Adventures of the EIA: Equestrian Intelligence Agency

by GuardianofRoin

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Dark
Length: 4304

As the list of enemies facing the Equestrian Monarchy grows, the need for intel grows more.

As the list of enemies facing the Equestrian Monarchy grows, the need for intelligence grows more. The need for a centralized agency has come to the attention of the princesses. As a show of trust toward her sister, Celestia has chosen for Luna to personally head up the EIA and select it's main operatives. Those chosen must stick to the shadows and put their expertise to the test. Knightstar, Roshie, Buck E Ball, and myself will soon find themselves in a world they have only ever had a taste of in their duties as part of the Night Guard. I am Bladechaser, and this is how I became a spy.

Published 2013-09-01 15:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-06 02:30:32 UTC

Tutorial: Spy Wisdom and Pony Technology

This is more of a explanation of how I'm going to involve burn notice into the story. If you've ever watched the show you will remember hearing Micheal's voice talking about the spy tricks of the trade. Here's an example of one of his spy wisdom quotes as it will be written in the story

Being a spy isn't all car chases and gun fights. It's more like waiting in your dentist's office 24/7. It's a lot of waiting for contacts, catching up on your celebrity gossip, and occasionally someone tries to kill you.

I'll try to keep the italics font just for that, but I may use it for other things too. I'll make similar notifications to that as well if I decide to change how it's done. Hopefully I wont have to but it doesn't hurt to put it out there as a precaution.

Onto the technology involved in this story I'll have to explain it's place on the timeline. It is roughly 20 years after Twilight's coronation as a princess. Since Twilight spent most of her time studying and researching, it would make some sense that putting that kind of mind in a place of power would mean greater research into technology. They will be more or less caught up to modern technology as it is today. This story will NOT be including lasers and spacecraft. The limit will be anything available in this day and age will be fair game in the story. There will be the same guns we have today, though they will be modified for the story. "You know, because ponies don't have fingers. For reasons that still baffle me we see them holding things in their hooves, yet we never get a reason since hooves are basically rigid and cant bend. Gonna mainly chalk it up to them balancing the object in the indent of their hoof. We have seen bits of semi-modern technology already in the show (despite them being in binary as shown here:

It's mainly a gag joke, but you see my point.)

Since they are close to modern with their technology, I doubt they could fail to reach it in the 20 year time frame prior to the start of the story.

Now, I will try to keep updating normally. However, I may hit a few brick walls along the way with college. I ask you be patient and supportive of my work. I would rather take my time and make it something worthwhile rather than a poorly written and rushed project.

Author's Note

This is more of a breakdown of how the story will be done and some of the larger components. Mainly this is to prevent any calls of it not being canon or other excuses. It may not be canon, but it is still feasible. It can be done. We have seen some bits of modern technology even in isolated ponyville, IE the typewriters used in the school newspaper episode.

A Flaming Shock

As a spy, you get used to the idea of traveling at the drop of a hat. It's not ideal, but you cant find an arms dealer half a country away. For some it's easy. For others, not so much

The four had gone back home to pack what they needed before meeting up at the train station, a collective sigh as they just had to pack up their whole lives and get ready to leave. Knightstar and Roshie's baggage was average, a few bags of clothes with their issued sidearms tucked inside. Knightstar however had his pet Falcon, Captain, on his cart within his cage. Buck's was comprised more of his chemistry gear prepped for the move than actual clothing. Blade's bags comprised of a single rolling suitcase and a rolled up canvas bag filled with a few choice weapons including his favorite sword and a pistol. Before they stepped on the train buck cut them off and got their attention

"Listen, I know we're gonna have to travel light and not pack a whole lot of gear for this. But I took the liberty of making something to help compensate with that."

He opened up one of his bags and brought out three pairs of simple looking foreleg wraps, Knightstar, Roshie, and Blade putting them on.

"They have hidden blades and a concealed pistol which you can whip out on the fly. The pistols are only small caliber with a few rounds so don't count on them for anything big." The three looked to Buck and thanked him, all of them getting on the train. The conductor bellowed out.

