My Little Reality Show

by Miss Earl Grey

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Braeburn, Random, Lightning Dust, Derpy Hooves
Length: 6419

Sixteen ponies. One house. Cut off entirely from the world, they all compete for the chance at a million bits. Who will win? Who will lose? Will Celestia and Luna ever kick their addiction to this terrible show?

Sixteen ponies from all around Equestria, from different backgrounds and beliefs. All cooped together in one house, and they can have no contact from the outside world for ninety days. What's at stake? A million bits, and a good deal of pride. Who will win? Who will lose? Can the Princesses' kick their addiction to this cheesy, over the top, terrible reality show? What's more, how will Celestia react when she discovers her star pupil is among the contestants?

If you take this story seriously...then that makes one of us.

Predictions are HIGHLY encouraged. ;)

Published 2013-08-31 17:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-24 02:06:45 UTC

Welcome to Biiiiig Brother!

Chapter One -

The royal desk of Princess Celestia was a mahogany beast of burden, piled with scrolls, ink wells, and official documents. It stood proudly in the center of her office, cast in shadow from the flickering flames of the fire. Outside, behind the drawn curtains, the lush darkness of true night was beginning to spread silently over Equestria’s skies. One at a time, stars took their places in the heavens and sparkled gently. The princess herself stood in front of the fire, her long white neck bowed elegantly, her long dark lashes closed. Her long, rippling mane seemed to move in time with the fire.

All at once, the door to her study flew open with a bang, and her younger sister, Princess Luna, hurried in.

“My sister!” the smaller, darker pony gasped as she skidded to a stop, “It is time!”

Celestia’s eyes flashed open and she turned instantly. “Are you certain, my sister?”

“Yes,” Luna said, her eyes shining. “Everything is prepared.”

The two regal princesses took the sweeping Canterlot stairs two at a time, hastening towards Princess Luna’s bedchambers. Celestia used a burst of her golden magic to open the door, and the two of them flew inside. In Luna’s room, the bedcovers had been turned down and the pillows freshly plumped. A bowl of popcorn, glistening with butter, was nestled between the cushions. The place was ablaze with light, and the two sisters sat down on Luna’s extravagant bed.

Mounted on the wall was an enormous wide screen television, glowing with electricity. The princesses hushed and ate their popcorn simultaneously.

On screen were two tall, lanky yellow ponies with identical tuxedos and bowties. The only apparent difference between the two redheaded twins was that one of them had grown a mustache. “Good evening, Equestria,” the non-mustached pony said briskly. “And welcome back to the tenth season of Big Brother!”

As wild hoofstomping swept the studio audience, Luna let out a very un-princesslike squeal. Celestia hushed her, her lavender eyes never leaving the screen.

“Sixteen ponies from all different walks of life, all kept together in one house for ninety days. All of them compete for a chance to win one million bits, which could buy them a life of luxury. Their every move and sound is being recorded and broadcasted to all of Equestria. Does that sound like a recipe for disaster?” the mustached pony asked with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“Of course it does! But that’s why we’re here. Because this year, we have selected sixteen ponies from all across Equestria, and have decided to give you the biggest and most outrageous season yet!” His brother brayed.

The camera cut to a sleek, light opal pegasus with a stylishly sleek golden mane. “I’m Lightning Dust, and I’m this year’s winner of Big Brother!” she announced, winking. “Just kidding. I live in Fillydelphia, and I’m a Senior Cloud Kicker for the Fillydelphia weather patrol.”

She thrust her chest forward proudly, displaying the small golden key she had suspended around her neck, which bore her name and allowed her into the Big Brother house. “I’m very fast, really competitive, and there’s nopony who’s gonna stand in my way,” Lightning Dust grinned. “I’ll form alliances if I have to, but trust me – they’re not gonna last.”

In a small, bedazzled boutique was a beautiful white unicorn, her dark purple mane curled and coiffed to perfection. “My name is Rarity, and I own and operate Carousel Boutique, where I create custom dresses.” She gave the camera a blinding smile. “Ponies may write me off as a silly filly obsessed with fashion, but trust me –“ there was a hint of steel in her smile now, “- that would be the absolute worst mistake they could ever make.”

“I’m Octavia,” said a gray earth pony with a dark mane, adjusting her pink bowtie self-consciously. “I am a musician, and I play the cello for the Canterlot Royal Orchestra.” Unsmiling, she looked away. “I believe I can win Big Brother because I am a Big Brother super-fan, and I have formed several dozen strategies to get me to the Final Four and beyond.”

