The Ballad of Taste McGillicuddy

by Azure_Keys

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Sex, Spitfire, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 2422

A joke fic about a joke character that is not to be taken seriously.

There's an interesting story behind this one. Basically, a few friends and I decided to go to the custom pony maker, press random, and write a fic about the pony that came out. Thus, Taste McGillicuddy was born. This story is intentionally bad, and should not be taken seriously. More parts may be added as time goes on.

Published 2012-02-25 12:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-25 12:24:02 UTC

Chapter 1: Taste McGillicuddy

The Ballad of Taste McGillicuddy

Chapter 1: Taste

Once there was a sexy green pegasus named Taste McGillicuddy. Taste was a cool guy who could fly fast and not ever have to stop ever because his wings were made out of metal things that were fast. He was born an earth pony, but he said “FUCK THAT NOISE” and decided to make himself a pegasus because they are fast and cool and he would be the best of the pegasusses if he had wings to fly. But he didn't, cause he was an earth pony. So he got his super engineer tools and made some metal wings out of metal and he WELDED THEM TO HIS FUCKING BACK because Taste was so tough that it didn't hurt him at all except for maybe a little bit, but he was so manly that he didn't even cry or say ouch. With his new wings Taste could fly and go fast and he said “I am going to be the best and fastest flier in all of Equestria because I am the coolest and best!” and he flew to Cloudsdale where the Wonderbolts live. He flew really really fast because his wings are metal and everyone knows that metal wings can fly better than feather ones. He flew so fast that he flew through a cloud and it spun around and bits flew off of it so that it looked like a cloud sculpture of Taste. The ponies looked up and went “OMG who is that cool and sexy pony that is flying with wings made of metal?” But Taste didn't even stop cause he was going to Cloudsdale to be the fastest ever and he had no time to talk to normal ponies but he waved at them anyway because he was such a nice guy.

Chapter 2: Taste the Fastest

When Taste got to Cloudsdale he zoomed super very fast to the Cloudosseum so he could find the Wonderbolts. He did it so fast that no one had ever seen before, and all the ponies said “We love you green pony! You're our hero!” Even the boy ponies wanted to get kissed by Taste because he was the best. But Taste didn't care so he flew faster and best to the Cloud race track and he found the Wonderbolts. He came up to Spitfire who was the Wonderbolts leader and he said “Hi there, my name is Taste McGillicuddy and I am the fastest and best at flying.” Spitfire's heart began to pound as she stared into Taste's sexy purple eyes and she knew that she was in love with him, but she was kinda cool and pretended not to care even though Taste knew it anyway. But he didn't care cause he was here to fly and not be in love with Spitfire. Spitfire said to Taste “You look very cool and fast but you are not the best because the Wonderbolts are already the best fliers and if you want to be best and fast you have to beat us in a race.” And Taste said “No problem racing is what I am best” and they flew. Taste flapped his super metal wings faster than he ever flapped them before because he knew he had to be fastest more than Spitfire or he would lose. His sexy green hair danced behind him as he flapped and Spitfire tried hard not to concentrate on his sexy plot as she tried to keep up with Taste and his metal wings that were metal. But she was not as fast or best as Taste and she came in lost place. Taste was already waiting and sipping some Rainbow juice while he waited for her to catch up because he was so tough and cool that Rainbow juice didn't even burn his tongue cause he already WELDED FUCKING METAL TO HIS BACK and pain didn't hurt him no more.

Chapter 3: Taste is Our Hero

After he beat Spitfire in the race she came up to him and said “Taste you are the best and fastest and you should be a Wonderbolt like me.” But Taste said “No the Wonderbolts are not as fast as me and would hold me down I have to go Spitfire to be the best.” And Spitfire said “No Taste you can't leave because I love you Taste you have to stay with me okay?” But he said “Nope sorry I can't I have to leave to be faster and best than all ponies in Equestria.” And he flew away into the sky to go find some more ponies who are fast to race against him, even though he knew that he was faster and more best than anyone already. Spitfire cried because she loved Taste but she knew he had to go but it still hurt on the inside anyway so that's why she was crying and she said “Taste please come back someday you are so fastest and cool Taste I love you!” Then the ponies of Cloudsdale took the cloud statue that Taste had made and put it in the center of town with a sign on it that said “This statue is of Taste McGillicuddy. The fastest and best pony in all of Equestria. He is our hero.”

-THE END-

Chapter 2: Taste the Rainbow

The Ballad of Taste McGillicuddy 2: Taste the Rainbow

Chapter 1: Taste is the Best

After he won the contest race in the Cloudosseum in Cloudsdale where he won and was faster and the best, Taste McGillicuddy the coolest pony flew super very fast down away from Cloudsdale so he could find some other ponies and be faster. When he was flying fast in the air he saw another fast flying fast pony pegasus pony that was blue and rainbow and fast. And Taste said “Hey you fast pony why are you going fast don't you know I am Taste the fastest?”. And the rainbow and blue pony turned around and suddenly it was RAINBOW DASH and she was fast and said “I don't know who you are pony but you are not as fast as me because am Rainbow Dash the fastest and best flying pony to fly.” And Taste said back to Rainbow Dash “Oh yeah I won the race in the Cloud place against the Wonderbolt so now that means I am the best and fast.” But Rainbow Dash said “Nope I am the better fast the Wonderbolts are small talk race against me okay.” And Taste said Okay and so they decided to race to see who would be the better and fast pony.

