Noire and Arils

Chapters

Not Her Best Morning
One of THOSE Days
Is There A Doctor in the House?
A Mare's Gotta Do...
N20
One-Hundred and Fifty-Five
I'm No Love Doctor, But...

Not Her Best Morning

Noire opened her eyes, smiling faintly, she had a warm glow of good feeling surrounding her. She couldn’t put her hoof on it, but it was just a nice tingly sensation in her mind as she woke up slowly. Without really looking in front of her, she snuggled closer to the warm, fuzzy object she was wrapped around before her eyes shot open. There was somepony else in her bed.

Her eyes met the face of a maroon mare, still sleeping peacefully until Noire cried out, making the pony next to her open her eyes blearily and give a wide yawn, stretching.

“Hey sweetheart!” Arils said, grinning up at her. “Morning!” Noire looked mortified at the thought that she might have...no, perish the thought, she wouldn’t...

“You and I didn’t...we didn’t...” She mashed her hooves together to poorly simulate exactly what she was talking about. Arils peeked under the covered and gave Noire a soft pat on the back coupled with a reassuring smile.

“Relax, we didn’t do anything last night.” The grey detective let out a sigh of relief, relaxing against the bed. She was interrupted by Arils, who was laughing suddenly. “Just kidding hun, we totally did it! Seriously, don’t you remember?” Noire’s eyes narrowed suspiciously in an inclination of suspicion considering Arils’s joking nature.

“No! Really! Check out the stains, right here, and here, and here...” The grey pony’s topaz irises now grew as memories from the night before came flooding back as she looked down at the bed, too shocked for movement. “Hmmm, considering you were completely wrapped around me I’m pretty sticky too, and safe to say you weren’t the only one who...hun?”

Arils waved a hoof in front of Noire’s face, which had grown very red, as soon as she was brought back to her senses, the detective brought the sheet up to her face to cover up her embarrassment.

“Please leave...” She said in a muffled voice, trying to make herself scarce among the bedding.

“Hey! I didn’t think this was a one-night stand thing hun...besides, you’re forgetting I live here.” Noire rolled over, now only a little ball of sheets with a grey muzzle sticking out of the front.

“Just go...please?” Arils shook her head and trotted over to the detective.

“No way, no how. I want to make you feel better!” Noire sighed, she knew Arils had good intentions, but the fact remained that- “And endorphins make you feel great! You up for round two?” Arils always teased her with the prospect of sex, but now that those situations were very possible between them...

Noire bundled herself up even further and let out a groan. This was going to be one of those days.

“Hey, relax! I don’t know if you remember, but you were positively melting in my hooves, I mean, I can make ponies happy, but WOW, you were flying off the handle! When was the last time you did ‘it’ with somepony?”

“Seven years...” Noire said quietly, making Arils’s ears stand on end. “This is technically my second time...”

“Oh, well that explains a lot.” She said, making Noire sink into th ebed even further and let out an even louder groan. “No no! Not in a bad way!” She said, trying to reassure the grey pony. “You were just enjoying it a lot...I mean, for starters, you were really, really loud.”

“Please Arils, just be quiet...” Noire groaned, bundling herself up further. Arils stopped speaking, gave the bundle a concerned look, and trotted out of the room. Eventually, after wallowing in shame (and admittedly, some other things she’d rather not wallow in) for a few moments, Noire got up and looked at the clock.

It was 9:30. On a Wednesday.

One of THOSE Days

“Buck.” Noire said, scurrying out of bed and out the door, grabbing only her coat and phone. When she got to the scene, it was already 10:10. She ran over to the chief, who was barking out orders as usual.

“Celestia damn it all girl, where were you? You’re never late!” He said when he saw her trot over, out of breath, her mane still a bedraggled mess.

“I’m reeeeally sorry, I’ll get in some work overtime, but for now, let’s get cracking!” She said, smoothing out her mane as she grabbed the Chief’s cup of coffee and took a drink from it before spitting it out, remembering that her boss liked his coffee with no sweetening whatsoever.

“Forget overtime, what the hell made you late? Nothing short of a cataclysm would ever make you late...and even then you’d be giving disaster relief!” As he pushed the subject further, a tings of red appeared on the grey of Noire’s cheek.

“I’d really rather not talk about it.” The detective answered flatly as she watched the ponies file cases, leaning against the carriage they came in and looking at the dark sky, at the wet ground...anything but the stare Chief was giving her.

