Snips' Clips Barbershop

by AtomicMuffin

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Snips, Comedy, Other, Romance, Slice of Life
Length: 48980

Mares have the spa, but where do the stallions go to relax? For some there's the bar, for others there's the barbershop

Snips has done well for himself. What started as a simple business has grown into the social hub for the stallions of Ponyville. Every patron has a story to tell, and you never know who (or what) will drop by next.

A collection of short stories set in the future. Exact time is irrelevant, just know that Snips is an adult and his shop is already well established.

Published 2013-08-30 14:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-29 20:28:17 UTC

Sweet Apple Honey

"I wasn't around mahself, but this is what happened accordin' to AJ and Applebloom."

The Apples had been farm ponies for more generations than most ponies could keep track of. With that job comes a kind of dignity and pride. It also comes with the uncanny ability to wake up long before the sun.

The sky was just starting to show a hint of pink when Applebloom pitched her latest project. She just had to convince her sister and Big Macintosh to let her build it. She laid out her case like a skilled buisinessmare.

"If we have our own bees, then we won't need'ta depend on the folks in town durin' important times when we need honey."

"Hold on there, Applebloom," Applejack interjected, "What makes ya think we need'ta worry about a honey shortage anyway?"

"Ah just want to be prepared. Remember how ya needed'ta borrow some from Pinkie Pie fer the family reunion? What if nopony had any ta spare? We couldn't have an Apple family reunion without fritters!"

"I guess ya have a point there," Applejack conceded.

"And this way, we can be nice ta the bees all year long. Granny Smith told me that happy bees make the best honey. I'm sure it'll make some darn good zap apple jam. Don'tcha think so, Granny?"

The family matriarch continued to snore peacefully in her rocking chair. Applebloom returned her attention to her siblings.

"Besides, if we make enough, then we can sell it in town with the apples. With the Sweet Apple Acres name behind it, Ah'm sure it'll take off faster than Rainbow Dash durin' one of Twilight's lectures."

Applejack and Big Macintosh shared a look, then Big Mac smiled at his youngest sister. "Ah don't rightly know about this, AB. Do ya reckon yer up'ta the task?" Applebloom nodded vigorously.

"Alright then, ya can set up in the south field on the outskirts of the orchard. The apple trees should be bloomin' soon and it'll be far enough away from them pesky fruit bats in the west orchard. If ya need any help, ask me or- oof!" Mac never got to finish his sentence as Applebloom tackled him into a tight hug. It wasn't enough to knock him over, but it was still enough to knock some breath out of him. Mac was reminded of how much she had grown, and her enthusiasms reminded him of the young filly she used to be. One who was always coming up with all kinds of crazy schemes.

"Ah won't let ya down, big brother! You either, big sis!" And with that she trotted out of the family home, rushing into the barn to retrieve her tool belt and supplies.

Applejack looked back at Big Mac, "Ya think we did the right thing?"

"Eeyup."

~~~The South Field~~~

Applebloom cantered happily to the site her brother had indicated. She stopped the heavy cart she was hauling under the shade of a large Apple tree. Surveying the area before her, she thought to herself, This place is perfect! Good thing Ah already drew up the blueprints. She pulled out the hoof written designs and went to work on her new project.

In what felt like no time at all, three fully formed apiaries stood proudly among the apple trees. The design was simple but effective. It was a four tiered box with layers designed with screens inside for the drones to build their honeycomb. The outside covering had slits for the bees to escape and collect pollen and nectar from the surrounding trees. All things considered, Applebloom was proud of her work. Of course, there was one small flaw in her otherwise brilliant plan.

"Where the hay am Ah supposed to get bees?" she shouted to the empty air. She went through her mental checklist. Step 1: Design apiary. Check. Step 2: Convince family. Check. Step 3: Uhhh. Step 4: Profit. She face-hoofed at the glaring mistake. She had no clue where to find bees, much less how to transport them or make them stay. The only thing she did know was that she would need lots of protective gear, which luckily she did have.

"There has gotta be somepony who can help me." Her face lit up as an idea struck her. "The library! Twilight probly knows what ta do." With that thought in her head, she trotted off down the path to visit Golden Oaks Library.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

*Ding ding*

Big Mac paused as the shop door opened. Snips clipped an errant strand of Mac's mane and turned to greet his customer. A purple and green dragon closed the door, whistling a tune that Snips couldn't place. He called out, "Spike! My main dragon! Get over here!"

Dragons are mysterious creatures. Most of them were big and had terrible tempers, but Spike never had that problem. Whether it was because of his pony upbringing or because dragons mature differently, Spike never got to be as large as others of his species. Over the years, Spike had lost his baby fat and grown into a gangly young adult dragon. He now stood slightly taller than the average pony. The only other notable difference was the set of leathery wings that sprouted from his back. With the moment of nostalgia aside, the two childhood friends came together to share a brohoof.

But this was no ordinary brohoof. This was a brohoof that can only happen between a bro and his dragon-bro. It was an epic work of art. As hoof and claw connected, time slowed down to respect their epicness. Angels descended from the heavens above to weep at the beauty that was to occur. Their appendages connected, and the resounding crash reverberated to the very core of the planet. The force of their awesomeness sent them both reeling backward as a miniature galaxy materialized in the space they previously occupied. Just as quickly, the galaxy swirled in upon itself, creating a black hole, and with a quick "PUFF" it vanished from existence.

At least that's how it looked in their minds. Big Mac just sat there, looking at them as if they both suddenly fell from the sky. With a short cough, Snips excused himself and continued working on Big Mac. "So what brings you here today, Spike. Need your spines filed down a bit?"

"You know it! How's it going, Big Mac?"

"Howdy, Spike. I was just tellin' Snips about Applebloom's honey business."

"Oh yeah? I was wondering how that turned out."

Mac cringed again, then said, "Maybe ya can help me with the next part, considerin' ya were there at the time."

~~~Golden Oaks Library~~~

Spike perched precariously on the ladder leaning up against a shelf. He stood on tip-claws reaching out to shelve a series of large tomes balanced carefully on his tail.

Applebloom slammed open the library door and called, "Twilight! Are ya home?"

The force of her entrance was enough to make Spike jump in surprise. He crashed to the floor in a flailing mass of limbs and books. With a groan he pulled himself up and brushed the dust off his scales. Applebloom walked gingerly to the now standing dragon.

"Are ya okay, Spike? That was a pretty nasty fall."

"I'm fine. Did you say you were looking for Twilight?"

"Eeyup."

Finding nothing bruised or broken, Spike's good humor returned and he chuckled at the traditional response given by all members of the Apple family. "Well, you just missed her. She left this morning to take care of some princess business in Canterlot. Anything I can help you with? I am Twilight's number one assistant after all."

Applebloom thought about it for a moment, but couldn't think of any reason not to ask Spike for help.

"Ah'm tryin'ta start keepin' bees on the farm. Ah thought it would be good to harvest our own honey. Ah already built the apiary, but now Ah need'ta get the bees. Do ya know where I can find'um? More importantly, do ya know how Ah'm suppose'ta move 'um?"

"Well that's simple enough." Spike plucked a book from the shelf and opened it to display a diagram of a beehive. Pointing to a segment Spike continued, "The best way to relocate bees is to capture a queen. If she is moved to an unoccupied hive, the drones and workers will follow her and start over. This section is called the brooding chamber. This is where the queen lays her eggs. You could catch her in there while she's laying."

"Sounds a mite hard to me."

"Hey, I said it was simple not easy."

"But how can Ah tell which one is the queen?"

"She's usually bigger. Not to mention that the other bees will start attacking you if you try to touch her."

"Now that Ah know how to do it, where am Ah gonna find a hive to move? How about the one y'all have outside?"

Spike took a step back in fear and shook his head. "Oh no! Not those! They've been absorbing Twilight's magic for so long that they're kind of... unpredictable. Last time they stung Snowflake and turned him into a mare. It took three days before Twilight could change him back. Not to mention their honey tastes terrible."

Applebloom hung her head, but then she remembered another pony she could ask. Giving Spike a quick peck on the cheek, she walked out the door and headed for Fluttershy's cottage.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

"SHE DID WHAT?!" Bic Mac roared. He sat up so fast that Snips almost clipped off a patch of fur instead. Spike looked like he could sink into the floor under the stallion's gaze. Even though Spike was almost as tall as the massive farm pony, he was nowhere near matching his girth and raw muscle.

Snips called soothingly, "Calm down, Mac. I'm sure she was just thanking him for his help. We all know that Applebloom is too sweet to get herself into anything inappropriate. Don't we, Spike?"

"Yeah, what he said!" Spike squeaked. He was now curled up under a bench, trying in vain to hide from the wrathful gaze of Big Macintosh.

Grumbling slightly, Mac reclined in the barber's chair once again and continued, "So anyway..."

~~~Fluttershy's Cottage~~~

Applebloom trotted down the path leading to Fluttershy's cottage. Seeing the bees buzzing merrily in their hive renewed her enthusiasm and with it her optimism as well. She knocked on the front door and waited for Fluttershy to answer. Soon the door opened to reveal the butter yellow pegasus.

"Hello, Applebloom. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Applebloom beamed at the pegasus. After so many years, her sister's friends had come to be like part of the family. Each of them felt like cousins to her. Except for Pinkie, who was actually their cousin... somehow.

"Fluttershy, Ah was wonderin' if ya could help me move some bees into our new apiary on the farm. Problem is, Ah don't know where'ta find a good hive."

Fluttershy paused for a moment, holding a hoof to her chin in thought. Pensively she said, "I do know one hive in Whitetail Wood. The bees are very friendly and I think they wanted to move somewhere with more flowers. I can go with you and talk to them, if you like."

Applebloom hopped in place a few times and cheered, "That would be perfect! Much better than what Spike said."

Giggling quietly, Fluttershy beckoned for Applebloom to follow and they made their way to Whitetail Wood.

~~~Whitetail Wood~~~

The proud trees were grandly displaying their new canopy of spring leaves. As Fluttershy and Applebloom walked down the path usually used for the Running of the Leaves, Fluttershy abruptly changed course and walked over to a large maple tree. A massive beehive hung from one of its large branches, but there was no sign of life. With a look of concern, Fluttershy took to her wings and flew up level with the hive.

She whispered, "Um, hello? Is anyone in here? It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you."

She heard a faint buzz as a single bee made its way out of the hive. It landed on her nose and started to dance around on its six legs. She relayed the message to Applebloom.

"Oh, that's awful! The queen says that some of the worker drones haven't woken up from hibernation. She says that it takes so long to gather nectar because there are no flowers around. If they can't gather enough food, then the workers won't ever wake up."

"Ask her if they wanna move over'ta Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Did you hear that, your Majesty? My friend here has a new home for you and your hive. With plenty of flowers for you to enjoy. Would you like that?"

The queen buzzed excitedly and shook her abdomen wildly. Fluttershy translated, "She says she would love to! We just have to make sure that the hive makes it there safely. She also warned me that some of the drones would be cranky if they woke up without breakfast. So we need to be especially careful."

"Sounds good'ta me! Can ya cut the hive and lower it ta the ground?"

Fluttershy gently gripped the hive and tried to pry it from the tree. With a sharp "crack" the hive broke off from the branch; however, Fluttershy flipped backwards due to the sudden lack of resistance and the hive flew out of her hooves.

Applebloom's eyes narrowed to pinpricks as she watched the hive fall to the ground. With agility that she didn't even know she had, the young mare ran through the trees and dove after the hive. She caught it and tucked it to her chest, her back skidded along the forest floor before she ground to a stop. Fluttershy gasped as she hovered down to Applebloom.

"Ow." Applebloom gently shifted the still intact hive and managed to stand on three legs. She had some bruises on her back, but was otherwise uninjured. The queen bee, still perched on Fluttershy's nose, swiped two legs across her face as if wiping away a nervous sweat.

"Come on Fluttershy, we need'ta get these bees ta their new home."

The pegasus grinned as they followed the path out of the woods and towards the farm.

The pair made it to the edge of the woods without incident, but apparently it was too much to hope that their luck would hold out. Lounging around at the edge of the woods was a massive black bear. He eyed the ponies walking by with disinterest. He turned to walk back into the woods when he noticed a certain round object nestled into the crook of the younger mare's foreleg. His stomach rumbled expectantly. He did just finish hibernating not long ago. It had been so long, he only vaguely remembered what honey tasted like. Luckily, that vague memory was all he needed. His eyes glazed over and his mind was set on one goal and one goal only. He would snag that hive and drain every last morsel of honey.

He charged out of the woods at the mares, but the yellow pegasus started flying straight towards him. Taken aback, he slowed to a halt as the flying pony touched down in front of him.

"Hello there, Mr. Bear. I know that you must be hungry after your nap, but could you please leave those poor bees alone? They aren't feeling very well right now and my friend and I are trying to help them. If you want, I saw some yummy looking berries back down the path." She pointed her hoof in the direction she had come from.

His first instinct was to listen to this pony. In fact, he even felt sorry for those poor bees. But he couldn't turn back. He had made up his mind, so there was no going back. Besides, what kind of she-bear would want to share a cave with a wishy-washy little cub who couldn't follow through on his decisions?

The bear roared viciously at the mare, which caused her to turn and run back towards her companion. She screamed, "Run, Applebloom!" and the young mare galloped off as quickly as she could with only three legs. The bear ambled after them as quickly as his bulk would allow, and the whole time the pegasus was pleading with him over her shoulder.

"Please, Mr. Bear! Please leave these poor bees alone! We can find you some different honey!"

He roared again, eliciting a squeak from the pegasus. Fluttershy caught up to Applebloom. With tears in her eyes she cried, "He won't listen to me. I don't know what to do." Applebloom's only response was to run faster with Fluttershy following close behind.

Soon they made it onto the farm. The ponies galloped through the gated entrance while the single-minded bear simply plowed through the wooden fence. Boards and splinters flew in all directions from the impact, but the furry juggernaut continued to pursue his quarry. His paws tore huge gashes in the earth and shattered baskets scattered around the bases of several trees. Nothing would keep him from his meal!

As the barn loomed into view, Applebloom was struck with an idea. She ran through the door with the angry bear close behind. She ran straight to the back of the barn and bit down on a rope dangling from the ceiling. She kicked with a hind leg and connected with a lever stuck on the wall. The counterweight dropped and the rope was pulled through a pulley. She rocketed off the ground and was shot directly into the second story hay loft where she landed on her back in a large pile of hay. Fluttershy flew up to the loft after her.

It was then that she noticed a loud humming coming from the hive. Apparently the bees were not happy about the chase. Thinking quickly, Applebloom started humming a lullaby that her sister used to sing to her when she was a little filly. The buzzing died down and the hive was still once more.

Frustrated by the young mare's escape, the bear took his frustration out on the equipment neatly placed in the barn. He ravaged the barrels of cider set away for special occasions. Then he crumpled Big Mac's plow under his powerful paws. Using his massive jaws, he broke every gardening instrument he could find. Soon the floor was littered with broken hoes, rakes, and shovels. In a last act of defiance, he charged through the back wall of the barn, leaving a massive hole. Satisfied that his vengeance had been exacted, he walked back the way he had come, leaving Sweet Apple Acres behind him. The berries that the nice pegasus mentioned were starting to sound good anyway.

With a sigh of relief, Fluttershy and Applebloom pulled themselves out of the hay. Applebloom opened the hatch in the wall, which led outside. This time she would take the ladder. As her hooves touched the ground, Fluttershy landed next to her young friend.

"I'm sorry for the way he was acting. I'm going to have to have a serious talk with Mr. Bear about his rude behavior."

"Wasn't yer fault, Fluttershy. At least the bees are sa-"

Thunk!

The hive slipped from Applebloom's grasp. The excitement had left her sweaty and her grip was slick. The mares only had a moment to look at each other in horror before a veritable cloud of bees emerged from the hive. The queen had been exaggerating. These bees weren't cranky, they were murderous. If there was any question of their intent, the swarm altered their flying so that the cloud shaped in the likeness of a skull-and-crossed-bones. Fluttershy flew off in terror as Applebloom fled to the only refuge she had. Directly into the farmhouse.

Tearing through the house, she ran up the stairs. She wracked her brain to think of any possible thing that would save her. Then she remembered the reason that the swarm was so angry. They were just hungry. Too bad she remembered that too late. The only way down to the kitchen was through the swarm. She rushed through the hallway and grabbed a vase full of flowers off of a low table. The bees stopped in their pursuit and the cloud shifted yet again. This time it looked like a dog begging for a treat. It even wagged its tail.

Throwing the flowers into a nearby room, the swarm chased the flowers and she bolted back down the stairs. The swarm finished the flowers quickly and were hot on her tail once again. Applebloom charged straight to the pantry, slamming the door behind her. She fumbled around in the dark as the swarm pounded against the door. "Found it," she cried, lifting a large glass jar in her hoof. With a terrified gulp, she kicked open the door and threw the jar against the far wall, splattering the thick honey all over it. Several bees forced their way into the pantry, but they left as soon as the honey started running down the wall. Without hesitation, Applebloom bolted from the house. This time, she wasn't pursued.

She didn't stop until she was leaning up against the side of the barn. She was panting heavily. Applejack and Big Macintosh came sprinting out of the orchard and skidded to a halt in front of Applebloom.

"Applebloom! What in tarnation is goin' on here!" Applejack yelled angrily.

Applebloom was afraid of angering her sister further, but she knew lying would only make things worse.

"AH was just workin' with the bees."

"Then where the heck are they?"

Applebloom flushed furiously in shame, "In the house."

"And where is Granny Smith?"

The three siblings exchanged a look and shot over to the window. Peering in, they saw Granny Smith dozing in her rocking chair. Several dozen bees clustered around her head like a comically large beard and hat. Even an angry swarm of bees couldn't bring themselves to hurt the kindly Apple matriarch.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

"So that's what happened. Took another coupla days ta get Miss Fluttershy ta convince the bees to move. They're nice an' settled now. Never found that bear, but it's gonna take some time ta fix the barn." A single tear sparkled at the corner of Mac's eye."An' mah poor plow will never be the same."

Spike spoke up from his bench, "Huh, sounds like everything worked out. Do you think the bees are gonna produce any honey?"

Big Mac smiled. "Eeyup."

"And....done!" Snips proclaimed. Using his magic, he whipped the barber's cape from Mac and used a quick spell to blow all the loose hair off of the massive stallion.

"Much obliged, Snips."

"My pleasure, Big Mac. Let's call it five bits."

"Let's make it eight. Ya do good work." Pulling out a drawstring bag, he hoofed over the money and headed to the door.

"Take care, Snips." Then he stopped to glare at Spike. He growled, "Ah'm watchin' you," then walked out the door. As it closed, all that could be heard was the soft tinkling of the bell.

Spike let out the breath he was holding and slumped back as if all the bones had been removed from his body. Snips couldn't help but roll on the floor laughing. He laughed so much his sides hurt and tears sprung to his eyes. After a full minute, he wiped the tears from his eyes and waved a hoof at his friend.

"You're up next, buddy. But I have to ask, is there anything between you and Applebloom?"

Spike leaped into the chair and waved a claw nonchalantly. "Nah. She's cute and all, but neither of us really feel that way."

"Are you trying to sweep some other mare off her hooves?" Not many mares had bothered to give Spike a chance because of the species difference. If they weren't such good friends, Snips probably wouldn't blame them either. Poor Spike had struck out more times than most ponies could count. Sadly, Spike remembered every single one.

"Actually, you won't believe this, but I did meet somepony the last time I was in Canterlot. We had a great time, and I can't wait to go back and see her again."

"And she doesn't mind that you're a dragon?"

"She's more receptive to it that other ponies. Then again, she has known me longer than most of the mares I've asked out."

Snips threw a special leaded blacksmith's apron around the dragon. A regular barber's cape wouldn't survive the punishing maintenance that dragon spines required. Snips ducked into the supply closet and returned with a power grinder and a welder's mask. He put on a pair of thick gloves and another apron as he asked, "If that's the case, then I probably know her. We both grew up in Ponyville, so if she's known you a long time, chances are I know her too."

Spike's scales flushed red at his friends deduction. He gestured Snips closer. In a whisper he said, "Keep this between us, okay." Snips nodded solemnly and Spike continued, "It's Sweetie Belle."

Snips reeled as if he had been shot. He flapped his mouth open like a fish gasping for water, but no words came out. Finally he managed to blurt out, "SWEETIE BE-" But Spike clamped his muzzle shut with strong claws.

Looking exasperated, Spike sighed, "What did I just say?"

When Spike released him, Snips lowered his voice, but the shock never left it. "But SWEETIE BELLE! As in your first crushes younger sister? Dude, how did this happen?"

"If you get to work, I'll tell you. Kind of the reason I came after all. I want to look nice for our next date."

"NEXT date!"

"Just start grinding and I'll tell you."

"Alright, alright." Snips flipped on the welder's mask and proceeded to grind down the plumed spines on his friend's head. Sparks flew from the point of contact. They had long ago worked out a style that suited Spike, and he had done it enough times that he could do it with his eyes closed. For some reason, even against the whirring of the grinder, the dragon's thick spines made very little noise.

"Anyway, Twilight took me to Canterlot last week. I thought it was going to be boring, but it turns out I couldn't have been more wrong..."

Author's Note

Thanks everyone for the warm start. I hope this chapter is to your liking because I had a ton of fun writing it. Don't forget! Like, favorite, and comment! I want to hear what you all think.

Somepony's Sweet on Spike

Last week Twilight took me to Canterlot. I thought it would be boring, but I couldn't have been more wrong...

The plan was to stay for about three days. Twilight had several princess duties to attend to, which left Spike free to mingle around town. The first stop was Pony Joe's doughnut shop. Spike made it a point to visit Joe's every chance that he got. After that he wondered the streets and decided to check out the Canterlot Gallery of the Arts. Apparently all those years of Twilight's eggheadedness had rubbed off on him.

A herd of well dressed upper class ponies crowded around the numerous works of art. Dodging and nimbly sauntering through the crowd, he came upon the first piece. The exhibit was devoted to surrealism, meaning that most of the art in the gallery was just plain weird. The first painting, called The Persistence of Memory, looked like a few droopy clocks were left to melt in the desert. One of them looked vaguely like a pony's face and another looked like it was being attacked by ants. Spike thought, I'm sure there was some kind of symbolic meaning there, but I just don't get it.

He continued wading through the crowd; moving from one painting to the next. Some were intriguing and even funny. Others were simply... disturbing.

Eventually he broke through the throng of ponies into a room that was significantly less crowded. It was a circular room with only a single large sculpture dominating the center of the floor. It was shaped like a unicorn, cast almost entirely from bronze. The only strange part was the horn. Instead of bronze, a single tree grew in the place where the horn would be. Limbs drooped slightly and vines hung to obscure the pony's face.

He stared at the sculpture for a while, lost in his own thoughts. He snapped out of his reverie when a stallion trotted up next to him and remarked, "I didn't know that dragons took an interest in fine art. Well isn't this a novel experience?'

The unicorn had a white coat and a perfectly styled blue mane. His tuxedo was spotless and he sported a monocle over one of his blue eyes. Completing the whole package was a thin blue mustache.

This guy is just the textbook definition of classy!

Returning his attention back to the sculpture, Spike replied, "Most of my species aren't very interested in anything like this. For the most part they are all a bunch of muscle-headed bullies."

"Then I count my blessings to acquaint myself with the only one who has a sense of refinement. Tell me, what do you think of this sculpture?"

Spike paused for a moment. "I think it's... interesting. It looks like a unicorn with a tree for a horn. Maybe that means that magic is somehow connected to nature. Or it could mean that magic grows and blossoms like a tree," Spike shook his head slowly, "but I can't help but feel sad looking at it."

The stallion nodded a few times. "That is an astute observation. The willow is heavily symbolic. It represents magic and life. It is able to grow in harsh conditions, even in places where there is too much water for anything else to take root. As for the sorrow you feel, look at her face."

Spike tried to make out the details of the pony's face, but he just couldn't do it.

"I can't really see anything through the vines and limbs."

"Exactly!" the stallion smiled, "The magic has consumed her. Her identity is so thickly tied into her magic that without it, she has nothing else. That is why you cannot see her face. It is truly tragic to feel like you do not know yourself, but there is beauty in tragedy."

This all sounded a bit too deep for Spike, but he hummed slightly in response. The stallion turned his attention to his companion for the first time. With a polite smile he extended his hoof to the dragon. "My name is Fancy Pants, and if I am not mistaken, you must be young Master Spike."

Gripping his hoof in his strong claws, Spike shook it. "Pleasure's all mine. My friend Rarity has told me some great things about you."

Fancy Pants chuckled, "That is very flattering. I must go and visit her boutique some time soon. Anyway, now that introductions are out of the way, would you like to join me for an exhibition tomorrow afternoon at the Canterlot Academy of Fine Arts?"

Spike considered his offer. On the one claw, he didn't have any other plans that night and Twilight had been encouraging him to mingle with the Canterlot elite. Something about political influence blah, blah, blah. On the other claw, he just knew that it would be extremely boring. In the end, he remembered all of the great things that Rarity had said about Fancy Pants. He was a sincere and well meaning stallion who pretty much commanded Canterlot's social circles. What the heck, why not?

"That sounds nice. I would love to go."

Fancy Pants beamed at his new companion, "Splendid! I will meet you in the theater atrium before the show. Unfortunately I have several appointments to get to, so I must be going now. Thank you very much for the delightful conversation young Master Spike."

"Just Spike is fine. And I enjoyed meeting you too. See you tomorrow, Fancy Pants."

With that he left Spike alone to ponder his current situation. Deciding that it wouldn't be too bad, he turned to leave too. Something about the place seemed different. Once he walked through the doorway he realized that the huge crowd had left. The entire gallery was empty.

Shrugging off this unusual discovery, Spike made his way back to the castle for dinner. He was sure Twilight would be thrilled with the news.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

The whirring finally ceased as Snips pulled the grinder away from a particularly gnarly cluster of spines. The disc glowed cherry red from the constant friction, so he put it down to take a break. Taking off the mask and gloves, he walked over to the sink set in front of the wall. He filled up two glasses with water and drifted one over to his friend on a cloud of magic. Drinking deeply, Snips teased, "Looks like you're getting chummy with some powerful ponies. Don't forget all the little ponies whenever you get to be mister big shot."

"Cut it out, Snips." He took a small sip from his glass. "Besides, I really don't care for all that fancy stuff all the time. I got my fill after three days."

"Didn't satisfy your sweet tooth, I bet." Snips gently nudged the dragon with a wink.

Spike chuckled halfheartedly.

"Let's hear it lover-boy. Heavy on the details."

Spike continued...

~~~Canterlot Palace~~~

Spike thought he looked spiffy in his suit. The green bow tie really brought out the color in his eyes. He cocked his top hat to the side and exclaimed, "Like a sir!" He was answered with a soft cawing. He always took Peewee with him on his trips to Canterlot, mostly because Peewee liked to play with Philomena.

Spike walked over to his pet's perch and asked, "What do you think, Peewee? Do I look spiffy or what?"

Peewee responded with a shake of his head and two low chirps. It sounded dangerously close to the words "or what." Spike huffed, "Yeah, yeah. What do you know anyway, birdbrain?" Peewee pecked him lightly on the head. It was a playful tap and wasn't intended to hurt. Spike chuckled and stroked his pet's feathers affectionately. Under his care, Peewee had grown into an impressive adult phoenix. His feathers were so bright and radiant that they shined like the sun itself. His beak and claws were sharp and majestic, but he had the restraint not to cause any damage with them. All things considered, Spike took great pride in his pet.

"Time for me to go. Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone, alright."

Peewee raised a wing in salute and Spike made his way to the Canterlot Academy of Fine Arts. Using his wings, he made it there in almost no time at all.

~~~Canterlot Academy of Fine Arts~~~

Landing near the imposing building, Spike casually smoothed the wrinkles out of his jacket. Then he strolled confidently into the atrium. Once inside, he noticed the same phenomenon that he experienced at the gallery. There were ponies absolutely everywhere! The difference being that this time they formed a sort of ring around a small group gathered in the center. Taking flight once more, Spike moved in for a closer look. He spotted Fancy Pants and a slim mare that could only be his wife Fleur-de-Lis. They both chatted animatedly with another couple Spike had never met before. He touched down inside the throng of bystanders, which caused harsh whispers to spread through the crowd. Spike ignored them and walked up to Fancy Pants.

