All the Time in Equestria

by Microshazm

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random, Shining Armor
Length: 3431

Which were the best days of your life? Would you like to live through them again? Shining Armor wants to, and he's taking his wife with him to a timeless journey.

Remember that day when absolutely nothing went wrong? The best day of your life?

With help from a piece of timeless technology Prince Shining Armour is ready to spice up the old marriage! Good bye present, and say hello to the past! Nothing beats a rainy day better than a sunny one -- especially if you already know how it went...

Thanks to Dafaddah and Silvertie for pre-reading.

Published 2013-08-29 23:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-29 23:20:01 UTC

Time and Time Again

The Crystal Palace

The palace gardener had tipped Cadance on something about the Prince escorting a bunch of odd-looking ponies to their private quarters. And there they were in the lounge, standing on pieces of cardboard and fragments of plaster and crystal. It seemed like a section of the wall had been torn open.

Prince Shining Armor was a dozen steps away, trying to eavesdrop on a discussion between three stallions Cadance didn’t recognize.

“Shining, what is this?” Cadance said, getting her husband’s attention with a knock on the crystal wall.

“It’s the plumbers, honey. It shouldn’t take them much longer before they’re done here,” Shining said like nothing was out of ordinary. Cadance glanced over the three of them: there was a tall Earth pony plumber wearing a green cap, a stodgier one with a red cap that may have been the former’s brother, and a middle-aged, greyish brown, and red-headed pegasus, who was looking at her as if seeing an old friend.

The pegasus came swiftly to greet her. “You must be Princess Cadance, an honor to meet you. Byron Aldiss at your service.” He took Cadance’s hoof, placed a soft kiss on it, and then shook it firmly. Cadance couldn’t help but smile for a moment before gesturing to her husband, who followed her to the balcony. Cadance closed the doors behind them. She took in a couple of breaths to actually find the right words.

“What are a bunch of plumbers doing in the lounge? We don’t have running water in that room.”

Shining hesitated for a moment before – to Cadance’s surprise – letting out a relieved laugh. “Oh, they don’t do pipes for water,” he said with a bright grin. “Or at least I didn’t hire them to do that. Hold on a second...” Shining pushed the door open and drew a leaflet from somewhere inside. Cadance clutched it in her aura and read it.

Ever had the absolute best day of your life? Maybe it was your tenth birthday, or maybe it was last Tuesday. No matter how good that time was, you won’t get it back. That’s the truth, however depressing.

But in this case, the truth is overrated. We have the time; we’re bringing it to you. Remember that perfect day when it was sunny and nice, and you were so sad to see it pass? No worries, that day is today. And for every bad day, we saved you a good one.

Your friend, Byron Aldiss – Aldiss Plumbing

Cadance flipped it over, but the other side was blank – just like the stare she gave Shining. “Please, explain,” she said with a sigh. Her husband gulped.

“Not every day is the best, honey, but with a timetap we can have any kind of a day we want. Every day.” The words sounded with rather eerie childlike enthusiasm. Cadance couldn’t make out if it was the advertising speaking, or something else altogether. She could’ve pressed the issue. She probably could’ve dug out the answers she didn’t want to hear.

“I got that from the brochure. Except the timetap. What is a timetap?” she said.

A stiff breeze blew over the balcony, floating the tension off to some other time. Shining’s smile cranked a few notches up again, and he burst out talking. “A temporal outlet that lets you breathe in the past. Um, like... Take two days’ worth on a Wednesday, and it becomes last Monday in your head. And it’s totally safe! Totally tested!”

Cadance stood there with her mouth open like a fly trap. To Cadance the whole thing sounded like a reliable disaster – a ticking time bomb – though the plumbing firm must’ve worked even that to its slogans. Time to wind back the ticker. Experience the blasts from the past.

“They were also very reasonably priced,” Shining rambled on. “Come on, honey, they don’t even have these in Canterlot. We can be on the cutting edge!”

“You should’ve asked me first, Shining.” Cadance gave him a weary look and turned slowly to walk back inside. “You could’ve trusted me, and maybe I could’ve been as excited about this as you are.”

“You weren’t supposed to know! It was... it was supposed to be a surprise.” Shining Armor’s eyes followed his wife through the lounge and to the stairway. Aldiss greeted her, but she just trotted past him and the two plumbers and trotted up the stairs.

