The Ponyville town hall had been newly refurbished. The roof had been fixed, the walls repainted, and the interior smartly decorated. In the main meeting hall on the ground floor, a series of poster boards illustrated the planned redevelopment of the town, a long term project proposing new public spaces, heritage conservation schemes, and business opportunities. At the front of the hall, Mayor Mare stood at a desk, flanked by her assistants, and addressed the crowd of Ponyville residents who stood facing her.
“Good morning everypony. I know you have all put a lot of work into developing our tourist industry initiative over the last few years. As you know we have the first tour of the year arriving today. Following the success of season three of ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’, we have taken a record number of bookings, and it's up to all of us to give them a welcome which will justify our reputation as the friendship capital of Equestria.”
This introduction was greeted by a mixture of smiles and frowns.
“Now I just want to run through the activities we have planned for today to check everything is ready,” she continued. “The tour bus will stop off at Sweet Apple Acres before coming into Ponyville. When it arrives here, Pinkie Pie, I trust you can deliver one of your signature welcomes.”
“At set,” replied Pinkie Pie. She turned to face the small group of ponies who would be her chorus. “Everyone ready? Just remember: smile, smile, smile.”
The young ponies gave an array of forced smiles, and Mayor Mare made a small tick against the first item on her checklist. “Good,” she said. “Next, they can visit Sugarcube Corner and Carousel Boutique.” She turned to face Rarity who nodded smiling. “Then Rainbow Dash will do a short flight show.” She looked at the pegasus.
“Sure thing,” said Rainbow. “Just after lunch as we agreed.”
“And could you hang around for a bit afterwards?” asked the mayor. “They always want to meet you and pose for photographs.”
“Okay, but I'll need some time to sort out the weather if you want to keep the probability of rain below five per cent. It's not like I can clear the sky in ten seconds flat.”
The crowd smiled at this comment while Mayor Mare went down her checklist. “Then they will go out to visit the nature reserve where Fluttershy will give them a guided tour. Has anypony seen Fluttershy today?”
Nopony had.
“She knows the plan,” said Rainbow, “we talked about it yesterday.”
“Okay,” replied the mayor, “but could you go and check she's ready, just in case? Then... Where is Twilight?”
All the ponies looked around the room, but the unicorn librarian was not to be seen. All eyes turned to face Spike who was standing at the back of the room.
“Err, she's gone to Canterlot.”
“What!” cried the mayor. “She can't have. Doesn't she know what's happening?”
“She left a note saying she would be back in the afternoon.”
“She must be here! Our visitors always want to meet her...”
She was stopped by one of her secretaries. “Mayor, we managed to book Trixie to give a magic show in the afternoon.”
“But Trixie isn't Twilight!” cried the mayor.
“She's much better,” replied the advisor. “Twilight just bores them with a lecture on Equestrian folklore. Trixie puts on a proper show. We were lucky to get her. She's a top stage magician. Her agent says she's now fully booked for the full season.”
“But they're expecting to see Twilight Sparkle! We put on the advertisement that they would meet all six Elements of Harmony.”
“They may think they want Twilight, but really, Trixie is the better choice,” pleaded the advisor.
“Who will give them a tour of the library?”
“I can do that,” offered Rainbow Dash with a smile.
“Thank you Rainbow. Well, maybe as long as Twilight puts in a brief appearance before they leave,” replied Mayor Mare. She turned to face Spike. “Can you make sure she gets back before then?”
“I'll send her a text,” said Spike.
The mayor sighed and marked a small tick and question mark next to the final item on her list. “Okay, I guess we're ready. Does anyone have any questions?”
A cream coloured pony waved a hoof in the air to get her attention. “Miss Mayor, there is something I want to say. Don't get me wrong. I think it's great what Lauren Faust has done to put Ponyville on the map, and we should be honoured that so many humans want to visit us. But I don't think you were being entirely truthful to us about this tourism venture from the start. We thought that we would be getting family groups, and giving rides to little children and selling ice lollies. That sounded fine. So why instead are we seeing all these stag parties?”
