Of Wonder And War

by gooGAKchrome

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Human, Dark
Length: 3473

When the boundaries between two different Earths start to collapse, nothing has a happy ending.

Two of the best and bloodiest mercenaries known to mankind are stuck in Equestria without any means of getting back. This land is not prepared for fighting violence and technology of such a high level, so what will it's inhabitants resort to?

Friendship motherfucker!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-10 06:56:25 UTC

Prologue - Part 1

"Spike, have you seen my quill?"

Twilight was on a tight schedule, she didn't have time for setbacks, the fact that her quill wasn't anywhere to be found didn't help at all, and neither did the fact that spike was taking a leisurely snooze.

"Spike! It's 2:30 P.M! How can you still be asleep!?" Shouted the lavender unicorn as her assistant darted out of bed, fearing what might happen if he made her more upset than she already was.

"Gimme some rest Twi" Muttered Spike "You kept me up all night with all that...WHATEVER it was you were doing downstairs, I think we may even have some complaints from our neighbors"

"Spike, we have no neighbors, we live in a library in the middle of a plaza" She replied "Besides, my magic can't be that loud, can it?"

"I dunno, ask my five hours of insomnia" He said annoyed "What were you doing down there anyway?"

"I was preparing a new spell that princess Celestia asked me to perfect. Last time we met she made a remark about how she had been observing my progress with friendship these past few weeks, I made a joke about how aliens may be watching me too, then one thing lead to another and now we're sending a magical sphere to look for alien life forms that may or not be ready to invade Equestria. Bye!" Said Twilight as she found her quill, put it in her saddlebag and headed for the door.

"What?! Wait a second, you're not going anywhere before explaining what REALLY was going on last night, instead of explaining what you made up instantly to answer my question!" He said as he blocked the exit of the library.

"I'm not making anything up! We figured it might be fun, and since no harmful outcome can actually come of it, we couldn't see a reason why it was a bad idea" She exclaimed as she levitated spike out of the way.

"I could come up with at least a hundred reasons of my own, but whatever, I guess I've seen you do worse" He muttered as Twilight closed the door behind her.

"Your Highness, Twilight Sparkle has arrived"

"Ah, good, let her in"

The doors of the throne room opened up as Twilight waved a hoof to her mentor, who waved back and smiled (Though this was very unlike her)

"You sure seem happy princess!" Mentioned Twilight as she pulled a chair and sat down in front of Celestia.

"Excuse me, it's just that royal duties can be quite boring, so every opportunity at something with at least a little bit of silly nature can be a great joy" Said the ruler of the sun "So how exactly do we plan on doing this?" ."It's rather easy actually" Said Twilight "The spell i created materializes a sphere of magic, I was hoping you could send it off into the sky with your magic. Assuming space really is infinite, it's bound to land on a planet or astral object eventually, once that happens, the sphere will  open a door on front, and move forward for 5 days collecting samples of different objects it finds on said place, and then come back to Equestria."

"Sounds like a sound plan" Said Celestia, as she guided Twilight out into the viewing balcony.

Twilight casted the spell she had practiced, and then Celestia used her magic to create a platform below the magic sphere, she channeled all her magic and lifted the platform skyward at a blinding speed. The magical sphere was eventually ejected into the atmosphere, and then flew out of sight.

"Well, that takes care of that, I'l be heading back to Ponyville now, if you don't mind" Chuckled twilight. "Alright then, take care my faithful student" Said Celestia as Twilight walked back inside, and out of the throne room into the exit of canterlot castle, where a carriage was waiting for her.

"Spike, i'm back!"

"Oh, that was fast" Exclaimed Spike as Twilight entered the building "Did you forget something midway?"

"Nope, it wasn't exactly a very complicated meeting you know" She said as she lay her saddlebag on her table. "Would you care to tell me why you took so much stuff with you if all you needed to do was cast a spell?" Spike asked with a skeptic face.

"In the case of an error or accident happening while I casted the spell, i took enough material to re-write it without having to come back all the way here, it's called being prepared, maybe you should try it" Said Twilight annoyed "Did anything happen while i was away?"

"Well, Pinkie Pie came over to ask you if she had left Gummy here yesterday, but right as I was about to disappoint her, she started spinning around at the speed of Rainbow Dash, like a whole new Pinkie sense. I had to put all the books she dropped back on their shelves, which were all of them, you're welcome by the way"

"A WHOLE NEW PINKIE SENSE?!" Twilight took a few seconds to take that in "Did you take patterns or notes about her?!"

