Da Buck Did I Just Write?

by Cor200

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Random, Discord, Main 6
Length: 2210

I... I don't know... Everything is just complete randomness. There is a major plot twist at the end, though.

I honestly have no idea what I've just written...
Everything is just complete randomness.
There is a major plot twist at the end, though.

Published 2013-09-02 01:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-02 01:00:01 UTC

Is This Even a Story?

“Hey, Twilight!” Rainbow Dash called, “Why are you so purple?”

“The color of an object depends on both the physics of the object in its environment and the characteristics of the perceiving eye and brain. Physically, objects can be said to have the color of the light leaving their surfaces, which normally depends on the spectrum of the incident illumination and the reflectance properties of the surface, as well as potentially on the angles of illumination and viewing,” Twilight explained.

“Yeah, but why are you purple?” Rainbow Dash asked again.

Pinkie Pie appeared out of no where and said, “because I'm pink and she's my beeeeeeestest of friends and so she turned purple to show how close we are!” Pinkie then gave Twilight a biiiiiiig hug.

“Ah, come on Pinkie,” Applejack said, bucking Pinkie off of Twilight, “that's obviously not it.”

Pinkie burst into flames.

“How dare you kick me!!!” Pinkie yelled.

“Pinkie, you're stealing my move,” Twilight said, “It's copyrighted, so please don't use it.”

“But we're beeeeeeestest of friends!” Pinkie whined, her flame vanishing.

“Unfortunately, Law doesn't care what anypony's relationship is,” Twilight said.

“Wow, what a meanie!” Pinkie crossed her forelegs, “Where is this 'Law'?”

“Go ask Celestia,” Twilight sighed.

Pinkie Pie ran off.

“So, why are you purple, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked again.

“I already told you, Rainbow,” Twilight said.

“Fine, if you're not going to tell me, I'll just go do some cool stuff somewhere and make you jealous of how awesome I am,” Rainbow Dash sighed, then flew off.

Applejack stared at Twilight for an awkward amount of time before asking, “why are you purple?”

“The color of an object depends on both the physics of the object in its environment and the characteristics of the-” Twilight started to explain, but was interrupted by a buck to the face.

“Sorry, Twilight,” Applejack apologized, “that complex stuff just makes me twitch.”

Twilight looked blankly at Applejack before she turned and walked away.

“Geez, what's her problem,” Applejack muttered to herself, rolling her eyes. She walked off as well.

Author's Note

Eeyup...
I don't know if this can even be considered a story, but it's something at the least.
I'm worried about my sanity...

Where is the Plot Even Going?

“Yo, ponies!” Twilight called out the window to her bedroom, “Get your plots over here already!”

Within seconds, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash knocked at the door.

“You better have a flying good reason to have woken me up from my nap,” Rainbow Dash grumbled as Twilight came outside.

“Princess Celestia said we all had to do something,” Twilight said.

“What is it this time?” Rarity asked, “it's not another one of those mud-trotting adventure through the snow, desert, and other dirty places, is it?”

“She wanted me to help Changeling something in the Palace,” Twilight said.

“That's great! We could become famous for decoration that way!” Rarity said.

“No, it's not 'great',” Twilight said, “I don't want to help her home decorate, so we're going to the Everfree to hang out with Zecora.”

So they traveled and reached Zecora's house.

“What a pleasant surprise,” Zecora said, “Six ponies I can see with my eyes.”

“What? Were you having eye problems before?” Pinkie asked.

“I was looking at some moss,” Zecora explained, “When my vision became quite cross.”

“Was it that Purple Moss again?” Twilight asked, “You know that stuff isn't good for us. You told us yourself.”

“Silly pony, it's not like you infer,” Zecora said, “What I'm doing is finding a cure.”

“It sounds like you found it,” Twilight said.

“I did what I needed, and I have succeeded,” Zecora said, “but that's not the matter, what is stacked on your plater?”

“Celestia wants us to do something boring,” Twilight said, “So we came here to have some fun.”

“I'm sorry Twilight and friends,” Zecora said, “but my work for today seems to have no ends.”

“Is there anything cool that you have to do?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“You'll just mess it up somehow,” Zecora said, “then say 'oh, I know more about friendship now.'”

“Is there a problem with that?” Twilight asked.

“I actually need to get this done,” Zecora said, “I can't mess up even one.”