“Are you...blushing?” He asked, the most professional, dutiful pony he knew was not only late, when he asked where she was, she was blushing.

He was pretty sure the world was ending. It was a sign.

“No...of course not! What have we found out?” Noire asked, taking another sip of the offe unconsciously and spitting it out again before coughing and handing the cup back to her boss, who looked down at her in an unimpressed fashion.

“You’ve accumulated one hundred and fifty six sick days...do you want to use one of them hun? I’ve never seen you this flustered.” He trotted after her. “Maybe you just need a day in bed...and who said you had to be alone?” He grinned and almost laughed out loud when she sputtered again and grew very red now.

“What are you insinuating!? I’ll have you know that--” She just got redder when the Chief finally broke down and gave a hearty chuckle.

“I’m not insinuating anything, but I’ve been around long enough to know when someone got lucky. Want to share who it was?” Noire, now burning red, turned away.

“It was...err...Arils...” She said in a tiny voice. Making the Chief stop dead and laugh again.

“I actually probably could have guessed that, good for you hun! Not sure why it made you late for work though...unless...” He cocked an eyebrow at her and she turned away again.

“Nothing! Stop. No. Didn’t...no...” She grabbed a cup of coffee and took a deep drink from it to cool herself down.

“That’s still mine.” Chief responded as she spit it out again.

“I’m fine. I just have a lot to figure out, but I can stay at work...” Noire said, panting as she grabbed her notebook and headed off, still being watched by her boss, who grinned and shook his head.

“They’re cute together...I hope she shows up late more often.”

Is There A Doctor in the House?

Noire was distracted all throughout the day, whenever someone called her or tapped on her to get her attention, she jumped. She found herself drawing and doodling in her notebook more than once. And at one point in the day she caught herself doing nothing but thinking of what she and her roommate did the previous night instead of the case.

Her employees were confused, the calm, professional detective was flustered, easily startled, and blushing during the whole work day. Some had seen her doodling hearts in her notebook, and others started spreading rumors of aliens and imposters.

As long and painful as the day was for Noire, she was dreading her return home, facing Arils would be almost unbearable. It was then that she remembered that they both had been invited to dinner by Dr. Oxyde that evening. the filly had chosen a diner, which wasn’t surprising considering the fact that diners often served dessert stuffs and waffles.

The filly did have a way of making things more awkward, but at the same time, Oxyde was savvy enough to handle some situations well. Then there was the matter of the filly’s feelings on sex overall...

Noire decided that she would cross that bridge when she got to it, and turned her mind back to the case. The stolen crates contained whiskey...apparently it was valuable enough to call a team of detectives to the scene because even though the team was examining the case from every standpoint, it looked pretty curious.

Before she even knew it, the work day was over, and the case had only a couple new leads. On the way to the diner, Noire couldn’t stop thinking about the events that lead up to the night in question. When she considered the evidence, she concluded that a warm fuzzy feeling was had by her.

That could become a problem, she was a professional pony, warm fuzziness could interfere with her job. Even if she was currently trying very hard not to skip down the street, the thought of seeing her odd roommate soon still made her a little nervous.

When she walked into the restaurant, she caught sight of the maroon pony almost immediately, sitting across from a very irritated-looking filly.

“-and that’s when I said, ‘Poker? But I hardly even know ‘er!’” Arils laughed at her own joke while receiving a disdainful look from the filly.

“Gross...hey detective! You’re late, I’ve been stuck her listening to the first dirty joke that comes out of this pony’s mouth for the past five minutes.” Noire nodded at the doctor and froze for a step when she saw Arils before trotting over to the booth and sitting down across from the both of them.

“Did you call me over to discuss your case? I can identify how quality the alcohol is, but other than that if there’s no biological sampling I can’t help you much.” Oxyde said, getting right down to business.

“No, I called you over because I wanted to talk, you and I are friends right?” The smaller pony pulled out her stopwatch and was about to look at it before grinning over at Noire.

“I mean...yeah! Right! We’re friends!” Apparently the lack of friendly attention the doctor received made her less receptive to the fact that friends actually did things together. They made idle chat, the subject of Noire and Arils not even coming up. Every time the two spoke however, Arils turned on her charm, leaning forward and grinning, and Noire blushed and turned away, making Oxyde turn her attention to fishing more candy out of the saddlebags she brought along.

When the waiter finally came, and Oxyde had ordered her waffles and milkshake, Arils had left to the bathroom, and the doctor fixed her gaze on Noire.