The mayor paused and took a deep breath before answering. “I assure you Bon Bon, I was not trying to mislead you. We did target our marketing campaign at families, but for some reason – it's not clear why – most of our bookings are by young adults, and mostly males. But we can't turn them away. Remember they bring a lot of currency into Equestria and this venture has created a lot of jobs. In these difficult economic times, we need them.”
“Jobs?” cried a young stallion. “It's just seasonal work paying the minimum wage.”
“You have a regular wage?” cried Pinkie Pie. “You're lucky. Some of us just get paid by the day.”
“And we small businesses don't get a wage at all,” said Rarity. “We're lucky if we break even.”
Mayor Mare waved her hooves at the crowd. “I know it isn't always easy, but please can everypony make an effort to be friendly and welcoming to our visitors.”
“Just as long as they don't try to feed me any muffins,” muttered a grey pegasus mare standing at the back of the room.
“Or wave their fingers in front of my face,” said the mint green unicorn next to her.
With characteristic enterprise, the Apple family had cashed in on the tourist trade by converting an old barn to a farm shop. In place of the dirt floor and bales of hay, there was now a shining tiled surface and shelves stacked with produce from the farm and specialities from the region: apple pies, fritters, jars of jam, chutney, preserves, sausages, smoked meats, fruit wines and spirits, all neatly arranged with small price tags.
Applejack and Apple Bloom stood surveying the sales floor. Big Mackintosh walked in.
“They're getting off the bus now,” he said, “complaining that the air smells. Of course it smells – this is a working farm. And there must be several hundred ponies living in the neighbourhood, and several hundred ponies produce a ton of–”
Applejack stopped him from saying any more by pushing her hoof in his mouth. “Be quiet big brother. You are supposed to be a stallion of few words – remember? If anyone talks to you, just answer 'eeyup' or 'nope', understood?”
“Eeyup. And you're supposed to be the Element of Honesty.”
“I am trying to run an honest sustainable business. With the supermarket cartels cutting the price we get for apples every year, we need this extra source of income. And to keep it profitable we need to give the customers what they want.” She turned to face her younger sister, “Apple Bloom, tie your bow behind your ears. You're supposed to be a cute little filly.”
The young filly looked up from stacking a shelf with bottles of wine and baskets of salami. “We're supposed to be teetotal herbivores. So why are we selling this stuff?”
“Because it has the highest profit margins,” explained her sister. “And surely they don't think we just keep pigs 'cause they look cute? Okay, now I'll split the group in two and give one half a tour of the farm, while the other half stay here, and you do what you can to get them to spend money. Then we'll swap over. Understood?”
They nodded. Applejack tied her mane back in a pony-tail, donned a Stetson hat and walked out to greet the tourist crowd.
“Howdy! Welcome y'all to the Sweet Apple Acres quality food market. Top quality apple pies, apple fritters, apple wine, apple chutney, cider, cakes, jams, and ready meals. All made with the finest organic ingredients. Best tasty vittles from our own orchards and all around Equestria. Take a basket and select whatever ya'd like to purchase. We can arrange shippin' back to yer own country. Custom duties may apply. We take dollars, euros and all major credit cards.”
The morning passed off without any major mishaps. Pinkie Pie greeted the tour group in the centre of Ponyville with a party cannon salute, followed by much song and dance. The tourists then happily wandered around the town, taking photographs, admiring the scenery and buying souvenirs. The older ponies walked around smiling diplomatically, while the younger foals were happy to pose for photographs in exchange for muffins.
At lunch time Rarity and Pinkie Pie passed the group over to Rainbow Dash, and retreated to a café in a street away from the tourist crowds. They were soon sitting at an outside table with a bottle of budget apple wine.
“I would say the Japanese are the most agreeable,” said Rarity. “So polite and modest, and well dressed, unlike some of these American Riff-Raff.”