"No, but I reorganized the entire library, doesn't that mean anything to you?" Said spike.

All he got was a "Not now spike!" from twilight, as she she took a quill, a bottle of ink, some paper and then ran down to Sugar Cube Corner.

"Ugh, the horseapples i put up with..."

Prologue - Part 2

Earth

Blackwood Manor

3:52 PM

"Lord Blackwood, the mercenaries have arrived"

"Good, let them in"

Millionaire and business magnate Charles Blackwood had money to spare, but he kept it to himself, which wasn't surprising at all, considering he was a posh son of a gun. He had suffered a "setback" of sorts, for which he called two of the best mercenaries available.

"Remember, be polite and don't say anything stupid" Said Marcus Tyler, the older of the two mercenaries and overall leader of the two as his partner Stephen Caballio rolled his eyes in annoyance."Why do you always have to treat me like an overgrown baby?"

"Because you ARE an overgrown baby, now get a move on!" He shouted as the door to Charles Blackwoods's dining room opened, revealing a young maid who guided them to where lord Blackwood was waiting for them.

"Welcome gentlemen, I believe we haven't been properly introduced: My name is Charles Blackwood, it's a pleasure to meet you"

Marcus and Stephen were just about the top service of military force available on the surface of the planet, being trained in all sorts of combats, both physically and mentally. Also known for the fact that they stopped the Al-Qaeda from killing the president and unleashing World War III (Twice), but that's besides the point.

"The pleasure is ours sir" said Marcus as Stephen rolled his eyes and sighed."Nevertheless, you still haven't told us what our assignment is, so i'll assume this is a good time to ask personally"

"Well you see, i'm the owner of the Blackwood Museum of Alien Life and Extraterrestrial Proof down at Las Vegas, where pieces of technology and nature completely foreign to earth can be found, you'd be surprised how much money it's made me. However, some agents from INTERPOL have taken many pieces from the museum under the excuse of "They belong to the countries which they were found in". Naturally I'd just let it slide considering it's INTERPOL we're talking about, but these pieces are some of the largest sources of money i have ever owned. With that said, I want you to get them back for me. The base in which the artifacts are being held is located in Heather Shepard, Rhode Island. But remember, this is a stealth mission, cause bloodshed if you have to, but make sure that no word of this operation is ever spoken of outside the three of us, understood?"

Both mercenaries said "Understood" in unison.

"Good, you may take one of my various jets to get there, just don't damage it too much

Earth

Skies above Interpol Base 16625

7:12 PM

"Are you ready Stephen?"

"LEEROOOOY JEEEENKIIINS!"

As both mercenaries came out of the seashore, they proceeded to approach the entrance of the base, where two guards with machine guns awaited for intruders beside an entrance manager sitting bored in a booth.

Marcus and Stephen walked up to them, hiding their handguns, looking like any normal person would.

"State your names and inten-" The first guard was cut short by a silenced bullet to the face, as the second guard watched befuddled, Stephen ran up to him and stabbed him there, causing him to bleed to death.

Marcus pointed a gun at the horrified entrance manager's head at point blank range as Stephen hid the dead bodies under a thick bush."Open the goddamn door!"

"A-alright just please don't h-hurt me!"Said the manager through a spasmodic sobbing as he opened the gate. Marcus proceeded to cover his mouth and shove a knife in his stomach. "Thank's fuckface"

As the two of them headed down the halls of the base avoiding guards and what not,  they came across the door leading to the room they were looking for. Inside, they saw a variety of different asteroids; supposed UFO pieces and even a strange liquid contained within a vial that had "Radioactive" slapped on it.

"Which of these do you suppose belong to Blackwood?" Asked Stephen with a hint of worry in his voice."Fuck it, let's just take all of them" Replied Marcus as Stephen approached one of the artifacts and touched it.

*WEEOOWEEOOWEEOO*

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MAN?!"

"I'm sorry! I just felt the need to touch it and-"

"HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GONNA KEEP ACTING LIKE AN AMATEUR?!" Marcus cut him off before he could even finish apologizing and took out his Mossberg 500 just in time before INTERPOL troops came banging through the door.

