Daring Do and the Rainbow Rendezvous

by MisterMoniker

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Fluttershy, Sex, Daring Do, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 4171

Rainbow Dash tries her hoof at writing fanfiction. The results are less than stellar. Fortunately, her friends are willing to help her, with or without her permission.

Rainbow Dash finally writes her first fanfiction! It's daring, it's provocative, and she did it all by herself. Her friends, however, decide that as proud as they are that Rainbow has taken her first step into the wide world of online literature, they can't in good conscience let her do it her way.

What do they do? Well, obviously... improve it.

Rated Teen (sex) for major sauciness.

Vector used with permission from Hampshireukbrony.

Published 2013-11-27 21:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-27 21:50:06 UTC

Horse Words

The cool breeze from the temple’s entrance washed over their bodies, leaving the two pegasi shivering in a mix of glorious afterglow and rapidly-chilling sweat. That had been… awesome. Prism Rush was the first to move, straddling the lean, lithe adventurer below her and winking in a super-flirty way while somehow still being totally bucking rad. Then she flexed a little.

“So,” the superstar athlete whispered, “Are you a bad enough mare to stick with me for round three, Miss Do?”

“There! Perfect.”

Rainbow Dash, Junior Speedster and self-proclaimed fastest flier in Equestria, scooted away from her desk and brushed a thick layer of sweat from her forehead. Oh, wow. She felt like she had just finished a marathon match against the Wonderbolts. As hot and flustered as she was, she still giggled a little when she scrolled through the 57-page masterpiece that she had just put the finishing touches on. Her Cloudbook rattled a bit as she worked the mouse feverishly.

Before yesterday afternoon, she had never even looked at her desk before. It was supposed to be one of those things you put in your house just to look cool or smart, right? Like paintings and books and stuff. It was the kind of thing Twilight would keep around her place so she could trot from room to room and write notes at one of the six desks she kept in her house just for that purpose. Egghead stuff.

She found herself zoning off as she thought about the contents of the story tossed haphazardly across the desk. It was awesome. It was stylish. And it was all hers! Humming to herself, she reached for a workout rag and toweled off her damp mane before deciding she’d just need a shower, anyway. A long one, where she could spend a little time… thinking about her next chapter. She grinned and launched herself from the soft cloud cover of her floor, heading straight for the bathroom. The Daring Do fansite was going to think it was so awesome!

Knock-knock

“Excuse me, Rainbow Dash?” Flapping patiently in front of Dash’s front door, Fluttershy began to wonder if her best friend was even home. She flew around the side of the cloud structure to peer in the window.

“Are you here? I just need to borrow a little medical tape. Silly little Angel had to spend some time in the Boo Box again this morning because he kept trying to start a race war between the mammals and the reptiles…”

Having checked each of the windows and seeing no sign of Ponyville’s stunt flier, Fluttershy shrugged and returned to the front entrance. If Dashie wasn’t here, she might as well just pick up the supplies she needed herself and bring them back later. The two friends had known each other so long that neither of them minded if the other let themselves in. Testing the doorknob, she confirmed that it was unlocked and eased her way into Rainbow’s home.

“Um...I’m coming in, if that’s okay…”

Rainbow’s foyer was immaculately clean. For all of her faults, Rainbow Dash always liked to keep a tidy home. Stepping across the plush cirrostratus-thread carpet, Fluttershy passed the entryway into the kitchen. Several days’ worth of take-out boxes and dirty dishes littered the sink and counter.

The pegasus gawked for a moment at the mountain of filth in Rainbow’s kitchen. She knew for a fact that Rainbow hated leaving dirty dishes on her countertop even more than she hated taking the time to clean them. If they were stacked up like this, what had she been doing all week?

Making a mental note to return and help Rainbow clean up later that afternoon, Fluttershy continued towards the bedroom. Most of Rainbow’s medical supplies were either in her room or her bathroom. She tended to patch herself up pretty frequently, and liked to keep things like gauze and tape on-hoof for emergencies.

The bathroom was obviously occupied. Thin wisps of steam rose from under the door, and Fluttershy could swear she heard a dull, rhythmic thumping over the din of running water. Well, at least she had found her friend.

“Pardon me, Rainbow Dash!” She tapped a few times on the bathroom door. A faint moan was all the response she received.

Fluttershy rolled her eyes and smiled; Rainbow was probably relaxing after a long day of practicing tricks and clearing the skies above their town. She might have her off days and her moments of self-centered pandering, but Fluttershy knew that her friend was one of the hardest-working pegasi in Equestria, especially when the ponies she loved needed her there.