"Good afternoon, Fancy Pants."

"Spike, my boy! It is a delight to see you again. Let my introduce you to my wife, Fleur, as well as our friends Jet Set and Upper Crust."

"Nice to meet you."

They all smiled at the young dragon and returned his greeting. Jet Set looked like he was fighting to hold back a sneer. Spike ignored him as Fancy Pants inspected his watch.

"It seems like the performance will begin soon. We will see you two afterward, I hope?"

Upper Crust responded, "Of course! Why don't you join us for dinner at our manor later? I will dispatch a message to the chef right away."

"Zat sounds lovely," Fleur replied.

Fancy Pants smiled and said, "Wonderful. Come along, Spike. We must find our seats."

Fleur, Fancy Pants, and Spike walked away from the group and made their way up a large gilded staircase and into their private box. Looking around, Spike had difficulty comprehending the sheer amount of luxury contained in that box. Instead of chairs there were soft couches. A table was set with all manner of fresh fruits and desserts (And a large bowl of sapphires especially for him). Lastly, a small chandelier hung from the ceiling softly lighting the box.

Fancy Pants pulled aside the curtain on the far wall and motioned for Spike to follow. Past the curtain was the balcony that had a commanding view of the stage. Below, the orchestra was warming up and ushers were helping the remaining stragglers to their seats. The three took their seats and waited for the performance to begin.

"So what was the deal with all the ponies in the atrium?"

Fancy Pants chuckled softly, "Those are just the young social climbers. They follow me like eager puppies trying to curry my favor. It really is quite a bother sometime. I would prefer to not travel with an entourage all the time. For another time though. The show is about to begin."

The lights dimmed and the orchestra leaped into the overture. Strings and light woodwinds dominated for a time, but then the booming brass and percussion jumped violently into the number. Upon the stage, several mares and stallions from the School of Dance were performing a complex ballet that Spike couldn't name. It was rhythmic and exciting, but he still wasn't sure how much he really cared for dancing. Fancy Pants seemed to enjoy it though and Fleur was absolutely beaming.

The rest of first act went by in a blur. There were dance numbers, singers, and complex instrumental works, but Spike was quickly growing impatient. His thoughts were fully focused on the bowl of delicious sapphires waiting in the box behind him. If he listened closely, he could swear he heard them calling his name.

Fancy Pants (as if he had read his minds) laughed, "Don't worry, Spike. There is only one more act before the intermission. It is a choral number I believe." Relief washed over Spike and he returned his attention to the stage.

Fog rolled over the stage and a lone figure emerged. She was a beautiful young mare in a gossamer white cloak. Her hood was pulled up to conceal her face. The violinist plucked her strings and an unseen chorus hummed mysteriously. The melody was sad and haunting, but it was also sweet. The figure pushed back her hood to reveal a white unicorn with green eyes and a curly pink and purple mane.

Spike jerked in his seat and squeaked, "Sweetie Belle!" Fleur shushed him harshly as Sweetie began to sing {Author's note: Seriously, click the link. It will make this infinitely easier to follow.}

I wish I were on yonder hill
Tis there I'd sit and cry my fill
And every tear would turn a mill.

I wish I sat on my true loves knee
Many a fond story told to me
He told me things that ne’er shall be.

Siúil, siúil, siúl a ruin
Siúil go sochair agus siúil go ciúin
Siúil go doras agus éalaigh liom

His hair was black
His eye was blue
His arm was strong
His word was true
I wish in my heart I was with you

Siúil, siúil, siúl a ruin
Siúil go sochair agus siúil go ciúin
Siúil go doras agus éalaigh liom

The ponies of the chorus stepped forward through the fog, each concealing his or herself behind a cloak of ashy gray. Sweetie started into the next verse.

I'll dye my coat, I'll dye it red
And round the world I'll beg my bread
Til I find my love alive or dead

Siúil, siúil, siúl a ruin
Siúil go sochair agus siúil go ciúin
Siúil go doras agus éalaigh liom

Siúil, siúil, siúl a ruin
Siúil go sochair agus siúil go ciúin
Siúil go doras agus éalaigh liom

Siúil go doras agus éalaigh liom

The music ended and Sweetie swept the hood back on once again, fading into the fog.

The audience politely pounded their hooves against the floor as the announcer called for a brief intermission. Fancy Pants turned to Spike and said, "That was an excellent performance. Don't you agree, Spike?"

Spike didn't even hear the question. Her haunting voice still echoed in his mind. Sadness and love mingled together to weave a tapestry of desire. It was a siren's song pulling him into dangerous waters, but he felt no fear. His heart beat rapidly, and he worried that even the smallest movement would make it explode.

Fleur caught onto his thoughts and giggled to herself. With her strange accent she teased, "Zat mare was quite ze beauty, no?"

Spike just stared back at her blankly. Fancy Pants caught on to his musings and said, "If you wish, you could invite her to join us for dinner tonight with Jet Set and Upper Crust. I'm sure they wouldn't mind such a charming young mare at the table." Spike simply nodded, still fearing his heart would try to leap out of his throat if he dared open his mouth.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

The grinder had finally cooled off and Snips had caught his breath. He carefully put on the gloves and mask and returned to working on his friend.

"I'll bet she really rocked that song, but did you really have to sing it? I would have just taken your word for it."

Spike blushed in indignation. "Hey, I was caught up in the moment. And what's wrong with my singing?!"

Snips flipped the mask down and the grinder whirred to life once again. "Because you sound like a buzzard trying to gargle tree sap."

"That's low, man."

"Come on, get to the good stuff. What did you do next?"

~~~Canterlot Academy of Fine Arts~~~

The rest of the concert passed by as if in a dream. Spike didn't take in any of the extravagant displays. All of the music sounded flat. All the dancers looked like they were underwater. After Sweetie Belle's performance, he could think of nothing else.

After a mini-eternity, the concert had ended and the players came up for the grand finale. Spike stared intently at the sea of faces gathered on stage, but he couldn't spot Sweetie among them. He thanked Fancy Pants for his hospitality and rushed out of the box. He hurried to the back entrance where the performers would exit and waited for her. A few proud parents and special someponies waited with flowers or candy, but Spike didn't dare to fetch her anything for fear of missing her.

He waited for a long time. Ponies left and met with their friends and family, and he was left alone. Soon Celestia's day would give way to Luna's night, but still no Sweetie Belle. The lamp above the door went out, signalling that nopony was left backstage. He walked down the alley on his way back to the castle, moping over his lost opportunity. He felt no desire to meet with Jet Set and Upper Crust.

As he walked onto the castle grounds, he heard a familiar whistle pierce the air. Spike would recognize Peewee's voice anywhere. The phoenix circled overhead, then coasted to land in the middle of the castle's massive garden. Curiosity temporarily masked his heartache as the dragon took to the air and followed his pet into the garden. He landed in a small grove of trees and looked around for his friend. He finally spotted Peewee perched on a low branch, with a white cloaked mare standing beneath him. Spike watched in awe as she sang to the bird. Her song had no lyrics, but the notes were pure and clear. The phoenix responded with his own whistles.

When she had finished, the mare lowered her hood and, without turning around, remarked, "It's not nice to spy on ponies, ya know?"

It was unmistakably Sweetie Belle. She had matured into a fine and graceful unicorn with a slender body and noble bearing. Her mane still had the curls she sported as a filly, but they were longer and more voluptuous.

Finding his tongue again, Spike stuttered, "H-Hi, Sweetie Belle."

Her ears perked up at the familiar voice and she spun around to face the dragon. She had the biggest grin on her face and her eyes sparkled with excitement. She tackled the dragon bodily in a crushing hug. Both of them tumbled to the ground, but he didn't care. His only thought was, Some things never change. Then again, sometimes they shouldn't.

Finally letting Spike off the ground Sweetie asked, "What are you doing here, Spike? Is Twilight in town?"

"Yeah, she's dealing with some royal duties while in town. I just came in to see the sights and to let Peewee visit Philomena." He pointed a claw to indicate the phoenix. To further emphasize his point, Peewee flapped down and perched on Spike's shoulder.

Sweetie giggled, "Oh, so that was Peewee. No wonder he was so friendly. I thought he was just another phoenix living in the garden."

"He's friendly alright. Takes after his old pal Spike. Isn't that right, buddy." Peewee responded by pecking him on the head.

Sweetie's giggle turned into full bodied laughter. Spike decided to let it slide and laugh with her. When they had sufficiently calmed down, Spike walked over to a bench and sat down. He patted the space next to him, inviting Sweetie to join him. The young mare settled next to the dragon and they looked out at the last traces of the sun fading behind the mountains. As the light faded, fireflies lit up the grove.

Spike broke the silence. "I saw your performance today."

Sweetie's ears drooped and she stared dejectedly at the ground. "Oh yeah, that."

"What are you so sad about? You were great up there! Nopony else even came close."

Sweetie gave the dragon a weak smile. "That's nice of you to say, but everpony else was just eager to get away. It was kind of an old song too."

"But it was so beautiful!"

"I know. It was a little too sad though. Nopony like songs that make them sad."

"Then what made you choose it?"

Sweetie paused for a moment. She silently debate how much to tell her old friend. She let out a long sigh and said, "Because I have been miserable ever since I got here."

"You mean ever since you arrived in Canterlot?"

Sweetie nodded, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "The ponies here are so artificial. Nothing lasts and that includes friendship. I tried to make friends, but all they wanted to do was go to lame social things that they didn't even like. Eventually, they would turn their backs on me or even try to humiliate me just for fun. JUST FOR FUN!"

She shouted the last words and the tears fell freely. Spike reached out and hugged the weeping mare to his chest, feeling her warmth against his scales.

Sweetie continued, "Sometimes I just want to go home, Spike. I miss Applebloom and Scootaloo. I miss Rarity and Pinkie Pie. I missed you a whole lot too! But I can't leave. I love singing and this is the only place that I can make a living as a singer. That's why I only sing sad songs."

Spike held her close, even going as far as to wrap his wings around the pair of them. Suddenly, Spike was struck with an idea.

"Sweetie Belle? How would you like to see Ponyville again?"

She tilted her head to look up at the dragon. "That would be amazing!"

"I promised Twilight I wouldn't go back, but I never said anything about flying over. Luna sure has given us a beautiful night. What do you say about a moonlit flight?"

Her eyes gleamed at the thought of seeing her home again. She nuzzled Spike's scaled chest and nodded. Releasing her, Spike stood up from the bench and left his tuxedo and hat there. Sweetie discarded her cloak as well. Together they walked out of the wooded grove. When they approached the edge of the forest, Spike lifted the mare in his arms, much like a groom carries his bride across the threshold of their new home. The thought made him blush. With a push of his back legs, he leaped into the air and soared into the night lit by the full moon.

He climbed high over Canterlot. The city shrunk away and they were rewarded with an aerial view of the city lit up for the revels of the night. The whole city sparkled like a gem atop the mountain. Spike paused for a moment to take in the beauty of the bright city, but he remembered his goal. He whispered, "Hold on tight." Sweetie threw her forelegs around his neck and held on. Spike wheeled around and flew off toward Ponyville.

As they flew, two specks of bright light waited for them in the distance. As he approached, Spike could make out the shape of two phoenixes. Peewee and Philomena circled around the pair and then broke off into a moonlit dance. Chasing each other across the dark night, they looked like two shooting stars streaking across the heavens. They twirled and looped as if the sky belonged only to them. Eventually they tired of their dance and returned to flank their flying friends, but they continued to twirl and sparkle in the air like two miniature suns.

After nearly an hour of flying, Spike spotted the faint lights of Ponyville. Never losing his grip on Sweetie, he glided gently towards their hometown. He circled above the dark library that he called his home. Next he hovered over Sugarcube Corner, which still smelled strongly of sugar and pastries even at this late hour. Next was a quick flight over Mane Street. It didn't have much except for a few empty stalls and carts. Then Spike whirled around and flew over Sweet Apple Acres. The trees glistened in the moonlight and the barn and farmhouse stood silently in the night. Finally, Spike brought her to the one place she longed to see most.

He circled lazily around Carousel Boutique several times, trying to catch every possible angle of the familiar shop. Sweetie hugged his neck so tightly that he swore he would choke, but he didn't care. This night was something special for her. When he caught the glint of moonlight on her cheeks he knew that it was time to leave. The only thing that mattered now was the wind beneath his wings and the calm breathing of the mare pressed against him.

He landed in the gardens on the bank of a small pond. He set Sweetie Belle down gently, then walked over to the edge of the pond and laid down to gaze at the sky. To his pleasure, Sweetie laid down right beside him. Together they gazed at the night sky, enjoying a companionable silence. The two phoenixes resumed their dance across the face of the moon.

Sweetie Belle finally broke the silence. "Thanks, Spike. Nopony has done anything that nice for me in a very long time."

"It was nothing," he replied nonchalantly.

"It was not nothing!" Sweetie yelled. She blushed furiously. Fiddling with her hooves she whispered, "It made me feel special. Nopony has made me feel like that in ages."

Spike flipped onto his side and gazed at the mare next to him. "You are special, Sweetie Belle.You are a sweet, beautiful, and talented young mare. Don't let anypony tell you otherwise."

Her blush deepened and she glanced away from him. Still speaking in a soft voice she asked, "Can I tell you something personal?"

"Anything."

"Spike, did you know I used to be jealous of my sister?"

Back then Spike didn't really pay all that much attention to Sweetie Belle, but he remembered how he used to feel about Rarity. He was having a hard time imagining what it would have been like to live in the shadow of such a colossal beauty, not to mention her talent and popularity. It hurt him to think about how badly his affection was received.

"I can only imagine what it was like living with such an elegant and stunning unicorn. I still didn't know that you were jealous of her."

"Well, I wasn't jealous of her beauty, or her grace, or even her talent."

Spike was pretty confused by this. "Then what were you jealous of?"

Sweetie hesitated, then returned to gaze soulfully into his green eyes. "I was jealous because she had somepony who loved her so much. You did all kinds of things for Rarity. It wouldn't have bothered me if you weren't such a gentlecolt. You were still so nice to me and my friends, even if you didn't feel the same way about me. I guess it was just silly to hope that you'd see me for me, and not just as Rarity's sister."

She shut her eyes as tears streamed down her cheeks. Spike took her face in one clawed hand and gently turned her face toward him. He waited until she blinked a couple of times. She stared at him, urging him to say something. Anything at all would be better than the unnerving silence that loomed between them.

Then he kissed her. His scaly lips pressed tightly against her muzzle. That one passionate embrace was all the answer she needed. Turns out she was wrong. This was way better than anything he could have said.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

Snips had finally managed to style Spike's spines to perfection. He stored the last of his tools into the storage closet as Spike finished his story. He was happy for his old friend, but there were still somethings that weighed on his mind.

"So what happened after?"

"I went and spent the next day with her before Twilight and I had to come back to Ponyville. I told her that I would swing by once a week for a date. Don't tell anypony this, but next week we are going on a double date with Fancy Pants and Fleur-de-lis. I want to surprise her and see if Fancy Pants can get her a recommendation for a patron."

"A patron?"

"Yeah. The art community in Canterlot depends on the money the artist is given by a rich pony who commissions it. For a singer that is the only way to make any money until you get famous enough to get into the record business like Sapphire Shore."

"Sounds tough."

"You have no idea."

Snips used his magic to collect all the filed spines into a small jar. They both agreed that the filings would be Spike's payment for the trim. Ground dragon scale fetched top bit on the market because of its scarcity and its many uses in potions and medicine.

Snips continued, "You think it's going to work out? I don't want to see you get your hopes crushed again."

Spike gasped indignantly. "I'm sure she like me, Snips. And I swear by Luna's fuzzy blue socks that I- oops."

The light in the room dimmed and the walls felt like they were closing in. A disembodied voice echoed as if from the bowels of the earth, "SPIKE THE DRAGON! YOU HAVE BROKEN A PINKIE PROMISE! NOPONY BREAKS A PINKIE PROMISE!"

Spike trembled and pleaded, "No! I didn't make a Pinkie Promise! That was just a normal promise! Pleeeeassse don't hurt me!

The voice hummed thoughtfully. "ARE YOU SURE?"

"Positive!!!"

"OKIE DOKIE LOKIE"

The voice faded and the room returned to its normal dimensions and brightness. The two made an unspoken agreement to not discuss what had just happened.

"So Princess Luna wears fuzzy blue socks?"

"Keep that to yourself though. She wore them to dinner one day after she woke up. She didn't notice that we were there and kinda freaked out when she saw us. She made me promise not to tell anypony about it."

"That's awesome!"

"I know, right! Socks are just kinda hot for some reason."

The pair laughed happily. Spike was about to walk out the door before Snips called out, "I hope your date goes well. We're cheering for you!"

"Thanks, bud!" And he left.

Snips was once again left in his shop alone with his thoughts. Spike's spines needed more time and effort than most customers so it was about closing time anyway. Snips swept the shop and cleaned off all of his tools. The whole time he thought to himself, Good for Spike. I'm glad he finally found his special somepony. He genuinely meant it, but it still left a faint stinging in his heart.

He watched his friend closely as he told the story. Spike never once stopped smiling and he radiated joy throughout the entire tale. This wasn't some passing fling or meaningless encounter. He was seriously struck by Sweetie Belle. Snips realized that he needed to be bolder. Sweet Roll wasn't going to wait just because he couldn't gather the courage to talk to her. Snips braced himself and steeled his resolve.

He locked the shop and walked home with a single thought in mind. Tomorrow I am going to ask her out.

Author's Note

There you go! Sweet, sweet romance. And this time I left you without a setup for the next chapter. Who is our next guest going to be? What strange or crazy story do they have to tell? I guess you'll just have to stay tuned to find out.

By the way, the url for the song is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhYdOQwB5DQ in case it didn't work.

As usual, like, favorite, and comment!

Rock Farm Follies

Snips sighed heavily as he unlocked the shop the next morning. He flicked the switch and the barber pole outside spun to life. Wrapped in his corona of magic was a single cup of Starbuck coffee. Today he was skipping breakfast.

He had started the day as chipper and excited as a young colt. He fixed his mane and strolled purposefully out of his home. All of the confidence burned in his heart just as it did last night. He marched into the still market, but stopped abruptly. Even from clear across the square, his eyes saw Sweet Roll with crystal clarity. She blew a stray hair out of her face and pulled a fresh tray of rolls out of her cart. The tray must have still been hot, because she quickly lowered it back onto the cart and started sucking on the tip of her hoof.

Snips froze. His body felt suddenly rigid. He remembered a picture that Snails had shown him in a magazine when they were younger. A beautiful mare stood in a her shower. Her mane was wet and slicked back as she glanced seductively at the camera, one hoof teasingly lingered on her full lips and the other... NO! NO! NO! I can't do it!

He ran all the way back home and dove into his own shower. Cold water poured down on top of him as he thought, Who am I kidding? Everything she does is adorable! Now thoroughly sober, he dried off and started his day again.

Business was usually slow in the mornings, but it doesn't stay that way for long. Snips had been patiently waiting for customers, while simultaneously cleaning his tools and brooding over his hasty retreat earlier that morning, when two bedraggled strangers dragged themselves into his shop.

They were a pair of unicorns who both had pale yellow coats, red and white streaked manes and tails, shabby blue and white striped vests, crooked bow ties, tattered straw boater hats, and thick scruffy beards. The clothing looked like it had once been pristine, but now it showed the wear and tear of hard times. The dark bags under their eyes attested to their hardships.

Snips called hesitantly, "Um... Come in, gents. What can I do for you today?"

The pair removed their hats and clutched them tightly in their hooves. Then on of them said, "Dear barber, could you spare some of your services for my brother and myself?"

The other added, "Indeed. We're just some poor sods down on our luck."

The first brother spoke up again, "And we figured a handsome and strapping stallion such as yourself would see fit to aid poor wandering souls like us."

Snips eyed the pair suspiciously. Something about them looked familiar. Their smooth talking and flamboyant clothes reminded him of a particularly memorable cider season. Suddenly it clicked.

"Hey! You guys are Flim and Flam! You tried to take Sweet Apple Acres away from the Apple family. You're lucky that you didn't come in yesterday or Big Mac would have beaten you both all the way to Canterlot. Get out of my shop! I don't help theives!" He glared at them menacingly, then charged his horn for added effect. Snips had learned long ago that the right stance could intimidate any opponent into backing away.

Surprisingly, Flim and Flam just latched onto his front hooves and cried piteously. They groveled at his hooves like a pair of foals that had just been spanked. Flim begged, "Please, sir! I just want to be rid of this horrible beard!"

Flam pleaded, "Right you are brother! And I do miss my dear mustache!"

Snips rolled his eyes at the pitiful display happening right in front of him. In his life, he had seen (and done) some pretty regrettable things, but nothing could compare with the pathetic sobbing of these two grown stallions. He finally relented.

"Alright, alright. Stop crying and I'll trim your beards, but I want you both out of Ponyville as soon as we're done. Clear?"

The pair leaped back to their hooves, their eyes miraculously dry. "I told you he was a top notch stallion, didn't I Flam?"

"That you did, Flim. And might I say-"

Snips waved a hoof to interrupt. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of you get in the chair."

The one called Flim jumped into the barbers chair and spun excitedly. He looked as happy as a foal on Hearth's Warming Eve. Snips mixed the shaving cream in his hooves while he used his magic to manipulate his scissors. The scissors went to work trimming away the bushy beard while Snips used a boar's hair brush to whip up the thick shaving cream.

Finally, curiosity got the better of him and he asked, "So how did you two get this bad? What exactly have you two been doing these last few years?"

Flim had the sense to remain silent, since a variety of sharp instruments were dangerously close to his exposed throat. Even in the expert hooves of a master barber like Snips, he didn't want to take his chances. So it turned to Flam to tell their tale.

"Believe it or not, we were getting by just fine until three months ago. We were selling products in Canterlot, Trottingham, Manehattan, Fillydelphia, you name it! But we didn't like working to make somepony else money, so we struck out again to try a new scam- I mean, plan. Yeah! We had an idea for a product that would take Equestria by storm! We were gonna put one in every apartment and two in every home! It was gonna be huge!"

"Yeah? What were you selling?"

"Why, pet rocks, of course!"

"Pet rocks?"

"Yes, pet rocks."

"Seriously?" Snips deadpanned.

"Well, why not? Each pet rock is already housebroken, you can name it whatever you want, they don't eat anything, and you can even teach them tricks. Some tricks may require minor assistance from the owner, but it's the perfect pet."

Snips just focused on his work. If he thought about it too hard, he might get an aneurysm. It amazed him that guys like this almost took over Sweet Apple Acres. "So what happened?"

Snips saw the corner of Flam's mouth twitch slightly. Obviously the memory was painful, but he continued with the story. "The first thing we needed were the rocks. So we thought it would be smart to pitch our idea to a business minded rock farmer who could stand to potentially become a millionaire. So we visited a farm run by a vicious old goat by the name Igneous Rock."

Snips paused mid snip. "You mean, Pinkie Pie's father?"

Flam grumbled, "The very same."

Snips cracked a knowing smile. "How'd that go?"

Flam gestured grandly to himself, as if the the evidence spoke for itself. He groaned and said, "We should never have set hoof in that backwater hick town..."

~~~The Rock Farm~~~

Flim and Flam strolled confidently onto the dusty rock farm. It was simple yet functional. Dusty fields stretched as far as the eye can see. Scrubby trees and rocks of various sizes littered the landscape. The only sign of equine habitation was a solemn farmhouse in the distance. As they approached the farmhouse, the details of the farmstead became more apparent. A large grain silo towered over everything, casting a shadow on a shabby farmhouse and a rusty windmill.

"What a dump, Flim."

"I agree, Flam."

"I guess it's time to speak to the farmer."

"After you, brother."

A stern looking mare called for lunch, and two young mares and an older stallion trudged wearily out of the field. Flim and Flam trotted up the path to intercept the stallion.

"Dear sir, my brother and I would like to speak with you about a business proposition that will be of great benefit to the both of us."

The stallion looked unimpressed. He cared nothing for the slick city ponies in front of him, but he couldn't deny them his hospitality.

He raised a single eyebrow and asked, "Is that right?" He turned to his wife and said, "Mama, you and the girls head in for lunch. I'll go have a word with these gentlponies in the silo."

His wife nodded and the three mares retreated into the house. The aged stallion ushered his guests into the silo. There was no grain stored within, probably because they raised rocks, not wheat. Igneous gestured for the two ponies to be seated at a rough wooden table. Each stallion pulled up a stool and prepared to talk business.

With their usual vigor and charisma the Flim-Flam Brothers launched directly into explaining their newest scheme.

"Tell me, Mr. Rock, does a worldly pony like yourself get tired of rolling around dust old rocks day in and day out?" Flim asked.

Without waiting for a reply, Flam added, "How about that lovely family of yours? Don't you want to give them everything they have ever wanted and deserved?"

They grinned and said in unison, "Then do we have a deal for you!" They continued their practiced pitch strategy of alternatively speaking for every sentence. With any luck, the geezer would get lost halfway through the presentation and sign on to anything.

"We want to take some of your troublesome rocks off your hooves and sell them as pets to loving homes."

"Your rocks will bring joy and love to some excited colt or filly."

"And the best part is that we will handle all sales and marketing!"

"All you have to do is provide us with your rocks and we will offer you twenty percent of the profit. Sound's too good to be true, doesn't it, Flim?"

"I think so, Flam!"

Again their voices united in practiced synchronization, "So what do you say, Mr. Rock?" They both reached out a hoof and smiled expectantly.

Igneous Rock stared at the pair quietly. Years of farm work had taught him many things, some of which were patience, shrewd business practices, and the ability to smell a scam the instant it set hoof onto his property. The wise stallion gently set his hat on the table and stroked his thick beard thoughtfully. He was about to deliver his verdict when a loud clanging echoed through the silo.

Clang! Clunk! Bonk!

All three sets of eyes turned toward the grain chute riveted to the ceiling.

"WHHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

A pink cannonball shot from the end of the chute and rocketed towards a stack of hay sitting conveniently on the floor of the seldom used silo. It collided with the pile, launching loose hay and dust all over the room. As soon as the dust had settled, a pink pony bounced out of the partially destroyed stack, giggling hysterically.

"Hello, Pinkamena. This is a welcome surprise," Igneous said, though his tone implied that he was anything but surprised. Over the course of her life, his daughter had proven to be unpredictable. After a while, he just stopped trying to figure her out and nothing has surprised him since.

"Hi, Papa!" She rushed over to hug the stallion, completely ignoring the flashy siblings standing just across the table. She started talking animatedly, "I just wanted to come over and see how the old place was doing, and I also wanted to show Mama my new cupcake recipe, and I wanted to see how Inkie and Blinkie are doing. Oh, whatever happened to that purple dog that you used to have? I think Mama called him Courage. Poor little doggy was always scared of everything. Can't forget about all of my favorite rocks too! I was wondering how Slate and Slag and Rubble and-"

She stopped as Igneous shushed his daughter firmly."Hold your tongue, Pinkamena." Pinkie was clearly confused by his request, but she stuck out her tongue and gripped it with one hoof. Igneous massaged his temple with a hoof, but said nothing since her action achieved its desired effect. He continued, "I am in the middle of a business meeting with these two city stallions. Your mama and sisters are in the house having lunch right now. Why don't you go visit with them and I will come in whenever we finish our discussion."

Pinkie turned around and regarded the stallions as if seeing them for the first time. When she saw who it was, her eyes narrowed and she started sputtering frantically. She attempted to explain to her father just how underhanded these stallions were, using words like 'charlatans,' 'con-artists,' and possibly even 'Scumbag Steves' at some point. All her ranting was pointless because she had forgotten to let go of her tongue. Ultimately she only succeeded in thoroughly soaking the brothers in a generous layer of saliva.

Igneous' voice remained level, "Pinkamena, go inside with your mother and sisters."

"Budff Paffffpa!"

"Pinkamena Diane Pie." His firm voice never wavered or showed any unnecessary emotion. Pinkie bowed her head and walked out of the silo. Despite her desire to protest, she loved her father and respected his sage wisdom and stoic pride.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Flim and Flam launched onto their target with practiced ease. "So do we have a deal, Mr. Rock?"

Igneous replied, "No."