When she raised her dark violet eyes once more, there was no malice, just simple fact. “Some alliances have brawn, others have brain. I am most certainly the brain.”

“She’ll win,” Luna said around a mouthful of popcorn.

“Shh!” Celestia hissed.

A dark cerise pony with a pale pink mane gave a dimpled smile easily. “Hello there! My name is Cheerliee, and I am a teacher for young foals. I’m a Ponyville mare born and bred. I’ve been watching Big Brother for years now, and I really hope I win! I’m here to have fun, and have a good time. But above all, I’d like to win that million bits!” She said cheerfully.

The screen exploded with fireworks, and a pale cyan unicorn stood atop a wooden cart, her starry cape flared around her. “I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!” she said, trilling her R’s. “And this year, the winner of Big Brother shall be me! Those million bits shall reside in my pockets, and no other’s!” She gritted her teeth into some semblance of a smile. “I tour all of Equestria with my breathtaking acts of magic!” she proclaimed. In a lower tone, she added, “Although, when I win Big Brother, the Great and Powerful Trixie is out of here like a shot.”

“Conceited much?” Celestia murmured.

“Thou must be quiet, my sister!” Luna cried, reaching for popcorn and finding none. Looking up disgruntled, she discovered her older sister’s face was smeared with butter.

Camera shutters clicked and flashbulbs popped everywhere; a tall, gorgeous pony strutted slowly down the catwalk. The camera lingered on her shapely flank deliberately. Tossing a curl of her pale pink mane out of her eyes, she said in a low, husky voice, “I am Fleur de Lis, and I am a model for the Moon and Stars modeling agency. Of course I’m going to win Big Brother this year – that prize money will take me on a few good shopping sprees.”

She sat down and nudged at the key around her neck. “My strategy is to sit back and let the colts fight- er, fawn over me, and then once they all eliminate themselves, I’ll step in.” She smiled narrowly. “If you haven’t noticed, I am quite beautiful, and many people are intimidated by that. This will fit into my plan perfectly, of course.”

“Well how-dee ya’ll!” A handsome young stallion wearing a hoof-stitched vest bucked an apple tree with great enthusiasm. Everything he did exuded enthusiasm, from his tousled golden mane to his bright green eyes. “The name’s Braeburn, Braeburn Apple, and I’m plannin’ on winnin’ this year’s competition for all of my friends n’ family back in Aaaa-paloosa! I’m definitely the kind of pony who can make anypony be my friend, and I’ll definitely use that t’ my advantage in the competition!”

“He’ll get voted out quickly,” Celestia said, mostly to herself.

“Must he abuse exclamation points so wantonly?” Luna muttered, licking the bowl of popcorn.

“Hi,” said a purple unicorn sitting next of a stack of books. “My name’s Twilight Sparkle.”

Celestia and Luna both choked and had to pound each other on the back.

“I’m Princess Celestia’s student and the manager of the library of Ponyville. I haven’t, um, actually watched Big Brother before, but I’ve studied up on all kinds of pony psychology and I’ve read all of the transcripts of the seasons, so...yeah!” Twilight grinned, blushing fiercely.

“How in your name did Twilight get onto a reality show?” Luna cried.

“Why in my name didn’t Twily tell me?” Celestia pouted.

“Spitfire’s the name, and flying is my game,” The bright orange mare said, tossing back her carelessly tousled hair. “I’ve been doing aerial stunts for movies and television shows for years, and I’ve definitely got a great sense of competition. Definitely an alpha-mare, no question.” She smirked. “My plan is to take charge and make sure that everything goes according to plan. Aggressive is my middle name.” Her powerful wings flared. “Look out, Big Brother; you’ve got a Final Four competitor coming through!”

“Oh, my goodness!” burbled a plump, flustered blue pony with a fluffy pink mane piled on top of her head. “Er, the name’s Cake – Mrs. Sugar Cake. I’m a wife and mother of two, but I run a bakery with my husband. I’m hoping to go in an’ have some fun, and that million bits could certainly help along the bakery, don’tcha know!” She giggled and flushed. “Well, I’m not really planning on any strategies, just hoping to get in an alliance and make it as far as I can.”

“She is going to be eaten alive,” Luna reported dolefully.

“How could Twily be on a reality show?” Celestia crossed her front legs and stuck her lower lip out. “We tell each other everything!”

“I certainly hope thou does not tell her everything...” Luna grumbled.