Deciding not to disturb Rainbow any more than she already had, Fluttershy set to searching around the bedroom for a first aid kit. It wasn’t in the closet, under the bed, in the nightstand drawer, or even next to the box of “party favors” that was tucked between the mattress and the box spring... maybe it was in her desk?

The brand-new Cloudbook laptop caught Fluttershy’s attention as she began rummaging through the desk drawers. Since when had Rainbow become so tech-savvy? Curious, she clicked the mouse and shut down the revolving picture show of Spitfire pinups that had been set as the screensaver.

“Oh! Rainbow wrote a story!” Fluttershy was no stranger to the wonderful world of fiction. In her fillyhood she used to love writing romantic adventure stories, scribbling long into the night about stallions in distress and mares in shining armor. Content that her friend was likely to be in the shower for a while, and probably wouldn’t mind very much anyway (when did they ever keep secrets from each other?), she scrolled up a few pages and began to read.

“Oh, Rush… I can’t believe how incredibly svelte and totally good-looking you are! Oh, yeah, right there!” Daring Do moaned and unbuttoned her shirt as the Wonderbolts captain sent electric tingles running through her body.

“If you think I’m sexy, Daring - and I am, I can’t deny it - you should see yourself right now. You’re one dynamite mare, Daring Do. Wanna see what it feels like to fly with the ‘Bolts?” Running her chiseled hoof across the mare’s chest, Prism bent down, extending her tongue towards Daring’s—

“Oh. Oh. Oh my,” Fluttershy gasped, realizing just how long she’d been holding her breath. This was… good. Not good in any kind of literary sense - she had managed better character interaction when she was eight - but it was saucy.

Oh dear. She paused in her reading to look behind her, and sure enough… both of Fluttershy’s wings were fully extended, almost painfully so. She needed a minute alone between herself and her no-no square. Well, Dash seemed like she wasn’t going anywhere soon, and there was nopony else in the house…

“RAINBOW DASH!”

Fluttershy managed to jump surprisingly high, given the state of her wings. Flitting awkwardly to the bedroom window, she looked outside to spy Princess Twilight Sparkle peering up at her from the field beneath the house.

“Rainbow, my Daring’s Adventurepedia you borrowed is almost a week overdue! Quit disappearing with my books!” The alicorn stomped her hoof into the turf and snorted. What could Dash possibly need that encyclopedia for that she’d spend the better part of a month with her face buried in it, anyway?

Doing her level best to keep her wings concealed inside the cloud home, Fluttershy stuck her head outside. “Twilight, come up here! You have to see this!”

“What? Fluttershy?” With a powerful flap of her wings, Twilight took to the sky and hovered awkwardly next to her friend. “Where’s Rainbow?”

“Oh, she’s been in the shower for a while,” the pegasus mumbled through her mane. “But I found something on her computer that you need to see! It’s really good. Um, if it’s your sort of thing, that is.”

“Well, sure. Give me a second and I’ll fly around to the front door—”

A slight quiver in her left wing told Fluttershy she was still stuck at full-mast. “No! I have to, um… tidy up first! Rainbow kind of left a mess. I’d feel awful if royalty had to come in here and see this before I had a chance to clean up a bit…” Her wings shuddered violently.

“C’mon, Fluttershy,” Twilight chuckled. “Can we please drop the Princess thing? All I really got was a pair of wings and a goofy tiara thingy. Just let me inside—”

“FIVE MINUTES,” her friend barked. Twilight flew back a few feet, surprised at the normally passive pegasus’ quick attitude reversal.

“Are you… sure?”

Fluttershy wiped her forehead with a hoof - goodness, she was sweaty - and nodded curtly. “...Five minutes, and then come inside, please.” With that, she shut the window and drew the cirrus blinds closed.

Finally, alone. She sped back to the idling Cloudbook and resumed where she left off.

Their bodies writhed around each other as they tumbled throughout the ruins. What had started as a brawl over a relic in the temple’s booby-trapped treasure room had spiraled into something even more heated: something carnal, something… sexy. Poison-dipped darts flew overhead as they rolled over a pressure plate.

“Maybe,” Daring grunted as she tried to overpower the pretty-trim-but-still-remarkably-muscular pegasus she was stuck in mortal combat with, “We could come to some kind of—rrgh—compromise!”

The two pegasi came to a jarring halt as they collided with the stone wall. Prism Rush was on top, obviously; she was always on top. Even when she was on the bottom.

“'Dunno,” she gasped. “Can it be a… sexy compromise?”