Marcus was shooting at the endless waves of agents while Stephen scrambled through his equipment pouch. Finally, he found what he was looking for: a small yellow grenade-like bomb with the word "Toxic" Written on it, and threw it over to Marcus, who in turn removed the pin on top and threw it at the squad's feet, letting out a cloud of green smoke.

"It's Nova 6! Get back!" Shouted one of the agents as the mercenaries made their quick escape towards the door at the end of the hall.

"We need a password to unlock it!" Said Stephen, Marcus only drew out his trusty katana and got into striking stance, said "Here's your password!"and sliced the steel door in two, leaving another Nova 6 bomb behind them as they crossed over to the next room.

It seemed as if the guards had drawn back to gather weapons and ammo, which gave both mercenaries some breathing time.

"You're a disgrace to mercenaries worldwide you cunt!" Shouted Marcus as Stephen got closer to him, puffing his chest a bit "Well at least I don't psychotically murder innocent tollbooth runners that beg for their lives!"

"HE WAS COMPROMISING THE MISSION!"

"IN WHAT WAY?!"

Enraged, Marcus threw a jab at Stephen , who retaliated and judo-threw him from the shoulders into one of the artifacts, Marcus got up and rushed towards a small asteroids being kept and launched it over to Stephen, hitting him in the face and making him stagger, he did not take it lightly.

Stephen jumped on top of Marcus, laying a barrage of fists on his bloodied face and finishing the combo with a kick that put him standing against a mysterious purple sphere with a hole on it. As a finishing attack, he headbutted Marcus so hard that they both fell in the sphere.

"STOP, STOP RIGHT NOW"

Marcus made his words clear even though he was out of breath, "As much as i would like to rip your face off and you would mine, we have a mission to accomplish right now"

Stephen looked at him, grinding his teeth in anger for a few seconds and then calming down. He only replied with a silent "Fine" as he got off Marcus. But as soon as they were about to get out of the sphere, they noticed that the hole they entered through was gone.

"What the fu-" Stephen muttered to himself a few seconds before Marcus stepped in front of him and said "I got this" whipping out his shotgun and shooting the inside of the sphere. The bullets merely bounced off and fell.

As the mercenary duo stared with gaping mouths at the result, the sphere started shaking and slowly but surely descended off the ground.

"WHAT THE UNHOLY HELL IS THIS?!" Were Marcus's last words as the sphere broke through the roof and levitated more and more until the planet bellow was reduced to a tiny spot in mere seconds.

Killer forest VS Apeshit mercenaries

Marcus woke up on top of what seemed like grass, but it felt different to say the least. After remembering what had happened, he turned around only to find the purple sphere they were trapped in smashed into the ground.

"So it wasn't a dream". He scanned the surrounding area, only to find Stephen laying on the ground.

"Steve! Are you alright?!" He asked, not really expecting an answer. For a few seconds there was no response,until he merely grumbled an said in a half-dead voice:

"How many fucking times have i told you not to call me Steve?"

Marcus sighed in relief at this. Though they had fights now and then, he and Stephen were friends since Kindergarten, and were not about to let each other die just because some alien artifact whisked them off to...

He contemplated that thought for a moment.

"Do you have any idea where we are?"

"I dunno, lemme check"

Stephen pulled out his Iphone and started his GPS app, however all he got was an error screen.

"That's odd, it won't work"

"Whadd'ya mean it won't work?"

"What I said, it won't fucking work!"

Marcus just shrugged it off and helped Stephen up."You know, know that I think about it, I remember seeing Earth fade away before i blacked out, so I'm gonna take a wild guess and say we're not on Earth anymore"

"Well" Said Marcus "There's plant life all around us, and we seem to be in a swamp, so if your guess is right..."

"We must be on another planet which can hold life on it" Stephen finished Marcus's idea.

Both mercenaries heard a slow rumbling from the bushes around them. Being ready for anything, they took out their weapons and primed them.

What they saw next was weird to say the least, it was a pack of wooden wolves surrounding them. They were about to attack, however, a loud banging noise resonated in the distance, which made the wolves run for their lives.

"Well that was anticlimactic"

"Uh, dude? We've got a bigger problem on our hands!" Stephen poked Marcus's shoulder, and as he slowly turned around, he found that a hydra was looking at them. And it was hungry.

Marcus only slowly put a song on his Iphone, set it on speaker, and raised his shotgun.

"This is gonna be fun!"