“Oh, um, hi there!” a gray pegasus pony leaned down from a lopsided cloud. Her golden eyes were crossed and her mouth seemed a little scrunched. “My name’s Derpy Hooves! And I wanna win Big Brother! Woo-hoo!” she cheered and almost fell off the cloud, but held on just in time. “Ponies think, um, ‘cos of my eyes that I’m really dumb or something, but that isn’t true. I’m just, um, a little clumsy? But I really wanna win! So people will know I’m not dumb!” She beamed innocently. “I don’t know what I’d do with the prize money...Oh! I’d give it away to all of my friends, all of the ponies here in Cloudsdale and stuff. Yeah!”

“Uh, my name’s Big Macintosh,” said a huge red workhorse, a plow settled comfortably around his thick neck. “I’m a worker at Sweet Apple Acres, and I wanna win Big Brother. Eeyup.”

“Is that it?” Luna demanded.

Apparently so – the camera cut to a nightclub full of flashing strobe lights, where a pale yellow pony with a jaggedly cut blue mane scratched her hoof against some records. “Aw yeah, baby! I’m Vinyl Scratch, and I’m a disc jockey in Canterlot. I’ve been watching Big Brother for years, and I’m totally gonna win! Everypony likes me, and if they don’t, that’s too bad. I don’t take any lip from anyone, an if they wanna get on my bad side, that’s a baaad idea.”

“I’m Thunderlane,” said a black pegasus with a short, brutally cut silver mane, “and I’m from Season Six of Big Brother. I lost my chance then, but I’m back in the game and ready to play again! This time, no more showmances.” He winked. “Maybe.”

“Ooh, Thunderlane’s back,” Celestia said, snapping out of her pout. "I wanted him to win in season six!” She paused. “Maybe he can hook up with Twily!”

Luna glanced warily at her sister.

Another pegasus, this one with a gigantic mound of teased and spiked two-toned hair, was lounging on a cloud. “I’m Cloud Chaser,” she drawled with a thick Manehattan accent. “Totally gonna win this year’s comp. I’m a real no nonsense kinda gal, and nopony messes with me. I’m gonna get myself an alliance and take the lead real early, ‘cos otherwise I’ll get bored real quick.” She stuck her tongue out cheekily, revealing a tongue stud.

“My name’s Joe,” said a burly, scruffy beige pony with round, trusting eyes. “I run a donut shop down in Canterlot, and I’d really like that million bits to expand and renovate. That’d be cool. My plan for the game is to probably make an alliance, kinda follow some people and not draw too much attention to myself.”

The camera faded to black, and then the spotlight zeroed in on the Flim and Flam brothers, taking center stage once more. “There you have it – you’ve met all of our Houseguests. This year’s Big Brother will be one to remember. We’ll show the Houseguests the Big Brother house right after this.”

During the commercials, Luna made more popcorn and settled it nearer to her side of the bed this time.

________________________________________

The Houseguests stood nervously on the stage as the Flim and Flam brothers opened an envelope to see who would enter the Big Brother house first. “Now we’re back, to Season Ten of Big Brother!” Flam said said excitedly and once more hoofstomping rang throughout the small studio audience. “Now, the Houseguests have all arrived, and we are about to discover who will enter the Big Brother house first.”

Delicately, his brother opened the envelope with her teeth. “Lightning Dust, Cheerilee, Fleur, and Trixie, you may enter the house!”

The four ponies bolted towards the door, with Fleur taking a more leisurely pace as she gathered her six pieces of custom luggage. Trixie toted a battered, patched suitcase behind her and was obviously trying to hide it. Lightning Dust pushed her way to the front and opened the door, squealing the moment she set foot inside. The furniture was plush, and angled perfectly to catch the eye. The ceilings were high, the floors hard wood and polished to a high sheen, and in every corner there were tiny, magically powered cameras.

“C’mon, let’s find the bedrooms!” Lightning Dust called out, and the four mares scattered, looking in every corner to find the bedrooms they could claim. Cheerilee discovered that the large house only had one bathroom, and Lightning Dust was overjoyed to discover a cloud pool installed in the backyard. Fleur was the first to find the bedrooms, and instead of calling the others, began spreading out her extensive amounts of makeup over one bedside table, and levitated her luggage onto one of the beds.

“Over here!” Trixie commanded imperiously, shouting to the other two. She stepped inside and was greeted with Fleur’s tail in her face.

