Like a G5
by Present Perfect
"How can all my friends... Equestria... just vanish?"
Twilight Sparkle, voice cracking, drew a wing across her eyes, her feathers already soaked with tears. It wouldn't have stopped them from continuing to fall if they hadn't been.
"Princess, I don't understand!"
Princess Celestia shook her head as she led Twilight through the castle once called Canterlot. It shook still, blocks of alabaster crumbling around them.
"My dear Twilight," she said heavily, "if my explanation has not been sufficient, then it is time you met She who set everything in motion."
Twilight's head filled with questions, yet the gravity of Celestia's statement -- she could hear the capital "S" in "She" -- stilled her tongue. The floor rumbled and a crack opened beneath her hooves. She stepped around it lightly. Ever since watching her friends disappear into one such crack, the shifting ground had ceased to surprise.
They had been heading downward, deeper and deeper through levels of the castle that Twilight had never before seen, not as Princess Celestia's student, nor even as a princess herself. Twilight felt that, even had the castle, Equestria and reality not been crumbling around them, this area would still have been dark, dusty, and in great disrepair.
At last, their gait never having surpassed a gentle lope despite the circumstances, they approached a door and stopped. Despite the low ceiling on this floor, the door stretched up before them, gold and ivory surmounted by deep mahogany in a plain yet commanding pattern. It seemed strangely untouched by the decay and neglect in this part of the castle, gleaming in the light of their horns. Celestia stepped forward and unlocked the door with her horn as Twilight had seen her open the vault that contained the Elements of Harmony, once upon a destined afternoon.
This time, however, the door seemed to take something from Celestia. The door clicked and she lurched forward as though pushed from behind, sinking to one knee. Twilight gasped as Celestia's mane diminished from the ethereal flag of pastels she had always known to a simple light pink bob. She rushed to the Princess's side.
"Celestia!"
"Come, Twilight." Celestia's voice strained as she rose with Twilight's help. She took a moment to steady herself, then entered the room.
Despite the ornateness of the door, the vault they entered was austere. There was a desk, or the skeleton thereof, the wood having rotted away long ago, leaving behind just metal embellishments and a pile of drawer pulls. In the center of the room was a short dais, upon which sat a plain high-backed chair that could only generously be considered a throne.
Twilight took the chair's occupant for a skeleton or mummy, some ancient ruler entombed for all eternity upon their throne, ruling naught but cobwebs forevermore. But there was a certain regality in its stature that lent to the designation of "throne". That is, until the eyes opened, shining like blue suns, and dislodged the eons' worth of thick dust covering them. There was something ineffable about that gaze, something that answered all of Twilight's questions before she could even think to ask them.
Celestia stepped forward, and the eyes followed her.
"It is time," was all the Princess said.
Great wings, white as Celestia's and even more imposing, spread toward the ceiling, shaking off a cloud of dust that quickly filled the room. Twilight found that, despite the tickling in her nose and graininess in her eyes, it did not make her cough; no doubt another benefit to Princesshood that she still had not heretofore discovered. Even at the end of everything, she still had much to learn.
When the dust cleared, the alicorn beneath it sat upon her throne with enough otherworldly grace to make Celestia seem a small foal in comparison. Celestia was bowing her head to the forgotten monarch, whose rust-colored mane was styled similarly to Twilight's own. The unnamed regent nodded ever so slightly, and Celestia rose. Then the great, pearly-white horn produced a tiny, soft light. Despite its dimness, Twilight felt her breath catch in her throat at the tremendous power it held. The power did not emanate from the horn so much as spill across the room, and two portals appeared in the corners of the room.
No, "appear" was not the right word. They were not revealed to have been there previously, nor were they summoned into existence by magic. The very fabric of the universe that had moments before said, in no uncertain terms, that no such portals existed there or anywhere else in creation, had been unraveled and rewritten in such a way as to brook no argument from anyone or anything, not even the laws of physics. The portals simply were.