Flim sputtered in shock, "Surely you aren't going to turn down this once in a lifetime opportunity. As a family man you should-"

Igneous glared at him dangerously, but still refused to raise his voice. "Don't presume to tell me what is best for my family. We are honest and hard working folk who make an decent living out of these rocky fields." His face returned to it's usual blank stoicism. "As for your proposition, you didn't let me finish. I don't like it the way it is, but I am willing to negotiate. Here are my terms. If you both are willing to work on this farm for three months, then I will see that you are serious about this enterprise and you will also prove that you have the skills to take care of my precious rocks. If you can stick it out for three months, then I will give you full access to our west field to do with as you please. We will provide food for you and you will be allowed to sleep in the silo, but I have to warn you that you will have to abide by my rules on this farm. If you leave, you get nothing. If you break my rules, you get nothing. But I can assure you one thing." His eyes glinted wickedly in the dim light, and his lips curled into a sadistic smile. "If you do anything to hurt any member of my family, then you will get something." Their confused looks made his grin stretch even wider. "You'll get a long wooden box and a very deep hole in the south field. Do we understand each other?"

The brothers gulped nervously and nodded.

"Good. Those are my terms, boys. What do you make of 'em?"

"Would you give us a moment to consult?"

"By all means."

The pair went to the opposite corner of the silo and debated quietly for several minutes. They argued the relative merits of leaving and finding another farm before they realize that they didn't have a contingency plan. They had expected to smooth talk some country bumpkin into giving them whatever they needed, but they didn't expect to have to earn it. Flim, ever the optimist, pointed out that they would be getting the rocks for free if they worked for it. Their lodgings and food would be free, and from what they heard there was nothing that tasted as good as down-home cooking. They wouldn't have to spend a single bit!

Grinning eagerly, Flam stretched out his hoof to shake on the deal, "You have yourself a wager, boss."

"We promise you won't regret it!"

Igneous put on his hat and chuckled, "We'll see."

~~~The Barbershop~~~

Snips whipped away the barber's cape and Flim leaped triumphantly into the air. He shouted, "FREEDOM!!! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE IS BACK! THE WORLD IS MINE FOR THE TAKING!"

He jumped out of the chair and started running in circles around the room, giggling like a simpleton. Flam looked apologetically at Snips and settled into the now vacant chair. He leaned back and groaned in ecstasy. "Please, just make sure to leave my mustache. It's my pride and joy."

Snips rolled his eyes and went to work. He said, "So you mentioned something about Igneous setting rules. What kind of rules did he set?"

Both brothers froze. Flim even stopped dead in his tracks. Their eyes glazed over and they spoke in monotone unison, "Rule number one: there is no magic on a rock farm. Rule number two: work is from sunup to sundown. No exceptions. Rule number three: obey the farmer. These are the rules. This is the code. Live by the code."

The brothers blinked three times and then resumed their previous activities. Flim ran around as if nothing had happened and Flam apologetically smiled at Snips. He noticed Snips' confused look and said, "Terribly sorry, I believe that I must have spaced out there. Anyway, the old goat shook on the deal and we moved to the house to meet the family..."

~~~The Rock Farm~~~

The three stallions made their way into the farmhouse. Flim and Flam were struck by how plain and simplistic it was. The interior was made entirely of wood except for the stone fireplace. There was no electricity, no running water, and only one book seemed to exist in the entire house.

The mares were all seated at a large wooden table. Igneous took his place at the head of the table and introduced the brothers to the family.

"You boys already met Pinkamena, so now you get to meet the rest of my family. This is my wife, Cloudy Quartz," He gestured to the stern matriarch. Her mane was tied back in a thick bun and her spectacles flashed whenever they caught the light. She looked tough, which slightly intimidated Flim and Flam, "and these are my other daughters, Marble Pie and Limestone Pie." Marble and Limestone were plain looking mares. Both had coats and manes of some shade of grey or other. The only real distinguishing feature was their eye color. Marble's were a dull purple while Limestone's were a light dusty brown. The salesponies didn't pay much attention to them.

"Now, Mama, I expect you to treat these boys as our own. That means that you'll have to discipline them if they get out of line too. Girls, these boys are going to be working with us for a few months," The grey mares looked skeptically at the pair, as if sizing them up, "but I don't want you around them without Mama or myself around. It wouldn't be proper. Does everypony understand?" Everypony nodded their understanding.

After all the introductions were complete, Igneous stood up and said, "Well, it's about time to get back to work. We're going to break you boys in by moving some rocks from the south field to the east field. Let's see if you can handle it."

The work was back-breaking and the sun was unrelenting. By the time the sun started to set, the brothers felt like they were going to collapse on the spot. Igneous nodded approvingly, "Not bad for a half day's work." Then he trotted off back to the house. Flim, Flam, and the girls followed him.

Exhaustion had completely eliminated they boys' minds, so they cleaned themselves up and ate dinner in a complete stupor. When the time came for them to retire to the silo, they collapsed on their bed of straw and were sound asleep before they even had time to complain about the meager furnishings.

The next morning they were awakened by a splash of cold water. The pair sputtered and sat straight up, the shock of the drenching taking them completely unawares. Igneous Rock stood over them with an empty bucket in his mouth. He spat the bucket out and gazed in disappointment at the pair.

"Sun's been up nearly an hour and you two have already missed breakfast. Time to go to work."

The pair tried to protest, but a quick look from the farmer silenced them. He turned to them and explained, "I've already gone over our rules. We get up with the sun and work with it. If you don't like it then you can go. If you really need to eat, then take a bite out of that hay you were sleeping on."

He walked out of the silo and the brothers shared an indignant look. With a groan they followed the old stallion into the field and prepared for the longest day of their lives.

Even in their worst nightmares, Flim and Flam couldn't have imagined how horrible a rock farm could be. The first few hours were spent rotating more rocks from the south field to the east field. The night's chill was wearing off and the sun was asserting its dominance over the land. Before long, the brothers were drenched in sweat and their muscles were already straining. Looking around, they noticed that the farmer and his daughters looked as refreshed as if they had just woken from a good night's rest.

After a quick lunch came rock polishing in the north field. Apparently this is where the farmer kept the biggest and most cumbersome rocks. There were boulders easily three times bigger than any of the ponies present. The act of polishing wasn't nearly as physically straining as moving them, but the repetitive motions and tedious nature of the work was draining on a different level. By the time the sun had set, the hyperactive brothers were nearly driven mad from the monotony.

They continued to work in this same fashion for a solid month. Luckily today was Sunday, the one day every week that the family was not allowed to work. The brothers were allowed to leave the farm if they wanted, but exhaustion from the punishing week left them with nothing but the desire to sleep and recuperate. On this particular Sunday, they needed some time to talk strategy.

"Come on, Flim. There is no way we can keep this up for two more months!"

"Have some faith, brother of mine. The old goat said we get the west field after this little game is done."

"I just don't think a scam like this is even worth it."

"Don't tell me you would rather sell worthless junk to make money for somepony else."

Flam stomped his hoof emphatically. "We aren't farm ponies, Flim. We aren't built to work like this."

Flim glared defiantly at his brother. "Do what you want, but I am sticking it out. I believe in this project, and so should you."

Flam blinked in confusion. He and his brother had never argued before. They had always been the perfect team, always on the same page. After only a month their perfect team was starting to fall apart.

"This isn't about the rocks anymore, is it Flim?"

Flim sighed heavily and slumped into the hay. "It's just... we never finish anything. Every scam we ever tried failed miserably. I just want, for once, to see things through to the end. I want us to be big shots."

Flam shook his head and smiled at his brother. Flim had a point. Their previous schemes never really worked out, but they always kept trying. He gently nudged his brother and said, "Come on, Flim. Let's go check out that field. We need to keep our eyes on the prize after all!"

Flim climbed to his hooves and smiled warmly at his brother. "Count me in, Flam!"

They exited the silo and strode purposefully out onto the field. They approached the west field and caught view of the beautiful sight before them. A field stretched out before them. It was smaller than the others, but jutting with rocks of all shapes and sizes. To some it would just be a rocky field, but to them it was the promise of a brighter future. They just leaned their forelegs against the fence and stared at the barren field before them.

The sun started to set, casting an orange glow over the land. Flim and Flam continued to lean on the fence and watch the field before them. They perked up their ears as they heard the gentle clip-clopping of hooves approach them. The fence groaned as Igneous Rock joined the brothers.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked.

"Sure is," they replied in unison.

Igneous chewed on a stalk of wheat for a moment, then continued, "You know boys, I have to be honest. I didn't think you two would last a single day on this farm, but you proved me wrong. I know you don't care much for our way of life out here, but we are hard working and honest folk. One day I hope that you both will learn to respect us."

The brothers said nothing, and the three of them watched the sun set over the field. Igneous turned to walk away, but he paused. With his back still facing the pair, he said, "I honestly hope that you two can make it. This last month, you boys have been like the sons I never had. This field may very well be yours one day, and I just want to make sure that it is going to somepony who can really appreciate its value."

With that thought he started walking away, leaving the two brothers to contemplate the growing darkness before them.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

Snips set down the shears and slid the razor several times across a whetstone, preparing for the final stretch. All that was left was to shave the remaining stubble from Flam's face. Flim had since stopped running and had settled for sitting on a bench and rubbing his face constantly, with a manic grin plastered on his face.

Snips asked, "Igneous really said that?"

"And we believed it too."

Snips was surprised to see a tear roll down Flam's face. He looked over at Flim and saw that the stallion had similar tears in his eyes. Flim whimpered, "The old goat treated us like family."

Snips asked hesitantly, "What happened?"

Flam took a deep breath. "Everything went sour a little over a month later. We were getting used to the work, and the old goat was actually starting to show some pride in us. He even asked us to call him Papa. With only a few weeks left, the old goat asked about our plans."

~~~The Rock Farm~~~

The stallions had just finished raising a barn on the border of the north and west fields. The months of toil on the farm had toned their muscles and the brothers now boasted thick beards much like the farmer.

Stepping back to admire their work, Igneous asked, "So boys, your time here is almost up. How do you feel?"

"Honestly, Papa? I am really happy that we stuck it out. Flim and I have learned so much from you. Don't you agree, Flim?"

"Sure do, Flam. And I want to thank you and Mama for treating us so well."

"My pleasure, boys. Now, you two take the rest of the day off and get some rest. Tomorrow we start harvesting the west field."

Flim blurted, "But Papa, the west field is supposed to be our field. Why would we harvest it now?"

The old stallion chuckled, "Why the hay do you think we built this barn? It's yours!"

The pair stared dumbly at the old farmer. He continued to laugh heartily as he made his way to the house. Flim and Flam just stared at the retreating figure. Suddenly they both broke into wide grins and danced joyously with one another. They laughed so hard that they collapsed on the dusty ground. When the laughter subsided, they picked themselves up and trotted to their silo.

The pair entered their temporary home and jumped straight into their beds that they had cobbled together out of broken water barrels, split fence posts, and fresh hay that they had collected from one of the fields. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was something.

Flam giddily exclaimed, "We're almost there, Flim! Just a few more weeks and we can start making millions off those Pet Rocks. I tell you, when we make our first million, I'm just going to fill a tub with bits and bathe in it!"

Flim remained silent, not at all mirroring his brother's enthusiasm. He meekly whispered, "Flam? I don't think I want to leave."

Flam gasped in shock. He rushed to his brother's bedside and pressed his face dangerously close to his brother's. He spat venomously, "Think about what you just said, brother. I told you before, we are not farm ponies. And it will be a cold day in Tartarus before I give up on all that money. We are sitting on a goldmine here, Flim! I am not giving that up for a monotonous life of back-breaking labor!"

Flim shot back, "We have a family here, Flam. We have a mama, papa, and sisters. Back home we have nopony. Not since Uncle Easy Street passed away." They both paused, remembering the suave stallion who was their guardian and mentor. He taught them everything they knew about sales, even the parts that they weren't exactly proud of.

Flam countered, "We have each other, Flim. That's all we've ever needed. Don't go soft on me now!" Even as he said it, his heart wasn't in the argument. Flam had also grown fond of their new family. He sighed and dropped his argumentative tone. He said, "Just think about it, brother. All of our merchandise is here. The field will be ours, and if we sell out then we are going to have to raise another set of rocks to sell."

A glimmer of hope glinted in Flim's eyes. "You mean we won't have to leave?"

"Not permanently."

Flim jumped out of bed and hugged his brother. The pair had found that their time on the farm had made them closer than ever. Since Igneous had given them the afternoon off, the brother still had a couple of hours before they needed to go to sleep, so they took the time to celebrate like proper stallions. Checking that nopony was outside, Flim reached under his bed and pulled out a small cask of special pear cider. Ever since the Sweet Apple Acres incident, the pair refused to drink apple cider. Flam followed his brother's lead and pulled out two wooden mugs.

They spent the next few hours singing merrily and drinking the crisp cider. In a few hours they were sufficiently buzzed and passed out contentedly.

{The next morning}

"WHAT IN CELESTIA'S NAME IS GOING ON!" Igneous shouted furiously.

Flim and Flam groggily tried to sit up in their beds; however, an unfamiliar weight across their torsos made the movement impossible. They rubbed their eyes blearily and looked down to investigate the strange weight. What they saw made their eyes widen in horror.

"M-Marble!" Flim sputtered.

"Limestone!" Flam gasped.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!" They shouted in unison.

The mares blinked groggily and gave the stallions weak smiles before holding them tightly and snuggling closer. Igneous Rock stood over them with murder in his eyes and a psychotic grin on his face. In a much calmer, and much more dangerous, tone he said, "Boys? Do you mind telling me what's going on here?"

The pair sputtered, unable to think of anything that would remedy the situation. Flam finally found his voice and said the most horrendous thing that anypony could possibly say in that situation, "Papa, this isn't what it looks like!"

The farmer licked his lips and widened his grin, displaying his discolored teeth. "Would you mind telling me what it looks like then, Flam? In my old age, I seem to have trouble identifying situations such as this."

"I...I...I know it looks bad, but I assure you that we have done nothing unwholesome to your daughters. For crying out loud, they are like sisters to us!" Flim nodded his head rapidly to validate his brother's words.

"I hate to say this boys, but I don't rightly believe you. Even if I did, I couldn't take the chance. I simply have to rectify this situation."

Flim gulped and spoke for the first time, "Wha- What are you going to do to us?"

Igneous glanced down at Flim, malice radiating from his every hair. "Well this can only mean one thing..."

"A WEDDING!!!" Pinkie Pie screamed, jumping impossibly from behind her father's back and launching two hooffuls of rice into the air. If Flim and Flam hadn't been so shocked by her words, they would have thoroughly questioned her about her unlikely appearance. Pinkie proceeded to hop forward and pull both of her sisters out of their beds. She pulled them into a tight group hug and shouted cheerfully, "This is so exciting! My sisters are getting married! Your foals are going to be absolutely adorable! Oh! What kind of cake do you want?"

She would have gone on, but Flim and Flam finally registered her initial words and both cried out, "A WEDDING?!"

Igneous wrapped his hooves around their shoulders and laughed. "Yep! Welcome to the family, boys!"

The brothers ducked under the stallion's legs and slowly backed against the wall. Their eyes widened to the size of saucers and they broke out in cold sweats. They couldn't be getting married! There were too many beautiful mares in the world! It would be a crime against equinity for them to settle down so soon!

Pinkie giggled, "Oooh! Looks like it's going to be one of those weddings!"

Igneous nodded and reached behind him. From seemingly nowhere he pulled out an old double-barreled shotgun.

Pinkie cried excitedly, "SHOTGUN WEDDING!"

In that moment the brothers came to the realization that they were not suited for farm life after all. They needed a way out, and fast! Ever the quick thinker, Flim said, "Now hold on a moment! We both know that these lovely mares deserve a proper wedding, right? There are a lot of things that we need even for a small wedding. Like the cake."

In response, Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out a three tiered wedding cake complete with two sets of plastic bride and groom pieces that looked uncannily like the brothers and her two sisters.

"There is still the matter of somepony to preside over the ceremony."

Once again Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out a large yellow tome. The title read, "The Elements of Harmony for Dummies: And All the Rights, Privileges, and Responsibilities That Come With It" written by Princess Twilight Sparkle.

"According to this book, I, as the Element of Laughter, have the legal authority over anything that involves a party. As such, I am authorized to perform a legally binding wedding ceremony." She grinned excitedly.

"How about witnesses?" Flam interjected.

Pinkie prodded her chin with a hoof. "Hmmmm, hold that thought!" She bolted out of the silo in a blur of pink. Not ten seconds later she reenters, pulling in a suds-covered cyan mare wearing a shower cap and an indignant white unicorn with a curly purple mane.

Rainbow Dash shouted angrily, "What's the big idea, Pinkie! I was in the middle of a bath, for Celestia's sake!"

"But Dashie! We need you and Rarity to be witnesses for my sisters' wedding!"

Rainbow slumped in defeat. "At least let me go rinse off." She flew off through the door, leaving a trail of bubble in her wake.

Rarity cantered happily in and looked over the brides to be. "Pinkie, would you be a dear and fetch these beautiful mares a set of dresses from my boutique? I think that number seven and number twenty-three from my autumn wedding line will do nicely." She had barely gotten the words out before Pinkie disappeared in another pink blur.

Flim and Flam were terrified. Not only were they being forced to marry against their will, but because of Pinkie Pie's ridiculous abilities they were doing it immediately!

Rarity ushered the two mares out of the silo, leaving the three stallions alone for the first time.

"I swear, Mr. Rock, we didn't do anything! There is no need to go through with this!"

"I thought I told you to call me 'Papa.' And what's the matter with you, boy? Don't you want to be a part of this family?"

The brothers shared a look and nodded solemnly.

"Ready, Flim?"

"Ready, Flam!"

"Let's bing, bang, ZAM!"

They lit their horns aglow and produced a bright flash. Temporarily disoriented, Igneous Rock spun wildly with the shotgun still clutched in his hooves. He accidentally pulled the trigger and blasted a hole into the ceiling of the silo. The brothers took advantage of his temporary blindness and bolted for the door, quickly grabbing their hats and vests using their long neglected magic. As they ran into the farmyard, they skidded to a halt.

Pinkie Pie had already set up a pavilion complete with an arch of white roses. She stood under the arch dressed in a black robe with her sisters standing on either side. They wore simple white wedding dresses, but the simplicity made them look dazzling. The brothers almost considered actually going through with the wedding...almost.

Cloudy Quartz saw the brothers and tried to corner them with a rolling pin held expertly in her mouth. The boys had stolen enough cakes and pies over the last few months to know just how deadly a rolling pin can be. They were especially wary of the mare holding it. Most of the time, Mama was tough but fair. Other times, she possessed a ferocity that would send a rabid badger running in terror.

Looking around, Flam noticed a tarp covering an old plow that was leaning against the silo. With a quick flick of his horn, the tarp whipped off the farm implement and covered Mama. Another blast was heard as Igneous blew a smoking hole in the silo door. Not risking another confrontation, they ran as fast as their hooves could carry them.

Limestone cried, "Wait!"

Marble wailed, "Don't you love us?!"

They didn't heed the calls and continued to run for their lives. They didn't stop running until they were well past the hills that surrounded the farm.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

Flam rubbed his smooth chin and tweaked his restored mustache. He continued, "The old goat has a surprising social network for a hick-town farmer. We have been hiking through some of the most unforgiving terrain possible for the last five days, avoiding any equine until we felt that we were safe. At least now we remember who we really are."

Snips shook his head and started to clean up the hair that littered the floor. With a quick spell, the hair spiraled up into a miniature tornado and deposited the load of hair into a large wastebasket.

"You know, Flam, that gives me an idea!"

"You don't say? What is it, brother of mine?"

"Imagine if we could create a portable device that cycled air around to create suction. Then that suction could be used to clean a floor with more precision and less hassle than a normal broom."

Flam grinned wildly, "That's brilliant, Flim! What are we going to call it?"

"Well it's designed to clean and it utilizes a small vacuum inside of a container. How about we call it a 'vacuum cleaner?'"

"You've done it again, brother. Let's go to Canterlot and pitch the idea!"

The pair took off, leaving Snips slightly confused, but without the desire to clear up any of it. He had just finished putting away the razor when the bell over the door rang. He called out, "Welcome to Snips' Clips."

The stallion that entered was a grey earth pony with a spiky jet black mane. Three four leafed clovers served as his cutie mark. Snips called out, "Hiya, Lucky! What brings you hear?"

The chipper stallion returned Snips greeting and said, "Somepony dropped some bits outside by your shop, so I took the hint and figured I would get a manecut."

That was a typical occurrence for Lucky. As the luckiest stallion in Ponyville, everything the guy touched turned to gold. Metaphorically speaking, of course (A literal interpretation would just be ridiculous).

Wanting to shake the memory of Flim and Flam's story from his mind, Snips said, "Take a seat. So what's been going on in your life?"

"Oh, Snips! You are never going to guess what happened!"

Snips was well aware of the crazy things that tended to happen to the lucky pony. No doubt he happened to stumble on the winning lottery ticket again or win a date with some smoking hot celebrity, but Snips was willing to hear his story.

"Try me."

"Three days ago, I caught a ponychaun!"

"Pull the other three," Snips deadpanned.

"Seriously! A little tan pony about the size of your hoof with a bright orange mane, dressed in a green tailcoat, derby hat, and pointy boots."

"Sounds like a ponychaun alright."

"No fooling. I managed to catch it, and it granted me three wishes!"

Snips was now genuinely intrigued. If Lucky had been pulling his leg, then he would have given up by now. Apparently he was telling the truth, but that just brought up another question...What would the luckiest stallion in town even wish for?

Author's Note

Longest chapter thus far. You may have also noticed that I had to change the rating to "teen." I didn't want to have anyone blowing up my inbox about the innuendos in this chapter. If you find them vulgar and distasteful, then I appreciate you sticking with me this long, but it's only going to get worse (although not by much, I refuse to write clop). For those of you who think a witty innuendo is right up your alley, you are my kind of people and you should stick around. More shenanigans to come!

This chapter was inspired by Weird Al's song "Amish Paradise." Of course, the opening segment can be attributed to Def Leppard's "Pour some Sugar on Me."

As always, like, favorite, and comment.

It's a Rough and Rumble Life

Rumble moaned as he attempted to brush the soot from his coat, but the stubborn ash refused to come off so easily. Snips fished a towel from his cart and soaked it in warm water. Handing the towel to his friend, he asked, "So what was that explosion anyway?"

Rumble fidgeted anxiously, and if he wasn't completely covered in soot, Snips would have sworn he was blushing. "That was the cloud warehouse by the weather station."

Snips tilted his head and frowned as Rumble toweled the ash from his hooves, revealing his light grey coat underneath. "We have a cloud warehouse?"

As a unicorn, Snips had never been interested in the intricacies of keeping the town's weather stable and on schedule. All he knew was that there was a weather station just outside of town maintained exclusively by pegasi. He would be lying if he said he knew any more than that.

Rumble sighed, "Had. We had a cloud warehouse."

"What did you do?!"

"I know that you're gonna think this was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Heck, I'd even agree with you. Still, this is how it went down..."

~~~Rumble's Apartment~~~

Rumble woke up that morning as he had every other morning, to the smell of something burning in the kitchen. For the last few years, the smoke alarm had served as his alarm clock. Would it kill Thunderlane to burn a perfectly good meal at a more reasonable hour? he thought to himself, jamming his pillow on top of his head to block out the persistent alarm.

Giving up hope of any more sleep, Rumble kicked off the covers and stretched his legs and wings. He finished by popping his neck with a satisfying crack. That's the good stuff.

Following a much rehearsed routine, Rumble opened a window before opening the door leading into the main room. A cloud of smoke billowed through the doorway, but Rumble easily beat it away with a few lazy flaps of his wings before trotting into the living room.

Rumble picked up a screwdriver in his mouth and hovered up to the wailing alarm. With a deft flick of his head, he popped out the battery and the apartment was quiet again. The kitchen area was consumed in a cloud of thick white smoke that Rumble knew contained Thunderlane trying his hoof at another bad meal.

Thunderlane emerged from the smoke balancing two plates of blackened hash browns on his wings. Rumble sat at the table and slammed his head on top of it. Why won't he give it up already?

Thunderlane slid into the chair opposite his brother and placed the slightly less burnt plate to his brother's side. "Morning, bro? Sleep well?"

Without lifting his head, Rumble mumbled into the table, "Mbbphhbbhhh hrrrpppnnnmd drrpphm"

Somehow his brother understood his complaint and he grinned mischievously, "Is it wrong for me to want to feed my little brother before I go to work?"

Rumble raised his head to glare at his brother, "Dude, it's dawn! Just because you have to be at work early doesn't mean you have to drag me into it. Heck, you could even cook when you get back from work and it'd still be normal."

Thunderlane only widened his grin. "But the neighbors already pitched in to sound proof the apartment, and it would be rude to not give them their money's worth."

Rumble grumbled and dug into the hash browns. Considering Thunderlane's lack of culinary skills, it wasn't nearly as bad as some of his other concoctions.

Suddenly, the door slammed open and two pegasi stormed into the room. Rumble had seen enough cop movies to know how to handle a SWAT team. He dove from his chair and placed his back to their worn couch. He held a hoof to his lips to silence his brother, who continued eating as if nothing was amiss. In the space of a single second, Rumble had devised a plan.

Alright, my bedroom door is open. I'll barrel roll across the floor and head straight in. That will give them only a limited entry point and it gives me time to look for something to defend myself with. Let's do this...

"LEEEEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYY HOOF- Oof!"

He didn't get to finish the line as two pegasi slammed into him and gripped him in a tight hug, making him a Rumble sandwich. The chorused in unison, "Hi, Rumbly!"

In defeat, Rumble humphed, "Hello, Cloudchaser. Good morning, Flitter."

Thunderlane and Cloudchaser had been dating since before Rumble even got his cutie mark. Flitter was just so shy and self-conscious that she felt most comfortable by her twin sister's side. Over the years they had been like older sisters to him.

They released him and moved to the table. Cloudchaser gave Thunderlane a quick peck on the cheek and pulled his hash browns toward her while he was distracted. As she dug in, Flitter just sat with a quiet smile on her face.

Thunderlane glared at his marefriend and grumbled, "Not cool, CC. Not cool."

She just laughed and gave him a deep loving kiss. Flitter and Rumble both blushed at the public display of affection. Cloudchaser whispered sensually, "That about cover it?" Thunderlane just stared dreamily at the mare.

Oh yeah. Big bro is definitely whipped!

Cloudchaser turned to Rumble. "So what's on the agenda today?"

"I'm just going to stop by the post office and see if they have any packages to deliver. Other than that, I really don't have any plans."

Thunderlane nudged her and said, "Hey, we're going on a picnic after work. You wanna go with Flitter so it could be a double date?"

Rumble didn't notice Flitter blush beet red and find an immediate and intense interest with the floor tiles. He rolled his eyes and responded, "Seriously, Thunderlane? That would feel like going out with my older sister. No way."

Cloudchaser interjected, "Come on, squirt! Where are you going to find another hot mare like Flitter?"

Flitter began to sink deeper into her chair, as if she was hoping to fall straight through the floor. Obliviously, Rumble countered, "I'm not saying she's ugly, CC. I'm just saying it would feel weird."

Cloudchaser smirked, "Smart words, Rumble. I'd have to deck you if you said my twin sister was-"

"Stop it, "Flitter squeaked from under the table, "Stop talking about me like I'm not here. I can speak for myself, you know."

Faster than anypony would have expected, she leaped out of the open window and flew off into the morning sky.The three remaining pegasi just shrugged in confusion. Cloudchaser flew off after her sister and Thunderlane went into the bathroom to brush his teeth before flying off to work.

As soon as Thunderlane was clear from view, Rumble slid the rest of the burn hash browns into the trash and poured himself a bowl of cereal. It wasn't much, but at least it was edible. For the life of him, he couldn't figure out how Cloudchaser could stomach his horrible cooking. Flitter at least had the grace to decline unless Thunderlane insisted.

Thinking about Flitter made a knot of guilt twist in Rumble's stomach. I guess that was a little harsh, but I was just being honest. I'll find some way to make it up to her.

Finishing his breakfast, Rumble washed the dishes and prepared for work. Closing the window securely behind him, Rumble launched into the sky and flew to Ponyville Post Office.