"Next stop, Manehattan!"

The three had a car at the end of the train. Not too comfortable but Luna had arranged for them to have some privacy. Among their items were a few folders that were laid out on the table, the first being a criminal report and a picture of a grey unicorn with jet black hair. A picture next to it was of his cutiemark, a serpant opening it's mouth to show it's forked silver tongue.

"This is Silver Tongue. He's a part of the local mob running Manehattan. His job is as the car thief, boosting cars and running the downtown area for Tony Neighzoto, the boss of the entire syndicate. Their main rival is a local gang, the Black Colts. They run the drug ring in the city and the two have been fighting for turf for nearly a decade."

Knightstar interjected. "What does this have to do with us? Aren't we trying to find a potential assassin?"

Blade smiled and nodded. "Indeed. We're handling two angles with this guy at once. First is the shipments. If there was a dirty shipment that landed there, the crime family there will know about it. The other is firearms. If whoever it is is planning on killing the princesses, they will need some real firepower to get out. Since Tony Neighzoto is running the gun ring there, it shouldn't be too hard to find who's looking for serious hardware."

Buck nodded, rather impressed by the plan. "That is very interesting, so how are you gonna get the syndicate to help us?"

Blade gave buck a smirk. "Simple, we're gonna show Silver Tongue as unreliable, that we're the better bet to help Tony further his goals. We show we're better, and Silver Tongue is out. From there we can ask Tony for information."

Buck sighed and shook his head. "And how are we gonna pull that off? Not like we're criminal masterminds"

"We just have to muscle in on their jobs. We show what we can do, we can make it look like we're game for their plans."

Knightstar walked toward Blade apprehensively. "Blade, you sure that's the best move? We'd be taking on a drug ring AND a criminal syndicate at once."

Bladechaser smiled. "Remember Prance, 1016?"

Knightstar shook his head rapidly. "What?! You wanna pull THAT in the middle of Manehattan? Blade, there's NO way we could pull that off. We dont have the gear to pull that off."

Bladechaser smiled in response, that part of the plan already falling into place.

When in the field, you cant expect to get firepower quickly, especially if your operation is kept top secret. Theres a chain of command you have to report through before you get so much as a single bullet. Gun runners don't have that paperwork so you can get what you need more quickly from them. Unfortunately, there is always a catch for taking that approach. It can sometimes be even worse if you know the supplier personally

As soon as the four got off the train a pegasus mare stepped forward with a sign with their names on it. Her mane was a fiery red and her coat a dark brown. Emblazoned on her flank was a devious looking firecracker. Bladechaser smiled and waved back at the familiar face.

"See, things are working out already."

Of course it didn't take long to make him wrong. As soon as he got within hoof's reach of the mare, she socked Blade in the jaw.

"Five years. FIVE YEARS after you disappeared on me in Dublin without so much as a goodbye and you have the NERVE to ask for my help?!"

A second later Bladechaser sweeped a leg under the raging mare, getting on top of her and pinning her to the ground.

"Fierra! I had no choice! My superiors needed me to get out fast. My cover was blown and I had to leave."

Blade quickly got off of her, seeing the slightly less angry look on her face before he continued.

"Do you have ANY idea how long I looked for you? How long I tried to track you down after I was pulled out?! I only allowed the resources to find you last year. Please, I'm sorry."

Bladechaser's face was sincere, tears dripped off of his face as he tried to show how sorry he was. Fierra's face was much the same, never having known just how long he had searched. She gulped and looked the pegasus in the eye.

"I'm sorry, I never knew... I'm not sure if we can be as we were, but I'll help you out. Was saving the little present till after the apology dinner I was going to have you pay for, but I suppose we can skip that."

They started to head toward the train station's exit, Knightstar snickering a bit at Bladechaser.

"Take it you enjoyed that Marish cream eh? Though I have to ask what happened in Mareland."

Bladechaser sighed, looking over to Fierra and looking back to his friend. "Maybe once we get to the safehouse. It's a difficult subject."

