted to herself.

With this, Twilight tossed the scroll away without hesitation. She then threw herself onto her back, and began staggering away from the scroll. At the time of committing the act, Twilight hadn't realized that she had just been doing. Princess Twilight Sparkle, omni-powerful Alicorn and Equestrian royalty, had just been sexually excited by a paper scroll.

"What just came over me?" Twilight panted. "I-I've never felt that way, before."

Twilight began steadily eyeing the scroll. Her heart pounding, she began pondering what had just happened. Just what was it about the checklist that had caused her to become "excited?" It may have been the mere size of it. It may have also been the feeling of the freshly cut paper against her coat. Twilight, however, quickly disregarded these hypotheses. There was one thought process that titillated both her thoughts, and body, more than any other. It was the mere concept of her creating such a marvel, completely and one hundred percent single-hoofedly. This thought sent chills down her spine, and warmth into other places.

Twilight, once again feeling uncontrollably aroused, began considering what to do. She could have simply gone to her bedroom, and "satisfied" herself by hoof. However, it would be a pointless effort. While it would satisfy Twilight's physical needs, her mental cravings would be left unattended for. Twilight once again turned to the scroll. The paper Goliath sat, motionless, several feet away from her.

"It's a scroll of paper! I-I couldn't..." She argued to herself. "Could I?"

Twilight knew that, to an extent, ponies would partake in activities of this nature on a regular basis. She couldn't pretend that she was oblivious to Rarity's "Secret dresser drawer", or to the "instruments" that Rainbow Dash had kept hidden underneath her pillows. If she were to "embrace", so to say, the checklist, she wouldn't be doing anything terribly bizarre, right?

Regardless, the heat that emanated from in between Twilight's walls was growing far too strong for her to bear. Now feeling as if there was no other option, Twilight stood up. Heart pounding and wings fully spread, the illustrious lavender Alicorn started on a nervous walk to the scroll of paper. Upon reaching it, Twilight gave a gulp. She began thinking to herself. Was she actually about to pleasure herself with a large scroll of paper? Well, the warmth that dominated her nether regions was enough of an answer for her.

"Well..." Twilight said, sheepishly. "Here we go."

With this statement, Twilight began digging into the darkest corners of her mind. This was in an effort to conjure up a method of effectively utilizing the scroll as a means of physical pleasure. After several disgusting ideas had popped into Twilight's head, she eventually came up with the perfect way to use the scroll's girth to her advantage.

Her wings fully erect, Twilight lay herself down. Her back to the floor, she lifted her hind legs into the air. Following this act, Twilight proceeded to spread her hind legs as far apart from each other as she could make them spread. Sweat dropping from her forehead, she used her magical capabilities to lift the scroll into the air. Twilight's heart began beating with abnormal speed as the scroll levitated closer and closer to her haunches. As soon as the scroll found itself directly above Twilight's love, she began to breath heavily. Twilight, not intending to penetrate herself with something that was equal to herself in size, tilted the scroll onto it's side. She closed her eyes. Realizing that she had been sitting still for several minutes, she began lowering the scroll.

Upon the thin paper colliding with Twilight's folds, a sudden and unexpected spike of pleasure was sent spiraling throughout Twilight's entire body. This caused her to give out a loud, passionate moan. After taking a moment to catch her breath, Twilight wrapped her hind legs around the scroll. Her heart beating out of her chest, Twilight began blissfully allowing the pleasure of the situation to overcome her.

After allowing a few short moments to pass, Twilight once again pulled the scroll into her magical grip. Using all of of her magical strength, Twilight began forcing the scroll further down, unto herself. She didn't cease this action until she could feel the paper of the scroll being pushed between her folds, up against her deepest depths. The scroll, laying horizontally, now pushed against Twilight's entire form.

Now feeling as if there was absolutely no fault in what she was doing, Twilight began using her magic to motion the scroll . She pushed and pulled it forward and back, in an effort to make it grind against her lips. Her effort was successful, leading to an unfamiliar, yet welcomed form of physical pleasure. For every inch that the scroll moved, Twilight would react with a hearty moan. Twilight could feel her wings fluttering uncontrollably, slapping against the floor that rested underneath her back.

Twilight couldn't begin to tire of the pleasure that she was experiencing. Both physically, and very much mentally. You see, there were several layers of the situation at hand that just titillated Twilight's mental processes to no end. An obvious example is the fact that what she was doing could be considered incredibly taboo by other ponies. The mere thought of doing something so incomprehensibly vulgar sent chills down Twilight's spine. Though, she couldn't deny that that made the situation even more pleasurable for her.

Another reason for Twilight's mental enjoyment of the situation was how truly temporary it was. From the moment that she had decided to do what she was doing, she knew that it would most likely never be possible, again. The only reason that she was able to write such a large checklist was because of Spike's absence. Any other time, Spike would most likely be present. Even in his absence, Twilight would probably never be able to work up the will to write such a large list, again. So, in short, this was most likely going to be the only time that Twilight would ever be able to experience such a feeling.

Upon growing used to the feeling of simply sliding the scroll against her marehood, Twilight decided to pick up the pace. Strengthening her magical control over the scroll, she began causing the scroll's three outermost layers of paper to vibrate ferociously. Now acting as a makeshift toy, the scroll caused Twilight to grow uncontrollably wet. Her entire body began erratically twitching.