“Fine, we'll go,” Twilight sighed.

They all left Zecora to her work.

Author's Note

... I wish I knew...

I Just...

“Hey, Twilight!” Spike called, running over to the group of friends as they came out of the forest.

“I don't want to deal with it, Spike,” Twilight said.

“Why did you leave me!? I thought you'd left me forever!” Spike said, hugging Twilight.

“I just didn't want to deal with Celestia's letters,” Twilight said.

“So you left me in the middle of Ghastly Gorge?” Spike asked.

“Heh...” Twilight glanced away.

Luckily for Twilight, she didn't have to answer, for Pinkie Pie had taken out her party cannon and fired it at Spike, sending him flying.

“Only I can hug Twilight!” Pinkie shook her hoof at Spike as he flew off.

“I got him!” Rainbow Dash called, flying off and catching him. She then tossed him and yelled, “Incoming!”

“I got him,” Fluttershy whispered.

The others stood aside, giving her space.

“K.O.” Fluttershy said, slamming Spike down.

Spike went limp after impact.

“What the hay, Fluttershy?” Applejack asked in shock.

“I had a bet with Spike after the spa incident,” Fluttershy blushed, glancing around nervously.

“Who cares, that was totally awesome Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash said, returning to the group, “I'd have never guessed.”

“Not all of Iron Will's classes were to waste,” Fluttershy shrugged.

Luna then landed in front of the group and said in her Royal Canterlot voice, “our sister has asked thou for thy assistance and yet ye ignore her call?”

“Hey Luna! I was just about to throw a dance party!” Pinkie Pie cheered, “want to join us in the dance off?”

And so the seven of them danced for hours.

The winner was Derpy. Derpy had joined them because she saw them all dancing and wanted to dance too.

“We should do that again!” Derpy said, “I love dance-till-you-drop parties." She smiled for a moment and did nothing, making the situation slightly awkward. She then added, "and muffins!” before flying off.

“Oh!” Pinkie Pie jumped back up, full of energy again all of a sudden, “I should throw a Muffin Manic Maze party, or MMM, some time soon!”

“I must say,” Luna said through heavy breaths as she stood up, “the fun surly was doubled once she joined. She must be the Dancing Queen.”

“Dan-cing Queeeen!” Pinkie Pie sung.

Author's Note

... Something is obviously wrong with my mind right now...

I Give Up...

“You know, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said.

“What is it Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked.

“Purple,” Rainbow Dash said.

“I don't care how subliminal you just put that question-” Twilight started.

“What subliminal question?” Rainbow Dash interrupted, glancing around suspiciously, “Twilight, I have no clue what your talking about.”

“She's right Twilight,” the other six agreed, "you're being superstitious."

“Oh! Is that how it is!?” Twilight yelled, “Then I think I'll take my leave!” Twilight stormed off.

“Twilight!” Rarity called after her.

“She'll cool down in a little bit,” Spike said, “she does this all the time.”

“Oh! I know what we can do!” Luna said, “We can banish ponies to the Sun!”

“That sounds so totally awesome!” Rainbow Dash said.

“You can do that?” Applejack asked.

“My sister can banish ponies to the Moon,” Luna shrugged.

“Oh! I never thought about it that way!” Pinkie Pie said.

“So who should we banish first?” Rainbow Dash wondered.

“I know! How about Gilda!?” Pinkie Pie suggested.

“What a lovely idea,” Rarity said, “but where would we find her?”

The answer came to them within seconds, for, soon enough, they heard a cry, “There you are, you dweebs!”

They all look up to see Gilda flying towards them as fast as she could. Gilda was flying at quite an amazing speed.

“I'm going to pulverize you all!” Gilda yelled.

“Are you ready?” Luna whispered.

As Gilda approached, they all counted down, quietly, from three.

Gilda was a picometer away from them when they all yelled, “ZERO!!!”

Gilda vanished.

“Enjoy the Sun, maybe it'll 'gild ya'!” Pinkie Pie said.

They all laughed and hoof-bumped each other.

Author's Note

...There's just no hope for me...

*Sane Note* (WARNING: YOU MAY LEARN SOMETHING!) Anyone who is wondering, a picometer is 10 to the -12th power, or 1/1000000000000.

Why Am I Writing This?

Fluttershy and Rarity were relaxing at the spa.

“Why is Spike here?” Fluttershy whispered.