“I like the Americans,” said Pinkie, “they're always cheerful and want to have fun. And they tip well. Unlike some of the Brits.”
“At least the British know how to queue. They all stand in line nicely, waiting their turn to be served. Unlike that Italian group.”
“Did you manage to sell many clothes?”
“I sold twenty-seven of those ghastly T-shirts, but not a single dress. I was hoping to sell at least one of my new alicorn-princess outfits.”
“It's tough running a shop in a town like this.”
“It is. It's not like the likes of Sapphire Shores or Hoity Toity are ever going to walk into my shop and place a large order. How are things at Sugarcube Corner?”
“We get by. Just about. I'm sick of it, but there aren't many jobs in Ponyville for an out-of-work actor. The tourist work is fun, but it's too irregular.”
“Have you had any luck getting acting work?”
“I've got an audition next week at the Ponyville Playhouse. They're doing Hamlet next season and I really hope I can get the part of Ophelia. It will be so cool to do a tragedy where I can die at the end. I'm fed up with doing comedies.”
A blue unicorn, dressed in a star-adorned robe and pointed hat, walked up the café, and the two friends waved her over to their table.
“Hi Trixie, how did your show go?”
Trixie sat down at the table, poured a glass of wine and drank a mouthful before answering. “Trixie is going to sue Lauren Faust for libel! You've no idea the damage that stupid caricature has done to my professional reputation.”
Rarity and Pinkie giggled. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is not pleased with the audience,” said Pinkie. Trixie glared at them both with tears in her eyes.
“I put on one the best magic shows in Equestria,” she said, “and they just say, 'Show us some real magic'. Real magic! What do they expect? They think that Twilight Sparkle can just light up her horn and levitate a load of books above her head?”
“They're just ignorant monkeys,” said Pinkie, “they don't know any better.”
“That's right,” said Rarity, “don't worry about what they think. We know that you do a great show.”
Rainbow Dash and Mayor Mare walked into view arguing.
“Rainbow,” said the mayor, “it's not right to play pranks on our visitors. You may think it's funny, but they might not see it that way. They're from a different culture.”
On hearing this Pinkie Pie jumped up enthusiastically and bounced up to the mayor. “What did she do? Tell us what Rainbow Dash has done!” she cried.
“I didn't do anything,” said Rainbow.
“You did,” said the mayor.
Rainbow Dash assumed her most innocent looking face. “I was showing them around the library. There just happened to be a low lying cloud by the balcony, and who'd have thought that humans would think they could walk on clouds? Good thing there was a cart of soft manure below or some monkey might have got hurt.”
This gave Pinkie a fit of giggles. “I thought I felt my tail twitching.”
Mayor Mare gritted her teeth. “I really didn't need any more stress,” she said. “It's bad enough when you tell them those blatantly false stories about flying with the Wonderbolts, and Twilight's secret underground laboratory.”
“It's what they want to hear,” said Rainbow, “and they all buy it.”
The mayor declined to respond to this. “Rarity, Pinkie, can you trot out to the nature reserve and check that Fluttershy is ready?”
“Sure.”
“Shall I lead the tour group over there?” asked Rainbow casually.
“No,” replied the mayor firmly. “You've caused enough trouble already. I do not want a repeat of last year's incident with the bear, and neither does Fluttershy.”
She looked down at her checklist. “Has anyone seen Twilight?”
Pinkie Pie patted a hoof on her back. “Don't you worry Mayor Mare,” she said. “We'll take care of everything.”
Rarity and Pinkie Pie trotted up to a cottage outside of the town next to a wooden sign marked, 'Ponyville Nature Reserve. Site Ranger: Fluttershy. No fires or litter.' They pushed open the door to reveal a very messy interior. The floor was strewn with newspaper covered with muddy hoof prints. Piles of broken branches, plant cuttings, deer antlers, jars of pond weed and other miscellaneous nature were scattered around the room.
