A Random My Little Pony Fan Fiction Story 2: John goes to Cantorlot

by The Masked Ghost

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Random
Length: 3169

One fine morning in Ponyville, John discovers a golden ticket to Cantorlot!

After John's adventure in Ponyville, John finds a golden ticket for a free trip to the grand city of Canterlot! John is excited and goes on another exciting adventure to the royal city! What exciting things will John see and do in this new town? Read it to find out.

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Published 2013-09-01 03:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-01 03:50:03 UTC

A Trip To Cantorlot HD (10th Anniversary Edition)

A Random My Little Pony Fan Fiction Story 2: John Goes To Cantorlot

It was around dawn when John just woke up from his good nap. When he woke up, he jolted from his bed and had a sad face.

He had wanted to eat Luna’s legs when he was dreaming. He did, however, he found out it was merely but an illusion of Luna in his dreams. He was looking forward to eating her legs.

However, he did manage to get to the fifth dream level, and stop Maul before the dream collapsed. He then got out of bed and yawned once more. However, instead of a chicken popping out of his mouth, he had Seth Rogan come out of his mouth.

When Seth Rogan came out of his mouth, he sat there, confused as to where he was even at. He asked John, “Uhhh….excuse me kind sir, but May I ask, to where am I in this find home of yours. You see, I am a very fine funny actor and live in Hollywood. I was on my way to The Green Hornet to rip people off this time around. Can you be a kind man and direct me to the nearest weed establishment, for I may get direction to the set from there?”

Then John yelled, while being crossed eyed still, “Bad Dog! You get a gold sticker star!”

John applied a star that is from the Mario world and gave it to Seth Rogan. When Seth Rogan received the star, he was hyped up on crack and eventually floated up into space and fucked an alligator with a tuba up its asshole.

After John saw what happened before his very own eyes, he got up and walked around his room to check on his team, for they were still in the movie Inception and they were on the third dream level.

John then grabbed a syringe, put a lethal dose in it, gave it to Joseph Gorden-Levit, and said, “Nighty Night bitch.”

Then he took that one chick from Inception, brought her downstairs and put her in a chair. He had also put her next to his still dead wife who he had beaten to death with a toaster for not fixing him toast.

Eventually, the chick woke up from her deep slumber. When she did so, she asked, “Where the fuck am I?”

Then John grabbed the fridge, and beat that one chick from Inception to death with it.

While he was doing so, John pondered, “Why aren’t you my wife you bitch!? Why haven’t you loved me!? Suck my dick! Where is my toast?”

After he had done beaten her to a bloody pulp, he then threw up fire ants onto that one chick from Inception.

John then left his house, for he was curious as to what Spike was doing. Eventually, he made his way into Ponyville once more, and still found most of the dead Mane 6’s bodies from last time he visited there.

John walked for a bit around town, and eventually came across the dirty white van. He knocked on the door. When the door opened, Robot Michel Jackson answered once more.

When the robot peeked through the crack of the dirty white van door, he said, “Oh, a grown man. What are you doing out here so late in the evening? Won’t you come in and…’have a party with me and Willie Nelson’s horse?”

John looked inside, and one of robot Michel Jackson’s hand was playing Uno with Spike. Spike was also smoking some weed that he stole from Seth Rogan while a Bob Marley corpse was signing one of his songs in the corner.

Spike was enjoying every bit of it as well since he was abducted.

Then when Spike saw John, he smiled and said, “Yea, come on in man! Join the party!”

While Spike said that, Willie Nelson’s horse was right behind Spike, and was doing cocaine and being fucked by a frog monster at the same time.

Then John asked Spike, “Are you ok little boy/girl?”

Then Spike replied with, “Oh, I’m fine. Although, can you do me a favor. Can you kill Twilight for me? The purple bitch is being a narc and try to get my new friend her in trouble for abducting me. Bitch doesn't know that being abducted is fun.”

Then John said to spike, “I shall make her fuck the moon!”

Then the Robot Michel Jackson then said to John, “So, what do you say little boy? Won’t you come in and join us? We were about to have an early Christmas Surprise. Roman Polanski's corpse is going to join us.”

Then the group ‘Anonymous,' Was right behind John and said, “Yes John. Join us. Join us. Join us.”

John looked at spike one last time with his subtle cross eyes.

Then John said to spike, “You are both a little boy and a little girl. Good night!”

Then John closed the dirty white van door and placed a terrorist duck to it, and put on some sunglasses on his face.

Then John walked a very slow motion like way, and then, the van exploded. However, instead of the usual fire, it was bear cum. Although little to John's efforts, Robot Michael Jackson was simply to powerful for his dirty white van to explode so easily. He would be back one day to finish the job.

While John was walking away in slow motion, John Williams and his orchestra were playing an epic song.

Then John went up to John Williams and said all up in his face, “You’re my long lost brother!”

When John Williams heard this, he was so happy to hear that he had a long lost brother. He even had a tear run down his cheek.