*ZZZ-POP*

Twilight Sparkle, sovereign alicorn and Princess of Magick, stepped out of her teleportation circle and into a scene she hadn’t been prepared for. One of her best friends was furiously abusing herself, hunched over a laptop on Rainbow’s desk.

“Fluttershy, you weren’t answering the door and it’s been OH SWEET CELESTIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING.”

Fluttershy paused in mid-movement, shivering in equal parts embarrassment, terror and arousal. Turning slowly, she made eye contact with Twilight.

“YOU’RE STILL DOING IT!”

“I-I’m sorry! I can’t stop!”

Panicking, Twilight charged a surge of energy into her horn and threw Fluttershy across the room. The pegasus thudded dully against the far wall, dropped to the floor, and fell still. Twilight rushed to her side and checked her pulse: stable, if a little erratic.

She wheezed a sigh of relief; giving her friend head trauma had been an unfortunate, if unavoidable, consequence of making her stop masturbating.

“Now what in Equestria were you reading…?” Trotting back to the desk, Twilight took a look at whatever it was that had caused all of this.

“Finally,” Daring wheezed. The crocodile pit, flame jets and even the Marsupials of Unusual Size had all been pretty pedestrian. Boring, even. The pack of shrieking, gibbering, drink-sloshing champagnezees that had chased her all the way to the treasure room were not.

Whoever set up the traps in this temple was the worst kind of person. Overgrown wallabies were one thing, but tiny, fuzzy, totally drunk masters of the Wang-Fu school of martial arts were an entirely different beast.

She paused to wipe a few beads of sweat from her forehead before resettling her favorite pith helmet back on her head. The object of her search was directly ahead: on a raised pedestal, glinting fiercely in a single beam of sunlight, was the long-lost warhelm of Commander Hurricane.

“‘Scuse me! Comin’ through!” A shimmering blaze of technicolor flame barreled into the treasure room, almost knocking Daring flat on her side. The rainbow blur screeched to a halt just a few hoofstrides away from the helmet, revealing itself to be none other than…

“Prism Rush! What the hoof are you doing here!?” Daring knew who the intruder was, obviously. She even had a poster of her on the ceiling of her treehouse, right above her captain’s bed. Not that she’d tell anypony that.

The rainbow-maned pegasus flapped around the perfectly-preserved steel, snatching it cleanly off the stone pedestal and slipping it onto her head. It fit like a glove.

“Oh, hey, Daring. Just grabbing up this super-rad piece of Hurricane’s armor so I can wear it during my next show with the Wonderbolts.”

“Ohmigosh she knows my name,” Daring whispered to herself. “W-wait! No way! I’ve been searching for that helmet for months, and you’re not just gonna barge in here and steal it from me!” Her hooves spread wide through the dust that coated the stone floor as she lowered herself into a predatory stance.

Prism regarded her coolly before a wide grin broke out across her face.

“Alright, let’s make a little wager. If I win, I get to keep the helmet for my air shows. If you win, you can take it and lock it up in a museum or something just as un-awesome. Deal?”

The adventurer-cum-archaeologist gritted her teeth. She wasn’t sure what the Wonderbolt had in mind, but she knew that she had to get that artifact and keep it safe.

“Yeah, deal.”

Prism swooped in, landing face-to-face with her competitor for the prize. “Cool. So… you wanna wrestle?”

“Are you kidding me?” Twilight threw her hooves in the air in frustration, groaning for effect. “Rainbow finally decides to do something remotely cerebral with her life and she’s writing… this!?” The words on the laptop mocked her.

“And Prism Rush? She’s literally the most hamhoofed Mary Sue I’ve ever had the displeasure to read! And, and… dick jokes! The lowest of lowbrow comedy! Augh!” She dropped her head melodramatically onto the desk, earning nothing for her tirade but a nasty welt beneath her horn.

“I agree, darling. This story is positively disastrous left as-is.”

Twilight tumbled gracelessly out of her seat at the desk. The ever-fashionable Rarity lifted a snow-white, carefully-manicured hoof to the computer and began scrolling along to continue reading Rainbow’s sensual foray into the world of pulp literature.

“H-how long have you been here, Rarity?” The soft cloud layer of Rainbow’s floor made for an excellent surface to walk on, but it still left a lot to be desired when it came to concussive impact distribution. Twilight dragged herself to her hooves and tried to brush her tousled mane back into place. “And how are you in here in the first place?”

Rarity tittered at her friend’s overreaction but refused to look away from the story in front of her. “I believe you forget at times, dear, that you’re not the only pony who can cast a simple cloudwalking spell. Or teleport short distances. Or, dare I say it, invest a sudden interest in Rainbow Dash’s works of fiction.”