He had started working there after Derpy Hooves almost dropped an anvil on him. She was a really nice mare, but she wasn't the best flier. Rumble helped her deliver the package and the postmaster offered him a job on the spot. He mostly just delivered packages within town, but sometimes he helped out with mail sorting and delivery if one of the carriers got sick. It wasn't very exciting work, but it paid the bills.

Rumble landed outside the square building and walked in. The walls were painted a uniform beige and a tired looking unicorn stood behind the counter.

"When you gonna get a real job, Rumble?"

Rumble rolled his eyes at the familiar joke. "Love you too, Cashon."

Cashon Delivery had been engaged in the delivery business for his entire adult life. He had dabbled in packages, newspapers, pizzas, and whatever else could possibly be involved in transport. Sadly, his business failed hard and he had to resort to working for the post office. He constantly lost sleep over his failure and lived for the day that he could try again. In truth, he really liked Rumble and only wanted him to have some ambition other than to scrape by.

Rumble walked through the 'Employees Only' door and greeted the rest of his work crew. Most of them were busy sorting the day's mail and only spared him a quick smile and a hello. On the other hand, his favorite mailmare walked over and gave him a warm hug. Derpy really was a sweet mare, and she treated him like an aunt would treat her favorite nephew.

As soon as she let go, she sniffed briefly at his hair. A stern look crossed her face. "You didn't set anything on fire, did you?"

Rumble rolled his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. He replied, "No, ma'am. Once again Thunderlane tried to smoke me out of my room this morning by destroying an otherwise edible meal."

Derpy shook her head in disbelief. "I swear that stallion is trying to burn the place down."

Together they arrived at the package station where his deliveries were lined up. Today he only had one package, but the sheer size of it was a terror to behold. It was a large square package that was twice as big as he was. Rumble flapped his wings and hovered just above the massive package. He gripped the support ropes in his teeth and pulled with all his might. He barely managed to lift it off the ground. Slowly he managed to inch the giant package toward the massive set of doors in the back that managed deliveries.

Derpy called out, "Good luck, Rumble! It's going to Carousel Boutique!"

Rumble grunted his acknowledgment, then groaned as he realized in horror that Carousel Boutique was all the way across town! His eyes were popping from the strain of the massive package and he had barely even made it out the door! How in Equestria was he going to make it all the way across town?

He persevered as best he could manage, but the minutes stretched into an eternity. His body was drenched in sweat and his muscles screamed in protest.

And then, as if descending from the heavens, an orange pegasus punched through the cloud cover. The sunlight beamed down on her, radiantly caressing every perfect curve and hair. He felt like he was looking at an angel. Against all odds, she raced toward him in a streak of purple and stopped just beside him.

"Need some help, Rumble?" Scootaloo asked.

Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed onto one of the ropes and started flying backward. Rumble gulped as he stood nose to nose with her. Somehow it fortified him and they made it to Carousel Boutique with no problem.

Both ponies panted on top of the package as Rarity answered the door. Gazing at the imposing package, she asked, "Rumble, what is this? I didn't order anything."

After Rumble had recovered his breath, he sputtered, "Delivery. Read... the tag... can't... move."

Rarity glanced at the package and said, "Well that most certainly is unusual. There doesn't seem to be a return address."

Rumble and Scootaloo finally recovered from their strenuous journey and jumped off the package. Rarity continued to inspect the plain brown wrapping before using her magic to pull the knotted rope at the top. The wrapping gave way to reveal a massive cardboard box. The box then proceeded to fall away, revealing a giant boulder wearing a top hat and a monocle.

Scootaloo and Rumble just stared dumbly at the rock while Rarity gaped in a most unladylike manner. They all turned their heads when they heard giggling from a nearby tree. Rarity's eyes flashed with barely controlled rage as she lit her horn. Pinkie Pie drifted out of the tree engulfed in Rarity's magic aura. She continued to laugh as Rarity reprimanded her, "What is the meaning of this?"

Pinkie giggled, "Tom wanted to visit." Then she took off running.

Rarity furiously pursued her, shouting something that sounded like, "We agreed to never speak of that again!"

Rumble and Scootaloo blinked in confusion. Rumble said, "I have no idea what just happened."

Scootaloo replied, "Ditto," and they both started laughing raucously.

Rumble asked, "You want to grab some shakes at Sugarcube Corner?"

Scootaloo winked. "Your treat, right?"

"You know it!"

The walked off toward the bakery, leaving Tom behind.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

Rumble had just managed to towel off the last of the soot from his coat, but patches of it were singed and black. His mane and tail had suffered just as badly.

"Do you want me to trim those burnt hairs?" Snips asked.

"Might as well, since I'm here," Rumble replied.

Snips let him stay on the bench to trim the patches from his coat first. Then he'll move him over to the chair to take care of his mane and tail.

Snipping delicately with his scissors, Snips asked, "So what's the deal with you and Scootaloo? I know you two go way back. You were almost as close to her as the other Crusaders."

"We are close. When she was having trouble learning to fly, I was the only pegasus who she could talk to. In a way, that made me feel special. As much as her friends loved her and wanted to help, they just couldn't understand the pain and the frustration of being a pegasus who couldn't fly. It was especially hard on her because she wanted to impress Rainbow Dash so much. She didn't want to tell her just how much she was hurting."

"That's really nice of you, dude." Snips remembered that time years ago. He was also ashamed that he was one of the ones who made fun of her. Sometimes he forgot just how much had changed over the years.

"Anyway," Rumble continued, "next we stopped by Sugarcube Corner..."

~~~Sugarcube Corner~~~

Mrs. Cake greeted Rumble and Scootaloo as they walked through the door. She quickly made their milkshakes and Rumble paid for them. They chose a booth near the window and eased their aching muscles into their seats. Rumble stared at her for a while, but he couldn't think of a single thing to say. Scootaloo didn't seem to notice because she was staring out the window at the pegasi clearing the clouds left over from yesterday's storm. He was content just to stare at her and marvel at her toned athletic body and her dynamite legs. Even the way she blew stray hairs out of her face entranced him.

Down, boy!he mentally chastised himself. A wing boner right now would be too embarrassing.

He cleared his throat to draw her attention, then asked, "So... What've you been up to, Scootaloo? It's been a while."

She smiled back at him and replied, "Eh, nothing much. Just getting some flying practice in. With any luck I can apply for Wonderbolt Academy next year. I'll be even younger than Rainbow Dash was when she got in. She'll be so proud."

There was a spark in her eye every time she talked about Rainbow Dash. It was determination mixed with something else. Hunger, maybe. As if nothing would satisfy her until she had surpassed her mentor and adopted big sister.

"That's really cool, Scoot. Thanks for bailing me out, by the way. I probably would still be wrestling with that boulder if you hadn't come along."

She waved a hoof nonchalantly, "Don't sweat it. Seriously, it wasn't a big deal."

A moment of awkward silence fell over them as they drank their shakes. Rumble finally asked, "You want to hang out today? I finished my deliveries, so I have the rest of the day off."

Scootaloo continued to suck on her straw and think about his question. Finally, with a wicked glint in her eye, she said, "Sure, why not. If you think you can keep up with me."

Rumble was about to reply, but she launched herself out of the booth and out the door. Gaping in shock, Rumble scrambled to follow her. He bolted out of the door and launched himself into the clear sky. Spinning in a tight spiral, he scanned the sky looking for her. In the distance he heard, "Hey, slowpoke, you're never going to keep up like that!"

He followed the voice and saw Scootaloo perched lazily on top of city hall. With an equally lazy wave she slid off the roof and fell a short distance before flaring her wings and taking to the sky. Rumble was going to have to pull out all the stops if he was going to keep up with her.

Rumble made a beeline straight for the mare as she looped and swirled gracefully through the air. When he finally caught up she gave him a taunting wink and teased, "Gonna have to do better than that."

She took off into a steep dive, and Rumble tried to follow as closely as he could. Soon they were neck and neck, hurtling straight for the ground. Scootaloo grinned like a maniac as the adrenaline rush filled the young daredevil with euphoria. Their dive was a dangerous game of chicken, and she had gone by that moniker for far too long.

Rumble broke out of the dive first and started gliding in a wide circle, but Scootaloo kept diving. Rumble watched in horror, fearing that she would collide with the ground. A large puff of dust obscured his vision.

"Come and catch me, Rumble!"

Rumble watched her fly out of the dust cloud and straight into the endless orchards of Sweet Apple Acres. He though to himself, this mare is trying to give me a heart attack, but he grit his teeth and followed her regardless.

He zoomed across the fields loaded with apple trees, but there was no sight of the orange pegasus. He looked down rows and rows of trees; all to no avail.

Suddenly, he was struck on the head by something solid. The blow jarred his concentration and he bit the dust... hard. With a groan, he lifted himself out of the small furrow that he had plowed into the soft earth. He turned his head to see Scootaloo nestled in the branches of an apple tree, laughing as she bit into a shiny red apple. Then he noticed another apple rolling around on the ground where he was hit. She threw it at me! What in Tartarus was that for?

"What's the big idea, Scoot?"

"Come on you wimp. We've just got one more place to go, and I'll even go slow for you this time."

She jumped from the branches and hovered over the orchard. Rumble considered staying down and giving up, but he wasn't too thrilled about her 'wimp' comment. She beckoned him with a flick of her mane and a quick swish of her tail, drawing his attention to her delicious hindquarters.

Ok, THAT'S not even fair!

He beat his wings and took off into the air after her. True to her word, she allowed him to follow this time. Not close enough to make conversation, but at least enough for him to keep visual contact. Yeah, like my attention could be anywhere else, he thought sarcastically.

After a short flight, Scootaloo landed in front of the weather building. It was mid afternoon and the weather team was long gone. Rumble landed behind her and asked, "Why are we at the weather station?"

"Duh, to grab some clouds."

"They store clouds here?"

"Isn't your brother a weather pony?"

"Yeah, but I'm not. I never had any reason to come here."

Scootaloo rolled her eyes and explained, "We get the clouds from Cloudsdale every month and store them in the cloud warehouse." She pointed to an enormous warehouse standing just beyond the main building.

They walked to the door of the warehouse and were surprised to find it locked.

"What now, O fearless leader?"

"Why don't you tell me? Since you're the one coming up with all the great ideas today."

Nope. Not happening. She did NOT just try to out sarcasm me!

Without waiting for a reply, she kicked at a ventilation grate and watched as it fell open. Squeezing herself into the tight space, presenting her flank for his observation, she called back, "You coming, or what?"

And once again he found himself trailing behind her as they made their way through the cramped ventilation system. I really need to learn how she does that. One flick of her tail and I'm her loyal puppy? Witchcraft!

A muffled thud and a grunt echoed through the vent as Scootaloo pulled herself through the open end of the vent. Florescent light flooded the cramped metal passage as she finally managed to slip through. Rumble followed, landing on the floor with a soft "umph." Strangely, the floor was much softer than he thought it would be.

"Somepony's a little frisky."

Rumble's face turned crimson as he saw Scootaloo underneath him. She flipped onto her back and stared at him with half-lidded eyes and a cocky smirk. "See anything you like, stud?"

Rumble backed away as quickly as he could, apologizing furiously with every step. Scootaloo just laughed and sat up. She trotted to the stallion and said, "I'm just teasing you, Rumble. Don't get so worked up. Besides, you're like a brother to me anyway."

That last sentence hit him like a brick. His face lost all expression and he stood stock still. Irritated by his stunned mind, Scootaloo started forward without him. He moved to follow, but his hoofsteps were mechanical and without purpose.

He started to regain his thoughts when she paused in front of an enormous sliding metal door. The entire building was partitioned off into individual compartments that each held a different type of cloud. Each compartment was marked with a different colored shape.They had passed doors with a red circle, a pink triangle, a green rhombus, and a purple square, but now she stood in front of a door marked with a giant black X.

A sense of foreboding gripped him as he helped Scootaloo pry open the door. He glanced inside and saw a whirling mass of black clouds constantly sparking with lightning.These were the most volatile clouds that Cloudsdale could produce. Rumble remembered Thunderlane saying that they could only be used in the event that the weather went off schedule and a massive storm was required to get it back on track. This was the Magna Cumulonimbus. The Great Storm Cloud.

"Scootaloo, what could you possibly be doing with that?"

She grinned wickedly, "It's for a new trick that I've been working on. Check this out." She was about to pounce into the raging storm cloud, but Rumble quickly bit her tail to stop her.

Barely discernible through her purple tail, he said, "You can't just jump into that. It's very dangerous."

The young daredevil took that as a personal challenge. She bucked him just hard enough to make him lose his grip, then launched herself into the cloud exclaiming, "just watch me!"

Rumble watched as the swirling clouds continued to angrily spark and rumble. He was terrified that Scootaloo was inside, hurt and unable to call for help. He was just about to leap in after his friend when something amazing happened. The clouds were starting to thin out. He tried to peer further inside of the enormous room. Slowly, but surely, the clouds cleared to reveal a spiraling tornado made entirely out of the dark clouds spinning in the middle of the room.

It was incredible. She had managed to draw them in and compact the clouds so tightly that they condensed into a solid black tornado, but the show wasn't over yet. Somehow, she managed to make the center of the tornado bulge out, drawing the top and bottom to fold into the center of the storm. It rolled itself into a dense black ball.

Something's wrong, Rumble thought, Those clouds were positively supercharged with lightening. Why isn't there any now?

His words proved to be prophetic.

BZZZT

Rumble watched as a single spark lit the top of the swirling ball. Time seemed to freeze for a moment as his brain tried to process the horrific outcome of this experiment. Then time chose to rapidly accelerate to compensate for the brief temporal lapse.

BOOM!!!

The black clouds exploded into a mushroom cloud crackling with lightning. In a matter of seconds it consumed him and the rest of the building. The supercharged clouds singed his body and filled it with more electricity than he thought it could handle. He was launched from the building and sent soaring through the air. He wasn't sure how far he flew. His consciousness was fleeting at best. The last thing he remembered was a meaty thud. Dazed as he was, Rumble noted that he was still alive, so he crawled to the nearest building that he could find and staggered inside.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

"...and that's what happened."

Snips stood aghast as he processed the information that Rumble had just given him. It wasn't the weirdest story that he had heard all day, but he definitely took the gold medal for suckiest ending. As much as he hated to admit it, at least Flim, Flam, and Lucky came out of their experiences none the worse, but Rumble was BLASTED clear across town!

Cleaning off the last of the burnt hair, Snips cast his spell to clean up the hair and burnt feathers. He was about to say something, but the door slammed forcefully open. Thunderlane stood in the doorway, his eyes wildly scanning the establishment. His gaze immediately focused on Rumble and he called back out the door, "He's in here, guys!"

Thunderlane trotted over to Rumble and thumped him soundly on the head.

"What was that for?" Rumble shouted indignantly.

"For making me worry, punk!" Thunderlane replied angrily.

Cloudchaser and Flitter landed outside. Flitter almost ripped the door off of its hinges as she rocketed through and gripped Rumble in a bone-crushing hug. Rumble struggled to free himself, but Flitter refused to loosen her grip. "Flitter! I'm fine, alright! Just let me breath."

Cloudchaser trotted in and glared at Rumble. She shouted, "You better have a damn good apology ready for us! We went to investigate the explosion and found Scootaloo lying in the center of a crater. She told us you were caught up in the blast, and she had no idea where you went. We were searching for two hours! Flitter cried the whole time, worried that you would be hurt or worse!"

Rumble glanced down at the mare with a death grip around his chest. Tears streamed down her eyes and her hair was rumpled and windblown. Her tears were much more than just concern for a sibling. Much, much more.

I'm such an idiot.

He returned the hug and held her close. She sobbed gently into his chest. He gently rubbed her back, reassuring her that he was alright and that everything was going to be fine. He looked to his brother. "How's Scootaloo?"

Thunderlane replied gruffly, "Not a scratch on her. All the built up pressure and electrical charge exploded outward. Since she was in the center, she wasn't affected by it at all."

He nodded his thanks, then returned his attention to the mare still sobbing into his chest. He gently whispered, "I'm okay, Flitter. Would you please let me up?" She shook her head and gripped him even tighter.

"Please, Flitter. I have something really important to tell you."

She finally relented. She fell limply to the floor and it was all Rumble could do to catch her before she hit. He and Thunderlane carried her over to one of the benches and laid her down on it. She curled herself into a ball and continued to cry.

Rumble beckoned his brother and Cloudchaser away from her. He pleaded, "Could you two give us a couple of minutes alone. I really need to talk to her in private."

Cloudchaser was about to protest, but Thunderlane silenced her with a quick shake of his head. She glared at him and was about to speak up anyway, but Thunderlane wrapped a wing around her and ushered her out the door. Rumble imagined that they were going to have a really big argument over this one.

Not as whipped as I thought you were. I owe you one, bro.

He trotted back to Flitter and sat next to her. He gently stroked her mane and thought carefully about what he was about to say. Scootaloo's words danced in his head, making him cringe. He remembered exactly how it felt to hear her say she couldn't love him as anything more than a brother... and he had been saying the same thing to Flitter for years.

Snips did his best to inconspicuously fade into the background, but he found himself riveted to Rumble's heartfelt words.

"Flitter, I... I'm sorry."

Flitter raised her head and replied, "It's okay, R-Rumble. As long as you're alive I'm-"

"That's not what I meant."

She sniffed tearfully, "Then what?"

Rumble took in a deep breath and released it slowly. Time to bare my soul.

"For this morning... and for all the mornings like it. You've been there for me all this time, but I've only ever seen you as my big sister. I never realized that you felt the way you do about me... until now."

Flitter sat up and stared soulfully at Rumble. Hope filled her eyes. Like her it was delicate, fragile. Yet it was bright and warm like a fire on a winter's day. He wanted to stare into those eyes and see that spark rekindled again and again, growing into something that would one day be the steadily glowing embers of real love.

"How about we go to that picnic... together?"

He held his breath as he watched her. Flitter giggled then said, "Rumble, I... I can't."

His heart dropped like a stone. His whole body ran cold, and his legs turned to jelly.

"We went on the picnic for lunch," she explained. She leaned her head against his neck and he wrapped a wing around her body. "But a movie would be nice."

Rumble smiled. "Let's go see if our siblings want to make it a double."

Rising from the bench, they walked side by side through the door with Rumble's wing still draped over her. The door closed behind them and Snips let out an exhausted sigh. Looks like everypony is finding their special somepony. What's my damage? He looked up as the door opened once again. Rumble called out to his companions, "Just wait for a bit, I forgot to pay Snips for the trim."

He walked back into the shop with a serious expression. He said, "Snips, you're a real good friend. Thanks for everything you did."

Snips just waved it off nonchalantly, "No big deal. Anypony would have done the same."

Rumble shook his head, "Dude, you did more than you think. You brought me in, cleaned me up, and helped me realize what I really needed."

"I didn't-"

"Yes, you did! You listened. More importantly, you gave me a chance to tell my story. If you couldn't tell, I was kinda crushing on Scootaloo pretty hard. I didn't fully realize it until I started talking to you, but it turns out she was not what I needed. Sure she's gorgeous, but she's headstrong and too focused on her goals to spend any time on a relationship. Turns out I really wanted a pony who could love me and that I could love back. I wanted a best friend.

"I thought that could be Scootaloo, considering our friendship when we were kids. Now I see that it's Flitter. It was always Flitter. I owe you one- no, I owe you a million, but I won't forget this."

Rumble slapped a bag of bits onto the cart and extended his hoof. Snips immediately reciprocated the brohoof. They had reached an understanding, and an invisible bond had grown between them. As Rumble walked out, Snips called, "Name your firstborn after me and we'll be square!"

"Bite me."

"Sounds like an invitation." Rumble laughed as he shut the door behind him.

The sun was about to set on their small town, and it was time for Snips to close his shop again. As he turned the key, he couldn't help but think about the stories he heard that day. His heart should be light and glowing with the good deed that he had unknowingly done. There was more love in the world because of his little barbershop... then why did he feel so empty?

He sighed and walked home following the last rays of the setting sun.

Author's Note

Trying to get this thing back to its slice-of-life roots. (Probably about time that I add a Romance tag too)
Scoota-bitch was modeled after one of my ex-girlfriends (We are still close friends).

Now I must ask your help, dear readers. Whose story do you want to hear next? Seriously I make these chapters on the fly, so I want to give the fans a little say in the matter.

As always, like, comment, favorite.

Sweethearts and Unusual Visitors

Another morning. Snips had ensured that he was meticulously groomed and ready for another day of good business, but first he had to make a stop. Snips walked nervously into the market square. His eyes shot around frantically, searching for the one stall that he really wanted to find. Snips spotted it in its usual spot next to the bridge, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw Sweet Roll wave at him from across the square.

Gulp. Alright Snips, it's too late to chicken out now. She's already seen you so just stallion up and go talk to her.

Snips sucked in a deep breath of morning air and took a few courageous steps forward, but then he hesitated. Maybe she was waving at somepony else. What if I make a foal out of myself?

He nervously glanced around, but there were only a few ponies up this early in the morning. No, she had meant that for him, and that bolstered his courage. Without any more hesitation, he walked up to her stall. Sweet Roll braced her forehooves on the counter and beamed down at Snips.

"G'morning, sugar. I was wondering if you were going to come see me this morning. Anything strike your fancy today?"

Snips averted his gaze to look at the racks behind her. As hard as he tried, he couldn't seem to focus on anything except the gorgeous mare smiling expectantly at him. With difficulty, he managed to stutter, "I- I- I'll take a... uh... a banana nut muffin, please."

Sweet Roll's eyes widened in surprise and her smile fell. Snips cringed and pulled his gaze immediately to the ground. He had no idea what he did wrong, but he immediately regretted whatever it was.

Then he heard a muffled giggle from across the counter. Lifting his eyes again, Snips saw Sweet Roll covering her muzzle with both hooves, trying to conceal the laughter that she wanted to pour out.

Forgetting his nervousness, Snips indignantly asked, "What's so funny?"

The mare got over her giggling fit and glanced at him with a charming smirk. She replied, "You come here all the time, but all you've ever done is point at what you wanted. It just makes me happy as butter on a skillet that you finally said something. I was starting to think you were scared of me or that you didn't like me."

"It- It's not like that at all," he sputtered.

Snips pondered her words. Was it possible that after all this time he had never once even spoken to her?

Her familiar smile returned and he blushed as she turned around to fetch his order. Luckily he managed to fight down the burn in his cheeks before she noticed. He fished the appropriate number of bits (plus a little extra) from his wallet and laid them on the counter.

When she appeared with the muffin wrapped in a paper bag, Snips caught it in his magic and stammered, "Th- thanks, Sweet Roll."

The mare flashed her dazzling smile and cheered happily, "Y'all come back now, ya hear!"

Snips trotted off at a carefully measured pace. He didn't want to seem like he was running away, but he also didn't want to look like he was forcing himself to walk slowly. The result was a choppy gait that left many of the groggy citizens of Ponyville very confused.

Sweet Roll sighed and turned back to her cart. Dejected, she pulled open the warming drawer and gazed at the pastry inside. Shaped like a heart, three different flavors of sweet breads were braided together. It was her family's most closely guarded secret, and she remembered the day that her mama taught her to make it.

~~~Flashback~~~

As a little filly, Sweet Roll had loved to spend time with her mama in the kitchen. Her mama made the best bread that anypony ever tasted, and everypony in their small village knew it.

Today was a special day. Her mama had finally let her help bake. Standing on a stool next to her mama she gently kneaded the dough just like she had been taught. Mama kneaded another pile of dough after she deftly finished kneading the previous one.

Ever curious, Sweet Roll asked, "Mama, why are we making three small piles of dough instead of one big one?"

She responded, "I am going to show you something very special today."

She grinned in excitement, and almost fell out of her chair when she started bouncing. Her mama steadied her and continued, "We have three kinds of dough here: pumpkin bread, cinnamon roll, and kahuna roll. Each of them is sweet on its own, but they can mix together to make the perfect roll."

As she spoke, she gently rolled each pile into a long, flat strip. Gracefully and with practiced ease, she started braiding the strips. The braid itself was a work of art. Each of the strips intertwined with the other, but they still remained separate and identifiable. It looked almost like she was weaving lace instead of baking. With a few deft twists, she closed the braid together and shaped it like a heart.

Mama stepped back and admired her work before gently placing it in the oven. She sat down on the stool next to her daughter and said, "This is a secret recipe that I learned from my mama and that she learned from hers. We call it the Sweetheart Roll."

Mama glanced around the room to make sure nopony was eavesdropping. She whispered, "I'll tell you a secret. If you pour enough love into making it, then whoever you give the roll to will love you in return."

Sweet Roll's eyes widened in awe. "Is that true?"

Mama winked. "That's how I nabbed your father."

"Ewwww!"