Shining viewed at the city below them and sighed. The crystal ponies were always so unflappable. When dealing with politics and security that level-headedness often got in the way of things – often to the point of irritating him, but it was nothing personal. It was that bad case of disappearance. You didn’t want to stir, but play along, for it mustn’t happen again. Only if things were so simple and life was fair, he thought to himself, and there was never anything that needed stirring.

A minute or two passed before Shining walked back to the lounge. Aldiss was quick to address him. “Mares. She’ll come around. Just give her... time.”

Shining put up a smile wide enough to quickly push aside the talk with Cadance. “I hope she doesn’t go overtime!”

Aldiss chimed in: “Maybe it’s that time of the month!”

“Good that wounds heal over time!”

And the time jokes went on far into the night.

***

The day was Thursday, and like any other Thursday it was a mismatch of wishful expectations and gray reality. If Crystal ponies didn’t mind one thing, it was the weather. When it rained, it rained hard, but they shrugged it off like some natural phenomenon. On top of the abysmal rain there had been a small but substantial outbreak of fire at the local perfume shop in the early morning that had created somewhat nauseating odours floating around. The fumes had comfortably settled into most corners of the Crystal Palace just before the rain had started. Ponies were scrubbing and venting it off as best they could, but needless to say it hadn’t been the best of mornings for the Princess and Prince.

“Remember last Thursday?” said Shining Armor to his wife. The couple was standing on the fourth floor balcony on the narrow strip of dry floor protected by the awning above it. The question sent a smile across Cadance’s muzzle.

“Of course I do,” she answered. “We had that catering presentation for the Games. Oh, that just... my mouth waters just thinking about it.” Now Shining was grinning as well, and he said with his softest voice:

“Honeeeey.” He stretched the word with all of his long breath. Their gazes met for a fraction of a second which was enough for Cadance to read his mind.

“No, Shining. It’s not worth it.” Cadance’s refusal didn’t even make him flinch. He said, his sweet-talking tone still the same:

“Come on... You know it works. I’m still fine, right?” He nudged Cadance, gently, but it was enough a surprise to make her take half a step for balance. “Oh-whoops.” That half a step was enough to get Cadance’s front hooves into the downpour.

She gave him a deadpan look and wiped her hooves on his side. Shining scoffed, and stared right back at her. A few teeth exposed, head tilted subtly but significantly, eyes almost opened full... it showed Shining Armor, former Captain of the Royal Guard, at his cutest and most vulnerable. It had been a killer combination in the past, and no doubt it still was.

“You know what you’re doing?” Cadance asked. Shining gave a confident nod. “You’re absolutely certain that it won’t melt our heads like marshmallows at a marshmallow roast?”

“No, it won’t melt our heads like ice-cream scoops on a hot stove,” Shining assured. “Or burn our brains like ants under a magnifying glass. And it won’t–”

“Burn what?!”

“Cadance, honey, everything’s going to go surely and smoothly.” He briefly brushed her mane with his hoof, and led her back into the lounge.

“I want to be there when you turn it on.”

“Sure sure...” Shining skipped into the kitchen and Cadance followed. She tried to stay focused and serious, but her husband’s carefree attitude seeped into the palace and into her. She loved him, after all. That’s what she loved about him.

The timetap was a golden brown, L-shaped spigot that protruded from the wall in the kitchen next to the refrigerator. On its left side were two dial knobs and the yellow start button. The first dial had a day counter that could go up to 999 and a half, and the other was for the number of ponies present which also went up to 999 and a half. On the right side hung a wall calendar as a helpful guide. Neither Cadance nor Shining Armor remembered the convoluted reason why the thing had to be installed in the kitchen of all places (after tearing down half of the lounge). It might have had something to do with plumbing even though there was no need for a time sink as the – colourless, tasteless, odourless, and thus completely safe – gas dissipated on its own.

“Seven days. No more, no less,” Shining said as he turned the dial.

“Definitely not more,” Cadance chimed in, definitely being not less excited should everything turn out fine. Should the fabric of time and space remain stable and mysterious, not in any way affected by the magical plumbing. Should their visit to the past be–

“No more waiting! Hoof it in!” Shining exclaimed and pushed the button. They could hear a little squeak coming from under the floor tiles followed by a gentle whoosh from the tap’s opening.

*INHALE*

Their minds reeled back, going through memories one by one from a second ago to ten seconds ago, a minute ago, two hours ago... All the way to last Thursday.