“So, you and Arils huh?” She asked, spinning her pocket-watch around her finger as Arils tried very hard not to spit out her water.

“How did you--what makes you--” The filly grinned at her and giggled.

“You look like a wreck every time you two talk and she look like she’s trying hard not to jump on you then and there...besides, my pocketwatch picked up the cocktail of pheremones you’re shooting out every time you two make eye contact or you look away. and I’m pretty sure my pocketwatch isn’t the only thing picking them up...” She gave the detective a hearty wink as the grey pony stared at her, when did Oxyde become so bold all of a sudden? The short pony leaned in and whispered to the flustered mare.

“Did you guys...kiss last night!?” She asked drama dripping from her voice.

“Err...yeah...we did.” Noire responded, trying to keep any pretense out of it. “If you don’t mind my asking, how do you feel about Arils and I anyways?” Suddenly the doctor put on a very straight face and looked right at Noire.

“You have awful taste in women.” She said, waiting for a moment before continuing. “You’ve also contracted cooties. It’s terminal.” The two mares stared at each other until Arils trotted back happily.

“How are my two favorite ponies in the world? By the way, have I ever told you the one about--”

“Please shut up.” Oxyde growled as her waffles were brought over.

A Mare's Gotta Do...

Before long, they were ready to head back, the ride was short after they’d said their goodbye to Oxyde, who had apparently gotten somepony to magically alter her pocketwatch to add “cooties” as an infection. Once they were back home, Noire yawned and lay down on the couch, magically pulling the blanket over her as she always did. The day had finally caught up to the unicorn, and she was on the verge of sleep before Arils lay down on the other side of the couch, resting her head on top of Noire, who immediately opened her eyes.

“Not happening.” She said, straining to lift the other pony up magically and plop her on another sofa.

“What gives!? Don’t tell me you don’t want to cuddle...” The other pony said, winking at Noire, who turned around.

“Not with my roommate I don’t...what happened last night was a fluke, there’s nothing between us at all.” Noire then buried herself deeper in the sofa as Arils sat quietly, trying to deal with a mixture of feelings at once before finally heading off to the bar. The detective stared after her for a moment as the door shut before convincing herself to get some paperwork done, trying her best not to think about anything pertaining to the pony that just left.

“What’s wrong Arils? Off your game today?” Hurricane Hoof asked as he wiped off the counter.

“Yeah...I guess...” The marron pony asked, the bartender hadn’t seen Arils hit on anypony all night, which he was almost sure meant something was up.

“Tell me what’s up.” He said, cleaning out a couple of glasses.

“I don’t know...Noire, you know, the pony that I brought last night? She and I are roommates and, as you probably guessed...”

“Yup, got it. But why’s that a bad thing? I’d think congratulations are in order.” He said, frowning.

“Well yeah, I kinda really like her, and I wanted it to be more than a meaningless fling but I don’t think she likes me back and now I’m all confused and I can’t do it with anypony else because then I’ll feel worse plus last night was reeeeally fun and now I’m stuck!” Arils said, finally letting out her thoughts. “I need to find a way to clean this whole mess up, but I’m not sure who to go to! Who would know Noire well...?” She asked rhetorically before the solution became clear.

Arils knocked on the Chief’s door as it opened promptly. “Arils? What in the hell are you doing here at one in the morning?” The yellow stallion asked gruffly, he was covered by a pink bathrobe and held a mug that read “#1 Boss”.

“Wow. Nice bathrobe ‘Chief’...bet it makes your masculinity really shine out, huh?” Arils shot out before the Chief glared down at her, making her re-think what she said and give him a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I guess I shouldn’t really make you mad if I’m coming over to your house to bother you about something.”

“Damn straight, I wear it ‘cause it matches my coat. Now what are you here for?”

“It’s about Noire...” Arils started, receiving a cocked eyebrow and a nod indicating her to continue. “Well, after last night, I’ve started thinking...and, well, I mean. Noire’s a great pony right? And after last night I’ve sort of started maybe...”

She then remembered that the Chief might not know what she was talking about. “Well last night Noire and I engaged in some...uh, some...”

“I’ve never known you as one to get tongue tied, normally you have a hard time shutting up. I’m aware of what transpired between you and my employee-slash-friend last night.” He said, still remaining stoically professional even though Arils caught the gleam of interest in his eye.

“Right. Well. Since then I’ve started thinking about Noire as a sort of more-than friend kinda thing, and not a ‘friends-thatbang-every-now-and-then’ think but a--um--as a...” the Chief sighed and sipped his coffee, grinning.

