Doomguy Goes to Equestria and Kills Everyone
Written & Edited by Seven81493
Edited by Miss Dark Angel
In a barren wasteland of black sand, a lone figure stood tall. He had done it. Lying at his feet was the corpse of none other than the Cyberdemon. He had killed it with no trouble, and his nightmare was finally over. Or was it? His military instincts kicked into gear, and he knew something was about to happen. Suddenly, the ground below him began shifting, eventually starting to collapse inwards. But before he could be consumed, he made a mad dash for a nearby teleporter.
On his way to the only possible escape, he took a moment to think of what he had just done. He had taken on hordes of demons. He had taken on the cyberdemon. He had taken on Hell itself, and he had won. His last thoughts before reaching the teleporter were of Earth, though. Was it okay?
Then he was consumed by the greenish white light of the teleporter.
“How are things coming along, Twilight Sparkle?”
“Excellent, Princess Luna! I’m certain that this Nightmare Night will go off without a hitch.”
“Are you sure about all the fake blood and…” Luna trailed off, unable to speak of the decorations that had been laid through Ponyville. Fake body parts, fake intestines that looked so real they may as well have been so. It was simply revolting. Luna’s train of thought was thrown off course however when a loud buzzing could be heard outside of Twilight’s home. Immediately, the two rushed out to see what was going on.
Running from Evil
Before the marine could even begin to survey his surroundings, he was thrown to the ground by the force of the teleportation. He could hear chattering around him, though, and could only assume he was back home. But he couldn’t have been more wrong, because when he looked up, all he saw were bloody horses. But even worse, body parts seemed to be strewn about at random. Had they had some sort of sick bloodbath?
There was no time to think about the ‘ifs’, though. He needed to act, and quickly. He only had a few of his weapons on him, though. His prized shotgun, a pistol, a chaingun, his trusty chainsaw, and the mother of all weapons: the BFG 9000. Would that amount of ammunition be enough to take on all the demonic horses? He sure hoped it would be. But just as he was about to reach for his pistol, he felt something tap him on the shoulder.
Slowly, he rose to his feet and turned around, only to find himself face to face with one of them. As it opened its mouth to speak, the marine wasn’t sure what to make of it. It was just a bunch of incoherent gibberish. Then again, what did he expect? It was a demonic horse, after all. So instead of standing there like a fool, he turned around and sprinted away from the bloody village he had found himself in.
As he continued sprinting away from the village, he was suddenly confronted from the front. With a thunderous boom, the blue demon landed in front of him, yelling in some incoherent language once more. But he was certainly no fool. Taking a second to pull out his most powerful weapon, he aimed it at the demon in front of him. Most soldiers called it the “BFG 9000”, which was technically correct, but to him it was the “Big Fucking Gun”. And it was well worthy of that title.
Before the demon had a chance to attack him, he fired the gun, and a large green bolt shot out like lightning. In an instant, the blue demon was engulfed in a blinding greenish white light. Then it was over, and all that remained of her was a puddle of blood and guts.
With renewed vigor, the marine turned around and marched back towards the village. On the way in, he pulled out his chaingun, holding it by its enormous handle. Upon reaching the village once again, he could see the terrified looks on the demons. These were nothing compared to the demons he had faced in Hell. But enough thinking, he decided. He was ready to end it right now.
Lifting up his chaingun, he aimed it at the many demons who had congregated in the village. But before he fired, he took a moment to think things over.
What was wrong with these demons? Most demons would charge him head on, but these ones did nothing but run away. It didn’t matter, though. His chaingun would finish them off easily, in any case. And so, he pulled the trigger, releasing a torrent of bullets that screamed through the air, heading straight for the many demons around the village. Within seconds, they were all dead, an enormous pool of blood forming in the streets.
He was beginning to think that this was too easy, but that’s when he was tackled from behind. Turning around while being held to the ground was no easy task, but he managed it. When he saw what had tackled him, he stifled a laugh. The horse had a ridiculous rainbow mane, though it was splotched with blood. Before it could even react, he reared his left fist back and threw it forward, hitting the horse right on the snout. His spiked knuckles cut through it like a knife through butter, and it recoiled.
Not one to let an opportunity slip by, the marine pulled out his pistol and quickly shot the horse in the head, killing it instantly. Once again, though, his military instincts told him that the party had only just begun.
At Doom’s Gate
He could hear the quick clopping of hooves behind him easily, and the horse never stood a chance. As it took a dive for him, he dodged to the right. Looking at it, he noticed that it was wearing a stetson of all things. But this was no time for observing these horses, no matter how ridiculous they looked. He quickly holstered his pistol and pulled out his chainsaw, revving the engine in an instant. Before the horse could move, he had cut through it like it was nothing, its organs spilling out onto the ground
A painful death, but demons like these deserved nothing but. He could hear what sounded like gasps behind him, and he quickly did a one-eighty. He found himself face to face with four more of the horses, and it looked to be the last four. Once again, his quick reflexes made them no match for him. By the time they registered that he was looking at them, he had already blasted the white one with his shotgun, sending a bloody corpse flying through the air. But he wasn’t done, and he quickly fired off three more shots, hitting each of the remaining horses.
He was unable to celebrate his victory, though, as another horse landed in front of him. This one was white, and clean as far as he could tell. It had a mane of four colors, and it seemed to be flowing in an ethereal manner. It was also much larger than any of the other equines he had killed, so it was likely that it was like the Cyberdemon of this world. That was proven right when he attempted to shoot it with his shotgun, only for it to have seemingly no effect. He only had one chance, and he had to act quickly.
But before he could grab his BFG 9000, the horse had blasted him with what he could only assume was magic. She did, after all, have a horn. It sent him flying backwards, and he was badly hurt. Looking at his HUD for the first time since he had arrived in the village, he saw that his shields were drained completely. Another hit like that, and he’d be dead for sure. But he didn’t give the demon a chance to hit him again, and he quickly grabbed hold of his BFG, which had conveniently landed on the ground next to him.
Say your prayers, he thought, before firing off the last possible shot. For a second, he worried that it might miss, but his worries were put to an end when it impacted the demon. Hard. It began letting loose what sounded like screams of terror before finally melting onto the ground in a pool of blood and guts, just like the blue one from earlier. He had done it once again.
The End of DOOM
He had killed every demon in the village within just a few minutes. They hadn’t even put up a struggle. It had been too easy. But that didn’t matter. All that mattered was getting back home. Before he could think about it too much, though, he heard the sound of galloping hooves behind him. It sounded like thousands, and there was no chance he would be able to survive.
At least, that’s what he would have thought if he hadn’t just defeated Hell. And so, he simply smirked.
