Noire and Arils

Dr. Nitrous Oxyde hummed a familiar tune to a children’s TV show as she resupplied her medical cabinet. The scruffed and frayed floor below her held dirty syringes, broken glass and all sorts of other hazards that no one would let a child near.

Thankfully, Dr. Oxyde was not a normal child.

The end of the wall had several medical beds and ironing board laid out, some with cut-up dolls on top of them, others with boxes of odds and ends stacked up on top of them. A knock on the door almost toppled the doctor before she managed to right herself, grumbling as she climbed down the ladder.

She flung open the door haphazardly and took a split second to look at the pony in front of her before slamming the door again and walking back over to her cabinet, resuming the process.

“Come on doc...I need to talk to you, it’s important!” Arils said, pounding on the door. The doctor simply ignored her whistling louder as she checked the plungers on her needles and stretched out her gauze.

“It’s about Noire!...” The maroon pony shouted through the door, making Oxyde pause. She was trapped between two passions, helping her friend, or making as little contact with Arils as physically possible. The angel on her shoulder finally won out, and the filly stomped over to the door, pulling it open.

“What is it. You’d better hope to your lucky stars this is important because I have a lot of restraining equipment and-”

“Oooh, you into kinky stuff too doc?” Arils asked, giving the pony and eyebrow bounce and receiving a door in her face. “All right, I’m sorry!” Oxyde re-appeared in the doorway, still glaring up at Arils.

“Look kiddo, I’m not under the impression you like me, but I know you like Noire. And I’m coming to you because I need your help with her.” The filly gave Arils a few seconds of silence before walking back into the apartment, leaving the door open. Arils took that as a sign of welcome and trotted in hesitantly.

“This is a nice apartment you’ve got!...I mean, it’s one room. Or, more half a room considering all the tables and cots...” Arils said, her feeble attempt at cordial complementation dying quickly as Oxyde handed her a cup of cocoa.

“You’re here because I want to help Noire be happy. I don’t hate you, but I don’t like you either, and I certainly don’t tolerate you, so instead of poking fun at my height or organization I suggest you talk to me about important things...contrary to popular belief, I am a busy filly.” Oxyde’s sudden firmness surprised Arils slightly, the short pony did seem to get more serious whenever she and Arils were in the same room together.

“Right well...I’m not sure if you’re aware, but last night Noire and I uhh...well we...” Normally the marron mare could’ve put it bluntly, but she still couldn’t shake the feeling she was talking to a child, albeit one that was checking her pocketwatch.

“Yes, I’m aware you two had sex...Noire was absolutely gushing androstenol and copulins pheromones during dinner while she was talking about it. Also cooties are transmitted sexually.” Arils opened her mouth to ask about the cooties comment, but thought better of it.

“You’re not grossed out or disapproving? I know you don’t think very much of hey-hey normally.”

“I know Noire well enough, and although I’m not sure why she’d agree to...that with you. I trust her judgement enough.”

“So you don’t think its gross?” Arils asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Oh no, it’s absolutely filthy and creepy too. Adults mashing their naughty bits together...” Oxyde gave a small shudder and adjusted her tools before sipping her cocoa. “But I take it you didn’t come here just to tell me that you and Noire made sheet monkeys last night.”

“Sheet--? Well no...I’m actually here on the Chief’s recommendation.”

“The Chief? Good pony that one. He gives me half the jobs I work for, turns out he gets around quite a lot.”

“He-hey, YEAH he does!” When another disapproving glare was sent her way, Arils shut up.

“Stop making jokes I don’t get...” Oxyde growled into her cup as she straightened up.

“Well he sent me here for a psychoanalysis...I think. Noire’s having problems with, well, me. Every time I talk to her she gets flustered and blushes or gets angry...and not the regular kind of angry like when I embarrass her and she does that kind of pouty thing and glares at me, or when I screw up and she gets jokingly pissed. I mean legitimate ‘I did something really wrong’ sort of way.”

The doctor thought for a moment before looking over Arils, after a few moments of intense staring and equally intense discomfort on Arils’s part, Oxyde looked down at a paper that had appeared on her desk.

“What do you like about Noire anyways?” She asked in a professional, nonchalant voice as she pulled out a pair of square, pink-rimmed glasses and put them on, pulling the paper over and sticking a pencil into her mouth.

“Well...err...she’s...y’know...pretty?” When all Arils received was a dull look from her interviewed, she huffed and pushed onwards.

“I guess she’s just really caring, she puts up with every stupid thing I do and actually enjoys it sometimes, you know, she gets me. She’s also just serious and in control of everything, but she’s still tons of fun. Plus she’s SUPER nice looking, I mean, that mare might have a pretty low color palette, but it doesn’t really matter to me. Like when she wears her hair in a bun? Great. Or how about how she looks super sexy in glasses?”

“Arils...”

“And then her flank--”

“Arils!”

“But wait, I didn’t even tell you how she was in bed!”

“ARILS!” Oxyde shouted, finally getting the pony in front of her to shut up, the filly’s cheeks were tinged red and her pony tail was slightly out of sorts. “I’ve heard quite enough about Noire’s bedroom habits thank-you-very-much.”

“Aww, is the little filly embarrassed about what adults do at night?” Arils cooed at the filly as she leaned forward. “It’s okay sweetie, you’re gonna have to deal with it sometime...my cousin is actually a schoolteacher, let’s see if I remember the song she sings her students about it--

“When two ponies love each other very much,

And sometimes they feel like they just have to touch--”

“Sweet Celestia’s cake addiction do you ever shut up!?” Oxyde threw the clipboard and paper on the floor and buried her head in her forelegs as Arils kept singing.

“And, it’s true, your parents do it too,

In fact, did you know, that’ show they made you!--”

Childish versions of profanities echoed across the room as Oxyde banged her head on the desk before stopping abruptly.

“--that’s what mares have down below!

And as for colts--uhh, hey doc, can you give me a word that rhymes with “penis”? I can’t seem to remember the next line...” Arils looked over to see the filly giving her a Cheshire grin, straightening her glasses but letting her pink mane remain a mess, a blush still visible on her face.

“Wow, well done stinkbrain! You almost got me there!”

“Stinkbrain!? Are you--” Arils started to retort before being cut off, the maroon pony looking nervous all of a sudden.

“My fault really, I should have paid more attention, you were using that as a defense mechanism, and it happened just as you started talking about sex, which you NEVER get flustered about since you do it casually with almost everypony and the same could be said for your night with Noire UNLESS...” A triumphant grin came across Oxyde’s face as the beige filly picked up her clipboard.

“I think I’m ready to tell you my results then, Miss Arils.” The undersized doctor cleared her throat. “ You use dirty humor as a safeguard, you’re nervous about the idea that what occurred between you and Noire might’ve been more than a meaningless fling. You’re terrified of the prospect of an actual relationship, you act like you’re ready, but in reality I would be better at holding down a special somepony than you’d be.” Arils sputtered before laughing.

“You! You’ve never banged anypony! Hell I don’t even know if you’re the age of consent considering you might still be a kid! I don’t think you could even fit anything in there~” With that last statement, the doctor turned a deeper shade of red than anything Arils had seen previously. Her hoof pressed down against the clipboard as her face flattened, completely and suddenly void of any emotion. A pang of guilt played across the grown mare’s face as she looked down at the filly.

“Look kid, I’m sorry...that might’ve been too far--”

“Take your stupid results and get out of my apartment!” Oxyde said, a mixture of intense anger and embarrassment playing on her face as she slapped the clipboard against Arils’s chest and pushed her out, slamming the door in the taller mare’s face.