“Oh, goodness me, I do apologize,” Fleur purred.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie accepts your apology and requests that you move,” Trixie sniffed.

As the four of them sorted their belongings out into one of the four bedrooms, another batch of Houseguests were released inside. This time, Spitfire led the way while Octavia, Derpy, and Braeburn followed. “I’m so gosh-darned excited to be here!” Braeburn whinnied.

Octavia decided right away that she despised Braeburn. “Quite. Oughtn’t we to look for the bedrooms?”

“Hay yeah!” Spitfire whooped, and the four of them spread out. Octavia was the first one to find the bedrooms and whistled piercingly to the others, grudgingly permitting Braeburn to settle his dusty suitcases on the bed.

“This place is awesome!” Derpy said, bumping into the doorframe. “Oops.”

“That’s all right,” Spitfire said, her deep voice rough and friendly. Right away she knew that Derpy was a gullible little idiot, and could be manipulated like putty. “Here, lemme help you with that. I’m Spitfire.”

“Derpy!” the other pegasus reported cheerfully.

Rarity followed Cloud Chaser inside, and was tailed by the two oldest ponies there, Big Macintosh and Mrs. Cake. “Oh, does anypony know where the restrooms are?” Mrs. Cake said, her brows knitting together. “I’ve had to go since the Hosts first called my name!”

“Oh, darling, we’ll scout around for one,” Rarity said helpfully. “Excuse me! Yoo hoo!” Rarity got Big Macintosh’s attention. “All right, Mr. Muscles, do you want to look around and find some bedrooms for us? I’ll help, er, what was your name again? Mrs. Cake? Oh, how quaint. I’ll help you find a bathroom.”

Cloud Chaser, snapping her gum and feeling like a bit of a fifth wheel, followed Big Macintosh. She glanced over her shoulder and saw the remaining four ponies entering: Joe, Vinyl Scratch, Twilight, and Thunderlane.

Braeburn and Big Mac bumped into each other in the hallway and shared a nervous look.

In the diary room later that night, Braeburn was quite chatty. “Well, I’m actually cousins with Big Mac! He’s a good ol’ friend of mine and I’m hoping to bring him in whatever alliance I make! I don’t talk to him much though, but I think we’ll be a pretty good team! I’m gonna keep it under my hat for a while, so we don’t paint any big ol’ targets on our back for bein’ a power duo or somethin’!”

Twilight trotted into one of the other bedrooms by accident. “Oh, hello!” She said, biting her lower lip. “Sorry, I must’ve got the wrong room.”

“Quite all right,” Fleur said with a sweet smile. “I believe you’re across the hall.”

Fleur watched Twilight go – a brainy little pony like that would certainly come in handy. And she was bunking with one of the most attractive ponies in the whole house. Not to mention Thunderlane was the only one with any actual experience in the house.

Yes, she’d come in very handy indeed.

________________________________________

It took several hours for the houseguests to settle down and introduce themselves. Already Spitfire and Lightning Dust were sizing each other up, and Cloud Chaser wasted no time in fighting for Thunderlane’s attention with Fleur. Derpy and Mrs. Cake hit it off right away, both of them happily discovering another mother in the house. Braeburn was a loud, walking talking ball of energy, so it was no surprise that he was the one who gathered everypony into the other room for the Host’s briefing.

“Welcome, houseguests,” Flim and Flam said simultaneously. Once they were all assembled in front of the tinted glass wall which separated them from the outside world. They couldn’t see, but they could be seen.

Flam continued, “I trust you’ve all had time to settle in. In just a few minutes, you’ll all be competing for the coveted Head of Household position, which will give you your own special bedroom for one week, and give you the ability to nominate ponies to go home. You are also safe from eviction. Remember to keep Big Brother’s motto in mind – you’re never alone.”

He let that sink in. Cloud Chaser’s eyes shot to the ground.

“Now, please go outside into the backyard, and the Head of Household competition will begin.”

________________________________________

Luna picked up the empty bowl of popcorn and left the room silently, turning off the lights as she did so. Celestia was fast asleep in her little sister’s bed, butter coated cheeks buried amid the fluffy pillows. Of course, the two sisters would tune in again when the show came on next week. It was their ritual.

And of course, this season was all the more interesting with Twilight Sparkle being one of the competitors.

First HOH Competition!

- Chapter Two -

Tick...tock...tick...tock...