“Where is she?” asked Rarity. They walked further into the room. Along one wall, a row of cages housed various sick or injured animals. The walls were adorned by posters printed by the Equestrian Wildlife Fund explaining the importance of protecting the Everfree forest, the illegality of collecting phoenix eggs, and the benefits of reintroducing timberwolves to Equestria.
Fluttershy appeared at the door. She was covered in specks of mud, with small twigs and leaves in her mane. She had an air rifle slung over her back, and held three dead mink in her teeth.
“Hello girls,” she said, dropping the mink on the floor. “Yes I know the tour group is arriving in a few minutes. Sorry. I got tied up with other tasks. I was down by the river this morning to try and get some mink. They're out of control, and they've just devastated our native water critters. And the hillside was covered in rhododendrons, so I had to get up there with a chainsaw and clear it. Then I went past Froggy Bottom Bog and there was so much litter - plastic bags all over the place. I had to collect it up. The plastic can kill the wading birds. I don't object to all the tourists, but we need to get the message across that dropping litter is killing wildlife.” She kicked off four muddy boots, stashed the rifle in a cupboard and dropped the dead mink in a metal bin. “And we really need to do something about these invasive species.”
“Fluttershy!” cried Rarity, “you can't talk like that. And you need to clean yourself up quickly.” She took out a hairbrush, trotted up to her friend and started work on her mane and tail. “Our visitors want to see nice Fluttershy, sweet Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness who cares for the creatures around her.”
“I do care for the creatures around me,” said Fluttershy. “But if they think that caring for wild animals is just playing with cute little bunnies, then they're wrong. The reality is it's a lot of hard, dirty work.” She ran quickly around the room tidying things away and checking the caged animals, while Rarity chased after her with the brush. “Wait a moment – I need to give this one a shot.”
She opened one of the cages and the beaver inside made a dash for freedom. Fluttershy leapt on top of it and pinned it to the floor, while ripping the plastic wrapping off a hypodermic syringe with her teeth. “Can you hold his tail please Rarity?”
Rarity winced and laid a hoof on the beaver tail which was pounding madly at the floor. Fluttershy administered the injection while gently stroking the unfortunate creature’s head. “Keep still you silly critter, it’s for your own good.”
“Do you need to keep them all caged up?” asked Rarity.
Fluttershy laughed. “If I let them out, they’ll fight each other. It’s not like I can control them by just smiling and asking nicely.” She forced the beaver back into its cage.
After another five minutes Fluttershy managed to clean up her cottage, and Rarity had removed most of the nature from her mane. She adopted a calmer demeanour and promised to keep it up for the tourists.
“Okay,” said Pinkie Pie, “if you're sure you'll be okay, we'll get back to Ponyville. We have to sort out our resident princess.”
Fluttershy nodded and Pinkie and Rarity left the cottage. A moment later Rarity stuck her head back through the door. “Fluttershy, could you park your Land Rover round the back? Somewhere less visible.”
In the centre of Ponyville Mayor Mare was starting to panic. “Where is Twilight?” she cried to every pony she could find. “We need Twilight!” She waved a clipboard showing a checklist with pictograms of the six Elements of Harmony. Five were checked off, but the box next to the head of a certain unicorn was clear. “Rarity she cried,” spotting the white mare, “have you seen Twilight? Please say you have.”
“Don't worry Mayor,” said Rarity. “Our star pony is here. She's in the spa.”
“In the spa!”
“Of course. Just give her a moment to get ready for the audience.”
This did not entirely reassure the mayor, but she did not have time to question Rarity further as her attention was distracted by a crowd of humans approaching, dressed in T-shirts and sun hats, and yielding cameras. The mayor backed away nervously.
“Hello every...human I hope you have enjoyed your visit to Ponyville. I know you are waiting to see Twilight Sparkle... well...”
“There she is!” cried one of the tourists, pointing behind her. The mayor turned and gasped at the sight of the winged unicorn standing confidently before the crowd, wearing a jewelled crown. She smiled and waved a hoof clad in a golden slipper.