From out of the portals stepped two more alicorns. Twilight gasped, not only because they were the first male alicorns she had ever seen. One was black and blue, the other blue and black, and both wore dark suits and sunglasses. They bore striking resemblances to...
"You!" The word left her lips like a shot, and she began striding toward the nearest one, horn flaring. "You were there in Ponyville when the world started collapsing! You killed my friends!"
The alicorn on the throne spoke not a word, nor did her expression harden, but as Twilight felt that ponderous blue gaze wash over her, she stilled. The male alicorn who she had approached spoke, his words clipped and professional.
"Regrettable, but necessary." He nodded to Twilight. "I'd apologize for the pain you've gone through, Miss Sparkle, but it's too late for apologies now."
"We're brand marketing, ma'am," said the other, stepping forward. "I'm from Hasbro, and he's from the Hub."
Twilight took a step back. "The hub of what? Who are you?"
The male alicorns exchanged unreadable glances from behind their shades, and then one of them said, "We're with reality, ma'am."
"Friendship Is Magic has come to a close. We're here to reboot the franchise."
Twilight looked helplessly to Celestia, who stood in the center of the room, her head lowered and an inscrutable smile on her face.
"I don't understand a thing you're saying! Princess, can't we make them stop this?"
"No," Celestia said quietly. She lifted her head. "I suppose Mother will have to explain."
Nothing was said, but the instant she looked into that white alicorn's eyes, Twilight knew everything. Series four was over. The audience, both intended and otherwise, had moved on. It was time to reboot, to attract a new audience.
A single tear slid down Twilight's face. The harshest truth of what was to occur wasn't that she would never see her friends again, but that she would not be allowed to join them. They would live on in her memories, and in her memories only.
"Generation five needs a Princess, you see," the alicorn from Hasbro said gently.
"I see." Twilight's voice was small, and her gaze dropped to the dusty floor. The castle shook.
"If you've no further objections," the other male alicorn said, "we should vacate the premises ahead of full-scale reality collapse."
"I..." Twilight looked at Celestia, who seemed to have shrunk in stature since they entered. "Princess, can't you come too?"
Celestia turned eyes rimmed with tears toward her, and gave her a profoundly heartbreaking smile.
"If only I could, my faithful friend. I am a creation of this generation, which you have transcended. I'll stay here with Mother and keep her company as the world dies." She laughed softly. "Don't fret, Twilight, we won't die with it. So long as there are fanfiction writers, we'll live on in perpetuity, just... lessened." She raised her eyes to her mother's, and her mother smiled for the first time. "Luna is already there, in the fandom. She always was popular."
She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. "I'll work out my issues with my sister. I'll battle Discord and Chrysalis again and again. I'll fall in love with everyone, even you. Perhaps we'll even have a child." Opening her eyes, she smiled at Twilight. "The sky is the limit."
"We should go now," said one of the alicorns. Twilight couldn't be sure which. "Please, follow me, Miss Sparkle."
The castle shook hard enough to make them all lurch to one side. Twilight dashed the few steps to Celestia and threw her arms around the other alicorn's neck, squeezing tightly.
"Thank you," she said through choking tears.
"Go Twilight," Celestia whispered. "Remember us."
Twilight nodded, stepping back, her eyes on Celestia. She turned toward Celestia's mother, who smiled again and nodded imperceptibly.
"With me, ma'am," said the alicorn from the Hub. Twilight stepped over to him, nodded, and then stepped through the portal.
The Rise
It's May 20th, 2063, and that means it's my thirteenth birthday!
My name's Apple Jonas, the apple-buckinest pony you're ever likely to meet! I live just outside Ponyopolis on an apple farm called Extreme Apple Acres. We have like a gazillion apple trees, and it's up to me, my parents, my grandma, my big brother and me to buck 'em all down every season! It's a lot of work, but it goes fast because we do it riding motorcycles! And that's why I'm so excited for today: I think my ma and pa are gonna get me a motorcycle to call my own! I can't wait to go out mudding with my friends!