The clock on the wall seemed to be moving with increasing sluggishness. Luna couldn’t believe how boring these meetings had become. A thousand years ago, meetings had delegates and the common ponies from Equestria coming in and offering opinions on current crises. Nowadays, they were simply a bunch of old stallions sitting around telling her how wonderfully things were going in all the different regions. The Appaloosa settlement had been founded perfectly, the apples in Ponyville were currently being harvested, and the textile mills at Trottingham were at top capacity...

It was all very dull.

Luna straightened her spine and resisted the urge to adjourn the meeting. What would happen, she wondered to herself, if she just started preening her wings in front of the whole Council? The expressions on their faces would be priceless, but it would be yet another stodgy conversation with Celestia explaining how differently things were done now. The Princess of the Night nodded approvingly when yet another chart was whisked away and replaced with another graph. More numbers and statistics, which meant more things to remember.

She glanced furtively at the clock again. “Gentlecolts,” she finally said, interrupting Councilcolt Bar Graph, “Thank you very much for this extremely...enlightening evening. But unfortunately, I have a previous engagement which must be attended to.”

Way down at the opposite end of the table, Councilcolt Discord jerked awake. Princess Luna was breaking the meeting off early? His large yellow eyes narrowed and scanned Luna’s expression. She seemed anxious and kept glancing at the clock—did the regal little princess have a date somewhere? A quick smile spread over his face. The draconequus stretched his long, slender body and cracked the knuckles on his lion’s paw. “I don’t think I’m the only one here wondering where you’re running off to in such a hurry, Princess,” Discord said loudly.

Normally, whenever the Spirit of Chaos opened his mouth, somepony would chastise him. But tonight, most of the council was thinking the same thing. Luna blushed.

“My engagement is with my sister, and it is of utmost importance,” Luna said, hesitating only slightly. “And I will appreciate thy holding thy tongue, Councilcolt Discord. My sister only knows how rarely you contribute to these meetings, and they run much smoother because of it.”

Discord let the jibe pass, and instead snapped his fingers. “Whatever. Personally, I could do without these meetings.”

“Yes,” Luna said distractedly. She bowed her head to the Council and hurried outside, hooves echoing loudly in the empty stone corridors.

Discord watched her go. Where was she going, then? Surely not just to a meeting. He twirled his beard and then followed Luna, shrinking down to the size of a mouse in order not to be seen. This...would be very interesting.

________________________________________

“Welcome to Big Brother!”

Celestia watched the screen intently, wondering where on earth Luna was. Just when she was about to get up and break up the council meeting, the door flew open. The regal white princess settled back on the bed and graced her younger sister with a smile. “Luna! I was wondering where you were. Did the meeting really go on that long?”

“Yes, my sister,” Luna panted. “I was wondering if those old geezers would...eep!” The dark alicorn whinnied in alarm and brought her front hooves down smashing on something small. “A mouse!” Luna said, scrunching her nose. “How horrid.”

“Sweep it down the stairs then, Luna, the cats will find it,” Celestia urged. “And hurry, it’s starting!”

Luna kicked the small draconequus-shaped mouse down the stairs. At the bottom, Discord poofed back to his normal size and lay there, stars twirling in his vision. “Ow,” he mumbled.

Both princess snuggled on the bed and Luna took the opportunity to settle the bowl of popcorn closer to her this time. Celestia took the remote and upped the volume—but not too loudly, otherwise the guards would hear.

All sixteen of the houseguests were lined up in the backyard dressed in the customary Big Brother vests. As usual, the Big Brother sets were large and elaborate—the backyard had been transformed into an icy winter wonderland. Large drifts of fake snow were everywhere, and big plastic snowflakes were suspended on the walls. Eight irregularly formed icebergs, mostly in sloped conical shapes, were placed evenly across the backyard. In front of each iceberg was a small stool. Overhead, little flakes of fake snow drifted down, and the pool had a film of “ice” over it.

They milled around excitedly, chattering to one another, until Flim and Flam’s voices came over the loudspeaker. “Goooood evening, Houseguests!” Flim said. “Now, in order to compete in this next competition, you will be paired up! You now have thirty seconds to find your partner and pick an iceberg.”

Back in the diary room, Mrs. Cake tittered. “Since Big Brother usually goes for endurance, I wanted my partner to be a little stronger than I was, don’cha know. That way, at least one of us could have a good chance of winning.”

“I absolutely do not want to win the first Head of Household competition!” Octavia said in the diary room. “Putting that big of a target on my back would be simple asinine.”