“I have about seven hours left to spare, and as much as I’d like to spend every minute of it watching you trip over your words like a filly out of kindergarden I regrettably need sleep. So I’ll speed things along by asking what the problem is.”

“Noire’s been acting weird since then, she seems flustered and sort of angry around me...and the angry part is normal but this is a different kind of angry, like a “You did something totally wrong and I’m mad at you for it” kinda angry. I mean, we just had sex! And last night she didn’t seem to mind, in fact she was asking for more! Well, to be honest, I could go so far as to say she was begging-”

“Nope. Stop. Too much.” The Chief said, giving her a sideways look. “I can fill you in a bit about Noire, but that’s all I can do. Her romantic life was always sort of a taboo topic between her and the rest of Equestria.

“Basically, that pony can handle a lot of things well, but Noire’s not very good at social situations. I’m not sure how you could talk to her about this, or even what her problems are, but I know someone who will.” He gave her an even wider grin. “Someone with a PhD who knows a lot more about ponies than we give her credit for.”

Arils’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean...” She only got a nod in response and an address scribbled onto a sheet of paper.

N20

Dr. Nitrous Oxyde hummed a familiar tune to a children’s TV show as she resupplied her medical cabinet. The scruffed and frayed floor below her held dirty syringes, broken glass and all sorts of other hazards that no one would let a child near.

Thankfully, Dr. Oxyde was not a normal child.

The end of the wall had several medical beds and ironing board laid out, some with cut-up dolls on top of them, others with boxes of odds and ends stacked up on top of them. A knock on the door almost toppled the doctor before she managed to right herself, grumbling as she climbed down the ladder.

She flung open the door haphazardly and took a split second to look at the pony in front of her before slamming the door again and walking back over to her cabinet, resuming the process.

“Come on doc...I need to talk to you, it’s important!” Arils said, pounding on the door. The doctor simply ignored her whistling louder as she checked the plungers on her needles and stretched out her gauze.

“It’s about Noire!...” The maroon pony shouted through the door, making Oxyde pause. She was trapped between two passions, helping her friend, or making as little contact with Arils as physically possible. The angel on her shoulder finally won out, and the filly stomped over to the door, pulling it open.

“What is it. You’d better hope to your lucky stars this is important because I have a lot of restraining equipment and-”

“Oooh, you into kinky stuff too doc?” Arils asked, giving the pony and eyebrow bounce and receiving a door in her face. “All right, I’m sorry!” Oxyde re-appeared in the doorway, still glaring up at Arils.

“Look kiddo, I’m not under the impression you like me, but I know you like Noire. And I’m coming to you because I need your help with her.” The filly gave Arils a few seconds of silence before walking back into the apartment, leaving the door open. Arils took that as a sign of welcome and trotted in hesitantly.

“This is a nice apartment you’ve got!...I mean, it’s one room. Or, more half a room considering all the tables and cots...” Arils said, her feeble attempt at cordial complementation dying quickly as Oxyde handed her a cup of cocoa.

“You’re here because I want to help Noire be happy. I don’t hate you, but I don’t like you either, and I certainly don’t tolerate you, so instead of poking fun at my height or organization I suggest you talk to me about important things...contrary to popular belief, I am a busy filly.” Oxyde’s sudden firmness surprised Arils slightly, the short pony did seem to get more serious whenever she and Arils were in the same room together.

“Right well...I’m not sure if you’re aware, but last night Noire and I uhh...well we...” Normally the marron mare could’ve put it bluntly, but she still couldn’t shake the feeling she was talking to a child, albeit one that was checking her pocketwatch.

“Yes, I’m aware you two had sex...Noire was absolutely gushing androstenol and copulins pheromones during dinner while she was talking about it. Also cooties are transmitted sexually.” Arils opened her mouth to ask about the cooties comment, but thought better of it.

“You’re not grossed out or disapproving? I know you don’t think very much of hey-hey normally.”

“I know Noire well enough, and although I’m not sure why she’d agree to...that with you. I trust her judgement enough.”

“So you don’t think its gross?” Arils asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Oh no, it’s absolutely filthy and creepy too. Adults mashing their naughty bits together...” Oxyde gave a small shudder and adjusted her tools before sipping her cocoa. “But I take it you didn’t come here just to tell me that you and Noire made sheet monkeys last night.”