Uh, once my chores are done, anyway. Haha!
Hey, speaking of my friends, here they come! The blue flypony with the cool bomber jacket and awesome rainbow hair is my best friend, Randall Dash! We've been friends since he stopped bullying me in fifth grade. He's had a motorcycle since he was ten, and he's already one of the best racers in the city!
Then there's Flutter Sheila. She's a flypony too, yellow with pink hair. She's really noisy and complains a lot. I guess it's because she's a girl? We let her hang out with us though, because she's saved me and Randall's plots more times than I'd like to admit. As my ma would say, you know how boys are: always getting into trouble! Flutter Sheila has a bunch of weird pets she's always carrying around with her. I mean, they're kinda neat, if you like animals and stuff, but she gives them really weird names.
The fat pony who's having trouble keeping up is Pedro Pie. He's just a normal pony like me, but he's pink. None of us really like him all that much, because he's fat and weird, but we've found out it's too much trouble convincing him to leave us alone, so we tolerate him and his weird obsession with collectible card games. He eats all my food though, it's really gross!
"Hey, Apple Jonas!" Flutter Sheila says. "Happy birthday!"
The guys say happy birthday too, and I gallop out to meet them. We've got an exciting day planned for my birthday, but it all comes down to whether or not...
"Ohh, Apple Jonas!"
It's my mom!
"Ma!" I yell, and run for the house. "What is it?"
"Your pa and I wanted to give you your present early so you could go play with your friends!"
"Here you go, son!" Pa says, and wheels out something under a tarp. It's kind of shaped like a motorcycle. I wonder what it could be!
"Oh man," says Randall, "is that what I think it is?"
"I'm pretty sure it's a motorcycle, dummy." There goes Flutter Sheila, always mouthing off.
"Holy frijoles, this is making me hungry!" says Pedro. "I could really go for some enchiladas right now!"
"Now, Pedro," ma chides, "you know we don't make that kind of food here. But you're welcome to some apple pie after Apple Jonas opens his birthday present!"
"Sounds good to me!"
I step forward toward my present. My hooves are shaking. I can't believe it! Could it be? I grip the big girly bow in my teeth and yank hard. The burlap covering falls away and reveals...
A block of wood shaped like a motorcycle.
"Do you like it, son?" Pa asks, stepping next to me. "I carved it myself!"
No way! This is so lame! My ears droop and I mumble, "It's... great."
Then pa laughs and slaps me on the back. "Ah, Jonas, you should see the look on your face! I'm just kidding, son, your motorcycle's in the barn!"
I don't need another invitation. My spirits soaring, I dash off toward the barn with my friends in tow, except Pedro because he's really slow.
We reach the barn and there it is! A brand-new, shiny red Jubilee Mark XVI. It's the most gorgeous bike I've ever seen!
"It's even cooler than yours, Randall," Sheila needles him.
"Hey!" I hear Randall's wings rustle. "Mine's custom! But, uh, yeah, it is a sweet bike, Jonas. We should race sometime!"
I ignore them and just look at the way my face shines in the paint. I run my hooves over the sleek curves, the perfect lines and the really awesome flame decals. It's everything I ever wanted.
"Happy birthday, son!" my parents chorus from the barn door. Pedro's back there with them, panting and wheezing. Everypony applauds and cheers.
"Can I take it out applebucking?" I ask my parents.
My dad laughs. "Sure you wanna get mud on it so soon?" I'm just about going to cry but then he winks at me. "Ah, I'm just kidding. No Apple ever had a perfectly shiny clean motorcycle! Go show your friend Randall how we do it here on the farm!"
"Thanks, Ma and Pa! You're the best parents ever!"
The engine hums beneath me as I charge the bike up and cut loose into the south fields. There's this awesome vibratey feeling all through my body and then it turns into a really cool sort of numbness. It's like a piece of the motorcycle is reaching out and connecting with my soul. That's when I know: I was born to ride this bike!