Mama just laughed at her filly's discomfort.

~~~The Present~~~

Sweet Roll glanced down at the roll in the tray. It was a bit lumpy at the top and in places the strips had completely fused together. It was a far cry from the perfect roll that her mother had made those years ago. She tried her best, sometimes even twice per day, but she could never get it right. A tear rolled down her cheek as she gripped the pastry and shredded it with her hooves. She flung the pieces into the river and watched as the fish devoured them.

I'll never be good enough for him. Who am I kidding, he could barely even stand to talk to me. I don't even know why I try anymore. But she knew that she would keep trying. Every day would bring new hope, that one day she and her roll would be ready.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

Snips opened the shop with a spring in his step. He whistled happily as he flicked on the pole with his tail, then he leaped into the chair and spun around a few times. Talking to Sweet Roll had been surprisingly easy.

But you still didn't ask her out, the little voice in his head chided.

Shut up, me! Don't ruin this! he argued back.

The bell above the door rang as a customer entered his shop. Snips slowly spun the chair around to face his next client. From their perspective he must have looked like a villain from a spy movie.

He fell flat on his face when he noticed what entered his shop. Glowing blue eyes, fangs, insectoid wings, a curved horn, and black chitinous carapace... a changeling.

Snips scrambled backward, tripping over the chair. He braced his forelegs against his cart and pulled himself up, then he noticed the tools of his trade arranged neatly on the small cart. He grabbed all of them in his magical aura. Five pairs of scissors, two razors, and his breakfast all floated menacingly in the air above his head. Well... maybe not the muffin, but the rest of them were menacing.

He advanced upon the changeling in a manner he hoped would be threatening. He crouched low and bared his teeth. His eyes furrowed and his lips pulled back in a feral snarl.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" the changeling cried in a surprisingly high pitched voice. He slammed his back against the door and shielded his face with his hooves. They probably wouldn't do much good considering they were riddled with holes. He slid down the door and curled up into a ball on the floor, shaking like a scared filly.

"Please, don't hurt me!" He cried in that same slightly shrill voice.

Even if it was a changeling, Snips just couldn't bring himself to harm something so inexcusably pathetic. He wasn't a fighter. He rolled his eyes and snarled, "What do you want, changeling?"

The changeling moved one hoof to peer through one of the holes. He watched as Snips gently placed his sharp instruments carefully on the cart, and then he took two steps forward. The changeling remained on his back, but lowered his hooves and gazed teary eyed at Snips. He looked like a neglected dog who wanted a belly rub.

Snips rolled his eyes and relaxed slightly. In a much calmer voice he said, "Get off the floor. You look ridiculous. I'm not going to hurt you."

The changeling cautiously got to his hooves, but kept his head low as if he expected to be struck at any moment. This guy is seriously skittish, Snips thought. He gestured toward the bench and watched as the changeling nervously scrambled onto it. Figuring that the fidgeting changeling was as comfortable as he was going to get, Snips eased himself into his big chair and turned to face his unexpected visitor.

"Now, why are you here?" He asked in the most soothing voice he could manage without losing his intimidating edge... what little he had anyway.

The changeling bowed his head and blurted out, "Iwanttobeyourapprentice!"

Snips blinked in confusion, "What?"

The changeling took a deep breath and repeated more slowly, "I want to be your apprentice."

Snips nearly fell out the chair for the second time that day. An apprentice? He didn't even know that his little shop had gained that much notoriety. Certainly he was qualified to take an apprentice, but a changeling!

"Why would a changeling want to be a barber? You don't even have hair." He sputtered, partly suspicious and partly shocked.

"I... I was a disguise coach in my hive. I was always fascinated with pony hair. There was just so much variety!" The awe was evident in his voice. The excited gleam dropped from his eyes and he continued soberly, "I left because there wasn't enough love to go around, and I couldn't let the helpless grubs starve because of me."

Tears streamed from his glowing orbs, and Snips felt his heart melt. His story was simple, but touching.

"Alright, changeling. Here's the deal. You can stick around today and observe. You'll sweep after every cut and do whatever I say. Got it?"

He nodded, but Snips gasped as a familiar sound grabbed his attention. Somepony was laughing outside of his store. He shot a frantic look at the changeling and hissed, "Change, now!"

With a short flash of green flames, a teenage pegasus mare sat on the bench in front of him. Her coat was paisley pink and her mane and tail both were a rich lavender. A single white stripe ran through her mane, which was tied back in a ponytail.

"Why did you turn into a mare?" Snips whispered harshly.

She rolled her brilliant ruby colored eyes and said, "Because I am female."

That explains the voice... and the cowering... and the cute puppy routine... and-

Cut it out; we still have a major problem! his voice of reason interrupted.

"Quick, you need to be a stallion. My business will suffer if the guys think a mare is my apprentice." He urgently whispered to the changeling. He didn't even know if they could disguise themselves as different genders, but it was worth a shot.

Sensing his urgency, the changeling complied without question. She shifted into a young brown unicorn with a slicked back gold and silver mane. With the square muzzle and the *cough* "necessary bits", she looked look any other stallion. Say what you want, but the girl is good at what she does.

The emerald flames had barely vanished before the bell jingled happily above the door. A posh white stallion in an expensive cashmere sweater sauntered gracefully through the door.

"Welcome to Snips' Clips, sir. How may I help you?" Snips asked cheerfully. Hopefully the customer wouldn't notice his nervous glances at his new companion.

The stallion smiled charmingly at the barber and replied, "I believe that you just may. A charming young drake by the name of Spike recommended this establishment, and I decided that I would like to see it for myself. Would you be young Master Snips?"

Confused, Snips nodded hesitantly, "Yes, that would be me."

"Delightful. My name is Fancy Pants, and may I inquire the name of your companion?" He smiled warmly at the disguised changeling.

Snips froze on the spot. Fancy Pants was just as Spike had described him. The stallion was charming and polite, but even the air around him started to smell like money. He wasn't just loaded, he was absolutely swimming in bits! Snips brain stopped working temporarily trying to contemplate the impossibility of having a celebrity in his humble shop.

Noticing Snips' impending meltdown, the changeling presented a hoof to Fancy Pants and said in a deep, gruff voice, "My name is Gold Rush, sir. I come from a mining town out West. My grandpappy figured the gold was going to run dry, so he sent me out to find steady work. Get a head start before the other miners come crying back, ya know? I was just asking if Mr. Snips could use a little help around here. Maybe even take me as an apprentice."

Fancy Pants continued to smile and he gently shook 'Gold Rush's' outstretch hoof, clearly delighted to meet a young stallion with such a uniquely rustic background. During their exchange of pleasantries, Snips was able to refocus and compose himself.

"Well, I do hope Young Master Snips will consider your proposal," Fancy Pants said with his polite smile, "but on to business. Master Snips, I would like for you to restyle my mane. Young Spike spoke highly of you in his letter and I would just love to see your work for myself."

Snips gaped in horror. "No way! Sorry, Fancy Pants, but the manecut you already have probably cost more than this entire shop. I can't compete with a fancy urban stylist. I'm just a small town barber."

Fancy Pants laughed, "I highly doubt that. Why, this humble mane-style couldn't cost more than that chair." He elegantly gestured to the barbers chair.

Snips deadpanned, "That chair cost me 500 bits."

"In that case, it only cost as much as the chair and the benches."

"You're screwing with me, right?" Fancy Pants shook his head, completely bemused.

Snips started to feel weak. The thought of working on somepony with that level of wealth and prestige scared him worse than... well worse than the Ursa Minor incident when he was a colt. His eyes were wide as dinner plates and he was starting to break into a cold sweat. Sensing his discomfort, Fancy Pants tried to calm him down.

"You shouldn't be nervous, my boy. After all, it's just hair. Even if you make me look like some kind of Hoofcraftian monster, it will grow back." He wrapped a hoof gently around Snip's shoulders and continued in a soft voice, "You can't let the fear of failure hold you down. You have to be strong to fill this world with joy and beauty. You are not just some backwoods barber. You are an artist, and today I am your canvas." He released Snips and climbed into the chair.

Snips let out a tense sigh. He really didn't want to do it, but he couldn't deny Fancy Pants' words. He was tired of being paralyzed by fear. It was time to get to work!

"Any particular style in mind, Fancy Pants?"

"I am your canvas, Moneigh," he chuckled.

I'm starting to like this guy.

Turning to address his new apprentice, Snips said, "Gold, fetch the large cape out of the closet." The stallion complied without hesitation. Turning back to his customer, Snips continued, "So what brings you to Ponyville, Fancy Pants?"

"I came with my wife to visit a friend of ours. Miss Rarity has long wanted us to see her boutique. She is a rather gifted artist herself, I must say. The two of them are being pampered at the spa, so I found myself with some extra time on my hooves. Recalling Spike's letter, I decided to call on your establishment."

Gold Rush returned with the appropriate cape and gently draped it around Fancy Pants. Snips gently corrected a few creases and seams with a slight tug of magic. Gold Rush positioned himself/herself (Celestia, Luna, and Flying-Spaghetti-Monster, that is going to be confusing) on the other side of the chair, watching intently as Snips gazed at his 'canvas.'

"Spike was in here a couple of days ago. He told me a little bit about meeting you and your wife. If you don't mind me asking, how did you two meet?"

His polite smile fell, and his somber faced showed the ravages of somepony who was much older than Fancy Pants. It was the look of somepony who had seen and done many things that he regrets. "Fleur and I have a long history together." He caught Snips' eye in the mirror. With a shy smile he said, "I have a secret for you, young Snips. A secret that nopony beside my wife knows."

He took a deep breath, then calmly released it and continued, "I wasn't always a rich socialite. At one time, I was so poor that I didn't have two bits to rub together. I was on the fast track to nowhere, and that train was derailing. I was desperate, and so I had to resort to desperate measures to stay alive. I stole from the wrong stallion, but instead of killing me, he offered me a future."

Snips' ears perked up as he listened. Fancy Pants had dropped his cultured Canterlot accent. Instead it sounded vaguely... Manehattanite? Maybe from one of the poorer districts. There was fear and pain in that voice, but there was also love, awe, determination, and vitality.

Fancy Pants continued, "I remember every word that old stallion said. 'You got two options. Number one, you work for me. You'll be part of this family and it will be a part of you. Number two, the boys here beat yous to a bloody pulp and leave you with nothin' but a mouthful of broken teeth.' He stood there with his hoof out, waiting for my answer. I walked up and embraced him. He kissed both of my cheeks and uttered four words that sealed my fate forever... 'welcome to the family.'"

Author's Note

I figured that I needed to spice up the frame a little bit. The stories will still come as they have, but I'm going to start devoting chapters to building the frame as well. I hope that everyone is alright with that.
Some of you may ask, why a changeling. I say, because changelings are cool. Have a little fun with your speculations. I've left a lot of questions unanswered and there are plenty of delicious twists and turns to go.

As always, like, favorite, and comment! :)

Welcome to the Family: Part 1

Fancy Pants' eyes glazed over as he slipped into the past. Snips listened intently to his words, hoping that within them would be the inspiration he needed to remake the stallion.

"It all started back in the Broncs. At that time it was a fairly impoverished district of Manehattan. It was a pony eat pony world out there, and I was no exception..."

~~~The Broncs~~~

Those were different times. Back then Fancy Pants roamed the streets. The thing is, Fancy Pants wasn't always his name. Nopony remembers what it was originally, but in those days they simply called him 'Slick.'

It was a cold day in the big city. The air smelled of smoke, urine, and alcohol. The rising sun glinted off the fragments of shattered glass and the smoky windows of cheap apartment buildings. There wasn't even enough space between them to fit a narrow alleyway.

Slick strolled by like he owned the place. He radiated confidence wherever he went, even though he didn't have two bits to rub together. As he took in the morning air he thought, You got this, Slick. There's a sucker born every day, right? You're the best, ain't ya? Then let's go make some money!

As his name suggested, Slick wore his blue mane slicked back, but with a single strand falling into his face just above his right eye. No matter how he groomed it, that one strand refused to stay back. Wetting a hoof with a quick spit, he tried in vain to restrain the one stray lock, but it remained stubborn as ever.

Giving up on his grooming, Slick trotted along the street with his signature half-smirk, half-smile. It wasn't long before he spotted the perfect target. Two stallions, both in suits, perused a magazine kiosk. One was a russet colored pegasus with an immaculately styled salt and pepper mane tucked under his fedora. The second was a dull gray unicorn who had no mane at all, but he had a short steel gray tail. Despite his odd appearance, this stallion was considerably larger than the pegasus and could easily snap Slick in half.

Slick quickly weighed his options. Pickpocketting wasn't his specialty, but it was the only choice he had if he wanted to eat today. He walked casually to the kiosk and pulled out a copy of The Weekly Stable, which he pretended to read, all the while keeping an eye on his target.

The russet pegasus settled on the day's issue of The Manehattan Times. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a bag of bits, poised to pay the vendor for his purchase.

There's my opening. Slick inconspicuously kicked the corner of the kiosk, causing the shoddily constructed racks to fall, knocking the pouch out of the pegasus' hoof. Slick quickly grips the pouch in his magic and slowly turns away from the scene, nonchalantly walking away.

I'm actually getting away with it! No more grazing in the park for Ole Slick! No sir! Today it's gonna be fresh salad with real tomat-

There was a solid thud and Slick felt his vision blur. He slumped to the dirty sidewalk and looked up to see the burly gray unicorn standing over him, levitating a short club. Slick wanted to run or even cry for help, but he quickly lost his battle with consciousness. He blacked out and crashed bodily onto the pavement.

Slick slowly regained consciousness, but it wasn't on the cold concrete. As he blinked away the stars, he tried to take in the scene before him. His eyes widened in awe and horror.

He lay in the entrance hall of a mansion! The sheer size of the room made his jaw drop, to say nothing of its beauty. The room was a work of art. Parquet floors led up to a polished marble staircase with a gold trimmed banister. The staircase split and branched out into two separate wings. He continued to observe the room with its painted ceiling and magnificent stonework, but he paused. The hall was flanked by two wide balconies supported by thick marble pillars. Which happened to be filled with murderous looking mares and stallions.

Slick finally realized just how dire his situation really was. Every pony above him wore a sinister sneer and more than a few of them were polishing knives or firearms. One mare even lovingly caressed a cannon that they somehow managed to fit inside. Turning around, he noticed that three large stallions stood guard in front of a set of ornately carved double doors. He was trapped.

"Ahem."

Slick whirled around to see two familiar stallions descending the staircase. The same two that he had stupidly tried to rob. The russet pegasus approached him, followed closely by his crony. He circled Slick slowly, as if appraising his worth. When he completed the circle, he sniffed and stared Slick dead in the eye.

"Do you know who I am?"

"N-no, sir." Slick fumbled.

The pegasus smirked. "Name's Don Cannoli, and this," he dramatically took flight and hovered level with the balconies, "is my family." He landed with a soft thump. Slick's eyes widened in horror.

I'm a dead stallion. I tried to rob a mob boss! How in Tartarus am I going to get out of this?

The Don continued to stare at Slick with his belittling smirk. "Now, nopony messes with my family, and I mean nopony. But you tried to steal from me. That means you were trying to steal from my children too."

Slick was starting to sweat, but he stood completely still. Don Cannoli continued, "I'll give you one thing though. Ya got moxy, kid. Tartarus below, you haven't even begged for your life yet! We could use a guy like you."

Then he uttered those words. The ones that would forever change Slick's life. "You got two options. Number one, you work for me. You'll be part of this family and it will be a part of you. Number two, the boys here beat you to a bloody pulp and leave you with nothin' but a mouthful of broken teeth."

The aging stallion extended his hoof, waiting for Slick's response. Slick gingerly extended his hoof, but he hesitated. He took a deep breath and shook the Don's hoof. He pulled Slick into a tight hug and kissed him on both cheeks. Then he whispered those four words that had been a death warrant for so many. "Welcome to the family."

The balconies exploded in a riot of cheers and whistles. All Slick could do was laugh nervously and wonder, What did I get myself into?

~~~The Barbershop~~~

Snips set down his scissors and stared at Fancy Pants, who was staring off into space as he reminisced about the past. Snips had barely begun to work on the stallion, but he wasn't about to rush the most important job of his short career. He glanced at his assistant and noticed that the disguised changeling's with wide eyes and open mouth. Snips coughed to get his attention.

"Let's take a quick break. Would you like some water, Fancy Pants?"

He snapped out of his stupor and forced a smile, "I believe I will decline, dear boy. Though do not deprive yourself on my account."

Snips offered an awkward bow and motioned for Gold to follow him. He pulled out two glasses and filled them from the sink. Gold took one with his magic and covertly whispered, "He's a criminal?"

Snips retorted in an angry whisper, "Maybe in the past, but not anymore. Don't gawk at him or anything. I can't afford to screw this up. It's our job to make him feel safe here, got it? I don't care if he dated Nightmare Moon and was on Discord's bowling team, we are NOT going to make a big deal about this. Can you do that?"

Gold noticed the intensity and conviction in Snips' eyes. He knew that his boss was completely serious and would accept no argument. The changeling nodded.

"Good." Snips chugged the water and returned to his customer. "So what happened next, if you don't mind me asking. I'm kinda curious about how all this links to you meeting your wife."

Fancy Pants grinned as he thought about his wife and the unusual circumstances that brought them together. "That is quite an interesting tale. I had been working for the Don for nearly six years at that time. Mostly smuggling or con work. I was clever and easygoing around ponies, even ones way up in high society. I first met my darling Fleur at the Grand Galloping Gala. I remember it like it was yesterday..."

~~~ Canterlot Castle: Night of the Grand Galloping Gala~~~

Slick was immaculately dressed in his suit with a pale white rose pinned to his lapel. This was the first time that Don Cannoli had ordered him to attend the Gala. Every year it is toted as the most prestigious and high classed social event, and everypony who is anypony absolutely must attend. Slick grinned to himself and absently tried to smooth back that same wayward lock.

Of course, he made the trip primarily for business. The Don wanted Slick to rub shoulders with some of the prestigious Canterlot families. The Family wanted to expand their business, and Canterlot had thus far been untouched by their type of 'entrepreneurial expertise.' One particular family caught their attention.

The Bluebloods had been a wealthy and powerful family in Canterlot for as far back as recorded history could account. The head of the family even took the title of 'Prince' as a reminder of some long forgotten royal ancestry; however, they had no real political power within the royal court. Their income came solely from some landholdings, a few lucrative investments, and a generous stipend offered by the crown. Like most wealthy families, this wasn't nearly enough to sate their ravenous appetites. It was no secret to anypony in Canterlot or beyond that they wanted more, and their greed could be useful to The Family.

Slick slipped on a smile perfected from years of practice, and strolled into the exquisitely decorated ballroom. Ponies in their finest clothes traipsed around with their noses in the air, acting as if being there made them somehow better than all of the other ponies who had merited an invitation as well. Slick promptly ignored them and scoped out the room for his target. It didn't take him long to identify the old white unicorn standing at the base of an enormous statue of Celestia.

Right in her shadow, huh? There's something poetic about that.

Slick held his head up proudly and cantered smoothly up to the aged stallion. "My lord, Prince Blueblood, it is an honor to make your acquaintence." Oh yeah, flattery is definitely the right tactic.

"It would be, had we been properly introduced; however, that doesn't seem to be the case. So now we are both in a distinctly awkward position because I assume that you know a great deal about me while I am at the clear disadvantage because I know nothing about you," the old stallion retorted in a voice as rough as sandpaper.

Slick's composure didn't falter in the slightest. "Please allow me to remedy that, Your Highness. My name is Slick, and I am a member of a prestigious business family in Manehattan. We are planning on expanding our operation to Canterlot, and we would love to have the support of the most powerful family in Canterlot." Clearly flattery failed. Maybe he's more of a straight shooter.

"Hmm. You have my attention, Slick; however, if you want to talk business it will have to wait until tomorrow. Ah! Here they are now!" The old stallion grinned broadly as a pair of unicorns descended the grand staircase and entered the ballroom. He beckoned to them and the pair walked forward.

They were both white coated unicorns, but that's as far as the resemblance went. One was a strapping golden maned stallion immaculately dressed in a tuxedo that was the top of the line in fashion. He would have been a paragon of charm and poise if it weren't for an unbecoming grimace that made him look like he stepped in something gross. It made him look petulant and feminine. His companion, on the other hoof, was vastly different.

A slim mare with a sharp jaw and brilliant eyes stood to the young stallion's left. She sported a dazzling white gossamer dress that looked like it had been tailored from morning dew and dragonfly wings. It exquisitely outlined her sleek body, but obscured it enough that every stallion in the room was aching to know exactly what hid underneath such an work of art. Her smile was even more dazzling. Grace and beauty positively radiated from the mare, and it was all Slick could do to keep his legs from turning to jelly underneath him. What in the name of Celestia's supple hindquarters is going on here? I NEVER get nervous. Pull it together, Slick!

The young stallion groaned, "Grandfather, Fleur has been trying to destroy my perfect mane all evening. Please order her to stop."

The older stallion massaged his temple, but the smile never left his face. He turned to introduce me to the new arrivals. "Slick, I would like you to meet my grandson, Querulous Blueblood."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, young Master Blueblood."

"I'm sure it is, peasant. Now would you leave me to finish my discussion with my grandfather?"

The old stallion glared angrily at his grandson. "Querulous, that was rude and unbecoming of a stallion of this family. Quite frankly, I see why your cousin feels the need to torment you. Mr. Slick has a business proposition that may very well bring our family back into popularity and I will not have you insulting him. Now YOU leave us, Querulous, or we may have to have a 'discussion' about your allowance."

The younger Blueblood nearly tripped over himself trying to escape from the thunderous gaze of his patriarch. Once he was out of sight, the old stallion sighed heavily and offered a weak smile to Slick. "I apologize for his behavior. The colt may be intelligent, but he isn't exactly polished. I believe you will find my great-niece to be better mannered." He gestured over the mare, who offered him a kiss on each gaunt cheek.

"Fleur de Lis, I would like you to meet Slick."

Slick took her foreleg and placed a soft kiss just above her hoof. The mare giggled lightly before saying, "Eet is a pleasure to meet you, Meester Sleek." She spoke with a strange accent. Prench maybe? She placed her leg gracefully back on the floor and spoke to her great-uncle. "Uncle, I 'ave been trying to keep my cousin out of trouble, but 'ee is zo stubborn."

"Don't worry about him, my dear. Just enjoy the night. Why don't you go dance?"

The mare gave her uncle an affectionate nuzzle before prancing gracefully toward the dance floor. Slick watched as ponies parted for the beautiful mare, but no stallions dared to approach her.

"She is a beauty. Isn't she, Slick?" The old stallion said with a smirk. Despite his years of training and emotional fortitude, Slick could not withhold a soft blush. "I thought so. Let me tell you something, Slick. She just arrived here from Prance. Right now she doesn't have a friend in this whole city, and honestly none of the pompous windbags in here have half the charisma you do."

"What are you insinuating, sir?"

The stallion shook his head, "And I thought you were smart. Go dance with my niece, you dense young colt!"

Slick grinned and bowed to the old stallion before making his own way onto the dance floor. I'm starting to like that old codger.

He found Fleur in the middle of a throng of adoring spectators. She leaped and twirled with all of the grace of a butterfly fluttering around a flower. Slick broke through the ring of well dressed ponies and walked calmly over to Fleur. She paused and considered him with a quizzical look. "My lady, would you honor me with a dance?" Slick offered a short bow to the mare.

She smiled. "Oui bien sûr."

And so the night went on. They danced until late into the night, and then they retired to the balcony overlooking the gorgeous Castle Gardens. The moonlight beamed down upon them as the Mare in the Moon jealously watched their frolicking. The air was brisk and chilly, and Slick was stunned as Fleur leaned her body against his to share their combined warmth. He blushed slightly as she lay her head against his neck and sighed softly. He looked down at her and she gazed back eagerly, as if expecting him to take them just one step further.

"Ah! There you both are. I was wondering were the pair of you went." The old Prince Blueblood walked through the doorway and called to his niece, "Fleur, it is time to leave."

Fleur stepped away, leaving Slick feeling cold and empty. She hesitated, then turned back and left him with a quick kiss on the cheek before trotting off back to her great-uncle. Slick could almost feel the old codger's smirk. As the pair parted, Blueblood said, "Tomorrow at lunch. Don't be late."

~~~Blueblood Manor: The Next Day~~~

Blueblood Manor was rightly named. The gargantuan house alone would shame anything short of the Royal Palace. Four stories high and constructed from solid marble, the Manor gleamed in the midday sun sending rays of sunlight scattering across the well tended gardens that surrounded the mansion.

Slick forced himself to stay calm, but his heart kept beating with excitement. He would be much calmer if this was just an ordinary business meeting, but his mind kept wandering to the mare who was even now in one of the many rooms. He forced himself to take a deep breath and knocked at the front door, which was promptly opened by a serious looking butler. The stallion beckoned Slick into the mansion and quickly shut the large door.

He silently led Slick at a brisk pace through several hallways decorated with the usual trappings of a wealthy home. Suits of armor, painted standards, rich tapestries, busts of deceased nobles, and more than a few portraits marked the halls that seemed to go on forever.

After what felt like hours, the butler threw open a set of double doors and ushered Slick into a lavish dining room. It was smaller than he would have expected, but it was much cozier. Seated at the table were the old Prince Blueblood and his great-niece Fleur de Lis. The meal was much simpler than one would expect in such a grand home. Consisting of a hearty salad and a thick vegetable soup. The old stallion grinned, "Ah, Slick my boy. Do come join us. I hope you brought your appetite." He motioned to a place at his side, directly across from his niece.

Slick took his seat. "Thank you for welcoming me into your home. Although, I do wonder where Master Querulous is," he added with a hint of confusion. The best way to keep their business connected would be for him to get in good with ALL of the family, not just the patriarch.

Fleur chuckled into her napkin while the old patriarch groaned. Slick shifted his confused smile between them until Fleur calmed down and said, "'Ee vas too drunk last night and stumbled eento a closet. Vee found 'im trying to 'make out' wis a mop."

She actually laughed so hard that she fell out of her chair, while the old stallion laid his chin upon the table and massaged his temple with both hooves. He added, "The worst part was carriage ride back where he felt the need to stick his rump out the window and shout, 'Behold the future Prince Blueblood. Give him a kiss peasants!'"

Fleur continued to roll around on the floor, eventually ending up under the table. Slick peek under the table to see her staring up at him from the floor. She broke into another fit and crawled back into her chair, but this time Slick joined in her laughter. Even the old codger was having a hard time maintaining his stern expression. Their laughter was cut short as they heard a clatter and loud cursing coming from the hallway.

Querulous Blueblood barged into the dining room and grumbled as he plopped himself down next to his cousin. The old stallion raised an eyebrow and commented, "Well, my boy, I am surprised that you are up this early. Why, it's barely past noon! Where DO you get the energy?"

Whether it was stupidity or the hangover, Querulous Blueblood ignored his grandfather's sarcasm and stared blankly into his soup. A moment later he pitched forward face first into the bowl.

"Um, couldn't he drown?" Slick inquired.

"'Opefully," Fleur replied with a grin.

The old stallion closed his eyes and counted down, "3... 2..."

"HOT HOT HOT!" The younger Blueblood sat bolt upright in his chair and glared at the soup. He swiped at it angrily and sent the bowl flying through the air, where it shattered against the far wall.

"Huh, my countdown was off. Guess I'm just getting old."

Querulous groaned, "Ugh, now my coat is ruined. I might as well go back to bed since the day is already ruined." The stallion grumbled under his breath as he staggered through the glass doors leading into the back garden. He didn't take a dozen more steps before he pitched to the side and landed in a rose bush. The ponies still seated could hear him snoring.

The old stallion pushed away his plate. "Now I've lost my appetite. Would you mind terribly if we adjourned to the library to discuss our business?"

"No, sir. That sounds wonderful."

"Good, good. Fleur, would you be a dear and help you cousin get back to his bed?"

The younger Blueblood shouted, "YOW! FLEUR, WHY DID YOU PUT TACKS IN MY BED!?"

The old stallion hacehoofed, and Fleur chuckled, "Only eef I can really put tacks in 'ee's bed."

Funny, charming, beautiful, and slightly malicious. Hold the phone, I think I'm in love!

"No more than five, and only if they are no longer than one quarter inch." Fleur nodded to her uncle and trotted outside to help her cousin. Slick followed Prince Blueblood out of the dining room and through a maze of hallways which led into a spacious library. Books of every possible subject crowded on shelves that stretched all the way to the ceiling.

Prince Blueblood sat on a plush couch and Slick claimed the one opposite him without hesitation. The old stallion poured a dull amber liquor from a decanter into two glasses. Then he levitated two ice cubes from an ice bucket and deposited one into each glass. He offered one of the glasses to Slick, who grasped it with his own magic.

"Now then, I believe that we have business to discuss." The old stallion gazed intently at the younger. Gone was his charming wit and dry humor. The stallion sitting across from his was serious and would not be trifled with.

Slick was not deterred, "Yes, sir. My family proposes that we establish a lucrative business inside Canterlot that will benefit both of our families. Especially our power and wealth."

"Mhm. And what kind of business did your family have in mind?"

"A doughnut shop." Slick replied plainly.

The old stallion blinked in confusion. "A doughnut shop?"

"A doughnut shop."

"What kind of fool do you take me for? You wouldn't waste my family's time and resources for a simple bakery. Especially if your 'family' is as prestigious as you claim them to be. I want answers, Mr. Slick."

"Very astute, Your Highness. The bakery is merely a front for my family's true objective in this city."

The stallion pinned Slick with a hard stare, "Go on."

"Don Cannoli is a stallion who makes it his business to... obtain certain items that are hard to come by."

The old stallion sighed, "He is a mobster who makes his living selling dangerous and illegal items to an unsuspecting public. Let me guess, drugs, organs, untaxed gems? Well I will have no part of it." The stallion rose from the couch and stood at his full height. There was thunder in his voice. There was no denying the his regal bearing, and Slick was mildly intimidated, but he couldn't let it show. "As long as I am head of this family, we will strike no such deal with criminals. I want you out of my sight, and if I catch you on my property again I guarantee that you will be arrested."

Slick pulled a business card from his tail and deposited in on the table. He offered a deep bow and walked away. Pausing briefly, he glanced over his shoulder at the old stallion. Prince Blueblood shook his head at the ground. Slick only just caught the the muttered words, "I expected better."

Can't change who I am, old timer. I belong to the Family now. Still wish this could have ended better. As much as he didn't want to, Slick liked the old stallion. He had a strong and commanding presence, but he was still capable of love and affection.

Slick tried to see himself out, but he soon got lost in the maze of hallways and corridors. He kept his eyes and ears open for any sign of somepony who could help him find the exit. He'd even settle for a room with a window that he could crawl out of. Wandering the house, he heard a soft voice singing in a language that he didn't understand. The tune was lovely and melodic. It rang in his ears like a chorus of bells.

Slick listened intently and followed the sound into a brightly lit sun room looking out over a gorgeous lake. Lounging on a luxurious couch was none other than Fleur de Lis. She smiled as Slick entered and asked, "Zo, 'ow did your beeznis wis Uncle go?"

"I'm afraid it didn't go well. This may very well be the last that you will ever see of me."

Fleur looked confused, and more than a little saddened by the news. "Zat is a shame. And we were just geeting to know each uzzer."

Struck by a moment of inspiration, Slick took another business card out of his tail and levitated it over to Fleur. "Your uncle forbade me from returning here, but he never said that we couldn't meet. If you ever wish to see me again, then send a letter to this address. I will do my best to meet you."

Fleur stares at the card before carefully slipping it into her own tail. "Where will you go?"

"Back to Manehattan for now. The boss needs to hear that the Prince doesn't want our business. After that, I don't know."

She slipped off her couch and walked over to the stallion. She gently placed a hoof on his chest. "We will see each ozzer again, oui?"

Slick lifted a hoof and gently stroked her mane. He smiled. "I sure hope so."

He opened the door and walked outside into the dazzling sunlight. He didn't even spare the sprawling mansion a backward glance as he trotted across the yard and made the long trip on hoof back to the Canterlot train station. Don Cannoli would not be pleased with his news. Slick felt no shame for his actions; however, there was a twinge of guilt. The old stallion stood his ground and Slick could respect that, but the Don and his men may react a bit differently to the insult.

I am NOT looking forward to this.

Author's Note

Hello again, folks! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know I sure enjoyed taking a sledgehammer to so many headcanons. Anywho, you may also be wondering why I broke this chapter into a two-parter. The answer is simply because it would probably be a 12,000 word chapter if I put it all together. Nobody wants to read that much in one sitting, so I figured I'd give you something to look forward to.

As always, like, favorite, comment. Heck, you can even follow me if you want. I'm not opposed to the idea.

Welcome to the Family: Part 2

~~~ Manehattan ~~~

After a long and uneventful train ride, Slick had finally returned home. The familiar smells of smoke and filth assaulted him as soon as he stepped off the train. Normally, he would breathe in a deep lungful and revel in the fact that he had returned to his beloved family, but this time the air wasn't so sweet. He had failed in his important mission, but at least the Don was a forgiving stallion. Slick opted to walk back to the manor instead of hailing a cab. He needed some time to think.