Chapter 2: Taste Does Race

Rainbow Dash and Taste McGillicuddy were getting ready to race around and fly to see who was the better and fastest pony so they got over to the bestest and most dangerous place that they could fly in which was GHASTLY GORGE which is a scary place to race because it has FUCKING MONSTERS THAT WANT TO EAT PONIES but they did it anyway because they were not scared or nothing. At the start of the race Taste looked over at Rainbow Dash who was a cool and sexy pony but Taste didn't care because he had to be better and fast. So they went. They went fast down the gorge and Taste's metal wings were flapping hard and faster like ever before. Rainbow Dash was flying too and fast and she was going to catch up, so Taste said “Oh no you don't I am the faster here!” and he flapped his wings hard to get ahead. Rainbow Dash was trying hard to keep up and her wings were flapping, but Taste was the better and fast, but she couldn't give up because she wanted to be the best. So she went. And Taste flew hard sideways and ran into the wall and slowed down some but didn't stop and didn't hurt except for maybe a little but Taste didn't care because he had to win the race to be the very best so he didn't care. Rainbow Dash was looking back and glad because Taste was behind now and she could win but kept going and ran into a FUCKING GIANT MONSTER WORM EEL that tried to eat her. And she said “Oh no Taste please help me the giant monster eel worm monster wants to eat me help me Taste!” And Taste turned around and he knew that he had to win the race because he had to best and be fast but he stopped anyway because he didn't want Rainbow Dash to be eaten by the worm monster eel worm and so he went. Taste flew faster and better than ever before toward the monster and he hit it on its nose and said “Let Rainbow Dash go you big evil guy!” But the monster didn't want to because it was want to eat ponies for food and it hit Taste with its head and made him fall down a little bit but not too much because Taste was good to fly. So Taste said “That's it you evil guy no one eats my friends okay?” and Taste flew at the monster and spun with wings and SLICED OPEN ITS FUCKING FACE and the monster was bleeding and yelling and Rainbow Dash flew out of its mouth and got away and they flew hard and faster to get away from the bad evil monster.

Chapter 3: Taste and Rainbow Dash do Sex

Rainbow Dash was very happy to be saved from the bad evil thing that she was like “Oh Taste you are so cool thank you for saving me”. And Taste said “No problem I always help ponies who are eaten because I am Taste McGillicuddy and that is what I do because now I am the best and brave.” And Rainbow Dash said “Taste you are the best and brave and fast too I am in love with you Taste.” And Taste was very happy now because Rainbow Dash was sexy pony that Taste was in love with too but was too cool to say it because Taste is so cool. But now he said “I love you too Rainbow Dash you are cool and fast but not as fast as me but still fast and good.” And Rainbow Dash said “I love you Taste let's have pony sex.” And Taste said okay so they went to Taste's house which was a giant house made of FUCKING METAL that Taste made all by himself because he is so cool and they went inside and upstairs so they could have pony sex. When they got inside Taste said “Okay now it is time for pony sex Rainbow Dash are you ready?” And Rainbow Dash said “Yes Taste I am ready let's do it okay.” And so Taste and Rainbow Dash had HOT FUCKING PONY SEX and they were doing it a lot and when they were done Rainbow Dash said “Wow Taste that was the best pony sex ever you are really the best ever.” And Taste said “That's because I am the coolest and best but now I have to go away and fly some more so I can keep being the better and best of all the ponies ever.” And Rainbow Dash said “No Taste don't go please I want to stay with you forever.” But Taste had to do it. So he went. And Rainbow Dash was crying and sad because she loved Taste but she knew he had to go so it was okay. But she was still sad on the inside some.

Chapter 4: Taste is the Coolest

After he left Rainbow Dash in his house that he made of FUCKING METAL Taste McGillicuddy flew around fast and was trying to find somewhere he could race fast and fly. Then he saw a pony flying at him and he thought “Yes a pony that I can race and fly fast to be better I hope they are fast.” But when the pony got closer Taste could see that it was the pony Spitfire that he raced in Cloudsdale with the Wonderbolts so he could be the best and fast. Spitfire came up to Taste and said “Taste I saw you have pony sex with Rainbow Dash why did you do it Taste why?” And Taste said “Because I was in love with Rainbow Dash and then we had pony sex so that is why.” And Spitfire was sad because she was in love with Taste but he had sex with Rainbow Dash and not with her so she got mad and said “I will get that bad pony Rainbow Dash for stealing Taste away from me!” And she flew fast and fire towards the house that was made of metal and Taste said “Oh no what do I do?” And he thought. And he said “I have to stop her because I am in love with Rainbow Dash and Spitfire is angry and mad and wants to hurt Rainbow Dash I have to help!” And so he went real fast and flew towards his house and when he got there he flew into the window instead of the door because he was in a hurry and he said “I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU STAIRS!”. And he flew and went inside and he saw Rainbow Dash and was fighting with Spitfire and Spitfire's eyes had an angry in them and fire and she was fighting Rainbow Dash and Rainbow Dash said “Oh no Taste help me this pony is angry and mad and want to kill me help!” And Taste said “Stop Spitfire don't kill Rainbow Dash okay?” But Spitfire said “I have to because you had pony sex with her and not me!” And Taste said “STOP MOTHAFUCKAS YOU BETTER STOP OKAY?” And they stopped. And Taste said “Spitfire I'm sorry I had pony sex with Rainbow Dash I love her okay?” And Spitfire cried and tears and said “Why Taste why why don't you love me?” And Taste said “Okay I will have pony sex with you too Spitfire just stop the fire and angry.” And Spitfire said okay and wiped tears away and then Spitfire and Rainbow Dash had pony sex more with Taste and it was the best pony sex ever and they said “I love you Taste McGillicuddy you are the coolest and best.”

-THE END-