“Now,” she cooed, “let us see if we can… spice things up a bit, shall we?”

Gazing deep into her lover’s eyes, Prism Rush tantalized her pegasus partner with a delicate hoof up her spine. Daring’s chest swelled as her breath caught in her throat - oh Goddesses, it felt as divine as the finest Maregyptian cotton brushing against her coat!

“Daring, my princess, my goddess… your sweet whispers put even my brutish sensibilities to rest. Forget the helm. I want you, my love… you, and nothing else.” Her lips punctuated the fact with an agonizingly slow kiss, her tongue lashing into the explorer’s own.

Together they fell, pulled as much by their own unquenchable desire for one another as they were by simple gravity. Their interlocked bodies landed on the soft down surface of a positively titanic mattress, sending a flurry of delicately-placed red rose petals into the air. Where the impressive bed had come from and how it came to be in this of all the temples and dungeons Daring had plunged over the years, neither mare could say. Nor did they care.

“Throughout my short and tumultuous life, I’ve had many adventures and tasted both victory and failure,” Daring sighed into the crook of her partner’s neck. “But you, Prism… you will always be my greatest adventure.” Their bodies rocked together in the symphonic roar of love, a dance eternal of which each member was only now learning the first steps.

“Rarity?” Twilight shook her friend lightly, pulling the mare out of her daze and returning her to the world of the functionally coherent. As Rarity turned on her she couldn’t help but notice the haggard look on her face. And the more-than-slightly labored breathing.

“I.. I think you could use a little break. Why don’t you go check on Fluttershy for a while?”

Rarity nodded, brushing a polished hoof against her forehead in an effort to wipe away some of the sweat that had started to accumulate. She took a few uneven steps away from the desk before steadying herself on the cloud bed.

“Yes,” Twilight heard her mumble softly to herself. “Help dear Fluttershy. She’ll need… a glass of water. We will all need water. Water is what we need.” She pirouetted almost immediately on one hoof, walking awkwardly out of the room and into the kitchen.

Twilight ignored the strangled scream as Rarity stumbled upon the state of Rainbow’s sink. Setting her hooves to the keyboard, she began her work.

The bed, which had appeared through the effects of either a Lee-Schwarzstallion dimensional anomaly or a massive improbability field, or perhaps statistically unlikely but natural tectonic plate shift, rocked with all the vague allure of a metronome as the two mares continued their sexual act. Both Prism and Daring made sure to stay properly hydrated throughout their ministrations by drinking from several of the explorer’s canteens of pure, filtered water. No sense in becoming a heat casualty in the midst of coitus.

“I love a mare who knows the importance of planning ahead for any strange, sexy situation,” the multi-chromatically-hued pegasus told her friend. Daring always planned for the unknown. It was one of the first things she had learned while pursuing her quadruple Doctorate at Hoofvard University, egregia cum laude.

Daring took several (fourteen) seconds to run her hooves across Prism’s body, marveling at the outstanding musculature and physical perfection of the specimen above her. The captain’s trapezius, the large superficial muscle that extends longitudinally from the occipital bone to the lower thoracic vertebrae and laterally to the spine of the scapula [sic], swelled with the onset of lactic acid from their really sexy sex. The good Doctor took another moment to stimulate herself with the vision of Prism’s naughty parts, which were visually stunning and extremely symmetrical. Like a flower, perhaps, while the assets just above reminded her in their fullness of bags of sand or possibly ripe melons?

A/N: I’m not a virgin.

“Darling, after reading that, I’m positive that the last thing occupying the reader’s mind is whether or not you’ve actually had sex.” Rarity levitated a glass of water to Twilight as she sipped on one of her own. “Besides, if you have any questions, you know we’re always here for you.”

“I don’t have any questions!” The alicorn snapped, glancing around nervously as she backed away from the laptop. “I’ve performed several studies on the subject, and field testing is going to begin soon.”

She thought back to the complex system of ropes, chains, and iron bars that lurked just under the doormat in front of her library. “Very soon,” she added cryptically.

Rarity nodded, eyeing her friend warily as she took another drink. She opened her mouth to speak just as the bathroom door creaked open.

Rainbow strolled out, humming a tuneless jingle as she brushed roughly at her mane with a pink bath towel. She opened her eyes to find Rarity and Twilight hunched awkwardly over the computer in mid-leap. Beyond them, she could just make out a yellow splash of hair on the floor from Fluttershy’s prone body. Her eyes darkened as her gaze passed over all of them and finally came to rest on the laptop itself. Somewhere deep inside her, a switch flicked from “surprise,” to “mild annoyance,” to “rapemurder.”