Lightning Dust headed straight for Spitfire. “Wanna be partners?” she grinned. Spitfire arched an eyebrow, looking at the athletic turquoise pony in front of her.

“Sure, why not,” she grinned.

Octavia latched onto Derpy, who seemed pleased to have been chosen at all. Mrs. Cake giggled and asked Big Macintosh, which left the rest of them to scramble for Pony Joe. Fleur seemed quite content with Thunderlane, who was fussing over his Mohawk in the reflective surface of the plastic snowflakes.

“C’mon!” Vinyl Scratch said, dragging Cloud Chaser away from Trixie. “Everypony knows Pegasus’s are better at endurance competitions,” she said confidently.

“Ooh,” Celestia said, munching popcorn. “That sounds vaguely racist.”

“I would honestly put my money on Earth ponies,” Luna said truthfully. “Although she is right, a unicorn seldom wins.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie desires a strong stallion!” Trixie said, seizing Pony Joe.

“I can help you with that,” Braeburn winked cheekily, and the rest of the ponies laughed good-naturedly.

“No, darling, you can help me,” Rarity said coyly, and snatched his cowboy hat playfully from between his ears. The two of them teamed up fairly naturally, which left Cheerilee and Twilight together awkwardly. They shared small smiles, and the eight pairs settled themselves on top of the icebergs.

Spitfire, Derpy, Big Mac, Thunderlane, Cloud Chaser, Pony Joe, Braeburn, and Twilight took the icebergs, while their partners sat on the stools. The icebergs were chilly and made of rather slippery plastic; just getting onto them was a challenge, and the downward sloping angles made it difficult to stay on. Big Mac and Pony Joe eased their large bulks onto the icebergs with a minimum of difficulty, while lightweights like Derpy and Cloud Chaser struggled to stay still.

Derpy struggled to stay on simply because she was Derpy. Octavia looked at Derpy’s difficulties and breathed an inward sigh of relief.

“Twilight looks ridiculous!” Celestia laughed, watching her student flop uneasily on the iceberg, her small hooves clattering against the low-friction surface.

“I don’t think she'll do very well,” Luna ventured, probing the bowl for more popcorn.

“Nonsense,” Celestia said, licking her hoof and swirling it inside the popcorn bowl to catch the last bit of butter, “I’ve taught her plenty of self-adhesive spells. She’ll be up there for hours.”

Flam’s voice came over the loudspeakers again. “This competition is fairly simple,” he said. “The Houseguests sitting on the stools will be asked true or false questions about the Houseguests they have just met. With each wrong answer, the icebergs their partners now sit atop will begin spinning. You unicorns, you cannot use any spells to keep you up on the icebergs.”

“Drat,” Celestia pouted.

“The last contestant to hang on will be the new HOH!” Flim finished delightedly. “This competition begins...now!”

The icebergs started spinning very slowly, and Twilight squeaked in a bit of alarm.

“True or false: at least nine Houseguests have admitted that they would not donate any of the prize money to charity?” Flim asked.

Lightning Dust snorted, and held up her white ‘True’ card. Octavia, Rarity, Vinyl Scratch and Fleur followed suit, while Cheerilee, Mrs. Cake and Trixie all held up their black ‘False’ cards. “The correct answer is ‘True’. I’m sorry, Pony Joe, Twilight, and Big Macintosh, your icebergs will begin spinning faster.”

Twilight began to feel nauseous, and gritted her teeth. “Hang in there!” Cheerilee called encouragingly.

Shut up and answer questions correctly! she wanted to shriek back, but the unicorn was afraid if she opened her mouth she would throw up.

“True or false: three Houseguests are currently unemployed?” Flam questioned over the loudspeakers.

True cards went up all across the board.

“I’m sorry, Houseguests, the correct answer is ‘False’. All of your icebergs will begin spinning faster.”

As soon as the speed increased, Derpy tumbled off the iceberg. “Oops,” she muttered, wallowing in the fake snow. “Sorry, Octavia,” she said morosely. The gray filly looked genuinely upset.

“That’s quite alright,” Octavia said, helping her partner out of the snow. She was beginning to like the cross-eyed little pony. It was hard to see her as a mother, she seemed quite young. “To be perfectly truthful, I didn’t want to win the competition,” Octavia whispered in her ear. Derpy’s wings flapped, and she looked a bit more cheerful.

“True or false: five Houseguests obtained their cutie marks at a very young age?”

Only Rarity and Fleur held up ‘False’ cards, while the rest held up ‘True’. “I’m sorry, Fleur and Rarity, but you are incorrect. The correct answer is ‘True’.”