Not long after that they made their way to Fierra's truck, Bladechaser's jaw starting to swell from the punch to the face earlier. She popped open the back to show a rack of submachine guns, pistols, bomb making components, and nearly 50 pounds of C4. In other words: everything they will ever need. The four of them gasped in surprise while Fierra only chuckled. Blade was the first to recover, having half expected her to be armed to the teeth.

"Fierra, I could kiss you right now if it weren't for my swollen jaw."

"You may want to hold out on that."

"And why is that?"

As soon Bladechaser said that he spotted a slightly older looking unicorn coming his way, her light blonde mane slightly spiked and a cigarette in her mouth. On her flank was a heart shaped shield which signified how her love protected others. As the older mare approached Blade gave Fierra a deadpanned look.

"You called my mother."

"Still had to get you back for leaving me behind."

Blade's mother came up to the five and glared at Bladechaser, Knightstar trying to break the tension.

"Hows it going Maddie."

The older unicorn looked to the deep red unicorn and smiled, still seeming to keep her face's earlier edge despite the change in mood.

"Good to see you Knightstar, good to see at least one pony who doesn't keep their mother in the dark."

She let that sting for a moment before turning back to Bladechaser.

"Well then, perhaps we can catch up while you bring me to the doctor's office for my tests. Then you can tell me why you've been avoiding me since you left your brother and me."

Bladechaser was about to make an escuse and escape when he heard Fierra's van driving off with the others inside, looking rather annoyed as Buck and Knightstar waved back and looked rather amused at his situation.

"Well.... Buck."

The two headed out in his mother's beat up Cadillac, the pegasus surprised it could even start given how much abuse it went through thanks to his father. Bladechaser could only look at the road with that same annoyed expression, his mother yapping his ear off about not visiting more often and how his screw up of a brother kept getting into trouble after he left. Oh by Celestia's non-existent beard would she ever shut up?! He turned his head and was about to shout when he noticed a black SUV following them. His anger turned to caution as he narrowed his eyes.

"Blade, why are you looking behind us like that?"

"No reason, just uh.. maybe we should take a detour? Heard the main road is getting a lot of traffic."

"Thats a load of horse shit and you know it. I can hardly imagine it's because you want to spend some time with me."

"Mom, listen it- GET DOWN!!"

The SUV sped up and went alongside the Cadilac, peppering it with a sub machine gun as Blade quickly yanked his mother out of the car and let the small sidearm spring from the bracer. He quickly fired off a few shots at the SUV before it sped away, Maddie baffled and confused.

"Blade, what in the hell is going on?!"

The blue pegasus looked to the car and back to his mother.

A hot head can destroy the operation faster than an exposed identity or even a nuclear strike. If you let your emotions get to you, then you've already compromised your mission. It also doesn't help when you have to run an op after someone just tried to kill you and your mother.

"I don't know mom, I just don't know.."

Author's Note

I had a bit more fun with this one. Managed to get a bit of the planning together and laid out the groundwork for the next chapter. Tried to get the story to have a little more depth this chapter with Blade and Fierra. Keep in mind they will likely not be getting back together like Michael and Fiona did. Or will they? Still in the light-hearted stage with a bit more plot development between the characters. I am aiming for the next chapter to be more tactically based with scouting and a little op to send ST and his guys running. Anyway, be sure to give feedback, I am still looking for pointers and help along the way.

A Surprising Promotion

My name is Bladechaser, and I am a spy. Despite how peaceful Equestria is, there is a constant war being fought beneath the surface, away from the eyes of the public. Those battles are fought by ponies like me. Spies never work alone though and always have backup. Whether it be a half-deaf unicorn you spent almost your entire childhood with, his mad scientist of that friend, or even your local hardass guard, you always have someone to rely on.

Celestia and Luna left the strategy meeting, worried about the news they had received. The eldest was the first to break the silence.

"And to think, we thought the Griffon kingdom had broken the treaty when it was just a group of mercenaries. I am glad we didn't over-react. Still, this is unsettling. All that just to break into an Equestrian embassy in Saddle Arabia. We know documents went missing, but we need to find out what they found."