Marcus ran circles around the hydra, avoiding all four of its head, finally stopping behind it and climbing up its tail. Before the hydra could react, Stephen threw a stone at it and "Yelled come at me bro!"

Pissed off, one of the four heads reached down to eat Stephen, but he quickly moved out of the way with a sidestep, dropping a grenade into it's open mouth.

*BOOM*

With newly spilled blood on his faces, Marcus reached the hydra's base torso top, where the remaining three head's necks met. He pulled out his katana and cut off one neck right off the body, then he jumped into the air with a somersault and shot another head at almost point blank range.

The remaining head, traumatized by what it saw, let out a shout that could shatter eardrums. Followed by another hydra coming out of the swamp, except this one was at least 8 times as big and had 16 heads.

"Holy motherfucking shit! Is that it's mom?" Yelled Stephen as Marcus simply drew out his katana (again) and closed his eyes.

"What are you do-"

"SHH!"

"Wha-"

"SHUT UP!"

Marcus took a deep breath as he got into deep focus, seconds seemed like minutes as the hydra charged straight for them, but little did it know that it's days were numbered.

"Rest in peace motherfucker"

*THWANG*

Stephen watched dumbfounded as the hydra's body was sliced in two, splitting the heads 8 and 8 on each side of the corpse.

"Jesus Christ man! That's some shit taken straight out of an anime! You gotta teach me some of those skills someday"

"I'l think about it" Marcus sheathed his katana and put away his shotgun. He tried to clean some blood off of his armor, but it was worthless, he was practically soaked in that damn monster's internal fluids.

"You sure you don't wanna take a bath in that there well?"

"Nah i'm good...wait a second, a well?" he looked over to where Stephen was looking, and there was indeed a well, in the middle of nowhere.

"Well, if there's a well around this swell area that means that we are well on our way to well mannered civilization"

"Knock it off Dr.Seuss"

Marcus was about to let out a witty comeback, but right as he was about to he heard a cracking noise coming from the nearby shrubbery. Attentive as ever, he whipped out his shotgun and turned straight to the source of the sound, what he saw was weird even for current situation standards.

It was a yellow horse with a pink mane and wings, however it seemed to small to be a horse, it also had very large eyes, he almost got the urge to cuddle it.

But before he could take an opinion on the matter, the small candy coated equine bolted up and started running for it's life.

"Stephen?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you by any chance happen to pack a breathalyzer before we left out on the mission? I think i may have drunk too much"

Fluttershy ran as fast as she could, tears running down her cheeks out of pure fear. This was the first time she had ever seen animals of that species , and hopefully the very last. There were 2 of them: One had a short blonde mane (Which was fairly combed) and brown eyes, while the other one had a long black one, and a set of very interesting eyes (One was orange, the other was light blue)

As joyous as discovering a new species would be for her, these two creatures had taken down not one, but two hydras with barely no effort. But the real kicker was that the one with different colored eyes got covered from head to hind hoof in blood, and didn't seem to care. This could only mean one thing: they were prone to violence, and wouldn't hesitate to hurt her.

She eventually made it out of the Everfree forest and headed straight for Twilight's library. She burst straight into the main room, giving her a surprised glare from Twilight and Spike.

"Fluttershy! What happened?!"

"T-Twilight! I need help! Please don't let them hu-"

"Whoa whoa whoa! Calm down! If you're going to tell me something then tell me at a speed I can understand."

Fluttershy took a deep breath (Tears still running down her cheek) and started explaining.

"I was going through the Everfree forest on my way to Zecora's hut, I was going to ask her if she had some Chamomile I could use for making medicine. But when i was about stop by one of the wells she set up around the area to drink some water, I noticed two strange creatures i had never seen before. I tried to get close to them, since they seemed peaceful, but as i was about to reach out, a pack of timberwolves ambushed them. I was about to run away, however the timberwolves beat me to it because there was a giant hydra standing behind them, and I-"

"Fluttershy, summarize it please! There was a hydra standing behind the creatures, what did they do?"

"T-They..."

"They what?"

"They..."

"THEY WHAT FLUTTERSHY?!"

Fluttershy jumped up in fear at Twilight's yelling. She shrunk down and hid behind her mane.

"I'm sorry, but you're testing my patience! I promise i won't shout at you again, but please just tell me what they did"

"T-they.....they killed it"