“Sheet--? Well no...I’m actually here on the Chief’s recommendation.”

“The Chief? Good pony that one. He gives me half the jobs I work for, turns out he gets around quite a lot.”

“He-hey, YEAH he does!” When another disapproving glare was sent her way, Arils shut up.

“Stop making jokes I don’t get...” Oxyde growled into her cup as she straightened up.

“Well he sent me here for a psychoanalysis...I think. Noire’s having problems with, well, me. Every time I talk to her she gets flustered and blushes or gets angry...and not the regular kind of angry like when I embarrass her and she does that kind of pouty thing and glares at me, or when I screw up and she gets jokingly pissed. I mean legitimate ‘I did something really wrong’ sort of way.”

The doctor thought for a moment before looking over Arils, after a few moments of intense staring and equally intense discomfort on Arils’s part, Oxyde looked down at a paper that had appeared on her desk.

“What do you like about Noire anyways?” She asked in a professional, nonchalant voice as she pulled out a pair of square, pink-rimmed glasses and put them on, pulling the paper over and sticking a pencil into her mouth.

“Well...err...she’s...y’know...pretty?” When all Arils received was a dull look from her interviewed, she huffed and pushed onwards.

“I guess she’s just really caring, she puts up with every stupid thing I do and actually enjoys it sometimes, you know, she gets me. She’s also just serious and in control of everything, but she’s still tons of fun. Plus she’s SUPER nice looking, I mean, that mare might have a pretty low color palette, but it doesn’t really matter to me. Like when she wears her hair in a bun? Great. Or how about how she looks super sexy in glasses?”

“Arils...”

“And then her flank--”

“Arils!”

“But wait, I didn’t even tell you how she was in bed!”

“ARILS!” Oxyde shouted, finally getting the pony in front of her to shut up, the filly’s cheeks were tinged red and her pony tail was slightly out of sorts. “I’ve heard quite enough about Noire’s bedroom habits thank-you-very-much.”

“Aww, is the little filly embarrassed about what adults do at night?” Arils cooed at the filly as she leaned forward. “It’s okay sweetie, you’re gonna have to deal with it sometime...my cousin is actually a schoolteacher, let’s see if I remember the song she sings her students about it--

“When two ponies love each other very much,

And sometimes they feel like they just have to touch--”

“Sweet Celestia’s cake addiction do you ever shut up!?” Oxyde threw the clipboard and paper on the floor and buried her head in her forelegs as Arils kept singing.

“And, it’s true, your parents do it too,

In fact, did you know, that’ show they made you!--”

Childish versions of profanities echoed across the room as Oxyde banged her head on the desk before stopping abruptly.

“--that’s what mares have down below!

And as for colts--uhh, hey doc, can you give me a word that rhymes with “penis”? I can’t seem to remember the next line...” Arils looked over to see the filly giving her a Cheshire grin, straightening her glasses but letting her pink mane remain a mess, a blush still visible on her face.

“Wow, well done stinkbrain! You almost got me there!”

“Stinkbrain!? Are you--” Arils started to retort before being cut off, the maroon pony looking nervous all of a sudden.

“My fault really, I should have paid more attention, you were using that as a defense mechanism, and it happened just as you started talking about sex, which you NEVER get flustered about since you do it casually with almost everypony and the same could be said for your night with Noire UNLESS...” A triumphant grin came across Oxyde’s face as the beige filly picked up her clipboard.

“I think I’m ready to tell you my results then, Miss Arils.” The undersized doctor cleared her throat. “ You use dirty humor as a safeguard, you’re nervous about the idea that what occurred between you and Noire might’ve been more than a meaningless fling. You’re terrified of the prospect of an actual relationship, you act like you’re ready, but in reality I would be better at holding down a special somepony than you’d be.” Arils sputtered before laughing.

“You! You’ve never banged anypony! Hell I don’t even know if you’re the age of consent considering you might still be a kid! I don’t think you could even fit anything in there~” With that last statement, the doctor turned a deeper shade of red than anything Arils had seen previously. Her hoof pressed down against the clipboard as her face flattened, completely and suddenly void of any emotion. A pang of guilt played across the grown mare’s face as she looked down at the filly.

“Look kid, I’m sorry...that might’ve been too far--”

“Take your stupid results and get out of my apartment!” Oxyde said, a mixture of intense anger and embarrassment playing on her face as she slapped the clipboard against Arils’s chest and pushed her out, slamming the door in the taller mare’s face.