Luna listened closely, trying to figure out some way to comfort her sister. "Well, we have been infiltrated before. Maybe it's time we employ some of the same tactics? Have our own intelligence service looking into this?"

Celestia gave her sister a firm gaze. "I thought I made my position on that clear. The royal guard can handle intelligence work. There's no need to create an agency. The moment we do that we will seem as if we are looking to betray our allies. We cannot allo-"

Celestia was cut off as a unicorn guard came running. "Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, they have discovered which records were stolen. It- you should read for yourself."

Celestia took the note, unfolding it and holding it in front of her with her magic to read. Her heart sank as she read off the words silently in her head. It felt like an eternity had passed in just those brief moments, the tension seeming to make the air itself grow heavy. Celestia turned to her sister, her gaze dire.

"You know what to do Luna. This is your project so I leave this in your hands." Luna nodded, taking the paper and teleporting it into a pocket dimension she used to keep things safe.

At the barracks the night shift was just ending, three of the guards still lingering behind as they joked around. The first, a deep red unicorn colt with a long slicked back mane and a cutiemark that looked like a shield with a crescent moon. The second was a navy blue mare, horn proudly displaying past her long mane. Her cutiemark was more simple than that of her red colleague, a simple shield with a moon emblazoned along the side and a scythe to the side of it. The third was a proud pegasus, his hair spiked and just a few shades lighter than his dark blue coat. His cutiemark showed his talent with swords, a blade pointing to the heavens with wings spread from it's cross guard. He was also the only one that carried a sword, even though he could only use it with his mouth and had no magic or levitation to fall back on. The grip was a bit plain, simple leather wrapped around metal. It was more of a bare bones weapon, the only decoration being the enchanted runes on the blade which allowed him to have some better control as he used his mouth with it. The pegasus was the first to chime in.

"Another day, another paycheck, eh Knightstar?" The deep red unicorn seemed to not hear him, going about taking off his armor. The navy blue unicorn sighed and shouted.

"Blade just said something you know!" The red unicorn grimaced at the obnoxiously loud shout and heard his helm hit the floor, looking back at the mare.

"Listen Roshie, you don't need to yell at that side of me. It's my other side that needs it." He turned to the pegasus and smiled.

"You were saying Bladechaser?" Blade simply sighed and shook his head.

"You REALLY need to get that fixed. You've let more than a few things get past your guard that I had to clean up." Knightstar scoffed and smirked.

"What about the time a Timberwolf got the upper hand on you last week. That little butter knife had nothing on them so I had to save your sorry hide." Roshie took their heads and slammed them together, dazing the two.

"How about you two remember how I stuck my neck out for you two when you BOTH failed to keep an eye Princess Celestia's pet phoenix!" The two recovered and chuckled a bit.

"Ya, heheh, we still kinda owe you for that one. How about some breakfast. On us." Roshie simply huffed and continued taking off her armor.

"We'll call it even if you two stop bickering like a married couple." Blade couldn't resist.

"Ya, hate to have Knightstar's crush to get jealous." The red unicorn bolted at Blade, stopping just short of colliding with him.

"Don't you EVER insult Princess Luna. She is the most kind, beautiful, and intelligent mare here and more importantly she-"

"Is waiting to speak with us." A white unicorn interrupted in the doorway to the barracks, his messy navy hair accentuated by his glasses. His cutiemark was a buckeball, a diagram of a molecule. Knightstar chuckled nervously as he seemed to grow a deeper shade of red.

"Oh, hey Buck. How long have you been sitting there?" Buck simply smirked.

"Long enough to know your dream bride would be quite flattered with what you just said." Knightstar dashed to Buck and placed a hoof nearly IN his mouth.

"Never speak of this again, to ANYPONY." Buck smirked and pushed the hoof out of his face.

"And in exchange?"

Knightstar sighed and shook his head. "Fine, I'll test that cutiemark switcher potion, AFTER we talk to Princess Luna." Buck chuckled.

"Isn't that being too formal with your little cru-" A hoof to the face quickly ended the topic, knocking a lens out of Buck's glasses. Roshie popped it back in and pulled him along, Knightstar and Blade following suit.