Braeburn fell off dizzily, and he dry-retched into the fake snow. He looked pale and quite sick, but fumbled out of the snow woozily. “That’s all right, darling,” Rarity said, taking a seat on the bench next to Octavia and Derpy. “You tried your best.”

Big Macintosh closed his eyes and relaxed—before Flim and Flam could call the next question, he deliberately toppled off his iceberg. Mrs. Cake raised her eyebrows, very surprised, but comforted him nonetheless.

“I didn’t want the responsibility of the first HOH,” Big Macintosh said in the Diary Room. He shrugged. “So I just threw it.”

“True or false, Houseguests: four of you have significant others outside of the Big Brother House?”

True cards shot up across the backyard.

“All of you are correct, all of your icebergs will stay the same speed,” Flim said cheerfully.

However, the same speed wasn’t enough for Cloud Chaser, who fell off and smacked into the back wall as though she’d fallen off a treadmill. The thin Pegasus stumbled out of the snow and fell over, breathing hard and squeezing her eyes shut tightly. Vinyl Scratch helped her to her feet and the two of them slowly made their way to the bench.

“True or false: half of you have applied for Big Brother in earlier seasons?” Flam queried.

The competition dragged on. Pony Joe didn’t seem to be going anywhere, and neither did Spitfire. Twilight and Thunderlane, however, looked as though they were hanging on by the skin of their teeth. Literally. Thunderlane had sunk his teeth into his plastic iceberg and was hanging on tightly. Spitfire was the only pony who had some experience in rapid spinning. It was something she used on new recruits for an academy she ran, which specialized in daring aerial stunts. Still, winning HOH didn’t appeal to her right off the bat.

Her powerful yellow wings flared out and she released, gaining air as her wings caught her safely. Hovering unsteadily above the iceberg, Spitfire landed with surprising smoothness, although she toppled over and had to be rescued by Lightning Dust when her hooves touched the ground.

Pony Joe followed Spitfire’s example, choosing to drop out of the competition willingly. Trixie looked sorely disappointed, and she eyed the broad back of the donut baker with serious distaste. Her ample flank took up more than her allotted room on the bench, although Braeburn, whom she was pressed against, didn’t seem to mind. He had, after all, Rarity on one side and Trixie on the other.

Thunderlane had been eyeing Twilight, who was looking green around the gills. “Twilight!” he called out. The sound of her name nearly upset her, and she lost a few inches on the slippery iceberg.

“That’s cheating!” Celestia bellowed, hurling the popcorn bowl to the floor as she sat up indignantly. “He was trying to distract her!”

“What?” Twilight snapped back through clenched teeth.

“Let go, it’s okay—I won’t put you up!”

“Swear?” she called.

“Swear! I like you!”

Twilight hesitated, and Cheerilee worried her bottom lip. Fleur looked as though Christmas had come early, which made Twilight hang on even longer. Still, it was hard to try and make a decision while spinning frantically on a slippery iceberg. Her hoof hit a smooth patch, and she slid off ungracefully.

“She should have stayed on,” Celestia said unhappily.

“The first Head of Household paints an enormous target on them, ‘Tia,” Luna said, half-underneath the bed in search for the popcorn bowl.

“Congratulations, Fleur and Thunderlane!” Flim and Flam said in unison. “You have won the first Head of Household competition!”

Thunderlane’s iceberg didn’t slow down, but stopped abruptly. He got flung far through the air and landed directly in the pool with a splash, breaking the fake ice on it. Spitting out water and playing amid the fake ice blocks, he splashed Fleur playfully when she came over to help him.

“Nicely done,” she purred in his ear as he clambered out. Thunderlane looked absurdly pleased with himself.

“Fleur and Thunderlane, the two of you must decide who will be HOH,” Flim informed them.

They evaluated each other. “Go ahead, take it,” Thunderlane said, conceding first.

“You were the one who hung on the iceberg,” Fleur said, although not protesting very hard.

“Go on, take it, I want you to have it,” Thunderlane said.

Fleur beamed and accepted the key to the HOH room from Thunderlane, who put it around her neck. His wings stroked her back in an overly friendly manner, and she arched, prancing as she went back to meet the rest of the Houseguests. They crowed congratulations, although some of them looked distinctly unhappy. Vinyl’s smile looked especially brittle.

Back in the diary room, Vinyl Scratch rolled her eyes. “Puh-leeze. The first Head of Household is that frilly skinny model? Gimmie a break.”