*EXHALE*

The day was Thursday, but unlike a normal Thursday of rainy with a chance of cyclones it was a warm, dry day with mild wind flowing through the city. If Crystal ponies didn’t mind one thing, it was the weather, but that didn't mean they'd waste a beautiful day. On top of the pleasant weather the royal couple was going to be the guest of honour at a food tasting by the caterers chosen for the upcoming Equestrian Games. Ovens, kettles, and grills had been hot since the early morning which had sent the most exquisite, not to mention delicious, odours floating around. The sweet fumes had comfortably settled into most corners of the Crystal Palace by the time the couple woke up. Needless to say, getting woken up by the smell of crystal cakes and fried mountain peas spelled the beginnings of an excellent day for the Princess and Prince.

Shining didn't have to utter a word. His wife's expression told him everything. Her brainwaves were running loops around all her senses. What her eyes saw, her mind saw differently.

”I... can't believe this.” Cadance smelled the air. “Is it still raining? Is the perfume shop still on–”

”No-no-no, not until next week,” Shining said as he closed in on Cadance and kissed her on the lips. ”They are future-Cadance's problems.”

”Future-Cadance...” she muttered. “How I pity that mare of misery.” Warm sunlight hit their coats, and their noses picked up the scent of lingonberry jam and rye malt pudding.

What does one do on a day that was fished from oblivion? Cadance had seen Shining under the device’s effects a few times, but that gave few clues. The time gas was less about what one did and more about what one had done. Shining always gave spotless reviews and recommendations despite having wandered the castle halls paying attention to things that weren’t there, or simply lain in bed or in the couch.

“You can’t understand before you’ve tried it yourself...”

Now they were both lying in the couch. Every few minutes it tingled on the back of Cadance’s head; that it was only an illusion of Thursday the eighth. The feeling was there just enough not to trouble her or Shining, just enough to keep a constant in her mind. It was the one hint of stress on an otherwise stressless day.

Suddenly it occurred to Cadance that playing culinary critic wasn't the only thing on her schedule today. They had renovated and re-equipped the city's dental center and she'd been invited to join in on a tour. But that can't be...

”Honey,” she called and immediately noticed Shining looking much less cheery and all-around satisfied than two seconds ago. ”Why am I going to two places at once?” It felt like a reasonable question to ask, but she also felt dumb when asking it. Shining stared at her and sighed.

“Please, check your timetables! I’m full of that darn Jockey making bad soup – again! Every Wednesday after practise I have to eat that disgusting mess. I’m just sick of it! If he does it one more time I’m sacking him.”

Cadance had hoped it wouldn’t come to this again. “Hey, don’t take it out on me. And I just remembered. The food show is tomorrow. I must’ve got the days mixed up.”

Shining’s expression changed, but maybe, just maybe it changed a bit too quickly. ”Yeah, don't worry about it. Gotta hope Cook Jockey makes better soup this time.”

It tingled on the back of Cadance's head.

”But you just...” she said, logic of the situation escaping her. They had just returned from the city council hearing like they did every Monday at noon and were about to go to the newly opened Café Crystal 13 for lunch (it was literally the thirteenth restaurant with that name). Or was that tomorrow?

Shining had moved to the lounge and was combing his mane in front of the mirror. He began humming a tune: ”Forget about work – get ready for the week-end. If we end up in bed, it won't be for sleepin'.”

The tingle exploded into a flow of blood from her heart to her extended wings and back to her scalp, rushing a red hot tint through Cadance's pink coat. Her memories were taking her through party to party, but her legs threw her into the corridor where the telephone apparatus stood on a piece of crystal furniture.

”Operator,” she said, her voice intoxicated from the honey mead she'd had to commemorate their first wedding anniversary, ”get me Aldiss Plumb-*hic*-ing!”

”Please hold...”

Cadance held her breath. She heard a faint click as someone picked up the phone on the other end.

”It's-a me,” a stallion answered.

”What in Equestria is going on!? I– We are falling... crashing down! Going in–”

”By-ron, it's-a for you!” Every moment the phone was silent felt like an eternity.

”Byron Aldiss speaking,” came a mildly concerned voice.

”This is Princess Cadance. You... Didn't you just finish installing that crazy faucet in the kitchen?”

”No... I...” Cadance didn't recognize the voice. ”Oh dear.”