He then said, “I love you too, brother!”

Then John threw up a Twinkie and gave it to Williams, to which he then got pony AIDS, a new kind of AIDS .

John Williams soon died and George Lucas soon fucked his grave while having a Storm Trooper lick his asshole, while Steven Spielberg lit Indiana Jones, or Harrison Ford, on fire while doing the doughnut.

Then John was walking back home, until he spotted a black person, but then got lost into Equestria one day. It was the long lost Animated James.

Animated James was a Brony as well.

When he saw John, he said, “Oh Boy! I cannot believe this is happening! I’m in Equestria!”

When John saw him, his pupils grew ten times larger than the dick of the Grinch’s dick on Christmas Eve when he is raping Mrs. Clause.

Then John said very loudly, “Chocolate!”

Animated James said, “What!?”

Then John started to rip Animated James’s skin off and eat him. As John was devouring Animated James like DSP devouring a Hungry Man dinner; John was vindicated. John always knew a black person was just a big chocolate bar in disguise.

When John got to the center of Animated James, he found a golden ticket. When John saw this, he telepathically picked it up and read the golden ticket.

When he did so, the words that he read were, ‘One Free Trip To Cantorlot. Train Leaves at 12:00.”

When John saw this, he did not have a smile on his face, nor a frown. Instead, he continued to be cross-eyed and grabbed an axe.

Then he started to happily swing the axe while skipping along Ponyville and singing, “I’ve got a golden Ticket! I have a golden ticket! I’ve got one trip to Paradise! I’m going to Cantorlot!”

As he was singing, he was chopping pony’s heads off, and the heads were replaced with cows; that which killed any of the remaining normal ponies left and took over Ponyville and did the Forbidden Dance.

John eventually got to the train Station and placed his golden Ticket on the front counter. He said to the guy who was selling the train tickets, “One Free Sequel Please!”

Then the pony guy took a look at the ticket said, “This expired since June 5th, 1995.”

Then John went his way towards the train to go to Cantorlot.

Then the ticket guy said while giving a sigh, “No one cares anymore.”

Then the floating axe that John had said, “Same here body. I mean I got laid off my job at K-mart and it was like... why? They said to me it was because the thing was going bankrupt and I didn't know what that word meant. I just asked why man. Why can't we just be open you know man? We have doors. We have walls. We can be open you know. But then they kicked me out because I didn't work there. They told me they had enough of me pissing in the clothing section. I told the man whatever you know? He wasn't the boss of me. The man isn't gong to tell me what to do. After that I didn't know what to do. So I just started living in the sewers of Las Vegas along with some other homeless people. But then they got washed out and all drowned in the flood. Then I ended up here somehow.”

When the ticket guy saw a talking axe, he had a shocked face.

The talking axe said to the ticket guy, “I’ll cut your balls off for five bucks... you piece of shit...”

Then the axe turned into a piece of shit. When John got onto the train, he ate everyone’s legs on board. He even hate and killed the conductor. So when the train was coming into the Cantorlot station, the train crashed and five billion ponies died that day.

When John got off the train after it crashed, he was so happy that he went and took a walk around Cantorlot. Eventually, he came across two rich snobs.

The male rich snob said to John, “Your kind are not welcomed here.”

Then John teleported the male rich snob into… Batman Forever. That rich male pony snob was then in hell for the rest of his life. He was surrounded nothing but Batman's ass and nipples, an endless green void, and Jim Carry making the most annoying sound in the world. He screamed forever into the green hellish void with no one to hear his plead for death.

Then John walked up to the rich male rich snob's wife and said to her, “I’m your pimp now bitch!”

Then John grabbed his pimp stick and started to fuck her and then she exploded. Then John continued to walk around Cantorlot some more.

He did not come across too much; however, he did come across an amazing sight. He saw a Shark, shaking palm trees and getting Trains down from it. Then the Shark would put the train, in a giant ass apple, to which he would wait, for turkeys to come and eat the apple. Then, the turkeys would go up waterfalls; the Shark started to collect Monkey butts, and dropped on power lines. Then, the monkey butts would explode and it was nuke and everyone died within the area Except for John and Cantorlot itself.

However, as he was walking around, a pony which went by the name Jay Gatsby came up to him.

He said, “You know what old sport. You have guts. You crashed a train; I need your help to get me laid. You want some LSD old sport? Good, I’m having a party later, you want to come? Great, I’ll see you there.”

Then Jay Gatsby got onto a whale named Willie, went into the water and fucked a water horse. All the while having hippos suck his dick and having a giant coke bottle filled with cocaine have sex with a zebra.

John just stood there while thinking to himself that would attend the party. But he never did. Instead time passed by as he just stood there, being cross-eyed. In his head, he mentally went to Jay's party somewhere in the human world and then kicking him in the balls. He even imagined himself making Sunshine and Farts 2: More Sunshine and Farts. But when John full came into consciousness, much time had passed. A tear fell onto his cheek as he thought of what could have been. The sweet memories that he had made up in his mind were too precious to give up and return to reality. Yet there was nothing he could do about it.