“Hello friends,” said the princess. “I first came to Ponyville some years ago in order to study the magic of friendship. I have learnt a lot here and made some wonderful friends. Although you have only been here for a single day I hope you too have learnt something, and will take home with you a little of the magic which our town generates, and help to spread it around the world.”
The crowd cheered. Mayor Mare closed her eyes for a moment, then fell over.
After the tour bus had departed, Applejack arrived in town with a bottle of fortified apple wine, which was sufficient to restore the mayor's nerves. They sat down at the café with Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Princess Twilight.
“Thank you everyone. I'm so pleased it all went off okay in the end, and the feedback we got from the tour leader was very positive. And thank you Twilight for such an inspirational speech at the end. That really went down well. Now where is Pinkie Pie?” She looked again at the purple pony across the table and blinked. “And where did you get those wings?”
The alicorn reached a hoof to her face and ripped off a mask to reveal a Pinkie Pie grin.
“Surprise!”
“What!” cried the mayor. “That was you! How? And where is Twilight?”
Rarity laughed. “Whenever our scatter-brained librarian goes to Canterlot to look up some reference in the library, does she ever get back here before dinner?” she said. “But we knew how important it was that the tourists get to meet Princess Twilight Sparkle. Fortunately we had the best actress in Ponyville to hoof.”
“And the best costume designer and makeup artist,” added Pinkie Pie smiling at Rarity.
“I knew those wings weren't real,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Pinkie,” said Fluttershy, “do you think you could dress up and play my part next time? I'm sure you could do my character much better than I can.”
“Sure,” said Pinkie, “I can do anypony. Hey – I could do Princess Celestia. Or Luna! I bet they'd like to meet Princess Luna.” She grinned at the thought. “Of course I can only do one pony at a time. But I have some friends from drama school who could help.”
“Yeah,” said Rainbow, “let's just hire a group of actors to play the Elements of Harmony, then we all can take a break.”
“We can't do that!” cried the mayor.
“Or,” continued Rainbow, “with this year's takings, we could invest in some real estate in Florida, build a replica of Ponyville, and hire some humans to dress up as ponies. Then we can reap the profits without doing any work.”
Before the mayor could respond to this suggestion, the real Twilight Sparkle cantered up the group.
“Hi everyone. Sorry I'm late, but I found some really interesting material in the Canterlot archives. It's all about the old mirror pool legend which is referenced in the series three episode. I'll put it into my lecture for the tour group tomorrow. They're sure to find it fascinating.”
“Twilight,” said Applejack, “the tour group was today. They've just left.”
“What!” cried Twilight, “she raised a hoof to her mouth. But how? Today is Friday.”
“Today is Saturday,” said Rainbow Dash. “You really need to get more organised.”
Not long later, a weary mayor had been lead back to her office by her assistants and the friends had explained the day’s adventures to Twilight. The six ponies continued chatting and finished the apple wine (“the good stuff – not what we sell the tourists”).
“What shall we do this evening?” asked Rainbow Dash as the sun dropped below the horizon and it started to turn dark.
“Well,” said Twilight, “I suggest we get another bottle of wine, and a few pizzas, and go back to the library, and watch some episodes of 'Friendship is Magic'.”
This was greeted with enthusiastic laughter.
“Yeah,” said Rainbow Dash, “let's watch the one where Fluttershy takes on a dragon.”
“Or the one where you break the sound barrier,” said Applejack.
“That one's always good for a laugh.”
The six ponies set off walking across town together. “Lauren Faust and her team certainly came up with some wild stories,” said Twilight.
“That wasn't entirely her fault,” said Applejack, “considering that half those stories were invented by a certain pegasus.”
Rainbow Dash grinned. “And I expect Hasbro insisted on loads of changes.”
“What crazy ideas do you think they will come up with next?” said Twilight.
“I expect they'll make a full length feature film in which we all mutate into humans, enroll at a high school and organise a formal dance,” replied Pinkie Pie.
"Really?" said Rainbow.
"Yeah, it's going to be so cool."