One-Hundred and Fifty-Five

Once the maroon pony got home after a long walk through Manehattan, a rotting feeling still slowly corroding through her, Arils closed the door behind her and flopped down onto her proper bed. In better straits she would’ve risked sleeping alongside Noire just to tease her, but a mixture of guilt and confusion were mingled in her gut, making any sort of cordial activity impossible.

Arils tried to turn her mind to stocks, as she often did when her head was too jumbled with ideas of Noire or other things in particular. Whenever somepony was metaphorically cock-blocking her, (whether as a kinky thing or just in general) thinking of where the prices would go up in business helped her cool down.

There is literally nothing sexy about stock market.

“Well you really bucked this one up, huh Arils?” She knew it wasn’t so bad, she could deal with both situations, but social drama was always a weakness of hers when it came to conflict.

Eventually she drifted off to sleep, although Noire only wished the same could be said for her. The detective was sitting up in bed pouring over some paperwork through wire-rimmed rectangular glasses. Her mind was still reeling with turmoil from that same day, but as she flicked off the light and put her work aside, folding up her glasses and levitating them over to her night-stand. She had a feeling that by tomorrow she’d be completely over it...

“Go home Noire.” The Chief growled at her as she trotted over to the scene, crashing into a carriage while her mind was elsewhere. “Having a grand total of one-hundred fifty five sick days won’t kill you.”

“But I’ve been saving them in case I ever find an important private case so I can solve it then steal your job!” She got an eyeroll and chuckle back, even though she wasn’t actually joking.

“Understood, but all the same a little birdie told me you weren’t doing so well...screw it, more of a little bat. No sensible bird knocks on somepony’s door at one in the morning.

“Either way, one day off won’t kill you. This is a big problem you’ve got here and you need to see to it.” Noire grumbled as she clocked out and started walking home. A sky-blue shape from above her did a u-turn and parked right in front of her.

“Hi Blue Jay...” Noire’s understudy ruffled her feathers before falling into step next to her.

“Is something wrong boss? Why’d you just clock out?”

“I’m taking the day off work, hopefully you can pick up the slack for me.” The detective answered before trotting ahead. Blue Jay considered her options, on one hoof, she didn’t like getting involved with her co-workers' problems. On the other, she liked Noire enough and felt they could talk (even if she secretly felt that her boss had a rod shoved so far up her flank you could limbo with it).

“Are you sick? You have seemed kind of distant.” She fluttered over, catching up to the grey mare, who continued onward.

“I’m fine Jay, just some social problems.”

“Oh, really? Well in that case I know someone that can help you! You know that forensic scientist that helps us out on some cases?” Noire did a half turn.

“Peppermint? How would she help me?”

“Nah, the short one, the little filly that really likes candy.” Blue Jay answered, holding her hoof a couple feet off the ground.

“Oxyde? Why would you want me to go see the doc for my problems?”

“Because it turns out that foal is qualified in psychology too. She helped me out on that one case with the waterfall by figuring out is several ponies were lying about the saddle we found.”

“Huh...that was a weird case all right. All right, I’ll pay her a visit. Thanks Jay!” She called back, a spring coming into her step. Not only would she get her problem solved, but she’d get to see Oxyde while she was at it.

“No problem!” The cerulean pegasus shouted, doubling over and flying backward toward the crime scene.

It was then that Noire realized she didn’t know where the doctor lived.

After a good bit of digging she finally found her friend’s apartment building. Noire wasn’t sure what she was expecting, probably a mansion of some kind...made out of candy, but it certainly wasn’t this.

She knocked on the door several times before cracking it open slightly, seeing the small pony happily snoozing on the table, her mane fanned out messily and a small puddle of drool forming next to her mouth.

Noire gave her a soft smile before realizing she had never seen Oxyde sleep and had automatically assumed she never did. She played with the idea of waking her up before finally stepping closer and gently shaking the scientist, she could always fall back asleep later.

The doctor murmured happily before stretching and rubbing her eyes, waving Noire off.

“No...geddoff. I’m comfortable...” She said softly before cracking open her eyes. A few blinks later, she looked around. “What--was I dead?”

“No, you were sleeping, quite a line of separation between the two.” Noire responded.

“What time is it?” Oxyde asked, yawning deeply and making Noire join her in the yawn.

“Around ten.” The detective answered, making Oxyde jump up.

“What!? I thought it was only for a few minutes! Why does sleeping take so long!?” She rushed over to the couch before jumping into it and bundling herself up. “Oh Celestia...why is it so COLD!?”