“He does this all the time,” Rarity shook her head, “he thinks he's good at stalking me.”

“Um, excuse me?” Fluttershy asked Lotus Blossom, “can I have one of those spa rocks?”

Lotus Blossom looked at Fluttershy for a moment, not understanding why she would want a spa rock when they'd do the spa rock treatment for her, but, in the end, Lotus Blossom decided not to bother wondering and just gave Fluttershy one of the many searing hot spa rocks they used.

“Stop watching us! It's just wrong!” Fluttershy yelled, throwing the rock.

Her throw nailed Spike on the head, knocking him out.

“Nice throw, Fluttershy,” Rarity said, genuinely impressed, “where did you learn to do that?”

Fluttershy laughed lightly, glancing away. Eventually she said to Lotus Blossom, “sorry about your stone.” She was trying to change the subject.

Lotus Blossom was still staring at Spike. Soon she screamed, “AHHHHH! Creepy-weirdo-freak dragon!”

Seven royal guards busted through the door and ran in, surrounding Spike. They picked him off and left again.

“Right, so where were we?” Rarity said, pausing for a moment before eagerly squeaking, “oh! I remember. How did you get your hair so soft, Fluttershy?”

“Nature,” Fluttershy blushed.

“What brand? Nature's Remedies? Nature's Touch? Or any other one,” Rarity asked.

“No, just Nature,” Fluttershy murmured.

“Fluttershy?" Rarity gasped. "Are you being greedy Fluttershy?”

“No, I-” Fluttershy started to explain.

“Well then,” Rarity interrupted with a huff, “be that way.” She stood up and walked out of the spa.

Fluttershy sighed and left as well.

Author's Note

I really have no idea about anything right now...

Wow, Really?

“Oh noes!” Luna cried all of a sudden.

They all looked at Luna in horror.

“We needs to finds Twilight!” Luna said urgently.

“She's probably booking her reads,” Spike said.

“You mean, reading her books?” Applejack asked.

“No, she's deciding when she should read which book based on some system I don't really understand,” Spike said.

“Quick then! To the book cave!” Luna yelled, pointing to the sky.

They all run to the Library and burst through the door.

“Bookmare, we need your help!” Luna said.

“Not now,” Twilight said, “and why the hay are you calling me 'bookmare'?”

“I don't know,” Luna said, her eyes going fish-eyed for a second.

“Come on, Twilight,” Spike reasoned, “it may be important.”

“Fine,” Twilight sighed, “what is it?”

“Changelings have invaded the palace!” Luna said.

Twilight facehoofed.

“Ow...” Twilight muttered, for she did just smack her face with her hoof.

“So, will you help us?” Luna asked, “we need all of the Elements to save everything!”

“Of course! I still haven't forgiven Queen Chrysalis for deceiving my brother!” Twilight said, standing up.

By the time they reached the throne room, it was too late. The changelings had imprisoned all the ponies and there was nothing they could do.

“Noooooooooo!” Fluttershy cried out dramatically, “whatever shall we do now?”

“Don't worry, Fluttershy,” Discord said, appearing in front of the six, “I will always help my friends if they are in need!”

“Oh no!” Queen Chrysalis cried. She was sitting on the throne.

Discord then flew at Queen Chrysalis, and...

Everything turned into dolls. The Discord doll was being held by the right paw of a lion, and the Queen Chrysalis held by the left claw of an eagle.

In a room, somewhere in the castle, Discord sat with a group of My Little Pony dolls that he had designed himself. The door to the room flew open and Luna barged in. Discord instantly swept the dolls away, teleporting them to one of his secret location.

“Oh, Luna, what a wonderful surprise,” Discord said.

“What the hay is going on in here Discord?” Luna asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Discord said, “just having some fun.”

“Well could you please keep it down? Some ponies are trying to get some sleep,” Luna replied.

“My bad, I'll try to keep the noise down,” Discord said.

After Luna left the room, he teleported the dolls back and had the Discord doll turn the Queen Chrysalis doll into a normal pony, which caused a chain reaction of turning all the other changlings into ponies.

“And the ponies lost to the darkness oh so long ago finally remembered who they truly were,” Discord whispered, “End Play.”

Author's Note

I think my mind's returning to normal now... Back to the stories I've been unable to write during my insanity.
(And no, I don't fully know the meaning to that last paragraph; I just... wrote it)