Laws, and the art of freaking out over them.

Laws, and The Art of Freaking Out over Them

...The head of the royal house is allowed to take in the spouse of a newlywed child (or a new family member) for one night in their chambers.

-An excerpt of equestrian law, Section 4 on royal family matters.

Shining was a happy colt.

Really, nothing could have possibly gone better. He and Cadance had a wonderful autumn honeymoon at a little, well-maintained cottage by winsome fall's lake. The two weeks spent there couldn't have gone more smoothly. They hiked, they fished, they swam (in a nice hot spring), and they did other things which are really not the author or the reader's business. But all good things eventually come to an end. They royal carriage arrived by the end of week two to take them back to Canterlot Castle. And just in time too, when winter started coming in, covering the lands with frost and snow. Upon their arrival, Princess Celestia invited the two to join her for dinner.

That's also when Celestia popped the question.

"I thought it was about time to clear out some old, obsolete laws..." Celestia began. "...and I stumbled across an old direct decree(1) that I must have forgotten for several years on end."

Shining was confused. In most of his time with his Aunt-in-law, she had never discussed laws, feeling politics were fairly boring. Needless to say he and everypony else were quite interested.

Luna asked the question the all wanted answered. "So, which one is it, so interesting that you'd mention it during a family meal?"

Celestia smirked. "Well, do you remember direct decree 41?"

Luna's eyes widened. Not a good sign for Shining, especially since soon after, she had put on an... interested smirk. "That wouldn't happen to be the one giving you the privilege to take any new member of the royal family into your private chambers, would it?"

Shining nearly choked on his soy corndog.

Celestia chuckled. "Yes, that would be it.

Feigning a proper dignified and calm posture, Shining reached for his drink.

Cadance clapped her hooves together. "Oh, I remember! That was such a wonderful experience!"

Shining nearly spat fizzy pop in a fine mist from his lips. Thankfully, with the quick action of his hoof, his nostrils prevented that, and he discretely reached for his napkin.

"I still can't believe you forgot about it. It was one of the best laws you passed." Luna said.

"Mom, that was at least twenty years before you had returned, there was nopony else added to the royal family since! Well, except for Twilight."(0)

Shining looked at his wife in thought. Twenty years. Huh. I guess I never had to worry about her being too young after all.

"Well, it would be nice to bring back the tradition, wouldn't it? I suppose I could talk to Twilight about it too." Celestia said.

"Indeed, it would be nice, if Shining Armor was up to it." Luna replied.

Shining Armor lost all color from his face, his irises narrowing into pinpricks.

The alicorns present looked at the stunned figure that was the unicorn. "Honey, is everything okay?" Cadance asked.

"Nope," was his reply.

Luna was quite blunt. "What is the matter with you? You look so pale!"

Without warning, Shining leapt from his seat, careening out of the dining room. "NOPE NO NAY NEIGH UH-UH, NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS, NADA NULLA GEEN NEIN NEM NEJ NEGATORY HE NENIU NEE NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO!!"(2)

There was a moment of silence.

"I don't know what I said," Luna spoke. "It's just one night, not a big deal."

Shining was not a happy colt.

Neither was his tail, really, but that's a given when he goes into a panicked state like each member of his blood family so-often does.

"Bro, BRO! Ohmygosh, bro!" The tail said. "This is not good bro; did you hear? Celestia wants to bed us, bro!!"

"Yes, I definitely heard." Shining pet his tail, trying to calm it down.

"Okay okay, deep breaths, we've got this bro... What're we gonna do about this? Can't fight her off, bro!"

"No, we can't... But we can run..."

"Oh geez bro; all I can think of is those eyes..."

Shining stopped petting his tail. "...What eyes?"

"You didn't see bro?!? Oh, bro!! Her eyes were like little pinpricks, and she couldn't stop drooling, bro!!" (3)

"But... What does that mean...?"

"It means it has returned...Bro."

"The crystal empire...?"

No, that's too meta, bro!! It that shall not be named... That starts with an 'M'."

"Then don't name it... Tell it."

"It's... It's name is M... It's name is M-muh..."

"Can't you write it down?"

"Naw Bro!! You've got the horn, bro!"

"Then we shall run from... It that shall not be named."

"Good idea, bro! Let's move!"

"Uh, sir..." A nearby guard asked. "Who're you talking to...?"

"..." Shining sat in front of the guard on the other side of the hallway in silence, stroking his tail. By now, his mane had stuck out in several different directions, and his eyes had bags under them. But the guard could not know about it. A distraction was necessary.

Shining's hoof snapped from his right in a dramatic flair. "LOOK! A REPRESENTATION OF OUR FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN!!"

The guard snapped his eyes to Shining's right. "I don't see anything, sir." When he turned back, shining was nowhere to be found. "...I must have been up too long for my shift. What's next, I hear my commanding officer wailing like a newborn?"

In the distance, a cry of eternal anguish filled the air, chilling the blood of those who heard it.

"...I need a salt lick..."(4) On his way to the bar, the guard lost himself in his thoughts, and promptly bashed into a column. Rubbing his tan colored nose and brushing his blue tail off, he continued on his business.

In the course of three hours, a couple things transpired: One, shining bought a ticket on the train to Ponyville to escape from Princess Luna, it, and his wife, who by his tail's observations, had been corrupted by it. Two, shining had taken a private cabin, taking no chances. As a O&O player,(5) he knew what would happen if he let anyone know about it. Rocks fall, everyone dies; happens every time. No good reason to P*** off the DM, and talking about it would most certainly P*** off the DM.

