A Collection of Works

by AdmiralKew

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Fluttershy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 1815

A collection of oneshots and drabbles that may or may not be interrelated.

This is a collection of oneshots and drabbles that may or may not be interrelated. Rating may change, will update occasionally. Some oneshots may turn into a full-fledged story later on.

Many of these stories are unedited, but if you spot something, feel free to point it out. If you'd like to be my editor feel free to drop me a message as well.

So far:
1. Battlecry/Bear Cavalry I - Fluttershy helps turn the tide of a battle.
2. Spam - An accident with Spike leads to the disruption of a meeting with Princess Celestia.

Published 2013-08-30 13:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-03 15:58:06 UTC

Battlecry

All semblance of order had long since gone. Formations and units had dissolved into a seething mass of bodies, pressing and grinding as the combatants matched steel with steel, spell with spell, and hoof with claw. Already hundreds were dead, fewer dying, their blood staining the snow and mixing with mud as both sides fed ever more flesh into the grinder.

A violet alicorn named Twilight Sparkle stood at the rear lines as she oversaw the artillery. The makeshift trebuchets Ponyville had constructed had long been reduced to ashes by Salamander firebombs and the Howitzers and armor from New Yoke had been delayed by additional Lizan action, so the Princess had assembled a unicorn team to provide fire support for Shining Armor's troops.

"Longshot, give us the range."

The dull brown unicorn's born glowed briefly, and a flare of light arched into the enemy lines.

"Twenty five hundred yards, Princess."

"Very good." Twilight sighed morosely, whispering, "It didn't have to come to this, Ravenous... Everyone fire on my mark!"

She stepped into the firing line, ignoring the horrified looks the unicorns gave her. Energy arched around her horn, and she braced herself for the recoil. She felt the others begin to charge their spells. Static electricity prickled her skin, and the smell of ozone burned her nose.

"Fire!"

The fifty-seven unicorns and one alicorn of Reserve Magic Artillery Brigade 12 fired as one. Balls of multicolored fire streaked upwards like burning comets, each one rivaling Celestia's sun in their brightness. They left gaping, glass-lined craters where they landed. Scales and armor melted like wax, blood boiled in an instant, cloth ignited. Wherever Equestria's Fire landed, there were no survivors.

The Lizan troops were stunned by the ferocity and suddenness of the attack. Their push faltered, encouraging Shining Armor to press on as the reptiles began to withdraw.

"For Equestria!" The battle cry rose up from his lines and tore from her earpiece, "Attack!"

The thunder of hooves drowned out the screams of the dying.

There would be time later for remorse, thought Twilight, but first they had to survive.

"One more! Range at forty thousand yards. Fire on my--"

"Incoming mortars!"

"Shields up!" Lieutenant Aegis barked.

Glowing bubbles leapt up around the artillery brigade, intercepting the mortar shells with little time to spare. The sound of breaking glass accompanied the pounding of the shells as they exploded in oily fire. A shield collapsed off to the left. An explosion threw dirt and gore into the air. Twilight gritted her teeth.

They couldn't fire back, not if they had to maintain the shield at the same time. It took all of them to even just barely hold the shield up against the powerful artillery rounds the Lizan mortars fired. There was no margin for error here.

More shells landed amongst and in front of Shining Armor's troops. They were boxed in by the barrage. Several ponies tried to turn and run, but they were engulfed in flames before they could make any great distance. Several dragons broke off from the aerial battle above and began strafing the trapped soldiers with their dragonfire.

"Twilie! For buck's sake, do something!" Shining Armor bit back a scream, "Tend to the others!" The transmission was lost in a wash of static as a mortar shell exploded among what remained of the command unit.

"Shining!" Twilight choked back tears.

"--damn earpieces! I'm alright, Twilie. Concentrate on the fire support. Rally, stallions!"

"RD, we need someone to take out the mortars! We're loosing ponies!"

"We're a bit tied up over here too, Twilight!" The multi chromatic pegasus yelled over the clatter of her machine gun, "Damn buckers keep sending in dragons from the badlands. Thunderlane, aim for the wings! Lightning, Winter on me!"

The three pegasi dove on a dragon even as it rounded on a pegasus, sparkling tracers tearing into its wing membranes. The massive creature fell from the sky, crashing into a cluster of abandoned supply carts. There was movement from the furrow it created, and then stillness. An explosion sundered the dragon's chest as the magic keeping its fuel from igniting faded.

Twilight , "AJ, any word from Fluttershy?"

"Nothin' yet, Twi. Just hang on tight, I know she's comin'! Rare, get those stallions patched up. Big Mac, on me. Fix up those barricades, folks. Applebloom, Scootaloo what are you--go tend to Granny Smith! Just go!"

As if Applejack's words were a prophesy, the trees of the Everfree began to shake as a monstrous roar drowned out even the sounds of battle. A swarm of creatures from the Everfree rushed into the Lizan flank, tearing into their relatively unprotected rear lines.