Okay, the Gala was a complete failure. I only managed to get in good with Blueblood, however briefly. None of the other prominent families stood out enough for me to make a move. We'll have to be more discreet with the next one, and we may have to wait for a few years before we can get the ball rolling again. This will take some time to blow over.

He continued to mull over his rather lackluster performance, but sooner than he expected he stood before the massive gates of the Don's estate. Taking a deep breath, he passed through the gates, nodded to the burly guards, and entered the massive mansion. After a brief search, he located the Don reading in his study.

"Welcome home, Slick. I hope you have some good news for me."

Slick stood in the doorway and bowed his head in shame. "I've failed you, sir. Prince Blueblood refused."

Don Cannoli shook his head partly in disappointment, but also partly in amusement. He gestured to a comfortable chair across from him. Slick hesitantly took the seat while the Don poured them both a strong drink. The dim lamps lighting the room cast the numerous bookshelves in shadow, as if they were eavesdroppers silently leaning in to listen to his story. It was eerie.

The Don cleared his throat and laid his reading spectacles on the ornate end table next to his chair. He looked expectantly at Slick and asked, "What did he say? And I mean the whole story. We might be able to save this."

Slick spent the next hour telling the Don about his night in Canterlot and the proceeding day, but for some reason he didn't mention Fleur. He trusted the Don, and he loved him like a father, but he wanted his interaction with the beautiful mare to be on his own terms. More importantly, he didn't want her to be part of this deal. The Don's deals sometimes left some... collateral damage.

The Don stood up and paced around the dim study, pondering the new information that Slick had given him. Some ponies feared the Family because of its wealth or its impressive array of musclebound lackeys, but its truly terrifying quality was the cold cunning of its leader.

After a minute of pacing, the aging pegasus sighed and muttered, "I don't see any way around it. We gotta off old Blueblood."

Slick nearly fell out of his chair. He blurted, "No! You can't do that!"

The older stallion's glare was icy, but his voice remained level. "He knows our plan, has a lofty reputation, and knows both your name and mine. If we move on to another family, he'll blow the whistle on us. If we wait too long, then another family will grab the Canterlot market before us, so we can't just wait for the geezer to die. The grandson is a moron, but he's a moron that we could use. Now tell me, do you see another way out of this mess?"

Slick hesitated for a moment. He could tell the Don about Fleur. The prince's beloved great-niece could be an excellent bargaining chip. No, that would be a betrayal of both her and the prince. But he still didn't want to see the old stallion die.

Slick shook his head and stared dejectedly at the floor. The Don noticed his hesitation. "Are you hiding something, Slick. You know I don't like being in the dark."

"No, sir," he muttered.

"Look at me," he softly demanded. Though his voice was soft, Slick could feel the venom of his words dripping down his spine. He glanced up to meet the Don's piercing gaze. "I don't like being lied to. If you have something to say, say it now. But if I find out that you weren't honest with me, there will be major consequences."

Slick nodded.

"I'm glad we understand each other. Now go rest up. We'll talk again in the morning."

~~~ The Barbershop ~~~

Snips stepped back to observe his work in progress. His canvas was coming along nicely, but there was still something missing from it. There was something that he was missing. He was so wrapped up in his own work and the story that he didn't even notice that Fancy Pants had stopped talking.

Fancy Pants inquired, "Gold, dear boy, are you quite alright?"

Snips pulled his gaze away from his customer and instead looked at his assistant. The brown stallion looked a bit pale and his eyes kept losing their focus. He started at the question. "Oh! Sorry, I-I'm just a bit, uh, tired from the trip."

Snips said, "You can go home for the day. There will be plenty to do tomorrow."

Gold blushed and shuffled on his hooves. He murmured, "I don't really have a place to stay yet."

Snips was stumped. He didn't even stop to think that his apprentice hadn't settled into town yet. He pulled a key from one of his saddlebags and offered it to Gold. "You can take a nap in my apartment. We'll discuss it more after I close up and after you've gotten some sleep."

Gold's eyes widened, "R-really?! You'd trust me? Just like that?"

Snips laughed, "Let's call it an act of good faith. Now get out of here and get some rest."

"Y-yes, sir!"

Snips gave him directions to his home and watched as his new apprentice exited the shop.

"That was generous of you," Fancy Pants commented, "And I take it you trust him not to steal anything."

Snips laughed uproariously, "I don't own anything worth stealing! The only things I have of value are my tools."

Fancy Pants laughed along with him, then continued his story as Snips picked up his scissors once again...

~~~ Manehattan ~~~

A month had passed, but so far Don Cannoli hadn't mentioned anything about a hit on the prince. Slick faintly hoped that he would give up on the campaign altogether, but he wasn't holding his breath. What worried him more was that he still hadn't heard from Fleur. He yearned to see her again.

Today was just a normal routine day with an uneventful chore. The Don had instructed him to shake down a snitch within their ranks. Slick now sat across from said snitch, who was tied to a rather uncomfortable looking chair.

This time it was a squirrely youth by the name of Snake Eyes. He was a thin and wiry stallion with a wild and unkempt mane. He was famous within the gang for his sharp eyes which constantly darted around the room to take in every possible ounce of information that he could.

Slick lit a cigarette and pulled a long drag from it. Blowing the noxious smoke into the youth's face, he said, "Do you know what happens to ponies who mess with the Don, Snake Eyes?"

The young stallion moaned, "I didn't do nothin! They set me up, I tell ya!"

Slick continued smoking. "That doesn't answer my question, Snake Eyes."

Snake Eyes shuddered and whimpered, "They disappear."

Slick's gaze hardened as the young stallion started to openly weep before him. He was scared of something, but there was still a lot more that they could learn from him if he could be persuaded to share.

Suddenly, a knock came from the door in the small wooden shed. A suited stallion opened it and poked his head in. "Hey, Slick. The Don wants'ta see ya. Leave the kid be for now."

Slick tossed away the butt of his cigarette and strolled through the doorway. Two guards stood on the other side. Speaking just loud enough for Snake Eyes to hear him, he said, "Boys, tonight Snake Eyes sleeps with the Fishes."

Snake Eyes broke down into tears and gut wrenching cries, but Slick strolled away with the suited stallion who had come for him.

Raw Deal had been a member of The Family almost as long as Slick had, and the two got along famously. Raw chuckled, "What do ya mean by 'sleepin' with the fishes' anyway? I hear'ya say it a lot, but I never figured out what you mean."

Slick laughed as they trotted leisurely across the dark pier. A carriage awaited them at the end. The pair climbed in and the driver set off back to the manor. "If you must know, it means that I'm making him share a room with the Fish brothers, Cat Fish and Red Fish. They don't bathe much."

They continued to banter and laugh all the way back to the manor, but the closer they got, the more on-edge Raw seemed to be. His lip would twitch and he'd readjust himself constantly, as if he couldn't make himself comfortable. Slick was about to state his suspicion, but they had finally arrived back home. He pushed it out of his mind as they both entered the manor.

The sight that greeted him froze him in place. In the middle of the parquet floor, bound and gagged, was Fleur. Don Cannoli hovered just above her with his front hooves crossed over his chest.

"Care to introduce us to your... friend, Slick?"

Slick knew that tone. The Don meant business.

Without even a stutter or hesitation, he launched into a lie that would put his life on the line. He smirked, "She's my meal ticket. The broad is Blueblood's niece, and he loves her more than life itself. I was gonna cozy up to her and try to get in good with the old fool. Tartarus, maybe I'd even marry her!"

Don Cannoli tilted his head, intrigued by this unexpected change of events. "Oh, and why didn't you let me in on this little scheme?"

Slick brushed off the question. "I wanted to win your respect back by fixing the mistake I made."

He tried not to look at her. He tried to keep his gaze fixed on his patriarch, but he saw it. In her face was every heartbreaking emotion that he couldn't bear to see. Anger, sorrow, betray, disappointment, resentment, heartbreak, and dejection fought for dominance in a mighty storm hidden behind her stunning pale violet eyes.

The older stallion seemed content with his answer. He alighted on the floor and smiled maliciously at the mare. "You are going to be our guest for quite some time, my dear. I hope you like your new home." He kissed her lightly on the forehead and Fleur writhed on the floor, eager to lash out at him if only she wasn't tied up.

Don Cannoli laughed as a musclebound stallion emerged from the shadows, threw her onto his back, and took her deep into the bowels of the giant house. Slick tried his best to look indifferent, but the sight was killing him. He wanted nothing more than to free her and run, but this was the Don's home turf. Neither of them would survive.

"Now then, we have our bargaining chip. It's time to make the next move. And this time," he shot a glare at Slick, "I'll be the one calling the shots."

"Yes, sir," Slick muttered.

"Looks like I have a letter to write. Oh, and by the way, I forbid you from seeing or talking to that mare. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal, sir." His heart dropped into his stomach.

The Don nodded and took to the air, leaving Slick alone in the magnificent room to ponder his thoughts.

The plan was simple. Don Cannoli would hold Fleur as a hostage to ensure the prince's cooperation in their little scheme. The Don sent a detailed letter to Prince Blueblood specifically outlining the details of her imprisonment and was very colorful in his description of the methods he would employ should diplomacy break down.

Slick read over the letter before it was sent. It was horrifying. Don Cannoli wasn't the easiest stallion to get along with, but this made him seem no more than a vicious thug, a monster. Slick thought about all the past schemes that he had done for the sake of The Family. All the cheating, lying, smuggling, forgery, con artistry. But through all that, he had never killed anypony. He just cheated them out of their money, and usually it was from ponies who had more than enough to spare. This was different. It was just wrong.

The dull flicker of conscience that he had attempted to squash for years had reared its head once again. He couldn't go through with this, and he couldn't let the one mare he cared for be stuck in a cage forever. Thus he resolved to end this scheme, or die trying. So he sent a letter of his own in secret.

~~~ The Watering Hole ~~~

The bar was discreet, with only a small sign hinting that it was even a business at all. Checking that he was not followed, Slick slipped through the door and scanned the room. Seated at the bar was exactly the stallion he wanted to see. Blueblood was hunched and tired, as if he had hadn't slept in days. Slick sidled up to the bar next to him, noting the tankard gripped in the old stallion's hoof.

The bartender popped up from behind the bar and gruffly asked, "What'll it be?"

"We need to use your back room to conduct some... business."

The bartender scanned the empty room before replying, "You ain't in any trouble, are ya? 'Cause we don't need any here."

"No no," Slick assured him, and for good measure he dropped a large pouch of bits onto the counter. "We just need somewhere discreet to conduct our business."

Eyeing the bag of bits, the bartender slid a simple bronze keep over to Slick and slipped the coins under the bar. The pair entered the small room, leaving the bartender behind.

The room itself was simple, with only a small table and a pair of chairs. They sat down, and Blueblood was the first to speak.

"Why did you do it?" he rasped.

"I didn't do anything," Slick countered, "I have no idea how she found the manor, or even what possessed her to come over in the first place."

Blueblood pulled a single sheet of parchment from his saddlebag and pushed it in front of Slick, frowning angrily. It was a letter addressed to Fleur and signed by him, but he had never written such a letter. He read through the body and it was a sappy love letter pining over her and begging her to meet him at the Don's manor.

Slick was floored. He gaped, "I-I didn't write this! I would never suggest something like that, knowing that it would put her in danger."

Blueblood was clearly unsatisfied with the answer. He asked, "So why did you need me to come to this dingy dive so urgently? To gloat? I've already done what the Don wants, so what more do you want?"

Slick stared the old stallion square in the eye, as if daring him to detect any trace of a lie. "I want to save you. Both of you."

Blueblood guffawed, "And why, pray tell, would you do that?"

This time Slick couldn't meet his gaze. For all his resolve, he had trouble admitting the way he felt about Fleur and her guardian. He blushed and said, "Nopony deserves to be in a cage."

Blueblood let that sit between them for a few seconds, pondering his next words. "You love her, don't you, boy?"

Slick dumbly nodded, "I-I think so."

Blueblood rose to his hooves so violently that his chair flew across the room. He pounded his front hooves on the table and glared viciously at Slick, who didn't even budge. The old stallion barked, "'I think' is not going to cut it! You have to be sure! If you aren't one hundred percent invested in this, then there is no way I can trust you! Now answer me, do you love my niece?!"

His tirade stirred Slick's blood. He had only spent a brief time with Fleur, but it was the single most magical time of his life. He could see himself with nopony else. And if he had to lay down his own life for her freedom...

"I'd die for her! As long as she can be free to live without fear."

Blueblood visibly relaxed, but his voice was still gruff. "You wouldn't be doing her any favors like that. Slick, I'm not asking you to die for her. I want you to live for her. In my experience, that's much harder. I want you to grow old together, have foals, and be happy."

Slick was taken aback by the sudden change in attitude. He had never believed that Blueblood would trust him ever again. The whole point of this meeting was just to tell him that he would help Fleur escape and then be out of their lives for good. Now, the old stallion was talking about marriage and having foals! Is he senile?

As if reading his thoughts, Blueblood snapped, "No, I'm not senile." He sighed, then continued, "I am old. I've met many ponies over the years and have become an excellent judge of character. When you came to the mansion and had lunch with us, I saw a spark of decency in you. You are charming and intelligent; qualities that this family desperately needs. There was only one thing that I saw lacking. Integrity. You were willing to align yourself with a thug to save your own skin, despite the countless ponies that would come to harm because of your actions. But I see now that I was wrong. You may yet prove yourself. And if you do, then I ask that you take care of Fleur, with my blessing."

Slick continued to stare at the older stallion in dumbfounded silence. Eventually, he was able to make his mouth work again, and he stammered out the words, "Th-thank you."

Blueblood nodded and asked, "So what is this plan of yours?"

~~~Don Cannoli's Manor~~~

Slick half-smiled at the burly stallions guarding the door. He knew that beyond that door was his beloved Fleur; however, they both knew that he was not allowed to see her.

"Hey fellas, how's guard duty?"

"Beat it, Slick," one replied.

"Yeah, you're not supposed to be here," the other added.

"Don't worry guys, I just came by to catch up with you. I even brought you drinks." He produced three beers and passed one to each of them. He cracked open his own bottle and took a swig. Shrugging, the other two popped open their own and downed the dark liquid. Within seconds, the pair hit the ground snoring heavily.

Good thing they're stupid, Slick thought to himself as he found the key and proceeded to unlock the door. Inside was a lavishly decorated room fit for a princess, but he couldn't see Fleur anywhere. Cautiously, he closed the door and tip-hoofed to the veiled four-poster bed. He didn't want to alarm her if she was asleep. He gently pulled back the curtains to reveal... nothing. She wasn't on the bed. Then where in Equestria could she be?

Suddenly, Fleur rocketed from under the bed and tackled Slick to the ground. Lying on top of him, she slugged him hard in the face and spat on him. Noticing that he was not resisting, she hissed, "Why deed you do zis to me? I mees you zo much and zen you make me come here to be locked away! You are deespicable!"

Slick allowed the mare to keep him pinned to the ground. He didn't even bother to wipe her saliva off of his face. "I didn't write that letter, and I never got yours. Don Cannoli set us both up."

She raged at him, throwing more punches to punctuate every sentence, "You lie! You lie! You lie! You lie! You lie! Why else would you walk in here now? You don't care about me! You never deed!"

Slick caught her hooves and stopped her from hitting him again. Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. He couldn't stand that. Still pinned under the mare, he reached up and kissed her. Her eyes widened in shock as she tried to pull away, but he wrapped her in his hooves and pulled her closer. He whispered gently into her ear. "You're wrong about that. I never stopped loving you. Not since we first danced together. And now I'm going to prove it. We're getting out of here."

Fleur nearly crushed him as she returned his embrace. She didn't know if he was lying, but she wanted to believe that he was being genuine. For her own sake, she needed it to be true.

Slick gently nudged her and the pair rose to their hooves. The sleeping potion that he had gotten from his black market contacts wouldn't last forever, and they needed to hurry. Slick locked the door from the inside and moved to the bedroom closet. He pushed around the contents until he found what he was looking for. A small knot protruded from the wooden panel. To the untrained eye, it was simply an imperfection in the timber, but to him it was the key to their escape. He punched the knot and the entire panel opened up on concealed hinges leading into a secret tunnel.

Fleur gasped as Slick grasped her hoof and pulled her into the narrow space. It was so cramped that they had to crawl to get through, but luckily they both fit. Soon they saw the light coming from the other side. Light streamed in from the ceiling as Slick pushed upward. The trapdoor gave way, revealing the enormous kitchen of the Cannoli Estate. So far, so good. Slick had timed it perfectly, but he had to hurry before the cooks woke up to start working on breakfast.

As soon as Fleur scrambled out of the hole, Slick shut the door and covered it with a crate full of potatoes. Reaching into a nearby cabinet, he pulled out a simple brown cloak and he handed it to Fleur. Without a word, she threw it on and followed him stealthily to the back door. Peeking through the keyhole, Slick scanned the grounds bathed in pale moonlight. There was nopony in sight.

Fleur sidled alongside him, and he whispered, "We need to make it through the gardens without being seen. There's a boathouse at the end by the river. If we can take one of the boats, then we're home free. Just stick close and follow my lead." She nodded her understanding.

Slick gently opened the door and stalked through the silent grounds like a shadow. Things were looking good. They had managed to make it halfway through... but nothing ever goes as planned.

"Leaving so soon? You didn't even thank me for my hospitality." Don Cannoli lounged on a balcony railing and absentmindedly sharpened a dangerous looking knife. He didn't even spare a glance at the pair as he continued, "I'm very offended by that. Kids, let's teach these jailbirds some manners."

A squadron of pegasi leaped into the air from behind the house. Don Cannoli slid off the rail and leisurely glided in pursuit of the pair backed by his loyal family.

"Fleur, run!" Slick shouted. All stealth abandoned, they galloped for all they were worth directly to the boat house. Fortunately, the Don seemed to be in no rush to catch them. The pair bolted into the two-story-warehouse-like building, and Slick slammed the door shut. In the darkness, Slick could barely see the means of their salvation. A sleek speedboat was tied in place exactly where it was supposed to be. He dove behind the wheel and tried to start the engine. The engine whined for a moment, but then sputtered and died.

Tartarus! That explains why he isn't in a hurry. He drained the fuel out of the boats!

Slick fought to keep down his panic as the pursuit force attempted to beat down the door. He could hear the wood splinter and he knew that their time was limited. Slick spotted a large stack of coiled rope piled on the side of the building. He grabbed Fleur by the shoulders and looked her square in the eye.

"Do you trust me?"

She blinked in confusion, "Oui, but why do you ask?"

"Because I am about to do something pretty crazy." Slick channeled energy into his horn. Magic wasn't really his specialty, but there were a few things that he could do. he conjured a tiny fireball and threw it into the mass of rope. Within seconds, the flames started to catch and spread rapidly. Smoke poured to the ceiling, and the pegasi stopped beating at the door. They decided that it was unwise to break into a burning building; however, there was one who disagreed.

Slick called out to Fleur and they broke out in a run for the loft on the second story. By now, the fire was spreading incredibly fast and the ground floor was unbearably hot. The two of them climbed the stairs and emerged on the landing to see that the loft was a mostly empty storage area for nautical equipment. A large bay window looked out upon the river.

"What ees your plan now?" Fleur asked frantically.

"Indeed, Slick! What's your plan now?"

Both ponies froze as Don Cannoli crashed through the window, wicked knife still in hoof. He laughed crazily as the flames below reflected in his eyes. "Did you think that I would just let you go? My dear, you are my last hope of conquering the Canterlot black market. I won't let anything stand between us! Much less you, my wayward son!"

He lunged at Slick, who managed to dodge at the last minute. The sharp knife grazed his shoulder and drew four fat drops of blood. Slick set his hooves and prepared for the next attack. It came faster than he expected.

Don Cannoli swung wildly with his knife, enraged by Slick's betrayal. His movements were erratic and he was bent on slicing Slick into tiny pieces. Slick had managed to dodge most of the assault until, with a ferocious cry, Don Cannoli rushed forward and hilted the knife into Slick's uninjured shoulder. Slick kicked him away, then fell to the ground and clutched his injured limb.

Don Cannoli grinned like a mad-stallion as he wiped a small trace of blood from his lip. He calmly stalked forward even as the inferno raged behind him. "This is what happens when you betray The Family. Nopony leaves us except in a casket. Though I think this time a pyre will do."

Then the Don was swept off of his hooves as a bolt shot at him and pinned his wing to the wall. Slick groaned as he turned his head to see Fleur standing amidst the nautical equipment with a speargun levitating in front of her. She immediately dropped it and ran to Slick's side.

Slick was glad to see that she was unhurt, but the fire was starting to reach up to the second floor. Time was not on their side. He grunted, "The river. Get to the river."

The mare slid under his injured should to help support him. He groaned as she asked, "Do you trust me?"

Slick managed a wry smile and replied, "Sure, why?"

"I am about to do somezing crazy."

"I love you so much right now."

Together they jumped through the window and dove into the river two stories below. Don Cannoli cursed in rage and pain as his building burned around him. Within minutes, the building collapsed and he were seen again.

~~~ Further Down the River ~~~

A cloaked figure navigated his small boat along the river with an old push poll. He heard a gasp as two ponies breached the surface of the water and sucked in greedy breaths. He whistled at them and the pair swam lethargically toward the rough little boat. The cloaked pony helped them both into the boat. One was a gorgeous mare and the other was a strapping young stallion with a knife protruding from his should.

As soon as she had regained her breath, Fleur turned to their rescuer and begged, "Please, may I 'ave a piece of your cloak to patch up my friend? 'Ee is bleeding badly."

The cloaked pony lowered his hood to reveal the kind face of an old white coated stallion. "Anything for you, my dear."

Fleur gaped in surprise, "Uncle, eet is you?" She rushed to embrace him so suddenly that she nearly capsized the boat.

Slick moaned, "A pleasure as always, Your Highness."

Fleur immediately released her great-uncle and went to work patching up her coltfriend as the prince pushed them along the river and away from the past that burned behind them.

~~~ The Barbershop ~~~

"After that it was pretty straightforward. With the Don gone, the family fell into civil war to determine a new head. Prince Blueblood helped me reinvent myself as Fancy Pants, and Fleur and I eventually got married. When he died, Blueblood left a large sum of money to the both of us and we have been living as we have ever since." He chuckled half-heartedly and asked, "Do you know what the old stallion said to me on our wedding day?"

Snips shook his head in response. Fancy Pants continued, "He said 'welcome to the family.' Can you believe it? The same four words that sounded like a death sentence from Don Cannoli, but this time they were the words that set me free. Prince Blueblood put me back on the straight-and-narrow," He sighed tiredly, "I owe him so much."

Snips was flabbergasted. The story he had heard was so outlandish that he almost refused to believe it. Stuff like that only happened in action movies where the hero always gets the girl at the end. But something about the way Fancy Pants told the story made him believe every word of it.

"So are you about done, young Snips?"

Snips jumped back to his senses at the mention of his name. With a few quick snips he removed the cape with a flourish and bowed to his customer.

"There you go. I hope you like it."

Fancy Pants was stunned as he looked in the mirror. Staring back at him was the young stallion that he had described in his story, and yet he was quite a different stallion entirely. His mane was slicked back like it was in the old days, and that same stray strand of hair refused to be swept into place. It made him look young and vibrant again, but his mustache reminded him of the stallion that he now was. Both worlds collided into one.

Snips hugged the floor as he muttered, "Please say you like it."

Fancy Pants replied dully, "No, Snips, I don't like it."

Snips felt his heart break as his hopes and dreams spiraled down the drain. But then Fancy Pants brightened and cried, "I love it!"
And just like that, his fortune was turned around.

The pair laughed together and Snips didn't even hear the door open and a pair of white coated unicorns entered. They stopped as they heard the sound of something hitting the floor. Both stallions snapped to attention when they saw that Fleur-de-Lis had dropped her shopping bags onto the floor. She gaped at the stallion standing before her, then suddenly she pounced on him and locked lips with him right there on the chair.

Rarity gasped, "My goodness!"

Snips just stood to the side and let the couple have their moment. It didn't take long for Fancy Pants to gently push his wife away and say, "Save it for later, dear. We're in public."

Fleur blushed and set her hooves back on the ground, but not before flicking her tail in his face and teased playfully, "You just look zo young and 'andsome zat I could not rezeest."

Fancy Pants flashed a half smirk and she blushed even harder. He jumped off the chair and dug inside his cashmere sweater. He pulled out a massive bag of bits and dropped it onto the chair. It was easily the biggest bag of cash that Snips had ever seen. Something like that could keep his shop running for a year!

Snips gaped and finally said, "I can't take that! That's way too much!"

Fancy Pants merely chuckled and said, "My dear friend here has taught me quite a few things about generosity. Your gift is not something that should be hidden away. If there is anything I can do to help you grow and excel, don't hesitate to ask. Consider yourself my friend, dear Snips. And let me be the first to know if you ever open a shop in Canterlot."

He offered Snips a conspiratorial wink and left the shop flanked by the two mares. Feeling giddy, Snips decided to deposit his massive haul at the bank and close up the shop early. Little did he know that his life had been changed forever. Even less did he know what awaited him at home...

Author's Note

Okay, so I am officially back onto the writing scene. I know it has been a long time, but I am finally back!

Are there any stallions that you want to hear from? We have quite a few stallions who have recently made their way onto the scene in season 4, but I still like to know what my viewers think. (I will NOT write a Trenderhoof chapter. His episode was already romance based and I don't think there is much I could do to expand on it)

As always, like, favorite, comment, and follow (if you want to). I accept that there are things that I need to work on (grammar, scene transition, pacing, etc), but I request that we discuss them via PM instead of in the comments. Thank you!

Strange Bedfellows

Snips whistled a happy tune as he practically floated out of Ponyville Regional Bank. The look on the teller's face when he slapped down that massive bag of bits was priceless! He pranced down the streets with a spring in his step and a song in his heart. Everything was going his way. His shop was secured for at least a year, he had a new friend who was also a promising patron, and he even managed to talk to Sweet Roll! It was the perfect day! But he felt like he was forgetting something in the midst of his euphoria.

Snips strolled up to his apartment and paused at the door. He dug around in his saddlebags, but came up empty. Huh, where is that key... oh... Snips tentatively opened the door and peeked into the living room. Everything was as it should be. The furniture was exactly how he left it. Nothing seemed out of place, but the door was unlocked. And a certain changeling was unaccounted for. Snips crept through the room as stealthily as he could.

The couch was empty. As was the armchair. The living room and the kitchen were completely clear, so that only left one place to look. He swallowed hard as he sneaked over to his bedroom door. Pressing his ear against the door he listened for any sound at all. Anything that would indicate that someone was on the other side.

Wait just a minute! Why am I creeping around my own home like a burglar?