Before entering his private cabin, Shining performed a trap check. One cannot be too careful. it could be lurking anywhere. Sighing, he contemplated his predicament. Princess Celestia, or rather it, wanted him to join it in bed. His mind told him to escape quickly, get a one-way ticket, and head to ponyville. Shining's eyes snapped open in realization.

He knew what was happening. He was being railroaded, and that was a far worse thing than the threat of it could ever be. One could tell by the train, and the one-way ticket he bought, and the fact that they were fresh out of two-way tickets. Shining was having none of that. With one bold step and strong resolve to break from the shackles of railroading, he opened up the nearest window, placed his back hooves on the frame in wait for a bush so that he wouldn't take too much damage, and jumped.

By the will of the DM, a pony by pure chance broke the door down just in time to grab Shining's tail and pull him back into the cabin.

"Nope," the pony said. He spit out his tail, and glared at him.

"...What?"

"Yer a Sparkle, arent'cha?"

One of Shining's eyes twitched. "...railroading."

"Ah'll take that as a 'yes'. You coulda killed yerself, if'n it weren't fer me."

Shining's left ear flicked twice. "D-M."

Idliy, Big Mac closed the window. "Ah reckon you've got th' family curse worse than Twilight Sparkle. Now ah know she wouldn't jump outa a train." Big mac glared at shining. "Explain yerself."

Shining held his tongue.

Big Mac sighed. "Alright, fine; Ah'm not gonna pry, but if ah see you try ta jump outa another window, ah'll personally take ye' off ta the nearest jail cell fer protective custody. Y'all got that?"

Shining nodded.

"Good." Big Mac slowly trotted out of the cabin, keeping an eye on him. The door closed with a slide and a click.

Shining reached for his tail, stroking it once more. "That was close."

"You can say that again, bro..." The end of the tail, almost with a mind of its own, "looked" at the door. Having not seen Big Macintosh, it continued. "I think the coast is clear, bro! Shall we do what we were gonna do, bro?"

Shining nodded, pulling open the window. He would not be railroaded on a one way ticket. And the only way was to jump, roll to a stop, and then go in a random direction from there. Shining counted to three, bent his rear legs, and leaped into parts unknown.

"NOPE!!"

Or, at least, that's what he thought he was going to do.

Shining quietly sat in his cell, grateful for what Big Macintosh did, bringing him here.

Shining's cell was, well, padded. Padding's nice, it means a pony doesn't have to sleep on a hard floor. (Although in typical jail cells, a pony didn't have to sleep on a hard floor anyway) The straightjacket wasn't very uncomfortable either, fitting quite snugly and warmly. The best part was what they had given him for dinner. Hot porridge was good, no matter how you cook it. It was nice for Big mac to show him this cell.

There were, however, a few problems. First, it was still on the loose, and probably out to do terrible things to small children. Second, Shining was married. He should be protecting his wife from it. Finally, he was of sound mind. It was just everyone else at the palace who was going nuts. And there was it. Shining couldn't stress too much the importance of dealing with the problem of it.

"I'm his sister, please let me speak with him!" Her sister's voice spoke beyond the door.

"Yeah okay, we'll let the... eccentric captain be the judge of that," The guard posted at the door replied, opening the window to Shining's Cell. "Sir, does this mare look familiar to you?" In the window popped Twilight Sparkle's head.

"Twiley!" Shining shouted happily. The door opened up, letting the purple unicorn in. They shared a hug.

"Shiney! My B-B-B-F-F!" Twilight exclaimed back. "It's so good to see you!" The hug ended abruptly, Twilight putting on her serious face. "Now it's time to address the elephant in the room: Why the hay are you in an insane asylum?!?"

"Beats me, I'm quite sure I'm mentally sound. Do you know why?"

Twilight facehoofed, then she turned to the guard at the door. "Did you even look at Shining's family history?"

"Yeah, said he was a Sparkle, why?"

"Sir, my family have a history of... going off the deep end from something that causes stress. If you'd let me talk to him, I can assure you that You may let him out when I'm done."

"Of course. I mean, what are you doing right now?"

"Thank you." Twilight closed the window, and then cleared her throat. "Now, I learned recently that a good friend takes their friend's concerns seriously. Therefore, as a good friend (and sister), I will take your concerns seriously. So first of all, what lead up to this?"

Shining took a breath. "Well, it all started out with Celestia telling me about direct decree 41 then she wanted me to join in her bedchambers naturally I was shocked by the idea and then Cadance said she had joined Celestia in her bedchambers and enjoyed it and then I ran off terrified for my life and distracted a guard and then took a train to Ponyville but to prevent being railroaded I had to take a leap out of the train but Big Mac stopped me and here we are in this asylum."

Twilight blinked, shocked. "I think I got most of that, were you talking about Celestia wanting you in her bedchambers!?"

Shining nodded his head vigorously. Perhaps she'll understand. It isn't anything to fool around with!

Twilight blinked again. "Oh... Oh! You know, Celestia did that for me, too!"

At last! Someone who understands my- Wait, what?

Twilight chuckled. "You know me, I'm Celestia's biggest fan, so it made me ecstatic when she gave me the offer!

What?!

"It was so wonderful being so close to her; I learned so much!"

WHAT?!?

Twilight giggled with glee. "And we even roleplayed! It was so fun!"

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!? Shining froze up, face turning whiter than white.

"Shiney, I think you need to just relax and enjoy it!" She smiled. "Well, my friends are having a little get-together at Fluttershy's tonight, and I agreed to help with the animals before then, so..." Twilight faltered off upon seeing Shining's face.

"Nope."

"Uh, Shiney? You okay?"

A small shield formed around Shining, slowly expanding to tear his straightjacket into shreds and pushing Twilight out of the cell. When that was over, Shining blindly teleported away.