She saw a Lizan warrior slice off the head of a hydra, only to watch in terror as two heads grew out of the gushing stump and tore him in half. A spellcaster was run down by a stag. Lizans were turned to stone even as Shining Armor's forces crashed into them, shattering their bodies. A commander disappeared in a swarm of bees, emerging with thousands of stings. He collapsed to the ground a moment later.

The bombardment stopped as the Lizan mortars were set upon by wolves, forcing troops to break off and try to recapture the artillery. Slowly, the wolves were driven away, but not before they could render the mortars unusable.

Rainbow Dash and her pegasi were slowly turning the winds of the aerial battle in their favor as well. Naga and dragons dropped out of the sky like flies under a hail of tracers. But the ponies had casualties as well. Out of one hundred and fifty pegasi, only a third were still capable of fighting. Among those, the Wonderbolts.

"Oh my Celestia...Fluttershy done outdid herself!"

An Ursa Major finally burst from the Everfree Forest. And for a moment, everything was quiet. War cries tore from the ragged throats of Shining Armor's forces as they clashed once again.

Fluttershy's quiet voice could barely be heard over the cheering, even through Twilight's earpiece, "The cavalry has arrived."

"Now's our shot! Everybody fire!"

Spam

Princess Celestia took the headache that had been festering in her cranium for the last couple of hours and told it to go buck itself as she listened to the Ministers of Parliament argue like the bunch of pompous asskissers they are. She didn't dare reveal the headache, because the moment she did so, they would all fall over each other trying to apply their lips to her derrière in an effort to gain some sort of advantage over their opponents. And they weren't very good at it. Politics never changed, not even after several reforms and thousands of years.

"I'm telling you Rapid, building your factories there would just increase Canterfornia's pollution problems!" Sustainable Growth, Minister of the Environment, sparred against his brother with that annoying nasal tone of his.

Rapid Growth, Minister of the Economy, was even worse, "Well what do you suppose? Just watch as we fall behind the Griffins? What do you say, Celly?"

I say both of you shut up before I skewer you on my horn. Love and tolerance...love and tolerance... She forced a smile, "Why don't we take a break while I weigh your suggestions regarding this problem. Is this acceptable to everyone?"

She put just enough of an edge in her voice to let the Ministers know that the last sentence wasn't a question. She stood up and retreated to her study. The throne room was just for design. Real work was done here and in the Parliamentary Chambers. She flopped down on her couch with a tired sigh, wondering what Twilight Sparkle was up to.

Twilight Sparkle's wings fluttered in anticipation as she conducted her latest project. Everything had to fit together just right or else the venture would be a failure. She something was off...she had to double check. Levitating and assembling the components with this kind of precision took a lot of concentration, so she couldn't just get a tome from downstairs.

"Spike, could you get the copy of 'Advanced Nuclear Etheric Physics' from the basement?" She called out to her draconic assistant.

"Geddit yourself, Twilight." Said assistant grumbled tiredly from the bedroom, "I'm tryn'a sleep."

"SPIKE!" Science was at hand, and all he was going to do was sleep? How dare he.

"Fine, fine. I'll get it." The little dragon groggily descended into the library's basement.

Just a few more minutes and she would show those incompetents at the Manehattan Project how fission was really done! The wait was almost unbearable. She heard shuffling from downstairs, and then a particularly loud sneeze. Spike really had to hurry up or else Cloppenheimer would win that damn bet.

"Um...TWILIGHT!" The scent of smoke accompanied Spike's shout.

Oh buck.

So Twilight wakes me up to get some hugeass book from the basement so she can win that stupid bet with some egghead she made a few months ago. Cloppenheimer, was it? Big deal anyway. I was about to kiss Rarity after defeating the Cave Crawler. Damn you.

"SPIKE!"

Of course, when she raises her voice it means that she really needs something done. So I get out of bed, practically crawl my way to the basement and look for that book. It's three times as big as me, weighs a ton, and is covered in dust. It's always a big, heavy, dusty book with Twilight. I think she has a Big Book Fetish.

So I move a ladder around so I can get the book and bring it to her because I want to go back to sleep. Wow, that's a lot of dust. In hindsight, it was a seriously dumb idea to blow the dust away because I've now inhaled a bunch of it. I'm on top of a ladder, I've got a sneeze on the way, and I'm carrying a big damn book.

Naturally, I fall. But hey, what goes up must come down right? But hey, at least the sneeze is gone. I start walking to the stairs when the sneeze comes right out of nowhere. The flames touched that stock of spam mail she'd been keeping in case someone pisses her off...oh Celestia.

"Um..." I gulp, "TWILIGHT!"

Suitably refreshed and collected after a quick meditation session, Princess Celestia was ready to resume the meeting. She magicked the doors open and sat down, letting the guards shut the threshold behind her.

"After having had ample time--what's this?"

A rolled up parchment had landed in front of her, bouncing off her nose along the way. She tapped the Etherfield and opened it, holding it in front of her so she could read.

From: Iron Will

BECOME A TRUE STALLION!

INCREASE YOUR PEN--

She tossed the spam behind her with a telekinetic flip. She coughed.

"As I was saying--"

And suddenly she was buried in spam.