”You have to tell me what's going on! Speak quickly! Canterlot is under attack and I'm lost in a cave with no way out!”

”Yes, right, y’see, somepony has poured what appears to be overcooked soup drown a leaky drain and it caused some malfunctions in our control hub. We thought there would be no problems, but apparently your timetap was opened when we were still repairing here.” Despite his business probably ending soon Aldiss sounded more concerned about his customer, though still relatively calm.

Cadance couldn’t relate.

“W-what’s going to happen to us? I’m about to get married and that... that cheese-legged monster is after me!”

“The leak has been... Well, be prepared for one hell of day, Your Highness. Aldiss out.”

The phone was left suspended in the air by Cadance's magic. For a moment she was furious that this Aldiss-pony wasn’t helping with the wedding preparations, but an eye blink later she couldn't recall anymore. She spent a couple of minutes standing there listening Shining practice proposing to her in front of the mirror.

”From the moment I heard you were foalsitting my sister I was so jealous of her. Little Twily got to spend whole days with the most beautiful mare in Canterlot, if not in whole Equestria. I almost wished I could be a little filly just to... No, that sounded weird.”

I'm so in love with him. I love his voice, I love his hair, I love his jokes, I love his ass... Cadance closed her eyes. Was this the best time of my life?

”Cadance,” said Shining, who now stood in front of her. Cadance opened her yes.

”Yes.” I know he's been looking at me that way. Children don't lie.

”I made you a poem. Ahem:

I just met you
and this is crazy
I got some tofu
would you join m–”

He was cut off by Cadance's lips pressing onto his. A kiss that lasted for a lifetime.

***

The younger Cadance’s thoughts became, the harder it was to take control even for a second. Her moments of lament were interrupted by longer and longer moments of childlike wonder. She had no idea how much time they had breathed. There was no real way of knowing when it would stop. Or where it would stop.

Cadance heard a faint voice coming from a shiny banana hanging from a piece of string. It tingled on the back of her head.

“Hello? Operator, please dial 565-TIMELRD, it’s urgent. H-hello?” said the voice.

Cadance sprinted to the apparatus and almost slid past it. “Is it you, Aldiss? Tell me you have a way to fix this, please!”

“No… You mean you’re not the...” Aldiss’ voice sounded muffled like his mouth was covered with a curtain. “Oh dear.”

“I don’t have the time! Fix it now!”

“Your Majesty, I’m afraid things have escalated. We believe that most of the… town… is under the effects of time gas. We’re trying to fix it, but it’s actually us that need help right now.”

Cadance saw her mother teach her how to vent stress in a manner nopony would find inappropriate. She felt invulnerable. No stress or worry could beat her anymore. Paradoxically the only way for her to vent anything now would be the equivalent of a volcano erupting to a hurricane riding a tidal wave, but Cadance couldn’t know that. After all she was just a filly starting her second year of school.

“Are you still there, Your Majesty? Since the line seems to be stuck this way we might as well keep eachother company through the night all time broke loose, would you agree?” Aldiss said, but there was nopony listening.

Cadance walked to the nearest window, opening it. The perfume shop was on fire, but the streets she saw were empty and quiet. She bent a bit further to see the plaza in front of the castle.

And there they were, as if nothing had changed and no spell had been broken. The crystal ponies were asleep and having the nightmare that once had lasted for a thousand years. Meanwhile Cadance was still learning how to read.

How distant it had once felt, foalhood. Cadance was three years older than her husband so little Shining Armor mistaking her for his mother gave her a hint of what was coming.

She was absent-mindedly suckling on her hoof when she saw Shining suddenly mature into what she could guess was Shining's father looking for his pregnant wife. Cremona herself was expecting and thinking up good names: Cadenza if it was a filly, Bolero or Trieste if it was a colt.

***

Another day in the prairie was another day of troubles. It had been very windy in the last couple of days so there had been no chance to... But what was that? A mare all alone in the open, nopony watching, nopony guarding. It would make a good wife.

”Ughurd,” said Knorr, the second-in-command of the Brem tribe of unicorns. ”Ughurd ug macfli.” The mare was either too impressed or too scared to utter a response. Not that it really mattered; Knorr had made up his mind. Up close the pretty mare had turned out to be even prettier! It was his property now. Together they would have all the time in the world.

Author's Note

This is technically a crossover, and if someone finds out what it crosses over with that someone will get a cameo in whatever I write next.