“You didn’t,” she seethed.

“We just accidentally read all of your story and were trying to help please don’t murder us!” Twilight threw herself at her friend’s hooves, screaming both an explanation and a plea for mercy in one breath. Her grip around the pegasus’ limbs tightened in pure terror as a tremor started dance through Rainbow’s muscles. She braced herself for the gruesome end when she realized that Rainbow wasn’t shaking in epileptic fury; she was laughing.

“Murder you? Heh, c’mon, Twi, give me more credit than that. I mean, yeah, I’m a little ticked off that you all kinda broke into my house and messed with my private junk on my laptop—”

“We’re so sorry,” Twilight whispered.

“—But it’s not like I’m some kinda time bomb that you guys have to tip-hoof around. Sheesh. I mean, you didn’t submit it, right?”

“Submit it, dear?” Rarity had just come to terms with the fact that she was not, in fact, going to die today, and tried her best to continue to placate her volatile friend.

“Yeah,” Rainbow chuckled. “You didn’t hit the big button that says ‘publish,’ right?”

“This big button?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yeah, that o—wait, what.”

Maintaining eye contact with Rainbow the entire time, Fluttershy raised her hoof to the laptop and tapped once, sending the fanfiction off to the front page of DDHorseWords. Her eyes remained locked with Rainbow’s until she trotted out of the room, off to search for an ice pack and a laptop for herself.

A thousand thoughts passed through Rainbow’s head as she left. Rarity could swear she saw the flicker of madness cross her friend’s face before the pegasus shook her head and groaned.

“C’MON! It’s gonna take me forever to fix that. I bet somepony’s already seen it!” She stepped over Twilight and settled into the seat in front of her desk, grousing inarticulately as she pulled up her new story page. “Might as well see what the damage is,” she grumbled.

Sure enough, just under the title page of Daring Do and the Rainbow Rendezvous, a hoofful of commenters had already started to surface.

This made my penis into the big penis

what a disgusting pile of cliched newfag caca

Guaranteed to make even the most focused unicorn unable to cast magic for a few hours while they ponder on this ssteaming pile of mess

Was her pussy really that tight, or is she just exaggerating?

Backing away from the slowly simmering author, Twilight wrapped a hoof around Rarity’s neck and pulled her close.

“I think it’s time for us to leave now,” she whispered. Rarity could only nod.

With a bright purple flash, the princess and her friend were teleported to the streets of Ponyville, just under Rainbow’s wandering cloud home. A tree nearby shook as Spike the dragon tumbled out of his nest in the upper branches where he had been spying on Rarity for the past half-hour.

“Well, I believe I should go check on Fluttershy,” Rarity offered as she composed herself. “One of us should make sure she was not too terribly concussed.”

“Right,” Twilight agreed. “Thanks, Rarity. I’m going to send a letter to Princess Celestia about what we learned today.” She tapped her hoof impatiently as Spike teetered across the street towards her, twigs and bits of bark trapped between his scales.

“Spike! Take a letter,” the princess ordered as she led her assistant back to the library. Spike shook his head to dislodge a few of the larger pieces of foliage before scampering after her.

“Huh? Oh, uh, sure thing, Twilight. Ready!”

“Dear Princess Celestia,” she began. “Today I learned that you should always encourage your friends when they try new things, even if you may not care for their new hobbies. However, this does not give you free reign to commit misdemeanors or to pretend you’re any better at something than they are. Finally, the Internet is a hateful place full of terrible ponies and even worse fanfiction. Signed, Your Faithful Contemporary, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

Comfortable at her reading desk, Princess Celestia, alicorn goddess and princess of the sun, sipped daintily at her evening coffee and re-read the latest correspondence from her student. No, wait, contemporary.

She sighed, musing to herself about how hard old habits did die. Then she smiled, happy that Twilight had at the very least learned an important lesson today. Her horn glowed with a soft golden light, carrying her cordless mouse across the desk and making its icon dance across the screen. As she scrolled to the bottom of the comments section, she took another sip of coffee before tapping briskly away at her keyboard.

8.5/10 prety good wud fap again

PS sequel?

Author's Note

I'm not a virgin.

Thanks to RainbowBob, Skeeter the Lurker, and Sabre for pre-reading and proofreading support. And another thanks to The Parasprite, Spacecowboy, RainbowBob, and Sabre for the readers' quotes.