John's grasp on what is real and what was fake was too much to bear. His world was his mind and what went on was anypony's guess. He could only imagine what reality he would make if he was in control and what kind of legs he could eat. Yet somewhere deep within his heart, he didn't want legs. He wanted freedom. He wanted to be free from his torment that was his reality. As much as he tried to escape it, he could never break free as he continued to scream in his mind; into an endless black void with no one around to hear. John was alone. He wanted to wake up but he couldn't. John wanted to wake up, but he couldn't. John wanted to wake up, but he couldn't. John wanted to wake up but he couldn't.

Then John's eyes grew bigger than a smoker's dick cheese and he yelled, "WHERE'S MY KFC AT MOMMY!?"

John went back to his usual self and went deeper into Cantorlot. It was late in the evening and John decided to go and see a high-class rich snob play.

However, he eventually went to see, How Equestria Was Made. A play on how three different kinds of ponies committed interracial relationships. He got his front row seat and the actors were doing their shit.

However, John got bored and decided to spice things up John Style. So John got up, puked on all the cast with ketchup and schezwan sauce. They all then turned into a bunch of polar bears fucking penguins up in the asshole. The whole plot involved terrorist attacks, government conspiracies, along an engaging second act where a twist with a donought and a Twinkie was involved. Then the Tootsie Roll Pop owl came in and tried to kill everypony for knowing too much. During the climax, it involved a huge battle where the polar bears turned on the penguins and saved America from the evil invading aliens from down below the belt... Canada...

Then the play ended.

John made the play so well, it won a Pony Tony. It was even better then sex and Phantom of the Opera, which John soon re-made and called it, ‘White deformed retarded guy meets hot chick: The Movie.’

Even that play won six billion Pony Tony awards. Soon, all the audience members were so glad of John doing this kind of shit and eventually them soon that they were not ponies anymore.

They all showed their true form, a bunch of gerbils up a bear's asshole! Their secret plan was to take over the world and rule over the ponies. And part of their plan was to go to this play. But then John himself ruined it for them and now they were pissed. They wanted vengeance; but before anything ridiculous, silly, excessively long dialogue expositions and random to happen, they all exploded. It just happened. And John just sat there cross-eyed watching it all burn in flames.

Soon, John got tired decided to go to Cantorlot castle and broke in. He eventually made the guards go up into space and make them drink beer piss; all the while fucking a horse on steroids with Cancer with a pogo stick up its asshole and made a Charleston Chew dance come alive.

Then Hal from A Space Odyssey: 2001 soon came alive once again and made a giant PS3 appear, and everyone was happy. The ponies were able to play God of War with a sugar cane shoved in their mouths and a fish raping them.

When John got rid of all the guards, he soon started to look for Princess Cadence. He eventually did, however, Cadence was scared that there was an intruder in the castle.

She soon called the guards. However, instead of guards, she got a bunch of Asians chick and green tentacles and soon had a rape orgy. Then John walked passed the orgy, after clopping to it for a while and went to find Princess Celestia.

Soon, he found her in her throne room. She was busy doing shit, however, she noticed that John walked in.

She saw him and thought the guards let him in for a good reason. She said to John, “May I help you, my royal subject?”

Then John did the Charleston Chew, while a Hindu- Christen-Muslim-Jew went up to Celestia, raped her, and sent her to the sun where she then died a long and painful death.

However, the Buddhist was feeling sad and left out of the fun. Soon the Hindu-Christen-Muslim-Jew went up to it. They then kissed and soon had a baby within nine seconds. Soon, they had a Hindu-Christen-Buddhist, Atheist-Muslim-Jew.

They then solved all he worlds problem and there was no religion because there was an all out religion war and every one died in it, except for John, who was still doing the Charleston Chew while a Super religion was born.

As soon as he was finished, he went upon the throne and claimed himself King of Equestria.

However, John had said this aloud, but no one to hear it. However Luna heard it. She was trying to raise the moon, but strangely enough, shit happened to it.

Therefore, she thought to check it out with Celestia. However, when John and Luna saw each other, their eyes met one another. Soon, in the background, the song, ‘Believe’ started to play in the background.

They slowly went up to each other as both were filled with a fuzzy feeling in their stomachs and Luna said, “I believe we never have met before.”

Then John said as both were being loved struck in their eyes, “I believe we haven’t fucked before.”

Then Luna took John into the back room and then they did it. They soon went out onto dates for for a few months and eventually got married. Soon, they ruled over the land of Equestria as lovers and as King and Queen.

However Luna never questioned where her big sister Celestia went to, nor did she question why Cadence was having an orgy with Asian chicks and green tentacles. Therefore, that ends our story of John.

However... somewhere in another universe, someone or something was watching John. And this someone or something was plotting something very sinister...

THE END

Author's Note

A Third one is happening at some point to finish off the trilogy...