________________________________________

The next morning, Rarity cornered Twilight in the kitchen. “Darling, do you think I could speak with you for a moment?”

Twilight was honestly surprised by Rarity’s friendliness. The white unicorn had been extremely bubbly and had even made dinner for them the previous night. She had an apparently never-ending stream of compliments for every filly and flirted shamelessly with every colt, but this morning there was a serious expression on her face. Still, this was exciting! In all of her research, the first alliances usually didn’t last, but the fact that somepony was approaching her was a good sign! It meant she was playing the game well. Hah-hah! And Spike had laughed at her for doing all of that studying!

“Of course, Rarity, what’s up?” Twilight asked, putting down the bowl of oats she had been preparing.

“See, I’ve been thinking—there really needs to be an all-fillies alliance,” Rarity said quietly. “The colts are too boorish and Thunderlane’s frankly too obsessed with himself to be of any use, so I’ve been going around the house looking for fillies who would help. I’m thinking you, me, Fleur, and Cheerilee would make a sort of...final four alliance, if you will.”

Final Four? Twilight thought to herself, wondering if it was at all too early to be thinking about that. But if she could have picked three ponies to be allied with, those would have been the three...

“So, I was wondering if you would like to join. I still need to speak with Fleur and Cheerilee, naturally, but if you came with me it would make things all the more easy.” Rarity said, tossing her perfectly coiffed purple mane out of her eyes.

“Yes!” Twilight said, deciding on the spot. “Yes, yes, yes, I would love to be allied with you guys!”

“Shh, darling, do keep your voice down,” Rarity urged, but with a smile on her face. “Come on, let’s go see if we can speak to Fleur.”

________________________________________

Across the house, Lightning Dust was relaxing next to the pool while Spitfire preened in the hot tub. The orange aerial stuntpony moved closer to the edge. “Hey, Lighting,” Spitfire said quietly. “I’ve been watching you. You’re a pretty cool kid, you know that?”

Lightning Dust felt her heart beat a little faster. “Well, uh, yeah, thanks. You’re pretty cool yourself, you know,” Lightning replied, adjusting her shades.

“Thanks. And I’ve been looking around, we seem like...the only two ponies who really wanna win, you know? I mean, we’re the strongest, we’re the most competitive, and we can play the best social game. So I’ve been trying to think of ponies to put together for an alliance, and right away, I thought of you.” Spitfire told her frankly.

Truth be told, Spitfire wasn’t overtly fond of Lightning Dust. Yes, the filly was bright and strong, but she was also much too loud and didn’t know how to keep her opinions to herself. Her social skills were poor and would probably cost her the game, but Spitfire knew that she wasn’t as young or as fast as she needed to be to win this competition. That’s where Lighting Dust would come in handy. The two of them could play an excellent game, but she would have to put up with Lightning Dust’s attitude for a while. After all, she was rather used to it; young ponies who came to her academy were always boasting. Lightning Dust would be nothing new.

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Lightning Dust said, grinning. “But, like, have you thought of any others? I was thinking maybe Fleur, since she’s HOH right now...”

“Fleur might work,” Spitfire said tentatively, “except she’d only be looking out for herself. I was thinking more along the lines of Derpy, Thunderlane and Trixie.”

“Derpy?” Lightning Dust said incredulously. “She’s useless. Look at those eyes, look how horribly she did in the competition!”

“She’s still a vote,” Spitfire pointed out. “And you gotta remember kid, she’s also a mom. There could be a lot more goin’ on in that head of hers than we give her credit for.”

“I guess...” Lightning Dust said.

________________________________________

Celestia narrowed her eyes. “Twilight’s getting into an alliance already. I don’t like that.”

“’Tia, she has to make some alliances,” Luna pointed out. “And I am quite sure that thy little student shall play a most excellent game.”

Discord stayed in the shadows, biting his knuckle to keep from bursting out laughing. Oh, the Princesses were addicted to a reality show! And a horrible one at that! What in Equestria could he do with this delicious information?

Author's Note

Ugh. I feel as though there's a heck of a lot of 'telling' and not a lot of 'showing'. This is hard, trying to translate a reality show into text! I had no idea how difficult it would be!

Also, I proofread it as best I could, but if there are any grammar/spelling/continuity errors, point 'em out I can fix them. I'm especially concerned about continuity errors, there are still a LOT of ponies in the game and I'm having a hard time keeping them all straight, lol.