Randall's right there next to me, and I can see Sheila on her jet-powered skateboard and Pedro on his scooter not far behind.
"C'mon, Randall Dash!" I shout over the roar of the engines. "Watch how a pro does it!"
Applebucking on motorcycles is way cool, plus it's a family tradition that goes back generations! You drive past a tree and just as you get next to it, you leap off your motorcycle and kick the tree. If you did it right, then you'll knock all the apples loose. Then my brother comes in and takes them all to the barn. I may not have had my own motorcycle until today, but I'm a practiced hoof at applebucking on them!
But even though I can totally show off to my friends, I guess I still have a thing or two to learn about riding a motorcycle. Randall isn't quite as good as I am at knocking apples off trees, but he does all kinds of cool tricks like riding upside-down and steering with his wings, or drive-bying Sheila and Pedro with apples. They don't like that much, but I laugh.
Just as I'm working up the nerve to try driving up the side of a tree, my grandma calls out from the house.
"Hey, everypony! The Princess is on the telemavision!"
The Princess!
We head for the house and park our stuff outside. I sit in front of the TV and there she is! Princess Twilight Sparkle. She's got awesome flowing purple hair and a great big crown thingy with a pink star. Plus, she has wings and a horn! She's just the most amazing pony I've ever seen, and I never miss a broadcast if I can help it.
"Hey, looks like somepony's got a crush," Randall says, jabbing me in the side.
"What?" My face goes hot for some reason. "I do not!"
"Shush!" Sheila says. "You're interrupting the broadcast!"
"--thousandth annual Pony Extreme Games. This year, I've decided to hold the Games right here in Ponyopolis!"
"Whoa, the Games are gonna be here?" I jump up and do a little dance. This is so cool! I've watched the Games on TV all my life, but I've never actually gotten to go there myself.
"This is totally our chance!" Randall says, and that's exactly what I was thinking. We high-hoof and cheer, and Granny looks at us a little annoyed. She's just about to yell at us, I know it, but all of a sudden the screen turns to static!
"What's going on?" Pedro shouts.
We get our answer quickly. The image comes back and instead of the Princess's beautiful face, it's the face of a scarred griffon wearing an eyepatch.
"Hey, you dweeby ponies," she shouts in a rough, harsh voice, "listen up 'cause I'm only gonna tell you this once! You lot ain't gettin' your dumb pony games this year!"
We all gasp.
"I'm General Killda of the New Lunar Army, and I've come with a special message for all the precious ponies out there in pony land: Queen Nightmare Extreme is coming back, and it's gonna be a long vacation for all of you!"
"No way!" Randall shouts, jumping up. "She can't do that!"
"She can totally do it!" Killda says, and points at the screen. "And to show you we mean business, our Queen's prepared a little gift for all of you watching in Ponyopolis."
The camera on the screen turns and shows a house that looks really familiar. Next to it is a barn that also looks familiar. And then all of a sudden, a giant robot falls out of the sky and lands on the barn! There's a big crashing sound from nearby and the floor shakes. Stuff falls off the walls, even! It's like we're right there in the news broadcast!
"Oh no!" Granny looks out the window. "They done crushed our barn!"
It's true. That big robot is standing on the crushed remains of our barn.
"Enjoy your present," General Killda says from the TV, smirking. "Smell ya later, dweebs!" And then the screen fades out.
"That's totally lame!" I yell. "Well, at least no one was in there, right?"
As the robot walks away from the barn and into the city, its footfalls causing more stuff to rattle in the house, Granny turns to me with a haunted look on her face.
"J-Jonas," she stutters, "I dunno how to say this, but... Your ma and pa were in that barn just now."
My heart freezes. "What? What are you saying?"
But before she can answer, I'm already out the door and galloping for the ruins of the barn. It can't be real. It just can't! I reach the pile of splintered beams and hay and start calling for my parents. I shout and I shout, and eventually I collapse to my knees because there's no answer. My friends are nearby but they're like ghosts. All I can see is the crushed barn and the water leaking out of my face.