"Ooh! It's too much! It's too much! Aaaahhhh~" Twilight cried out, barely able to handle the intense pleasure that had overtaken her.

Twilight knew that, at this point, her sweat and fluids were most likely bleeding through the scroll's paper. This would mean that Twilight's lustful efforts would have also resulted in the deterioration of what had caused said lust. However, by this point in time, Twilight really couldn't care less. All that she could focus on was what was occurring between her haunches.

After several moments of masturbatory pleasuring had passed, Twilight once again found herself growing used to the rhythmic grinding of the scroll against her lips. In addition to this, Twilight could also feel herself growing ever closer to an orgasm. Not wanting to give up her incredibly vulgar situation just yet, Twilight began brainstorming on just how to go about making the situation even more arousing.

After several moments of continually brainstorming had passed, Twilight managed to conjure up the ultimate means of making this situation more pleasurable. Twilight, despite being the only sentient party present, felt as if she wanted to take further control of the situation. Without much effort, Twilight was able to dream up the perfect means of achieving this goal. Without hesitation, she had begun enacting her plan.

Without ceasing her rhythmic grinding against the scroll, Twilight began rolling herself over. Balancing herself on her forelegs, Twilight turned her back to the air. With the scroll still locked firmly between them, Twilight began motioning her hind legs towards the floor. After she had found her bottom hooves touching the floor, Twilight sat herself up. She now sat upright, the scroll in between her hind legs. Twilight then slouched herself over, so that her forelegs could balance atop the scroll. In short, Twilight was both literally, and figuratively, riding the scroll.

Not wanting to halt the situation any further, Twilight resumed her previous activity. She began pushing the scroll forward and backwards, rotating it as she did so. This caused the edge of the scroll to occasionally brush against her lips, leading to several brief spikes in pleasure. This, however, was not enough for Twilight. She wanted to feel as if the scroll was her slave. Her pet, even. She wanted to feel like the checklist's master. Twilight had never felt this way about any of her prior, sentient mates, but it was certainly a welcome feeling.

Wanting to excite this unfamiliar fantasy, Twilight began pushing her own lower body forward and backwards, occasionally adding a brief ascension to the mix. This caused Twilight to feel an unbearable amount of pleasure. This feeling satisfied both her metal desires, and her physical cravings. Twilight could barely handle it. Every push and pull felt like a thousand jolts of pure ecstasy continually shooting throughout her body. It was unbearable. Yet, at the same time, intoxicating.

"Oh! AH~" Twilight squealed. "Oh, Celestia! YES~"

Twilight could feel it coming. She could feel an orgasm building up from in between her walls. She could feel herself growing uncontrollably wet. She could feel her walls contracting. She could feel the warmth from before steadily growing. Her climax was so close, it felt as if it would never come. Twilight felt as if she was going to explode. Her mouth began watering as her orgasm grew ever closer.

After what felt like an eternity, Twilight's peak finally arrived. She could feel her body involuntarily twitching as each wave of her orgasm washed over her body. She could feel her fluids trickling down her legs, forcing their way in between the scroll and her thighs. Twilight let out squeal after squeal as her climax dominated her body. This climax was unlike any other that Twilight had ever experienced before. It was more powerful, more potent, and considerably more pleasurable than any other that she had ever felt. It was incredible.

"Oh! Ooh! AH! I-I'm coming! I'm coming! Aah~" Twilight cried out as her orgasm washed over her.

After what had seemed like minutes of a continuous orgasm, Twilight could feel her pleasure subsiding. After the deed had finally been done, she gave an exhausted sigh. Her lungs drained of air and her fur coated in fluids and sweat, Twilight took a brief moment to recover from the workout that her body had just endured. After this, she released the scroll from her magical grip. Following this, she allowed herself to collapse to the ground, below.

Her limbs feeling immoveable, Twilight managed to turn her head over the scroll. A large, noticeable wet spot rested in the exact place that Twilight had just had squeezed between her haunches. The coloration of the stain was dark enough for Twilight to know that her fluids had bled through several layers of the checklist. Twilight was a bit disappointed to see such a marvel be reduced to such a pitiful state. So, she thought that she would give it a proper send off.

Using her exhausted magic, Twilight began levitating a quill pen to her location. She then proceeded in an effort to unroll the scroll. The state of the scroll was even worse on the inside. Barely any of the objects on the list were readable. Most of the hundreds of entries were either completely washed away, or too obscured to be read. Twilight gave a hazy smile. Lifting the quill pen to the scroll, Twilight began writing something at the very bottom of the large, makeshift sheet of paper. Writing in one of the only spots of the scroll that hadn't been coated in her fluids, Twilight wrote two simple words on the scroll. These words were written alongside a small, unshaded box.

"Pleasure self... Check." She said, placing a check mark in the box.

With this, Twilight lay down the scroll. Feeling both mentally, and physically satisfied, Twilight set out for her bedroom. Disregarding everything that she had written on the scroll in the first place, she began prepping herself for a love-soaked nap. Only one thought could cross Twilight's mind as she feebly walked up her bedroom stairs:

I wonder what else I can do while Spike's gone...