“It’s always a bit cold when you just wake up...when was the last time you slept?” Noire asked, her mental Arils adding Cold unless you wake up next to somepony amirite!?

“A-about a week? I think...I only sleep when I have nothing else to do or when I’m upset.” She answered, bundling herself up even more. Noire had to admit to herself that even though Oxyde acted much older than her age she still looked like an adorable little filly most of the time. “I need 50ccs of pure sugar STAT.” She mumbled from underneath her safeguard.

“Were you bored or upset then last night?” Noire asked, ignoring the sugar comment.

“None of your business...” Oxyde grumbled, burrowing into the sofa. Even though she wasn’t giving anything away, Noire was pretty sure she knew which one it was.

“All right...” She answered, noticing her breath fog up. “Speaking of which, why IS it so cold in here!? And why are you living in a one-bedroom apartment?” She looked around at all the tables in one corner. “Well...I guess you could say it’s a half-bedroom apart-”

“Yeah, yeah I heard.” The doctor muttered ,thinking about Arils pointing out the same thing.

“You make a whole lot of money don’t you? And the Chief helped you open up your own bank account...” Oxyde didn’t answer for several second before finally uttering a muffled sentence. “What was that?”

“I said I don’t know how to access my own bank account. I pay for this place in cash. Same goes for everything else.” Noire would’ve laughed if it weren’t so sad. It made sense though considering most of the filly’s diet could be found in a vending machine, even then though the little pony still had impeccable teeth...

“What about the costs of everything else, like doctors and dentists and whatnot?”

“I am my own doctor, dentist and on occasion chef. Turns out I can make cold cereal and maybe toast.” Oxyde blew on her hooves to warm them up. “Now what are you here for? Is this important? I already slept for eight hours, that’s eight hours wasted...”

“I came here to ask you for advice.” Noire said flatly as the doctor’s ears stayed flat against her head.

“You’re looking for the wrong pony. I gave your results to the flankbutt before I kicked her out.” Oxyde grumbled, still rolling around and trying to build up as much body heat as possible.

“You gave my what to whom?” Noire asked the filly, who rolled around to face her.

“I-uhh, sorry, I’m always a bit disoriented when I just wake up.” The filly said, looking into the detective’s face and trying her hardest not to sweat or chew on her hooves. Having the mentality of a ten year old didn’t help when it came to lying. “I thought you were someone else.”

Noire visibly relaxed. “That’s all right, everyone is kinda groggy at first. So can you help me?”

“Uhh, sure! Let me just thaw out for a second before we get started...”

I'm No Love Doctor, But...

Oxyde’s mane was once more neat and organized in a ponytail when she pulled out another clipboard.

“All right, state your problem-” Oxyde said, interrupting herself with another yawn.

“Well as you know from the diner Noire and I spent the--uhh, we kissed.” Yeah, but not with our upper lips, hey-yo! Her dirtier mentality threw in.

“As I understand it, you’re in a romantic relationship with the mare in question, right?” Oxyde said, her writing interrupted with a sputter followed by a stutter.

“W-what? Noooooo, no way, we’re just friend, Arils and I? No. No way. Never, nope, nope, nope. Write down ‘never in a million never’ no. No!” A skeptical look was thrown at Noire.

“I think I’ll just write down ‘ask again later’...what make you kiss Arils anyways?” Noire started to get a bit red.

“Well, err, I was a little drunk to be honest, probably wasn’t even my intention to--wait a minute, why am I even here!? Arils took advantage of me in a moment of indecision and alcoholism! I should be pissed off!” Noire stood up and was about to walk out before Oxyde calmly called her back over.

“You couldn’t have been drunk enough to lose all decisiveness, your liver had oxidized all of the alcohol by the time we met the next day and you exhibited no signs of a hangover...although I suppose the afterglow could’ve blocked it out.” Noire did a double-take at that comment but the doctor was still writing.

“I was asking what made you make the conscious decision to sleep with her.”

“I’m not sure...I guess it was...I mean...she was so level-headed and we were actually talking about stuff at the bar and well, she was being sweet. When Arils wants to, she can be a really understanding pony y’know.” Noire waved her hoof avidly as she talked, something, Oxide noticed, she only really did when she was being directly honest and remembering something.

“Plus, y’know...it had been such a long time since I’d...well, done something like that. It was a moment of insecurity and Arils kinda took that insecurity by the hoof so to speak.”