"Killda!" I scream to the sky. "You made my parents go on vacation! I'll make you go on vacation! Forever!"
Randall stands over me, looking more serious than I've ever seen him before.
"Let's go destroy that robot and avenge your parents' vacation," he says darkly. I sniff and wipe my nose on the sleeve of my jacket. Then I nod.
"Get your bikes."
As we charge into downtown Ponyopolis, I try really hard not to think about my parents. Randall is right, I need to get revenge and then everything will be better.
Jonas...
What was that? It sounded like somepony talking to me, but my friends haven't said anything. Whatever. The robot's up ahead and it looks like it's stomping through buildings. There are ponies running everywhere. It's huge, almost as big as a building, it walks on two legs and it has two big arms with missile launchers.
"So what's the plan?" Sheila yells.
"I wanna go home!" Pedro cries.
"Can it!" Randall tells him. "We don't need a plan. Just hit it with everything you've got!"
"But wait!" Sheila protests. "You need to find a weak spot! The rules of battle say--"
"Screw the rules, I have a motorcycle!"
He rockets forward on his bike. Just when it looks like he's going to hit a patch of road that's still being worked on, he spreads his wings and launches his bike into the air. Then it spreads its wings! How cool is that? Randall drives his bike right at the robot's huge body, slams into it, making it stagger a little, and then glides back down to the ground.
"That's how it's done!" he declares triumphantly. I have never had more respect for my friend than in that moment.
"Look out!"
I'm glad Sheila was paying attention, because the robot's fired a missile at us. We all drive away in a panic and it explodes right where we were sitting, sending chunks of road and building everywhere! Luckily, nopony is hurt. She saved our plots again!
"All right," Sheila says, looking serious, "it's time we showed this thing it can't mess with Ponyopolis!"
Then she holds up her Monstervice, which she keeps on her foreleg, and a bolt of light shoot out of it as she shouts, "Gel Bunny! Thunder Fly! Mantis Core! I summon thee!"
And then three of her pet Monsterons -- a little blob of goo with bunny ears, a butterfly made out of electricity, and a giant mantis with a stinging tail -- appear out of the sky.
"Thunder Fly, use your Lightning Wings! Mantis Core, use your Stinger! Attack the robot's weak spot for massive damage!"
Thunder Fly and Mantis Core move off to fight the robot, and Gel Bunny hops into her arms. I've never seen it attack anything before and I'm not even sure it can.
I hear Pedro gulp audibly behind me.
"Oh man," he whines, "I'm really scared and my blood sugar's getting low, but I'm in this too!"
He whips out his Manual Card Deck, which is a platform around his neck that lets him play a foal's card game without needing a table. His deck appears on one side and he draws some cards from it, then plays them on the surface.
"Aaaaaaaaaah, LIFE DRAW! MULTI-CONNECT TO FORM SHINING DRAGON!"
The giant lizard appears in midair, right in front of the robot! I know it's just a hologram, but it's enough to distract the robot while Sheila's monsters attack.
"That's the spirit, Pedro!" Randall says, and revs his engine. "I'll give it another whack and we can take it down for sure!" He flies up off the ramp again, deploying the wings on his motorcycle.
All I can do is sit and watch. I mean, what could I do? I'm not a Monsterron trainer or a card game master, and as far as I know, my bike is just a normal motorcycle, nothing like Randall's custom. I want to do something to help. All I can think of is my parents.
Jonas...
That voice again!
"Who said that?" I ask, feeling dumb. Luckily my friends are too focused on the battle to notice.
Jonas...
"Hey, seriously, you're starting to creep me out here! Who are you?"
I don't have much time to wonder because there's a big explosion that draws my attention. Shining Dragon disintegrates, since it's just a hologram, and Randall, Thunder Fly and Mantis Core are all falling out of the sky! Sheila and Pedro cry out in pain as their attacks are countered.