Snips took a deep breath and gathered his courage. With only slight hesitation, he opened the door and briskly trotted inside. There she was, plain as day, snuggled cozily into his bed. His abrupt entrance didn't even stir the sleeping changeling.

Okay, so I have a changeling sleeping in my bed. No shocker there since I gave her the key. Why did I even do that?! I don't even know her real name! I don't- He paused. What did possess him to let her in? Was it to make up for the way that he scared her when she first walked in? He did feel bad about making her cry like that.

And it's not like I asked her to stay or anything. I'll just let her finish her nap and we'll find a place for her to live.

Snips turned and walked back through the door. As he pulled the door closed with his magic, he paused as he heard moaning. Curiously, he opened the door just a crack and peeked inside. The changeling stared right back at him through the crack in the door. She moaned once more before pitifully bleating, "Help."

Without hesitation Snips threw open the door and trotted into the room. A stallion should never ignore a mare's call for help, even if she was a changeling. He asked, "What's wrong?"

She looked pale, and her half-closed blue eyes seemed dull and lifeless. She mumbled something inaudible. Snips leaned in closer. "What did you say?" Again she mumbled, and again he moved closer. This time he was directly above her.

She mumbled a single word. "Food."

She moved faster than he expected she could. Even in her weakened state she tackled him to the floor. Snips' head banged hard against the floor, dazing him as the smaller changeling pinned him down. Her eyes were still dull, but there was something primal within those orbs. Survival was the only thing that mattered.

Before he had a chance to recover, Snips was taken by surprise yet again. She leaned down and locked him into a deep, passionate kiss. Her lips were surprisingly soft and tender, and he barely even noticed the fangs. Come to think of it, her whole body was actually kinda soft. He had expected the shiny chitin to be hard and unyielding, but it was surprisingly smooth and warm. He was enraptured by the experience and the euphoria made him feel like he was floating on a cloud. Then he blacked out.

Ugh, my aching head. What happened?

Snips slowly opened his eyes and blinked as morning sunlight filtered through the bedroom window.

Morning already? Boy, I had the craziest dream- He was interrupted as he felt something nuzzling against his chest. He averted his eyes and begged Celestia that it wasn't what he thought it was. More specifically that it wasn't who he thought it was.

Finally he worked up the courage to slowly lower his gaze. Sure enough, she was right there. One holey hoof reached around his body while she snuggled happily against him. She looked comfortable and oddly satisfied. The thought made something click in his head. Ohhhh no. No, no, no, NO!

Without warning his leaped to his hooves, forcing the changeling to roll off of him as he scrambled off of the bed. With a loud thud he rolled off the side of the bed and landed on the floor. The collision knocked the breath out of him and he was forced to lie on his back and groan as he regained his breath. While he did, his strange house guest popped her head over the side of the bed and stared at him as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She yawned and happily chirped, "Good morning! What're you doing down there?"

Snips managed to wheeze, "What... did... you... do?"

She cocked her head quizzically and her smile slipped into a confused frown. "You gave me the key, so I came in and fell asleep. I was really tired, so I guess I must have slept all night. It must have done the trick because I feel amazing right now!" Her smile returned, as if nothing could spoil her good mood. Unfortunately, Snips did not share that sentiment.

He unsteadily rose to his hooves and glared at the changeling. "When I came in, you attacked me! You pinned me to the ground!"

She gasped and quickly covered her mouth with her hooves. She sputtered, "I-I couldn't have! No, there's no way I would do that!"

Snips was not swayed by her reaction. "Yes, you did! And then you... and then you... KISSED me! Next thing I know, I black out and wake up to you sleeping right next to me! WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON!"

Here eyes widened as she realized exactly what happened. She squeaked, "I-I'm sorry. I-I thought I could hold it for at least a couple days. I didn't know it had been so long. M-my body must have sensed food and just reacted on its own."

Snips froze. "What do you mean by 'food?'"

She blushed slightly. "Changelings eat love and other strong emotions. In the hive we get rations of it in crystallized form, but the gatherers all say that getting it fresh from the source was way more intense. I-I didn't expect it to be like that..." She trailed off as she mused about her situation. Noticing that she had spaced out, she immediately snapped back and blurted, "I'm so sorry! It's just... well," she fidgeted with her hooves, "nevermind."

Snips didn't even hear the latter half of her explanation. He was too fixated on the first part. "Hold on! I don't love you. How could you feed on something I wasn't feeling?"

A flicker of disappointment was quickly replaced by a visage of curiosity. "I'm afraid I don't remember what happened. Do you know what it was that you were feeling exactly?"

"Scared, worried, and confused. I thought you were hurt or sick or something, and I didn't know what to do."

She nodded and replied, "Well, concern is a kind of love. In a way."

Snips had managed to calm down. He quickly surveyed his body and found that he was completely whole. Not a hair out of place. He sighed and grumbled, "Come on. You may have already had breakfast, but I'm starving and I need to do something about this headache."

He reached the door, but once again paused and turned to look at the changeling. He watched as she buzzed on her insect wings and alighted gracefully on the floor. He gulped and asked, "Um, please tell me we didn't... you know..." He blushed as he stood on his hind legs and bumped his front hooves together twice before returning to all fours.

Surprisingly, a changeling can blush as well. She turned absolutely crimson as she caught his innuendo. "No! I'm absolutely positive that we didn't do that!

Snips heaved a sigh of relief and continued out of the bedroom. He trudged into the kitchen and started brewing a pot of coffee. Looking into the fridge, he realized that he was dangerously out of, well, everything. A brief glance in the pantry confirmed that fact that he was completely out of food. Great. Looks like it's a cup-a-joe and air sandwich kind of morning.

As he bustled around the kitchen, he noticed the changeling standing at the doorway staring morosely at the floor. She clearly felt terrible about what had happened. On the one hoof, she was starving, and he couldn't blame a starving pony (or changeling) for doing something desperate to stay alive. On the other hoof, she really could have hurt him. On top of that, she shouldn't have been able to feed off of him in the first place. He already had feelings for Sweet Roll! At least, he thought he did.

His better nature won out, and with a sigh he said, "Look, I'm not mad. You were just doing what you had to do, and nopony got hurt. So you don't have to look so beat up about it."

She perked up slightly. "You mean it?"

He couldn't help but let a small smile slip in. "Yeah, I mean it."

She beamed and her insectoid wings buzzed excitedly. "Thank goodness! It would be really awkward for me to be your apprentice if you were mad at me."

Snips flinched. He had completely forgotten about their little arrangement. Now that he thought of it, they hadn't done any of the necessary paperwork. She wasn't really his apprentice. Tartarus, he thought she was a guy when he agreed to it! "Um, look here..." He paused as a realized a fundamental problem, "You know, I don't even know what your real name is. I don't want to call you Gold since your aren't really a stallion, but that's the only name I've heard you give."

She continued to smile, "I'm Teaching Drone 93, but my closer acquaintances called me T.D. 93."

Snips blinked. "Your name is a number?"

"Mhm!"

"That's not going to work."

She shrugged, "It's the only name I've got."

"Well we need to change that. Hmmm. T.D., huh? How about Tear Drops?"

"That makes me sound like a crybaby!"

"Tranquil Diamond?"

"Sounds like an old mare's name."

"Thunder Dunk?"

"You know I'm female, right?"

The pair continued like this for nearly half an hour. Eventually the pair ended up sitting on the couch sipping coffee. Snips kept suggesting different names and she continued to shoot them down. He had nearly exhausted every combination of words he could think of using the initials T.D. Finally he threw his hooves into the air and declared, "I give up! I can't think of anything!"

She took another sip of her coffee and grimaced. Even with cream and sugar she had never tasted anything so bitter, and yet she enjoyed it. "It's okay. We'll think of one eventually," she hopped off the couch and was immediately consumed in a flash of emerald fire. She transformed into the same paisley pink pegasus as she had the day before. "In the meantime, I'll go by Summer Rains," she erupted into flames once more and emerged as a brown stallion, "or as Gold Rush." With a final burst of flame, she returned to her normal changeling form.

Snips still wasn't used to her effortless transformations. It was a bit unnerving. "Um, isn't it, you know, awkward to change gender like that?"

She looked at the floor and muttered, "Yeah."

"Don't you think that maybe you should find someone else to apprentice under? Maybe a stylist or a manedresser who specializes in mares? You'd just be out of place the whole time in a barbershop."

She continued to stare at the floor, her expression strangely blank. "Are you trying to get rid of me? You don't have to drop hints or anything. If you want me out, then just say it."

His life would be a whole lot easier if he just asked her to leave, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Even after all the complications, he couldn't throw a mare out into the streets without a job or a place to go. It just didn't feel right. "I didn't say that. I just want you to be comfortable. I don't want you to be stuck working somewhere you don't like." He took a deep breath and continued, "You see, my barbershop is a sacred place for the stallions in this town. It's one of the few places that they can go to talk about their lives without being judged or laughed at. Sometimes I even get some guys who go in just because they want to talk to each other away from the wife and foals."

She was taken aback. "That's pretty deep. I didn't know the place meant so much to you." She hung her head in defeat. "Okay, do you have any suggestions? Somewhere I can go?"

Snips pondered this dilemma. "I know just the place," His stomach growled angrily, "but first I need to get something to eat."

Snips and the now disguised Summer Rains walked through the market enjoying the warmth of the morning sun washing over them. Or at least she did. Snips was more preoccupied with his lack of breakfast. He browsed through some of his favorite places, debating on where to eat. Despite his intense hunger, nothing sounded satisfying. The pair of them continued to wander around until he realized that he was subconsciously being led to Sweet Roll's bakery stall.

I can't let her see me with another mare! She might take it the wrong way and then I'll never get another chance!

Snips rounded on Summer and pleaded, "Please, can you just stay here for a second?" He indicated a bench. "Just sit tight for a minute while I get something to eat."

The disguised changeling tilted her head in confusion, but nodded and fluttered onto the bench as directed. Something about his request seemed odd to her, but she wasn't in a position to argue.

Snips left her behind and made his way to Sweet Roll's stall, nervously glancing over his shoulders. Distracted as he was, he actually ran right into the stall. Whether by bad luck or some sick cosmic joke he hit with just enough force to lodge his horn right into a knothole in one of the flat planks. He tried to pull away, but it was stuck fast into the wood. Grunting, he braced both front hooves against the offending plank and pulled with all his might. Unfortunately, the structure held fast and he was still just as stuck as he was before. Then he heard a voice that made his heart freeze in his chest.

"Hey, y'all alright there, sugar?" Sweet Roll, who had been previously tending to her bread, noticed the commotion and came to investigate. "Snips? What happened?"

Accepting his humiliating position, Snips grinned sheepishly. "H-hi Sweet Roll. I'm just hanging out."

The mare trotted closer and inspected his predicament. Her face was mere inches from his own as she examined his horn stuck deep into the wooden plank. "Just give me a sec, sugar. I got just the thing." She galloped to the other side of the stall and returned with a small tub of butter. Popping the lid open, she scooped out a hoof full and started to rub it around the infected area. She finished and declared, "That should make you nice and slippery."

Snips pulled once again, but even lubed up with butter he couldn't escape. Sweet Roll sighed, "No good, huh? Guess we can try Plan B."

Before he could ask what Plan B was, she wrapped herself around his barrel and started pulling for all she was worth. Snips's normally blue coat flashed crimson as he felt the mare of his dreams so close to him. It took him a few seconds before he even considered pulling with her. With a final heave, his horn came loose with a sound like a pop from a cork. The two ponies fell over and sprawled into the dirt.

Snips found himself on top of her, muzzle to muzzle. Some of the butter from his horn had dripped down onto her face, leaving yellow droplets on her chocolate colored coat. Snips pushed himself up and gazed down at the mare. She blushed violently and averted her gaze, embarrassed about her compromising position. Snips quickly realized what they must have looked like.

He quickly rolled off of the mare and scrambled to his hooves. With a rushed apology, he took off like a bullet, leaving her still sprawled in the dust. Hunger completely forgotten and tears streaming down his face, he ran as fast as his legs would take him.

Little did he know, Summer saw the whole thing from her cloud. What? Benches aren't very comfortable! She took to the air and followed him all the way back to the apartment where he slammed the door shut and locked it. Fortunately, he never asked her to give back the key. She unlocked the door and let herself in.

She found him in the shower. Even though it went against pony etiquette, she pulled aside the curtain to see him reduced to a pitiful state. Tears and water streamed down his face, washing the globs of butter down the drain. He didn't even notice her.

Snips didn't even feel the water as it struck his body, or the cold porcelain against his haunches and flank. He didn't see or hear anything as his mind stripped away his senses and forced him to replay that terrible scene over and over. It wasn't shame or embarrassment that bothered him. His foalhood adventures had made him immune to those emotions. No, he was depressed and disappointed. He had made a fool of himself in front of the mare that was very special to him. He could have managed to live with that, but then he embarrassed her and in public no less! That was inexcusable. But most importantly, he hated himself because he ran away. He should have stayed. He should have at least helped her up. But no. He ran away.

He wanted to punch something. He wanted some way to vent his anger out on the world around him, but he wasn't a violent stallion. Instead he just bottled it all in. And then he felt a gentle pressure against his back. He snapped out of his reverie and saw Summer sitting behind him, back into her changeling form, pulling him into a hug. This time he didn't fight it. He let her hold him. Not matter how awkward it was, he was just glad to have someone there.

Welcome to the Shop (Prologue)

Mornings in Ponyville are usually calm and peaceful, except whenever there is some sort of unnatural or otherworldly disturbance to ruin it. Luckily, this morning isn't one of those. The sun was just peeking over the horizon and the air was just starting to lose the crisp taste of the night. The smell of fresh bread wafted through the air.

Snips made his way to his favorite stall for breakfast. Even at this early hour the hearty sent of fresh rolls, doughnuts, and bread assailed his nostrils. His mouth began to water in anticipation of the delectable treat to come, but he wasn't thinking about the food. Oh no, his thoughts were focused on the mare tending the stall. He stopped by two, sometimes three, times a week just to see her lovingly display her wares.

Her name was Barley Flour. Honestly, she hated that name and insisted that everyone call her Sweet Roll instead. When asked, she would shake her head and ask why any mare would want to be named "Barley." Nevertheless, she would always greet her customers with a smile on her face.

As he approached the stall, Sweet Roll had just laid out a fresh set of muffins. The only other patron was a grey pegasus who eyed the muffins critically, as if she was a jeweler eyeing a particularly interesting stone. She made her purchase and flew off into the morning carrying a bag bulging with the day's mail. Sweet Roll waved to the departing pegasus and leaned onto her counter.

"G'morning Snips. What can I get you today, sugar?"

Snips froze temporarily. Even though he was a very frequent patron, he never could function properly around the mare of his dreams. Whenever he was around the chocolate colored earth pony, he would get lost in her golden eyes. Or sometimes he would just stare at her mane, marveling at the honey colored locks cut boyishly short (Supposedly the mares called this a pixie cut). Normally Snips didn't like short manes on mares, but it framed her face perfectly. Plus, with her white freckles, sugar sweet personality, and the occasional flour stain, she was rocking the whole package. In other words, she was a grade-A certified hottie in his book!

Of course, at the moment he just stood there, practically drooling like an idiot. Finally coming to his senses, he pointed a hoof indiscriminately at the display cart set up behind the counter. Sweet Roll turned around (How he loved when she did that!) and stuffed a few bagels into a paper bag. She hoofed the bag to Snips, who levitated it near his head. Not trusting his tongue, he pulled out his wallet and was about to count out the money before Sweet Roll said, "Not today, darlin'. Breakfast is on the house. You are my best customer after all. Unless you just come here to see little ole me." She giggled behind her hoof and waved as Snips walked off with his bag of bagels, blushing furiously and too embarrassed to even thank her for her generosity.

~~~

After a short walk, Snips finally made it to his refuge. It wasn't anything too fancy, just a single story wooden building sandwiched between two other business. The wood wasn't even painted, and the only splotches of color on the outside were the now still red, white, and blue barber pole and the sign hanging over the door proudly bearing the title "Snips' Clips" under a giant pair of scissors. With a casual flick of his hoof, the barber pole spun to life in front of the shop. The red, white, and blue stripes danced an endless waltz that could only signify one thing... the barber was in and ready for business. The inside was much what anypony would expect. Brightly lit, linoleum floors, a single barber's chair, and all of the tools of the trade arranged carefully on a small cart next to the chair. A set of benches lined the right wall so that patrons could wait and socialize, while the left was taken up by a massive mirror. Tucked in the corner was an old cash register that Snips had received from his father as a gift for opening his own business. It was still early yet, so Snips took the time to sweep the floor, straighten up his supplies, and oil the barber's chair. Mostly, he berated himself for his less than suave visit earlier.

I can't believe she laughed,thought Snips. I mean, what does that even mean? Is it so hard to believe that I go there for her? I guess it would help if I said something. It's not like that was the first time I froze up. At this rate it probably wasn't even the HUNDREDTH time! Why can't I just ask her out? That's right, because she's a beautiful mare, and I'm just some guy who can't even talk to her. She'd never go for a guy like me any-

He was interrupted by the tinkling sound of the bell as somepony walked through the front door. Quickly breaking out of his inner monologue, he cried out, "Welcome to Snips' Clips," and walked over to meet his first customer of the day.

A massive red stallion stood near the doorway, and Snips greeted him with great enthusiasm. "Heya, Big Mac! Haven't seen you here in a while. The usual, right?"

"Eeyup."

"Well sit down and make yourself comfortable."

The workhorse managed to get himself into the chair with only a little difficulty, while Snips rummaged though a drawer to find his XXXL barbers cape. He soon found it and threw it over the larger stallion's body. Tucking a towel into the back, he used his magic to clasp it shut. He spun the chair expertly to let Big Mac see himself in the giant mirror that replaced one of the walls.

"The usual, right? Same length and everything?"

"Eeyup."

"Alright, let's do it." And so he set to work on the red stallion with a pair of scissors wreathed in his magic. As Snips worked, he asked questions about the farm and the Apple family. Most of the time he answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Most folks were used to Mac's quiet disposition, but there is something magical about a barbershop. Maybe it is just the comforting atmosphere, or the bond of trust that grows between patron and barber. Either way, anypony who drops by Snips' Clips invariably has a story to tell. Big Mac was no exception.

Snips eventually asked how Applebloom was doing. He hadn't seen his former classmate in a while, but he knew that she had grown up and now worked Sweet Apple Acres with the rest of her family. Big Mac gave a good-natured chuckle at the mention of his youngest sister. He shocked Snips by saying, "Whelp, she's been workin' the farm with me an' AJ for a while now. Ever since she got her cutie mark, Ah swear she's been runnin' wild tryin'ta fix stuff and build new stuff for the farm. Now, she's pretty handy with 'er hooves, but Ah ain't sold on this apiary idea of hers."

Slightly shocked at getting more than a one word response, Snips pressed further, "What's an apiary?"

"Uh place where ya keep bees to harvest their honey. Applebloom reckons its a good idea to start marketing honey out in town. Figures Sweet Apple Honey would take off like a timberwolf from a weed-whacker."

"How'd that work out?"

Big Mac grimaced, then said, "Well, I wasn't around mahself, but apparently what happened was..."

Author's Note

And here we go again! Another story and another start. Hope you like it! :)

Don't forget to like, favorite, and comment.

Tough Luck, Boyo

Lucky hopped into the barber's chair and Snips threw the cape over his torso. Lucky only wanted a quick trim, so Snips only needed his scissors and a comb.

Before he started working on his mane, Snips asked, "So how in the heck did you manage to catch a ponychaun?"

"Actually, I don't really remember."

That figures. Thought Snips, rolling his eyes.

"How can you not remember something like that?"

"You remember that pub on Bridle Street? The Rusty Horseshoe?"

Snips nodded.

Lucky continued, "I was there with Berry Punch and Thunderlane for our weekly outing. Berry challenged the two of us to a drinking contest. Loser paid, that was the deal. Thunderlane lost, but Berry and I were still three sheets to the wind. Some details about that night are a little... hazy."

"So when did you-" Snips froze as a loud clang rang through the the room. He watched as the metal air vent embedded in the ceiling swung open and Pinkie Pie repelled down on a thick rope. She was dressed in a black one-piece spy suit with her mane and face concealed by a black ski mask, but nothing could conceal her fluffy pink tail.

She dropped to the floor and said in a covert whisper, "Remember kids, we here in Ponyville do not condone the abuse of alcohol. The contestants in this challenge were all responsible adults over the minimum drinking age as mandated by Equestrian law. Auntie Pinkie wants you to remember to drink responsibly and in moderation, but only if you're old enough."

Snips blinked in confusion. "Um... Pinkie? What are you doing? And who are you talking to?"

Pinkie glared at Snips and waved her forelegs in front of her face. She chanted mystically, "You didn't see anything." She repeated her mantra until she grabbed onto the rope and was pulled back into the ventilation system. Snips and Lucky exchanged confused looks, but they both shrugged in resignation.

Without warning Pinkie popped her head back out of the vent and said, "By the way, I saw Flim and Flam in here earlier. Did they tell you about the mess they got themselves into?"

Snips jumped, but he composed himself and replied, "Yeah, I heard. I'm sorry that your sisters had to go through that."

Pinkie giggled, "Don't worry about that, silly. It was all Papa's idea anyway. He told Inkie and Blinkie to get into their beds after they drank too much hard cider. Papa wanted to make sure they were honorable and willing to take responsibility for their actions, even if they didn't actually DO anything. He wasn't going to make them REALLY get married, but we did hope that they would at least love the family enough to try to talk to Papa about it. It's a real shame too, because harvest was just around the corner."

Snips blinked. "That's...horrible and manipulative. And what's so special about harvest? It's just a bunch of rocks, right?"

Pinkie gave him a your-naivete-is-so-cute kind of look and chided, "Snips, didn't anypony ever tell you what really grows on a rock farm? During harvest we crack open the really big rocks and harvest the gems that grow inside. The better care you give the rocks, the higher quality gems they give back."

Snips was dumbfounded. The sheer irony of the situation was ridiculous. If Flim and Flam would have stayed, they would have made a handsome fortune on the gems alone. They wouldn't have even needed to follow through with their little scheme.

Pinkie grew restless in the silence and shot Snips a quick salute. She called out, "Later, taters!" and the rope pulled her back into the ventilation system.

Snips sighed, then slapped on a quick smile. "Sooo, you were saying?"

~~~The Rusty Horseshoe~~~

Lucky, Berry, and Thunderlane staggered drunkenly out of the pub. After a full night of drinking, they were ready to go home and sleep it off. After saying their goodbyes, the trio parted ways.

A gentle breeze ruffled Lucky's mane as he breathed in the night air. Something about the starlit night spoke to him. He felt strangely energized. His head, swimming as it was, told him to go home and sleep, but his heart had other plans. He paused as he came to a fork in the road. The left path would lead him downtown, where he could curl up in bed. The right path would lead him into Whitetail Wood. He decided to take a little stroll down the path less traveled.

The stars cast little light, but fireflies lit up the trees like it was Hearth's Warming Eve. He smiled as he stumbled down the path, enjoying the beautiful display of nature's glory.

A strange, hooded figure stepped onto the path. She didn't speak or even look at Lucky. She just stood in the middle of the path, staring into the forest on the other side. It was as if she yearned to cross over, but something was holding her back. Lucky trotted over to the mysterious figure and prodded him in the shoulder.

"Ishn't thish a beautiful night?" He slurred. "I bet you're really pretty under that cloak."

The cloaked mare ignored him, so he pouted, "I was jusht tryin' to be friendly ish all."

The mare slowly tilted her head just enough to reveal her red muzzle. The corners of her mouth pulled into a mischievous smile. Lucky felt a blow across his head, and the whole world went dark.

~~~The Next Morning~~~

"Get offa me, ye bleedin' son of a sheep!"

Lucky opened his eyes and winced at the pain in his head. He rolled over and blinked a few times to allow his eyes to adjust to the early morning light filtering through the trees.

The mysterious voice spoke again, "Well lookee there! Sleepin' Beauty comes back to the world of the livin'."

Lucky glanced around, but he saw nopony around. "Down here," the voice grunted. He glanced down to see a tiny pony, no taller than two bits placed side by side, pinned under one of his hooves. He had a tan coat with a thick, curly orange tail. His mane was the same color, but only a portion of it spilled out from under a green derby hat. He was also wearing a green tailcoat and pointy green boots over long green and white striped socks. It was an honest to Celestia ponychaun. One of the most illusive creatures in the world. So much so that many believed them to only be a myth.

Lucky regained his wits and remarked, "I'll have you know that my mother was a saint, and she was most certainly not a sheep."

The ponychaun chuckled and replied, "Aye, but yer father smelled of elderberry. Now if we're done talking politics, would ye mind kindly REMOVIN' YER BLOODY HOOF!" His face reddened in anger and he struggled against the weight of Lucky's hoof, but to no avail.

"Not a chance. If the stories are true, then a captured ponychaun must offer his captor three wishes in order to be released."

The ponychaun laughed hysterically, "Joke's on you, boyo! I don't have me magic anymore. So unless ye just want to hold on to me for me good looks, I suggest ye let me go."

Lucky glared at his captive and asked cynically, "How could you lose your magic? Better yet, why should I believe you?"

The ponychaun rolled his eyes and explained, "Magic don't come from nothing. Unicorns need their horns to draw energy from the magic around them. No horn, no magic. As for my people, we need our crock-o-gold to fuel our magic. Mine was stolen from me last night. So now old Bilbag can't work his magic! What kind of a world do we live in nowadays?!"

Lucky pondered the little pony's explanation as he continued to rant underhoof. Lucky raised his hoof and allowed the ponychaun to stand up. Responding to the faerie's confused glance, Lucky explained, "Honestly, it doesn't matter to me if I get the wishes or not. I have a very comfortable life and I don't really need anything. So you're free to go."

The ponychaun bowed briefly and took off into the underbrush without another word. When Lucky could no longer hear the rustling he glanced around to get his bearings. Nothing but trees surrounded him in all directions. Each side looked exactly the same, and there was no way to distinguish which way led back to town. Trusting his luck, he trotted off in a random direction. He walked for several minutes; constantly scanning the area for the path back to town. Suddenly, his front hooves slipped and he tumbled tail over head into a deep muddy ditch. With no small amount of effort, Lucky pulled himself out of the ditch and wiped some of the mud off of his coat with some large leaves growing on a bush.

"That was weird," he muttered to himself, but he struck off again to find the path back home.

~~~The Barbershop~~~

Snips interrupted, "Hold on. I thought you said that you got the three wishes."

Lucky smiled, "So I did. You're just going to have to let me finish the story then, aren't you?"

Snips motioned for him to continued, but he paused as a loud boom sent a tremor through his shop. The lights flickered momentarily and his tools rattled on the cart next to him.

"What was that? An earthquake?"

"No. It sounded like an explosion."

The door opened and the bell rang merrily. Snips glanced over to see a pegasus stumble in and crash to the floor. The pegasus was blackened with soot and smoke curled up from his windswept mane. Snips rushed to his side.

"Are you okay?" Snips let out a shrill whistle, "Stay with me, buddy!"

The pegasus cracked open a purple eye and coughed out a puff of dark smoke. Snips' eyes widened as he recognized his friend Rumble. After a few more coughs, Rumble rasped, "I'm okay. Just need some water."

Lucky rose out of the chair and filled a glass of water from the sink. He rushed over, careful not to trip over the barber's cape, and handed the glass to Rumble. The pegasus downed the entire glass in three large gulps, then he collapsed to the floor again. Snips started to panic, but Lucky pushed him aside. He flipped Rumble onto his back then placed his ear over Rumble's muzzle. He nodded and said, "He's breathing just fine, but he must really be really exhausted to fall asleep on the floor."

Snips relaxed visibly. Using his magic, he gently lifted Rumble's sleeping body and laid him on one of the benches. There would be time to question the pegasus when he woke up. As Snips tended to the sleeping pegasus, Lucky hopped back into the chair and spun around a few times, cheering like a foal at a carnival. Despite the last nerve wracking minutes, Snips laughed at his childish behavior.

As he walked over to wash the soot from his hooves, Snips said, "Keep going, Lucky. I'm still kind of confused about your story. Especially about how you fell into a ditch. That's not like you at all."