The three entered the night princess's chambers, the thick doors closing behind them as Luna walked up to the four. Knightstar could feel his face grow even more red as she approached, Blade quickly getting next to him should he faint again in Luna's presence. The princess spoke unusually quiet as opposed to her reputation.

"Thank you for coming. As you may know there was an incident at the Equestrian embassy in Saddle Arabia. What was not announced was the fact a shipment order was stolen from the embassy. We were importing a few boxes of spices from Saddle Arabia for the Grand Galloping Gala. As you know it is the biggest event which my sister and I make an appearance. We believe this was staged in order to find a way into the gala and assassinate myself and my sister. Your job is now to find out who this rogue operative is, what his or her goal is, and stop her. Bring her in alive if possible, dead if necessary. We need to find out what she is planning and why. To this end I am starting the Equestrian Intelligence Agency, and you will be it's first agents. Professor Buck E Ball will be your equipment designer and specialist and assist you with whatever tools you will need."

All four seemed to drop their jaws in surprise, amazed by what had transpired. This was enough to even have Knightstar make sense around the princess. "But Princess Luna, Equestria has never established an intelligence agency. All of that was handled by the Royal guard."

Luna sighed and nodded. "True. Normally we would just assign a task force with investigating. However, whoever it is has covered their tracks. The assault on the embassy in Saddle Arabia is a dead end. However, we have picked up some information that somepony was smuggled into Manehattan from overseas. He earned quite a bit of attention as they took down the guards patrolling the docks without anypony knowing. We found them a few hours after they failed to check in. They are still alive, but they didn't see their attacker's face." She handed a file to Buck who levitated it for the four to read.

"That's why you four are going undercover. Each of you will have a dossier with your new identity."

The first folder went to Knightstar, who nearly fainted from being close to something given to him by Luna. "Knightstar, your cover will be that of the group's conman. Generally you are the one who does the recruiting and info gathering for the group."

The second folder went to Buck. "You'll be their explosives expert. Considering how you blow up the labs here every other day it shouldn't be a stretch." Buck could only blush deeply as that was brought up.

Roshie's folder came next. "You'll be the muscle behind the group. Anything that gets hit or shot is mainly handled by you."

The last folio went to Bladechaser, who was the only one who had to grab his physically. "You are the boss so to speak. You have done more covert fieldwork than the others so I am putting you at the head. Normally Roshie would have seniority but you have a clean record for covert operations. All successful with no deaths, even in the most unexpected scenarios. I want to be sure no pony else gets harmed."

Blade was overwhelmed by his new command, never having expected to have to do something like this in his dreams. He looked to Knightstar who smiled and gave him a nod. Turning to Roshie she did likewise followed by Buck, despite the fact he was still nervous about going into the field. With renewed determination he turned back to Luna and nodded. "Yes Princess. You can count on us!"

Author's Note

This is a rough idea of mine. I'm a big fan of Burn Notice and of MLP, but I've never seen them put together. I know there's not a lot of it in there now, but I will be adding more bits of "spy wisdom" into the story. I pinkie promise. This is more of an introduction, getting the audience to get to know the main cast for the story. I'd like to thank Knightstar who allowed me to make this story, check out his tumblr page here: http://askknightstar.tumblr.com/ . I'd also like to thank Mezo and Roshie for allowing me to use Roshie, their blog can be found here: http://ask-mezo-roshie.tumblr.com/ . Also feel free to give me feedback since this is my first attempt at fanfiction. I WILL ignore trolling comments and anything that isn't constructive so if you are just here to insult me then don't bother. Love and Tolerate does NOT equal dealing with those who just spread hate. Things may be a little hectic as I start school but hopefully as things get a bit more normal I can make more updates to the story as I go. The connections are along the following: Knightstar = Sam Axe, Roshie and Buck = Fiona Glan-Anne, BladeChaser = Michael Weston. Was not sure how to set up Buck initially but decided to have them both represent a part of Fiona. Buck is covering her usual bomb-making and 'aquisition' skills with Roshie acting more as the fiery irishwoman we all know and love.