I freeze. What can I do? I'm just a colt on a motorcycle who's only good at applebucking! I want to avenge my parents but I don't know how!
My friends all hit the pavement. I can see that they're covered in brown scratches and not moving. The robot turns to me. I see a red light turn on, shining right at me. This is it.
Jonas, your spirit has awakened me.
"Wha?"
Let me guide you, Apple Jonas...
"Who said..."
Suddenly, my motorcycle starts moving all by itself! It drives off toward the ramp Randall was using. All I can do is hold on! Was it my motorcycle talking to me? Maybe it's not so normal after all.
As the motorcycle hits the ramp, the robot fires a missile at where I was, but it misses! Then all of a sudden, my motorcycle comes apart!
"Hey, what gives?"
The pieces fly around me as I hurtle toward the robot, and then they start latching onto me: my legs, my body, even a helmet on my head!
"What's going on?"
Fight with me, Jonas. I will lend you my strength!
All of a sudden, I realize I'm not just hurtling anymore. I'm flying! I zip around the robot and catch my reflection in its shiny surface.
No way. My motorcycle turned into a suit of armor! I've got awesome wings and everything! This is completely radical!
As I fly around the robot, it takes a swing at me, and I just barely dodge it.
"Hey, motorcycle, you got any weapons?"
Call me Jubilee, Jonas. Activating weapons systems now...
A bunch of guns pop out of the armor around my legs. This is so wicked.
"Jubilee! Attack the robot's weak spot!"
The weak spot lights up in my helmet's display and I points my guns at it. Missiles and rockets fire out from all of them, and drive right into the flashing weak spot. I close my eyes.
"Thanks, ma and pa," I whisper, a single tear trickling down my cheek. "This was the best birthday present ever."
The robot explodes, showering debris all over Ponyopolis.
My job done, I fly back down to the ground. Jubilee turns back into a motorcycle, and my friends are just waking up.
"Ugh, what happened?"
"Oh my head! Mommy!"
"Jonas?" Sheila cracks open one eye. "What happened to the robot?"
"I uh..."
Whoa. Hang on. They didn't see any of that. I get an idea.
"I was trying to get you guys out of the way of the fight, when this cool pony dressed in flying armor showed up! He shot a bunch of missiles at the robot and it exploded!"
"What?" my friends ask all together. It's obvious they don't believe me. Maybe this plan isn't going to work. I mean, I don't necessarily have to keep it a secret, but it would be so cool to have a secret identity, like a superhero! Just something for me that nopony else knows about!
Then, the big TV screens in the downtown area flicker to life. They show me in my armor fighting the robot. Thankfully, they didn't get the part where it turned back into a motorcycle.
"Just now at the scene, mares and gentlecolts," says the reporter, "where the vicious General Killda's giant death robot was stopped by a mysterious pony with jets and missiles. Sources are calling this unknown hero the Celesteer, and hope that he'll be back to defend us should the New Lunar Army try to usurp the peace of Ponyopolis again!"
The screen goes fuzzy then and General Killda's face shows up.
"Listen up, you dweebs! You may have beaten my robot, but that's just the tip of the iceberg! The New Lunar Army is gonna bring the heat! And here's a special message from our Queen to that chump the Celesteer: get in my way again and I'll punish you in the name of the moon! Killda out!"
The screens go black, and then the news reporter comes back on.
I shake my hoof at the screen. "General Killda! I might have avenged my parents against your robot, but I'll never rest until you and your army have been defeated and peace reigns over the land once again!"
"Geez," says Sheila, "you could've just told us you were the Celesteer, Jonas."
"What? But I'm not the--"
"Yeah!" Pedro adds. "You coulda beaten that robot right off the bat!"
"But I didn't know I was--"
"Not to mention," Randall says and leans a hoof on my shoulder, "you look totally awesome in that armor!"
I gulp. "So much for having a secret identity?"
We all laugh.
Tune in next week for another exciting episode of My Extreme Pony: Battle Adventures, brought to you by 4Kids!