“Right…” Oxyde was still writing, intensely. “Well, I already have a full personal psychiatric file on Miss Arils-”

“-which is?” Arils asked, already sort of knowing the answer.

“She’s a mean, big, fat, doody-head…but I’m not sure if you have deep-seated romantic interest for her of if it’s just physical desire. It’s hard to say at this point in time.” The filly got up and trotted over to her desk.

“It’s hard to tell at this point Noire, but I’d recommend you do SOMETHING about it. The sexual tension is so thick you could touch it, and the situation is intervening in both your social and professional life.”

Noire watched the doctor put her clipboard on the desk before she picked up her wallet. “And now that I can stop being a doctor, let’s go get a drink...as friends.”

Dr. Oxyde licked her lips excitedly and bounced in her chair as her drink was brought over. A large, possibly radioactively pink sundae was bought over. It may have looked childish, but Noire knew the drink’s alcohol content was almost as ridiculous as it’s appearance. Both were trumped only by the sheer amount of sugar it contained.

Luckily, the bartender serving them knew Oxyde’s situation, so he didn’t blink twice at serving the apparent ten year old drinks. (The doctor’s temper was well-known for grievences she got about her age). Noire watched the filly stick a large straw into the drink and start sipping.

“You’re going to get diabetes, and it’s all going to be your fault.” Now that the doctor’s bouncing and chanting of the mantra “yummy, yummy, yummy” had subsided, she gave the detective a sidelong look.

“You can’t judge me, at least I don’t get drunk enough to do yucky things to my friends…” The filly insisted, sticking her tongue out at the detective as a grey hoof shoved her.

“Doc! Not in public!”

“No one cares Noire,” The doctor said, taking another drink before stirring her ungodly cocktail. “And even if they did, I’m sure Guenivere’s promiscuity is known far and wide, so they wouldn’t be surprised.” Oxyde now stirred her fervently and angrily, as though she were trying to drown the thick, goopy bubblegum mix.

“By the way, you seem especially upset about Arils, what’s with that? She’s really a nice pony at heart and I know she teases you a lot but-” The filly scoffed.

“Please, nice? That pony came to me asking for a favor, she has no idea how to regulate her emotions, she can’t interact with someone without making fun of them, she’s nothing but a chatty, filthy, meanie, jerky BITCH.” Her stirring reached a crescendo as she spoke, but at the last word, Oxyde covered her mouth, sweating profusely.

“Doc? Doc?” Noire said, waving her hoof in front of the pony, who seemed to think the whole world had stopped to glare at her and was now looking quite small.

“I said a no-no…” Oxyde said, lying on the counter and covering her eyes as Noire rolled hers. Anyone who knew the doctor well enough was familiar that the same spell that had allegedly stunted her growth had also affected some parts of her mentality.

It was to be assumed that swearing was one of them.

“C’mon doc, talk to me here, what do you mean she came asking for a favor, what did she do to you?” For a moment, as the doctor’s head slipped out from the down position, it seemed like she was about to cry, but she quickly got over it and raised her head jauntily.

“It’s not my place to say, and I don’t want to discuss it.” The pony then took another sip of her beverage as the detective sighed. The filly stubbornness was nearly famous, if she didn’t want to discuss something, it was NOT to be discussed.

“All right kiddo, but what should I do about this situation? The way I see it, I can either go out with the filly or-”

“-or if things get drastic--which they are--you can move out.” The detective seemed uncomfortable at the prospect.

“I dunno...Arils and I have lived together for over a year already, we’re just starting to get used to one another-”

“-and she’s already getting used to your hoo-haa...Noire, this is a lot of stress to be putting on you. I don’t think you get that it takes a lot more than one night to be able to develop a relationship well.

“If you aren’t comfortable with taking what you have to the next step, and if you think she can’t handle not being with you just as much as you can’t then you’ll need to cut her off.”

“Isn’t that a little drastic?” Noire asked the filly, who was still on her high-horse and likely still distracted.

“Oh of course it is, way over-the-top, but I’ve never known you as a filly to half-flank something. If you don’t go into this with all of your heart and effort it won’t even work out as friends.” The filly then giggled.

“And if I know Arils, she won’t be able to keep her hooves off of you...she’s a huge dummy, but she DOES care for you detective, and she has a whole lot of passion, just try to see if you can reciprocate that passion.”

And, always one for dramatic exits, the doctor paid for her drink and left wordlessly. Leaving Noire with her thoughts.