Lucky blushed and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah, there's a reason for that. I'm actually about to get to that part. Here's what happened..."

~~~Ponyville~~~

After two hours of crashing through the woods, Lucky had finally managed to make it into town. Twigs, leaves, and an absurd amount of tree sap stuck to his body, and for some reason his body started itching furiously. He scratched at the offending areas as he walked down the street, but his hooves continuously got caught on the sap and he would miss his footing. Several times he found himself face down on the cobblestone street.

Something is wrong here, He thought to himself,I have never had a day go this horribly. Ever since I got my cutie mark, it's been nothing but lucky days and smooth sailing. So far this day has been anything BUT lucky.

Lucky finally made it to his house, but there was a large wagon parked outside and several ponies were loading it with items taken from his home. Breaking into a run, Lucky slid to a halt in front of a fat greasy stallion and demanded to know what was going on.

"You Lucky Clover?" the stallion asked. Lucky nodded and he continued, "An audit turned up sayin' that yous haven't payed taxes in years. So we's repossessin' your stuff til yous pays up."

Lucky was dumbfounded, "That's absurd! I've paid my taxes every year without fail. For the love of Celestia, I even did them early last year!"

The stallion puffed on a cigar and shrugged nonchalantly. "Look buddy, I'm just doin' my job. If you got a problem, take it up with somepony who cares. Preferably somepony who's higher up than me."

The wagon had just filled up and the greasy stallion ordered the others to haul it away to sell at auction. In utter disbelief, Lucky walked through his door into his ransacked house. Little remained except the light fixtures and some furniture that was too large to move by hoof. Without anything more than a cursory glance, Lucky walked upstairs to take a shower. Hopefully the soothing water and the extra time to think would help him figure out how his luck could be so rotten all of a sudden.

As it turns out, he was wrong. The water was freezing cold and it refused to warm up. Apparently his water heater was busted. The only thing he could think about while cleaning himself was how cold the water was.

Lucky toweled himself dry, fully expecting that he would be electrocuted or slip and bang his head on the toilet. That would be just his luck; however, something unexpected happened.

"Looks like ye're havin' a rough day too, eh boyo?"

Lucky threw his towel into a clothes hamper and saw the ponychaun reclining in his bathroom sink. Without warning, Lucky turned on the faucet and watched as the impish creature sputtered under a deluge of cold water. When he cut off the water, the ponychaun shouted, "What'd ye do that for?"

"You shouldn't sneak up on ponies." He replied matter-of-factly. "Why are you here anyway?"

The ponychaun wrung the excess water out of his hat, then slapped it back on top of his head. He grinned mischievously, "Two reasons. First off, I still owe ye three wishes. Just because I don't have magic doesn't mean I'm off the hook. Second, I think we can be of use to one another."

Lucky laughed, "I highly doubt that."

"Ye think so do ye? Ye might want to take a quick gander at yer arse."

Humoring the fae creature, Lucky presented his flank and gazed at his reflection in the mirror. What he saw made his gape in horror. His cutie mark had changed! The trio of green clovers had turned brown and sickly. Whatever magic was affecting him was clearly the work of something powerful.

He snarled viciously at the intruder, "Did you do this to me?!"

The ponychaun spat back defiantly, "How do ye figure I did this with none of me own magic?" His anger quickly faded as he put on a mischievous grin, "But I can tell you who did."

Lucky brought his face dangerously close to the imp and demanded, "Tell me!"

His grin widened, "T'was the far darrig! Aye! A vicious cousin of the ponychaun. They like to play pranks on unsuspecting ponies like yerself, but sometimes they get a little carried away. They took yer luck and me gold as well."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because I saw the blighter take me gold and throw ye on top of me."

Lucky shook his head. He didn't trust his strange new companion, but he couldn't deny that his luck had taken a turn for the worse. He needed answers and this little ponychaun had the only lead that sounded even semi-plausible. Sighing in resignation he stretched out a hoof and murmured, "Deal."

"Outstanding." He reached out and tapped Lucky's hoof with his own. "By the by, name's Bilbag O'Taters."

"And I'm Lucky, though you'd never guess that right now."

"Well, Lucky, it's time we get started. Where do ye wanna start lookin' first?" Bilbag leaped from the sink onto Lucky's head and disappeared into his spiky mane.

"Why are you asking me? You're the one who knows the most about these far darrig things."

Bilbag popped his head out of Lucky's mane. "Because they chose YOU. Their magic is fed by the fear and frustration of their victims. Make no mistake, they will definitely be around to make things interesting for ye. The only thing to do is go about yer daily life and keep an eye out. Most importantly, do NOT trust anypony dressed in red. I won't be able to help in the open. Nopony must know that my kind exist."

Completely out of alternatives, Lucky nodded in agreement, forcing Bilbag to grab onto his ear to prevent himself from falling off. It was definitely going to be a long day.

~~~The Haystack Diner~~~

If he was to go about his normal day, then the first priority should be breakfast. It was a bit late, but Lucky hadn't eaten since yesterday. He tried to act casually, but his nerves were on edge. He was constantly on the lookout for any sort of bad luck or gruesome prank, and he refused to give the far darrig the satisfaction of seeing him panic. By the time he managed to slide into an open booth, he had developed a twitch in his left eye and his tail flicked erratically.

The waitress came over and took his order. She was a grumpy (bordering on hostile) dark blue pegasus with a cherry red mane and tail. Smacking her gum loudly, she stormed off to place his order.

Bilbag popped his head out and whispered in Lucky's ear, "Wonder what's got her knickers in a tizzy. I'd bet me crock it's because her arse's so big ye could park a carriage on it."

Lucky couldn't help but laugh uproariously at his companion's comment. It was crude and demeaning, but it was funny. And a tiny bit true.

When his food was finally ready, the waitress angrily slammed his pancakes on the table and stormed off. He honestly had no idea what her problem was. Looking down at his meal, he frowned when he noticed that the pancakes looked like charcoal. Most ponies wouldn't even throw food like that out for birds to eat.

He waved for the waitresses attention. She noticed him and walked over with fury in her eyes. "What do you want?" she asked.

"These pancakes are burnt. I don't even think they're edible. Would it be too much trouble to reorder a fresh batch?"

She continued to chew her gum and stare at him for a few seconds, then she said, "They look fine to me."

"They're black," Lucky deadpanned. He picked on up and dropped it on the table. It fell like a brick and cracked. "And they're hard."

She sneered in disgust and started to walk over to a nearby table, completely ignoring his request, but she stopped in her tracks as Bilbag said, none too softly, "About like the dick ye took in the alley before yer shift."

Lucky's eyes widened in horror as the waitress spun around. Fire roared in her eyes and she ground her teeth so hard Lucky was afraid they would shatter. He backed into the booth and cowered in the corner pleading, "I didn't say that! I would never say a thing like that! It was him!" He pointed to his mane, but that only made the waitress angrier. She flared her wings and grabbed a pot of coffee from another passing waitress' tray. She squeezed herself into the booth and proceeded to pour the hot liquid all over his body.

Lucky rolled onto the floor and continued to roll around until the burning sensation stopped. While he rolled around he heard the waitress yell, "I quit!" before storming out of the diner. All of the other patrons stared at him in shock and pity. A unicorn mare trotted up to him and laid a stack of napkins on the table. Genuine concern sparkled in her red eyes. She had a lemon yellow coat and a two-toned blue mane pulled into a sedate ponytail. As far as mares go, she looked homely and plain, but she seemed nice.

She said, "I'm so sorry! Here, use these to dry yourself off." She handed him a few of the napkins under the table.

The burning sensation had passed, but Lucky was still soaked and embarrassed. He gratefully accepted the napkins and replied, "Thank you. but you have nothing to apologize for. She didn't seem very stable, so I should have just kept my mouth shut."

Seeing that he was alright, she offered him a self-conscious smile. "My shift just ended. If you want to clean yourself up, I live next door."

Lucky accepted her generosity and got back onto his wobbly feet. They walked side by side out of the diner and into a small apartment building next door. The brick was crumbling and it looked like the building had seen better decades. The waitress led Lucky up a set of stairs to the third floor, where she let him into her small one bedroom apartment.

The furniture was spartan to say the least. A ragged couch in the living room, a few stools, and a wooden table were the only visible furniture. A small kitchen area made up the rest of the room.

"My name is Lemon Hearts, by the way. Go ahead and take a shower. The bathroom is connected to the bedroom. There are towels and soap already in there. Since you missed breakfast, I'll go ahead and whip something up for you while you're getting cleaned up."

Lucky trotted off into the indicated room. Remembering his manners, he poked his head around the door frame and said, "My name is Lucky Clover, but you can call me Lucky."

She smiled warmly, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Lucky."

He returned to the room and glanced quickly around before walking into the bathroom. The shower was much nicer than the one he had at home. The water here was actually warm and soothing. When he mentioned his observation to Bilbag, the ponychaun replied, "Because the curse only affects you. You were the one chosen, so they aren't gonna damage some nice mare's property."

Lucky was relieved to hear that. He jumped out of the shower and proceeded to dry himself in front of the mirror. He paused as he noticed something. He stared at the sink, his eyes widening in fear. There was a toothbrush holder sitting on top of the sink. There were two brushes in it.

Oh Celestia! Please let this not mean what I think it means.

Lucky tore out of the room, tripping over the towel. His tail was still dripping wet as he crashed into the main room. Lemon Hearts gaped in horror as he looked around the room frantically. He seized her by the shoulders and asked crazily, "Lemon, are you married?"

The poor mare was terrified. She stuttered, "N-no."

Lucky exhaled slowly and slumped down to the floor. He had dodged the angry-husband-comes-home-early-from-work bullet, but Lemon was still looking at him fearfully.

He calmed down and explained, "I'm sorry, Lemon. I saw that you had two toothbrushes in your bathroom. My luck has been so bad today that I was scared you had a husband who was going to barge in and beat me to a pulp over a misunderstanding."

Understanding dawned on Lemon and she giggled. She explained, "The extra toothbrush is for my sister. She's at school right now."

"Oh," Lucky said. He started to notice some little details. The filly's drawings on the refrigerator, a box of crayons next to the couch, and a doll sitting on one of the stools. He mentally facehoofed for jumping to conclusions like that.

Without further ado, Lemon Hearts levitated a plate onto the table. She sat on one of the stools and offered the other to Lucky. The embarrassed stallion dug into the meal with gusto. The eggs and pancakes were cooked to perfection and Lucky couldn't contain a moan of pure joy with every bite.

When the plate was clean, Lemon said, "I feel bad about what Short Fuse did to you at the diner. She had been acting crazy for days now. It was just your bad luck to have her explode on you."

Lucky chuckled ironically, "Bad luck is the name of the game today. I've been through so many terrible things today that I can't help but think it's all a nightmare." He shook his head and changed the subject, "But let's talk about better things. A generous young mare offered to let me clean up in her own home. That's something. So tell me about your sister."

Lemon blushed. "Her name is Candy Hearts. She's eleven years old now. Hard to believe she's growing up so fast."

"You sound more like a mother than a sister."

Lemon's eyes lost focus as she slipped into the sea of memory. She said, "I know. Our mom died not long after she was born. Dad was a deadbeat. Having two kids, he decided to leave and find work elsewhere. He sent us money for a few years, but then it just stopped coming. That was five years ago. I got a job, sold our old home, and moved here with Candy. I've been working doubles at the diner every day since. We don't have much, but we have each other. That's all we really need anyway."

Lucky listened intently to her sad story. Despite her hardships, this mare had retained her dignity and her good nature. All he had ever done was ride on the coattails of his good luck. He drank and caroused his way through a happy life, while others had to fight to make due as life blew a raspberry in their face.

"You must really love her."

Tears glittered in her eyes as she looked at the stallion. "More than anything."

Lucky gazed back at her. How could he have thought mere minutes ago that she looked plain. Right now she was the most beautiful mare in existence. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to tell her that everything was going to be alright. He wanted to-

"Stop actin' the maggot and kiss her already, ye bloody eejit!"

The stool toppled over as Lucky shot up abruptly from his seat. Leaning against the doorway was the ponychaun. He had his front hooves crossed to show that he was clearly annoyed.

"Bilbag, what are you doing? What happened to 'nopony must see me'?"

Lemon stared in shocked silence as Bilbag responded, "What was I ta do if ye left me in the bog?"

Lemon fainted and crashed to the floor. Lucky sighed and hoisted her onto his back. He gently walked her over to the couch and deposited her on it. He found a blanket neatly folded at the end of the couch and threw it over her. With any luck, she would think it was all just a dream.

Yeah, right! Like he would trust his luck today!

Lucky picked up the ponychaun and placed him in his mane. They were about to trot out the door when he heard Lemon shift slightly in her sleep. Lucky turned back inside to make sure she was still asleep. He reached down and kissed her softly on the forehead, then left with a whispered, "Thank you."

After all the excitement, Lucky felt like a nap was in order as well. He walked home and found that his bed and his couch had been taken by the repo stallions. With an exasperated groan he laid down on an old rug and tried to get some sleep. As he slept, he heard whispers in his mind. Laughing and screaming simultaneously. Squelching, grinding, popping, groaning! All manner of sick sounds played through his head, and the laughter persisted through it all.

He opened his eyes to see that it was already early evening. He had managed to sleep for a full eight hours. As he rose off of the rug, he heard his joints pop and his neck felt sore. Even through he slept for a long time, he didn't feel rested.

"Bout time ye woke up."

Bilbag was on the counter. His back was leaned up against a jug of water and he was smoking a long pipe (relative to his size of course).

Stretching, Lucky said, "Well, since we wasted the whole day, why don't we hit the pub and see if any of my friends can give us a lead."

Bilbag's eyes gleamed. "Aye, sounds perfect. I could use a drink or thirty."

He jumped onto Lucky's head as he responded, "You and me both."

"Look on the bright side, boyo. At least you get the privilege of my pleasurable company!" They both laughed and headed out the door.

~~~The Rusty Horseshoe~~~

Lucky walked into the pub to a round of cheering from the other patrons. In a small town like Ponyville, you get to know all the regulars very well. He walked over to the bar and sat on one of the stools. Half-Pint, the bartender, greeted him warmly.

Half-Pint was an older stallion with a thick white mustache and a bowler hat. He was a fair bit shorter than most stallions, but he made up for it with his big smile and giant's charisma. Everypony loved the old timer, and in turn, he treated them like his children.

Without even asking, he slapped a full mug of dark beer right in front of Lucky. He thanked the stallion and took a few deep pulls, draining half of it. He slammed the mug back down on the bar and groaned in relief. Lucky was about to bring it to his lips again when Bilbag leaped from his mane and dove straight into the mug screaming, "Here I come, sweet beautiful black stuff!"

He landed in the mug with a huge splash. Luckily, it didn't splash on Lucky. Unluckily, it did splash somepony else. A burly earth pony stallion with a spiked mane and numerous piercings sat beside him. The stallion turned to face Lucky with a glare. Beer dripped down his face. Without a word, he reared back and punched Lucky clear off his bar stool. The band stopped playing as everypony watched the scene in front of them.

Suddenly, the fiddler struck a lively tune and the pub fell into chaos.

Pitchers, mugs, hooves, and chairs flew as the rowdy ponies erupted into an all out bar fight. Friends who had been happily joking moments before were pounding on their neighbors. Through the chaos the band continued to play. Even when a pegasus was flung into the drummer, the fight continued to the sound of the fiddle and the singer.

The stranger who had decked him earlier stood up from his stool and walked over to Lucky. He picked him up and slammed him on the bar. Without relinquishing his grip, the stranger dragged Lucky across the bar, crashing him into every mug and tankard on the bar. When he came to the end of the bar, he heaved mightily and flung Lucky into the crowd of brawling ponies.

He saw a mare jump on a stallion's back and try to beat him with an empty tankard. Two stallions grappled on top of a table before turning it over and spilling into the crowd. The dance floor was a reeling sea of violence, and Lucky was right in the middle of it. He would have to fight his way through to the door. That was his only hope of getting out alive. He sank as far to the floor as he possibly could and crawled through the crowd. He almost made it to the end before somepony tripped over him and knocked over a table that was covered with pitchers of beer. The pitchers went flying and splashed everypony brawling on the dance floor. The sudden deluge only enraged the fighters. At this point the police were starting to stream in through the door and Half-Pint was defending himself with a scuffed up bat that looked as if it was a veteran of dozens of bar skirmishes.

Lucky just stayed down and scanned the floor for any sign of Bilbag. After a few sweeps he noticed a mug on the floor inching itself toward the exit. Lucky picked himself up and scrambled to the mug. He dodged ponies and flying glass. At one point he even had to dodge a nightstick that was swung at his head. With only a few more cuts and bruises he caught the mug in his teeth and bolted out the door. The police were too busy dealing with the brawling bar patrons to notice him slip out.

Lucky turned the corner into a deserted alley. He abruptly turned over the mug to see Bilbag safely inside. The ponychaun staggered a bit in the bottom of the mug, but he seemed unhurt. He hiccuped loudly and slurred, "You ponysh sure know how tah passh a time."

Lucky rolled his eyes at his companions drunkenness and dunked the mug into a nearby water barrel. Bilbag breached the surface of the deep mug and sputtered. Hopefully that would be enough of a shock to start sobering him up. Lucky fished him out and placed the wet ponychaun in his mane once again. He was already wet anyway, so it didn't really matter much.

Leaving the alley he noticed someone standing under a lone streetlight. The figure wore a coarse brown cloak with the hood pulled up. When the figure turned, her muzzle caught the light revealing red fur and a malicious grin. It was the same mare he saw in the woods! She turned and ran down a dirt path leading out of town.

Lucky chased after her. She was the best lead that he had so far, and with Bilbag out of commision, she was his best hope of getting his luck back.

He followed her down the dirt path, passing fields and meadows. Even in the dark he knew exactly where the path led. They were on their way to Froggy Bottom Bog. Already the smell of mud and decay was assailing his nostrils, but still his target fled into the bog. The trees became sparse and the grass became soft and springy. Soon it was just a few patches of sod resting in the muddy water.

The cloaked figure bounded across the few dry patches that remained and vanished through a veil of trees. Lucky struggled to match her footing exactly, but he slipped and landed in the fetid water. He struggled with all his might and managed to pull himself onto solid ground. He slipped through the trees as his target did, but when he came out the other side she was nowhere in sight. Lucky paused as movement caught his eye. Not far from his position stood an old wooden shack. The movement that caught his attention was the door slowly closing. She went inside.

Lucky crept along the treeline as quietly as he could manage. He tried to peek in through the windows, but they were all boarded up from the inside. He sneaked stealthily to the door and gently nudged it open. Looking inside, he noticed the hooded mare sitting on a chair by a cold fireplace. The only light came from a single candle burning on a table beside the seated figure.

Gathering his courage, Lucky charged into the room demanding, "Alright lady, what did you do with my luck?"

The mare didn't respond, but Bilbag popped out of his mane screaming, "Lucky, run for it! It's a trap!" Three things happened. The door slammed shut of its own accord. A floating jar swooped down and captured Bilbag directly off Lucky's head. And the seated mare blew out the candle, plunging them into darkness.

Lucky scrambled in the dark, calling for his missing companion. The only response was the echo of many voices from around the room. Lucky cringed as the unidentifiable voices came closer and closer. Lucky felt the floor fall under his hooves as he plummeted down into the dark void.

As suddenly as the falling sensation started, it stopped. Lucky refused to open his eyes, instead relying on his other senses. He felt cold stone beneath his hooves. At least he was somewhere solid. A chill whipped through the air, biting under his fur. All he could hear was the whistling of the sudden wind and the fading echoes of laughter. Sensing no immediate danger, he braced himself and opened his eyes. He was standing on a wide ledge halfway up a snow covered mountain. Wind and ice whipped across his face and his eyes started to sting from the cold.

A voice spoke in his head. It sounded sweet, chiming with a foalish innocence. Its words, however, betrayed its intentions. "Welcome, Lucky! We've been watching you. We all think you're really funny."

"What have you done with Bilbag? And what about my luck?"

"Telling you would be no fun." The voice pouted.

"Please, let me help him." Lucky pleaded.

The voice relented, "Fine. He's at the top of the mountain."

Lucky craned his neck to gaze up at the towering peak. He would have to scale the treacherous mountain freehoofed if he was to rescue his companion. He shifted his gaze off the side of the ledge and gaped at the dizzying drop below.

"Did I forget to mention that your luck is at the bottom of the mountain?" The voice giggled.

Lucky shifted his gaze between the peak and the base. In his mind there was no contest. He knew what the right thing to do was. Lucky steeled himself and set a hoof into the rock above him. With that first step he proceeded to pull his way up the mountain. He hugged the rocky slope as the icy wind threatened to peel him from the mountain's weathered face. Sweat dripped from his brow, but it froze again before it had time to roll off his body. His teeth chattered and every muscle strained from the exertion, but he refused to give up. He refused to give up on Bilbag. Even if he would never get his luck back, he would ensure that his friend would live. He grit his teeth and kept pushing forward.

After an indiscernible time of grueling climbing, Lucky finally pulled himself over the lip of the cliff and pulled himself onto the top of the peak. A single rock rose out of the flat ridge and on that rock was a jar. Inside that jar was Bilbag, huddled against the cold.

Lucky felt completely drained; both his physical and mental reserves had been exhausted. His eyes were glazed over and his breathing was ragged and irregular. It was only through sheer will power that he staggered to the jar and smashed it against the rock. Lucky collapsed on the cold ground, thinking, all I need is a short nap. I guess I don't even feel the cold anymore. The snow feels warm and comfortable like a soft blanket. I'll just close my eyes for a second.

He had just closed his eyes as Bilbag jumped onto his mane. He pulled one of Lucky's ears and shouted something in a language Lucky didn't understand. He continued to shout it with all his might, but Lucky was fading fast. Just as he was about to drift off, Lucky mumbled his friend's words, "Na dean maggadh fum."

The laughing increased as the world swirled around the pair. Lucky felt his energy being restored and he opened his eyes. Sunlight streamed through the open door of the shack. Lucky was lying on the floor with Bilbag resting against his barrel. The mysterious hooded mare stood before him, staring down at the pair. With a smile she threw back her hood.

The cloak disappeared in a puff of red smoke and the mare shrank until she was about the size of Bilbag. She had a pale yellow coat with a flowing curly red mane. The rest of her body was obscured by an exquisite red cloak embroidered with gold thread. She bowed to Lucky and said in her sweet voice, "Nook, at your service."

Lucky was very confused. "I was freezing to death on a mountain, but now I'm back here. What are you and what did you do to us?"

"I just told you, my name is Nook. I'm a far darrig if that's what you're asking. As for what I did, I gave you a little test."

Lucky glared at the now miniature pony. His voice dripped with venom, "What do you mean by a test?"

Nook jumped around gleefully, completely oblivious to Lucky's anger. "I took something important to you. Then I brought you here and gave you a choice. You could sacrifice the thing you loved most for your friend or leave him to his fate and guarantee your own safety. Looks like you passed."

"So all of that-"

"Just a dream."

"And dying on top of the mountain was-"

"You were never in danger."

"Why did you do this?"

Bilbag pointed an accusing hoof at Nook. He spat, "I told ye the far darrig feed on pain and suffering. This bloody harpy will skin ye alive and use yer pelt for a rug. Not tah mention she stole me crock."

Nook sighed heavily, "Bilby, do you remember where you hid your gold last night?"

"Well, I-"

"You drank too much and asked me to remind you in the morning. Check the fireplace."

The ponychaun trained his gaze on the red cloaked faerie and backed slowly into the fireplace. After a moment the other two heard him cry, "I'll be buggered!" and a cloud of soot rained down from the chimney. He walked out of the fireplace, completely black with soot, with a pot brimming with gold held in his teeth. With a quick shake, he dislodged the soot and started running his hooves through his gold. He even started rubbing some of the pieces against his cheek as if they were his long lost children.

Nook turned to Lucky and said, "I'm sorry for all the trouble, but Bilby is right about one thing. My magic runs on fear and pain. I hate having to do stuff like this, but it's the only way to keep my powers functioning properly. You understand, right?"

As much as he hated to admit it, Lucky did understand. Lemon Hearts had taught him that sometimes a pony has to do things they don't like to get by, but they can still hold on to their good nature. Lucky smiled and said, "I just want my luck back. Can you do that for me?"

Nook smiled and grabbed his foreleg in a tight hug. She replied, "And then some! You'll be even luckier than ever."

Lucky shook his head, "No thanks. I was happy with the luck I had. Besides, the things you work for are ten times better than anything that's given to you."

Nook grinned happily and squeezed his leg one more time. This time, a tingling sensation crept up his leg and wandered down his back to his flank. When he looked around, the clovers on his flank were back to their usual lush green.

Nook released his leg and sauntered over to Bilbag. She gave him a quick nuzzle and disappeared in a puff of red smoke. Bilbag's face turned beet red at the display of affection. Lucky laughed and chided, "So what is going on between you two?"

Bilbag sputtered, "She's just some crazy lass what follows me around." He gestured for Lucky to lean in closer and whispered conspiratorially, "Between you and me, she does have one fine-" He never finished his sentence as his hat was torn off by an invisible force and jammed right into his mouth.

He spat it out and cursed, "I'll get ye fer this ye bleedin' banshee!" Nook's laughter echoed through the room and quickly faded away.

Bilbag coughed and nudged Lucky, "Anywho, ye still have three wishes, boyo. Ye caught me fair and square."

Lucky deliberated and made a decision. He said, "Bilbag, can you do that thing that Nook did? Where she made herself look like a regular pony?"

Bilbag blinked, "Aye."

"Good, then I know what my first wish is going to be."

~~~The Barbershop~~~

"...and that's how it happened."

Snips had a hard time believing this one. Of all the stories that he had heard, this one was by far the most unlikely. If Pinkie hadn't shown up to confirm Flim and Flam's story, he would have written it off as the ramblings of two charlatans. Lucky was nothing like that. Sure he liked to hit the pubs a little too often, but he was a good guy and an upstanding citizen. He wouldn't fabricate a story that crazy for nothing.

Ding! A-ling!

Snips looked up to see a yellow mare poke her head in through the door. Seeing Lucky, she walked right in with a little filly next to her. The filly had a pink coat and her mane had white and red streaks like a candy cane.

"Hey, Lemon! It'll just be a minute. I think Snips is almost finished."

The little filly poked the mare's shoulder and asked, "Hey, sis, why is that stallion sleeping on that bench. And why does he look like burnt toast?"

"Candy, it's not nice to point at ponies."

With one final clip, Snips was done. He whipped the cape off of Lucky and collected all the displaced hair with his magic. Lucky hugged the mare and introduced her to Snips.

"Snips, this is my marefriend Lemon Hearts and her sister Candy Hearts."

Snips gave a shallow bow that he reserved for greeting mares and said, "Lucky was just telling me about you and your sister. It's a pleasure to meet both of you."

Lemon smiled warmly at him. Candy was smiling as well, but she was focused on the spinning barber's pole outside. Lemon said, "We need to get going, Lucky. Your friends are already waiting outside and I know Candy has been waiting for this picnic all week."

Snips glanced outside to see two ponies standing outside the shop. One of them was wearing an intricately woven red cloak. The other wore a green tailcoat and puffed on a long pipe. A wicker basket was balanced on his back. Lucky bid him farewell and joined his friends outside. Their party walked off, but the stallion in green paused momentarily at the window. He gazed in and caught Snips eye. He gave him a sly wink, then followed after his friend.

Maybe I should spend more time in Whitetail Wood, Snips thought.

Suddenly, Rumble sat up on the bench and groaned, "Ow, my head."

"Dude, what happened to you?"

Rumble re-positioned himself to make himself more comfortable, then he said, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Snips couldn't help but smirk. After the stories he'd heard today, he doubted anything could phase him.

"Try me."

Author's Note

These chapters just keep getting longer and longer. By the way, "Na dean maggadh fum" means "do not mock me." Superstition says that saying that would break a far darrig's hold on your dreams. In case you were wondering, Lucky's tax records had simply been misplaced. The mayor's aide found them and had all of his property returned. As for Lucky and Lemon... well that's another story.
http://www.irishabroad.com/culture/slang/irishslang.asp <-- Here is a guide to some of the slang.
http://pg4anna.tripod.com/red.htm <-- That will give you more info if you are still confused about the far darrig.
Hope you enjoyed it.
As always, Like, Favorite, and Comment!